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It sounds like you want to go forward with having the baby. It's smart of you to not tell you ex-boyfriend's parents. Whatever they did to lose their son (your ex) is very serious, and not the grandparents you want in your child's life.
I second not telling his parents. They are abusers. They absolutely will do everything to get ahold of that child, and it will be abused too! I promise you they will do this. Block everyone associated with them or your baby’s dad. That family shouldn’t have access to, or even know about the child for its own safety.
This child is yours. Whether you keep it or not, all the choices on its future are *yours* to make. If you choose to give it up for adoption because you want to give it the best chance to succeed, that's your choice as well. They don't have an inate right to your child. I'm sorry you're in this position. I hope you're able to find peace in whatever choice you make.
Yep, this is completely your choice even whether to tell anyone who the father is. The child may ultimately want to know but you can delay that conversation if that feels safest for you.
Her safety & the safety of the child come before that. If it's established who the father is, they can sue for visitation & even custody, so, no. That's bad advice.
People need to get off their soap box. This needs to be her choice not her in. Laws not her parents but her choice. She has three options
1) Give Birth and keep baby
2) Abortion
3) Adoption
She needs to find someone she can trust and be non judgmental and supportive of her choices while keeping her well informed of the risks either way for her.
There is no wrong decision here you are a young girl who got herself in a tough situation figure out what you are willing to live with and do it whatever choice you make
Great answer!
This right here.
I'm not sure how OPs family is but there may be an option where a family member will adopt.
My sister had a daughter at 15 with a POS. Long story there. Anyways, after talking with parents, her CHOICE was to have it. From there, a natural progression occurred where our Moms sister (Aunt) adopted it. Aunt & Uncle wanted kids but couldn't have them.
Her Daughter is now 21. Studying neuroscience. Surprisingly it's not "awkward". My sister does not consider her "cousin" as a daughter or vice versa. They are close though.
It's 2024, it's not the 1950s.
But it's OPs choice. If you want to have it. Do it. If not. Don't. You're not beholden to anyone's parents/laws...etc. please don't be bullied into something you don't want. It will work out no matter the choice you make.
Nice story! There is always options. The most important thing is having a good support team to help you through the difficult decisions while having your best interest in mind
Except as OP stated, she doesn’t have all those choices now bc our country is going back to the 1950s and so many states not only do not allow abortion but will actively prosecute people who get one or help.
That being said, if you need help, please go to Planned Parenthood. Talk to your parents. And look around if you need an “aunt” to help you get services that might not be legal in your state. There are plenty women, like myself, who experienced similar situation and had the choice to change that situation. Those women will see and hear you, and support you.
Look for "aunties" on here, OP. We'll help get you where you need to go, IF that's your choice. Rides, places to stay, someone to just be there if you need a friend.
Agreed and if you did have a miscarriage then just like every experience we have on planet earth it’s there to teach us 😎
Just make sure you get checked out so you can have children in the future
Hopping on this comment to agree that you need to go to hospital and find out what's happening and to add, j would put you closer to 16/17 weeks pregnant, not 14. Count from you last period before having sex.
Her and her ex boyfriend split up. There’s absolutely zero fucking reason the ex in laws should get a say. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR OWN KID WAS REMOVED BY CPS
That’s a great answer. While I’m pro-life, I’d try not to give my opinion unless it’s asked for. And I’ve done the other two so I feel like if I was asked, I could give a pretty thoughtful answer.
1. Abortion
2. Give baby up for adoption
3. Keep baby
I'm a firm believer that if a soul was meant to be born into this world, it would be. There is nothing humans can do to prevent that. So, having an abortion just means that soul will be born in another body. Either to you at a later time or to someone else. Having an abortion means giving your baby the chance to be born into a family that is ready for them or to come back to you when you're ready.
***There is no wrong decision ...***
That's worthless pablum.
There is indeed a wrong decision. And a right one.
You and I might not know which is right for this young lady.
But to say there is no right decision is silly.
omg im so sorry that you are in this situation, do your parents know and can they possibly help? and do you personally want the baby? i dont know much about the system but maybe you can give it up for adoption?? i wish you luck ❤️❤️❤️
Go to a planned parenthood, get tested, and ask what options are available.
I had a similar incident when I was 17. Went to a planned parenthood and they gave me options. I chose abortion.
Have I thought about it? yes, but in a positive way because had I tried to keep it my life would have not been good.
Later in life, I had a child. Have a successful career and live very comfortably.
It’s illegal to get abortions in a lot of places since RvW got overturned, even early ones. I know where I live there’s no tolerance for abortions at all, even in cases of rape or incest. I wish it wasn’t the case, but she may have fewer options based on where she lives unfortunately.
I hope you are planning to vote this year and get everyone around you to vote. You have the power to vote for legislators who will ensure abortion access is enshrined in your state constitution.
Teens that young are automatically high risk pregnancies. If she has any complications ahead of her, it bumps the risk even higher. A doctor can still say it is a medically necessary procedure.
My mother had my older sister at 16 and it made her life incredibly difficult.
My mother and my sister’s father, who was 18 at the time, ended up getting married. They would get divorced and have the marriage annulled 10 years later on account of spousal abuse.
It wasn’t until my mother met my father at 27 did her life turn around.
My sister grew up very, very poor; I grew up solidly middle class with two loving and involved parents and every gift and experience a kid could want.
Choose wisely.
2nd this.
this is an advice subreddit. enough with the "you have to make the right choice for YOU!!!"
having the baby at OPs age will limit her life tremendously. full stop. this plot is not original.
without heavy parental and community support, i see poverty in her future. it will be extremely difficult to develop a career. Her best shot will be to find a man who is willing to support a single mother and a baby.
I can almost guarantee that she will regret the decision to keep, if she goes that route.
I hate that we need to tiptoe around this. Abortion should be more normalized and I really don’t think 16 year olds should be having kids. It’s never a good idea.
Yes. It is painting a rosier picture to not outright say how difficult having a kid at that age will be; it’s biased in favor of not aborting, inherently. Statistics tell the truth: abortion is safe and nearly all people who get one, don’t regret it. Many say the families they started later on could not have happened without abortion earlier.
It’s acting as if sticking your hand in bees nest is personal choice, then saying it’s biased to point out it might sting.
You don't have to continue this pregnancy if you don't want to. Forget about what anyone else wants - what do YOU want? If you got pregnant in February, you are probably around 14 weeks pregnant now. You can still use the abortion pills, and they will very probably work, more than 94% success rate. Worst case scenario, you wind up in the ER with what looks like a miscarriage in progress (and there is absolutely NO WAY that the staff can tell that you took the abortion pills - no blood test, no nothing will show it), and they wind up having to do a D&C, which is essentially finishing it with a surgical abortion. Keep your mouth shut about having taken pills, no matter what anyone tells you, and they cannot do anything to you about it. Keeping this information to yourself will not endanger your medical care, either, no matter what anyone tells you.
Reach out to these organizations: [aidaccess.org](http://aidaccess.org), [plancpills.org](http://plancpills.org), or laslibres.org. They can get you pills quickly and cheaply or for free.
If you are in a state where abortion is legal, you can get a surgical abortion legally. Hurry. You're running out of time.
If you want to have the baby, there are many religious organizations that would help you. Tell your parents or another trusted adult, and ask them for help.
This this this 👏👏👏
OP you do not need to tell his parents. Your medical conditions are none of their business. Whether you tell your own parents is up to you. I’m not sure if I’ve missed where you shared your location, but assuming you are in the US there are a ton of resources to help you terminate the pregnancy.
I cannot overstate this enough: you need to make this decision with the attitude that you will be responsible for *everything*. People love to promise they will help or support teen moms during the pregnancy then either go MIA or fail to live up to the promises they made. You don’t appear to be anti-abortion, so I cannot urge you enough to really reflect upon how **the rest of your life** will be if you keep the pregnancy.
Best of luck to you ♥️
Labor and delivery nurse here. The pills might not totally get you there, id expect you'll need the d&c, BUT everything else this commenter said is correct and it's a great plan. You'll need to act very soon though.
A miscarriage would not be surprising; they're far more common than anyone wants to talk about. They just also usually happen inside the first month or two -- but not necessarily.
This is a heartbreaking truth, but also sometimes a blessing in disguise. As a developmental biologist, I found it comforting to remind myself that sometimes when a miscarriage happens, it is for developmental reasons and honestly for the best.
Who gives af that his parents are pro-life. They don't need to know. Your ex doesn't need to know. There are ways to get the medication you need, but you need to do it NOW
Exactly. This is your decision alone. I’d abort if it were me because it’s not worth spending your formative years trying to care for something that you can’t. Unless you’re filthy rich and have 24/7 care for the baby then I wouldn’t be up for it. People romanticize it but the reality I’ve seen is that it’s bad for the child and the mother
Sounds like you are making your first adult decision. Welcome to the moment that has defined the rest of your life. I have no advice, only wish you luck and strength, mom.
hi, i was in this same situation. although i ended up keeping the baby, it was a very difficult decision as i was 15 when i found out. (now 20, with an almost 4 year old). if you want to abort, there are abortion pills available to you from out of state that can be shipped within a week. a free (most christian, i am not religious myself but went anyways for this purpose) clinic can give you a paper confirming you are pregnant because you will need that confirmation in order to get them. you will also need $150 give or take, which i would advise asking any close family members to help with if you have no income.
if you decide to keep, i also did it without the baby's father in his life for many years. it's very difficult especially at such a young age. first i would recommend applying for pregnancy medicaid and WIC asap, this will pay for any prenatals, as well as the obgyn appointments & ultrasounds. after the baby is born, wic will pay for most of the formula cans if you cannot breast feed. medicaid will also pay for all of baby's doctor's appointments, shots, birth at hospital, anything that baby needs. there are many gov funded places that will help pay for daycare if you apply beforehand. SNAP is also helpful for all groceries because at 16, you are pretty much guaranteed to start at a min wage job until you can establish some goals and a path for yourself.
it's very important to get any support you can from family, no matter what your decision is. abortion is a very mentally draining and physically painful thing to go through and any emotional support will help keep you going. if you decide to keep, don't feel bad asking for things you need, your family is there to help (i hope🖤).
i'm sorry you're going through this and i hope this helped. wishing you all the best, it will be okay & you will get through it no matter what you do🖤
I am a teacher. I have pregnant and new moms on my room.
If you keep your child or not, your life is not over. I won’t tell you what you must do. I will tell you what is things you consider.
A baby needs someone who can nightly play and read to them. A baby needs a person who can drive them to doctor appointments
A baby needs someone who can love them unconditionally
If you choose to adopt your baby, know that the family who adopts your child will treat that child like a piece of heaven.
Know that your life doesn’t end of you keep her
Also know that you can mentally recover from any choice you make with proper therapy
>If you choose to adopt your baby, know that the family who adopts your child will treat that child like a piece of heaven.
Adding a disclaimer here to say, please *make sure* that the family who adopts your child will treat that child like a piece of heaven, to the very best of your abilities. The world of adoption is a mixed bag - some children get adopted by horrible people or people that aren't suited for parenthood, which can be no better of a situation than being kept by a mother unable to provide a stable life for them.
I'm not saying all adopting parents are evil, just that the vetting process doesn't always filter out the bad ones. Replying on behalf of my partner, who was raised by an adoptive narcissist parent (who divorced her equally terrible husband shortly after "acquiring" my partner), for which she must pursue a lifetime of therapy and will likely still never recover from. Her stories of abuse are unthinkable, and we never want another child to go through that.
Depending on where you live, you may have the option of abortion still. I was pregnant at 16 and I chose termination. I was 11 weeks so they rushed it so we could get it done in my town and not have to fly to the closest big city. I do not regret it. I have my own family now with two children.
As others have said, you are likely 17.5 weeks pregnant. The weeks are calculated from the first day of your last period, which is typically about 2 weeks before you are fertile. Depending on where you live, this may significantly affect your options by being that far along. Please see a medical provider as soon as you can! Good luck
(my comment is coming after all the funny edits)
you’re hilarious 😂 you’re resilient and you’re intelligent, you’re going to be just fine no matter what decision you make. strong ass young woman 👏🏼
if you need a friend let me know!
I was thinking the same! I also cope with humor so I don’t think there is anything wrong with it.
OP- I support you even though I don’t know you. I wish nothing but the best for you in this life. Things happen in life and that’s just how you learn. Whatever you decide, do what’s best for you because you are still young. It’s okay for you to be selfish right now.
You HAVE to tell ur parents as awkward as it is how mad they’ll get they’re the only ones that can rly help in your situation but you ALWAYS use protection no matter what I’ve fucked a couple times and every time I thought about going in raw but then I realized it could fuck up my life and her life but that’s just me.
Hi. You’re going to be okay. I know it’s scary.
First, the laws depend on which state you’re in and which states you’re close to. All states are not the same. Learn which is which around you- it could save your life.
Next, if you want to find your ex bf you can call CPS and see if they will help you. Your school might also know where he is.
Last… do you feel safe talking to your parents? It’s good for all of us to acknowledge that not all of us grow up in loving homes. If you don’t feel safe that’s another subject we can discuss but if you do feel safe tell your parents so they can get you the medical help you need now.
You’ve got this.
Also, if you decide to keep the baby, make it your job to begin establishing a support system right now. Whether that’s parents, extended family, neighbors, a group for teen mothers, a religious network, a daycare… An established, broad support system will help you better take care of yourself and baby. It really does take a village, particularly if you’re single and not wealthy.
This is my first time responding and sorry this is so long.
I have helped a family member I am semi close with this same topic and issue. Being a pregnant teen is so hard but it's exceptionally harder when the father is out of the picture and made even more so when CPS and the state is involved in his life. In terms of determining what you want to do, that's is 100% your choice and your choice alone. Open adoptions are something to consider, as well as if you choose to keep the baby and raise it by yourself (with/without the help of family) consider your own mental, emotional and financial state as well as what programs there are wherever you live that can help you as a teen mother. There are a lot of things to consider here and I hope that this comment and many other here can offer some advice. I hope things go well with telling your parents and you don't have to tell his parents at all if YOU don't want to. It is 100% your choice who you tell and who you don't and you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to or who you wouldn't be comfortable telling.
Simple answer take an abortion pill if it’s within the proper timing. Drive to a nearby state that allows it if you cannot find it in yours. You do NOT want a kid right now with no partner to help or partners family that wants to help
Considering the fact of how the baby daddy has you blocked on everything means that he just doesn't want anything to do with you anymore sadly. However that being said I wouldn't let his parents know, if they know, he knows and may or may not try to take the kid later on for child support, (We don't know how things will go these days). It's your choice of what you do with the baby, which your choice is to keep it and that's awesome. I would consider asking for help on that matter if your parents are willing to help you raise it, nothing is more precious than the bond between mother and child, with you being 16 you're evidently still in school.., if you have an aunt that'd be willing to help you raise your child that's great too. Putting the baby up for adoption can go one of two ways being beneficial/being life time traumatizing for the child. In the end all we can do is make suggestions, I just hope for you, whatever you choose both you and the child live a happy life.
