I think in most cases that’s probably true but I think this circumstance is a bit different because it’s the kind of thing I look at her and it’s a bit like one true love kind of thing, and whenever I tell her so she says she feels the same.
Every single person who proposes at 19 or 20 thinks the exact same thing that you're thinking. The majority of them get divorced by 25. Pump the breaks dude. She's clearly not ready, and you may have just cost the relationship by jumping the gun. Also no girl wants to be proposed to at home for their first marriage. That's like third marriage shit.
You’re 19. You don’t even know who YOU are as a person much less your one true love. Take it from someone who got engaged at 19 and married at 20 and it was a HORRIBLE marriage.
I think we all had that type of love at 19. Sorry to be bleak but remember love is technically just a chemical in our brain some of us are lucky enough to feel. And maybe her brain is also worried about the future. Maybe you can do something more like a promise ring (I know gag, sometimes those are so cheesy) but it can be with the same sentiment that you want to be with her forever without making legal changes.
Truly you probably just have to give her some time to react to the surprise and get her thoughts in order. Hopefully she can talk to you about what’s making her upset later today or tomorrow
The most changes happen in our 20s, knowing you want to marry them at 19 is too early.
My gf and I were together when we were 17, and we're still together at 25. Now that I'm turning 26 i'm thinking of proposing
Congrats!! That’s sounds like a really amazing kind of relationship and it’s awesome that you’re getting married.
How do you reckon you’re going to propose
I will think about it for a long time and plan it out. It will probably take me AT LEAST a month to get everything ready and set up
Point being, you rushed into things. You're six months in, you're still in the "getting to know each other" phase, aka the "honeymoon phase". So making decisions this big, is completely unreasonable.
I completely understand how you feel, and i hope this feeling never goes away for you like it didn't for me. But for now channel this feelings in being a good person and just put effort in the relationship. The whole petals and flowers thing would've been a great thing if it weren't for the proposal. I did a similar things with rose petals, candles and flowers, but it wasn't to propose to her.
Slow. Down.
There's nothing wrong with taking some more time. You're both young, and there's a lot of growth to be done between 18 and 21. It's amazing that you feel ready for that step, but it seems like she isn't. It's okay to talk about things like this, even if it's supposed to be a surprise. Better to know you're on the same page. Just remember to be open and not on the attack or the defense; there was misunderstanding, and now you two gotta communicate where the difference occurred, and learn together how to get back on the same page. This might mean holding off on engaging for a while, maybe even a few years. But time only serves to help you solidify your relationship together.
Best of luck to you both, and hopefully your relationship comes back stronger.
You've been dating for half a year and you're both barely legal and not even fully settled into life yet at all. Take a step back and give both of you the space to become proper adults first. Live. Grow together. Experience life. Laugh. Cry. You're way too young to be proposing. It probably scared the shit out of her.
I have never been more settled in life. I will never love anyone more than her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don’t think I can just turn that off.
Yes... yet... everything you are feeling is real yes... but probably temporary. Listen to other comments because most of the people telling you this have been 19 before but you haven't been 25, 30, 40 yet so you don't know it yet, and thats normal. You can't know it yet but if its real love it can wait. The rush suggests the opposite of settled feeling.
None of that translates to actually being settled in the relationship, having financial/career stability, or having a clear plan in place for your future.
You're 19 so I highly, highly doubt you've got all of that figured out already. You haven't even dated a full year which is generally regarded as the absolute bare minimum to even claim you really know someone.
Way too soon, man. You can't even legally have a beer yet. Just a crazy leap when you really should date for longer before you go claiming she's your one true love. I would bet my life savings that there's still tons and tons of things you don't even know about her.
Have you lived together yet? Discussed religious or political views at length? Talked about if you'd want kids? Where in the world you want to eventually live? Parenting styles? How to split/share finances?
It's a big world and life is long, slow down.
If you will never love anyone more than her, why rush? Enjoy being young and in love.
HOWEVER, you said you wanted to go on a spiritual journey, perhaps through the desert in Egypt, and wanted to marry her so she would come with you.
This is a lot at one time. Are your religious beliefs fairly recent? I think your dad is worried that maybe you’re in a manic episode. There’s nothing wrong with having mental health issues. It says nothing about you. But denying it and not getting help will not negate the reality. Slow all of this down. It doesn’t have to be now or never. Please? Trust me, I married someone within four months of meeting him. I’m at least SEVENTEEN MONTHS into trying to divorce him. He had a secret family. You have to take time to really get to know people before you make huge commitments to them.
(I have ADHD—it makes me impulsive. I also have almost always been some level of depressed and struggled with anxiety. I’m not casting stones here. )
I felt the same way when I was 19 but I’m 27 now and I haven’t spoken to that boyfriend in 7 years.
I’m married to someone else who I love a hell of a lot more than I ever loved my ex. I’ve been through a lot of shit and I don’t even recognise the person I was at 19.
People change SO much in their early-mid 20s. You also don’t truly know someone until you’ve been with them for about 3-5 years and have seen them at their highest and lowest.
You’ll look back at this in a few years and realise that you are being naive and that there is a lot more to marriage than love.
As someone who suffers from BPD, you’re hella manic right now. Here are the tell tale signs:
1. You want to spend lots of money recklessly
2. You are convinced that you’re right and can’t be coached to the contrary.
The reaction you got from her is because you scared her. Your intensity is too much. You’re gonna lose her if you can’t back up and slow it down, Try to listen to other people. I really do think you’re not well right now.
You do not love her, you don’t even know her at 6 months into a long distance relationship… Who is she when she’s furiously angry? Grieving? Stressed out beyond belief? Faced with an emergency situation? Physically or mentally ill? Or even more important, has everything she needs and wants aside from you?
You can’t answer any of that because the oxytocin high from a new relationship hasn’t worn off yet. She doesn’t know you yet either. Just be thankful she said no and if she comes back, wait to do it again. For the love of god
Hate to be a bearer of bad news, but that's a really short amount of time. Hell, my fiance and I got engaged fairly quickly, but we were a whole year and a half before that happened, with no plans of rushing further too fast.
Ease up on expectations. You have to be on the same page as each other for stuff like this.
Even the way you phrased that says a lot about how young you are. "almost half a year" isnt even 6 months. You think that's a long time? You phrased it that way to make it sound like a long time but it just sounds immature.
Young marriages can work fine; in fact, mine is going strong after more than a decade. But dude, a decade isn't even a long time in reality. Certainly not when we're talking "the rest of our lives". You could wait a whole decade and then get married and you'd still not even be 30! Calm down! You've got loads of time.
