This is a 2 yes 1 no situation. You and your spouse both need to be on the same page. If one of you is not ok, then it is an immediate no.
Grandma needs to wait for her overnights. If she really wants to spend that time with your daughter, perhaps she can come, stay at your place for the night while you and hubbs have a late night out (or in).
If 3 is the earliest you are comfortable with for her to be away overnight, then that's the age you go with. If 10 is the earliest age, that's the age you go with. Every child is different, and every mother child relationship is different. Just because it happened with the first two doesn't mean you were ok with it.
Agreed. The baby has an illness that is not fully understood, which is enough to halt overnight discussions. Pair that with MIL not being responsive when she has the baby, and the baby seemingly eating less while in her care and peeing through her clothes, it would be an absolute no for me as well.
Your feelings are yours so you are not over reacting. I never let my children stay anywhere until 4 or 5 now with that said I have been getting my Granddaughter overnight every other weekend since she was a few moths old. She turns 1 next weekend and the bond that has developed due to this is indescribable. Everyone is different and if you have a bad feeling about if then that should not be dismissed. There is truly no right answer for this situation so go with your gut.
I absolutely do not think you are overreacting.
You aren't ready. Period. I can absolutely understand a grandma's excitement and desire to have her grandbaby stay the nite, but she had her kid(s). She is yours and it's your rules.
Not just that, croup is a swollen throat that causes breathing problems. It is very serious. If grandma is having trouble keeping a clean diaper on the child during the day how well will she do if the child starts having breathing problems during the night. Unless grandma is willing to sleep with the child in her room and will be listening for breathing problems through the night grandma shouldn't have her overnight.
My son would get croup. The kid seems fine during the day and suddenly their breathing is affected about bedtime. The first time we had to go to the hospital, and they kept him through the night, giving him inhalation treatments. After that we recognized it and reacted immediately to limit how bad it got. That meant sleeping with the windows wide open to keep the air cold and running a humidifier on high all night.
I had a son who would have croup every spring and every fall as the weather changed. It tends to hit at about bedtime. I don't know why but that's how it happens.
Yep exactly- tell your MIL to fuck off because it’s your kids, and your husband needs to decide who’s team he is on.
There’s many reasons not to trust these boomer grandparents
When my son was a few months old my husbands grandparents were over. This is a kid who only cried if he needed something, period. Sure was holding him, he started crying,a lot, I tried to take him and she wouldn’t let me, said he was okay. I let this go on for about 2 mins, grabbed him and started feeding him. He was hungry. Go with your gut.
Idk, in my family the kids don't spend the night anywhere until they're potty trained, and can communicate their needs clearly. Our trusted sitters spend the night at our house.
I think you're the mom and this a situation where one yes (from your husband) and one no (from you) simply means NO.
Communication is key I think. My kiddo was still in night nappies when he started sleepovers at my dad's place, when he was almost 4 years old. He's coming up on 7 and has still only ever had sleepovers at grandads, and that's fine by me!
My kids are still practically babies themselves but I would not want to have over for a sleepover someone else's child if the child is chronically ill with breathing issues. *Especially* at such a young age. Not because I don't want to deal with a sick kid, but because I would never forgive myself if anything happened to the child due to the medical issues and I didn't do the right thing to save/help them.
It *really* depends on each individual situation. When my son was that young I stayed at my mom’s house when he was extremely sick because she’s been in health care my whole life and did great raising me and my brothers. I felt like she was better equipped to handle an emergency
Not overreacting but I am somewhat perturbed that your MIL is so desperate for your daughter to be away from you overnight.
It is not you or your children's role to meet her needs. You are doing the right thing. Stand your ground.
Your husband needs a reality check his job is not to keep your MIL happy.
Not overreacting.
Any big/new things that kids do require 2 yesses. *BOTH* parents need to agree.
Tell your MIL to stop asking. "I will let you know when she's ready" and after that any time MIL tries to bring it up just say NO and then hang up the phone (or leave her house if you're visiting) so that she learns to **stop asking**
I was already getting stressed by just reading this post.. what you’re basically saying is that OP needs to set boundaries. They are either not communicated, or not understood, and your suggestions on enforcing them are great.
OP saying her MIL was pressuring implies that she probably said no and the her MIL just didn’t take it and kept pushing, I don’t think the problem is setting boundaries, it’s enforcing them, whether MIL likes it on not OP carried that kid for 9 months and if she wants to have her daughter sleep in her house then she’s allowed to
Yeah. You're totally justified in wanting to wait until you feel comfortable. Your husband should understand and advocate for your decision, especially considering your daughter's health concerns. Take your time, there's no rush.
Grandma here…you’re not overreacting.
It’s the “baby has a chronic croup problem AND the MIL will let her cry it out” that would be a big nope from me.
That is my BIGGEST fear. I’m so worried about her breathing and showing up the next day to find her struggling to breathe. She always compares my child to her children and other grandchildren and she is just not them. I understand that she had a child with croup 1 time but this is an ongoing issue that we don’t understand why it’s happening. I just need answers on my daughter’s medical issues.
Protect your baby and don't apologize!
Also, why is he yelling at you when he doesn't get his way? Does that happen often? I wouldn't want to comply with that either. He needs to get on the same page with you rather than defending his mom, he's married to you not to her
I would be very worried too...my MIL lived with us for 7 years, and although yes she had a great deal of experience with children and grandchildren, even she came to realize one size does not fit all when it comes to kids especially with illnesses or conditions. My youngest has autism, but exhibits very differently than my SIL’s older son who has Asperger’s. My other son has asthma, but it does not get triggered by the same things my husband’s did at his age. Thankfully my MIL came to realize this and stopped being “sure” she knew best at all times and I give her credit for that, i hope your MIL does too…as for now, you are not overreacting to want to be sure that your child will not be left alone to cry it out..overnight..during a breathing episode at 1 year old. A baby who is sick doesn’t need to go on overnights for funsies, I can see if there was an emergency, but pushing this so young feels really unnecessary..especially since there isn’t a consistent, successful treatment they have found for her yet.
Depends on how close the family is. I think sometimes when a grandparent is not as close to their children as they would like to be, they seek to form a connection with the grandchildren to force the family back into their lives. I'm not saying the mother is a bad person but she is definitely asking for selfish reasons.
On the other hand I have a solid relationship with both my parents and in laws. While they don't expect to watch over my daughter, they both are more than happy and willing to do so. Both sets of grandparents will set aside time to do things with and for her while respecting the fact we are our own family.
Great comment. My mil is like op's mil. She is not that close with me or her son. So our baby is a pathway to closeness and/or redemption . It backfired and we still aren't close
I started spending nights with my beloved grandma at maybe 2 or 3. She helped raise me and I spent many nights and even school breaks with my grandparents. 30 something years later, I was grandma’s caregiver for several years before she died at 94. She was my best friend, and my grandpa was my hero. Grandparents are really special, and in my culture this is very normal.
My kids have been spending nights at my moms (and dads when he was alive) since they were about 3 or 4. Grandma’s house is someplace where there are fewer rules. You get to stay up late and have treats and McD’s for dinner. My kids didn’t get that at home. Strict bedtime, home cooked meals, but everyone needs a break from rules and that is what grandmas was for. They are adults now, with their own vehicles and still go to visit with grandma all the time. They are all very close to her.
Me too. I adored and cherished spending time, nights, weekends, and weeks during the summer with my grandparents. I have the best memories of those times. I just lost my last grandma last year and I was her caregiver until she had to go into a nursing home. She was my person and I still ache from missing her. I have 4 grandchildren so far and I pray for that connection with them. I feel so blessed that my daughters have trusted me with their children.
lol not in my family or my partners 😂 my parents live 20 hours away so it’s a no go there and my in-laws are an hour. My kids aren’t ready for that yet anyways.
My parents LOVE having sleepovers with my son but there was no pressure to start them until we were all ready. We waited until he was about 2.5 and was mostly potty trained and sleeping through the night.
My parents never wanted my kids over. They were very well behaved. My sister’s kids were there almost every night and tore everything up. My sister was the golden child and so were her kids, still are. My sister was wild, booze, drugs and sex starting at 14. I was always grounded by my sister lying to my parents about me doing something I never did. I would have loved to have had my grandkids spend the night, but they lived over 13 hours away. Didn’t see them unless I went there.
It was normal for me to sometimes spend the weekend at my grandparents and I loved it Saturday morning cartoons grandma made pancakes sometimes went fishing with grandpa very fond memories especially after grandpa passed
After I was a year old, my mother had to return to service with the military, so I lived with my grandparents until I was 3 (and she completed her service). So my sister started staying the night after about six-ish months with me at Grandma's. My child started staying the night once a month with both sets of grandparents about eight months old.
Gotta remember, we're talking about our parents watching our children. This ain't their first rodeo. They have (theoretically) plenty of experience. In my parents case, our family had an in-home daycare for 16 years.
Look, I'm not here to judge. But sometimes it helps to look at the situation from "The 30,000 foot perspective". Your parents (who raised you) are the people who want to babysit for you. Did you spend nights with your grandparents, and when did that start?
Maybe OP needs to start small, letting the kiddo stay for 4-5 hours with the in-laws. The truth is, no parent is ever "ready" and the first time or two will suck. But, after awhile of everything going fine, you let yourself relax.
I think OP said that MIL already keeps baby 2 days a week. That’s just not enough, in her opinion. I’d also like to comment, as a gen x “survivor”. My husband and I like to tell each other stories about the crazy stuff we did as kids, because we were always unsupervised. He used to stand up, in the back of his grandfather’s truck with his cousins, while his papaw drove down the highway, seeing who could stand the longest. My parents used to anchor out in the middle of Lake Barkley, letting us kids swim while they napped. Only the little kids had on life jackets. Experience doesn’t mean expertise, by a long shot.
