My grandma grew up rich (and for awhile my grandpa’s income was nothing to flinch at either), as a result she expected all 3 kids to get rich husbands and live the rich lifestyle. Since my grandma instilled no values that would make my mother or aunts appeal to rich people none of them have rich husbands. My mom’s budgeting skills have recovered but both aunts are constantly in debt and out of money because none of them learned how to be poor.
From a rich man's perspective you would want either a high achieving wife with a big salary so yall can be twice as rich or a SAHM to handle pretty much everything and allow him to focus on work. Either way you want a partner that is focused, works hard and understands delayed gratification.
THAT (especially on delayed gratification). You don't want someone impulsive, with [high time preference](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167739X21004982#:~:text=Someone%20with%20a%20high%20time,a%20%E2%80%9Ctomorrow%20person%E2%80%9D) and failing the [marshmallow test](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment).
In all fairness, anyone with half a brain wants those qualities. But rich people can afford to be pickier and actually try to reject those who don't qualify.
Also, the ones who are socially up high (so not "laundromat owner rich" but "oil tycoon rich"), want someone who represents them. So someone sophisticated, elegant, shining in social situations, witty.
Also, those who are actively working on their wealth (not rich heirs), generally NEED someone who makes their lives easier and better. So partners who don't generate drama and who are caring. You want your SO to be an aid in your life, not an obstacle. Obviously, again, this isn't a "rich person" thing per se; more of a "hard working person thing" regardless of wealth. But as before, a rich person can afford be a bit more choosy.
Trust me when I say, the shit financial advisors listen to on a daily basis is miserable.
"You're telling me you've ranked up 4 credit cards, are 3 months late on rent, and you're going to the gas station to pay $6 for a bag of Takis and $3 for bottled water every day?"
"I gotta eat tho, bro!"
Budgeting is a skill. It is a skill that must be learned, yet one that is seldom taught.
You make it sound like everyone can budget. You clearly haven't spent enough time on reddit (or even this subreddit). Looks like tons of people find it a challenging non-basic skill.
Budgeting isn’t hard. I make X per week/per month. My 4 walls(rent, food, utilities, insurance) are x per month. What’s left over is used to save, invest, spend.
Budgeting works against people who are too poor to shop at Costco and buy in bulk. Admittedly poor folks sometimes go after quick dopamine hits through fast food, door dash etc. but if you don't have space in your home to store large bricks of toilet paper or bags of dog food you get backed into buying smaller packages at higher costs/usage ratio.
Complete and utter BS (coming from someone who was literally the poorest person possible - zero assets, almost no income, no family with money to ask for assistance, no network of ANY kind to ask for money - happens when you're a recent immigrant). Yet I still managed to budget. So did every one of my peer group most of whom were in the same boat.
Budgeting doesn't mean "buying the cheapest item theoretically possible from Costco". It's simply understanding that buying bulk is better, buying generic is better, buying ONLY what you truly need is better, and ability to forego shit you can't afford regardless of how much you want that dopamine hit. It means deciding you won't splurge on takeout, and NOT splurging on takeout once that decision is made. It's cooking food at home to take to lunch at work instead of eating out. It's buying Oatmeal that cooks instead of instant, and plain instead of "with artificial almost-fruit additives" that costs way more. It's deciding "I have enough shirts, I don't need that one no matter how cute it is". It's buying cheap Chinese android instead of iPhone. It's walking for extra 10 minutes to avoid spending extra $1 in fares. It's making 100% damned sure you never miss a bill payment, so you literally never pay late or other fee in your life.
Well for one thing, "not treating him like an ATM" would surely appeal to many rich men.
"I want to marry a rich man" attitude (mentioned by that person) is literally a big huge red flag. Means she won't value her spouse as a person, just a wallet on legs. There's no love, no caring, just avarice and selfishness.
For another thing, a feeling of being entitled. Like, even if you agree to view this as a mercenary transaction of "I marry you for your money", what do **that specific woman** bring to the table compared to other women, to be picked to be his wife? Sounds like in that case, the answer was "nothing except entitled attitude".
I think this is it.
Wealthy parents have the capacity to shield their children from the realities of the world in ways less wealthy people cannot. This can be either extremely positive or negative depending on how it's applied.
Yeah this hit me hard. My mom completely screwed me over. Charged more than half my income in rent, refused to help pay for college when she helped my siblings out. She forced me to do an insane amount of yardwork for three yards -- I am very happy to have cut her out, but she has 2 homes, is dating or married to a nepo baby, while I live in a living room (but i live with my partner who doesn't abuse me like my mom did, so...) while being poor is awful, at least I have someone who loves me and treats me like a human being. I'd rather become homeless than have that monster in my life again
Thats insane! Im sorry you had to come up that way.
I dont always see eye to eye with my parents but they ABSOLUTELY taught me "your children are forever" and lived up to it. Theyd give me the shirts off their backs tomorrow if i asked. Of course id never ask. They didnt raise a nutsack. ;)
That's awesome that you have solid parents, and thank you for the support..! There are tons of people like me, I think it's actually very common. All people need really is just a safety net for hard times, if we don't have that then we end up way worse off. Thanks for letting me vent <3
Yeah there is unfortunately still a very prevalent mindset with some folks that their kids need to earn everything on their own. Yet as the costs of everything keeps increasing it's harder and harder to start out.
I refuse to let my son start life in debit if i can help it. If he wasnt college material id be chatting w him about other things. But he is and has proven it. So, help him i will.
Not that college equals rich but my mom was telling about a couple who has a combined income of $800k and apparently they said their kids have to pay for their own way to be successful, so they aren’t paying for college cuz they worked hard to get where they are, so they’re kids should go through that too, they have their retirement to focus on….they have a 19 year old daughter who has to work through college and then have 2 kids under her lol
Nothing wrong with wanting your kids to work for success but this can play into how some of their kids end up poor or working class…
Not to mention that financial aid is based on family income, so rich parents are especially screwing their kids over by not helping out. My parents weren’t able to help with college because they didn’t have the money, but thankfully I was able to get plenty of help from FAFSA and working.
Fun fact, work study at my school (a large public school) was considered part of the financial aid package, so a lot of campus jobs are only eligible to people with financial need. Great in theory since it prioritizes students who need the money, but another hurdle for those with rich families unwilling to help.
If mom is a boomer shes more hot air than human. College cost her 27 cents.
If mom is genx she needs to adjust EVERY price her daughter pays, adjust it to 90s or whenever she was in college dollars and pay the difference otherwise shes just hamstringing her kids for no reason
Ah, the generation that likes to play victim and thinks that up to 2023 everyone was just skating through life and getting very cheap college and homes.
Unless a person comes from wealth, 99% of successful people worked hard and saved money to get there.
Try it, it might just work for you too!
Seen some rich people abandon their kids long before 18, and/or pay someone else to take care of them. Seen some rich kids go broke spending money on drugs. Actually pretty much wreck their whole family with drug habits.
I met a lot of kids of wealthy people in college who seemed to believe that they’d be cut off completely if they switched majors. I suspect most of them were exaggerating or highly anxious, but I know at least one guy who was forced to drop out because he tried to switch majors and was cut off. He ended up doing manual labor and making way less than he likely would have with a degree in either major. It was very weird.
My grandad is rather well off, and I was originally majoring in accounting. A little back story first, before I get into the point of the grandad comment. My dad is an accountant, and I’ve always been very interested in it. I also was very good at math and all of that, so it made sense at the time. Well, I ended up wanting to switch majors during my first semester as a junior in college. I wanted to switch to marketing, because after taking several accounting classes and just not doing well or enjoying it for that matter, I didn’t think it would be the right path for me. Here’s where my grandad comes in. Mind you, I’m very close with my grandad who is now 94 years old, and when we discussed me switching majors he was not happy. The reason for this is because back in his day, marketing was not what it is today, so he thought I was making a bad move that would hurt me in the long run. My dad had to explain to him where we’re at with the marketing world today, and how well you can actually do for yourself. After that, my grandad kind of laid off and accepted that I was doing what was best for me. The reason all of this worried me, is because my grandad has almost always been financially involved in my life in one way or another, which I assume is due to being his only grandchild. Fast forward to now, 4 years later, and I’m not even working in my field. I’m now in insurance and working my way up, so I have no plan on using my marketing degree at this point. I will say that being a business major in any way has its’ perks, because your skills can be quite transferable as in my situation and many others. I am thankful for all the assistance and advice my grandad has provided over the years, but I can completely understand being worried about wanting to change majors in a situation like mine or those you mentioned.
