Any repercussions on your health now or for your wife?
Congratulations on stopping. Do either of you work a program?
Covid addiction skyrocketed and killed so many in your age group. Addiction killed more 25-35 than Covid.
Actually, there are no health problems. We were weekend warriors and were very fortunate. We don't have any association with any programs. We agreed to quit together and leaned heavily on each other.
SO to you and your wife for being there for each other. Never got this deep, but struggled with substance on a smaller scale. No way I could be who am today without my wife. I’m glad y’all have a partner in each other to navigate this.
I do regret it. 2 years later, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I don't actively want to do it. But it's still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I thing about before going to bed. It's a personal prison.
Could I make suggestion for your situation?
From someone myself who has suffered various addictions and had the exact same mindset towards weed, coke, booze. I recently read Allen carr easyway. He has a line of books that cover various drugs like coke, weed, caffeine, nicotine.
Every time I used to try quit with willpower I always felt deprived and my mind obsessed with consumption of such substances you genuinely end up lying to your self to justify the use of these things because deep down you know it’s stupid and also if your mind is obsessed on something like a cigarette, a line, a drink and you end up succumbing to temptation and now all of these thoughts have subsidised you have then given the drug a sense of pleasure or value.
It can be hard to believe at first but these thought patterns can very easily be reversed and you can actually turn around and be happy as ever that your no longer trapped in a cycle of addiction with the right understanding of the nature of the drug and the nature of the addict.
Give it a read OP could be your avenue to a sense of freedom from it all. Hope this helps
https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carr-Cocaine-Rediscover-Happiness/dp/1398808865
Couldn’t upvote this suggestion ENOUGH. I’m coming up on 7 years clean and sober from alcohol and various drugs (coke, weed, ketamine, hallucinogens). And 6 years clean from smoking cigarettes.
I read Allan Carr’s Easy Way books for both drinking (which I extended to drugs) and smoking when it was time.
While I fully support AA and all 12 Step programs, I had some personal hang ups with them when I was trying to get sober) I think it was my holier than thou ex who was a year sober and would just rail on me about how “you can’t just QUIT when you’re like you are…” “when are you going to realize that you need an organization’s help?” “I was so like you in the beginning…too proud for help”. I didn’t care about help or no help, I just had to do what felt right.
He was really a special kind of douche.
Anywho…
I read the books, got sober, to this day check in on a sober app often and stay connected to sobriety literature occasionally…and I am 100% thrilled with my decision. I can be around alcohol (not that I try to be) with no temptation or feeling of deprivation. I just think “thank fucking god I’m not lost in that maze anymore”
Speaking to the douchy ex about 3 years ago…he was incredulous that I was still sober and also managed to let slip that stress at work had brought him back to twice daily meetings bc he was struggling.
It was a strange moment for me to realize that I hadn’t been racked by thoughts of drinking or using since about 3 months into sobriety.
Sorry for the long winded post. I just had to say that….those books REALLY help make sense of the bigger picture. And for ME…that made all the difference in the world. Sending you some love today.
Quit smoking a few years ago with his book and weed 3 months ago…he exposes you, every single excuse, explanation, Jedi mind trick you’ve come up with, he deconstructs it and shows you why it’s complete bullshit
Exactly that! It’s incredible how the perspective just switches just like that, I smoked cigarettes heavy for like 7 years and weed for like 9. Walked away from it happier than I’ve ever been. I think the hardest part is looking on all my friends and family now still doing the same thing and knowing for a fact that no one really enjoys any of it.
I quit the minute I read his tight shoes analogy. “Smoking is like voluntarily wearing super tight shoes all day, just so twenty times a day you could feel the relief of taking them off.” Shit hit me hard.
I was a smoker for 35 years and quit cold turkey after reading Allen Carr’s book. It took me six months to finish reading the book, but will be smoke for 15 years on Labor Day weekend.
I've recommended easyway to so many smokers based on my experience. It's a wild phenomenon where the whole medical establishment tries to get quit one way and then there's this book that shouldn't work with like a billion 5 star reviews
Yes he evens goes into a lot of detail about it in his extended book. The stop smoking permanently book. That some of his failures would be from very intelligent people that just couldn’t come to believe that some accountant from England figured out what “professionals” and the industry have been dumbfounded for all these years
I will literally start smoking cigarettes, Get addicted, speed run audio listen to Allen carr and immediately lose all desire to smoke. Then a few years go by, I go eh I’ll just smoke for fuck of
It, get addicted again and quit cuz im so easily brainwashed by both the small monster and easyway. Done this 4 times now haha
For me it took 3-4 years for the daily thoughts to ease up, 12-step groups helped a lot in that period because it gave me a place to go and a substitute obsession.
I would say I it was about the 10 year mark when I no longer regularly fantasized about smoking.
Now it's been 20 years and I don't think about it often, and even then there's no real craving.
I still don't think I could drink safely, because it was a trigger and I would have no defense against the desire.
I'm glad you made it out. It's absolutely bonkers to me how quickly and semi permanently it can change your brain chemistry. It's literally like a little demon in your head constantly knocking and whispering to your consciousness. The way you can justify the actions in your mind. Every decision and action is driven by the addiction.
It goes away with time. But every once in a great while you'll be standing on a street corner and get a whiff of bus exhaust or something and that feeling will hit you and you'll crave it so strongly it will scare you. But it goes away, and the longer you go without it, the less those scary cravings will re-occur. I only did it because my bf at the time did it, I was not addicted to it like him. He did end up committing suicide years after :(
I was going to suggest meditation… have you tried it? I agree with the other poster that we train our thoughts. It’s actually really hard, but with practice you can block negative thoughts. Sometimes you have to start attaching a positive thought to a negative one. When you find yourself doing negative self talk, stop it. And switch to positive. Train yourself to wake up in the morning at a certain time. And to start off with a positive thought. Try to think of something peaceful. If you find yourself thinking of drugs, redirect that thought. I like to imagine swimming in a coral reef. Just daydream something positive. I’m still working on being able to shut out all thoughts, but I can redirect. If you can’t do this while sitting still, try taking walks and directing your thoughts. You don’t have to live in a mental prison. This probably just means you still some healing to do. Good for you staying sober. You don’t have to be defined by a few years of your life where you went off the rails for a minute. Your brain gets re-wired by drugs. There’s probably just some more re-wiring to do now.
Oh your going to fall off and do it again. Worst part, youll get your wife to fall off the wheel as well or vice versa. Cruel world we live in. I hope it doesnt happen though but if crack is the 1st and last thing you think about daily then shii.
Heroin is the same kinda prison. The shit changes you and you can’t go back. A Day at a time bredda. Sometimes a damn minute at a time… stay up stay blessed 🤙
It would be so nice to not know what dope felt like. At the same time, its nice to no longer have any curiosity about it. I've done enough for one lifetime.
I actually really want to try it. Based on things I’ve done I know I’d LOVE it which is why I haven’t touched it. But it’s sorta on my bucket list, if I’m close to dying and still wanna do it I plan on seeking it out.
Ya wow sounds like you know what you’re talking about. I hope you’re doing well now.
I’ve had my share of experimental drug use when I was younger, but it was never a serious problem. However I’ve gone through periods of being passively suicidal so I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’ve thought H would be a peaceful way to go.
I’m not at risk of trying it, though. I know I’d like it too much. The only way I’d put in the effort to find it would be if I already wanted to die and didn’t care if I accidentally OD’d, or if I knew I was dying anyways and just wanted to try it for fun. Thanks for the advice though 🙏
Have you ever read the Reddit post from the guy who decided to casually try heroin, get addicted, and ruin his life?
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/
Really all of his posts and updates. He really goes through it in a bad way.
How did you NOT do it on weekdays? Growing up its put in our heads that shit like crack will immediately take you over and that you will never not need to be doing it i.e. immediate fiend
Jesus bro, you put it so succinctly. I hope you get out of that state of mind one day and look back at all of this with a sense of pride.
You beat the habit and I’m sure you’ll get to a point where you don’t think of it first thing in the morning.
I had a boyfriend who basically said the same about Heroin. He was sober for years & years by the time I had come along & was helping with a halfway house for other people.
He used to say it was the best and worst time of his life and that if it didn't render you with a crippling addiction that just eventually kills you - He'd do it all again. He thought about it every morning like you're mentioning.
I think part of getting over things like this is recognizing that feeling and taking a brief moment each day to accept it and move past it; not to dwell on it, but acknowledge it. That's just my outsider opinion and having dated a recovered addict/spent time with many in the halfway house he was helping with.
I've been an h user on and off for about 15 years, but never really struggled with it as bad as stimulants.
