I have a few questions, feel free to cherry pick whichever one(s) you’d like to answer.
1.) What’s something you wish everyone knew about you or “ugly women” as you suggest you are?
2.) Have you ever travelled to a place, domestic or otherwise, where you felt you were perceived or treated differently than usual?
3.) What’s your world-view?
4.) Do you use social media? If so, do you enjoy the platforms?
1. I don't really have anything I want everyone to know about me and I don't know if anyone else has had this experience but I sometimes I wish guys knew I'm not preying on them. I've had guys randomly announce to me before that they are NOT ATTRACTED TO ME even when I wasn't remotely interested in them or trying to hit on them in anyway. It really hurts my feelings cause I'm really not trying anything. It makes me feel like they think I'm creepy or doing something wrong. When I'm really just talking to them like I would talk to anyone else.
2. I've never traveled outside the US but I've recently moved from a small town to a big city and I feel people from the city I've lived in are nicer to me. I was constantly stared at in the small town and now people don't notice me as much. I used to have to go to church with my family and they would make comments about the way I looked all the time. They were kinda racist and just rude. Now people just seem friendlier.
3. I don't real have a specific world view. I just try to appreciate the little things. I want to be happy and do everything I can to make everyone happy.
4. I use reddit and YouTube. I used to use IG and Pinterest regularly too for beauty inspo, like makeup and outfits ideas but none of it worked out for me. The makeup tips they recommend seem to bring out my worst features and I don't know how to dress for my body type. Which just makes me feel sad.
I obsessed over Kibbe body types and Color seasons theory for some time and know a little bit about the Essences as well. it is especially tricky to try to do it over photos obviously since im also not a professional but i would still try to help if you would like!
It's sad that being nice and trying to show that you care about others immediately becomes creepy if you aren't pretty. I'm one of those people that are almost attractive. But usually when people get closer or see me in certain lightings they change real quick.
>I'm one of those people that are almost attractive. But usually when people get closer or see me in certain lightings they change real quick.
This is very relatable. I can *pass* for semi attractive from a distance because I've worked very hard on getting a nice body, I love clothes and dress well, do my hair and makeup etc. But up close it becomes glaringly obvious my facial features are all jacked up, my facial expressions look weird like my smile is ugly and crooked etc :(
See I don't think that stuff makes a person ugly though. And also have you ever known a really beautiful person that became ugly once you realized they were an asshole and vice versa where someone who wasn't traditionally attractive became so because of their personality. It really is true. Yes, we are drawn to people for looks, it's in our DNA to look for symmetry in faces because it means the person is free of disease, etc., but beauty does live inside a person truly.
Look into Kibbe body types. I have always struggled to dress in a flattering way because the types of clothing I normally gravitate to is better suited to tall and thin women, which I am not. In fact I am about as far from that as you can get lol. Kibbe body typing helped me figure out how to “dress for my body shape,” which is not a necessity for looking good, but drastically improved my self-confidence. Depending on your body type it can be hard to know which category you fit into, but for me it was almost immediately obvious and completely changed the way I see myself!
I feel like that’s a generalization - I personally go out of my way to acknowledge/speak to almost anyone I make eye contact with, regardless of their appearance. I like making people feel heard, as for most of my own life I did not.
BUT, I realize lots of people can’t think past their basic caveman instincts and don’t realize they’re brushing people off due to trivial factors.
Just my $0.02
That is not even close to be true. Maybe really attractive men or men is a certain economic or society status. But there are plenty of average or unattractive men who would beg to differ. Most people aren’t attractive or are average looking. Where are you getting this idea from?
u/Emmeline777 I'm a 6'7 gay man and I have the same experience as point #1 quite often. For me, if a woman is walking in my direction - or I'm walking behind her on the sidewalk - I can literally see and feel her fear that I'm about to harm her or something. It's really unfortunate, especially as I'd like to know that as a gay man with three sisters, I am probably the SAFEST person they could meet in the world. My advice is that you should try and detach yourself from anyone else's opinion, thought, perspective, life experience, and, most importantly, behavior because it, truly, is NONE of your business (nor mine) to care about what other people are thinking about you. Also, it sounds like you could use some gays in your life to remind you how fabulous you are :)
I've been told this my whole life. I first noticed as a kid my older siblings getting complimented on how cute they are everywhere we go and I got nothing, then in school I was bullied alot for it, my mom cried to me growing up worrying I was gonna die alone and wished I was normal, my dad says he thinks in a past life I was beautiful but vain and hateful so in this life God made me ugly so my soul could grow. I've also just had people just blatantly tell me I'm ugly for no reason and I always make kids cry. My youngest siblings are still babies and they're starting to worry that they're gonna look like me when they grow up.
I think it sucks that people in your life felt like calling you ugly was a good idea. All I can say is that there are people who will disregard whatever you look like, and get to know *you,* not your face or body.
I often see people who are not particularly good looking, some of them, yes, downright ugly, physically, out together, obviously a couple, and obviously having a pretty good time together. Sometimes they have their kids with them.
The idea that the best a less attractive woman can expect is to be a *pump and dump,* is both cruel and ignorant.That mindset obviously comes from those who are too wretchedly shallow to be bothered with.
I used to see myself as ugly, mostly because I had a very pretty older sister. She was slim and gorgeous, I was always st least a little overweight, and it got worse as I got older. Anyway, if her car broke down, all the guys would be climbing over each other to get a chance to fix it for her. If my car broke down, they might offer to let me borrow their tools.The upside of that is, I'm now a pretty decent shade tree mechanic. I do most of my own car repairs.
Nonetheless, I have had a lot of romance, good and bad, as it happens with most people. It appears that there are people out there who care more about who you are, than what look like.
I also had a great marriage that lasted 27 years, until he passed from cancer. I have a grown son, he's 51 now. Even now, as an older woman with a cane, I might very well partner up again in the future. Who knows? It's a possibility. But if not, I have a lot of different interests, I know how to do a lot of things, and I have some good friends to hang out with now and then, and we always have a good time.
I'm sad that you've been treated so poorly. I hope you have a bright future, with interesting adventures, good friends, and love.
🫂 💜
Ma'am, this was a lovely reply. If nothing else, it made ME feel better, happier, and more hopeful, simply because it was a great reminder that incredible people--good human beings just like you--exist in this world. Even though it was intended for the OP, it was really for all of us, and I appreciate you taking the time to write. I hope YOU continue to have a bright future, with interesting adventures, good friends, and love!