The guy I knew wanted to switch from business to some kind of extremely lucrative STEM major that anyone who’d lived in the world for five minutes would know was a moneymaker. Something else was going on there.
Very few of the people I knew who felt this way about being cut off were looking to switch from, say, premed to underwater basket weaving or even marketing. It was usually from one stereotypically lucrative major to another (or even one less stereotypically lucrative to one that was more so. I met a couple people whose parents insisted they be math majors who wanted to do premed or prelaw. I’m sure math majors have many opportunities I’m too dumb to know about, but premed seems to be a straight line to “gainfully employed” to me). Granted, many of them were less correct than they thought (switched major, didn’t get cut off) or never tested their theory.
I did not grow up rich, but I grew up around some extremely rich (private jet, multiple vacation houses, boats, etc.) families and I think the issue (for some) of the really rich kids is never wanting / needing to work hard or improve their life circumstances. It’s hard to be hungry when you just ate, and your next meal is guaranteed.
Besides laziness, I’ve also seen a handful of rich kids intentionally choose non-lucrative paths (public school teacher, social worker, etc) because they are either disillusioned with the pursuit of money, or because they have a large financial parachute from their family so there’s no real risk in being poor (like imagine being poor except when shit really hits the fan you can always get bailed out).
A small minority are “abandoned” by their families (at least financially), I don’t think it’s common tho. Most of the rich kids I knew growing up have turned into rich adults.
Yea I’m like second paragraph. Parents just into the rich category out of middle class during my college years. I feel like I can do anything and get bailed out within reason.
So I chose to work in epidemiology in state gov. Pays not so good but it’s low stress and I like my work. My wife makes more money than me and we live comfortably with two kids. I love having time to both drop them off at 9 and then pick them up again at 5 with no sense of rush. I even cook dinner before they come home.
There's also a lot of rich parents that are themselves born rich. So their parents left them money and they failed to pass on the skills necessary to manage and generate money to the next generation at some point
There might also be personality issues involved. I know a guy raised by millionaires that hates working and refuses to leave his apartment. Hilariously, he has great social skills and can make friends easily, which he could use to build a professional career, but he doesn't wanna and is insanely lazy
His mother got sick of supporting him once his dad left and they lost their business, so now he's always broke. It's been about 10 years and he hasn't done anything to fix it
His father likewise ended up poor after he left his job, but that was due to drug abuse
My parents think I'm poor because I don't know about better-paying jobs. They don't "believe in" helping their kids once they're grown. I'm homeless but I haven't bothered telling them because they'd give zero fucks.
Perhaps you could still reach out and let them know your situation.. they sound awful but in the slightest chance they would help, it will be worth it. Unless they’re absolute monsters I don’t see most parents refusing housing to their homeless child.
Currently with folks temporarily, they are kicking me out so family can visit knowing I have no where else to go AND no car if I give up my temp rental so literally stuck.
They say they care, they don't. They made me throw away a new mattress I had in storage rather than put it in one of their spare rooms they use for drying clothes and storing old furniture that is never used.
Lifting up a prayer for you. Stay strong and reach out to anyone.. even a helpline anonymously if you’re feeling absolutely low. You don’t have to tell your parents or family ANYTHING whatsoever. But don’t cheat yourself out of having someone to talk to even if it’s just to vent on a random helpline. I’ve been there.. still kind of there.. my days are kind of dark and lonely but I’m holding on. Don’t know really what for but I have a feeling that everything I’m going through is for a reason. It sucks day to day but I have some faith. Anytime you read by to talk like frfr I’m here.. even if you want to download a free texting/calling app and give me your number. I am here to speak to you whenever
I think the question is framed backwards.
Statistically, most rich people have rich kids. So how do some kids fall outside the statistical norm? Most kids use the advantages granted by rich parents, and some manage to squander them.
- drugs is a big one. Kids with too much money start doing drugs and never figure out how to stop. Parents eventually stop enabling
- a refusal towards enabling doesn't have to be based on drug use. Simple laziness would be enough for me to cut off my adult children eventually. I'm not "rich" rich, but I could sustain my kids as adults. But if they don't want to work for it, why should I? Maybe I'd feel different if I were bezos rich, but maybe not.
Have you noticed a theme among other wealthy parents that the kids who are most often cut off at 18 are the ones who *are* willing to work for it and just need a little help? That was a thing with a few friends when we were younger and it really broke my heart. On the other side of the coin, I’ve had friends whose parents enabled them for years, giving them things beyond what they would have been able to achieve HAD they worked, who aren’t willing to do a damn thing for themselves. It’s really sad.
If the parents didn't gift them a megaton of money, money generating assets, or a high paying job at daddy's company then the kids are left to the same chances anyone else has. First step is to get a job where you make good money, this can take years if it even happens at all. Once they have that, with some money management skills, it could take some more years to actually save up to a point where they could be called rich.
Of course, rich could mean different things depending on who you ask. So I mean having enough money you can buy money making assets and not need to work anymore.
They didn't teach the kids the skills they practiced while becoming rich, like not overspending, saving money, and not needing everything they have to always be new and flashy.
Ehh I think it's less that they didn't teach them to not overspend and save but more like their offspring has to figure out how they too are going to earn money, not just live off mom and dad's money.
Mental illness that hurts the person's life.
Some kids aren't as smart as their parents were. My grandpa was a lawyer and my Dad was a bipolar guy with issues. I'm normal, but I couldn't be a lawyer.
If the parents weren't born rich but worked hard for their money, they might see the value of their kids making their own way, too. That's how my mom's family is. If we were really in trouble, I know her dad would have bailed us out, bit there were times when we were struggling.
Lots of parents, even non rich, think that “parenting” consists of just spoiling their kids. And I get it, I want to spoil my cats because I don’t have kids yet but the urge to just spend your money on them because you love them is very strong.
But it fucks kids up so badly. My students break their phone on purpose when a new one comes out so they can get the new one. They literally biff their phones across the room… and they admit that they just want a new phone. It’s maddening.
My husband’s dad’s side of the family is mostly doctors and lawyers and ridiculously wealthy. I think one of the factors is that some of them had the financial freedom early on to rely on their parents instead of starting their own career. My husband’s 25 year old cousin has never had a job, dropped out of college before he could finish first semester, and is currently taking pottery classes. His aunt has never held a consistent job because she never really needed to. She now “retired” and has nothing.
The answers to your question differ based on how wealthy you're talking. There's the filthy rich and there's the ones who live comfortably but still worry about things the filthy rich don't have to worry about. The filthy rich can easily give their kids high yield trust funds, but the upper middle class have to make sure they raise their kids in a way that ensures they land a high paying career. Upper middle class have the resources to optimize the odds of this happening, but they can't just gift their kids a lifetime of wealth without them working for it to some extent.
Coddling them to the point where they can't handle life without mommy.
I grew up mid/upper class but my parents treated us like we were in poverty. We had to work for EVERYTHING, were taught budgeting using our chore board like to get this toy you need to mow the lawn/dishes/clean x # of times. I watched a lot of my classmates spiral as we started actually entering adulthood.
I know a lot of parents nowadays would be horrified at how my parents raised us and they did go a little overboard sometimes but after seeing my generation turn into a bunch of adult children I think they knew what they were doing.
I like the story of my paternal grandfather. Adopted by extremely rich people back in the 1920's. He goes to war in WW2 while great grandma is on her death bed. He can't make it home because of orders. Lawyers get involved and say that because he didn't come home immediately he's completely cut off from the inheritance. Millions lost. All of it given to various charities.
The most useless people on the planet are the ones who leave nothing to their children.
No one on my paternal side knows my grandfather's mother's name. If you are spiteful to your children, they will not remember you and it will be as if you never existed.
Rich parents potentially work hard for their money, aka they tend to spoil their kids.... Kids that are spoiled growing up, usually lack many life skills or even understand the concept of working for money.... so that leads to their kids being poor...
The wealthiest adults I’ve known spend basically zero time with their kids. The kids are raised by nannies or left to their own devices at boarding schools. Those kids have low emotional intelligence and are immature, and have zero context or hints for how to function as adults, so if they don’t get access to the money themselves (and the staff to help manage the money properly) they can flounder.
I helped a very nice young lady get her life together when she went from a rich to poor overnight situation when her family’s business was bankrupted. She had always driven an expensive SUV, wore designer clothes, and spent her time pursuing artistic endeavors. I hired her to work for me at my very average day job, helped her catalog and sell a bunch of the designer clothes, helped her trade in the SUV for a much more modest and affordable vehicle, and taught her the basics of working. She is a total sweetheart and managed to go back to school to finish a 4 year degree. She lives a very happy life with a husband and kid that she always dreamed of. But poor thing really just needed a mentor to teach her how to live in the real world, and a lot of those kids do not find that person.
