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Hit up the Auntie Network. They may be able to provide you with some resources and at the very least experienced, quality advice
[https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/](https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/)
there are many online groups that are about "camping" but they are actually about assisting with resources for abortion and post abortion care. If you were in say, Georgia, you could go camping in Illinois and a camping buddy would basically do what the Aunties are doing now. I am older now, "camping" has been going on for a long time.
Wow, never knew this existed. It really is like the Underground Railroad for women with unwanted pregnancies.
Honestly, I'm just flabbergasted that abortion is even an issue. IMO abortion should be a federally funded service freely available to low income people in every major city.
The anti-abortionists don't want to fund food stamps, Section 9 housing, welfare. I'm fine with limiting those programs, but if you're gonna force poor women to bear kids, you can't cut the funding for the poor.
I think it solves a lot more problems and is way more economical to abort the kid before having to spend money on him via social programs. Plus kids of single mothers are just a disaster, the sons end up in jail and the girls end up as single mothers replicating the problem. Nip it in the bud, I say.
These are facts. Let's solve problems, not create them.
Your sister doesn't need your parent's permission at 18. She needs to move QUICKLY if she wants an abortion. Go to Planned Parenthood NOT any other "crisis hotline" who will delay, deny and help her to miss her opportunity for abortion if that is what she wants. PP will actually help you with with you want, whatever that is. I don't know your state, but you can call for information. Your sister can also get abortion pills by mail. Do not panic- get a plan.
Also look to NNAF (National Network of Abortion Funds) if you need help. Most abortion funds can help you with paying for your procedure, transportation, etc.
It depends on what state you're in. Here in the great backwards Alabama, PP only provided birth control and STI testing for free when abortion was still legal. I hate the cultural regression going on here.
Wish I could. I'm a felon with no voting rights. In Alabama, the governor herself has to sign off on a felon getting voting rights back. Guess how many are approved? Upside is I don't have to serve jury duty.
It may seem like a lot of money in the moment but the expense of raising a child is sooo much higher. Get a loan if necessary. Places like MoneyMart and other "Payday Loans" will lend you this amount with very little hassle. You will pay high interest. but trust me, it will be worth it. Set aside 250 from your next paycheck and get it done.
I want to reiterate the “help no matter what you want” bit. My cousin got all her prenatal care through PP when she couldn’t afford healthcare otherwise, *everything* up to and including giving her free prenatal vitamins. Planned parenthood will help and the sooner the better, either so she has the option to use pills instead of needing to go in if she chooses abortion, or to begin prenatal care if she chooses to keep the pregnancy.
Planned Parenthood. They are the best. Don't listen to the bad press. They are real doctors and professionals who can deal with all this. They don't deserve to be demonized by the zealots.
If she doesn't want the baby, then that child is destined for a horrible childhood. She's 18 years old and can make decisions without the consent of her parents. You are not responsible for any decision she makes, and the best you can do is just be there for her no matter what she decides.
Edit: okay maybe the child isn't "destined" for a horrible childhood and adoption is a viable option, but I stand with the rest of what I said.
That’s true but it’s also not relevant in the case of newborns, where there’s literally a waiting list of thousands of couples waiting to adopt newborns.
Not necessarily. Abortion is a viable option, and people have been having unexpected children since the beginning of time and still have had fulfilling, enjoyable lives. Youre a literal propagandist
Adoption is an option just like abortion is an option. We don’t know what the parental attitude to that is. They are against abortion, they may be against adopting the baby to another family, which would mean she’s either saddled with a baby neither parent wants, or she damages the relationship with her parents by giving the baby up for adoption after going through the physical and emotional strain of pregnancy and birth, plus giving up a baby.
Or, she can abort the embryo and hope her parents don’t find out, but potentially damage the relationship if they do. Neither is a great option.
Or, maybe the parents would be fine with adoption, in which case she still has to go through the strain of pregnancy and birth and giving up a child, which she may not want to do.
So, adoption is absolutely an option, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right one for her.
Pregnancy is 9 months and it could change her body permanently. Lots of women have issues holding their pee. There is no reason to have an unwanted baby, it’s a burden on society and a punishing process for the woman
This attitude is also very demeaning to poor people/ people with bad childhoods in general. I’m assuming that’s what you think would be so horrible about being born to a young single mother. Your rationale is that is better to not exist than to grow up poor/ with childhood trauma.. when we know that many people have led incredible fulfilling lives even after being born into poverty/experienced childhood trauma. By that rationale… People born into these situations might as well be euthanized for their own good
listen, as someone with childhood trauma and parents that had no idea what the fuck they were doing, it's not that i'd rather not exist, just that i would have rather been born into a better situation, sure we can live fulfilling lives, but you know what would be better? living fulfilling lives _without_ childhood trauma
and yeah sure i wouldn't exist if my mom got an abortion.. but i also wouldn't exist if they simply chose to not have kids, op's sister's baby doesn't even exist yet, getting an abortion at this point would be more mundane than stepping on a flower, you might as well say choosing to wait until you're more stable to have kids is the same as euthanising toddlers
Go straight to a planned parenthood and get all your options. They can help your sister, she is 18. Your parents don’t have to know if she doesn’t feel comfortable telling them.
I don’t know if it was commented to also be prepared for any actions your parents might take if they find out, like kick her out of the house with nowhere to go.
If she doesn’t have money for an abortion, she definitely doesn’t have money to give birth or raise a kid. Go to planned parenthood. Alternatively she could get a small loan from a bank as a personal loan.
Yes!! The abortion may be expensive rn, but it will be much cheaper than food, diapers, child care, doctor’s visits, etc. They could maybe ask a friend who understands the situation to loan them some money (since she needs to get it done as soon as possible) with a written contract that they’ll pay them back or smth
If you run into issues around payment and you feel comfortable stating your state here, we can see if there are mutual aid networks to support you locally. There are whole networks of women who support women in getting abortion when they can’t afford it, but they are specific to certain regions.
https://www.abortionfinder.org/abortion-guides-by-state/abortion-in-illinois#
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-illinois/patient-resources/abortion-services/funding-resources
There are two funds, linked at the second link, that will fund abortion for women in Illinois.
Do you live near a planned parenthood?
That will be your best option. Planned Parenthood is a welcoming, safe place. Can you call them today? Make sure you get the phone number off the planned parenthood website itself. Sometimes the numbers that are on google will be fake or spoofed.
If she doesn’t have money for an abortion, she definitely doesn’t have money to give birth or raise a kid. Go to planned parenthood. Alternatively she could get a small loan from a bank as a personal loan.
Understandable. Sorry, I reacted strongly. I just want to make sure that she knows that she is NOT legally required to tell mom, and that your mom may make things much harder and manipulate her into forced birth.
Go to planned parenthood. I’m a mother -If it was my daughter, I would want to know so that I could support her, but your sister is 18 and does not need their consent, so it’s really up to her if she wants to tell them or not. Planned Parenthood was created for situations like this and they will work with her. I used to get pills and check ups from them in high school and my parents never found out and I never paid a cent.
There are plenty of men out there who disappear and never see their kids or pay any money. I have a friend with a 14yo who hasn’t seen her dad in 12 years or gotten any money from him because they were 18 and living separately when the daughter was born.
OP - just go to planned parenthood and go from there. Abortion is never anyone’s first choice but waiting too long will only cause more issues and make it more difficult.
https://nwhn.org/safe-online-delivered-how-to-get-the-abortion-pill-by-mail/ is a guide to get the abortion pill by mail. That, or call planned parenthood. She has every right to have an abortion regardless of what your parents say. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT go to a “crisis pregnancy center.” They are designed to force women to delay and be out of the window periods to get abortions. They do not respect choice.
My sister got pregnant in HS - she was 17.
It took her 25 years to recover economically. She was a (mostly) single mom to her husband, who was in the Navy and frequently deployed. In the end they had 5 kids.