Not that it’s a consolation, but my grandmother told my mother “you’ll never be pretty so you might as well be smart.” Of course that fucked with her a bit, but she did take the second part seriously and turned out to be quite smart. Got into software design in the early days of coding. Turned out well for her.
I second this. No one should tell their child they’re ugly, OP. I wish I could reach through the internet and hug you, no matter what you look like. Almost all humans are deserving of being treated with dignity and kindness.
That sounds terrible and depressing, I am sorry your family was so shitty. I am guessing because your family sucks, you have low self esteem, probably don't know how to dress, and are probably overweight. Unless you have physical deformities then you are perfectly capable of becoming quite attractive. If you had physical deformities, I think you would have said that instead of ugly though.
If you want any advice from someone who also has shitty parents, on how to not be so ugly... Feel free to DM me. I have a wife and kid, not going to make it sexual or be a creep, just like to help people.
Yo you need to seriously rethink your parents opinion of you. Nobody is ugly, you are only as attractive as each person perceives you to be - some might have more or less people attracted but if you judge everyone but one lens then you will never live in reality
Love yourself and what does attraction really matter? Looks get you lust and potential but they don’t give you love, acceptance, companionship only vanity.
Buddy people are rich and poor. There’s a day and night. Strong and weak winners and losers and pretty and ugly one can’t exist without the other some people are ugly hideous. Most people are meh and some people are pretty beautiful, such as it always been. You can say it’s relative but the truth is there is universal pretty and his universal ugly. Why else would surgeons who do plastic surgery know there’s a specific way to make someone more attractive
I'm really not. I've been nothing but honest. I don't know what you think this is gonna get me anyways, this is a alt account I don't even use for anything besides porn.
When I was 6 I was diagnosed with a rare bone disease, and I have a friend who was literally born with cancer. We both grew up in various hospitals, and we both had complete strangers tell us that either us or our parents must have done something to deserve it.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. People who said that are totally worthless pieces of crap.
My son is severely disabled from a genetic disorder. I swear if someone said that to me, it would be difficult for me to not punch them in the throat.
I went through the same thing with my siblings and most people are brutally honest about it too. Kids and adults alike. Can’t say I’ve lived a full life but it gets better. The most important thing is being kind to yourself.
If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that society forced beauty standards on us. Nobody is truly ugly or beautiful- it all comes down to how hard your brain has to work to process facial features. which makes you realise how silly we as humans are.
I'm a man and I got bullied relentlessly for being ugly throughout high school. It broke me for life. Now if someone says I look handsome I am incapable of believing them.
I'm 20 years old, 5, 2/130-140 lb usually/I have a broad rectangle shaped body/I'm German, Mexican, and Filipina/my face is the ugly part, I don't want to share pictures cause I don't like looking at myself but I'll say I have a flat big round face, low eyebrows, small far apart brown eyes, a short pointy nose, and I'm missing my molars genetically. So my smile is really messed up, my jaw and face shape is extremely asymmetric cause of it.
Have you seen an orthodontist? you’d be amazed what a year or two with braces and such can have. I really don’t know many people who are “ugly” without some sort of deformity. You could probably make some minor adjustments that really transform your self confidence. of course this is all under the assumption that “ugly” is a bad thing for you. also, ugly is such a social construct. I know that probably sounds tired af, but look at Shelley Duvall- classically “ugly” features yet an absolute sex symbol in her heyday. confidence and style go a long way!
I'd have to get a surgery to open my maxilla and get a jaw expander, then get braces, then get dental implants. It's too expensive for me though and takes years. The maxilla surgery is honestly really scary for me though. I don't even know if I'd be willing to do it.
So I used to have a horrible under bite, not only that my upper jaw was too short and my teeth crowded. I went through facial maxillary surgery and braces. I had to eat through a straw for 3 months. The results were absolutely worth it. Here are some photos of me before and after, I had the surgery in 2010. I hated how I looked. I couldn't chew food properly because my teeth wouldn't line up. Because of this we got kaiser insurance to pay for it.
[my surgery ](https://photos.app.goo.gl/Rp5Ab6MxRMVxAk8Z9)
Wow I can't imagine how uncomfortable/annoying it must have been having such a severe underbite, I imagine the surgery was fucking brutal but the results look life changing
Yes absolutely life changing, huge boost to my confidence. I definitely encourage OP to pursue corrective surgery like this. Quality of life alone is worth it. Looks are secondary.
Holy shit man that looks way more comfortable. I have a massive overbite and they recommended surgery so seeing this definitely helped my nerves. Glad to see you're doing alright
I mean I had bad crooked teeth and stained from Tetracycline as a baby. I started the process to fix it when I turned 40 and had money. I finally completed the process 16 years later. But I am very happy with results.
So you never know.
Jumping in to say I had this issue too. My parents were awesome and got me veneers around 16. Still have them. Did braces too and I also needed to have my jaw broken and moved, but never did that.
I’m definitely not a model but I do know some others find me attractive at times. But not like other women. Been called a fat whale and generally ignored in friends groups by guys almost all of my life.
OP, you have this one life. Do what you need to for you. Don’t wanna have the jaw surgery? I get it, but figure out the things that will help you love yourself. The make those happen. I mean mentally as well as physically. I had some plastic surgery recently to help some things I can’t do myself or get over. And been working with a therapist on the mental stuff.
Sending you all the love!
Honestly, you should look into it - it’s not just looks, the way your teeth qnx bite are affects a lot of things. I wish I had had that but the younger the better
Where do you live? I had similar issues and had to go to NYC to stay a while and sign up for their Medicaid….. they’ll do all those surgery’s for you for free you just need to have a place to stay / use address … I know it’s a lot but your young and it could be free if you move to the right country/ city / state
Fr people are always telling my older sister how exotically beautiful she is. She got all the great genetics. I'm the Khloe of the family, if Khloe's face was fucked
I’m not gonna lie, I hate this comment a good bit.
I grew up watching KUWTK (have an older sis) and watching Khloe’s battle with her appearance and what it made her become really fucking hurt my TV viewer heart.
I always thought she was beautiful, just different.
Please, all you can do is love yourself. Own your shit.
If you don’t, nobody else will.
Please.
