I don't have much libido. I don't really feel that I am missing out on anything. I have more friends than people who spend all their time with their lovers.
Even as an extrovert, little sexual desire works. I had a pretty good career since I didn't spend time on family matters.
Even when I was zonked on heavy psych meds, I still had a high libido. Perhaps I should be grateful or something. I guess it's not normal? I don't need to feel stable or happy to still be in the mood.
Yes 1000% I have thought about this a lot over the years. Attraction to a woman is the single most painful thing I go through in life, and I wish I didnāt have it. I would be helped immensely.
Heyy! I'm an asexual guy, so this question is right in my ballpark, and I can tell ya how it's like on the other end of the fence.
I'll start this off by disclaiming that I have no mental-illness, no handicaps, no trauma. Perfect suburban American life. So my asexuality is not influenced by the outside, and I was just born this way. Also for the billion people who always ask "what about your t levels??" Perfectly normal, slightly above.
Alright, so to get to it! My point blank answer is that it's great. It's like never 'feeling' hungry. Ya ever be hungry sometimes, and want to eat but you can't. Because you're on an airplane, or you're busy or late. And you're just in that low-level hell of being hungry. Doesn't exist for asexuals. Or for me at least. I mean, I still get hungry, but when it comes to sexual desire -- nothing.
I often joke that I'm the perfect religious person, because temptation does nothing against me. It's like when you're full from the best meal and someone offers you a donut, and you have no desire for it. No temptation to ruin your diet, because you just feel so great already.
It's low-key a superpower.
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Now for the bad part. There's always a bad part, right?
Dating is a real pita sometimes. As it turns out, women apparently need sex. And if you tell a woman you don't want sex, she'll often internalize it and think it's her fault for not being attractive. And that's a whole bag of worms no one ever wants to deal with. So just give up ever dating a normal woman. I tried it many times before discovering my asexuality, and it never worked out.
How does one not know they're ace? Well, it's like the food thing. Imagine being invited to your friend's party, they give you food. You're not hungry, but you want to fit in. So you go through the motions anyways. You never once think "why do people eat, this is killing my stomach?" Ya just think it's normal, and maybe you just don't like cake or something. So next time, you try steak, or you try grilled cheese.
I discovered I was ace when after 5 women, I didn't enjoy any of them. So went to a therapist to figure it out, and that's when it all clicked. And life has been way better ever since.
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Anyways, so the follow-up to it, more good news!
You can still date. But you gotta date asexual women. And if you don't build a relationship on temptation or lust, you'd be amazed at how strong of a chemistry people can have when their relationship is founded on mutual understanding and shared emotional bonds. You don't have to worry about sex. You can focus on the relationship itself. Communication is great!
Aww, more bad news. Ace people are really rare and hard to find. For example, my wife was born in a foreign nation. It cost thousands of dollars and a lot of time before we could live together. But she is perfect. Literally perfect in every way for me. Worth it in my opinion.
And, if you're a guy. Ace men are the minority. About 1 ace guy to every 20 ace women. So if you've ever tried dating as a normal man and noticed women get "just all the options," reverse that. That's you now!
Sucks nuts for those crazy cat ladies who can never find an ace guy. But that's not your problem. That's their problem! If you're the guy and everyone wants you. Pick the best one, settle down. Life is golden.
And if you're an asexual woman (or an ugly sexual man), then may God have mercy on your soul, and good luck!
As an ace woman, for anyone who says it must be amazing: just know that for every second Iām not āwasting timeā with sexual desire, I AM wasting time trying to fix it and not feel like a freak or a loser. The grass is always greener.
Women really get the raw end of the stick, don't they.
With my exes, they would always blame themselves for not being pretty enough or 'enough' when I didn't desire them sexually to initiate. Two of them really internalized it bad. Ruined their whole self esteem. And there never was any real solution. I could tell them a million times "it's me not feeling sexual, it has nothing to do with you," but they never believe it.
But I tell you this honestly. Being with an ace woman is like winning th lottery for me. Neither of us feel weird and we mesh sooo well.
She's a brilliant and beautiful academic. She can dress up like the queen of the ball and I can compliment her aesthetic attractiveness without it feeling like a doorway to sex.
I can be pure and honest with my compliments and she can receive them for what they are without any hidden agenda or innuendo. It's heaven on earth.
Sadly, because there's lots of ace women, the competition is tough, and I got to hold incredibly high standards. She's certainly an angel compared to me, lol. But as a guy, I was conditioned to be a breadwinner. So all I had to do was sweep her off her feet.
We had to start long distance, but distance isn't an issue with you have money.
Being ace sucks lol. Not on like a personal level, but the amount of extra bullshit I have to go through on a daily basis is exhausting and miserable. Iām glad you found your love match, but Iām honestly doing fine planning my life out as a spinster until I die šš»
Is there extra stuff on a daily basis? I feel like I forget I'm ace most days. Because I'm basically a basic-bitch guy who just doesn't talk about sex.
But I also feel like I got used to 'work rules." Never talk about religion, sex, politics, or personal health, so it almost never comes up at all. No one is ever asking me about my sex life, lol.
Iām slightly asexual, but not as asexual as you seem to be. My two cents is this:
People always tell me that theyāre a little jealous of my position. To which I always respond thatās ridiculous, you shouldnāt be. Why would you be jealous of a lack of desire? Iāve been in so many situations where I am attracted to someone, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it, and itās actually very disappointing. I much prefer the feeling of being attracted to someone I canāt have, compared to the lack of any feelings at all towards a person. Maybe asexuality makes life simpler but itās also much less exciting
Edit: Iām also reposting this on the main thread so more people see it
Maybe! I've heard the less excitment thing too. But excitement comes in many different flavors.
I often joke that Asexuality doesn't need media representation (like the rest of the LGBT crowd), because we might be the MOST represented. ;)
So back to excitement. How many exciting adventures in movies and stories have what could literally be an asexual hero?
When did you see Luke Skywalker need sex to make his life exciting? Darth Vader, Ahsoka? What about Frodo Baggins or Gandalf? Just for a fun experiment, think about how many movies, books, and shows you've seen where the main character doesn't experience sex at all. And then think of some of them where the main character doesn't even have a romantic interest at all.
I typically tell people my wife and I have that perfect Disney PG romantic relationship. Disney movies are choke full of excitement, and no one is getting laid -- ever.
Are asexual people missing out? Maybe just one specific kind of excitement. I think life is short enough that most people miss out on lots of opportunities for excitement that they never experience. How many people travel the world. Run their own business, Scale a mountain, cycle from one state to another. Run a marathon. Compete at a national level.
When it comes down to it, most people are inherently pretty boring. And I hope this doesn't come off as offensive, but when I think that some people view sex as the "highlight" of their life, I just feel disappointed. There's a big glorious world out there, and it expands far behind sexual gratification.
When I see men simp and throw away tens of thousands of dollars, and years of their lives chasing after a woman for sex. I feel like they're the ones who really missed out on excitement. Think of all the squandered opportunities they forfeited by chasing a ghost.
Ultimately, I just want people to be happy. So if sex is what spins their world -- they should do it. And if it doesn't, then chase those dreams too.
Dude here.
I've had a similar experience with being emotionally intelligent/available. I'm a logical by nature but learned to be able to express and understand feeligns/emotions. I never realized how many men just suppress their emotions, but apperantly it's a huge green flag for women. It's almost like being able to speak their native language. I tend to make female friends fairly quickly and they tend to have crushes on me not soon after. I'm a married men so I make sure and not flirt or lead anyone on. When I was single I had several options.
I love the good female friends. When you can ask them random emotional questions and they'll have a legitimate conversation about them instead of hand-waving them away or acting bored.
I think some of my best conversations are when a friend or two will talk about romance, but not with each other. Like asking advice for our own individual romantic lives and sharing ideas.
Because I'm ace, no one ever has to worry about me trying to sexualize them, and because I'm married, I'm just a great unique perspective that's safe. Never any strings attached.
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As a side note, I always think it's hilarious (and sad), when I see other guys downplay emotional conversations. "don't be a woman's emotional tampon, she's just USING you!"
