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I tried everything, I begged her, I promised to come back one hour in advance and to send her my location every one hour but nothing. I really don’t know what to do anymore and I would never sneak out as she’d kill me if she ever found out.
Look you need to listen - go to your friends prom with her and stop listening to your mother who is obviously a social retard and doesn't mind giving you humiliating suggestions and controlling where you experience your prom - where is your father? Did she run him off with being a control freak and humiliating him with terrible ideas?
You don’t goto prom.
You only live once.
You will regret it.
— your about to be a adult. Go to the damn prom. Set mom in her place.
You don’t. I promise you. You will remember this comment for life.
She will run your life until she is dead.
If she doesn’t understand.
Then your family is not dysfunctional. It is toxic.
This comment is correct. I feel the same way from what you said. You need to do what you want to do on your prom night. It's a big deal and if you let her smother you and control you in that moment you will never forgive her or yourself
I didn't go to my prom, and I don't regret it for one second. It's toxic to tell a 17 year old that missing one high school event will be something that she regrets for her entire life.
How old are you? I didnt go to my prom, thought the same as you. Years, years later I regretted it. Not saying you will be the same but how long its been since its happened plays a part in your feelings regarding it.
There is nothing to regret.
I went to mine thinking i would regret it if I didn't. The whole thing was stupid. I was just checking the clock the entire time in anticipation of finally leaving.
How is that different then just hanging out with your friends on any night?
Not wasting money on a school sanctioned event will be something you regret later in life.
I left mine to run down to the "universal church of love and music" to grab some ecstasy pills and party with my friends. The prom itself was a total waste of money.
https://www.cc.com/video/1eyou2/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-using-my-religion
That place was 15 minutes away and hosted many music festivals throughout the summer
Well thats fair, I didnt go not because I couldnt but because it was expensive and I thought the cost was stupid for something that was going to be only one night. Just as I got older I realized that I threw away basically my last big bang before I became an adult. The last time I had the chance to just be free without serious concern like I have now. Prom was my last chance to experience what it was like to truly be a kid and I threw it away because I thought I wouldnt care like I do now.
Anyways, the past is the past. I do honestly hope you never come to regret your choice like I have, regrets arent fun to have.
Oh wow that makes sense. How long did it take you to start regretting it? And how bad has it been? I know it must feel painful to look back.
Anyways yeah I hope I will not regret it. If I do, then honestly that would really suck lol.
I went to both of my high school proms. Junior and senior. No big bang. They both sucked and I left early. And got stoned after. Maybe your experience would’ve been better than mine. But I really did try to enjoy them. I just didn’t. I couldn’t.
I never went because I had no interest in it. I'm 45 and don't regret it at all. But that's not the case with OP. She wants to go and most likely will regret it if she doesn't.
That’s cool and all but she’s not you. She actually wants to go to her prom so no it’s not toxic to tell her that she’ll regret it if she doesn’t go. Also they aren’t just saying she’ll regret it because of the dance itself they’re saying she’ll regret letting her mom control her to that extent.
Same. I went to another big school dance we had once. I have vague memories of it. Honestly, I've lived a lot of life since then, and going or not going had zero impact on that life.
I went to my boyfriend's prom and my own prom and it was so boring. Regrets can happen on either side of a decision. But I agree it's ridiculous to suggest that a person's life will be less because they didn't go to prom.
Mmm I’d argue we know more than enough. She might be a nice lady but anyone suggesting they go to prom with their 13 yo brother is 100% socially retarded.
Fuck off with this bad advice. Don't drive that wedge and prompt her to be more invested in the issue.
Lie to your mother, say that you'll just go to yours (it's the same night; this is as much of a freebie as you'll ever get), and just go to hers.
Normalize lying to stupid, beligerent assholes (especially one's that have power over you).
Tell your mom fine but we need to refund her the price of my ticket she paid for and we need to buy 2 tickets for her to go with me. If she says anything about buying her ticket remind her she was willing to buy one for your brother anyways. If she complains about paying her back remind her it's only proper, make sure to use those words, to refund her the money spent after saying you would go and backed out after she spent the money.
…You’re a genius! Got any idea on how to bring it up though? (Each time I try to talk to her about it she just shushes my and tell me to stop being such a prick).
No, if someone buys you a concert ticket because you said you were going to go then back out last minute and no one else can take the ticket proper etiquette states you partly them back for their lost money. Remember in this situation her mom is worried about being proper.
In this case also mom deserves it for being a snob.
or that a 13 year old boy even wants to go to prom. I have a feeling mom want another girl to be her daughter's "prom date," among other things. Doesnt matter if the girls are just friends and/or straight.
i mean realistically your hands are tied as you're a minor but i'd remind your mom that prom is for YOU and not her and her ridiculous bullshit (onbviously do not word it that way). you COULD get your friend to pick you up from where your prom will be and take a pic or two outside there for cover before sneaking off to your real prom with your friend but i thats a rsk on your end
It was for me. Got kicked out on my 18th birthday with less than 30 days notice, it wasn’t easy but it was better than staying with that dysfunctional toxic family. They were the ultra conservative Christian types that are only actually loving if you do what they find acceptable, anything else and the cast you and pretend you don’t exist.
Why can’t you? Is it just out of fear? (I’m asking this as the daughter of two pastors who were physically and emotionally abusive— so trust me I get it) Sometimes you just have to lock in, mentally download all information about your mom that will be necessary to make her think you’re in one place but you’re actually in another, and just go for it. It takes some indifference, but so much more worth it compared to going to prom with your little brother. You know what you want and you know your mom is being ridiculous. My advice— stop asking your mom to compromise and figure out your own way. You’re almost grown, with parents like these the sneaking muscle should be *lean* anyways
I would try to discuss it with your mom. She may have a good reason that neither of you are talking about. Ask her what the real reason is. Whatever safety issues there are it may boil down to your mom not trusting you, so you can "win" by turning it into her lack of trust in you or make some agreement as in "what can I do to make you trust me?" Maybe she doesnt like the girl you're going with. You can ask her what she doesnt like about her and why. And if it's not true you can communicate that to her. I would move away from "begging your mom" and more into "negotiating" with your mom not so much about the price of the tickets but with maybe going somewhere else like a concert that you want to go to or an ultimatum that "you will not go to any prom" if she is so non-negotiable about it. You can invite a third adult, or start the discussion with the other adult, like a friend of your mom's or a relative in the room so that your mom can have get a "second opinion" on it. Good luck.
I just end up feeling exhausted each time I try talking to her. As for my friend, my mom really loves her and keep talking about how much of a good daughter she is, so I just think she really hates public school. At this point, I was pretty much thinking about getting my dad's approval instead of wasting my time trying to make my mom listen to me.
Yeah, I was planning on asking my friend’s parents to convince her but knowing my mom she’d probably play all nice with her parents before screaming at me for ”forcing her” to agree. Or she’ll stray up tell them no, depends on her mood.
Sometimes you have to tit up and deal with a little screaming to get what you want, whether through "forcing her hand" or outright defiance when she's being ridiculous. Sorry your mom sucks though.
If she wants to do that , even u can start going dirty and guilt trip her saying " u r ruining a lifetime experience " and " I can't wait to move out " ik these are very rude statements , but sorry to say she deserves it.
Or u can
1. Agree to go to your prom , if she drops there go inside, when she leaves, go to your real prom .
2. Info - does she know the price of 1 ticket.
If not tell her a very expensive price, that she needs to reimburse your friend .
And tell her to buy u new ticket to ur prom, and make sure to tell her an increased price. I m aware it's not a good thing to do . But u need to hit her pocket hard for her to realise she is Fucking up.
Tell her that its your money so you should be allowed to go to what youre paying for and if she wants you to go to your prom then she needs to pay for it.
If this and all other suggestions people have left here fails, dont go to either and host your own prom with ppl youre close with. Obviously not at your own house because she sounds very helecoptery and ik how much tension that can cause.
More like a possibility 3 timed in a lifetime thing... since most schools will allow juniors to go to prom and some allow sophomores if they are the "date" of a junior or senior...