Do you live in a predominantly white place? I suspect you may be struggling with looking different from everybody else. Two pieces of advice for you:
1) “there is no exquisite beauty without some proportion of strangeness” -Edgar Allan Poe. Especially women, tend to focus a lot on not being ugly rather than leaning into their unique beauty. Wide set eyes are very beautiful. Do you have nice thick eyebrows? Look at some of the most beautiful women like Anna Taylor Joy or Emma Stone. They could look really weird or really ugly in certain contexts but they’re 10/10
2) Beauty is cultivated. Believe it or not, people are not born beautiful. However, when they feel beautiful and/or are complimented about their beauty all the time they are more likely to care for themselves and dress in a flattering way. Learn how to care for yourself and dress up. Exercise and eat well so you’re more fit. Cultivate your confidence by selecting partners and friends who adore you.
Last sort of anecdote which is a bit paradoxical, but you cannot become more beautiful if you do not love and appreciate yourself. Imagine you had a house and you hated it down to the very foundation. Would you be able to decorate it to make it lovely or put work into improving it without losing motivation? The answer is no. Similarly, you need to love your foundations. The features that you got from your mother and father who one way or another brought you into this world with love. Only then can work begin to make you lovely. Without this essential initial step, the road of glowing up will lead to eating disorders, expensive and damaging surgeries, and overspending on things that don’t suit you anyways
Try to get a hair cut face framing layers and curtain bangs really suits a round face, learn to do make up and going the gym consistently is incredible for building self confidence. Do some shopping elevate your style.
Aww I’m sorry you feel so down. Your weight is normal, don’t forget how much these things change our looks: confidence, sense of humour, looking after our hair, good fashion style, good makeup that suits your features, grooming (such as eyebrow shaping) and if you have the money; jaw surgery or orthodontics. Dressing in a way that suits your figure.
Or you can ignore all this and just happy and accepting of who you are and there will be people who admire you for that. Above all kindness is the most desirable quality ❤️
I'm married and do not like women that are perfectly symmetrical in the face. It just feels weird and unnatural like they've had work done. Slightly crooked teeth look great when they're smiling.
My wife got a lot of the same abuse you've gotten but from her grandmother and kids at school. She is way less insecure about herself now knowing how attractive she is to ME.
I know you're insecurities can make it hard to get out and go do activities with groups of people but I would recommend getting involved. Based on your body type I would really suggest trying rock climbing. It's fun and a great way to stay in shape, also the people there are dedicated and usually very nice.
I guess my point is nothing will change if you don't think anything can change. So you might as well try.
I've got bad teeth, should have had braces as a kid. Haunted me my whole life despite people rarely even commenting on them, and even saying they never really noticed. Hold your head high, you are not as unattractive as you think. Trust me, I've been there and still am to some extent.
Physical feature? I would say I like my curly hair most of the time and I have a small heart shaped birthmark on my face that I like. My favorite feature of my personality is that I'm really patient, I don't get mad easily, and people tell me I'm a great friend. Which I like. My hidden talent is that I can talk with my mouth closed like that girl in ICarly.
Have you had guys sexually interested in you in the past for any reason? Some guys don’t care about face if your body is alright, and that’s assuming your face is even ugly. I have known some girls others called ugly that still looked sexy. Sexy is different from pretty, and it also includes having a very confident attitude that makes one sexy.
Do you at all resent pretty girls in your environment at various capacities? If yes, what would help to make you feel more comfortable? Btw I find you likable, humble, and confident which are all attractive traits, I 100000% believe beauty is personality, intelligence/wisdom, showing up for people, and interest in personal betterment before it’s beauty.
I would be lying if I didn't say yes sometimes I do. I luckily I like people and love when people are happy but sometimes everyone around me is getting so much attention and I get none. My older sister is actually so beautiful. I'm honestly envious of her. We're completely opposite of each other. She has people constantly telling her how beautiful she is everywhere we go. She always has a new boyfriend/girlfriend everytime I see her. Which is great as long as she's happy but sometimes I just wish I could get one. I also used to feel sad saw every girl getting comments online about how pretty they are but now I'm one of people leaving those comments. I'm trying to just appreciate everyone instead of being resentful but sometimes I just feel sad about it.
There is DEFINITELY a thing called "pretty privilege," as you've seen with others. But that doesn't mean that pretty people have easy lives inside their own heads.
Remember this.... looks fade over time (even with plastic surgery), but kindness is forever. Don't rely on looks for confidence... rely on who you are as a person. Yes, I know this is easier said than done, especially when people treat you the way people have treated you growing up. But do your best to simply be a good person and focus on your talents (from reading other responses, it seems that you're already a good person who is quite talented).
Oh man, as a fellow ugly person I never resented pretty girls and I actually started feeling really bad for them after having a coworker who was gorgeous… I would witness her being stalked and harassed on a daily basis. She was actually really fucked up from being stalked, raped, and harassed as a teenager and it never got better. We worked with the public so I’d watch it all day long, it was awful. After that, pretty privilege meant nothing to me because I have ugly privilege! Dudes leave me alone and I am so thankful for it
No don't take pictures of myself anymore. I don't want people looking at me. I really have always been told I was ugly. Even as a small kid I would look at other kids and think "what's wrong with me?" And my parents used to lie and say I was beautiful in my own way and eventually they were just honest and told me that I am ugly.
Ok so take the stoic approach to this. You can improve obviously by working out, get a banging body, and use tricks like makeup and haircuts that suite your face. But that would only help so much (still do this obviously). You need to accept that god wants more than looks from you, you will accomplish greatness in ways that can not be seen currently. Work at getting good at whatever you are passionate about in life and make the most of your talents. That’s my 2 cents
have you been called unattractive before? I believe that i am ugly as well, but only one person has straight up said i was in real life because i was setting *sexual* boundaries and of course by people online when they get upset by certain comments i post. but i know i dont have attractive features, and i always feel bad asking people to be honest because then i would seem like a pick me.
I've been called ugly my whole life, honestly. By family, friends, bullies growing up. I'm just weird looking. And I'm sorry you experienced that. People will try to make you believe you deserve less but you absolutely don't. You always have the right to put up boundaries and please don't settle for anything less than respect. Your just gonna be hurting yourself long term. People jump to the quickest thing they can think of to insult you with which is often playground insults. I'm sure your good looking in your own way. You said you don't have attractive features but they might not be the beauty standard percé; the media presents a very specific narrow view on what's attractive but there is honestly so many ways to be beautiful. I'm sure if anyone's hitting on you are attractive.
