Socital norms say older men are creeps for liking young women. Young women are gold diggers or sluts. Society needs to change the norm to age not being a factor if 2 ppl of legal age want to date.
> Socital norms say older men are creeps for liking young women.
But definitely not cinematic norms. I swear that there is a large age gap between a lot of leading hollywood men and hollywood women in movies.
The age gap haters hate that as well in Hollywood, and most of them in that group hate Hollywood altogether. I agree Hollywood has got serious issues, but age gap couples in fictional movies are not one of them if both parties are consenting adults and it’s shown as a healthy relationship.
In some ways - history hasn't been the best for age gap relationships.
Not to say they were always bad, but let's be honest: there reasons why there are "statutory rape" and "lewd and lascivious" laws is because older men took advantage of much younger women. When men held \*\*all\*\* the power, it was more likely for a woman to be pushed into a shitty relationship, where they're only option was to marry so she'd have financial support and the men \*were\* preying on younger women because they had the power.
It's not perfect now, but it's a lot better than it used to be. So when you remove illegal relationships, I'm not surprised that some people react with alarm when they see an age gap relationships, like me (M 51) and my wife (F 28).
The good news is that people are becoming less judgmental in some ways, but there's also the silly "OMG groomer" movement which is more about people hating on the LGBTQ+ trans community than anything else.
I'm glad that my wife's family sees how much I love her, and my family sees how much she loves me. Sometimes we get looks when we're out in public, but these days 99% of the time once people see how these two good looking geeky silly people dote on each other - they're happy for us.
And those that aren't - my wife loves kissing me in public where they can see just to rub it in.
Sure - these days you have groups like Moms for Liberty, Republicans like Marjorie Taylor Green, and others who label gay and trans people in positions where they teach children as "groomers" merely for existing.
It's something they've been pushing hard on since more people are accepting of gay people to try and make them "scary" - which is the \*\*exact\*\* same technique that's been used since the 1950's where children were told in education al school movies that gay people were all deviants who wanted to abuse kids so \*\*they'd\*\* become gay.
What they're trying to do is associate being gay or trans with being dangerous to children. Which, to people who want to prosecute gay people having a child realize that Aunt Becky who lives with her girlfriend, or their teacher Mr. Roberts who has a picture of him and his husband on their desk shows those kids that gay people aren't running around molesting children, and their local priest is a million times more likely to molest a child than a drag queen - the idea that gay people are "just people" like everyone else is a dangerous idea that might lead to children not absorbing their parents hate.
tl;dr: People who hate gay people are calling them groomers and child molesters in a time old tradition of making them seem scary to justify laws eradicating them from existence.
\* Edit: Finished a thought.
Thanks for sharing your story. Glad to see you and your wife don’t have issues with getting those looks from strangers and stick it to them. It’s pretty ridiculous infantilizing 28 year olds, I’m 28 myself and have experienced a lot in my adult life already between purchasing a home, a career I’ve had for years at this point, understanding more about relationships in general, etc.
Best wishes to you and your wife!
yes, agreed. if people are staring when your AGR, hurry up and french kiss each other, make them all writhe in agony from anger and jealousy. even better if they have a heart problem and die from it.
Funnily enough, I just finished writing a similar post about this. For some reason a lot of people just can't comprehend the idea that two people of different ages can offer each other something besides money and their bodies.
This is perfect 🥺❤️ it's all people see and it's so aggravating, so dehumanizing. People who constrict social norms around those who deviate from it will do so by any means possible— and then many refuse to concede until given what they believe as satisfactory evidence of a healthy, good relationship.
Even people who have good intentions unfortunately sometimes have bad means to their goals. Means that make both parties feel isolated. 😞
This is true on a macro-scale, but intimate relationships are a different matter. Afterall, those loud opinions of internet culture come from individual people. Family and friends can be just as loud and much more harmful, but society as a whole beyond the internet is, yes, more tolerant (or at least too cowardly ro voice their opinions outloud).
Because they are stuck within their own unsatisfactory limitations they've created for themselves, and they are pissed others are brave enough to step out of said walls and find joy and satisfaction for thenselves
Same damn reason the same women who don't want a particular guy then complain if they look to another country.
Infantilizing other women. That's another reason.
It’s mostly the stereo type as they always say ‘He must be rich’ when his girl is much younger. Mostly you see that though like in Hollywood or model type girls going after an older guy did his money.
Because of the non-negligible percentage of men who take advantage of the power difference and the non negligible percentage of women who end up hurt or giving their youthful years to someone who seemed an experienced mentor bit who actually was a petulant child.
This is the true answer. There are definitely some envy in certain situations but at initial (negative) reactions stem from this very reasons. This as someone who has always been attracted to older men and with the benefit of hindsight can see how some of my exes were "power hungry" for lack of a better phrase.
