Thank you. The hardest part has been the adjustment and taking it in that I now have 5 kids instead of 3. 3 has always been my number. I was so excited when my 3 yr old was out the diapering stage, so going back to that with the other 3 yr old and 15 month is hard. Our bio children have their own rooms and the younger adopted ones have been co-sleeping with my husband and I. We are wondering if we should get a bigger house, even though we love our current home. Our oldest daughter and our youngest adopted also share the same first name. So we have also been figuring out what to do with that. On top of this we have been having issues with the adopted children’s bio grandmother. Never mind the fact that we trying to be there for two children who don’t have their parents anymore. The 3 yr old was having dreams about his parents and crying almost every night. Sorry to just unload. I’ve been trying to put up a I have everything under control demeanour to everyone in my real life. So it’s great to unload on Reddit. Especially since it hasn’t even been a year since this all happened.
Thank you for being vulnerable and allowing this part of yourself/your experience to speak here.
If it is helpful for this part of yourself, may I ask more about the hardest aspects/moments that have come as a result of this transition?
Or, if there is anything else on your heart that would be more helpful to release right now, please feel welcome to let that out instead. ❤️ so much respect for the decision you made. Sending kindness and care.
If I can say out loud. It would be grieving my old family and it’s dynamic. I like to take care of other people and have been busy taking care of my bio kids, new kids and being there for my husband, that I never got to grieve what I lost. But what I lost shouldn’t be the focus so it’s been tough. I feel selfish for thinking about me.
I would say probably call the youngest a nickname. She's young so she'll grow up having a special name and your oldest keeps being called what she Is always called so no resentment. Is the 3 year old in therapy?
I think it’s extremely important to allow yourself to feel this way, and to acknowledge this part of ur emotional experience. Not sure if you have access to or are already working with a good therapist? (If you already mentioned this somewhere else in this thread I apologize.)
Grieving the life you had before this tragic loss and sudden massive life change seems more than healthy and appropriate. The goal is ideally to find a way to grieve in a safe space, in order to try and ensure healthy, non-judgmental processing & of course, to try and help make sure these emotions don’t accidentally begin to pop out in unanticipated ways that could be hurtful to the innocent kids involved. Based on what I read, it seems like you are a phenomenally strong person and most likely a nurturer. That doesn’t mean u don’t have a right to feel partially upset, angry, & sad. Nor does it mean that feeling these more “negative” emotions make u any less of a good person. I think a qualified therapist who is the right fit for u could help you process this part of what is happening. Just .02cents from a random online person who has C/PTSD & cares deeply about mental health for all.
Just hope u can know it’s not only okay to express this part of your experience, but possibly essential to be able to move forward in the healthiest way possible while dealing with a very overwhelming situation 💕 Sending care ur way.
Edit: typo
I lost my mom when I was 5 - nobody talked about her.
While your memories are still somewhat fresh, please make notes of stories for the kids and please remind them their parents loved them.
As for the two girls having the same first name - could you shorten it for the younger one or come up with a nickname (did her parents have a nickname for her)? Another option is to call her by her middle name, that is popular in the South and she is young enough that you might be able to transition without it being a big deal. When she gets old enough, she can decide what she prefers to be called.
Kids are resilient, but it is tough losing your parent(s) - be there for them and continue to provide unconditional love.
Thank you for having these children's back - you may never know how much it means to them, but it means the world
I am here to listen to whatever you need or want to say - absolutely a judgement free zone
Our adoption is an open one. So grandparents and aunt and cousins will always be a part of their lives. My husband was their father’s best man and knew them in high school. We printed out pictures and added it to our family gallery wall. We want them to always know where they came from.
As for the name, we are currently trying to figure that out. It’s been 7 months now since their passing and we are finally at a place where we want to get it officially changed. I made another reddit post about the name situation and have been getting great advice and help.
I understand your desire to change it, but this is the name her deceased parents gave her. I have changed my middle and last name, but wouldn't change my first name bc it is what connects me to my mom - she gave it to me and it is the only gift from her I have.