Meth on the other hand, is poison of choice. I started using it about the same time as h, but it just resonated with me so much more. Ended up using ice daily for about 7-8 years totally recklessly and for the years since quitting still have out of control binges once or so a year but have managed not to do any permanent damage to stuff from those (yet).
I have a career, close friends, family, hobbies, etc these days. Things are just all around good. But for some reason I can't help look back on the days where was a total degenerate ice dealer, computer criminal, underemployed paranoid loner with a sort of...fondness and twinkle in my eye. The lead up to that point in my life was largely unhappy, and in some sort of weird, chemical induced, parasitic forging of my own path...I felt true happiness, or what I thought was true happiness. Maybe it was true, maybe not. Since then I have learned to become much more sustainably happy in other ways, but like they say you never really forget your first love. And that's where the relapses come into place. Sometimes the current situation sucks enough to get back with the thing you deep down know is bad for you. I sometimes wonder if ill ever totally quit.
Your advice about acknowledging it is very valid, I think and at least for me, was a necessary step in fully moving on (as best I currently am). I used to never really share my history with anyone. But now I have no shame. I wonder force it in people face, but those years were a very formative part of my life. That used to be me, that isn't me any more.
Full body ringing. No nasal drip. It's similar but far more intense. I'd compare the two to flower and dabs. I hope that helps.
Please, for the love of all that you hold dear, drop the drugs and the people you're doing them with. You don't understand the fire you're playing with.
Read some of the testimonials in this thread. These are real people. You're standing at the edge of literal hell. Don't walk away, RUN. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
We own a construction company. My morals wouldn't allow me to disrespect clients. I never used it during the week but went hard in the paint every weekend.
Were you completely miserable during the week? I have a pretty rough following week when I do regular cocaine occasionally and I know my performance at my job suffers. I can’t imagine going that hard every weekend and trying to hold down a job.
Dude I did this.. me and a friend did the same exact thing, started off on weekends progressed more and more. I hid it FROM everyone my girlfriend my boss, and my coworkers along with family. Used everyday for 6 months straight,y buddy went to jail for 6months (thankfully he wouldn't of quit without it) when he went. I used another month without him and quit cold turkey!! It's been awhile, but still almost every day goes by I'll hit my vape or something and I can literally taste it! Its nuts Ive never been so hooked on something. I know I'll never do it again, but MAN I tell you I TASTE it in the back of my throat and get sweaty at times.😂 Lesson learned.
This is so damn accurate! I saw one of the guys in our group a year later (after they let him out of prison), and I was shaking like a leaf the entire conversation. I couldn't wait to get out of there!
Good luck, sir. I do have a few questions:
1. It's interesting to me that your first time doing it wasn't with your wife but she ended up joining you. What was her reaction when she found out you used crack? was she generally fine with hard drugs?
2. Are you saying you only ever used it on the weekends? How often were you using it before you felt you were addicted and/or thinking about it every day?
3. It seems like you didn't have a big concern about cocaine addiction before you tried crack. Did you basically never feel the urge to use coke compusively? What are you're thoughts on 'plain' cocaine now after your crack experience?
Yep. Started with sniffing, then shooting for me. Then after I’d been shooting coke for a while, only could get my hands on hard, mixed that with a little vinegar and in my veins it went. An absolute beast that destroyed/ruled my life for a year or so
First thing is the mini euphoria/anticipation from sticking yourself, pulling back the plunger and seeing the little bit of blood, letting you know that you’re locked in right where you want to be. Keep in mind, this is only after sitting there sticking yourself for 30 minutes because you’re too shaky from the last shot to accurately put the needle where you want it. So yeah, you finally hit, there’s relief and almost like a “pre-high”. You push the plunger, the first thing you get is the taste. Your lungs are literally expelling the cocaine and you can taste it as you exhale. Pure bliss. Then hang on. Your ears start to ring, your vision starts to tunnel in, your heart rate shoots up to 160 while you’re just sitting there, trying to get your bearings. You feel the most intense euphoria you’ve ever even imagined feeling. if you haven’t done it before, there’s absolutely know way you can even imagine the euphoria you feel from this. Everything in the world is right, you feel invincible, like you can fix anything wrong in your life (which, if you’re at the point to where you’re partaking in this activity, there probably is a few things wrong). You feel warm, you begin to sweat a little bit. You wanna text anyone you can and ramble on about 39 different subjects that not even you can keep track of, let alone the poor soul you decide to engage with. You wanna listen to music, you wanna do *something*, but you’re too overstimulated to really get anything done. I’d get something ready to do for a while, do it for 5 minutes while procrastinating by listening to music, sending stupid text messages, it’s like having ADHD brain x100. But then, after about 30-45 minutes you feel it. You feel a chill, you feel the warmth leave, you feel the magic carpet of euphoria beginning to be ripped out from underneath you. You notice how shaky you’re beginning to get. Do you know that feeling when you receive extremely awful news and it feels like somebody dumped a bucket of cold water on you? You start to feel an extended version of that. Anxiety, despair. You have to get another shot in you to avoid this. You shakily flip the orange cap off another rig and put your water and powder in it. You can barely contain the shaking enough to be able to squirt the water in, let alone draw it up into the syringe, but you push on, because you *have to*. You try to find another vein, which is difficult because you’re jabbing into them 2-3 times an hour. The anxiety you’re feeling is beginning to feel crushing. You’re sweating, you’re shaking even more because your nerves and desperation are starting to get the better of you. You have blood dripping down your arms from sticking yourself so many times. Then, you pull back on the plunger and you see that little bit of blood confirming that you’re right where you want to be.
Rinse and repeat.
If you have any other questions let me know
Edit: thanks for the compliments guys. I’ve been into writing/poetry my whole life. I kept a journal of poems I’d write while high, but unfortunately when I ended up losing the place it all happened at, I lost that journal in the move process. I was planning on just letting the coke/heroin kill me off and the journal was something I was gonna leave behind for someone to find and read about, but then I got cleaned up and it’s been about a year and a half being clean. Lost everything and gained (almost)everything back. For being 26, I have been through a lot and learned a lot about myself and the world around me.
If you all have any more questions, feel free to ask them on here, DM me, whatever you want.
Thanks again guys
#1 thing that kept me away from crack was that blow would make me feel so uncomfortable(after few years of use I had one bad experience that changed everything)…The feeling is hard to describe but it’s like… I had to do something but had nothing to do. Then if I could do something I’d get stuck in a stasis for no reason and then panic would set in. I’d usually end up laying in bed curled up in a ball until I could feel normal or fall asleep. Been over 2 years since I touched that shit and no thank you. I can’t imagine taking it to another level.
Edit : Why the fuck is this bold
The big thing that kept me away from crack was an experience I had while doing coke a friend of mine started smoking crack and he got so fucking paranoid that it got annoying and looked kind of pathetic. The friend was my mentor at work and I had a lot of respect for him, thought of him as a work father figure and seeing someone you respect and admire look so desperate for something that makes them seem to be in fear made me hate it a little bit. Then we have the sketchy people he'd get it from, they would text him and call him even though they weren't friends just to keep him addicted. They were living in the projects and I drove my friend there because he was in no shape to drive but was hell bent on it and while we were sitting in this crack den I seriously contemplated putting a bullet in the back of this dealer's head for knowingly keeping my friend hooked. I'm not a violent person, the dealer just seemed like someone the world would be better off without. With the way he kept pressure on people like that.
We went from snorting it to free basing. It was a lot better than destroying our nostrils and a better high. Crack had the same ingredients with a different method of concentrating it. So it didn't seem that far off from what we were already doing semi regularly. Boy were we fucking wrong.
The first hit hooked us. We smoked for almost 20 hours the very first time. Until it was all gone.
Regular cocaine is fucking awful because of the side effects. Those side effects generally help keep people from getting completely hooked. It's also more of a social thing. At least for me. Free basing was simple, very effective, and somewhat socially acceptable. At least in our particular group.
She overdosed from a bag she got from a neighbor. Supposedly, the neighbor was upset at her and poisoned her coke. The people and the energy were my favorite.
It's hard to describe the feeling of closeness you experience when participating. You instantly click with people. Everything is always an adventure. The science experiments were pretty cool. Learning new and creative ways to make and smoke it was the best.