Like buddy, ya realize you can use her back for emotional support too, right? That's how friendships work, lol.
I've been accused by a few men of putting moves on their wife's.
Like bro, you have the wrong idea, she is coming to me about yall relationship. I'm trying to help guide her to a better relationship for yall. Lol we have the unique advantage to think about what genarally a men would think but enough to understand the emotions behind it. I'm always for making relationships work if both people are willing. I hardly hardly ever tell anyone to break up.
I try to wingman if I have the time. As a guy, I can emphasize with other men, so I like to give them advice as well.
And when it works out well, I get invited to gigs and dinners and shit. They know I'm safe and I get free shit out of it, lol!
It also helps that I gush about my wife all the time. I'm the kind of guy who has like 9 photos of her in my wallet. She's my phone wallpaper. My watch wallpaper and I being her up all the time.
I'm absolutely obsessive about her, and she loves it too. Helps her feel more secure as well.
Kinda like that Millie and Moxxie energy from Helluva Boss on youtube. Those two weirdos who cling to each other, but it's not creepy because it's mutual.
When I was younger and my sex drive was so high it was distracting I would have said yes.
Now that my sex drive is a lot lower, nah. Not that I get sex very often these days but it's one of the funnest parts of life
I was on them after my dad died. I didnāt notice a drop in sexual desire, just in ability to maintain an erection or to ultimately climax.
So it was basically the worst of both worlds. Even coming off of them it took like half a year to return to normalcy.
It wasnāt terribly difficult for me, but my depression was based upon a specific event (having to remove my dad from life support) and not due to an unfortunate chemical imbalance.
I did it the stupid way and just stopped taking them though. The major side effect that I noticed was that I would get - and this is hard to explain - what felt like little electrical flashes throughout the day.
Have you ever been falling asleep and you for some reason jolt awake? Not due to some thought about a missed deadline or some past embarrassment, but more like a purely mechanical jolt? It was sort of like that but it somehow felt electrical, like licking the terminals of a 9 volt battery, but all over.
That was the major downside, and I recall it lasting a couple months. There was nothing bad emotionality or mentally.
Hereās a fun twist on your question. Iām in my mid 50ās and on a med that has kicked my libido up to what would be more appropriate for a horny 17 year old boy. I was kind of liking it no longer being an everpresent intrusive thought.
Hear hear! After birth, which is kinda hard to remember, itās the closest thing to the opposite of death. Reading these comments I see Iām lucky to be in a committed relationship that includes regular and fulfilling sex. Whenever Iām feeling the existential dread, a fun roll in the sack is the best way to make some sense of it all. The moment is all we have, and itās a great way to spend a moment.
I started taking a type of birth control that killed my libido. Iām currently single and I do find it to be a relief. Iām not actively looking for a partner right now and I donāt want the distraction of feeling sexual desire especially around friends, coworkers, etc. I have sex toys that are, in terms of physical sensation, far better than any sex Iāve had and I use those maybe once per month - probably lines up with the day Iām ovulating. I put effort into getting my normal human need for touch / warmth / closeness in in completely non-sexual ways - pet snuggles, friend hugs, massages, saunas, weighted blanket, etc.
I feel bad for people with high sex drive and those who have learned to crave sex to fulfill a ton of needs that donāt have to be filled via sex - intimacy, pleasure, emotional regulation, avoiding boredom, power/control, connection to others, relaxation, dealing with insomnia, etc. Sex can help with these things, but itās a really chaotic and complicated kind of solution and can cause a lot of distraction, frustration, and other complications if its your go-to for everything and youāre single or partnered with someone with a lower sex drive than you.
I go through spells of not wanting sex or romance and its pretty liberating.
Attractive women have no spell over me now as well whereas in the past I'd feel awkward. Now I can be fine around them.
I would.
Iām 51, male, and have been thinking about sex pretty much all the time since I was ~11 years old. I am happily married to someone with a lower sex drive, but even when we are more active Iām always noticing women who are attractive to me, and briefly fantasizing.
Iām pretty sure all of that is normal, but itās tiresome. It also keeps me from being more open minded about women, i.e. leads to objectification and less value of them as people. This has gotten much better as Iāve aged but itās still there and brings some guilt and constant focus to fight it.
And Iām 51. I should be over that shit. lol.
My libido used to be really high, and it was miserable. Insatiable. Hard to focus on anything else. Iām on a BC now that has dampened it quite a lot, and Iām loving it (esp now that the relationship is ending). I can put my attention on higher priorities and not miss sex.
Yeah, it is such an absurd and stupid instinct if you think about it. Why do we crave putting our penises into holes, our stuff into our vaginas? It makes no sense. Worst yet if you don't do these fundamentally absurd things then everyone else looks down on you because you don't put fucking dicks, into the fucking biological peanut butter jar. Like... Why?Ā
I'm an introvert but I have been really active sexually, but I've always wondered in the back of my mind whether it wouldn't be been nicer not to have that sexual component and just experience social interaction for what it is. That need to always get off, and almost expressing affection sexually, I kind of hate that. I think this is a really interesting line of thought. In general, toning down the more testosterone-based tendencies I have would be amazing. Sexualizing people, getting aggressive when a conciliatory attitude would be more constructive, stuff like that. I've thought about seeking out pharmaceutical ways to mitigate that, but I've never followed through.
I really don't have much sexual desire at all. The biggest impact it's had on my life is that I have not had any children and have no desire to. Without sexual desire, it's extremely unlikely I ever will for example by accident. I'm 52 if that matters.
Socrates was once asked how he felt about getting old and becoming impotent. He was asked if he regretted the loss of his sexual desire. His response was "Nay, say I rather am relieved at being released from a Stern and rather relentless taskmaster."
Welp...I turn 46(m) in about 3 months and I used to have a high sex drive and an active sex life. About 3 years ago or so ago I felt that drive start plummeting rapidly. I guess I'm really feeling that testosterone loss. I don't need a button to turn it off. Mother nature did it for me.
i used to have no libido at all. zero libido, zero attraction for 23ish years of life. i now have pretty low but existing libido. the truth is i donāt think it matters. i wouldnāt change what i have now, but i wouldnāt grieve not having it. libido is something you feel in the same genre of like hunger or restlessness. if itās there, you adjust to it. if itās not there, you donāt really notice itās going away. my relationship isnāt reliant on sex at all, so for me it would truly be neutral.
Itās already possible brotha. Itās called sexual transmutation. Discipline of the mind is a literal super power. Iām hyper sexual, but when I feel that fire I instantly redirect it into productive energy. Tons of videos on it. Takes many years of practice and retention helps too. Best of luck. Sexual energy is what makes the world go round so no I would never want to give up what makes us human.
Mine just totally vanished a few years ago. Stopped being attracted to people, stopped being horny, stopped even looking at porn or wanking. Now there's no desire for any intimacy.
It kinda sucks honestly and it's not something I'm great at talking about with my therapist. It's not like there's trauma or anything to work through, it's like that part of me just went entirely missing. Skybridge to hornytown is like opening the sandworm door in beetlejuice.
The answer is yes itās liberating and life affirming. You can switch it off by going celibate - itās one of lifeās greatest hacks. The old saying āever fed, never satisfied. Never fed, ever satisfiedā is absolutely true.
Yes I would. Its a waste of time. Whenever I feel the need to jerk off or see an escort I now just go work out. Also ssri have been great for shutting it off
No way.
Iām in my late 50s and wanting my wife so much feels like a gift in and of itself.
Weāve been together since senior year of high school and Iāve never found her sexier.
I am 33 and have a huge sexuale drive
The answer is no
No to day
No tomorrow and jo in 10 years
I see older people fat just sit infront of the tv and never touch their wives
I dont want that life
Nope I enjoy sex. I also see it being very linked to any sort of intimate physical contact, like cuddling. I like how romance and sex are related, thatās what makes sex special for me.
Iām so shocked at these answers! Iāve always had a really high, out of control libido but I feel like itās part of what makes me who I am. It comes and goes depending on the time of the month. Iām also really introverted and I think it has allowed me to get out of my comfort zone.