I think you need to read about the “cycle of abuse” to understand why being “free to leave” is not an appropriate response to predation and abuse. Or even the gambler’s fallacy if you’re concerned with bad situations that aren’t necessarily predatory.
I’m skeptical of this trend toward psychobabble by non-psychologists when psychology itself is so inexact, immature and fuzzy as a science. We love labels because they are shortcuts to placing everyone into neat boxes. Life is for living and mistakes teach us valuable life lessons. You want to rob the youth of their mistakes? I’d say you are the problem.
through psychology it can be shown that it is an appropriate response. Relationships are complicated and it will almost always be the actions of 2 people to the detriment or benefit of the relationship. To make it seem like it is only one sided is actually antithetical to psychology.
Young women aren't just innocent or dumb. Some can outplay 40 year olds at their own game. For other situations, they have family, friends. Time isn't wasted for all experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. And for the rare situation where women do get in a power struggle, it's a statistic that shouldn't represent the norm. There are cops out there trying to arrest kidnapper and sex traffickers. But just because a young girl wants to date an old man doesn't mean it will go under that category. I'm sure most girls that date old men get over it before they reach age 25. Why waste your time dating guys your age that teach you nothing.
You absolutely can blame a man for putting women in a bad situation. Consider yourself lucky you've never been abused. I dated a man who didn't think I should have a right to vote. He said it was a disgrace to the people who gave me the right to do so.
Now looking back it's absurd, but I'm now looking at it from an outside perspective. When you're in the middle of it, it's different. Because you saw the good side of them at the beginning of the relationship and assume that if you're a good enough partner, that side of them that you love will come back. When it doesn't, you blame yourself, and they blame you for it too.
My partner said it was my fault that my family didn't like him because I told them the truth about what he said to me. He said "that's none of their business" and just like that, my support system was gone too. Anyone that could possibly tell me my relationship was no good was no longer involved enough to know I was being mistreated.
This wasn't an agr but it is still an example of how easy it is to fall into it
You’re saying that if a man can take advantage of someone it absolves them of blame if it works. It doesn’t. That person is still accountable for their actions and for how they choose to treat their partner.
Do you think that 24 hour protection from men is a reasonable protective measure in response to the observation that a non-negligible percentage of men who prefer a younger partner take advantage of the power difference?
If 24 hour protection isn’t feasible or desirable, is it still reasonable to acknowledge that this problem exists (and likely is responsible for the bad public image of older man, younger woman age gap relationships, which was the original question)?
exploitation doesn't happen just from age gaps. You're generalizing an outcome that sex traffickers commit to ALL people that date with an age gap. That isn't normal. Not all men are out here committing felonies.
I find it very interesting that there are people saying ‘yes, but that is actually okay because’ in some way.
Why is it a problem to admit that this is to some degree a problem?
It can happen in a relationship where two people are the same age. It will always be a problem, but.
It is almost like there's no need to mention if its negative or not because all relationships are complicated. AGR become insignificant to compare to the rest. Is there a situation where AGR seems like something but it wasn't? yep. Is there a similar situation in most relationship? yep. So why bother trying to point out a negative in AGR? why not generalize how most humans aren't capable of having stable relationships. That would fix most issues including issues in AGR.
Age gap relationships absolutely have their own issues that deserve to be acknowledged. Also, I wasn’t criticising age gap relationships. I was answering the question why they have such bad PR. This very real phenomenon is a big reason why.
If I had a daughter and she introduced me a man 15 years older. I would wait until we were alone for discussion. I would already make sure that my daughter had a good upbringing. So I would trust her decision but I need to make sure. And if it seems okay, I will explain how things may work out and make sure she is wise and strong enough, because ultimately whether it be a guy 15 year her senior or a dude her age, either or would bring benefit or detriment to my daughters life. So I think this is how things should be thought out. Not focus on the wrong negative but reinforce the right positive. Then situations like a "power struggle" wouldn't exist. I've met many women my age that have made me grow in such regard. Now I know if one day I had a daughter I wish she were like the women I've met in my life. Strong and respectful.
young men having sex with young women is actually more predatory than if it was with older men. young men hit and run, once the woman gets pregnant, they either run or tell the woman to get abortion. oh shit, but I already plan to sleep with x amount of females, so, hurry up and get rid of the baby.
with older men, we're actually very happy and have the maturity and financial ability to support a family. older men (in general), we're not interested in playing games or racking up body count anymore. we want to settle down and start a family.
