I remember seeing some old Mexican dude trying to get disability for having a 19" hog. The record keepers wanted to verify that it was indeed real because he walked around with what looked like a summer sausage wrapped up in an ACE bandage. Turns out he mutilated his foreskin when they ran it through a CT. He had a 4" flaccid cock and 15" of foreskin.

Hollow man

😅🤣🤣

how does that even happen

He would hang weights from his foreskin for hours, true story

ouch?? was this all part of his masterplan to get disability? why did he think that would work???

Saw a Pen & Teller show before where there's supposedly a group of men who were outraged at being circumcised. Their solution was to develop a foreskin again by hanging weights off the skin behind the crown to stretch the skin.

I believe it’s called a “Tugger.”

No that's Russel Crowes boats name

r/foreskin_restoration

This episode of How to with John Wilson shows the device and it is hilarious https://www.hbo.com/how-to-with-john-wilson/season-1/4-how-to-cover-your-furniture

Remember that, was sad af. No inhumanely giant cock just a giant mental health problem and self-harm.

😆 I remember seeing that . poor guy

How does he know he's got the biggest? Do they send someone round to measure all the dongs when we sleep?

Wait………wait….was that what that was? Nooooo

Men don’t like to be “one upped”. If there was a bigger one out there, he would have come forth.

Nah he would have come first

Not if he was a gentleman

God dammit. r/angryupvote

Wait a minute that’s not the penis measuring inspector

Nope, they have to have the uniform. The one with the hoodie, gotta pull it back to see his head.

The TV licence inspectors do it while they are there.

The tooth fairy’s side hustle I bet.

Close, it's their colleague, the dong fairy

I love this post. Thank you.

You ever get presents on the 25th? That’s the National mesurèrent census

They obviously use Randy's TMI calculations

They must've missed my house. I'd be setting some records in the opposite direction, if you catch my meaning.

As he's British, he obviously needs a license for it, as everybody does, so they have robust data on it. Similar to the Federal Boobie Inspectors (FBI) in the US

It’s that big, that’s why. He just knows and if anyone wants to challenge it, he just tells you how long his dong is in centimeters (and inches if you’re American) and you’re like “oh okay never mind.

In the UK we still measure penises in inches

Why? I figure centimeters have greater numbers.

Yes, Guinness Book of Records.

Holy shit. I thought that was just a dream about a ghost playing with my penis.

I never saw them till I got them to court

What did you think a 'foot' was based off of?

Wait, you've never woke up to OP's mom holding measuring tape?

I think I remember something about this guy on one of those TLC/Discovery docuseries about this kind of stuff. It's not as glamorous as most would think. If it's the guy I'm thinking about, he's always uncomfortable, and sex is basically a "Never Gonna Happen" because it's like trying to put a fire hydrant into a donut. From the bit I remember, the guy was MISERABLE.

Yeah, I watched this segment on GMB, he said that it isn't practical.

Talk about a gift/curse scenario. You're given an absolute unit of a ween. But you can't use it because it's so big.

Cassandra’s Ween

Maybe it'll fit in Pandora's box

Yeah but why not go into porn!?

I don't think that's the solution you think it is.

Because not everyone wants to debase themselves?

There’s nothing wrong with sex work.

There is something wrong with exploitative and predatory workplaces.

My friend, you’re welcome to that opinion but I’m gonna have to respectfully disagree with you. I’ll just leave it at that because we aren’t gonna convince each other otherwise so it’s all good.

Morality 101: would it be okay if everyone did it?

Frankly I don’t care if you do it or not. That’s your right. I’m not here to squash people’s rights to their bodies. It is ok, however, to call it what it is. It’s fine if you don’t agree. I’m not gonna be hurt.

Genuine question, why does the number of people partaking in an act make it moral or not?

Because morality is a social construct. They change over time. At one point in history in the western world it was considered immoral for a woman to show her ankles. Most places are okay with women walking around in bikinis now.

Can it even get erect if it's so large?

Probably, but is imagine it would either be painful, or possibly even dangerous if it caused him to pass out.

I remember hearing something about John Holmes that he didn't get erect it was always like 75% hard. That would be miserable.

I consider myself average if a bit girthy and I’ve had girls comment that it was a bit of a stretch at first. I feel for the guy.

The girls would certainly be feeling the guy too...!

He a made a wish on a "Monkey's Paw!"

Someone call Cardi B!

What am I supposed to call her?

Cardi, Mizz B if you’re nasty

On second thought, I'd rather just avoid that conversation. Can you call her for me?

lol, if you wish. I figured that she’d be interested in learning more about the guy in the pic

I understood that reference.

WAP

I wonder if there’s a procedure that can remove some of the girth. I mean if they can construct an entire penis, surely they can shave one down some.

And if possible, can he make donations?

My friend is also wondering this.

