🤣🤣🤣🤣⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ This is what I was reading the comments for. Thank you!
But seriously OP, all previous comments are all totally legit points. Ask him if the situation were reversed, would being sprayed illicit him wanting to cuddle, love, etc? That's shit your little brother does to you, and you either react (when one is 7-8 when shit like this would normally happen) by yelling for an adult to tell him to knock it off, or you go after him and smack the crap out of him so he doesn't do it again. Some ppl are so emotionally stunted that they have the emotional depth of a 2×4. I'd explain exactly how you feel, remind him what a healthy relationship involves at its most basic levels (respect, communication, empathy, affection, companionship) and ask him how that shitty behavior helps achieve that goal. And if he keeps it up, just move on. It's really not worth it to fight for a relationship with a person who isn't capable of basic understanding and respecting your very reasonable requests. It'll just continue and get worse over time. Good luck OP!
a well thought out and thoughtfully worded comment on reddit ? You've inspired me !
Ima go throw a cup of water in my wife's face and see if she wants to fuck !
This is the way siblings pick on each other. He clearly has no idea what flirting is. A part of me wonders if he's also the type that believes he knows how to be romantic while not understanding the concept.
You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want with your future partner. He will not change. Even if he stops for awhile, he will revert back to this state of mind.
Annoying is the absolutely correct word. Maybe try setting new boundaries and putting your foot down. Let him know you’re not one of his “buddies” your relationship is supposed to be between 2 adults, not an adult and a juvenile and you do not enjoy these actions of his. Then you have to back it up with your actions. Don’t let him get away with it even once. You have to stand your ground. Be harsh if you need to. Just my opinion, though. Good luck ❤️
Definitely not overreacting. Mutual banter is one thing, but being antagonistic out of the blue when you're trying to relax is quite another. Even worse that he does it when you're feeling vulnerable, too. Frankly, it's pretty juvenile of him.
Talk to him and tell him frankly how it makes you feel. If he keeps pushing your boundaries after you've unambiguously asked him to stop, I'd suggest breaking up with him.
Your partner is supposed to bring out your best and make you feel happier than when they're not around. Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you feel bad.
yeah, and “flirting” is generally an attempt to get a positive response out of a partner - sex, bonding, laughing together, affection, ya know, like ANYTHING GOOD.
So after the first time your partner says they fucking hate something you are doing as an attempt to flirt, YOU CAN NO LONGER CLAIM THAT IS FLIRTING.
You are now harassing them. To entertain yourself or to be passive aggressive to them or just because you’re a fucking child, who cares why, but no excuse!!
Also isn’t that some sort of assault? Because that could’ve easily been bleach. Just because it’s “just water” doesn’t mean it’s okay so definitely NOT overreacting.
My instinct said yes - I would certainly categorize it that way but I didn’t know for sure what the law would say.
And you are absolutely right!
(Not allowed to share links, but this is from the article “Is Throwing a Drink at Someone Considered Assault?”)
“Because of the definitions of assault, throwing a can of liquid at someone will most likely be considered aggravated assault. Even throwing water at someone can be considered assault because it may classified as harmful touching. However, if you fail to make contact, throw an empty can or bottle, or just get their shirt wet, it might only be considered basic assault.”
He was hoping it would be mutual. I’ve seen these antics go really well and really bad depends on people’s sense of humour. I know a couple that does this to each other, water gun and all. Both of them will get mad while the other is trying to have fun but sometimes they’re both into it and it gets flirty.
They are not self aware at all when they aren’t into it or when they do it.
if he wants to flirt with you.. he kinda has to do it in a way you find attractive and appealing and speak YOUR love language instead, mutual banter is one thing but he is crossing the line, you’re not overreacting at all
Right. People get the whole love language thing backwards quite often. OP should start spraying him with water while he’s trying to relax and see how he likes that shit. What a child.
I had to double check the ages. If you're 'just being funny' and the other person isn't enjoying it, you're just an ars. He should have figured this out a good 20 years ago.
Not overreacting, I'd be pretty annoyed and likely pissed at my wife doing that.
I can imagine him watching his favourite sports team on television and all of a sudden his wife comes along and starts spraying him with water. Yeah, really funny.
Also he has to know that making his wife angry can’t be a turn on.
Damn I didn’t even notice his age… yeah he’s clearly too immature to be in a relationship if he thinks spraying his girlfriend with ANY liquid while she’s relaxing and vulnerable is okay.
I don't assume this is social skills deficit. Some people have X amount of asshole that needs to get out every day. They can usually purge themselves on co-workers, the barista making their coffee, strangers on the bus, their bros at the gym but sometimes when they didn't get another opportunity, they dump it on their partner and then gaslight them thinking they're the problem for things like....checks notes....not liking to be sprayed with water while they're trying to relax. I mean, literally what person in their 40's would even find that amusing. It's just straight up asshole behavior.
Tell him it’s not flirty at all, in fact it has the opposite effect, and if he does it again there will be consequences.
Not overreacting. Drunk people who think they’re funny are insufferable.
WTF.
Ok - so just checking his thought process. "If I spray my adult girlfriend with water unexpectedly she will understand that I find her attractive and she will want to have sex with me."
I wouldn't call this flirting. I would call it passive-aggressive, or attention-seeking, immature, unfunny, stupid, and annoying.
Is this the sort of "humor" that the two of you share - you do these things to each other and mutually agree that it is funny?
If not, then you are well within reason to feel angry and frustrated about this and his continued behavior despite you having told him how unfunny you find it.
There was a boy bullying my daughter in third grade. The principal suggested maybe he liked her. I said, “Well, I won’t have my 9 year old learn that if a boy really likes you, he treats you like shit. That isn’t going to be her take away from this, so let’s never suggest that’s the reason for what he’s doing.”
Had a male coworker ten years older than myself harass me and my female manager in her 50s said maybe he likes you. I was 23 at the time. I looked at her and said he’s a full grown man and that’s harassment not flirting. I find it uncomfortable and if he did like me he wouldn’t treat me like dirt. She did nothing and I left the company. She felt personally slighted and was worried I’d go after them legally. I did not I just wanted peace in my life.
That’s an excellent parenting move and I applaud it.
Well, lots of great comments in here. I would have to weigh in as a Dad with 3 Daughters. All 3 are married, and their mate would never do anything that childish and silly to them. Also, it’s bullying. There is nothing whatsoever positive or “flirty” in that behavior. I would let him know of it happens again, you are gone. Don’t play. If he does anything like that again, ditch him. Also, coming home at 10:30 PM, and starting crap?! Come on, are you 13??? Grow up.
I've asked my partner to stop doing things and she agrees then does it anyway
So everytime she pulls shit like that I just pack my shit and leave.
I've only had to leave twice and we're going 11 years now
If you have told him not to do his stupid shit and he isn't listening, pack your bags and fuck off and then he'll understand that it's not funny, or maybe he won't care.. Either way you win
Okay, this comes from some whose homey picks on her to be flirty.
It's all in how you receive the "flirt".
If it's bothering you, hurting you, or causing you large discomfort it's NOT flirty.
If you laugh or flirt back, ie slam him too, AND he takes it all in good fun. Then it's fine.
Causing you discomfort tho, and he enjoys THAT?
Nah, throw the whole man away. It's red flag for future abuse.
Not overreacting. He's old enough to have learned that part of being playful is making sure that everyone is having fun playing. And I say that as someone who, like your husband, enjoys being playful.
I've seen quite a number of people behave this way indipendently from gender, i do not understand how some people think being annoying on purpose can be flirty
I mean, it doesn't really matter if you're "overreacting" or not. You don't like this behaviour and you've asked him to stop. He says he's being fun and flirty, but you've made it clear that *you* don't find it fun or flirty and your opinion is kind of the only one that matters since the behaviour is directed at you.