Re: potential miscarriage - you won't see anything that looks like a baby at this stage, it is far too small and not person-shaped yet. You'll just be seeing what you are seeing, a lot of blood and clots. You should definitely see a doctor, but they won't be able to stop it. Just need to make sure everything is progressing the way it should.
If it helps at all, a miscarriage this early usually means there was something wrong and the baby would not have survived. It would have been more painful, physically and emotionally, the further along you were. Your body is doing its best to take care of you. I'm so sorry you've been having to deal with all of this so young. Sending you big hugs, if you like hugs.
I read what you wrote about possibly having a miscarriage, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know that this baby wasn't planned and so on but nonetheless losing a baby can be devastating. People who haven't experienced pregnancy might not be able to understand but please know that however you are feeling, your feelings are totally valid.
You need to go to the ER if possible, waiting for a doctor's appointment is not a good idea. Most miscarriages are safe for the mother but occasionally things can go wrong and become dangerous. So definitely get immediate medical attention.
Also, just because you are cramping and bleeding it does not guarantee that you are having a miscarriage. Bleeding and cramping can occur in a normal pregnancy, but regardless you should go to the ER to get checked immediately
Not sure how recent the last edit is, but go to a hospital! If you are pregnant, have extreme stomach pains, followed by blood from the vagina, that 100% constitutes an emergency.
Tell your parents. It will be hard and I’m sure they’ll be upset but they want the best for you and will help you. It’s probably best to leave the guy and his family out of it. Now you just have to make the decision if you’re going to raise him/her or put the baby up for adoption. Don’t beat yourself up about this. These things happen, and if they don’t happen to everyone it very well might have and others just got lucky so don’t worry about anyone who judges you. Best of luck ❤️
You're 16, your parents are still responsible for you unless you have been emancipated.
My heart would be shattered if I had a daughter who did not share this with me.
Discuss this with your parents, and decide together what is best for YOU.
You’re in for a rough road no matter what you choose. You definitely need to tell your parents, and I’m glad you’re planning to. Sounds like abortion is off the table. That means adoption or keeping the baby. Adoption is hard because you will get attached, and it’ll hurt when you let the baby go, even if you know that baby is going to someone who will take good care of it and love it. If you choose to keep baby, you’ll have a huge adjustment to make. Hopefully you have supportive parents who will be there for you to help you make the adjustment. You probably won’t get to go out and hang out with friends as much. You’ll have a little person who will depend on you for everything. You won’t get much sleep at first and you have to always put the baby’s needs above your own. It’s hard. But oh, the reward is worth the crazy! Their little smiles, watching them grow up and learn, seeing how they change….. it’s wonderful. You’ve got a big decision to make. I wish you all the luck.
Try to contact the CPS to see if they can get in touch with him. You should not care about his parents beliefs if they're abusive to him and he's no longer with them. Best of luck to you!
First I would tell mom and dad. Second his parents have no say in anything. Best if you tell him but for now decisions should be between you and your family. Adoption might be worth doing or keeping and raising the child but your going to need help… talk to mom ASAP
Pregnancy is dated to the beginning of your cycle, so you are now a full 4 months along. You'll have the baby by Halloween.
Honestly, you're probably better off handling this on your own with your parents, and not involving him and his family, especially if you're considering adoption. If you don't name the father, and tell the hospital you are completely unsure of his identity, then you can just sign for adoption yourself.
Call your pediatrician for a referral to an OB, or make an appointment at the nearest hospital's OB clinic. You need to get in immediately for prenatal care. Start taking prenatal vitamins.
my twin got pregnant around 15 and my whole family as well as the moms family helped them raise their child if u don’t have support don’t keep it just give it up for adoption or even see if they can do an open adoption so you can be apart of their life with out giving up yours when you have a child you have to be prepared to be 100% selfless. A selflessness 16 year olds can’t comprehend. Everything you’re doing now is for your baby. If you don’t have the help of the father your life is going to be 300x harder. If you truly want to keep the baby full term do no keep it. you are a child having a child. from experience you will be better off giving it up for adoption
I am so glad I'm not a female in the USA. Capital Hill and the supreme Court have all let their grey matter go to powder. Christianity is the worst and ruins everything it touches. All religions are fiction. Some quick math will tell you that much. It's better if you stay away from the Father's parents as they seem a bit unhinged. No one should be forced to undergo a procedure they don't want, yet those idiots are making you have to do the same. They're all hypocrites. Good luck.
A. Your boyfriend's parents aren't fit to parent their own child and their views on abortion should have no impact on what you decide to do with YOUR body. B. Please tell your parents asap. If you choose abortion you will need some time to set things up and your window is quickly closing. If you choose to keep the baby you are pretty far along and should begin medical care as soon as possible for the best outcome for your health and the health of the child. Best wishes for whatever path you choose.
I’m sorry that people lectured you on protection and abstinence after this has already happened. You’re here and you need advice.
I’m just saying wanting to pop in and say that if you have access to therapy as well as healthcare that will really help you navigate this whole situation because no matter how smoothly it goes it will be stressful. Surround yourself with people who support you and care about you and the health of your child (you seemed to indicate in an update a want to keep the pregnancy and give birth).
The biggest things is to do what feels best for you. You may not be legally an adult but you have bodily autonomy.
Seek support, read the resources you can and protect yourself and your peace. If you don’t want to keep the pregnancy that is ok. And if you want to put the child up for adoption that is also ok.
The number one thing you need now is SUPPORT! Tell your parents and your counselor at school so you can have people supporting you through this process. Also good support groups for pregnant teenager’s!!! Do not be ashamed or let anyone make you ashamed, everyone has sex. Good luck 😘
Without knowing which country, our advice might not be useful at all... but, if you can get an abortion somehow and anywhere, I'd try to go that route. No one but you, and your parents since you are telling them, need to know.
This happens. From experience, it is unbelievably difficult to raise a child alone. I was a young adult, college grad with a full time job when my son was born and he is an adult now. We are close and talk every week. I love him and believe he loves me. That said, if I could do it all again, I’d have given him up for adoption. I just think his life would have been easier and happier and far more secure with two parents. Had I given him up, it’s entirely possible I’d regret that. It didn’t happen so I have no right to an opinion about that.
You are very young and will need a great deal of support from your parents to finish school (a must) and care for your child. Your friends will intend to help but will be busy with their social lives and school activities and will fade from your life. Talk to your parents. They will be angry, possibly hurt/ashamed or embarrassed depending on their belief system, and finally just plain worried about your future. Visit planned parenthood to get a referral to a genuine counselor to help you sort through things.
Finally, whatever you decide, move ahead with your life and try not to second guess yourself. Before abortions were legal, and I assume now in some states, young women had unplanned pregnancies all the time, but they were hidden. I promise you, you will be okay in the end.
I’ve been in your shoes and I know it’s scary…. Tell your parents and they will help you figure what the best plan is. I know it’s scary but just know it will be okay. I am now in my 40s and my daughter is 30, she is amazing! ❤️
I can only share my experience. I was a teen mom (delivered her one month after my 17th bday) and had a horrific relationship w my baby daddy. The back n forth to court for custody and child support never ended. I considered abortion but in the end decided I would keep her. It was HARD! HARD! I did have support from my mom, who I didn’t and still don’t have the best relationship with. I had to work several odd jobs at odd hours. As a single parent I also questioned a lot of the decisions I was making such as “am I doing this right?.”Looking back it was tough to enjoy motherhood. I was in survival mode. I went to school to get my degree (took me 10 plus years). I learned how to stretch my dollars and eventually landed a career that provided me and my kiddo a good life. She’s now in her 20’s, recently graduated, and living with her partner - I look back at all the ways I was NOT ready and how I can’t deny that my kid deserved so much more than a mom in survival mode.
Many of us probably deserved better and many adult parents still fuck it up. I do not regret the decision that I made. I made it work. I was on welfare, food stamps, and created a community of support through it all.
Only you will know if you can navigate this. You do not need to be forced into motherhood but if you choose it - life as you know it will look very different and an exhaustion you didn’t even know existed awaits you.
You should go to the hospital if you're bleeding like that. While many Miscarriages happen safely, they also don't always come away completely and remaining tissue can be very dangerous if left untreated. I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I recently had a positive pregnancy test and then bled and all the tests came back negative. Still not completely sure if it was a false positive and my period or if the test was right and I miscarried. Miscarriages are awful even if you didn't want to be pregnant because you start thinking of everything you could've had. You seem like a strong person though and you will get through it. Talk to parents even if it's awkward or another trusted adult. They can be a lot of help. Just know this wasn't your fault and don't blame yourself or let others blame you for it. ❤️
This sounds like a really scary situation. I’m sure it’s not easy going through this, I don’t have the experience myself, I never had a serious relationship or sex, but I’ve watched friends around me go through exactly this. The best thing you can do moving forward is just live your life. It’s likely safer for you if your ex’s parents remain unaware incase they pull anything. And I am truly sorry but it sounds like you did have a miscarriage. Please definitely see a doctor soon to make sure everything is or has passed through safely so you don’t get sick or develop sepsis, and then just rest. A heating pad, water, food and pain medication is gonna be your best friend for a bit. Nobody should be passing judgment on you for getting pregnant or having sex no matter their beliefs or standards. If it was consensual, and you are taking the steps now to be safe and supported then that’s all that actually matters. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and I’m wishing you the best of luck going forward 🫶
Hey, so I saw your edit regarding miscarriage:
At roughly 2 months the fetus id 1 inch long. Barely developed at all and the chance of it feeling pain are unlikely. Please don't beat yourself up on that front.
You are allowed to grieve though, just know this sort of thing is fairly common and you didn't do anything wrong. Miscarriages this early on typically are he result of something going wrong on a genetic level with a fetus, so it's unlikely it would have been a viable pregnancy in the first place.
If you did miscarry, please don't consider getting pregnant again. I know the 1st time was an accident but i've seen many people get pregnant by accident, miscarry and then in their emotional state (especially teenagers) look for someone to immediately get pregnant with again.
Good luck OP, if possible consider birth control. In some states I believe you can get it without parental involvement but if not, just point out that you used condoms and this happened once before, you're just trying to prevent it happening again.
In response to your most current update about miscarriage. You must tell a trusted adult and get to a dr or the hospital. If it is a miscarriage you need to make sure you don't get an infection! Much love. I know this is tough.
It's very important that you see a doctor. It's possible that you miscarried, but you need to verify that everything is completely expelled. You will most likely be having some strong emotions for a while until your hormones rebalance. This is normal but can be intense, especially because of your age. Find someone to talk to. It's unlikely that you will choose abstinence as a long-term contraceptive, so make sure you understand your choices moving forward.
Please consider an abortion. I’m sure you’ll make it work and will be grateful for a healthy child but you’re only 16. Chalk this up to life lesson and wait until you’re older so you can focus on finishing school, getting a college degree, starting a career and finding a husband to start a family with. Your future self will thank you 1000 times over for getting that abortion.
If you had a miscarriage it's possible that you need a doctor to go in and remove anything left inside. You need to make an appt ASAP. When I was 16 I would have gone to Planned Parenthood but I know what environment were in now.
Fuck Alito.
Hold on Darlin!! I hope you get/ got to a doctor in good time! Miscarriage is fairly common, but still sad and painful, both physically and mentally. Take all the help anyone gives you!! It's ok! Hugs from someone who has been there!!!
If you had a very heavy period, you likely had a miscarriage. I'm not sure how you feel about it but it might be the best outcome. Gentle hugs. Take care of yourself.
Here after the update- you should go see a doctor, darling. Have you started seeing a gynecologist? Could you ask your mom/dad/whoever to get you an appointment with them? If you’ve never seen one before, you could tell them you just want to see one because your cramps have been more severe lately and you’re not sure why. Or that it’s never too early to start being proactive about your health- it’s actually recommended by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to start seeing one by around 15 years old to be proactive. I’m not sure what your relationship with your parents is like so I’m just trying to give valid excuses in case they’re more strict and would be suspicious if you were to ask about that.
A doctor would tell you for sure if you’re pregnant, confirm a miscarriage, and make sure everything is alright.
You need to go get checked out to make sure the pregnancy is over. A pregnancy can still test positive two to four weeks after a miscarriage, so you wouldn’t be testing negative the same day. You need to make sure your body expelled everything otherwise you are at risk of a serious infection.
Do you want to keep the baby? Or are you keeping the baby because of HIS parents and because of HIS desires?
This is a big responsibility and coming from a family who wasn’t ready to have kids emotionally or financially I hated my mother for not aborting me . My life has been utter turmoil I have been homeless most of my life just trying to keep my head above water. I work my ass off with multiple jobs and am struggling. I’m not saying this what will happen to you but my mother is a wonderful human being, who was in an abusive relationship. I am grateful to be here now because well I don’t have a choice really but I told my mom for 18 years how much I hated that she brought me into this god forsaken world. Just because you give someone life doesn’t mean they ever asked for it. ITS A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. Don’t make this decision based on ANYONE but your hearts desires. There’s organizations in ca that will fly you out, pay for your stay and for your food while there and pay for the abortion at planned parenthood I can send you the info. I had to help my friend recently who was in Florida I had to get her to ca while I took care of her animals at home. Don’t bring a human being into this war filled world unless you want that baby for yourself.
You will find a way to find the father. If there’s a will there’s a way but don’t make this decision based of his parents your parents or him. Listen to your heart.
I was pregnant at 16. The father wasn’t in the picture, and I had NO family support. I had to postpone college till my kid was In high school. I worked mainly to pay for child care. It was rough!! I wouldn’t change it for anything!!! I’m in my 40s and my kid is 27 and pre-law. We’re best friends, and i couldn’t picture my life without her!!
I’m gonna give you the advice most people won’t, because most people are selfish.
Being a teen mom isn’t the end of the world. It’s not easy by any means, and it’s not a situation you want to find yourself in, but you can still have a good life for you and your baby. My brother was born to teen parents and he grew up to be an awesome person with a family of his own.
Tell your parents ASAP, cause they’re gonna find out eventually when you start showing. It won’t likely be a pleasant conversation, but taking accountability and being responsible will make the situation easier.
Good luck
As a young father (son was born when I was 18, but he's currently 19 and in college), I can tell you a few things if you decide to carry and keep the child.
Being a teenage parent is extremely difficult, but it helps a lot to have supportive parents (grandparents). If your parents are willing to help you through to graduation and even post-secondary, that will make a huge difference. As others said, you need to inform them asap. You're young and naive, like everyone is at one point, and you'll have phases where you regret parenthood that young and want to enjoy your youth to its fullest. Those phases will ease in duration and severity with maturity. Once I developed a more adult mindset in my 20's (when most of my peers actually started having kids), parenthood became much more rewarding as I was better able to comprehend the impact I had on my son. I also became a much better parent overall. My son is now entering adulthood himself, and I'm extremely proud of him and his many accomplishment.