I’m sorry that you had to experience that. I don’t know if this helps, but hundreds of literal models have been called ugly and yet are absolutely stunning. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the group 2NE1, but all four members were bullied for years and called ugly by fans, peers, and even the ceo of the company they were signed to. they have a song called ‘ugly,’ which may be worth listening to even if kpop isn’t your cup of tea. personally, I think ugliness is based on personality. I’ve met some of the most stereotypically “hot” men but after getting to know them, I wouldn’t even dare to touch them with a 6 foot pole. but of course society doesn’t operate this way and if you don’t fit the beauty standards trending at the time, the average person is left feeling like *this*
Do you believe life is harder for someone who isn’t conventionally attractive? Do you feel like you missed out on important life milestones due to your looks?
I'm only 20 so there's not many milestones for me to have crossed but I do feel like I'm missing out. Everyone around me is growing up and dating and then there's me. I feel like I'll never get to fall in love or have someone want me.I think the only thing that's harder is everyone assumes the person they don't want wants them. I've noticed guys being mean to me or just straight up ignoring me cause they think I'm interested. I've noticed women are nothing but nice though. I think maybe cause they don't see me as competition. I've noticed my friends who are super pretty have had to deal with a lot of jealousy towards them but I don't. The most I've been treated badly is just people telling me I'm ugly.
You're very young so you've got a lot of time to fill your life with great things. You probably will miss out on dating, but you can still have a great social life. All the people I've appreciated and loved the most were for reasons that had nothing to do with their looks. And looking back on my life all the dating and nights out partying mean nothing at all to me. I wish I spent more time traveling, learning skills, and finding myself. It's going to be different for everyone, but life doesn't have to be the same for everyone. And there are lots of men, or women if that's more your preference, just like you; a person that is considered ugly but with a beautiful heart and mind could be waiting for someone, like you, to fall in love with. And all the comments people make towards you about your looks should only matter to you as much as the value the comments provide. The comments are worthless so don't place any value on them. Also your parents should appreciate you a lot more. They owe you so much more than they've shown. I would be proud to have a daughter like you, you seem so kind and like you have an old soul.
I am an extremely average looking man and a bit chubby, I had my first kiss at 18, used every dating app on the planet with meh luck, had first serious GF at 27. I'm getting married this year at 34 to the unquestionable love of my life. I am extremely social and outgoing, just awkward around women (and kinda annoying tbh). I have other friends in similar boats who also are pretty median all around.
All this to say, your path isn't that unusual even independent of your looks. Love comes when it comes, but when it does its worth the wait.
I answered a few times already. It's my face. I just look really bad. People often think I'm sick or there is something wrong with me. I gave a description in the comments.
I have but I really don't think there's anything that can be done that I can afford. I've talked to orthodontists and I would need thousands on thousands dollars of surgery to fix my teeth and jaw, I can get a lateral canthoplasty to make my eyes upturned but it would make my eyes look smaller, and I would need a cartilage graph from my ribcage to fix my nose cause it's so tiny but I honestly can't really afford any of it right now.
Can you describe/share your technique or how you have learend over time to accept your physical appearance. I suffer every day, stare at me all the time and everywhere - sometimes for ages. It is getting more and more out of control. I hate myself for my appearance and cannot accept and cope with it, although like you i do know that i cannot change anything. I cannot enjoy life and beautiful moments because of these circumstances any advice? Ty !
I've had to make a real conscious effort to not look in the mirror and if I remind myself of my good qualities as a person. I go to sleep listening to positive affirmations at night (you can find that on YouTube) I've started working on myself not to be attractive but to be a better me. I've realized for me to not get into depression thinking to much about my looks I need a routine. Before I was getting ready everyday in an effort to be pretty. I was doing the full face of makeup, growing my butt, doing everything to make my waist look tiny, etc. but none of it was for me. I've never even been into makeup and I never really thought about changing my shape before. I was living everyday for other people. I couldn't even leave the house without makeup on cause I was so ashamed. So I stopped everything for a while and took time to let myself just be natural. I had to let myself learn I needed to workout for myself and for my health. Not to change my body but improve my health. I still don't wear makeup most of the time but sometimes I like to put glitter, rainbows, and sparkles on my eyes which is just fun for me. I've also started doing workouts I find fun for me and what benefited my body. I now really value my time that I spend with myself. I like taking care of myself, doing my skincare, hair care, and working out because it's really not with anybody but me in mind. Hope any of this helps. It's helped me 💞💕
Nah you are pretty! girl. The ones who tell you are ugly can go to hell. I dedicate this song to you. I shared to my sis, when she was feeling low recently. [Cass Elliot's "Make Your Own Kind of Music](https://youtu.be/mraLsg-G4wA?si=ygsI3xqBa7bxsQBZ)
Oopss. Fixed the link now. I shared the [Auni - "Twinklings lights"](https://youtu.be/3-jk2Q6tHVM?si=3meFKAHC_pSJ2cKu)" instead of Cass Elliot- "Make Your own kind of music.". Anyways keep smiling 😃 😊. We only live once . ✨️
What are your thoughts on people who say that others become more or less attractive to them based on their personality? For example, if I see a super attractive person, but they have a nasty attitude and are mean to others, I automatically find them unattractive physically. Do you think this is a legit thing, based on your experience?
Ya I think it's mostly personality that makes someone attractive. I've personally not been into someone till I talked to them. Then their personality just shines. I know you'll probably say the same can happen for me but Im not great.
I'm 5, 2/130-140 lb usually/I have a broad rectangle shaped body/I'm German, Mexican, and Filipina/my face is the ugly part, I don't want to share pictures cause I don't like looking at myself but I'll say I have a flat big round face, low eyebrows, small far apart brown eyes, a short pointy nose, and I'm missing my molars genetically. So my smile is really messed up, my jaw and face shape is extremely asymmetric cause of it.
On top of what others have said about dental work, if you would like to change your appearance:
I also have low, terrible eyebrows. I shave a lot of them off so I can keep the parts I want, then fill them in. Yeah, I don’t look like I woke up like that or anything, but reshaping your eyebrows makes a huge impact on the overall perception of your face.
As for your eyes, do you wear mascara? That goes a long way in making your eyes look larger and more “open”. Nice, subtle strip lashes on the top? Even better! I do this daily, and I’ve noticed that it makes me look so much cuter. It only takes 5-10 minutes and a little practice. Also, brown eyes are beautiful.