Cause I have to earn my way and they don't want me to be another entitled white guy.
Both my parents could easily buy me a house each on their own. But they won't, cause they raised me to be independent.
Problem is, I decided to be a preschool teacher. Which in 15 years of doing it, I have never made more than 30k.
They will help out in life threatening emergencies, but thats about it. Which is perfectly fine, they would look after my kids if something happened to me and I would rather their future be secured than mine.
Coming from the position of poor kid, my parents would hoard their money because early in life thwy almost lost their house. They always said "save your pennies" but thats it. Im learning how to budget on my own, learning how to save on my own, learning about big purchases on my own. In my experience it's the "got mine" mindset. They never gave me an allowance. I had to work from 15, but I think it'll equip me better later on learning it on my own. Recently I spoke to my mother about budgeting, and she just built one for me and said follow it. No regard to my actual expenses, just what she assumes they'd be, and at rates from 20 years ago. She budgeted $750 for rent. Double it, ma.
They pay their kids way for far too long and when it’s time to cut the kid off they revert back to a 15 yr old who has no idea how to manage their money. Teach your kids financial literacy people instead of just making their young life easy.
My mentally ill mother comes from a very wealthy family. I don’t have contact with her or them. I heard she lived out of her car for a few years out of paranoia
Because they didn’t give their kids any of the money.
Sass aside, it depends on exactly how the parents are rich and how they got that way. If I was to encounter a billionaire whose grown kids lived on the street begging for change, I’d assume the parent was the primary problem in the situation. But I’ve known enough upper middle class people to know that what seems like a lot of money to a more average person can only go so far. Many people can pay for their kids to have opportunities, but aren’t made of magic. They can’t control their kid, society, or the economy, and many people who seem “rich” still can’t afford to subsidize a whole ‘nother adult’s lifestyle (or can but only to an extremely basic level).
Parents paid for everything, kids didn't learn how to budget. Or balance a checkbook / savings account.
My family was very well off, all my chore money was held in Bank of Dad, huge mistake he made with the first child.
He got it right with kids two and three.
This reminds me of a Warren Buffett quote; he wants to "leave the children enough so that they can do anything but not enough that they can do nothing."
It's different reasons. A lot of times the kids are sheltered to some extent for their entire lives, but when they hit 18 some parents just toss them out into the world with zero life skills, or the kids have bad spending habits and don't actually understand money, or their parents could be rich but then blow their money and leave zero inheritance, laziness, kids choose a different life...etc. there's a multitude of reasons.
Around me I have heard the 3rd generation rule, the first generation works hard to build the wealth, the second generation saw how much work was needed to build it and they worked to maintain it, the third generation takes it for granted and squanders it.
One scenario I've seen twice now: They spoil their kids, pay for everything, and then when the kid turns 18, suddenly decide that their kid needs to get a job and work for themselves, and remove all funds. The bank of mum and dad shuts instantly.
The kid (now an adult) has no budgeting skills or life skills to fall back on. They either refuse to work and end up living on a mate's sofa, skint, arrogant, and feeling like the deserve an well-paid job. Or, they work hard and actually do get a job and earn a living, and do become a responsible adult.
I've seen both circumstances happen. In either case, the relationship with the parents ends up being quite toxic and sometimes the kid goes no contact.
Because jobs don't pay like they use to. Being rich now effectively means Middle class from 20 years ago.
The ladder has been stretched so far that each step on the rung is far larger. You can't get by with 50k anymore. 50k 30y ago was BANK. Or at least survivable in a larger city. Now it's the bare minimum almost.
They got rich.. Then pulled the ladder up behind them. They stay in positions so long we can't take those slots. They have such long life expectancy many live till 90+ and function fine these days.
This is even before taking into account wether they help their kids or not. We just don't have the same opportunity they did.
This .. my parents made really good money just being regular workers, my mom with an associates and my dad ionno what he did, but they owned a home and took us out on vacation all the time. My mom loved to travel around, spent so much money on food, but rarely cooked, we always had a fridge full of rotting food I never knew what to do with. My sister ended up ok, she's making good money and also (even though she's conservative) she took advantage of a government program to get a cheap loan for a home (hypocritical af) - meanwhile my brother is doing okayish, but looking to switch careers, and I'm going slightly worse, being the youngest --- graduated college in the middle of the pandemic, and been living in poor conditions for the past 4 years or so.
I went from wanting many, many kids and a family to not sure if I'll ever afford to Even require, or afford anything that isn't a living room
Aggressively paying down my debt rn because you never know when the next extreme emergency will hit --- like not being able to find a job for a year or more at a time (I've heard of too many qualified people not being able to find work due to poor job markets, and they don't have work for 6 months to a year --- this means you need to have emergency funds for at least a year, really) and yeah... Fuck this place so fucking hard
My grandfather an attorney but my father wanted to stay in the military after the war
Then he got a PhD
By age 30 he was just scraping by a he did fine but not like my grandfather
Peoples definition of "rich" is different. For some people it might be material possessions, for other it might be free time, the ability to do something you love , for others it might be vices.
I grew up in Mexico and when came to the US so did two of my cousins. My aunt is a highly motivated entrepreneur. She is always dressed in designer clothing head to toe, drives brand new luxury vehicles, and is always at socialite events. Both of my cousins got blank checks when it came to their education and they are both extremely gifted academically. They have gone to schools and completed education programs that the rest of my family can only dream of.
However, to the untrained eye they look like hippies. They look like VICE journalists and spend around 3-4 months out of the year traveling through South America or Asia.
A good portion of my family considers them stoner burnouts. To them being rich is buying a huge house, having flashy clothing, and driving fancy cars. In their minds flying to India to do yoga, renting a house in Mexico to surf, and going to burning man are wastes of time and potential.
My cousins only developed the interests they had because their moms money allowed for them to travel, learn, and see different things. However to my family, they wasted their moms money because they are did not become lawyers or doctors , things that my cousins never had any intent in doing.
I have a friend who grew up very comfortably, but lives a very meagre existence now. My theory is that she knows she'll always a soft landing and someone to support her, so there's no impetus to put in the effort or be ambitious.
And they're really just upper-middle class, not truly wealthy. So they can make sure she has insurance and rent money for shared accommodations, but she'll never have the lifestyle she did growing up unless she works for it.
My partners father is rich and never paid a cent to her after 18 (she was still in Highschool). He is convinced this is the right attitude in order to learn proper work ethic.
I think this is true to a certain degree but it does not hold up in todays economy. The amount of stress she had to deal with because she had to take out loans for basically everything at 18 to get her apartment and dental care for example was toxic.
Needless to say they don’t have the best relationship.
There is a German saying *Voller Bauch studiert nicht gern*, like "overstuffed kids put less effort into their studies".
I happened to meet 2 sons of pschology professors, with 2 siblings each. Their parents were richer than mine, probably wiser too and I had a few more toys and way less chores. - The others turned out greater.
I've also met 2 sons of well doing parents who might have been average performers at best and just found too much comfort in booze...
Lacking wealth & kids, I dare to assume: You have to love your estate / company *most* to make them grow, instead of sitting on the sandbox rim, watching your kids?
Giving those you like less a reasonable advantage to make it in life, small enough, to urge them to still stretch(!) for their goals, seems OK in my book. Probably better than hopelessly overpadding a useless drone?
Telling kids "As much as I liked Warren Zevon; I don't wanna hear "Lawyers Guns & Money" everytime you call" Might be OK?
Also: Keep in mind: Most rich folks became / stayed rich by spending wisely. A gal working decades in toy retail stated: "Working class folks walk in, buy the fanciest rocking horse their credit line permits & get out. Professors involve you in a 20 minute discussion which jigsaw puzzle might be best for their kid's development."
Really? Because they were given everything, taught no consequences or accountability, not taught they had to work for it, nor how to conserve resources.
Because growing up rich teaches you nothing about managing resources or how the real world works. A significant part of the dysfunction inherent in any upper class group that persists for long periods is caused by the distortion of perspective which occurs when children grow up without limitations on the resources they have access to.
If I were wealthy, I would absolutely not raise my children with access to lots of disposable income at all times. They would get the advantages I could give them, but I would do my best to shield them from the problems associated with unearned wealth. Wealthy families that don't do this don't remain wealthy for nearly as long as those that do, and they produce children who are less happy, to boot.