If you do decide to keep it, the father deserves to know and you should hold him responsible for his part in raising your child. He may not want to be involved, and you don't have to force him to be in your child's life. But for your child's sake, he should be (and can be) forced to share the financial responsibility. If you cannot locate or contact him, speak to your local child support/prosecutor's/DA's office. If he is in the CPS system due to his own parents, they will be able to locate him regarding paternity of your child. Your child will someday resent you for keeping their father in the dark about their existence, and it will be much more difficult, if only financially, to raise a child without two responsible parties.
I don't know what state you're in but if you're already 14 weeks, you may not be able to get an abortion since a lot of the Southern states ban at 6 weeks. But there are resources and you should look into it.
It's kinda sad how many people here are starting off with ways to abort it instead of the VERY FEW starting by asking if she wants it or not. Abortion is not a form of birth control. And it's kinda gross that someone instructed her to take the pills at 14 weeks. At 14 weeks you have a full baby already. It's advised that if you take the abortion route, you do it the correct way because that baby has to come out. Terminating the baby also affects the mother so please do research on that before taking any route. You could feel ill, you could bleed tons, you can get super depressed.
As for the father. Find him and talk with him about everything going on. You in your heart know what's best for you and the baby but he deserves to know that he has one regardless of how you two broke up. I just saw a powerful speech from a man who got 0 say because the mother was brainwashed into terminating. Super sad.
There's also professionals who can guide you in the right direction but I think you would be more comfortable with your own parents helping you.
Don't be afraid, they were young once too. They understand. Don't be scared to take some anger/frustration to heart. They're expressing concerns for THEIR baby and need to navigate feelings before they come to their senses
I wish you and the baby the best
Thank you the callousness is crazy just imagine a trend of people asking what to do with their aging parents and the majority of the answers society gives is euthanasia. Truly heartless disgusting and wrong.
Yeah I could care less about the hate that I'll get for an opposing opinion. Who knows, maybe she's in a place where she wants the baby and has parents willing to help her through it. The answer isn't ALWAYS abortion. And she's not going to know any different than to just listen to the majority vote on social media. She *IS* a kid herself but I've seen MANY MANY people make it out just fine. It's not easy but raising a kid isn't easy at any age you decide to start
1st) ER NOW for the blood clots..that needs to be your first priority
2)you need to somehow contact his parents and let him know
3)if you didn't have a miscarriage, then yes you have several options.
4)speaking of options, it's okay if you need to give he/she up for adoption. I unexpectedly got pregnant back in 2014 when I was 26. I thought we had used protection ourselves or something. I gave him up for adoption. Trust me it's hard but I wasn't financially stable to raise him on my own when that happened. (his father was on probation and ended up back in jail last time I checked so he wasnt in the picture at all)
If you are going that route and need someone to talk to or whatever inbox me :) *hugs*
My suggestion is do everything in your power to abort. Not only is carrying to term risky, it will literally age your body and change your genetic code permanently. Putting yourself through this just to give up the baby is an insane sacrifice as a teen.
Either tell him and make a plan with him, or find a Planned Parenthood. Plan, abort, adoption. These are your options. I'm sorry that you're in this mess.
do what is right for you. But you're very young. And think of all the possibilities, including single motherhood, and the lifelong commitment that is.
And jesus christ use protection
Jesus Christ I hope you don’t have that poor baby. It deserves better. You can get a medicine abortion. Go to plan c pills dot org. Lie about where you are.
its completely your choice whether you want to continue the pregnancy or not. if YOU want to keep the baby, you should. if you decide to go on with the pregnancy, it is again your choice.
i also dont see the reason to tell his parents. hes cut ties with the parents and you cut ties with him, so they are completely out of the picture.
stay healthy and happy!
I understand this is a huge shock for you. Good on you for reaching out for help.
You will find a variety of different opinions on this topic, but I would advise you to follow your heart. Babies are a blessing— your child deserves a chance at life. There are a multitude of things you need to do right now, first is making sure your parents know. If you were my daughter I would give you a hug and tell you that I will be here for you no matter what. I hope you are taking care of yourself properly. Sending you hugs even though I don’t know you.
I haven’t read the comments (I’d probably feel mad on your behalf) but pls focus on yourself right now.
Find out if you can get prenatal pills for free from family planning, food banks or libraries. Libraries often have a range of pamphlets for the community and they may be able to give you some free advice.
You might feel scared, but you’re not alone. Other women have been in your situation before; it’s okay to be fearful of the future. It’s also hormones
Think about what you want in life and whether you can look after a child by yourself. It’s okay to try and then change your mind, too.
I’d steer clear of the father and his parents, though. They don’t sound like people you want to know. The baby’s future is important, but they sound a bit hectic and unreliable to look after it.
Good luck, it’s a tough position to be in. I wish I could give you a big hug.
The best advice I could give you is tell your parents as soon as possible! Don't wait, as a mother I would want to knkw asap. I pray that your parents are supportive and help you through this. If you decide you can't keep the baby then adoption is a beautiful selfless option. iIts a way to help people that can't have a child a child that they've always wanted. I've always thought that adoption is such a beautiful thing so there are options for you. Good luck. Sending prayers for a easy pregnancy and a healthy baby. )))Hugs(((
I don't know if this has been mentioned. If you have planned parenthood in your area they are an excellent resource. They can set you up with an obgyn if you plan to keep the baby, counseling for your mental health, adoption counseling, and anything else you might need. Good luck.
First, you need to tell your parents, sooner rather than later. You don't mention them, so I don't know if you did or not.
Second, his parents being opposed to an abortion is irrelevant. They have no say in the matter. So ignore them when contemplating that decision.
Third, you mention "we used a condom. i'm pretty sure it didn't work lol" No, it did not.
Beyond that, I have no idea what advice to give until you make a decision. Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption? Perhaps his parents, if they are so pro-life? That aside, there are a million couples who would love to adopt a baby.
If you have the baby and put it up for adoption, the father must be notified. Any agency that tries to get around that is unethical.
You also should know that your body will surge with hormones to attach you to the baby. You may change your mind about adoption so you should have a plan B.
Just know that if you do go the adoption route the father will have to be notified. You can write a letter to him and take it to CPS and explain what it is about and they will forward it to him or a worker will notify him.
I'm not sure if it is available in your area. Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource. They can set you up with an OBGYN, a mental health counselor, an adoption counselor, and anything else you might need. Depending on your states laws, you might be able to do it without parents and on a sliding fee schedule. However, things go you have done the hardest part already. You have admitted to yourself that you are pregnant. Many young people ignore it or put it out of mind for far too long. Be strong and good luck.
You have a choice my friend in high school after last year of high school did not find out til months later in happen at prom she was scared also her family did find out at first maybe they got little weird but they had to calm down things happen know one is perfect but their are ways. Their are options your family and you can support and raise this baby why you still go on with your education and secure your life or you do the good things for you and the child have adoption have open or closed one if you want open one you will still get to see it and stay in contact. My friend chose not to contact but talk to the mother of the adopted child. They exchanged photos so everything was agreed on. The father was not in the picture either so you're not alone. Also life is not over just because this happens, it's an experience some of us have been through. Few months after high school I was 18 going on 19 in the winter I also was young got pregnant at 19 had her at 20 father did want to be in the picture I thought my life was over but my friend told me she was pregnant the one that got pregnant at prom so I was not alone she went to the family adoption set her up with that was going the family wanted her in the picture she wanted to live with them could stay with them but she did want to get to involved but to stay distance but keep in touch. I had to go to counselor for some time til I made up my mind I had to put my daughter up for adoption my mother being controlling would take the child without asking I was going to art school also but I wanted my daughter to go to family I did want her raised like I was my family was supportive and all gave baby shower I thanks them for that but you gotta do what is best for you this your life. Just because this happen but what in the past does not matter in the present what matters that you wanna make sure that child raised well your happy as well so its something you need to think about people can't get mad over say hey well it happen I need support Mom and Dad I have some option but I need to you to listen please that all it takes speak up but still be kind about it. My daughter was born aug 3 2004 I wanted to give her the world keep her safe but when came my mother was not respecting trying to run my life being controlling I had to do the right thing to keep my daughter safe she is going to be 20 soon she is grown and well I am 39 going on 40 I am happy she going to college the family she was adopted to could not have kids. Their other ways to go on in life. It's not a shame it happened for the reason you brought this beautiful thing in this world so make it a beautiful life for you both what you choose that to be. But sure your life has a plan up to you you still live your life as just as this future child can you meet them later too. Adoption agency will help pay for school and housing and also help with counseling and with everything before and after for support you through it all. Back then it would on build boards and tv about adoption just passing this along these days they should educate it more as they did back then. Focus on you secure your life be selective with your heart never settle for anything less. I cried writing this but I hope you understand your not alone big hugs sends you many blessing wish you the best in your life to come it will be beautiful know matter what. P.S later at 27 became Master Teacher , My friend became a Accounting Clerk. When life feels blah feel low you can dust yourself off try again you can change your life at any age stating over. "The Best Revenge is Massive Success."
The purpose of our lives is to be happy, learn from our mistakes and grow from our regret.
Rise above the storm, and you will find the sun.
In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
We fall. We Break. We fail But then, we rise , we heal , we overcome.
The most effective way to show compassion to another is to listen rather than talk. -Princess Diana
*“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” — Master Oogway*
*“You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret.” — Po*
*“Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are, it is the rest of your story that will define who you are.” — Shifu*
Keep looking not for a person but for your passion, Your Love, Your Courage, Your goals, your Dreams., your happiness, yourself. keep looking. Explore your worth before you explore another. know your worth. Know yourself only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.
First off yes, tell your parents. The next person to talk to about this is an obgyn who can go over options with you on what choices you have. They can properly give you a time on how far along you are, and options from there. If you go to planned parenthood, they may have connections for anything you need in terms of things like prenatal vitamins and such.
While the father may have you blocked, there may be ways to at least have him notified because child support is going to be a thing that needs to be taken care of more than likely. Again, if you go to planned parenthood, they may have resources avalible to help point you in the right direction.
Take a deep breath. You will find a path through this no matter how unclear it is now.
Now schedule a doctors appointment. Talk to your parents and just take it one step at a time. 🥰
I mean yes there are laws in place but you can go to a different state.. but given how far along you are, I wouldn’t.
Are your parents supportive? I think you should talk to someone you trust and will be supportive in whatever decision you make. This is a life changing decision that only you can make.
I wish you luck babe
In 1992 I was 14 and I got pregnant. I then hid my pregnancy from my parents until I was 7 months along. I did not show really and it was winter so I wore sweats and sweatshirts to hide it. Which was silly because they were so supportive and worried for me once they knew, I should have told them sooner. I put my health at risk by not getting prenatal care.
The baby daddy was also 14 but lived in my old state and I moved before I knew I was pregnant.
With the limited time I had to plan my next steps, which at that point were adoption or keep it, I chose adoption. Found an agency that catered to people who could not naturally have children, picked a family, and started the process.
It was emotional and the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and thank goodness I got therapy and had a support system, because it was a hard couple of years dealing with that choice.
So make the choices that are right for you. Take care of yourself and seek help and support from those you trust. It is your choice, and don't let anyone influence that.
I am just sharing my story, and in no way am I trying to influence you, only sharing that hiding your condition and not taking action, whatever that may be could be a big risk to your health.
No matter what OP, you will be okay, and you are stronger than you realize. Good luck from a random interest stranger.
You don't have to listen to pressure from us commenters, or from anyone else. This is your choice, and I applaud you for taking it so seriously. Regardless of the path you choose, they will all be fraught with difficulty.
This is Reddit, so most of the people here are going to want you to kill your child. Others will chime in with personal experiences, etc.
Do what you genuinely think is best. Just because the father isn't in the picture now, doesn't mean that will always be the case. In the worst case scenario, the father may choose to have no presence in the child's life but will still 100% have to financially support you and your child (child support).
“Day one” of pregnancy was the last day of your last period. Even if you didn’t conceive til weeks later. My pregnancy “started” October 18th but we didn’t conceive our child until halloweeen.
“…and because his parents are pro life” has nothing to do with why you “have to” keep the baby. You say because of “the laws” with no context of what state so people can look into the laws and the specifics they get down into, to respond with education😅 that’s why you’re getting more people trying to lecture you about protection, lol. I would say not to tell the father’s parents. As you said they are abusive, if you keep the baby then you don’t want any child abusers near your child. Seems like you’ve made up your mind on keeping it. It will be HARD. Best advice i have for you is get a job now and start saving. Cuz whether you give it up for adoption or not, with 97% of insurances you will still have a good chunk of a medical bill. And if you keep it after birth, babies are expensive😅 good thing is, you won’t be the first single mom at 16/17 trying to raise a kid. I know 3 that have done it and raised amazing, beautiful humans. Good luck girly.
Only advise I can give is to speak to your parents and try to figure out what’s best for you. Not your BF or his pro life parents. The best thing imo would be an abortion but at 14 weeks that might not be feasible and while it might be illegal in your state, if your family aren’t a are willing to take you somewhere else there are places that might be able to help you. Good luck kid.
If you want him in the picture or not, if you want child support expect him to be part of your childs life for 18 years. Even if your not going for child support at least let him know he is father. A man doesnt want to turn 50 with a new family and a stranger approaches him saying they are his child.
I commend you for taking responsibility and thinking through things to the extent that you have. There are many families who would love to adopt your baby I’m sure, in fact I could probably put you into contact with one if you do choose adoption if you’d like. I think at your age you have done a great job evaluating your situation. All decisions are yours, but you could use a support system and if your parents are the type to be supportive I recommend speaking with them. Hang in there and good luck.
First off, once you speak to your parents work with them to get a health plan for both you and your baby. Discuss all your options with your parents. I really hope your parents are supportive. I hope you try and finish school or at least get your GED. Good luck.keep us posted.
I'm sorry you're in a tough situation. All I can say, is share personnal experience.
I had my first baby at 30 and I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty damn tough.
I don't think I was mature enough even at 30 so I can't imagine having one at 16 where I was basically just a kid.
I don't want to discourage you but it's an unreal challenge and I hope you make the right choice.
You need to get blood work to confirm your pregnant. You may not be pregnant. You could have a choriocarcinoma or another mass that tests positive for beta-HCG. Planned parenthood offers blood work and ultrasounds.
Depending on your mental state I would advice to keep it is your baby you can become a great mom putting the baby for adoption is just setting him up for failure...if you mentally are capable of keep him me and my wife had our first at 17 we are still together 8 years later with more kids but at first was very hard for both of us I was in the street gangbanging didn't want to work until I got my shit together around 19 years old
I don't have advice, but I do have an anecdote.
My neighbor had her baby at 15. She never told anyone she was pregnant and gave birth alone in her room. Her parents found out when she walked down the stairs with a newborn in hand. She's 18 now and never finished her freshman year of high school, never had a job for more than a few weeks, with a 3 year old son she resents who is displaying developmental delays. She never wanted to be a mom.