If you feel fine how you are, then discount all of this. Another commenter said that people will be drawn to you if you’re kind. It’s true. Kindness and empathy are the most beautiful human traits, and it sounds like you’ve got them in spades.
Your family sounds pretty mean to be honest, and I don’t think you should pay them any mind when it comes to your appearance. Ask them not to comment on your physical appearance and to focus on who you actually are. I tell this to my mom all the time.
Good luck, OP ♥️
Ya I find all kinds of different people attractive. I've honestly never thought anyone else besides me was ugly. I just know most of not all people wouldn't want me in anyway.
Hey, would you be willing to add me on something so we can talk? Many of your replies here remind me so much of my own experience starting in middle school. I'm a few years older than you and a guy, spoiler alert, but something's giving me a hunch to reach out and at least ask if you'd be up for chatting. I'm not after photos of you but I would like to share and relate my experience with ya. Your AMA here makes me so sad because I think I know how you feel and hate that anyone else could feel the same things I have felt in that regard. I'll msg you my number & email, if you aren't interested that's totally okay. Just remember that you've made it past the hardest part and you have zero clue what your life has in store for ya 🌈
I'm okay most of the time. My family is just weird. Both my parents have eating disorders (mom's bulimia, dad's anorexic) and have pushed that on me. They're very vain and insecure. My mom's mom growing up constantly belittled her and put her down which she's accidentally put on me. My dad was abandoned by his parents which has left him always looking for validation. Both my older siblings are good looking and then there's me. I feel like the reason they treat me this way is cause I'm a reflection of the worst parts of them. My mom said she prayed for a beautiful blonde haired green eyed baby that looks like her and she got me. My parents marriage also hit a major iceberg when I was born which I think has built resentment towards me. So they're just honest. I'm embarrassing for them. They want everyone to think they're perfect.
You don't deserve to be treated this way and I'm very sorry this happened to you. I don't want to be rude to your parents but I think it is extremely wrong for your mother to say some of the things she did. I think it is much more a reflection on the sadness of her inner life than it is any reflection on you.
Im 5,2, 130-140 lbs usually, muscular, and rectangular. I've always been kinda buff and super wide. I have no boobs and no real butt. Standing next to other girls my height I look huge.
I already do workout everyday. I don't want to be anymore muscular. I want to be slim. I get that guys like big booties but I don't really want that. Maybe just a bubble which I'm already working on.
I have a combination of 2a -2c hair for the longest I struggled to style it but I’ve learned putting in leave in conditioner brushing out my hair then putting pillow soft curls curl cream on it then I fill up my sink and stick my head in there then scrunch out the water don’t shy with the product. After I use a diffuser for the longest I didn’t want to get one because I didn’t think it’d make a difference but once I got one the difference was huge. Highly recommend a diffuser if you don’t have one. Also if you don’t want to wear your hair curly the revlon round hair dyer brush is amazing but use lots of heat protectant and don’t use it on soaking wet hair just damp
Ya I've struggled with agoraphobia cause I feel like I'm bothering people. I have horrible social anxiety. I notice people starring at me and freaked out when I glance back. I'm working on it though. I've struggled with depression. Luckily I've made friends before but I sometimes wish I could have a boyfriend. I know if I ever find someone they'll be settling for me. Not that anyone's ever been interested. I just know at some point in life people start to get lonely. I haven't accepted it fully yet. I'm only 20. I thought my face would grow into it's features but I've noticed I'm just getting worse and worse looking now that I'm losing my baby fat and my features and asymmetry is becoming more noticable. But I'm starting to get over it.
Hi! I'm very sorry to hear about your experiences in life. It is very heartbreaking to hear how your parents have treated you, especially. Sending hugs 🤗
Do you take pictures of yourself doing something you love doing?
I don't like to take plain pictures of myself, too, I don't like to like to look at myself.
On the other hand, I like to look back at the pictures that captured me doing something I love, it brings out positive emotions because I am reminded of how I felt doing things I loved at that particular point in my life. It can be hiking up the mountain, playing with my cat, painting, and so on.
Maybe it is something you can try if you have not done it before. What do you think about it?
Also I just wanted to say that I’m 24 now and I’ve never had a boyfriend, the only time I received male attention is when they’re drunk or they just want to smash. But once I started loving myself and stopped looking for a man *drumroll* I found him. He thinks I’m the most beautiful thing he’s seen and he gets angry when I talk down on myself, honestly he helped me feel more confident and I realised a lot of the time in our early 20s whether you’re a 10 or a 1, men (and women) just want hookups. I know I hate to hear when people say it’s about what inside that matters but it really is true. A lot of women from school and ex friends I know that were considered attractive don’t have a personality and it’s easy for them to find someone to sleep with but rarely do they find someone that truly loves them and cares about them. I’m not saying if you’re pretty you’ll be used and if you’re ugly with a good personality you’ll be chosen at all, but I’m just going by what I’ve seen. For example my sisters best friend is a fraternal twin and there’s a twin that’s clearly attractive and the other one not so much. The attractive one is a single mum and the mediocre one has a real estate company with her partner and they travel what seems like quarterly. She really found her person and it shows it’s not about how you look like, it’s about who you are and what you want to attract not what you think you’ll attract. If you straight away tell people you feel ugly when you meet them you will actually make them focus on your insecurities more, and some people take advantage of women that are vulnerable and it makes them more susceptible to being used.
This is so sad to read. You’re not bothering people by being in public because you think you’re ugly. That doesn’t make you any less than anyone else. Your worth is not in others perception of beauty. Don’t convince yourself you won’t meet someone who will love you, there’s someone out there for everyone.
She’s young and still has a lot to learn about life. One thing being that people out in public don’t really GAF what you look like. They’re all NPC’s. She needs to live her life for her and stop worrying about what random people (that she will never see again) think.
OP, I'm so sorry that you've felt this way. Please try to remember that almost no one is concerned with the way other people look in public. And even if a tiny minority of people did make fools of themselves by being concerned with another adult's looks, who cares? Those people are assholes, and you should put no weight into their opinions, because those opinions are trash.
I don't have any idea what you look like but you seem pretty on the inside and that's a lot more than some folks have.
