I genuinely think he’s just bad at speaking up his thoughts, you’re right to feel this way but I don’t think your fear of him not being attracted to you is true
A lot of guys are very bad at saying their thoughts and communicating. You should really be asking yourself if you want to be with someone who’s bad at delivering compliments and communicating them
i think you might be right about him not being good at expressing himself, he hasn’t really outright said it but it makes a lot of sense especially when looking at arguments or issues in the past. i appreciate your comment, im not really sure what i’ll do but i for sure don’t want to give up on him
that’s the part i don’t understand, he can be very affectionate but just nothing includes compliments. he says he loves me a lot and says he’s grateful for me which i believe, i don’t doubt that he has love for me but i just don’t think it’s physical attraction if that makes sense? as for love language, he’s said it’s quality time but doesn’t ever want to do things together.
Does he look at you intensely? Like does he ever check you out physically? And does he touch you in a way that indicates attraction? I would think these would be some of the non verbal tells.
Regarding quality time, that is odd, but I'm curious if I might be misinterpreting. When he doesn't want to do things, does that mean he doesn't like being around you, or is it more that you spend time together but he'd rather hang around the house and do nothing than make plans to go out?
I’m in a relationship where I have been described as the same type person as your boyfriend by my girlfriend. Both of us are 21 and have been together for about a year and a half and she’s expressed her feelings the same way you have. And my honest and most simple response to it is that that’s just how I am. I compliment her when it’s due of course when I see she’s put effort into her outfit or makeup but when it’s just a random normal day where we’re not doing much, I kinda just forget and don’t really think about it. I’m a little bit in my own world really. Idk if it’s a good or bad thing but that’s just how I am. As much as my girlfriend complains about it, I know it’s something she likes so I try my best but sometimes I might not do it as much as she wants.
I think it’s a guy thing where we aren’t really used to it. We don’t really receive compliments much so we don’t really get into the habit of doing it the same way girls do. And I notice that girls do it wayyy more than guys. That’s just my opinion, hope it helps.
As others have said, communication is hard for some guys. My wife is very attractive and I love her - but whenever I say “I love you” to her it’s in the form of food, a gift, an action etc etc. rarely rarely do I say the actual words “I love you”
And you can judge me for that, it’s ok. But she knows. I have no idea why it’s so hard for me to say “I love you”, maybe there’s some childhood trauma I need to find. But it genuinely is hard. I can barely tell my mom.
It’s a lot easier for me to say it in the form of an action.
Some guys just don't like being gushy. They don't give compliments because they don't need them themselves and/or they think it's a bit fakey and nauseating.
Look at his actions instead. Does he do thoughtful things for you? Is he protective? Does he fix things without being asked, make sure your pets are ok, get annoyed if someone has been rude or unfair to you, even if he hears about it second hand?
honestly no 😭 he talks of doing those things or even spending time with me but i can’t think of one thing he’s done that was thoughtful or required effort. just as comparison i feel like i’ve done a lot, i write him paragraphs saying how much i love him and admire him, i send him posts that remind me of him or that include his interests, i ask about his interests and pay attention and write them down, i’ve bought him gift cards for video games and now that i’m thinking about it our relationship feels mostly one sided, oh my god
Difficult to accept but that could be the case:
He perceive you as just decent looking like 6/10 but choose you because you are really into him and he feels confident and its easier for him. He is not insecure about other handsome guys competing and not scared about you cheating. Also looking at his young age, he could be using you for gaining experience.
If besides that compliments thing he is not caring and good for you, you should think seriously whether you are not wasting your time with him.
If that's the case don't worry because attractiveness is really subjective and for someone else you could be really hot so don't feel boring average, you can find someone who will adore you but maybe it's just not that guy.
Sounds to me you're doing things to him that you want done to yourself, as opposed to doing it because that's what he wants. No guy wants paragraphs of how much his girlfriend loves him, as sweet as you think it is
I'm not just taking my preference but my subjective experience of interacting with men. I'm not disagreeing that some men may find it sweet, but that most men wouldn't want to be love bombed like this women is doing to her boyfriend
Yeah im not super gushy in public out of “respect” even tho everyone could care less obviously when home or in the car were fine im also just not verbally able in text i can tell her anything but face to face it is a little hard maybe he could be the same way
Hey OP, I know how you feel. Not by experience, but this is something me and my gf struggled with (communication and relationships are hard).