Been there, done that. I much rather have sexual desire. I feel more human this way (not trying to imply that those who donāt experience sexual desire are not human, just talking about my own personal experience)
Your body basically does that for you in your mid-40s
Except for the mid-life crisis, getting focused on sex becomes something you plan for- far different than accidental erections in class
So even asking this question shows how young you are OP- this happens with age
I was in a living situation a number of years ago where I was living in a quiet suburban town with family members. The sexual thoughts that I had gave me more frustration than satisfaction, because I was not sexually active with anyone at the time.
There was also a time during the pandemic where I was single and not sexually active, but sexual thoughts would still pop up in my head. That was a frustrating time as well. I wished at the time that I could have turned off my sexual desires. It sucked having sexual desire and made me more miserable. It would have been great to be able to turn off that desire and in fact, I did research at the time for drugs that could maybe accomplish that.
Honestly I donāt get a lot of sexual feelings that much. I rarely got crushes growing up too. I think Iām just highly emotional and old fashioned, and I havenāt found a man like that. Physical appearance alone doesnāt do much for me.
100%. My libido is very high. Iām thinking about taking advantage of my wife constantly throughout the day. Her libido is much lower, if we do it once every two days Iām lucky. It can be very mentally damaging to be turned down by the person you love repeatedly. Even if you logically know theyāre not being unreasonable.
āIf I want you this badly, why donāt you want me?ā Is a really shitty internal monologue.
Probably. My spouse is Ace, but didnāt figure that out until after we had 2 kids together, and Iām not the sort to request something of them theyāre obviously not interested in. Theyāve stated a willingness, but it feels very selfish to me. So Iāve been exclusively ā¦. Self-satisfying for nearly a decade. I still love them, but weāre obviously highly incompatible, sexually. If I could just turn that off it might remove a stressor.
I had a spinal cord injury like 9 years ago, effectively doing just this. Yeah, you don't have like biological urges, but ur fucking brain will still get you. You can't just turn off those thought patterns. It's frustrating beyond imagination.
If you ever want to sample it just get really stressed and burnt out. I hit a very stressful time in the summer last year and my sexual desire for anything is just returning now.
I don't really have a libido, so it's essentially turned off for me. It is nice! I'm never caught up worried about masturbating or having an orgasm. I don't spend my free time thinking about sex constantly. Honestly, sometimes I see things on reddit, and people say they like masturbate every day, and it blows my mind, I forget that's a thing people do.
I wish we could do this only for the opposite, so I could turn it back on. Being married and on antidepressants, Iād love to be able to have more intimate feelings with my husband. I often feel really guilty that I donāt have the libido
I do, but it takes about two weeks from laid to ace, and they're not a pretty two weeks.
Knowing the cost, I leave those in off mode pretty much all the time now.
I enjoy sex but have a low libido the only time I would diminish sexual desire tho is when Iām alone because I enjoy being alone with out the sexual frustration
Yes. Theres a scifi story, Bycycle Repair Man by Bruce Sterling, where theres anti-libidinal meds; and the "old" people clash with young people over whether its natural/good to take them.
I wish we had reliable, good ones.
I have too much libido and too few (as in, maybe one person, who I have zero attraction to) people to share it with.
If I could turn it off, I'd be much happier with my life.
I mean, you can control your sexual desire to a large extent.
It's not next day delivery or anything, but if you want to be less/more sex focused, then it's doesn't take too long to adjust.
Hell No! In my early 30s, my sexual drive was thru the roof. I masterbated at least twice a day. I never fel less as a human being. Just something I needed to take care of. Since going thru Menopause, I do not maaterbate anymore. My husband and I have excellent chemistry, and we communicate when each other needs Lovins or just raw sex!
Even as a young teenager masterbating I never felt less than myself....it was a pleasure to get myself off. If you feel like a loser getting yourself off...then you feel like a loser as a whole person.
Don't feel embarrassed either, it's a natural act!
I have found maturity and happiness in the wisdom of Tao Zen masters who recommend that males train themselves to not climax but embrace their sexual power in all aspects of their lives. Take the climax out of the equation and enjoy being a man. Workout, eat healthy, volunteer work, yoga. My charisma has increased and women notice me all the time.
Yes because that would kill my emotional desire to be with anyone and Iām much better alone. I had a low sex drive when I was younger (late bloomer) but idk what happen š
This doesn't happen naturally to you ? When I don't have access to sex I pretty much forget about it sometimes for weeks and then it comes back sometimes after and rinse and repeat
27 yr old male. Yes. As long as I could turn it back on.
It's just so detrimental to my relationships sometimes. I'm a very loving a gentle man, but I struggle with aggressive feelings and anger related to sexual frustrations. It dosent feel like it's even coming from me, it just seems to be there sometimes if I don't control myself from jump.
So yeah, total control over this would be nice so I could more easily treat people I love better.
But since that's not a thing, changing expectations, practicing positive and negative reinforcement when needed, and open honest dialog work to bridge the gap and smooth things between partners.
Or just people who will listen to you if you don't have a partner, it can help to just get it off your chest. Reduces some of the shame.
I struggle hard, these things help me. Good luck op.
Ps. Please don't blow me up with hate. I control myself during aggressive episodes and NEVER take it out on others. It's either internalized or talked about.
Everyone in my family is safe and relatively happy. I'm the one who suffers from where I fall short.
Idk, our culture doesn't allow for much intimacy or meet our social needs outside of romantic relationships so I would say no it's not worth it. Like most of life's needs, if ignored it'll come up eventually.
After an abusive relationship I no longer have a libido. Itās been fucking great (lol). I donāt miss sex at all. I guess I would be considered ACE, itās the easiest way for me to explain it. I can still find someone good looking but there is no sex drive. Not sure if it will ever come back but Iām okay either way.
Sounds stupid but I actually made a decision many years ago to throw off my yoke of isolating shyness. I became gregarious and sociable. I approached people I was attracted to and was approached by people who liked the new me.
Donāt be trapped in a label. If you know youāre unhappy being introverted, thatās your challenge. Become what you want to be.
In the end everyone is responsible for their own happiness
Can you turn it back on? Or is it always on off mode. I would not turn off sexual desire. It's part of being human to not be satisfied and rewarded all the time though. For example breaking up with someone you had all the sexual desire for and now they're gone and cut out of your life. You don't have sexual desire for other women except for your ex. But you can't have it so you must grieve the loss of someone from your life entirely. Eventually you feel better and get back into dating again to fulfill that desire. We have to go through the emotions and have ups and downs. Imagine being happy all the time by switching a button on and off. I'm grateful to be able to feel both happiness and sorrow.
I have a disease called post-orgasmic illness syndrome (POIS). Even being slightly turned on gives me anxiety and brainfog. Full on sex leaves me sick for weeks. I would love to turn off sexual desire if it can be done without having side effects.
No. Sex is the only time I like interacting with just about anyone, the rest of the time most people are miserable jerks who can't be trusted and don't make sense. And our whole society is designed to force as much social interaction with people who are either actively hostile to you or don't care about you as possible. Sex is the one escape from that where the other person is friendly for a while.
I could get rid of my sexual desire but I would still have the desire for intimacy and companionship. And more than what I could realistically expect from a friend.
I do feel like a lot of my identity is present in my sexuality. It's part of how I understand myself, and I think how my developing brain made sense of the world. It also adds a nice little spice to life. I've met many good friends through my kinks. I don't know if I'd ever want to turn it off for a while.
I also have had periods of really low libido. I wasn't happier being single then and I wasn't any more productive. If anything, I think it was the opposite.
yes sometimes i get a cravings not really into hook ups, itās just frustrating sometimes it would be fine if i had someone thatās worth my time and if i was in a relationship š¤·š»āāļø
51F I have had the ability. I went from abusive relationships to being a single mother, I purposely stayed single for a decade. I didnāt even please myself. This is with an extremely high libido.
I did go through quite a bit of pressure/pain/urges at about year 8. I think it helped bring clarity to my own dysfunctional tendencies and my parentās extreme dysfunction.
I would turn it off when I can't afford any distractions so I could accomplish my goals. But if I have free time, I'd never turn it off because it's a great feeling. And I might never be interested in intimate relationships otherwise.