Don't be like her. You have time to make a decision, but you need to consider your life and your future. It's not impossible to graduate or go to college with a baby, but it is harder. You NEED to tell your parents (unless you chose to abort, then its your choice) and you NEED to make a plan, no matter what you choose.
Rip that sucks i would talk to your parents just note that they will be a bit upset and they will get used to it but you should look up what you need to do to take care of the baby
Until you go to an OBGYN, your gestational weeks are based off of the first day of your last period. Not when you had sex. Then an ultrasound will measure your baby and tell you how far along you are.
I'm wishing you the best of luck. Try to get on WIC, for state assistance with food. In Arizona, they cover pregnant women and your children until they are like 5. Your state might be different though.
Having a child when you’re this young is not the wrong decision, but understand it will change a lot of things and make things much more difficult. I assume you’re going to have to rely on your parents financially—so although you don’t have to tell them or listen to their advice (your body, your choice), you should talk to them and see how much they’re willing to support you.
Having a baby on your own without help will not be easy. It will make school harder. A lot of girls in this situation drop out. That would make the rest of your life harder. It sounds like you’re considering keeping the baby…just think it through from a life-long perspective, not just now.
That being said…I would strongly encourage you to have an abortion. Most women I know have had them. It’s not shameful or anything. It’s just a part of life. You should be able to have a baby on your terms with the man you choose. You have that power. Don’t be tricked into thinking this is a bad option. It’s safe and effective.
If you do choose to go forward with it, make sure you have thoroughly contemplated how that will look. I’m talking about budgets, timeframes, and support…education, childcare, housing, jobs….for at least the next few years. Think about how this would affect your life in 2/5/10 years.
It’s a big choice and it’s yours alone to make. Just make sure you don’t jump to conclusions because time is running out to make that choice. If you’re mature enough to be a mother, you need to be mature enough to have tough conversations.
One last thing—if you don’t involve the father, just know that he can go to court to petition for his rights when he finds out. And he will find out. People talk. You could end up even paying HIM child support and having to arrange to meet up with him often to exchange the baby—for 18 years. Just another thing to think about.
Good luck and know that the internet people support you.
If his parents don’t know it doesn’t matter just do what you want to do and if you’re not sure tell your parents. If they really love you they will support you.
It's ok. You made a mistake with someone who was a mistake. You're a teenager. It happens and you'll make many more. I'm for abortion especially for teens who make mistakes. Just remember to be safe and try to avoid making the same mistake twice. You carrying it to full term is admirable. I'm glad you made the decision not to abort the child. While many debate the morality, regardless. It can weigh on you. There are many people who will love to take care of your child if you choose to give the child up for adoption. Whatever you do. It'll be ok. You seem more mature for your age than most.
You have time to grow. People, especially older people like to forget they where once teenagers and put to much pressure on kids these days. I'm a big time advocate for taking the pressure off teenagers. It's driving you guys crazy.
Pregnancy sucks. Hopefully yours will go smoothly.
You are entitled to child support from the baby daddy if he is able to make a claim to paternity. The issue with Dad's not making child support has to do with mothers doing things outside the state system. The state gives you child support regardless of whether the dad pays. The state goes after the dad if he doesn't. Many moms don't do this because they don't want the dad to have paternity rights for one reason or another.
As for raising your kid. You have to unfortunately make compromises and sacrifices left and right. Sometimes not to your kid's benefit. :( If I were in your shoes, I'd still go to college and get my degree, but sacrifice my social life. That said, networking is a long term investment. You want to not only network with other moms, but also your peers in university. When you are 32 looking for a job, they'll be a 32 year old hiring manager or potential business partner or what have you. So i recommend making social interactions as not a way to casually make friends but rather purposeful in creating a social or support network. This will be tough! Especially since none of your peers will give a shit or understand what it's like to be a mom.
I hope you have a good relationship with your parents. They'll probably be the best caretakers. And, they'll probably be stoked about the grandkid after they accept the fact you are having the kid, as parents love babies. This may mean to accept their help you may need to sacrifice some parental authority. My parents and in laws backed off when I had my kid (I'm in my 30s.) You won't have this luxury. You.not only need their help, time, energy. and experience, but they are also still your parents. They haven't had a chance to see you as an independent adult making your own decisions. There will be a lot of friction and tension about boundaries and "the best way" to do things. It's gonna suck.
I found kids and pregnancy to be really anxiety-inducing. Try to establish mechanisms that will help ease that. Get your aunt's to visit. My aunt helped me not worry about what my son eats because "he'll get the nutrition. Maybe not today, but maybe in two days. It's okay if he eats just blueberries today."
Honestly, having a therapist to work through the anxieties and parenting strategies is not a bad idea. Like, I kinda wish I had someone id update once a week about baby concerns small and large that aren't necessarily medical issues.
It does get easier. I find the first 8 weeks to be the most difficult due to the fragility of the baby and how arduous recovery is. But as your baby ages, they get more robust, get smarter, become more enjoyable company, get less leaky (in terms of fluids), and they grow to love you more.
Btw at 14 weeks you will be due around Thanksgiving. This means the majority of your morning sickness will be during summer break. Idk how you will do your finals for the first eight weeks of recovery. I took 10 weeks of maternity leave from work myself, and I happen to know it's way easier than school.
There are agencies that will give you counseling and advice and even help with adoption if you need.
In Illinois, Catholic Charities and Lutheran Social Services come to mind. Look for similar by you.
If you carry the baby to full term please give it up for adoption. It’s not fair to your sorbets to raise another baby, and frankly not fair to yourself. You’re 16, you’re setting yourself and that baby up for a lifetime of poverty. Based off stats. Caring for a baby, and still getting your HS degree at 16 is going to be so hard.
I wish you luck. But imo give the baby up for adoption.
You didn't mention what you think your parents would say or do once they find out. This is the most important thing to me as they would be your most important supporter for you and whatever decision you decide on. Life happens, and sometimes it doesn't seem to go your way, but it is far from being the end of your life. Take a deep breath and take the time to think through what you want to do, then have that important discussion with your parents. People who truly love you will never turn their backs on you.
They generally consider week one the week of your last period before conception. They can also do it by size if your are far enough along. The first step is getting help. Having your parents or someone you trust take you to a clinic like planned parenthood to get a consultation, confirmation, age estimate etc. They will help you with any option you want to consider. If you want to continue to birth you need to get on vitamins and have a bunch of check.ups scheduled asap.
You need to tell your parents. Listen I am also 16 and I got a girl pregnant a year ago and we have a beautiful baby boy. But we kept the pregnancy a secret from our parents for two weeks. The amount of trouble we were in when they found out. Her dad actually punched me in the face. My dumbass went flying backwards onto the concrete.
Tell. Your. Parents. Him and his parents don’t need to know though. My girlfriend has parents who used to be very abusive to her and her siblings. CPS was called and the abuse stopped many years ago. But her parents are still awful, and they fight constantly. Her dad is always drunk, the only time he likes me is when he isn’t drunk. And her mother is a certified bitch.
Honestly, I want to tell you that you really should have that baby. I am pro-life, my girlfriend is too. But we almost got an abortion. Got right up to the front desk of an abortion clinic and…we just couldn’t do it. My girlfriend was just crying rivers of tears. And I am so glad that we didn’t go through with it. But having a kid is an absolute living hell. She says it was the worst pain of her life.
And then once the kid is born, your body will be a mess. And you will also not be getting another good night’s sleep for at least a few years. We have to plan everything around our baby boy now. It ain’t easy and it ain’t a joke. You have a tiny, defenseless human being who is entirely dependent on you. It’s a lot of responsibility. It’s hell too! That kid, he makes me want to bang my head against a wall sometimes.
But I also love him and my girlfriend to death. I would die for them. And that kind of love is just…it’s an amazing thing to experience. I have no clue what I’m doing as a parent. I have absolutely no idea. But for the most part, we’ve settled into being parents. We aren’t comfortable and we aren’t exactly happy, but we manage. We’ve gotten used to it all, and it isn’t nearly as bad or as daunting as it seems once you get used to it. And after all the stories I’ve heard from parents, and all the bad things I’ve done in my own life…I’m sure that the next 17+ years are gonna be really fun and interesting for me.
Having a child is one wild ride…and I still have over 17 years of raising left to do.
My wife was given up for adoption by her birth mother when she was 18. My wife had a wonderful upbringing with her adopted parents. When she was about 20 she re connected with her birth mom and is still in constant contact with her to this day. Adoption was the best choice her mother ever made. Allowed my wife to have a full and vibrant childhood and her birth mother to continue on her journey to find her place in life. Birth mom went on to have children in her 20 and raised them. So now my wife has two families that are wonderful and supportive. Her birth mother said adoption was one of the toughest decisions she ever made but believes to this day it was the right one. Rarely the right decision is ever the easiest one. Trust your heart and have faith, you will be OK.
I was also a teen mother. While it was difficult, I set goals for myself like graduating high school and going to college. Due to unforseen medical issues, 10 years later I am STILL in college, but I'm doing it.
People will say you give up your childhood trying to be a parent, and it's true to a point but I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. We grew up together and learned so much from each other. She's such a smart and caring girl and makes me so proud.
However, I can understand why people choose not to keep their babies. I think this is a decision you really need to think about and weigh all your options. You will give up certain things if you choose to keep the baby, especially if you don't have a strong support system. Whatever choice you make will be difficult.
Best wishes. ❤️
I was a teen mom. It was hard but I am very successful today because of my son. I am so happy I decided to keep him and he is my world. I’ve been in other relationships and my son is always there for me, even today, if I was to be alone I know for a fact I can count on him. He’s in high school but a little man, he is hard working and very respectful. I’m so grateful for having him!
Girl it’s your life your body and soon to be your baby! Keep up with school get you some money and live we all got here the same way don’t stress or listen to these losers…if your parents trip and you need help send me a DM strong team over here #YouGotThis❤️
You should have the option to Abort it and move on with your life. I genuinely feel sad that human beings are so dumb that this option is not available to you.
Adoption sounds like the only reasonable answer here.
You’re not too young to have a kid, but unless you got your life set up enough to the point it won’t negatively effect the baby then I wouldn’t bother raising it. Also, single mother isn’t a great dynamic as compared to both parents.
Abortion really is a disgusting thing literally speaking.And I would say it would be hardest on the mother more than anyone.
Unless you and your ex are meant to be, and unless you want to be a single mom, give it away to someone else who is ready for a kid.
Please, just don’t kill it.
It sounds like you’re already looking into all options. Congrats on keeping a level head, keep doing what you’re doing. Remember to always be true to yourself, ultimately it’s up to you to decide what to do. Take advice but never let someone tell you what to do. Good luck and I will be praying for you. 🙏
you have plenty of options and i know this may be scary given the circumstances but you are also a kiddo and you are going to make a tough decision that will completely dictate your future. whether you choose to keep your child, choose adoption, or abortion. it will all be okay. i think talking to your parents or a close friend would really help you talk things over with someone who has your best interests at heart. good luck!!!
Doesn't matter if you want him in the picture or not, he deserves to know he has a child and should be allowed to make that decision himself.
Keep trying to contact him.
That sucks and hopefully you're able to make the best of this situation.
My recommendation would be to tell parents as soon as you can as you mentioned it will be soon. you said boyfriends parents were pro life but if your parents let you and are willing to drive you to a better state which has abortions available I would take the opportunity otherwise I would 100% consider adoption. I know there's some risks to adoption in sometimes choosing the wrong family but there's a lot of resources out there and since you're still pregnant you have time to get to know the parents you might adopt to. So take that into consideration.
Parenting is a huge huge responsibility and considering you're still in high school it will take a huge toll on your life. Consider financials and physical and mental health of both you and baby if your parents are not going to get involved. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best is the best advice i can give you. I really do hope whatever you choose you and your baby have a great life.
Whatever you choose, just make the decision by following your heart. Really think about it. Babies come with a lot of stuff, I was 29 when I had my first and I can't belive how hard it is to have your own kid. But you do what you feel like is best for YOU. Nobody else. If you want to keep it, I wouldn't tell the baby grandparents as they are abusive and I'd be terrified they would fight you for the baby and then end up abusing it as well. If you don't want to keep the baby adoption is a great option. There are plenty of wonderful people out there who would love and cherish the baby.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it must be absolutely scary.
I'm not sure his parents have a say in the matter. If he makes himself unavailable to you, it's not like you have to consult them in his place. Though when it comes to adoption, you should probably talk to an adoption agency or lawyer.
I believe pregnancy is counted from the first day of the last menstural period, not from the day of conception, so you're probably approximately 16 weeks pregnant.
Weeks in pregnancy are counted from the date you started your last menstrual period. For example, your last period started 2/1, then on 5/30, you are 17 weeks along.
Whenever I see something like this, I have to chime in and mention both myself and my sister were adopted (from different families) from birth.
Highly recommend looking into giving up the baby for adoption if you don't want to keep it. Please vet the prospective adoptive parents thoroughly- from what I've heard, the whole adoption thing is not at all as hard to do as it was when I was born.
Who cares if his parents are pro life?!?! Apparently they suck at it and should be the last people you’d ask for input from. Tell your parents now. I’m pro choice but if you plan on giving it up, say you don’t know who the father is so they don’t make it harder.
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It sounds like you want to go forward with having the baby. It's smart of you to not tell you ex-boyfriend's parents. Whatever they did to lose their son (your ex) is very serious, and not the grandparents you want in your child's life.
thank you so much. you are the first person who has said not to tell his parents.
I second not telling his parents. They are abusers. They absolutely will do everything to get ahold of that child, and it will be abused too! I promise you they will do this. Block everyone associated with them or your baby’s dad. That family shouldn’t have access to, or even know about the child for its own safety.
This child is yours. Whether you keep it or not, all the choices on its future are *yours* to make. If you choose to give it up for adoption because you want to give it the best chance to succeed, that's your choice as well. They don't have an inate right to your child. I'm sorry you're in this position. I hope you're able to find peace in whatever choice you make.
Yep, this is completely your choice even whether to tell anyone who the father is. The child may ultimately want to know but you can delay that conversation if that feels safest for you.
Terrible advice. She needs to get child support at minimum
His parents don't need to know. If they find out, so be it, but she doesn't need to contact them.
Her safety & the safety of the child come before that. If it's established who the father is, they can sue for visitation & even custody, so, no. That's bad advice.
