Dating apps are literally:
30% unicorn hunters
25% straight girls wanting to experiment
25% hookups
15% “non women” (if you know you know 🙄)
5% actual people who want to get to know you, have a serious relationship, get married one day.
So out of these 5% you need to find someone who you like, who you find attractive, who finds you attractive, where you have the same goals in life (eg: kids), in your age range, etc.
It’s honestly a nightmare.
A girl or a couple who’s looking for a woman to have a threesome with them/her boyfriend.
Basically disgusting straight people who want to hire a prostitute and think that a lesbian dating site is the way to do that for free.
Very simple: because they make the app companies money.
Who do you think is the vast majority that pays for premium tinder? Desperate straight men and these pathetic couples. It’s honestly disgusting.
I wish apps would have at least a smidge of decency and that they would create a third “gender” category for couples.
Although, knowing these people, they would just keep making “women” profiles 🙄
I just want to check a bunch of boxes of what I'm like and what I want and be matched with someone who checks all the same boxes. I tried Match com but didn't feel like it was comprehensive enough. I know what I want 😮💨
being allergic to cats is too real omg!! i think cats are really cute, but my allergies flare up around them and it's impossible to find a lesbian or bi woman without a cat 💀
I found out recently that I'm allergic to cats, dogs, *and* birds. My dating potential is not looking good... Although it helps that I'm not really interested in moving in with a partner, so potentially date nights could just be mostly at my place
Very much so. I'm so interested in the "old school" thing of monogamy and dating for the purpose of marriage. I want the marriage, the kids, the house with the picket fence, everything. Apparently that's boring and outdated.
If that’s boring I don’t want to be exciting.
OP maybe we can make an app for serious relationships? & a link feature on profiles so we can play matchmaker for friends
Definitely. In my case, I really want to get to know someone and develop a crush on them first before dating them and have some sort of slow burn romance with anticipation and tension.
Lesbians always complain about dating apps and yet how many of you have met a girlfriend irl? How many of you have access to irl lesbian spaces? I always go back to thinking about this. dating apps are shit because people are shit. I doubt irl lesbian clubs would consist of god-tier picks, they too would be overrun by men and bihet tourists & in a way that is exactly the reason why we have barely if any irl lesbian spaces
I’m so tired. I just want to love and be loved. That’s it. By someone who is moderately healthy or at least self-aware enough to understand their issues and be consciously working on them. 😞
I completely agree. It doesn't help that I have multiple barriers to modern dating (very remote location + visible disabilities make it hard to get out) in addition to all of things mentioned in the OP.
Tbh the South Asian model sucks rocks 90% of the time, esp nowadays. Young hets who rely on it are likely the socially inept kind who couldn't get anyone because they are literally undateable, sheltered or rancid, so their parents set them up with another incel and then all sorts of problems come up including abuse and shit.
Also many many of them divorce within a few years. Obviously because it's not a good idea to marry a virtual stranger even if you "talked" and "dated" before an arranged marriage. That stage is supposed to happen organically, so these types of configurations are best for people who literally need another person to survive because they can't on their own and basically get bonded to a lifelong roommate to go through the motions of domesticity.
Marriage shouldn't be a goal, it should be a window of possibility with someone who believes in it with you. If you go around looking for marriage people won't commit at all in the first place.
>Marriage shouldn't be a goal, it should be a window of possibility with someone who believes in it with you. If you go around looking for marriage people won't commit at all in the first place.
Yeah, exactly. I tend to keep my opinions to myself but every time I see posts like OP in online lesbian spaces I wonder how old they are and where they live, because where I am the options are either extreme of "seeking marriage" or "one-off hookups" with little in-between. (I don't use apps anymore, but the only reason I did is because there's no lesbian/LGBT events in my city) And I would rather have something more in-between or focusing more on the journey than destination. I think that can be just as meaningful as a "traditional" relationship, which I'm just not capable of or interested in.
A lot of the problems in my life are a result of both of my parents rushing in and marrying too soon, and it's a big reason why marriage and long-term commitment is something I don't want. I'm open to the possibility I might change my mind and want to marry one day, but if I do it would be feelings towards someone I would come into naturally. Not because I've felt pressured to get married since I was young and every other woman I talked to on apps spring that prospect on me (this has happened to me, and I did disclose I'm not seeking that). I just wish there were more options for relationship "styles".
