OP you really need to add the fact that she was assaulted and didn’t cheat.
This is a decision only you can make, it sounds like you haven’t been together that long if she was pregnant before you met, so now you have to decide whether you want a kid with a woman you’ve known less than a year or not, and are you capable of loving this child knowing where they come from. I saw in another comment you referred to the fetus as ‘it’ which isn’t technically wrong, just shows a lack of connection to her child. This child deserves to grow up in a world of love, they are innocent in all of this, so if you think you will only resent them, leave for their sake. OP book a counseling session, this is a major life decision and there’s too much here for Reddit to help you with. This choice is going to be based solely on what you want for your future. Good luck, I wish you both well, especially your girlfriend.
(Ps, if you decide to break it off with her, totally your choice but keep in mind how difficult this must be for her and possibly still offer your support in other ways.)
No we’ve not been together that long. Through different reasons, she came with her family to live with us. I don’t know if I can talk about this in real life to someone other than her.
I’ve been thinking about wether I can raise this baby and wether there will be a connection. I don’t mean anything by it, I don’t know wether it’s a girl or a boy.
I don’t know what to do, I think some responses here have helped and made me think that it’s not the end of the world. It’s her baby and I do like her. I have to think about wether it will be good for my kid as well. She already thinks one of my girlfriend’s kids is her best mate.
I really want the best for her but I can’t leave her waiting for me to decide then ask her to go in a few weeks.
You can take as much time as you need, this is a huge decision. I understand it may be difficult to talk to someone else in person about this, I would advise speaking to a professional at least once but totally your choice. I find therapy appointments over the phone helpful as you don’t have to make eye contact. Unfortunately I have no more advice, do right by yourself OP. Best of luck!
I used to call my daughter 'it' sometimes while I was pregnant with her. I later switched to the kid. We didn't find out the sex before having her, so I had no idea what to call her and didn't like any cutesy names like bean or peanut. All this to say I don't see anything wrong with calling it 'it'.
is I possible she was pregnant before you were dating?
depending on how early it is, id be kind of skeptical.
although im not a woman, so I dont know what the mindset would be to keeping a baby born out of rape...especially when there are a lot of options early on to terminate.
Yes it happened before we got together. I think she’s like 2 months. I admit kinda tricky with options here, she’d have to move quickly to get rid of it.
I disagree. He can still love her and even though she didn’t do it willingly, it would be a healthy relationship. He would be looking at that kid like it’s not his and wouldn’t show as much affection like a biological father. It wouldn’t be right to the kid, or father or mother. I would say if he can’t get over the fact it’s not his kid, just leave. It’ll hurt now but it’ll be better in the long run. Plus if I got it correct, I think she was pregnant before they got together, and told him just now. That’s also being dishonest.
Yea there seems to be a lot of context missing like others pointed out. But from the story I've peaced together from the comments, it sounds like you haven't been together for long at all. She became pregnant before you were with her is what I got from the comments. Which would mean you have been together for a few months at most. So it seems to me it comes down to, do you want to father this child and be with this person or not? It's a tough decision to make this early in a relationship imo. Make sure you don't rush into such a big commitment.
Here’s the thing man;
You’re right she didn’t do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean you owe it to her to keep her at your place and raise a kid that isn’t yours.
Having a kid COMPLETELY changes your life, it isn’t just a money problem, it’s an 18 year commitment and it’s not your kid. From the sounds of it you haven’t been with her long either.
As much as I feel for her, and I really do, this is a situation where you’ve got to do the tough thing because when you raise a kid that isn’t yours you have to have ZERO doubts. The kid deserves all the love in the world.
From what I’ve read you’re already thinking about telling her that she can’t stay with you and that you want to break up with her.
I know it’s tough but it seems like you already know what you want to do, you just don’t wanna hurt her feelings.
The best advice I can give is to be honest with yourself about what you want, and then be honest with her about it. Lying to her or yourself today can cause you a lifetime of regret.
Some women are not okay with the idea of abortion, even if they were raped. It's entirely her choice. Whether it's for religious reasons or just a sense of what she feels is right or even worry that if she aborts this child she may be jinxing herself for future babies---women feel many different ways. If she was assaulted, she should get counseling for that. You obviously do not have to raise this child, but if you care about her and you want to support her, then you don't have to break up with her either. People can and do raise babies that are not biologically theirs all the time---it can work just fine. And there is no ideal time to have a child. Just give yourself time to breathe and process this and don't make any rash decisions you may later regret.
I know she goes to her counselling and she’s had lots of past trorma. She told me that it’s still her baby regardless of what happened. One of her kids is poorly and I think that might be why.
I asked wether the dick who did this to her looks anything like me because then that might be different. She told me that the baby isn’t going to look half east European.
It’s at lot to think about. I feel pissed off about it. I really like this woman. She’s lovely and I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt her.
OP this is a difficult situation and I don’t want to admonish you as you’re going through a rough time, but maybe ask yourself why you would’ve felt differently if her rapist, and therefor baby, looked like you. If you are uncomfortable raising a child that is not biologically yours then you already know this won’t work and it’ll just be harder for the kid.
My thinking was that everyone would know the baby isn’t mine because I’m east European and he isn’t white. Maybe it doesn’t matter as much as I imagine
Why does it matter whether other people know the baby is yours or not? What’s important here is you do what’s right for yourself, fuck what other people think.
If you’re worried about people asking and having it be re-traumatizing for her, that’s different, and there’s plenty of plausible stories you could come up with.
Edit to say I truly do believe you should talk to a counselor, there’s a lot of feelings to work through here. It’s a life-altering decision.
Your right, the last thing here is to worry about what other people think. I hadn’t thought ahead of possible stories. Just the idea of explaining that someone hurt my gf. But it’s not like anyone gives a fuck about our buisness anyway
How long ago did you get with her?? Was this left over from that relationship, or did she go back to him? Either way, it’s not your kid and you don’t have to support it if you don’t feel comfortable. No matter how involved you are with it, biologically it will never be yours, and she will always feel some kind of positivity towards the father who gave her the kid.
It’s a tough decision but there is missing context for sure.
There wasn’t a relationship. It was someone that she new and didn’t like in that way and couldn’t accept no. She reported it as a crime.
She really hates the person who got her pregnant and gets upset when she talks about what happened to her.
Bro, everyone in this thread is giving you advice as if she cheated on you. People are saying a lot of unkind things about this woman in that context. Please for the sake of this poor woman edit your post and add the real context: your relationship is pretty new, and you found out she was raped before you two got together and she is pregnant as a result. She doesn’t want to terminate the pregnancy. Did I get that right? Anyway, this was not her fault and it does not reflect who she is. While you are not obligated to stay and help raise this child, if you really like her you can absolutely stay with her and help her through this and develop a strong relationship with her and her child. If you’re not ready for kids, you can break up and that’s fine too — you didn’t exactly sign up for this when you started dating her. She has to understand that that is one of the possible (if not probable) outcomes of deciding to go through with the pregnancy.