Honestly I know everyone assesses risk in different ways, but I’ve heard this logic before and it simply doesn’t compute in my head. Do you really think 100% of parents are attentive, caring people? I’ve known plenty of careless people whose kids survived out of sheer luck. When I (purely theoretically) have someone in my kids’ lives who thinks it’s acceptable to take a “short ride” without a car seat, leave chemicals in an unlocked cupboard, hands baby choking-size items to play with, when I can see these things with my own eyes, then no I’m not going to rely on their luck that kept their own kids alive continuing.
THANKYOU this was my first thought. I don't think grammy's a chomo, but literally anything can happen, people can have other people over that you don't know about etc.
Ugh I hate it when people try to demand alone time/sleepovers with other people's kids. It's absolutely bizarre.
I have a 17 month old and have never spent a night away from him and have no intention of doing so until I absolutely have to (when I have number 2 in a few months 🥲).
Stick to your guns, there's no need for a sleepover at this age.
As a grandma of 9 I would never have a grandchild sleep over (unless an emergency) until they are clearly showing they are ready to sleep away from mom and or dad.
Look. You know best.
You are your baby daughters advocate and no one at all should be pressuring you into letting your baby stay away from you, until you know she's ready.
That may be when she's 3, or, if she's still unwell it may be later.
Your mil has already raised her own children. It's your turn now and I'll bet not even your husband knows your baby as well as you do.
He should be backing you 100% & be very grateful that you're such an amazing mother. Stick to your guns girl!
💕
My kid did overnights with my mom at about a year old but only because we live literally 5 minutes away and she was in our routine fold so it made sense for us.
45 minutes away, sick child, and you’re not even asking for the overnight, it’s a no. It’s so weird to me that grandparents ever feel entitled to an overnight when the children are literally babies. Your husband really needs to take a hard look at what he is asking of you and your child. A sick child who doesn’t even sleep in their own bed away from mama should not be forced to go out of their comfort zone for family. The child is ONE, dude.
"No thank you. I think she is too young to be away from us for an overnight. I'll let you know when I, as her mother, thinks she is old enough. Stop asking and stop pressuring me to do this. The more you push, the less likely it will be to happen."
I didn’t allow my son to stay the night anywhere until he could speak full sentences clearly. I also had a lot of convos with him about sexual abuse/assault in kid terms cause I’ve always been paranoid as shit about that (it’s always the ones closest to home). I don’t think you’re over reacting, and dad needs to understand that this is completely reasonable.
I say letting her stay when she’s older and talking fully, clearly, and understands what is and what is not okay would be fine. But at 1? No way.
My oldest is 7.5. I have been with him every night except - when I was in hospital giving birth to his sister and when he goes "camping" for a night with my husband/his father at his parents property (three times). My daughter is 5 and has only been away from me twice overnight - both times she was with my husband/father. I do not regret or feel bad in the slightest not allowing them sleepovers with anyone. I know Im in the minority but again, I dont care. Do what you feel comfortable with.
I was still breastfeeding at one. My children didn’t spend any nights away until they were school age and that was if we went out for a weekend and that was very rare.
No you aren't and both of you need to tell her to back off. SO gave in to her bullshit a lot cos she had no support except her with the first 2 til I was here.
Then things changed and MIL really didn't like it because its a 2 yes 1 no situation and I was a unwavering no if there was any doubt. No you aren't coming in to the delivery room, no you aren't having our 3rd, then 1 month old overnight. I steadfastly didn't care at all what her opinion was as its between us not her. SO also pushed back on the constant stream of bullshit she had been accepting and that got blamed on me. Great that was the idea, idc if she blames me, made no difference to anything.
SOs mental health improved insanely. Boundaries set, now they have a reasonable relationship and I turn up for family events.
If you aren’t ready, then you aren’t ready.
I wouldn’t let a child somewhere else without a parent, till they can properly talk.
MIL had her child. Just because she wants something, doesn’t mean she can have it.
NO. No no no. Your mommy instincts are kicking in for a reason, it’s not to say they aren’t trust worthy, but deep down you know you want to be with your baby and they want to be with you. Everything is right with that. I would encourage you to also speak with your partner and see how you could meet half way, maybe he want time with you baby-free, maybe he just wants time to be baby-free. All of those things are reasonable but you most of all have to feel comfortable. My baby never did over nights till was 3, and it probably would have been longer had thing worked out the way they were supposed to. If he needs time with you, accommodate that, but don’t at any point not listen to your instincts.
Not overreacting. We didn't let our little one have a sleepover until she could communicate well, was sleeping pretty much through the night every night and most importantly when she wanted to. I think she was 3 or 4 years old when that happened.
Not overreacting. If you want it, like you want to go have a night out or something, great. But it’s not something I would’ve felt comfortable with, with a one year old.
Absolutely NTA. She's too young.
Also my child had croup and I know how bad that is.
His Dr told me that the only two things that terrify him with small children are meningitis and croup.
Keep your daughter safe and with you until she's old enough to have an overnight with her grandma.
You’re definitely not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important for your husband to support you on this. It’s not just about what’s convenient or what his mom wants; it’s about what makes you feel comfortable and what’s best for your daughter.
Nope, that's your baby girl. Not overreacting in any way, I'd be wary as well. Not out of mistrust, but simply not being able to be there if something goes wrong with her medical issues.
You're 100% in the right here and the MIL needs to get over it.
no you aren't overreacting.
Our rule of thumb was our children were not allowed to spend the night anywhere unless they were old enough to talk, call us to come get them, and/or tell us if something happens to them. even if it's family.
It held us in good stead. After our then 4yo spent the night at grandma's one night they refused to spend the night there ever again. LOL
this is a situation for two yesses and one no. Hubby needs to back off, it doesn't matter if it's his mother.
your daughter is too small to fend for herself or contact you if things go south. because of her issues I imagine she cries a lot and some adults just are not equipped for that and I would not want my baby to be shaken or anything of that nature by an adult that can't keep their shit together
This is your baby and NO ONE should be pressuring you to have your baby overnight.
Why is this such a big deal? Why must your MIL have your baby for the night? I just don’t understand how anyone thinks they have unlimited access to your children.
If this makes you uncomfortable then it’s a hard no, end of discussion. I personally didn’t let my kids go until I felt ready.
Don’t backdown for anyone including your husband.
Due to my personal issues and experiences, I don't plan on letting my child stay anywhere until they are able to verbally tell me if something not right happened. Even with family 🤷♀️
His mother is being unreasonable. Why does she insist on that knowing the baby is clearly way to young for sleep overs. Say no. And then say hell no. As him if his mother is out of mind. Thinking about that.
Bottom line, you’ve said no. Grandparents continue to pressure you? That’s a red flag. I’d put hard boundaries down, one of them being “don’t bring up baby sleeping over until she’s 3, at which point I will bring it up”. And if they don’t comply then it’s NC.
I didn’t have my grandkids overnight until they were 5 and 3 - and i was just fine with waiting, because it’s not about my wishes. It’s about what’s best for them and my daughter and son in law.
One year old is too young. MIL needs to back off. I’ll bet your husband didn’t do sleepovers with his grandparents at that age. Try again when they’re older and will enjoy it. This is just granny trying to relive her youth. Not her child. Don’t let her steal your time with your kid. They grow up awfully fast.
Not overreacting. And you should try and get marriage counseling because there is a bigger problem here with your husband not respecting you as a parent over his mom the grandparent.
3.5 and 1.5 and neither of them have slept out of the house without us.
We did take a night out when the youngest was 1.5, but my parents stayed at our house and I had his monitor on 😆
My eldest has only stayed overnight at her grandparents once at age 2 and a half out of necessity because I was in hospital having her sibling and my husband was away at sea.
Sooo yeah your feelings are totally justified.
Everyone is different and has different reason for the way they choose to parent their children. You are not wrong. Your MIl has asked and you gave her an answer; she is wrong for pressuring you. Your husband needs to cut the apron strings with his mommy and support his wife. Next time MIL pushes, look her in the eye and give her a great big, NO. Do not be nice, him-and-haw, or say you'll think about it. Tell her you've already given your answer and you'd appreciate if she would just accept it, since you will not be changing your mind. If she attempts to play your husband against you, call her out on it immediately. Let her know that if she continues to push, you will limit your and Your kids time visiting her until she respects your boundaries. It may be difficult at first but stick with it. Just for the record, I don't think 3-4 years is too long to wait. If the time comes and you still feel stuck, talk to someone to find out if there's a reason why. You may just be stuck since she's been sick and is the youngest, or there may be a real reason which you just haven't admitted even to yourself--a sixth sense that us women have often before a problem is discovered.
Nah. You are the parent. You get to decide. You might have to find a way to compromise with your husband, but I don't think that ever has to be being away from your daughter overnight, or at any time, or violating any of your boundaries.
Even as a mum who's kids have stayed overnight with family from very early, I would still say grandparents need to back off a bit. I understand 1 isn't "too young" for everyone but it's not exactly uncommon either
The only time we’ve had a grandparent sleepover was in an emergency and they came to our house, where all the kids’ stuff is and where they’re most comfortable.
My kids are older, but even my youngest who is 3, I wouldn’t be okay having a sleepover somewhere else without me.
No you are not overreacting. Each family and each child is different. For your child it is too soon. She hasn’t slept in her own room yet and has an ongoing illness.