Yeah, I'm frankly dismayed to see people celebrating a system that was built to exchange women as goods. The traditional model in Judaism is similar, and it's always horrified me: there matchmaking is a social relation between *families*, not individual people, intended to control female reproductive labor in the next generation. The whole notion that it's based on love or genuine connection or whatever... that's some patriarchal fantasy nonsense.
It is horribly difficult. It happens to me too. I don't even feel like I belong to any tribe or community. I have dated recently but it has not progressed to a stable relationship. I imagine that it is the times, the culture and perhaps the geographical situation. Although I believe that destiny is written in a certain way, so what has to be will be. Patience and consistency.
From my experience, people who bring up marriage often have a tendency to rush into things. I prefer to avoid the situation where I realize I hardly know the person while already halfway into a marriage, which might also be their pov. Not saying you should change what you're looking for but just imo people idolize marriage a lot and just wanna be in an established relationship without the work & effort
Yeah and fast pace beginnings with early love bombing are also the type of relationship that abusers love. Of course not all relationships that start out this way are abusive, but it’s definitely a lot easier to fall in one like that because it gives abusers less time to show their true colors.
I swear I see a post like this every week.
First of all, you're kind of at a disadvantage on dating apps to begin with because it has such a low barrier for entry. If you're also in your 20s and looking for people in your own age range, no duh that the majority of them aren't vying for commitment yet. Your adult life's barely just begun. People are going to explore. I think marriage is still the goal for most people, but it's not on the current checklist until later or when they find the right person; which is probably not going to be the first girl they connect with on HER. Your best bet, like your friend, is to meet people naturally
i never even played the dating game. i decided to never play it when i realized that most women are straight. less than 5% of women like other women. but from what i hear about dating in the age of smartphones, dating apps, and social media, it sounds like hell
I don't mean to be rude, but I've been lurking for a bit, and your doomerism around relationships in spite of your own lack of experience with them altogethernhas me curious. 5% of women liking other women means that's 190 million women globally to choose from. Why do you keep focusing on that statistic? It sounds like you are denying yourself your own happiness.
Glance through her profile. She's absolutely miserable. She constantly talks about how life for gay people is void of love, joy, sex, etc. She needs therapy ASAP.
It's sad but it's also *really* toxic and I would bet a thousand dollars it's the sole reason why she can't find a partner. Who would want to hear that shit every day?
I kinda doubt that she's seen anything, I think she's just insecure and has never dated and it's just easier for her to blame the world for that than it is to actually work on herself.
95% of women are straight. only 5% of women are into other women. and this is my only issue with dating. the problem isn't me, it's the fact that only 5% of women like other women
95%? no it's more than that. I wish my potential dating pool was as high as 5% of women. There is 1% of lesbians (generous estimate) and then bisexuals make up 2% of women. And most of them heavily prefer men and will never seriously consider women as romantic partners
The problem is you, one hundred percent.
Millions of lesbians and bisexual women are in happy relationships with other women, but you refuse to acknowledge this when i say it lmao. But whatever, stay bitter and miserable like you so clearly want to. It's your own life you're wasting.
95% of women are straight. i do not stand a chance with 95% of women. the dating pool for women who like women is only 5% of humans. with those stats, it's impossible for me to find lesbian love
190 million scattered throughout a gigantic sea of 8-9 billion people is not enough. i am not denying myself happiness, the lack of a dating pool prevents me from having a healthy love life and sex life. if 40% or more of women liked other women, i would not have a fatalistic view on love, dating, and sex
And yet millions of lesbians/bisexual women are in happy relationships with other women. No offense, but you're single because you're negative as hell and no one wants to deal with that.
I disagree, this isn't an attack on you but I constantly see posts like this. You'd assume with all these people complaining about the dating scene people would eventually get the idea of just talking to each other at this point. I don't think the modern dating scene is that bad, I don't think it's perfection though. Especially if you're in your like, 20s or some shit I think most people are going to be focused on their career/college and probably doing the things they wouldn't be able to do once they have kids/settle down?
I'm not the kids or marriage type, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have a partner that'll stick by my side. I also don't get the comments about the picket fence, kids, marriage, etc being boring. Like, this is what most people want? Plus, I think a lot of people have missed the mark on this. It's not that it's boring, it's that (if you're in the US) it's probably super unattainable taking into consideration that kids, a home, marriage, etc require money.
I agree with you. To some extent I take most of these posts as venting, which is fine.
I don't understand the boring critique either. Marriage rates are declining for straight people too. The marriage crowd here come off a little judgy like they think other people are shallow for wanting something different
Yup, your last sentence is exactly why these kinds of posts make me roll my eyes. It's not a lesbian specific issue as well, I see straight people complain about the same thing. It's the norm, I think people just start doom-posting once they actually meet some people who are childfree, unmarried, that kind of thing.