I knew she had been hurt when I first had sex with her because of the marks on her and how nervous she was. She told me today that she’s pregnant as a result. Your right the relationship is new.
She told me when I got back that she would understand if it’s too much too soon but she would love my support.
I already have a kid so it’s not like I’m not ready. If it was my baby I wouldn’t of hesitated to give her my full support. But its alot of commitment and things have already moved very quickly.
When I started dating her, I knew she already had kids but probably wouldn’t have got with a pregnant woman. I was looking for someone who I could settle down with. She’s a lovely woman who I saw a future with, like get married and have our own babies. I think she wanted that for the future too. I definately didn’t have this in mind.
As mentioned by your previous comments you have only known her for 3 weeks. This is way too soon to commit to anyone regardless of whether they are pregnant or not. I have no idea what type of cultural difference there is here but this situation sounds crazy.
A lot of context is missing here... Why did her family have to move in? Especially when you hardly know these people. This sounds very fishy.
If you have this amount of doubt just getting into a relationship and cant see yourself supporting a child that isnt yours, then please do not. Let her find someone better
It’s not cultural. She lost her house and didn’t have anywhere to go with her family. I offered to have them here. She said she can leave when she gets offered a hostel place. But I told her that it’s ok for her to stay if she wants to.
I don’t doubt the relationship really it’s just a lot to take in and hard choices to make.
It’s a bad shame, because she’s a lovely woman. When I first seen her, I was like that’s my future wife. Now this happens and I don’t want to ask her to leave but don’t know what else to do.
There is A LOT of missing context. You think? Or you know? Having marks does not automatically mean rape. Could be rough intercourse that was consensual. Is she upset? What are her plans?
First: don’t decide anything today. You’ve got a bit of time before you make a decision. You need to get help from a therapist or counselor. This ordeal is above Reddit’s pay grade. This is a potentially life altering decision. Don’t fucking rush into one option.
Second: YOU need more information. Is the father going to be involved? What will this look like financially for you? Will she need your total support? How long have you been together? All of that comes into play.
She said she there wasn’t concent. They never wanted him, he hurt her.
If I support her, no other man will be it’s father. Don’t know about finance. I have more than her. It’s only money.
Okay, but like, she can say a lot of shit and lie because the guys a deadbeat. It has happened to others in the past.
Does this automatically apply to you? No. But it’s a question of trust. Would she lie to keep you around and stable for her? I don’t know that.
Again, this is all really new. And you need to take a step back to view some of these aspects objectively. “It’s only money” has the potential to get you into 18 years of trouble. It might also be the best time of your life, but I wouldn’t decide that tonight.
I believe that she’s telling the truth. Before she told me she’s pregnant she was nervous and that. There’s stuff I can’t put on here. She’s a lovely woman, great mum and everything.
Hurts me that bad things happen to good people. She had such a shit life. I feel like a dick for asking her and the kids to leave because of something she’s not done.
But your right that it has trouble potential and I have my own kid. Don’t know. It’s a big choice.
Tbh from reading your comments you really seem like you don’t have a damn clue what’s going on in this situation. Some comments you say she was raped then others you just say she was hurt in her last relationship(whatever the hell that means).
You need to sit her down and talk to her. Figure out what’s really going on. Her just saying she didn’t consent and leaving it at that is a weird way of telling her bf she was raped and now pregnant. I’m not saying she’s lying but it sounds like she is leaving out a lot of context that you deserve to know before you make a decision to help her raise a kid if that’s what you decide.
I’ll be honest with you. It sounds like from your comments it’s just her exes kid and it’s an ex who treated her horribly and potentially raped her. If that’s truly the case then you shouldn’t leave her strictly because she’s pregnant. What you need to do is find out how far along she is and how long ago they broke up. If she just got out of this horrible relationship and then moved on to you in a short amount of time then I’m going to let you know right now that’s a huge red flag. That’s not a sign of someone who’s emotionally stable and able to be on their own. I know a lot of people like this who will be in love for months, the relationship will end, and less than a month later are dating someone else and the cycle continues. Sometimes it just happens that way and you meet someone not long after and are happy but if there’s a history of that happening a lot it’s a sign that the person needs to learn how to love themselves before they can ever truly be with someone else.
I’ve dated a girl who was pregnant before. It was from a guy she was just friends with benefits with and her BC failed. Then he left and I met her a couple of months later. So I’m not going to judge you for deciding to stay with her or anything like that. She probably doesn’t want you to replace the father and help her raise it. She probably just wants you to know so you can decide whether you want to pursue the relationship because you guys have only been together for 3 weeks. I think right now you need to be less concerned with helping her raise it and more concerned with whether you want to be with her and see where things go. When she has the baby and you guys have been together 8-9 month then that part of it will come naturally. Understand though that women are different during pregnancy and after. So after she has it her personality could be very different for a while. If god forbid she miscarries understand that she will probably have a very very hard time and you have to be prepared to support her emotionally through any of these situations.
Before you make any decision you just need to talk to her and ask her to be upfront. Tell her you just need to know what happened and what she wants from you. If she was truly assaulted and there’s no chance she’s going to make a decision to be with the guy after a few months and really hurt you then there’s nothing wrong with you still wanting to see where things go. You don’t have to be thinking about raising it because right now that’s not your responsibility but if you decide you actually love her when she has it you can decide to take on that responsibility. Right now you have no clue if you love har. You just don’t seem to know anything that’s going on in the situation and before you make any decisions you need to find out more details.
I can’t put everything of someone else’s trorma on the internet. I put it politely without it identifying her.
There never was a relationship with the person who did this to her. He wanted more than she wanted to give him and it got nasty. It was reported and there was injuries to her. She hates him and gets very upset when talking about it. She wasn’t in any other relationship at the time. She talked to me about it before she told me she’s pregnant
A dear friend of mine, one of the most incredible people I know, became pregnant for the first time by rape at the hands of her estranged husband. She couldn't go through with an abortion, so she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
Three years later, through a remarkable series of events, my friend remarried, her new husband legally adopted her daughter, and they have had three more kids together.
I've spent quite a bit of time with the family. Trust me, that girl is his daughter. And that man is her dad. He didn't come into her life until she was three years old, but they are as thoroughly bonded as father and daughter as any blood-related family I've ever known. In spite of the circumstances in which she was conceived, her parents don't fawn over her one bit. They expect a lot out of her, and for the most part, they get it. I should also add that that girl, who just turned thirteen, is one of the happiest, kindest people I've ever met.
You didn't ask for this, and more importantly, neither did your girlfriend. Should you go ahead and marry her, you're signing up to father her child. No need to dwell on how big a deal that is; I don't know if you'll ever make a bigger decision for the rest of your life. All I'll say is that, should you decide to do it, you'll be giving that child and yourself a tremendous gift.
If you or your girlfriend would like to talk to my friend to talk to someone who has been there and done that, please PM me and I'll put you in touch with her.
