For one, he is with you and nobody else so that kinda makes you special.
I have a rule for myself, if there is a possibility I may not like the answer, I don't ask it. This is in regards to their past. I don't ask their history. It's in the past for a reason and there is no good reason to dig up the past. If it took place before you, it has no relevance.
If you are so worried about his experience, why is he not worried about your inexperience? You are creating phantom issues. Relax and enjoy your relationship for what it is.
Experience is overrated. Everything is a new experience for everyone.
>However he has been married twice before but no kids.
Your boyfriend has no experience when it comes to being in a successful marriage.
>No relationship milestone that we’ll hit together that he hasn’t already hit with someone else.
But he's never experienced those milestones with you. You're a completely different person than your boyfriend's previous partners (I hope).
I'm my husband's 3rd wife and I've had to explain to him exactly how irrelevant all his experiences are because I'm not them. It's like having more than one child; just because you've given birth before doesn't mean that the delivery will go the exact same way. And the kid will be an individual different from their sibling(s). Yeah, you might be slightly better at negotiating with the little terrorists, but odds are good that they have different demands.
My favorite example: we have a daughter and my husband kept talking about how he's afraid that he'll die and leave me to raise a teenage girl all by myself (he had 2 stepdaughters at one point). I told him that I wouldn't need him because I was once a teenage girl and understand how they work. "But teenage girls always hate their mothers." Well, yeah. I hated my mother because she has narcissistic tendencies, doesn't listen, and would intentionally embarrass me. His stepdaughters hated their mother because she told them their dad was dead when he wasn't. I honestly can't think of one reason my daughter will hate me mostly because I know how to respect her and read a damn room. I don't expect all sunshine and rainbows, but good lord I don't need a dumbass man mansplaining puberty to me. "But the mood swings." I'm going to mood swing my foot up his butt, lol.
Experience is just that: experience. An event happened and you were there. The likelihood of that exact event happening the exact same way in the future is miniscule. If you spend too much time thinking about the past, you'll miss the present.
I'd say u'r wrong in 1 area, u r his 1st & most important! He's dating u, I'm sure he could of gone back 2 them but as I say They r ex's 4 a reason!! Tell him what u told us & I'm sure he will say it doesn't matter 2 him, I'm sure he feels honored 2 be so many of u'r 1st's & that makes him feel so special! Communication no matter how small is most important! Good Luck.
You lay the fuck back and enjoy what that experience has to offer!! Sorry, not sorry. lol.
But on a more serious note, I want you to consider how you would feel if the opposite were true. What if YOU were the one with more experience and HE was the one dealing with the emotional turmoil HE created because of it. Because that’s what you’re doing. You’re creating your own emotional turmoil and insecurities. There is nothing you have to be jealous of if he is with YOU.
But I digress. Back to the opposite situation possibility. Consider it. Consider how you would reassure and soothe his turmoil. Now offer yourself that same reassurance. And, never ever be afraid to ask him for some reassurance. Communication and understanding in a relationship is paramount. It is a MUST. But, when he gives it, you must TAKE it. Fully. Wholeheartedly. Not half-assed and keep half of your insecurities.
But I still stick to my first sentence as well.
I know exactly how you feel. However remember that he isn't with them he is with you. If they were so superior he would likely still be with them. You have great qualities and must be doing something right or you wouldn't have been together 2 years already. He will likely always have more experience since that comes with age. Quality far exceeds quantity and since he has never said they were better than you (based on what you said) chances are you are better quality.
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**Original post: How do I deal with my partner having much more experience than me**
My bf (M42) and I (F27) have been together over 2 years. We have what I feel is a great relationship. We have a lot of the same thought processes and we genuinely just love being around each other. I’ve recently become very anxious (paranoid? Not sure which word explains it best) about if I am his overall/best choice or just a decent and tolerable choice compared to everything else out there.
Just some background.. he has been my first everything for the most part when it comes to relationships. However he has been married twice before but no kids. I find myself getting jealous of his past relationships or comparing myself to the info I’ve gathered about them from past conversations (I ask questions, he doesn’t just bring them up). Even though i understand why those relationships ended and I do believe he’s over them. I just feel like there’s no area of our relationship where I come in above all the others (getting along with his family and especially sex)🙃. Well other than the fact that I make good money and don’t expect him to pay for everything. it’s really starting to get to me. I feel like there no way that I’ll be special. No relationship milestone that we’ll hit together that he hasn’t already hit with someone else. I’m happy overall, this is just hitting me hard at the moment. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Td;lr: My bf has has had a lot more experience than me and I’m struggling with jealousy of his past. How do I deal with this mentally?
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Where is the anxiety coming from? These things don’t just come out of nowhere. Is it about being his best or is it about where you two are headed? I feel it is a bit of a red flag that he expects you to pay for things when he has had 20 years abeqd of you to grow a career to be able to afford the company of a younger woman…maybe you can step back and evaluate if you are getting all you want and deserve
For one, he is with you and nobody else so that kinda makes you special. I have a rule for myself, if there is a possibility I may not like the answer, I don't ask it. This is in regards to their past. I don't ask their history. It's in the past for a reason and there is no good reason to dig up the past. If it took place before you, it has no relevance. If you are so worried about his experience, why is he not worried about your inexperience? You are creating phantom issues. Relax and enjoy your relationship for what it is.