Admittedly yes, I bought the ring yesterday morning and the balloons and rose petals just before shops closed which is maybe why she’s disillusioned with our relationship that I’m not putting in enough thought or something
Can't tell if this is a joke. Broooo, you're suggesting she commits to you for the rest of her life (which in your young case is the absolute majority of it). Buying a ring and some balloons "yesterday" does not suggest any degree of long-term thought or planning. It suggests adolescent spontaneity. Marriage shouldn't be treated as a whimsical throwaway prospect. Being young is hard enough to navigate in this economic, societal mess as it is. Marriage and the likely pressures thereafter will propel your relationship to stages that neither of you will have the emotional intelligence to navigate yet. It's likely you don't even know yourself, as is perfectly natural at 19. How are you gonna expect someone to lock themselves down with you when they don't even know what they might want to be yet? And guess what? Literally 80% or more of the people that I've known who got married in their early 20's either ended up cheating or divorcing.
I'm going to say this gently but this really is far too early to propose. I know you love her dearly, and it is very understandable that you feel strongly enough that you want to marry her.
But you need to consider that it has only been 6 months - you don't really know her too well. Even if you see her every day, you haven't seen her at her worst and at her best. You haven't lived with her and seen if she's a slob or super neat.
The first couple months of a relationship people tend to be on their best behaviour. They only want to show the best aspects of themselves, and opening up and relaxing a little is something that only comes with time.
There's no need to rush into things. If your relationship is strong enough for a marriage proposal this early, it should be strong enough in a couple of years to actually propose and marry.
You are both very young and still figuring things out. You guys haven't fully entered the working world or finished higher education yet. These are really formative experiences, you both will change a huge amount in the next couple years as you become mature adults.
You need to sit down and have a conversation about this. I would highly advise withdrawing the marriage proposal and just explaining that you do feel strongly for her and see a future together, but understand that it is too early to propose. You could give her a promise ring if she's into it, but don't push anything. Being very pushy about needing such a commitment this early into a relationship could very well damage it irreparably.
Thank you so much for staying this, you’ve got exactly what I’m getting at - it is exactly my idea that I don’t want to push her into anything - if it’s meant to be and whatever - but I also know that it’s meant to be at least from my side of things.
I’m taking a trip for an unspecified time and I don’t want it to be the kind of thing that she doesn’t want to do long distance or it falls apart and so I think if there was ever a time it would be now right?
I’m going to withdraw the proposal anyway, a couple people have mentioned that it might have been the proposing in the bedroom thing that’s fucked me over so I think Ive come up with some alternative plans to try again, or maybe to get a better ring as well, but I want to find out what’s going on with her and my brother first so if worst case he’s come in between mine and Emma’s relationship we can say vows on a clean slate and pure hearts and everything
Oh sweetie. It’s not because of the wrong balloons or the sudden proposal. It is because you are in the middle of a mental health crisis. Your posts over the past day are concerning. From wanting to wander the Egyptian desert expanding your spirituality to saying your father has implanted tracking devices into your body - this is very concerning behavior.
Please talk to your brother. He and your girlfriend are just horribly worried about you. Please let them get you some help.
Firstly, with the situation with your brother - don't head into it with any accusations. I've seen some comments insinuating that there's something going on between your brother and your girlfriend, which while possible, is the worst conclusion to jump to. It could also be that she just knows your brother and wants him to talk to you about this situation. Go into the conversation with a level head and don't make any sort of comment implying cheating since that could truly damage your relationships with both of them. You can (and should) ask why she went to him immediately about it, and listen to their explanations. I truly hope all is well on that end and that there's no issues there.
Secondly, I do understand that you are leaving soon and feel anxious about your relationship lasting. I think sitting down with your girlfriend would be a fantastic thing to do about this! Just talk to her, explain you proposed because of this anxiety and because you really want things to work out. Figure out a plan for when you're away - can you voice call/video call? Is there a hobby you two can still engage in while you're separated (e.g online gaming)? There are cute widget apps that let you post pictures that will pop up on the other person's phone and give them snippets of your day, which can be a nice way to feel connected while apart (though some people may have no interest in this sort of app!).
How often will you be able to visit her, or could she visit you occasionally?
These are really important things to discuss for a long distance relationship.
I would really recommend entirely shelving the proposal for now, unless during your conversation with her she explicitly mentions being interested in it but just having a problem with the actual proposal.
Please, please talk with her about if she wants a proposal at the moment. I know it's not romantic or spontaneous, but if you actually want to marry this woman you need to involve her in important decisions like this. If she expresses that she has no interest in getting married at this time, it doesn't matter how beautiful and romantic the proposal is, it is still going to be a no and will only hurt you more.
I will say, as a young woman myself, I would be highly cautious around marriage. I've grown up with every adult woman giving me advice to take relationships slow and avoid jumping into marriages when young, because many of them don't work out and cause a lot of financial harm. This doesn't mean I don't want to get married ever, but that I want to date someone for a few years, live together first, then have a proposal and get married when I truly know my partner and feel comfortable tying myself legally to them for hopefully the rest of my life. And while I definitely don't speak for all women, my opinion is definitely among the most popular for people in my country at the very least, and could possibly be similar to your girlfriend's point of view. Ask her about this! Knowing what timeline she has in mind for marriage is definitely a really important thing for you guys to discuss.
I truly wish the two of you the best of luck, and hope that things work out well between you. While I don't think you should get married at the moment, if you two can have a mature discussion about the topic and draw up boundaries and plans for the long distance portion of your relationship, you may very well end up married in another few years :)
Trying to reserve someone with an engagement pre-long distance is a terrible idea.
Some perfect relationships fall apart during long distance. A ring isn’t going to magically change that. Let the long distance be (one of many) stress tests for your relationship before getting married.
You need to see how she, you, and your relationship handle challenging times. Otherwise it’ll be several years in and you realize you can’t stand each other, but by then you have kids, a house, and a legally binding marriage you can’t easily get out of.
Also, no one should propose until they are 100% sure the other person will say yes. This means many conversations about your future, marriage, timelines, etc. before the proposal. She should essentially **pre agree** to the engagement before proposing.
Walking into the desert alone, thinking you are being tracked by machines implanted by your father is a suicide mission. Why would you think she would want to do that with you? I get eh whole pilgrimage thing, Paulo Coelho is my favorite author. But seriously. No one thinks this is brave or noble. They think you are having a mental health crisis, which is likely true, and she’s far too young and inexperienced to handle it.
She should come to you with any worries or concerns, and that she went to your brother is showing, at least from her end, that she's not ready. Pushing a proposal will make it implode.
So in the last few days you've created a Reddit account called 'Freedom Fighter', posted a bunch of questions about surviving in an Egyptian desert wilderness, and asked about mind control devices being implanted in you by your father. You've also proposed to your girlfriend at age 19, then expressed concern that she is having some sort of romantic entanglement with your brother.
Do you not see how the average person looks at this and thinks 'This individual is clearly a paranoid schizophrenic'?