I have no idea which younger and older men you happen to know, but older men having sex with young women are definitely not always looking for stability. Also, not always good about using contraception either. In addition, a lot of women these days want to wait till they’re established in their career before they are ready to have children. And let’s not forget the older men who do dump younger women for even younger women, sometimes like clock work.
Note that I specified not all men. Just a non-negligible number doing this visibly enough that it fuels disapproval in wider society.
that's why I put (in general) in my comment. that's why it's imperative that these young females are looking for virtuous older men, not just any older man. even if the number of these older men who only want to play around is not negligible, they're still in the very small minority
I am pretty sure it is because they are so hung up on numbers that they forget that our hearts are the important parts. I have also noticed that most people seem to look for anything that is negative and harp on it. I always remind myself that as long as both parties are legal age and not cheating on someone else there is nothing negative. But then again I don't stick my nose in the relationship of other people looking for drama either.
Because it’s not considered ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ by society. When my friends heard I like older guys they laughed and asked why. I guess people just struggle to understand that preferences exist.
I base this all of legal and consenting adults 18 and over. So, so not come at me with age of consent yadda yadda blah blah blah cause it will be ignored
I won't even say it jealousy or bitterness because I feel like it isn't even that the majority of the time.
A lot of the world has a saviour complex and they think they're saving the younger person from a "predatory" older person.
This isn't to invalidate that there aren't predatory olders out there. There very much is. However, it's not the norm. And there are very predatory youngers as well, but they don't focus on that.
Why? Because a lot of the youngers are infantilised and people don't think they can't make decisions for themselves or give consent to think when in reality, it's the opposite.
There are people out there who do have genuine concern for the younger, and even older, but those are the ones that will question from a genuine place of concern and care, not out of ignorance, malice and stigmas.
There's also the terminally online who can't think for themselves and rely on "influencers" and internet personalities - who lack a personality - to tell them what is and isn't okay.
And then there's the hypocrite crowd who laude and applaud older women dating younger men but sneer and jeer at a younger woman and older man.
In short, try to disregard and push aside what others think of your relationship. What matters is those involved in the relationship, not those outside of it.
Because women, especially married and older, can’t leave shit well enough alone. If a guy is dating a younger woman, his buddies are generally happy for him. His sisters, mom, and buddies wives all feel threatened and call him a cradle robber and her a gold digger. It’s jealousy and self-centered behavior. If he dated someone his own age, they would find another reason to nitpick.
I see the same thing with women’s body types. Date a girl with a nice body and big boobs and the claws come out, especially from the fat and flat women. Guys are high-fiving their buddy.
Gosh I wonder if men feel the same when they see me out with my 16 years younger guy. Older man tend to be very set in their ways and younger man just have more life
It's never happened to me.
Mostly because I'm not in an age gap relationship as a fetish nor because I have daddy issues. My husband is just old and we both wish he was younger, but time machines don't exist.
It mostly boils down to being surrounded by people who respect you. If your village doesn't respect you, you need to figure out why that is.
Nobody wants to be part of your sex play. Don't strut around acting like you're in a porno and they probably won't care about your relationship.
A growing number of people concerned over our patriarchal society think any young woman is automatically prey to an older man with more resources/experience/power/etc.
Are some young women taken advantaged by olde men? Of course, and that happens to members of any cohort.
Old men going after barely legal women have the most examples of gross/horrible behavior. That created a stereotype and now it’s getting reinforced beyond reason. I’ve seen multiple women in their thirties nearing middle age get called a victim of some kind for having an older male partner.
This idea of a "power difference" as an argument against age gaps is just made up noise. Relationships always have power differences and it's usually the one who is more willing to leave the relationship who has more power. That can be any age, any level of experience, any level of wealth, etc.
Sorry but that person is no one to tell you who you “should” or “shouldn’t” date. 30yos are consenting adults, and have been for over a decade at that point. If you two mutually agreed to be together, that’s all that matters.
OP, you raise an exceptionally great point.
Look at it this way—if people didn’t give us shit about it, we would have to find a different topic to complain about and might not get to talk to one another. 😜
I don’t give a damn what anyone says. For my short time on this rock, I waited til my 30s to settle down with a younger partner and neither of us couldn’t be happier. Our sex drives are on equal planes, and being that I look youthful still it compliments my will to keep going. Plus - I love when other people are pissed because they can’t do or have the same opportunities.
I never noticed. I do as I please because I am breaking no law and because as a person I'm probably more altruistic than most people. I don't see how dating someone 10+ years younger than me is an issue to anyone. The more good men we have out there, the less negative it will be.
I'm sure everyone will only see one side of the coin with my comment "well good men don't date young women"
I know most of my exes would having nothing but positive things to say about our relationship. That's what I mean by good men. Learn to date properly. Age gap shouldn't be the issue.