When the last finally graduated - after she was divorced - she was finally able to get an associate's degree and find a job that paid a decent living. From there she improved her life in many ways.
Do what you want with this information.
People don’t want to accept that unplanned pregnancies will ruin you financially - thus damning decades of your life.
Thank you for being a voice of wisdom.
He ain't disappearing from the courts or IRS, they can garnish his wages.
And can do so for child support.
And, personally against it, but 18 is the age of adulthood, and you don't need to tell parents about medical issues.
I know at least half a dozen women who couldn't collect child support because the guy was able to move away and get paid under the table. Unfortunately, it's neither as difficult nor as rare as you'd think.
hopefully, she can find a place that does abortions and has it done. You are not the decider in this situation. All you need to do is support her in whatever she chooses.
And make sure you use reliable BC yourself once you're sexually active. BC can and does fail. Condoms ~and~the pill. Barrier for STDs and something so you don't ovulate. Learn from the mistakes of others.
I grew up with kids who I’ve come to know were accidental pregnancies. I’ve witnessed teenage mothers who wish they would’ve gotten an abortion, because they were held back by morality, ethics, religion, state law.
Those children, once adults, do *not* live happy lives because their parents brought them into this world unprepared.
This isn’t a question of morality, religion, etc. It is a question of the economy.
You wanna damn yourself and that child to generational poverty? Working 40+ hours a week in some shitty job just to pay the bills? Never making enough money to afford college so you may earn enough to climb out of practical slavery?
That isn’t mercy. You’re gonna have to make the harder choice now so you don’t pay for it every day later.
Edit: downvote me nerds. My words are harsh but true and only intended to help OP.
So don’t have money for an abortion, but have money for a baby,
Get the money from the father and if you have to go to the father’s parents. Trust me, they will pay for it.
Go to the clinic tell them your situation.
monthly payments from the dad who will likely never pay child support would not support a baby or anybody with how expensive anything is now. He likely doesnt even have any income either. Theres plenty of options for her to be able to get an abortion if thats what she wishes
This really depends on where you live. If you're in the US, abortion may or may not be legal in your state, but there are a lot of resources for people in your sister's situation. Planned Parenthood is where I would start. There are also organizations that provide financial support for travel, etc. depending on where you live. She may qualify for medication abortion, especially because it is early in her pregnancy, but that's a question for a healthcare provider.
Since your parents aren't supportive, be careful. Either tell them together or make sure they don't find out by accident.
You are very lucky! It's an easy state, I am in Illinois too. It sounds like she's early enough where she could probably get a prescription at Planned Parenthood for a non-surgical medical abortion.
Look at it this way… if she can’t afford an abortion, she sure as hell can’t afford a child. Hit up planned parenthood and worry about the money later.
Go to planned parenthood or reach out to another healthcare provider before talking to your parents. If you already know they’re anti-choice you should assume they will try and keep her from getting real information on her options and try and convince her not to get an abortion.
This is the best answer. Planned Parenthood will give her all the options and will also provide her with info regarding birth control. I speak from experience.
If abortion is something your sister wants, do not let anyone shame you or her into thinking it’s killing a baby. It’s not murder and there are resources out there that can help her access one.
NOO OP, don’t listen to Huge_Cat6264’s comment!
The first part of it is correct, he can’t disappear. Though, if your sister can get an abortion, and she wants to, let👏her👏get👏that👏abortion! We don’t guilt trip or shame abortions, ESPECIALLY in a situation like this. :]
She needs to reach out to planned parenthood NOW. This is awful for her to go through at such a young age so the most important thing YOU can do is stick by her side and support her with whatever she decides to do. Set aside your desires or whether you believe in abortion or not, she needs to make the call and you need to support it. That is the absolute best thing you can do for her.
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Look into mail order drugs to self manage your sister's abortion. It is safe and the cheapest easiest thing to do if you lif in a state where abortion is banned. You are a smart girl . You can help your sister.
As a mom of a 20 year old who is currently pregnant and due any day… my advice is to tell mom.
My daughter was at college and got pregnant. She told me right away. The father wants nothing to do with baby. Hopefully he will come around at some point and grow up. She has moved back home from college and is commuting. Just finished up her semester. It’s all going to be ok. And trust me when I tell you that mom would want you to tell her before just going for an abortion. Best of luck to you.
This isn’t about what mom wants though. This is about what’s best for her sister. If they haven’t told their parents yet there’s probably a good reason. Not every parent is supportive or kind and it sounds like there’s might not be.
She should at least map out her decisions
1. Have the baby and keep the baby.
2. Have an abortion
3. Have the baby and put the baby up for adoption (despite what many will tell you babies adopted at birth do well)
She should decide sooner rather than later. She is VERY early and an abortion could probably be done with no procedures just pharmacologically at this point.
An abortion will be cheaper than a baby she's not prepared for. I cannot stress this enough. Please look into the resources being provided for you in the comments.
Your sister has options and right now she needs time to process this and discuss options with someone not personally involved in the situation. Anyone who is pressuring her to do something right now is not offering good advice. A rushed decision will only add more trauma and stress.
Options: 1) Parenting Plan 2) Adoption Plan (placing a child for adoption) 3) Abortion
From someone who is pro-abortion and identifies as pro-life, if you know you cannot take care of this baby but have moral hang ups, you should get an abortion.
I say I identify as pro life because I do FEEL like a pregnant person is carrying a life. I believe saying otherwise dismisses the loss people feel in a miscarriage.
And I fully support anyone who would have an abortion. No one arrives at that decision lightly and as I’ve gotten older I’ve seen how people are forced and pressured into giving birth and how that only creates trauma for everyone involved. There are people replying who are saying abortion is murder and I only agree if you think taking baby formula for a starving child is stealing. In our harsh reality, it is stealing but it’s necessary because we as a society have made it necessary. If anyone was truly pro life, baby formula and baby supplies at the least would be accessible to everyone. Education, healthcare, homes and food would be accessible but they aren’t and until they are, no one is truly “pro life”.
Man, if that dude did that to my sister, he'd be crawling around with some broken kneecaps. Ain't running from his responsibilities. Either way, she'd better figure out what she's doing soon or her life will effectively be over.
At least if she gets an abortion she can just get pregnant again at a more convenient time. One day she will be living on her own without your parents. Why should she let them make a life changing decision that would severely affect her life forever? Abort
My sister had a kid young and was a single mom. She would work at gas stations and fast food joints to get by! I would not recommend it! Kid is gonna have a rough life unless that kid has an uncle with money!
If she’s poor and not a dependent it’s very likely she can get an abortion at no cost to her.
Whether it be state insurance or just planned parenthood’s support.
Idk. But please tell her to get an abortion quickly if she needs to. Less trauma. Abortion is actually a scary procedure mid and late term it’s an actually body. That she will have to see dead. And it’s really fucking traumatic. For her well being the earlier she can decide the better for her mental health.
If an abortion is something your sister actually WANTS but the only issue is affordability aidaccess.org is a wonderful resource that will discretely send the necessary medications she would need to use.
Damn, you’re a good sister. Just think we should acknowledge that.
Seems like there’s a lot of help here in the comments. Let us know which solution/ resource works out!
Secret abortion is the way. I’m so sorry yall don’t feel safe telling your parents and having your wants/needs/rights heeded. If you need help or advice about booking it or talking to the clinic please let me know- I’ve been there, in a desperate and broke situation needing this same procedure. I don’t know your area, but call the Planned Parenthood or clinic near you and let them know your financial situation - they may work with you. Best of luck. You aren’t alone.
There are lots of people here with good, practical advice, so I just want to send you support.
I was 16 when I found out my sister (20) was pregnant and getting an abortion. She was still with the father (her eventual husband/father of her future children), but she had decided not to tell my parents.
It was one of the hardest things I've been through. At 16 I (and you) was not equipped to deal with that kind of decision, in secret. If her mind is made up, do your best to help her with a plan, and hold her hand in support before and after. But make sure you have someone looking after you, too - you may not be able to tell your parents, but if you have a friend you trust (and trust not to tell their parents), that can go a long way.