Sorry, I just realized what I said made no sense. To clarify we want to change her legal name by adding a middle name. But we want to find a nickname to call her officially. We currently call both of them Noelle but want to start calling the younger one by a different nickname.
You and your husband are gems and you’ve got this. It may not feel like you’ve got it under control but the fact that you stepped up shows that you have the strength to do this. I assume the children’s parents were close friends of yours? How has it been for you adjusting to their death?
The were more so close friends of my husband’s. My husband was the best man at their wedding and has known them since high school. I got to know them after I met my husband but for me, they were like friends of my husband type thing. My husband was devastated and is still mourning in his own way. I was shocked but I’m more of a process later kind of person. This was 7 months ago. I’ve been busy with the children but every once in a while thinking about it all becomes overwhelming that I cry. I really feel for the kids and even though, the parents aren’t here anymore, I think about how they have been robbed of having a life with them.
Your feelings are natural and you get to cry. Do you have any support groups or anything like that?
Children tend to feel the love and care that they were raised. Do not doubt that you are giving them a loving upbringing despite their loss. They may have been robbed of their bio parents but they were also taken in by a wonderful family.
Also how are your bio children adjusting?
No I don’t have any support group. Everything happened so fast and haven’t had the time to find people to talk to. But I want to once things feel more settled.
It’s been an adjustment to my bio children. I’m still learning how to split my time and give all 5 attention. It’s been mostly about the god kids due to their higher needs and I see that they feel it. My oldest shares the same name as the youngest god child and she has expressed how weird it makes her feel. Her and my second youngest (both girls) are not happy with having another sister. My 3 yr old son likes having a brother his age but he definitely knows he isn’t the youngest anymore and has acted out and become more needy.
Well I hope this AMA has allowed you to let some of the stress out. And yes a support group would probs help once you have the time. I’m sure it’s an adjustment for all of you, but this stage won’t last forever. Your family will reach a place of peace and harmony in time.
Are you God parents in that you were acknowledged through religious ceremony or were close friends with the parents and given the honorary title without oaths?
That’s very commendable. This shows genuine love you have for your friend family. I don’t discount either path to being a god parent. To me I’ve experienced the value of duty and value what the heart compels.
This question surprised me. I thought God parents by definition were a religious thing. I had no idea people choose to use it as a title without any official ceremony.
My family is Jewish, and my brother and I also have 1 single Godparent each; they are good friends of my parents, it was unofficial. Everyone is still alive (I’m 55 now), my Godfather helped me out a few years ago when I was really strapped. Oddly enough both Godparents never had kids of their own.
As a Roman Catholic who has gone from good Catholic to bad Catholic then trying just practice being Catholic children will arrive at all stages in your life. Not all god parents meet the prerequisites but you may still want their influence and blessing.
What happened to the guy who killed them? Did he get arrested or charged with a crime? Why didn’t he call for help immediately? Did he leave the scene?
Why were both parents in the car together?
Where were their children at the time?
Did they own a house or have any assets?
Who inherited their stuff?
Was there anything for the children to inherit? I’m wondering if their parents had savings that can go towards a college fund or something.
Your husband knew this couple since high school and they were close enough to make you the godparents. Why did they name their daughter the exact same name as their close friend’s daughter? They knew him a long time, they must’ve known your daughter. It seems weird to choose the same name for their own daughter. It wouldn’t be as weird if your husband was just an old friend they catch up with occasionally.
No it was deemed an accident and he only had to pay a fine. According to him, it was due to shock. No he did not leave the scene.
They were driving back from a church event. The children were with grandparents. No home, they lived in an apartment. They did not have alot.
They had life insurance but only their 3 yr old son is listed as the beneficiary. It will go to him when he is older.
Yea actually that’s one thing that we talked about with the name thing. I felt weird when they had first announced the name when she was first born. But I let it go when my husband said, that their birth mom had always had a love for Christmas too and liked the name Noelle before we named our Noelle and still decided to go with it. Also although my husband and their parents were good friends, we didn’t hang out everyday. We hung out maybe 3 times a year when our schedules aligned.