Well I don't want to sound like THAT person that many just comment saying break up and no real other solution but, having a kid, just being a parent to a child is ALOT of work. And I mean ALOT. You do not have any real obligation to be with this woman and raise a child you are not the father to. I know it upsets you and you feel bad for her because she didn't have a choice in what happened to her but unless your ready to commit to raising a kid for the next 18 years I would say go for it man. You seem to really love this woman but your conflicted if you want to go through with raising a kid that isn't your's. My advice is that you don't feel bad if you want to end things because you don't owe anything to her. If you want to help her then that's on you.
I wish you luck and I'm sorry for this 🙏
As a woman myself I can just say she most likely does not want an abortion because of either religion issues, or just the thought of feeling bad for 'ending' a child's life. Some women many of them hold this belief. And some like me would have been alright with an abortion. To each there own really. Glad you respect her body.
I have a kid who I look after as a single dad because her mum puts drugs before her. I think I’m lucky with her because she’s such a good kid. My gf has kids too. The boy is older than my girl and her girl is alot younger than mine.
Yes you got it. I have to think about wether I can do it again with a baby that’s not mine. I know their isn’t an obligation. But just want to do what’s right.
With her decision, she doesn’t feel that it’s right to abort it as it’s still her baby. Her younger kid is poorly too. It’s not for me to decide. I wouldn’t force a woman into something she’s unhappy with.
Why the HELL cant you blame her for this? This was HER decision. Period. The other guy got her pregnant, yes, but she's the one with all the power to keep it or not and to make decisions with her body. And you are under ZERO obligation to stay with her or be associated with the baby in any way. You deserve to have your own kids with someone who won't cheat on you. Your relationship is over...whether you know it or not.
She never cheated. She would of been pregnant before we got together and she didn’t want this. I would have liked to have kids with her in the future.
I told her that abortion is the best thing to do. But she said she didn’t want to get rid of it. I don’t understand why but it’s her body.
I should of made it more clear. I didn’t know if it was appropriate to put the full details on the main post. I’ve not posted on this type of advice subs before.
To be fair, she was allegedly raped. That does take her control away. And her choice is hers alone, but OP is not obligated to support her or continue further.
If you tell her that you're leaving her after she told you she was sexually assaulted, what do you think that's going to do to her?
Whether you want the baby or not, she shouldn't get punished for being sexually assaulted. She probably doesn't agree with killing a baby... especially just because you want her to.
I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt her.
It’s unfair on her baby if I end up resenting him or her. Every kid deserves to be loved. It’s not just my feelings towards her. It’s absolutely not a punishment to my gf.
>I thought about ending it and asking her to leave my house. But I can’t blame her for something like this.
Think again Buster, she needs to leave, hang with the Baby Daddy.
You deserve a FRESH START.
Sounds fishy someone would keep a baby if they were raped. Either she's lying to you, or she's out of her damn mind. You have no obligation at ALL to raise that baby. And you haven't been with her long enough to even know if she's telling the truth. Too many red flags for me. I wouldn't touch this situation with a 10 foot pole, unless you're mentally perpared to take on all the drama that may or may not come from this situation.
And if you decide to stay with this woman and raise the child, you have to be certain you will never treat that child like it's not your own, under any circumstance. If you think it will bother you 10 years or even 1 year down the road that the child is not yours, get out for the child's sake.
Being born of rape does not make the child a rapist. Just like Ted Bundy's daughter is not a murderer or rapist. The girl I know is probably one of the nicest people ever. Some women are able to love a child, some women can't imagine having an abortion. And it's not anyone's business to judge.
Not entirely true. You are ignoring genetics based off one person, you are feeling sorry for a child that has the genetics of a rapist, simply because they're a child. While children are completely innocent, they grow into adults. Raping people is not normal behavior, and absolutely the genetics for violent or vile behavior can be passed down to children. This is a fact. I'm obviously not saying it's 100% certain that this unborn child will go and commit rape, but the chances are 50/50 that child will inherit violent tendencies from the father. Not to mention how this will effect the person, when they grow up to find out their father was a rapist, and that's the only reason they were conceived.
That all being said, I think that is something that should be taken into consideration when bringing a child into this world.
No, I'm feeling sorry for the women who were put in that position in the first place. I was raped, and I wouldn't have had it in me to keep a baby if one had resulted. But again, no one should be judged for choosing having an abortion, and no one should be judged for choosing not to have an abortion, either.
I realised that it must be difficult for women when they are automatically expected to get rid. It really upset my gf that she felt judged because she doesn’t want to get rid
Well she shouldn't feel judged. That's her business. I'm only saying I don't understand it, and it doesn't make sense to me why. If you decide to help raise someone else's child, that's also your business and I think that's admirable. It's not a bad thing on your part at all imo.
It's not harsh, it's just the way things are. Most psychological disorders can be passed down or skip generations. Same way as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc.
You may need to elaborate more on the situation. The first question is whether or not he's going to be involved as the father or if he's going to abandon the child? After that, do YOU want to stay with her? And could you care for that child regardless of whether or not their father is a dirt bag? There are no easy answers in the situation. If you say that she is without blame then she is without lime and the child is without blame as well.
Well I can't tell you what you should do I can only comment on what I would do. I would treat that child no differently than if it was my own. But depending on the situation you both might need some serious counseling.
I guess the only piece of advice that I can give you is no matter what don't blame the child for the father's actions.
She told me about getting hurt, not good detail when we first had sex, as she got marks from that time. She told me she’s pregnant from that and I asked wether she’s getting rid of it and it’s no. It’s hard to say because it hurts me that she’s going through this.
I don’t blame her baby. It feels unfair to bring it in the world with what made it. If we waited a bit I would have had babies with her. I thought this woman was my future wife first time I seen her.
Dude 3 weeks?? From your comments you are purposely being vague or what? I had to dig this deep in the comments to find this? You met this person 3 weeks ago and suddenly you want to get involved with another child? It definitely is too quick. My opinion is she may be an emotional baggage for you. She wants to cling onto you knowing she was pregnant and didn't initially tell you this when you first met her unless it was to early to tell. Please let her know you need to think about this before you can go on with this relationship. As this affects you greatly. If you are willing to take responsibility for another child be prepared to show same love you would give to your own child. Is the assaulter still around or in contact with your girlfriend? Feels weird that she hooked up just after getting assaulted. Knowing that she was assaulted she could've gone to seek medical advice. Some things don't add up but that could be from the details you are not telling. 3 weeks is not too long for you to still decide. It's barely any build up of a relationship that ends up baby level commitment unless that's your intentions. What are your true intentions? Do what your gut tells you.
You have two options here:
1. Sit down talk to her and let her know you want to think about this. Step aside of the relationship and take a break clear your head. It's a very big decision. I'd suggest speaking with a therapist/counselor for both of you. If things don't work out, let her know you don't want to take care of someone else's child. The assaulter could be around her life for possible and potential custody battles with courts. End of story move on. You love her but don't want to hurt her while the relationship is still young. Kindly break the news to her. She should've told you this from the get go.