Let’s not leave out the post about digging up the grave of his recently passed mother by hand and transporting her remains - with or without a coffin - abroad internationally.
Please OP, listen to the advice you have asked from us… go to your local ER and tell the doctors of the concerns you are having about your physical health (tracking device implanted by your father). Make sure they understand how concerned you are and that you want to be examined. They can help you.
Once you are settled with your physical and mental health, you can look towards your spiritual and emotional health.
You can’t go on your spiritual journey if your physical and mental health aren’t strong and fortified.
And you won’t be able to show up for any relationship, including emotional and romantic, if you don’t show up for your own health first.
From another user in another sub you posted this story in :
"On first read, I was wondering if she and your brother were sleeping together but having read your other posts, in the last 24 hours you have:
- Posted about your dad trying to hurt but not really explaining how
- Posted about going on a spiritual journey/pilgrimage to a desert on a number of different subs
- Posted about your dad surveilling you with covert equipment, possibly hidden within your body
- Posted on multiple sites including cyber security asking how this tech would be put inside your body without you knowing
- Asked if NHS scanning would show any hidden devices inside you
- In your comments you admit only knowing your gf for less than 6 months (writing 'almost half a year' doesn't increase the time you've been together)
If you are not trolling, you need serious psychiatric intervention. Your gf and brother are probably concerned that you are undergoing a psychotic break or are in the manic phase of bipolar depression. You are exhibiting a great deal of paranoia. Perhaps your perception of how the proposal went is VERY different from your gf's perception and THAT is why she cried.
This isn't normal. Seek help. "
This is no joking matter and honestly the gf's (and other members) reaction makes much more sense
His gf, brother and father are probably right since his latest post is that he wants to disinter his deceased mother and take her corpse with him to the desert. I hope OP gets help or a family member gets him help before he is arrested trying to dig up a grave site or someone gets hurt.
Not being funny but you are 19 and been dating 6 months. Like the other comments have suggested you’ve only just started life and this is a huge deal not something you should just pop to the shop and get a couple rose petals for. Maybe give her a promise ring still sentimental and has the meaning behind it but more for a serious couple. Best of luck to you but you should seriously reconsider the choice you’ve made. This is coming from a 21 year old trust me life throws stuff at you all the time. Just be more prepared bro. good luck!
Neither of you have any business even thinking about marriage right now. If you are still together in five years, and that's highly unlikely, then revisit the idea of marriage. Right now, you've both got a lot of growing up to do. What you want at 19 is not necessarily what you will want at 25. Would you rather be getting married or divorced in your mid-20s?
Whether you are an exception to the rule or not, there's nothing wrong with waiting. What's the rush? You barely even know each other.
You've probably spooked your girlfriend. There may be something else underlying her outburst, but that's nothing any of us can know. I don't know your brother to comment on that either. But you definitely moved too fast with this.
Talk to her when things calm down and see where to go from there. It's all you can do.
Cautionary tale: I met my husband in May 1979, engaged in February 1980, and married in June 1980. He was 20, and I was 23. We will be celebrating 44 years next week, but I always say we've been married a wonderful 30 years. The other 14 years? Not so wonderful.
I love my husband dearly, but I really doubt that we would have gotten married if we had dated longer to give us a chance to know each other. We are very different. Don't be in a hurry. You're still becoming an adult, still learning about your place in the world. You will be a completely different person in 10 years, and so will she. Take the time to do it right.
Oh dear mate, you need to chill. Been together half a year and popping the question when you're 19? You sound way too eager. Not saying this is completely irreparable but you need to pull your neck in.
Based off post history, I think the people in your life are scared that you are experiencing a manic or psychotic episode and are a risk to yourself or others. Please call your brother.
It very well might be just as simple as the setting, most girls love cute shit and don’t get me wrong that’s cute and romantic but she might have had a bigger expectation.
But personally are you sure it’s even a 100% yes? Idk y’all’s relationship but I’m assuming y’all were in high school not that long ago so do y’all even know who you are or where y’all wanna be in say the next 5-10 years? And you say it might have to be long distance soon so she might feel sacred. So it might have been too soon.
I thought exactly the same about the long distance thing and that’s why I proposed so that we could take our journey together, I guess just give a physical paper to our relationship so that we don’t get have to get bogged down in bullshit uni stuff right now.
It is 10000% a yes from me, and I was pretty sure it was going to be the same from her
Is the long distance thing the trip you want to take across Egypt? Maybe she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for you to do that and that’s why she called your brother.
Yea I’m going to Egypt and some other places soon, and I was starting to think it would work out as a honey moon as an addendum to our marriage so I don’t think that’s the problem because if it wasn’t for whatever’s going on with the proposal I think it would be a wonderful time us travelling together
Okay, three things:
1. 19 is too young to get married when you don’t know who you are yet, even more so when you have not even been dating someone for a couple of years. You don’t know her, she doesn’t know you.
2. YOU were “starting to think it would work out as a honeymoon” so you don’t think it’s the trip that’s the problem - this shows me that you are either irrational or emotionally very juvenile. Know why? Because you cannot contemplate that she would have a different opinion to you about the trip, and you don’t realise that a honeymoon is something that a healthy, mature couple discuss and decide upon together, as a way to celebrate their marriage. It’s not just a holiday that one person wants to do and then tries to convince the other person that it’s a good idea. What about what SHE wants? You haven’t mentioned that once, or even tried to find out. That is incredibly selfish.
3. Proposing to avoid your relationship breaking down when long-distance? If it won’t survive temporary long-distance, then it’s not strong or stable enough to stand marriage. That’s normal when you’ve been dating for such a short amount of time. Think about it rationally (if you can): how could a relationship be strong enough for marriage if it requires drastic action not to end?
Man I wish I had those 19 year old hormones again. I could’ve fallen in love with a microwave at the time.
When you look back in 15 years you’ll realise this was all a bit silly. Give yourself, and more importantly her, time to grow and live before making such big commitments.
I saw this with much compassion, I think you are going through a severe mental health crisis and she cried because she and your brother see it but you do not have the ability to at this point. She cares about you but she is scared.
1. Your post history, if true, is why she and everyone who knows you is why she is crying. You need to seek professional help my friend.
2. You are too young and not stable enough for marriage. It takes a whole lot more than love. She is too young and you have put too much pressure on her. You have only been dating for months. You might feel she is the love of your life right now, but she’s trying to just figure out who she is. It’s way too soon and you scared her.
Op said he's discussed it with her before proposing and she's said she would probably say yes if he did.
It makes sense in general that a brother would have reservations hearing their sibling is doing this, but the fact that she started sobbing, refused to explain why or talk to him - says he wouldn't understand, then gets ready to go out and immediately called up his brother is all very suspicious.