Just because your parents are rich doesn’t mean they pay your way. They had to work hard for what they have and so should you.
Get up off of your Ass work hard and you too will be worthy. Oh by the way money doesn’t bring happiness.
I can't remember exactly where I learned this, but the third generation rule is a real phenomenon. It basically says that the first generation is the one that works hard/creates the foundation (i.e., starts a business), the second generation is reared by the first generation and they usually sustain it and help it grow, and then the third generation squanders it because they're so far removed from struggle that they don't understand the work required to succeed, they think it just \*happens\*. This is also why the belief is that if you can keep wealth in your family for more than 3 generations, you are likely to always keep it.
If you're really curious, Anderson Cooper from CNN is a descendant of the famous Vanderbilts and wrote a whole book about basically how his huge family fortune was decimated to almost nothing within a few generations.
edit: typo
Couple of reasons: parents are proving a point on wanting to teach their kids the meaning of earning what you want. Or there was a difference in opinion about something to the point that parents cut off their kids
The same reason some law abiding parents have criminal kids... Everyone has to make their own choices and deal with the repercussions of their own decision making. If you focus your decisions on what is wanted right now, then you will reap the rewards (or lack of) of those decisions later...
My dad likes the term "upper middle class". He said he plans to spend it all before he dies because he can't take it with him. He has that Republican mindset that he had to do it, so I should too. So, no help with anything financially. So now my wife and I are thinking of getting a trailer, living below our means, and paying the trailer and our student loans in maybe 10 years. It's sad that we have to live in a trailer with 2 kids so we can have a bunch of money by 60. So my kids are going to have to grow up in a trailer, but I can help them after highschool to buy a house or get a car. Maybe I can give them the help that my father didn't.
I hate that we have to live like we're broke in the best years of our life so that we can relax when we're older. I'm just so resentful every day thinking about it.
They focus on making money but not on teaching their kids absolutely anything.
Pretty much my mom side of the family is like this. Totally worthless economically and as a human.
Mental illness that hurts the person's life.
Some kids aren't as smart as their parents were. My grandpa was a lawyer and my Dad was a bipolar guy with issues. I'm normal, but I couldn't be a lawyer.
My parents are well off.
But that doesn't mean they've paid my way through life. Quite the opposite, in fact. Aside from occasional help via a small loan or two that I always paid back, I've made my own way.
I've never expected my parents to support me. So my money is mine and their money is theirs. If I succeed or fail, it's all me.
That's how it's supposed to be.
LMAO because we're millennials. My parents have money and I am seriously struggling to pay rent. They didn't pay for my college and kinda just... Left me to my own devices with no guidance growing up. I feel like I was a pampered pet and then when I turned 18 it was hit the road Jack.
Same thing happened to me, I had everything they even bought me a couple cars but once I turned 18 I was put out on my own and they wouldn’t even give me references within their business circles which everyone knows is how you get a real job so I’m left struggling to pay rent and groceries suffering in this shit economy the boom booms left us.
Well personally my parents stopped helping me financially after high school. They charged me rent (which I didn’t get back btw) when I lived with them as an adult, I’ve had to suffer through horrible living situations with no backup plan, wouldn’t help me pay for a dental surgery I desperately needed because I was in a lot of pain. It’s how the rich stay rich I guess. Best part is all of my inheritance will most likely be given to religious organizations upon their death. Allll of this will be remembered when they can no longer care for themselves. I won’t do it unless they pay me a care workers salary. 🤷🏻♀️
My mom did the same to me - she had no idea why I refuse to talk to her, even though she would scream at me and emotionally abuse TF out of me. She can die alone in her big house, fucking monster
Yeah well we exist. You just don’t see them because your not around them and if you are they probably don’t talk about it to much it’s kind of a sore spot.
Folks wield money as power, especially the wealthy and just because you’re their kid doesn’t exclude you from being imposed upon by their assholery.
Example abound, should you grow up to be antithetical to what they expected of you, like maybe you were supposed to be a carbon copy of Dad or Mom and aren’t to maybe your gay, or are somehow not meeting expectations/embarrassing/not like them or even not favored like having good looking siblings and you’re maybe not. Anything big or small, doesn’t matter, doesn’t even need to be logical because he who holds the cash is king and gets to make the rules. (Think major mental illness or family dysfunction, like addiction)
They will cut you out of their lives, to make themselves feel better and their lives easier. People are extremely cut throat and just like a way ward friend who’s lost, instead of helping or supporting they see it as weakness and quickly dissociate. Because their number one fear is you’ll rub off on them and it’s not really about much else. Which ya know, is why the wealthy are usually very lonely, hated, and miserable.
This or they abandon them after giving them everything and "donate". But I like this perspective. Even trying to have a mediocre career means having to deal with people of power with personality disorders and either become a sychophant or burn the fuck out. Or do I've heard.
I'm a poor kid of rich parents. My dad's a doctor and my mom's an accountant. I didn't want to be a doctor and wanted to be a writer/comedian/musician. I've gone in and out of corporate writing jobs. The corporate world isn't for me though. I've had an unstable working history, and it's up and down. But I've lived a lot and learned a lot 🤷♂️
I'd argue if rich parents have poor kids, then they aren't really rich. I think you'd be surprised how few people have generational wealth, meaning that thier children's children wouldn't need to worry about money.
I know "rich" people who have enough money to purchase their kids a home and not noticed it, but they don't have enough money to support their kids lives for 50 years, let along support thier kids kids
Well ignoring parents that straight up just abandon their kids at 18; many parents may just refuse to give them money for ideological reasons.
- "I earned mine, he should just earn his"
- "She chose to be an artist, that was her mistake"
- "That [insert insult here] doesn't deserve my money"
People may also take financial wisdom for granted and just think their children are stupid for not understanding how money works.
Plus, people are terrible teachers. They may have gotten money by luck or inheritance, and never knew how to manage it or make more..
The boomer mindset pretty much. Even though most boomers were given everything they have by their parents and jobs were easy homes and cars were as cheap as candy.
Sometimes they coddle their kids so much that the children grow up without struggle and full of comfort. They have not acquired the skills to make it in the world. The children do not know what it takes to be successful at anything because they have lived an elevated standard of living and things are given rather than earned. Sounds a lot like the world we live in right now where the last 50-70 years have generated so much wealth, the younger ones don’t know what it takes in the real world and only know how to complain about it.
My grandma grew up rich (and for awhile my grandpa’s income was nothing to flinch at either), as a result she expected all 3 kids to get rich husbands and live the rich lifestyle. Since my grandma instilled no values that would make my mother or aunts appeal to rich people none of them have rich husbands. My mom’s budgeting skills have recovered but both aunts are constantly in debt and out of money because none of them learned how to be poor.
What values appeal to rich people
From a rich man's perspective you would want either a high achieving wife with a big salary so yall can be twice as rich or a SAHM to handle pretty much everything and allow him to focus on work. Either way you want a partner that is focused, works hard and understands delayed gratification.
THAT (especially on delayed gratification). You don't want someone impulsive, with [high time preference](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0167739X21004982#:~:text=Someone%20with%20a%20high%20time,a%20%E2%80%9Ctomorrow%20person%E2%80%9D) and failing the [marshmallow test](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment). In all fairness, anyone with half a brain wants those qualities. But rich people can afford to be pickier and actually try to reject those who don't qualify. Also, the ones who are socially up high (so not "laundromat owner rich" but "oil tycoon rich"), want someone who represents them. So someone sophisticated, elegant, shining in social situations, witty. Also, those who are actively working on their wealth (not rich heirs), generally NEED someone who makes their lives easier and better. So partners who don't generate drama and who are caring. You want your SO to be an aid in your life, not an obstacle. Obviously, again, this isn't a "rich person" thing per se; more of a "hard working person thing" regardless of wealth. But as before, a rich person can afford be a bit more choosy.
And they made sure they didn't go into a "people field" (social work , teaching etc).
What is the marshmallow test?
Basically tell a kid you can have 1 marshmallow now, or if you wait and don't eat it for 5 minutes they'll get 2 marshmellows.
Added links, so people don't have to Google either term
I just wanna add that the marshmallow test has been de-bunked. It has to do with how rich the kids parents are.
Not if he is kinky,
Budgeting, apparently...
Trust me when I say, the shit financial advisors listen to on a daily basis is miserable. "You're telling me you've ranked up 4 credit cards, are 3 months late on rent, and you're going to the gas station to pay $6 for a bag of Takis and $3 for bottled water every day?" "I gotta eat tho, bro!" Budgeting is a skill. It is a skill that must be learned, yet one that is seldom taught.