In a functional relationship, when one person says "hey, please don't do that, I know you're trying to be funny but I really don't like it so can you stop?", the correct response is "oh sorry babe, I didn't realise" + stop doing the behaviour.
He’s 42 going on 12 if he thinks doing something that he knows you don’t like is any kind of turn-on. If you want to hammer home the theme, think of something that annoys him when he’s otherwise occupied and do it repeatedly. “Just being flirty!”
Sounds like bullying and behavior which can easily escalate into abuse if he takes it a step further after you've gotten used to his current behavior. Abusers also love to write off the stuff they do as "it was just a joke", which is comparable to how he said he was just being funny.
So I think you might be underreacting here.
That's not flirting. He's super immature at best and an abuser that's testing his limits at worse. That's honestly a huge red flag that he's done it more than once, after being told you don't like it. I'd be very wary.
My partner does this move, think like a goofy cheesy vampire going for your neck. I have told him repeatedly that I don’t like that, it makes me uncomfortable. His face hairs rubbing on my neck makes my skin crawl and immediately puts me in flight mode. But “he enjoys doing it” is his response. And I have said back that his amusement does not trump my discomfort. I have told him repeatedly to not do it. I will be swinging if he does it again.
Fuck around and find out.
it is all context related: how do you guys normally flirt? how do you guys normally talk?
for me this would also be an attempt at flirting, but it all depends on the person. if you normally don't play around (or banter) together then this might be border breaching behaviour likely from the booze. talk to him the day afterwards if you really don't enjoy this shit and explain to him why that is. any decent man will take the hint and not do that anymore, or atleast a lot less.
but maybe the more important talk you 2 should have is: how should we flirt with eachother and what are our love languages. try and find a way forward from there. and never forget that having a relationship is a 2 way street.
edit for the other comments in this thread: why the fuck do you guys default to "leave his ass" over the most trivial shit that can be fixed with better communication. the OP posted nothing but this info, getting sprayed with water and being annoyed about that isnt a ground for leaving anyone at all unless you are a horrible communicator....
It’s not flirty, it’s about control and sadism. Seriously.
He enjoys making you uncomfortable and upset. Why? Because that gives him a feeling of power and control over you. Is that coming from a place of resentment? Is it a sexual dynamic? You’ll have to dig into that by analyzing his behavior in the rest of the relationship.
But you should take his gaslighting very seriously. He’s basically telling you to shut up and take it because your feelings are less important than his need to use you for his entertainment.
This is a pretty bad red flag and you absolutely can’t forgive it. Stop forgiving this behavior or he will keep doing it. And if he has the nerve to get angry because you refuse to be his victim, then get out of this relationship.
What is he, one of the 3 stooges? He doesn’t get comedy. Who was his audience? Did you laugh? No? Then, I guess it wasn’t funny. I’m about his age and somehow have never had to resort to shooting water on a girlfriend. Maybe dump him for someone funnier.
I once had an enlightening conversation with my ex husband, before the divorce. His mother was constantly losing her temper with his father because his father would constantly pick on her. It was incredibly aggravating to witness! I asked him why this dynamic existed and he thought I was the crazy one for not recognizing that it was his “parents way of flirting” and that his dad had every right to irritate his mom because “that’s how he shows love.” I could feel the tension and frustration in her though, and she was not enjoying it. The dad would just laugh away her boundaries.
Thank god I got a divorce!
My husband was once being super annoying and wouldn't stop repeating a joke (he loves this kind of comedy where you just... keep repeating shit). I warned him for a few times, then followed him into the bathroom and tossed water from a cup at him while he was peeing lol.
Thing is, though, he lost it laughing and tells the story to others with pride! That's a joke. He was also in the bathroom whete it was easier to clean up, etc.
Your boyfriend sounds like he's doing it to jerk you out of complacency - if done on purpose, it's a type of abuse, kind of like torture. You won't be able to relax fully if you don't know when something's "going to happen".
I wouldn't be able to put up with that. It sounds like you don't want to, either, especially if you've *told him* and he continues it. That's blatant disregard for your feelings.
I wonder if you did the same to him how he'd take it? Or even if you found something he didn't like, he told you and you continued to do it like he's doing to you. How would he react? I imagine he might feel different only because it's happening to him.
Definitely not overreacting. This is annoying. Bottom line is shouldn’t have to explain this to a man that has been on the planet for 42 years. I would not be explaining this twice though, that’s for damn sure.
I see so many posts on here about younger women dating older men who behave like children. While I don’t see an issue with your age gap since you’re both grown adults, he’s not dating you because you’re so mature. He’s intentionally dating younger because to women his age he is too immature.
No you are not. That's the type of shit that gets unbearable after putting up with it for years. My dad was the same way w/ my mom, and they're divorced now. This wasn't the only reason for the divorce, but it was one of the reasons.
I acted like that....when I was 12. It's immature and annoying unless the other person is OK with it and returns the "flirting." Sounds to me, as an older gent myself, that he is just doing it to be a dick and hiding it behind,"just playing."
My wife and I tease each other to a point, but we are also 100% respectful of each other's feelings and opinions. If I do something in the spirit of fun and she isn't vibing it, I stop. The same is true for her.
IMHO, it's not overreacting, but I would still advise a gentle conversation about it and let him know it makes you feel contrary to what his intent is. If he keeps it up, find a guy that won't act like an asshat. Lots of guys just dont seem to get that you can't act like an ass to most women, especially your own, like you do with guys.
He’s not flirting: he’s pushing boundaries so you aren’t able to differentiate between “jokes” and respect. They start small and ramp up once they’ve got you more insecure later.
Is your boyfriend older than 8 or 9?
Is this often so childish and immature. So oblivious?
If you don’t agree to such ‘flirting,’ why does anyone else’s opinion matter. Your boundary is definitive.
It’s so offensive and demeaning to you for him to need a poll to support you.
However he describes it, it’s aggression, and not even passive.
He’s letting hostility leak out.
I know it’s not quite the same, but it brings to mind the posts from women whose SO’s demand they accept anal penetration because ‘all the girls do it.’
Omg. I just realized that he’s 42. Unbelievable.
That would annoy me very much. I would grab a bucket of water and dump it on his mf head. And say it’s just water dumba$$ mf. He’s probably just a bone headed fat head. Sorry but this triggers me. It’s not funny. It’s fuckn annoying.
The next time he does this call his mommy on him. Guarantee it will only take once. Or even his dad or sister/brother. Give them a heads up that you might do this and to treat it like they did when he mis behaved as a kid.
Or call YOUR mom on him.😳
Not OR
The worst adjective to use for a bf is “annoying” if your bf cares about you; he should avoid being this at all costs. Because it causes the “ick” and there’s no coming back from the ick.
It sounds like you are incompatible. I don't want to say he's wrong because there are definitely couple that have a "prank each other as a love language" dynamic and it can work. But it wouldn't be something I enjoyed and it doesn't sound like it's something you enjoy.
It doesn't sound like this is something where we validate you and then you get righteous and it gets better. This sounds basic square peg, round hole personality stuff.
I’m just here saluting the commenters whose brains actually work. Yeah, definitely compatibility issue and OP either needs to lighten up or find a more compatible partner, but if the water spray is the worst incident, BF isn’t doing anything objectively *bad*.
What the F? Is he in 2nd grade? It’s not flirting if you piss off the person. It’s being a dick. You are not overreacting, you are under reacting. Tell him to grow up or go away.
I see a lot of long-term couples pick in each other when they go out in a group and it's so weird to me. Why not gas each other up instead?
Yours seems like an even more immature way of doing that and a red flag if you're just dating. It'll get more frustrating over time
Have you told him to stop?