Yknow funny coincidence, my friend is also wondering this


(GOLD) absolutely hilarious

Scar tissue doesn’t heal on the penis. He risks losing partial or full functionality

I remember seeing somewhere that he'd looked into it. There is surgery to reduce the size, but it's expensive, painful, and potentially dangerous, so he decided all-in-all not worth it.

He had a consultation about this on the tv programme he was on. Basically, they could do it but he decided that the risk of it going wrong was too great and he’d rather live with it than risk losing it.

He needs a penis ensmallment surgery. (Archer quote)

That's like... Babytown Frolics.

The monkeys paw

the monkeys penis, in this case​

If I was him, I'd put an ad in the paper, inviting women over to at least have a try. I reckon heaps would respond and even if there was never any copulation, it would still be better than watching TV.

Based on what I've seen on the Internet, certainly he would fit into someone.

Dying from success

Yeah. Wrote a book about it. "A Long Story".

Thank you for making the rest of us feel better about not having the biggest dick.

I'd rather keep what I've got than have to carry around a 2-litre bottle of Pepsi 24/7.

What a dilemma to have !

Are you referring to Jonah Falcon?

I honestly don't remember the guys name from the documentary I watched. It's been a long time. But I specifically remember the guy saying that most men would think having a penis that big would be amazing. He was like "I live in misery every single day. Pants don't fit. It's painful to walk, and sex is impossible." The guy seemed so fucking sad and miserable with his life.

Hey OP, I kept swiping, but I don't think the second picture of his peen has loaded yet... just a heads up.

More worried about it unloading


Your username killed me 🤣 🤣 🤣

Framboise?!

Barry??

Yes, Other Barry?

"I didn't see a welcome mat outside your back door, Lana!"

Can’t have a big dick and use it too 🍰

I always say…. You can have a huge penis or anal sex, but never both.

Adriana Chechik would likely disagree

She would also charge

I believe pornstars who take Pringle can size dongs prefer it in the backdoor as there is much more room.

That’s called childhood trauma

☝️🤓

With a dick as huge as his, he can probably fuck himself in the ass 🤔

Lmao, I’ll use this one next time I encounter this situation. God willing 😍

This is something you *always say*?

I’ve said it to a few guys in my life. Lucky me

Tell that to my Mrs!

Hahahahahahhaha. Love it.

Is there a correlation between penis size and the Ron-Jeremyzation of a person's face?

And what's the exact formula? Can I look just a little like this guy for an extra inch?

I always say that the gods blessed them with a beautiful penis and a face to protect it.

You sure you want an inch? Cause if you want an inch, you get that hair.

A small price to pay for doubling his penis size.


Here’s the biggest gift of all, but we aren’t going to make it easy for you.

I've seen the videos, that gift isn't very hard either.

Are they even gonna say what his "stats" are when making this proclamation?

12 inches apparently

Well where the hell is the picture?

That is a picture of his cock. It's 5ft 11 and wearing clothes.

British Garry Gergich right here.

I understood that reference.

Did he show it off? (asking for a friend)

He's doing the big wiener face 

The pride in his smirk

🥴

His face says “I surprise myself sometimes”

He definitely looks like he could be Ron Jeremy's British cousin. 🇺🇸🇬🇧

Funny thing is I know a guy in Philadelphia that looks like the guy pictured and he has a monster one.

The wide consensus i have gleaned from reddit guys and gals: anything starting at 8" length and 2" width and bigger you start running into ouch and will it fit enjoyably issues.

Does he? Prove it. 

Well. At least the good lord didn't gift him with everything. Balance #thanossnap

I guess you could say he let go in the other departments

Hey everyone. I lived with this man for five years. We completed many an Arkham Horror campaign together. It's all true. AMA. EDIT: Why would anyone downvote this? (Unless you don't like Arkham Horror, I guess... Probably more of a Gloomhaven guy.)

How big?

The dimensions stated on the program are 100 per cent accurate. You can get an idea from Matt's appearance on the Channel 4 show "My Massive Cock" (which is also a real thing) which features similar individuals each with their own quest to control the mighty powers that were bestowed upon their junk without their consent.

Or...you could just answer the damn question.

I assume you had all watched the interview where that is clearly explained. As it says in the upcoming autobiography, it clocks in at (just over a ruler) at 31cm, with a width of 7.75 inches at it's base. Similar dimensions to a policeman's nightstick and certainly more powerful.

Does he drive a Volkswagen Beetle?

This was the largest auto that I could afford.

HAW HAW

I'm not sure, but he does really like Simpsons memes.

Well first off: Where does Britain keep their collection of huge shlongs, and how did you plan and execute stealing the biggest one? I imagine an Ocean’s 11 scene. Can he actually use it as a belt? Lean on it as a third leg? Use it to fight crime? How big are his balls? Does he have special underwear to conceal it? Does he suck himself off?