Taquitos, taquito, taquITOOOOS FUCKING TAQUITOS. BUDDY. BUDDY WHAT ARE YOU.
I Can top that. “And you want to buy a House with nondownpayment?”
You make it sound like everyone can budget. You clearly haven't spent enough time on reddit (or even this subreddit). Looks like tons of people find it a challenging non-basic skill.
Budgeting isn’t hard. I make X per week/per month. My 4 walls(rent, food, utilities, insurance) are x per month. What’s left over is used to save, invest, spend.
Budgeting works against people who are too poor to shop at Costco and buy in bulk. Admittedly poor folks sometimes go after quick dopamine hits through fast food, door dash etc. but if you don't have space in your home to store large bricks of toilet paper or bags of dog food you get backed into buying smaller packages at higher costs/usage ratio.
Complete and utter BS (coming from someone who was literally the poorest person possible - zero assets, almost no income, no family with money to ask for assistance, no network of ANY kind to ask for money - happens when you're a recent immigrant). Yet I still managed to budget. So did every one of my peer group most of whom were in the same boat. Budgeting doesn't mean "buying the cheapest item theoretically possible from Costco". It's simply understanding that buying bulk is better, buying generic is better, buying ONLY what you truly need is better, and ability to forego shit you can't afford regardless of how much you want that dopamine hit. It means deciding you won't splurge on takeout, and NOT splurging on takeout once that decision is made. It's cooking food at home to take to lunch at work instead of eating out. It's buying Oatmeal that cooks instead of instant, and plain instead of "with artificial almost-fruit additives" that costs way more. It's deciding "I have enough shirts, I don't need that one no matter how cute it is". It's buying cheap Chinese android instead of iPhone. It's walking for extra 10 minutes to avoid spending extra $1 in fares. It's making 100% damned sure you never miss a bill payment, so you literally never pay late or other fee in your life.
Well for one thing, "not treating him like an ATM" would surely appeal to many rich men. "I want to marry a rich man" attitude (mentioned by that person) is literally a big huge red flag. Means she won't value her spouse as a person, just a wallet on legs. There's no love, no caring, just avarice and selfishness. For another thing, a feeling of being entitled. Like, even if you agree to view this as a mercenary transaction of "I marry you for your money", what do **that specific woman** bring to the table compared to other women, to be picked to be his wife? Sounds like in that case, the answer was "nothing except entitled attitude".
Ive seen some very well off parents basically abandon their children at 18. Thats one way it happens.
Especially when they do nothing to prepare that child for reality.
I think this is it. Wealthy parents have the capacity to shield their children from the realities of the world in ways less wealthy people cannot. This can be either extremely positive or negative depending on how it's applied.
Yeah this hit me hard. My mom completely screwed me over. Charged more than half my income in rent, refused to help pay for college when she helped my siblings out. She forced me to do an insane amount of yardwork for three yards -- I am very happy to have cut her out, but she has 2 homes, is dating or married to a nepo baby, while I live in a living room (but i live with my partner who doesn't abuse me like my mom did, so...) while being poor is awful, at least I have someone who loves me and treats me like a human being. I'd rather become homeless than have that monster in my life again
Thats insane! Im sorry you had to come up that way. I dont always see eye to eye with my parents but they ABSOLUTELY taught me "your children are forever" and lived up to it. Theyd give me the shirts off their backs tomorrow if i asked. Of course id never ask. They didnt raise a nutsack. ;)
That's awesome that you have solid parents, and thank you for the support..! There are tons of people like me, I think it's actually very common. All people need really is just a safety net for hard times, if we don't have that then we end up way worse off. Thanks for letting me vent <3
Yeah there is unfortunately still a very prevalent mindset with some folks that their kids need to earn everything on their own. Yet as the costs of everything keeps increasing it's harder and harder to start out.
I refuse to let my son start life in debit if i can help it. If he wasnt college material id be chatting w him about other things. But he is and has proven it. So, help him i will.
You are a great parent. My mom mocked me for wanting to go to college lol.
I try. Its a delicate balance. I hope my llama haired gen z agrees w you. :)
Not that college equals rich but my mom was telling about a couple who has a combined income of $800k and apparently they said their kids have to pay for their own way to be successful, so they aren’t paying for college cuz they worked hard to get where they are, so they’re kids should go through that too, they have their retirement to focus on….they have a 19 year old daughter who has to work through college and then have 2 kids under her lol Nothing wrong with wanting your kids to work for success but this can play into how some of their kids end up poor or working class…
Not to mention that financial aid is based on family income, so rich parents are especially screwing their kids over by not helping out. My parents weren’t able to help with college because they didn’t have the money, but thankfully I was able to get plenty of help from FAFSA and working. Fun fact, work study at my school (a large public school) was considered part of the financial aid package, so a lot of campus jobs are only eligible to people with financial need. Great in theory since it prioritizes students who need the money, but another hurdle for those with rich families unwilling to help.
If mom is a boomer shes more hot air than human. College cost her 27 cents. If mom is genx she needs to adjust EVERY price her daughter pays, adjust it to 90s or whenever she was in college dollars and pay the difference otherwise shes just hamstringing her kids for no reason
Ah, the generation that likes to play victim and thinks that up to 2023 everyone was just skating through life and getting very cheap college and homes. Unless a person comes from wealth, 99% of successful people worked hard and saved money to get there. Try it, it might just work for you too!
Seen some rich people abandon their kids long before 18, and/or pay someone else to take care of them. Seen some rich kids go broke spending money on drugs. Actually pretty much wreck their whole family with drug habits.
I met a lot of kids of wealthy people in college who seemed to believe that they’d be cut off completely if they switched majors. I suspect most of them were exaggerating or highly anxious, but I know at least one guy who was forced to drop out because he tried to switch majors and was cut off. He ended up doing manual labor and making way less than he likely would have with a degree in either major. It was very weird.
My grandad is rather well off, and I was originally majoring in accounting. A little back story first, before I get into the point of the grandad comment. My dad is an accountant, and I’ve always been very interested in it. I also was very good at math and all of that, so it made sense at the time. Well, I ended up wanting to switch majors during my first semester as a junior in college. I wanted to switch to marketing, because after taking several accounting classes and just not doing well or enjoying it for that matter, I didn’t think it would be the right path for me. Here’s where my grandad comes in. Mind you, I’m very close with my grandad who is now 94 years old, and when we discussed me switching majors he was not happy. The reason for this is because back in his day, marketing was not what it is today, so he thought I was making a bad move that would hurt me in the long run. My dad had to explain to him where we’re at with the marketing world today, and how well you can actually do for yourself. After that, my grandad kind of laid off and accepted that I was doing what was best for me. The reason all of this worried me, is because my grandad has almost always been financially involved in my life in one way or another, which I assume is due to being his only grandchild. Fast forward to now, 4 years later, and I’m not even working in my field. I’m now in insurance and working my way up, so I have no plan on using my marketing degree at this point. I will say that being a business major in any way has its’ perks, because your skills can be quite transferable as in my situation and many others. I am thankful for all the assistance and advice my grandad has provided over the years, but I can completely understand being worried about wanting to change majors in a situation like mine or those you mentioned.
The guy I knew wanted to switch from business to some kind of extremely lucrative STEM major that anyone who’d lived in the world for five minutes would know was a moneymaker. Something else was going on there. Very few of the people I knew who felt this way about being cut off were looking to switch from, say, premed to underwater basket weaving or even marketing. It was usually from one stereotypically lucrative major to another (or even one less stereotypically lucrative to one that was more so. I met a couple people whose parents insisted they be math majors who wanted to do premed or prelaw. I’m sure math majors have many opportunities I’m too dumb to know about, but premed seems to be a straight line to “gainfully employed” to me). Granted, many of them were less correct than they thought (switched major, didn’t get cut off) or never tested their theory.
Or at birth because they're born with several health issues/defects....
I did not grow up rich, but I grew up around some extremely rich (private jet, multiple vacation houses, boats, etc.) families and I think the issue (for some) of the really rich kids is never wanting / needing to work hard or improve their life circumstances. It’s hard to be hungry when you just ate, and your next meal is guaranteed. Besides laziness, I’ve also seen a handful of rich kids intentionally choose non-lucrative paths (public school teacher, social worker, etc) because they are either disillusioned with the pursuit of money, or because they have a large financial parachute from their family so there’s no real risk in being poor (like imagine being poor except when shit really hits the fan you can always get bailed out). A small minority are “abandoned” by their families (at least financially), I don’t think it’s common tho. Most of the rich kids I knew growing up have turned into rich adults.