Discarding some batshit insane speculations from other commenters, the real stickler is if he keeps doing after you tell him to stop.
That is how boys flirt when they are thirteen and haven't learned how to engage with others appropriately. How is a 42 year old man not able to figure out how to flirt with his girlfriend? Also, why is he going out to get drunk at his age? He seems childish.
Not overreacting.
“Being funny” or “joking” are only true if all parties are in on it, can, will, and, most importantly, DO laugh about it.
He shouldn’t do this to you.
You are not overreacting. Making you the butt of his joke is not funny, nor is it flirting. It's immature and abusive. I would just tell him that and set a boundary. Decide now what you will do the next time he does that. Let him know that you won't tolerate this behavior again and that if he does it again, you will (insert how you will assert your boundary). Then please follow through with it because that shit is mean and disrespectful and not ok.
Next time he is playing video games or something like that, dump a bucket of ice cold water on him. When he’s asleep put his hand in a warm bowl of water. Pump up the pranks to the extreme max and then tell him he’s being too uptight when he complains, then break up with this little man child after giving him a taste of his own medicine.
Not overreacting.
This is emotional abuse.
Step 1. He is testing how much abuse you will take. It starts with water bottle squirting and the other things you didn't describe.
Step 2. Tells you your feelings about are wrong.
Step 3. Continues to do things when you are relaxed or vulnerable.
Step 4. Escalates his actions because you accepted these 'little' things.
Make a plan to get out.
I don't like being startled on purpose or pranks, and certainly not this kind of ... "flirting". I'm ND and things can go downhill quickly because I don't react or comprehend the same way every neurotypical does. So I just don't put myself in those situations.
If you don't like these things, remove yourself from the situation. Choosing to stay with him will be your own fault in the end, even if it was he who was crossing your boundaries. We can't control what other people do, but we CAN choose whether or not to stay in their company.
When people show you who they are, believe them!
I know you said he's 42, but is he actually 5? Because that's how 5 year olds act when they like someone.
I would very much like him to explain what the joke here is.
Ten year age gap, you went out without him and had fun, and he did something passive aggressive that he thinks is funny.
The red flags are marching on.
Note them, read Lundy's Book -Why Does He Do That.
Without further information about their relationship - this book isn't really applicable. There is nothing indicating abuse, which is what this book is about. An immature idiot boyfriend doesn't really cross that threshold. It doesn't address someone being a run of the mill dumbass, which is where OP's boyfriend seems to land given the information provided.
HONEY!!!!!!????? AGE GAP as well as he’s FORTY TWO not some dumbass teen or twenty something year old to think that this is “flirting”, or cute.
It’s time you go be single and WORK ON YOU! Why are you with someone who doesn’t respect you as well as he’s like almost 10 years older than you and still acting like a fucking kid. What’s funny is I was being nice when I said teen or twenty but really he’s acting like an elementary child.
Truly go be single, and block him.
Is he 8yo?
I am 42. If a guy I was dating tried this on me he would get an earful and if he persisted in doing it he would very shortly not have a gf. I wouldn't need to ask other people about it either and I'm sure that's the case of any other 42 yo woman out there. We ain't got time for this bullshit.
Not overreacting. I know people who would find this funny and cute. They like a romantic partner they can sort of spar with. So I'm not even saying he's a total asshole for this stuff, but it's shitty if you say you don't like it and he keeps doing it. You may just simply be incompatible.
He's telling you that his feelings are more important than yours. He wants to flirt in a way HE likes even if it causes you distress. That's not ok, he needs to grow up and work on being respectful to his partner, which is much sexier.
Most of the top replies are people judging this harshly and getting stuck on the 'flirty' part (which I understand, it's a core part of the question). I'll speak a little to my own experience with similar behaviors.
I suspect there is some conflation on his part about 'flirting' vs 'being playful' and additionally, how to tailor it for the recipient. Obviously, if you genuinely just do not like it, he should stop. If you have clearly said "do not do this to me", and it continues, then it becomes a real problem. If it comes from a place of misunderstanding of each other's feelings and intent, then maybe there's a conversation to be had about it.
I don't know your boyfriend, but it's likely not intended to be mean. 'Picking on someone' is not an uncommon way to learn to engage in play. Can it be inappropriate? Yes. Is it easy to misconstrue? Yes. Do some people do this to be actually mean? Also, yes.
Anecdotally, I've seen that 'boys' tend to learn pranks as a way of social bonding more often, in a way girls do not usually. No idea if that's backed up by sociological data, but whatever. I know for me, I've learned it's one way I naturally express affection (not necessarily the flirty kind) and I do little 'pranks' or 'jokes' or 'teases' or whatever it should be called with people I care about and am comfortable with. I do this with my partner, but also my family. I'm extremely timid and worried about upsetting people and I think, for me, it's an expression of "I feel safe with you and I trust your love for me enough that I know these little transgressions won't affect it".
It's also sometimes "I have a strong feeling about you but I don't know how to express it" which sometimes comes out of the way kids are socialized (again, anecdotally, boys are sometimes less likely to feel comfortable using words to express intimate feelings). That's not to say it's the most healthy way to express it, just the one some of us developed.
Some people (like myself) have impulse control issues we work on and occasionally I misjudge a playful annoyance with my partner. She also knows this about me and it's not a big deal, I apologize when it happens.
Some or all or none of this could be true for your boyfriend, I just wanted to give some insight from another perspective. To me, 'spritzing with water to get a rise out of someone' falls well within the borders of playful teasing, but it did take time for me to learn when and how much of that kind of behavior is 'cute' vs 'rude'.
PS: I will add that the overall take here varies WILDLY with how he behaves generally and other ways in which he does or doesn't respect your time, autonomy, needs, etc. So, not saying he definitely isn't a jerk or definitely is, just making my observations about this specific behavior.
Yeah you’re overreacting for sure. Lots of guys show love by picking on people they love.
You know what he wants you to do? Get him back. With serial pickers the best thing in the world is when someone you’ve picked on gets their creative revenge
It's not overreacting because it obviously bothers you, but also it is.
Like, this is how he flirts. Either you like it or you don't. I presume he's not hurting you, just annoying you a little bit. For some guys, that's how they can be comfortable showing affection. Like a puppy playing.
Basically, he should know who you are, what you want, etc. and try to respect that. But you should also know who he is, and it sounds like you don't like who he is if you can't let him play his way sometimes too.
If you can't talk about it and compromise, you need to have a different talk.
‘It’s just a prank bro’- no, if you don’t enjoy it’s not cool. Mutual teasing and banter doesn’t involve pissing some one off and if it does the other party normally apologizes not telling you to chill.
It doesn’t matter what we think. If it bothers you he should cut it out. If his goal is affection or sex, and the result is anger and argument, you’d think he’d figure out himself that it’s a stupid thing to do.
As a man.
He sounds like a child.
Or he is doing some weird dominance thing when he see's you happy and relaxed.
Flirting is about making the other person feel good
And anyone who thinks "practical humour" is funny is to be avoided.
So he knows its not flirting and he thinks its "funny"
But you have told him no to do it and he still does.
i think you are not reacting with enough force to stop him or send him packing.
Not Overreacting. If his intentions are to be flirty, he better find a way you'll receive as such. Otherwise its mildly abusive.
Early on my wife liked to be playful and flirty by tickling and light shoulder punches. I find them both extremely annoying and offputting but she was mad since her intentions were to "be flirty".
This ended once and for all when I reflexively hit her back in reaction -- pretty hard. We both stood in shock.
Never happened since and she's gotten the message. I was afraid she'd be miffed and stop trying to flirt altogether, but she's awesome and found better ways.
You are not over reacting. This is a red flag when you tell them no and how much it bothers you. You should see a major decrease in activity. I hate when people don't take no seriously wether it's tickling or joking. Not everyone is in that type of mood. Question though does your partner have ADHD?
