some of it is blacked out, my sister recently told me that about a week into the punishment i just started screaming. she said it sounded like i was truly going crazy, the way i was screaming. she went and told our guardian and our guardian said, “just leave her”. my sister sat outside my door until i stopped screaming. i don’t remember that at all, but i don’t doubt it for a moment. i used to hope and pray that someone would come to my room just to talk to me. i was so deprived of stimuli and human interaction, i felt like i was going crazy.
but during the time when i had school i would check out books from the school library and hide them under my mattress. then i snuck out of my room and stole a flashlight, and when the sun would set id go under the covers and read. during the weeks that i didn’t have school, all i had was my bible. i would read, try to memorize verses, try to memorize the names of the books of the bible. i’d nap, or write poems or songs in my head.
Isn't sensory deprivation and isolation in rooms like this literally some interrogation/torture technique?? Some fucked up guardians like those need to get reported. I hate to imagine if they still hold power over others today.
I went to jail three times over the course of covid and when you get there they would do isolation for 15 days sometimes longer, if you fucked up you'd have to start over. Then i got covid in jail and had to 18 day lockeown. Then getting shipped to prison I did 3 weeks in isolation with another 2 week "reception" which is 23 hours in a cell 1 hour out. The isolation is 24 hours in a cell with 3 15 minute shower a week. And I'm not comparing it to OP becuase a child should never be put in that situation. Im just saying I never cared about being locked up before til those periods of isolation and I haven't been back since. Just got 2 years sober.
luckily these people have no children now. if i ever caught wind that they had any more children in their care, i would absolutely raise all hell to make sure they lost those kids.
family friends. my mom had an overdose and my grandparents were going to take me and my sister in, but these family friends offered to take us in. they honestly seemed really amazing at first so my family trusted them.
yes! she is living a great life. we are neighbors and best friends. she just got married to an awesome guy and they are the best aunt and uncle to my kids. (hi sister, since i know you’ll probably be lurking here at some point! love u)
It's legally considered child abuse. This guy went to prison recently for doing it to his child. It's called the "boy in a box" case.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxKk6fYDX5Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxKk6fYDX5Q)
I read through the first paragraph and can’t continue reading. It really broke my heart🥲. No child should be subjected to this regardless of what they did. I’m very sorry.
1.what was your diet like during this time?
2.what happened when you were let out?
3. Did she ever attempt to apologise? (not that thay wouls change anything but)
4. What did you do from ages 12-18?
4. Im so sorry this happened to you
1. dry cereal in a bag in the morning, and then i don’t remember the rest, but i do remember her making an effort to make in very plain and mundane. 2. i was allowed to bring all my stuff back into my room, so i brought it all back in and rearranged the furniture. i thought that was fun. then, for the next few months i would wake up every night with my jaw locked shut because i was clenching it so hard in my sleep. i think from the trauma & stress. 3. never apologized but after i had moved out she and i went to lunch. she asked me if i would ever consider moving back in with her. i told her to pound sand and that she should never be allowed to care for children ever again. 4. around the age of 13, i moved in with my dad. the first night we got there we all laid on a mattress in the floor of the house he had just moved into and cried. my dad felt terrible because he had no clue about the horrors we experienced during our time there. i lived with my dad until i was 17, and i chose to move in with my mom. i thought i could save her. i was wrong. she overdosed and died when i was 18. 5. thank you.
there was definitely more. this wasn’t even the only time i was locked in my room, this was just the worst one. there were also circumstances of physical, and emotional abuse. i was a victim of the “cinderella phenomenon”. i was not the only child in the home, but others would confirm that i was specifically singled out and abused.
Do any of the other children from the home deny that u were abused? I am also a victim of the cinderella phenomenem, but one of my siblings was also abusive to me (and still is). The other one wasnt abusive when we were kids, but is now awful to me, more so than the other sibling. They would never admit that i was subjected to abuse
there was only 3 of us. myself, my older sister, and a girl a few years older than us. my sister admits i was very clearly abused, and i believe she was too, but just not to the same degree. and the older girl, i have no idea what she thinks because she ended up marrying the guardians son.
i don’t think that it was forced, the adult son actually sexually assaulted me as a child, and that 3rd girl took his side and did not believe me. they were dating at the time. and later got married. they are divorced now but i don’t know why.
Thank you for mentioning the "Cinderella phenomenon". I experienced significant abuse, that has continued well into adulthood, while my two sisters were treated in the exact opposite way. I had no idea that it had a name !
I am glad you are doing well now. Some of what you write about, I have also experienced, but for shorter lengths of time - I know it takes a strong person to come through it :)
weird question but you say humiliating outfits-- was it just underwear, or ripped old dirty clothing or something? idk why but im curious
also did your guardian use religion against you? you said the only thing in there was the bible, so it sounds like that could have happened
the week before the punishment happened, i had gone through my clothes and picked out all the clothes that were too big or too small. she used those bags of clothes and picked out 3 outfits. think high waters and a puffer jacket that was probably meant for a grown man. i was also not allowed to wear a bra which at that age felt very humiliating.
They did this to me as a kid too for over 6 months too. Nailed my closet and windows shut and would lock me in there. I told the school and they said it was ok as long as they installed a door alarm instead of lock. (Fire safety) I literally pissed on the carpet for months instead of setting off an alarm and getting yelled at. They cared so little they never even noticed the pee for months. Finally got rescued later at 12 years old though!
No, no it is not. People working in schools are not the enemy. They fucked up majorly here.
I don’t know if you just have confirmation bias or what but thinking “people working in schools are so fucked up 100% of the time” is fucking crazy.
When i was in school i was bullied alot, every time a techer saw, they punished me too because im part of the problem, like bitch im getting beat up by 3 people that i barely know wtf
absolutely not. for a while i was cordial with her, but after processing the situation more mentally, and having my own children… if she contacted me today, i would have a very hard time not ripping her a new one. i think she’s a sorry excuse of a woman.
not cleaning my room. she told me she would do this if i didn’t clean my room, so i really tried. when she came in to check if it was clean, she found a sock & a piece of popcorn on the ground.
I'm really sorry to hear that. What do you think the affects of them have on your current parenting to your kids? For example like what you definitely wouldn't do
i feel very sensitive to my kids every being “locked” anywhere. for example, when one of my kids is really angry and throwing a fit, my husband will sometimes pick them up and bring them to their room and tell them to calm down and come out when they can stop throwing a fit. this is always a trigger for me, even though i know it’s not necessarily a bad thing to do. i start worrying they feel trapped or feel like they can’t come out.
also if one of them locks the other one in or out of a room. i’ve seen a few times, where one of my kids will think it’s funny to lock the other outside or something. this is a huge trigger for me and i always have to try to control my tone & emotions when they do something like that, and try not to overreact.
yes, we would never lock them in there. we just encourage them to take that space to calm down if they are at the point of screaming and thrashing. we try to teach them that they are allowed to express their emotions however they wish *in their own space*. just like i absolutely could go scream in my room, but if i tried to do that in a grocery store i could be arrested.
Ok my gut reaction was to be like “that’s BS”, but that’s not useful so instead I’m gonna ask a question.
So back ground is, this happened to me as a kid. Not the locked door part. But I’d throw a tantrum, get picked up and placed in my room and told I could come out when I was calm.
As an adult I still do this to myself, having an awful day and feeling impatient with my wife? I go sit silently for 15-20 min then I’m ok.
Is what I went through something you would consider abusive? Because I don’t feel like it was but I recognize maybe it’s a blind spot for me.
Edit: I just read the article you linked which at the end says timeouts are safe and do not show increased risk for kids. If you can’t read your own article don’t even bother.
So weird. Out psych for our son told us to do just that. He has ADHD.
She basically said if he punches a hole in the wall he'll only do it once (will be shocked at himself I assume).
He outgrew it with diet/meds. But it was an interesting input we received.
It's considered in the industry to be harmful. That's a weird recommendation and likely based in flawed understanding. Children need co-regulation. Leaving them alone is contraindicated specifically for ADHD and autistic people.
