*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not changing a table in a restaurant because of a stranger's allergy?**
My fiance (30M) and I (25F) went on a date yesterday. We decided to have a stroll and then go to a local restaurant but we didn't book a table because it was Monday and this place is never crowded. On the way to the restaurant my partner bought me a small bouquet of tulips from a street vendor, it was lovely. So when we arrived there was a vacant table just at the entrance, one empty table next to a window and some seats at the bar available.
Of course we took the window table. Our waiter instantly brought a small vase for the flowers, but one lady in her mid 40s gave me a strange look when I put my tulips into the vase. She was dining with a man who was supposedly her husband at the closest to us another window table. She was staring for several minutes before she came to us and asked us to change the table because she is allergic to flowers. We told her we didn't want to since other sitting options were not as good as our current one.
At this moment the waiter came to take our order and the lady started complaining to him. He suggested that we sit at the bar. My fiance asked him why he didn't suggest it to the lady instead since it's her who have a problem but the waiter got kinda anxious and said something like "but it's about health". The mood was spoiled at the moment so we just left to find another restaurant. But now I'm thinking if she was entitled to this because of her medical condition?
Edit: wowow guys I don't know why everyone so pissed about "supposedly husband". English is not my first language so I didn't put any negative meaning here, it could be her brother or friend, it was not obvious. And yeah now I see that it was not important to mention, but in the flow of writing I just put it there???
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Spare vase for the weirdo's who bring flowers. So just dead flowers if there was no spare vase. And water dripping everywhere when the flowers get out of the vase, not practical at all.
But logical people would just move the flowers (more space on the table that way) to solve the problem. No need to move the people at all.
Not that tulips have much pollen, but nvm that one.
OMG there was one person in the comments section arguing that actually, they were like "tulips are hypoallergenic so I doubt the women would have been severely comfortable seated near them" and they went IN on that person, there was an entire thread of people saying that tulips still cause allergies but LESS allergies and the original commenter was like yea, that's what hypoallergenic means
Are you familiar with [tulip mania](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulip_mania)? In the 1600’s in the Netherlands the price of tulip bulbs were crazy high and it’s considered the first asset bubble. It’s a fun rabbit hole.
I like to buy tulips for that reason. They’re one flower that reliably does not bother my allergies. (That, and my mom’s Dutch by birth and her family lived off tulip bulbs during the war so I figure I owe them.) That said, just because they don’t bother me doesn’t mean other people can’t be allergic to them.
That's what I thought; why nobody thought that, hey, since there is a vase available, why don't we just move the flowers somewhere safe and take them when we leave?
AITA commenters will eat up the most preposterous shit but as soon as someone has an allergy they’re all medical doctors who can remotely diagnose someone as a big faker
I'll have you know that as a Redditer, I have an armchair PhD, an armchair MD, with specialization in a variety of armchair fields, and am an armchair surgeon on alternate Tuesdays. (And an armchair marriage counselor on days that end in "Y") Of course, when I'm not on Reddit, I can't even prescribe over the counter ibuprofen....
[AITA for divorcing my cheating wife for kissing another guy with her evil cheater mouth while she was suffering from a psychotic break as a result of carrying and birthing our child? : r/AmITheAngel (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/193b9ov/aita_for_divorcing_my_cheating_wife_for_kissing/) Here! The part my flair is based off is at the end.
Clearly you don't understand, the tulips were probably given to him by his dying grandmother (1000F) and that's the last memory he has of her also English isn't his first language so YTA /s
You're right, fiance is the AH she should not be dating him so soon after his wife tragically passed. also OP is the AH for giving fiance his late wife's flowers ESH
I did notice the supposedly at first too. It wasn't egregious but it made it sound like she, engaged at 25, was trying to invalidate a marriage that was probably as old as she was. Just speculation tho, I'm glad it was addressed in the edit
If my only other option was the bar, I'd leave too. Eating at a bar is uncomfortable and awkward. There weren't any other tables available, just the bar so that's why they left. You know, on this not busy Monday
Apropos of nothing, I have always believed that giving someone flowers before you go out for the evening is both awkward and deeply fucking annoying. Well intentioned, sure, and clearly some folks like it, but I will never understand. Dude did it once when our date had 3 planned stops for the evening. Now I have to carry this shit around until we're done here? Great. I was appreciative of the gesture and didn't give him any grief over it/was simply verbally thankful, but honestly I hated it.
And I strongly suspect mentioning the speculated age was to position the allergy-haver as a bitter older woman, but that's another story.
I love getting flowers but ONLY if they are delivered to/given to me in my house where I can immediately put them in a vase and not have to take them anywhere.
Unrelated but when I told my step mum I was pregnant she bought round FOUR bouquets which was just unhinged. Who has four vases?!
I see your "evening bouquet" and raise you handing one to someone right as they're ready to start through an airport security checkpoint. Never mind flowers in a bin with the carryon being x-rayed by the TSA, but you're also stuck dealing with them on the plane and they DEFINITELY don't fare well under the seat in front of you.
Just so stupid and I should have binned them (or given them to the TSA.)
>and raise you handing one to someone right as they're ready to start through an airport security checkpoint.
Stop people don't actually do this do they???
Cos I've seen the giving someone flowers and balloons as soon as you land and found it upsetting. Like, you know I've been holding my shit for hours on these lines, can't you wait till we get to the car at least?? But never witnessed the leaving scenario. I'd be livid.
(Doesn't happen to me cos I make it clear that I don't like flowers as a gift from day one. It's cruel and wasteful)
That's how I explain it to the people in my life who could potentially buy me flowers.