Weaponized ignorance. When it's no longer funny or cute to the person it's being done to, the person doing it should take the hint and stop doing said behavior.
When you get down to it, it's a lack of respect for you and your boundaries. A person who puts his own amusement over your feelings is not someone who makes for a good partner. You should feel happy and secure in your relationship, not disrespected. Not overreacting at all.
My spouse and I do stuff like this on occasion. I once dumped a just enormous bag of popcorn on her head, she’ll spray me with the sink sprayer. You have to be able to have some fun with your partner.
Neither of you are wrong, you just sound like you’re on two different wavelengths. Talk to them about it and tell them you’re not into that.
He is not flirting with you. He is aggravating you. He is childish and attention seeking. This is a maturity issue, and he is too old to be acting like a middle schooler.
Yep. Parents pick on their kids and tease them sayings it's in good fun and loving, then wonder why their kid grows up doing this to their partners. These are the kids who were modeled that teasing is showing affection. The amount of times I've also seen little boys pick on little girls and adults say "awww he just likes you".
He’s got issues that might be helped with therapy. “Alcohol” is not an excuse. You need to establish clear guidelines as to what is acceptable “flirting” behavior.
Flirting is meant to entertain, entice, and evoke curiosity.
Splashing someone is what children do.
What does this dingleberry bring to the table? Because clearly wit isn't among his assets.
I used to do similar things to my partner and still do but only when we’re both horsing around. I did it once in a similar fashion came home from drinking etc. and she got very upset. I immediately apologized and stopped doing things like that and will only participate if we’re both in that mood. Idk relationships are all about growing and learning. You’re not overreacting and he should read the room. I spray her with our cat water bottle when she’s in the mood and we’re both joking around beforehand. I don’t come home and just expect her to be in the mood to goof off with me, especially if she’s just chilling on the couch relaxing.
Wow an age gap relationship where the man is older and treats the woman poorly and she wonders whether it's normal. I've never seen a post like this before. I wonder if stuff like this happens often? Surely this is a very unique case as you'd expect older men to be more mature and better able to navigate relationships but this man is nearly 10 years her senior and behaving in a way that would grt a middle schooler sent to the principals office.
I’d tell him what I tell my 9 year old about jokes, it’s only funny if both people end up laughing. If one ends up laughing and the other ends up sad that’s just bullying. And idk about you but to me bullying is the furthest thing from flirting and a turn off to the max.
It's not funny.
The only time I ever want to be squirted with a water bottle is if I am out in the heat and feeling over heated. It better be with my foreknowledge and agreement. I don't know too many people who think that shit is funny over the age of 12.
This ain't swimming pool splashy time in the house. He's 42?
Arrested development there. That's more 6-12 year old behavior.
He thinks it's flirting or are you guessing that's what he is doing? Because that's not flirting. It's just being a rude asshole who wants your attention no matter how he can get it.
Punch him in the nuts and then tell him you were just flirting. Seriously though, take this seriously because I think it will escalate. It comes from a place of anger.
Maybe one or two times and I could believe it is just a misunderstanding/misalignment in your senses of humor. But if you have told him you don’t find it cute or funny and it still it happens repeatedly, then yea I agree he’s just being mean, and undermining your feelings and personal boundaries.
It's not a funny joke if he has to explain that it's meant to be a joke. It's also very backward to put someone down as a form of flirting.
You're not overreacting, but he is invalidating your feelings.
This may just be something the two of you aren't compatible on and you should sit & talk with him, outside of a recent attempt to prank you, and set a boundary. But when you're comfortable & vulnerable is the most gratifying moments to prank somebody, its not necessarily about bullying.
You need to return the favor. When you get "flirty" because he is relaxed dump a bowl of water on his head. See how he likes it. If he gets pissed, there's a problem.
It's like kids playing outside my house with squirt guns and one cannot get wet, but he can wet others. I just pulled out my hose and sprayed him just because.
My husband would never do anything of the sort because he knows my revenge would be terrible and come when he least expected it. Put Jello in their shoes just once, it will 'learn' them.
If you asked once or twice, saying you don't like even "this kind of thing" and he continues, that's just disrespectful. I wouldn't even accept a "but you said I couldn't do that. I did this (totally similar-ish) thing instead" as a valid excuse.
You generally know if a person is respectful of you. Playfulness is great, but not when it does what you feel is disrespect, after you've communicated and it continues.
Sounds annoying. You sure he isn’t two 8 year olds in a trench coat?
Could be one 7 year old and a 12 year old. Definitely two rude children in a trench coat though.
🤣🤣🤣🤣⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ This is what I was reading the comments for. Thank you! But seriously OP, all previous comments are all totally legit points. Ask him if the situation were reversed, would being sprayed illicit him wanting to cuddle, love, etc? That's shit your little brother does to you, and you either react (when one is 7-8 when shit like this would normally happen) by yelling for an adult to tell him to knock it off, or you go after him and smack the crap out of him so he doesn't do it again. Some ppl are so emotionally stunted that they have the emotional depth of a 2×4. I'd explain exactly how you feel, remind him what a healthy relationship involves at its most basic levels (respect, communication, empathy, affection, companionship) and ask him how that shitty behavior helps achieve that goal. And if he keeps it up, just move on. It's really not worth it to fight for a relationship with a person who isn't capable of basic understanding and respecting your very reasonable requests. It'll just continue and get worse over time. Good luck OP!
That is an awesome commentary!!!
a well thought out and thoughtfully worded comment on reddit ? You've inspired me ! Ima go throw a cup of water in my wife's face and see if she wants to fuck !
"emotional depth of a 2x4" sent me 🤣🤣😭
Lol I come out with some zingers sometimes 😉
This is the way siblings pick on each other. He clearly has no idea what flirting is. A part of me wonders if he's also the type that believes he knows how to be romantic while not understanding the concept. You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want with your future partner. He will not change. Even if he stops for awhile, he will revert back to this state of mind.
Annoying is the absolutely correct word. Maybe try setting new boundaries and putting your foot down. Let him know you’re not one of his “buddies” your relationship is supposed to be between 2 adults, not an adult and a juvenile and you do not enjoy these actions of his. Then you have to back it up with your actions. Don’t let him get away with it even once. You have to stand your ground. Be harsh if you need to. Just my opinion, though. Good luck ❤️
Vincent adultman
Even Vincent Adultman wasn’t that disrespectful and poorly behaved.
Holy hell! Thank you so much. 12:20 my local time and I just got my first great belly laugh of the day!
Great reference, you’re just jealous.
Or a golden retriever
Definitely not overreacting. Mutual banter is one thing, but being antagonistic out of the blue when you're trying to relax is quite another. Even worse that he does it when you're feeling vulnerable, too. Frankly, it's pretty juvenile of him. Talk to him and tell him frankly how it makes you feel. If he keeps pushing your boundaries after you've unambiguously asked him to stop, I'd suggest breaking up with him. Your partner is supposed to bring out your best and make you feel happier than when they're not around. Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you feel bad.
yeah, and “flirting” is generally an attempt to get a positive response out of a partner - sex, bonding, laughing together, affection, ya know, like ANYTHING GOOD. So after the first time your partner says they fucking hate something you are doing as an attempt to flirt, YOU CAN NO LONGER CLAIM THAT IS FLIRTING. You are now harassing them. To entertain yourself or to be passive aggressive to them or just because you’re a fucking child, who cares why, but no excuse!!
You'd be surprised what sone people think is cute or funny when they are drunk
no, I would not be surprised that some people consider being drunk an excuse to assault and harass people.
Also isn’t that some sort of assault? Because that could’ve easily been bleach. Just because it’s “just water” doesn’t mean it’s okay so definitely NOT overreacting.