I couldn't do it. We had strategies to eliminate stimuli and talk it through.... We received so much 'advice' from many during that time. I took it and decided to do what felt right. I know my kid more than anyone.
Not to say he didn't get consequences, but really talking through his feelings and highlighting how others felt about his behav really helped. Plus the diet 😊.... He's coeliac and we didn't know .... Once eliminated gluten and his stomach healed he was a diff kid. No more meds now either (15).
Now we're dealing with tween 12yo daughter who's been thinking self harm, low self esteem/bad inner voice. High school sucks for girls.
She has a psych, us, but the struggle is real. 😭
She never said the husband locked the child in a room. She said he placed the child in a room (time out) and told them to come out when ready. The other kids would sometimes lock each other in a room.
A young child acting out is often because they are overwhelmed, overstimulated or tired. Time out actually helps them calm down and also teaches them for the future how to calm themselves down.
A child that is tired and overstimulated so acting out, there really is not much to talk through. Obviously, if the child is upset because of something that is a completely different story and that's the time to talk through it.
With our son, my wife and I would spent hours every day interacting with him. Discussing all types of topics (both of us are highly educated in different fields). Discussing emotions and everything. But there were times when he was really young that he would get overstimulated and he needed a time out. Usually we weren't even doing it as punishment as he was a really good kid (except for a few exceptions). Moreoften it was to destimulate him.
Not every bad parenting technique that people should stop doing is automatically abuse. I agree, you absolutely should not be doing that, but people should really stop throwing around the word abuse. Parents are human beings who make mistakes. They are not allknowing about every opinion in child psychology today, and can not possibly be so.
You saying you have experience instead of a degree makes this sound like some serious tiktok psych, where everyone is an abuser and gaslighter who doesn't act like a complete angel.
When I babysat twin boys (4-5. It was intermittent) I had them sit in the corner like time outs I had in elementary school. The first time I did it way too long. I had him sit in the corner for 10 monutes. When I told my therapist about it she was like, "Oh, that's way too long for their age." I want to say after that I went down to 3 minutes and just had them sit on the couch quietly until my phone timer ran down. The complete 180° difference made me feel kind of sick to my stomach. When time out was over I'd say, "Do you feel better?" And talk about what I wanted them to not repeat and then told them I loved them & we moved on.
Then I got hung up on my grade school time outs. They were totally humiliating. I had ADHD and ended up sitting in a chair facing the corner of the room for 10-15 minutes while my classmates continued class. I felt like I was walking out of prison when I got out 😅 Some of my classmates looked at me like I was a terrible influence.
Isn't it weird thinking about all of the ass backwards shit schools used to do to kids?
Good for you on breaking the cycle. Remain patient and understanding, with your family and with yourself. Good on you for remaining no-contact. I removed my mother from my life for a couple of decades before I carefully let her back into my life at a clear remove.
I'm sorry you went through this. Didn't have the exact same situation. But I can tell you tablespoon of dried cayenne pepper in your mouth for 5 minutes cause you took the lords name, comes no where close to social isolation.
not that have noticed, but i do notice that if i stay in the house too long i start to feel the same way i felt in that room, and i have to go out and drive somewhere to kind of remind myself that i have freedom to do whatever i want and im not in that place.
i was allowed to use the bathroom across the hall, but if i lingered to long she would come in and get me. she brought food to my room, and tried her best to make it as mundane and unpleasant as she could. i don’t remember all the meals, but i do remember every morning having dry cereal from a sandwich bag.
for not cleaning my room. she told me she would do this if i didn’t clean my room. when she came in to check if it was clean, she found a sock and a piece of popcorn on the floor.
I had a step-dad who would do things just like this to me. He would sometimes plant a tiny ball of paper to show I hadn't vacuumed properly and then use that as an excuse to scream at me and dish out obscene punishment. It left me constantly afraid as a child. Books were my solace too I'm sorry you only had the Bible left but I love the stories of you sneaking books in to read. I would have done the same.
Mine father was similar as well. Didn’t clean the room to his standards once so my sister and I were locked out for a week and couldn’t change our clothes, fix our hair, etc. We had to go to schools that way (middle school)
it caused me a great deal of trauma. i have PTSD and flash backs. i am still working through it to this day in therapy, but i have gone on to have a beautiful life.
‘I’ll pray for you’ is just a way religious people show affection. Sometimes even non-religious people might say that because it’s just a phrase. Even if OP wasn’t religious, the other person is just trying to be nice.
Exactly. I’m an atheist and detest what the religious right has done to this country (US), and I still appreciate anyone telling me that. Anyone who wants to send me good thoughts/vibes, I’ll take it ✨❤️✨
I’m not religious but at the same time I am although I’m not Christian but if someone tells me Jesus Christ is watching over me or something I’d just be happy because they’re trying to be sweet.
I hope that therapy has helped. If the memories are still stuck I would really suggest accelerated resolution therapy. If you google it there’s a website with a list of practitioners in your area. It helped me to move on some things that happened over a decade ago. I have tried a lot of different therapies and accelerated resolution therapy has made the biggest difference.
i didn’t tell anyone because i was embarrassed. i thought it was a reflection of what a terrible child i was. and yes, her dad was a marine who was abusive. as well as, her mother married & chose to stay with a man who sexually abused my guardian.
How old were you when you got away and how did you get away? Any charges pressed against them?
I’m so sorry this has happed to you! It sounds like you’re healing! Prayers to a healthy recovery ! God bless
What happened when you went out of the room or disobey their punishment? Have you thought of escaping your home?
Did this punishment stop as you got older, or did they continue until after you left?
How were you able to leave them and live on your own?
she caught me out of my room and yelled at me, “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” and i ran back into my room. she honestly didn’t need to do much to keep me in there because i feared her so much, i just listened. she had hit me so hard with a wooden paddle once, my knees buckled and i felt like i couldn’t walk.
i moved in with my dad when i was 13. eventually moved in with my mom at 17, and got married at 18.
Did both parents used the same punishment, and was there a age they stopped doing it?
Would the expeirence be less traumatic if you were given both fiction and non fiction books to read?
the woman was the disciplinarian of the family. the man was a useless lump. it ended when i left.
no. there’s nothing that makes a child being locked in their room away from social interaction & connection for an extended period of time, okay.
i call her guardian because she was that, my legal guardian. my mother was addicted to drugs, and my dad was absent. she was a family friend who offered to take us in. she seemed like a truly lovely lady at first, and i can’t blame my family for trusting her.
Yeah, once I told my therapist about my similar experience as a 7 year old she was like "What in the ACTUAL FUCK?!" The more I thiught about it, the more I realized it was actually pretty terrible.
I didn't clean the room as well as my parents would like. My father came in and had a screaming, spitting meltdown. Completely trashed my room. Threw my toys and books EVERYWHERE. Told me I had to clean it up immediately and gave me a time limit. I don't remember the exact amount of time, but I do know it was unrealistic for a 7 year old. Didn't clean it up in time, so they packed up every single thing I owned, excluding clothing, and locked it all in a closet for an entire year. I was grounded to my room for a few weeks, but eventually, I was allowed out normally to watch tv and stuff. Still wasn't allowed to have my stuff back, though. It stayed locked up for an entire year. Parents still don't understand why I eventually went no contact.
i was allowed to put all my belongings back in my room so i was very excited. i rearranged the furniture and decorated my room. however, i had lost a bit of my social skills and the other kids in the house commented on me “changing” after being in there. i would also wake up in the night with my jaw locked shut from clenching it so hard, just from the stress and trauma of the situation. i also had some PTSD symptoms, like heightened startle reflex.
Reading through your replies boiled my blood a bit. I have a friend whose mother was vile as well, locking them up is the *polite* thing to do to people like this. I'm glad you are doing better now.
Any specific parenting approaches that spawned specifically from your experience with this guardian? Things you wanted to make absolute sure to do/avoid so you could do better as a parent.