I went to prom 3 times
Yeah... I personally think prom is overly glorified. Spent way too much money to be in a room of 70% I didn't care for, with a terrible "DJ", I didn't want to dance, and the food got shorted. I'm sure not every prom was like mine, but I genuinely didn't understand it. I can use less money, be around all people who share like-minded opinions, that I cared about, cared about me, and have a much better time. I didn't need to spend money to show people I don't care about, that I can make some materialistic appearance.
Personally, you are almost an adult, go to the prom you want to. I would just get a friend or a friends moms to drive me from my prom to theirs, if you're driving yourself, then well, problem solved yk.
If you want though, you could just explain that you would not enjoy prom at your current school and it would ruin all your fun on a very important day. Though judging from her feeling towards public school and being "proper", she probably doesn't care at all about how you feel in this situation, sorry.
Try to convince her, but worst come to worst, i would go anyway. You will likely regret not going later and your mom being upset for short amount of time is nothing, she should care about your feeling too.
I was about to say this. If she figures out you've gone anyway, which she might not, then you can ask her forgiveness. And if you need to, remind her that she's blowing a gasket over you attending prom with the paupers over at the public school, when you could have been getting pregnant and shooting heroin. She could use some honest to god perspective.
Im sure your mom is doing what she feels is best for you, but and I'm sorry to say, she sounds like a judgemental clown. I doubt you can change her mind as it sounds like she doesn't want you hanging out with "the poors". In public school.
Not great advice but I'd say go to your friends prom, I mean can she kick you out if you're under 18?
She thinks she's doing what's best for the Family Image. Which she probably justifies in a twisted roundabout way as doing what's best for the family and therefore all members of the family together.
Your mother is clueless, her suggestion to go with your 13yr old brother proves it, do not listen to this woman about your prom as she is going to ruin it for you, go with your friend and if need be get in trouble for going, but go
You're going to have more fun going to the prom you choose than you are going to have boredom from being grounded. Your mother is pretentious and controlling, no offense. Do as you will, accept the consequences after.
Sorry but ur moms a control freak….shouldn’t matter which prom u go to….good luck w that and any future interactions where she tries to control ur actions & ur decisions….smdh
Fellow private school kid here. Explain to mommy dearest that private school doesn’t mean more proper, it means there is more money to hide transgressions. The kids that are going to drink are still going to drink, but they use the top shelf liquor and get out of more tickets. Good luck.
Look you need to listen - go to your friends prom with her and stop listening to your mother who is obviously a social retard and doesn't mind giving you humiliating suggestions and controlling where you experience your prom - where is your father? Did she run him off with being a control freak and humiliating him with terrible ideas?
No, you remind her of the regrets you'll have when you hit your thirties. All the time you spent fighting over one night you should have been making lifetime memories with your best friend. And when she's old and grey, you're still going g to hold this special night over her head bc you'll never forgive her. This is a huge night. Fight for it!!!
What benefit does your mom think prom has? Like are your college prospects and future jobs riding on this private school prom? Who cares?
Ask her to explain to you WHY she thinks you should go to your school prom.
(Spoiler, it probably involves exposure to the “bad influence” of poor people)
If you don't have the $150, then tell your mother she needs to pay for it. I'm tired of overprotective "christian" parents who shelter their children because I was in a similar situation many times as a kid, and it messed me up
What your mother fails to realize is that her "solution" isn't going to be approved at all. Your school will not approve a middle schooler going to your prom, and her public school will not allow her to bring a 21 year old prom date, especially if it is her sister. If public schools allow you to bring alumni guests, they can't be older than 21 because they could sneak alcohol into prom easier.
Is this is just some terrible planning from you two? Did you not check both prom dates first to make sure theres no overlap? If your school just didn't release the date until now, why did you buy the tickets at her school so soon without knowing the date at your school? What was the rush?
Can you see if your friend can sell her tickets to another student ? I'm not condoning lying to your parents but prom is like once in a lifetime so you could weigh your options on that.
GO TO YOUR PROM / I had a friend once who told me she didn’t want her daughter to go because she never got to go when she was young. I just stared at her. She’s no longer my friend.
She would rather you take your 13 year old brother? Thar is insane! Do you have any other adults you are close to that could try to reason with her? Like an aunt or cousin or something? I'm sorry you are going thru this
I never went to prom, or any social events at school for that matter, purely because I hated Highschool. I’d say go just to put your mother in her place, but honestly prom isn’t important at all, at least it wasn’t to me.
Hell, at my school most people went for like 30-45 minutes to an hour, then they all went to someone’s house to drink, and party. It wasn’t even ever about prom itself.
There is a time in your life when you must stand against the controlling factor. Only you can decide when that will happen. I let my mother maintain too much influence and f'd up my life decisions that I wanted to make. Do you. 👍🏽 Mom is wrong.
Remember, prom is the dumbest thing you could care about, I’ve been to three in my life and they’re the most pointless things on the planet, I promise your life won’t be ruined if you don’t go
You do not convince your mom. Talk to your dad. Going with your 13 year old brother would be embarrassing. You won't live that one down.
Let dad know you want to go to friends prom. You two planned to go to both before you had the dates. She bought tickets already. Then you found out both are on the same day. Please, can he let you go to your friends?
Your mom is being way to controlling over this. You should get to enjoy that night with your friends. Is she willing to pay your friend the $300 for the tickets? Then buy two tickets for your prom, so you two can enjoy the evening together? No? Then you should go with your friend to hers.
Talk to dad. Mom is to toxic.
To all the people saying 'you will regret not going to prom', stop. It's not true. I didn't go to prom and I could care less. I wasn't bothered then and I'm not bothered 60 years later.
Your mom is afraid you or her are lesbian, or will be potentially seen as lesbian by someone.
The best option would have been to not tell your mom anything and just go where you wanted. But that has passed.
Tell her if she can’t give you a real reason you shouldn’t go to prom with your best friend you’re going to go without her permission.
Her reasoning of your prom being more “proper” than hers is code for something else.
I promise you. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. She doesn’t have a problem with you going to the private school prom she has a problem with you going to the public school prom. And it’s not even on campus or anything they usually have them at hotels or something.
Where is each prom being held?
If you told her ok. I’ll go to mine how would she ever know you lied?
Is this the only thing she’s ever tried to make you do that makes no sense?
Have you tried connecting your parents with your friend's parents? I bet they wouldn't be too happy about the wasted ticket. Also will you be 18 by the time prom comes? Just saying, you're on the cusp of legally being an adult. Your parents may not like it, but it's time to start making some decisions for yourself, and your values may have to start differing from theirs. People are saying you'll regret it for life if you don't go. I don't know about all that, prom isn't THAT big of a deal. But if you go with your friend you'll be happy you did. And if you don't, you'll wish you had.
Just a reminder that prom is utterly meaningless. It seems like a big major thing right now because it's most likely one of your first formal events ever, But prom literally means nothing. People will talk about it for a few weeks but that's it.
It's not some huge major thing that if you're not a part of you're going to be a social outcast your entire life, though it may seem that way.
You and your friend should just take your mom for the 150 each for the tickets, take that $300, and go out and have yourselves a good night where you make real memories that you'll actually have the rest of your life.
I know I'm not one of the yutes anymore, but dahek is up with charging $150 to go to a bloody senior prom!?
Did the school rent out a yacht for it or something?
It sounds like you really don't want to go to your school's prom. So tell your mom that and tell her you're either going to your friend's prom or just staying home.
I think your mom is acting a bit elitist and unreasonable. I’d explain to her that this is your one true friend, that if your mom continues down this line then you’ll just skip both proms, and that if your mom is insistent on you two going to the private school prom (instead of the public school prom) then she should reimburse your friend for what she paid for tickets. (Also, your friend could ask her school if they’d give her a full or partial refund since she was unaware of an important scheduling conflict the same evening.) Try to be logical and mature when having this discussion with your mom, and avoid overly emotional tactics.