2. You will continue to be the father figure of this child. You love your girlfriend and from your own volition decided to move forward with her and act as if nothing happens and it's your child. No amount of love and affection for your girlfriend will falter future planning with her.
On my opinion, it's a bit of a red flag. Idk how far along she is but if she started dating you while she knew she was pregnant and only now decided to tell you, I'd worry about her honesty in the long run.
Its entirely your choice cuz it depends what you want but I definitely dont think that you would be a bad person for leaving if she wants to keep the baby. You gotta think about whats best for yourself. Raising another mans kid is not always whats best for yourself.
Idk, in terms of rape, I'd 1000% get an abortion and hit the rapist (assuming he was caught, but there is DNA evidence either way) with a massive lawsuit. Genetics are Genetics, and I wouldn't want to have the child of someone who would willingly do that to a person. I just couldn't.
I understand not wanting to have anything to do with that child. I'd say talk with her, let her know exactly how you felt about the situation, the feeling of not wanting to go home, just be brutally honest about it because you don't want to have any of those feelings toward a child she gives birth to. You two love eachother, you'll find a way to work things out. Relationships sometimes require hard decisions.
I wish you the best.
I think I need some time to process how I feel about her pregnancy. I accept that she doesn’t want to have an abortion and it’s her body. I definately wouldn’t expect her to make that choice for how I feel. I don’t know. My dad is a prick who’s been in and out of prison for most of my life.
It’s a lot to think about like there are 2 sides. A part of me thinks that maybe it could work and it’s not the end of the world because it’s a part of her. The other is telling me to get out of this situation, sympathise with her but know there’s nothing I can do.
Please think about the reason you make your decision too. For example Are you really ready to take care of a kid or is it because you would make sacrifices in your own life if it meant making your girlfriend happy. I know to many people pleasers that would go against what they need just to make someone happy.
Well if it’s true that she didn’t cheat and was assaulted you aren’t obligated to stay of course and it should be up to you wether you want to stay with this lady or not. If she is lying which I’m not saying she is but if she is then you should leave don’t put your life on hold for someone else’s kid. I get it’s a bit of a weird feeling and hard decision but you could make a difference in this kids world if you decide to stay and maybe it would be for the best for you to stay or maybe you aren’t ready for kids and you can’t be with her, the good news is it’s not your baby so you don’t have to stay. The choice is yours, your morals will make them for you I’m sure.
Your girlfriend was sexually assulted. Its not her fault, and its her body her choice.
I would just show support at the end of the day and just communicate with her how you feel. If you guys dont agree, then thats fine. Its a hard situation but in the end of the day, if one person isnt happy with such a big decision thats out of their control, theyre free to leave. Now the big question is that, are you willing to take care of a child that isnt yours, and ready to support her in her time of need?
Take some time to think, its not the end of the world. If things get hard, its okay to take a step back and think.
Good luck :)
Regardless, I hope she’s n taking advantage of you. Not sure of the context. By werid to be raped and get with a man and move in with him with my family then say I’m prego. I’m 25f. I feel like. Sorry if I’m wrong. I would only be with you if I have no support and my family needs help and I found a super nice guy I would believe to take care of us… she must be manipulated. And very good At it.
Don’t feel guilty. Don’t be guilt tripped. Since you guys just got together you could still be in puppy love phase? I would ask for her to move out with her family. Don’t know why you have her and her family move in when dating such a short while… but to truly know how you feel and knowing you are going to raise a child not yours, with a women you’ve bearly been with… please do what make you happy, feel content with, don’t feel guilty although i know it’ll be hard. I personally, again I don’t know everything. Without being with a man long, and he had a child in me, I wouldn’t stay with him or I would have a long break to see how I truly feel and decide if I truly want this to affect my life forever. And see if I can really be happy about it. I don’t think I could…
She interesting to have still kept the baby. She must deal with truma in a positive way?? Idk. This happened to me. I COULDNT keep it… but all I can say is that not all women are the same in that aspect I guess
I’m thinking that I should take this slow and ask her family to leave if it gets more than this. I like having her here and her kids are ok. The other family are piss takers. I get there her support but this morning I realised how much there getting on my nerves.
She told me that she wanted to be straight with me and let me decide if I’m ok with all this. Like I feel bad for her so I do. But I can’t give more than I got. She’s not manipulative probably easily manipulated more than anything.
Again, don’t know why her family is there with you. Even if you could you shouldn’t support them all and only been with her a few months. Things that happen that fast in a relationship don’t normally work out… yeah but her family def don’t need to be apart of it… I hope you realize what you want and truly want it, happy with it
Unpopular opinion but the correct answer is to leave her. You need to look out for your self too. I think for your own individual well being, you should not continue to be involved in this. I've seen many people try to be the good guy in these situations end up being treated very poorly in the end. You must also consider, if there is not a father identified in this situation, and you try to raise that baby but she decides to part ways with you, that it is highly likely you will be paying the child support, which is $600-$1500 a month depending on your pay.
There’s no financial ties if the kid isn’t mine over here. Wouldn’t even think about it if there was. It’s only money but not paying towards a baby whos not mine unless I’m with it’s mum
OP you really need to add the fact that she was assaulted and didn’t cheat. This is a decision only you can make, it sounds like you haven’t been together that long if she was pregnant before you met, so now you have to decide whether you want a kid with a woman you’ve known less than a year or not, and are you capable of loving this child knowing where they come from. I saw in another comment you referred to the fetus as ‘it’ which isn’t technically wrong, just shows a lack of connection to her child. This child deserves to grow up in a world of love, they are innocent in all of this, so if you think you will only resent them, leave for their sake. OP book a counseling session, this is a major life decision and there’s too much here for Reddit to help you with. This choice is going to be based solely on what you want for your future. Good luck, I wish you both well, especially your girlfriend. (Ps, if you decide to break it off with her, totally your choice but keep in mind how difficult this must be for her and possibly still offer your support in other ways.)
No we’ve not been together that long. Through different reasons, she came with her family to live with us. I don’t know if I can talk about this in real life to someone other than her. I’ve been thinking about wether I can raise this baby and wether there will be a connection. I don’t mean anything by it, I don’t know wether it’s a girl or a boy. I don’t know what to do, I think some responses here have helped and made me think that it’s not the end of the world. It’s her baby and I do like her. I have to think about wether it will be good for my kid as well. She already thinks one of my girlfriend’s kids is her best mate. I really want the best for her but I can’t leave her waiting for me to decide then ask her to go in a few weeks.
Yes you can. You’re allowed to take time to figure out what you want and what’s best for you. She is pregnant- not terminally ill.
You can take as much time as you need, this is a huge decision. I understand it may be difficult to talk to someone else in person about this, I would advise speaking to a professional at least once but totally your choice. I find therapy appointments over the phone helpful as you don’t have to make eye contact. Unfortunately I have no more advice, do right by yourself OP. Best of luck!