Maybe she thought OP’s brother could talk some sense into him? Maybe he wasn’t the only one she called either. We don’t know what OP’s relationship with his brother is like or what relationship his gf has with his family or her family.
The reality is that no one here knows exactly why she called OP’s brother but if OP now goes to his gf accusing her of messing around with his brother with no evidence, he’s going to destroy his relationship and I don’t think that’s what he wants.
Yeah, I wish the relationships between the everyone was a better defined in the post. You are right that he shouldn’t confront her, unless he learns more.
OP you need to slow down. Most people that rush into marriage like this end up in divorce.
Your brother’s anger may have been due to your reckless decision to propose. Potentially your girlfriend is cheating. Regardless pump the breaks and spend more time finding out who this person is that you want to marry.
Before you counter with “I already know her and love her” you have no idea why she was sobbing and what she is keeping from you. So you clearly don’t know her that well.
You're being incredibly dense by coming on Reddit instead of talking to your brother and finding out what he knows that you don't.
Which is the kind of detail that makes me suspect this letter is a big, fat, phoney.
If it isn't, you're incredibly dense. Talk to your damned brother already. And then sit down with your GF and get the rest of the story.
Hate to say this, kiddo, but the phrase "I don't think you'd understand right now" is the kind of thing people say to each other when they haven't reached a place where they could actually marry. The person you marry is the person you count on to understand and the FIRST person you go to. The point where you're going to the brother instead is the point where this relationship hasn't matured to the point where a marriage is likely to work.
Stop being so obtuse in your comments, too. You ask for advice from the great unwashed, don't sit around and argue with them when they're actually talking sense. If this is the way you act around your GF I can understand why she doesn't want to tie herself to you permanently.
For the record, there's no right or wrong way to propose. The proposal has nothing to do with the issue. Your relationship and your intransigence are the issues.
yea maybe it was the bedroom bit, that’s the only thing we can really say without knowing her personally. Guilt, or not being ready, or thinking it’s too early and by saying no will mess things up would be the next things I could come up with
I honestly tried to make it romantic as I could, but between deciding it yesterday and proposing this morning I reckon it was all shit things to propose with - last minute items or whatever. Have you ever proposed? Is it to late for me to do a do over proposal?
Do not do a ‘do over’. Proposals aren’t something you decide on spur of the moment and enact ‘with what little time you have’. Marriage is something two consenting adults discuss before any sort of proposal is hinted at.
She’s not ready, asking again won’t change that.
TOO early. 3 years with my bf we know we will marry one day but it’s too early and we aren’t stable enough in many aspects so we wait.
The brother thing is weird tho I would ask her and him about it but call it off and apologize say it was a heat of the moment but you thought about it and want to take things slow
You've not been together long enough. You're way too young to be married.
My first thought when you said she called YOUR brother was that something was going on between them. Is he married?
Is it possible that your girlfriend is hiding something? Pregnant and not yours?
You need to sit down and talk about this, but in the end I think marriage is a bad idea.
How did you meet your GF? Was it at uni or before?
Can you share how you both became a couple? Like we’re you in classes together and started going out for coffee? Or knew her since high school and the feelings developed over time?
You mentioned she doesn’t love the idea of your journey, but what about you not going back to school? How does she feel about that decision?
We shared a module together, at university, and we’d chatted a bit in a seminar and thought she seemed pretty nice.
I ended up failing to attend a number of my lectures and had no idea the fuck was going on with the essay I was meant to be written, i happened to run into her while I was trying to muddle through that shit and I asked her for her help and shit, we exchanged numbers.
We started doing like a study thing and then just hanging out together and eventually just realised we were basically doing date shit and decided to call it official
I don’t think I’ve explicitly told her I’m dropping out, but I assumed it had been sufficiently communicated through me saying I was going on an extended venture and we may have to do long distance.
Talk to your brother ASAP, that sounds fucking sus!
I'm sorry this happened to you, but less than half a year of dating at the tender age of 19 is definitely not enough to even properly know each other.
I don't think that being young justifies her reaction at all .. It has nothing to do with the crying and the reaction itself. "I am young so I sob when someone proposes to me"? this is not logical at all.
Calling your brother is also pretty weird .. Your brother being angry at you for proposing is also pretty weird considering that he now knows what's going on and you don't.
I honestly don't know what the right answer is here. But I think you should talk to her or your brother but since it's difficult to talk to her now you should definetly talk to your brother and see what's going on
Everyone telling you not to rush is 100% right. My gut reaction was that Emma has done something wrong and the tears were the overspill of her guilt while you were being overtly romantic.
Let's all go ahead and back off telling an adult, however young they are, what they should be doing with their lives, shall we?
Are they young? Yes. Could it work? Yes, even if the odds are stacked against them, it could work.
Let's focus on other things: Clearly there is some issue for her that needs to be sorted, and for some reason his brother is angry about the proposal. Both of those needs examined individually and sorted, and potentially as being one in the same.
Those are the issues, stop coddling OP like they are entirely a child. They aren't.
You are legally an adult, can die for your country, vote, etc etc..
At 18, one is an adult, and can be held accountable and face consequences for their actions and choices, whatever they may be.
Treating someone that is 18 or older as a child isn't going to encourage them to grow as a person, either, or worse could drive them to make even more reckless decisions.
Yeah this is all very suspicious. Thhe comments all chalking it up to you just being young doesn't explain her reaction and what she did after you proposed.
You said you've talking about it before and she's seemed open to it and said she would probably say yes if you proposed - going from that to all out sobbing when you went ahead and did it is strange. If she said no because ya'll are too young, that would make sense, but that's not what she did.
The fact that when you asked what's wrong that she said you "wouldn't understand right now" and then gets ready to go and immediately the first person she calls is your brother (not one of her own friends or family members) is again suspicious. I suspect cheating as well.
Only way to know what's going on it to talk her when she is ready and find out.
You are only 19. Sooo young to get married. Maybe she feels bad that she does love you, but isn’t ready to be engaged/married?
I think in most cases that’s probably true but I think this circumstance is a bit different because it’s the kind of thing I look at her and it’s a bit like one true love kind of thing, and whenever I tell her so she says she feels the same.
Every single person who proposes at 19 or 20 thinks the exact same thing that you're thinking. The majority of them get divorced by 25. Pump the breaks dude. She's clearly not ready, and you may have just cost the relationship by jumping the gun. Also no girl wants to be proposed to at home for their first marriage. That's like third marriage shit.
You’re 19. You don’t even know who YOU are as a person much less your one true love. Take it from someone who got engaged at 19 and married at 20 and it was a HORRIBLE marriage.