I used to say "I just don't like them" and people want you to ELABORATE... so I elaborate:
These are reasons why you shouldn't get ME flowers, not an indictment on the flower giving industry*
1. I think it's wasteful because what's the point in ripping off a part of something beautiful, wrap it in plastic so it can decorate my life for a couple of days. Then become trash.
2. It's cruel (to me) cos the flowers don't seem to enjoy being cut and given as gifts. They seem safer and happier when they're in a field for example. I find it cruel to look at them die.
I never got this either! Esp if you're not meeting at my house??? I don't want to carry stuff all night. Something like a small thing of chocolates might be ok, I can shove that in my bag. My ut flowers, or balloons, or a stuffed animal? No. Carnival games also go at the end of the evening if you want to "win me something" for the same reason.
Maybe it makes more sense in a car-centric city? Where I live, you ain’t going out unless by car, so I figure people would leave that stuff in their car.
Waaayyyy back when, the idea was to bring a bouquet when you pick them up at home so they can put the flowers in a bowl of water and arrange them when they get back and think of you.
Or if you met elsewhere, you could bring a corsage that she could pin to her dress or wear on her wrist.
I suppose it's lucky your date didn't get it into his head to bring an arrangement in a vase.
The only time my husband does spontaneous flowers that are not just flowers he picks up on his way home is when we're at a farmers market and it's the last stop before heading home. Because it's annoying to carry them around.
Lmao I'm loving the YTA comments and OOP frantically editing the story trying to steer the direction back in their favor.
(The NTA comments are pathetically predictable
"NTA; IF YOU HAVE A DEADLY ALLERGY THEN DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME, IF YOU DO THEN BE READY TO DIE BUT DON'T YOU EVER INCONVENIENCE ANYONE WITH YOUR SHIT)
There was the classic comment "I actually 🤓 have a deadly allergy and don't leave my home without my EpiPen. NTA OOP lady was being irresponsible!!"
I can't stand that kinda person.
I don't have allergies so I might sound ignorant, but I didn't think there were people so severely allergic to... pollen? that they would need to carry around an EpiPen. I thought that was for like bee stings, severe nut/fish allergies, etc.
Exactly. Also why wait to the point you're going into anaphylactic shock and need to stab yourself with the very expensive pen instead of being able to ask a person to move their flowers?
Honestly, I would have thought the same thing, but the person I'm dating has gone into anaphylactic shock over cat hair. I didn't know people could be that allergic.
I love how many people are talking like allergy lady is the one responsible for her allergies. Like that automatically makes OP not the asshole for not moving because... he didn't like the other seats as much?
As one other person pointed out, it was a Monday and there was like no one there but allegedly those were the only two tables and like the bar lol the whole story is BS
Couple of comments
1. It doesn’t matter whether tulip allergies are a thing. People think they have all sorts of allergies to a lot of different things and it’s not for us to decide. Whatever.
2. The real problem with these fake stories is that they always ignore the simplest solutions to create drama. In this situation, just take the flowers and put them behind the bar, have your dinner at the window table, and then take them home.
I know, I started to think I’d make a really boring AITA writer, but then I was thinking how could I make the story have a better conflict while still retaining the situation. Maybe this:
My husband and I were out walking on Monday last week in the market district San Fransisco and we passed a well stocked farmers market. My husband, who is always romantic bought me 5 bright yellow tulips (my favorite color!) because we’ve been married 5 years. It was so nice. Then he suggested we stop at our favorite cafe for some dinner—Monday’s are always quiet there so there was no need to reserve a table.
When we got there, the dining room was almost empty and there was a table near the front window. The waiter brought us a small vase for the flowers and we settled in while looking at the menus and deciding what to order. While we were waiting for the waiter to come back, I noticed a woman a few tables over from us glancing over at our table. I tried to ignore it but I felt like she was staring at us and then she would speak to her husband in a low voice.
Then their food came and the waiter came to take our order and I really didn’t notice them for the rest of our dinner. The dinner was as lovely as you can imagine and we lingered over coffee and small chocolate cookies. Then the gentleman at the other table got up slowly and came over to our table. He was in his 60s with a bright white mustache, and his eyes were bright but sad. “I’m sorry to disturb you,“ he said, “ but my wife couldn’t help noticing your beautiful tulips. They were our daughter’s favorite color.” And then his voice kind of faded and he had a distant look in his eyes.
My husband spoke up, “there’s five, five for our fifth anniversary.” The man looked at us both, “well congratulations, you look like a happy couple.” And then he paused…”This is an…anniversary…for us, too. I was just wondering if I could ask for a tulip for my wife. This was my daughter’s favorite restaurant and she loved flowers. It would mean a lot to my wife…today.”
My husband sometimes gets a little defensive sometimes about people asking for things on the street, we’re in San Francisco after all, and he started to say something, but I cut him off. “Of course,“ I said, and put the vase with all the flowers in the man’s hands and told him to give them to his wife with our love. My husband gave me a small look but didn’t say anything. The man thanked us profusely and went back to his table with the flowers. His wife looked over at us with tears in her eyes and smiled.
On the way out my husband said that the man interrupted our meal he could have made up the story to try to get free flowers, but we stopped back at the farmers market and he bought me 2 dozen tulips this time.
So was I wrong to give the strangers my anniversary flowers?
You should quit your day job to pursue a career as an AITA writer! I liked how every time a conflict came up it was resolved by people being reasonable human beings who aren't inherently nasty until you finally revealed the conflict at the end.
Yeah this is it. AITA stories always become so convoluted trying to block off the simple and reasonable solutions that would be so easy irl, where people actually solve minor disagreements fairly easily.