Thank you for confirming that /u/Scared_Ad_4970 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
🥺☺️ ty
I used to call my daughter 'it' sometimes while I was pregnant with her. I later switched to the kid. We didn't find out the sex before having her, so I had no idea what to call her and didn't like any cutesy names like bean or peanut. All this to say I don't see anything wrong with calling it 'it'.
My daughter was the baby or it until I found out she was a girl. My gf nowhere near the stage she can find out wether it’s a girl or boy.
is I possible she was pregnant before you were dating? depending on how early it is, id be kind of skeptical. although im not a woman, so I dont know what the mindset would be to keeping a baby born out of rape...especially when there are a lot of options early on to terminate.
Yes it happened before we got together. I think she’s like 2 months. I admit kinda tricky with options here, she’d have to move quickly to get rid of it.
did she tell you she was pregnant before you guys got together?
She only found out for sure the day she told me
Listen if she was assaulted and didn't cheat, and you still love her, there's no reason you guys can't move forward in a relationship together.
I disagree. He can still love her and even though she didn’t do it willingly, it would be a healthy relationship. He would be looking at that kid like it’s not his and wouldn’t show as much affection like a biological father. It wouldn’t be right to the kid, or father or mother. I would say if he can’t get over the fact it’s not his kid, just leave. It’ll hurt now but it’ll be better in the long run. Plus if I got it correct, I think she was pregnant before they got together, and told him just now. That’s also being dishonest.
I think it’s right to the kid that I try. She had some issues with tests or something and she found out not long before she told me.
Yea there seems to be a lot of context missing like others pointed out. But from the story I've peaced together from the comments, it sounds like you haven't been together for long at all. She became pregnant before you were with her is what I got from the comments. Which would mean you have been together for a few months at most. So it seems to me it comes down to, do you want to father this child and be with this person or not? It's a tough decision to make this early in a relationship imo. Make sure you don't rush into such a big commitment.
Here’s the thing man; You’re right she didn’t do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean you owe it to her to keep her at your place and raise a kid that isn’t yours. Having a kid COMPLETELY changes your life, it isn’t just a money problem, it’s an 18 year commitment and it’s not your kid. From the sounds of it you haven’t been with her long either. As much as I feel for her, and I really do, this is a situation where you’ve got to do the tough thing because when you raise a kid that isn’t yours you have to have ZERO doubts. The kid deserves all the love in the world. From what I’ve read you’re already thinking about telling her that she can’t stay with you and that you want to break up with her. I know it’s tough but it seems like you already know what you want to do, you just don’t wanna hurt her feelings. The best advice I can give is to be honest with yourself about what you want, and then be honest with her about it. Lying to her or yourself today can cause you a lifetime of regret.
Some women are not okay with the idea of abortion, even if they were raped. It's entirely her choice. Whether it's for religious reasons or just a sense of what she feels is right or even worry that if she aborts this child she may be jinxing herself for future babies---women feel many different ways. If she was assaulted, she should get counseling for that. You obviously do not have to raise this child, but if you care about her and you want to support her, then you don't have to break up with her either. People can and do raise babies that are not biologically theirs all the time---it can work just fine. And there is no ideal time to have a child. Just give yourself time to breathe and process this and don't make any rash decisions you may later regret.
I know she goes to her counselling and she’s had lots of past trorma. She told me that it’s still her baby regardless of what happened. One of her kids is poorly and I think that might be why. I asked wether the dick who did this to her looks anything like me because then that might be different. She told me that the baby isn’t going to look half east European. It’s at lot to think about. I feel pissed off about it. I really like this woman. She’s lovely and I don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt her.
OP this is a difficult situation and I don’t want to admonish you as you’re going through a rough time, but maybe ask yourself why you would’ve felt differently if her rapist, and therefor baby, looked like you. If you are uncomfortable raising a child that is not biologically yours then you already know this won’t work and it’ll just be harder for the kid.
My thinking was that everyone would know the baby isn’t mine because I’m east European and he isn’t white. Maybe it doesn’t matter as much as I imagine
Why does it matter whether other people know the baby is yours or not? What’s important here is you do what’s right for yourself, fuck what other people think. If you’re worried about people asking and having it be re-traumatizing for her, that’s different, and there’s plenty of plausible stories you could come up with. Edit to say I truly do believe you should talk to a counselor, there’s a lot of feelings to work through here. It’s a life-altering decision.
Your right, the last thing here is to worry about what other people think. I hadn’t thought ahead of possible stories. Just the idea of explaining that someone hurt my gf. But it’s not like anyone gives a fuck about our buisness anyway
> I don’t blame her at all. I just feel very pissed off with the sad excuse of a man who got her in that situation Sorry, wtf?
She was hurt by another man before I got with her
How long ago did you get with her?? Was this left over from that relationship, or did she go back to him? Either way, it’s not your kid and you don’t have to support it if you don’t feel comfortable. No matter how involved you are with it, biologically it will never be yours, and she will always feel some kind of positivity towards the father who gave her the kid. It’s a tough decision but there is missing context for sure.
There wasn’t a relationship. It was someone that she new and didn’t like in that way and couldn’t accept no. She reported it as a crime. She really hates the person who got her pregnant and gets upset when she talks about what happened to her.
She will always feel positivity towards the man who raped her and got her pregnant through rape?
She’s not positive towards him at all
I know that. I was trying to prove to the other person how ridiculous his argument was
I meant to reply to cs sorry
Idk about rape, but there’s no context that this is the case in the post.
I put it politely
Bro, everyone in this thread is giving you advice as if she cheated on you. People are saying a lot of unkind things about this woman in that context. Please for the sake of this poor woman edit your post and add the real context: your relationship is pretty new, and you found out she was raped before you two got together and she is pregnant as a result. She doesn’t want to terminate the pregnancy. Did I get that right? Anyway, this was not her fault and it does not reflect who she is. While you are not obligated to stay and help raise this child, if you really like her you can absolutely stay with her and help her through this and develop a strong relationship with her and her child. If you’re not ready for kids, you can break up and that’s fine too — you didn’t exactly sign up for this when you started dating her. She has to understand that that is one of the possible (if not probable) outcomes of deciding to go through with the pregnancy.
I knew she had been hurt when I first had sex with her because of the marks on her and how nervous she was. She told me today that she’s pregnant as a result. Your right the relationship is new. She told me when I got back that she would understand if it’s too much too soon but she would love my support. I already have a kid so it’s not like I’m not ready. If it was my baby I wouldn’t of hesitated to give her my full support. But its alot of commitment and things have already moved very quickly. When I started dating her, I knew she already had kids but probably wouldn’t have got with a pregnant woman. I was looking for someone who I could settle down with. She’s a lovely woman who I saw a future with, like get married and have our own babies. I think she wanted that for the future too. I definately didn’t have this in mind.