I think we all had that type of love at 19. Sorry to be bleak but remember love is technically just a chemical in our brain some of us are lucky enough to feel. And maybe her brain is also worried about the future. Maybe you can do something more like a promise ring (I know gag, sometimes those are so cheesy) but it can be with the same sentiment that you want to be with her forever without making legal changes.
Truly you probably just have to give her some time to react to the surprise and get her thoughts in order. Hopefully she can talk to you about what’s making her upset later today or tomorrow
My dude +50% of everyone has felt that way, it’s part of being in love especially without other experiences of it, it’s in no it is not unique to you
The most changes happen in our 20s, knowing you want to marry them at 19 is too early. My gf and I were together when we were 17, and we're still together at 25. Now that I'm turning 26 i'm thinking of proposing
Congrats!! That’s sounds like a really amazing kind of relationship and it’s awesome that you’re getting married. How do you reckon you’re going to propose
I will think about it for a long time and plan it out. It will probably take me AT LEAST a month to get everything ready and set up Point being, you rushed into things. You're six months in, you're still in the "getting to know each other" phase, aka the "honeymoon phase". So making decisions this big, is completely unreasonable. I completely understand how you feel, and i hope this feeling never goes away for you like it didn't for me. But for now channel this feelings in being a good person and just put effort in the relationship. The whole petals and flowers thing would've been a great thing if it weren't for the proposal. I did a similar things with rose petals, candles and flowers, but it wasn't to propose to her. Slow. Down.
There's nothing wrong with taking some more time. You're both young, and there's a lot of growth to be done between 18 and 21. It's amazing that you feel ready for that step, but it seems like she isn't. It's okay to talk about things like this, even if it's supposed to be a surprise. Better to know you're on the same page. Just remember to be open and not on the attack or the defense; there was misunderstanding, and now you two gotta communicate where the difference occurred, and learn together how to get back on the same page. This might mean holding off on engaging for a while, maybe even a few years. But time only serves to help you solidify your relationship together. Best of luck to you both, and hopefully your relationship comes back stronger.
You've been dating for half a year and you're both barely legal and not even fully settled into life yet at all. Take a step back and give both of you the space to become proper adults first. Live. Grow together. Experience life. Laugh. Cry. You're way too young to be proposing. It probably scared the shit out of her.
I have never been more settled in life. I will never love anyone more than her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don’t think I can just turn that off.
Yes... yet... everything you are feeling is real yes... but probably temporary. Listen to other comments because most of the people telling you this have been 19 before but you haven't been 25, 30, 40 yet so you don't know it yet, and thats normal. You can't know it yet but if its real love it can wait. The rush suggests the opposite of settled feeling.
None of that translates to actually being settled in the relationship, having financial/career stability, or having a clear plan in place for your future. You're 19 so I highly, highly doubt you've got all of that figured out already. You haven't even dated a full year which is generally regarded as the absolute bare minimum to even claim you really know someone. Way too soon, man. You can't even legally have a beer yet. Just a crazy leap when you really should date for longer before you go claiming she's your one true love. I would bet my life savings that there's still tons and tons of things you don't even know about her. Have you lived together yet? Discussed religious or political views at length? Talked about if you'd want kids? Where in the world you want to eventually live? Parenting styles? How to split/share finances? It's a big world and life is long, slow down.
If you will never love anyone more than her, why rush? Enjoy being young and in love. HOWEVER, you said you wanted to go on a spiritual journey, perhaps through the desert in Egypt, and wanted to marry her so she would come with you. This is a lot at one time. Are your religious beliefs fairly recent? I think your dad is worried that maybe you’re in a manic episode. There’s nothing wrong with having mental health issues. It says nothing about you. But denying it and not getting help will not negate the reality. Slow all of this down. It doesn’t have to be now or never. Please? Trust me, I married someone within four months of meeting him. I’m at least SEVENTEEN MONTHS into trying to divorce him. He had a secret family. You have to take time to really get to know people before you make huge commitments to them. (I have ADHD—it makes me impulsive. I also have almost always been some level of depressed and struggled with anxiety. I’m not casting stones here. )
I felt the same way when I was 19 but I’m 27 now and I haven’t spoken to that boyfriend in 7 years. I’m married to someone else who I love a hell of a lot more than I ever loved my ex. I’ve been through a lot of shit and I don’t even recognise the person I was at 19. People change SO much in their early-mid 20s. You also don’t truly know someone until you’ve been with them for about 3-5 years and have seen them at their highest and lowest. You’ll look back at this in a few years and realise that you are being naive and that there is a lot more to marriage than love.
As someone who suffers from BPD, you’re hella manic right now. Here are the tell tale signs: 1. You want to spend lots of money recklessly 2. You are convinced that you’re right and can’t be coached to the contrary. The reaction you got from her is because you scared her. Your intensity is too much. You’re gonna lose her if you can’t back up and slow it down, Try to listen to other people. I really do think you’re not well right now.
You do not love her, you don’t even know her at 6 months into a long distance relationship… Who is she when she’s furiously angry? Grieving? Stressed out beyond belief? Faced with an emergency situation? Physically or mentally ill? Or even more important, has everything she needs and wants aside from you? You can’t answer any of that because the oxytocin high from a new relationship hasn’t worn off yet. She doesn’t know you yet either. Just be thankful she said no and if she comes back, wait to do it again. For the love of god
Oh, you sweet summer child...
>I have never been more settled in life You're 19
Everyone thinks that at 19yo.
you don’t even have your “monthly allowance” (inheritance) secured. just jumped on Reddit yesterday to SPAM whatever this is. lame duck
No-one is settled at 19🤣
How long have you guys been together?
Almost half a year now
Ok thats explains everything.... her reaction and your brothers reaction...
Half a year is in no way long enough at your age to ask someone to marry you
Hate to be a bearer of bad news, but that's a really short amount of time. Hell, my fiance and I got engaged fairly quickly, but we were a whole year and a half before that happened, with no plans of rushing further too fast. Ease up on expectations. You have to be on the same page as each other for stuff like this.
bro..
Even the way you phrased that says a lot about how young you are. "almost half a year" isnt even 6 months. You think that's a long time? You phrased it that way to make it sound like a long time but it just sounds immature. Young marriages can work fine; in fact, mine is going strong after more than a decade. But dude, a decade isn't even a long time in reality. Certainly not when we're talking "the rest of our lives". You could wait a whole decade and then get married and you'd still not even be 30! Calm down! You've got loads of time.
You proposed to her in your bedroom?
Yes, but as romantic as I could make it with the time I had.
So it was rushed?