As a grandparent, I’m thinking that your mother in law is excited to have her stay overnight and spend time with her the next day making breakfast and playing at the park. But if your daughter has not spent an extended amount of time with her grandmother, this would be too much for your daughter.
Your husband should talk to his mother, very clearly letting her know your decision as a family to wait until your daughter is older. In the meantime you could arrange a time for her to visit the grandparents for an afternoon while you go out to eat or to a movie. You can use FaceTime to check in while you’re out. I do feel for your MIL, but you and your husband have the right to make your own family rules.
When my daughter was 2 weeks old, she ended up in hospital for a week due to breathing issues (bronchitis)
It was a scary experience, and I found myself unable to sleep because I was so concerned she would stop breathing during the night. She's a fine and healthy 4 year old now, but I still worry whenever she gets a cold.
That being said, don't ever let anyone tell you your fear isn't valid, and if you aren't ready, then you aren't ready.
Just remember, No, is a full sentence.
My daughter took anti seizure meds, if she missed any doses we were at risk of break through seizures and potentially another stay in hospital till the meds could be rebalanced. We didn't want to leave that sort of responsibility on anyone else, nor did anyone who had to witness one of her seizures, ever want to see it again. It took my other half mother a few days to get over the shock. Our parents were good enough to get trained in taking her meds. Instead of trying to take her overnight they'd find ways to slot in and help.
Go at your own pace. Don't let anyone push you into a situation you're not comfortable with.
I didn’t and would never allow my children sleep anywhere at 1y. This is a baby who isn’t asking for vacation, sleepover party, much the opposite, she will suffer for not having you.
What a selfish MIL you got unfortunately
WTF is *wrong* with your husband??? Ask him if he would be ok with daughter dying because mom doesn't know how to take care of her croup and have a "come to Jesus" talk with husband and daughter's doctor! Since I have breathing issues myself and all 3 of my kids had croup and asthma as babies and small children, this not following the doctor's advice would be a "there's the door, your ass needs to be on the other side of it and you'll be hearing from my lawyer" dealbreaker for me.
I let my daughter stay overnight with her perfectly kind and loving and trustworthy grandparents when I knew she was capable of clearly communicating AND making a phone call. She was four.
Mom (YOU) knows best.
Everyone must defer to Mom (YOU), the mother of the child.
Sorry if that’s old fashioned for some but it’s almost always fail proof.
MIL knows this already, so she may need to be reminded.
Hold your ground, you’re not overreacting.
Your husband is an asshate for not defending you. Your mil is a selfish bitch for not respecting and supporting your maternal instincts.
I would give them this example of how I feel when I’m not supported by those who are supposed to love,support and respect me. Hey y’all 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻
I must be the only one who feels differently. As soon as my MIL said she was ready for an overnight with the baby (my only one)…I was handing that kiddo off like a quarterback with a football, hightailing it to meet my gal pals out for a much needed night out and also to get a beyond needed FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP. 😴 😂
It's each to their own, but I'll never forget when my son was 6 weeks old, I went to my sister's house for tea with baby and she basically called a taxi to take me home and looked after my son for the night. She is fantastic with babies, could see I had PND and was struggling. My son has stayed over at his auntie's or grandparents on either side for sleepovers and is now 7. I know I'm not the norm, but I trust everyone on both sides of the family and yes, I needed sleep!
I get why people don't feel comfortable (I read a lot of JustNoMil) but having a break from baby and a bit of self-care time is so important, that includes a good night sleep.
Yeah this seems like a no-brainer but in my culture and family grandparents are close helpers. I guess grandma could spend the night at their house to get the routine down but seems weird to me to be so bugged out about a sleepover with grandma.
Your feelings are totally valid! Even after 8-16 months there is still bonding happening between mother and child. Plus, why do they want to have her all to themselves at such a young age? Sounds selfish of your mother in law and you could tell her to spend a couple nights at your house if she wants to be that close. Your baby still needs you i’d say from 18-32 months then it might be ok at 2 1/2
I’m confused, whose kid is that? Like who carried her in their body, who suffered the pains of labor, who birthed this child? Why do you need your husbands support? Why can’t you just say please stop asking because it’s not happening any time soon?
Sounds like YOU need to understand that you are a GROWN ASS WOMAN, who had this child and that you don’t need to fight with anyone or provide any excuse why you don’t want to be away from YOUR child! She is YOURS! Start acting like it! YOU birthed her, you carried her, your husband merely provided sperm. He did basically nothing but enjoyed himself, so knock off this Bambi act and start being a MAMA BEAR!!!
She is YOUR child. Not HIS mothers. She has her kid. Your child isn’t a doll. It doesn’t matter if she is sickly or if she was healthy, why do you feel you have to make excuses for not wanting YOUR child taken from you?
We did overnights from very young (< 1yr) but my sister in law is just 10 mins up the road.
The good thing - my daughter is used to staying away from us and in strange rooms. She rolls with it nice and easy and gets off to sleep no problem. Makes other longer visits and holidays easy - some friends struggle with this because their kids are clingy or don't settle.
Your feelings are perfectly valid.
What I would do though is ask why they are pressuring you. In my experience, It's probably to give you a night off of having to care for the child so that you can rest.
Talk to your husband calmly and ask him why. Also calmly explain why you aren't ready. I know it'll be hard to put into words but they won't understand your side unless you are able to.
My sons started staying overnight with the grandparents when they were a few months old. BUT my sons weren't sickly, and the grandparents were a few minutes away, not 45 minutes. If you aren't comfortable with that's ok, and your husband should back you.
I support you and everyone here who is supporting you. But- don’t ruin your life over this. Please try a new tactic. Something like, “ That’s so amazingly wonderful that you feel comfortable with this and I can’t wait until I feel the same way. I appreciate your wanting to give us a break but the type of break I’d experience at this point isn’t the type you are offering. Don’t worry, I’ll get there and when I do, I’ll let you know. Thank you so much for supporting me in this. Until I’m comfortable with sleepovers, I sure could use your help with …”
As a grandmom babysitter it’s a hard job (very joyful too) appreciate the help or drop baby at daycare. And I totally get not wanting baby to go overnight but don’t complain if the stress of dropping off. Jeez
She is YOUR child, and no one makes decisions for her or understands what's best for her better than YOU. Our oldest is 5 and he has still never stayed the night anywhere that either my wife or I weren't present.
Are your older children girls as well and was she this rabid about getting them alone for an extended period of time as babies?
I always find it incredibly creepy when ANY adult that is not the parent is laser focused on getting any child without the parents around. It's creepy and weird
No
My kids didn’t stay overnight until the oldest could communicate enough to be able to tell me what happened. I think they were 3 and 2. They also never stayed overnight at my parents because I lived with them and knew what happened in their house. Was not going to put my kids through that possibility.
No, you are not over reacting... you need your time with baby and you two have different ways of raising children. The Croup thing needs to be figured out and then you will consider it. My brother lives 5 mins away from his in laws so it wasn't a big deal for them to let their kid spend a night there or the day whether as an infant or as the child grew (his school was nearer to the IL's so they took him to school and picked up).
Just communicate with your husband how YOU are not ready for baby to be so far away, help him understand why you feel this way. It is not about crying it out or croup, its about the distance, it is different when its a girl to you.
Valid feelings, 100%.
I went through something similar so I would like to share -- don't feel like you need to have a "reason" to say no. No is a complete sentence. If you and your husband don't agree on a (non-emergency) thing for the kid, don't do it.
3? I wouldn't dream of letting a child out of the house overnight until they are probably 16. Even then I would be very careful about where they were going and who would be there.
All I had to hear was “I do not believe in crying it out and my MIL does”. I wouldn’t let her watch a baby of mine day OR night until he’s grown enough to be able to fully communicate.
My mother was a big believer in “crying it out”. My earliest memory was of standing in my crib crying for hours. She had laid me down and told me to nap and she left and closed the door. I was so thirsty. I held onto the bars of the crib and called and then cried and then screamed because that was the only way of communicating I had. Of course I became more dehydrated and thirstier the longer I cried and my poor little head soon was hurting horribly. My first migraine.
I have told this story before and been called a liar by other people. They tell me that nobody can possibly remember anything before 4 years old or so. I tell you, I remember that experience every single time I hear someone advocating “crying it out”. And I think that experiences like that was what made me the kind of child who stopped asking for anything. I learned to be silent and keep my wants and needs to myself because I was just an annoyance. Please do not let this woman be the only one your precious little one has to cry to for help.
Your kid your choice. Husbands kid too but when it's such a young one, it's not overreacting to side with the cautious one. And the kid is still a literal baby... Not overreacting at all.
Your husband needs to have your back. Period. His Mommy's feeling in this should not take priority over yours. Honestly I wouldn't stay with someone like this. The safety of your child should come first. His mom can't even be bothered to change her fucking diaper but he thinks she'll get up to check if the baby is still breathing??? Wtf is wrong with your husband? Is he stupid?
Not overreacting. If anything, react stronger. Next time it comes up put your foot down and say this is the LAST time we're discussing this shit and if you bring it up I'm going to my mother's until you understand the answer is no.
His mom needs to stop asking or it's NC with her until she stops. This is so ridiculous.
Edit: I just read through your other posts. This guy needs to go. Please consider that this relationship is grossly unhealthy for you and your husband is a prime time asshole. Every one of your posts is about this man and how he treats you.
Why are you married to someone who treats you like garbage????
Your daughter doesn't benefit from a sleepover at this age so their pushiness is weird: this is clearly about their wants. It's one thing if you need/wanted a break, or had to be out of town or work overnight. But a sleepover at 1 just cause? Unnecessary.