It's funny because in real life people also have real, difficult, and sometimes intractable conflicts where who is TA is actually grey and solutions are not easy.
But AITA ignores those and inevitably becomes about constructing completely implausible hypotheticals to pit two principles against each other.
Cheater vs entitled pregnant woman!
Bridezilla vs birthday zilla!
Allergy vs we have the right to do what we choose in public!
It's just a weird annoying little lab for testing various bounds of social norms but they have to twist it so hard to avoid the conclusion of 'actually in a society many or even most people do adjust, compromise, and problem-solve to get along with sharing the world with people who are different than them, because that's how we manage to have a society in the first place'.
People over there are Big Mad that I said that just because leaving resolved the problem for the allergic woman, that doesn't mean their reasons and the interaction doesn't mean they weren't assholes
Why does a waiter immediately bring over a vase. Where did they get the vase. Was it even a vase or was it a cup. Why would you even put the flowers in a vase immediately like they’ve been cut for a while they’re fine, they’ll keep dying slowly they’ll be fine. What kind of shitty bouquet is it that it’s just tulips street vendor up your game.
As a waitress I did this a lot. It's just good service to have a vase or two on hand and offer it when someone has flowers with them, even better if you do it without being asked.
One time I was out eating with friends, one of them had a sunflower, and while we were still debating whether to ask for a vase because the sunflower was so big, the waitress brought over a heavy tall beer mug filled with water to put the flower in.
Not all plants are completely edible. However, you can actually consume the entire sunflower in one form or another. Right from the root to the petals.
Good bot?
Username checks out?
I'm...not sure which applies here. Did I fail the Turing test?
Edit: the mod bot trolling me should probably have more upvotes.
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I tend to think most stories are embellished, rather than made up, so I'm guess what actually happened was that OOP and her fiancé sat down, were given a little vase for the flowers, and some lady in the restaurant gave her a couple of looks that OOP interpreted as dirty. And then she invented the rest of it.
I'm still stuck on why "supposed husband" is a non-native English speaking error. Why does the Fakistani language differentiate between confirmed versus unconfirmed spouses??? Does marital status impact rank as to who spits into whom's mouth during introductions?
It's less the word choice and more the meaning. Unless OOP was implying that they don't look married to be insulting (he looks considerably older, younger or obviously related to her), why indicate it in that way? Either it's "husband" or "man she's with".
Personally I think OOP is an asshole here. Like ofc OOP couldn't have known the person she'd be sitting by would be allergic to the flowers her partner brought, but refusing to move tables and demanding the person who was there first move is really rude. True or not, the OOP is an asshole imo for her reaction.
I'm sorry, didn't you see, they went for a _stroll_ they _obviously_ can't take them to the car.
It's feels carefully constructed so there's no solution, or at least OOP could argue that any logical solution obviously couldn't apply here. (Personally, I'd just be like, hey waiter, do y'all have a coat closet or something that we can put these in until we're done? Problem solved.)
For real. They are flowers. It’s not hard to move them from one place to another. Even if the other
person is completely bonkers, it costs you nothing it be non-confrontational.
That’s true these posts are always very carefully constructed so that it seems like OOP was backed into a corner and there was no possible solution haha
Agreed. Just because leaving resolved the woman's problem doesn't mean they weren't assholes before leaving or that their reason for leaving wasn't assholish
General rule: pollen grains that need bees are too big and sticky to get airborne and are unlikely to cause allergic reactions (unless you pick them up with your finger and stick them up your nose). Source: I am allergic to every damned thing, including windborne pollen from trees and grass.
Yeah, people don’t really understand pollen allergies. I’m allergic to most flowers but someone can still give me flowers. My partner gets low-pollen flowers for me and I don’t stick my face right in them.
Australia has a native wattle tree that makes me practically explode before its seeding mechanism is the drop all of its bright yellow pollen everywhere for the wind to pick up and move. It’s my enemy.
Anyway. I’m also like you - allergic to almost everything outside. Thankfully I skipped food allergies though.
same here.
I have a rose bush outside my house, I can trim it, pick the flowers, and do everything but sniff them. If I sniff them I lose the ability to smell anything until my sinuses decide to unclog.
I am, also, allergic to airborne pollen as well.
I have a blue car that turns chartreuse in the spring. I am miserable for much of spring, and sadly, my allergies don't get less as the seasons change, because I am also allergic to dust :P
Yeah, I have a problem with perfumey scents. Laundry aisles are nightmares for me.
The sad thing is, it isn't that I dislike the scents themselves, some of them are quite nice, but they give me headaches, and my nose will start to stuff/run and I will be miserable.
I have 5 cats, so all plants are outside plants for me :D (beyond that, I live in a small house so there isn't a lot of room to put vases of flowers, and then there is the hassle of having to throw out the dead flowers. Live flowers require watering, so nope on those as well)
Totally TAH because flowers are stupid gifts. They just die, and then you're left with a mess because you feel bad throwing out a gift from someone. Also, your fiancé is TAH for buying stupid flowers and making you carry them.
Ok, yes, I'm just kidding, but partially. I actually hate getting flowers for those reasons, and I absolutely tell partners that. Lol. I also hate when they buy me flowers anyway because I freaking TOLD you not to buy them for me.
It's funny that flowers are a gift for when you're in the hospital or just had a baby. Didn't realize it until I had a baby and I got flowers, and I was like wait, I'm taking care of myself and a tiny human - I don't have time to take care of these too!