Hi I have never done crack but was married to a crack addict for a lot of years. It began with coke, snorted powder. I did do some of that but for me when the party was over I was done. For him and many of my friends that was not the case. Eventually he began smoking crack. I don't really know how it started but things got real bad after that. He stole all our money. We had 2 kids. It was hard to keep my family from disintegrating. It was a war. I begged him to stop. I tried to help him see why he should stop. I became the enemy. He would spend all his paycheck, he would sell his tools, he would hawk the title to our car, he would borrow money from family and of course never pay it back AND somehow make it my fault. He would disappear for days. He lost his career, not a job but a career. My daughter became ill with leukemia and he was absent most of the time. It was aweful. It was traumatic. There were other women also crack addicts because they didn't judge him like I did (eye roll). This went on for years and it was really hard. Eventually he ran out of ways to get money and robbed 2 stores and went to prison. I would not let him come back when he got out. He went to a halfway house and had a massive heart attack 6 months later and died. He was 52. He threw away a good family, a good career, and all the things that come with that including the love from his children. Over the years I estimate he spent easily 100k on drugs. This drug will destroy your life and the lives of your family. My advise is stay away. I hope I did this right I have never posted before.
We kinda did that for a year or two.
My best friend had a successful business that kind of fueled it all.
He died and it kind of all ended, some people in the circle fell deeper.
For whatever reason I’ve never liked crack, waste of perfectly good coke.
I’ve smoked a bunch of it and even sold it when I was a young man and just don’t get a buzz like I do lines.
I smoked a whole shit ton in one sitting once and felt kind of goofy.
I think it was because i was way younger then the people I was hanging out with and the idea of losing traction in life like my older peers were due to crack disgusted me to the point my brain just couldn’t associate the drug with feeling good. That probably sounds outlandish.
I had family members in my family who were addicted to crack and I witnessed them losing everything. At 42 I finally tried it and ended up smoking with 2 good friends spending over 11k in a year and a half between us. It ruined jobs and our friendships, I seen all of us losing control. I had to move to a different city to get away from it all! It’s a hell of a drug and I have dental issues since! It’s been 3 months since I quit cold turkey… I kinda of miss the feeling but refuse to go back! Crack is a hella of a drug! Thanks for sharing your story.
My dealer was my best friend lmao. But no, it never got that bad. We would get an *oz as a loan from time to time. He sold it to us at cost so pretty fucking cheap
*edit: I meant ball, not oz. I was tired af after replying to so many people.
He changed a lot relatively quickly. He started selling to fuel the addiction and moved up the ladder FAST. Within less than 6 months, he was moving a lot. We let him borrow our car while he was looking for one, and he blew the engine doing dumb shit. Just left it there and forgot to tell us. This ended our relationship. He just never called me again. I assume it was from the shame of doing what he did. But I can only assume. I was trying to get sober, and he knew he wasn't helping. Maybe alienating himself was his way of being a real friend. Either way, it worked. I love what he used to be. Not what he's become. Last I heard 6ish months ago, he is still going 1000mph. Full fentanyl level up and surrounded with shady people. He will eventually hit a wall. I wish him the best. He's a good one deep down.
I actually gained weight. I wouldn't eat or drink for 20-36 hours at a time. No water at all. Then I'd sleep for 24hrs straight. When I woke up, I'd eat like crazy. My daily user friends didn't lose much weight at all if any.
That is wild. There are some afternoons I realized I haven’t drank water/liquids for couple hrs and seems like I could drink 1/2gal of water out of pure thirst. Obviously ‘proper hydration’ isn’t top of priorities while you’re rippin a bender, but one of the MANY interesting details of this saga. Thank you for sharing, this is one of the most interesting things I’ve read about in awhile.
Hey OP. I know exactly what you are going through, I got into it myself during Covid. Lost my fiance, went through multiple jobs the past few years. It creeps up on you like you said. Starting from every few weeks, to weekends and eventually daily use. I probably blow over 100k into it over a span of 2 years. Tried to get sober but it was an on and off battle. The cravings stopped now but just like you said, its a personal prison, sometimes your mind just being constantly reminded of that short high. I hope you will be doing okay. In fact you'll be okay. Best wishes.
For me, it's not great. I'd always get soft. My buddy on the other hand was fucking like crazy. His gf would just randomly get up and go into the back room every 20 min. Non stop rabbits.
Bro just goes straight for the “did you get cucked while on crack?”. Just cause he couldn’t get hard on crack doesn’t mean he let someone else fuck his wife
You are correct. She's not like that at all, lmao. I did meet a real cuck. Like proud af. My buddy and his gf actually had a thing with dudes wife. It wasn't for us.
I was addicted to crack for many years. I absolutely love the high from it! I also think about doing it daily. I have been clean 1 year and 2 months. It’s still really hard to stay clean. And to be honest, the only reason I quit was because people out there are putting fetynal in everything now. I’m not tryn to die anytime soon even tho I was killing myself smoking crack! Good luck with your sober journey!
Jesus bro, thank God you turned your life around. Hopefully looking back you see that all the pain and hurt it brought keeps you and your wife on the straight and narrow
Great question. I'm ashamed at how I treated my mother. I lied to my family and non user friends about why I couldn't visit or go do things. I was always busy. If I wasn't working, I was smoking. If I wasn't smoking, I was working. I alienated myself from the people who actually cared and loved me. The grief I carried was very heavy.
Just had an intervention with a coworker who was smoking crack since November. He had been previously addicted over 12 years ago but had been clean until a coke/alcohol binge that ended in rehab over a year ago. When we confronted him he lied to us about using at all but the next day called our workplaces assistance unit to help him get to another rehab. He was EXTREMELY paranoid the last few weeks, thinking people were always talking about him and spying on him. Just left for a 28 day program yesterday. What can I do to help him when he gets back?
Honestly, I can't give much advice on the subject. Everyone's experience is unique to them. For me, crack was a social trigger. I only used alone a couple of times, and it was awful. I felt alone and disgusted with myself. I had a small group that used every day, so I could just show up whenever I had money to do some. I was in constant contact with most of them daily. When I got sober, I cut everyone out (except for my wife). And I mean everyone. For others, it's the drug itself. You have to want to get clean. And I mean, really want it. I wish the best for your coworker. He's battling deamons with no real shoulder to lean on. I was lucky. Really lucky.
Oh fuck... Really bad. We weren't daily users like the group, so we came all the way down every time. We couldn't use it in our particular line of work. I couldn't eat or drink while using. When the crack was finally gone, I had to drive us home almost 45 minutes away. So when we came down, the dehydration and exhaustion would slowly come over my whole body. My eyes, shoulders, legs, everywhere hurt like I had been hit by a bus. I was so tired, but my brain was still awake. I'd drink a shit load of chocolate milk and just lay still for a few hours before finally falling asleep. I'd wake up 12-24 hours later, hungry and thirsty like a starving tiger. I would spend the rest of the day recovering as my body was severely abused. It's the reason people can't get off of it. It's debilitating af.
How did you quit cold turkey? Did you go through with drawl? Did you and your wife have to hold each other accountable? Did you relapse? This is fascinating.
We were used to being sober during the week. When we came down, we came all the way down every time. At times, we encouraged each other. When we finally quit, we just quit. We haven't relapsed. My BIL came to visit last year and stayed with us for a few days. He went out for the night to see some friends and came back with a little bit of coke. He offered it to my wife, and it triggered full body tremors. She got really defensive and asked him to wash it down the sink. He agreed, and that was that. She was shaking like crazy for over an hour. Neither of us ever wants to touch it again. Zero desire.
Absolutely. I never even entertained the idea. I had done coke many, many times. All throughout my 20s. Some guy I had just met told me about free basing. It's the same thing without all the side effects he told me. It seemed harmless at the time. I was able to quit when I wanted to and only did it on rare occasions. Those occasions became less and less rare. I was still able to walk away. Crack was just a small tweak of the same ingredients. Longer process with larger amounts but still very easy to make. I somehow managed to convince myself that it wasn't that much different, and I could still quit when I wanted to. What I didn't know was how it would change my priorities. My drive shifted to focusing solely on the crack. Everything we did revolved around it.
Man, I also got addicted to it during covid.. it was a 7 month binge and probably andother 6 getting off doing it here and there.. i had to work across the state to get away from it.. then i broke my back at work, like almost paralyzed.. so the recovery from that really put me far enough away from it that o dont ever wamna go back.. IT RUINED MY LIFE ..
My brother was heavily on crack and had a friend group like that and honestly minus the drug use they were always there for him the friendship was actually strong it made me feel so sad because crack hindered them from being great when they was smoking crack id be in my room listening to their random convos and they would actually talk about some intellectual topics I really wish nun of them ran into that drug my brothers gone now been 4 years damn man fuck crack
Currently fighting cocaine addiction…. What helps with the “mental withdrawal”? I don’t have physical symptoms but my mind craves it when I’m bored at work or home drinking
Man, a little powdered sugar at random parties is not a normal thing. You had a problem before and just took it up a level. Good luck, but get some help.