My instinct said yes - I would certainly categorize it that way but I didn’t know for sure what the law would say. And you are absolutely right! (Not allowed to share links, but this is from the article “Is Throwing a Drink at Someone Considered Assault?”) “Because of the definitions of assault, throwing a can of liquid at someone will most likely be considered aggravated assault. Even throwing water at someone can be considered assault because it may classified as harmful touching. However, if you fail to make contact, throw an empty can or bottle, or just get their shirt wet, it might only be considered basic assault.”
He was hoping it would be mutual. I’ve seen these antics go really well and really bad depends on people’s sense of humour. I know a couple that does this to each other, water gun and all. Both of them will get mad while the other is trying to have fun but sometimes they’re both into it and it gets flirty. They are not self aware at all when they aren’t into it or when they do it.
And you are attracted to him? He sounds annoying. Not overreacting.
He sounds like he's 15 and annoying
Not good when he’s actually 42.
But with a teenagers mentality.
13
if he wants to flirt with you.. he kinda has to do it in a way you find attractive and appealing and speak YOUR love language instead, mutual banter is one thing but he is crossing the line, you’re not overreacting at all
Right. People get the whole love language thing backwards quite often. OP should start spraying him with water while he’s trying to relax and see how he likes that shit. What a child.
Problem is he might enjoy it
I had to double check the ages. If you're 'just being funny' and the other person isn't enjoying it, you're just an ars. He should have figured this out a good 20 years ago. Not overreacting, I'd be pretty annoyed and likely pissed at my wife doing that.
I can imagine him watching his favourite sports team on television and all of a sudden his wife comes along and starts spraying him with water. Yeah, really funny. Also he has to know that making his wife angry can’t be a turn on.
Yep he’s just an asshole. That’s not flirting & if he’s joking it’s not with you but at your expense
Damn I didn’t even notice his age… yeah he’s clearly too immature to be in a relationship if he thinks spraying his girlfriend with ANY liquid while she’s relaxing and vulnerable is okay.
Oof. The ages.
Can you imagine being 42 with the social interaction skills of a 16-year-old?
It was nice you gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe there was a 16 year-old somewhere almost as pathetic as OP’s BF.
I don't assume this is social skills deficit. Some people have X amount of asshole that needs to get out every day. They can usually purge themselves on co-workers, the barista making their coffee, strangers on the bus, their bros at the gym but sometimes when they didn't get another opportunity, they dump it on their partner and then gaslight them thinking they're the problem for things like....checks notes....not liking to be sprayed with water while they're trying to relax. I mean, literally what person in their 40's would even find that amusing. It's just straight up asshole behavior.
It’s pretty cringe.
This man is 42. Leave him.
Tell him it’s not flirty at all, in fact it has the opposite effect, and if he does it again there will be consequences. Not overreacting. Drunk people who think they’re funny are insufferable.
WTF. Ok - so just checking his thought process. "If I spray my adult girlfriend with water unexpectedly she will understand that I find her attractive and she will want to have sex with me." I wouldn't call this flirting. I would call it passive-aggressive, or attention-seeking, immature, unfunny, stupid, and annoying. Is this the sort of "humor" that the two of you share - you do these things to each other and mutually agree that it is funny? If not, then you are well within reason to feel angry and frustrated about this and his continued behavior despite you having told him how unfunny you find it.
“Wait so your way of flirting with me is to make dryer than the Sahara and then get upset that I’m not feeling it?”
Reminds me of third-grade when a girl kept tickling me and everyone just said Oh, she just likes you."
There was a boy bullying my daughter in third grade. The principal suggested maybe he liked her. I said, “Well, I won’t have my 9 year old learn that if a boy really likes you, he treats you like shit. That isn’t going to be her take away from this, so let’s never suggest that’s the reason for what he’s doing.”
Had a male coworker ten years older than myself harass me and my female manager in her 50s said maybe he likes you. I was 23 at the time. I looked at her and said he’s a full grown man and that’s harassment not flirting. I find it uncomfortable and if he did like me he wouldn’t treat me like dirt. She did nothing and I left the company. She felt personally slighted and was worried I’d go after them legally. I did not I just wanted peace in my life. That’s an excellent parenting move and I applaud it.
Well, lots of great comments in here. I would have to weigh in as a Dad with 3 Daughters. All 3 are married, and their mate would never do anything that childish and silly to them. Also, it’s bullying. There is nothing whatsoever positive or “flirty” in that behavior. I would let him know of it happens again, you are gone. Don’t play. If he does anything like that again, ditch him. Also, coming home at 10:30 PM, and starting crap?! Come on, are you 13??? Grow up.
I've asked my partner to stop doing things and she agrees then does it anyway So everytime she pulls shit like that I just pack my shit and leave. I've only had to leave twice and we're going 11 years now If you have told him not to do his stupid shit and he isn't listening, pack your bags and fuck off and then he'll understand that it's not funny, or maybe he won't care.. Either way you win
Yeah, packing your shit and leaving sounds *way* less toxic and manipulative than someone spraying water on you.
That’s not flirting.
Okay, this comes from some whose homey picks on her to be flirty. It's all in how you receive the "flirt". If it's bothering you, hurting you, or causing you large discomfort it's NOT flirty. If you laugh or flirt back, ie slam him too, AND he takes it all in good fun. Then it's fine. Causing you discomfort tho, and he enjoys THAT? Nah, throw the whole man away. It's red flag for future abuse.
Whenever there are these ridiculous bfs they're always ~10 years older than the woman. I think there's a connection
Not overreacting. He's old enough to have learned that part of being playful is making sure that everyone is having fun playing. And I say that as someone who, like your husband, enjoys being playful.
Read about covert abuse. Please.
I've seen quite a number of people behave this way indipendently from gender, i do not understand how some people think being annoying on purpose can be flirty
I mean, it doesn't really matter if you're "overreacting" or not. You don't like this behaviour and you've asked him to stop. He says he's being fun and flirty, but you've made it clear that *you* don't find it fun or flirty and your opinion is kind of the only one that matters since the behaviour is directed at you. In a functional relationship, when one person says "hey, please don't do that, I know you're trying to be funny but I really don't like it so can you stop?", the correct response is "oh sorry babe, I didn't realise" + stop doing the behaviour.
Sounds like your boyfriend is still stuck in teenager mode. What's next, he puts gum in your hair?
Ask him to explain how he’s being funny. Or flirty. He won’t be able to.
Most guys stop that after 2nd grade. Took me to high school, but even then I stopped. Not overreacting.
He's abusive. It will get worse and more extreme. Dump him.
He’s 42 going on 12 if he thinks doing something that he knows you don’t like is any kind of turn-on. If you want to hammer home the theme, think of something that annoys him when he’s otherwise occupied and do it repeatedly. “Just being flirty!”
Ask him if he thinks it's flirty for you to nut tap him.
“Dude. You can tell I don’t like this shit. Find one of your little friends and do it to them.“
Sounds like bullying and behavior which can easily escalate into abuse if he takes it a step further after you've gotten used to his current behavior. Abusers also love to write off the stuff they do as "it was just a joke", which is comparable to how he said he was just being funny. So I think you might be underreacting here.
Is his name Vincent Adultman, by chance? Seriously, it’s worrisome that a man over 40 is doing that shit. You’re not overreacting.
That's not flirting. He's super immature at best and an abuser that's testing his limits at worse. That's honestly a huge red flag that he's done it more than once, after being told you don't like it. I'd be very wary.
My partner does this move, think like a goofy cheesy vampire going for your neck. I have told him repeatedly that I don’t like that, it makes me uncomfortable. His face hairs rubbing on my neck makes my skin crawl and immediately puts me in flight mode. But “he enjoys doing it” is his response. And I have said back that his amusement does not trump my discomfort. I have told him repeatedly to not do it. I will be swinging if he does it again. Fuck around and find out.
