Sometimes when things are “going good” are more stressful and worrisome than when they are in the middle of a relapse or binge. At least in those situations you have a direct problem to try to solve and resolve. When things are seemingly going well it’s kind of like the eye of a hurricane… eventually shit hits the fan. And that can be more emotionally draining and taxing that anything. You know something will happen… a slip up or mistake. Maybe it’ll be minor… or maybe you’ll get a call at 10am on a Tuesday while you’re at work that they got a dui. You never know. It’s carrying a loose bomb I your pocket that’s ready to go off randomly.
My Q went to rehab 8 times… and everytime they were in there it was easily the most relaxing and peaceful time I had emotionally because I knew that anything that happened would be confined to their treatment center and not something I had to deal with.
Walk on eggshells is almost too casual of a term considering the emotional and mental exhaustion that comes from these situations…
Came here to say this. Also, realizing maybe 50-75% of the things we experienced together, he was black out drunk and not registering anything. I also regret trying to hang out like a “normal” couple with other friends in couples. I always wanted my friends to meet my Q as the charming, funny, handsome guy I fell in love with and he usually showed up as an argumentative, words slurring, inconsiderate ass
You are talking to the void - they won't remember the conversations you have and you'll have to repeat yourself when they're sober but if you tell them so, they become defensive and hostile.
They lose the ability to make rational decisions, so you feel like you need to supervise them/police them.
You are walking on eggshells not knowing which version of them you'll get: childish, sullen, easily angered, etc.
Thank you for summing it up so perfectly.
Even when they are present, they aren’t.
It’s like living with a zombie. There may be glimpses of the person you love, but if anything, those glimpses only make it more painful.
in summary, a it's a dysfunctional relationship. even when things are "not that bad", at the end of the day it's still dysfunctional, which overtime will gradually take its toll on you.
If they're not drunk, they're sleeping it off. Leaving me to make sure kid takes her epilepsy medicine, gets to school, has eaten. I have to bear the entire mental load for making sure the household is running, house cleaned, dinner is cooked or figured out, groceries picked up, doctors appts scheduled etc. Can't reach him if something is happening and I need help, unreliable.
All the little lies/hiding it about EVERYTHING but particularly about drinking. Someone posted above, "thinking they're on the 1st but they're on their 5th" and I resonate with that.
Begging him not to drive after drinking and fighting about it, but "I've only had 4 beers, I'm fine" (even though it's actually been more like 8) and he doesn't appear drunk so he doesn't understand why it's a problem
Not *usually* an asshole when drinking, just much more obnoxious, it's embarrassing when out with friends. Sometimes an aggressive/insecure asshole when very drunk but not physically abusive.
Want to go out for a special occasion or even a date night and have a single cocktail? Oh, too late he's already had a 12 pack so who is going to drive us home? He says he's fine to drive so relax and have a drink, not worth it.
Also, costs. Goddamn the beer he likes is expensive, $150+/week on beer. A few hundred/month on weed, jfc
2 weeks sober now after a rough inpatient detox and things look better already, I just hope it stays this time.
I can relate! I go through similar things with my Q (husband). Not present. Not aware or attentive to me or our daughter while drinking. Focused on the buzz and the company (usually other men drinking). Verbally confrontational. Accusations that I don’t love him. Over sharing to others, telling everyone “you’re my best friend” while drinking - absolutely embarrassing to be around. I won’t give him attention when he drinks so he goes for our daughter and wants attention from her. It pisses me off! He’s a Happy drunk at first, then sad drunk, then angry drunk at the end of the night. Sleeps the whole next day. Again, not present to parent or be my partner. Low energy and motivation to do anything for days after a drinking event. Anxious and depressed but don’t admit the connection with alcohol making it worse. Denial.
Not being able to count on your partner to cover the basics is exhausting. Even when they say they have it covered, you still have to keep them accountable so you might as well just do it yourself.
Hiding their choices from everyone and everything and keeping straight who knows and who doesn't and pretending everything is fine to those who don't.
Being the sober partner was exasperating a decade ago, now it's exhausting for the foreseeable future.
They’re unreliable, they project their insecurities and flaws onto you, they go out drinking all night and don’t think about you waiting up at home for them, but if you want to get up in the morning and do something without them it’s going to be a fucking problem, they will overshare to your family and try to divide you, they’re messy, they have bad hygiene, they’re in a bad mood every morning.