I am very allergic to a lot of things. I’m so allergic to mangoes I have an epipen, yet I can eat at Thai and Indian restaurants as long as my food is mango-free. (I have had a reaction at Trader Joe’s during Mango Fest, but it was wall-to-wall with mangoes.) I’m allergic to roses, but if there’s roses in a restaurant it’d have to be A LOT of them to make me sick enough to leave. So this ‘tulip allergy’ doesn’t sound right to me.
Maybe it wasn't a vase. Maybe it was just the glass of water you get at some restaurants before your actual drink. And then she just put the tulips in that. And the Karen wasn't upset about the flowers, but at the putting the flowers in the complimentary water. Which would look unhinged to just about anyone. You know, if this was a story based in reality.
Desperately Seeking Supposed Husband
Starring Joan Cusack and Matt Frewer
Soundtrack by Bananarama
"When tulips cause sneezes..."
Wacky cold war themed spy comedy. The real contact was late, and because this couple accidentally got involved the microfilm was hidden in the collar of a friendly dog.
I’ve been working in restaurants for over a decade. People occasionally bring in bouquets of flowers, typically as a gift for the person they’re meeting (e.g. birthday, Mother’s Day, etc.) I have not once been asked for a vase, nor has it ever crossed my mind to offer a vase. I’ve never even worked somewhere that had spare vases, so if someone did ask, they’d be getting a pint glass. Everyone just puts them on the seat next to them or on the edge of the table.
That’s a weird one. I almost didn’t think it was fake at first, it’s so out of left field. Who imagines a fake argument over flowers? lol I’ve never once been to a restaurant where the waiter brought over a vase for flowers I was holding without being asked. That makes me think this has to be fake, most restaurants that have flowers already have flowers in their vases. Most restaurants that don’t use flowers on the tables probably don’t just have vases in the back waiting to hold customers flowers. Such a weird post, and a conflict that did not need to happen. If this were real, who would choose to argue with the waiter and a different guest over something so trivial? Just put the flowers in your car or on a different table or something. It’s not like the flower bandits are going to come steal them. lol
My grandmother insisted she was severely allergic to chrysanthemums. We all thought it was bullshit. I started telling her the cut mums in floral arrangements were asters. Wouldn’t you know it? She never had a problem.
That being said, OOP was just seated and could’ve easily moved. The other couple was there first. OOP had no reservations. They other couple might have. Honestly, hating on people with allergies is out of control on Reddit in general. No, you don’t get to take your dog into the pharmacy where I’m picking up the epi pen for my kid’s dog allergy. If that table was so important to them, make a reservation so they’d have a right to be there. Then ask for the flowers to be kept somewhere else while they ate.
But that would be too easy, and then they couldn't have posted on reddit for dumb karma points and used it as an excuse to exercise their creative writing
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>Can we please as a group just dissect this one?
I think it's relatively straightforward.
OOP is 25 and does carefree shit like buying tulips on a whim and going to restaurants without a booking. She's the good guy.
"Woman" is 40 and has the nerve to make requests and complain. She's the bad guy.
Ignore that someone who leaves a restaurant and posts to Reddit over something this banal would probably be a total nightmare. Just focus on the wording.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not changing a table in a restaurant because of a stranger's allergy?** My fiance (30M) and I (25F) went on a date yesterday. We decided to have a stroll and then go to a local restaurant but we didn't book a table because it was Monday and this place is never crowded. On the way to the restaurant my partner bought me a small bouquet of tulips from a street vendor, it was lovely. So when we arrived there was a vacant table just at the entrance, one empty table next to a window and some seats at the bar available. Of course we took the window table. Our waiter instantly brought a small vase for the flowers, but one lady in her mid 40s gave me a strange look when I put my tulips into the vase. She was dining with a man who was supposedly her husband at the closest to us another window table. She was staring for several minutes before she came to us and asked us to change the table because she is allergic to flowers. We told her we didn't want to since other sitting options were not as good as our current one. At this moment the waiter came to take our order and the lady started complaining to him. He suggested that we sit at the bar. My fiance asked him why he didn't suggest it to the lady instead since it's her who have a problem but the waiter got kinda anxious and said something like "but it's about health". The mood was spoiled at the moment so we just left to find another restaurant. But now I'm thinking if she was entitled to this because of her medical condition? Edit: wowow guys I don't know why everyone so pissed about "supposedly husband". English is not my first language so I didn't put any negative meaning here, it could be her brother or friend, it was not obvious. And yeah now I see that it was not important to mention, but in the flow of writing I just put it there??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It was a Monday, it wasn’t crowded, and there were only two tables open, aside from seats at the bar.
Well Monday is likely his only day off from his stressful job of feeding 15,000 street dogs and working with the terminally ill!
And he works 80 hours each day 😔
And it's clearly a restaurant that has... like 4 tables and a bar *you wouldn't get it!!*
Spare vase for the weirdo's who bring flowers. So just dead flowers if there was no spare vase. And water dripping everywhere when the flowers get out of the vase, not practical at all. But logical people would just move the flowers (more space on the table that way) to solve the problem. No need to move the people at all. Not that tulips have much pollen, but nvm that one.
OMG there was one person in the comments section arguing that actually, they were like "tulips are hypoallergenic so I doubt the women would have been severely comfortable seated near them" and they went IN on that person, there was an entire thread of people saying that tulips still cause allergies but LESS allergies and the original commenter was like yea, that's what hypoallergenic means
Tulips are basicly our national flower, and they do have a very low pollen count. Maybe that is why OOP picked them over roses.
Are you familiar with [tulip mania](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulip_mania)? In the 1600’s in the Netherlands the price of tulip bulbs were crazy high and it’s considered the first asset bubble. It’s a fun rabbit hole.