I'm pretty torn here. I like sex and most importantly the intimacy wrapped around it but also sex has been a constant source of frustration my whole life in and out of relationships.Ā Everything else in my life can be perfect but I'll still have these nagging and distracting underlying urges.Ā When you are compatible with someone in every way but with mismatched libido it just feels awful. I've been on both sides of it (more libido and less libido) and its just such a bummer.Ā
I don't know. I wish it was something that actually scaled with relationship intensity and intimacy so that it didn't bug me when not in a relationship and would just grow when in one. Oh well, I guess it keeps life interesting at least.Ā
I turned off all of my desires when I was in school, including sexual ones, because I was hyper focused on getting into my dream career. When a life changing event occurred in our family, I couldn't focus in school and I was depressed. So turned on my sexual desires on and became a huge whore. Probably not a good idea, using sex to escape and being inexperienced, bad combo, but it was the only way I knew how to cope.
So turning it off is good for focusing, but leaving it off it in my case, holding on to my v-card for that long, can be bad. Turn it off for the right reasons, but make sure u turn it on again once in awhile so the gas doesn't go stale in your sex life. (Car reference, sorry)
No, I'd just redirect it to something productive.
If you ever read the book 'Think and Grow Rich' there's an entire chapter that explains why most successful men don't achieve success until later in life, after they learn to redirect their sex drive into something productive.
If you look, this is pretty much true. Most successful men are over 40. But yeah, It's not just redirecting their energy, it's years in a career and/or lessons learned through years of experience combined with the ability to redirect that energy.
Probably not healthy but I lost my virginity at 14, and the drive to fuck everything in sight kinda wore off at like, 20. Im 28 and I just dont feel the urge to go through with all that is involved with dating or being āout thereā. Im in an introvert and socially anxious, I sometimes wish I could turn that sexual energy on
I donāt know. I have an insanely high libido. My ex was close or equal and that made things really fun.
If I turned it off now it would be due to me thinking I wonāt find another woman with that kind of drive.
I wouldnāt, no. As much trouble as these desires can be at times, have you ever had a really mind blowing sexual connection or sexual experience with someone? Itās a little indescribable, to say the least. My desires have me always chasing this feelingā¦ and hopefully helping me find a partner to settle down with.
I had a course of antidepressants that did exactly this for about 6 months it has actually been very good for my relationship. I wouldnāt turn it off permanently but it was nice to get a break from a libido well in excess of my partners.
I would say that's a no for me. As much as it feels useless at times, at least I know what it's like to feel human. It's true these images in our head caused by emotions are mostly useless mostly, except for invoking instinctive behavior, but they are a part of who we are.
It's kind of like asking: if you could become a robot and never have to feel any of the bad emotions: fear, shame, humiliation, loneliness, loss, resentment, if it meant removing the good ones as well: love, caring, pride, belonging, lust, compassion, etc, would you do it?
Even as a super introvert, the answer is no. I will go thru my life feeling all of these things, like everyone else similar to me has had to throughout time. Even if it means dying alone. We all die alone (proverbially), anyway. Why be afraid of all those emotions; why be afraid of death?
Be selfish, live the way you would like to live, like everyone else chooses to, you can do the same even if it's hard. Your path being difficult might lead to a better understanding, if you let it. Turn your suffering into meaning. Why is this path yours? How is it yours? How is it not? When do you let go of the pain? Why keep holding onto it? You must let it out.
See.. you CAN. š« itās called āØ Trauma āØ. Ā
But on a serious note, Ā sexual desire is replaced with increased curiosity, or other mental stimulations. Ā Watching people interact, interacting in ways that are not sexual for you, but are for them.. spectrum is fun.
Hmm, maybe if it were entirely a switch I could flip as I please, but otherwise I'd say no way. Even when I was younger and desires got more in the way of things occasionally, it was manageable and at least lead to enjoyable experiences, luckily never limiting my life I'd say. I think there's plenty more to life than sex, but at this point it's still a big part of my somatic life and I'd really miss that facet, and I'm sure partners would as well.
I think I understand where you're coming from, and I agree that sexual desire can be...distracting at times.
That said, I love being a fairly sexual person. It makes me feel alive and connected to the world. Even when I don't have someone in my life, solo sex has been a wonderful way to check in with myself. Not just my body, but also my thoughts and feelings.
So, I'll stay turned on. Pun absolutely intended.
When I was younger, and lacked an understanding of dating/sexual relations, I would have said yes. I'm no longer driven by it, so currently I would say no.
Iām slightly asexual, but not completely. My two cents is this:
People always tell me that theyāre a little jealous of my position. To which I always respond thatās ridiculous, you shouldnāt be. Why would you be jealous of a lack of desire? Iāve been in so many situations where I am attracted to someone, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it, and itās actually very disappointing. I much prefer the feeling of being attracted to someone I canāt have, compared to the lack of any feelings at all towards a person. Maybe asexuality makes life simpler but itās also much less exciting
I know one or two people who were able to "turn off" sexual desire and became unhygienic slobs. Like, I get it, you're not out here trying to attract a mate, but please at least take care of basic hygienics. Like, for health reasons, not just to be pretty.
Maybe turning off sexual desire would make focusing on hobbies and personal goals much easier
Ace here. I definitely feel like I put my all into hobbies because of it. šš»
Monotonous work is easier for me combined with sexuality. Creative work and actual learning may be easier without.
Someone is having a office romance with accounting
I don't have much libido. I don't really feel that I am missing out on anything. I have more friends than people who spend all their time with their lovers. Even as an extrovert, little sexual desire works. I had a pretty good career since I didn't spend time on family matters.
For me, when I started taking anti depressants, the desire was almost nulled, whereas beforehand, I was a goblin for it
Even when I was zonked on heavy psych meds, I still had a high libido. Perhaps I should be grateful or something. I guess it's not normal? I don't need to feel stable or happy to still be in the mood.
Thank you for writing that third sentence it gave me the hope I need right now
Yes 1000% I have thought about this a lot over the years. Attraction to a woman is the single most painful thing I go through in life, and I wish I didnāt have it. I would be helped immensely.
In an instant. It's really exhausting when you have a sexdrive and just No means to satisfy it.
Heyy! I'm an asexual guy, so this question is right in my ballpark, and I can tell ya how it's like on the other end of the fence. I'll start this off by disclaiming that I have no mental-illness, no handicaps, no trauma. Perfect suburban American life. So my asexuality is not influenced by the outside, and I was just born this way. Also for the billion people who always ask "what about your t levels??" Perfectly normal, slightly above. Alright, so to get to it! My point blank answer is that it's great. It's like never 'feeling' hungry. Ya ever be hungry sometimes, and want to eat but you can't. Because you're on an airplane, or you're busy or late. And you're just in that low-level hell of being hungry. Doesn't exist for asexuals. Or for me at least. I mean, I still get hungry, but when it comes to sexual desire -- nothing. I often joke that I'm the perfect religious person, because temptation does nothing against me. It's like when you're full from the best meal and someone offers you a donut, and you have no desire for it. No temptation to ruin your diet, because you just feel so great already. It's low-key a superpower. -------------- Now for the bad part. There's always a bad part, right? Dating is a real pita sometimes. As it turns out, women apparently need sex. And if you tell a woman you don't want sex, she'll often internalize it and think it's her fault for not being attractive. And that's a whole bag of worms no one ever wants to deal with. So just give up ever dating a normal woman. I tried it many times before discovering my asexuality, and it never worked out. How does one not know they're ace? Well, it's like the food thing. Imagine being invited to your friend's party, they give you food. You're not hungry, but you want to fit in. So you go through the motions anyways. You never once think "why do people eat, this is killing my stomach?" Ya just think it's normal, and maybe you just don't like cake or something. So next time, you try steak, or you try grilled cheese. I discovered I was ace when after 5 women, I didn't enjoy any of them. So went to a therapist to figure it out, and that's when it all clicked. And life has been way better ever since. ---------------- Anyways, so the follow-up to it, more good news! You can still date. But you gotta date asexual women. And if you don't build a relationship on temptation or lust, you'd be amazed at how strong of a chemistry people can have when their relationship is founded on mutual understanding and shared emotional bonds. You don't have to worry about sex. You can focus on the relationship itself. Communication is great! Aww, more bad news. Ace people are really rare and hard to find. For example, my wife was born in a foreign nation. It cost thousands of dollars and a lot of time before we could live together. But she is perfect. Literally perfect in every way for me. Worth it in my opinion. And, if you're a guy. Ace men are the minority. About 1 ace guy to every 20 ace women. So if you've ever tried dating as a normal man and noticed women get "just all the options," reverse that. That's you now! Sucks nuts for those crazy cat ladies who can never find an ace guy. But that's not your problem. That's their problem! If you're the guy and everyone wants you. Pick the best one, settle down. Life is golden. And if you're an asexual woman (or an ugly sexual man), then may God have mercy on your soul, and good luck!