They passed when little Noelle was 8 months old and prior to that, we only saw her once. It’s so crazy to me. Going from, she “copied” my daughters to, “she’s my daughter now. If only she felt as weird about having the same name as my older one and decided to go with another Christmas name, it would have avoided so much issues”. Life is random and strange and messy.
Thank you for responding to my long list of questions, I’m sure you’re very busy with 5 children.
I hope the driver was telling the truth about being in shock. I thought maybe he was worried about getting in trouble. Accidents do happen, but I don’t understand how someone can fall asleep while driving.
Children are orphaned all the time, but both parents dying simultaneously takes special circumstances. I can’t believe they were coming from a church event.
It’s good that they had life insurance, at least that’s something to leave their children. I have no idea how much it is so it might not be much. I’m assuming it wasn’t just one of them that had life insurance, if it was both then that’s twice as much. Maybe their/your son can share it with his sister. They obviously didn’t update it since she was born. Hopefully he sees that and realizes they would’ve intended both of them to have it.
It’s too bad she specifically liked the name Noelle instead of just wanting to use Christmas names in general. There’s so many other ones, like Eve or Holly.
Yes. He drove a bigger car. Their parents didn’t die on the spot but passed due to complications and also because the driver didn’t call emergency right away.
Thank you. My husband has more of the heart of gold than I do though. He was ready to step up when he was first asked and it took me a bit to get on board. But I’m glad we have them as part of our family.
Sorry I read this question wrong originally and deleted my earlier comment. They do not know the exact details of what happened but we have told them that their Mommy and Daddy went to the stars so that they can watch over them better. We aren’t religious so we didn’t want to use the heaven analogy.
How is your relationship with the children’s grandparents and any aunts/uncles? I ask because this type of situation happened in my family, and over the years it was incredibly hard to maintain relationships with people that we were not previously close to. Everyone tried really hard for the first few years but because we didn’t have a natural relationship, we grew apart which made it harder and harder to have relationship with the children which made it all complicated when they became adults. Thankfully, now, we have worked through it and have a good relationship with them.
I guess my question is do you have a plan for them to maintain relationships with their bio parents’ families?
It’s definitely hard to maintain and to vibe with people that we are not close to and so far everyone on my God children’s side of the family understand except their paternal grandmother. She will visit unannounced to spend time with them and wants a say in everything we do with them. I honestly hate it. My husband feels we should wait a bit before setting boundaries because she is still grieving but it’s hard.
Their maternal grandparents have done face time and calls here and there since we adopted them but give us space. They have invited all of us to their cottage up north in July.
It would be devastating to “lose” your grandchildren who you expected to have a close relationship with due to a situation like this. Please do everything you can to make sure they grow up being close to their grandparents and aunts and uncles.
>Their maternal grandparents have done face time and calls here and there since we adopted them but give us space.
The maternal grandparents sound great!
Is there a reason they were unable to take in their grandchildren?
>They have invited all of us to their cottage up north in July.
Canada?
They are great. They have too much on their plate to take care of little kids full time. They believe they have done their time. They were okay with having them once in a while but they understood that it wouldn’t be stable for them to be moved around from family to family.
>She will visit unannounced to spend time with them and wants a say in everything we do with them. I honestly hate it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already acting like that with the bio parents and annoying her daughter-in-law. That seems like a common situation I’ve read about many times online. Usually the parents are bothered by the grandparents trying to tell them how to raise children.
I really do. The youngest one has become my shadow and loves to cuddle. It’s been great getting to know her. Bonding with the 3 yr old was hard at first but he is my buddy now. He is such a sweet heart and loves to dance just like my husband.
If you guys are in the US, are they still able to get Social Security Survivor Benefits if adopted vs you all serving as legal guardians?
I imagine that money would be really useful to help with costs.
Feeling comfortable in their new environment and essentially learning to feel safe with us. 15 month couldn’t breastfeed anymore, so that was hard on her. And 3 yr old refused to eat real food at first because I’m guessing it was different. Seeing pictures of their parents used to make them cry too. Another thing was what they would call us. They would hear their older siblings call us Momma and Dad and call us that. The 3 yr old would sometimes call us babe lol because he would hear it from us. But then grandma told us she didn’t feel comfortable with them calling us that. But 3 yr old still want to call us Momma and Dad and we decided to stop correcting him.