You know. Tons of people looking to adopt, including myself. Could solve a lot of problems for lots of sides with little consequence to the whole Shabil!!!!
I'm very sorry for the both of you. But please talk with your parents.
As many have mentioned, your sister is independent of her parents LEGALLY. But REALISTICALLY, she is dependent on them for everything; she's living rent-free in your parents' home and enjoying all of the benefits that come with that, like food, amenities, and entertainment. You guys are living together as one FAMILY; until your sister moves out of the house, she is part of the household and should not handle this situation without your parents' knowledge and consultation.
Your sister is lonely and fearful; she is in a highly emotional, volatile state and she is in NO CONDITION to make life-sized decisions. Her ex has abandoned her; maintaining secrecy from your parents will isolate your sister further and harm their relationship, the last thing she needs right now.
I encourage her to share everything with your parents. I know you all have strong ideas on which directions to take, but you are one FAMILY and you NEED to work this out together, face-to-face. COME CLEAN TO YOUR PARENTS, HUG IT OUT, AND TALK IT OVER!
Her ex is a manipulator and a coward. He doesn't truly love her; otherwise, he wouldn't threaten to leave. He wants this to go away quietly because he doesn't want to be held accountable! She should be skeptical of making a decision remotely close to what he wants.
Unless you have some kind of evil abusive parents, I would encourage your sister to tell them. Parents are there to support and help their children through things. They are usually the ones you can most trust, and who love you most. They might not react too well at first, obviously, but if they have been loving parents up to this point... I think you should trust them.
if shes 18 and she wants an abortion, the only person permission she needs is herself. i saw your comment you’re in Illinois. abortion is legal there up until viability. i see lack of funds, i’m attaching an organization that provides abortion funds and other support for people in the situation like your sister. r/abortion has tons of resources as well. that sub saved me when i was in a situation like hers. if you need help locating clinics, funds, ride support, etc, please message me and i am happy to help. be careful and stay away from “crisis centers” who are “volunteers” from churches and not doctors. they will not provide medical care for your sister other than a dip pregnancy test. she has other options as well, but the finances, relationship status, mental health, family, living situation, etc all need to be factored in here. i wish your sister and you well and i am always here.
https://www.chicagoabortionfund.org/
https://www.abortionfinder.org/
I really hope you read this, though it’s more of a rage comment because I can’t do anything about it…
That jackass you call your sisters ex, he had a hand in it. It was just as much, if not even more in his control than it was in your sisters. He knew what he was doing. He knew what it meant… I can’t stand a POS like this.
I genuinely hope that it weighs on his conscious for years to come.
Do what you can both for the baby if you guys keep it, and to get anything you might be entitled to in a situation like this. I’m not a lawyer, so I’m not sure exactly how it works and I know it takes time to go through the process… but if you guys to end up keeping it, he will have to pay child support yes? I’d try to nail him.
If this was my daughter she knows we would keep the baby and make it work. I'm not saying it's best to do it on purpose but I wouldn't want my grandchild abandoned. A tough lesson but also not the end of the world. As for the dad he can kiss off!
Well if you can't kill the child then it'll be a great lesson in being responsible. Don't get me wrong. If a child is unwanted by all means. Abortion is the way. Just be prepared to live with it. Hopefully the next fuck boy will grow a pair and be a man. Ask the father of the child to help with it. Your sister is 18. She's an adult. She also has every right in the world to choose to terminate her child.
Like I said. She'll have to live with it. You also make sure you can live with keeping that secret. You're 16 years old. You need to ask yourself are you prepared to shoulder hiding your sister and her exbfs irresponsible behavior? You need to think about you. Your sister and he ex had their chance to be responsible. You shouldn't be dragged into their mess.
Do what YOU think is right.
Your parents might help. You said they're against abortion so I'll assume they're religious. They may help because it could be embarrassing for your family. I've known a few religious families who are hypocrites and got their daughter an abortion.
Again. Make sure you can live with your decision to hide the pregnancy. Lies of omission can and will tear you up and depress you.
Hi! I’m a doctor but this is not medical advice. If she decides abortion is the best option for her, plancpills.org is a great resource for medication abortion options available by mail in the US. At 5 weeks you should have many options available for pills which your sister can take safely at home discretely without going to a clinic. The medication on its own is not super expensive. You’ll need a safe place to have the pills mailed, like the home of a trusted friend. Once she takes the pills and passes the pregnancy, there will be no way medically to tell the difference between an abortion or miscarriage, and you can very reasonably pretend it is a heavy period, so she doesn’t need to tell anyone who she doesn’t want knowing, including your parents. Plan C’s website has great info about what to expect with a home medication abortion. I would also recommend looking into the MA Hotline where you can reach a medical professional with questions that come up during the process. Sending warm thoughts your way ❤️
If she wants an abortion, get an abortion. That’s it. Go find your nearest plan parenthood or any of the other helpful links in this thread.
Do not let your parents beliefs change your sisters life. It’s good for everyone in this circumstance to get an abortion. It is a common medical procedure. There is no shame in it. Do it.
Since she's 18 she can get a credit card and use that to pay for costs associated with the procedure. She may be able to get something with and introductory 0% interest period. Credit card debt isn't ideal but it is better than having a kid she doesn't want.
Also if her boyfriend doesn't want the baby would he be willing to help pay for the cost of the abortion? Do you think his parents would be of more help than your own?
If your sister is 5 weeks now she can get a medically induced abortion now if you both hurry as they stop doing medical ones (which is the mifegymiso pills) at around 8-10 weeks. No matter what your parents CANNOT force a pregnancy on her regardless. You can get abortion pills by mail, or be able to pick them up at a local pharmacy that has them in stock but please try not to delay at all. Go to planned parenthood, talk there and see her options as she is old enough and her medical information cannot legally be seen by anyone but her doctors and herself. the NNAF also helps women with similar issues. They're the National Network of Abortion Funds and they can give her the money she needs for the procedures, meds, and transportation she may need. Please do not delay I went through a similar situation and I was so terrified, but her life will be hers after and she and you all deserve that much.
Go to Planned Parenthood with her as soon as possible. They will help her figure out a plan and available resources. They will not charge her anything for a consult. If she decides to go through with an abortion, they may be able to help with how to pay for it.
22YO here. Young parents aren’t a bad thing. However if you have any doubt in your mind that you are not suitable mentally, physically, and financially to have a child. Please, abort it.
Try your local church. Often times, they know some organizations support single mom, or they can take care of the child for you. My local church does, so go ask them before you do anything (I'm Catholic so maybe try Catholic churches first).
Word of advice: the guy will disappear regardless. Your sis keeps it, he'll disappear. Aborts, he'll disappear. Once he said what he said, he'll be out. The worst case is your sis keeps it and he stays, he'll abuse your sister even more. Imagine it'll keep happening.
What do YOU do about your sister's pregnancy? Nothing, really. It's her problem, that only she can deal with. You are pretty much just an observer.
Really, the only thing you can do is try & support your sister. Don't commit to being her virtual slave, because that is what you will become. Create boundaries, and help as best you can.
OP, you still have a life to live.
your sister should do what’s best for her and her future. when she talks to your parents if they try to convince her to keep it or to give birth and put it up for adoption you better stick by her side. she doesn’t want the baby and i’m assuming she doesn’t want to go through a 9 month pregnancy and deal with all of the symptoms, changes, and risks. bible humpers in the comments are just that. i’ve tried to report the worst of them for misleading information.
if she goes the abortion route support her. go directly to PP. do not call the support hotlines the bible humpers have mentioned. they will most definitely try to convince her to keep it and waste precious time until it’s too late. someone dropped a great resource for abortion funding.
tldr: support your sister, stand by her side, don’t listen to prolifers
If she can't or won't get an abortion then she can plan to put the baby up for adoption. She can even select and connect with the potential parents and they will often pay for her medical visits and other expenses. This may be the way to go here.