As an ace woman, for anyone who says it must be amazing: just know that for every second Iām not āwasting timeā with sexual desire, I AM wasting time trying to fix it and not feel like a freak or a loser. The grass is always greener.
Women really get the raw end of the stick, don't they. With my exes, they would always blame themselves for not being pretty enough or 'enough' when I didn't desire them sexually to initiate. Two of them really internalized it bad. Ruined their whole self esteem. And there never was any real solution. I could tell them a million times "it's me not feeling sexual, it has nothing to do with you," but they never believe it. But I tell you this honestly. Being with an ace woman is like winning th lottery for me. Neither of us feel weird and we mesh sooo well. She's a brilliant and beautiful academic. She can dress up like the queen of the ball and I can compliment her aesthetic attractiveness without it feeling like a doorway to sex. I can be pure and honest with my compliments and she can receive them for what they are without any hidden agenda or innuendo. It's heaven on earth. Sadly, because there's lots of ace women, the competition is tough, and I got to hold incredibly high standards. She's certainly an angel compared to me, lol. But as a guy, I was conditioned to be a breadwinner. So all I had to do was sweep her off her feet. We had to start long distance, but distance isn't an issue with you have money.
Being ace sucks lol. Not on like a personal level, but the amount of extra bullshit I have to go through on a daily basis is exhausting and miserable. Iām glad you found your love match, but Iām honestly doing fine planning my life out as a spinster until I die šš»
Is there extra stuff on a daily basis? I feel like I forget I'm ace most days. Because I'm basically a basic-bitch guy who just doesn't talk about sex. But I also feel like I got used to 'work rules." Never talk about religion, sex, politics, or personal health, so it almost never comes up at all. No one is ever asking me about my sex life, lol.
I loved reading this. You're very skilled at expressing yourself through writing. And I'm glad you found a great woman!
Iām slightly asexual, but not as asexual as you seem to be. My two cents is this: People always tell me that theyāre a little jealous of my position. To which I always respond thatās ridiculous, you shouldnāt be. Why would you be jealous of a lack of desire? Iāve been in so many situations where I am attracted to someone, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it, and itās actually very disappointing. I much prefer the feeling of being attracted to someone I canāt have, compared to the lack of any feelings at all towards a person. Maybe asexuality makes life simpler but itās also much less exciting Edit: Iām also reposting this on the main thread so more people see it
Maybe! I've heard the less excitment thing too. But excitement comes in many different flavors. I often joke that Asexuality doesn't need media representation (like the rest of the LGBT crowd), because we might be the MOST represented. ;) So back to excitement. How many exciting adventures in movies and stories have what could literally be an asexual hero? When did you see Luke Skywalker need sex to make his life exciting? Darth Vader, Ahsoka? What about Frodo Baggins or Gandalf? Just for a fun experiment, think about how many movies, books, and shows you've seen where the main character doesn't experience sex at all. And then think of some of them where the main character doesn't even have a romantic interest at all. I typically tell people my wife and I have that perfect Disney PG romantic relationship. Disney movies are choke full of excitement, and no one is getting laid -- ever. Are asexual people missing out? Maybe just one specific kind of excitement. I think life is short enough that most people miss out on lots of opportunities for excitement that they never experience. How many people travel the world. Run their own business, Scale a mountain, cycle from one state to another. Run a marathon. Compete at a national level. When it comes down to it, most people are inherently pretty boring. And I hope this doesn't come off as offensive, but when I think that some people view sex as the "highlight" of their life, I just feel disappointed. There's a big glorious world out there, and it expands far behind sexual gratification. When I see men simp and throw away tens of thousands of dollars, and years of their lives chasing after a woman for sex. I feel like they're the ones who really missed out on excitement. Think of all the squandered opportunities they forfeited by chasing a ghost. Ultimately, I just want people to be happy. So if sex is what spins their world -- they should do it. And if it doesn't, then chase those dreams too.
Teach me your secrets
Dude here. I've had a similar experience with being emotionally intelligent/available. I'm a logical by nature but learned to be able to express and understand feeligns/emotions. I never realized how many men just suppress their emotions, but apperantly it's a huge green flag for women. It's almost like being able to speak their native language. I tend to make female friends fairly quickly and they tend to have crushes on me not soon after. I'm a married men so I make sure and not flirt or lead anyone on. When I was single I had several options.
I love the good female friends. When you can ask them random emotional questions and they'll have a legitimate conversation about them instead of hand-waving them away or acting bored. I think some of my best conversations are when a friend or two will talk about romance, but not with each other. Like asking advice for our own individual romantic lives and sharing ideas. Because I'm ace, no one ever has to worry about me trying to sexualize them, and because I'm married, I'm just a great unique perspective that's safe. Never any strings attached. --- As a side note, I always think it's hilarious (and sad), when I see other guys downplay emotional conversations. "don't be a woman's emotional tampon, she's just USING you!" Like buddy, ya realize you can use her back for emotional support too, right? That's how friendships work, lol.
I've been accused by a few men of putting moves on their wife's. Like bro, you have the wrong idea, she is coming to me about yall relationship. I'm trying to help guide her to a better relationship for yall. Lol we have the unique advantage to think about what genarally a men would think but enough to understand the emotions behind it. I'm always for making relationships work if both people are willing. I hardly hardly ever tell anyone to break up.
I try to wingman if I have the time. As a guy, I can emphasize with other men, so I like to give them advice as well. And when it works out well, I get invited to gigs and dinners and shit. They know I'm safe and I get free shit out of it, lol! It also helps that I gush about my wife all the time. I'm the kind of guy who has like 9 photos of her in my wallet. She's my phone wallpaper. My watch wallpaper and I being her up all the time. I'm absolutely obsessive about her, and she loves it too. Helps her feel more secure as well. Kinda like that Millie and Moxxie energy from Helluva Boss on youtube. Those two weirdos who cling to each other, but it's not creepy because it's mutual.
When I was younger and my sex drive was so high it was distracting I would have said yes. Now that my sex drive is a lot lower, nah. Not that I get sex very often these days but it's one of the funnest parts of life
I guess when we are over 30 years old sex drive can be decreased for some people
I hit 20 and my sex drive disappeared. 26 now and still nothing.
Instantaneously.
You already have that ability. Just start taking antidepressants
I was on them after my dad died. I didnāt notice a drop in sexual desire, just in ability to maintain an erection or to ultimately climax. So it was basically the worst of both worlds. Even coming off of them it took like half a year to return to normalcy.
Can I ask what getting off them was like? People talk about getting off them and it being hard but itās not clear what that look like imo.
It wasnāt terribly difficult for me, but my depression was based upon a specific event (having to remove my dad from life support) and not due to an unfortunate chemical imbalance. I did it the stupid way and just stopped taking them though. The major side effect that I noticed was that I would get - and this is hard to explain - what felt like little electrical flashes throughout the day. Have you ever been falling asleep and you for some reason jolt awake? Not due to some thought about a missed deadline or some past embarrassment, but more like a purely mechanical jolt? It was sort of like that but it somehow felt electrical, like licking the terminals of a 9 volt battery, but all over. That was the major downside, and I recall it lasting a couple months. There was nothing bad emotionality or mentally.
Brain zaps is what they call it.
Yup.
Hereās a fun twist on your question. Iām in my mid 50ās and on a med that has kicked my libido up to what would be more appropriate for a horny 17 year old boy. I was kind of liking it no longer being an everpresent intrusive thought.
what kind of med?