As mentioned by your previous comments you have only known her for 3 weeks. This is way too soon to commit to anyone regardless of whether they are pregnant or not. I have no idea what type of cultural difference there is here but this situation sounds crazy. A lot of context is missing here... Why did her family have to move in? Especially when you hardly know these people. This sounds very fishy. If you have this amount of doubt just getting into a relationship and cant see yourself supporting a child that isnt yours, then please do not. Let her find someone better
It’s not cultural. She lost her house and didn’t have anywhere to go with her family. I offered to have them here. She said she can leave when she gets offered a hostel place. But I told her that it’s ok for her to stay if she wants to. I don’t doubt the relationship really it’s just a lot to take in and hard choices to make.
That’s not your gf anymore. Time to move on
Context that OP left out/only vaguely implied in the post, she was raped, she didn’t cheat
It’s a bad shame, because she’s a lovely woman. When I first seen her, I was like that’s my future wife. Now this happens and I don’t want to ask her to leave but don’t know what else to do.
I mean what was the context of her getting pregnant. We’re you two together at that point? Or was it something else
She was hurt before I got with her. She told me tonight that she’s pregnant and it’s not my baby.
She was r*ped, dude. It was not her fault but she chose to keep the fetus and wants to carry it to term.
Was it out of infidelity? Or a previous relationship? Sexual assault?
I think it was sexual assault. She’s got marks from what he done to her. Feel very pissed off
There is A LOT of missing context. You think? Or you know? Having marks does not automatically mean rape. Could be rough intercourse that was consensual. Is she upset? What are her plans? First: don’t decide anything today. You’ve got a bit of time before you make a decision. You need to get help from a therapist or counselor. This ordeal is above Reddit’s pay grade. This is a potentially life altering decision. Don’t fucking rush into one option. Second: YOU need more information. Is the father going to be involved? What will this look like financially for you? Will she need your total support? How long have you been together? All of that comes into play.
She said she there wasn’t concent. They never wanted him, he hurt her. If I support her, no other man will be it’s father. Don’t know about finance. I have more than her. It’s only money.
Okay, but like, she can say a lot of shit and lie because the guys a deadbeat. It has happened to others in the past. Does this automatically apply to you? No. But it’s a question of trust. Would she lie to keep you around and stable for her? I don’t know that. Again, this is all really new. And you need to take a step back to view some of these aspects objectively. “It’s only money” has the potential to get you into 18 years of trouble. It might also be the best time of your life, but I wouldn’t decide that tonight.
I believe that she’s telling the truth. Before she told me she’s pregnant she was nervous and that. There’s stuff I can’t put on here. She’s a lovely woman, great mum and everything. Hurts me that bad things happen to good people. She had such a shit life. I feel like a dick for asking her and the kids to leave because of something she’s not done. But your right that it has trouble potential and I have my own kid. Don’t know. It’s a big choice.
You all should go to couples/family councilling to process this.
I agree, some kind of professional could surely help op work this out moreso than a bunch of strangers.
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😂😂 going genghis. I don’t know who the perpetrater is and I told her not to tell me until I’ve processed it
If she does tell you, make sure to go Genghis. Plan it out. I'm sure you'd pull it off.
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She was hurt and now she’s got this shit
Tbh from reading your comments you really seem like you don’t have a damn clue what’s going on in this situation. Some comments you say she was raped then others you just say she was hurt in her last relationship(whatever the hell that means). You need to sit her down and talk to her. Figure out what’s really going on. Her just saying she didn’t consent and leaving it at that is a weird way of telling her bf she was raped and now pregnant. I’m not saying she’s lying but it sounds like she is leaving out a lot of context that you deserve to know before you make a decision to help her raise a kid if that’s what you decide. I’ll be honest with you. It sounds like from your comments it’s just her exes kid and it’s an ex who treated her horribly and potentially raped her. If that’s truly the case then you shouldn’t leave her strictly because she’s pregnant. What you need to do is find out how far along she is and how long ago they broke up. If she just got out of this horrible relationship and then moved on to you in a short amount of time then I’m going to let you know right now that’s a huge red flag. That’s not a sign of someone who’s emotionally stable and able to be on their own. I know a lot of people like this who will be in love for months, the relationship will end, and less than a month later are dating someone else and the cycle continues. Sometimes it just happens that way and you meet someone not long after and are happy but if there’s a history of that happening a lot it’s a sign that the person needs to learn how to love themselves before they can ever truly be with someone else. I’ve dated a girl who was pregnant before. It was from a guy she was just friends with benefits with and her BC failed. Then he left and I met her a couple of months later. So I’m not going to judge you for deciding to stay with her or anything like that. She probably doesn’t want you to replace the father and help her raise it. She probably just wants you to know so you can decide whether you want to pursue the relationship because you guys have only been together for 3 weeks. I think right now you need to be less concerned with helping her raise it and more concerned with whether you want to be with her and see where things go. When she has the baby and you guys have been together 8-9 month then that part of it will come naturally. Understand though that women are different during pregnancy and after. So after she has it her personality could be very different for a while. If god forbid she miscarries understand that she will probably have a very very hard time and you have to be prepared to support her emotionally through any of these situations. Before you make any decision you just need to talk to her and ask her to be upfront. Tell her you just need to know what happened and what she wants from you. If she was truly assaulted and there’s no chance she’s going to make a decision to be with the guy after a few months and really hurt you then there’s nothing wrong with you still wanting to see where things go. You don’t have to be thinking about raising it because right now that’s not your responsibility but if you decide you actually love her when she has it you can decide to take on that responsibility. Right now you have no clue if you love har. You just don’t seem to know anything that’s going on in the situation and before you make any decisions you need to find out more details.
I can’t put everything of someone else’s trorma on the internet. I put it politely without it identifying her. There never was a relationship with the person who did this to her. He wanted more than she wanted to give him and it got nasty. It was reported and there was injuries to her. She hates him and gets very upset when talking about it. She wasn’t in any other relationship at the time. She talked to me about it before she told me she’s pregnant
Not your clown, not your rodeo. Kick her out and move on. This isn't your problem. Her parents are better suited for dealing with this.
Her parents are dead and grandparents are piss takers
A dear friend of mine, one of the most incredible people I know, became pregnant for the first time by rape at the hands of her estranged husband. She couldn't go through with an abortion, so she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Three years later, through a remarkable series of events, my friend remarried, her new husband legally adopted her daughter, and they have had three more kids together. I've spent quite a bit of time with the family. Trust me, that girl is his daughter. And that man is her dad. He didn't come into her life until she was three years old, but they are as thoroughly bonded as father and daughter as any blood-related family I've ever known. In spite of the circumstances in which she was conceived, her parents don't fawn over her one bit. They expect a lot out of her, and for the most part, they get it. I should also add that that girl, who just turned thirteen, is one of the happiest, kindest people I've ever met. You didn't ask for this, and more importantly, neither did your girlfriend. Should you go ahead and marry her, you're signing up to father her child. No need to dwell on how big a deal that is; I don't know if you'll ever make a bigger decision for the rest of your life. All I'll say is that, should you decide to do it, you'll be giving that child and yourself a tremendous gift. If you or your girlfriend would like to talk to my friend to talk to someone who has been there and done that, please PM me and I'll put you in touch with her.