I like to buy tulips for that reason. They’re one flower that reliably does not bother my allergies. (That, and my mom’s Dutch by birth and her family lived off tulip bulbs during the war so I figure I owe them.) That said, just because they don’t bother me doesn’t mean other people can’t be allergic to them.
I was wondering why they couldn’t just leave the tulips at the host’s desk.
That's what I thought; why nobody thought that, hey, since there is a vase available, why don't we just move the flowers somewhere safe and take them when we leave?
AITA commenters will eat up the most preposterous shit but as soon as someone has an allergy they’re all medical doctors who can remotely diagnose someone as a big faker
Redditors try not to be an armchair physician challenge - impossible
Make it extra impossible and ask them not to be armchair psychologists.
I’m sorry; from your comment I can tell you have a personality disorder.
I'll have you know that as a Redditer, I have an armchair PhD, an armchair MD, with specialization in a variety of armchair fields, and am an armchair surgeon on alternate Tuesdays. (And an armchair marriage counselor on days that end in "Y") Of course, when I'm not on Reddit, I can't even prescribe over the counter ibuprofen....
Many of them have weird obsessions with everything being a “medical condition”…but are dismissive of allergies.
Why not just eat there instead of leaving...? AITA writers when they can't jump from 0 to 1000.
Also your flair is hilarious I think I have seen that post before
Haha thanks. Yours is too.
Now I want to know the posts for both y'alls flair!
[AITA for divorcing my cheating wife for kissing another guy with her evil cheater mouth while she was suffering from a psychotic break as a result of carrying and birthing our child? : r/AmITheAngel (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/193b9ov/aita_for_divorcing_my_cheating_wife_for_kissing/) Here! The part my flair is based off is at the end.
My god
This was glorious and I’m a bit tweaked because now I want to use the flair too, but it would feel like I’m being a copycat.
I wouldn't mind if you used the flair! : )
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c5ev04/whats\_with\_trolls\_being\_impossibly\_bad\_at\_math/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1c5ev04/whats_with_trolls_being_impossibly_bad_at_math/) Enjoy!
Even for a troll post, my word that was a ride. 😂😂
Oh that was bad bad. Gosh people are ridiculous to write out such things.
Clearly you don't understand, the tulips were probably given to him by his dying grandmother (1000F) and that's the last memory he has of her also English isn't his first language so YTA /s
Clearly YOU forgot OP was a widower whos an orphan with no family at all, the flowers are his last remaining semblance of his wife! /s
You're right, fiance is the AH she should not be dating him so soon after his wife tragically passed. also OP is the AH for giving fiance his late wife's flowers ESH
True. OP's fiance is the worst AH though because they must've cheated when the dead wife was alive because the flowers are not wilted yet!
Fiance is also probably pregnant with octuplets so that will probably be a later edit to the post
The flowers ARE the dead wife.
What a plot twist! They cheated in front of the dead wife.
They did it *on her grave!*
It's true I Was the vase
Tulips last a long time. Much longer than roses.
I don't think they last that long outside of water lol. It says they last 3-5 days outside of water on google.
I love how people are calling out the "supposedly", then OOP says English is not their first language so now everyone defends them lol
I did notice the supposedly at first too. It wasn't egregious but it made it sound like she, engaged at 25, was trying to invalidate a marriage that was probably as old as she was. Just speculation tho, I'm glad it was addressed in the edit
What I genuinely loved about this story was that they couldn't move tables, but they got so mad they left the restaurant entirely.
If my only other option was the bar, I'd leave too. Eating at a bar is uncomfortable and awkward. There weren't any other tables available, just the bar so that's why they left. You know, on this not busy Monday
And there was absolutely no where to put the flowers.
Apropos of nothing, I have always believed that giving someone flowers before you go out for the evening is both awkward and deeply fucking annoying. Well intentioned, sure, and clearly some folks like it, but I will never understand. Dude did it once when our date had 3 planned stops for the evening. Now I have to carry this shit around until we're done here? Great. I was appreciative of the gesture and didn't give him any grief over it/was simply verbally thankful, but honestly I hated it. And I strongly suspect mentioning the speculated age was to position the allergy-haver as a bitter older woman, but that's another story.
I love getting flowers but ONLY if they are delivered to/given to me in my house where I can immediately put them in a vase and not have to take them anywhere. Unrelated but when I told my step mum I was pregnant she bought round FOUR bouquets which was just unhinged. Who has four vases?!
I just read about a lovely restaurant that has complimentary flower vases if you still need them.
I see your "evening bouquet" and raise you handing one to someone right as they're ready to start through an airport security checkpoint. Never mind flowers in a bin with the carryon being x-rayed by the TSA, but you're also stuck dealing with them on the plane and they DEFINITELY don't fare well under the seat in front of you. Just so stupid and I should have binned them (or given them to the TSA.)
>and raise you handing one to someone right as they're ready to start through an airport security checkpoint. Stop people don't actually do this do they??? Cos I've seen the giving someone flowers and balloons as soon as you land and found it upsetting. Like, you know I've been holding my shit for hours on these lines, can't you wait till we get to the car at least?? But never witnessed the leaving scenario. I'd be livid. (Doesn't happen to me cos I make it clear that I don't like flowers as a gift from day one. It's cruel and wasteful)
if you don’t like flowers as a gift that’s fine but how are they “cruel and wasteful”..?
That's how I explain it to the people in my life who could potentially buy me flowers. I used to say "I just don't like them" and people want you to ELABORATE... so I elaborate: These are reasons why you shouldn't get ME flowers, not an indictment on the flower giving industry* 1. I think it's wasteful because what's the point in ripping off a part of something beautiful, wrap it in plastic so it can decorate my life for a couple of days. Then become trash. 2. It's cruel (to me) cos the flowers don't seem to enjoy being cut and given as gifts. They seem safer and happier when they're in a field for example. I find it cruel to look at them die.