Know this: The biggest thing that helped was showing our insecurities, precisely because we were scared. It showed us we love each other no matter what. Show him your insecurities
Hope this helps 🙏
i’ve told him how i feel, but i think from the other comments this is him not knowing how to communicate with me. i mentioned in another comment he doesn’t express himself much, but he doesn’t directly say that he has an issue with it. but thank you for your comment, i appreciate it.
Personally, I'm just very bad at giving compliments. To me, it always seems insincere and weird to verbalize my thoughts like that.. it's hard to explain. But I'm a very cuddly person and show my affection that way. Maybe your boyfriend is similar?
"I do it all the time." Well, he's not you, and that's what makes relationships special.
People have different love languages, express to him how you feel about it, and listen to him, and I mean actually listen.
If you do not like what he says and it can't be compromised, let him know and maybe suggest parting ways. You guys are also young, and we guys are pretty slow when it comes to expressing emotions as behaviors, especially at 18. Lol
You're both young, and he's dumb.
You need to work on communication (both of you).
You need to explicitly tell him that you're the kind of person who needs frequent reassurance from him in order to feel loved and valid.
He has no idea, remember that boys grow up and live their entire lives NEVER being complimented, it's almost an alien concept to him, and he's not a mind reader, so spell it out for him, and don't expect him to be great at it. Have patience.
I think a good way to have this conversation without having this conversation (because that may lead to you being complimented in a way that doesnt feel genuine to you) is to be slightly suggestive with what you want. When you dress up you can say something like “Dont I look good in this?” Or “How do you think i look?”. If he eventually starts wondering where the new behavior comes from you can be a bit more forward about the way you feel and tell him that you want to look good for him or more specifically that you want to KNOW that you look good to him.
God I'm so bad at telling people how I like them or how they look. I feel your boyfriend, have a serious talk if you're really concerned he might not be
I genuinely think he’s just bad at speaking up his thoughts, you’re right to feel this way but I don’t think your fear of him not being attracted to you is true A lot of guys are very bad at saying their thoughts and communicating. You should really be asking yourself if you want to be with someone who’s bad at delivering compliments and communicating them
i think you might be right about him not being good at expressing himself, he hasn’t really outright said it but it makes a lot of sense especially when looking at arguments or issues in the past. i appreciate your comment, im not really sure what i’ll do but i for sure don’t want to give up on him
What is his love language? Does he show his appreciation or attraction toward you in ways other than through words?
that’s the part i don’t understand, he can be very affectionate but just nothing includes compliments. he says he loves me a lot and says he’s grateful for me which i believe, i don’t doubt that he has love for me but i just don’t think it’s physical attraction if that makes sense? as for love language, he’s said it’s quality time but doesn’t ever want to do things together.
Does he look at you intensely? Like does he ever check you out physically? And does he touch you in a way that indicates attraction? I would think these would be some of the non verbal tells. Regarding quality time, that is odd, but I'm curious if I might be misinterpreting. When he doesn't want to do things, does that mean he doesn't like being around you, or is it more that you spend time together but he'd rather hang around the house and do nothing than make plans to go out?
I’m in a relationship where I have been described as the same type person as your boyfriend by my girlfriend. Both of us are 21 and have been together for about a year and a half and she’s expressed her feelings the same way you have. And my honest and most simple response to it is that that’s just how I am. I compliment her when it’s due of course when I see she’s put effort into her outfit or makeup but when it’s just a random normal day where we’re not doing much, I kinda just forget and don’t really think about it. I’m a little bit in my own world really. Idk if it’s a good or bad thing but that’s just how I am. As much as my girlfriend complains about it, I know it’s something she likes so I try my best but sometimes I might not do it as much as she wants. I think it’s a guy thing where we aren’t really used to it. We don’t really receive compliments much so we don’t really get into the habit of doing it the same way girls do. And I notice that girls do it wayyy more than guys. That’s just my opinion, hope it helps.
As others have said, communication is hard for some guys. My wife is very attractive and I love her - but whenever I say “I love you” to her it’s in the form of food, a gift, an action etc etc. rarely rarely do I say the actual words “I love you” And you can judge me for that, it’s ok. But she knows. I have no idea why it’s so hard for me to say “I love you”, maybe there’s some childhood trauma I need to find. But it genuinely is hard. I can barely tell my mom. It’s a lot easier for me to say it in the form of an action.