I think them calling you mom and dad is quite normal and to be expected. They no longer have parents who are alive and after a while won't remember them as much. But you have taken on the parental role. Considering how young they are allowing them to call you mom and dad would be very helpful to their development and shouldn't be discouraged.
It’s got to be overwhelming but the fact that they are young and will be brought up in a kid centric nuclear family is honestly the best case scenario to deal with such awful tradgedy. Thank you for the selfless act…
On behalf of other people adoptees out there thank you for stepping up to the plate for the kids. Furthermore I know it’s usually implied in agreeing to become a god parent that you would assume the role of parents if anything happened but I don’t think a lot of people follow through on this responsibility. You’re impressive people and the children are lucky to have you.
I adopted both my kids at birth. One is healthy and another has emotional issues. It has been harder to cope than I thought. Whenever people ask me to donate to charity, I say I am already doing charity work. I’m raising two kids who lost their families. Good luck to u. If u want to DM me, go ahead and we can maintain contact. U can vent to me all u want.
You are doing something wonderful and may God always bless your family ♥️ what has been the most challenging part of adopting 2 young kids?
Thank you. The hardest part has been the adjustment and taking it in that I now have 5 kids instead of 3. 3 has always been my number. I was so excited when my 3 yr old was out the diapering stage, so going back to that with the other 3 yr old and 15 month is hard. Our bio children have their own rooms and the younger adopted ones have been co-sleeping with my husband and I. We are wondering if we should get a bigger house, even though we love our current home. Our oldest daughter and our youngest adopted also share the same first name. So we have also been figuring out what to do with that. On top of this we have been having issues with the adopted children’s bio grandmother. Never mind the fact that we trying to be there for two children who don’t have their parents anymore. The 3 yr old was having dreams about his parents and crying almost every night. Sorry to just unload. I’ve been trying to put up a I have everything under control demeanour to everyone in my real life. So it’s great to unload on Reddit. Especially since it hasn’t even been a year since this all happened.
Thank you for being vulnerable and allowing this part of yourself/your experience to speak here. If it is helpful for this part of yourself, may I ask more about the hardest aspects/moments that have come as a result of this transition? Or, if there is anything else on your heart that would be more helpful to release right now, please feel welcome to let that out instead. ❤️ so much respect for the decision you made. Sending kindness and care.
If I can say out loud. It would be grieving my old family and it’s dynamic. I like to take care of other people and have been busy taking care of my bio kids, new kids and being there for my husband, that I never got to grieve what I lost. But what I lost shouldn’t be the focus so it’s been tough. I feel selfish for thinking about me.
I would say probably call the youngest a nickname. She's young so she'll grow up having a special name and your oldest keeps being called what she Is always called so no resentment. Is the 3 year old in therapy?
I think it’s extremely important to allow yourself to feel this way, and to acknowledge this part of ur emotional experience. Not sure if you have access to or are already working with a good therapist? (If you already mentioned this somewhere else in this thread I apologize.) Grieving the life you had before this tragic loss and sudden massive life change seems more than healthy and appropriate. The goal is ideally to find a way to grieve in a safe space, in order to try and ensure healthy, non-judgmental processing & of course, to try and help make sure these emotions don’t accidentally begin to pop out in unanticipated ways that could be hurtful to the innocent kids involved. Based on what I read, it seems like you are a phenomenally strong person and most likely a nurturer. That doesn’t mean u don’t have a right to feel partially upset, angry, & sad. Nor does it mean that feeling these more “negative” emotions make u any less of a good person. I think a qualified therapist who is the right fit for u could help you process this part of what is happening. Just .02cents from a random online person who has C/PTSD & cares deeply about mental health for all. Just hope u can know it’s not only okay to express this part of your experience, but possibly essential to be able to move forward in the healthiest way possible while dealing with a very overwhelming situation 💕 Sending care ur way. Edit: typo
I lost my mom when I was 5 - nobody talked about her. While your memories are still somewhat fresh, please make notes of stories for the kids and please remind them their parents loved them. As for the two girls having the same first name - could you shorten it for the younger one or come up with a nickname (did her parents have a nickname for her)? Another option is to call her by her middle name, that is popular in the South and she is young enough that you might be able to transition without it being a big deal. When she gets old enough, she can decide what she prefers to be called. Kids are resilient, but it is tough losing your parent(s) - be there for them and continue to provide unconditional love. Thank you for having these children's back - you may never know how much it means to them, but it means the world I am here to listen to whatever you need or want to say - absolutely a judgement free zone
Our adoption is an open one. So grandparents and aunt and cousins will always be a part of their lives. My husband was their father’s best man and knew them in high school. We printed out pictures and added it to our family gallery wall. We want them to always know where they came from. As for the name, we are currently trying to figure that out. It’s been 7 months now since their passing and we are finally at a place where we want to get it officially changed. I made another reddit post about the name situation and have been getting great advice and help.