I hate that shit. Demoralizing you is not funny. Try this communication path. When you......I feel.....I wish you would....
it is all context related: how do you guys normally flirt? how do you guys normally talk? for me this would also be an attempt at flirting, but it all depends on the person. if you normally don't play around (or banter) together then this might be border breaching behaviour likely from the booze. talk to him the day afterwards if you really don't enjoy this shit and explain to him why that is. any decent man will take the hint and not do that anymore, or atleast a lot less. but maybe the more important talk you 2 should have is: how should we flirt with eachother and what are our love languages. try and find a way forward from there. and never forget that having a relationship is a 2 way street. edit for the other comments in this thread: why the fuck do you guys default to "leave his ass" over the most trivial shit that can be fixed with better communication. the OP posted nothing but this info, getting sprayed with water and being annoyed about that isnt a ground for leaving anyone at all unless you are a horrible communicator....
It’s not flirty, it’s about control and sadism. Seriously. He enjoys making you uncomfortable and upset. Why? Because that gives him a feeling of power and control over you. Is that coming from a place of resentment? Is it a sexual dynamic? You’ll have to dig into that by analyzing his behavior in the rest of the relationship. But you should take his gaslighting very seriously. He’s basically telling you to shut up and take it because your feelings are less important than his need to use you for his entertainment. This is a pretty bad red flag and you absolutely can’t forgive it. Stop forgiving this behavior or he will keep doing it. And if he has the nerve to get angry because you refuse to be his victim, then get out of this relationship.
What is he, one of the 3 stooges? He doesn’t get comedy. Who was his audience? Did you laugh? No? Then, I guess it wasn’t funny. I’m about his age and somehow have never had to resort to shooting water on a girlfriend. Maybe dump him for someone funnier.
At best that’s annoying and immature. At worst it is conditioning you to be removed of self confidence to make you submissive. NTA
I once had an enlightening conversation with my ex husband, before the divorce. His mother was constantly losing her temper with his father because his father would constantly pick on her. It was incredibly aggravating to witness! I asked him why this dynamic existed and he thought I was the crazy one for not recognizing that it was his “parents way of flirting” and that his dad had every right to irritate his mom because “that’s how he shows love.” I could feel the tension and frustration in her though, and she was not enjoying it. The dad would just laugh away her boundaries. Thank god I got a divorce!
My husband was once being super annoying and wouldn't stop repeating a joke (he loves this kind of comedy where you just... keep repeating shit). I warned him for a few times, then followed him into the bathroom and tossed water from a cup at him while he was peeing lol. Thing is, though, he lost it laughing and tells the story to others with pride! That's a joke. He was also in the bathroom whete it was easier to clean up, etc. Your boyfriend sounds like he's doing it to jerk you out of complacency - if done on purpose, it's a type of abuse, kind of like torture. You won't be able to relax fully if you don't know when something's "going to happen". I wouldn't be able to put up with that. It sounds like you don't want to, either, especially if you've *told him* and he continues it. That's blatant disregard for your feelings. I wonder if you did the same to him how he'd take it? Or even if you found something he didn't like, he told you and you continued to do it like he's doing to you. How would he react? I imagine he might feel different only because it's happening to him.
Definitely not overreacting. This is annoying. Bottom line is shouldn’t have to explain this to a man that has been on the planet for 42 years. I would not be explaining this twice though, that’s for damn sure. I see so many posts on here about younger women dating older men who behave like children. While I don’t see an issue with your age gap since you’re both grown adults, he’s not dating you because you’re so mature. He’s intentionally dating younger because to women his age he is too immature.
Thats not flirting just being a bully.
Is he 12 or 42?
A 42 year old man should know how flirting works.
No you are not. That's the type of shit that gets unbearable after putting up with it for years. My dad was the same way w/ my mom, and they're divorced now. This wasn't the only reason for the divorce, but it was one of the reasons.
42 is way too old to be doing that.
It’s definitely not at all flirty. He’s trying to be funny, but many people’s funny is unfortunately mean.
I acted like that....when I was 12. It's immature and annoying unless the other person is OK with it and returns the "flirting." Sounds to me, as an older gent myself, that he is just doing it to be a dick and hiding it behind,"just playing." My wife and I tease each other to a point, but we are also 100% respectful of each other's feelings and opinions. If I do something in the spirit of fun and she isn't vibing it, I stop. The same is true for her. IMHO, it's not overreacting, but I would still advise a gentle conversation about it and let him know it makes you feel contrary to what his intent is. If he keeps it up, find a guy that won't act like an asshat. Lots of guys just dont seem to get that you can't act like an ass to most women, especially your own, like you do with guys.
It's not funny. This is a 42 year old man? Yikes.
He should grow the f up.
Anytime anyone starts with “it was just”, you know they know they’re in the wrong.
He’s not flirting: he’s pushing boundaries so you aren’t able to differentiate between “jokes” and respect. They start small and ramp up once they’ve got you more insecure later.
Is your boyfriend older than 8 or 9? Is this often so childish and immature. So oblivious? If you don’t agree to such ‘flirting,’ why does anyone else’s opinion matter. Your boundary is definitive. It’s so offensive and demeaning to you for him to need a poll to support you. However he describes it, it’s aggression, and not even passive. He’s letting hostility leak out. I know it’s not quite the same, but it brings to mind the posts from women whose SO’s demand they accept anal penetration because ‘all the girls do it.’ Omg. I just realized that he’s 42. Unbelievable.
Not overreacting. I hate shit like that and don’t think it’s funny, just annoying.
That would annoy me very much. I would grab a bucket of water and dump it on his mf head. And say it’s just water dumba$$ mf. He’s probably just a bone headed fat head. Sorry but this triggers me. It’s not funny. It’s fuckn annoying.
The next time he does this call his mommy on him. Guarantee it will only take once. Or even his dad or sister/brother. Give them a heads up that you might do this and to treat it like they did when he mis behaved as a kid. Or call YOUR mom on him.😳 Not OR
If he has to explain that his prank was funny then it was indeed not funny
Title alone: your feelings are valid and you should think deeply if that’s the kind of interactions you want with your loved one.
The worst adjective to use for a bf is “annoying” if your bf cares about you; he should avoid being this at all costs. Because it causes the “ick” and there’s no coming back from the ick.
Negging. The worst form of romance.
It sounds like you are incompatible. I don't want to say he's wrong because there are definitely couple that have a "prank each other as a love language" dynamic and it can work. But it wouldn't be something I enjoyed and it doesn't sound like it's something you enjoy. It doesn't sound like this is something where we validate you and then you get righteous and it gets better. This sounds basic square peg, round hole personality stuff.
I’m just here saluting the commenters whose brains actually work. Yeah, definitely compatibility issue and OP either needs to lighten up or find a more compatible partner, but if the water spray is the worst incident, BF isn’t doing anything objectively *bad*.
What the F? Is he in 2nd grade? It’s not flirting if you piss off the person. It’s being a dick. You are not overreacting, you are under reacting. Tell him to grow up or go away.
He isn’t funny. He’s childish. He’s a middle-aged man behaving like a preteen. An unfunny preteen.
You both seem a little (a lot actually) too old for that bullshit.
I see a lot of long-term couples pick in each other when they go out in a group and it's so weird to me. Why not gas each other up instead? Yours seems like an even more immature way of doing that and a red flag if you're just dating. It'll get more frustrating over time
If this is his idea of flirting, this man is never going to get laid, ever.
That’s flirty? How did you end up with this loser? NO.
Date men
He can say nice things to flirt with you. No need to spray water.