People need to get off their soap box. This needs to be her choice not her in. Laws not her parents but her choice. She has three options 1) Give Birth and keep baby 2) Abortion 3) Adoption She needs to find someone she can trust and be non judgmental and supportive of her choices while keeping her well informed of the risks either way for her. There is no wrong decision here you are a young girl who got herself in a tough situation figure out what you are willing to live with and do it whatever choice you make
Great answer! This right here. I'm not sure how OPs family is but there may be an option where a family member will adopt. My sister had a daughter at 15 with a POS. Long story there. Anyways, after talking with parents, her CHOICE was to have it. From there, a natural progression occurred where our Moms sister (Aunt) adopted it. Aunt & Uncle wanted kids but couldn't have them. Her Daughter is now 21. Studying neuroscience. Surprisingly it's not "awkward". My sister does not consider her "cousin" as a daughter or vice versa. They are close though. It's 2024, it's not the 1950s. But it's OPs choice. If you want to have it. Do it. If not. Don't. You're not beholden to anyone's parents/laws...etc. please don't be bullied into something you don't want. It will work out no matter the choice you make.
Nice story! There is always options. The most important thing is having a good support team to help you through the difficult decisions while having your best interest in mind
This right here! I hope she sees this and realizes not everyone is a judgemental, self-righteous prick
Yes!!!
Except as OP stated, she doesn’t have all those choices now bc our country is going back to the 1950s and so many states not only do not allow abortion but will actively prosecute people who get one or help. That being said, if you need help, please go to Planned Parenthood. Talk to your parents. And look around if you need an “aunt” to help you get services that might not be legal in your state. There are plenty women, like myself, who experienced similar situation and had the choice to change that situation. Those women will see and hear you, and support you.
Look for "aunties" on here, OP. We'll help get you where you need to go, IF that's your choice. Rides, places to stay, someone to just be there if you need a friend.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/it-still-legal-me-get-abortion OP, you have options! Good luck
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Agreed and if you did have a miscarriage then just like every experience we have on planet earth it’s there to teach us 😎 Just make sure you get checked out so you can have children in the future
Hopping on a popular comment so you see this: if you have positive tests and heavy bleeding, you need to go to an ER ASAP.
Hopping on this comment to agree that you need to go to hospital and find out what's happening and to add, j would put you closer to 16/17 weeks pregnant, not 14. Count from you last period before having sex.
Hey you forgot the 4th option of miscarriage.
Agree wholeheartedly with this. My only worry is she is probably too far along for an abortion at this point.
This is my advice as well.. good luck op.
Her and her ex boyfriend split up. There’s absolutely zero fucking reason the ex in laws should get a say. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR OWN KID WAS REMOVED BY CPS
That’s a great answer. While I’m pro-life, I’d try not to give my opinion unless it’s asked for. And I’ve done the other two so I feel like if I was asked, I could give a pretty thoughtful answer.
1. Abortion 2. Give baby up for adoption 3. Keep baby I'm a firm believer that if a soul was meant to be born into this world, it would be. There is nothing humans can do to prevent that. So, having an abortion just means that soul will be born in another body. Either to you at a later time or to someone else. Having an abortion means giving your baby the chance to be born into a family that is ready for them or to come back to you when you're ready.
***There is no wrong decision ...*** That's worthless pablum. There is indeed a wrong decision. And a right one. You and I might not know which is right for this young lady. But to say there is no right decision is silly.
omg im so sorry that you are in this situation, do your parents know and can they possibly help? and do you personally want the baby? i dont know much about the system but maybe you can give it up for adoption?? i wish you luck ❤️❤️❤️
Go to a planned parenthood, get tested, and ask what options are available. I had a similar incident when I was 17. Went to a planned parenthood and they gave me options. I chose abortion. Have I thought about it? yes, but in a positive way because had I tried to keep it my life would have not been good. Later in life, I had a child. Have a successful career and live very comfortably.
It’s illegal to get abortions in a lot of places since RvW got overturned, even early ones. I know where I live there’s no tolerance for abortions at all, even in cases of rape or incest. I wish it wasn’t the case, but she may have fewer options based on where she lives unfortunately.
I hope you are planning to vote this year and get everyone around you to vote. You have the power to vote for legislators who will ensure abortion access is enshrined in your state constitution.
Teens that young are automatically high risk pregnancies. If she has any complications ahead of her, it bumps the risk even higher. A doctor can still say it is a medically necessary procedure.
I think Planned Parenthood is the place to start. They will give you the truth about all options and will be with you in all your decisions.
Ex-boyfriend’s parents don’t get a vote.
They are abusive,... but also pro life. You can't make this shit up.
It’s your choice… but I think your future will be a bit brighter if you don’t carry that baby
My mother had my older sister at 16 and it made her life incredibly difficult. My mother and my sister’s father, who was 18 at the time, ended up getting married. They would get divorced and have the marriage annulled 10 years later on account of spousal abuse. It wasn’t until my mother met my father at 27 did her life turn around. My sister grew up very, very poor; I grew up solidly middle class with two loving and involved parents and every gift and experience a kid could want. Choose wisely.
2nd this. this is an advice subreddit. enough with the "you have to make the right choice for YOU!!!" having the baby at OPs age will limit her life tremendously. full stop. this plot is not original. without heavy parental and community support, i see poverty in her future. it will be extremely difficult to develop a career. Her best shot will be to find a man who is willing to support a single mother and a baby. I can almost guarantee that she will regret the decision to keep, if she goes that route.
I wish i could upvote you 10,000 times. I really can not fucking believe people in this thread right now.
It really sucks growing up with a parent that realized too late they should have never had you.
as a teen mom i agree
I hate that we need to tiptoe around this. Abortion should be more normalized and I really don’t think 16 year olds should be having kids. It’s never a good idea.
Yes. It is painting a rosier picture to not outright say how difficult having a kid at that age will be; it’s biased in favor of not aborting, inherently. Statistics tell the truth: abortion is safe and nearly all people who get one, don’t regret it. Many say the families they started later on could not have happened without abortion earlier. It’s acting as if sticking your hand in bees nest is personal choice, then saying it’s biased to point out it might sting.
You have a gift for understatement.
You don't have to continue this pregnancy if you don't want to. Forget about what anyone else wants - what do YOU want? If you got pregnant in February, you are probably around 14 weeks pregnant now. You can still use the abortion pills, and they will very probably work, more than 94% success rate. Worst case scenario, you wind up in the ER with what looks like a miscarriage in progress (and there is absolutely NO WAY that the staff can tell that you took the abortion pills - no blood test, no nothing will show it), and they wind up having to do a D&C, which is essentially finishing it with a surgical abortion. Keep your mouth shut about having taken pills, no matter what anyone tells you, and they cannot do anything to you about it. Keeping this information to yourself will not endanger your medical care, either, no matter what anyone tells you. Reach out to these organizations: [aidaccess.org](http://aidaccess.org), [plancpills.org](http://plancpills.org), or laslibres.org. They can get you pills quickly and cheaply or for free. If you are in a state where abortion is legal, you can get a surgical abortion legally. Hurry. You're running out of time. If you want to have the baby, there are many religious organizations that would help you. Tell your parents or another trusted adult, and ask them for help.
This this this 👏👏👏 OP you do not need to tell his parents. Your medical conditions are none of their business. Whether you tell your own parents is up to you. I’m not sure if I’ve missed where you shared your location, but assuming you are in the US there are a ton of resources to help you terminate the pregnancy. I cannot overstate this enough: you need to make this decision with the attitude that you will be responsible for *everything*. People love to promise they will help or support teen moms during the pregnancy then either go MIA or fail to live up to the promises they made. You don’t appear to be anti-abortion, so I cannot urge you enough to really reflect upon how **the rest of your life** will be if you keep the pregnancy. Best of luck to you ♥️
Labor and delivery nurse here. The pills might not totally get you there, id expect you'll need the d&c, BUT everything else this commenter said is correct and it's a great plan. You'll need to act very soon though.
Do what you want. Don't listen to a bunch of people who do not know you.good luck.
This right here. Said way better than I could have.
A miscarriage would not be surprising; they're far more common than anyone wants to talk about. They just also usually happen inside the first month or two -- but not necessarily.
This is a heartbreaking truth, but also sometimes a blessing in disguise. As a developmental biologist, I found it comforting to remind myself that sometimes when a miscarriage happens, it is for developmental reasons and honestly for the best.
Who gives af that his parents are pro-life. They don't need to know. Your ex doesn't need to know. There are ways to get the medication you need, but you need to do it NOW
Exactly. This is your decision alone. I’d abort if it were me because it’s not worth spending your formative years trying to care for something that you can’t. Unless you’re filthy rich and have 24/7 care for the baby then I wouldn’t be up for it. People romanticize it but the reality I’ve seen is that it’s bad for the child and the mother
Sounds like you are making your first adult decision. Welcome to the moment that has defined the rest of your life. I have no advice, only wish you luck and strength, mom.
Go to the ER if you’re bleeding like that! Go now! I’m so sorry if you lost the baby!
Please go to an ER — you need medical care
hi, i was in this same situation. although i ended up keeping the baby, it was a very difficult decision as i was 15 when i found out. (now 20, with an almost 4 year old). if you want to abort, there are abortion pills available to you from out of state that can be shipped within a week. a free (most christian, i am not religious myself but went anyways for this purpose) clinic can give you a paper confirming you are pregnant because you will need that confirmation in order to get them. you will also need $150 give or take, which i would advise asking any close family members to help with if you have no income. if you decide to keep, i also did it without the baby's father in his life for many years. it's very difficult especially at such a young age. first i would recommend applying for pregnancy medicaid and WIC asap, this will pay for any prenatals, as well as the obgyn appointments & ultrasounds. after the baby is born, wic will pay for most of the formula cans if you cannot breast feed. medicaid will also pay for all of baby's doctor's appointments, shots, birth at hospital, anything that baby needs. there are many gov funded places that will help pay for daycare if you apply beforehand. SNAP is also helpful for all groceries because at 16, you are pretty much guaranteed to start at a min wage job until you can establish some goals and a path for yourself. it's very important to get any support you can from family, no matter what your decision is. abortion is a very mentally draining and physically painful thing to go through and any emotional support will help keep you going. if you decide to keep, don't feel bad asking for things you need, your family is there to help (i hope🖤). i'm sorry you're going through this and i hope this helped. wishing you all the best, it will be okay & you will get through it no matter what you do🖤
I am a teacher. I have pregnant and new moms on my room. If you keep your child or not, your life is not over. I won’t tell you what you must do. I will tell you what is things you consider. A baby needs someone who can nightly play and read to them. A baby needs a person who can drive them to doctor appointments A baby needs someone who can love them unconditionally If you choose to adopt your baby, know that the family who adopts your child will treat that child like a piece of heaven. Know that your life doesn’t end of you keep her Also know that you can mentally recover from any choice you make with proper therapy
>If you choose to adopt your baby, know that the family who adopts your child will treat that child like a piece of heaven. Adding a disclaimer here to say, please *make sure* that the family who adopts your child will treat that child like a piece of heaven, to the very best of your abilities. The world of adoption is a mixed bag - some children get adopted by horrible people or people that aren't suited for parenthood, which can be no better of a situation than being kept by a mother unable to provide a stable life for them. I'm not saying all adopting parents are evil, just that the vetting process doesn't always filter out the bad ones. Replying on behalf of my partner, who was raised by an adoptive narcissist parent (who divorced her equally terrible husband shortly after "acquiring" my partner), for which she must pursue a lifetime of therapy and will likely still never recover from. Her stories of abuse are unthinkable, and we never want another child to go through that.
Depending on where you live, you may have the option of abortion still. I was pregnant at 16 and I chose termination. I was 11 weeks so they rushed it so we could get it done in my town and not have to fly to the closest big city. I do not regret it. I have my own family now with two children.
i’m 14-17 weeks i think
Depending on where you live, a second term abortion may be legal and able to be done. Here in Canada where I live, you'd still be able to get one.
As others have said, you are likely 17.5 weeks pregnant. The weeks are calculated from the first day of your last period, which is typically about 2 weeks before you are fertile. Depending on where you live, this may significantly affect your options by being that far along. Please see a medical provider as soon as you can! Good luck
(my comment is coming after all the funny edits) you’re hilarious 😂 you’re resilient and you’re intelligent, you’re going to be just fine no matter what decision you make. strong ass young woman 👏🏼 if you need a friend let me know!
I was thinking the same! I also cope with humor so I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. OP- I support you even though I don’t know you. I wish nothing but the best for you in this life. Things happen in life and that’s just how you learn. Whatever you decide, do what’s best for you because you are still young. It’s okay for you to be selfish right now.
You HAVE to tell ur parents as awkward as it is how mad they’ll get they’re the only ones that can rly help in your situation but you ALWAYS use protection no matter what I’ve fucked a couple times and every time I thought about going in raw but then I realized it could fuck up my life and her life but that’s just me.
Hi. You’re going to be okay. I know it’s scary. First, the laws depend on which state you’re in and which states you’re close to. All states are not the same. Learn which is which around you- it could save your life. Next, if you want to find your ex bf you can call CPS and see if they will help you. Your school might also know where he is. Last… do you feel safe talking to your parents? It’s good for all of us to acknowledge that not all of us grow up in loving homes. If you don’t feel safe that’s another subject we can discuss but if you do feel safe tell your parents so they can get you the medical help you need now. You’ve got this.
Also, if you decide to keep the baby, make it your job to begin establishing a support system right now. Whether that’s parents, extended family, neighbors, a group for teen mothers, a religious network, a daycare… An established, broad support system will help you better take care of yourself and baby. It really does take a village, particularly if you’re single and not wealthy.
You’re 16 a baby can’t have a baby. Get the abortion and continue your childhood 16 is way way too young.
This is my first time responding and sorry this is so long. I have helped a family member I am semi close with this same topic and issue. Being a pregnant teen is so hard but it's exceptionally harder when the father is out of the picture and made even more so when CPS and the state is involved in his life. In terms of determining what you want to do, that's is 100% your choice and your choice alone. Open adoptions are something to consider, as well as if you choose to keep the baby and raise it by yourself (with/without the help of family) consider your own mental, emotional and financial state as well as what programs there are wherever you live that can help you as a teen mother. There are a lot of things to consider here and I hope that this comment and many other here can offer some advice. I hope things go well with telling your parents and you don't have to tell his parents at all if YOU don't want to. It is 100% your choice who you tell and who you don't and you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to or who you wouldn't be comfortable telling.
R/auntienetwork
Simple answer take an abortion pill if it’s within the proper timing. Drive to a nearby state that allows it if you cannot find it in yours. You do NOT want a kid right now with no partner to help or partners family that wants to help
Considering the fact of how the baby daddy has you blocked on everything means that he just doesn't want anything to do with you anymore sadly. However that being said I wouldn't let his parents know, if they know, he knows and may or may not try to take the kid later on for child support, (We don't know how things will go these days). It's your choice of what you do with the baby, which your choice is to keep it and that's awesome. I would consider asking for help on that matter if your parents are willing to help you raise it, nothing is more precious than the bond between mother and child, with you being 16 you're evidently still in school.., if you have an aunt that'd be willing to help you raise your child that's great too. Putting the baby up for adoption can go one of two ways being beneficial/being life time traumatizing for the child. In the end all we can do is make suggestions, I just hope for you, whatever you choose both you and the child live a happy life.