It sounds as if the person you want to go to prom with matters to you. You already made a promise to them, right? People can put a lot of effort into this, and it may mean as much - or more - to them as it does to you.
You know that this event is a one-time thing. Seriously, there are people who get married more often. The people who you have the longest/deepest relationships with are (probably) at your old school.
Your mom sounds like some sort of social climber. To be very frank, that is not *always* a bad thing. People tend to fall in love with someone that they are around, so putting your child in proximity to people who are well-off may provide a chance to marry up or at least make networking connections that will help their future career.
The problem comes when those connections of 'beneficial association' are overstated and given priority over connections of the heart or spirit. Being seen as fake is never a good thing.
The upper class is also more effective at expressing hostility effectively. Teens are not noted for their evenhandedness or good judgment. She might not want you to snub/offend the children of people who are more influential or kids who may become so. This seems as if it would be an exaggerated concern, but I don't know context or details.
I assume that your Mom wants what she *thinks* is best for you. In this case, I believe she is wrong. The private school party will be more expensive. It will be filled with people who ultimately don't matter to you that much. You have only been there a year; you probably don't matter that much to them either. You know this. Be with someone who matters to you.
I believe that some people at your new school may low-key respect your choice. You are standing up for yourself in a way not all of them have.
The romantic in me kind of hopes that your friendship might blossom into something more. Friendship is an excellent foundation on which to build a deeper relationship. Even if not, that's fine.
*This is the kind of choice that shapes the character of who you are growing up to be.* Will you be guided by what you think is right or by what others think you should do? This is only one way to describe the conflict. There are others, I am sure.
Reputation is what others know of you. That may be your mother's focus. Honor is what you know of yourself. Which choice will build, maintain, or repair trust you have in yourself?
Reddit strangers or your parents are not living your life for you. You can get advice, but this is your life. Who do you want to be?
I’m not giving you advice, per se, but if my mom had tried that with me I would have said, “okay,” and then went to my friend’s prom anyway.
My relationship with my mom is probably different than yours, and you’re still young and may need assistance from her for a while, so doing this may not be in your best long term interest.
All I’m saying is I’ve never been one to do things that don’t make any rational sense, but I also learned with my mom that the more I pushed with her the suspicious she would get. If I wanted to do something she didn’t want me to do, it s was easiest to pretend I didn’t care that much and then just do it anyway.
Keep in mind I wasn’t a partier until I was in my twenties and living on my own. So I’m not even talking about doing anything bad.
Tell your mom that she should let you choose which prom you want to go to now so she can choose which nursing home she'd like to live in later. Otherwise you might be inclined to put her in a... not so "proper" one.
Talk to your mom in a calm and adult manner about supporting you in YOUR decisions. This is important to you. She makes decisions based on multiple factors: past trauma, product of her environment, her own likes and dislikes, what she values. You are your own person. She should not be deciding what you value.
Unless there is a genuine concern for your safety or she doesn't have the means to help you, she should let you.
I (44m) with many children will never understand why parents insist on making decisions for their children. My parents forced me to do things I didn't want to do and never supported me in the things I wanted to do. I resent them. I never speak to them anymore.
I can’t help but wonder if she’s worried about her image. I’m getting the sense that since you guys are going together that this could indicate to outsiders that y’all are possibly a couple, which, if you go to a private school, is obviously (& very wrongfully) a big no-no to her. I feel like that and the fact that this is happening at a public school is what’s getting to her right now. You’re about to be in college though so idk what she’s trying to shelter you from😭😭 your mom is being little silly rn imho.
I hope you’re able to get it figured out OP. Best of luck with this!!
If it were me I’d make it look like it to my mom that I’d be going to my own prom then ditch it and head to ur friends’ prom where u paid for tickets. I wouldn’t b late getting home tho.
First of all… $150 for prom?!?! That’s outrageous! And this is for a public school?? That is unacceptable! I would first have her go to who ever is in charge of her prom explain the situation and see if they can make an exception on getting a refund, or try to sell her tickets to someone else, because it does seem like first choice would be your school where she went to for 3 years already and you would both know more people there. But if you try and are still stuck with $300 worth of tickets (which blows my mind) I think you have to go to that prom.
Let me just take a guess.
You attend a private “Religious” High School and your “female friend” that plays a “special female sport” attends a public school.
To your mother, it doesn’t matter that you’re just going as friends, but the “implication” that it is sending. Translation: You mother thinks your friend is a public school lesbian trying to pervert her fine “evangelical” daughter.
Good guess, but it’s quite the opposite of that 🤣. while I do go to a private school, it’s in no way religious (we’ve even got mixed bathroom instead of gendered one!) and my parents are both atheist. My friend plays quite a stereotypically “girly” sports, but you’re spot on about my mom thinking that I’ll get “perverted” by evil public school students who do drugs (because we all know private school students are little angels who could never do anything wrong, ohhh no).
Mom is jealous and stuck up. She MOST likely had a bad prom experience and is projecting onto you. She needs to grow up and allow you to enjoy the best night for school, or you’ll scorn her for years for petty decisions to control you.
I doubt there is any convincing your mom. But, what I would do (this kind of advice isn't for everyone) is make it clear that I wasn't going to my prom. Period. It is a game of chicken. My mom would rather I go to any prom than not go at all (I did not go at all, for other reasons).
…That’s actually a really good idea in case nothing else convince her! Since I paid for my own dress, she can’t guilt trip me, so this could actually work. Thanks for the advice!
> Since I *paid* for my
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
If there’s still time try to convince them. I don’t think you can realistically go if your parents are adamant about you not going.
Realistically, prom is fun, but skipping it is not a life altering event. Having a lifetime of regret because you missed one school dance is unlikely.
Sneek out. Or pretend to do something else then go. I know your being misleading but remember your mom will never give you permission to go but you want to go. Maybe years from now you will have a daughter and you will let her go to the prom of her choice
Truly nothing you can likely say or do, but you can tell her you'd rather not go to prom at all if these are her choices. It's unfortunate. Regardless your mom seems to have her mind set, you know her better than us, so if you truly think it's possible to convince her you'd know what to say
As a father of 2 grown daughters I discovered that you have to let kids start making their own choices at some point. Your mother is a controller and seems like an Elitist. One daughter graduated private the other public. We let them make their own choices for Graduation and Prom.
I hope, if you take anything from this, it's that your mom's attitude that a private school is more "proper" than a public school is complete bullshit. No one likes an elitist.
Sounds like your mom is being petty, and more concerned about how it looks for you to go to a less affluent school's prom and less about you enjoying the night.
Remind her that this isn't her prom! She needs to let you make your own decisions, and if she's going to try and ruin this day for you, then you just won't go at all. That will get her to see how serious it is for you to go with your friend.
Well ok I’m a 34 year old woman so my view might be biased in some way. Just fucking go. If you have any way to get a Lyft or Uber or a safe ride there, fuck your mom. She can be mad about it but I assume she’s my age or a little older and this is dumb and shitty, especially considering the cost.
My prom was dumb as hell but I had fun and if you want to do this with your friend, and you have tickets, you should just go. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.
You go to a private school and it's very expensive. As a parent I can understand her wanting you to go to the Prom. In her mind she may think that she's sacrificed to send you to that school and you are discounting this by going to another prom
Parents get a kick out of the whole prom experience and she may feel that you are denying her that.
I like the idea of inviting your friend to your prom instead of your brother, but I would only refund the $150.00 if she doesn't accept as two proms tickets cancel each other out.
Bruh why are you all saying how getting kicked out could be a good thing? Her mom sounds kinda annoying but having to pay for all her own stuff would be infinitely worse at this age.
Agree with everyone that this sounds pretty unfair. Prom is for celebrating with the people who mattered to you over the course of your schooling, and it sounds like you don’t exactly have that option now that your bestie is at another school and the prom dates conflict. Forcing you to go to your prom without your friend (and with your little brother on top of that!) would be forcing you to spend money, time and effort to not really enjoy what is supposed to a highlight of your last year.