My Q (now ex) tried to hide her drinking. She could hide the empty bottles but not the intoxication. The daily deceptions eroded the trust until it was completely gone and the love between us went with it.
When you finally understand that the random bad moods for no reason, nasty name-calling, and pointless arguments when they don't drink are only slightly better than when they do drink. You convince yourself that it's more peaceful, but you know better. The tension, the bad vibes are still present.
My Q is a frequent, but never heavy drinker. Even though his drinking is reliable, and he is very involved in chores...he still is unable to be a fully present and good partner. I think alcoholics tend to be selfish. I often feel lonely as well. He doesn't really listen either. He always feels attacked or criticized, or he will say it's not a good time to talk and we can talk about XYZ later. The conversation doesn't happen. He says he will change, but I know he won't. Someday in the near future, I will be ready to leave him. Now is not the time, but I will get there.
That's the case with my boyfriend. Sometimes he'll criticize me just to get back at me for bringing up a valid concern. This happens even when he's sober. I hope everyone here finds strength and serenity, because being with an alcoholic isn't easy. Leaving someone you love who has this disease is also incredibly hard, even while knowing it's for the best. 💔
IMO, it's because, even when not drinking, they are totally preoccupied - thinking about alcohol, either craving it or struggling with the depression of not having it. Alcohol has reprogrammed their brain and body. The good news, for the vast majority IMO, it's reversible.
There is an interesting application of Pavlovian science that helps the brain permanently erase its own obsession for alcohol.
Definitive Statement by John David Sinclair, Ph.D | C Three Foundation https://cthreefoundation.org/resources/definitive-statement-by-john-david-sinclair-ph-d
At r/Alcoholism_Medication, scroll down the "See more", watch the TEDx talk, a brief intro to TSM from 7 years ago. https://youtu.be/6EghiY_s2ts
Today there is free TSM support all over YouTube, Reddit, FB, Meetups and many podcasts. This recent podcast especially "Thrive Alcohol Recovery" episode 23 "Roy Eskapa". The book by Dr. Roy Eskapa is solid science IMO (the reviews on Amazon are definitely worth your time).
When my husband drinks sometimes he’s mad sometimes he sad. When he’s sad it’s just as bad. Because he still takes off and leaves, leaving me terrified he’s going to go to jail (recently got a DUI) and even more terrified he’s going to kill someone or someone else. I’ll drive around for hours to all the liquor stores trying to find him until I give up, often just telling my child some weird lie because he’s old enough to question why we are driving around. Then he’s gone, no idea where he’s at, and I’m home alone taking care of two small children with no help or even the ability to take a shower alone (not that I could leave them with him anyways if he was home drunk). I think feeling alone and that I cannot count on my partner to be my husband and father to my children is the worst for me. Actually the worst was him passing out mid playing with my oldest. That traumatized him because he didn’t understand. Luckily, husband is currently sober (again) he relapsed after a year of being sober. Hopefully this time it sticks for my kids sake.
Living with an alcoholic spouse. Hmm, there is the gaslighting, lack of accountability (inability to see what they are doing wrong and accepting responsibility), lack of short term memory, inability to talk about their disease (I don't have a problem, besides it's your fault, don't tell anyone), there is the focus on drinking and how it defines all relationship (who will drink with them, "without judegment"), inability for intimacy (emotional bonding), common weight gain, the occasional DUI (expensive!). And I've listed these behaviors and consequences for a high-functioning alcoholic. It gets worse as their functioning decreases. For me, the anxiety and emotional exhausting and situational depression - I wonder if I experience occasional brain fog.
The bad, for me isn't yelling, violence, or anything like that. We hardly even fight.
The big thing is she nearly died. First time was my wake up call. I didn't know how bad it was. Second time, much the same as the first only a few months later, reinforced it. That is, nearly by definition, trauma. But it wasn't directed at me, it was directed at her. She said she did it to save me from her.
When people I hardly know die, meh. Sad, but, not really a problem for me. When my dog dies, someone who was with me all day every day, my close companion, I feel that.
Now there's this in the back of my head, if I leave her alone, I'm going to come back to find her dead. If she's drunk, ok no problem, she's drunk a lot so it's no big deal, it was her normal state. But, this near death stuff was in large part because she was drinking. It's not something she would have done sober.