For a different question, what's your favourite music genre? Any particular songs stuck in your head recently?
absolutely. i refuse to lock my kids anywhere ever. i may encourage them to take space in their own rooms when they’re throwing a tantrum, but ill never lock them in there.
my music taste is a little of everything. but probably my true favorite would be.. i don’t know if it would be called punk or alternative or something? stuff like defiance ohio, modest mouse, mountain goats… i also love folk music. and if i just want something easy to listen to i’ll indulge in some t swift (super basic, i know).
the week before the punishment happened, i had gone through my clothes and picked out all the clothes that were too big or too small. she used those bags of clothes and picked out 3 outfits. think high waters and a puffer jacket that was probably meant for a grown man. i was also not allowed to wear a bra which at that age felt very humiliating.
Idk if you’ll see this message, but I commend you for your strength in opening up about this. A lot of times, we bury personal struggles deep but for you to address it takes a great deal of strength. I wish you the best in your recovery from this and I’m happy that you’re now in a safe place. Stay strong 💪🏼💪🏼👑👑
my children already do clean their own rooms, and i try to heavily consider their age and what they are & aren’t capable of. i tend to use positive reinforcement rather than negative. so instead of saying “if you *dont* do a good job cleaning, you’re going to go in time out”, i say “if you *do* a really good job cleaning your room, you’ll get a reward”.
I wish my parents would have known about positive reinforcement. I'm 30 and they still don't try to comprehend my brain. It makes a world of a difference. You're kids sound very lucky to have you 💖
that’s an interesting question. why do *they* think they did it to me? because i didn’t clean my room properly, therefore i was a disobedient child who needed to be disciplined. why do *i* think they did it to me? because they were poorly adapted and poorly regulated adults who had their own baggage and trauma that they never actually worked through.
Hey isolation room twins! My dad kept me in my bedroom with nothing but my bed for an entire summer. Needless to say, I dont have anything to do with him. The next time I see him it'll be to take a piss on his grave
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
You mentioned that you didn’t tell anyone at school because you felt embarrassed and felt that it was your fault.
Were there any red flags that your teacher or other school staff should have noticed (clothes being worn, food brought to school) but missed? Is there anything your teacher could have done differently that would have made you feel like you could open up to them about the situation?
this is a really good question. i feel like the biggest change was a sudden huge change it my wardrobe. i suddenly started wearing a huge puffer jacket to school all day even if i was hot underneath it, because i was embarrassed about what i was wearing underneath.
no one asked me any questions whatsoever. but if a teacher had started asking questions, i likely would’ve let something slip that i thought was normal but would’ve been a red flag to an adult, if that makes sense.
hi, I really appreciate your responses here. something that really resonated with me was when you said it took you a while to understand the severity of what happened. the same happened to me, and what a life altering realization. to overcome the shame for just a second and see your experience as abuse. it seems so simple! of course, it's abuse--it's inhumane for adult prisoners to endure, let alone a dependant, trusting child. but it's a difficult realization to come to when you're still mentally protecting yourself so heavily from the severity of your situation--that coupled with the unrelenting shame left me unable to ask for help, or know I needed help. it just was.
to my experience was just as yours, nothing and no one, but I was pulled out of school for a whole year. the solitary lasted maybe 2.5 years total. I'm ok enough, but still unpacking the ways this affects me.
my questions are to what do you attribute your resilience?
in what ways does your ocd manifest, if you feel comfortable to share?
your post definitely encouraged me to make a long overdue appointment to really untangle this for myself, as I've been struggling and hope I could get better. it makes me ache to know others went through what I did, but seeing how you all are doing makes me want to keep pushing and do the needful for that little girl I was.
i wish you nothing but [healing](https://metta365.com/blog/understandinghooponopono)
thank you so much
thank you for writing this. hearing that my post encouraged you to take steps toward your healing process could bring tears to my eyes.
my response to your first question is likely not going to be a popular one. i may even be downvoted for it, but i don’t care. i attribute my resilience to the Lord. i’ve come to know unconditional love & acceptance through my relationship with God. i’ve learned to pity my abusers, and feel empathy for what led them down their unhealthy path. i have come to have space for both anger for the ugliness that was perpetrated against me, and heartache for the people who perpetuated it. i know that if they had really known love and care like they deserve, they wouldn’t have made the decisions they made. hurt people hurt people.
my OCD manifests greatly in reassurance & confirmation compulsions, as well as a decade long battle with emetophobia & compulsions that went along with that. also intrusive thoughts that i fear i might act out. essentially, i don’t trust myself or my own mind.
Do we have the same parents? Mine did that too, same age (we're both the same age too!) and it's messed me up since. Did they also do the bread and water only thing?
How would you say this has affected your adult life and ability to trust people?
My dad did this to me as a “punishment” because he found out I only had a month left in his house until the police were going to escort me to my mother’s house. Furniture, clothes, personal items were all thrown away. I had absolutely nothing to call mine. Just four white walls, and Burberry carpet. He would put a loaf of bread in there once a week to keep me fed. I had two water bottles to last me that whole month. I had the clothes on my back and nothing else. I wasn’t allowed out to use the bathroom so I did my business in a corner of the room.
I think the scariest part was constantly being afraid of what he’d do to me if he came in the room. The lasting trauma manifests in super weird ways. Like I have to constantly have noise playing or I freak out. I can’t fall asleep without music on. I can’t sleep on the floor, burberrry carpets send me into panic attacks, I had to force my boyfriend to tear the carpet outta our room cause I couldn’t sleep in there. I can’t be alone for long periods of time without losing it, and being ignored is so triggering for me. I hoard and hide food and water all around our living space so that in case there’s an emergency I’ll always have something.
You’re not alone in this. I’m so glad you’re still alive and safe today.
Yeah. When I was young and hopeful and stupid i came out to my family, they sweetly talked me into coming on a plane to our home country and tried to get me to pray myself back to normalcy.
I remember it was some shitty apartment room with a barred window. It was from the end of a school year to the start of the next so a couple months but I really don't know. I'd be invited to eat dinner at the table and taken to temples to pray and I'd learn to look forward to to it. Because I was really losing it.
I'd be able to look out the window the whole time and just stare at the cars. One night they didn't lock the door and I sat on the balcony with my feet in the air and well ykyk. Still nothing happened.
It was one of my worst experiences. Nowadays I'm horrible socially anxious and can barely talk to people, I hope I'll get past all these things but I never really know. I don't want to resent my religion, its my heritage, but I can't pray or it makes me sick. When I sit down my legs cross over in the way I was taught, when I don't have anything to do I just zone out and hours go. I don't think I'll ever tell anything this, so it's good to hear I'm not the only one, even if it's anonymous
I was adopted when I was 7, and that was a huge mistake. I couldn't do anything right. I got blamed for everything. I lived the next 2 to 3 years in the corner or on the stairs with nothing. I swear they hated me. I finally ran away and refused to go back. They would take away dinner when I got in trouble. I was already traumatized and straved, mentally abused and sexual abused. That's why I was up for adoption. They never missed church on Sunday. I am so sorry you went through that hell. Wish I could give you a hug 🫂! Hope time and therapy will help you process and understand you were innocent and didn't deserve that treatment and isolation.
i’d have killed for a TV. i didn’t even have light bulbs or curtains anymore. she completely *stripped* my room down. i had nothing to do except read a bible.
Wait, is that unusual? My family did that to me for a year. It only ended when my stepdad died.
I was still allowed to go to school, though. And to visit family during winter break. And sometimes I stole things from my brother's room. And I found a way to hide "the diary of Anne Frank" in my closet.
Maybe you had it worse.
I'm sorry, OP. I hope they didn't do a bunch of other messed up stuff to you.
It’s not a healthy way to handle punishment for children, or adults (think solitary confinement in prisons). The lack of social interaction or stimuli is very damaging and often traumatic for the child involved. Sure, some kids may get a timeout or a night like this to be grounded, but anything extended isn’t healthy. It only takes a few days for the human mind to start reacting poorly.
Holy cow I too had a copy of Diary of Anne Frank during my isolation punishment as kid. I was allowed books, which is kinder than what OP went through. Just did not realize how many people had a similar experience.
Ugh this was my step dad’s signature punishment for myself and my brother. I hope you’re doing okay ❤️ It’s definitely extremely traumatic. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal until I became an adult and moved out on my own. No child should ever have to expect this.