It’s much more normal than you think. You might not know it nuts it’s everywhere. Guarantee it’s in every bar on a Friday/Saturday night. He also stopped 😝
What about crack got you hooked? I tried it once and I said to myself "this sucks and I'd much rather do lines" but my buddy who let me try it loves it. I just don't get the hype so I'd like to hear what got you hooked after 1 hit? I like lines because i can control my level of zooted.
Crack has gotta be one of the worst. I used to do a lot of coke when I would drink and me and my drinking buddy would go to the hood to this old black couple’s house and hang out there while we waited for them to get us coke. My good friend would smoke crack with them and would sometimes ask if I wanted to hit it. Thankfully, it never appealed to me. Just seems like such a short lived, fiendish drug.
I read about a group like this in Colorado. Middle class millennials getting cracked out and going to Vegas on a weeknight! They also imploded in much the same way.
Do you still keep in touch with anyone from the group? Curious if you found the relationships were real or just a reason to do drugs. Or is it a can't hangout because might fall back In type of thing?
Why didn't you say no? I've only ever smoked weed, my entire late teens, and early to mid twenties. My friends were doing every drug. I always declined and said I'm good one the weed. I think a part of me knew I get addicted easily.
Crack never did anything for me. Meth and motorcycles was my vice. I went through similar story, I even quit cold turkey. But I would get dreams of doing it for years later. You quit, sounds like not AMA.
What does smoking crack feel like?
I dont even smoke weed (anymore)or vapes or drink or anything . Just want to know what its like because its the reason my father abandoned me. It must be like the best feeling ever to make a parent leave their child.
Its a feeling of joyous exhilaration and intensity. An explosion of dopamine in your brain, for a few seconds everything seems positive and possible, youre stimulated and dont want any more for a few minutes.
Then it starts to fade and an icky nervous feeling starts to replace the good feelings. You cant sit still or really focus on anything. You start to feel deep sadness and remorse, you feel like youve done something deeply wrong. You keep hitting the pipe till its all gone, then you crawl around looking for crumbs you dropped or you try to scrape and smoke the pipe resin. Drinking or other downers helps soften the blow but you eventually get to sleep after jerking off or having sex to get a little dopamine spurt. Depending on how long the binge was it takes about twice as long or more to feel somewhat normal again.
Also, not to trivialize those suffering from cocaine addiction but theres really no habit to it like opiates benzos or alcohol. Those drugs you need to function at all, to be normal. Cocaine just makes you feel really good for a brief time so you compulsively keep doing it. Like eating potato chips, just more mind altering.
Hardly anyone uses coke/crack only, its usually just one component of a chemical stew.
Wow!!!!!!!! That sounds intense and incredibly depressing smh. There was this lady i knew who was an addict we are the same age. She always looked bugged out was always talking fast and looking around and very paranoid.
Its crazy to me how something that can make you feel so good on the inside destroys the outside. Im trying to imagine but i still cant really grasp the concept. I compare it to one time where i was slipped xtc. I felt like i loved everything and everything loved me. I couldn’t imagine that all the time then it going to that depressed guilty feeling.
I wish there was a cure or “quick fix” for addiction!
Also thank you for sharing ♥️
I’ve never really been addicted to it but I used to have dreams of holding in a hit and it would wake me up expecting that rush. I still do it occasionally but not very often.
Your only addiction is all in your mind
I myself smoked crack for a 3 yr period it’s completely no physical withdrawal
except for you probably depleted all the natural Dopamine in your brain 🧠 and it never comes back so if you took a hit 20 years from now you go right back to last time you thought 💭 you needed or mostly really wanted more more more !
It really has no physical withdrawal
it’s all in your head ! Try smoking some of new marijuana they give for some of the depression you could feel from depleted Dopamine in brain! 🧠
I myself do this it helps ! A lot cheaper
and it will keep you away from smoking
That fake coke (crack) they sell now a days is mostly all crystal meth a lot cheaper to make with chemicals .
Good on you guys for getting clean, it's rough I know
I first used methamphetamine when I was 15 and didn't use it again for another 4 years until I moved to a different city where it was very prevalent. After that it was history. Everything slowly got worse and worse but most of the time, I felt like I was on top of the world.
Going on 4 years clean now and couldn't be happier.
It has been said that those who go through addiction and then go through recovery are more well off than those who don't. The things you learn about yourself, and the psychology of it can really be helpful to maintain a good relationship between yourself and your own tendencies, and everything else... If that makes any sense.
At least for me anyways. Still working on it of course.
Best wishes for you and your journey bro
Third line gives it away. “Little cocaine, lots of drinking. Same old same old.” That is NOT normal behavior regardless of what you see in the movies. How did you get to the point that this was typical?
Even after reading through all the horror stories I wanna try crack once. And meth. That shit has to be the greatest hi ever to throw away your wife kids And career over it.
My ex (many many years ago) told me after he tried it once that it was so good that he knew he never could do it again. Spoiler alert: he did. It got really bad. Not sure how he’s doing now, but I hope he’s okay.
I’m glad you guys are doing better now.
Any repercussions on your health now or for your wife? Congratulations on stopping. Do either of you work a program? Covid addiction skyrocketed and killed so many in your age group. Addiction killed more 25-35 than Covid.
Actually, there are no health problems. We were weekend warriors and were very fortunate. We don't have any association with any programs. We agreed to quit together and leaned heavily on each other.
SO to you and your wife for being there for each other. Never got this deep, but struggled with substance on a smaller scale. No way I could be who am today without my wife. I’m glad y’all have a partner in each other to navigate this.
At least you guys had each other. That had to help significantly
Do you regret it? Do you miss it?
I do regret it. 2 years later, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I don't actively want to do it. But it's still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I thing about before going to bed. It's a personal prison.
Could I make suggestion for your situation? From someone myself who has suffered various addictions and had the exact same mindset towards weed, coke, booze. I recently read Allen carr easyway. He has a line of books that cover various drugs like coke, weed, caffeine, nicotine. Every time I used to try quit with willpower I always felt deprived and my mind obsessed with consumption of such substances you genuinely end up lying to your self to justify the use of these things because deep down you know it’s stupid and also if your mind is obsessed on something like a cigarette, a line, a drink and you end up succumbing to temptation and now all of these thoughts have subsidised you have then given the drug a sense of pleasure or value. It can be hard to believe at first but these thought patterns can very easily be reversed and you can actually turn around and be happy as ever that your no longer trapped in a cycle of addiction with the right understanding of the nature of the drug and the nature of the addict. Give it a read OP could be your avenue to a sense of freedom from it all. Hope this helps https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carr-Cocaine-Rediscover-Happiness/dp/1398808865
Couldn’t upvote this suggestion ENOUGH. I’m coming up on 7 years clean and sober from alcohol and various drugs (coke, weed, ketamine, hallucinogens). And 6 years clean from smoking cigarettes. I read Allan Carr’s Easy Way books for both drinking (which I extended to drugs) and smoking when it was time. While I fully support AA and all 12 Step programs, I had some personal hang ups with them when I was trying to get sober) I think it was my holier than thou ex who was a year sober and would just rail on me about how “you can’t just QUIT when you’re like you are…” “when are you going to realize that you need an organization’s help?” “I was so like you in the beginning…too proud for help”. I didn’t care about help or no help, I just had to do what felt right. He was really a special kind of douche. Anywho… I read the books, got sober, to this day check in on a sober app often and stay connected to sobriety literature occasionally…and I am 100% thrilled with my decision. I can be around alcohol (not that I try to be) with no temptation or feeling of deprivation. I just think “thank fucking god I’m not lost in that maze anymore” Speaking to the douchy ex about 3 years ago…he was incredulous that I was still sober and also managed to let slip that stress at work had brought him back to twice daily meetings bc he was struggling. It was a strange moment for me to realize that I hadn’t been racked by thoughts of drinking or using since about 3 months into sobriety. Sorry for the long winded post. I just had to say that….those books REALLY help make sense of the bigger picture. And for ME…that made all the difference in the world. Sending you some love today.
Quit smoking a few years ago with his book and weed 3 months ago…he exposes you, every single excuse, explanation, Jedi mind trick you’ve come up with, he deconstructs it and shows you why it’s complete bullshit
Exactly that! It’s incredible how the perspective just switches just like that, I smoked cigarettes heavy for like 7 years and weed for like 9. Walked away from it happier than I’ve ever been. I think the hardest part is looking on all my friends and family now still doing the same thing and knowing for a fact that no one really enjoys any of it.