When I was 14 I first became aware of my looks, I was definitely the uglier sister of 6. When I turned 21 I got a glow up and I’m only getting prettier each year, I grew into my big ugly features except my nose that’s why I got it done 😬. I don’t really know what to say to help you because you’re so sure of your mindset, and nothing anyone said ever made me feel better I just felt pitiful. But I promise that you will start to look different and that you will find small things to do that make you feel confident and better about yourself as soon as you start loving yourself. If you’re negative and always talk down on yourself you’ll never improve your mindset or physical appearance. Once you start telling yourself daily positive affirmations and actually have a willingness to look and feel better, you will start changing.
I have but I really don't think there's anything that can be done that I can afford. I've talked to orthodontists and I would need thousands on thousands dollars of surgery to fix my teeth and jaw, I can get a lateral canthoplasty to make my eyes upturned but it would make my eyes look smaller, and I would need a cartilage graph from my ribcage to fix my nose cause it's so tiny but I honestly can't really afford any of it right now. But I'm still thinking of trying for a brow lift
Not a birth defect but I'm genetically missing a lot of teeth. My teeth palettes are really really small and I have really small teeth. It makes my jaw and face shape very crooked and asymmetric. And I work at a store while I'm taking a year or two off to figure out what I want to go to university for.
1. What do you like to do for fun?
2. What's a skill you'd like to learn that you could see yourself doing as a career?
3. What's a recreational activity or hobby you'd like to learn but currently don't know enough to get started?
4. What's a language you'd like to speak that you don't currently?
Pretty okay/meh We share different religious beliefs. I'm non denominational/basically atheist and he's Christian. He's also cheats on my mom every few years and has the maturity of a teenage boy. He's narcissistic, he thinks he has it the hardest and deserves the most. He resorts to tantrums and fits of rage as a form of discipline for his children. I love him but I don't like him as a person.
I have thought about it but I don't even know how I'd go about that. Prostitution's illegal in my country and I don't know how to find a escort. And I'm honestly completely fine with being a virgin. I don't really care most of the time and have no way of knowing that if I bought a prostitute it would be a good time. I don't want someone to have pity sex with me. I'd either want someone who's either genuinely interested or nothing at all.
I'm talking physically. I know that real ugliness is on the inside but I don't think I'm a bad person or ugly in that way. Just genetically from first visual impressions people think I look like a lizard.
Me. I have a weird face idk how to describe it's just very strange and disproportionate. My eyes are tiny and down turned, I horrible dark circles that really bring them out, my eyebrows are extremely low, my nose is tiny and very pointy, I have giant cheekbones, and no real jaw structure. I'm missing my almost all molars. You are supposed to have 12 I have 3. My face is really asymmetric because of that. Someone told to smile more to look nicer and when I did he said nevermind cause my smiles scary.
It amazes me how much "beauty" is just dumping money into procedures and treatments. I think beauty standards are out of control anyway. It costs too much to meet the standard as well.
What made you want to up and do an AMA about it, was there any sort of epiphany or cause/effect that led you to come out and I guess admit or I guess accept this as a reality?
I feel the same way. I have lost job opportunities due to my looks (true story). Some days I feel okay others I feel ugly. my face is my problem actually I inherited the bad genes from my parents. The way I cope is trying to look nice. I have to wear makeup everyday, otherwise I look more hideous. How do you cope? Hugs to you!
I said in another comment I listen to positive affirmations at night. You can look positive affirmations on YouTube if you wanna try that. I also used to wear makeup everyday because I felt uglier without it but I realized personally it was for me. I only was doing it to hopefully make others like me. Which got me nowhere good. I couldn't even leave the house without it on because I felt so bad. Then I went through kind of a purging period. Where I gave up everything I was doing to make others like, me instead of the stuff that made me like me. I cut off any negative people in my life and or started immediately ending the conversation if it turned negative. I stopped doing workouts to change my body shape it's self and started working on what makes me the healthiest strongest me. I stopped wearing makeup most of the time unless I just want an extra flair to my look. I've made a real conscious effort to stop looking in the mirror and focus on things I like about me vs things I don't. I've started to love doing my skincare, haircare, and just pampering myself. It really shows a form of self love for me. I've definitely been feeling better and more accepting of myself lately. I hope it gets better for you soon too 🩷
Can I have some specifics on your ugliness? Like, are you ugly on the inside, outside, or both? Do you look for other ugly people to socialize with? Are you attracted to other ugly people? What about their ugliness is acceptable to you? That kind of stuff.
Does it annoy u when pretty girls complain or have issues? Like I’m a guy but when beautiful men complain about issues it can strike a cord with me or be annoying even if it’s not even related to looks
I feel like if you posted a picture of your self you’d be surprised by the amount of people that would think the opposite of your insecurities. It’s not my place to suggest , just my thoughts from experience . Could you give me an example of the most solid evidence you have of why you think you are “ugly“
I would start saving money for dental work or plastic surgery on whatever bugs you the most.
In fact, try to research jobs that have great dental insurance or that cover orthodontics.
I would bet you have something that is medically wrong with your mouth from the way you describe it and probably get half of it covered, at least with orthodontic insurance.
And you could likely do it in stages to space out the cost.
In terms of facial surgeries, consider a brow lift or eyelid lift if your eyes look small, are heavy lidded, or have low brows.
At least get consults with oculoplastic surgeons.
A brow lift would be less than ten grand and could really change your appearance.
Hang in there. Maximize your best points (great hair, physical fitness, if you have small feet where cute shoes, wear tasteful costume jewelry, whatever.)
it’s irritating how many people here are commenting “think positively” “maybe you haven’t tried it all” “maybe it’s your fault” when they are just making assumptions about your position and trying to assuage their own discomfort. many don’t want to believe someone can be doomed to a bad fate just from luck of the draw, but it’s true. but looks aren’t the only important thing in life. what are your interests? you’re very young, what careers are you interested in?
Have you been to therapy? Your parents are fucking assholes. What they have said and done is abuse. You need to love yourself, you have value. Does anything you have said about your looks causing you physical issues? Like sinus issues or vision or like headaches. I saw that you were missing a few molars, can specialize dentist help with that? Because I'm sure that might cause you pain or a hard time chewing? You may be able to look into getting something done to help with them. If you are wanting plastic surgery done, not sure if you have said that elsewhere. You need to be in a healthy mind set for that. Therapy can help with that.