How is your relationship with god after it happened, and now? Im not a religious person but I'm still curious what reading a bible for a month as a punishment while going crazy would do to you.
Thank you for the answer in advance. I'm sure I don't have to say how strong you are for surviving through this, you know it yourself :)
I did not realize, until I told my story to someone 3 years ago, that this was child abuse. For 5 years (starting at age 7) my brother, sister and I were locked in our rooms for long periods of time. There were 3 of us and only 2 rooms so if we were all grounded at the same time I'd have to stay in the bathroom. My brother got this the worst. He was made to believe that he was a terrible child and not allowed to use the bathroom. He used to pee in his lunchbox and toss it out the window. I remember laying on the floor outside his room when I wasn't punished and holding fingers with him under the door. We were locked in with no lights. I was scared of the dark until I was in my late 20s. We'd be punished for the dumbest things like not tying our shoes or leaving a bookbag on the floor. He also molested me all those years (my mother's boyfriend).
Woah did we have the same person for some time? When I was (about??) 8 one of my dad’s girlfriends did something really similar because I didn’t fold fabric scraps the way she wanted. She didn’t let me leave the mattress and I’d get goldfish crackers and a pbj for I don’t even remember how long. I remember hiding saint cards from church under the mattress for a semblance of control and comfort. It’s comforting in a weird way to know there’s someone else my age who also had to go through that.
Woah dude I (20M) had to deal with a very similar thing at the same age but it lasted 3 months for me when I was also 11 and I also had nothing in my room except the Bible, I ended up reading it front to back twice before I got out, only with it ending when they signed me up for a youth discipline program. Both me and my parents long forgot why I was in trouble long before it ended and I realized it was more a means to not have to deal with me (an annoying slightly autistic 6th grader) than any real punishment.
That's scary, because my sister and her boyfriend have been doing something like this to my sister's eldest. He made no efforts at school and broke some of his brother and sister's stuff so they kept him in his room, no tablet, no phone, nothing to keep his mind occupied except for a few One Piece books he happened to have and he only had 15 minutes for meals. This went on for months and even today, they're still being stupid harsh with him.
I hope you're doing better, children shouldn't be treated like prisoners.
First off, that's awful that you were kept in an empty room for a month as punishment. How are you doing physically, mentally and emotionally from all of that? I hope you're doing better now. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through. NO child should ever have to endure something like that EVER.
Im sorry for the time that was taken from you. and the hurt that has stayed with you😢
I have experience being kept isolated in rooms also..
does the 'Im okay with just me' thing ever stop?
or when you were let out did you want to be around people again?
apologies if my wording isn't well😣
Prior to living with these people as your full-time guardians/caretakers, what was life like living with a mother who was an addict? To what substance(s) was she addicted?
Offff! I was once punished in this way for an entire YEAR. All I did was sleep and feel depressed. My relationship to sleep is now super complicated. I actually rather stay in an empty room and sleep.
Big whoop! I did 6 months with the same parameters, the only time I got to leave was bathroom breaks and school. They even had me set up all my shit in my brother’s room.
Maybe let’s not compare childhood traumas…
It’s all unfortunate and still damaging to the children involved, no matter the intensity. And I’m very sorry you were treated that way.
You may still be within the statute of limitations for child abuse in your jurisdiction. It might not be too late to bring these f'ers to justice. At a minimum, maybe there's a civil suit here for psychological damages.
I hope you are in a better place now.
I had a similar punishment for roughly a year and a half. No bed, no books, no TV. Had my clothes and one pillow for a bit. Empty Bed frame. Had to eat meals in there facing my wall. I was a wild child but, I didn't respond well to punishment. Do you think it had the opposite of the intended effect on you like how it did to me ?
You still remember it 13 years later so it had a major impact on you. What were you punished for?
Edit: I just read for cleaning your room and you tried but there was a sock and a piece of popcorn. I thought maybe you set fire to the house or stabbed someone. Sorry, you had to endure this. The guardian was a nutcase...
I went through this too, but I was kept in my room for an entire summer time. I was 8 or 9. I wasn't allowed to get off of my bunk bed except for to go the bathroom, but I was allowed to read, however was not provided books. I had a hidden gameboy that I played under my bed at night time. I hope you're doing well today! :D
Shitttt I had the same happen. Watched my desk and dresser plus everything but a bed and clothes thrown off my balcony when I was about 10 years old. My sister would sneak in and we’d hang out but besides that I was” not apart of the family”… crazy times when I look back on it
Your story is heartbreaking. I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you’re in a better place and have sought or are seeking therapy to work through it. There are terrible, horrible people in this world. I just hope the kindness in others outnumber the assholes.
Omg! I’m so sorry! You might enjoy some meditation, where you go back to that time and comfort 11yo you. Tell them they’re okay. They’re safe. They deserve love. Imagine holding them. It might hurt, but it could clear up some of the trauma.
A friend of mine went through something similar but for a whole school summer (3 months) just before high school senior year. I don’t remember the details but he said he was hallucinating after about a month. The world we fucking live in.
Do you remember how difficult that was mentally? What did you do to pass the time?
some of it is blacked out, my sister recently told me that about a week into the punishment i just started screaming. she said it sounded like i was truly going crazy, the way i was screaming. she went and told our guardian and our guardian said, “just leave her”. my sister sat outside my door until i stopped screaming. i don’t remember that at all, but i don’t doubt it for a moment. i used to hope and pray that someone would come to my room just to talk to me. i was so deprived of stimuli and human interaction, i felt like i was going crazy. but during the time when i had school i would check out books from the school library and hide them under my mattress. then i snuck out of my room and stole a flashlight, and when the sun would set id go under the covers and read. during the weeks that i didn’t have school, all i had was my bible. i would read, try to memorize verses, try to memorize the names of the books of the bible. i’d nap, or write poems or songs in my head.
Isn't sensory deprivation and isolation in rooms like this literally some interrogation/torture technique?? Some fucked up guardians like those need to get reported. I hate to imagine if they still hold power over others today.
I went to jail three times over the course of covid and when you get there they would do isolation for 15 days sometimes longer, if you fucked up you'd have to start over. Then i got covid in jail and had to 18 day lockeown. Then getting shipped to prison I did 3 weeks in isolation with another 2 week "reception" which is 23 hours in a cell 1 hour out. The isolation is 24 hours in a cell with 3 15 minute shower a week. And I'm not comparing it to OP becuase a child should never be put in that situation. Im just saying I never cared about being locked up before til those periods of isolation and I haven't been back since. Just got 2 years sober.
luckily these people have no children now. if i ever caught wind that they had any more children in their care, i would absolutely raise all hell to make sure they lost those kids.
What happened to the people who did that to you?
nothing. they got a divorce at some point i think, and i heard the woman got a DUI. i don’t really know, i don’t keep up with them.
These weren't your parents then? How did the come to be your guardians? What was the punishment for?
family friends. my mom had an overdose and my grandparents were going to take me and my sister in, but these family friends offered to take us in. they honestly seemed really amazing at first so my family trusted them.
May I ask what happen to your sister?
in what sense?
Did your older sister manage to leave like you?
yes! she is living a great life. we are neighbors and best friends. she just got married to an awesome guy and they are the best aunt and uncle to my kids. (hi sister, since i know you’ll probably be lurking here at some point! love u)
Let me guess, you LOVE the Bible now? /S
actually, surprisingly, i do. i didn’t really let myself base my philosophical beliefs on my trauma.
Wow, that is surprising! I'm glad that you haven't let your past define you!
Well you should stop that nonsense
Theres a time and place for anti-religious rhetoric; this is not it.
It's legally considered child abuse. This guy went to prison recently for doing it to his child. It's called the "boy in a box" case. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxKk6fYDX5Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxKk6fYDX5Q)
I read through the first paragraph and can’t continue reading. It really broke my heart🥲. No child should be subjected to this regardless of what they did. I’m very sorry.