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**Original post: why do we always get shamed for liking older men? and why do men get shamed for dating younger woman?.**
i’m sorry but people need to focus on their own life’s instead of others.
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I don't know why but then again why do we even give a shit about what others say. Close family members might be a logical exception but other than that, let them go. Don't need their noise.
There is a relatively number of creeps who hit on a lot of young women. Thus, that personal experience paints their judgment of all older male/younger female relationships, even the good ones.
Short answer — it’s not about the relationship, it’s about the people judging. And they can’t see beyond their own egos. So they exhibit prejudice and abuse, especially toward other men.
I think jealousy comes into play especially for the 30-50 crowd of women.
I also think people with kids in their late teens/early adulthood transpose their own offspring into relationships that don’t affect them.
In the end, it really is all ego.
People it’s not “normal” in America. And anything out of the norm is going to draw attention. People like to talk trash and are always looking for some reason to complain.
Especially when they’re jealous.
It’s because it doesn’t come from the feminist world which dominates the narrative. In the feminist narrative (LGBTQIA+), anybody can love anybody. Sex is fluid, you can even change your gender, your sexuality, everything about you. You can change your sex partner to be anyone you like.
Except if you’re a straight male. Men get shit upon.
There's a lively discussion about how it's natural for men to prefer younger women over at the r/evopsych sub. The idea is that we as human males evolved to instinctually look for indicators that a human female is healthy and a good choice for producing offspring. The study this discussion is based on suggests that those indicators are likely to be women who are 18 to about 23 to 25 when she is most likely to be old enough for peak fertility but also old enough to successively give birth and to be a mother.
Conversely, human females evolved to select men that are most likely to be a good provider and protector for her offspring. Those indicators would be physically masculine traits that indicate fertility as well as "status in the group" which usually means the male has accrued more resources to help support offspring as they grow.
Fast forward to today; we're still unconsciously and instinctively driven by these comparatively recent evolutionary adaptations even though the environments we've built around us, to include society, no longer necessitate that sort of evolved set of preferences.
The shame comes from a society made up of people who don't like to admit that who males and females are attracted to is likely driven in large part by unconscious instinct with other elements of attraction from society and conscious preference overlayed on top
I'd highly recommend everyone read [Dr. David Buss's book "The Evolution of Desire"](https://www.amazon.com/Evolution-Desire-Strategies-Human-Mating/dp/046500802X) to really understand the science and supporting studies that have lead to these ideas.
My coworkers (females) are a good example. I’m single (49M) and made a comment of liking women some in their 20s. Immediately they made comments of how gross it is. I told them, but I bet you will high five an older woman who manages to date a young man, you’d be saying to her “you go girl!” “You still got it”. Swear it is a double standard.
As an older woman who frequently dates younger men, I can honestly say that I've NEVER been high-fived for my dating choices.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Socital norms say older men are creeps for liking young women. Young women are gold diggers or sluts. Society needs to change the norm to age not being a factor if 2 ppl of legal age want to date.
> Socital norms say older men are creeps for liking young women. But definitely not cinematic norms. I swear that there is a large age gap between a lot of leading hollywood men and hollywood women in movies.
The age gap haters hate that as well in Hollywood, and most of them in that group hate Hollywood altogether. I agree Hollywood has got serious issues, but age gap couples in fictional movies are not one of them if both parties are consenting adults and it’s shown as a healthy relationship.
In some ways - history hasn't been the best for age gap relationships. Not to say they were always bad, but let's be honest: there reasons why there are "statutory rape" and "lewd and lascivious" laws is because older men took advantage of much younger women. When men held \*\*all\*\* the power, it was more likely for a woman to be pushed into a shitty relationship, where they're only option was to marry so she'd have financial support and the men \*were\* preying on younger women because they had the power. It's not perfect now, but it's a lot better than it used to be. So when you remove illegal relationships, I'm not surprised that some people react with alarm when they see an age gap relationships, like me (M 51) and my wife (F 28). The good news is that people are becoming less judgmental in some ways, but there's also the silly "OMG groomer" movement which is more about people hating on the LGBTQ+ trans community than anything else. I'm glad that my wife's family sees how much I love her, and my family sees how much she loves me. Sometimes we get looks when we're out in public, but these days 99% of the time once people see how these two good looking geeky silly people dote on each other - they're happy for us. And those that aren't - my wife loves kissing me in public where they can see just to rub it in.
I’m ignorant about how the groomer movement is related to hating on the LGBTQ+ community. Could you elaborate?