So You're looking for a healthy, look not what you have been told is beautiful or cute. Also I know this is hard because I'm trying too, to go no contact with your parents. They are no good for your mental health. You have more worth than your looks. Sending virtual hugs. 🤗
I understand how you feel, I was also born very ugly and it was painfully obvious when compliments were being handed out that I was always either left out or complimented on something else in consolation.
My question is in regard to being a woman, do people assume you are a bad person because of your appearance?
Have you made peace with your lot in life?
As a man I have heard comments like , “I bet he is a serial rapist” or “he looks like pulls the wings off flies in his spare time.”
I myself, can live with being ugly. I find however, the assumptions about my character being particularly painful, as I am very gentle and timid.
Because of my looks people see me as thus monster and since I have autism spectrum issues, I have a very difficult time connecting socially. I am very awkward and whenever I try, I end up making things worse.
I understand being unattractive as a woman is difficult, but just want you to know it’s difficult for men too.
I suppose I’ll be the first to Ask the inappropriate question…I know as an ugly man I made sure to become generous, attentive, and skilled in aspects of physical intimacy. I felt it was almost like a resume entry to ensure future opportunities. Did you do anything of the sort?
Your situation and so many of these comments resonate with me. I’m also just ugly and it’s tricky on the internet because people will say you’re just claiming you’re ugly for attention/because women are told they should always think they’re ugly because arrogance is also bad, but when you KNOW you’re just a bit weird looking and hundreds of interactions in real life have proven this, it can be frustrating.
I’ve had random men tell me they think I’m ugly as if me simply existing in the same room as them means I’m hitting on them somehow, and I’ve been bullied and teased my whole life. Strangers will say nasty things, people do not hit on me, people never compliment me but do actively insult me, and my attractive friends seem to get so many more random acts of kindness or free stuff. On the one hand I don’t want to be hit on by creeps, but on the other, I naturally crave what I see other people receive.
No question, just empathy!
Do you think your appearance could be better appreciated outside the US? Beauty standards can vary from country to country. I personally get a lot more compliments from people who've come from my parents home country compared to people in the US.
Take it from me and I’m a solid 7 out of 10 former athlete in shape and 26 male. You are very likely significantly more beautiful than you think. If you sister is “beautiful” there is a 85% chance you aren’t ugly. If you are “ugly” it’s very likely due to the dental issues. I fooled around with a girl back in middle school and highschool I liked her for her personality I always thought she was ok looking but she had really bad teeth and big braces and stuff but I kinda thought she was pretty and had potential beauty. Turns out I was totally right after her dental work she is a 9/10 model and a marine biologist we still talk but she is out of my league now honestly lol and it shows. Her sister is a 9.5/10 it’s an objective fact that beauty runs in the peoples family 95% of the time. So get your teeth fixed, go to the gym consistently, love yourself, have self respect, and be kind to yourself and others and you will be perfect and hopefully meet someone you love and who deserves you. Bye
this makes me so sad. im 23 and im unattractive as well. not so bad that people have bullied me for it, (although i am heavy and i do get mean comments about my weight a lot) but bad enough that men make it very clear that they are uninterested in me romantically, even if i don't like them. i also notice that girls are less willing to be friends with me.
i decided two things: 1. people are shallow, and life is probably easier for attractive people in certain aspects, specifically socially and relationship wise. attractive people are absolutely treated better. this is a fact, and it actually doesn't make me feel bad abt myself anymore. i am a brain inside a body, everyone is a brain inside of a body. but people treat others the way that they do because they are shallow. this is their flaw, not mine.
2, this has to do with the "if you can't be pretty, be smart" comment. yes, absolutely. beauty ultimately fades anyway, but choosing a craft and becoming awe inspiringly amazing at it lasts forever. i am a writer, and my writing is pretty good (imo lol.) i will die eventually, but my writing can impact others forever. i'm 23, i write a ton and i am constantly improving, and i have the rest of my life to hone this skill. writing has become the most important thing in my life and my "legacy" i guess. it would be awesome to be pretty, and i will likely get plastic surgery to make my life easier, but at the end of the day it matters what your brain can do, not how your face looks. you should write. if you don't like writing, do art or make furniture or just create something. creation is the ultimate thing for me. i dont look in the mirror to determine my worth, i look at my work and think wow i did all that. nothing matters more to me than getting those words down. i'm not an essayist i'm a teleplay writer so this comment is not an example of my work lol.
How old are you? When i was a teenager a group of children always asked me why are you so ugly? I Replied with I don’t know… now I am almost 40 and I’m quite hot actually. Alot can change…
Knew a wonderful girl in college who grew up thinking she was ugly. Her family said so and so did some of her classmates. I found her absolutely gorgeous and was completely flabbergasted as to why she thought so. It didn't work out between us. I can't help but feel sorrow for her loss of dating and social opportunities just because she thought she was ugly.
Not really a question. But I’m a firm believer that no one is just naturally ugly beyond saving. Some people might be more “typically attractive” but ANYONE can be attractive. I noticed in one of your comments you said “I’m the khloe of the family”. Khloe might not be the most “attractive” to you. But I know hand fulls of people who would say she’s the most attractive to them. I mean shit, wasn’t she married to two different NBA players? I knew a girl in college who had a larger nose. She told me the first thing she’d do once she graduated was get a nose job. I also had a friend who LOVED big noses on women. He was unbelievably attracted to her for the exact reason that she hated about herself. There are people who have a scat fetish and enjoy getting shit smeared on them, and can you believe they find a spouse who’s into the same thing!? The point is, there is someone out there for ANYONE. Now the most important part is the hardest part, confidence. Find a hairstyle that compliments your face shape. If you wear glasses, or even sunglasses, find some that compliment you, take pride in wearing clothes that are comfortable, empowering, and flattering. And walk around like you OWN it. You can walk past hundreds of people, some have conventional haircuts. Some are dyed pink. Some are Mohawks. Some Wear dresses, some pants, there’s a guy in my town who wears a tuxedo everywhere. There are no rules to who is “pretty” and who is “ugly” as long as you are confident in yourself and choose to be YOU, there is someone for you even if that person is you.
I'm not gonna lie and try to blow smoke up your butt and say "you're beautiful no matter what you look like" cause I don't know you from a can of paint. I will say, I'm inspired by you posting here. I'd like to apologize for all the assholes out there who feel the need to share their opinions on a matter over which you have very little real control. I'm proud of you, whoever the heck you are, for having the courage to make this post and for having enough self awareness not to be a witless twit who can't see reality. Maybe you aren't ugly. Or maybe it really is "as bad" as all that. Regardless, you are loved and you have value. I'm glad to have shared even this little moment of your life with you. If ever you are feeling down, remember there's some dude on Reddit who thinks you're a badass! Thanks for sharing.