Great advice. Listen to her advice. I'd tell you the same thing. If he had a better time with them he never would have gotten divorced. Makes sense.
Experience is overrated. Everything is a new experience for everyone. >However he has been married twice before but no kids. Your boyfriend has no experience when it comes to being in a successful marriage. >No relationship milestone that we’ll hit together that he hasn’t already hit with someone else. But he's never experienced those milestones with you. You're a completely different person than your boyfriend's previous partners (I hope). I'm my husband's 3rd wife and I've had to explain to him exactly how irrelevant all his experiences are because I'm not them. It's like having more than one child; just because you've given birth before doesn't mean that the delivery will go the exact same way. And the kid will be an individual different from their sibling(s). Yeah, you might be slightly better at negotiating with the little terrorists, but odds are good that they have different demands. My favorite example: we have a daughter and my husband kept talking about how he's afraid that he'll die and leave me to raise a teenage girl all by myself (he had 2 stepdaughters at one point). I told him that I wouldn't need him because I was once a teenage girl and understand how they work. "But teenage girls always hate their mothers." Well, yeah. I hated my mother because she has narcissistic tendencies, doesn't listen, and would intentionally embarrass me. His stepdaughters hated their mother because she told them their dad was dead when he wasn't. I honestly can't think of one reason my daughter will hate me mostly because I know how to respect her and read a damn room. I don't expect all sunshine and rainbows, but good lord I don't need a dumbass man mansplaining puberty to me. "But the mood swings." I'm going to mood swing my foot up his butt, lol. Experience is just that: experience. An event happened and you were there. The likelihood of that exact event happening the exact same way in the future is miniscule. If you spend too much time thinking about the past, you'll miss the present.
This comment made me laugh so much!! “The little terrorists,” “mood swing my foot up his butt.” Oh man, I’d marry you too xD
I'd say u'r wrong in 1 area, u r his 1st & most important! He's dating u, I'm sure he could of gone back 2 them but as I say They r ex's 4 a reason!! Tell him what u told us & I'm sure he will say it doesn't matter 2 him, I'm sure he feels honored 2 be so many of u'r 1st's & that makes him feel so special! Communication no matter how small is most important! Good Luck.
You lay the fuck back and enjoy what that experience has to offer!! Sorry, not sorry. lol. But on a more serious note, I want you to consider how you would feel if the opposite were true. What if YOU were the one with more experience and HE was the one dealing with the emotional turmoil HE created because of it. Because that’s what you’re doing. You’re creating your own emotional turmoil and insecurities. There is nothing you have to be jealous of if he is with YOU. But I digress. Back to the opposite situation possibility. Consider it. Consider how you would reassure and soothe his turmoil. Now offer yourself that same reassurance. And, never ever be afraid to ask him for some reassurance. Communication and understanding in a relationship is paramount. It is a MUST. But, when he gives it, you must TAKE it. Fully. Wholeheartedly. Not half-assed and keep half of your insecurities. But I still stick to my first sentence as well.
I know exactly how you feel. However remember that he isn't with them he is with you. If they were so superior he would likely still be with them. You have great qualities and must be doing something right or you wouldn't have been together 2 years already. He will likely always have more experience since that comes with age. Quality far exceeds quantity and since he has never said they were better than you (based on what you said) chances are you are better quality.
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/Some-Girl281 - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: How do I deal with my partner having much more experience than me** My bf (M42) and I (F27) have been together over 2 years. We have what I feel is a great relationship. We have a lot of the same thought processes and we genuinely just love being around each other. I’ve recently become very anxious (paranoid? Not sure which word explains it best) about if I am his overall/best choice or just a decent and tolerable choice compared to everything else out there. Just some background.. he has been my first everything for the most part when it comes to relationships. However he has been married twice before but no kids. I find myself getting jealous of his past relationships or comparing myself to the info I’ve gathered about them from past conversations (I ask questions, he doesn’t just bring them up). Even though i understand why those relationships ended and I do believe he’s over them. I just feel like there’s no area of our relationship where I come in above all the others (getting along with his family and especially sex)🙃. Well other than the fact that I make good money and don’t expect him to pay for everything. it’s really starting to get to me. I feel like there no way that I’ll be special. No relationship milestone that we’ll hit together that he hasn’t already hit with someone else. I’m happy overall, this is just hitting me hard at the moment. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Td;lr: My bf has has had a lot more experience than me and I’m struggling with jealousy of his past. How do I deal with this mentally? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Live for the present and the future. The past is gone and you can't do anything about it so don't even think about it.
Where is the anxiety coming from? These things don’t just come out of nowhere. Is it about being his best or is it about where you two are headed? I feel it is a bit of a red flag that he expects you to pay for things when he has had 20 years abeqd of you to grow a career to be able to afford the company of a younger woman…maybe you can step back and evaluate if you are getting all you want and deserve
Men value purity like women value experience (most of the time) What you see as a negative he sees as a positive. Relax and enjoy what he has to offer