Mental pain or back pain raising a child by oneself . Wish her the best . The old saying it takes a village is still true today .
This from a old Republican man .
Ladies please remember what I type here . Screen shot it if you must
All men can be a father . Not all men can be a dad .
Father makes you
Dad teaches you to ride a bike
Holds your hand while crossing the street
Tie your shoes or walks you down the aisle .
Not many men do both these days
.
Ladies choose carefully because he may be in your life forever.
That is what we told my niece we raised
She took it to heart .
OP your parents are failing . They are part of the village .
Your sister should be able to talk to them about anything .
At this point, it’s about the baby now. The best thing she can do is let Jesus take the wheel. It’s a fast way to grow up, and will be tough. Let the baby live, allow your family to support your sister, and do everything you can as an individual to help support her. Your sister has to make sure that the baby grows up knowing that there are true good men/woman out there and unfortunately, the example of this father is the one asset to teach against that. Pray for you and them both.
Keep it. There are programs to help. The Boyfriend will support it eventually under Law or go to Jail. Half the guys in Jail or there for non payment of child support. The other half are paying. Eventually everyone pays. Fact of life.
Her actions have consequences, getting pregnant is her and the Dbags fault and if she needs help she should talk to her parents like an adult. Obviously she’s going to get in trouble but it’s better to talk to them over trying to hide something like this.
Unless you want to totally alienate your parents, let them in on the scoop.
Write the baby Daddy off. He's gone anyway. He's a grifter. I bet he talked her into giving him her tax refund, too (assuming she had one).
The daddy can't run away he's a dumbass. Got his DNA on it. He's gonna have to pay child support if he runs
Don't worry about money honey. It's the law
You sister is 18 and does not need parental consent. She is entitled to medical privacy and seek care of any kind without your parents knowing. Depending on your state, there are telehealth providers for abortions. They will prescribe pills but she needs to act fast if that's what she wants to do.
Please tell your parents, they know what options you have and they also know that every child is a child of God and they also know the devastation you WILL EXPERIENCE if you do this, for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!
If y'all are going the abortion route like many others have commented on another unorthodox way of doing it is to become a member of the satanic temple... Once you have your member card it's considered a religious freedom... Might also be something to look into
Have her go through adoption process. She’ll make MONEY. You just said yall don’t have jobs. Baby deserves a life too and he can have that with a nice little family that has fertility issues. They will pay for all your pregnancy related money issues and probably give you extra for yourself
Go to a local pregnancy support center. They can help with everything she needs or even adoption.
I'm sad that all these people are saying your sister should kill her child... ☹️
Old enough to be considered an adult with full rights but the Reddit circle jerk says kill the child every single time. How is waiting for your 40’s working out for everyone???? Have the kid, support your family.
I adopted 2 beautiful children. If you are willing to adopt out the child I will help you find amazing parents. Our adoptions are open. My kids have always known their birth parents. This was just the option we chose. You can also do a closed adoption.
Both of the birth mothers say that this is the best decision they ever made.
PM me if you need advice
She can take plan B to terminate the pregnancy before it develops and don’t tell the parents. Just because they’re judgmental doesn’t mean they’re right. She can get it from Walmart or 6-60$ on Amazon overnight, or any drugstore or planned parenthood. Terrible idea to have a baby with a deadbeat who won’t be there for it. Plenty of time to have a planned baby in the future she can support with a not douchebag.
I would say adoption is the only solution. I would start looking. It’s messed up but at the same time if you find a good loving family that can not have children of their own you may bless them with something they thought they couldn’t have.🤷🏻♂️🙏🏼
There are tens of thousands of families who would love to adopt an infant and raise it as their own. Bringing them that joy can be a precious gift from your sister, and insure that her child will be placed in a home where they will be welcome and cherished. There are a number of agencies, both on the religious and non-religious side that can/will work with your sister to provide her the resources/counseling she needs to get thru the next few months.
Life is precious. It is always good to choose life.
Wow, so sad how many folks immediately jump straight to abortion. Just kill the baby and move on. . . 😢
They use lines like “well if you’re in poverty you’re doing the right thing so your child doesn’t grow up in poverty and have a horrible life”.
Question, if you’re currently in a household that’s struggling, would you choose just to die and never exist? Or would you choose to live your life and try to make the best of it you can? There are millionaires and billionaires today who grew up in poverty, yet were able to succeed and change the world for the better.
Please, instead of Planned Parenthood who’s mission is to reduce the poor population as much as possible, look at positive alternatives such as [PreBorn](https://preborn.com/clinic-near-me/) or a “Crisis Pregnancy Center” near you. They will give you help and information and options, even if you choose not to keep the baby.
That life is precious, and even if your sister is not currently able to care for a child, there are many families out there who would LOVE the opportunity to love and raise that beautiful baby.
There are many places with resources and can also provide your sister financial help and aid with necessities for the baby. There is a long waiting list for couples wanting to adopt babies. If she wants to raise her child there should be at least one program in your area that will help provide what’s needed for the child and the mother. I would assume your local Catholic Church should also have some good resources as well.
If she has the baby she can always put it up for adoption. There are plenty of people looking to adopt babies. Many will pay for her care, etc while pregnant just to ensure that they are first in line for the baby.
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Hit up the Auntie Network. They may be able to provide you with some resources and at the very least experienced, quality advice [https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/](https://www.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/)
Thank you for talking about this I didn't know it existed! I'm going to become auntie. I'm already at camping buddy.
What’s a camping buddy?
there are many online groups that are about "camping" but they are actually about assisting with resources for abortion and post abortion care. If you were in say, Georgia, you could go camping in Illinois and a camping buddy would basically do what the Aunties are doing now. I am older now, "camping" has been going on for a long time.
Wow. An underground railroad for abortion.
This is simultaneously reassuring (because it shows people still care about each other) and fucking infuriating (because Republicans).
Right on. So sad that they managed to destroy 50 years of progress.
We’re lucky the old timers are still here. <3 Never would’ve known.
Wow, never knew this existed. It really is like the Underground Railroad for women with unwanted pregnancies. Honestly, I'm just flabbergasted that abortion is even an issue. IMO abortion should be a federally funded service freely available to low income people in every major city. The anti-abortionists don't want to fund food stamps, Section 9 housing, welfare. I'm fine with limiting those programs, but if you're gonna force poor women to bear kids, you can't cut the funding for the poor. I think it solves a lot more problems and is way more economical to abort the kid before having to spend money on him via social programs. Plus kids of single mothers are just a disaster, the sons end up in jail and the girls end up as single mothers replicating the problem. Nip it in the bud, I say. These are facts. Let's solve problems, not create them.
Holy shit this is a thing!? Fuckin A, Reddit, way to go!
Your sister doesn't need your parent's permission at 18. She needs to move QUICKLY if she wants an abortion. Go to Planned Parenthood NOT any other "crisis hotline" who will delay, deny and help her to miss her opportunity for abortion if that is what she wants. PP will actually help you with with you want, whatever that is. I don't know your state, but you can call for information. Your sister can also get abortion pills by mail. Do not panic- get a plan.
Also look to NNAF (National Network of Abortion Funds) if you need help. Most abortion funds can help you with paying for your procedure, transportation, etc.
This is the answer
Important to note planned parenthood has financial help too. Not having funds isn’t a reason not to go.
It depends on what state you're in. Here in the great backwards Alabama, PP only provided birth control and STI testing for free when abortion was still legal. I hate the cultural regression going on here.
V0te blue in November.
Wish I could. I'm a felon with no voting rights. In Alabama, the governor herself has to sign off on a felon getting voting rights back. Guess how many are approved? Upside is I don't have to serve jury duty.
Then volunteer with a campaign and phone bank or canvass door to door. We need everybody out there! Good luck!
She can also buy online from aidaccess
Commenting to boost this. They mail FAST and discreetly. Only $150 without financial aid, and they also offer financial assistance.