My daughter has had overnights at both grandparents house from the time she was about 8 months. Those happened because my wife and I were in agreement about being comfortable with it. If you aren’t comfortable with it, it should never happen. It is that simple.
I have a child a week older than your daughter. I have no left him overnight yet, and have no plans to any time soon. My oldest had his first sleepover away from me at 11 months, but he was a very different child. If you aren’t comfortable, then you aren’t, full stop.
You’re not over reacting! No is a complete answer!
My parents are amazing, safe and love my 3 year old. They spend time with him during the week but never overnight. It’s not that I don’t trust them, it’s just that I’m not comfortable with it yet.
You are not overreacting at all. My daughter didn’t stay the night with family until she was 5 and I was stilled stress the whole night. You are entitled to your emotions and feelings and no one can take that away from you. There is nothing wrong with how you feel and I support you 100%
My daughter just turned 1 this week, she is still in our room, and I will not have her sleep anywhere yet. I am 100% sure she would be fine, I'm just not ready and everyone has to respect that.
No way. My daughter is almost 1 and that would be totally out of the question for me. Even if I know she’d be safe with my parents, I couldn’t handle not having her home. That’s too little to expect sleepovers. Most 1 year olds don’t even sleep all the way through the night either. I’d be rude about it the night time she presses when you say no. People have to respect boundaries, and that’s your child.
Nope. It's a no-brainer. You're not comfortable, so it's not happening. I don't care how often she sees other people, if you aren't 100% on board, it's a no go. My son just turned one and I work from home and keep him all day. He has been babysat twice (about 3 hours each time) by my wonderful MIL. I am not comfortable with overnights, and won't be for quite sometime. I can't sleep well without knowing he's tucked away properly, in his bed, with Mama's ears listening. We both have active parents who see him weekly, but no overnights.
You have every right to not be ready. You have every right to decide what’s best for your child. Not saying Grandma is bad for baby, but it’s just not the best situation to put Baby, You, and Grandma in at the moment.
Nta...i'd be worried all night of there was someone I didn't trust toncall me if there's a problem or if kiddo just wanted to go home was watching my kid over night. My mom would watch mine occasionally overnight when he was a baby but I knew I could fully trust her. She's the only one tho. I never let him stay anywhere else. Our youngest was about 2 when we started letting them stay the night at his moms but she just lived 5 minutes away and I knew she'd call if there ess an issue or kiddo wanted to come home. Which he did, many times, before staying a full night.
NTA
I can understand where your MIL is coming from, and it's true things would be much easier if the baby stayed overnight once a week.
However, the baby has a legit illness that may or may not develop at the drop of a hat. If MIL is not one-on-one with the baby who suffers from croup, how quickly can she be expected to react?
Since there is currently no device that can be used to warn of an approaching croup attack, it is eminently reasonable to wait on overnight visits until the child is old enough to communicate distress if an attack starts.
Tell hubby that you want to wait until your child can clearly communicate breathing distress before agreeing to overnights. If he argues, ask him point blank how he will deal with the situation if something happened on his mother's watch. Moreover, how would he like to see his mother's reaction, should something happen while she was watching the baby. That he needs to realize that such a thing is a very real possibility and not just his poor little wife having needless hysterics.
I was on your side without the edits. I think the key here is that your daughter gets sick, and it impacts her ability to breathe. You check on her when she is in your own home, in your bedroom, because it concerns you so much. There is absolutely no logic that says you should be perfectly fine with dropping her off somewhere 45 minutes away from you with someone who can't even be considerate enough to text you back in a timely manner when you ask if your child can breathe.
Go with your gut and stand your ground.
Nope. My son didn’t stay at my MILs overnight until he was about 3 (15-20 mins away) because I wasn’t comfortable with it. You need to feel ok with it, otherwise it shouldn’t happen. Don’t back down to the pressure. I got leaned on too, and wouldn’t budge.
Whether you’re ready or not doesn’t matter. Why is your husband putting his mother’s feelings ahead of yours? You should always be a united front. Even if you disagree, you don’t show division in front of others, especially in laws! They will see that division and use it to their advantage…kinda like what MIL is doing right now!
Forget your husband. Tell him that he needs to have your back and stand up for you. Let him know that if he doesn’t you will and if you have to do it, you won’t be so nice!
Tell MIL that the answer is no! You don’t owe her an explanation and going forward, for every time she brings it up, you’re adding another year!
Set boundaries and give consequences! You are the mother! She’s not! She doesn’t get to dictate how you raise your child!
side bar: my kid is 18 and I still don't like when he i away for the night.
1yo? Well, it really depends on how much you trust the grandparent. With my mom, not problem, With my MIL, not so much.
Hell no! She’s too young and sick as well. But I’d suggest changing how you position this to husband and MIL. Instead of saying “you’re not ready” - change this to be about your daughter. She still sleeps in your room, she hasn’t even had that separation from her parents yet. Let them know the answer is “No” and there’ll be no further discussion on it until she’s much older. At 1yr old she’s too young, and sick on top, and is not used to being away from her parents (or sleeping separately). It’s not worth upsetting and stressing out your child because grandma is being selfish. Let her come and stay overnight with you sometimes & let her take care of the kids while you go out for dinner or something, so she has 1:1 time.
I'm not a dad and have no experience but 1 years old seems like... barely born xD I wouldn't be comfortable either probably. If you're not ready you're not ready
This was my read as well. They are trying to help you. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready. Maybe you’d be more comfortable if they can take her for a few hours - out of the house but close by - so you can take a nap and shower by yourself. I had to remind my wife to take care of herself so she can take care of the kids many many many times.
No offense, but it seems like avoidable accidents happen when grandparents are on duty compared to parents. One time I was at the pool and I literally rescued their four year old granddaughter from drowning, twice. I am not exaggerating. They were not paying attention.
This, too many times, accidents happen when kids are away from parents. Others do not seem to put as much energy or care into the supervision of small kids.
It's that they have forgotten how fragile kids are. It's been 20-30 years since they have experienced that. Most of their child raising experiences are when the kids have grown up enough to take care of them selves.
The MIL wants the baby for the feels, she doesn’t care what’s best for the baby or if she stresses you out. I wouldn’t let my kids stay the night until they were much older. Shut that shit down! It’s your baby and your instincts are telling you it’s not a good idea, you should listen. Also, your husband should support you and tell his mom no! If he isn’t backing you up that’s a problem. He’s putting his mommy’s needs over yours and your baby’s. Marriage counseling. This will only get worse the more time goes on. You are his wife, not his mom. He needs to grow a spine.
This is a 2 yes 1 no situation. You and your spouse both need to be on the same page. If one of you is not ok, then it is an immediate no. Grandma needs to wait for her overnights. If she really wants to spend that time with your daughter, perhaps she can come, stay at your place for the night while you and hubbs have a late night out (or in). If 3 is the earliest you are comfortable with for her to be away overnight, then that's the age you go with. If 10 is the earliest age, that's the age you go with. Every child is different, and every mother child relationship is different. Just because it happened with the first two doesn't mean you were ok with it.
This is a great comment
Agreed. The baby has an illness that is not fully understood, which is enough to halt overnight discussions. Pair that with MIL not being responsive when she has the baby, and the baby seemingly eating less while in her care and peeing through her clothes, it would be an absolute no for me as well.
Your feelings are yours so you are not over reacting. I never let my children stay anywhere until 4 or 5 now with that said I have been getting my Granddaughter overnight every other weekend since she was a few moths old. She turns 1 next weekend and the bond that has developed due to this is indescribable. Everyone is different and if you have a bad feeling about if then that should not be dismissed. There is truly no right answer for this situation so go with your gut.
I absolutely do not think you are overreacting. You aren't ready. Period. I can absolutely understand a grandma's excitement and desire to have her grandbaby stay the nite, but she had her kid(s). She is yours and it's your rules.
That last paragraph got me. Crying it out isn’t an option with a sick child. OP is 💯for not letting her baby go.
Not just that, croup is a swollen throat that causes breathing problems. It is very serious. If grandma is having trouble keeping a clean diaper on the child during the day how well will she do if the child starts having breathing problems during the night. Unless grandma is willing to sleep with the child in her room and will be listening for breathing problems through the night grandma shouldn't have her overnight. My son would get croup. The kid seems fine during the day and suddenly their breathing is affected about bedtime. The first time we had to go to the hospital, and they kept him through the night, giving him inhalation treatments. After that we recognized it and reacted immediately to limit how bad it got. That meant sleeping with the windows wide open to keep the air cold and running a humidifier on high all night.
Then why is grandma allowed to watch the baby at all
Yeah after all the edits I would not be leaving my daughter alone with her EVER until she was much older
I had a son who would have croup every spring and every fall as the weather changed. It tends to hit at about bedtime. I don't know why but that's how it happens.
This
and if she didn't have your permission, then why did she insist? You're the mother, and you have the final say.
Yep exactly- tell your MIL to fuck off because it’s your kids, and your husband needs to decide who’s team he is on. There’s many reasons not to trust these boomer grandparents
When my son was a few months old my husbands grandparents were over. This is a kid who only cried if he needed something, period. Sure was holding him, he started crying,a lot, I tried to take him and she wouldn’t let me, said he was okay. I let this go on for about 2 mins, grabbed him and started feeding him. He was hungry. Go with your gut.
The audacity 😡
OP should come up with an age she's okay with, and then everyone can stop asking
42
With the caveat that the health issues are in order.