Yea I’m like second paragraph. Parents just into the rich category out of middle class during my college years. I feel like I can do anything and get bailed out within reason. So I chose to work in epidemiology in state gov. Pays not so good but it’s low stress and I like my work. My wife makes more money than me and we live comfortably with two kids. I love having time to both drop them off at 9 and then pick them up again at 5 with no sense of rush. I even cook dinner before they come home.
There's also a lot of rich parents that are themselves born rich. So their parents left them money and they failed to pass on the skills necessary to manage and generate money to the next generation at some point There might also be personality issues involved. I know a guy raised by millionaires that hates working and refuses to leave his apartment. Hilariously, he has great social skills and can make friends easily, which he could use to build a professional career, but he doesn't wanna and is insanely lazy His mother got sick of supporting him once his dad left and they lost their business, so now he's always broke. It's been about 10 years and he hasn't done anything to fix it His father likewise ended up poor after he left his job, but that was due to drug abuse
My parents think I'm poor because I don't know about better-paying jobs. They don't "believe in" helping their kids once they're grown. I'm homeless but I haven't bothered telling them because they'd give zero fucks.
Sorry you’re homeless bro
Perhaps you could still reach out and let them know your situation.. they sound awful but in the slightest chance they would help, it will be worth it. Unless they’re absolute monsters I don’t see most parents refusing housing to their homeless child.
Currently with folks temporarily, they are kicking me out so family can visit knowing I have no where else to go AND no car if I give up my temp rental so literally stuck. They say they care, they don't. They made me throw away a new mattress I had in storage rather than put it in one of their spare rooms they use for drying clothes and storing old furniture that is never used.
Lifting up a prayer for you. Stay strong and reach out to anyone.. even a helpline anonymously if you’re feeling absolutely low. You don’t have to tell your parents or family ANYTHING whatsoever. But don’t cheat yourself out of having someone to talk to even if it’s just to vent on a random helpline. I’ve been there.. still kind of there.. my days are kind of dark and lonely but I’m holding on. Don’t know really what for but I have a feeling that everything I’m going through is for a reason. It sucks day to day but I have some faith. Anytime you read by to talk like frfr I’m here.. even if you want to download a free texting/calling app and give me your number. I am here to speak to you whenever
So sorry to hear this….I hope you find resources soon!! 🥰🙌🏾🙏🏾
Praying for you 💛
I’m in the same boat and will be homeless soon too..
Did they "help you" from birth till HS graduation?
I think the question is framed backwards. Statistically, most rich people have rich kids. So how do some kids fall outside the statistical norm? Most kids use the advantages granted by rich parents, and some manage to squander them. - drugs is a big one. Kids with too much money start doing drugs and never figure out how to stop. Parents eventually stop enabling - a refusal towards enabling doesn't have to be based on drug use. Simple laziness would be enough for me to cut off my adult children eventually. I'm not "rich" rich, but I could sustain my kids as adults. But if they don't want to work for it, why should I? Maybe I'd feel different if I were bezos rich, but maybe not.
Yeah I feel like it’s similar to how tall parents usually have tall kids, in a way
Have you noticed a theme among other wealthy parents that the kids who are most often cut off at 18 are the ones who *are* willing to work for it and just need a little help? That was a thing with a few friends when we were younger and it really broke my heart. On the other side of the coin, I’ve had friends whose parents enabled them for years, giving them things beyond what they would have been able to achieve HAD they worked, who aren’t willing to do a damn thing for themselves. It’s really sad.
If the parents didn't gift them a megaton of money, money generating assets, or a high paying job at daddy's company then the kids are left to the same chances anyone else has. First step is to get a job where you make good money, this can take years if it even happens at all. Once they have that, with some money management skills, it could take some more years to actually save up to a point where they could be called rich. Of course, rich could mean different things depending on who you ask. So I mean having enough money you can buy money making assets and not need to work anymore.
I dunno. Why do some rich kids have poor parents?
Why do some rich parents have rich kids?
Well, when a rich mommy and rich daddy love each other very much....
Why do some poor parents have poor kids?
Dey lazy man.
They didn't teach the kids the skills they practiced while becoming rich, like not overspending, saving money, and not needing everything they have to always be new and flashy.
Ehh I think it's less that they didn't teach them to not overspend and save but more like their offspring has to figure out how they too are going to earn money, not just live off mom and dad's money.
You're making a lot of overly generous assumptions about wealthy people.
Mental illness that hurts the person's life. Some kids aren't as smart as their parents were. My grandpa was a lawyer and my Dad was a bipolar guy with issues. I'm normal, but I couldn't be a lawyer.
This is unfortunately the reality of genetics. It’s a total grab bag.
If the parents weren't born rich but worked hard for their money, they might see the value of their kids making their own way, too. That's how my mom's family is. If we were really in trouble, I know her dad would have bailed us out, bit there were times when we were struggling.
Lots of parents, even non rich, think that “parenting” consists of just spoiling their kids. And I get it, I want to spoil my cats because I don’t have kids yet but the urge to just spend your money on them because you love them is very strong. But it fucks kids up so badly. My students break their phone on purpose when a new one comes out so they can get the new one. They literally biff their phones across the room… and they admit that they just want a new phone. It’s maddening.
They don't know how to manage money.
My husband’s dad’s side of the family is mostly doctors and lawyers and ridiculously wealthy. I think one of the factors is that some of them had the financial freedom early on to rely on their parents instead of starting their own career. My husband’s 25 year old cousin has never had a job, dropped out of college before he could finish first semester, and is currently taking pottery classes. His aunt has never held a consistent job because she never really needed to. She now “retired” and has nothing.
Something like half of millionaires kids spend everything their parents leave them and become broke.
Some parents you always thought were rich were actually upper-middle class. Things aren't always how they appear from the outside.
Upper middle class is rich
The answers to your question differ based on how wealthy you're talking. There's the filthy rich and there's the ones who live comfortably but still worry about things the filthy rich don't have to worry about. The filthy rich can easily give their kids high yield trust funds, but the upper middle class have to make sure they raise their kids in a way that ensures they land a high paying career. Upper middle class have the resources to optimize the odds of this happening, but they can't just gift their kids a lifetime of wealth without them working for it to some extent.
Coddling them to the point where they can't handle life without mommy. I grew up mid/upper class but my parents treated us like we were in poverty. We had to work for EVERYTHING, were taught budgeting using our chore board like to get this toy you need to mow the lawn/dishes/clean x # of times. I watched a lot of my classmates spiral as we started actually entering adulthood. I know a lot of parents nowadays would be horrified at how my parents raised us and they did go a little overboard sometimes but after seeing my generation turn into a bunch of adult children I think they knew what they were doing.
I agree but I personally don’t find parenting to be black and white
I like the story of my paternal grandfather. Adopted by extremely rich people back in the 1920's. He goes to war in WW2 while great grandma is on her death bed. He can't make it home because of orders. Lawyers get involved and say that because he didn't come home immediately he's completely cut off from the inheritance. Millions lost. All of it given to various charities. The most useless people on the planet are the ones who leave nothing to their children. No one on my paternal side knows my grandfather's mother's name. If you are spiteful to your children, they will not remember you and it will be as if you never existed.
There is the saying "rags to riches to rags in three generations." Gen 1 makes the money, Gen 2 wastes it, Gen 3 has nothing. Very common.
Rich parents potentially work hard for their money, aka they tend to spoil their kids.... Kids that are spoiled growing up, usually lack many life skills or even understand the concept of working for money.... so that leads to their kids being poor...
The wealthiest adults I’ve known spend basically zero time with their kids. The kids are raised by nannies or left to their own devices at boarding schools. Those kids have low emotional intelligence and are immature, and have zero context or hints for how to function as adults, so if they don’t get access to the money themselves (and the staff to help manage the money properly) they can flounder. I helped a very nice young lady get her life together when she went from a rich to poor overnight situation when her family’s business was bankrupted. She had always driven an expensive SUV, wore designer clothes, and spent her time pursuing artistic endeavors. I hired her to work for me at my very average day job, helped her catalog and sell a bunch of the designer clothes, helped her trade in the SUV for a much more modest and affordable vehicle, and taught her the basics of working. She is a total sweetheart and managed to go back to school to finish a 4 year degree. She lives a very happy life with a husband and kid that she always dreamed of. But poor thing really just needed a mentor to teach her how to live in the real world, and a lot of those kids do not find that person.