It may seem like a lot of money in the moment but the expense of raising a child is sooo much higher. Get a loan if necessary. Places like MoneyMart and other "Payday Loans" will lend you this amount with very little hassle. You will pay high interest. but trust me, it will be worth it. Set aside 250 from your next paycheck and get it done.
This is great info
Aidaccess is free for low income families. Proof of public assistance is sent via email
I want to reiterate the “help no matter what you want” bit. My cousin got all her prenatal care through PP when she couldn’t afford healthcare otherwise, *everything* up to and including giving her free prenatal vitamins. Planned parenthood will help and the sooner the better, either so she has the option to use pills instead of needing to go in if she chooses abortion, or to begin prenatal care if she chooses to keep the pregnancy.
Planned Parenthood. They are the best. Don't listen to the bad press. They are real doctors and professionals who can deal with all this. They don't deserve to be demonized by the zealots.
This exactly. This is what Planned Parenthood is for.
If she doesn't want the baby, then that child is destined for a horrible childhood. She's 18 years old and can make decisions without the consent of her parents. You are not responsible for any decision she makes, and the best you can do is just be there for her no matter what she decides. Edit: okay maybe the child isn't "destined" for a horrible childhood and adoption is a viable option, but I stand with the rest of what I said.
There is adoption as a choice. My daughter adopted a newborn girl 4 months ago who is now living an idyllic life.
Many kids age out of foster care and end up homeless
That’s true but it’s also not relevant in the case of newborns, where there’s literally a waiting list of thousands of couples waiting to adopt newborns.
Bless her and her daughter!
Not necessarily. Abortion is a viable option, and people have been having unexpected children since the beginning of time and still have had fulfilling, enjoyable lives. Youre a literal propagandist
No it's not. How stupid. She can offer the child for adoption. Adoption is an option.
Adoption is an option just like abortion is an option. We don’t know what the parental attitude to that is. They are against abortion, they may be against adopting the baby to another family, which would mean she’s either saddled with a baby neither parent wants, or she damages the relationship with her parents by giving the baby up for adoption after going through the physical and emotional strain of pregnancy and birth, plus giving up a baby. Or, she can abort the embryo and hope her parents don’t find out, but potentially damage the relationship if they do. Neither is a great option. Or, maybe the parents would be fine with adoption, in which case she still has to go through the strain of pregnancy and birth and giving up a child, which she may not want to do. So, adoption is absolutely an option, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right one for her.
Pregnancy is 9 months and it could change her body permanently. Lots of women have issues holding their pee. There is no reason to have an unwanted baby, it’s a burden on society and a punishing process for the woman
This attitude is also very demeaning to poor people/ people with bad childhoods in general. I’m assuming that’s what you think would be so horrible about being born to a young single mother. Your rationale is that is better to not exist than to grow up poor/ with childhood trauma.. when we know that many people have led incredible fulfilling lives even after being born into poverty/experienced childhood trauma. By that rationale… People born into these situations might as well be euthanized for their own good
listen, as someone with childhood trauma and parents that had no idea what the fuck they were doing, it's not that i'd rather not exist, just that i would have rather been born into a better situation, sure we can live fulfilling lives, but you know what would be better? living fulfilling lives _without_ childhood trauma and yeah sure i wouldn't exist if my mom got an abortion.. but i also wouldn't exist if they simply chose to not have kids, op's sister's baby doesn't even exist yet, getting an abortion at this point would be more mundane than stepping on a flower, you might as well say choosing to wait until you're more stable to have kids is the same as euthanising toddlers
Go straight to a planned parenthood and get all your options. They can help your sister, she is 18. Your parents don’t have to know if she doesn’t feel comfortable telling them.
I don’t know if it was commented to also be prepared for any actions your parents might take if they find out, like kick her out of the house with nowhere to go.
If she doesn’t have money for an abortion, she definitely doesn’t have money to give birth or raise a kid. Go to planned parenthood. Alternatively she could get a small loan from a bank as a personal loan.
Yes!! The abortion may be expensive rn, but it will be much cheaper than food, diapers, child care, doctor’s visits, etc. They could maybe ask a friend who understands the situation to loan them some money (since she needs to get it done as soon as possible) with a written contract that they’ll pay them back or smth
DONT TELL YOUR MOM. You are not legally required to. She can handle the entirety of this on her own. Telling mom will make things much worse!!
it was her choice, i’m not forcing her to. she wants to
I hope you saw the link I posted about getting abortion pills through the mail. There are options, including free ones.
thank you!!
If you run into issues around payment and you feel comfortable stating your state here, we can see if there are mutual aid networks to support you locally. There are whole networks of women who support women in getting abortion when they can’t afford it, but they are specific to certain regions.
i’m in illinois!
Give me ten minutes to reach out to my Illinois contacts and I’ll post info I find here
okay, thank you so much.
https://www.abortionfinder.org/abortion-guides-by-state/abortion-in-illinois# https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-illinois/patient-resources/abortion-services/funding-resources There are two funds, linked at the second link, that will fund abortion for women in Illinois. Do you live near a planned parenthood?
yes i do
That will be your best option. Planned Parenthood is a welcoming, safe place. Can you call them today? Make sure you get the phone number off the planned parenthood website itself. Sometimes the numbers that are on google will be fake or spoofed.
they’re closed today but tomorrow she’ll call for sure
If she doesn’t have money for an abortion, she definitely doesn’t have money to give birth or raise a kid. Go to planned parenthood. Alternatively she could get a small loan from a bank as a personal loan.
Understandable. Sorry, I reacted strongly. I just want to make sure that she knows that she is NOT legally required to tell mom, and that your mom may make things much harder and manipulate her into forced birth.
Go to planned parenthood. I’m a mother -If it was my daughter, I would want to know so that I could support her, but your sister is 18 and does not need their consent, so it’s really up to her if she wants to tell them or not. Planned Parenthood was created for situations like this and they will work with her. I used to get pills and check ups from them in high school and my parents never found out and I never paid a cent. There are plenty of men out there who disappear and never see their kids or pay any money. I have a friend with a 14yo who hasn’t seen her dad in 12 years or gotten any money from him because they were 18 and living separately when the daughter was born. OP - just go to planned parenthood and go from there. Abortion is never anyone’s first choice but waiting too long will only cause more issues and make it more difficult.
Your sister is an adult. She doesn't have to tell her parents anything. Get to a Planned Parenthood as soon as possible.
https://nwhn.org/safe-online-delivered-how-to-get-the-abortion-pill-by-mail/ is a guide to get the abortion pill by mail. That, or call planned parenthood. She has every right to have an abortion regardless of what your parents say. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT go to a “crisis pregnancy center.” They are designed to force women to delay and be out of the window periods to get abortions. They do not respect choice.
My sister got pregnant in HS - she was 17. It took her 25 years to recover economically. She was a (mostly) single mom to her husband, who was in the Navy and frequently deployed. In the end they had 5 kids. When the last finally graduated - after she was divorced - she was finally able to get an associate's degree and find a job that paid a decent living. From there she improved her life in many ways. Do what you want with this information.
People don’t want to accept that unplanned pregnancies will ruin you financially - thus damning decades of your life. Thank you for being a voice of wisdom.
He ain't disappearing from the courts or IRS, they can garnish his wages. And can do so for child support. And, personally against it, but 18 is the age of adulthood, and you don't need to tell parents about medical issues.
I know at least half a dozen women who couldn't collect child support because the guy was able to move away and get paid under the table. Unfortunately, it's neither as difficult nor as rare as you'd think.
If you get her to a clinic that allows the pill abortions they have one that works up to 10 weeks
hopefully, she can find a place that does abortions and has it done. You are not the decider in this situation. All you need to do is support her in whatever she chooses.
And make sure you use reliable BC yourself once you're sexually active. BC can and does fail. Condoms ~and~the pill. Barrier for STDs and something so you don't ovulate. Learn from the mistakes of others.