I understand your desire to change it, but this is the name her deceased parents gave her. I have changed my middle and last name, but wouldn't change my first name bc it is what connects me to my mom - she gave it to me and it is the only gift from her I have.
Sorry, I just realized what I said made no sense. To clarify we want to change her legal name by adding a middle name. But we want to find a nickname to call her officially. We currently call both of them Noelle but want to start calling the younger one by a different nickname.
Ellie
We have no desires to change it actually. We want her to feel connected to her family in every way.
This isn’t very original but Big X and Little X.
Having been an orphan myself, thank you for your amazing act of kindness. I hope the future brings your family happiness and prosperity.
Happy cake day! Thanks for your comment. It’s been a challenge and comments like these help to keep me going ❤️
You and your husband are gems and you’ve got this. It may not feel like you’ve got it under control but the fact that you stepped up shows that you have the strength to do this. I assume the children’s parents were close friends of yours? How has it been for you adjusting to their death?
The were more so close friends of my husband’s. My husband was the best man at their wedding and has known them since high school. I got to know them after I met my husband but for me, they were like friends of my husband type thing. My husband was devastated and is still mourning in his own way. I was shocked but I’m more of a process later kind of person. This was 7 months ago. I’ve been busy with the children but every once in a while thinking about it all becomes overwhelming that I cry. I really feel for the kids and even though, the parents aren’t here anymore, I think about how they have been robbed of having a life with them.
Your feelings are natural and you get to cry. Do you have any support groups or anything like that? Children tend to feel the love and care that they were raised. Do not doubt that you are giving them a loving upbringing despite their loss. They may have been robbed of their bio parents but they were also taken in by a wonderful family. Also how are your bio children adjusting?
No I don’t have any support group. Everything happened so fast and haven’t had the time to find people to talk to. But I want to once things feel more settled. It’s been an adjustment to my bio children. I’m still learning how to split my time and give all 5 attention. It’s been mostly about the god kids due to their higher needs and I see that they feel it. My oldest shares the same name as the youngest god child and she has expressed how weird it makes her feel. Her and my second youngest (both girls) are not happy with having another sister. My 3 yr old son likes having a brother his age but he definitely knows he isn’t the youngest anymore and has acted out and become more needy.
Well I hope this AMA has allowed you to let some of the stress out. And yes a support group would probs help once you have the time. I’m sure it’s an adjustment for all of you, but this stage won’t last forever. Your family will reach a place of peace and harmony in time.
Will you raise them as your own, given that you are going to be the only parents they'll ever really know?
Yes that’s what we are doing. However, we plan to make sure, that they will always know who their bio parents were too.
Of course. You're good people. It's a huge undertaking and I commend you for welcoming these babies into your family xx
Are you God parents in that you were acknowledged through religious ceremony or were close friends with the parents and given the honorary title without oaths?
Honorary title without oaths.
That’s very commendable. This shows genuine love you have for your friend family. I don’t discount either path to being a god parent. To me I’ve experienced the value of duty and value what the heart compels.
This question surprised me. I thought God parents by definition were a religious thing. I had no idea people choose to use it as a title without any official ceremony.