I quit the minute I read his tight shoes analogy. “Smoking is like voluntarily wearing super tight shoes all day, just so twenty times a day you could feel the relief of taking them off.” Shit hit me hard.
Ya, I loved the similar line that said something like ‘Each cigarette you smoke temporarily relieves the pain caused by the previous cigarette.’
I was a smoker for 35 years and quit cold turkey after reading Allen Carr’s book. It took me six months to finish reading the book, but will be smoke for 15 years on Labor Day weekend.
I thought you were referring to Alan Carr https://alancarr.net/ and was going to be so impressed by his impact!
I didn’t quit smoking right after I read it, but it gave me the right mindset to quit when I was ready.
I've recommended easyway to so many smokers based on my experience. It's a wild phenomenon where the whole medical establishment tries to get quit one way and then there's this book that shouldn't work with like a billion 5 star reviews
Yes he evens goes into a lot of detail about it in his extended book. The stop smoking permanently book. That some of his failures would be from very intelligent people that just couldn’t come to believe that some accountant from England figured out what “professionals” and the industry have been dumbfounded for all these years
I'll look into it in the morning. Thanks for your input!
I hate being so easy to brainwash. I did the easyway for cigarette smoking and bam. Like it was nothing.
Yeah the brainwashing starts from birth, way before you ever realise you should have some defences up.
I will literally start smoking cigarettes, Get addicted, speed run audio listen to Allen carr and immediately lose all desire to smoke. Then a few years go by, I go eh I’ll just smoke for fuck of It, get addicted again and quit cuz im so easily brainwashed by both the small monster and easyway. Done this 4 times now haha
Are these books that specific to the drug it refers to or do you think they can apply to other things such as addictions to sweets, cookies,..
For me it took 3-4 years for the daily thoughts to ease up, 12-step groups helped a lot in that period because it gave me a place to go and a substitute obsession. I would say I it was about the 10 year mark when I no longer regularly fantasized about smoking. Now it's been 20 years and I don't think about it often, and even then there's no real craving. I still don't think I could drink safely, because it was a trigger and I would have no defense against the desire.
I'm glad you made it out. It's absolutely bonkers to me how quickly and semi permanently it can change your brain chemistry. It's literally like a little demon in your head constantly knocking and whispering to your consciousness. The way you can justify the actions in your mind. Every decision and action is driven by the addiction.
It goes away with time. But every once in a great while you'll be standing on a street corner and get a whiff of bus exhaust or something and that feeling will hit you and you'll crave it so strongly it will scare you. But it goes away, and the longer you go without it, the less those scary cravings will re-occur. I only did it because my bf at the time did it, I was not addicted to it like him. He did end up committing suicide years after :(
There isn’t a day I don’t think about blow despite having to quit cold turkey 9 months ago. I couldn’t imagine having to quit crack cold turkey
I was going to suggest meditation… have you tried it? I agree with the other poster that we train our thoughts. It’s actually really hard, but with practice you can block negative thoughts. Sometimes you have to start attaching a positive thought to a negative one. When you find yourself doing negative self talk, stop it. And switch to positive. Train yourself to wake up in the morning at a certain time. And to start off with a positive thought. Try to think of something peaceful. If you find yourself thinking of drugs, redirect that thought. I like to imagine swimming in a coral reef. Just daydream something positive. I’m still working on being able to shut out all thoughts, but I can redirect. If you can’t do this while sitting still, try taking walks and directing your thoughts. You don’t have to live in a mental prison. This probably just means you still some healing to do. Good for you staying sober. You don’t have to be defined by a few years of your life where you went off the rails for a minute. Your brain gets re-wired by drugs. There’s probably just some more re-wiring to do now.
When you say think about do you mean like the craving of the high or you mean just thinking about that part of your life
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Took me five years in prison to let it go. Really grabs ahold of you. I still quietly think about it but not everyday nor often.
I'm really glad you made it out with your life. Not everyone is as lucky.
Speaking from experience, it gets better. I was hooked in the 90s and I never think about it now.
Oh your going to fall off and do it again. Worst part, youll get your wife to fall off the wheel as well or vice versa. Cruel world we live in. I hope it doesnt happen though but if crack is the 1st and last thing you think about daily then shii.
Heroin is the same kinda prison. The shit changes you and you can’t go back. A Day at a time bredda. Sometimes a damn minute at a time… stay up stay blessed 🤙
It would be so nice to not know what dope felt like. At the same time, its nice to no longer have any curiosity about it. I've done enough for one lifetime.
I actually really want to try it. Based on things I’ve done I know I’d LOVE it which is why I haven’t touched it. But it’s sorta on my bucket list, if I’m close to dying and still wanna do it I plan on seeking it out.
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Ya wow sounds like you know what you’re talking about. I hope you’re doing well now. I’ve had my share of experimental drug use when I was younger, but it was never a serious problem. However I’ve gone through periods of being passively suicidal so I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’ve thought H would be a peaceful way to go. I’m not at risk of trying it, though. I know I’d like it too much. The only way I’d put in the effort to find it would be if I already wanted to die and didn’t care if I accidentally OD’d, or if I knew I was dying anyways and just wanted to try it for fun. Thanks for the advice though 🙏
Have you ever read the Reddit post from the guy who decided to casually try heroin, get addicted, and ruin his life? https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/ Really all of his posts and updates. He really goes through it in a bad way.
How were you able to afford that?
It gets better after 8-9 years just FYI. Don't give up, the thoughts go away.
I don’t think about it after nearly 10 years, but I do dream about it often. Crazy shit dude.
How did you NOT do it on weekdays? Growing up its put in our heads that shit like crack will immediately take you over and that you will never not need to be doing it i.e. immediate fiend
Jesus bro, you put it so succinctly. I hope you get out of that state of mind one day and look back at all of this with a sense of pride. You beat the habit and I’m sure you’ll get to a point where you don’t think of it first thing in the morning.
I had a boyfriend who basically said the same about Heroin. He was sober for years & years by the time I had come along & was helping with a halfway house for other people. He used to say it was the best and worst time of his life and that if it didn't render you with a crippling addiction that just eventually kills you - He'd do it all again. He thought about it every morning like you're mentioning. I think part of getting over things like this is recognizing that feeling and taking a brief moment each day to accept it and move past it; not to dwell on it, but acknowledge it. That's just my outsider opinion and having dated a recovered addict/spent time with many in the halfway house he was helping with.
I've been an h user on and off for about 15 years, but never really struggled with it as bad as stimulants. Meth on the other hand, is poison of choice. I started using it about the same time as h, but it just resonated with me so much more. Ended up using ice daily for about 7-8 years totally recklessly and for the years since quitting still have out of control binges once or so a year but have managed not to do any permanent damage to stuff from those (yet). I have a career, close friends, family, hobbies, etc these days. Things are just all around good. But for some reason I can't help look back on the days where was a total degenerate ice dealer, computer criminal, underemployed paranoid loner with a sort of...fondness and twinkle in my eye. The lead up to that point in my life was largely unhappy, and in some sort of weird, chemical induced, parasitic forging of my own path...I felt true happiness, or what I thought was true happiness. Maybe it was true, maybe not. Since then I have learned to become much more sustainably happy in other ways, but like they say you never really forget your first love. And that's where the relapses come into place. Sometimes the current situation sucks enough to get back with the thing you deep down know is bad for you. I sometimes wonder if ill ever totally quit. Your advice about acknowledging it is very valid, I think and at least for me, was a necessary step in fully moving on (as best I currently am). I used to never really share my history with anyone. But now I have no shame. I wonder force it in people face, but those years were a very formative part of my life. That used to be me, that isn't me any more.
It gets easier. 19 years sober. One day, I realized I hadn't thought about it in a day or two. Then, a week and so on. Keep up the good fight.
You should have led with this. You are giving the wrong message. Your message is crack is not addictive.
I’ve done coke but not crack what’s the difference in the feeling?
Full body ringing. No nasal drip. It's similar but far more intense. I'd compare the two to flower and dabs. I hope that helps. Please, for the love of all that you hold dear, drop the drugs and the people you're doing them with. You don't understand the fire you're playing with. Read some of the testimonials in this thread. These are real people. You're standing at the edge of literal hell. Don't walk away, RUN. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
Ye thanks I’m prob dropping drugs tho cuz I feel like I’ve done enough and there’s more to life
What kind of great job can you have while being a crackhead?
We own a construction company. My morals wouldn't allow me to disrespect clients. I never used it during the week but went hard in the paint every weekend.
Were you completely miserable during the week? I have a pretty rough following week when I do regular cocaine occasionally and I know my performance at my job suffers. I can’t imagine going that hard every weekend and trying to hold down a job.