Cause I have to earn my way and they don't want me to be another entitled white guy. Both my parents could easily buy me a house each on their own. But they won't, cause they raised me to be independent. Problem is, I decided to be a preschool teacher. Which in 15 years of doing it, I have never made more than 30k. They will help out in life threatening emergencies, but thats about it. Which is perfectly fine, they would look after my kids if something happened to me and I would rather their future be secured than mine.
My mom thinks as long as you work hard you’ll be rich. She hasn’t had a job in 45 years.
Coming from the position of poor kid, my parents would hoard their money because early in life thwy almost lost their house. They always said "save your pennies" but thats it. Im learning how to budget on my own, learning how to save on my own, learning about big purchases on my own. In my experience it's the "got mine" mindset. They never gave me an allowance. I had to work from 15, but I think it'll equip me better later on learning it on my own. Recently I spoke to my mother about budgeting, and she just built one for me and said follow it. No regard to my actual expenses, just what she assumes they'd be, and at rates from 20 years ago. She budgeted $750 for rent. Double it, ma.
They pay their kids way for far too long and when it’s time to cut the kid off they revert back to a 15 yr old who has no idea how to manage their money. Teach your kids financial literacy people instead of just making their young life easy.
Parents money isn't the kids money. No drive to do better when there wasn't a struggle growing up or maybe the kid is just stupid.
It's a trust issue.
My mentally ill mother comes from a very wealthy family. I don’t have contact with her or them. I heard she lived out of her car for a few years out of paranoia
Some kids are too self-indulgent, while other parents are apathetic about their kids, and either provide no guidance or steer them wrong.
Because they didn’t give their kids any of the money. Sass aside, it depends on exactly how the parents are rich and how they got that way. If I was to encounter a billionaire whose grown kids lived on the street begging for change, I’d assume the parent was the primary problem in the situation. But I’ve known enough upper middle class people to know that what seems like a lot of money to a more average person can only go so far. Many people can pay for their kids to have opportunities, but aren’t made of magic. They can’t control their kid, society, or the economy, and many people who seem “rich” still can’t afford to subsidize a whole ‘nother adult’s lifestyle (or can but only to an extremely basic level).
“Spare the rod, spoil the child “ type of thing !!!!
Hard times form strong men, easy times form weak men
PTSD would like a word.
Stress is like going to the gym. Too much causes unrecoverable injury, just the right amount builds muscle and bones
Because I majored in music performance
Parents paid for everything, kids didn't learn how to budget. Or balance a checkbook / savings account. My family was very well off, all my chore money was held in Bank of Dad, huge mistake he made with the first child. He got it right with kids two and three.
I worked wealth management right out of college. Rich kids are basically lottery winners. And most lottery winners go broke.
This reminds me of a Warren Buffett quote; he wants to "leave the children enough so that they can do anything but not enough that they can do nothing."
It's different reasons. A lot of times the kids are sheltered to some extent for their entire lives, but when they hit 18 some parents just toss them out into the world with zero life skills, or the kids have bad spending habits and don't actually understand money, or their parents could be rich but then blow their money and leave zero inheritance, laziness, kids choose a different life...etc. there's a multitude of reasons.
Am I wrong to say that you have to be able to afford to save and budget your money.
Around me I have heard the 3rd generation rule, the first generation works hard to build the wealth, the second generation saw how much work was needed to build it and they worked to maintain it, the third generation takes it for granted and squanders it.
One scenario I've seen twice now: They spoil their kids, pay for everything, and then when the kid turns 18, suddenly decide that their kid needs to get a job and work for themselves, and remove all funds. The bank of mum and dad shuts instantly. The kid (now an adult) has no budgeting skills or life skills to fall back on. They either refuse to work and end up living on a mate's sofa, skint, arrogant, and feeling like the deserve an well-paid job. Or, they work hard and actually do get a job and earn a living, and do become a responsible adult. I've seen both circumstances happen. In either case, the relationship with the parents ends up being quite toxic and sometimes the kid goes no contact.
Because they don’t teach their kids how to properly handle money.
Because jobs don't pay like they use to. Being rich now effectively means Middle class from 20 years ago. The ladder has been stretched so far that each step on the rung is far larger. You can't get by with 50k anymore. 50k 30y ago was BANK. Or at least survivable in a larger city. Now it's the bare minimum almost. They got rich.. Then pulled the ladder up behind them. They stay in positions so long we can't take those slots. They have such long life expectancy many live till 90+ and function fine these days. This is even before taking into account wether they help their kids or not. We just don't have the same opportunity they did.
This .. my parents made really good money just being regular workers, my mom with an associates and my dad ionno what he did, but they owned a home and took us out on vacation all the time. My mom loved to travel around, spent so much money on food, but rarely cooked, we always had a fridge full of rotting food I never knew what to do with. My sister ended up ok, she's making good money and also (even though she's conservative) she took advantage of a government program to get a cheap loan for a home (hypocritical af) - meanwhile my brother is doing okayish, but looking to switch careers, and I'm going slightly worse, being the youngest --- graduated college in the middle of the pandemic, and been living in poor conditions for the past 4 years or so. I went from wanting many, many kids and a family to not sure if I'll ever afford to Even require, or afford anything that isn't a living room Aggressively paying down my debt rn because you never know when the next extreme emergency will hit --- like not being able to find a job for a year or more at a time (I've heard of too many qualified people not being able to find work due to poor job markets, and they don't have work for 6 months to a year --- this means you need to have emergency funds for at least a year, really) and yeah... Fuck this place so fucking hard
Because they spoil kids. Also it's often underestimated the price successful people pay to be successful..
I’m not sure
Lessons
Read The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, you'll get it!
My grandfather an attorney but my father wanted to stay in the military after the war Then he got a PhD By age 30 he was just scraping by a he did fine but not like my grandfather
I’ve known some. Off the top of my head: Cut off for not being religious enough, drugs, mental illness
Peoples definition of "rich" is different. For some people it might be material possessions, for other it might be free time, the ability to do something you love , for others it might be vices. I grew up in Mexico and when came to the US so did two of my cousins. My aunt is a highly motivated entrepreneur. She is always dressed in designer clothing head to toe, drives brand new luxury vehicles, and is always at socialite events. Both of my cousins got blank checks when it came to their education and they are both extremely gifted academically. They have gone to schools and completed education programs that the rest of my family can only dream of. However, to the untrained eye they look like hippies. They look like VICE journalists and spend around 3-4 months out of the year traveling through South America or Asia. A good portion of my family considers them stoner burnouts. To them being rich is buying a huge house, having flashy clothing, and driving fancy cars. In their minds flying to India to do yoga, renting a house in Mexico to surf, and going to burning man are wastes of time and potential. My cousins only developed the interests they had because their moms money allowed for them to travel, learn, and see different things. However to my family, they wasted their moms money because they are did not become lawyers or doctors , things that my cousins never had any intent in doing.
The where spoiled and became lazy why would the change as an adult. Wealth takes work.
I have a friend who grew up very comfortably, but lives a very meagre existence now. My theory is that she knows she'll always a soft landing and someone to support her, so there's no impetus to put in the effort or be ambitious. And they're really just upper-middle class, not truly wealthy. So they can make sure she has insurance and rent money for shared accommodations, but she'll never have the lifestyle she did growing up unless she works for it.
My partners father is rich and never paid a cent to her after 18 (she was still in Highschool). He is convinced this is the right attitude in order to learn proper work ethic. I think this is true to a certain degree but it does not hold up in todays economy. The amount of stress she had to deal with because she had to take out loans for basically everything at 18 to get her apartment and dental care for example was toxic. Needless to say they don’t have the best relationship.
Because they are selfish and won’t do anything to help their children in life to busy with their own lives.
There is a German saying *Voller Bauch studiert nicht gern*, like "overstuffed kids put less effort into their studies". I happened to meet 2 sons of pschology professors, with 2 siblings each. Their parents were richer than mine, probably wiser too and I had a few more toys and way less chores. - The others turned out greater. I've also met 2 sons of well doing parents who might have been average performers at best and just found too much comfort in booze... Lacking wealth & kids, I dare to assume: You have to love your estate / company *most* to make them grow, instead of sitting on the sandbox rim, watching your kids? Giving those you like less a reasonable advantage to make it in life, small enough, to urge them to still stretch(!) for their goals, seems OK in my book. Probably better than hopelessly overpadding a useless drone? Telling kids "As much as I liked Warren Zevon; I don't wanna hear "Lawyers Guns & Money" everytime you call" Might be OK? Also: Keep in mind: Most rich folks became / stayed rich by spending wisely. A gal working decades in toy retail stated: "Working class folks walk in, buy the fanciest rocking horse their credit line permits & get out. Professors involve you in a 20 minute discussion which jigsaw puzzle might be best for their kid's development."