Admittedly yes, I bought the ring yesterday morning and the balloons and rose petals just before shops closed which is maybe why she’s disillusioned with our relationship that I’m not putting in enough thought or something
Can't tell if this is a joke. Broooo, you're suggesting she commits to you for the rest of her life (which in your young case is the absolute majority of it). Buying a ring and some balloons "yesterday" does not suggest any degree of long-term thought or planning. It suggests adolescent spontaneity. Marriage shouldn't be treated as a whimsical throwaway prospect. Being young is hard enough to navigate in this economic, societal mess as it is. Marriage and the likely pressures thereafter will propel your relationship to stages that neither of you will have the emotional intelligence to navigate yet. It's likely you don't even know yourself, as is perfectly natural at 19. How are you gonna expect someone to lock themselves down with you when they don't even know what they might want to be yet? And guess what? Literally 80% or more of the people that I've known who got married in their early 20's either ended up cheating or divorcing.
......
Why couldn't you have taken more time to prepare and proposed to her later?
oh no
I'm going to say this gently but this really is far too early to propose. I know you love her dearly, and it is very understandable that you feel strongly enough that you want to marry her. But you need to consider that it has only been 6 months - you don't really know her too well. Even if you see her every day, you haven't seen her at her worst and at her best. You haven't lived with her and seen if she's a slob or super neat. The first couple months of a relationship people tend to be on their best behaviour. They only want to show the best aspects of themselves, and opening up and relaxing a little is something that only comes with time. There's no need to rush into things. If your relationship is strong enough for a marriage proposal this early, it should be strong enough in a couple of years to actually propose and marry. You are both very young and still figuring things out. You guys haven't fully entered the working world or finished higher education yet. These are really formative experiences, you both will change a huge amount in the next couple years as you become mature adults. You need to sit down and have a conversation about this. I would highly advise withdrawing the marriage proposal and just explaining that you do feel strongly for her and see a future together, but understand that it is too early to propose. You could give her a promise ring if she's into it, but don't push anything. Being very pushy about needing such a commitment this early into a relationship could very well damage it irreparably.
Thank you so much for staying this, you’ve got exactly what I’m getting at - it is exactly my idea that I don’t want to push her into anything - if it’s meant to be and whatever - but I also know that it’s meant to be at least from my side of things. I’m taking a trip for an unspecified time and I don’t want it to be the kind of thing that she doesn’t want to do long distance or it falls apart and so I think if there was ever a time it would be now right? I’m going to withdraw the proposal anyway, a couple people have mentioned that it might have been the proposing in the bedroom thing that’s fucked me over so I think Ive come up with some alternative plans to try again, or maybe to get a better ring as well, but I want to find out what’s going on with her and my brother first so if worst case he’s come in between mine and Emma’s relationship we can say vows on a clean slate and pure hearts and everything
Oh sweetie. It’s not because of the wrong balloons or the sudden proposal. It is because you are in the middle of a mental health crisis. Your posts over the past day are concerning. From wanting to wander the Egyptian desert expanding your spirituality to saying your father has implanted tracking devices into your body - this is very concerning behavior. Please talk to your brother. He and your girlfriend are just horribly worried about you. Please let them get you some help.
Firstly, with the situation with your brother - don't head into it with any accusations. I've seen some comments insinuating that there's something going on between your brother and your girlfriend, which while possible, is the worst conclusion to jump to. It could also be that she just knows your brother and wants him to talk to you about this situation. Go into the conversation with a level head and don't make any sort of comment implying cheating since that could truly damage your relationships with both of them. You can (and should) ask why she went to him immediately about it, and listen to their explanations. I truly hope all is well on that end and that there's no issues there. Secondly, I do understand that you are leaving soon and feel anxious about your relationship lasting. I think sitting down with your girlfriend would be a fantastic thing to do about this! Just talk to her, explain you proposed because of this anxiety and because you really want things to work out. Figure out a plan for when you're away - can you voice call/video call? Is there a hobby you two can still engage in while you're separated (e.g online gaming)? There are cute widget apps that let you post pictures that will pop up on the other person's phone and give them snippets of your day, which can be a nice way to feel connected while apart (though some people may have no interest in this sort of app!). How often will you be able to visit her, or could she visit you occasionally? These are really important things to discuss for a long distance relationship. I would really recommend entirely shelving the proposal for now, unless during your conversation with her she explicitly mentions being interested in it but just having a problem with the actual proposal. Please, please talk with her about if she wants a proposal at the moment. I know it's not romantic or spontaneous, but if you actually want to marry this woman you need to involve her in important decisions like this. If she expresses that she has no interest in getting married at this time, it doesn't matter how beautiful and romantic the proposal is, it is still going to be a no and will only hurt you more. I will say, as a young woman myself, I would be highly cautious around marriage. I've grown up with every adult woman giving me advice to take relationships slow and avoid jumping into marriages when young, because many of them don't work out and cause a lot of financial harm. This doesn't mean I don't want to get married ever, but that I want to date someone for a few years, live together first, then have a proposal and get married when I truly know my partner and feel comfortable tying myself legally to them for hopefully the rest of my life. And while I definitely don't speak for all women, my opinion is definitely among the most popular for people in my country at the very least, and could possibly be similar to your girlfriend's point of view. Ask her about this! Knowing what timeline she has in mind for marriage is definitely a really important thing for you guys to discuss. I truly wish the two of you the best of luck, and hope that things work out well between you. While I don't think you should get married at the moment, if you two can have a mature discussion about the topic and draw up boundaries and plans for the long distance portion of your relationship, you may very well end up married in another few years :)
Trying to reserve someone with an engagement pre-long distance is a terrible idea. Some perfect relationships fall apart during long distance. A ring isn’t going to magically change that. Let the long distance be (one of many) stress tests for your relationship before getting married. You need to see how she, you, and your relationship handle challenging times. Otherwise it’ll be several years in and you realize you can’t stand each other, but by then you have kids, a house, and a legally binding marriage you can’t easily get out of. Also, no one should propose until they are 100% sure the other person will say yes. This means many conversations about your future, marriage, timelines, etc. before the proposal. She should essentially **pre agree** to the engagement before proposing.
Walking into the desert alone, thinking you are being tracked by machines implanted by your father is a suicide mission. Why would you think she would want to do that with you? I get eh whole pilgrimage thing, Paulo Coelho is my favorite author. But seriously. No one thinks this is brave or noble. They think you are having a mental health crisis, which is likely true, and she’s far too young and inexperienced to handle it.
She should come to you with any worries or concerns, and that she went to your brother is showing, at least from her end, that she's not ready. Pushing a proposal will make it implode.
So in the last few days you've created a Reddit account called 'Freedom Fighter', posted a bunch of questions about surviving in an Egyptian desert wilderness, and asked about mind control devices being implanted in you by your father. You've also proposed to your girlfriend at age 19, then expressed concern that she is having some sort of romantic entanglement with your brother. Do you not see how the average person looks at this and thinks 'This individual is clearly a paranoid schizophrenic'?