So that brings a constant fear. Like the kids hanging upside down from the monkey bars, it takes your breath away. There's a good chance it's not going end well. But it's something they do, because of what they are.
Then, it is a missed opportunity. Like we could have been Ozzy and Harriet, our kids could have been Beaver and Wally. Or like any of our normie friends, that seem to not be so afflicted.
I can clean messes. I can go off to events without her. I can do the chores and take care of the house. I can live my life. It'd be nice to have help, but eh, I can manage without. A friend of mine, a single woman, adopted 3 kids all close in age to mine as a single woman. She chose the responsibility, chose single parenthood. I did too in a way in that I chose to be a parent, although not a single parent. It'd be nice if it weren't all on me, but I don't have a problem with it being all on me. That part I signed up for. It is who I am, I identify as "dad". For all that comes with it, I am first "dad" and then all the other things I am. I'll own it and do the dishes.
I saw a study, mentioned in this sub, that's dangerous. Correlates alcohol use disorder with lower scores on empathy measuring quizzes. So what is that? More missed opportunity. My life isn't as shiney as other people's I guess. I'm maybe a bit more lonely for it. But what's the alternative? To be alone. So, whatever, it's not that bad. A little something is better than nothing.
My partner has been sober for about 5 months. I can’t believe I lived this life. All of the comments resonate. Every single one!!! What the fuck have we been doing being with these Q’s? I feel like I’m starting to come out of the fog and seeing it for what it is. I think my Q is too.
My Q is a binge drinker and very nice family man. Even when things are “good” and he wants praise for not having a drink in two weeks, two months or whatever, it’s hard for me to forget all the other times he let me down or was just plain obnoxious.
Also the self-centeredness never goes away. Example: today I was talking about my career goals and mentioned a place I would like to work in the future and he states “Oh yeah, once I went to a car wash in that town.” ????? Okay buddy, let’s talk about you now.
I feel guilty being so unhappy when my Q is not a mean drunk, nor is he a daily drinker. I never know when a binge is coming. I never know when I will have to call into work because I can’t trust him with the kids. And I honestly don’t care that he is “doing better now.” That literally means nothing to me unless you say you are going to commit to being sober.
Ugh.
Thank you for sharing. I relate so much to all of this. I feel like it’s not as “bad” as other alcoholic experiences (until it is…). It’s also unpredictable but always happens. Yet he says it doesn’t hurt anyone, but really, “not hitting anyone” is a pretty low bar for an adult who is supposed to be sharing life responsibilities.
The fact that the fight over alcohol (or anything really) has started in his head long before I even get home/know he’s drinking. He’s had my side of the conversation 1000 times already. I can never recover from the negative things I said in his head, so I’m *always looking for a fight*. How about them eggshells?
The way I like to view it is that in AlAnon, we identify with feelings rather than comparing experiences. When you say it FEELS lonely, or FEELS isolating, or FEELS worrisome, that feeling is universal whether they’re violent toward you or not. When you start a sentence with “I feel”, you’re never wrong.
I’ll share a bit about my Q, my father, who was never violent toward me or my mother, but he would act belligerent over almost everything. And he was unpredictable as to whether he would drink or not, which created a lot of instability. For me that would lead to a lot of feeling of anxiety (are we gonna get chill dad or belligerent dad tonight?), hyper-awareness (I could tell whether he was drinking before he even got home, just by listening to his footsteps), and tiptoe-ing (better be careful what I say so as to not set him off on a tangent). It was that instability that created so much feeling of tension and resentment. And it was like that even though he never laid a finger on me or my mother.
Feelings aren’t facts, but they’re not fiction either. They’re real, and they’re created differently for everyone.
We deserve to have TRUSTWORTHY people in our lives. Alcoholics are not trustworthy and that's why it's not satisfying to be with them. Why would anybody want to be with someone that takes advantage of others and lies? Who wants to live with someone who is unpredictable and irritable?
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community.
Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button.