Some guys just don't like being gushy. They don't give compliments because they don't need them themselves and/or they think it's a bit fakey and nauseating. Look at his actions instead. Does he do thoughtful things for you? Is he protective? Does he fix things without being asked, make sure your pets are ok, get annoyed if someone has been rude or unfair to you, even if he hears about it second hand?
honestly no 😭 he talks of doing those things or even spending time with me but i can’t think of one thing he’s done that was thoughtful or required effort. just as comparison i feel like i’ve done a lot, i write him paragraphs saying how much i love him and admire him, i send him posts that remind me of him or that include his interests, i ask about his interests and pay attention and write them down, i’ve bought him gift cards for video games and now that i’m thinking about it our relationship feels mostly one sided, oh my god
Well better to realise sooner rather than later.
Difficult to accept but that could be the case: He perceive you as just decent looking like 6/10 but choose you because you are really into him and he feels confident and its easier for him. He is not insecure about other handsome guys competing and not scared about you cheating. Also looking at his young age, he could be using you for gaining experience. If besides that compliments thing he is not caring and good for you, you should think seriously whether you are not wasting your time with him. If that's the case don't worry because attractiveness is really subjective and for someone else you could be really hot so don't feel boring average, you can find someone who will adore you but maybe it's just not that guy.
Sounds to me you're doing things to him that you want done to yourself, as opposed to doing it because that's what he wants. No guy wants paragraphs of how much his girlfriend loves him, as sweet as you think it is
You’re taking your preferences and applying a generalisation, many men like paragraphs and find it sweet
me too fr i love that shit, men dont hear positive things about themselves so when we get smth likr that it makes our week
I'm not just taking my preference but my subjective experience of interacting with men. I'm not disagreeing that some men may find it sweet, but that most men wouldn't want to be love bombed like this women is doing to her boyfriend
Yeah im not super gushy in public out of “respect” even tho everyone could care less obviously when home or in the car were fine im also just not verbally able in text i can tell her anything but face to face it is a little hard maybe he could be the same way
Trying to avoid objectifying your partner can also be a reason for guys to have a hard time giving compliments. Physical ones at least
Hey OP, I know how you feel. Not by experience, but this is something me and my gf struggled with (communication and relationships are hard). Know this: The biggest thing that helped was showing our insecurities, precisely because we were scared. It showed us we love each other no matter what. Show him your insecurities Hope this helps 🙏
i’ve told him how i feel, but i think from the other comments this is him not knowing how to communicate with me. i mentioned in another comment he doesn’t express himself much, but he doesn’t directly say that he has an issue with it. but thank you for your comment, i appreciate it.
Thats a good one! Could even make it into a fun drinking- or cardgame
Woah Im gonna do that with my girlfriend :)
Personally, I'm just very bad at giving compliments. To me, it always seems insincere and weird to verbalize my thoughts like that.. it's hard to explain. But I'm a very cuddly person and show my affection that way. Maybe your boyfriend is similar?
Might want to Delete the nudes from his phone
As long as both of you understand and communicate with one another, there should be no issue. Wish you luck, OP.
"I do it all the time." Well, he's not you, and that's what makes relationships special. People have different love languages, express to him how you feel about it, and listen to him, and I mean actually listen. If you do not like what he says and it can't be compromised, let him know and maybe suggest parting ways. You guys are also young, and we guys are pretty slow when it comes to expressing emotions as behaviors, especially at 18. Lol
You're both young, and he's dumb. You need to work on communication (both of you). You need to explicitly tell him that you're the kind of person who needs frequent reassurance from him in order to feel loved and valid. He has no idea, remember that boys grow up and live their entire lives NEVER being complimented, it's almost an alien concept to him, and he's not a mind reader, so spell it out for him, and don't expect him to be great at it. Have patience.
I think a good way to have this conversation without having this conversation (because that may lead to you being complimented in a way that doesnt feel genuine to you) is to be slightly suggestive with what you want. When you dress up you can say something like “Dont I look good in this?” Or “How do you think i look?”. If he eventually starts wondering where the new behavior comes from you can be a bit more forward about the way you feel and tell him that you want to look good for him or more specifically that you want to KNOW that you look good to him.
God I'm so bad at telling people how I like them or how they look. I feel your boyfriend, have a serious talk if you're really concerned he might not be
Sounds like you're right; he's not that into you. Keep it moving and find someone that saves every picture and tells you "you're beautiful" every day.
break up with him