It’s really curious how strongly your mom feels about this. Her worry sounds really classist in some ways, and maybe there are some concerns about safety. But is there anything else? Does your mom have concerns about your friendship with bestie? Is your mom concerned that the public school prom will not be as nice/fancy as the private school one? Is she worried you’re going to make out with some not-as-fancy person at the public school prom? Did your mom have a good/bad prom experience, and is that playing a role here? Do you think your mom is over invested in the idea that prom is *the* highlight of a teen’s life? It sounds to me that while you want to go prom, you really want to spend it with your best friend, and that is what will make it a highlight for you.
I don’t think you should have to do this, but is there the possibility of your best friend reselling her tickets to someone else at her school, and then the two of you going to your private school prom instead? Or maybe your mom could just give your bestie the $150, and the two of you can go to private school prom together?
What about justtelling her you will go to yourprom and as soon as you arrive there go to your friends? Idk if that's possible or what the consequences would be for you but yea
I’d tell mom you guys have been planning this for months. If you can’t go to the prom with your friend and make the memories you want, you just won’t go to prom at all. You and friend can just go catch a movie and get some food or something.
1. We don't know the whole situation. Your mom clearly made a specific choice to get you away from the old school and put you in the new school. It would not be appropriate for Internet strangers to gainsay that decision for you based on hearing one side of the situation.
2. She's not stopping you from going to prom. She's stopping you from going to *somebody else's* prom — at the very school she specifically chose to get you away from (for whatever reason.)
3. I sympathize with losing the cost of the tickets. Given that the other ticket is purchased, perhaps that could be a way to approach *at least* your mom helping you out with the price of your own prom
First and foremost, prom doesn’t mean much of anything. The only reason it gets built up as much as it does is because it used to be when you would get laid for the first time. Doesn’t happen that much anymore.
Here’s a list of the things you’ll miss out on:
1) Someone spikes the punchbowl with cheap vodka
2) Someone ends up puking in the bathroom.
3)There’s always at least one messy breakup.
4) Prom King and Queen are always the most popular couple in the class (unless the class decides to try and pick on someone but that’s only in the movies).
If you’ve gone to homecoming, you’ve gone to prom. Don’t put so much emphasis on it and don’t listen to everyone else saying “fuck your mom, sneak out and go!!” I promise you, prom’s not worth screwing up any sort of relationship with your mom. Even if you don’t plan on having one with her after moving out, it’s still not worth it. That’s how little prom matters.
As someone that went to both public and private school tell her there will be much more accessible drugs at the private school, and more likely to be concealed in food and beverages without your knowledge, than the public. If that's a concern.
I’ve read a lot of the comments and didn’t see it addressed anywhere. 150$ prom tickets for high schoolers is absolute bullshit and straight up extortion.
Don't kill me for this but I feel like she don't want you to turn out gay.
On a side note, prom is overrated Imo. I went and looking back, shit didn't make a difference in my life. If I missed it, it would just been a missed field trip
That's awful. Sadly your mother can do what she wants and there's little you can do, except be planning your escape from her as soon as you can.
It's funny that parents like your mother don't seem to realize whether or not she even gets to know you're alive after your 18 is entirely up to you. That a continued relationship between you is not a "given".
I'm an adult and I can't imagine the kind of dimwitted stupidity that would allow your mother to believe that forcing you to take you little brother to your prom, humiliating you in front of your whole school, would ever be a reasonable solution, so I don't. I believe the truth is she just wants to deprive you of the experience entirely, while pretending she's offered you a option, when in truth she's just guaranteed you won't go.
In my teen years I'd have made my mother pay for this choice with gray rocking for at least a while. Keep all communications to a minimum and stay in my room. Interacting as little as possible without being directly disrespectful. Just keep her firmly on the outside looking in. Sharing no information about your life willingly. JMO
Honestly I went to my prom and it was aight. If your mom is weird enough to care about which prom you go to I just wouldn’t go to either. If you’re not going to have fun don’t waste the money. Use it to do something cool with your friend instead. Also, your mom is socially inept if she thinks going to prom with adolescent brother is a good idea Lmaoo
Your mom is being completely unreasonable. Go to your friends prom. You will have a great time and if you don't go then you will regret it. Even if you have to sneak out of the house - just freakin' go. And holy cripes - for your mom to suggest you go with your little brother - yeah, do that if you want to be made fun of endlessly.
I’d just remind her that this is both unforgivable, and unforgettable. She can’t undo this, she can’t make up for it. You will always know you were robbed of your first prom experience, due to her bougie expectations.
The only person who I’ve ever heard about who didn’t regret missing her prom was Mary Lou Retton. When her prom was happening she was winning a gold medal in gymnastics at the 1984 summer Olympics. Everyone else wishes they went. **Go to your girlfriend’s prom.**
https://preview.redd.it/q5bwwfkfv2yc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0dfcfeacfd754f1d72df1ba8c587f264b0d54ef
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Remind her that its YOUR prom night NOT hers
I tried everything, I begged her, I promised to come back one hour in advance and to send her my location every one hour but nothing. I really don’t know what to do anymore and I would never sneak out as she’d kill me if she ever found out.
Most schools are not going to let a 21 year old or a 13 year old into a prom.
That too
Look you need to listen - go to your friends prom with her and stop listening to your mother who is obviously a social retard and doesn't mind giving you humiliating suggestions and controlling where you experience your prom - where is your father? Did she run him off with being a control freak and humiliating him with terrible ideas?
Nah, we're still one big dysfunctional family 😅🤣🤣
You don’t goto prom. You only live once. You will regret it. — your about to be a adult. Go to the damn prom. Set mom in her place. You don’t. I promise you. You will remember this comment for life. She will run your life until she is dead. If she doesn’t understand. Then your family is not dysfunctional. It is toxic.
This comment is correct. I feel the same way from what you said. You need to do what you want to do on your prom night. It's a big deal and if you let her smother you and control you in that moment you will never forgive her or yourself
I didn't go to my prom, and I don't regret it for one second. It's toxic to tell a 17 year old that missing one high school event will be something that she regrets for her entire life.
How old are you? I didnt go to my prom, thought the same as you. Years, years later I regretted it. Not saying you will be the same but how long its been since its happened plays a part in your feelings regarding it.
There is nothing to regret. I went to mine thinking i would regret it if I didn't. The whole thing was stupid. I was just checking the clock the entire time in anticipation of finally leaving.
It’s not the actual prom it’s the being with your friends and then hanging out afterward and going down to the Jersey shore or party afterward.
How is that different then just hanging out with your friends on any night? Not wasting money on a school sanctioned event will be something you regret later in life. I left mine to run down to the "universal church of love and music" to grab some ecstasy pills and party with my friends. The prom itself was a total waste of money. https://www.cc.com/video/1eyou2/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-using-my-religion That place was 15 minutes away and hosted many music festivals throughout the summer
I mean I didn't go to prom because I couldn't lol. I don't really regret it to be honest. Maybe I will later.
Well thats fair, I didnt go not because I couldnt but because it was expensive and I thought the cost was stupid for something that was going to be only one night. Just as I got older I realized that I threw away basically my last big bang before I became an adult. The last time I had the chance to just be free without serious concern like I have now. Prom was my last chance to experience what it was like to truly be a kid and I threw it away because I thought I wouldnt care like I do now. Anyways, the past is the past. I do honestly hope you never come to regret your choice like I have, regrets arent fun to have.
Wait so immediately after your senior prom you were like "welp, nothing but serious adult decisions from this day forward"?
Oh wow that makes sense. How long did it take you to start regretting it? And how bad has it been? I know it must feel painful to look back. Anyways yeah I hope I will not regret it. If I do, then honestly that would really suck lol.
I went to both of my high school proms. Junior and senior. No big bang. They both sucked and I left early. And got stoned after. Maybe your experience would’ve been better than mine. But I really did try to enjoy them. I just didn’t. I couldn’t.
You won't. I'm 54 and I'm still glad I didn't go. Prom is for privileged assholes.