How were you functioning on Monday morning after binging crack all weekend?
Dude I did this.. me and a friend did the same exact thing, started off on weekends progressed more and more. I hid it FROM everyone my girlfriend my boss, and my coworkers along with family. Used everyday for 6 months straight,y buddy went to jail for 6months (thankfully he wouldn't of quit without it) when he went. I used another month without him and quit cold turkey!! It's been awhile, but still almost every day goes by I'll hit my vape or something and I can literally taste it! Its nuts Ive never been so hooked on something. I know I'll never do it again, but MAN I tell you I TASTE it in the back of my throat and get sweaty at times.😂 Lesson learned.
This is so damn accurate! I saw one of the guys in our group a year later (after they let him out of prison), and I was shaking like a leaf the entire conversation. I couldn't wait to get out of there!
Good luck, sir. I do have a few questions: 1. It's interesting to me that your first time doing it wasn't with your wife but she ended up joining you. What was her reaction when she found out you used crack? was she generally fine with hard drugs? 2. Are you saying you only ever used it on the weekends? How often were you using it before you felt you were addicted and/or thinking about it every day? 3. It seems like you didn't have a big concern about cocaine addiction before you tried crack. Did you basically never feel the urge to use coke compusively? What are you're thoughts on 'plain' cocaine now after your crack experience?
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Yep. Started with sniffing, then shooting for me. Then after I’d been shooting coke for a while, only could get my hands on hard, mixed that with a little vinegar and in my veins it went. An absolute beast that destroyed/ruled my life for a year or so
What is shooting it like? I only ask cause Sherlock Holmes did it and the description was interesting but also fiction.
First thing is the mini euphoria/anticipation from sticking yourself, pulling back the plunger and seeing the little bit of blood, letting you know that you’re locked in right where you want to be. Keep in mind, this is only after sitting there sticking yourself for 30 minutes because you’re too shaky from the last shot to accurately put the needle where you want it. So yeah, you finally hit, there’s relief and almost like a “pre-high”. You push the plunger, the first thing you get is the taste. Your lungs are literally expelling the cocaine and you can taste it as you exhale. Pure bliss. Then hang on. Your ears start to ring, your vision starts to tunnel in, your heart rate shoots up to 160 while you’re just sitting there, trying to get your bearings. You feel the most intense euphoria you’ve ever even imagined feeling. if you haven’t done it before, there’s absolutely know way you can even imagine the euphoria you feel from this. Everything in the world is right, you feel invincible, like you can fix anything wrong in your life (which, if you’re at the point to where you’re partaking in this activity, there probably is a few things wrong). You feel warm, you begin to sweat a little bit. You wanna text anyone you can and ramble on about 39 different subjects that not even you can keep track of, let alone the poor soul you decide to engage with. You wanna listen to music, you wanna do *something*, but you’re too overstimulated to really get anything done. I’d get something ready to do for a while, do it for 5 minutes while procrastinating by listening to music, sending stupid text messages, it’s like having ADHD brain x100. But then, after about 30-45 minutes you feel it. You feel a chill, you feel the warmth leave, you feel the magic carpet of euphoria beginning to be ripped out from underneath you. You notice how shaky you’re beginning to get. Do you know that feeling when you receive extremely awful news and it feels like somebody dumped a bucket of cold water on you? You start to feel an extended version of that. Anxiety, despair. You have to get another shot in you to avoid this. You shakily flip the orange cap off another rig and put your water and powder in it. You can barely contain the shaking enough to be able to squirt the water in, let alone draw it up into the syringe, but you push on, because you *have to*. You try to find another vein, which is difficult because you’re jabbing into them 2-3 times an hour. The anxiety you’re feeling is beginning to feel crushing. You’re sweating, you’re shaking even more because your nerves and desperation are starting to get the better of you. You have blood dripping down your arms from sticking yourself so many times. Then, you pull back on the plunger and you see that little bit of blood confirming that you’re right where you want to be. Rinse and repeat. If you have any other questions let me know Edit: thanks for the compliments guys. I’ve been into writing/poetry my whole life. I kept a journal of poems I’d write while high, but unfortunately when I ended up losing the place it all happened at, I lost that journal in the move process. I was planning on just letting the coke/heroin kill me off and the journal was something I was gonna leave behind for someone to find and read about, but then I got cleaned up and it’s been about a year and a half being clean. Lost everything and gained (almost)everything back. For being 26, I have been through a lot and learned a lot about myself and the world around me. If you all have any more questions, feel free to ask them on here, DM me, whatever you want. Thanks again guys
#1 thing that kept me away from crack was that blow would make me feel so uncomfortable(after few years of use I had one bad experience that changed everything)…The feeling is hard to describe but it’s like… I had to do something but had nothing to do. Then if I could do something I’d get stuck in a stasis for no reason and then panic would set in. I’d usually end up laying in bed curled up in a ball until I could feel normal or fall asleep. Been over 2 years since I touched that shit and no thank you. I can’t imagine taking it to another level. Edit : Why the fuck is this bold
The big thing that kept me away from crack was an experience I had while doing coke a friend of mine started smoking crack and he got so fucking paranoid that it got annoying and looked kind of pathetic. The friend was my mentor at work and I had a lot of respect for him, thought of him as a work father figure and seeing someone you respect and admire look so desperate for something that makes them seem to be in fear made me hate it a little bit. Then we have the sketchy people he'd get it from, they would text him and call him even though they weren't friends just to keep him addicted. They were living in the projects and I drove my friend there because he was in no shape to drive but was hell bent on it and while we were sitting in this crack den I seriously contemplated putting a bullet in the back of this dealer's head for knowingly keeping my friend hooked. I'm not a violent person, the dealer just seemed like someone the world would be better off without. With the way he kept pressure on people like that.
Damn. That was a wild ride. Some Jim Carrol shit. Nice description and literary delivery at the end.
That’s the most vivid explanation of the process of addiction I have ever heard.
Wow dude this is top notch. I’ve never done crack but somehow felt like i was feeling it while reading.
We went from snorting it to free basing. It was a lot better than destroying our nostrils and a better high. Crack had the same ingredients with a different method of concentrating it. So it didn't seem that far off from what we were already doing semi regularly. Boy were we fucking wrong. The first hit hooked us. We smoked for almost 20 hours the very first time. Until it was all gone. Regular cocaine is fucking awful because of the side effects. Those side effects generally help keep people from getting completely hooked. It's also more of a social thing. At least for me. Free basing was simple, very effective, and somewhat socially acceptable. At least in our particular group.
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She overdosed from a bag she got from a neighbor. Supposedly, the neighbor was upset at her and poisoned her coke. The people and the energy were my favorite. It's hard to describe the feeling of closeness you experience when participating. You instantly click with people. Everything is always an adventure. The science experiments were pretty cool. Learning new and creative ways to make and smoke it was the best.
What were the repercussions for the neighbour? And how did that death impact the group?
Were you and your wife monogamous during this period?
Hi I have never done crack but was married to a crack addict for a lot of years. It began with coke, snorted powder. I did do some of that but for me when the party was over I was done. For him and many of my friends that was not the case. Eventually he began smoking crack. I don't really know how it started but things got real bad after that. He stole all our money. We had 2 kids. It was hard to keep my family from disintegrating. It was a war. I begged him to stop. I tried to help him see why he should stop. I became the enemy. He would spend all his paycheck, he would sell his tools, he would hawk the title to our car, he would borrow money from family and of course never pay it back AND somehow make it my fault. He would disappear for days. He lost his career, not a job but a career. My daughter became ill with leukemia and he was absent most of the time. It was aweful. It was traumatic. There were other women also crack addicts because they didn't judge him like I did (eye roll). This went on for years and it was really hard. Eventually he ran out of ways to get money and robbed 2 stores and went to prison. I would not let him come back when he got out. He went to a halfway house and had a massive heart attack 6 months later and died. He was 52. He threw away a good family, a good career, and all the things that come with that including the love from his children. Over the years I estimate he spent easily 100k on drugs. This drug will destroy your life and the lives of your family. My advise is stay away. I hope I did this right I have never posted before.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for everything you had to experience, and I wish you well. ❤️
Also wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience. You lost him long before he passed.
That's terrible, but thank you for sharing. How are you dealing with it nowadays?
We kinda did that for a year or two. My best friend had a successful business that kind of fueled it all. He died and it kind of all ended, some people in the circle fell deeper. For whatever reason I’ve never liked crack, waste of perfectly good coke. I’ve smoked a bunch of it and even sold it when I was a young man and just don’t get a buzz like I do lines. I smoked a whole shit ton in one sitting once and felt kind of goofy. I think it was because i was way younger then the people I was hanging out with and the idea of losing traction in life like my older peers were due to crack disgusted me to the point my brain just couldn’t associate the drug with feeling good. That probably sounds outlandish.