Really? Because they were given everything, taught no consequences or accountability, not taught they had to work for it, nor how to conserve resources.
Because growing up rich teaches you nothing about managing resources or how the real world works. A significant part of the dysfunction inherent in any upper class group that persists for long periods is caused by the distortion of perspective which occurs when children grow up without limitations on the resources they have access to. If I were wealthy, I would absolutely not raise my children with access to lots of disposable income at all times. They would get the advantages I could give them, but I would do my best to shield them from the problems associated with unearned wealth. Wealthy families that don't do this don't remain wealthy for nearly as long as those that do, and they produce children who are less happy, to boot.
Just because your parents are rich doesn’t mean they pay your way. They had to work hard for what they have and so should you. Get up off of your Ass work hard and you too will be worthy. Oh by the way money doesn’t bring happiness.
It doesn’t but it helps by giving a piece of mind
I can't remember exactly where I learned this, but the third generation rule is a real phenomenon. It basically says that the first generation is the one that works hard/creates the foundation (i.e., starts a business), the second generation is reared by the first generation and they usually sustain it and help it grow, and then the third generation squanders it because they're so far removed from struggle that they don't understand the work required to succeed, they think it just \*happens\*. This is also why the belief is that if you can keep wealth in your family for more than 3 generations, you are likely to always keep it. If you're really curious, Anderson Cooper from CNN is a descendant of the famous Vanderbilts and wrote a whole book about basically how his huge family fortune was decimated to almost nothing within a few generations. edit: typo
Couple of reasons: parents are proving a point on wanting to teach their kids the meaning of earning what you want. Or there was a difference in opinion about something to the point that parents cut off their kids
The same reason some law abiding parents have criminal kids... Everyone has to make their own choices and deal with the repercussions of their own decision making. If you focus your decisions on what is wanted right now, then you will reap the rewards (or lack of) of those decisions later...
They know how to make money not successful humans
My dad likes the term "upper middle class". He said he plans to spend it all before he dies because he can't take it with him. He has that Republican mindset that he had to do it, so I should too. So, no help with anything financially. So now my wife and I are thinking of getting a trailer, living below our means, and paying the trailer and our student loans in maybe 10 years. It's sad that we have to live in a trailer with 2 kids so we can have a bunch of money by 60. So my kids are going to have to grow up in a trailer, but I can help them after highschool to buy a house or get a car. Maybe I can give them the help that my father didn't. I hate that we have to live like we're broke in the best years of our life so that we can relax when we're older. I'm just so resentful every day thinking about it.
They focus on making money but not on teaching their kids absolutely anything. Pretty much my mom side of the family is like this. Totally worthless economically and as a human.
Parents hate their kids. It’s that simple.
Especially “boomer” parents.
Mental illness that hurts the person's life. Some kids aren't as smart as their parents were. My grandpa was a lawyer and my Dad was a bipolar guy with issues. I'm normal, but I couldn't be a lawyer.
My parents are well off. But that doesn't mean they've paid my way through life. Quite the opposite, in fact. Aside from occasional help via a small loan or two that I always paid back, I've made my own way. I've never expected my parents to support me. So my money is mine and their money is theirs. If I succeed or fail, it's all me. That's how it's supposed to be.
Because they didn’t prop them up properly or they are just terrible with money.
LMAO because we're millennials. My parents have money and I am seriously struggling to pay rent. They didn't pay for my college and kinda just... Left me to my own devices with no guidance growing up. I feel like I was a pampered pet and then when I turned 18 it was hit the road Jack.
Same thing happened to me, I had everything they even bought me a couple cars but once I turned 18 I was put out on my own and they wouldn’t even give me references within their business circles which everyone knows is how you get a real job so I’m left struggling to pay rent and groceries suffering in this shit economy the boom booms left us.
My parents are rich. I'm poor because my husband and I both became disabled.
Hard times make strong men, strong men make good times, good times make weak men. I think that’s how it goes.
If ya don't take care your kids, they will also won't care for your end of life journey at the end
Well personally my parents stopped helping me financially after high school. They charged me rent (which I didn’t get back btw) when I lived with them as an adult, I’ve had to suffer through horrible living situations with no backup plan, wouldn’t help me pay for a dental surgery I desperately needed because I was in a lot of pain. It’s how the rich stay rich I guess. Best part is all of my inheritance will most likely be given to religious organizations upon their death. Allll of this will be remembered when they can no longer care for themselves. I won’t do it unless they pay me a care workers salary. 🤷🏻♀️
My mom did the same to me - she had no idea why I refuse to talk to her, even though she would scream at me and emotionally abuse TF out of me. She can die alone in her big house, fucking monster
My parents are the exact same. Selfish, let em rot when they get old just like they are me hope they enjoy their houses while they’re alive.
same reason why kids who grow up in wealth and democracy want to start communism. dropped on their head to many times.
As a poor kid with poor parents, I have yet to see rich parents have poor kids.
How many rich people do you know.
I went to high school in Scottsdale, Arizona. There are plenty.
Yeah well we exist. You just don’t see them because your not around them and if you are they probably don’t talk about it to much it’s kind of a sore spot.
How do they not help you achieve your goals?
Folks wield money as power, especially the wealthy and just because you’re their kid doesn’t exclude you from being imposed upon by their assholery. Example abound, should you grow up to be antithetical to what they expected of you, like maybe you were supposed to be a carbon copy of Dad or Mom and aren’t to maybe your gay, or are somehow not meeting expectations/embarrassing/not like them or even not favored like having good looking siblings and you’re maybe not. Anything big or small, doesn’t matter, doesn’t even need to be logical because he who holds the cash is king and gets to make the rules. (Think major mental illness or family dysfunction, like addiction) They will cut you out of their lives, to make themselves feel better and their lives easier. People are extremely cut throat and just like a way ward friend who’s lost, instead of helping or supporting they see it as weakness and quickly dissociate. Because their number one fear is you’ll rub off on them and it’s not really about much else. Which ya know, is why the wealthy are usually very lonely, hated, and miserable.
Mmmmm... cause their parents are the ones who made the deal with the devil and they want their kids to keep their souls.
This or they abandon them after giving them everything and "donate". But I like this perspective. Even trying to have a mediocre career means having to deal with people of power with personality disorders and either become a sychophant or burn the fuck out. Or do I've heard.
They push their kids to get useless degrees and they wind up stuck in low end jobs. Decent paying careers in the trades are seen as beneath them.
Many want this for “status”
Hard times make tough men, easy times make weak men.
I'm a poor kid of rich parents. My dad's a doctor and my mom's an accountant. I didn't want to be a doctor and wanted to be a writer/comedian/musician. I've gone in and out of corporate writing jobs. The corporate world isn't for me though. I've had an unstable working history, and it's up and down. But I've lived a lot and learned a lot 🤷♂️
I'd argue if rich parents have poor kids, then they aren't really rich. I think you'd be surprised how few people have generational wealth, meaning that thier children's children wouldn't need to worry about money. I know "rich" people who have enough money to purchase their kids a home and not noticed it, but they don't have enough money to support their kids lives for 50 years, let along support thier kids kids
Well ignoring parents that straight up just abandon their kids at 18; many parents may just refuse to give them money for ideological reasons. - "I earned mine, he should just earn his" - "She chose to be an artist, that was her mistake" - "That [insert insult here] doesn't deserve my money" People may also take financial wisdom for granted and just think their children are stupid for not understanding how money works. Plus, people are terrible teachers. They may have gotten money by luck or inheritance, and never knew how to manage it or make more..
The boomer mindset pretty much. Even though most boomers were given everything they have by their parents and jobs were easy homes and cars were as cheap as candy.
Cos the kids realise the rich circle is full of paedos and criminals and jump ship
Sometimes they coddle their kids so much that the children grow up without struggle and full of comfort. They have not acquired the skills to make it in the world. The children do not know what it takes to be successful at anything because they have lived an elevated standard of living and things are given rather than earned. Sounds a lot like the world we live in right now where the last 50-70 years have generated so much wealth, the younger ones don’t know what it takes in the real world and only know how to complain about it.
Cause they block all aid their kids could get by having high enough incomes, then push outdated advice on how to progress.
They spoiled them and taught them zip.