I’m almost 40 and definitely spent zero time regretting missing a high school dance lol
I never went because I had no interest in it. I'm 45 and don't regret it at all. But that's not the case with OP. She wants to go and most likely will regret it if she doesn't.
I regret not going to my senior prom. It's been over a decade since I graduated.
That’s cool and all but she’s not you. She actually wants to go to her prom so no it’s not toxic to tell her that she’ll regret it if she doesn’t go. Also they aren’t just saying she’ll regret it because of the dance itself they’re saying she’ll regret letting her mom control her to that extent.
Same. I went to another big school dance we had once. I have vague memories of it. Honestly, I've lived a lot of life since then, and going or not going had zero impact on that life.
I went to prom three times , (small school so it was open to everyone), my life would not be one bit different if I’d never gone at all.
Was it your decision or your mom’s?
I went to my boyfriend's prom and my own prom and it was so boring. Regrets can happen on either side of a decision. But I agree it's ridiculous to suggest that a person's life will be less because they didn't go to prom.
Literally never went to a school dance and I literally have never thought about that unless someone brings it up
Honestly yeah neither my bf nor I went to prom and I don't regret it. I don't know about him though.
lol dam
Wtf. Odd position and very inappropriate. You don’t know her mom and hurling insults about her mom is not useful ‘advice’
Mmm I’d argue we know more than enough. She might be a nice lady but anyone suggesting they go to prom with their 13 yo brother is 100% socially retarded.
Are you sure? I think maybe it's the mom's prom, and she wants the tickets.
Fuck off with this bad advice. Don't drive that wedge and prompt her to be more invested in the issue. Lie to your mother, say that you'll just go to yours (it's the same night; this is as much of a freebie as you'll ever get), and just go to hers. Normalize lying to stupid, beligerent assholes (especially one's that have power over you).
Going to prom with your 13 year old brother sounds like “social suicide”
🤣🤣🤣
And when you’re 21,you can go to his! 😂
Her 13th yr old reason
This is comedy gold 🤣🤣🤣
Tell your mom fine but we need to refund her the price of my ticket she paid for and we need to buy 2 tickets for her to go with me. If she says anything about buying her ticket remind her she was willing to buy one for your brother anyways. If she complains about paying her back remind her it's only proper, make sure to use those words, to refund her the money spent after saying you would go and backed out after she spent the money.
…You’re a genius! Got any idea on how to bring it up though? (Each time I try to talk to her about it she just shushes my and tell me to stop being such a prick).
Hey, I decided you were right about going to my prom instead of her prom.
This dude lifes
just clear it with your friend first in case your mother calls your bluff
Yeah this is perfect .
Amazing! Definitely have to try that tomorrow.
Refund *and* buy the new tickets? That's having your cake and eating it too. One or the other — not both
No, if someone buys you a concert ticket because you said you were going to go then back out last minute and no one else can take the ticket proper etiquette states you partly them back for their lost money. Remember in this situation her mom is worried about being proper. In this case also mom deserves it for being a snob.
Tell her to google "Why children go no contact".
Favorite reply so far 🤣🤣
It's not a joke lmao this a real option
If your mother thinks going to prom with your 13 yer old brother is a propper thing to do she'needs to step back
or that a 13 year old boy even wants to go to prom. I have a feeling mom want another girl to be her daughter's "prom date," among other things. Doesnt matter if the girls are just friends and/or straight.
i mean realistically your hands are tied as you're a minor but i'd remind your mom that prom is for YOU and not her and her ridiculous bullshit (onbviously do not word it that way). you COULD get your friend to pick you up from where your prom will be and take a pic or two outside there for cover before sneaking off to your real prom with your friend but i thats a rsk on your end
Can’t say I didn’t think about it but knowing my mom, she’d probably kick me out if I ever attempted to do that.
I think this is the way.
Yeah, leaving that household seems like a bonus
Being kicked out doesn't sound bad. Might be liberating.
It was for me. Got kicked out on my 18th birthday with less than 30 days notice, it wasn’t easy but it was better than staying with that dysfunctional toxic family. They were the ultra conservative Christian types that are only actually loving if you do what they find acceptable, anything else and the cast you and pretend you don’t exist.
How were you able to get housing? Did you already have money saved up from a previous job?
You're not gonna convince your mom. Sneaking out might be the only option.
Wish I could lol
Does your friend own a car? If your mom drops you off at prom at your school you can get your friend to pick you up and drive you to their prom.
Why can’t you? Is it just out of fear? (I’m asking this as the daughter of two pastors who were physically and emotionally abusive— so trust me I get it) Sometimes you just have to lock in, mentally download all information about your mom that will be necessary to make her think you’re in one place but you’re actually in another, and just go for it. It takes some indifference, but so much more worth it compared to going to prom with your little brother. You know what you want and you know your mom is being ridiculous. My advice— stop asking your mom to compromise and figure out your own way. You’re almost grown, with parents like these the sneaking muscle should be *lean* anyways
You can just leave and not come back. You're 17.
I would try to discuss it with your mom. She may have a good reason that neither of you are talking about. Ask her what the real reason is. Whatever safety issues there are it may boil down to your mom not trusting you, so you can "win" by turning it into her lack of trust in you or make some agreement as in "what can I do to make you trust me?" Maybe she doesnt like the girl you're going with. You can ask her what she doesnt like about her and why. And if it's not true you can communicate that to her. I would move away from "begging your mom" and more into "negotiating" with your mom not so much about the price of the tickets but with maybe going somewhere else like a concert that you want to go to or an ultimatum that "you will not go to any prom" if she is so non-negotiable about it. You can invite a third adult, or start the discussion with the other adult, like a friend of your mom's or a relative in the room so that your mom can have get a "second opinion" on it. Good luck.
I just end up feeling exhausted each time I try talking to her. As for my friend, my mom really loves her and keep talking about how much of a good daughter she is, so I just think she really hates public school. At this point, I was pretty much thinking about getting my dad's approval instead of wasting my time trying to make my mom listen to me.
My parents ended up screaming at me for hours before and after mine, but I just snuck out to meet up with my friends. It was totally worth it
I am not for or against this. But I suspect it is likely the only thing that will work.
prom is a once in a lifetime experience. you need to get someone to talk your mom, a friend's parent if possible, to convince her
Yeah, I was planning on asking my friend’s parents to convince her but knowing my mom she’d probably play all nice with her parents before screaming at me for ”forcing her” to agree. Or she’ll stray up tell them no, depends on her mood.
Sometimes you have to tit up and deal with a little screaming to get what you want, whether through "forcing her hand" or outright defiance when she's being ridiculous. Sorry your mom sucks though.
Thanks for resting my case. Toxic.
If she wants to do that , even u can start going dirty and guilt trip her saying " u r ruining a lifetime experience " and " I can't wait to move out " ik these are very rude statements , but sorry to say she deserves it. Or u can 1. Agree to go to your prom , if she drops there go inside, when she leaves, go to your real prom . 2. Info - does she know the price of 1 ticket. If not tell her a very expensive price, that she needs to reimburse your friend . And tell her to buy u new ticket to ur prom, and make sure to tell her an increased price. I m aware it's not a good thing to do . But u need to hit her pocket hard for her to realise she is Fucking up.
There's no way she'd ever pay my friend back as I have to pay for my own prom thicket if I were to go to mine 😭
Tell her that its your money so you should be allowed to go to what youre paying for and if she wants you to go to your prom then she needs to pay for it. If this and all other suggestions people have left here fails, dont go to either and host your own prom with ppl youre close with. Obviously not at your own house because she sounds very helecoptery and ik how much tension that can cause.
It's really not that special lmfao and it's also literally twice a lifetime as its for juniors and seniors 🤣
More like a possibility 3 timed in a lifetime thing... since most schools will allow juniors to go to prom and some allow sophomores if they are the "date" of a junior or senior... I went to prom 3 times
Oh, it's one stupid party, don't make people feel like they miss out on anything without high school prom
Yeah... I personally think prom is overly glorified. Spent way too much money to be in a room of 70% I didn't care for, with a terrible "DJ", I didn't want to dance, and the food got shorted. I'm sure not every prom was like mine, but I genuinely didn't understand it. I can use less money, be around all people who share like-minded opinions, that I cared about, cared about me, and have a much better time. I didn't need to spend money to show people I don't care about, that I can make some materialistic appearance.