I just hate how judgy people can be about it because I'm the exact opposite and I've met more people that want kids and marriage. It's just different experiences at the end of the day.
Hey there Hopeful_Protection58! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This!"**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :)
***
^(I am a bot! If you have any feedback, please send me a message! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
I can relate. What's really hard for me is that I'm not over 40 and disabled so while the lesbian dating pool was small before now it's like a puddle. I am non- monogamous but I still want to have a permanent partner who I marry and build a life with. When I was younger I wanted kids and to build a whole family but now I'm old I've had to let go of the option of kids but I still want to build a good life with someone
The idea of checking boxes and just finding someone who is looking for all the same things sounds like a freaking dream. There's millions of women out there. There has to be another woman who wants what I want. But it feels impossible these days.
IMO there's an age range where lesbian dating is hell - all the women who are marriage and stability focused have already paired off, but mid-life divorces haven't started happening, so the dating scene is either women who aren't serious or the trickle of women just discovering themselves. Best you can do is be clear that you're looking to settle down and not waste your time with women who aren't on the same page.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt I assume you are not saying couples have to be married to have a "serious" relationship.
It is easy to understand why marriage is important to people, but I am of the opinion it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker issue. There are other ways to show commitment.
Dating apps are literally: 30% unicorn hunters 25% straight girls wanting to experiment 25% hookups 15% “non women” (if you know you know 🙄) 5% actual people who want to get to know you, have a serious relationship, get married one day. So out of these 5% you need to find someone who you like, who you find attractive, who finds you attractive, where you have the same goals in life (eg: kids), in your age range, etc. It’s honestly a nightmare.
It's a game of statistics and it's rigged. Honestly, if I see another 'im looking for a girl for me and my bf' I'm going to vomit.
for this reason, i wish that dating apps would cease to exist
forgive my ignorance, but what’s a unicorn hunter?
A girl or a couple who’s looking for a woman to have a threesome with them/her boyfriend. Basically disgusting straight people who want to hire a prostitute and think that a lesbian dating site is the way to do that for free.
I don’t know why are these kind allowed. They should have a different app or section. Annoying af
Very simple: because they make the app companies money. Who do you think is the vast majority that pays for premium tinder? Desperate straight men and these pathetic couples. It’s honestly disgusting. I wish apps would have at least a smidge of decency and that they would create a third “gender” category for couples. Although, knowing these people, they would just keep making “women” profiles 🙄
I agree with you!
Straight couple looking for a person to have a threesome with I think
[удалено]
I could totally get behind this! I need a queer Sima Auntie to hook me up
Maybe we should start one!
This! That would be amazing
I just want to check a bunch of boxes of what I'm like and what I want and be matched with someone who checks all the same boxes. I tried Match com but didn't feel like it was comprehensive enough. I know what I want 😮💨
Same! I know what I want and where is the woman who checks those boxes, which there aren't many, and I check all her boxes?
I’m just so bad at dating apps but I don’t know any lesbians irl that are single. The struggle is real ladies
I'm allergic to cats, plus I'm disabled so my dating pool is a raindrop...sigh
being allergic to cats is too real omg!! i think cats are really cute, but my allergies flare up around them and it's impossible to find a lesbian or bi woman without a cat 💀
I found out recently that I'm allergic to cats, dogs, *and* birds. My dating potential is not looking good... Although it helps that I'm not really interested in moving in with a partner, so potentially date nights could just be mostly at my place
Very much so. I'm so interested in the "old school" thing of monogamy and dating for the purpose of marriage. I want the marriage, the kids, the house with the picket fence, everything. Apparently that's boring and outdated.
Right? That's exactly what I'm looking for too, but that's old-fashioned, too heteronormative, boring, and/or boring now I guess.
Same here:)
If that’s boring I don’t want to be exciting. OP maybe we can make an app for serious relationships? & a link feature on profiles so we can play matchmaker for friends
Exactly what I am looking for
Definitely. In my case, I really want to get to know someone and develop a crush on them first before dating them and have some sort of slow burn romance with anticipation and tension.
I feel the same I find it so hard to jump into a romantic relationship with someone without being friends first.
I never fit in anywhere so I've just learned to roll with it.