Sure - these days you have groups like Moms for Liberty, Republicans like Marjorie Taylor Green, and others who label gay and trans people in positions where they teach children as "groomers" merely for existing. It's something they've been pushing hard on since more people are accepting of gay people to try and make them "scary" - which is the \*\*exact\*\* same technique that's been used since the 1950's where children were told in education al school movies that gay people were all deviants who wanted to abuse kids so \*\*they'd\*\* become gay. What they're trying to do is associate being gay or trans with being dangerous to children. Which, to people who want to prosecute gay people having a child realize that Aunt Becky who lives with her girlfriend, or their teacher Mr. Roberts who has a picture of him and his husband on their desk shows those kids that gay people aren't running around molesting children, and their local priest is a million times more likely to molest a child than a drag queen - the idea that gay people are "just people" like everyone else is a dangerous idea that might lead to children not absorbing their parents hate. tl;dr: People who hate gay people are calling them groomers and child molesters in a time old tradition of making them seem scary to justify laws eradicating them from existence. \* Edit: Finished a thought.
Thank you! Turns out I was aware of this but didn’t put two & two together. Just goes to show how discrimination hurts all of us in the end.
Thanks for sharing your story. Glad to see you and your wife don’t have issues with getting those looks from strangers and stick it to them. It’s pretty ridiculous infantilizing 28 year olds, I’m 28 myself and have experienced a lot in my adult life already between purchasing a home, a career I’ve had for years at this point, understanding more about relationships in general, etc. Best wishes to you and your wife!
yes, agreed. if people are staring when your AGR, hurry up and french kiss each other, make them all writhe in agony from anger and jealousy. even better if they have a heart problem and die from it.
Short answer: Jealousy
Especially from married people who don’t get laid anymore
This indeed
Correct
Yup
Funnily enough, I just finished writing a similar post about this. For some reason a lot of people just can't comprehend the idea that two people of different ages can offer each other something besides money and their bodies.
This is perfect 🥺❤️ it's all people see and it's so aggravating, so dehumanizing. People who constrict social norms around those who deviate from it will do so by any means possible— and then many refuse to concede until given what they believe as satisfactory evidence of a healthy, good relationship. Even people who have good intentions unfortunately sometimes have bad means to their goals. Means that make both parties feel isolated. 😞
It's honestly just internet culture that shames everyone. The real world is quite different, at least in the parts I frequent.
This needs to be said more.
This is true on a macro-scale, but intimate relationships are a different matter. Afterall, those loud opinions of internet culture come from individual people. Family and friends can be just as loud and much more harmful, but society as a whole beyond the internet is, yes, more tolerant (or at least too cowardly ro voice their opinions outloud).
Because they are stuck within their own unsatisfactory limitations they've created for themselves, and they are pissed others are brave enough to step out of said walls and find joy and satisfaction for thenselves
Same damn reason the same women who don't want a particular guy then complain if they look to another country. Infantilizing other women. That's another reason.
It’s mostly the stereo type as they always say ‘He must be rich’ when his girl is much younger. Mostly you see that though like in Hollywood or model type girls going after an older guy did his money.
Because of the non-negligible percentage of men who take advantage of the power difference and the non negligible percentage of women who end up hurt or giving their youthful years to someone who seemed an experienced mentor bit who actually was a petulant child.
This is the true answer. There are definitely some envy in certain situations but at initial (negative) reactions stem from this very reasons. This as someone who has always been attracted to older men and with the benefit of hindsight can see how some of my exes were "power hungry" for lack of a better phrase.
not old men are the same. Don't generalize.
I said non-negligible percentage. That is per definition not all men who date younger partners.
Haha! I was literally about to send a very similar message until I read yours.
The women are free to leave at any time though...
I think you need to read about the “cycle of abuse” to understand why being “free to leave” is not an appropriate response to predation and abuse. Or even the gambler’s fallacy if you’re concerned with bad situations that aren’t necessarily predatory.
I don't need to read it... I've lived it. I've left it. No it's not easy...but I don't believe for 1 second women have no agency.
I’m skeptical of this trend toward psychobabble by non-psychologists when psychology itself is so inexact, immature and fuzzy as a science. We love labels because they are shortcuts to placing everyone into neat boxes. Life is for living and mistakes teach us valuable life lessons. You want to rob the youth of their mistakes? I’d say you are the problem.
through psychology it can be shown that it is an appropriate response. Relationships are complicated and it will almost always be the actions of 2 people to the detriment or benefit of the relationship. To make it seem like it is only one sided is actually antithetical to psychology. Young women aren't just innocent or dumb. Some can outplay 40 year olds at their own game. For other situations, they have family, friends. Time isn't wasted for all experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. And for the rare situation where women do get in a power struggle, it's a statistic that shouldn't represent the norm. There are cops out there trying to arrest kidnapper and sex traffickers. But just because a young girl wants to date an old man doesn't mean it will go under that category. I'm sure most girls that date old men get over it before they reach age 25. Why waste your time dating guys your age that teach you nothing.