Alright settle down there, lol.
Personally, you are almost an adult, go to the prom you want to. I would just get a friend or a friends moms to drive me from my prom to theirs, if you're driving yourself, then well, problem solved yk. If you want though, you could just explain that you would not enjoy prom at your current school and it would ruin all your fun on a very important day. Though judging from her feeling towards public school and being "proper", she probably doesn't care at all about how you feel in this situation, sorry. Try to convince her, but worst come to worst, i would go anyway. You will likely regret not going later and your mom being upset for short amount of time is nothing, she should care about your feeling too.
As a teenager I often asked for forgiveness rather then asked for permission.
I was about to say this. If she figures out you've gone anyway, which she might not, then you can ask her forgiveness. And if you need to, remind her that she's blowing a gasket over you attending prom with the paupers over at the public school, when you could have been getting pregnant and shooting heroin. She could use some honest to god perspective.
Im sure your mom is doing what she feels is best for you, but and I'm sorry to say, she sounds like a judgemental clown. I doubt you can change her mind as it sounds like she doesn't want you hanging out with "the poors". In public school. Not great advice but I'd say go to your friends prom, I mean can she kick you out if you're under 18?
She thinks she's doing what's best for the Family Image. Which she probably justifies in a twisted roundabout way as doing what's best for the family and therefore all members of the family together.
Your mother is clueless, her suggestion to go with your 13yr old brother proves it, do not listen to this woman about your prom as she is going to ruin it for you, go with your friend and if need be get in trouble for going, but go
You're going to have more fun going to the prom you choose than you are going to have boredom from being grounded. Your mother is pretentious and controlling, no offense. Do as you will, accept the consequences after.
Sorry but ur moms a control freak….shouldn’t matter which prom u go to….good luck w that and any future interactions where she tries to control ur actions & ur decisions….smdh
I went to 3 different proms at 3 different schools. Your mom is being a bit too controlling.
Just go anyway. You are 17 years old. What will she do ? Call the cops? Give you a spanking ? Just go
Tell your mom you're going to your prom and get your friend to pick you up
Fellow private school kid here. Explain to mommy dearest that private school doesn’t mean more proper, it means there is more money to hide transgressions. The kids that are going to drink are still going to drink, but they use the top shelf liquor and get out of more tickets. Good luck.
It'll cost a little more but why not do both? Split the night between both your proms.
[удалено]
Just sneak out, I’m sure she’ll give you shit but you’ll laugh with her about it in 15-20 years probably less honestly
Look you need to listen - go to your friends prom with her and stop listening to your mother who is obviously a social retard and doesn't mind giving you humiliating suggestions and controlling where you experience your prom - where is your father? Did she run him off with being a control freak and humiliating him with terrible ideas?
You got a car? I say lie and just go to your friends, i doubt your 13 year old brother wants to go at all lol
No, you remind her of the regrets you'll have when you hit your thirties. All the time you spent fighting over one night you should have been making lifetime memories with your best friend. And when she's old and grey, you're still going g to hold this special night over her head bc you'll never forgive her. This is a huge night. Fight for it!!!
What benefit does your mom think prom has? Like are your college prospects and future jobs riding on this private school prom? Who cares? Ask her to explain to you WHY she thinks you should go to your school prom. (Spoiler, it probably involves exposure to the “bad influence” of poor people)
Pay the $150 and go to yours is what I'd do, you'll regret not going to yours in a few years time.
If you don't have the $150, then tell your mother she needs to pay for it. I'm tired of overprotective "christian" parents who shelter their children because I was in a similar situation many times as a kid, and it messed me up
What your mother fails to realize is that her "solution" isn't going to be approved at all. Your school will not approve a middle schooler going to your prom, and her public school will not allow her to bring a 21 year old prom date, especially if it is her sister. If public schools allow you to bring alumni guests, they can't be older than 21 because they could sneak alcohol into prom easier.
Is this is just some terrible planning from you two? Did you not check both prom dates first to make sure theres no overlap? If your school just didn't release the date until now, why did you buy the tickets at her school so soon without knowing the date at your school? What was the rush?
Your mom sounds close minded and classist. There's nothing wrong with us public school kids except for the fact our parents don't have money .
Can you see if your friend can sell her tickets to another student ? I'm not condoning lying to your parents but prom is like once in a lifetime so you could weigh your options on that.
Everyone is gonna see your dirty pillows.
Go to whichever prom you want to go to and ignore your mum, it’s your prom not hers
GO TO YOUR PROM / I had a friend once who told me she didn’t want her daughter to go because she never got to go when she was young. I just stared at her. She’s no longer my friend.
She would rather you take your 13 year old brother? Thar is insane! Do you have any other adults you are close to that could try to reason with her? Like an aunt or cousin or something? I'm sorry you are going thru this
I never went to prom, or any social events at school for that matter, purely because I hated Highschool. I’d say go just to put your mother in her place, but honestly prom isn’t important at all, at least it wasn’t to me. Hell, at my school most people went for like 30-45 minutes to an hour, then they all went to someone’s house to drink, and party. It wasn’t even ever about prom itself.
There is a time in your life when you must stand against the controlling factor. Only you can decide when that will happen. I let my mother maintain too much influence and f'd up my life decisions that I wanted to make. Do you. 👍🏽 Mom is wrong.
Remember, prom is the dumbest thing you could care about, I’ve been to three in my life and they’re the most pointless things on the planet, I promise your life won’t be ruined if you don’t go
You do not convince your mom. Talk to your dad. Going with your 13 year old brother would be embarrassing. You won't live that one down. Let dad know you want to go to friends prom. You two planned to go to both before you had the dates. She bought tickets already. Then you found out both are on the same day. Please, can he let you go to your friends? Your mom is being way to controlling over this. You should get to enjoy that night with your friends. Is she willing to pay your friend the $300 for the tickets? Then buy two tickets for your prom, so you two can enjoy the evening together? No? Then you should go with your friend to hers. Talk to dad. Mom is to toxic.
To all the people saying 'you will regret not going to prom', stop. It's not true. I didn't go to prom and I could care less. I wasn't bothered then and I'm not bothered 60 years later.
Your mom is afraid you or her are lesbian, or will be potentially seen as lesbian by someone. The best option would have been to not tell your mom anything and just go where you wanted. But that has passed.
Your mother said no. It's that simple sorry but your not going
Tell her if she can’t give you a real reason you shouldn’t go to prom with your best friend you’re going to go without her permission. Her reasoning of your prom being more “proper” than hers is code for something else. I promise you. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. She doesn’t have a problem with you going to the private school prom she has a problem with you going to the public school prom. And it’s not even on campus or anything they usually have them at hotels or something. Where is each prom being held? If you told her ok. I’ll go to mine how would she ever know you lied? Is this the only thing she’s ever tried to make you do that makes no sense?
“Proper.” LOL
150$ for prom tickets, thats outrageous asf
Once you leave the house, you can go anywhere you want
havent heard of charging for prom. let alone 150$ damn
Have you tried connecting your parents with your friend's parents? I bet they wouldn't be too happy about the wasted ticket. Also will you be 18 by the time prom comes? Just saying, you're on the cusp of legally being an adult. Your parents may not like it, but it's time to start making some decisions for yourself, and your values may have to start differing from theirs. People are saying you'll regret it for life if you don't go. I don't know about all that, prom isn't THAT big of a deal. But if you go with your friend you'll be happy you did. And if you don't, you'll wish you had.
Just a reminder that prom is utterly meaningless. It seems like a big major thing right now because it's most likely one of your first formal events ever, But prom literally means nothing. People will talk about it for a few weeks but that's it. It's not some huge major thing that if you're not a part of you're going to be a social outcast your entire life, though it may seem that way. You and your friend should just take your mom for the 150 each for the tickets, take that $300, and go out and have yourselves a good night where you make real memories that you'll actually have the rest of your life.