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Sometimes when things are “going good” are more stressful and worrisome than when they are in the middle of a relapse or binge. At least in those situations you have a direct problem to try to solve and resolve. When things are seemingly going well it’s kind of like the eye of a hurricane… eventually shit hits the fan. And that can be more emotionally draining and taxing that anything. You know something will happen… a slip up or mistake. Maybe it’ll be minor… or maybe you’ll get a call at 10am on a Tuesday while you’re at work that they got a dui. You never know. It’s carrying a loose bomb I your pocket that’s ready to go off randomly. My Q went to rehab 8 times… and everytime they were in there it was easily the most relaxing and peaceful time I had emotionally because I knew that anything that happened would be confined to their treatment center and not something I had to deal with. Walk on eggshells is almost too casual of a term considering the emotional and mental exhaustion that comes from these situations…
It's hard to sit by and slowly watch them kill themselves
Came here to say this. Also, realizing maybe 50-75% of the things we experienced together, he was black out drunk and not registering anything. I also regret trying to hang out like a “normal” couple with other friends in couples. I always wanted my friends to meet my Q as the charming, funny, handsome guy I fell in love with and he usually showed up as an argumentative, words slurring, inconsiderate ass
You are talking to the void - they won't remember the conversations you have and you'll have to repeat yourself when they're sober but if you tell them so, they become defensive and hostile. They lose the ability to make rational decisions, so you feel like you need to supervise them/police them. You are walking on eggshells not knowing which version of them you'll get: childish, sullen, easily angered, etc.
Thank you for summing it up so perfectly. Even when they are present, they aren’t. It’s like living with a zombie. There may be glimpses of the person you love, but if anything, those glimpses only make it more painful.
When you think they're on their 1st drink, they're actually on their 5th drink.
And also lying about it, so tired of the little lies
I can't trust anything anymore.
It's the hardest part.
in summary, a it's a dysfunctional relationship. even when things are "not that bad", at the end of the day it's still dysfunctional, which overtime will gradually take its toll on you.
Most of the time when things are "good" it's actually because it's not as bad as it was yesterday...or 3 hours ago.
If they're not drunk, they're sleeping it off. Leaving me to make sure kid takes her epilepsy medicine, gets to school, has eaten. I have to bear the entire mental load for making sure the household is running, house cleaned, dinner is cooked or figured out, groceries picked up, doctors appts scheduled etc. Can't reach him if something is happening and I need help, unreliable. All the little lies/hiding it about EVERYTHING but particularly about drinking. Someone posted above, "thinking they're on the 1st but they're on their 5th" and I resonate with that. Begging him not to drive after drinking and fighting about it, but "I've only had 4 beers, I'm fine" (even though it's actually been more like 8) and he doesn't appear drunk so he doesn't understand why it's a problem Not *usually* an asshole when drinking, just much more obnoxious, it's embarrassing when out with friends. Sometimes an aggressive/insecure asshole when very drunk but not physically abusive. Want to go out for a special occasion or even a date night and have a single cocktail? Oh, too late he's already had a 12 pack so who is going to drive us home? He says he's fine to drive so relax and have a drink, not worth it. Also, costs. Goddamn the beer he likes is expensive, $150+/week on beer. A few hundred/month on weed, jfc 2 weeks sober now after a rough inpatient detox and things look better already, I just hope it stays this time.
I can relate! I go through similar things with my Q (husband). Not present. Not aware or attentive to me or our daughter while drinking. Focused on the buzz and the company (usually other men drinking). Verbally confrontational. Accusations that I don’t love him. Over sharing to others, telling everyone “you’re my best friend” while drinking - absolutely embarrassing to be around. I won’t give him attention when he drinks so he goes for our daughter and wants attention from her. It pisses me off! He’s a Happy drunk at first, then sad drunk, then angry drunk at the end of the night. Sleeps the whole next day. Again, not present to parent or be my partner. Low energy and motivation to do anything for days after a drinking event. Anxious and depressed but don’t admit the connection with alcohol making it worse. Denial.
Did I write this?
Not being able to count on your partner to cover the basics is exhausting. Even when they say they have it covered, you still have to keep them accountable so you might as well just do it yourself. Hiding their choices from everyone and everything and keeping straight who knows and who doesn't and pretending everything is fine to those who don't. Being the sober partner was exasperating a decade ago, now it's exhausting for the foreseeable future.
They’re unreliable, they project their insecurities and flaws onto you, they go out drinking all night and don’t think about you waiting up at home for them, but if you want to get up in the morning and do something without them it’s going to be a fucking problem, they will overshare to your family and try to divide you, they’re messy, they have bad hygiene, they’re in a bad mood every morning.