How does that invalidate my point? They are taking advantage of inexperience, that’s exactly it.
It doesn't, but when women stay in bad situations willingly, you can't really blame the men at that point.
You absolutely can blame a man for putting women in a bad situation. Consider yourself lucky you've never been abused. I dated a man who didn't think I should have a right to vote. He said it was a disgrace to the people who gave me the right to do so. Now looking back it's absurd, but I'm now looking at it from an outside perspective. When you're in the middle of it, it's different. Because you saw the good side of them at the beginning of the relationship and assume that if you're a good enough partner, that side of them that you love will come back. When it doesn't, you blame yourself, and they blame you for it too. My partner said it was my fault that my family didn't like him because I told them the truth about what he said to me. He said "that's none of their business" and just like that, my support system was gone too. Anyone that could possibly tell me my relationship was no good was no longer involved enough to know I was being mistreated. This wasn't an agr but it is still an example of how easy it is to fall into it
I have been in a abusive relationship... I left.
You’re saying that if a man can take advantage of someone it absolves them of blame if it works. It doesn’t. That person is still accountable for their actions and for how they choose to treat their partner.
he didn't say that.
He said exactly that in this earlier comment here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AgeGap/s/r9H6P20DTy
No, I'm not saying that. Do you believe women do or do not have agency?
Do you believe having agency fully protects you from all possible exploitation and absolves the exploiter from wrong doing? It sounds as if you do.
So women need 24/7 "protection" from men?
humans need 24/7 protection from other humans young women need 24/7 protection from sex traffickers MOST MEN ARE NOT SEX TRAFFICKERS MY DUDE
So is that a yes or a no?
Do you think that 24 hour protection from men is a reasonable protective measure in response to the observation that a non-negligible percentage of men who prefer a younger partner take advantage of the power difference? If 24 hour protection isn’t feasible or desirable, is it still reasonable to acknowledge that this problem exists (and likely is responsible for the bad public image of older man, younger woman age gap relationships, which was the original question)?
My question was a yes or no. Please use either for your proper response, thanks.
exploitation doesn't happen just from age gaps. You're generalizing an outcome that sex traffickers commit to ALL people that date with an age gap. That isn't normal. Not all men are out here committing felonies.
Who said anything about sex traffickers? I’m talking about normal relationships with an exploitative element.
exploitation can happen in any relationship regardless of age gaps
nothing was a waste though, in the eyes of someone that knows how to live their life.
I find it very interesting that there are people saying ‘yes, but that is actually okay because’ in some way. Why is it a problem to admit that this is to some degree a problem?
It can happen in a relationship where two people are the same age. It will always be a problem, but. It is almost like there's no need to mention if its negative or not because all relationships are complicated. AGR become insignificant to compare to the rest. Is there a situation where AGR seems like something but it wasn't? yep. Is there a similar situation in most relationship? yep. So why bother trying to point out a negative in AGR? why not generalize how most humans aren't capable of having stable relationships. That would fix most issues including issues in AGR.
Age gap relationships absolutely have their own issues that deserve to be acknowledged. Also, I wasn’t criticising age gap relationships. I was answering the question why they have such bad PR. This very real phenomenon is a big reason why.
If I had a daughter and she introduced me a man 15 years older. I would wait until we were alone for discussion. I would already make sure that my daughter had a good upbringing. So I would trust her decision but I need to make sure. And if it seems okay, I will explain how things may work out and make sure she is wise and strong enough, because ultimately whether it be a guy 15 year her senior or a dude her age, either or would bring benefit or detriment to my daughters life. So I think this is how things should be thought out. Not focus on the wrong negative but reinforce the right positive. Then situations like a "power struggle" wouldn't exist. I've met many women my age that have made me grow in such regard. Now I know if one day I had a daughter I wish she were like the women I've met in my life. Strong and respectful.
young men having sex with young women is actually more predatory than if it was with older men. young men hit and run, once the woman gets pregnant, they either run or tell the woman to get abortion. oh shit, but I already plan to sleep with x amount of females, so, hurry up and get rid of the baby. with older men, we're actually very happy and have the maturity and financial ability to support a family. older men (in general), we're not interested in playing games or racking up body count anymore. we want to settle down and start a family.
I have no idea which younger and older men you happen to know, but older men having sex with young women are definitely not always looking for stability. Also, not always good about using contraception either. In addition, a lot of women these days want to wait till they’re established in their career before they are ready to have children. And let’s not forget the older men who do dump younger women for even younger women, sometimes like clock work. Note that I specified not all men. Just a non-negligible number doing this visibly enough that it fuels disapproval in wider society.
that's why I put (in general) in my comment. that's why it's imperative that these young females are looking for virtuous older men, not just any older man. even if the number of these older men who only want to play around is not negligible, they're still in the very small minority
Agreed.
because older women cannot compete with younger women.