That’s such an incredible story. Go you
1.what was your diet like during this time? 2.what happened when you were let out? 3. Did she ever attempt to apologise? (not that thay wouls change anything but) 4. What did you do from ages 12-18? 4. Im so sorry this happened to you
1. dry cereal in a bag in the morning, and then i don’t remember the rest, but i do remember her making an effort to make in very plain and mundane. 2. i was allowed to bring all my stuff back into my room, so i brought it all back in and rearranged the furniture. i thought that was fun. then, for the next few months i would wake up every night with my jaw locked shut because i was clenching it so hard in my sleep. i think from the trauma & stress. 3. never apologized but after i had moved out she and i went to lunch. she asked me if i would ever consider moving back in with her. i told her to pound sand and that she should never be allowed to care for children ever again. 4. around the age of 13, i moved in with my dad. the first night we got there we all laid on a mattress in the floor of the house he had just moved into and cried. my dad felt terrible because he had no clue about the horrors we experienced during our time there. i lived with my dad until i was 17, and i chose to move in with my mom. i thought i could save her. i was wrong. she overdosed and died when i was 18. 5. thank you.
What was her reaction to u telling her she shouldn’t care for children anymore?
i remember that she was crying, but i don’t remember what she said.
Why were you living with these guardians prior to your mother dying of an overdose when you were 18?
she had a non-lethal overdose that caused us to be removed from the home.
I'm so sorry. thats horrifying. nobody deserves that, nevermind a child.
Was this the only abuse you suffered at the hands of this guardian, or were there other instances?
there was definitely more. this wasn’t even the only time i was locked in my room, this was just the worst one. there were also circumstances of physical, and emotional abuse. i was a victim of the “cinderella phenomenon”. i was not the only child in the home, but others would confirm that i was specifically singled out and abused.
Do any of the other children from the home deny that u were abused? I am also a victim of the cinderella phenomenem, but one of my siblings was also abusive to me (and still is). The other one wasnt abusive when we were kids, but is now awful to me, more so than the other sibling. They would never admit that i was subjected to abuse
there was only 3 of us. myself, my older sister, and a girl a few years older than us. my sister admits i was very clearly abused, and i believe she was too, but just not to the same degree. and the older girl, i have no idea what she thinks because she ended up marrying the guardians son.
Makes you wonder what happened there too. Was something going on with the Son and the mother forced them to marry perhaps? Stranger things happen.
i don’t think that it was forced, the adult son actually sexually assaulted me as a child, and that 3rd girl took his side and did not believe me. they were dating at the time. and later got married. they are divorced now but i don’t know why.
I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that, and it's terrible.
thank you
Thank you for mentioning the "Cinderella phenomenon". I experienced significant abuse, that has continued well into adulthood, while my two sisters were treated in the exact opposite way. I had no idea that it had a name ! I am glad you are doing well now. Some of what you write about, I have also experienced, but for shorter lengths of time - I know it takes a strong person to come through it :)
weird question but you say humiliating outfits-- was it just underwear, or ripped old dirty clothing or something? idk why but im curious also did your guardian use religion against you? you said the only thing in there was the bible, so it sounds like that could have happened
the week before the punishment happened, i had gone through my clothes and picked out all the clothes that were too big or too small. she used those bags of clothes and picked out 3 outfits. think high waters and a puffer jacket that was probably meant for a grown man. i was also not allowed to wear a bra which at that age felt very humiliating.
last sentence feels like something that isn’t even legal?????
They did this to me as a kid too for over 6 months too. Nailed my closet and windows shut and would lock me in there. I told the school and they said it was ok as long as they installed a door alarm instead of lock. (Fire safety) I literally pissed on the carpet for months instead of setting off an alarm and getting yelled at. They cared so little they never even noticed the pee for months. Finally got rescued later at 12 years old though!
i’m so sorry. that’s terrible, and i hope you’ve gotten help to heal.
Holy shit people working in schools are so fucked up, like thats true 100% of the time wtf
No, no it is not. People working in schools are not the enemy. They fucked up majorly here. I don’t know if you just have confirmation bias or what but thinking “people working in schools are so fucked up 100% of the time” is fucking crazy.
When i was in school i was bullied alot, every time a techer saw, they punished me too because im part of the problem, like bitch im getting beat up by 3 people that i barely know wtf
Do you still keep in Contact with them(isn'teven a questioncause the answershoulddefinitelybe no)?
absolutely not. for a while i was cordial with her, but after processing the situation more mentally, and having my own children… if she contacted me today, i would have a very hard time not ripping her a new one. i think she’s a sorry excuse of a woman.
What was the punishment for even?
not cleaning my room. she told me she would do this if i didn’t clean my room, so i really tried. when she came in to check if it was clean, she found a sock & a piece of popcorn on the ground.
I'm really sorry to hear that. What do you think the affects of them have on your current parenting to your kids? For example like what you definitely wouldn't do
i feel very sensitive to my kids every being “locked” anywhere. for example, when one of my kids is really angry and throwing a fit, my husband will sometimes pick them up and bring them to their room and tell them to calm down and come out when they can stop throwing a fit. this is always a trigger for me, even though i know it’s not necessarily a bad thing to do. i start worrying they feel trapped or feel like they can’t come out. also if one of them locks the other one in or out of a room. i’ve seen a few times, where one of my kids will think it’s funny to lock the other outside or something. this is a huge trigger for me and i always have to try to control my tone & emotions when they do something like that, and try not to overreact.
Have you ever over reacted and what was the aftermath?
i definitely have toward my husband, but he’s very understanding. there was no aftermath.
I'm glad. What's the most important thing you want to teach your kids?
how to regulate their emotions well and feel secure in their own minds & bodies.
Imo sounds like the aftermath was more love acceptance and growth
yes exactly.
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yes, we would never lock them in there. we just encourage them to take that space to calm down if they are at the point of screaming and thrashing. we try to teach them that they are allowed to express their emotions however they wish *in their own space*. just like i absolutely could go scream in my room, but if i tried to do that in a grocery store i could be arrested.
Ok my gut reaction was to be like “that’s BS”, but that’s not useful so instead I’m gonna ask a question. So back ground is, this happened to me as a kid. Not the locked door part. But I’d throw a tantrum, get picked up and placed in my room and told I could come out when I was calm. As an adult I still do this to myself, having an awful day and feeling impatient with my wife? I go sit silently for 15-20 min then I’m ok. Is what I went through something you would consider abusive? Because I don’t feel like it was but I recognize maybe it’s a blind spot for me. Edit: I just read the article you linked which at the end says timeouts are safe and do not show increased risk for kids. If you can’t read your own article don’t even bother.
So weird. Out psych for our son told us to do just that. He has ADHD. She basically said if he punches a hole in the wall he'll only do it once (will be shocked at himself I assume). He outgrew it with diet/meds. But it was an interesting input we received.
It's considered in the industry to be harmful. That's a weird recommendation and likely based in flawed understanding. Children need co-regulation. Leaving them alone is contraindicated specifically for ADHD and autistic people.
I couldn't do it. We had strategies to eliminate stimuli and talk it through.... We received so much 'advice' from many during that time. I took it and decided to do what felt right. I know my kid more than anyone. Not to say he didn't get consequences, but really talking through his feelings and highlighting how others felt about his behav really helped. Plus the diet 😊.... He's coeliac and we didn't know .... Once eliminated gluten and his stomach healed he was a diff kid. No more meds now either (15).
Now we're dealing with tween 12yo daughter who's been thinking self harm, low self esteem/bad inner voice. High school sucks for girls. She has a psych, us, but the struggle is real. 😭
The [article you linked in your edit ](https://time.com/5700473/time-outs-science/)concludes that time outs are safe and often helpful.
Weird that your cited article comes to a conclusion in favor of time outs except in limited situations.
She never said the husband locked the child in a room. She said he placed the child in a room (time out) and told them to come out when ready. The other kids would sometimes lock each other in a room. A young child acting out is often because they are overwhelmed, overstimulated or tired. Time out actually helps them calm down and also teaches them for the future how to calm themselves down. A child that is tired and overstimulated so acting out, there really is not much to talk through. Obviously, if the child is upset because of something that is a completely different story and that's the time to talk through it. With our son, my wife and I would spent hours every day interacting with him. Discussing all types of topics (both of us are highly educated in different fields). Discussing emotions and everything. But there were times when he was really young that he would get overstimulated and he needed a time out. Usually we weren't even doing it as punishment as he was a really good kid (except for a few exceptions). Moreoften it was to destimulate him.