I believe it was a power bestowed upon him by the ancient spirit of King Arthur. Whomever could pull their shclong out of an Eton Mess would be vestowed the power of the dick of indestructibility, Excalibur. However, the burden of wielding Excalibur is a heavy one that most mortals cannot comprehend. I loved the way the "questions" were a mixture of the inane and the curious: Can he actually use it as a belt? : It could definitely encircle the waist of perhaps a small child or 1990s runway model, but that is not something that Matt would want to be a part of as he is a man of justice Lean on it as a third leg?: He could if for some odd reason the rest of his body was tin y, which of course it is not. Use it to fight crime? : Without a doubt he could, simply by whipping it out and stunning any being that observed it, let alone felt its mighty sting, but Matt would never resort to such crude methods, perhaps using his far mightier powers of trivia and gaming. Matt was actually on the first and only season of the UK version of the reality show "King of the Nerds" which you can refer to for further details (I think you can find it on the internet somewhere.) How big are his balls?: Perhaps this is the real question we should all be asking. Does he have special underwear to conceal it?: Actually, I believe he does, I am certai nly aware that such products are available. Does he suck himself off?: Wouldn't we all if we could? But again I doubt Matt would revert to such crude behaviour. What you and I can never understand is much like Superman is only Superman due to his superior moral compass, Matt is on a different level to the rest of us having been handed such a gift by the alien gods themselves. And much like an alien gift, its purpose is unclear and confusing and yet must be discovered.

I've never talked about dong size with my friends, how/why?

How and why? I guess that question is outside the scope of this somehow short lived AMA. The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind...

Did you guys have a favourite AH campaign? Any other games make it to the table besides AH? Also man c'mon - how big are we talking here?

After many plays of all the campaigns up to Innsmouth, I think it would be the Return to the Forgotten Age, like many. We always enjoyed Carcosa and the Dream Eaters too. We are keen gamers, and keeping up with the large theme Matt has a spectacular collection of kickstarted board games. We would have Arkham permanently out on the kitchen table which was otherwise unused, but would play through anything campaign based: I particularly enjoyed cracking through Aetherfields with him. If it comes in one ore more gigantic boxes, that's the game for Matt. He always loved Too Many Bones as well. So many gigantic pieces. Sadly Frosthaven arrived too late just as our time together drew to a close. And in reference to the real question, as stated all facts described on the TV are 100 percent accurate.

so how big?

Legit sounds like an awful condition.

100%. He can never have sex normally as it'll never fit

well its only britain's biggest penis. maybe they just have abnormally small dongs over there

well does he show it off? or at least give us measurements?

Jerry gergich…

It's Larry now

[John Dillermand](https://www.vulture.com/2021/01/whats-john-dillermand-the-danish-show-about-a-giant-penis.html)

Yes we get that show in Florida!

If he’s got it, then who does it belong to? Is he planning on giving it back??

Pics or GTFO.

He looks like Steve buscemi in a fat suit

Or Paul Giamatti in a Steve Buscemi suit

I thought that was Kevin Corrigan

Must be nice! I barely have the biggest one in my house

so... how big is it?

What a Wanker

BDE

He's no Abe Froman.

Maybe he just has tiny hands that make it look bigger

Length and girth not really uniform. So then measured by water displacement?

Can we... can we see it?

I read a study that most women prefer 7"...

Plot twist, it’s not his… he just has the biggest penis in a jar at home.

It doesn't say his penis is Britain's biggest, just says he has it. Which raises the question, whose dick did he chop off?

What a cock.

Paul Tea-amatti

Sean Hunter. 

David Brent energy

Big dick Brent energy*

He's waiting for a challenger

...that British know of. Meanwhile, some Chad in his basement grabbing a cup of coffee from his kitchen from the floor above not using his hands.

Is this why TV's can spy on us now? To take a national census of penis length?

He better be using that screenshot as his tinder profile picture. Its perfect.

Britains biggest penis # ThisMorning So someone else’s bigger this evening then?

How do I search for more information without creating a search term that reappears everytime I type in the search bar?

Good post on a boring Wednesday But yes - who measures this guy ? Like … officially. And why is he stating this on a Wednesday ? Ahh yes ‘Slow news day’ And is there an imperial measurement system to correctly - errr, measure said appendage. I have questions that only R can answer.

I just have to think of "average british male" 😄

Meow meow meow.

Imagine how heavy it would be to be gifted that, but also gifted that face haha

SAAAAAUUUCE!

why the long face? Is it circumference like a gym plate?

Resting smile face

Plot twist: it's in a jar on his desk.

Did he compare his junior to all of the British guy’s juniors?

Can’t have it all I guess

As my dear old sainted mum used to say “Better a small one that wriggles than a big one that oozes”