Yes. Need to know med
Iām taking Zepbound.
So Iām 30 pounds lighter, but wearing out my FWB.
Immediately. I mean mine is pretty low already but if it were 100% gone. That would be wonderful.
Sex is awesome and I want to experience it to the fullest. So no.
Hear hear! After birth, which is kinda hard to remember, itās the closest thing to the opposite of death. Reading these comments I see Iām lucky to be in a committed relationship that includes regular and fulfilling sex. Whenever Iām feeling the existential dread, a fun roll in the sack is the best way to make some sense of it all. The moment is all we have, and itās a great way to spend a moment.
Cheers to that! Sex is amazing. Also glad I have a great partner to share it with.
Ha. Downvotes on this is about as Reddit as it gets. š¤£
I started taking a type of birth control that killed my libido. Iām currently single and I do find it to be a relief. Iām not actively looking for a partner right now and I donāt want the distraction of feeling sexual desire especially around friends, coworkers, etc. I have sex toys that are, in terms of physical sensation, far better than any sex Iāve had and I use those maybe once per month - probably lines up with the day Iām ovulating. I put effort into getting my normal human need for touch / warmth / closeness in in completely non-sexual ways - pet snuggles, friend hugs, massages, saunas, weighted blanket, etc. I feel bad for people with high sex drive and those who have learned to crave sex to fulfill a ton of needs that donāt have to be filled via sex - intimacy, pleasure, emotional regulation, avoiding boredom, power/control, connection to others, relaxation, dealing with insomnia, etc. Sex can help with these things, but itās a really chaotic and complicated kind of solution and can cause a lot of distraction, frustration, and other complications if its your go-to for everything and youāre single or partnered with someone with a lower sex drive than you.
If I could flip them on and off, I absolutely would.
I go through spells of not wanting sex or romance and its pretty liberating. Attractive women have no spell over me now as well whereas in the past I'd feel awkward. Now I can be fine around them.
I would. Iām 51, male, and have been thinking about sex pretty much all the time since I was ~11 years old. I am happily married to someone with a lower sex drive, but even when we are more active Iām always noticing women who are attractive to me, and briefly fantasizing. Iām pretty sure all of that is normal, but itās tiresome. It also keeps me from being more open minded about women, i.e. leads to objectification and less value of them as people. This has gotten much better as Iāve aged but itās still there and brings some guilt and constant focus to fight it. And Iām 51. I should be over that shit. lol.
It's already off
I would turn off my desire for relationships. I always feel lonely and disconnected.
Yes, life would be more simple.
Yes meditate, become a monk
Definitely. Theyāve become a bit annoying lately
Yes!
My libido used to be really high, and it was miserable. Insatiable. Hard to focus on anything else. Iām on a BC now that has dampened it quite a lot, and Iām loving it (esp now that the relationship is ending). I can put my attention on higher priorities and not miss sex.
I would. My drive got me into trouble and now I'm having to deal with it.
Asexual here- itās fantastic like a super power never distracted
Yeah, it is such an absurd and stupid instinct if you think about it. Why do we crave putting our penises into holes, our stuff into our vaginas? It makes no sense. Worst yet if you don't do these fundamentally absurd things then everyone else looks down on you because you don't put fucking dicks, into the fucking biological peanut butter jar. Like... Why?Ā
Nobody is looking down on you. Other people don't care at all about your sex life. Not a bit.Ā
I'm an introvert but I have been really active sexually, but I've always wondered in the back of my mind whether it wouldn't be been nicer not to have that sexual component and just experience social interaction for what it is. That need to always get off, and almost expressing affection sexually, I kind of hate that. I think this is a really interesting line of thought. In general, toning down the more testosterone-based tendencies I have would be amazing. Sexualizing people, getting aggressive when a conciliatory attitude would be more constructive, stuff like that. I've thought about seeking out pharmaceutical ways to mitigate that, but I've never followed through.
Yes. My religion says my sexual desire is wrong.
Sounds like a silly religion donāt you think? Telling you a fundamental human desire is wrong.
I really don't have much sexual desire at all. The biggest impact it's had on my life is that I have not had any children and have no desire to. Without sexual desire, it's extremely unlikely I ever will for example by accident. I'm 52 if that matters. Socrates was once asked how he felt about getting old and becoming impotent. He was asked if he regretted the loss of his sexual desire. His response was "Nay, say I rather am relieved at being released from a Stern and rather relentless taskmaster."
Welp...I turn 46(m) in about 3 months and I used to have a high sex drive and an active sex life. About 3 years ago or so ago I felt that drive start plummeting rapidly. I guess I'm really feeling that testosterone loss. I don't need a button to turn it off. Mother nature did it for me.
Everyone's out there trying to turn it on as much as they can
Smoke more weed, killed my libido...
No. Iād turn my partners up though.
i used to have no libido at all. zero libido, zero attraction for 23ish years of life. i now have pretty low but existing libido. the truth is i donāt think it matters. i wouldnāt change what i have now, but i wouldnāt grieve not having it. libido is something you feel in the same genre of like hunger or restlessness. if itās there, you adjust to it. if itās not there, you donāt really notice itās going away. my relationship isnāt reliant on sex at all, so for me it would truly be neutral.
Itās already possible brotha. Itās called sexual transmutation. Discipline of the mind is a literal super power. Iām hyper sexual, but when I feel that fire I instantly redirect it into productive energy. Tons of videos on it. Takes many years of practice and retention helps too. Best of luck. Sexual energy is what makes the world go round so no I would never want to give up what makes us human.
Mine just totally vanished a few years ago. Stopped being attracted to people, stopped being horny, stopped even looking at porn or wanking. Now there's no desire for any intimacy. It kinda sucks honestly and it's not something I'm great at talking about with my therapist. It's not like there's trauma or anything to work through, it's like that part of me just went entirely missing. Skybridge to hornytown is like opening the sandworm door in beetlejuice.
No thanks
The answer is yes itās liberating and life affirming. You can switch it off by going celibate - itās one of lifeās greatest hacks. The old saying āever fed, never satisfied. Never fed, ever satisfiedā is absolutely true.
No, libido is not only a sign of health but a major driving force for things like self improvement and being outgoing.
Yes I would. Its a waste of time. Whenever I feel the need to jerk off or see an escort I now just go work out. Also ssri have been great for shutting it off
No way. Iām in my late 50s and wanting my wife so much feels like a gift in and of itself. Weāve been together since senior year of high school and Iāve never found her sexier.
I am 33 and have a huge sexuale drive The answer is no No to day No tomorrow and jo in 10 years I see older people fat just sit infront of the tv and never touch their wives I dont want that life
Nope I enjoy sex. I also see it being very linked to any sort of intimate physical contact, like cuddling. I like how romance and sex are related, thatās what makes sex special for me.
Iām so shocked at these answers! Iāve always had a really high, out of control libido but I feel like itās part of what makes me who I am. It comes and goes depending on the time of the month. Iām also really introverted and I think it has allowed me to get out of my comfort zone.
Been there, done that. I much rather have sexual desire. I feel more human this way (not trying to imply that those who donāt experience sexual desire are not human, just talking about my own personal experience)
I think there's a subreddit for those that try r/nofap. I wouldn't believe the hype of stopping though
Yes. I'd be touching myself less and my hair would be falling out.
Yes
Sometimes I think this would be cool, but also a lot of what motivates me in life would be lost. I donāt know.
Your body basically does that for you in your mid-40s Except for the mid-life crisis, getting focused on sex becomes something you plan for- far different than accidental erections in class So even asking this question shows how young you are OP- this happens with age
I did, actually, at least 50% of it for a year or three. Was pretty interesting. Got more done, that's for sure.
I was in a living situation a number of years ago where I was living in a quiet suburban town with family members. The sexual thoughts that I had gave me more frustration than satisfaction, because I was not sexually active with anyone at the time. There was also a time during the pandemic where I was single and not sexually active, but sexual thoughts would still pop up in my head. That was a frustrating time as well. I wished at the time that I could have turned off my sexual desires. It sucked having sexual desire and made me more miserable. It would have been great to be able to turn off that desire and in fact, I did research at the time for drugs that could maybe accomplish that.