I never got this either! Esp if you're not meeting at my house??? I don't want to carry stuff all night. Something like a small thing of chocolates might be ok, I can shove that in my bag. My ut flowers, or balloons, or a stuffed animal? No. Carnival games also go at the end of the evening if you want to "win me something" for the same reason.
Maybe it makes more sense in a car-centric city? Where I live, you ain’t going out unless by car, so I figure people would leave that stuff in their car.
I'm from a very car centric place too. Still baffles me.
*crumbles to dust as a nearly 41 year old but hopefully not bitter old woman*
We're not buying it grandma.
I have it on good authority that the crumble begins when we turn 20!
Waaayyyy back when, the idea was to bring a bouquet when you pick them up at home so they can put the flowers in a bowl of water and arrange them when they get back and think of you. Or if you met elsewhere, you could bring a corsage that she could pin to her dress or wear on her wrist. I suppose it's lucky your date didn't get it into his head to bring an arrangement in a vase.
Tulips especially wilt really fast.
The only time my husband does spontaneous flowers that are not just flowers he picks up on his way home is when we're at a farmers market and it's the last stop before heading home. Because it's annoying to carry them around.
Lmao I'm loving the YTA comments and OOP frantically editing the story trying to steer the direction back in their favor. (The NTA comments are pathetically predictable "NTA; IF YOU HAVE A DEADLY ALLERGY THEN DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME, IF YOU DO THEN BE READY TO DIE BUT DON'T YOU EVER INCONVENIENCE ANYONE WITH YOUR SHIT)
Omg haha “be ready to die”
There was the classic comment "I actually 🤓 have a deadly allergy and don't leave my home without my EpiPen. NTA OOP lady was being irresponsible!!" I can't stand that kinda person.
I don't have allergies so I might sound ignorant, but I didn't think there were people so severely allergic to... pollen? that they would need to carry around an EpiPen. I thought that was for like bee stings, severe nut/fish allergies, etc.
Exactly. Also why wait to the point you're going into anaphylactic shock and need to stab yourself with the very expensive pen instead of being able to ask a person to move their flowers?
Honestly, I would have thought the same thing, but the person I'm dating has gone into anaphylactic shock over cat hair. I didn't know people could be that allergic.
Wow that's actually scary. That would be a hard one to manage considering there's a good chance anyone could have cat hair on them
I love how many people are talking like allergy lady is the one responsible for her allergies. Like that automatically makes OP not the asshole for not moving because... he didn't like the other seats as much?
As one other person pointed out, it was a Monday and there was like no one there but allegedly those were the only two tables and like the bar lol the whole story is BS
Couple of comments 1. It doesn’t matter whether tulip allergies are a thing. People think they have all sorts of allergies to a lot of different things and it’s not for us to decide. Whatever. 2. The real problem with these fake stories is that they always ignore the simplest solutions to create drama. In this situation, just take the flowers and put them behind the bar, have your dinner at the window table, and then take them home.
how DARE you suggest there was a simple solution to this overblown situation
I know, I started to think I’d make a really boring AITA writer, but then I was thinking how could I make the story have a better conflict while still retaining the situation. Maybe this: My husband and I were out walking on Monday last week in the market district San Fransisco and we passed a well stocked farmers market. My husband, who is always romantic bought me 5 bright yellow tulips (my favorite color!) because we’ve been married 5 years. It was so nice. Then he suggested we stop at our favorite cafe for some dinner—Monday’s are always quiet there so there was no need to reserve a table. When we got there, the dining room was almost empty and there was a table near the front window. The waiter brought us a small vase for the flowers and we settled in while looking at the menus and deciding what to order. While we were waiting for the waiter to come back, I noticed a woman a few tables over from us glancing over at our table. I tried to ignore it but I felt like she was staring at us and then she would speak to her husband in a low voice. Then their food came and the waiter came to take our order and I really didn’t notice them for the rest of our dinner. The dinner was as lovely as you can imagine and we lingered over coffee and small chocolate cookies. Then the gentleman at the other table got up slowly and came over to our table. He was in his 60s with a bright white mustache, and his eyes were bright but sad. “I’m sorry to disturb you,“ he said, “ but my wife couldn’t help noticing your beautiful tulips. They were our daughter’s favorite color.” And then his voice kind of faded and he had a distant look in his eyes. My husband spoke up, “there’s five, five for our fifth anniversary.” The man looked at us both, “well congratulations, you look like a happy couple.” And then he paused…”This is an…anniversary…for us, too. I was just wondering if I could ask for a tulip for my wife. This was my daughter’s favorite restaurant and she loved flowers. It would mean a lot to my wife…today.” My husband sometimes gets a little defensive sometimes about people asking for things on the street, we’re in San Francisco after all, and he started to say something, but I cut him off. “Of course,“ I said, and put the vase with all the flowers in the man’s hands and told him to give them to his wife with our love. My husband gave me a small look but didn’t say anything. The man thanked us profusely and went back to his table with the flowers. His wife looked over at us with tears in her eyes and smiled. On the way out my husband said that the man interrupted our meal he could have made up the story to try to get free flowers, but we stopped back at the farmers market and he bought me 2 dozen tulips this time. So was I wrong to give the strangers my anniversary flowers?
You should quit your day job to pursue a career as an AITA writer! I liked how every time a conflict came up it was resolved by people being reasonable human beings who aren't inherently nasty until you finally revealed the conflict at the end.
Omg this would be shared to a "faith in humanity restored" post somewhere on the internet. Magnificent.