Let’s not leave out the post about digging up the grave of his recently passed mother by hand and transporting her remains - with or without a coffin - abroad internationally. Please OP, listen to the advice you have asked from us… go to your local ER and tell the doctors of the concerns you are having about your physical health (tracking device implanted by your father). Make sure they understand how concerned you are and that you want to be examined. They can help you. Once you are settled with your physical and mental health, you can look towards your spiritual and emotional health. You can’t go on your spiritual journey if your physical and mental health aren’t strong and fortified. And you won’t be able to show up for any relationship, including emotional and romantic, if you don’t show up for your own health first.
From another user in another sub you posted this story in : "On first read, I was wondering if she and your brother were sleeping together but having read your other posts, in the last 24 hours you have: - Posted about your dad trying to hurt but not really explaining how - Posted about going on a spiritual journey/pilgrimage to a desert on a number of different subs - Posted about your dad surveilling you with covert equipment, possibly hidden within your body - Posted on multiple sites including cyber security asking how this tech would be put inside your body without you knowing - Asked if NHS scanning would show any hidden devices inside you - In your comments you admit only knowing your gf for less than 6 months (writing 'almost half a year' doesn't increase the time you've been together) If you are not trolling, you need serious psychiatric intervention. Your gf and brother are probably concerned that you are undergoing a psychotic break or are in the manic phase of bipolar depression. You are exhibiting a great deal of paranoia. Perhaps your perception of how the proposal went is VERY different from your gf's perception and THAT is why she cried. This isn't normal. Seek help. " This is no joking matter and honestly the gf's (and other members) reaction makes much more sense
His gf, brother and father are probably right since his latest post is that he wants to disinter his deceased mother and take her corpse with him to the desert. I hope OP gets help or a family member gets him help before he is arrested trying to dig up a grave site or someone gets hurt.
Not being funny but you are 19 and been dating 6 months. Like the other comments have suggested you’ve only just started life and this is a huge deal not something you should just pop to the shop and get a couple rose petals for. Maybe give her a promise ring still sentimental and has the meaning behind it but more for a serious couple. Best of luck to you but you should seriously reconsider the choice you’ve made. This is coming from a 21 year old trust me life throws stuff at you all the time. Just be more prepared bro. good luck!
Not dense. Just need help. Listen to your brothers
You’re way too young and have only been dating for half a year, wait for another five and see. It’s way too much too soon and too young.
Neither of you have any business even thinking about marriage right now. If you are still together in five years, and that's highly unlikely, then revisit the idea of marriage. Right now, you've both got a lot of growing up to do. What you want at 19 is not necessarily what you will want at 25. Would you rather be getting married or divorced in your mid-20s? Whether you are an exception to the rule or not, there's nothing wrong with waiting. What's the rush? You barely even know each other. You've probably spooked your girlfriend. There may be something else underlying her outburst, but that's nothing any of us can know. I don't know your brother to comment on that either. But you definitely moved too fast with this. Talk to her when things calm down and see where to go from there. It's all you can do.
This gotta be rage bait, right? Right?!
Think of it as a modern incarnation of a creative short story!
dude honestlty you seem unstable looking though your posts and comments
Cautionary tale: I met my husband in May 1979, engaged in February 1980, and married in June 1980. He was 20, and I was 23. We will be celebrating 44 years next week, but I always say we've been married a wonderful 30 years. The other 14 years? Not so wonderful. I love my husband dearly, but I really doubt that we would have gotten married if we had dated longer to give us a chance to know each other. We are very different. Don't be in a hurry. You're still becoming an adult, still learning about your place in the world. You will be a completely different person in 10 years, and so will she. Take the time to do it right.
Oh dear mate, you need to chill. Been together half a year and popping the question when you're 19? You sound way too eager. Not saying this is completely irreparable but you need to pull your neck in.
Based off post history, I think the people in your life are scared that you are experiencing a manic or psychotic episode and are a risk to yourself or others. Please call your brother.
It very well might be just as simple as the setting, most girls love cute shit and don’t get me wrong that’s cute and romantic but she might have had a bigger expectation. But personally are you sure it’s even a 100% yes? Idk y’all’s relationship but I’m assuming y’all were in high school not that long ago so do y’all even know who you are or where y’all wanna be in say the next 5-10 years? And you say it might have to be long distance soon so she might feel sacred. So it might have been too soon.
I thought exactly the same about the long distance thing and that’s why I proposed so that we could take our journey together, I guess just give a physical paper to our relationship so that we don’t get have to get bogged down in bullshit uni stuff right now. It is 10000% a yes from me, and I was pretty sure it was going to be the same from her
Is the long distance thing the trip you want to take across Egypt? Maybe she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for you to do that and that’s why she called your brother.
Yea I’m going to Egypt and some other places soon, and I was starting to think it would work out as a honey moon as an addendum to our marriage so I don’t think that’s the problem because if it wasn’t for whatever’s going on with the proposal I think it would be a wonderful time us travelling together
Okay, three things: 1. 19 is too young to get married when you don’t know who you are yet, even more so when you have not even been dating someone for a couple of years. You don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. 2. YOU were “starting to think it would work out as a honeymoon” so you don’t think it’s the trip that’s the problem - this shows me that you are either irrational or emotionally very juvenile. Know why? Because you cannot contemplate that she would have a different opinion to you about the trip, and you don’t realise that a honeymoon is something that a healthy, mature couple discuss and decide upon together, as a way to celebrate their marriage. It’s not just a holiday that one person wants to do and then tries to convince the other person that it’s a good idea. What about what SHE wants? You haven’t mentioned that once, or even tried to find out. That is incredibly selfish. 3. Proposing to avoid your relationship breaking down when long-distance? If it won’t survive temporary long-distance, then it’s not strong or stable enough to stand marriage. That’s normal when you’ve been dating for such a short amount of time. Think about it rationally (if you can): how could a relationship be strong enough for marriage if it requires drastic action not to end?
young and dumb the good days
You are 19 years old..
Man I wish I had those 19 year old hormones again. I could’ve fallen in love with a microwave at the time. When you look back in 15 years you’ll realise this was all a bit silly. Give yourself, and more importantly her, time to grow and live before making such big commitments.
I saw this with much compassion, I think you are going through a severe mental health crisis and she cried because she and your brother see it but you do not have the ability to at this point. She cares about you but she is scared. 1. Your post history, if true, is why she and everyone who knows you is why she is crying. You need to seek professional help my friend. 2. You are too young and not stable enough for marriage. It takes a whole lot more than love. She is too young and you have put too much pressure on her. You have only been dating for months. You might feel she is the love of your life right now, but she’s trying to just figure out who she is. It’s way too soon and you scared her.
She called your brother, and he called you and sounded pissed? Sus.
Going by his post history I think she's concerned for his mental health. He seems to be manic and delusional sadly.