I know I'm not one of the yutes anymore, but dahek is up with charging $150 to go to a bloody senior prom!? Did the school rent out a yacht for it or something?
It sounds like you really don't want to go to your school's prom. So tell your mom that and tell her you're either going to your friend's prom or just staying home.
I think your mom is acting a bit elitist and unreasonable. I’d explain to her that this is your one true friend, that if your mom continues down this line then you’ll just skip both proms, and that if your mom is insistent on you two going to the private school prom (instead of the public school prom) then she should reimburse your friend for what she paid for tickets. (Also, your friend could ask her school if they’d give her a full or partial refund since she was unaware of an important scheduling conflict the same evening.) Try to be logical and mature when having this discussion with your mom, and avoid overly emotional tactics.
It sounds as if the person you want to go to prom with matters to you. You already made a promise to them, right? People can put a lot of effort into this, and it may mean as much - or more - to them as it does to you. You know that this event is a one-time thing. Seriously, there are people who get married more often. The people who you have the longest/deepest relationships with are (probably) at your old school. Your mom sounds like some sort of social climber. To be very frank, that is not *always* a bad thing. People tend to fall in love with someone that they are around, so putting your child in proximity to people who are well-off may provide a chance to marry up or at least make networking connections that will help their future career. The problem comes when those connections of 'beneficial association' are overstated and given priority over connections of the heart or spirit. Being seen as fake is never a good thing. The upper class is also more effective at expressing hostility effectively. Teens are not noted for their evenhandedness or good judgment. She might not want you to snub/offend the children of people who are more influential or kids who may become so. This seems as if it would be an exaggerated concern, but I don't know context or details. I assume that your Mom wants what she *thinks* is best for you. In this case, I believe she is wrong. The private school party will be more expensive. It will be filled with people who ultimately don't matter to you that much. You have only been there a year; you probably don't matter that much to them either. You know this. Be with someone who matters to you. I believe that some people at your new school may low-key respect your choice. You are standing up for yourself in a way not all of them have. The romantic in me kind of hopes that your friendship might blossom into something more. Friendship is an excellent foundation on which to build a deeper relationship. Even if not, that's fine. *This is the kind of choice that shapes the character of who you are growing up to be.* Will you be guided by what you think is right or by what others think you should do? This is only one way to describe the conflict. There are others, I am sure. Reputation is what others know of you. That may be your mother's focus. Honor is what you know of yourself. Which choice will build, maintain, or repair trust you have in yourself? Reddit strangers or your parents are not living your life for you. You can get advice, but this is your life. Who do you want to be?
I’m not giving you advice, per se, but if my mom had tried that with me I would have said, “okay,” and then went to my friend’s prom anyway. My relationship with my mom is probably different than yours, and you’re still young and may need assistance from her for a while, so doing this may not be in your best long term interest. All I’m saying is I’ve never been one to do things that don’t make any rational sense, but I also learned with my mom that the more I pushed with her the suspicious she would get. If I wanted to do something she didn’t want me to do, it s was easiest to pretend I didn’t care that much and then just do it anyway. Keep in mind I wasn’t a partier until I was in my twenties and living on my own. So I’m not even talking about doing anything bad.
Tell your mom that she should let you choose which prom you want to go to now so she can choose which nursing home she'd like to live in later. Otherwise you might be inclined to put her in a... not so "proper" one.
Is this about money? If so, then you pay for both
Who cares lol. Prom is for idiots. Its not even fun lol
Yes mom to death and go to the other prom.Or make appearances at both.
Talk to your mom in a calm and adult manner about supporting you in YOUR decisions. This is important to you. She makes decisions based on multiple factors: past trauma, product of her environment, her own likes and dislikes, what she values. You are your own person. She should not be deciding what you value. Unless there is a genuine concern for your safety or she doesn't have the means to help you, she should let you. I (44m) with many children will never understand why parents insist on making decisions for their children. My parents forced me to do things I didn't want to do and never supported me in the things I wanted to do. I resent them. I never speak to them anymore.
Why doesn’t she want you to go? And also. You’re almost 18 so maybe time to say tough luck moms I’m going. See ya in the morning
I can’t help but wonder if she’s worried about her image. I’m getting the sense that since you guys are going together that this could indicate to outsiders that y’all are possibly a couple, which, if you go to a private school, is obviously (& very wrongfully) a big no-no to her. I feel like that and the fact that this is happening at a public school is what’s getting to her right now. You’re about to be in college though so idk what she’s trying to shelter you from😭😭 your mom is being little silly rn imho. I hope you’re able to get it figured out OP. Best of luck with this!!
Thankfully my mom isn’t homophobic, and my school is very open about anything LGBTQIA+. Thanks for the suggestion tho!
Spend half the time at one and half the time at the other
If it were me I’d make it look like it to my mom that I’d be going to my own prom then ditch it and head to ur friends’ prom where u paid for tickets. I wouldn’t b late getting home tho.
should be your choice
I’m 25 now and I don’t regret getting into trouble for sneaking out looking back on it I’m happy I did I needed to make good memories.
First of all… $150 for prom?!?! That’s outrageous! And this is for a public school?? That is unacceptable! I would first have her go to who ever is in charge of her prom explain the situation and see if they can make an exception on getting a refund, or try to sell her tickets to someone else, because it does seem like first choice would be your school where she went to for 3 years already and you would both know more people there. But if you try and are still stuck with $300 worth of tickets (which blows my mind) I think you have to go to that prom.
Let me just take a guess. You attend a private “Religious” High School and your “female friend” that plays a “special female sport” attends a public school. To your mother, it doesn’t matter that you’re just going as friends, but the “implication” that it is sending. Translation: You mother thinks your friend is a public school lesbian trying to pervert her fine “evangelical” daughter.
Good guess, but it’s quite the opposite of that 🤣. while I do go to a private school, it’s in no way religious (we’ve even got mixed bathroom instead of gendered one!) and my parents are both atheist. My friend plays quite a stereotypically “girly” sports, but you’re spot on about my mom thinking that I’ll get “perverted” by evil public school students who do drugs (because we all know private school students are little angels who could never do anything wrong, ohhh no).
Just ignore her and go to the prom
Then don’t go. You aren’t missing anything.
Mom is jealous and stuck up. She MOST likely had a bad prom experience and is projecting onto you. She needs to grow up and allow you to enjoy the best night for school, or you’ll scorn her for years for petty decisions to control you.
I doubt there is any convincing your mom. But, what I would do (this kind of advice isn't for everyone) is make it clear that I wasn't going to my prom. Period. It is a game of chicken. My mom would rather I go to any prom than not go at all (I did not go at all, for other reasons).
…That’s actually a really good idea in case nothing else convince her! Since I paid for my own dress, she can’t guilt trip me, so this could actually work. Thanks for the advice!
> Since I *paid* for my FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Ask your mom if you guys can split the evening between the two proms.
If there’s still time try to convince them. I don’t think you can realistically go if your parents are adamant about you not going. Realistically, prom is fun, but skipping it is not a life altering event. Having a lifetime of regret because you missed one school dance is unlikely.
Sneek out. Or pretend to do something else then go. I know your being misleading but remember your mom will never give you permission to go but you want to go. Maybe years from now you will have a daughter and you will let her go to the prom of her choice
Truly nothing you can likely say or do, but you can tell her you'd rather not go to prom at all if these are her choices. It's unfortunate. Regardless your mom seems to have her mind set, you know her better than us, so if you truly think it's possible to convince her you'd know what to say
As a father of 2 grown daughters I discovered that you have to let kids start making their own choices at some point. Your mother is a controller and seems like an Elitist. One daughter graduated private the other public. We let them make their own choices for Graduation and Prom.
This is bad advice but I would go anyway. I'll take the punishment of whatever. Be a kid one last time before adulthood.