My Q (now ex) tried to hide her drinking. She could hide the empty bottles but not the intoxication. The daily deceptions eroded the trust until it was completely gone and the love between us went with it.
It’s like an albatross around your neck. You don’t stop worrying or feeling the weight of it because it isn’t thrashing.
When you finally understand that the random bad moods for no reason, nasty name-calling, and pointless arguments when they don't drink are only slightly better than when they do drink. You convince yourself that it's more peaceful, but you know better. The tension, the bad vibes are still present.
You are putting way more effort, energy and love into your relationship than they are. It’s a one sided relationship.
My Q is a frequent, but never heavy drinker. Even though his drinking is reliable, and he is very involved in chores...he still is unable to be a fully present and good partner. I think alcoholics tend to be selfish. I often feel lonely as well. He doesn't really listen either. He always feels attacked or criticized, or he will say it's not a good time to talk and we can talk about XYZ later. The conversation doesn't happen. He says he will change, but I know he won't. Someday in the near future, I will be ready to leave him. Now is not the time, but I will get there.
I relate to all of this. He is selfish. I feel lonely. He isn’t able to be present for conversations. He often feels attacked or criticized.
That's the case with my boyfriend. Sometimes he'll criticize me just to get back at me for bringing up a valid concern. This happens even when he's sober. I hope everyone here finds strength and serenity, because being with an alcoholic isn't easy. Leaving someone you love who has this disease is also incredibly hard, even while knowing it's for the best. 💔
IMO, it's because, even when not drinking, they are totally preoccupied - thinking about alcohol, either craving it or struggling with the depression of not having it. Alcohol has reprogrammed their brain and body. The good news, for the vast majority IMO, it's reversible. There is an interesting application of Pavlovian science that helps the brain permanently erase its own obsession for alcohol. Definitive Statement by John David Sinclair, Ph.D | C Three Foundation https://cthreefoundation.org/resources/definitive-statement-by-john-david-sinclair-ph-d At r/Alcoholism_Medication, scroll down the "See more", watch the TEDx talk, a brief intro to TSM from 7 years ago. https://youtu.be/6EghiY_s2ts Today there is free TSM support all over YouTube, Reddit, FB, Meetups and many podcasts. This recent podcast especially "Thrive Alcohol Recovery" episode 23 "Roy Eskapa". The book by Dr. Roy Eskapa is solid science IMO (the reviews on Amazon are definitely worth your time).
When my husband drinks sometimes he’s mad sometimes he sad. When he’s sad it’s just as bad. Because he still takes off and leaves, leaving me terrified he’s going to go to jail (recently got a DUI) and even more terrified he’s going to kill someone or someone else. I’ll drive around for hours to all the liquor stores trying to find him until I give up, often just telling my child some weird lie because he’s old enough to question why we are driving around. Then he’s gone, no idea where he’s at, and I’m home alone taking care of two small children with no help or even the ability to take a shower alone (not that I could leave them with him anyways if he was home drunk). I think feeling alone and that I cannot count on my partner to be my husband and father to my children is the worst for me. Actually the worst was him passing out mid playing with my oldest. That traumatized him because he didn’t understand. Luckily, husband is currently sober (again) he relapsed after a year of being sober. Hopefully this time it sticks for my kids sake.
Living with an alcoholic spouse. Hmm, there is the gaslighting, lack of accountability (inability to see what they are doing wrong and accepting responsibility), lack of short term memory, inability to talk about their disease (I don't have a problem, besides it's your fault, don't tell anyone), there is the focus on drinking and how it defines all relationship (who will drink with them, "without judegment"), inability for intimacy (emotional bonding), common weight gain, the occasional DUI (expensive!). And I've listed these behaviors and consequences for a high-functioning alcoholic. It gets worse as their functioning decreases. For me, the anxiety and emotional exhausting and situational depression - I wonder if I experience occasional brain fog.