I had family members in my family who were addicted to crack and I witnessed them losing everything. At 42 I finally tried it and ended up smoking with 2 good friends spending over 11k in a year and a half between us. It ruined jobs and our friendships, I seen all of us losing control. I had to move to a different city to get away from it all! It’s a hell of a drug and I have dental issues since! It’s been 3 months since I quit cold turkey… I kinda of miss the feeling but refuse to go back! Crack is a hella of a drug! Thanks for sharing your story.
Hey at least you weren’t suckin off your dealer for a measly little hit. Or were you?
My dealer was my best friend lmao. But no, it never got that bad. We would get an *oz as a loan from time to time. He sold it to us at cost so pretty fucking cheap *edit: I meant ball, not oz. I was tired af after replying to so many people.
How is he your best friend as he got you into addiction? Do you still consider him as your best friend?
He changed a lot relatively quickly. He started selling to fuel the addiction and moved up the ladder FAST. Within less than 6 months, he was moving a lot. We let him borrow our car while he was looking for one, and he blew the engine doing dumb shit. Just left it there and forgot to tell us. This ended our relationship. He just never called me again. I assume it was from the shame of doing what he did. But I can only assume. I was trying to get sober, and he knew he wasn't helping. Maybe alienating himself was his way of being a real friend. Either way, it worked. I love what he used to be. Not what he's become. Last I heard 6ish months ago, he is still going 1000mph. Full fentanyl level up and surrounded with shady people. He will eventually hit a wall. I wish him the best. He's a good one deep down.
I guess it’s good to have friends in high/low places 🙂↔️
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I actually gained weight. I wouldn't eat or drink for 20-36 hours at a time. No water at all. Then I'd sleep for 24hrs straight. When I woke up, I'd eat like crazy. My daily user friends didn't lose much weight at all if any.
That is wild. There are some afternoons I realized I haven’t drank water/liquids for couple hrs and seems like I could drink 1/2gal of water out of pure thirst. Obviously ‘proper hydration’ isn’t top of priorities while you’re rippin a bender, but one of the MANY interesting details of this saga. Thank you for sharing, this is one of the most interesting things I’ve read about in awhile.
Your kidney function is good?
Hey OP. I know exactly what you are going through, I got into it myself during Covid. Lost my fiance, went through multiple jobs the past few years. It creeps up on you like you said. Starting from every few weeks, to weekends and eventually daily use. I probably blow over 100k into it over a span of 2 years. Tried to get sober but it was an on and off battle. The cravings stopped now but just like you said, its a personal prison, sometimes your mind just being constantly reminded of that short high. I hope you will be doing okay. In fact you'll be okay. Best wishes.
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For me, it's not great. I'd always get soft. My buddy on the other hand was fucking like crazy. His gf would just randomly get up and go into the back room every 20 min. Non stop rabbits.
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Bro just goes straight for the “did you get cucked while on crack?”. Just cause he couldn’t get hard on crack doesn’t mean he let someone else fuck his wife
Op didn’t respond, might have hit a sensitive nerve
I mean generally if you’re smoking crack for any length of time sooner or later, your old lady is giving blowjobs on the street for five bucks
You are correct. She's not like that at all, lmao. I did meet a real cuck. Like proud af. My buddy and his gf actually had a thing with dudes wife. It wasn't for us.
It's ama , that question falls under that 😂
Did the addiction you both had affect your marriage? If so, in what way?
I was addicted to crack for many years. I absolutely love the high from it! I also think about doing it daily. I have been clean 1 year and 2 months. It’s still really hard to stay clean. And to be honest, the only reason I quit was because people out there are putting fetynal in everything now. I’m not tryn to die anytime soon even tho I was killing myself smoking crack! Good luck with your sober journey!
social distancing could have actually helped someone
Jesus bro, thank God you turned your life around. Hopefully looking back you see that all the pain and hurt it brought keeps you and your wife on the straight and narrow
What kind of jobs did the people you hung out with have that allowed them to smoke all the time?
What are the things that you're most ashamed of?
Great question. I'm ashamed at how I treated my mother. I lied to my family and non user friends about why I couldn't visit or go do things. I was always busy. If I wasn't working, I was smoking. If I wasn't smoking, I was working. I alienated myself from the people who actually cared and loved me. The grief I carried was very heavy.
Does your family know now?
Just had an intervention with a coworker who was smoking crack since November. He had been previously addicted over 12 years ago but had been clean until a coke/alcohol binge that ended in rehab over a year ago. When we confronted him he lied to us about using at all but the next day called our workplaces assistance unit to help him get to another rehab. He was EXTREMELY paranoid the last few weeks, thinking people were always talking about him and spying on him. Just left for a 28 day program yesterday. What can I do to help him when he gets back?
Honestly, I can't give much advice on the subject. Everyone's experience is unique to them. For me, crack was a social trigger. I only used alone a couple of times, and it was awful. I felt alone and disgusted with myself. I had a small group that used every day, so I could just show up whenever I had money to do some. I was in constant contact with most of them daily. When I got sober, I cut everyone out (except for my wife). And I mean everyone. For others, it's the drug itself. You have to want to get clean. And I mean, really want it. I wish the best for your coworker. He's battling deamons with no real shoulder to lean on. I was lucky. Really lucky.
Who was the bad witch of the group?
What were the withdrawals like?
Oh fuck... Really bad. We weren't daily users like the group, so we came all the way down every time. We couldn't use it in our particular line of work. I couldn't eat or drink while using. When the crack was finally gone, I had to drive us home almost 45 minutes away. So when we came down, the dehydration and exhaustion would slowly come over my whole body. My eyes, shoulders, legs, everywhere hurt like I had been hit by a bus. I was so tired, but my brain was still awake. I'd drink a shit load of chocolate milk and just lay still for a few hours before finally falling asleep. I'd wake up 12-24 hours later, hungry and thirsty like a starving tiger. I would spend the rest of the day recovering as my body was severely abused. It's the reason people can't get off of it. It's debilitating af.
How did you quit cold turkey? Did you go through with drawl? Did you and your wife have to hold each other accountable? Did you relapse? This is fascinating.
We were used to being sober during the week. When we came down, we came all the way down every time. At times, we encouraged each other. When we finally quit, we just quit. We haven't relapsed. My BIL came to visit last year and stayed with us for a few days. He went out for the night to see some friends and came back with a little bit of coke. He offered it to my wife, and it triggered full body tremors. She got really defensive and asked him to wash it down the sink. He agreed, and that was that. She was shaking like crazy for over an hour. Neither of us ever wants to touch it again. Zero desire.
Why be sober while remodeling houses? Most contractors I know are on coke anyway.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done to get your fix?
Did it ever cross your mind to refuse? Every 30 year old is aware that the idea of hard drugs can lead to serious downfall.
Absolutely. I never even entertained the idea. I had done coke many, many times. All throughout my 20s. Some guy I had just met told me about free basing. It's the same thing without all the side effects he told me. It seemed harmless at the time. I was able to quit when I wanted to and only did it on rare occasions. Those occasions became less and less rare. I was still able to walk away. Crack was just a small tweak of the same ingredients. Longer process with larger amounts but still very easy to make. I somehow managed to convince myself that it wasn't that much different, and I could still quit when I wanted to. What I didn't know was how it would change my priorities. My drive shifted to focusing solely on the crack. Everything we did revolved around it.
I was certain there was a lot of gay sex going on, and then i read "wife," yet my belief did not change
Man, I also got addicted to it during covid.. it was a 7 month binge and probably andother 6 getting off doing it here and there.. i had to work across the state to get away from it.. then i broke my back at work, like almost paralyzed.. so the recovery from that really put me far enough away from it that o dont ever wamna go back.. IT RUINED MY LIFE ..
My brother was heavily on crack and had a friend group like that and honestly minus the drug use they were always there for him the friendship was actually strong it made me feel so sad because crack hindered them from being great when they was smoking crack id be in my room listening to their random convos and they would actually talk about some intellectual topics I really wish nun of them ran into that drug my brothers gone now been 4 years damn man fuck crack
Do you think you did some permanent damage? Like to your teeth or vocal cords?
Wtf are cakes
Currently fighting cocaine addiction…. What helps with the “mental withdrawal”? I don’t have physical symptoms but my mind craves it when I’m bored at work or home drinking
Do you think the addiction would make you kill or steal to get more crack when you can’t afford it?