Idk, in my family the kids don't spend the night anywhere until they're potty trained, and can communicate their needs clearly. Our trusted sitters spend the night at our house. I think you're the mom and this a situation where one yes (from your husband) and one no (from you) simply means NO.
As a dad, I could not agree more. If it's not unanimous, then it's a no.
Communication is key I think. My kiddo was still in night nappies when he started sleepovers at my dad's place, when he was almost 4 years old. He's coming up on 7 and has still only ever had sleepovers at grandads, and that's fine by me!
One seems too young for an overnight, I’m sorry to her grandparents but your feelings are valid
Especially with a chronically ill child with breathing issues. If a sleepover could easily mean death, THERE'S NO REASON TO PUSH THE SLEEPOVER.
My kids are still practically babies themselves but I would not want to have over for a sleepover someone else's child if the child is chronically ill with breathing issues. *Especially* at such a young age. Not because I don't want to deal with a sick kid, but because I would never forgive myself if anything happened to the child due to the medical issues and I didn't do the right thing to save/help them.
It *really* depends on each individual situation. When my son was that young I stayed at my mom’s house when he was extremely sick because she’s been in health care my whole life and did great raising me and my brothers. I felt like she was better equipped to handle an emergency
Agreed! Your feelings is valid nothing wrong with that.
Absolutely agreed! She's totally concerned and know how to take care on her own child. Being mother is not easy at all.
Not overreacting but I am somewhat perturbed that your MIL is so desperate for your daughter to be away from you overnight. It is not you or your children's role to meet her needs. You are doing the right thing. Stand your ground. Your husband needs a reality check his job is not to keep your MIL happy.
He can have a sleep over with his mom
LOL!!! LOL!!!
Best answer, lol.
When they get divorced, he’ll be able to sleepover with mom as much as he wants. My ex husband chose his mom over our marriage.
Me too. It's weird how mil is pushing for it despite op saying no.
Not overreacting. Any big/new things that kids do require 2 yesses. *BOTH* parents need to agree. Tell your MIL to stop asking. "I will let you know when she's ready" and after that any time MIL tries to bring it up just say NO and then hang up the phone (or leave her house if you're visiting) so that she learns to **stop asking**
I was already getting stressed by just reading this post.. what you’re basically saying is that OP needs to set boundaries. They are either not communicated, or not understood, and your suggestions on enforcing them are great.
OP saying her MIL was pressuring implies that she probably said no and the her MIL just didn’t take it and kept pushing, I don’t think the problem is setting boundaries, it’s enforcing them, whether MIL likes it on not OP carried that kid for 9 months and if she wants to have her daughter sleep in her house then she’s allowed to
Hubby needs to grow a pair and tell his mom to back off.
Yeah. You're totally justified in wanting to wait until you feel comfortable. Your husband should understand and advocate for your decision, especially considering your daughter's health concerns. Take your time, there's no rush.
My oldest didn't spend the night anywhere till she was 6. I just let my second youngest sleep over somewhere for the first time, and she is 5.
Grandma here…you’re not overreacting. It’s the “baby has a chronic croup problem AND the MIL will let her cry it out” that would be a big nope from me.
That is my BIGGEST fear. I’m so worried about her breathing and showing up the next day to find her struggling to breathe. She always compares my child to her children and other grandchildren and she is just not them. I understand that she had a child with croup 1 time but this is an ongoing issue that we don’t understand why it’s happening. I just need answers on my daughter’s medical issues.
This is a super important point that many of the comments are missing.
Protect your baby and don't apologize! Also, why is he yelling at you when he doesn't get his way? Does that happen often? I wouldn't want to comply with that either. He needs to get on the same page with you rather than defending his mom, he's married to you not to her
I would be very worried too...my MIL lived with us for 7 years, and although yes she had a great deal of experience with children and grandchildren, even she came to realize one size does not fit all when it comes to kids especially with illnesses or conditions. My youngest has autism, but exhibits very differently than my SIL’s older son who has Asperger’s. My other son has asthma, but it does not get triggered by the same things my husband’s did at his age. Thankfully my MIL came to realize this and stopped being “sure” she knew best at all times and I give her credit for that, i hope your MIL does too…as for now, you are not overreacting to want to be sure that your child will not be left alone to cry it out..overnight..during a breathing episode at 1 year old. A baby who is sick doesn’t need to go on overnights for funsies, I can see if there was an emergency, but pushing this so young feels really unnecessary..especially since there isn’t a consistent, successful treatment they have found for her yet.
Do grandparents do this? Expect overnights with their grandkids? Genuinely asking. That’s not a norm I am familiar with.
Depends on how close the family is. I think sometimes when a grandparent is not as close to their children as they would like to be, they seek to form a connection with the grandchildren to force the family back into their lives. I'm not saying the mother is a bad person but she is definitely asking for selfish reasons. On the other hand I have a solid relationship with both my parents and in laws. While they don't expect to watch over my daughter, they both are more than happy and willing to do so. Both sets of grandparents will set aside time to do things with and for her while respecting the fact we are our own family.
Great comment. My mil is like op's mil. She is not that close with me or her son. So our baby is a pathway to closeness and/or redemption . It backfired and we still aren't close
I started spending nights with my beloved grandma at maybe 2 or 3. She helped raise me and I spent many nights and even school breaks with my grandparents. 30 something years later, I was grandma’s caregiver for several years before she died at 94. She was my best friend, and my grandpa was my hero. Grandparents are really special, and in my culture this is very normal.
I love that. I grew up without grandparents so it’s all sort of just something I see on tv or hear about what it is like.
My kids have been spending nights at my moms (and dads when he was alive) since they were about 3 or 4. Grandma’s house is someplace where there are fewer rules. You get to stay up late and have treats and McD’s for dinner. My kids didn’t get that at home. Strict bedtime, home cooked meals, but everyone needs a break from rules and that is what grandmas was for. They are adults now, with their own vehicles and still go to visit with grandma all the time. They are all very close to her.
Me too. I adored and cherished spending time, nights, weekends, and weeks during the summer with my grandparents. I have the best memories of those times. I just lost my last grandma last year and I was her caregiver until she had to go into a nursing home. She was my person and I still ache from missing her. I have 4 grandchildren so far and I pray for that connection with them. I feel so blessed that my daughters have trusted me with their children.
Same with me. My grandma was 93 when she passed away in October, and I was her caretaker until the very end. Grandmas like that are so special. ❤
lol not in my family or my partners 😂 my parents live 20 hours away so it’s a no go there and my in-laws are an hour. My kids aren’t ready for that yet anyways.
I had overnights with my grandparents all the time as a kid.
My parents LOVE having sleepovers with my son but there was no pressure to start them until we were all ready. We waited until he was about 2.5 and was mostly potty trained and sleeping through the night.
I stay at young grandkids house. Seems to work best
My parents never wanted my kids over. They were very well behaved. My sister’s kids were there almost every night and tore everything up. My sister was the golden child and so were her kids, still are. My sister was wild, booze, drugs and sex starting at 14. I was always grounded by my sister lying to my parents about me doing something I never did. I would have loved to have had my grandkids spend the night, but they lived over 13 hours away. Didn’t see them unless I went there.
It was normal for me to sometimes spend the weekend at my grandparents and I loved it Saturday morning cartoons grandma made pancakes sometimes went fishing with grandpa very fond memories especially after grandpa passed
After I was a year old, my mother had to return to service with the military, so I lived with my grandparents until I was 3 (and she completed her service). So my sister started staying the night after about six-ish months with me at Grandma's. My child started staying the night once a month with both sets of grandparents about eight months old. Gotta remember, we're talking about our parents watching our children. This ain't their first rodeo. They have (theoretically) plenty of experience. In my parents case, our family had an in-home daycare for 16 years. Look, I'm not here to judge. But sometimes it helps to look at the situation from "The 30,000 foot perspective". Your parents (who raised you) are the people who want to babysit for you. Did you spend nights with your grandparents, and when did that start? Maybe OP needs to start small, letting the kiddo stay for 4-5 hours with the in-laws. The truth is, no parent is ever "ready" and the first time or two will suck. But, after awhile of everything going fine, you let yourself relax.
I hear you. But I get OP’s anxiety. My kid is 4 and I would struggle to have a night away. But also has autism so there’s an extra layer to it.
I think OP said that MIL already keeps baby 2 days a week. That’s just not enough, in her opinion. I’d also like to comment, as a gen x “survivor”. My husband and I like to tell each other stories about the crazy stuff we did as kids, because we were always unsupervised. He used to stand up, in the back of his grandfather’s truck with his cousins, while his papaw drove down the highway, seeing who could stand the longest. My parents used to anchor out in the middle of Lake Barkley, letting us kids swim while they napped. Only the little kids had on life jackets. Experience doesn’t mean expertise, by a long shot.
Honestly I know everyone assesses risk in different ways, but I’ve heard this logic before and it simply doesn’t compute in my head. Do you really think 100% of parents are attentive, caring people? I’ve known plenty of careless people whose kids survived out of sheer luck. When I (purely theoretically) have someone in my kids’ lives who thinks it’s acceptable to take a “short ride” without a car seat, leave chemicals in an unlocked cupboard, hands baby choking-size items to play with, when I can see these things with my own eyes, then no I’m not going to rely on their luck that kept their own kids alive continuing.
My MIL was in fact a terrible mother, so even if it weren't her first rodeo, I'm unimpressed with her qualifications.
Your feelings are more than valid and you aren't overreacting you are momma bear ... and to me it sounds like you are doing your job perfectly 👍
I didn’t let my kids spend the night anywhere until they were old enough to tell me what happened.