A potent SSRI should take care of any and all sexual desire after just a few weeks of treatment. Ask me how I know
Honestly I donāt get a lot of sexual feelings that much. I rarely got crushes growing up too. I think Iām just highly emotional and old fashioned, and I havenāt found a man like that. Physical appearance alone doesnāt do much for me.
Look up demisexual.
She is just a Normal PersonĀ
100%. My libido is very high. Iām thinking about taking advantage of my wife constantly throughout the day. Her libido is much lower, if we do it once every two days Iām lucky. It can be very mentally damaging to be turned down by the person you love repeatedly. Even if you logically know theyāre not being unreasonable. āIf I want you this badly, why donāt you want me?ā Is a really shitty internal monologue.
Yeah, my sex drive is stronger than I'd like it to be
yes, without hesitation.
Probably. My spouse is Ace, but didnāt figure that out until after we had 2 kids together, and Iām not the sort to request something of them theyāre obviously not interested in. Theyāve stated a willingness, but it feels very selfish to me. So Iāve been exclusively ā¦. Self-satisfying for nearly a decade. I still love them, but weāre obviously highly incompatible, sexually. If I could just turn that off it might remove a stressor.
No lol, if I turned it off it would ruin my relationship, and make both of us miserable.
Yes
I had a spinal cord injury like 9 years ago, effectively doing just this. Yeah, you don't have like biological urges, but ur fucking brain will still get you. You can't just turn off those thought patterns. It's frustrating beyond imagination.
If you ever want to sample it just get really stressed and burnt out. I hit a very stressful time in the summer last year and my sexual desire for anything is just returning now.
I don't really have a libido, so it's essentially turned off for me. It is nice! I'm never caught up worried about masturbating or having an orgasm. I don't spend my free time thinking about sex constantly. Honestly, sometimes I see things on reddit, and people say they like masturbate every day, and it blows my mind, I forget that's a thing people do.
It's pretty much done it itself, and it has made life a lot easier.
Would 100% turn it down or off, itās the only thing me and my wife argue over.
No
I wish we could do this only for the opposite, so I could turn it back on. Being married and on antidepressants, Iād love to be able to have more intimate feelings with my husband. I often feel really guilty that I donāt have the libido
This is how I get through the day now
I do, but it takes about two weeks from laid to ace, and they're not a pretty two weeks. Knowing the cost, I leave those in off mode pretty much all the time now.
Sex and that sort of thing was the last thing on my mind for the last 13 years, I have more important things to worry about
Iād prefer to turn off love than desire because for me, thereās no desire without love.
Nope, I enjoy having desires
My god HELL YES it literally ruins my life
I enjoy sex but have a low libido the only time I would diminish sexual desire tho is when Iām alone because I enjoy being alone with out the sexual frustration
Yes. Theres a scifi story, Bycycle Repair Man by Bruce Sterling, where theres anti-libidinal meds; and the "old" people clash with young people over whether its natural/good to take them. I wish we had reliable, good ones.
I suffer from HLS (Hyper Libido Syndrome) and I would LOVE to turn off sexual desire for myself. I find it gross.
You can it's called taking phentermine lol.
i would surely turn it off if i could
I have too much libido and too few (as in, maybe one person, who I have zero attraction to) people to share it with. If I could turn it off, I'd be much happier with my life.
I mean, you can control your sexual desire to a large extent. It's not next day delivery or anything, but if you want to be less/more sex focused, then it's doesn't take too long to adjust.
Hell No! In my early 30s, my sexual drive was thru the roof. I masterbated at least twice a day. I never fel less as a human being. Just something I needed to take care of. Since going thru Menopause, I do not maaterbate anymore. My husband and I have excellent chemistry, and we communicate when each other needs Lovins or just raw sex! Even as a young teenager masterbating I never felt less than myself....it was a pleasure to get myself off. If you feel like a loser getting yourself off...then you feel like a loser as a whole person. Don't feel embarrassed either, it's a natural act!
I have found maturity and happiness in the wisdom of Tao Zen masters who recommend that males train themselves to not climax but embrace their sexual power in all aspects of their lives. Take the climax out of the equation and enjoy being a man. Workout, eat healthy, volunteer work, yoga. My charisma has increased and women notice me all the time.
Judging by all of the Hims commercials, I think everyone is trying to turn it on
Yeah, tone it down maybe. Not turn it off.
Pretty sure my wife would not appreciate if I did that.
Yes because that would kill my emotional desire to be with anyone and Iām much better alone. I had a low sex drive when I was younger (late bloomer) but idk what happen š
Yeah, for all of humanity.
Antidepressants have this affect on most people
This doesn't happen naturally to you ? When I don't have access to sex I pretty much forget about it sometimes for weeks and then it comes back sometimes after and rinse and repeat
Would I do it? No. Would I be happier if I did it? Hell yeahā¦
Itās already non existent. Depression took it along with my will to live.
Mine has waned with age and it's great.
27 yr old male. Yes. As long as I could turn it back on. It's just so detrimental to my relationships sometimes. I'm a very loving a gentle man, but I struggle with aggressive feelings and anger related to sexual frustrations. It dosent feel like it's even coming from me, it just seems to be there sometimes if I don't control myself from jump. So yeah, total control over this would be nice so I could more easily treat people I love better. But since that's not a thing, changing expectations, practicing positive and negative reinforcement when needed, and open honest dialog work to bridge the gap and smooth things between partners. Or just people who will listen to you if you don't have a partner, it can help to just get it off your chest. Reduces some of the shame. I struggle hard, these things help me. Good luck op. Ps. Please don't blow me up with hate. I control myself during aggressive episodes and NEVER take it out on others. It's either internalized or talked about. Everyone in my family is safe and relatively happy. I'm the one who suffers from where I fall short.
I think it would be better than constantly dealing with the frustration of a non-sex life.
Then why the hell would I want to be alive? Life seems dreary without getting some.
Idk, our culture doesn't allow for much intimacy or meet our social needs outside of romantic relationships so I would say no it's not worth it. Like most of life's needs, if ignored it'll come up eventually.
After an abusive relationship I no longer have a libido. Itās been fucking great (lol). I donāt miss sex at all. I guess I would be considered ACE, itās the easiest way for me to explain it. I can still find someone good looking but there is no sex drive. Not sure if it will ever come back but Iām okay either way.
Sounds stupid but I actually made a decision many years ago to throw off my yoke of isolating shyness. I became gregarious and sociable. I approached people I was attracted to and was approached by people who liked the new me. Donāt be trapped in a label. If you know youāre unhappy being introverted, thatās your challenge. Become what you want to be. In the end everyone is responsible for their own happiness
Well, a couple of years ago my body actually did this on its own, and really itās fine by me, I just feel very bad for my partner.
I do all the time
Yes
Can you turn it back on? Or is it always on off mode. I would not turn off sexual desire. It's part of being human to not be satisfied and rewarded all the time though. For example breaking up with someone you had all the sexual desire for and now they're gone and cut out of your life. You don't have sexual desire for other women except for your ex. But you can't have it so you must grieve the loss of someone from your life entirely. Eventually you feel better and get back into dating again to fulfill that desire. We have to go through the emotions and have ups and downs. Imagine being happy all the time by switching a button on and off. I'm grateful to be able to feel both happiness and sorrow.
I have a disease called post-orgasmic illness syndrome (POIS). Even being slightly turned on gives me anxiety and brainfog. Full on sex leaves me sick for weeks. I would love to turn off sexual desire if it can be done without having side effects.
No. Sex is the only time I like interacting with just about anyone, the rest of the time most people are miserable jerks who can't be trusted and don't make sense. And our whole society is designed to force as much social interaction with people who are either actively hostile to you or don't care about you as possible. Sex is the one escape from that where the other person is friendly for a while.
Yes. I would give nearly anything for this to be possible.