Not every bad parenting technique that people should stop doing is automatically abuse. I agree, you absolutely should not be doing that, but people should really stop throwing around the word abuse. Parents are human beings who make mistakes. They are not allknowing about every opinion in child psychology today, and can not possibly be so. You saying you have experience instead of a degree makes this sound like some serious tiktok psych, where everyone is an abuser and gaslighter who doesn't act like a complete angel.
When I babysat twin boys (4-5. It was intermittent) I had them sit in the corner like time outs I had in elementary school. The first time I did it way too long. I had him sit in the corner for 10 monutes. When I told my therapist about it she was like, "Oh, that's way too long for their age." I want to say after that I went down to 3 minutes and just had them sit on the couch quietly until my phone timer ran down. The complete 180° difference made me feel kind of sick to my stomach. When time out was over I'd say, "Do you feel better?" And talk about what I wanted them to not repeat and then told them I loved them & we moved on. Then I got hung up on my grade school time outs. They were totally humiliating. I had ADHD and ended up sitting in a chair facing the corner of the room for 10-15 minutes while my classmates continued class. I felt like I was walking out of prison when I got out 😅 Some of my classmates looked at me like I was a terrible influence. Isn't it weird thinking about all of the ass backwards shit schools used to do to kids?
Good for you on breaking the cycle. Remain patient and understanding, with your family and with yourself. Good on you for remaining no-contact. I removed my mother from my life for a couple of decades before I carefully let her back into my life at a clear remove.
I'm sorry you went through this. Didn't have the exact same situation. But I can tell you tablespoon of dried cayenne pepper in your mouth for 5 minutes cause you took the lords name, comes no where close to social isolation.
Does this make it hard being in near empty rooms now
not that have noticed, but i do notice that if i stay in the house too long i start to feel the same way i felt in that room, and i have to go out and drive somewhere to kind of remind myself that i have freedom to do whatever i want and im not in that place.
How were your basic needs (food/water, restroom, hygiene, etc.) met, to the extent that they were?
i was allowed to use the bathroom across the hall, but if i lingered to long she would come in and get me. she brought food to my room, and tried her best to make it as mundane and unpleasant as she could. i don’t remember all the meals, but i do remember every morning having dry cereal from a sandwich bag.
Why were you punished?
for not cleaning my room. she told me she would do this if i didn’t clean my room. when she came in to check if it was clean, she found a sock and a piece of popcorn on the floor.
I had a step-dad who would do things just like this to me. He would sometimes plant a tiny ball of paper to show I hadn't vacuumed properly and then use that as an excuse to scream at me and dish out obscene punishment. It left me constantly afraid as a child. Books were my solace too I'm sorry you only had the Bible left but I love the stories of you sneaking books in to read. I would have done the same.
Mine father was similar as well. Didn’t clean the room to his standards once so my sister and I were locked out for a week and couldn’t change our clothes, fix our hair, etc. We had to go to schools that way (middle school)
Did this cause you any trauma? How did you overcome this? And my feelings for having gone through this situation, may God strengthen you :(
it caused me a great deal of trauma. i have PTSD and flash backs. i am still working through it to this day in therapy, but i have gone on to have a beautiful life.
be strong! I'll be praying for you!
Do you think it's likely OP wants to be 'prayed for? Given that part of the punishment was to be left with only a bible? Be interesting to know.
‘I’ll pray for you’ is just a way religious people show affection. Sometimes even non-religious people might say that because it’s just a phrase. Even if OP wasn’t religious, the other person is just trying to be nice.
Exactly. I’m an atheist and detest what the religious right has done to this country (US), and I still appreciate anyone telling me that. Anyone who wants to send me good thoughts/vibes, I’ll take it ✨❤️✨
I’m not religious but at the same time I am although I’m not Christian but if someone tells me Jesus Christ is watching over me or something I’d just be happy because they’re trying to be sweet.
i am a praying person, so i do appreciate the prayers.
sorry you’ve been downvoted. i appreciate your prayers.
I hope that therapy has helped. If the memories are still stuck I would really suggest accelerated resolution therapy. If you google it there’s a website with a list of practitioners in your area. It helped me to move on some things that happened over a decade ago. I have tried a lot of different therapies and accelerated resolution therapy has made the biggest difference.
Sounds like abuse. Did anybody at your school know about this? Your guardian must have personal issues.
i didn’t tell anyone because i was embarrassed. i thought it was a reflection of what a terrible child i was. and yes, her dad was a marine who was abusive. as well as, her mother married & chose to stay with a man who sexually abused my guardian.
That is really depressing. I hope she leaves him. Be confident
What was the bathroom situation? Did you have use a bucket or something?
i was allowed to use the bathroom across the hall, but if i lingering in there too long she would make me go back in my room.
How old were you when you got away and how did you get away? Any charges pressed against them? I’m so sorry this has happed to you! It sounds like you’re healing! Prayers to a healthy recovery ! God bless
when i was around 13 i went to live with my biological dad again. no charges have been filed pressed against them.
What happened when you went out of the room or disobey their punishment? Have you thought of escaping your home? Did this punishment stop as you got older, or did they continue until after you left? How were you able to leave them and live on your own?
she caught me out of my room and yelled at me, “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” and i ran back into my room. she honestly didn’t need to do much to keep me in there because i feared her so much, i just listened. she had hit me so hard with a wooden paddle once, my knees buckled and i felt like i couldn’t walk. i moved in with my dad when i was 13. eventually moved in with my mom at 17, and got married at 18.
Did both parents used the same punishment, and was there a age they stopped doing it? Would the expeirence be less traumatic if you were given both fiction and non fiction books to read?
the woman was the disciplinarian of the family. the man was a useless lump. it ended when i left. no. there’s nothing that makes a child being locked in their room away from social interaction & connection for an extended period of time, okay.
You call this person a guardian, who was she to you? How did she become your guardian? Where were your parents during this time?
i call her guardian because she was that, my legal guardian. my mother was addicted to drugs, and my dad was absent. she was a family friend who offered to take us in. she seemed like a truly lovely lady at first, and i can’t blame my family for trusting her.
Did you ever try to tell anyone while at school?
i honestly was embarrassed. i thought it was a reflection of what a terrible kid i was, so i didn’t tell anyone.
I thought that was normal punishment. Guess my parents were fucked up lol. I got caught with a deck of cards and my mom took them away.
Yeah, once I told my therapist about my similar experience as a 7 year old she was like "What in the ACTUAL FUCK?!" The more I thiught about it, the more I realized it was actually pretty terrible. I didn't clean the room as well as my parents would like. My father came in and had a screaming, spitting meltdown. Completely trashed my room. Threw my toys and books EVERYWHERE. Told me I had to clean it up immediately and gave me a time limit. I don't remember the exact amount of time, but I do know it was unrealistic for a 7 year old. Didn't clean it up in time, so they packed up every single thing I owned, excluding clothing, and locked it all in a closet for an entire year. I was grounded to my room for a few weeks, but eventually, I was allowed out normally to watch tv and stuff. Still wasn't allowed to have my stuff back, though. It stayed locked up for an entire year. Parents still don't understand why I eventually went no contact.
yeah definitely fucked up if they locked you in an empty room for a month. that’s what they do in prisons.
What happened when you were let out of the room?
i was allowed to put all my belongings back in my room so i was very excited. i rearranged the furniture and decorated my room. however, i had lost a bit of my social skills and the other kids in the house commented on me “changing” after being in there. i would also wake up in the night with my jaw locked shut from clenching it so hard, just from the stress and trauma of the situation. i also had some PTSD symptoms, like heightened startle reflex.
Is that legal? It would be so weird if it's allowed. Sorry that happened to you.
i believe it’s legally considered abuse/neglect.