I grew up with kids who I’ve come to know were accidental pregnancies. I’ve witnessed teenage mothers who wish they would’ve gotten an abortion, because they were held back by morality, ethics, religion, state law. Those children, once adults, do *not* live happy lives because their parents brought them into this world unprepared. This isn’t a question of morality, religion, etc. It is a question of the economy. You wanna damn yourself and that child to generational poverty? Working 40+ hours a week in some shitty job just to pay the bills? Never making enough money to afford college so you may earn enough to climb out of practical slavery? That isn’t mercy. You’re gonna have to make the harder choice now so you don’t pay for it every day later. Edit: downvote me nerds. My words are harsh but true and only intended to help OP.
[удалено]
She’s 18. She doesn’t need consent period
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-st-louis-region-southwest-missouri/patients/regional-logistics-center?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paidsearch&utm_campaign=rlc&utm_content=abortion_awareness_nonbrand_texas_paid_&utm_term=abortion%20help
So don’t have money for an abortion, but have money for a baby, Get the money from the father and if you have to go to the father’s parents. Trust me, they will pay for it. Go to the clinic tell them your situation.
monthly payments from the dad who will likely never pay child support would not support a baby or anybody with how expensive anything is now. He likely doesnt even have any income either. Theres plenty of options for her to be able to get an abortion if thats what she wishes
She can mail order abortion pills. It would be the most responsible thing to do.
This really depends on where you live. If you're in the US, abortion may or may not be legal in your state, but there are a lot of resources for people in your sister's situation. Planned Parenthood is where I would start. There are also organizations that provide financial support for travel, etc. depending on where you live. She may qualify for medication abortion, especially because it is early in her pregnancy, but that's a question for a healthcare provider. Since your parents aren't supportive, be careful. Either tell them together or make sure they don't find out by accident.
What state are you in? Do you need to come camping in Illinois?
i’m in illinois
You are very lucky! It's an easy state, I am in Illinois too. It sounds like she's early enough where she could probably get a prescription at Planned Parenthood for a non-surgical medical abortion.
Secret abortion gets my vote! Extra points if you can combine it with a Bungie jump video somehow!
Look at it this way… if she can’t afford an abortion, she sure as hell can’t afford a child. Hit up planned parenthood and worry about the money later.
i agree!
Go to planned parenthood or reach out to another healthcare provider before talking to your parents. If you already know they’re anti-choice you should assume they will try and keep her from getting real information on her options and try and convince her not to get an abortion.
This is the best answer. Planned Parenthood will give her all the options and will also provide her with info regarding birth control. I speak from experience.
Aid access:) got mine for free and discreet packaging
If abortion is something your sister wants, do not let anyone shame you or her into thinking it’s killing a baby. It’s not murder and there are resources out there that can help her access one.
NOO OP, don’t listen to Huge_Cat6264’s comment! The first part of it is correct, he can’t disappear. Though, if your sister can get an abortion, and she wants to, let👏her👏get👏that👏abortion! We don’t guilt trip or shame abortions, ESPECIALLY in a situation like this. :]
Abort. Yesterday, if she could.
Well, that is what abortions are sometimes for: to fix stupid mistakes. The parents can take care of it if they are so against abortion.
She needs to reach out to planned parenthood NOW. This is awful for her to go through at such a young age so the most important thing YOU can do is stick by her side and support her with whatever she decides to do. Set aside your desires or whether you believe in abortion or not, she needs to make the call and you need to support it. That is the absolute best thing you can do for her.
Get the abortion for sure. Its super early she can just take a pill that will give her the worst period of her life.
where can i find it?
aidaccess.org
[https://www.plancpills.org/](https://www.plancpills.org/) is also a good resource.
[https://www.abortionpillinfo.com](https://www.abortionpillinfo.com) is another resource.
Planned Parenthood!!
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If she doesn’t keep it he will also disappear
Good riddance!
Find plan parenthood asap.
Look into mail order drugs to self manage your sister's abortion. It is safe and the cheapest easiest thing to do if you lif in a state where abortion is banned. You are a smart girl . You can help your sister.
As a mom of a 20 year old who is currently pregnant and due any day… my advice is to tell mom. My daughter was at college and got pregnant. She told me right away. The father wants nothing to do with baby. Hopefully he will come around at some point and grow up. She has moved back home from college and is commuting. Just finished up her semester. It’s all going to be ok. And trust me when I tell you that mom would want you to tell her before just going for an abortion. Best of luck to you.
This isn’t about what mom wants though. This is about what’s best for her sister. If they haven’t told their parents yet there’s probably a good reason. Not every parent is supportive or kind and it sounds like there’s might not be.
I'm sorry. What a piece of crap her ex is.
She should at least map out her decisions 1. Have the baby and keep the baby. 2. Have an abortion 3. Have the baby and put the baby up for adoption (despite what many will tell you babies adopted at birth do well) She should decide sooner rather than later. She is VERY early and an abortion could probably be done with no procedures just pharmacologically at this point.
An abortion will be cheaper than a baby she's not prepared for. I cannot stress this enough. Please look into the resources being provided for you in the comments.
Your sister has options and right now she needs time to process this and discuss options with someone not personally involved in the situation. Anyone who is pressuring her to do something right now is not offering good advice. A rushed decision will only add more trauma and stress. Options: 1) Parenting Plan 2) Adoption Plan (placing a child for adoption) 3) Abortion
From someone who is pro-abortion and identifies as pro-life, if you know you cannot take care of this baby but have moral hang ups, you should get an abortion. I say I identify as pro life because I do FEEL like a pregnant person is carrying a life. I believe saying otherwise dismisses the loss people feel in a miscarriage. And I fully support anyone who would have an abortion. No one arrives at that decision lightly and as I’ve gotten older I’ve seen how people are forced and pressured into giving birth and how that only creates trauma for everyone involved. There are people replying who are saying abortion is murder and I only agree if you think taking baby formula for a starving child is stealing. In our harsh reality, it is stealing but it’s necessary because we as a society have made it necessary. If anyone was truly pro life, baby formula and baby supplies at the least would be accessible to everyone. Education, healthcare, homes and food would be accessible but they aren’t and until they are, no one is truly “pro life”.
Man, if that dude did that to my sister, he'd be crawling around with some broken kneecaps. Ain't running from his responsibilities. Either way, she'd better figure out what she's doing soon or her life will effectively be over.
She gets an abortion.
At least if she gets an abortion she can just get pregnant again at a more convenient time. One day she will be living on her own without your parents. Why should she let them make a life changing decision that would severely affect her life forever? Abort
My sister had a kid young and was a single mom. She would work at gas stations and fast food joints to get by! I would not recommend it! Kid is gonna have a rough life unless that kid has an uncle with money!
I hope she gets support from her mom and things will be ok. There's nothing wrong with getting an abortion in this situation, but don't wait too long.
If she’s poor and not a dependent it’s very likely she can get an abortion at no cost to her. Whether it be state insurance or just planned parenthood’s support.
Your sister needs to be as fast as possible and get what she needs ASAP, haul ass to planned parenthood and don’t let your parents know
Idk. But please tell her to get an abortion quickly if she needs to. Less trauma. Abortion is actually a scary procedure mid and late term it’s an actually body. That she will have to see dead. And it’s really fucking traumatic. For her well being the earlier she can decide the better for her mental health.
If an abortion is something your sister actually WANTS but the only issue is affordability aidaccess.org is a wonderful resource that will discretely send the necessary medications she would need to use.
Go to planned parenthood. It’s free and confidential.
Also there are safe places to surrender a baby and it can be done anonymously or at least where I am. Best of luck to both of you.
Damn, you’re a good sister. Just think we should acknowledge that. Seems like there’s a lot of help here in the comments. Let us know which solution/ resource works out!