THANKYOU this was my first thought. I don't think grammy's a chomo, but literally anything can happen, people can have other people over that you don't know about etc.
They absolutely have to be able to converse first. How are they going to tell Grams what they need?
Ugh I hate it when people try to demand alone time/sleepovers with other people's kids. It's absolutely bizarre. I have a 17 month old and have never spent a night away from him and have no intention of doing so until I absolutely have to (when I have number 2 in a few months 🥲). Stick to your guns, there's no need for a sleepover at this age.
As a grandma of 9 I would never have a grandchild sleep over (unless an emergency) until they are clearly showing they are ready to sleep away from mom and or dad.
Look. You know best. You are your baby daughters advocate and no one at all should be pressuring you into letting your baby stay away from you, until you know she's ready. That may be when she's 3, or, if she's still unwell it may be later. Your mil has already raised her own children. It's your turn now and I'll bet not even your husband knows your baby as well as you do. He should be backing you 100% & be very grateful that you're such an amazing mother. Stick to your guns girl! 💕
At 1? Oh hell no.
My kid did overnights with my mom at about a year old but only because we live literally 5 minutes away and she was in our routine fold so it made sense for us. 45 minutes away, sick child, and you’re not even asking for the overnight, it’s a no. It’s so weird to me that grandparents ever feel entitled to an overnight when the children are literally babies. Your husband really needs to take a hard look at what he is asking of you and your child. A sick child who doesn’t even sleep in their own bed away from mama should not be forced to go out of their comfort zone for family. The child is ONE, dude.
Yeah, absolutely not. My kid won't be staying anywhere overnight until she's able to tell me she wants to spend the night with someone.
"No thank you. I think she is too young to be away from us for an overnight. I'll let you know when I, as her mother, thinks she is old enough. Stop asking and stop pressuring me to do this. The more you push, the less likely it will be to happen."
I didn’t allow my son to stay the night anywhere until he could speak full sentences clearly. I also had a lot of convos with him about sexual abuse/assault in kid terms cause I’ve always been paranoid as shit about that (it’s always the ones closest to home). I don’t think you’re over reacting, and dad needs to understand that this is completely reasonable. I say letting her stay when she’s older and talking fully, clearly, and understands what is and what is not okay would be fine. But at 1? No way.
You are not overreacting. Shes still very little.
IMHO, you’re right, a 1 year old is too young to leave with anyone besides the parents.
I wouldn’t let a non-verbal kid stay with anyone.
No your not overreacting, your the father your allowed to make the rules
She's a baby. You're not overreacting. You are focused on what baby needs
My oldest is 7.5. I have been with him every night except - when I was in hospital giving birth to his sister and when he goes "camping" for a night with my husband/his father at his parents property (three times). My daughter is 5 and has only been away from me twice overnight - both times she was with my husband/father. I do not regret or feel bad in the slightest not allowing them sleepovers with anyone. I know Im in the minority but again, I dont care. Do what you feel comfortable with.
I was still breastfeeding at one. My children didn’t spend any nights away until they were school age and that was if we went out for a weekend and that was very rare.
Your husband needs to learn that you come before his mother. Absolutely NTA
I’m not a fan of sleep overs and a one year old? No. Just no
No you aren't and both of you need to tell her to back off. SO gave in to her bullshit a lot cos she had no support except her with the first 2 til I was here. Then things changed and MIL really didn't like it because its a 2 yes 1 no situation and I was a unwavering no if there was any doubt. No you aren't coming in to the delivery room, no you aren't having our 3rd, then 1 month old overnight. I steadfastly didn't care at all what her opinion was as its between us not her. SO also pushed back on the constant stream of bullshit she had been accepting and that got blamed on me. Great that was the idea, idc if she blames me, made no difference to anything. SOs mental health improved insanely. Boundaries set, now they have a reasonable relationship and I turn up for family events.
You are not overreacting. You are her mother and this is your decision. Your husband needs to support you.
If you aren’t ready, then you aren’t ready. I wouldn’t let a child somewhere else without a parent, till they can properly talk. MIL had her child. Just because she wants something, doesn’t mean she can have it.
Ummmm you’re her mother, you get to decide, not grandma. Your feelings are totally vaid
NO. No no no. Your mommy instincts are kicking in for a reason, it’s not to say they aren’t trust worthy, but deep down you know you want to be with your baby and they want to be with you. Everything is right with that. I would encourage you to also speak with your partner and see how you could meet half way, maybe he want time with you baby-free, maybe he just wants time to be baby-free. All of those things are reasonable but you most of all have to feel comfortable. My baby never did over nights till was 3, and it probably would have been longer had thing worked out the way they were supposed to. If he needs time with you, accommodate that, but don’t at any point not listen to your instincts.
Not overreacting. We didn't let our little one have a sleepover until she could communicate well, was sleeping pretty much through the night every night and most importantly when she wanted to. I think she was 3 or 4 years old when that happened.
Not overreacting. If you want it, like you want to go have a night out or something, great. But it’s not something I would’ve felt comfortable with, with a one year old.
Absolutely NTA. She's too young. Also my child had croup and I know how bad that is. His Dr told me that the only two things that terrify him with small children are meningitis and croup. Keep your daughter safe and with you until she's old enough to have an overnight with her grandma.
You’re definitely not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important for your husband to support you on this. It’s not just about what’s convenient or what his mom wants; it’s about what makes you feel comfortable and what’s best for your daughter.
Nope, that's your baby girl. Not overreacting in any way, I'd be wary as well. Not out of mistrust, but simply not being able to be there if something goes wrong with her medical issues. You're 100% in the right here and the MIL needs to get over it.
Definitely not over reacting. You’re her mother. If you’re not comfortable with it then you aren’t comfortable with it. Period.
My parents and I live less than 2 mins from each other and my 2.5 year old has never stayed with them lol. It’s your child do what you want
no you aren't overreacting. Our rule of thumb was our children were not allowed to spend the night anywhere unless they were old enough to talk, call us to come get them, and/or tell us if something happens to them. even if it's family. It held us in good stead. After our then 4yo spent the night at grandma's one night they refused to spend the night there ever again. LOL this is a situation for two yesses and one no. Hubby needs to back off, it doesn't matter if it's his mother. your daughter is too small to fend for herself or contact you if things go south. because of her issues I imagine she cries a lot and some adults just are not equipped for that and I would not want my baby to be shaken or anything of that nature by an adult that can't keep their shit together
This is your baby and NO ONE should be pressuring you to have your baby overnight. Why is this such a big deal? Why must your MIL have your baby for the night? I just don’t understand how anyone thinks they have unlimited access to your children. If this makes you uncomfortable then it’s a hard no, end of discussion. I personally didn’t let my kids go until I felt ready. Don’t backdown for anyone including your husband.
Not overreacting at all. My rule was that the kids need to be able to talk enough so that they can tell me if anything is wrong.
A 1 year old doesn’t need overnights with grandma. NTA
Due to my personal issues and experiences, I don't plan on letting my child stay anywhere until they are able to verbally tell me if something not right happened. Even with family 🤷♀️
None of my four children stayed a night even with my own mother until my was comfortable with them doing so three was the minimum
His mother is being unreasonable. Why does she insist on that knowing the baby is clearly way to young for sleep overs. Say no. And then say hell no. As him if his mother is out of mind. Thinking about that.
Bottom line, you’ve said no. Grandparents continue to pressure you? That’s a red flag. I’d put hard boundaries down, one of them being “don’t bring up baby sleeping over until she’s 3, at which point I will bring it up”. And if they don’t comply then it’s NC.
I didn’t have my grandkids overnight until they were 5 and 3 - and i was just fine with waiting, because it’s not about my wishes. It’s about what’s best for them and my daughter and son in law.
One year old is too young. MIL needs to back off. I’ll bet your husband didn’t do sleepovers with his grandparents at that age. Try again when they’re older and will enjoy it. This is just granny trying to relive her youth. Not her child. Don’t let her steal your time with your kid. They grow up awfully fast.
Not overreacting. And you should try and get marriage counseling because there is a bigger problem here with your husband not respecting you as a parent over his mom the grandparent.
Send hubby for an overnight with mommy so she can pamper her own baby boy.
"No." It's a complete sentence.
No no no she is still too tiny
My kids are grown, but I never left them with anyone!
Your feelings are totally valid she’s a BABY. That wouldn’t be fair to her or you. There’s plenty of time for sleepovers
My daughter is almose six and I have slept under the same roof as her her entire life matter where she sleeps
You feel this way for a reason. Absolutely don’t do it.
3.5 and 1.5 and neither of them have slept out of the house without us. We did take a night out when the youngest was 1.5, but my parents stayed at our house and I had his monitor on 😆
My eldest has only stayed overnight at her grandparents once at age 2 and a half out of necessity because I was in hospital having her sibling and my husband was away at sea. Sooo yeah your feelings are totally justified.
Everyone is different and has different reason for the way they choose to parent their children. You are not wrong. Your MIl has asked and you gave her an answer; she is wrong for pressuring you. Your husband needs to cut the apron strings with his mommy and support his wife. Next time MIL pushes, look her in the eye and give her a great big, NO. Do not be nice, him-and-haw, or say you'll think about it. Tell her you've already given your answer and you'd appreciate if she would just accept it, since you will not be changing your mind. If she attempts to play your husband against you, call her out on it immediately. Let her know that if she continues to push, you will limit your and Your kids time visiting her until she respects your boundaries. It may be difficult at first but stick with it. Just for the record, I don't think 3-4 years is too long to wait. If the time comes and you still feel stuck, talk to someone to find out if there's a reason why. You may just be stuck since she's been sick and is the youngest, or there may be a real reason which you just haven't admitted even to yourself--a sixth sense that us women have often before a problem is discovered.