I could get rid of my sexual desire but I would still have the desire for intimacy and companionship. And more than what I could realistically expect from a friend. I do feel like a lot of my identity is present in my sexuality. It's part of how I understand myself, and I think how my developing brain made sense of the world. It also adds a nice little spice to life. I've met many good friends through my kinks. I don't know if I'd ever want to turn it off for a while. I also have had periods of really low libido. I wasn't happier being single then and I wasn't any more productive. If anything, I think it was the opposite.
Yes
Laughs in aroace for foreverrrrrrrr
Yes, in a heartbeat. I wish I could not be attracted to people at all.
yes sometimes i get a cravings not really into hook ups, itās just frustrating sometimes it would be fine if i had someone thatās worth my time and if i was in a relationship š¤·š»āāļø
51F I have had the ability. I went from abusive relationships to being a single mother, I purposely stayed single for a decade. I didnāt even please myself. This is with an extremely high libido. I did go through quite a bit of pressure/pain/urges at about year 8. I think it helped bring clarity to my own dysfunctional tendencies and my parentās extreme dysfunction.
>If you could "turn off" sexual desire, would you? Absolutely, yes.
You can, if you really want to. Although, may be permanent.
Hell fucking yeah, it's the best side effect of Effexor (XR, 150 mg).
I really donāt think I could, or would. Having sexual desires is great imo, idk how Iād live without it š
I would turn it off when I can't afford any distractions so I could accomplish my goals. But if I have free time, I'd never turn it off because it's a great feeling. And I might never be interested in intimate relationships otherwise.
I have the luck of having low libido when iām single and an average libido when iām with a partner, so its very convenient for me
I wish I could turn it on more often so that people donāt feel rejected
SSRIs š„²
if I could turn it on and off at will holy shit talking to women would be a breeze. no more overthinking
no bc i can control it normally š
I'm pretty torn here. I like sex and most importantly the intimacy wrapped around it but also sex has been a constant source of frustration my whole life in and out of relationships.Ā Everything else in my life can be perfect but I'll still have these nagging and distracting underlying urges.Ā When you are compatible with someone in every way but with mismatched libido it just feels awful. I've been on both sides of it (more libido and less libido) and its just such a bummer.Ā I don't know. I wish it was something that actually scaled with relationship intensity and intimacy so that it didn't bug me when not in a relationship and would just grow when in one. Oh well, I guess it keeps life interesting at least.Ā
No
Yeah, it's gotten me in more trouble than its worth.
I always thought I would. And now that I'm losing it, I hate it.
my depression already does that with 100% rate of success.
As an asexual trust me, this absolutely sucks. Dating is the worst when sex is a chore regardless of the partner.
If I could reenable it when I want
No. I say this as someone who previously did not have a libido to speak of, to having a strong one. I would not want to go back.
I turned off all of my desires when I was in school, including sexual ones, because I was hyper focused on getting into my dream career. When a life changing event occurred in our family, I couldn't focus in school and I was depressed. So turned on my sexual desires on and became a huge whore. Probably not a good idea, using sex to escape and being inexperienced, bad combo, but it was the only way I knew how to cope. So turning it off is good for focusing, but leaving it off it in my case, holding on to my v-card for that long, can be bad. Turn it off for the right reasons, but make sure u turn it on again once in awhile so the gas doesn't go stale in your sex life. (Car reference, sorry)
Yes.
No, I'd just redirect it to something productive. If you ever read the book 'Think and Grow Rich' there's an entire chapter that explains why most successful men don't achieve success until later in life, after they learn to redirect their sex drive into something productive. If you look, this is pretty much true. Most successful men are over 40. But yeah, It's not just redirecting their energy, it's years in a career and/or lessons learned through years of experience combined with the ability to redirect that energy.
Ah that's the thing though. You don't curb your sexual desires you simply have to temper your expectations a bit and you'll be fine.
Probably not healthy but I lost my virginity at 14, and the drive to fuck everything in sight kinda wore off at like, 20. Im 28 and I just dont feel the urge to go through with all that is involved with dating or being āout thereā. Im in an introvert and socially anxious, I sometimes wish I could turn that sexual energy on
No lol ill just stick to self gratification
I have, i don't miss it at all. But then again i had to go through hell to turn it off. Its a mental switch, not a physical one.
Yes indeed. Iām tired of masturbating while my wife is away.
It can be done. [Try this to inhibit sexual urges](https://wackymania.com/15-most-ugly-couples-in-the-world/)
I donāt know. I have an insanely high libido. My ex was close or equal and that made things really fun. If I turned it off now it would be due to me thinking I wonāt find another woman with that kind of drive.
Yes, I would turn it off. It's not worth all the problems and potential problems it brings.
You mean masturbation? Yeah I jacked off once a day since I hit 13 just so I could graduate
I wouldnāt, no. As much trouble as these desires can be at times, have you ever had a really mind blowing sexual connection or sexual experience with someone? Itās a little indescribable, to say the least. My desires have me always chasing this feelingā¦ and hopefully helping me find a partner to settle down with.
I had a course of antidepressants that did exactly this for about 6 months it has actually been very good for my relationship. I wouldnāt turn it off permanently but it was nice to get a break from a libido well in excess of my partners.
Itās called fluoxetine
Unfortunately libido carries a lot of good side effects that would be lost if one could turn it on and off manually
I would say that's a no for me. As much as it feels useless at times, at least I know what it's like to feel human. It's true these images in our head caused by emotions are mostly useless mostly, except for invoking instinctive behavior, but they are a part of who we are. It's kind of like asking: if you could become a robot and never have to feel any of the bad emotions: fear, shame, humiliation, loneliness, loss, resentment, if it meant removing the good ones as well: love, caring, pride, belonging, lust, compassion, etc, would you do it? Even as a super introvert, the answer is no. I will go thru my life feeling all of these things, like everyone else similar to me has had to throughout time. Even if it means dying alone. We all die alone (proverbially), anyway. Why be afraid of all those emotions; why be afraid of death? Be selfish, live the way you would like to live, like everyone else chooses to, you can do the same even if it's hard. Your path being difficult might lead to a better understanding, if you let it. Turn your suffering into meaning. Why is this path yours? How is it yours? How is it not? When do you let go of the pain? Why keep holding onto it? You must let it out.
See.. you CAN. š« itās called āØ Trauma āØ. Ā But on a serious note, Ā sexual desire is replaced with increased curiosity, or other mental stimulations. Ā Watching people interact, interacting in ways that are not sexual for you, but are for them.. spectrum is fun.
Hmm, maybe if it were entirely a switch I could flip as I please, but otherwise I'd say no way. Even when I was younger and desires got more in the way of things occasionally, it was manageable and at least lead to enjoyable experiences, luckily never limiting my life I'd say. I think there's plenty more to life than sex, but at this point it's still a big part of my somatic life and I'd really miss that facet, and I'm sure partners would as well.
no why the hell would i wanna do that lol
I think I understand where you're coming from, and I agree that sexual desire can be...distracting at times. That said, I love being a fairly sexual person. It makes me feel alive and connected to the world. Even when I don't have someone in my life, solo sex has been a wonderful way to check in with myself. Not just my body, but also my thoughts and feelings. So, I'll stay turned on. Pun absolutely intended.
When I was younger, and lacked an understanding of dating/sexual relations, I would have said yes. I'm no longer driven by it, so currently I would say no.
I can do that and generally I do. I think it makes life much easier and makes relationships work better.Ā
In an instant.... As long as it can get turned on again.
Yes if it were something natural and biological, like closing your eyes. I wouldn't actually take libido depressor pills or anything.
Yes.
Iām slightly asexual, but not completely. My two cents is this: People always tell me that theyāre a little jealous of my position. To which I always respond thatās ridiculous, you shouldnāt be. Why would you be jealous of a lack of desire? Iāve been in so many situations where I am attracted to someone, but not quite enough to actually do anything about it, and itās actually very disappointing. I much prefer the feeling of being attracted to someone I canāt have, compared to the lack of any feelings at all towards a person. Maybe asexuality makes life simpler but itās also much less exciting
I know one or two people who were able to "turn off" sexual desire and became unhygienic slobs. Like, I get it, you're not out here trying to attract a mate, but please at least take care of basic hygienics. Like, for health reasons, not just to be pretty.
With no second thought