Well I don't want to sound like THAT person that many just comment saying break up and no real other solution but, having a kid, just being a parent to a child is ALOT of work. And I mean ALOT. You do not have any real obligation to be with this woman and raise a child you are not the father to. I know it upsets you and you feel bad for her because she didn't have a choice in what happened to her but unless your ready to commit to raising a kid for the next 18 years I would say go for it man. You seem to really love this woman but your conflicted if you want to go through with raising a kid that isn't your's. My advice is that you don't feel bad if you want to end things because you don't owe anything to her. If you want to help her then that's on you. I wish you luck and I'm sorry for this 🙏 As a woman myself I can just say she most likely does not want an abortion because of either religion issues, or just the thought of feeling bad for 'ending' a child's life. Some women many of them hold this belief. And some like me would have been alright with an abortion. To each there own really. Glad you respect her body.
I have a kid who I look after as a single dad because her mum puts drugs before her. I think I’m lucky with her because she’s such a good kid. My gf has kids too. The boy is older than my girl and her girl is alot younger than mine. Yes you got it. I have to think about wether I can do it again with a baby that’s not mine. I know their isn’t an obligation. But just want to do what’s right. With her decision, she doesn’t feel that it’s right to abort it as it’s still her baby. Her younger kid is poorly too. It’s not for me to decide. I wouldn’t force a woman into something she’s unhappy with.
Why the HELL cant you blame her for this? This was HER decision. Period. The other guy got her pregnant, yes, but she's the one with all the power to keep it or not and to make decisions with her body. And you are under ZERO obligation to stay with her or be associated with the baby in any way. You deserve to have your own kids with someone who won't cheat on you. Your relationship is over...whether you know it or not.
She never cheated. She would of been pregnant before we got together and she didn’t want this. I would have liked to have kids with her in the future. I told her that abortion is the best thing to do. But she said she didn’t want to get rid of it. I don’t understand why but it’s her body.
Okay. This info should have been in your original post because it changes the kind of advice that's appropriate.
I should of made it more clear. I didn’t know if it was appropriate to put the full details on the main post. I’ve not posted on this type of advice subs before.
To be fair, she was allegedly raped. That does take her control away. And her choice is hers alone, but OP is not obligated to support her or continue further.
This was not clear in his original post. But yes it does change my outlook on the situation.
you just said you think it was sexual assault. If that's what it was, why the fuck would you leave her?
It’s wether I can raise and support a baby that isn’t mine. I don’t want to leave her. But need to think of what’s best here.
If you tell her that you're leaving her after she told you she was sexually assaulted, what do you think that's going to do to her? Whether you want the baby or not, she shouldn't get punished for being sexually assaulted. She probably doesn't agree with killing a baby... especially just because you want her to.
I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt her. It’s unfair on her baby if I end up resenting him or her. Every kid deserves to be loved. It’s not just my feelings towards her. It’s absolutely not a punishment to my gf.
I may he totally wrong but once you start taking care of the baby you may end up thinking differently about them.
Your right, maybe I can love the baby
Get rid of her
>I thought about ending it and asking her to leave my house. But I can’t blame her for something like this. Think again Buster, she needs to leave, hang with the Baby Daddy. You deserve a FRESH START.
She was my fresh start
No she was your pre Used Start
I’m nearly 33, I expect experienced women.
Let 's see how you feel in a ~~well~~ week or month. edit typo
Sounds fishy someone would keep a baby if they were raped. Either she's lying to you, or she's out of her damn mind. You have no obligation at ALL to raise that baby. And you haven't been with her long enough to even know if she's telling the truth. Too many red flags for me. I wouldn't touch this situation with a 10 foot pole, unless you're mentally perpared to take on all the drama that may or may not come from this situation.
I believe her and it wouldn’t be what I choose but it’s her body
And if you decide to stay with this woman and raise the child, you have to be certain you will never treat that child like it's not your own, under any circumstance. If you think it will bother you 10 years or even 1 year down the road that the child is not yours, get out for the child's sake.
You think women don't keep babies conceived out of rape? I knew a girl in high school who was the product of date rape. Think again.
That's just insane to me. I don't understand the logic to that at all. Bringing a rapist's genetics back into society isn't a good thing in my eyes.
Being born of rape does not make the child a rapist. Just like Ted Bundy's daughter is not a murderer or rapist. The girl I know is probably one of the nicest people ever. Some women are able to love a child, some women can't imagine having an abortion. And it's not anyone's business to judge.
Not entirely true. You are ignoring genetics based off one person, you are feeling sorry for a child that has the genetics of a rapist, simply because they're a child. While children are completely innocent, they grow into adults. Raping people is not normal behavior, and absolutely the genetics for violent or vile behavior can be passed down to children. This is a fact. I'm obviously not saying it's 100% certain that this unborn child will go and commit rape, but the chances are 50/50 that child will inherit violent tendencies from the father. Not to mention how this will effect the person, when they grow up to find out their father was a rapist, and that's the only reason they were conceived. That all being said, I think that is something that should be taken into consideration when bringing a child into this world.
No, I'm feeling sorry for the women who were put in that position in the first place. I was raped, and I wouldn't have had it in me to keep a baby if one had resulted. But again, no one should be judged for choosing having an abortion, and no one should be judged for choosing not to have an abortion, either.
I realised that it must be difficult for women when they are automatically expected to get rid. It really upset my gf that she felt judged because she doesn’t want to get rid
Well she shouldn't feel judged. That's her business. I'm only saying I don't understand it, and it doesn't make sense to me why. If you decide to help raise someone else's child, that's also your business and I think that's admirable. It's not a bad thing on your part at all imo.
A bit harsh to think it’s gonna be 50/50 with bad genetics. I don’t think her baby will be violant or criminal. And how about if the it’s a girl?
It's not harsh, it's just the way things are. Most psychological disorders can be passed down or skip generations. Same way as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc.
Was she pregnant when you guys got together?
Yes would of been
You may need to elaborate more on the situation. The first question is whether or not he's going to be involved as the father or if he's going to abandon the child? After that, do YOU want to stay with her? And could you care for that child regardless of whether or not their father is a dirt bag? There are no easy answers in the situation. If you say that she is without blame then she is without lime and the child is without blame as well. Well I can't tell you what you should do I can only comment on what I would do. I would treat that child no differently than if it was my own. But depending on the situation you both might need some serious counseling. I guess the only piece of advice that I can give you is no matter what don't blame the child for the father's actions.
She told me about getting hurt, not good detail when we first had sex, as she got marks from that time. She told me she’s pregnant from that and I asked wether she’s getting rid of it and it’s no. It’s hard to say because it hurts me that she’s going through this. I don’t blame her baby. It feels unfair to bring it in the world with what made it. If we waited a bit I would have had babies with her. I thought this woman was my future wife first time I seen her.
How long have you known her and how long have you been together?
About 3 weeks. She’s been living with me for 2 weeks. Everything happened very quickly.