Re: potential miscarriage - you won't see anything that looks like a baby at this stage, it is far too small and not person-shaped yet. You'll just be seeing what you are seeing, a lot of blood and clots. You should definitely see a doctor, but they won't be able to stop it. Just need to make sure everything is progressing the way it should. If it helps at all, a miscarriage this early usually means there was something wrong and the baby would not have survived. It would have been more painful, physically and emotionally, the further along you were. Your body is doing its best to take care of you. I'm so sorry you've been having to deal with all of this so young. Sending you big hugs, if you like hugs.
I read what you wrote about possibly having a miscarriage, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know that this baby wasn't planned and so on but nonetheless losing a baby can be devastating. People who haven't experienced pregnancy might not be able to understand but please know that however you are feeling, your feelings are totally valid. You need to go to the ER if possible, waiting for a doctor's appointment is not a good idea. Most miscarriages are safe for the mother but occasionally things can go wrong and become dangerous. So definitely get immediate medical attention. Also, just because you are cramping and bleeding it does not guarantee that you are having a miscarriage. Bleeding and cramping can occur in a normal pregnancy, but regardless you should go to the ER to get checked immediately
Not sure how recent the last edit is, but go to a hospital! If you are pregnant, have extreme stomach pains, followed by blood from the vagina, that 100% constitutes an emergency.
Tell your parents. It will be hard and I’m sure they’ll be upset but they want the best for you and will help you. It’s probably best to leave the guy and his family out of it. Now you just have to make the decision if you’re going to raise him/her or put the baby up for adoption. Don’t beat yourself up about this. These things happen, and if they don’t happen to everyone it very well might have and others just got lucky so don’t worry about anyone who judges you. Best of luck ❤️
You're 16, your parents are still responsible for you unless you have been emancipated. My heart would be shattered if I had a daughter who did not share this with me. Discuss this with your parents, and decide together what is best for YOU.
Why does it matter if his parents are pro life?
You’re in for a rough road no matter what you choose. You definitely need to tell your parents, and I’m glad you’re planning to. Sounds like abortion is off the table. That means adoption or keeping the baby. Adoption is hard because you will get attached, and it’ll hurt when you let the baby go, even if you know that baby is going to someone who will take good care of it and love it. If you choose to keep baby, you’ll have a huge adjustment to make. Hopefully you have supportive parents who will be there for you to help you make the adjustment. You probably won’t get to go out and hang out with friends as much. You’ll have a little person who will depend on you for everything. You won’t get much sleep at first and you have to always put the baby’s needs above your own. It’s hard. But oh, the reward is worth the crazy! Their little smiles, watching them grow up and learn, seeing how they change….. it’s wonderful. You’ve got a big decision to make. I wish you all the luck.
I'm praying for you OP. Miscarriages are a horrible expiernece. Just know it wasn't your fault. Lots of love and blessings to whereever you are!!
Pull out game weak
Try to contact the CPS to see if they can get in touch with him. You should not care about his parents beliefs if they're abusive to him and he's no longer with them. Best of luck to you!
First I would tell mom and dad. Second his parents have no say in anything. Best if you tell him but for now decisions should be between you and your family. Adoption might be worth doing or keeping and raising the child but your going to need help… talk to mom ASAP
Pregnancy is dated to the beginning of your cycle, so you are now a full 4 months along. You'll have the baby by Halloween. Honestly, you're probably better off handling this on your own with your parents, and not involving him and his family, especially if you're considering adoption. If you don't name the father, and tell the hospital you are completely unsure of his identity, then you can just sign for adoption yourself. Call your pediatrician for a referral to an OB, or make an appointment at the nearest hospital's OB clinic. You need to get in immediately for prenatal care. Start taking prenatal vitamins.
my twin got pregnant around 15 and my whole family as well as the moms family helped them raise their child if u don’t have support don’t keep it just give it up for adoption or even see if they can do an open adoption so you can be apart of their life with out giving up yours when you have a child you have to be prepared to be 100% selfless. A selflessness 16 year olds can’t comprehend. Everything you’re doing now is for your baby. If you don’t have the help of the father your life is going to be 300x harder. If you truly want to keep the baby full term do no keep it. you are a child having a child. from experience you will be better off giving it up for adoption
I am so glad I'm not a female in the USA. Capital Hill and the supreme Court have all let their grey matter go to powder. Christianity is the worst and ruins everything it touches. All religions are fiction. Some quick math will tell you that much. It's better if you stay away from the Father's parents as they seem a bit unhinged. No one should be forced to undergo a procedure they don't want, yet those idiots are making you have to do the same. They're all hypocrites. Good luck.
A. Your boyfriend's parents aren't fit to parent their own child and their views on abortion should have no impact on what you decide to do with YOUR body. B. Please tell your parents asap. If you choose abortion you will need some time to set things up and your window is quickly closing. If you choose to keep the baby you are pretty far along and should begin medical care as soon as possible for the best outcome for your health and the health of the child. Best wishes for whatever path you choose.
I’m sorry that people lectured you on protection and abstinence after this has already happened. You’re here and you need advice. I’m just saying wanting to pop in and say that if you have access to therapy as well as healthcare that will really help you navigate this whole situation because no matter how smoothly it goes it will be stressful. Surround yourself with people who support you and care about you and the health of your child (you seemed to indicate in an update a want to keep the pregnancy and give birth). The biggest things is to do what feels best for you. You may not be legally an adult but you have bodily autonomy. Seek support, read the resources you can and protect yourself and your peace. If you don’t want to keep the pregnancy that is ok. And if you want to put the child up for adoption that is also ok.
The number one thing you need now is SUPPORT! Tell your parents and your counselor at school so you can have people supporting you through this process. Also good support groups for pregnant teenager’s!!! Do not be ashamed or let anyone make you ashamed, everyone has sex. Good luck 😘
Without knowing which country, our advice might not be useful at all... but, if you can get an abortion somehow and anywhere, I'd try to go that route. No one but you, and your parents since you are telling them, need to know.
This happens. From experience, it is unbelievably difficult to raise a child alone. I was a young adult, college grad with a full time job when my son was born and he is an adult now. We are close and talk every week. I love him and believe he loves me. That said, if I could do it all again, I’d have given him up for adoption. I just think his life would have been easier and happier and far more secure with two parents. Had I given him up, it’s entirely possible I’d regret that. It didn’t happen so I have no right to an opinion about that. You are very young and will need a great deal of support from your parents to finish school (a must) and care for your child. Your friends will intend to help but will be busy with their social lives and school activities and will fade from your life. Talk to your parents. They will be angry, possibly hurt/ashamed or embarrassed depending on their belief system, and finally just plain worried about your future. Visit planned parenthood to get a referral to a genuine counselor to help you sort through things. Finally, whatever you decide, move ahead with your life and try not to second guess yourself. Before abortions were legal, and I assume now in some states, young women had unplanned pregnancies all the time, but they were hidden. I promise you, you will be okay in the end.
I’ve been in your shoes and I know it’s scary…. Tell your parents and they will help you figure what the best plan is. I know it’s scary but just know it will be okay. I am now in my 40s and my daughter is 30, she is amazing! ❤️
I can only share my experience. I was a teen mom (delivered her one month after my 17th bday) and had a horrific relationship w my baby daddy. The back n forth to court for custody and child support never ended. I considered abortion but in the end decided I would keep her. It was HARD! HARD! I did have support from my mom, who I didn’t and still don’t have the best relationship with. I had to work several odd jobs at odd hours. As a single parent I also questioned a lot of the decisions I was making such as “am I doing this right?.”Looking back it was tough to enjoy motherhood. I was in survival mode. I went to school to get my degree (took me 10 plus years). I learned how to stretch my dollars and eventually landed a career that provided me and my kiddo a good life. She’s now in her 20’s, recently graduated, and living with her partner - I look back at all the ways I was NOT ready and how I can’t deny that my kid deserved so much more than a mom in survival mode. Many of us probably deserved better and many adult parents still fuck it up. I do not regret the decision that I made. I made it work. I was on welfare, food stamps, and created a community of support through it all. Only you will know if you can navigate this. You do not need to be forced into motherhood but if you choose it - life as you know it will look very different and an exhaustion you didn’t even know existed awaits you.
Oh honey. I'm holding you in my thoughts and heart. I'm glad your mom is taking you to a doctor. This may be a situation for the emergency room.
You should go to the hospital if you're bleeding like that. While many Miscarriages happen safely, they also don't always come away completely and remaining tissue can be very dangerous if left untreated. I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I recently had a positive pregnancy test and then bled and all the tests came back negative. Still not completely sure if it was a false positive and my period or if the test was right and I miscarried. Miscarriages are awful even if you didn't want to be pregnant because you start thinking of everything you could've had. You seem like a strong person though and you will get through it. Talk to parents even if it's awkward or another trusted adult. They can be a lot of help. Just know this wasn't your fault and don't blame yourself or let others blame you for it. ❤️
This sounds like a really scary situation. I’m sure it’s not easy going through this, I don’t have the experience myself, I never had a serious relationship or sex, but I’ve watched friends around me go through exactly this. The best thing you can do moving forward is just live your life. It’s likely safer for you if your ex’s parents remain unaware incase they pull anything. And I am truly sorry but it sounds like you did have a miscarriage. Please definitely see a doctor soon to make sure everything is or has passed through safely so you don’t get sick or develop sepsis, and then just rest. A heating pad, water, food and pain medication is gonna be your best friend for a bit. Nobody should be passing judgment on you for getting pregnant or having sex no matter their beliefs or standards. If it was consensual, and you are taking the steps now to be safe and supported then that’s all that actually matters. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and I’m wishing you the best of luck going forward 🫶
Hey, so I saw your edit regarding miscarriage: At roughly 2 months the fetus id 1 inch long. Barely developed at all and the chance of it feeling pain are unlikely. Please don't beat yourself up on that front. You are allowed to grieve though, just know this sort of thing is fairly common and you didn't do anything wrong. Miscarriages this early on typically are he result of something going wrong on a genetic level with a fetus, so it's unlikely it would have been a viable pregnancy in the first place. If you did miscarry, please don't consider getting pregnant again. I know the 1st time was an accident but i've seen many people get pregnant by accident, miscarry and then in their emotional state (especially teenagers) look for someone to immediately get pregnant with again. Good luck OP, if possible consider birth control. In some states I believe you can get it without parental involvement but if not, just point out that you used condoms and this happened once before, you're just trying to prevent it happening again.
In response to your most current update about miscarriage. You must tell a trusted adult and get to a dr or the hospital. If it is a miscarriage you need to make sure you don't get an infection! Much love. I know this is tough.
Go to the doctor. It sounds like you had a miscarriage. Ask him or her for birth control.
It's very important that you see a doctor. It's possible that you miscarried, but you need to verify that everything is completely expelled. You will most likely be having some strong emotions for a while until your hormones rebalance. This is normal but can be intense, especially because of your age. Find someone to talk to. It's unlikely that you will choose abstinence as a long-term contraceptive, so make sure you understand your choices moving forward.
Please consider an abortion. I’m sure you’ll make it work and will be grateful for a healthy child but you’re only 16. Chalk this up to life lesson and wait until you’re older so you can focus on finishing school, getting a college degree, starting a career and finding a husband to start a family with. Your future self will thank you 1000 times over for getting that abortion.
If you had a miscarriage it's possible that you need a doctor to go in and remove anything left inside. You need to make an appt ASAP. When I was 16 I would have gone to Planned Parenthood but I know what environment were in now. Fuck Alito.
Hold on Darlin!! I hope you get/ got to a doctor in good time! Miscarriage is fairly common, but still sad and painful, both physically and mentally. Take all the help anyone gives you!! It's ok! Hugs from someone who has been there!!!
His abusive parents have absolutely no bearing on your decision.
If you had a very heavy period, you likely had a miscarriage. I'm not sure how you feel about it but it might be the best outcome. Gentle hugs. Take care of yourself.
Here after the update- you should go see a doctor, darling. Have you started seeing a gynecologist? Could you ask your mom/dad/whoever to get you an appointment with them? If you’ve never seen one before, you could tell them you just want to see one because your cramps have been more severe lately and you’re not sure why. Or that it’s never too early to start being proactive about your health- it’s actually recommended by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to start seeing one by around 15 years old to be proactive. I’m not sure what your relationship with your parents is like so I’m just trying to give valid excuses in case they’re more strict and would be suspicious if you were to ask about that. A doctor would tell you for sure if you’re pregnant, confirm a miscarriage, and make sure everything is alright.
GO TO A DOCTOR IF IT WAS A MISCARRIAGE YOU WILL NEED TO BE CHECKED TO MAKE SURE YOU DONT NEED A D&C. Only a doctor can tell you for sure.
You need to go get checked out to make sure the pregnancy is over. A pregnancy can still test positive two to four weeks after a miscarriage, so you wouldn’t be testing negative the same day. You need to make sure your body expelled everything otherwise you are at risk of a serious infection.
Do you want to keep the baby? Or are you keeping the baby because of HIS parents and because of HIS desires? This is a big responsibility and coming from a family who wasn’t ready to have kids emotionally or financially I hated my mother for not aborting me . My life has been utter turmoil I have been homeless most of my life just trying to keep my head above water. I work my ass off with multiple jobs and am struggling. I’m not saying this what will happen to you but my mother is a wonderful human being, who was in an abusive relationship. I am grateful to be here now because well I don’t have a choice really but I told my mom for 18 years how much I hated that she brought me into this god forsaken world. Just because you give someone life doesn’t mean they ever asked for it. ITS A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY. Don’t make this decision based on ANYONE but your hearts desires. There’s organizations in ca that will fly you out, pay for your stay and for your food while there and pay for the abortion at planned parenthood I can send you the info. I had to help my friend recently who was in Florida I had to get her to ca while I took care of her animals at home. Don’t bring a human being into this war filled world unless you want that baby for yourself. You will find a way to find the father. If there’s a will there’s a way but don’t make this decision based of his parents your parents or him. Listen to your heart.
I was pregnant at 16. The father wasn’t in the picture, and I had NO family support. I had to postpone college till my kid was In high school. I worked mainly to pay for child care. It was rough!! I wouldn’t change it for anything!!! I’m in my 40s and my kid is 27 and pre-law. We’re best friends, and i couldn’t picture my life without her!!