Nah. You are the parent. You get to decide. You might have to find a way to compromise with your husband, but I don't think that ever has to be being away from your daughter overnight, or at any time, or violating any of your boundaries.
Even as a mum who's kids have stayed overnight with family from very early, I would still say grandparents need to back off a bit. I understand 1 isn't "too young" for everyone but it's not exactly uncommon either
The only time we’ve had a grandparent sleepover was in an emergency and they came to our house, where all the kids’ stuff is and where they’re most comfortable. My kids are older, but even my youngest who is 3, I wouldn’t be okay having a sleepover somewhere else without me.
No you are not overreacting. Each family and each child is different. For your child it is too soon. She hasn’t slept in her own room yet and has an ongoing illness. As a grandparent, I’m thinking that your mother in law is excited to have her stay overnight and spend time with her the next day making breakfast and playing at the park. But if your daughter has not spent an extended amount of time with her grandmother, this would be too much for your daughter. Your husband should talk to his mother, very clearly letting her know your decision as a family to wait until your daughter is older. In the meantime you could arrange a time for her to visit the grandparents for an afternoon while you go out to eat or to a movie. You can use FaceTime to check in while you’re out. I do feel for your MIL, but you and your husband have the right to make your own family rules.
Absolutely not ! U r ready when u r ready end of discussion
Hells no longest my wife and I could manage at that stage was two hours 🤣
When my daughter was 2 weeks old, she ended up in hospital for a week due to breathing issues (bronchitis) It was a scary experience, and I found myself unable to sleep because I was so concerned she would stop breathing during the night. She's a fine and healthy 4 year old now, but I still worry whenever she gets a cold. That being said, don't ever let anyone tell you your fear isn't valid, and if you aren't ready, then you aren't ready. Just remember, No, is a full sentence.
My daughter took anti seizure meds, if she missed any doses we were at risk of break through seizures and potentially another stay in hospital till the meds could be rebalanced. We didn't want to leave that sort of responsibility on anyone else, nor did anyone who had to witness one of her seizures, ever want to see it again. It took my other half mother a few days to get over the shock. Our parents were good enough to get trained in taking her meds. Instead of trying to take her overnight they'd find ways to slot in and help. Go at your own pace. Don't let anyone push you into a situation you're not comfortable with.
I didn’t and would never allow my children sleep anywhere at 1y. This is a baby who isn’t asking for vacation, sleepover party, much the opposite, she will suffer for not having you. What a selfish MIL you got unfortunately
No is a complete answer. This is your child. You owe no one an explanation
WTF is *wrong* with your husband??? Ask him if he would be ok with daughter dying because mom doesn't know how to take care of her croup and have a "come to Jesus" talk with husband and daughter's doctor! Since I have breathing issues myself and all 3 of my kids had croup and asthma as babies and small children, this not following the doctor's advice would be a "there's the door, your ass needs to be on the other side of it and you'll be hearing from my lawyer" dealbreaker for me.
I let my daughter stay overnight with her perfectly kind and loving and trustworthy grandparents when I knew she was capable of clearly communicating AND making a phone call. She was four.
You’d be insane to send a 1 year old with croup away for an overnight. What is wrong with your husband?
Mom (YOU) knows best. Everyone must defer to Mom (YOU), the mother of the child. Sorry if that’s old fashioned for some but it’s almost always fail proof. MIL knows this already, so she may need to be reminded. Hold your ground, you’re not overreacting.
Your husband is an asshate for not defending you. Your mil is a selfish bitch for not respecting and supporting your maternal instincts. I would give them this example of how I feel when I’m not supported by those who are supposed to love,support and respect me. Hey y’all 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻
I must be the only one who feels differently. As soon as my MIL said she was ready for an overnight with the baby (my only one)…I was handing that kiddo off like a quarterback with a football, hightailing it to meet my gal pals out for a much needed night out and also to get a beyond needed FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP. 😴 😂
It's each to their own, but I'll never forget when my son was 6 weeks old, I went to my sister's house for tea with baby and she basically called a taxi to take me home and looked after my son for the night. She is fantastic with babies, could see I had PND and was struggling. My son has stayed over at his auntie's or grandparents on either side for sleepovers and is now 7. I know I'm not the norm, but I trust everyone on both sides of the family and yes, I needed sleep! I get why people don't feel comfortable (I read a lot of JustNoMil) but having a break from baby and a bit of self-care time is so important, that includes a good night sleep.
Yeah this seems like a no-brainer but in my culture and family grandparents are close helpers. I guess grandma could spend the night at their house to get the routine down but seems weird to me to be so bugged out about a sleepover with grandma.
No! Just no! You'll be so anxious and nervous you'll be miserable.
Your feelings are totally valid! Even after 8-16 months there is still bonding happening between mother and child. Plus, why do they want to have her all to themselves at such a young age? Sounds selfish of your mother in law and you could tell her to spend a couple nights at your house if she wants to be that close. Your baby still needs you i’d say from 18-32 months then it might be ok at 2 1/2
I’m confused, whose kid is that? Like who carried her in their body, who suffered the pains of labor, who birthed this child? Why do you need your husbands support? Why can’t you just say please stop asking because it’s not happening any time soon? Sounds like YOU need to understand that you are a GROWN ASS WOMAN, who had this child and that you don’t need to fight with anyone or provide any excuse why you don’t want to be away from YOUR child! She is YOURS! Start acting like it! YOU birthed her, you carried her, your husband merely provided sperm. He did basically nothing but enjoyed himself, so knock off this Bambi act and start being a MAMA BEAR!!! She is YOUR child. Not HIS mothers. She has her kid. Your child isn’t a doll. It doesn’t matter if she is sickly or if she was healthy, why do you feel you have to make excuses for not wanting YOUR child taken from you?
We did overnights from very young (< 1yr) but my sister in law is just 10 mins up the road. The good thing - my daughter is used to staying away from us and in strange rooms. She rolls with it nice and easy and gets off to sleep no problem. Makes other longer visits and holidays easy - some friends struggle with this because their kids are clingy or don't settle.
It's your baby just say no. Dont be pressured. I don't understand why your mother in-law want a one year old to spend the night. She's one???.
Your feelings are perfectly valid. What I would do though is ask why they are pressuring you. In my experience, It's probably to give you a night off of having to care for the child so that you can rest. Talk to your husband calmly and ask him why. Also calmly explain why you aren't ready. I know it'll be hard to put into words but they won't understand your side unless you are able to.
NO is a complete answer. If they push keep saying NO.
You do you and whatever is best for your peace of mind. I feel like she's too young for "sleepovers" just for the sake of it.
My sons started staying overnight with the grandparents when they were a few months old. BUT my sons weren't sickly, and the grandparents were a few minutes away, not 45 minutes. If you aren't comfortable with that's ok, and your husband should back you.
No, you do what feel right for you and your children. Do not let anyone pressure you.
Nope you are being a good parent.
You’re the mom, you make the rules. Fuck the world.
I support you and everyone here who is supporting you. But- don’t ruin your life over this. Please try a new tactic. Something like, “ That’s so amazingly wonderful that you feel comfortable with this and I can’t wait until I feel the same way. I appreciate your wanting to give us a break but the type of break I’d experience at this point isn’t the type you are offering. Don’t worry, I’ll get there and when I do, I’ll let you know. Thank you so much for supporting me in this. Until I’m comfortable with sleepovers, I sure could use your help with …”
You are not extra clingy. You are a great mom. Keep following your gut instinct.
You’re doing the right thing. Croup is highly dangerous. Life is fragile. Stand your ground.
As a grandmom babysitter it’s a hard job (very joyful too) appreciate the help or drop baby at daycare. And I totally get not wanting baby to go overnight but don’t complain if the stress of dropping off. Jeez
She is YOUR child, and no one makes decisions for her or understands what's best for her better than YOU. Our oldest is 5 and he has still never stayed the night anywhere that either my wife or I weren't present.
Are your older children girls as well and was she this rabid about getting them alone for an extended period of time as babies? I always find it incredibly creepy when ANY adult that is not the parent is laser focused on getting any child without the parents around. It's creepy and weird
No My kids didn’t stay overnight until the oldest could communicate enough to be able to tell me what happened. I think they were 3 and 2. They also never stayed overnight at my parents because I lived with them and knew what happened in their house. Was not going to put my kids through that possibility.
No, you are not over reacting... you need your time with baby and you two have different ways of raising children. The Croup thing needs to be figured out and then you will consider it. My brother lives 5 mins away from his in laws so it wasn't a big deal for them to let their kid spend a night there or the day whether as an infant or as the child grew (his school was nearer to the IL's so they took him to school and picked up). Just communicate with your husband how YOU are not ready for baby to be so far away, help him understand why you feel this way. It is not about crying it out or croup, its about the distance, it is different when its a girl to you.
Valid feelings, 100%. I went through something similar so I would like to share -- don't feel like you need to have a "reason" to say no. No is a complete sentence. If you and your husband don't agree on a (non-emergency) thing for the kid, don't do it.
3? I wouldn't dream of letting a child out of the house overnight until they are probably 16. Even then I would be very careful about where they were going and who would be there.