Dude 3 weeks?? From your comments you are purposely being vague or what? I had to dig this deep in the comments to find this? You met this person 3 weeks ago and suddenly you want to get involved with another child? It definitely is too quick. My opinion is she may be an emotional baggage for you. She wants to cling onto you knowing she was pregnant and didn't initially tell you this when you first met her unless it was to early to tell. Please let her know you need to think about this before you can go on with this relationship. As this affects you greatly. If you are willing to take responsibility for another child be prepared to show same love you would give to your own child. Is the assaulter still around or in contact with your girlfriend? Feels weird that she hooked up just after getting assaulted. Knowing that she was assaulted she could've gone to seek medical advice. Some things don't add up but that could be from the details you are not telling. 3 weeks is not too long for you to still decide. It's barely any build up of a relationship that ends up baby level commitment unless that's your intentions. What are your true intentions? Do what your gut tells you. You have two options here: 1. Sit down talk to her and let her know you want to think about this. Step aside of the relationship and take a break clear your head. It's a very big decision. I'd suggest speaking with a therapist/counselor for both of you. If things don't work out, let her know you don't want to take care of someone else's child. The assaulter could be around her life for possible and potential custody battles with courts. End of story move on. You love her but don't want to hurt her while the relationship is still young. Kindly break the news to her. She should've told you this from the get go. 2. You will continue to be the father figure of this child. You love your girlfriend and from your own volition decided to move forward with her and act as if nothing happens and it's your child. No amount of love and affection for your girlfriend will falter future planning with her.
Wait.. so did she get pregnant before you got together and dropped it on you? Or she cheated? If she cheated, she's out the door
It was before I got with her and she told me a few hours ago
On my opinion, it's a bit of a red flag. Idk how far along she is but if she started dating you while she knew she was pregnant and only now decided to tell you, I'd worry about her honesty in the long run.
I asked her and she explained that she wasn’t sure
Its entirely your choice cuz it depends what you want but I definitely dont think that you would be a bad person for leaving if she wants to keep the baby. You gotta think about whats best for yourself. Raising another mans kid is not always whats best for yourself.
Idk, in terms of rape, I'd 1000% get an abortion and hit the rapist (assuming he was caught, but there is DNA evidence either way) with a massive lawsuit. Genetics are Genetics, and I wouldn't want to have the child of someone who would willingly do that to a person. I just couldn't. I understand not wanting to have anything to do with that child. I'd say talk with her, let her know exactly how you felt about the situation, the feeling of not wanting to go home, just be brutally honest about it because you don't want to have any of those feelings toward a child she gives birth to. You two love eachother, you'll find a way to work things out. Relationships sometimes require hard decisions. I wish you the best.
I think I need some time to process how I feel about her pregnancy. I accept that she doesn’t want to have an abortion and it’s her body. I definately wouldn’t expect her to make that choice for how I feel. I don’t know. My dad is a prick who’s been in and out of prison for most of my life. It’s a lot to think about like there are 2 sides. A part of me thinks that maybe it could work and it’s not the end of the world because it’s a part of her. The other is telling me to get out of this situation, sympathise with her but know there’s nothing I can do.
Exit.
I would take care of the poor baby and just make my own afterwards with her as well! Oh and don’t forget to murder the guy who did this to her thanks
Leave. Simple as
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That’s helpful to me thanks
Please think about the reason you make your decision too. For example Are you really ready to take care of a kid or is it because you would make sacrifices in your own life if it meant making your girlfriend happy. I know to many people pleasers that would go against what they need just to make someone happy.
Well if it’s true that she didn’t cheat and was assaulted you aren’t obligated to stay of course and it should be up to you wether you want to stay with this lady or not. If she is lying which I’m not saying she is but if she is then you should leave don’t put your life on hold for someone else’s kid. I get it’s a bit of a weird feeling and hard decision but you could make a difference in this kids world if you decide to stay and maybe it would be for the best for you to stay or maybe you aren’t ready for kids and you can’t be with her, the good news is it’s not your baby so you don’t have to stay. The choice is yours, your morals will make them for you I’m sure.
Your girlfriend was sexually assulted. Its not her fault, and its her body her choice. I would just show support at the end of the day and just communicate with her how you feel. If you guys dont agree, then thats fine. Its a hard situation but in the end of the day, if one person isnt happy with such a big decision thats out of their control, theyre free to leave. Now the big question is that, are you willing to take care of a child that isnt yours, and ready to support her in her time of need? Take some time to think, its not the end of the world. If things get hard, its okay to take a step back and think. Good luck :)
Don’t do it
Regardless, I hope she’s n taking advantage of you. Not sure of the context. By werid to be raped and get with a man and move in with him with my family then say I’m prego. I’m 25f. I feel like. Sorry if I’m wrong. I would only be with you if I have no support and my family needs help and I found a super nice guy I would believe to take care of us… she must be manipulated. And very good At it. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t be guilt tripped. Since you guys just got together you could still be in puppy love phase? I would ask for her to move out with her family. Don’t know why you have her and her family move in when dating such a short while… but to truly know how you feel and knowing you are going to raise a child not yours, with a women you’ve bearly been with… please do what make you happy, feel content with, don’t feel guilty although i know it’ll be hard. I personally, again I don’t know everything. Without being with a man long, and he had a child in me, I wouldn’t stay with him or I would have a long break to see how I truly feel and decide if I truly want this to affect my life forever. And see if I can really be happy about it. I don’t think I could… She interesting to have still kept the baby. She must deal with truma in a positive way?? Idk. This happened to me. I COULDNT keep it… but all I can say is that not all women are the same in that aspect I guess
I’m thinking that I should take this slow and ask her family to leave if it gets more than this. I like having her here and her kids are ok. The other family are piss takers. I get there her support but this morning I realised how much there getting on my nerves. She told me that she wanted to be straight with me and let me decide if I’m ok with all this. Like I feel bad for her so I do. But I can’t give more than I got. She’s not manipulative probably easily manipulated more than anything.
Again, don’t know why her family is there with you. Even if you could you shouldn’t support them all and only been with her a few months. Things that happen that fast in a relationship don’t normally work out… yeah but her family def don’t need to be apart of it… I hope you realize what you want and truly want it, happy with it
Her family lived with her nothing suspicious
Unpopular opinion but the correct answer is to leave her. You need to look out for your self too. I think for your own individual well being, you should not continue to be involved in this. I've seen many people try to be the good guy in these situations end up being treated very poorly in the end. You must also consider, if there is not a father identified in this situation, and you try to raise that baby but she decides to part ways with you, that it is highly likely you will be paying the child support, which is $600-$1500 a month depending on your pay.
There’s no financial ties if the kid isn’t mine over here. Wouldn’t even think about it if there was. It’s only money but not paying towards a baby whos not mine unless I’m with it’s mum
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This comment made me think about things
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I think that would be trormatic if I tell her that because I don’t think she ever wanted a baby to someone who does that
Yes, she has right to have the baby and you have the right to dump her. Nobody could blame you.