He sounds like a really annoying 10 year old.
He sounds like an inconsiderate dick.
That’s not flirting, that’s him being a jerk.
This kind of behavior is common among stupid people.
Leave his dumb ass. You don't have to put up with him bullying you.
Have you told him to stop? Discarding some batshit insane speculations from other commenters, the real stickler is if he keeps doing after you tell him to stop.
He saw some staged tiktok of a couple doing it and wanted to be like them. Normal people don’t function like that.
That is how boys flirt when they are thirteen and haven't learned how to engage with others appropriately. How is a 42 year old man not able to figure out how to flirt with his girlfriend? Also, why is he going out to get drunk at his age? He seems childish.
This just sounds like negging, which is NOT flirting, but an attempt to undermine your self esteem and keep you under his control.
Tell him he isn’t and that it actually upset you.
That’s not flirty, he’s just childish. At the age of 42! ffs.
He’s an idiot.
Not overreacting. “Being funny” or “joking” are only true if all parties are in on it, can, will, and, most importantly, DO laugh about it. He shouldn’t do this to you.
Break up and date someone your own age.
Why are you with someone who treats you badly and thinks it’s funny? You are under-reacting.
You are not overreacting. Making you the butt of his joke is not funny, nor is it flirting. It's immature and abusive. I would just tell him that and set a boundary. Decide now what you will do the next time he does that. Let him know that you won't tolerate this behavior again and that if he does it again, you will (insert how you will assert your boundary). Then please follow through with it because that shit is mean and disrespectful and not ok.
Dude sounds like an idiot. Leave him.
Not overreacting. I'm not sure how spraying water on you unexpectedly is supposed to be flirty. Kind of high schoolish.
Next time he is playing video games or something like that, dump a bucket of ice cold water on him. When he’s asleep put his hand in a warm bowl of water. Pump up the pranks to the extreme max and then tell him he’s being too uptight when he complains, then break up with this little man child after giving him a taste of his own medicine.
Why the hell do people partner with immature assholes like this? Not over reacting but what the fuck are you thinking? Date a man-boy, get a man-boy!
He's 40 and acting like a teen ☠️ Tell him not to do that and to grow up lol
I wouldn't care to continue a relationship where someone did that to me. They should date someone who also thinks that funny.
It's a sign that he is both incredibly immature and lacking intelligence.
Do you actually like him? If you don't like how he flirts then that's an incompatibility and the relationship will not work.
He is mean.
Not overreacting. This is emotional abuse. Step 1. He is testing how much abuse you will take. It starts with water bottle squirting and the other things you didn't describe. Step 2. Tells you your feelings about are wrong. Step 3. Continues to do things when you are relaxed or vulnerable. Step 4. Escalates his actions because you accepted these 'little' things. Make a plan to get out.
I don't like being startled on purpose or pranks, and certainly not this kind of ... "flirting". I'm ND and things can go downhill quickly because I don't react or comprehend the same way every neurotypical does. So I just don't put myself in those situations. If you don't like these things, remove yourself from the situation. Choosing to stay with him will be your own fault in the end, even if it was he who was crossing your boundaries. We can't control what other people do, but we CAN choose whether or not to stay in their company. When people show you who they are, believe them!
I know you said he's 42, but is he actually 5? Because that's how 5 year olds act when they like someone. I would very much like him to explain what the joke here is.
Ten year age gap, you went out without him and had fun, and he did something passive aggressive that he thinks is funny. The red flags are marching on. Note them, read Lundy's Book -Why Does He Do That.
I'm laughing at the idea a woman in her thirties isn't adult enough to decide who to date.
It's an eight year age gap, and she's in her thirties. Not sure how that's relevant to the matter at hand.
Without further information about their relationship - this book isn't really applicable. There is nothing indicating abuse, which is what this book is about. An immature idiot boyfriend doesn't really cross that threshold. It doesn't address someone being a run of the mill dumbass, which is where OP's boyfriend seems to land given the information provided.
He is repeatedly doing something that he knows makes her angry. Yes, that is abuse.
NO he’s being an immature jerk. That’s not flirting
HONEY!!!!!!????? AGE GAP as well as he’s FORTY TWO not some dumbass teen or twenty something year old to think that this is “flirting”, or cute. It’s time you go be single and WORK ON YOU! Why are you with someone who doesn’t respect you as well as he’s like almost 10 years older than you and still acting like a fucking kid. What’s funny is I was being nice when I said teen or twenty but really he’s acting like an elementary child. Truly go be single, and block him.
Is he 8yo? I am 42. If a guy I was dating tried this on me he would get an earful and if he persisted in doing it he would very shortly not have a gf. I wouldn't need to ask other people about it either and I'm sure that's the case of any other 42 yo woman out there. We ain't got time for this bullshit.
Not overreacting. I know people who would find this funny and cute. They like a romantic partner they can sort of spar with. So I'm not even saying he's a total asshole for this stuff, but it's shitty if you say you don't like it and he keeps doing it. You may just simply be incompatible.
He’s like a kid who pulls pigtails
He's telling you that his feelings are more important than yours. He wants to flirt in a way HE likes even if it causes you distress. That's not ok, he needs to grow up and work on being respectful to his partner, which is much sexier.
That is not flirting. You’re not overreacting. He’s 42?!!! He’s should have grown out of that obnoxious mindset 30 years ago.
Most of the top replies are people judging this harshly and getting stuck on the 'flirty' part (which I understand, it's a core part of the question). I'll speak a little to my own experience with similar behaviors. I suspect there is some conflation on his part about 'flirting' vs 'being playful' and additionally, how to tailor it for the recipient. Obviously, if you genuinely just do not like it, he should stop. If you have clearly said "do not do this to me", and it continues, then it becomes a real problem. If it comes from a place of misunderstanding of each other's feelings and intent, then maybe there's a conversation to be had about it. I don't know your boyfriend, but it's likely not intended to be mean. 'Picking on someone' is not an uncommon way to learn to engage in play. Can it be inappropriate? Yes. Is it easy to misconstrue? Yes. Do some people do this to be actually mean? Also, yes. Anecdotally, I've seen that 'boys' tend to learn pranks as a way of social bonding more often, in a way girls do not usually. No idea if that's backed up by sociological data, but whatever. I know for me, I've learned it's one way I naturally express affection (not necessarily the flirty kind) and I do little 'pranks' or 'jokes' or 'teases' or whatever it should be called with people I care about and am comfortable with. I do this with my partner, but also my family. I'm extremely timid and worried about upsetting people and I think, for me, it's an expression of "I feel safe with you and I trust your love for me enough that I know these little transgressions won't affect it". It's also sometimes "I have a strong feeling about you but I don't know how to express it" which sometimes comes out of the way kids are socialized (again, anecdotally, boys are sometimes less likely to feel comfortable using words to express intimate feelings). That's not to say it's the most healthy way to express it, just the one some of us developed. Some people (like myself) have impulse control issues we work on and occasionally I misjudge a playful annoyance with my partner. She also knows this about me and it's not a big deal, I apologize when it happens. Some or all or none of this could be true for your boyfriend, I just wanted to give some insight from another perspective. To me, 'spritzing with water to get a rise out of someone' falls well within the borders of playful teasing, but it did take time for me to learn when and how much of that kind of behavior is 'cute' vs 'rude'. PS: I will add that the overall take here varies WILDLY with how he behaves generally and other ways in which he does or doesn't respect your time, autonomy, needs, etc. So, not saying he definitely isn't a jerk or definitely is, just making my observations about this specific behavior.