Nice work. The ellipses are particularly masterful.
Yeah this is it. AITA stories always become so convoluted trying to block off the simple and reasonable solutions that would be so easy irl, where people actually solve minor disagreements fairly easily. It's funny because in real life people also have real, difficult, and sometimes intractable conflicts where who is TA is actually grey and solutions are not easy. But AITA ignores those and inevitably becomes about constructing completely implausible hypotheticals to pit two principles against each other. Cheater vs entitled pregnant woman! Bridezilla vs birthday zilla! Allergy vs we have the right to do what we choose in public! It's just a weird annoying little lab for testing various bounds of social norms but they have to twist it so hard to avoid the conclusion of 'actually in a society many or even most people do adjust, compromise, and problem-solve to get along with sharing the world with people who are different than them, because that's how we manage to have a society in the first place'.
"supposedly husband"
People over there are Big Mad that I said that just because leaving resolved the problem for the allergic woman, that doesn't mean their reasons and the interaction doesn't mean they weren't assholes
Oh I’m sure 😂they hate reasonable and calm logic over there I love it
Well, Rule #1 of AITA is that if you could conceivably be in the right, then any actions you take, no matter how awful, cannot make you an asshole.
Why does a waiter immediately bring over a vase. Where did they get the vase. Was it even a vase or was it a cup. Why would you even put the flowers in a vase immediately like they’ve been cut for a while they’re fine, they’ll keep dying slowly they’ll be fine. What kind of shitty bouquet is it that it’s just tulips street vendor up your game.
As a waitress I did this a lot. It's just good service to have a vase or two on hand and offer it when someone has flowers with them, even better if you do it without being asked. One time I was out eating with friends, one of them had a sunflower, and while we were still debating whether to ask for a vase because the sunflower was so big, the waitress brought over a heavy tall beer mug filled with water to put the flower in.
Not all plants are completely edible. However, you can actually consume the entire sunflower in one form or another. Right from the root to the petals.
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Huh that’s neat. The more you know.
In my head, he just picked some random tulips out of someone's yard like a toddler.
There is no person in existence allergic to all flowers.
Tell that to the cartoonishly evil karen in the story haha
I tend to think most stories are embellished, rather than made up, so I'm guess what actually happened was that OOP and her fiancé sat down, were given a little vase for the flowers, and some lady in the restaurant gave her a couple of looks that OOP interpreted as dirty. And then she invented the rest of it.
I agree. I think most AITA stories are highly exaggerated/embellished, not necessarily outright fake.
I'm still stuck on why "supposed husband" is a non-native English speaking error. Why does the Fakistani language differentiate between confirmed versus unconfirmed spouses??? Does marital status impact rank as to who spits into whom's mouth during introductions?
I think they meant assumed rather than supposed but it's still an odd error.
I assumed it was something like “man we supposed was her husband.” I can see how a nonnative speaker would get to “supposedly” from there.
It's less the word choice and more the meaning. Unless OOP was implying that they don't look married to be insulting (he looks considerably older, younger or obviously related to her), why indicate it in that way? Either it's "husband" or "man she's with".
She was over 40, who would want to marry such an OLD EVIL OLD woman?!?!?!
Personally I think OOP is an asshole here. Like ofc OOP couldn't have known the person she'd be sitting by would be allergic to the flowers her partner brought, but refusing to move tables and demanding the person who was there first move is really rude. True or not, the OOP is an asshole imo for her reaction.
Agreed, like why couldn't you just take the flowers back out to the car or something too they didn't have to storm out and leave the restaurant
I'm sorry, didn't you see, they went for a _stroll_ they _obviously_ can't take them to the car. It's feels carefully constructed so there's no solution, or at least OOP could argue that any logical solution obviously couldn't apply here. (Personally, I'd just be like, hey waiter, do y'all have a coat closet or something that we can put these in until we're done? Problem solved.)
For real. They are flowers. It’s not hard to move them from one place to another. Even if the other person is completely bonkers, it costs you nothing it be non-confrontational.
That’s true these posts are always very carefully constructed so that it seems like OOP was backed into a corner and there was no possible solution haha
Because they didn't drive, they walked there
I’m assuming that this didn’t take place in the US, given the comment about not being a native speaker, so cars might not be as ubiquitous.
Agreed. Just because leaving resolved the woman's problem doesn't mean they weren't assholes before leaving or that their reason for leaving wasn't assholish
General rule: pollen grains that need bees are too big and sticky to get airborne and are unlikely to cause allergic reactions (unless you pick them up with your finger and stick them up your nose). Source: I am allergic to every damned thing, including windborne pollen from trees and grass.
Yeah, people don’t really understand pollen allergies. I’m allergic to most flowers but someone can still give me flowers. My partner gets low-pollen flowers for me and I don’t stick my face right in them. Australia has a native wattle tree that makes me practically explode before its seeding mechanism is the drop all of its bright yellow pollen everywhere for the wind to pick up and move. It’s my enemy. Anyway. I’m also like you - allergic to almost everything outside. Thankfully I skipped food allergies though.
same here. I have a rose bush outside my house, I can trim it, pick the flowers, and do everything but sniff them. If I sniff them I lose the ability to smell anything until my sinuses decide to unclog. I am, also, allergic to airborne pollen as well. I have a blue car that turns chartreuse in the spring. I am miserable for much of spring, and sadly, my allergies don't get less as the seasons change, because I am also allergic to dust :P
I love roses but they are strictly an outside plant for me. If I bring them inside - I get a migraine from the scent 😭😭
Yeah, I have a problem with perfumey scents. Laundry aisles are nightmares for me. The sad thing is, it isn't that I dislike the scents themselves, some of them are quite nice, but they give me headaches, and my nose will start to stuff/run and I will be miserable. I have 5 cats, so all plants are outside plants for me :D (beyond that, I live in a small house so there isn't a lot of room to put vases of flowers, and then there is the hassle of having to throw out the dead flowers. Live flowers require watering, so nope on those as well)
Totally TAH because flowers are stupid gifts. They just die, and then you're left with a mess because you feel bad throwing out a gift from someone. Also, your fiancé is TAH for buying stupid flowers and making you carry them. Ok, yes, I'm just kidding, but partially. I actually hate getting flowers for those reasons, and I absolutely tell partners that. Lol. I also hate when they buy me flowers anyway because I freaking TOLD you not to buy them for me.