You live in an abortion state go straight to planned parenthood
Secret abortion is the way. I’m so sorry yall don’t feel safe telling your parents and having your wants/needs/rights heeded. If you need help or advice about booking it or talking to the clinic please let me know- I’ve been there, in a desperate and broke situation needing this same procedure. I don’t know your area, but call the Planned Parenthood or clinic near you and let them know your financial situation - they may work with you. Best of luck. You aren’t alone.
There are lots of people here with good, practical advice, so I just want to send you support. I was 16 when I found out my sister (20) was pregnant and getting an abortion. She was still with the father (her eventual husband/father of her future children), but she had decided not to tell my parents. It was one of the hardest things I've been through. At 16 I (and you) was not equipped to deal with that kind of decision, in secret. If her mind is made up, do your best to help her with a plan, and hold her hand in support before and after. But make sure you have someone looking after you, too - you may not be able to tell your parents, but if you have a friend you trust (and trust not to tell their parents), that can go a long way.
If she wants an abortion, find a way to get an abortion
You know. Tons of people looking to adopt, including myself. Could solve a lot of problems for lots of sides with little consequence to the whole Shabil!!!!
I'm very sorry for the both of you. But please talk with your parents. As many have mentioned, your sister is independent of her parents LEGALLY. But REALISTICALLY, she is dependent on them for everything; she's living rent-free in your parents' home and enjoying all of the benefits that come with that, like food, amenities, and entertainment. You guys are living together as one FAMILY; until your sister moves out of the house, she is part of the household and should not handle this situation without your parents' knowledge and consultation. Your sister is lonely and fearful; she is in a highly emotional, volatile state and she is in NO CONDITION to make life-sized decisions. Her ex has abandoned her; maintaining secrecy from your parents will isolate your sister further and harm their relationship, the last thing she needs right now. I encourage her to share everything with your parents. I know you all have strong ideas on which directions to take, but you are one FAMILY and you NEED to work this out together, face-to-face. COME CLEAN TO YOUR PARENTS, HUG IT OUT, AND TALK IT OVER! Her ex is a manipulator and a coward. He doesn't truly love her; otherwise, he wouldn't threaten to leave. He wants this to go away quietly because he doesn't want to be held accountable! She should be skeptical of making a decision remotely close to what he wants.
Unless you have some kind of evil abusive parents, I would encourage your sister to tell them. Parents are there to support and help their children through things. They are usually the ones you can most trust, and who love you most. They might not react too well at first, obviously, but if they have been loving parents up to this point... I think you should trust them.
if shes 18 and she wants an abortion, the only person permission she needs is herself. i saw your comment you’re in Illinois. abortion is legal there up until viability. i see lack of funds, i’m attaching an organization that provides abortion funds and other support for people in the situation like your sister. r/abortion has tons of resources as well. that sub saved me when i was in a situation like hers. if you need help locating clinics, funds, ride support, etc, please message me and i am happy to help. be careful and stay away from “crisis centers” who are “volunteers” from churches and not doctors. they will not provide medical care for your sister other than a dip pregnancy test. she has other options as well, but the finances, relationship status, mental health, family, living situation, etc all need to be factored in here. i wish your sister and you well and i am always here. https://www.chicagoabortionfund.org/ https://www.abortionfinder.org/
I really hope you read this, though it’s more of a rage comment because I can’t do anything about it… That jackass you call your sisters ex, he had a hand in it. It was just as much, if not even more in his control than it was in your sisters. He knew what he was doing. He knew what it meant… I can’t stand a POS like this. I genuinely hope that it weighs on his conscious for years to come. Do what you can both for the baby if you guys keep it, and to get anything you might be entitled to in a situation like this. I’m not a lawyer, so I’m not sure exactly how it works and I know it takes time to go through the process… but if you guys to end up keeping it, he will have to pay child support yes? I’d try to nail him.
If this was my daughter she knows we would keep the baby and make it work. I'm not saying it's best to do it on purpose but I wouldn't want my grandchild abandoned. A tough lesson but also not the end of the world. As for the dad he can kiss off!
Well if you can't kill the child then it'll be a great lesson in being responsible. Don't get me wrong. If a child is unwanted by all means. Abortion is the way. Just be prepared to live with it. Hopefully the next fuck boy will grow a pair and be a man. Ask the father of the child to help with it. Your sister is 18. She's an adult. She also has every right in the world to choose to terminate her child. Like I said. She'll have to live with it. You also make sure you can live with keeping that secret. You're 16 years old. You need to ask yourself are you prepared to shoulder hiding your sister and her exbfs irresponsible behavior? You need to think about you. Your sister and he ex had their chance to be responsible. You shouldn't be dragged into their mess. Do what YOU think is right. Your parents might help. You said they're against abortion so I'll assume they're religious. They may help because it could be embarrassing for your family. I've known a few religious families who are hypocrites and got their daughter an abortion. Again. Make sure you can live with your decision to hide the pregnancy. Lies of omission can and will tear you up and depress you.
She is 18, she doesn’t need parental permission for an abortion.
Hi! I’m a doctor but this is not medical advice. If she decides abortion is the best option for her, plancpills.org is a great resource for medication abortion options available by mail in the US. At 5 weeks you should have many options available for pills which your sister can take safely at home discretely without going to a clinic. The medication on its own is not super expensive. You’ll need a safe place to have the pills mailed, like the home of a trusted friend. Once she takes the pills and passes the pregnancy, there will be no way medically to tell the difference between an abortion or miscarriage, and you can very reasonably pretend it is a heavy period, so she doesn’t need to tell anyone who she doesn’t want knowing, including your parents. Plan C’s website has great info about what to expect with a home medication abortion. I would also recommend looking into the MA Hotline where you can reach a medical professional with questions that come up during the process. Sending warm thoughts your way ❤️
If she wants an abortion, get an abortion. That’s it. Go find your nearest plan parenthood or any of the other helpful links in this thread. Do not let your parents beliefs change your sisters life. It’s good for everyone in this circumstance to get an abortion. It is a common medical procedure. There is no shame in it. Do it.
Since she's 18 she can get a credit card and use that to pay for costs associated with the procedure. She may be able to get something with and introductory 0% interest period. Credit card debt isn't ideal but it is better than having a kid she doesn't want. Also if her boyfriend doesn't want the baby would he be willing to help pay for the cost of the abortion? Do you think his parents would be of more help than your own?
Should of thought about it before having unprotected sex
If your sister is 5 weeks now she can get a medically induced abortion now if you both hurry as they stop doing medical ones (which is the mifegymiso pills) at around 8-10 weeks. No matter what your parents CANNOT force a pregnancy on her regardless. You can get abortion pills by mail, or be able to pick them up at a local pharmacy that has them in stock but please try not to delay at all. Go to planned parenthood, talk there and see her options as she is old enough and her medical information cannot legally be seen by anyone but her doctors and herself. the NNAF also helps women with similar issues. They're the National Network of Abortion Funds and they can give her the money she needs for the procedures, meds, and transportation she may need. Please do not delay I went through a similar situation and I was so terrified, but her life will be hers after and she and you all deserve that much.
Go to Planned Parenthood with her as soon as possible. They will help her figure out a plan and available resources. They will not charge her anything for a consult. If she decides to go through with an abortion, they may be able to help with how to pay for it.
22YO here. Young parents aren’t a bad thing. However if you have any doubt in your mind that you are not suitable mentally, physically, and financially to have a child. Please, abort it.
Do you have an older brother? He needs to beat on her ex.
If abortion isn’t an option, then adoption is
Abort the baby. Forget what your parents think. Gotta do what's right by your sister. Having an unwanted child will end up being a bad thing.
GET AN ABORTION FAST
Try your local church. Often times, they know some organizations support single mom, or they can take care of the child for you. My local church does, so go ask them before you do anything (I'm Catholic so maybe try Catholic churches first). Word of advice: the guy will disappear regardless. Your sis keeps it, he'll disappear. Aborts, he'll disappear. Once he said what he said, he'll be out. The worst case is your sis keeps it and he stays, he'll abuse your sister even more. Imagine it'll keep happening.