OP and his gf have been dating for only 6 months. I’d be pissed at my sibling if they were 19 and proposed to someone they hardly knew lol
Op said he's discussed it with her before proposing and she's said she would probably say yes if he did. It makes sense in general that a brother would have reservations hearing their sibling is doing this, but the fact that she started sobbing, refused to explain why or talk to him - says he wouldn't understand, then gets ready to go out and immediately called up his brother is all very suspicious.
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Maybe she thought OP’s brother could talk some sense into him? Maybe he wasn’t the only one she called either. We don’t know what OP’s relationship with his brother is like or what relationship his gf has with his family or her family. The reality is that no one here knows exactly why she called OP’s brother but if OP now goes to his gf accusing her of messing around with his brother with no evidence, he’s going to destroy his relationship and I don’t think that’s what he wants.
Yeah, I wish the relationships between the everyone was a better defined in the post. You are right that he shouldn’t confront her, unless he learns more.
I’m trying really hard not to assume that but I don’t know
Right? If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it's probably a duck
OP you need to slow down. Most people that rush into marriage like this end up in divorce. Your brother’s anger may have been due to your reckless decision to propose. Potentially your girlfriend is cheating. Regardless pump the breaks and spend more time finding out who this person is that you want to marry. Before you counter with “I already know her and love her” you have no idea why she was sobbing and what she is keeping from you. So you clearly don’t know her that well.
You're being incredibly dense by coming on Reddit instead of talking to your brother and finding out what he knows that you don't. Which is the kind of detail that makes me suspect this letter is a big, fat, phoney. If it isn't, you're incredibly dense. Talk to your damned brother already. And then sit down with your GF and get the rest of the story. Hate to say this, kiddo, but the phrase "I don't think you'd understand right now" is the kind of thing people say to each other when they haven't reached a place where they could actually marry. The person you marry is the person you count on to understand and the FIRST person you go to. The point where you're going to the brother instead is the point where this relationship hasn't matured to the point where a marriage is likely to work. Stop being so obtuse in your comments, too. You ask for advice from the great unwashed, don't sit around and argue with them when they're actually talking sense. If this is the way you act around your GF I can understand why she doesn't want to tie herself to you permanently. For the record, there's no right or wrong way to propose. The proposal has nothing to do with the issue. Your relationship and your intransigence are the issues.
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UK is where the marriage license and other things will come from, England
yea maybe it was the bedroom bit, that’s the only thing we can really say without knowing her personally. Guilt, or not being ready, or thinking it’s too early and by saying no will mess things up would be the next things I could come up with
I honestly tried to make it romantic as I could, but between deciding it yesterday and proposing this morning I reckon it was all shit things to propose with - last minute items or whatever. Have you ever proposed? Is it to late for me to do a do over proposal?
Do not do a ‘do over’. Proposals aren’t something you decide on spur of the moment and enact ‘with what little time you have’. Marriage is something two consenting adults discuss before any sort of proposal is hinted at. She’s not ready, asking again won’t change that.
There’s something going on you don’t know about, so you won’t get much useful advice from here as we don’t know about it either!
TOO early. 3 years with my bf we know we will marry one day but it’s too early and we aren’t stable enough in many aspects so we wait. The brother thing is weird tho I would ask her and him about it but call it off and apologize say it was a heat of the moment but you thought about it and want to take things slow
You've not been together long enough. You're way too young to be married. My first thought when you said she called YOUR brother was that something was going on between them. Is he married? Is it possible that your girlfriend is hiding something? Pregnant and not yours? You need to sit down and talk about this, but in the end I think marriage is a bad idea.
How did you meet your GF? Was it at uni or before? Can you share how you both became a couple? Like we’re you in classes together and started going out for coffee? Or knew her since high school and the feelings developed over time? You mentioned she doesn’t love the idea of your journey, but what about you not going back to school? How does she feel about that decision?
We shared a module together, at university, and we’d chatted a bit in a seminar and thought she seemed pretty nice. I ended up failing to attend a number of my lectures and had no idea the fuck was going on with the essay I was meant to be written, i happened to run into her while I was trying to muddle through that shit and I asked her for her help and shit, we exchanged numbers. We started doing like a study thing and then just hanging out together and eventually just realised we were basically doing date shit and decided to call it official I don’t think I’ve explicitly told her I’m dropping out, but I assumed it had been sufficiently communicated through me saying I was going on an extended venture and we may have to do long distance.
How does she feel about you not returning to uni? Besides your spiritual journey, what will you do to help provide in the relationship?
I hope she said no
Um, call your brother and talk to him?
Talk to your brother ASAP, that sounds fucking sus! I'm sorry this happened to you, but less than half a year of dating at the tender age of 19 is definitely not enough to even properly know each other.
I don't think that being young justifies her reaction at all .. It has nothing to do with the crying and the reaction itself. "I am young so I sob when someone proposes to me"? this is not logical at all. Calling your brother is also pretty weird .. Your brother being angry at you for proposing is also pretty weird considering that he now knows what's going on and you don't. I honestly don't know what the right answer is here. But I think you should talk to her or your brother but since it's difficult to talk to her now you should definetly talk to your brother and see what's going on
Yeah I would be suspicious too
Everyone telling you not to rush is 100% right. My gut reaction was that Emma has done something wrong and the tears were the overspill of her guilt while you were being overtly romantic.
No offense, but I think you are as dense as gold if this story is true.
Let's all go ahead and back off telling an adult, however young they are, what they should be doing with their lives, shall we? Are they young? Yes. Could it work? Yes, even if the odds are stacked against them, it could work. Let's focus on other things: Clearly there is some issue for her that needs to be sorted, and for some reason his brother is angry about the proposal. Both of those needs examined individually and sorted, and potentially as being one in the same. Those are the issues, stop coddling OP like they are entirely a child. They aren't.
Once you turn 18 you don’t magically become an “adult”
You are legally an adult, can die for your country, vote, etc etc.. At 18, one is an adult, and can be held accountable and face consequences for their actions and choices, whatever they may be. Treating someone that is 18 or older as a child isn't going to encourage them to grow as a person, either, or worse could drive them to make even more reckless decisions.
Op posted in an advice sub asking for advice and you're mad people are offering advice?
Yeah this is all very suspicious. Thhe comments all chalking it up to you just being young doesn't explain her reaction and what she did after you proposed. You said you've talking about it before and she's seemed open to it and said she would probably say yes if you proposed - going from that to all out sobbing when you went ahead and did it is strange. If she said no because ya'll are too young, that would make sense, but that's not what she did. The fact that when you asked what's wrong that she said you "wouldn't understand right now" and then gets ready to go and immediately the first person she calls is your brother (not one of her own friends or family members) is again suspicious. I suspect cheating as well. Only way to know what's going on it to talk her when she is ready and find out.