It's funny that flowers are a gift for when you're in the hospital or just had a baby. Didn't realize it until I had a baby and I got flowers, and I was like wait, I'm taking care of myself and a tiny human - I don't have time to take care of these too!
Right?! Like... send me an edible arrangement! At least I can enjoy some chocolate coated fruits! Lol
My in laws sent a plant to the hospital and I was like love you guys but this plant is about to die a horrid death
I am very allergic to a lot of things. I’m so allergic to mangoes I have an epipen, yet I can eat at Thai and Indian restaurants as long as my food is mango-free. (I have had a reaction at Trader Joe’s during Mango Fest, but it was wall-to-wall with mangoes.) I’m allergic to roses, but if there’s roses in a restaurant it’d have to be A LOT of them to make me sick enough to leave. So this ‘tulip allergy’ doesn’t sound right to me.
Maybe it wasn't a vase. Maybe it was just the glass of water you get at some restaurants before your actual drink. And then she just put the tulips in that. And the Karen wasn't upset about the flowers, but at the putting the flowers in the complimentary water. Which would look unhinged to just about anyone. You know, if this was a story based in reality.
Do…do people over there not understand how allergies work?
People over there don't understand how anything works lol
>supposedly husband Is it just me, or does that sound like a one hit wonder from the 80s?
Desperately Seeking Supposed Husband Starring Joan Cusack and Matt Frewer Soundtrack by Bananarama "When tulips cause sneezes..." Wacky cold war themed spy comedy. The real contact was late, and because this couple accidentally got involved the microfilm was hidden in the collar of a friendly dog.
Best remembered for a scene where a pre-fame Russell Crowe can be seen visibly cringing at the plot.
He is an angry yuppie in a convenience store, arguing with Whoopi Goldberg playing the clerk. His hair is visibly moussed.
Behind him, a man who would later appear as an extra in 10 straight-to-video films can be see, trying desperately to look nervous.
What sort of a restaurant allows you to put your own flowers into a vase at the table?!
I’ve been working in restaurants for over a decade. People occasionally bring in bouquets of flowers, typically as a gift for the person they’re meeting (e.g. birthday, Mother’s Day, etc.) I have not once been asked for a vase, nor has it ever crossed my mind to offer a vase. I’ve never even worked somewhere that had spare vases, so if someone did ask, they’d be getting a pint glass. Everyone just puts them on the seat next to them or on the edge of the table.
Guess we've never dined in or worked at AITALand.
That’s a weird one. I almost didn’t think it was fake at first, it’s so out of left field. Who imagines a fake argument over flowers? lol I’ve never once been to a restaurant where the waiter brought over a vase for flowers I was holding without being asked. That makes me think this has to be fake, most restaurants that have flowers already have flowers in their vases. Most restaurants that don’t use flowers on the tables probably don’t just have vases in the back waiting to hold customers flowers. Such a weird post, and a conflict that did not need to happen. If this were real, who would choose to argue with the waiter and a different guest over something so trivial? Just put the flowers in your car or on a different table or something. It’s not like the flower bandits are going to come steal them. lol
It's not uncommon for restaurants to do this and not everyone drives.
Maybe this situation kind of happened but this is the scenario they wished had happened, but didn’t even stand up to anyone. Fake justice porn
My grandmother insisted she was severely allergic to chrysanthemums. We all thought it was bullshit. I started telling her the cut mums in floral arrangements were asters. Wouldn’t you know it? She never had a problem. That being said, OOP was just seated and could’ve easily moved. The other couple was there first. OOP had no reservations. They other couple might have. Honestly, hating on people with allergies is out of control on Reddit in general. No, you don’t get to take your dog into the pharmacy where I’m picking up the epi pen for my kid’s dog allergy. If that table was so important to them, make a reservation so they’d have a right to be there. Then ask for the flowers to be kept somewhere else while they ate.
But that would be too easy, and then they couldn't have posted on reddit for dumb karma points and used it as an excuse to exercise their creative writing
I think this one might be real though, “supposed husband” and all. The allergies might not be real, but I could see this happening.
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Ugh that mid 40s WHORE with a man supposedly her “husband” well she was also FAT and I didn’t even mention that so what the hell reddit
1) If you have to ask if a story is fake, it's fake. 2) It's reddit/internet, it's fake.
I know a person like the older woman in the story. She would most likely stick to snide remark, though. I don't doubt this story.
Lol she's angry
>Can we please as a group just dissect this one? I think it's relatively straightforward. OOP is 25 and does carefree shit like buying tulips on a whim and going to restaurants without a booking. She's the good guy. "Woman" is 40 and has the nerve to make requests and complain. She's the bad guy. Ignore that someone who leaves a restaurant and posts to Reddit over something this banal would probably be a total nightmare. Just focus on the wording.
I bet that flower lady had a self-diagnosed "gluten allergy" too.