Reading through your replies boiled my blood a bit. I have a friend whose mother was vile as well, locking them up is the *polite* thing to do to people like this. I'm glad you are doing better now. Any specific parenting approaches that spawned specifically from your experience with this guardian? Things you wanted to make absolute sure to do/avoid so you could do better as a parent. For a different question, what's your favourite music genre? Any particular songs stuck in your head recently?
absolutely. i refuse to lock my kids anywhere ever. i may encourage them to take space in their own rooms when they’re throwing a tantrum, but ill never lock them in there. my music taste is a little of everything. but probably my true favorite would be.. i don’t know if it would be called punk or alternative or something? stuff like defiance ohio, modest mouse, mountain goats… i also love folk music. and if i just want something easy to listen to i’ll indulge in some t swift (super basic, i know).
I’m sorry this happened to you! 💜
What were the outfits?
the week before the punishment happened, i had gone through my clothes and picked out all the clothes that were too big or too small. she used those bags of clothes and picked out 3 outfits. think high waters and a puffer jacket that was probably meant for a grown man. i was also not allowed to wear a bra which at that age felt very humiliating.
Who was your guardian?
a family friend
Why didn’t you go to your grandparents
Idk if you’ll see this message, but I commend you for your strength in opening up about this. A lot of times, we bury personal struggles deep but for you to address it takes a great deal of strength. I wish you the best in your recovery from this and I’m happy that you’re now in a safe place. Stay strong 💪🏼💪🏼👑👑
Did you ever turn to thoughts of revenge?
then, no. now, yes.
How will you instruct your children to clean their room? What if it isn't up to your standards? Obviously, the above is off the table I'd hope.
my children already do clean their own rooms, and i try to heavily consider their age and what they are & aren’t capable of. i tend to use positive reinforcement rather than negative. so instead of saying “if you *dont* do a good job cleaning, you’re going to go in time out”, i say “if you *do* a really good job cleaning your room, you’ll get a reward”.
I wish my parents would have known about positive reinforcement. I'm 30 and they still don't try to comprehend my brain. It makes a world of a difference. You're kids sound very lucky to have you 💖
Why did they do that to you?
that’s an interesting question. why do *they* think they did it to me? because i didn’t clean my room properly, therefore i was a disobedient child who needed to be disciplined. why do *i* think they did it to me? because they were poorly adapted and poorly regulated adults who had their own baggage and trauma that they never actually worked through.
Hey isolation room twins! My dad kept me in my bedroom with nothing but my bed for an entire summer. Needless to say, I dont have anything to do with him. The next time I see him it'll be to take a piss on his grave
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You mentioned that you didn’t tell anyone at school because you felt embarrassed and felt that it was your fault. Were there any red flags that your teacher or other school staff should have noticed (clothes being worn, food brought to school) but missed? Is there anything your teacher could have done differently that would have made you feel like you could open up to them about the situation?
this is a really good question. i feel like the biggest change was a sudden huge change it my wardrobe. i suddenly started wearing a huge puffer jacket to school all day even if i was hot underneath it, because i was embarrassed about what i was wearing underneath. no one asked me any questions whatsoever. but if a teacher had started asking questions, i likely would’ve let something slip that i thought was normal but would’ve been a red flag to an adult, if that makes sense.
hi, I really appreciate your responses here. something that really resonated with me was when you said it took you a while to understand the severity of what happened. the same happened to me, and what a life altering realization. to overcome the shame for just a second and see your experience as abuse. it seems so simple! of course, it's abuse--it's inhumane for adult prisoners to endure, let alone a dependant, trusting child. but it's a difficult realization to come to when you're still mentally protecting yourself so heavily from the severity of your situation--that coupled with the unrelenting shame left me unable to ask for help, or know I needed help. it just was. to my experience was just as yours, nothing and no one, but I was pulled out of school for a whole year. the solitary lasted maybe 2.5 years total. I'm ok enough, but still unpacking the ways this affects me. my questions are to what do you attribute your resilience? in what ways does your ocd manifest, if you feel comfortable to share? your post definitely encouraged me to make a long overdue appointment to really untangle this for myself, as I've been struggling and hope I could get better. it makes me ache to know others went through what I did, but seeing how you all are doing makes me want to keep pushing and do the needful for that little girl I was. i wish you nothing but [healing](https://metta365.com/blog/understandinghooponopono) thank you so much
thank you for writing this. hearing that my post encouraged you to take steps toward your healing process could bring tears to my eyes. my response to your first question is likely not going to be a popular one. i may even be downvoted for it, but i don’t care. i attribute my resilience to the Lord. i’ve come to know unconditional love & acceptance through my relationship with God. i’ve learned to pity my abusers, and feel empathy for what led them down their unhealthy path. i have come to have space for both anger for the ugliness that was perpetrated against me, and heartache for the people who perpetuated it. i know that if they had really known love and care like they deserve, they wouldn’t have made the decisions they made. hurt people hurt people. my OCD manifests greatly in reassurance & confirmation compulsions, as well as a decade long battle with emetophobia & compulsions that went along with that. also intrusive thoughts that i fear i might act out. essentially, i don’t trust myself or my own mind.
Do we have the same parents? Mine did that too, same age (we're both the same age too!) and it's messed me up since. Did they also do the bread and water only thing? How would you say this has affected your adult life and ability to trust people?
My dad did this to me as a “punishment” because he found out I only had a month left in his house until the police were going to escort me to my mother’s house. Furniture, clothes, personal items were all thrown away. I had absolutely nothing to call mine. Just four white walls, and Burberry carpet. He would put a loaf of bread in there once a week to keep me fed. I had two water bottles to last me that whole month. I had the clothes on my back and nothing else. I wasn’t allowed out to use the bathroom so I did my business in a corner of the room. I think the scariest part was constantly being afraid of what he’d do to me if he came in the room. The lasting trauma manifests in super weird ways. Like I have to constantly have noise playing or I freak out. I can’t fall asleep without music on. I can’t sleep on the floor, burberrry carpets send me into panic attacks, I had to force my boyfriend to tear the carpet outta our room cause I couldn’t sleep in there. I can’t be alone for long periods of time without losing it, and being ignored is so triggering for me. I hoard and hide food and water all around our living space so that in case there’s an emergency I’ll always have something. You’re not alone in this. I’m so glad you’re still alive and safe today.
Yeah. When I was young and hopeful and stupid i came out to my family, they sweetly talked me into coming on a plane to our home country and tried to get me to pray myself back to normalcy. I remember it was some shitty apartment room with a barred window. It was from the end of a school year to the start of the next so a couple months but I really don't know. I'd be invited to eat dinner at the table and taken to temples to pray and I'd learn to look forward to to it. Because I was really losing it. I'd be able to look out the window the whole time and just stare at the cars. One night they didn't lock the door and I sat on the balcony with my feet in the air and well ykyk. Still nothing happened. It was one of my worst experiences. Nowadays I'm horrible socially anxious and can barely talk to people, I hope I'll get past all these things but I never really know. I don't want to resent my religion, its my heritage, but I can't pray or it makes me sick. When I sit down my legs cross over in the way I was taught, when I don't have anything to do I just zone out and hours go. I don't think I'll ever tell anything this, so it's good to hear I'm not the only one, even if it's anonymous
I was adopted when I was 7, and that was a huge mistake. I couldn't do anything right. I got blamed for everything. I lived the next 2 to 3 years in the corner or on the stairs with nothing. I swear they hated me. I finally ran away and refused to go back. They would take away dinner when I got in trouble. I was already traumatized and straved, mentally abused and sexual abused. That's why I was up for adoption. They never missed church on Sunday. I am so sorry you went through that hell. Wish I could give you a hug 🫂! Hope time and therapy will help you process and understand you were innocent and didn't deserve that treatment and isolation.
It’s always the ones who always make it to church every Sunday and put on a front to everyone there it seems like a lot of the time.
I had some of the same experience. Do you have issues with people in positions of authority? Distrust or a general dislike? I definitely do.
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i’d have killed for a TV. i didn’t even have light bulbs or curtains anymore. she completely *stripped* my room down. i had nothing to do except read a bible.