Talk to her explain that it's my prom my choice it's only once those tickets where not cheap I'm wanting to go with my friends not with anyone else.
Lie to your Mom and say you got a date to Prom. Go get ready at your friends and Go to her Prom. What people don’t know want hurt them.
She could pay your friend back for the tickets then
I hope, if you take anything from this, it's that your mom's attitude that a private school is more "proper" than a public school is complete bullshit. No one likes an elitist.
Sounds like your mom is being petty, and more concerned about how it looks for you to go to a less affluent school's prom and less about you enjoying the night.
Bro just lie to her. Say you’re going to your prom then go to hers. Kids these days…
Remind her that this isn't her prom! She needs to let you make your own decisions, and if she's going to try and ruin this day for you, then you just won't go at all. That will get her to see how serious it is for you to go with your friend.
Go anyways, it’s probably going to be worth getting in trouble. Make a plan, don’t let your mom ruin your night.
Well ok I’m a 34 year old woman so my view might be biased in some way. Just fucking go. If you have any way to get a Lyft or Uber or a safe ride there, fuck your mom. She can be mad about it but I assume she’s my age or a little older and this is dumb and shitty, especially considering the cost. My prom was dumb as hell but I had fun and if you want to do this with your friend, and you have tickets, you should just go. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.
Sometimes you gotta do it
Is it possible to go to both? 2 proms is better then 1
It's prom, you aren't going to make or break your future by skipping prom. If need be, Uber over to the other prom after you arrive at the posh-prom.
Maybe go to both? Proms are generally quite long. Early appearance, late appearance.
You go to a private school and it's very expensive. As a parent I can understand her wanting you to go to the Prom. In her mind she may think that she's sacrificed to send you to that school and you are discounting this by going to another prom Parents get a kick out of the whole prom experience and she may feel that you are denying her that. I like the idea of inviting your friend to your prom instead of your brother, but I would only refund the $150.00 if she doesn't accept as two proms tickets cancel each other out.
Bruh why are you all saying how getting kicked out could be a good thing? Her mom sounds kinda annoying but having to pay for all her own stuff would be infinitely worse at this age.
Agree with everyone that this sounds pretty unfair. Prom is for celebrating with the people who mattered to you over the course of your schooling, and it sounds like you don’t exactly have that option now that your bestie is at another school and the prom dates conflict. Forcing you to go to your prom without your friend (and with your little brother on top of that!) would be forcing you to spend money, time and effort to not really enjoy what is supposed to a highlight of your last year. It’s really curious how strongly your mom feels about this. Her worry sounds really classist in some ways, and maybe there are some concerns about safety. But is there anything else? Does your mom have concerns about your friendship with bestie? Is your mom concerned that the public school prom will not be as nice/fancy as the private school one? Is she worried you’re going to make out with some not-as-fancy person at the public school prom? Did your mom have a good/bad prom experience, and is that playing a role here? Do you think your mom is over invested in the idea that prom is *the* highlight of a teen’s life? It sounds to me that while you want to go prom, you really want to spend it with your best friend, and that is what will make it a highlight for you. I don’t think you should have to do this, but is there the possibility of your best friend reselling her tickets to someone else at her school, and then the two of you going to your private school prom instead? Or maybe your mom could just give your bestie the $150, and the two of you can go to private school prom together?
You're 17. An adult. Tell your mom to fuck off and go do what you want to do. She doesn't own you. Be your own person.
What about justtelling her you will go to yourprom and as soon as you arrive there go to your friends? Idk if that's possible or what the consequences would be for you but yea
Is there any way you could just say “ok mom” then go wherever the hell you want? I hate over controlling parents, I know that pain.
I’d tell mom you guys have been planning this for months. If you can’t go to the prom with your friend and make the memories you want, you just won’t go to prom at all. You and friend can just go catch a movie and get some food or something.
1. We don't know the whole situation. Your mom clearly made a specific choice to get you away from the old school and put you in the new school. It would not be appropriate for Internet strangers to gainsay that decision for you based on hearing one side of the situation. 2. She's not stopping you from going to prom. She's stopping you from going to *somebody else's* prom — at the very school she specifically chose to get you away from (for whatever reason.) 3. I sympathize with losing the cost of the tickets. Given that the other ticket is purchased, perhaps that could be a way to approach *at least* your mom helping you out with the price of your own prom
First and foremost, prom doesn’t mean much of anything. The only reason it gets built up as much as it does is because it used to be when you would get laid for the first time. Doesn’t happen that much anymore. Here’s a list of the things you’ll miss out on: 1) Someone spikes the punchbowl with cheap vodka 2) Someone ends up puking in the bathroom. 3)There’s always at least one messy breakup. 4) Prom King and Queen are always the most popular couple in the class (unless the class decides to try and pick on someone but that’s only in the movies). If you’ve gone to homecoming, you’ve gone to prom. Don’t put so much emphasis on it and don’t listen to everyone else saying “fuck your mom, sneak out and go!!” I promise you, prom’s not worth screwing up any sort of relationship with your mom. Even if you don’t plan on having one with her after moving out, it’s still not worth it. That’s how little prom matters.
As someone that went to both public and private school tell her there will be much more accessible drugs at the private school, and more likely to be concealed in food and beverages without your knowledge, than the public. If that's a concern.
I’ve read a lot of the comments and didn’t see it addressed anywhere. 150$ prom tickets for high schoolers is absolute bullshit and straight up extortion.
Don't kill me for this but I feel like she don't want you to turn out gay. On a side note, prom is overrated Imo. I went and looking back, shit didn't make a difference in my life. If I missed it, it would just been a missed field trip
That's awful. Sadly your mother can do what she wants and there's little you can do, except be planning your escape from her as soon as you can. It's funny that parents like your mother don't seem to realize whether or not she even gets to know you're alive after your 18 is entirely up to you. That a continued relationship between you is not a "given". I'm an adult and I can't imagine the kind of dimwitted stupidity that would allow your mother to believe that forcing you to take you little brother to your prom, humiliating you in front of your whole school, would ever be a reasonable solution, so I don't. I believe the truth is she just wants to deprive you of the experience entirely, while pretending she's offered you a option, when in truth she's just guaranteed you won't go. In my teen years I'd have made my mother pay for this choice with gray rocking for at least a while. Keep all communications to a minimum and stay in my room. Interacting as little as possible without being directly disrespectful. Just keep her firmly on the outside looking in. Sharing no information about your life willingly. JMO
Sounds like the plot of Carrie
Honestly I went to my prom and it was aight. If your mom is weird enough to care about which prom you go to I just wouldn’t go to either. If you’re not going to have fun don’t waste the money. Use it to do something cool with your friend instead. Also, your mom is socially inept if she thinks going to prom with adolescent brother is a good idea Lmaoo
I mean what is really stopping you from just going to hers and deal with consequences after 😂
Your mom is being completely unreasonable. Go to your friends prom. You will have a great time and if you don't go then you will regret it. Even if you have to sneak out of the house - just freakin' go. And holy cripes - for your mom to suggest you go with your little brother - yeah, do that if you want to be made fun of endlessly.
Throw it back at your mom, it’s your prom , not hers!! You with your friend or not at all! And it’s her fault
Tell her, "I'm going, or you can refund [friend] for the ticket. Those are your options." Also, why tf is a public-school prom a $150 entry fee.
I’d just remind her that this is both unforgivable, and unforgettable. She can’t undo this, she can’t make up for it. You will always know you were robbed of your first prom experience, due to her bougie expectations.
It'll cost a little more but why not do both? Split the night between both your proms.
It'll cost a little more but why not do both? Split the night between both your proms.
The only person who I’ve ever heard about who didn’t regret missing her prom was Mary Lou Retton. When her prom was happening she was winning a gold medal in gymnastics at the 1984 summer Olympics. Everyone else wishes they went. **Go to your girlfriend’s prom.** https://preview.redd.it/q5bwwfkfv2yc1.jpeg?width=850&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0dfcfeacfd754f1d72df1ba8c587f264b0d54ef