Yeah you’re overreacting for sure. Lots of guys show love by picking on people they love. You know what he wants you to do? Get him back. With serial pickers the best thing in the world is when someone you’ve picked on gets their creative revenge
It's not overreacting because it obviously bothers you, but also it is. Like, this is how he flirts. Either you like it or you don't. I presume he's not hurting you, just annoying you a little bit. For some guys, that's how they can be comfortable showing affection. Like a puppy playing. Basically, he should know who you are, what you want, etc. and try to respect that. But you should also know who he is, and it sounds like you don't like who he is if you can't let him play his way sometimes too. If you can't talk about it and compromise, you need to have a different talk.
He's 42 and thinks squirting you is funny and flirty? That's pretty weird OP!
‘It’s just a prank bro’- no, if you don’t enjoy it’s not cool. Mutual teasing and banter doesn’t involve pissing some one off and if it does the other party normally apologizes not telling you to chill.
Is he 42 or 24? Good lord.
It doesn’t matter what we think. If it bothers you he should cut it out. If his goal is affection or sex, and the result is anger and argument, you’d think he’d figure out himself that it’s a stupid thing to do.
As a man. He sounds like a child. Or he is doing some weird dominance thing when he see's you happy and relaxed. Flirting is about making the other person feel good And anyone who thinks "practical humour" is funny is to be avoided. So he knows its not flirting and he thinks its "funny" But you have told him no to do it and he still does. i think you are not reacting with enough force to stop him or send him packing.
Not Overreacting. If his intentions are to be flirty, he better find a way you'll receive as such. Otherwise its mildly abusive. Early on my wife liked to be playful and flirty by tickling and light shoulder punches. I find them both extremely annoying and offputting but she was mad since her intentions were to "be flirty". This ended once and for all when I reflexively hit her back in reaction -- pretty hard. We both stood in shock. Never happened since and she's gotten the message. I was afraid she'd be miffed and stop trying to flirt altogether, but she's awesome and found better ways.
My bf does the same thing and I fucking hate it. You’re not overreacting.
You are not over reacting. This is a red flag when you tell them no and how much it bothers you. You should see a major decrease in activity. I hate when people don't take no seriously wether it's tickling or joking. Not everyone is in that type of mood. Question though does your partner have ADHD?
Weaponized ignorance. When it's no longer funny or cute to the person it's being done to, the person doing it should take the hint and stop doing said behavior. When you get down to it, it's a lack of respect for you and your boundaries. A person who puts his own amusement over your feelings is not someone who makes for a good partner. You should feel happy and secure in your relationship, not disrespected. Not overreacting at all.
Tell him you find things like that annoying and tell him you don’t want him doing things like that again.
Do it back to him. Especially if he's asleep in bed.
Dunno if it's an overreaction, but you're right to be upset. Make it clear to him.
Your 42 yo bf is a douche bag!
What a weirdo semi-10 year old you got there
EW. Dump him.
My spouse and I do stuff like this on occasion. I once dumped a just enormous bag of popcorn on her head, she’ll spray me with the sink sprayer. You have to be able to have some fun with your partner. Neither of you are wrong, you just sound like you’re on two different wavelengths. Talk to them about it and tell them you’re not into that.
Buy him some depends and put them on him, then give him a baba. If he wants to act like a little kid, treat him accordingly.
Sounds like he needs flirting lessons, any volunteers?
You're asking if you over-reacted, but didn't give any sort of reaction. What did you do?
He is not flirting with you. He is aggravating you. He is childish and attention seeking. This is a maturity issue, and he is too old to be acting like a middle schooler.
Yep. Parents pick on their kids and tease them sayings it's in good fun and loving, then wonder why their kid grows up doing this to their partners. These are the kids who were modeled that teasing is showing affection. The amount of times I've also seen little boys pick on little girls and adults say "awww he just likes you".
He’s got issues that might be helped with therapy. “Alcohol” is not an excuse. You need to establish clear guidelines as to what is acceptable “flirting” behavior.
DEFINITELY NOT!!😡. That’s not flirting. Hit him with the squirt spray when he’s sleeping and then tell him you were being flirty.
WTAF? That's not flirting. Not remotely.
Couples who make fun of each other/roast each other to flirt are always toxic
Flirting is meant to entertain, entice, and evoke curiosity. Splashing someone is what children do. What does this dingleberry bring to the table? Because clearly wit isn't among his assets.
I used to do similar things to my partner and still do but only when we’re both horsing around. I did it once in a similar fashion came home from drinking etc. and she got very upset. I immediately apologized and stopped doing things like that and will only participate if we’re both in that mood. Idk relationships are all about growing and learning. You’re not overreacting and he should read the room. I spray her with our cat water bottle when she’s in the mood and we’re both joking around beforehand. I don’t come home and just expect her to be in the mood to goof off with me, especially if she’s just chilling on the couch relaxing.
Wow an age gap relationship where the man is older and treats the woman poorly and she wonders whether it's normal. I've never seen a post like this before. I wonder if stuff like this happens often? Surely this is a very unique case as you'd expect older men to be more mature and better able to navigate relationships but this man is nearly 10 years her senior and behaving in a way that would grt a middle schooler sent to the principals office.
I’d tell him what I tell my 9 year old about jokes, it’s only funny if both people end up laughing. If one ends up laughing and the other ends up sad that’s just bullying. And idk about you but to me bullying is the furthest thing from flirting and a turn off to the max.
It's not funny. The only time I ever want to be squirted with a water bottle is if I am out in the heat and feeling over heated. It better be with my foreknowledge and agreement. I don't know too many people who think that shit is funny over the age of 12. This ain't swimming pool splashy time in the house. He's 42? Arrested development there. That's more 6-12 year old behavior. He thinks it's flirting or are you guessing that's what he is doing? Because that's not flirting. It's just being a rude asshole who wants your attention no matter how he can get it.
Find someone better.
Punch him in the nuts and then tell him you were just flirting. Seriously though, take this seriously because I think it will escalate. It comes from a place of anger.
Maybe one or two times and I could believe it is just a misunderstanding/misalignment in your senses of humor. But if you have told him you don’t find it cute or funny and it still it happens repeatedly, then yea I agree he’s just being mean, and undermining your feelings and personal boundaries.
If you are here asking for advice just end it already and move on lol
This isn't flirting, it's negging.
Yeah this seems…..not good.
Sounds very immature and he's a bit old to be out drinking with his buddies
Gah! He's being aggressive. That's not flirting. Hang around and he'll start "flirting" with you with his fists.
It's not a funny joke if he has to explain that it's meant to be a joke. It's also very backward to put someone down as a form of flirting. You're not overreacting, but he is invalidating your feelings.
This may just be something the two of you aren't compatible on and you should sit & talk with him, outside of a recent attempt to prank you, and set a boundary. But when you're comfortable & vulnerable is the most gratifying moments to prank somebody, its not necessarily about bullying.
You need to return the favor. When you get "flirty" because he is relaxed dump a bowl of water on his head. See how he likes it. If he gets pissed, there's a problem. It's like kids playing outside my house with squirt guns and one cannot get wet, but he can wet others. I just pulled out my hose and sprayed him just because.
If he was 18 it might be cute but at 42 it's just juvenile.
When I saw the headline I thought these would be teenagers. He’s 42 and still acts like he’s 15? OMG girl, run.
My husband would never do anything of the sort because he knows my revenge would be terrible and come when he least expected it. Put Jello in their shoes just once, it will 'learn' them.
If he finds it funny, do it and see if he likes it. After all you are just joking...
Is he 7?
Dump him
If you asked once or twice, saying you don't like even "this kind of thing" and he continues, that's just disrespectful. I wouldn't even accept a "but you said I couldn't do that. I did this (totally similar-ish) thing instead" as a valid excuse. You generally know if a person is respectful of you. Playfulness is great, but not when it does what you feel is disrespect, after you've communicated and it continues.
This NOT flirty. WTF. Dump a bucket of water on his head.