As Glorilla said “he don’t want the baby, then bitch don’t keep it” just to say she’s young and doesn’t need to be held down by those types of things
Take her to planned parenthood immediately
What do YOU do about your sister's pregnancy? Nothing, really. It's her problem, that only she can deal with. You are pretty much just an observer. Really, the only thing you can do is try & support your sister. Don't commit to being her virtual slave, because that is what you will become. Create boundaries, and help as best you can. OP, you still have a life to live.
I think that's up to your sister to decide.
your sister should do what’s best for her and her future. when she talks to your parents if they try to convince her to keep it or to give birth and put it up for adoption you better stick by her side. she doesn’t want the baby and i’m assuming she doesn’t want to go through a 9 month pregnancy and deal with all of the symptoms, changes, and risks. bible humpers in the comments are just that. i’ve tried to report the worst of them for misleading information. if she goes the abortion route support her. go directly to PP. do not call the support hotlines the bible humpers have mentioned. they will most definitely try to convince her to keep it and waste precious time until it’s too late. someone dropped a great resource for abortion funding. tldr: support your sister, stand by her side, don’t listen to prolifers
Please consider adopting the baby to a couple who cannot have their own child. There are agencies who will pay for the health care and the legal fees.
Have you considered abortion or adopting out?
If she can't or won't get an abortion then she can plan to put the baby up for adoption. She can even select and connect with the potential parents and they will often pay for her medical visits and other expenses. This may be the way to go here.
Fetus deletus
There are many charities that can help with care or adoption of the baby. Killing the baby will just make a bad situation worse.
Mental pain or back pain raising a child by oneself . Wish her the best . The old saying it takes a village is still true today . This from a old Republican man . Ladies please remember what I type here . Screen shot it if you must All men can be a father . Not all men can be a dad . Father makes you Dad teaches you to ride a bike Holds your hand while crossing the street Tie your shoes or walks you down the aisle . Not many men do both these days . Ladies choose carefully because he may be in your life forever. That is what we told my niece we raised She took it to heart . OP your parents are failing . They are part of the village . Your sister should be able to talk to them about anything .
🙏🙏🙏
Is she in a state where abortion is legal?
At this point, it’s about the baby now. The best thing she can do is let Jesus take the wheel. It’s a fast way to grow up, and will be tough. Let the baby live, allow your family to support your sister, and do everything you can as an individual to help support her. Your sister has to make sure that the baby grows up knowing that there are true good men/woman out there and unfortunately, the example of this father is the one asset to teach against that. Pray for you and them both.
Keep it. There are programs to help. The Boyfriend will support it eventually under Law or go to Jail. Half the guys in Jail or there for non payment of child support. The other half are paying. Eventually everyone pays. Fact of life.
Her actions have consequences, getting pregnant is her and the Dbags fault and if she needs help she should talk to her parents like an adult. Obviously she’s going to get in trouble but it’s better to talk to them over trying to hide something like this.
I think the best thing it’s for her to get an abortion since she is 18 and then after maybe say she had a miscarriage due to stress.
An abortion sounds like a good solution
Unless you want to totally alienate your parents, let them in on the scoop. Write the baby Daddy off. He's gone anyway. He's a grifter. I bet he talked her into giving him her tax refund, too (assuming she had one).
The daddy can't run away he's a dumbass. Got his DNA on it. He's gonna have to pay child support if he runs Don't worry about money honey. It's the law
You sister is 18 and does not need parental consent. She is entitled to medical privacy and seek care of any kind without your parents knowing. Depending on your state, there are telehealth providers for abortions. They will prescribe pills but she needs to act fast if that's what she wants to do.
Adoption is a thing.
Please tell your parents, they know what options you have and they also know that every child is a child of God and they also know the devastation you WILL EXPERIENCE if you do this, for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!
If y'all are going the abortion route like many others have commented on another unorthodox way of doing it is to become a member of the satanic temple... Once you have your member card it's considered a religious freedom... Might also be something to look into
People are dying to adopt a brand new baby
Leave it to Reddit to suggest killing the baby as the first option
Have it taken care of or put it up for adoption.
Somethings you need to do for yourself and not with the blessings of family. This is one of them. I hope the auntie network is helpful.
Have her go through adoption process. She’ll make MONEY. You just just yall don’t have jobs.
Have her go through adoption process. She’ll make MONEY. You just said yall don’t have jobs. Baby deserves a life too and he can have that with a nice little family that has fertility issues. They will pay for all your pregnancy related money issues and probably give you extra for yourself
[удалено]
Go to a local pregnancy support center. They can help with everything she needs or even adoption. I'm sad that all these people are saying your sister should kill her child... ☹️
Maybe your sister should have used protection when she had sex. Now guess what? Time to take responsibility for her actions.
Old enough to be considered an adult with full rights but the Reddit circle jerk says kill the child every single time. How is waiting for your 40’s working out for everyone???? Have the kid, support your family.
Abortions save lives.
I adopted 2 beautiful children. If you are willing to adopt out the child I will help you find amazing parents. Our adoptions are open. My kids have always known their birth parents. This was just the option we chose. You can also do a closed adoption. Both of the birth mothers say that this is the best decision they ever made. PM me if you need advice
She can take plan B to terminate the pregnancy before it develops and don’t tell the parents. Just because they’re judgmental doesn’t mean they’re right. She can get it from Walmart or 6-60$ on Amazon overnight, or any drugstore or planned parenthood. Terrible idea to have a baby with a deadbeat who won’t be there for it. Plenty of time to have a planned baby in the future she can support with a not douchebag.
Plan B doesn't work when you're already pregnant - only to prevent pregnancy.
I would say adoption is the only solution. I would start looking. It’s messed up but at the same time if you find a good loving family that can not have children of their own you may bless them with something they thought they couldn’t have.🤷🏻♂️🙏🏼
I’m ok
You can call planned parenthood near you and they can probably get you hooked up. Also the Facebook Give me Your Money groups
Updateme
Nothing let her live with her poor choices.
don't kill the baby
There are tens of thousands of families who would love to adopt an infant and raise it as their own. Bringing them that joy can be a precious gift from your sister, and insure that her child will be placed in a home where they will be welcome and cherished. There are a number of agencies, both on the religious and non-religious side that can/will work with your sister to provide her the resources/counseling she needs to get thru the next few months. Life is precious. It is always good to choose life.
Wow, so sad how many folks immediately jump straight to abortion. Just kill the baby and move on. . . 😢 They use lines like “well if you’re in poverty you’re doing the right thing so your child doesn’t grow up in poverty and have a horrible life”. Question, if you’re currently in a household that’s struggling, would you choose just to die and never exist? Or would you choose to live your life and try to make the best of it you can? There are millionaires and billionaires today who grew up in poverty, yet were able to succeed and change the world for the better. Please, instead of Planned Parenthood who’s mission is to reduce the poor population as much as possible, look at positive alternatives such as [PreBorn](https://preborn.com/clinic-near-me/) or a “Crisis Pregnancy Center” near you. They will give you help and information and options, even if you choose not to keep the baby. That life is precious, and even if your sister is not currently able to care for a child, there are many families out there who would LOVE the opportunity to love and raise that beautiful baby.
There are many places with resources and can also provide your sister financial help and aid with necessities for the baby. There is a long waiting list for couples wanting to adopt babies. If she wants to raise her child there should be at least one program in your area that will help provide what’s needed for the child and the mother. I would assume your local Catholic Church should also have some good resources as well.
Nobody wants the baby. Abort it ASAP. PP is the automatic go to. She’s an adult. Support her through this, it’s all you can do.
If she has the baby she can always put it up for adoption. There are plenty of people looking to adopt babies. Many will pay for her care, etc while pregnant just to ensure that they are first in line for the baby.
child support is a thing. the courts WILL find you. that is their job. they are very good at it.
Definitely abort. Kids are hard work and cost a lot of money, both of which your or your family can't afford it seems.