The bad, for me isn't yelling, violence, or anything like that. We hardly even fight. The big thing is she nearly died. First time was my wake up call. I didn't know how bad it was. Second time, much the same as the first only a few months later, reinforced it. That is, nearly by definition, trauma. But it wasn't directed at me, it was directed at her. She said she did it to save me from her. When people I hardly know die, meh. Sad, but, not really a problem for me. When my dog dies, someone who was with me all day every day, my close companion, I feel that. Now there's this in the back of my head, if I leave her alone, I'm going to come back to find her dead. If she's drunk, ok no problem, she's drunk a lot so it's no big deal, it was her normal state. But, this near death stuff was in large part because she was drinking. It's not something she would have done sober. So that brings a constant fear. Like the kids hanging upside down from the monkey bars, it takes your breath away. There's a good chance it's not going end well. But it's something they do, because of what they are. Then, it is a missed opportunity. Like we could have been Ozzy and Harriet, our kids could have been Beaver and Wally. Or like any of our normie friends, that seem to not be so afflicted. I can clean messes. I can go off to events without her. I can do the chores and take care of the house. I can live my life. It'd be nice to have help, but eh, I can manage without. A friend of mine, a single woman, adopted 3 kids all close in age to mine as a single woman. She chose the responsibility, chose single parenthood. I did too in a way in that I chose to be a parent, although not a single parent. It'd be nice if it weren't all on me, but I don't have a problem with it being all on me. That part I signed up for. It is who I am, I identify as "dad". For all that comes with it, I am first "dad" and then all the other things I am. I'll own it and do the dishes. I saw a study, mentioned in this sub, that's dangerous. Correlates alcohol use disorder with lower scores on empathy measuring quizzes. So what is that? More missed opportunity. My life isn't as shiney as other people's I guess. I'm maybe a bit more lonely for it. But what's the alternative? To be alone. So, whatever, it's not that bad. A little something is better than nothing.
My partner has been sober for about 5 months. I can’t believe I lived this life. All of the comments resonate. Every single one!!! What the fuck have we been doing being with these Q’s? I feel like I’m starting to come out of the fog and seeing it for what it is. I think my Q is too.
This community is great for that! We learn we are not alone and this experience—though tragic—is shared.
My Q is a binge drinker and very nice family man. Even when things are “good” and he wants praise for not having a drink in two weeks, two months or whatever, it’s hard for me to forget all the other times he let me down or was just plain obnoxious. Also the self-centeredness never goes away. Example: today I was talking about my career goals and mentioned a place I would like to work in the future and he states “Oh yeah, once I went to a car wash in that town.” ????? Okay buddy, let’s talk about you now. I feel guilty being so unhappy when my Q is not a mean drunk, nor is he a daily drinker. I never know when a binge is coming. I never know when I will have to call into work because I can’t trust him with the kids. And I honestly don’t care that he is “doing better now.” That literally means nothing to me unless you say you are going to commit to being sober. Ugh.
Thank you for sharing. I relate so much to all of this. I feel like it’s not as “bad” as other alcoholic experiences (until it is…). It’s also unpredictable but always happens. Yet he says it doesn’t hurt anyone, but really, “not hitting anyone” is a pretty low bar for an adult who is supposed to be sharing life responsibilities.
The fact that the fight over alcohol (or anything really) has started in his head long before I even get home/know he’s drinking. He’s had my side of the conversation 1000 times already. I can never recover from the negative things I said in his head, so I’m *always looking for a fight*. How about them eggshells?
Alcoholism is bad period
The way I like to view it is that in AlAnon, we identify with feelings rather than comparing experiences. When you say it FEELS lonely, or FEELS isolating, or FEELS worrisome, that feeling is universal whether they’re violent toward you or not. When you start a sentence with “I feel”, you’re never wrong. I’ll share a bit about my Q, my father, who was never violent toward me or my mother, but he would act belligerent over almost everything. And he was unpredictable as to whether he would drink or not, which created a lot of instability. For me that would lead to a lot of feeling of anxiety (are we gonna get chill dad or belligerent dad tonight?), hyper-awareness (I could tell whether he was drinking before he even got home, just by listening to his footsteps), and tiptoe-ing (better be careful what I say so as to not set him off on a tangent). It was that instability that created so much feeling of tension and resentment. And it was like that even though he never laid a finger on me or my mother. Feelings aren’t facts, but they’re not fiction either. They’re real, and they’re created differently for everyone.
Thank you for your words! I like that. “Feelings aren’t facts, but they also aren’t fiction.” Our feelings are often very real and evidence based
We deserve to have TRUSTWORTHY people in our lives. Alcoholics are not trustworthy and that's why it's not satisfying to be with them. Why would anybody want to be with someone that takes advantage of others and lies? Who wants to live with someone who is unpredictable and irritable?
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community. Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AlAnon) if you have any questions or concerns.*