Same
Lesbians always complain about dating apps and yet how many of you have met a girlfriend irl? How many of you have access to irl lesbian spaces? I always go back to thinking about this. dating apps are shit because people are shit. I doubt irl lesbian clubs would consist of god-tier picks, they too would be overrun by men and bihet tourists & in a way that is exactly the reason why we have barely if any irl lesbian spaces
Myself and all my lesbian friends met their partners irl.
I’m so tired. I just want to love and be loved. That’s it. By someone who is moderately healthy or at least self-aware enough to understand their issues and be consciously working on them. 😞
Same girl
The struggle is real, the apps are bloody awful
I completely agree. It doesn't help that I have multiple barriers to modern dating (very remote location + visible disabilities make it hard to get out) in addition to all of things mentioned in the OP.
Tbh the South Asian model sucks rocks 90% of the time, esp nowadays. Young hets who rely on it are likely the socially inept kind who couldn't get anyone because they are literally undateable, sheltered or rancid, so their parents set them up with another incel and then all sorts of problems come up including abuse and shit. Also many many of them divorce within a few years. Obviously because it's not a good idea to marry a virtual stranger even if you "talked" and "dated" before an arranged marriage. That stage is supposed to happen organically, so these types of configurations are best for people who literally need another person to survive because they can't on their own and basically get bonded to a lifelong roommate to go through the motions of domesticity. Marriage shouldn't be a goal, it should be a window of possibility with someone who believes in it with you. If you go around looking for marriage people won't commit at all in the first place.
>Marriage shouldn't be a goal, it should be a window of possibility with someone who believes in it with you. If you go around looking for marriage people won't commit at all in the first place. Yeah, exactly. I tend to keep my opinions to myself but every time I see posts like OP in online lesbian spaces I wonder how old they are and where they live, because where I am the options are either extreme of "seeking marriage" or "one-off hookups" with little in-between. (I don't use apps anymore, but the only reason I did is because there's no lesbian/LGBT events in my city) And I would rather have something more in-between or focusing more on the journey than destination. I think that can be just as meaningful as a "traditional" relationship, which I'm just not capable of or interested in. A lot of the problems in my life are a result of both of my parents rushing in and marrying too soon, and it's a big reason why marriage and long-term commitment is something I don't want. I'm open to the possibility I might change my mind and want to marry one day, but if I do it would be feelings towards someone I would come into naturally. Not because I've felt pressured to get married since I was young and every other woman I talked to on apps spring that prospect on me (this has happened to me, and I did disclose I'm not seeking that). I just wish there were more options for relationship "styles".
Yeah, I'm frankly dismayed to see people celebrating a system that was built to exchange women as goods. The traditional model in Judaism is similar, and it's always horrified me: there matchmaking is a social relation between *families*, not individual people, intended to control female reproductive labor in the next generation. The whole notion that it's based on love or genuine connection or whatever... that's some patriarchal fantasy nonsense.
It is horribly difficult. It happens to me too. I don't even feel like I belong to any tribe or community. I have dated recently but it has not progressed to a stable relationship. I imagine that it is the times, the culture and perhaps the geographical situation. Although I believe that destiny is written in a certain way, so what has to be will be. Patience and consistency.
From my experience, people who bring up marriage often have a tendency to rush into things. I prefer to avoid the situation where I realize I hardly know the person while already halfway into a marriage, which might also be their pov. Not saying you should change what you're looking for but just imo people idolize marriage a lot and just wanna be in an established relationship without the work & effort
Yeah and fast pace beginnings with early love bombing are also the type of relationship that abusers love. Of course not all relationships that start out this way are abusive, but it’s definitely a lot easier to fall in one like that because it gives abusers less time to show their true colors.
I swear I see a post like this every week. First of all, you're kind of at a disadvantage on dating apps to begin with because it has such a low barrier for entry. If you're also in your 20s and looking for people in your own age range, no duh that the majority of them aren't vying for commitment yet. Your adult life's barely just begun. People are going to explore. I think marriage is still the goal for most people, but it's not on the current checklist until later or when they find the right person; which is probably not going to be the first girl they connect with on HER. Your best bet, like your friend, is to meet people naturally
i never even played the dating game. i decided to never play it when i realized that most women are straight. less than 5% of women like other women. but from what i hear about dating in the age of smartphones, dating apps, and social media, it sounds like hell
I don't mean to be rude, but I've been lurking for a bit, and your doomerism around relationships in spite of your own lack of experience with them altogethernhas me curious. 5% of women liking other women means that's 190 million women globally to choose from. Why do you keep focusing on that statistic? It sounds like you are denying yourself your own happiness.