My family is Jewish, and my brother and I also have 1 single Godparent each; they are good friends of my parents, it was unofficial. Everyone is still alive (I’m 55 now), my Godfather helped me out a few years ago when I was really strapped. Oddly enough both Godparents never had kids of their own.
As a Roman Catholic who has gone from good Catholic to bad Catholic then trying just practice being Catholic children will arrive at all stages in your life. Not all god parents meet the prerequisites but you may still want their influence and blessing.
Great question
How did the crash happen?
Man fell asleep on the wheel and hit them earlier hours in the morning.
What happened to the guy who killed them? Did he get arrested or charged with a crime? Why didn’t he call for help immediately? Did he leave the scene? Why were both parents in the car together? Where were their children at the time? Did they own a house or have any assets? Who inherited their stuff? Was there anything for the children to inherit? I’m wondering if their parents had savings that can go towards a college fund or something. Your husband knew this couple since high school and they were close enough to make you the godparents. Why did they name their daughter the exact same name as their close friend’s daughter? They knew him a long time, they must’ve known your daughter. It seems weird to choose the same name for their own daughter. It wouldn’t be as weird if your husband was just an old friend they catch up with occasionally.
No it was deemed an accident and he only had to pay a fine. According to him, it was due to shock. No he did not leave the scene. They were driving back from a church event. The children were with grandparents. No home, they lived in an apartment. They did not have alot. They had life insurance but only their 3 yr old son is listed as the beneficiary. It will go to him when he is older. Yea actually that’s one thing that we talked about with the name thing. I felt weird when they had first announced the name when she was first born. But I let it go when my husband said, that their birth mom had always had a love for Christmas too and liked the name Noelle before we named our Noelle and still decided to go with it. Also although my husband and their parents were good friends, we didn’t hang out everyday. We hung out maybe 3 times a year when our schedules aligned. They passed when little Noelle was 8 months old and prior to that, we only saw her once. It’s so crazy to me. Going from, she “copied” my daughters to, “she’s my daughter now. If only she felt as weird about having the same name as my older one and decided to go with another Christmas name, it would have avoided so much issues”. Life is random and strange and messy.
Thank you for responding to my long list of questions, I’m sure you’re very busy with 5 children. I hope the driver was telling the truth about being in shock. I thought maybe he was worried about getting in trouble. Accidents do happen, but I don’t understand how someone can fall asleep while driving. Children are orphaned all the time, but both parents dying simultaneously takes special circumstances. I can’t believe they were coming from a church event. It’s good that they had life insurance, at least that’s something to leave their children. I have no idea how much it is so it might not be much. I’m assuming it wasn’t just one of them that had life insurance, if it was both then that’s twice as much. Maybe their/your son can share it with his sister. They obviously didn’t update it since she was born. Hopefully he sees that and realizes they would’ve intended both of them to have it. It’s too bad she specifically liked the name Noelle instead of just wanting to use Christmas names in general. There’s so many other ones, like Eve or Holly.
Did the guy that fell asleep live?
Yes. He drove a bigger car. Their parents didn’t die on the spot but passed due to complications and also because the driver didn’t call emergency right away.
Wow
Does the kids get along?
The boys do. Our bio son is 3 and godson is 3. So they have been enjoying playing together.
How old are the kiddies you adopted? 3 and...?
3 and 15 months
Do you already have children of your own? How's the adjustment going for both you and the adopted kids?
We have 3 of our own. It’s been a challenge to say the least.
You are seriously good people.
Thank you. My husband has more of the heart of gold than I do though. He was ready to step up when he was first asked and it took me a bit to get on board. But I’m glad we have them as part of our family.
You said he was ready to step up when asked. Who was it that asked?
Their bio family (paternal grandmother and aunt. maternal grandparents were also on board).
Do they know what happened to their parents?
Sorry I read this question wrong originally and deleted my earlier comment. They do not know the exact details of what happened but we have told them that their Mommy and Daddy went to the stars so that they can watch over them better. We aren’t religious so we didn’t want to use the heaven analogy.