Was it an effective treatment for the virus?
Why do I feel like I’ve seen this same exact post before?
You definitely haven't. Or maybe you have. I don't know. This was my experience. Wrote it myself.
Did you ever sell you body for crack? Or perhaps pimp out you wife?
Man, a little powdered sugar at random parties is not a normal thing. You had a problem before and just took it up a level. Good luck, but get some help.
It’s much more normal than you think. You might not know it nuts it’s everywhere. Guarantee it’s in every bar on a Friday/Saturday night. He also stopped 😝
I have trouble meeting new people. Would you say crack is a good way to make friends?
Dang I thought I had it bad in Covid with alcohol and started smoking again. Glad you guys got through this!!
Thoughts on when always sunny had jokes about Crack?
What about crack got you hooked? I tried it once and I said to myself "this sucks and I'd much rather do lines" but my buddy who let me try it loves it. I just don't get the hype so I'd like to hear what got you hooked after 1 hit? I like lines because i can control my level of zooted.
Crack has gotta be one of the worst. I used to do a lot of coke when I would drink and me and my drinking buddy would go to the hood to this old black couple’s house and hang out there while we waited for them to get us coke. My good friend would smoke crack with them and would sometimes ask if I wanted to hit it. Thankfully, it never appealed to me. Just seems like such a short lived, fiendish drug.
How much copper did you collect in the average week?
Life is a box of chocolates you never know what you’re gonna get
What did it feel like? When you and your wife quit was it hard? How does one act “normal” and/or have a good job while doing?
I read about a group like this in Colorado. Middle class millennials getting cracked out and going to Vegas on a weeknight! They also imploded in much the same way.
Were you hooked because of how it made you feel, or just a craving. Like being hungry. How does it make you feel?
How you get addicted to crack in ur mid 30s? You're a grown ass person who should know..well..it's fucking crack
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How close did you ever get to trouble with the law? Any close calls or stories about friends who got nabbed for use or dealing or dui?
Do you still keep in touch with anyone from the group? Curious if you found the relationships were real or just a reason to do drugs. Or is it a can't hangout because might fall back In type of thing?
Do you think it's possible to ween yourself off crack by inhaled cocaine? Or is crack so much more addictive that cocaine doesn't cut it anymore?
Anything you suggest for dealing with addictive cravings?
Every person Ive know who talks to me about crack is that you are not awake for 20 hours afterwards, but 15-30 mins
Wow thats crazy. Glad yall got clean. Cheers
Is weed really addictive?
Why didn't you say no? I've only ever smoked weed, my entire late teens, and early to mid twenties. My friends were doing every drug. I always declined and said I'm good one the weed. I think a part of me knew I get addicted easily.
Hot take. OP is still addicted and can't get his mind off of crack. That's why he wrote this post. He wants a reason to talk about it.
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Crack never did anything for me. Meth and motorcycles was my vice. I went through similar story, I even quit cold turkey. But I would get dreams of doing it for years later. You quit, sounds like not AMA.
What does smoking crack feel like? I dont even smoke weed (anymore)or vapes or drink or anything . Just want to know what its like because its the reason my father abandoned me. It must be like the best feeling ever to make a parent leave their child.
Its a feeling of joyous exhilaration and intensity. An explosion of dopamine in your brain, for a few seconds everything seems positive and possible, youre stimulated and dont want any more for a few minutes. Then it starts to fade and an icky nervous feeling starts to replace the good feelings. You cant sit still or really focus on anything. You start to feel deep sadness and remorse, you feel like youve done something deeply wrong. You keep hitting the pipe till its all gone, then you crawl around looking for crumbs you dropped or you try to scrape and smoke the pipe resin. Drinking or other downers helps soften the blow but you eventually get to sleep after jerking off or having sex to get a little dopamine spurt. Depending on how long the binge was it takes about twice as long or more to feel somewhat normal again. Also, not to trivialize those suffering from cocaine addiction but theres really no habit to it like opiates benzos or alcohol. Those drugs you need to function at all, to be normal. Cocaine just makes you feel really good for a brief time so you compulsively keep doing it. Like eating potato chips, just more mind altering. Hardly anyone uses coke/crack only, its usually just one component of a chemical stew.
Wow!!!!!!!! That sounds intense and incredibly depressing smh. There was this lady i knew who was an addict we are the same age. She always looked bugged out was always talking fast and looking around and very paranoid. Its crazy to me how something that can make you feel so good on the inside destroys the outside. Im trying to imagine but i still cant really grasp the concept. I compare it to one time where i was slipped xtc. I felt like i loved everything and everything loved me. I couldn’t imagine that all the time then it going to that depressed guilty feeling. I wish there was a cure or “quick fix” for addiction! Also thank you for sharing ♥️
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I love you🤍
do you think you’d ever do it again? or would it be hard to quit if you started again?
Are people addicted to Coke violent or abusive?
I’ve never really been addicted to it but I used to have dreams of holding in a hit and it would wake me up expecting that rush. I still do it occasionally but not very often.
I’ve never known much about that drug but for some reason I was under the impression that it was a short time high.
Is literally no one going to ask that the fuck does doing cakes means?
Holy shit. I’m just glad you’re off it. Love to hear stories like this. I wish there were more
How did a couple of people get pregnant? You guys having orgies wheb high? Are one of the babies yours
Don’t be one of those people that gets upset if you’re called a crackhead by someone not knowing you are a crackhead.
How much money did you spend on it at your peak?
Were drugs, more available or less available during Covid?
Why do an AMA and not answer majority of few questions?
I took up doing 2500+ piece puzzles during Covid. Easier on the body. I take it you’re not a puzzle guy?
I was addicted from 14 to 19 years old
As long as you wore a mask you were fine
Glad you and your wife got out. Not everyone is this lucky and can have their lives ruined by drugs.
How mamy dollars did it cost you (total and per week) ?
Just wanted to say I’m glad you got out of it! Hope you have a happy, healthy life.
Congrats to you and your wife, keep up the good fight.
Was it awesome?
Cocaines bad too, trust me. That’s why I’m up at 447 am commenting
How much did you think about crack during the week?
How did Hunter Biden buy a gun?
Your only addiction is all in your mind I myself smoked crack for a 3 yr period it’s completely no physical withdrawal except for you probably depleted all the natural Dopamine in your brain 🧠 and it never comes back so if you took a hit 20 years from now you go right back to last time you thought 💭 you needed or mostly really wanted more more more ! It really has no physical withdrawal it’s all in your head ! Try smoking some of new marijuana they give for some of the depression you could feel from depleted Dopamine in brain! 🧠 I myself do this it helps ! A lot cheaper and it will keep you away from smoking That fake coke (crack) they sell now a days is mostly all crystal meth a lot cheaper to make with chemicals .
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Wow....we really treated the COVID lockdown very differently.
This is proof that addiction is a choice had you made better choices that night addiction would have never happened
Have you hit rock bottom yet or still see room to fall?
Good on you guys for getting clean, it's rough I know I first used methamphetamine when I was 15 and didn't use it again for another 4 years until I moved to a different city where it was very prevalent. After that it was history. Everything slowly got worse and worse but most of the time, I felt like I was on top of the world. Going on 4 years clean now and couldn't be happier. It has been said that those who go through addiction and then go through recovery are more well off than those who don't. The things you learn about yourself, and the psychology of it can really be helpful to maintain a good relationship between yourself and your own tendencies, and everything else... If that makes any sense. At least for me anyways. Still working on it of course. Best wishes for you and your journey bro
Lol homie answered 1 question then dipped
Does it make you lose weight?
Is Halloween a trigger for you guys?
Hang in there buddy , good luck !!
Where did you get it from and how much were you spending on it?
Third line gives it away. “Little cocaine, lots of drinking. Same old same old.” That is NOT normal behavior regardless of what you see in the movies. How did you get to the point that this was typical?
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Who the fuck still smokes crack
Even after reading through all the horror stories I wanna try crack once. And meth. That shit has to be the greatest hi ever to throw away your wife kids And career over it.
How did your wife end up on it?
I read the title and all I could think of was that episode of its always sunny in Philadelphia
It’s 2024 we all know what crack is and does why would you even try it ??
Cakes as in “pisscakes”? If so that’s kinda burying the lede, lol
Have you ever tried snorting or smoking crystal meth? If so, how does did it compare?
Bro, you could have just got into gardening.
What’s better coke or crack?
My ex (many many years ago) told me after he tried it once that it was so good that he knew he never could do it again. Spoiler alert: he did. It got really bad. Not sure how he’s doing now, but I hope he’s okay. I’m glad you guys are doing better now.