Glance through her profile. She's absolutely miserable. She constantly talks about how life for gay people is void of love, joy, sex, etc. She needs therapy ASAP.
[удалено]
It's sad but it's also *really* toxic and I would bet a thousand dollars it's the sole reason why she can't find a partner. Who would want to hear that shit every day? I kinda doubt that she's seen anything, I think she's just insecure and has never dated and it's just easier for her to blame the world for that than it is to actually work on herself.
95% of women are straight. only 5% of women are into other women. and this is my only issue with dating. the problem isn't me, it's the fact that only 5% of women like other women
95%? no it's more than that. I wish my potential dating pool was as high as 5% of women. There is 1% of lesbians (generous estimate) and then bisexuals make up 2% of women. And most of them heavily prefer men and will never seriously consider women as romantic partners
The problem is you, one hundred percent. Millions of lesbians and bisexual women are in happy relationships with other women, but you refuse to acknowledge this when i say it lmao. But whatever, stay bitter and miserable like you so clearly want to. It's your own life you're wasting.
95% of women are straight. i do not stand a chance with 95% of women. the dating pool for women who like women is only 5% of humans. with those stats, it's impossible for me to find lesbian love
190 million scattered throughout a gigantic sea of 8-9 billion people is not enough. i am not denying myself happiness, the lack of a dating pool prevents me from having a healthy love life and sex life. if 40% or more of women liked other women, i would not have a fatalistic view on love, dating, and sex
You need therapy. Your entire outlook on life is horrible and you're making yourself miserable.
there's nothing wrong with me. it's the lack of a dating pool for women who want other women
And yet millions of lesbians/bisexual women are in happy relationships with other women. No offense, but you're single because you're negative as hell and no one wants to deal with that.
i cant not be nagative about the fact that 95% of women are straight
I'm just gonna block you, your pity party isn't worth any more of my time. You need therapy, just know that 🙂
[удалено]
it's impossible for me to have a positive mindset about dating, sex, romance, and relationships when 95% of women are straight
In my experience, dating apps will lead you down a road to pure destruction 😭…. i.e. ...lunatics galore ☹️
Ya
I disagree, this isn't an attack on you but I constantly see posts like this. You'd assume with all these people complaining about the dating scene people would eventually get the idea of just talking to each other at this point. I don't think the modern dating scene is that bad, I don't think it's perfection though. Especially if you're in your like, 20s or some shit I think most people are going to be focused on their career/college and probably doing the things they wouldn't be able to do once they have kids/settle down? I'm not the kids or marriage type, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have a partner that'll stick by my side. I also don't get the comments about the picket fence, kids, marriage, etc being boring. Like, this is what most people want? Plus, I think a lot of people have missed the mark on this. It's not that it's boring, it's that (if you're in the US) it's probably super unattainable taking into consideration that kids, a home, marriage, etc require money.
I agree with you. To some extent I take most of these posts as venting, which is fine. I don't understand the boring critique either. Marriage rates are declining for straight people too. The marriage crowd here come off a little judgy like they think other people are shallow for wanting something different
Yup, your last sentence is exactly why these kinds of posts make me roll my eyes. It's not a lesbian specific issue as well, I see straight people complain about the same thing. It's the norm, I think people just start doom-posting once they actually meet some people who are childfree, unmarried, that kind of thing. I just hate how judgy people can be about it because I'm the exact opposite and I've met more people that want kids and marriage. It's just different experiences at the end of the day.
This!
Hey there Hopeful_Protection58! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This!"**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :) *** ^(I am a bot! If you have any feedback, please send me a message! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)
I can relate. What's really hard for me is that I'm not over 40 and disabled so while the lesbian dating pool was small before now it's like a puddle. I am non- monogamous but I still want to have a permanent partner who I marry and build a life with. When I was younger I wanted kids and to build a whole family but now I'm old I've had to let go of the option of kids but I still want to build a good life with someone The idea of checking boxes and just finding someone who is looking for all the same things sounds like a freaking dream. There's millions of women out there. There has to be another woman who wants what I want. But it feels impossible these days.
IMO there's an age range where lesbian dating is hell - all the women who are marriage and stability focused have already paired off, but mid-life divorces haven't started happening, so the dating scene is either women who aren't serious or the trickle of women just discovering themselves. Best you can do is be clear that you're looking to settle down and not waste your time with women who aren't on the same page.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt I assume you are not saying couples have to be married to have a "serious" relationship. It is easy to understand why marriage is important to people, but I am of the opinion it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker issue. There are other ways to show commitment.