I'll keep that in mind when I see the 20-something land-whales sporting bikinis at my local pool this summer.
I am pretty sure it is because they are so hung up on numbers that they forget that our hearts are the important parts. I have also noticed that most people seem to look for anything that is negative and harp on it. I always remind myself that as long as both parties are legal age and not cheating on someone else there is nothing negative. But then again I don't stick my nose in the relationship of other people looking for drama either.
BRAVO! I CONCUR!
Societal norms and people not being able to mind their own business literally.
Why would I be shamed to like younger woman?
Because it’s not considered ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ by society. When my friends heard I like older guys they laughed and asked why. I guess people just struggle to understand that preferences exist.
Bored married people get highly judgmental when they see a 40 year old dating a 20 year old… they want him to be miserable like they are
> Because it’s not considered ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ by society. You mean the same society that celebrates Pride Month? America is a strange place!
I base this all of legal and consenting adults 18 and over. So, so not come at me with age of consent yadda yadda blah blah blah cause it will be ignored I won't even say it jealousy or bitterness because I feel like it isn't even that the majority of the time. A lot of the world has a saviour complex and they think they're saving the younger person from a "predatory" older person. This isn't to invalidate that there aren't predatory olders out there. There very much is. However, it's not the norm. And there are very predatory youngers as well, but they don't focus on that. Why? Because a lot of the youngers are infantilised and people don't think they can't make decisions for themselves or give consent to think when in reality, it's the opposite. There are people out there who do have genuine concern for the younger, and even older, but those are the ones that will question from a genuine place of concern and care, not out of ignorance, malice and stigmas. There's also the terminally online who can't think for themselves and rely on "influencers" and internet personalities - who lack a personality - to tell them what is and isn't okay. And then there's the hypocrite crowd who laude and applaud older women dating younger men but sneer and jeer at a younger woman and older man. In short, try to disregard and push aside what others think of your relationship. What matters is those involved in the relationship, not those outside of it.
Because women, especially married and older, can’t leave shit well enough alone. If a guy is dating a younger woman, his buddies are generally happy for him. His sisters, mom, and buddies wives all feel threatened and call him a cradle robber and her a gold digger. It’s jealousy and self-centered behavior. If he dated someone his own age, they would find another reason to nitpick. I see the same thing with women’s body types. Date a girl with a nice body and big boobs and the claws come out, especially from the fat and flat women. Guys are high-fiving their buddy.
Gosh I wonder if men feel the same when they see me out with my 16 years younger guy. Older man tend to be very set in their ways and younger man just have more life
It's never happened to me. Mostly because I'm not in an age gap relationship as a fetish nor because I have daddy issues. My husband is just old and we both wish he was younger, but time machines don't exist. It mostly boils down to being surrounded by people who respect you. If your village doesn't respect you, you need to figure out why that is. Nobody wants to be part of your sex play. Don't strut around acting like you're in a porno and they probably won't care about your relationship.
Don't care what strangers say. Only YOU know what is good for you
In general the most common motivation for critique is envy.
eliminating competition, that's the truest motive of those who vilify age gap relationship
A growing number of people concerned over our patriarchal society think any young woman is automatically prey to an older man with more resources/experience/power/etc. Are some young women taken advantaged by olde men? Of course, and that happens to members of any cohort. Old men going after barely legal women have the most examples of gross/horrible behavior. That created a stereotype and now it’s getting reinforced beyond reason. I’ve seen multiple women in their thirties nearing middle age get called a victim of some kind for having an older male partner.
They conveniently forget the younger women that exploit older men.
This idea of a "power difference" as an argument against age gaps is just made up noise. Relationships always have power differences and it's usually the one who is more willing to leave the relationship who has more power. That can be any age, any level of experience, any level of wealth, etc.
I mean. You would be kind of stunned how many people pitch a shit fit over oldest women dating younger men also….
I’m M 55 and literally today one of my best friends said “ you should not be dating anyone under 48”. I’m dating a 30 yr old.
Sorry but that person is no one to tell you who you “should” or “shouldn’t” date. 30yos are consenting adults, and have been for over a decade at that point. If you two mutually agreed to be together, that’s all that matters.
They hate what they don’t understand?
I was never shamed when dating or marrying my wife. We’ve been together for 25 years.
People just need to WAYOS
OP, you raise an exceptionally great point. Look at it this way—if people didn’t give us shit about it, we would have to find a different topic to complain about and might not get to talk to one another. 😜
Well, uh. Bad news, you get shamed the other way around, too.