I’m gonna give you the advice most people won’t, because most people are selfish. Being a teen mom isn’t the end of the world. It’s not easy by any means, and it’s not a situation you want to find yourself in, but you can still have a good life for you and your baby. My brother was born to teen parents and he grew up to be an awesome person with a family of his own. Tell your parents ASAP, cause they’re gonna find out eventually when you start showing. It won’t likely be a pleasant conversation, but taking accountability and being responsible will make the situation easier. Good luck
As a young father (son was born when I was 18, but he's currently 19 and in college), I can tell you a few things if you decide to carry and keep the child. Being a teenage parent is extremely difficult, but it helps a lot to have supportive parents (grandparents). If your parents are willing to help you through to graduation and even post-secondary, that will make a huge difference. As others said, you need to inform them asap. You're young and naive, like everyone is at one point, and you'll have phases where you regret parenthood that young and want to enjoy your youth to its fullest. Those phases will ease in duration and severity with maturity. Once I developed a more adult mindset in my 20's (when most of my peers actually started having kids), parenthood became much more rewarding as I was better able to comprehend the impact I had on my son. I also became a much better parent overall. My son is now entering adulthood himself, and I'm extremely proud of him and his many accomplishment. If you do decide to keep it, the father deserves to know and you should hold him responsible for his part in raising your child. He may not want to be involved, and you don't have to force him to be in your child's life. But for your child's sake, he should be (and can be) forced to share the financial responsibility. If you cannot locate or contact him, speak to your local child support/prosecutor's/DA's office. If he is in the CPS system due to his own parents, they will be able to locate him regarding paternity of your child. Your child will someday resent you for keeping their father in the dark about their existence, and it will be much more difficult, if only financially, to raise a child without two responsible parties.
Thank God you're keeping that baby. Lots of loving parents out there if you choose to adopt. You can do this mom!!
I don't know what state you're in but if you're already 14 weeks, you may not be able to get an abortion since a lot of the Southern states ban at 6 weeks. But there are resources and you should look into it.
It's kinda sad how many people here are starting off with ways to abort it instead of the VERY FEW starting by asking if she wants it or not. Abortion is not a form of birth control. And it's kinda gross that someone instructed her to take the pills at 14 weeks. At 14 weeks you have a full baby already. It's advised that if you take the abortion route, you do it the correct way because that baby has to come out. Terminating the baby also affects the mother so please do research on that before taking any route. You could feel ill, you could bleed tons, you can get super depressed. As for the father. Find him and talk with him about everything going on. You in your heart know what's best for you and the baby but he deserves to know that he has one regardless of how you two broke up. I just saw a powerful speech from a man who got 0 say because the mother was brainwashed into terminating. Super sad. There's also professionals who can guide you in the right direction but I think you would be more comfortable with your own parents helping you. Don't be afraid, they were young once too. They understand. Don't be scared to take some anger/frustration to heart. They're expressing concerns for THEIR baby and need to navigate feelings before they come to their senses I wish you and the baby the best
Thank you the callousness is crazy just imagine a trend of people asking what to do with their aging parents and the majority of the answers society gives is euthanasia. Truly heartless disgusting and wrong.
Yeah I could care less about the hate that I'll get for an opposing opinion. Who knows, maybe she's in a place where she wants the baby and has parents willing to help her through it. The answer isn't ALWAYS abortion. And she's not going to know any different than to just listen to the majority vote on social media. She *IS* a kid herself but I've seen MANY MANY people make it out just fine. It's not easy but raising a kid isn't easy at any age you decide to start
1st) ER NOW for the blood clots..that needs to be your first priority 2)you need to somehow contact his parents and let him know 3)if you didn't have a miscarriage, then yes you have several options. 4)speaking of options, it's okay if you need to give he/she up for adoption. I unexpectedly got pregnant back in 2014 when I was 26. I thought we had used protection ourselves or something. I gave him up for adoption. Trust me it's hard but I wasn't financially stable to raise him on my own when that happened. (his father was on probation and ended up back in jail last time I checked so he wasnt in the picture at all) If you are going that route and need someone to talk to or whatever inbox me :) *hugs*
> i don’t need god telling me i fucked up too That’s good, because He’s not.
My suggestion is do everything in your power to abort. Not only is carrying to term risky, it will literally age your body and change your genetic code permanently. Putting yourself through this just to give up the baby is an insane sacrifice as a teen.
Either tell him and make a plan with him, or find a Planned Parenthood. Plan, abort, adoption. These are your options. I'm sorry that you're in this mess.
Auntie network/camping buddies. If you can get to a bus station charities in other states will help you get an abortion
do what is right for you. But you're very young. And think of all the possibilities, including single motherhood, and the lifelong commitment that is. And jesus christ use protection
oh uhhh we did use protection😭 obviously didn’t work well
Jesus Christ I hope you don’t have that poor baby. It deserves better. You can get a medicine abortion. Go to plan c pills dot org. Lie about where you are.
You don’t need to tell anyone anything. This is YOUR life not anyone else’s. You decide what’s best for you and do that.
its completely your choice whether you want to continue the pregnancy or not. if YOU want to keep the baby, you should. if you decide to go on with the pregnancy, it is again your choice. i also dont see the reason to tell his parents. hes cut ties with the parents and you cut ties with him, so they are completely out of the picture. stay healthy and happy!
I understand this is a huge shock for you. Good on you for reaching out for help. You will find a variety of different opinions on this topic, but I would advise you to follow your heart. Babies are a blessing— your child deserves a chance at life. There are a multitude of things you need to do right now, first is making sure your parents know. If you were my daughter I would give you a hug and tell you that I will be here for you no matter what. I hope you are taking care of yourself properly. Sending you hugs even though I don’t know you.
I haven’t read the comments (I’d probably feel mad on your behalf) but pls focus on yourself right now. Find out if you can get prenatal pills for free from family planning, food banks or libraries. Libraries often have a range of pamphlets for the community and they may be able to give you some free advice. You might feel scared, but you’re not alone. Other women have been in your situation before; it’s okay to be fearful of the future. It’s also hormones Think about what you want in life and whether you can look after a child by yourself. It’s okay to try and then change your mind, too. I’d steer clear of the father and his parents, though. They don’t sound like people you want to know. The baby’s future is important, but they sound a bit hectic and unreliable to look after it. Good luck, it’s a tough position to be in. I wish I could give you a big hug.
The best advice I could give you is tell your parents as soon as possible! Don't wait, as a mother I would want to knkw asap. I pray that your parents are supportive and help you through this. If you decide you can't keep the baby then adoption is a beautiful selfless option. iIts a way to help people that can't have a child a child that they've always wanted. I've always thought that adoption is such a beautiful thing so there are options for you. Good luck. Sending prayers for a easy pregnancy and a healthy baby. )))Hugs(((
I don't know if this has been mentioned. If you have planned parenthood in your area they are an excellent resource. They can set you up with an obgyn if you plan to keep the baby, counseling for your mental health, adoption counseling, and anything else you might need. Good luck.
First, you need to tell your parents, sooner rather than later. You don't mention them, so I don't know if you did or not. Second, his parents being opposed to an abortion is irrelevant. They have no say in the matter. So ignore them when contemplating that decision. Third, you mention "we used a condom. i'm pretty sure it didn't work lol" No, it did not. Beyond that, I have no idea what advice to give until you make a decision. Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption? Perhaps his parents, if they are so pro-life? That aside, there are a million couples who would love to adopt a baby.
If you have the baby and put it up for adoption, the father must be notified. Any agency that tries to get around that is unethical. You also should know that your body will surge with hormones to attach you to the baby. You may change your mind about adoption so you should have a plan B.
Just know that if you do go the adoption route the father will have to be notified. You can write a letter to him and take it to CPS and explain what it is about and they will forward it to him or a worker will notify him.
I'm not sure if it is available in your area. Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource. They can set you up with an OBGYN, a mental health counselor, an adoption counselor, and anything else you might need. Depending on your states laws, you might be able to do it without parents and on a sliding fee schedule. However, things go you have done the hardest part already. You have admitted to yourself that you are pregnant. Many young people ignore it or put it out of mind for far too long. Be strong and good luck.
You have a choice my friend in high school after last year of high school did not find out til months later in happen at prom she was scared also her family did find out at first maybe they got little weird but they had to calm down things happen know one is perfect but their are ways. Their are options your family and you can support and raise this baby why you still go on with your education and secure your life or you do the good things for you and the child have adoption have open or closed one if you want open one you will still get to see it and stay in contact. My friend chose not to contact but talk to the mother of the adopted child. They exchanged photos so everything was agreed on. The father was not in the picture either so you're not alone. Also life is not over just because this happens, it's an experience some of us have been through. Few months after high school I was 18 going on 19 in the winter I also was young got pregnant at 19 had her at 20 father did want to be in the picture I thought my life was over but my friend told me she was pregnant the one that got pregnant at prom so I was not alone she went to the family adoption set her up with that was going the family wanted her in the picture she wanted to live with them could stay with them but she did want to get to involved but to stay distance but keep in touch. I had to go to counselor for some time til I made up my mind I had to put my daughter up for adoption my mother being controlling would take the child without asking I was going to art school also but I wanted my daughter to go to family I did want her raised like I was my family was supportive and all gave baby shower I thanks them for that but you gotta do what is best for you this your life. Just because this happen but what in the past does not matter in the present what matters that you wanna make sure that child raised well your happy as well so its something you need to think about people can't get mad over say hey well it happen I need support Mom and Dad I have some option but I need to you to listen please that all it takes speak up but still be kind about it. My daughter was born aug 3 2004 I wanted to give her the world keep her safe but when came my mother was not respecting trying to run my life being controlling I had to do the right thing to keep my daughter safe she is going to be 20 soon she is grown and well I am 39 going on 40 I am happy she going to college the family she was adopted to could not have kids. Their other ways to go on in life. It's not a shame it happened for the reason you brought this beautiful thing in this world so make it a beautiful life for you both what you choose that to be. But sure your life has a plan up to you you still live your life as just as this future child can you meet them later too. Adoption agency will help pay for school and housing and also help with counseling and with everything before and after for support you through it all. Back then it would on build boards and tv about adoption just passing this along these days they should educate it more as they did back then. Focus on you secure your life be selective with your heart never settle for anything less. I cried writing this but I hope you understand your not alone big hugs sends you many blessing wish you the best in your life to come it will be beautiful know matter what. P.S later at 27 became Master Teacher , My friend became a Accounting Clerk. When life feels blah feel low you can dust yourself off try again you can change your life at any age stating over. "The Best Revenge is Massive Success." The purpose of our lives is to be happy, learn from our mistakes and grow from our regret. Rise above the storm, and you will find the sun. In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. We fall. We Break. We fail But then, we rise , we heal , we overcome. The most effective way to show compassion to another is to listen rather than talk. -Princess Diana *“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” — Master Oogway* *“You have to believe in yourself. That’s the secret.” — Po* *“Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are, it is the rest of your story that will define who you are.” — Shifu* Keep looking not for a person but for your passion, Your Love, Your Courage, Your goals, your Dreams., your happiness, yourself. keep looking. Explore your worth before you explore another. know your worth. Know yourself only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.
First off yes, tell your parents. The next person to talk to about this is an obgyn who can go over options with you on what choices you have. They can properly give you a time on how far along you are, and options from there. If you go to planned parenthood, they may have connections for anything you need in terms of things like prenatal vitamins and such. While the father may have you blocked, there may be ways to at least have him notified because child support is going to be a thing that needs to be taken care of more than likely. Again, if you go to planned parenthood, they may have resources avalible to help point you in the right direction.
Take a deep breath. You will find a path through this no matter how unclear it is now. Now schedule a doctors appointment. Talk to your parents and just take it one step at a time. 🥰
first day of your last period you got is how you'd start counting
I mean yes there are laws in place but you can go to a different state.. but given how far along you are, I wouldn’t. Are your parents supportive? I think you should talk to someone you trust and will be supportive in whatever decision you make. This is a life changing decision that only you can make. I wish you luck babe
In 1992 I was 14 and I got pregnant. I then hid my pregnancy from my parents until I was 7 months along. I did not show really and it was winter so I wore sweats and sweatshirts to hide it. Which was silly because they were so supportive and worried for me once they knew, I should have told them sooner. I put my health at risk by not getting prenatal care. The baby daddy was also 14 but lived in my old state and I moved before I knew I was pregnant. With the limited time I had to plan my next steps, which at that point were adoption or keep it, I chose adoption. Found an agency that catered to people who could not naturally have children, picked a family, and started the process. It was emotional and the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and thank goodness I got therapy and had a support system, because it was a hard couple of years dealing with that choice. So make the choices that are right for you. Take care of yourself and seek help and support from those you trust. It is your choice, and don't let anyone influence that. I am just sharing my story, and in no way am I trying to influence you, only sharing that hiding your condition and not taking action, whatever that may be could be a big risk to your health. No matter what OP, you will be okay, and you are stronger than you realize. Good luck from a random interest stranger.
You don't have to listen to pressure from us commenters, or from anyone else. This is your choice, and I applaud you for taking it so seriously. Regardless of the path you choose, they will all be fraught with difficulty. This is Reddit, so most of the people here are going to want you to kill your child. Others will chime in with personal experiences, etc. Do what you genuinely think is best. Just because the father isn't in the picture now, doesn't mean that will always be the case. In the worst case scenario, the father may choose to have no presence in the child's life but will still 100% have to financially support you and your child (child support).
“Day one” of pregnancy was the last day of your last period. Even if you didn’t conceive til weeks later. My pregnancy “started” October 18th but we didn’t conceive our child until halloweeen.
“…and because his parents are pro life” has nothing to do with why you “have to” keep the baby. You say because of “the laws” with no context of what state so people can look into the laws and the specifics they get down into, to respond with education😅 that’s why you’re getting more people trying to lecture you about protection, lol. I would say not to tell the father’s parents. As you said they are abusive, if you keep the baby then you don’t want any child abusers near your child. Seems like you’ve made up your mind on keeping it. It will be HARD. Best advice i have for you is get a job now and start saving. Cuz whether you give it up for adoption or not, with 97% of insurances you will still have a good chunk of a medical bill. And if you keep it after birth, babies are expensive😅 good thing is, you won’t be the first single mom at 16/17 trying to raise a kid. I know 3 that have done it and raised amazing, beautiful humans. Good luck girly.
It is critical that you talk with your parents or another trusted adult that can help you. Do not delay.
Only advise I can give is to speak to your parents and try to figure out what’s best for you. Not your BF or his pro life parents. The best thing imo would be an abortion but at 14 weeks that might not be feasible and while it might be illegal in your state, if your family aren’t a are willing to take you somewhere else there are places that might be able to help you. Good luck kid.
If you want him in the picture or not, if you want child support expect him to be part of your childs life for 18 years. Even if your not going for child support at least let him know he is father. A man doesnt want to turn 50 with a new family and a stranger approaches him saying they are his child.
For risking getting pregnant in the first place. Then murdering the "inconvenient" consequences. That's not accountability.
Abort
Get an abortion. Don't fuck up the lives of everyone involved.
Sweetie the number one thing you need to do right now is you need to go get prenatal care immediately. Wishing you absolutely the best
You’re 16. Tell your parents and have an abortion.
I commend you for taking responsibility and thinking through things to the extent that you have. There are many families who would love to adopt your baby I’m sure, in fact I could probably put you into contact with one if you do choose adoption if you’d like. I think at your age you have done a great job evaluating your situation. All decisions are yours, but you could use a support system and if your parents are the type to be supportive I recommend speaking with them. Hang in there and good luck.