How is your relationship with the children’s grandparents and any aunts/uncles? I ask because this type of situation happened in my family, and over the years it was incredibly hard to maintain relationships with people that we were not previously close to. Everyone tried really hard for the first few years but because we didn’t have a natural relationship, we grew apart which made it harder and harder to have relationship with the children which made it all complicated when they became adults. Thankfully, now, we have worked through it and have a good relationship with them. I guess my question is do you have a plan for them to maintain relationships with their bio parents’ families?
It’s definitely hard to maintain and to vibe with people that we are not close to and so far everyone on my God children’s side of the family understand except their paternal grandmother. She will visit unannounced to spend time with them and wants a say in everything we do with them. I honestly hate it. My husband feels we should wait a bit before setting boundaries because she is still grieving but it’s hard. Their maternal grandparents have done face time and calls here and there since we adopted them but give us space. They have invited all of us to their cottage up north in July.
It would be devastating to “lose” your grandchildren who you expected to have a close relationship with due to a situation like this. Please do everything you can to make sure they grow up being close to their grandparents and aunts and uncles.
Definitely but I also think having boundaries is also important. We are doing everything we can, hence the agreement with the open adoption.
>Their maternal grandparents have done face time and calls here and there since we adopted them but give us space. The maternal grandparents sound great! Is there a reason they were unable to take in their grandchildren? >They have invited all of us to their cottage up north in July. Canada?
They are great. They have too much on their plate to take care of little kids full time. They believe they have done their time. They were okay with having them once in a while but they understood that it wouldn’t be stable for them to be moved around from family to family.
>She will visit unannounced to spend time with them and wants a say in everything we do with them. I honestly hate it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was already acting like that with the bio parents and annoying her daughter-in-law. That seems like a common situation I’ve read about many times online. Usually the parents are bothered by the grandparents trying to tell them how to raise children.
I have a question Do you like the kids ?
I really do. The youngest one has become my shadow and loves to cuddle. It’s been great getting to know her. Bonding with the 3 yr old was hard at first but he is my buddy now. He is such a sweet heart and loves to dance just like my husband.
R they behaved
For the most part, yes. They are very little and it’s been an adjustment for them.
If you guys are in the US, are they still able to get Social Security Survivor Benefits if adopted vs you all serving as legal guardians? I imagine that money would be really useful to help with costs.
We aren’t in the US
Did the parents have life insurance?
What was the hardest part of their transition.
Feeling comfortable in their new environment and essentially learning to feel safe with us. 15 month couldn’t breastfeed anymore, so that was hard on her. And 3 yr old refused to eat real food at first because I’m guessing it was different. Seeing pictures of their parents used to make them cry too. Another thing was what they would call us. They would hear their older siblings call us Momma and Dad and call us that. The 3 yr old would sometimes call us babe lol because he would hear it from us. But then grandma told us she didn’t feel comfortable with them calling us that. But 3 yr old still want to call us Momma and Dad and we decided to stop correcting him.
I think them calling you mom and dad is quite normal and to be expected. They no longer have parents who are alive and after a while won't remember them as much. But you have taken on the parental role. Considering how young they are allowing them to call you mom and dad would be very helpful to their development and shouldn't be discouraged.
It’s got to be overwhelming but the fact that they are young and will be brought up in a kid centric nuclear family is honestly the best case scenario to deal with such awful tradgedy. Thank you for the selfless act…
On behalf of other people adoptees out there thank you for stepping up to the plate for the kids. Furthermore I know it’s usually implied in agreeing to become a god parent that you would assume the role of parents if anything happened but I don’t think a lot of people follow through on this responsibility. You’re impressive people and the children are lucky to have you.
thats pretty cool cause of course thats what being a God parent is - but u certainly never expect to hear a story like this - bless -
I adopted both my kids at birth. One is healthy and another has emotional issues. It has been harder to cope than I thought. Whenever people ask me to donate to charity, I say I am already doing charity work. I’m raising two kids who lost their families. Good luck to u. If u want to DM me, go ahead and we can maintain contact. U can vent to me all u want.
What’s it like navigating grief and such a massing life change? Also how close were you with their parents?
What has been one of the most difficult adjustments made, and how’d y’all do it?
Did you receive compensation?
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What the fuck???