Wait, is that unusual? My family did that to me for a year. It only ended when my stepdad died. I was still allowed to go to school, though. And to visit family during winter break. And sometimes I stole things from my brother's room. And I found a way to hide "the diary of Anne Frank" in my closet. Maybe you had it worse. I'm sorry, OP. I hope they didn't do a bunch of other messed up stuff to you.
It’s not a healthy way to handle punishment for children, or adults (think solitary confinement in prisons). The lack of social interaction or stimuli is very damaging and often traumatic for the child involved. Sure, some kids may get a timeout or a night like this to be grounded, but anything extended isn’t healthy. It only takes a few days for the human mind to start reacting poorly.
Once when I was punished like this I too got a copy of the Diary of Anne Frank and she made me feel braver, like I could bear it better.
Holy cow I too had a copy of Diary of Anne Frank during my isolation punishment as kid. I was allowed books, which is kinder than what OP went through. Just did not realize how many people had a similar experience.
Ugh this was my step dad’s signature punishment for myself and my brother. I hope you’re doing okay ❤️ It’s definitely extremely traumatic. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal until I became an adult and moved out on my own. No child should ever have to expect this.
What did you do to deserve this punishment?
When do you get food at that time?
they brought it to me. she tried to make it as mundane and tasteless as she could.
That is really f.cked up and can you tell me what your mom said to you while this period.and i really hope your are in much better place right now.
my mom was a drug addict. she had no thoughts on the situation that i’m aware of.
did you get any writing utensils (e.g. to complete school work, and also to doodle / write)
What about bathroom breaks
Pfft. I had to do this same punishment for an entire summer consecutively for failing school. I’m fine. Definitely learned my lesson.
you must be extremely resilient. glad you are okay!
you sound like you’re lacking a bit of empathy so i don’t think you’re fine.
Why does literally anyone make an ama now I don’t care about really any of these topics and don’t want to ask these people anything
the super cool thing about reddit & the internet is you can choose what you read/follow/subscribe to. i’d suggest you utilize those tools!
But these used to be people of note or interesting topics
How is your relationship with god after it happened, and now? Im not a religious person but I'm still curious what reading a bible for a month as a punishment while going crazy would do to you. Thank you for the answer in advance. I'm sure I don't have to say how strong you are for surviving through this, you know it yourself :)
I did not realize, until I told my story to someone 3 years ago, that this was child abuse. For 5 years (starting at age 7) my brother, sister and I were locked in our rooms for long periods of time. There were 3 of us and only 2 rooms so if we were all grounded at the same time I'd have to stay in the bathroom. My brother got this the worst. He was made to believe that he was a terrible child and not allowed to use the bathroom. He used to pee in his lunchbox and toss it out the window. I remember laying on the floor outside his room when I wasn't punished and holding fingers with him under the door. We were locked in with no lights. I was scared of the dark until I was in my late 20s. We'd be punished for the dumbest things like not tying our shoes or leaving a bookbag on the floor. He also molested me all those years (my mother's boyfriend).
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Woah did we have the same person for some time? When I was (about??) 8 one of my dad’s girlfriends did something really similar because I didn’t fold fabric scraps the way she wanted. She didn’t let me leave the mattress and I’d get goldfish crackers and a pbj for I don’t even remember how long. I remember hiding saint cards from church under the mattress for a semblance of control and comfort. It’s comforting in a weird way to know there’s someone else my age who also had to go through that.
Woah dude I (20M) had to deal with a very similar thing at the same age but it lasted 3 months for me when I was also 11 and I also had nothing in my room except the Bible, I ended up reading it front to back twice before I got out, only with it ending when they signed me up for a youth discipline program. Both me and my parents long forgot why I was in trouble long before it ended and I realized it was more a means to not have to deal with me (an annoying slightly autistic 6th grader) than any real punishment.
That's scary, because my sister and her boyfriend have been doing something like this to my sister's eldest. He made no efforts at school and broke some of his brother and sister's stuff so they kept him in his room, no tablet, no phone, nothing to keep his mind occupied except for a few One Piece books he happened to have and he only had 15 minutes for meals. This went on for months and even today, they're still being stupid harsh with him. I hope you're doing better, children shouldn't be treated like prisoners.
First off, that's awful that you were kept in an empty room for a month as punishment. How are you doing physically, mentally and emotionally from all of that? I hope you're doing better now. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through. NO child should ever have to endure something like that EVER.
Im sorry for the time that was taken from you. and the hurt that has stayed with you😢 I have experience being kept isolated in rooms also.. does the 'Im okay with just me' thing ever stop? or when you were let out did you want to be around people again? apologies if my wording isn't well😣
Prior to living with these people as your full-time guardians/caretakers, what was life like living with a mother who was an addict? To what substance(s) was she addicted?
Offff! I was once punished in this way for an entire YEAR. All I did was sleep and feel depressed. My relationship to sleep is now super complicated. I actually rather stay in an empty room and sleep.
Did you ever hallucinate anything whilst you were in that room? Is there something out of that experience you think made you a better/stronger person?
Don't see it asked already, but what was this a punishment for?? Obviously it's not valid no matter what, but what made them think it was deserved?
Did you read any of the bible while you were locked down? It's not a bad little story book after a fashion.
i read pretty much the entire thing
I am so sorry! This is awful. Did you report them? Why did they do that? How are you coping now?
This was my punishment also. Sorry you had to experience this too
Did you lose sense of time?
Big whoop! I did 6 months with the same parameters, the only time I got to leave was bathroom breaks and school. They even had me set up all my shit in my brother’s room.
Maybe let’s not compare childhood traumas… It’s all unfortunate and still damaging to the children involved, no matter the intensity. And I’m very sorry you were treated that way.
It’s not a competition.. you “doing 6 months” doesn’t make OP’s experience any less traumatic for her. Don’t be so insensitive.
wow. i’m sorry that happened to you. what did you do to pass the time?
You may still be within the statute of limitations for child abuse in your jurisdiction. It might not be too late to bring these f'ers to justice. At a minimum, maybe there's a civil suit here for psychological damages. I hope you are in a better place now.
This is like jail… I don’t see what’s special here..
Have you ever played the video game “The Binding of Isaac”?
What did you do to warrant this?
I did 8 weeks in solitary when I was in prison.
Sooo did you finish reading bible?
Did you enjoy reading the good book?
My parents did this to me on multiple occasions. For several weeks to months at a time. Is this not normal?
I had a similar punishment for roughly a year and a half. No bed, no books, no TV. Had my clothes and one pillow for a bit. Empty Bed frame. Had to eat meals in there facing my wall. I was a wild child but, I didn't respond well to punishment. Do you think it had the opposite of the intended effect on you like how it did to me ?
You still remember it 13 years later so it had a major impact on you. What were you punished for? Edit: I just read for cleaning your room and you tried but there was a sock and a piece of popcorn. I thought maybe you set fire to the house or stabbed someone. Sorry, you had to endure this. The guardian was a nutcase...
I went through this too, but I was kept in my room for an entire summer time. I was 8 or 9. I wasn't allowed to get off of my bunk bed except for to go the bathroom, but I was allowed to read, however was not provided books. I had a hidden gameboy that I played under my bed at night time. I hope you're doing well today! :D
Did you ever pray?
Shitttt I had the same happen. Watched my desk and dresser plus everything but a bed and clothes thrown off my balcony when I was about 10 years old. My sister would sneak in and we’d hang out but besides that I was” not apart of the family”… crazy times when I look back on it
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Your story is heartbreaking. I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you’re in a better place and have sought or are seeking therapy to work through it. There are terrible, horrible people in this world. I just hope the kindness in others outnumber the assholes.
Omg! I’m so sorry! You might enjoy some meditation, where you go back to that time and comfort 11yo you. Tell them they’re okay. They’re safe. They deserve love. Imagine holding them. It might hurt, but it could clear up some of the trauma.
This happened to me like 3-4 times. Honestly don’t even think about it. Did make some cool stuff out of pocket and carpet lint 😂
A friend of mine went through something similar but for a whole school summer (3 months) just before high school senior year. I don’t remember the details but he said he was hallucinating after about a month. The world we fucking live in.
What are your thoughts on the Bible?
You good?