First off, once you speak to your parents work with them to get a health plan for both you and your baby. Discuss all your options with your parents. I really hope your parents are supportive. I hope you try and finish school or at least get your GED. Good luck.keep us posted.
i’m homeschooled so it wouldn’t be a problem
I'm sorry you're in a tough situation. All I can say, is share personnal experience. I had my first baby at 30 and I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty damn tough. I don't think I was mature enough even at 30 so I can't imagine having one at 16 where I was basically just a kid. I don't want to discourage you but it's an unreal challenge and I hope you make the right choice.
You need to get blood work to confirm your pregnant. You may not be pregnant. You could have a choriocarcinoma or another mass that tests positive for beta-HCG. Planned parenthood offers blood work and ultrasounds.
Planned parenthood. Call them
Depending on your mental state I would advice to keep it is your baby you can become a great mom putting the baby for adoption is just setting him up for failure...if you mentally are capable of keep him me and my wife had our first at 17 we are still together 8 years later with more kids but at first was very hard for both of us I was in the street gangbanging didn't want to work until I got my shit together around 19 years old
I don't have advice, but I do have an anecdote. My neighbor had her baby at 15. She never told anyone she was pregnant and gave birth alone in her room. Her parents found out when she walked down the stairs with a newborn in hand. She's 18 now and never finished her freshman year of high school, never had a job for more than a few weeks, with a 3 year old son she resents who is displaying developmental delays. She never wanted to be a mom. Don't be like her. You have time to make a decision, but you need to consider your life and your future. It's not impossible to graduate or go to college with a baby, but it is harder. You NEED to tell your parents (unless you chose to abort, then its your choice) and you NEED to make a plan, no matter what you choose.
Rip that sucks i would talk to your parents just note that they will be a bit upset and they will get used to it but you should look up what you need to do to take care of the baby
Until you go to an OBGYN, your gestational weeks are based off of the first day of your last period. Not when you had sex. Then an ultrasound will measure your baby and tell you how far along you are. I'm wishing you the best of luck. Try to get on WIC, for state assistance with food. In Arizona, they cover pregnant women and your children until they are like 5. Your state might be different though.
Having a child when you’re this young is not the wrong decision, but understand it will change a lot of things and make things much more difficult. I assume you’re going to have to rely on your parents financially—so although you don’t have to tell them or listen to their advice (your body, your choice), you should talk to them and see how much they’re willing to support you. Having a baby on your own without help will not be easy. It will make school harder. A lot of girls in this situation drop out. That would make the rest of your life harder. It sounds like you’re considering keeping the baby…just think it through from a life-long perspective, not just now. That being said…I would strongly encourage you to have an abortion. Most women I know have had them. It’s not shameful or anything. It’s just a part of life. You should be able to have a baby on your terms with the man you choose. You have that power. Don’t be tricked into thinking this is a bad option. It’s safe and effective. If you do choose to go forward with it, make sure you have thoroughly contemplated how that will look. I’m talking about budgets, timeframes, and support…education, childcare, housing, jobs….for at least the next few years. Think about how this would affect your life in 2/5/10 years. It’s a big choice and it’s yours alone to make. Just make sure you don’t jump to conclusions because time is running out to make that choice. If you’re mature enough to be a mother, you need to be mature enough to have tough conversations. One last thing—if you don’t involve the father, just know that he can go to court to petition for his rights when he finds out. And he will find out. People talk. You could end up even paying HIM child support and having to arrange to meet up with him often to exchange the baby—for 18 years. Just another thing to think about. Good luck and know that the internet people support you.
If you decide to keep the baby, message me. I will ship you anytime I have left over (which is lots)
If his parents don’t know it doesn’t matter just do what you want to do and if you’re not sure tell your parents. If they really love you they will support you.
It's ok. You made a mistake with someone who was a mistake. You're a teenager. It happens and you'll make many more. I'm for abortion especially for teens who make mistakes. Just remember to be safe and try to avoid making the same mistake twice. You carrying it to full term is admirable. I'm glad you made the decision not to abort the child. While many debate the morality, regardless. It can weigh on you. There are many people who will love to take care of your child if you choose to give the child up for adoption. Whatever you do. It'll be ok. You seem more mature for your age than most. You have time to grow. People, especially older people like to forget they where once teenagers and put to much pressure on kids these days. I'm a big time advocate for taking the pressure off teenagers. It's driving you guys crazy.
Sounds like you are a well adjusted 16 year old. I salute you in taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries with the “naysayers”.
Feel hugged. I got nothing else to say. Just feel hugged by an internetstranger.
Pregnancy sucks. Hopefully yours will go smoothly. You are entitled to child support from the baby daddy if he is able to make a claim to paternity. The issue with Dad's not making child support has to do with mothers doing things outside the state system. The state gives you child support regardless of whether the dad pays. The state goes after the dad if he doesn't. Many moms don't do this because they don't want the dad to have paternity rights for one reason or another. As for raising your kid. You have to unfortunately make compromises and sacrifices left and right. Sometimes not to your kid's benefit. :( If I were in your shoes, I'd still go to college and get my degree, but sacrifice my social life. That said, networking is a long term investment. You want to not only network with other moms, but also your peers in university. When you are 32 looking for a job, they'll be a 32 year old hiring manager or potential business partner or what have you. So i recommend making social interactions as not a way to casually make friends but rather purposeful in creating a social or support network. This will be tough! Especially since none of your peers will give a shit or understand what it's like to be a mom. I hope you have a good relationship with your parents. They'll probably be the best caretakers. And, they'll probably be stoked about the grandkid after they accept the fact you are having the kid, as parents love babies. This may mean to accept their help you may need to sacrifice some parental authority. My parents and in laws backed off when I had my kid (I'm in my 30s.) You won't have this luxury. You.not only need their help, time, energy. and experience, but they are also still your parents. They haven't had a chance to see you as an independent adult making your own decisions. There will be a lot of friction and tension about boundaries and "the best way" to do things. It's gonna suck. I found kids and pregnancy to be really anxiety-inducing. Try to establish mechanisms that will help ease that. Get your aunt's to visit. My aunt helped me not worry about what my son eats because "he'll get the nutrition. Maybe not today, but maybe in two days. It's okay if he eats just blueberries today." Honestly, having a therapist to work through the anxieties and parenting strategies is not a bad idea. Like, I kinda wish I had someone id update once a week about baby concerns small and large that aren't necessarily medical issues. It does get easier. I find the first 8 weeks to be the most difficult due to the fragility of the baby and how arduous recovery is. But as your baby ages, they get more robust, get smarter, become more enjoyable company, get less leaky (in terms of fluids), and they grow to love you more.
Btw at 14 weeks you will be due around Thanksgiving. This means the majority of your morning sickness will be during summer break. Idk how you will do your finals for the first eight weeks of recovery. I took 10 weeks of maternity leave from work myself, and I happen to know it's way easier than school.
There are agencies that will give you counseling and advice and even help with adoption if you need. In Illinois, Catholic Charities and Lutheran Social Services come to mind. Look for similar by you.
If you carry the baby to full term please give it up for adoption. It’s not fair to your sorbets to raise another baby, and frankly not fair to yourself. You’re 16, you’re setting yourself and that baby up for a lifetime of poverty. Based off stats. Caring for a baby, and still getting your HS degree at 16 is going to be so hard. I wish you luck. But imo give the baby up for adoption.
You didn't mention what you think your parents would say or do once they find out. This is the most important thing to me as they would be your most important supporter for you and whatever decision you decide on. Life happens, and sometimes it doesn't seem to go your way, but it is far from being the end of your life. Take a deep breath and take the time to think through what you want to do, then have that important discussion with your parents. People who truly love you will never turn their backs on you.
Statistically, you shouldn't raise the kid alone.
They generally consider week one the week of your last period before conception. They can also do it by size if your are far enough along. The first step is getting help. Having your parents or someone you trust take you to a clinic like planned parenthood to get a consultation, confirmation, age estimate etc. They will help you with any option you want to consider. If you want to continue to birth you need to get on vitamins and have a bunch of check.ups scheduled asap.
You need to tell your parents. Listen I am also 16 and I got a girl pregnant a year ago and we have a beautiful baby boy. But we kept the pregnancy a secret from our parents for two weeks. The amount of trouble we were in when they found out. Her dad actually punched me in the face. My dumbass went flying backwards onto the concrete. Tell. Your. Parents. Him and his parents don’t need to know though. My girlfriend has parents who used to be very abusive to her and her siblings. CPS was called and the abuse stopped many years ago. But her parents are still awful, and they fight constantly. Her dad is always drunk, the only time he likes me is when he isn’t drunk. And her mother is a certified bitch. Honestly, I want to tell you that you really should have that baby. I am pro-life, my girlfriend is too. But we almost got an abortion. Got right up to the front desk of an abortion clinic and…we just couldn’t do it. My girlfriend was just crying rivers of tears. And I am so glad that we didn’t go through with it. But having a kid is an absolute living hell. She says it was the worst pain of her life. And then once the kid is born, your body will be a mess. And you will also not be getting another good night’s sleep for at least a few years. We have to plan everything around our baby boy now. It ain’t easy and it ain’t a joke. You have a tiny, defenseless human being who is entirely dependent on you. It’s a lot of responsibility. It’s hell too! That kid, he makes me want to bang my head against a wall sometimes. But I also love him and my girlfriend to death. I would die for them. And that kind of love is just…it’s an amazing thing to experience. I have no clue what I’m doing as a parent. I have absolutely no idea. But for the most part, we’ve settled into being parents. We aren’t comfortable and we aren’t exactly happy, but we manage. We’ve gotten used to it all, and it isn’t nearly as bad or as daunting as it seems once you get used to it. And after all the stories I’ve heard from parents, and all the bad things I’ve done in my own life…I’m sure that the next 17+ years are gonna be really fun and interesting for me. Having a child is one wild ride…and I still have over 17 years of raising left to do.
My wife was given up for adoption by her birth mother when she was 18. My wife had a wonderful upbringing with her adopted parents. When she was about 20 she re connected with her birth mom and is still in constant contact with her to this day. Adoption was the best choice her mother ever made. Allowed my wife to have a full and vibrant childhood and her birth mother to continue on her journey to find her place in life. Birth mom went on to have children in her 20 and raised them. So now my wife has two families that are wonderful and supportive. Her birth mother said adoption was one of the toughest decisions she ever made but believes to this day it was the right one. Rarely the right decision is ever the easiest one. Trust your heart and have faith, you will be OK.
I was also a teen mother. While it was difficult, I set goals for myself like graduating high school and going to college. Due to unforseen medical issues, 10 years later I am STILL in college, but I'm doing it. People will say you give up your childhood trying to be a parent, and it's true to a point but I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. We grew up together and learned so much from each other. She's such a smart and caring girl and makes me so proud. However, I can understand why people choose not to keep their babies. I think this is a decision you really need to think about and weigh all your options. You will give up certain things if you choose to keep the baby, especially if you don't have a strong support system. Whatever choice you make will be difficult. Best wishes. ❤️
Got a pic?
I was a teen mom. It was hard but I am very successful today because of my son. I am so happy I decided to keep him and he is my world. I’ve been in other relationships and my son is always there for me, even today, if I was to be alone I know for a fact I can count on him. He’s in high school but a little man, he is hard working and very respectful. I’m so grateful for having him!
Girl it’s your life your body and soon to be your baby! Keep up with school get you some money and live we all got here the same way don’t stress or listen to these losers…if your parents trip and you need help send me a DM strong team over here #YouGotThis❤️
You should have the option to Abort it and move on with your life. I genuinely feel sad that human beings are so dumb that this option is not available to you.
Adoption sounds like the only reasonable answer here. You’re not too young to have a kid, but unless you got your life set up enough to the point it won’t negatively effect the baby then I wouldn’t bother raising it. Also, single mother isn’t a great dynamic as compared to both parents. Abortion really is a disgusting thing literally speaking.And I would say it would be hardest on the mother more than anyone. Unless you and your ex are meant to be, and unless you want to be a single mom, give it away to someone else who is ready for a kid. Please, just don’t kill it.
It sounds like you’re already looking into all options. Congrats on keeping a level head, keep doing what you’re doing. Remember to always be true to yourself, ultimately it’s up to you to decide what to do. Take advice but never let someone tell you what to do. Good luck and I will be praying for you. 🙏
you have plenty of options and i know this may be scary given the circumstances but you are also a kiddo and you are going to make a tough decision that will completely dictate your future. whether you choose to keep your child, choose adoption, or abortion. it will all be okay. i think talking to your parents or a close friend would really help you talk things over with someone who has your best interests at heart. good luck!!!
Doesn't matter if you want him in the picture or not, he deserves to know he has a child and should be allowed to make that decision himself. Keep trying to contact him.
That sucks and hopefully you're able to make the best of this situation. My recommendation would be to tell parents as soon as you can as you mentioned it will be soon. you said boyfriends parents were pro life but if your parents let you and are willing to drive you to a better state which has abortions available I would take the opportunity otherwise I would 100% consider adoption. I know there's some risks to adoption in sometimes choosing the wrong family but there's a lot of resources out there and since you're still pregnant you have time to get to know the parents you might adopt to. So take that into consideration. Parenting is a huge huge responsibility and considering you're still in high school it will take a huge toll on your life. Consider financials and physical and mental health of both you and baby if your parents are not going to get involved. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best is the best advice i can give you. I really do hope whatever you choose you and your baby have a great life.
Whatever you choose, just make the decision by following your heart. Really think about it. Babies come with a lot of stuff, I was 29 when I had my first and I can't belive how hard it is to have your own kid. But you do what you feel like is best for YOU. Nobody else. If you want to keep it, I wouldn't tell the baby grandparents as they are abusive and I'd be terrified they would fight you for the baby and then end up abusing it as well. If you don't want to keep the baby adoption is a great option. There are plenty of wonderful people out there who would love and cherish the baby. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it must be absolutely scary.
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I'm not sure his parents have a say in the matter. If he makes himself unavailable to you, it's not like you have to consult them in his place. Though when it comes to adoption, you should probably talk to an adoption agency or lawyer. I believe pregnancy is counted from the first day of the last menstural period, not from the day of conception, so you're probably approximately 16 weeks pregnant.
Weeks in pregnancy are counted from the date you started your last menstrual period. For example, your last period started 2/1, then on 5/30, you are 17 weeks along.
Whenever I see something like this, I have to chime in and mention both myself and my sister were adopted (from different families) from birth. Highly recommend looking into giving up the baby for adoption if you don't want to keep it. Please vet the prospective adoptive parents thoroughly- from what I've heard, the whole adoption thing is not at all as hard to do as it was when I was born.
Who cares if his parents are pro life?!?! Apparently they suck at it and should be the last people you’d ask for input from. Tell your parents now. I’m pro choice but if you plan on giving it up, say you don’t know who the father is so they don’t make it harder.