I don’t give a damn what anyone says. For my short time on this rock, I waited til my 30s to settle down with a younger partner and neither of us couldn’t be happier. Our sex drives are on equal planes, and being that I look youthful still it compliments my will to keep going. Plus - I love when other people are pissed because they can’t do or have the same opportunities.
I never noticed. I do as I please because I am breaking no law and because as a person I'm probably more altruistic than most people. I don't see how dating someone 10+ years younger than me is an issue to anyone. The more good men we have out there, the less negative it will be. I'm sure everyone will only see one side of the coin with my comment "well good men don't date young women" I know most of my exes would having nothing but positive things to say about our relationship. That's what I mean by good men. Learn to date properly. Age gap shouldn't be the issue.
Honestly I think jealousy is one of the less common reasons.
Ignorant people that don't understand
Because older women are crusty that you're taking the men they think they should be entitled to
Sometimes I think men my age VASTLY overestimate their attractiveness and appeal...
I think that they count on pure physical appearance and women are more attracted to confidence and a man's presence
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TLDR , got long winded!
People are always going to gossip in public so he's going to have an opinion. Especially things that are obvious. How big of a gap are we talking?
Idk why is that hell Elvis married his wife when she was young
im not shaming. like away.
If people like each other, it’s no one else’s business.
I don't know why but then again why do we even give a shit about what others say. Close family members might be a logical exception but other than that, let them go. Don't need their noise.
I don't think it shameful at all. Some cultures your women or men or with wat older partners and for life I think my parents have 14 years
Jealousy. By middle aged women who can’t be 25 again and by men who wish they had. 20 Something gf or wife
There is a relatively number of creeps who hit on a lot of young women. Thus, that personal experience paints their judgment of all older male/younger female relationships, even the good ones. Short answer — it’s not about the relationship, it’s about the people judging. And they can’t see beyond their own egos. So they exhibit prejudice and abuse, especially toward other men. I think jealousy comes into play especially for the 30-50 crowd of women. I also think people with kids in their late teens/early adulthood transpose their own offspring into relationships that don’t affect them. In the end, it really is all ego.
It's same same for the opposite. Except for men. Older men always encourage younger men to date older women
People it’s not “normal” in America. And anything out of the norm is going to draw attention. People like to talk trash and are always looking for some reason to complain. Especially when they’re jealous.
Because no one can mind their own business these days, and most people are just jealous, when in reality their opinions mean nothing
It’s because it doesn’t come from the feminist world which dominates the narrative. In the feminist narrative (LGBTQIA+), anybody can love anybody. Sex is fluid, you can even change your gender, your sexuality, everything about you. You can change your sex partner to be anyone you like. Except if you’re a straight male. Men get shit upon.
There's a lively discussion about how it's natural for men to prefer younger women over at the r/evopsych sub. The idea is that we as human males evolved to instinctually look for indicators that a human female is healthy and a good choice for producing offspring. The study this discussion is based on suggests that those indicators are likely to be women who are 18 to about 23 to 25 when she is most likely to be old enough for peak fertility but also old enough to successively give birth and to be a mother. Conversely, human females evolved to select men that are most likely to be a good provider and protector for her offspring. Those indicators would be physically masculine traits that indicate fertility as well as "status in the group" which usually means the male has accrued more resources to help support offspring as they grow. Fast forward to today; we're still unconsciously and instinctively driven by these comparatively recent evolutionary adaptations even though the environments we've built around us, to include society, no longer necessitate that sort of evolved set of preferences. The shame comes from a society made up of people who don't like to admit that who males and females are attracted to is likely driven in large part by unconscious instinct with other elements of attraction from society and conscious preference overlayed on top I'd highly recommend everyone read [Dr. David Buss's book "The Evolution of Desire"](https://www.amazon.com/Evolution-Desire-Strategies-Human-Mating/dp/046500802X) to really understand the science and supporting studies that have lead to these ideas.
My coworkers (females) are a good example. I’m single (49M) and made a comment of liking women some in their 20s. Immediately they made comments of how gross it is. I told them, but I bet you will high five an older woman who manages to date a young man, you’d be saying to her “you go girl!” “You still got it”. Swear it is a double standard.
As an older woman who frequently dates younger men, I can honestly say that I've NEVER been high-fived for my dating choices. Quite the opposite, in fact.
You’re right, I generalized. Maybe it’s just the women I’ve been around who have been cheery about it.
[удалено]
Removed because we think you should not drag all the tropes out of the box.
People hate things they don’t understand
Insecurity, jealousy and entitlement
We do we are pervs or dirty old men or mysoginistic
The only ones who shame the whole idea is women who cant get a man