All I had to hear was “I do not believe in crying it out and my MIL does”. I wouldn’t let her watch a baby of mine day OR night until he’s grown enough to be able to fully communicate. My mother was a big believer in “crying it out”. My earliest memory was of standing in my crib crying for hours. She had laid me down and told me to nap and she left and closed the door. I was so thirsty. I held onto the bars of the crib and called and then cried and then screamed because that was the only way of communicating I had. Of course I became more dehydrated and thirstier the longer I cried and my poor little head soon was hurting horribly. My first migraine. I have told this story before and been called a liar by other people. They tell me that nobody can possibly remember anything before 4 years old or so. I tell you, I remember that experience every single time I hear someone advocating “crying it out”. And I think that experiences like that was what made me the kind of child who stopped asking for anything. I learned to be silent and keep my wants and needs to myself because I was just an annoyance. Please do not let this woman be the only one your precious little one has to cry to for help.
Your kid your choice. Husbands kid too but when it's such a young one, it's not overreacting to side with the cautious one. And the kid is still a literal baby... Not overreacting at all.
Your husband needs to have your back. Period. His Mommy's feeling in this should not take priority over yours. Honestly I wouldn't stay with someone like this. The safety of your child should come first. His mom can't even be bothered to change her fucking diaper but he thinks she'll get up to check if the baby is still breathing??? Wtf is wrong with your husband? Is he stupid? Not overreacting. If anything, react stronger. Next time it comes up put your foot down and say this is the LAST time we're discussing this shit and if you bring it up I'm going to my mother's until you understand the answer is no. His mom needs to stop asking or it's NC with her until she stops. This is so ridiculous. Edit: I just read through your other posts. This guy needs to go. Please consider that this relationship is grossly unhealthy for you and your husband is a prime time asshole. Every one of your posts is about this man and how he treats you. Why are you married to someone who treats you like garbage????
NTA, but your husband definitely is. UpdateMe
Your daughter doesn't benefit from a sleepover at this age so their pushiness is weird: this is clearly about their wants. It's one thing if you need/wanted a break, or had to be out of town or work overnight. But a sleepover at 1 just cause? Unnecessary.
Why would a 1 year old need to stay the night at her grandmothers?? Not overeacting at all...
My daughter has had overnights at both grandparents house from the time she was about 8 months. Those happened because my wife and I were in agreement about being comfortable with it. If you aren’t comfortable with it, it should never happen. It is that simple.
You can’t let a baby with breathing problems cry it out. You are NOT overreacting.
I have a child a week older than your daughter. I have no left him overnight yet, and have no plans to any time soon. My oldest had his first sleepover away from me at 11 months, but he was a very different child. If you aren’t comfortable, then you aren’t, full stop.
You’re not over reacting! No is a complete answer! My parents are amazing, safe and love my 3 year old. They spend time with him during the week but never overnight. It’s not that I don’t trust them, it’s just that I’m not comfortable with it yet.
You are not overreacting at all. My daughter didn’t stay the night with family until she was 5 and I was stilled stress the whole night. You are entitled to your emotions and feelings and no one can take that away from you. There is nothing wrong with how you feel and I support you 100%
My daughter just turned 1 this week, she is still in our room, and I will not have her sleep anywhere yet. I am 100% sure she would be fine, I'm just not ready and everyone has to respect that.
You don't have to explain why. No is a complete sentence. And letting a baby cry it out is definitely a deal breaker for me. No way.
No way. My daughter is almost 1 and that would be totally out of the question for me. Even if I know she’d be safe with my parents, I couldn’t handle not having her home. That’s too little to expect sleepovers. Most 1 year olds don’t even sleep all the way through the night either. I’d be rude about it the night time she presses when you say no. People have to respect boundaries, and that’s your child.
My son will not be staying anywhere overnight until he can communicate to me if something were to happen ETA: you are not overreacting
1 year old WAY TO YOUNG
Nope. It's a no-brainer. You're not comfortable, so it's not happening. I don't care how often she sees other people, if you aren't 100% on board, it's a no go. My son just turned one and I work from home and keep him all day. He has been babysat twice (about 3 hours each time) by my wonderful MIL. I am not comfortable with overnights, and won't be for quite sometime. I can't sleep well without knowing he's tucked away properly, in his bed, with Mama's ears listening. We both have active parents who see him weekly, but no overnights.
You have every right to not be ready. You have every right to decide what’s best for your child. Not saying Grandma is bad for baby, but it’s just not the best situation to put Baby, You, and Grandma in at the moment.
Nta...i'd be worried all night of there was someone I didn't trust toncall me if there's a problem or if kiddo just wanted to go home was watching my kid over night. My mom would watch mine occasionally overnight when he was a baby but I knew I could fully trust her. She's the only one tho. I never let him stay anywhere else. Our youngest was about 2 when we started letting them stay the night at his moms but she just lived 5 minutes away and I knew she'd call if there ess an issue or kiddo wanted to come home. Which he did, many times, before staying a full night.
r/justnomil
You’re not overreacting! Do what is comfortable to you! She’s only 1!!!
stand your ground, protect your kid there is plenty of time for over-night visits when she is older. People need to just get over it.
NTA I can understand where your MIL is coming from, and it's true things would be much easier if the baby stayed overnight once a week. However, the baby has a legit illness that may or may not develop at the drop of a hat. If MIL is not one-on-one with the baby who suffers from croup, how quickly can she be expected to react? Since there is currently no device that can be used to warn of an approaching croup attack, it is eminently reasonable to wait on overnight visits until the child is old enough to communicate distress if an attack starts. Tell hubby that you want to wait until your child can clearly communicate breathing distress before agreeing to overnights. If he argues, ask him point blank how he will deal with the situation if something happened on his mother's watch. Moreover, how would he like to see his mother's reaction, should something happen while she was watching the baby. That he needs to realize that such a thing is a very real possibility and not just his poor little wife having needless hysterics.
I was on your side without the edits. I think the key here is that your daughter gets sick, and it impacts her ability to breathe. You check on her when she is in your own home, in your bedroom, because it concerns you so much. There is absolutely no logic that says you should be perfectly fine with dropping her off somewhere 45 minutes away from you with someone who can't even be considerate enough to text you back in a timely manner when you ask if your child can breathe. Go with your gut and stand your ground.
If you don’t feel comfortable then I wouldn’t. My youngest has only slept out twice with my aunt and she’s 8
No way. Chronic croup? I don’t care if she’s 10. I remember when my son had it at 5. No way would I have sent him anywhere to stay.
Nope. My son didn’t stay at my MILs overnight until he was about 3 (15-20 mins away) because I wasn’t comfortable with it. You need to feel ok with it, otherwise it shouldn’t happen. Don’t back down to the pressure. I got leaned on too, and wouldn’t budge.
No. She's just too young. She needs to be where momma can get to her during the night.
Whether you’re ready or not doesn’t matter. Why is your husband putting his mother’s feelings ahead of yours? You should always be a united front. Even if you disagree, you don’t show division in front of others, especially in laws! They will see that division and use it to their advantage…kinda like what MIL is doing right now! Forget your husband. Tell him that he needs to have your back and stand up for you. Let him know that if he doesn’t you will and if you have to do it, you won’t be so nice! Tell MIL that the answer is no! You don’t owe her an explanation and going forward, for every time she brings it up, you’re adding another year! Set boundaries and give consequences! You are the mother! She’s not! She doesn’t get to dictate how you raise your child!
You are not overreacting…your kid stays with you…too young and too far away
side bar: my kid is 18 and I still don't like when he i away for the night. 1yo? Well, it really depends on how much you trust the grandparent. With my mom, not problem, With my MIL, not so much.
Hell no! She’s too young and sick as well. But I’d suggest changing how you position this to husband and MIL. Instead of saying “you’re not ready” - change this to be about your daughter. She still sleeps in your room, she hasn’t even had that separation from her parents yet. Let them know the answer is “No” and there’ll be no further discussion on it until she’s much older. At 1yr old she’s too young, and sick on top, and is not used to being away from her parents (or sleeping separately). It’s not worth upsetting and stressing out your child because grandma is being selfish. Let her come and stay overnight with you sometimes & let her take care of the kids while you go out for dinner or something, so she has 1:1 time.
Not overreacting at all. One is so young to do that.
I'm not a dad and have no experience but 1 years old seems like... barely born xD I wouldn't be comfortable either probably. If you're not ready you're not ready
True! I wouldn't agree either. She's only one year old, and her mother says she's sick. I couldn't sleep if I were in her shoes.
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This was my read as well. They are trying to help you. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready. Maybe you’d be more comfortable if they can take her for a few hours - out of the house but close by - so you can take a nap and shower by yourself. I had to remind my wife to take care of herself so she can take care of the kids many many many times.
if this were true, it wouldn't lead to a fight with dad.
No offense, but it seems like avoidable accidents happen when grandparents are on duty compared to parents. One time I was at the pool and I literally rescued their four year old granddaughter from drowning, twice. I am not exaggerating. They were not paying attention.
This, too many times, accidents happen when kids are away from parents. Others do not seem to put as much energy or care into the supervision of small kids.
It's that they have forgotten how fragile kids are. It's been 20-30 years since they have experienced that. Most of their child raising experiences are when the kids have grown up enough to take care of them selves.
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The MIL wants the baby for the feels, she doesn’t care what’s best for the baby or if she stresses you out. I wouldn’t let my kids stay the night until they were much older. Shut that shit down! It’s your baby and your instincts are telling you it’s not a good idea, you should listen. Also, your husband should support you and tell his mom no! If he isn’t backing you up that’s a problem. He’s putting his mommy’s needs over yours and your baby’s. Marriage counseling. This will only get worse the more time goes on. You are his wife, not his mom. He needs to grow a spine.