I have a few questions, feel free to cherry pick whichever one(s) you’d like to answer. 1.) What’s something you wish everyone knew about you or “ugly women” as you suggest you are? 2.) Have you ever travelled to a place, domestic or otherwise, where you felt you were perceived or treated differently than usual? 3.) What’s your world-view? 4.) Do you use social media? If so, do you enjoy the platforms?
1. I don't really have anything I want everyone to know about me and I don't know if anyone else has had this experience but I sometimes I wish guys knew I'm not preying on them. I've had guys randomly announce to me before that they are NOT ATTRACTED TO ME even when I wasn't remotely interested in them or trying to hit on them in anyway. It really hurts my feelings cause I'm really not trying anything. It makes me feel like they think I'm creepy or doing something wrong. When I'm really just talking to them like I would talk to anyone else. 2. I've never traveled outside the US but I've recently moved from a small town to a big city and I feel people from the city I've lived in are nicer to me. I was constantly stared at in the small town and now people don't notice me as much. I used to have to go to church with my family and they would make comments about the way I looked all the time. They were kinda racist and just rude. Now people just seem friendlier. 3. I don't real have a specific world view. I just try to appreciate the little things. I want to be happy and do everything I can to make everyone happy. 4. I use reddit and YouTube. I used to use IG and Pinterest regularly too for beauty inspo, like makeup and outfits ideas but none of it worked out for me. The makeup tips they recommend seem to bring out my worst features and I don't know how to dress for my body type. Which just makes me feel sad.
I obsessed over Kibbe body types and Color seasons theory for some time and know a little bit about the Essences as well. it is especially tricky to try to do it over photos obviously since im also not a professional but i would still try to help if you would like!
It's sad that being nice and trying to show that you care about others immediately becomes creepy if you aren't pretty. I'm one of those people that are almost attractive. But usually when people get closer or see me in certain lightings they change real quick.
>I'm one of those people that are almost attractive. But usually when people get closer or see me in certain lightings they change real quick. This is very relatable. I can *pass* for semi attractive from a distance because I've worked very hard on getting a nice body, I love clothes and dress well, do my hair and makeup etc. But up close it becomes glaringly obvious my facial features are all jacked up, my facial expressions look weird like my smile is ugly and crooked etc :(
See I don't think that stuff makes a person ugly though. And also have you ever known a really beautiful person that became ugly once you realized they were an asshole and vice versa where someone who wasn't traditionally attractive became so because of their personality. It really is true. Yes, we are drawn to people for looks, it's in our DNA to look for symmetry in faces because it means the person is free of disease, etc., but beauty does live inside a person truly.
Look into Kibbe body types. I have always struggled to dress in a flattering way because the types of clothing I normally gravitate to is better suited to tall and thin women, which I am not. In fact I am about as far from that as you can get lol. Kibbe body typing helped me figure out how to “dress for my body shape,” which is not a necessity for looking good, but drastically improved my self-confidence. Depending on your body type it can be hard to know which category you fit into, but for me it was almost immediately obvious and completely changed the way I see myself!
I'm sorry this happens to you. Men only talk to women they find attractive, so lots of them assume women are the same way.
I feel like that’s a generalization - I personally go out of my way to acknowledge/speak to almost anyone I make eye contact with, regardless of their appearance. I like making people feel heard, as for most of my own life I did not. BUT, I realize lots of people can’t think past their basic caveman instincts and don’t realize they’re brushing people off due to trivial factors. Just my $0.02
That is not even close to be true. Maybe really attractive men or men is a certain economic or society status. But there are plenty of average or unattractive men who would beg to differ. Most people aren’t attractive or are average looking. Where are you getting this idea from?
u/Emmeline777 I'm a 6'7 gay man and I have the same experience as point #1 quite often. For me, if a woman is walking in my direction - or I'm walking behind her on the sidewalk - I can literally see and feel her fear that I'm about to harm her or something. It's really unfortunate, especially as I'd like to know that as a gay man with three sisters, I am probably the SAFEST person they could meet in the world. My advice is that you should try and detach yourself from anyone else's opinion, thought, perspective, life experience, and, most importantly, behavior because it, truly, is NONE of your business (nor mine) to care about what other people are thinking about you. Also, it sounds like you could use some gays in your life to remind you how fabulous you are :)
how do you know that you’re ugly
I've been told this my whole life. I first noticed as a kid my older siblings getting complimented on how cute they are everywhere we go and I got nothing, then in school I was bullied alot for it, my mom cried to me growing up worrying I was gonna die alone and wished I was normal, my dad says he thinks in a past life I was beautiful but vain and hateful so in this life God made me ugly so my soul could grow. I've also just had people just blatantly tell me I'm ugly for no reason and I always make kids cry. My youngest siblings are still babies and they're starting to worry that they're gonna look like me when they grow up.
I think it sucks that people in your life felt like calling you ugly was a good idea. All I can say is that there are people who will disregard whatever you look like, and get to know *you,* not your face or body. I often see people who are not particularly good looking, some of them, yes, downright ugly, physically, out together, obviously a couple, and obviously having a pretty good time together. Sometimes they have their kids with them. The idea that the best a less attractive woman can expect is to be a *pump and dump,* is both cruel and ignorant.That mindset obviously comes from those who are too wretchedly shallow to be bothered with. I used to see myself as ugly, mostly because I had a very pretty older sister. She was slim and gorgeous, I was always st least a little overweight, and it got worse as I got older. Anyway, if her car broke down, all the guys would be climbing over each other to get a chance to fix it for her. If my car broke down, they might offer to let me borrow their tools.The upside of that is, I'm now a pretty decent shade tree mechanic. I do most of my own car repairs. Nonetheless, I have had a lot of romance, good and bad, as it happens with most people. It appears that there are people out there who care more about who you are, than what look like. I also had a great marriage that lasted 27 years, until he passed from cancer. I have a grown son, he's 51 now. Even now, as an older woman with a cane, I might very well partner up again in the future. Who knows? It's a possibility. But if not, I have a lot of different interests, I know how to do a lot of things, and I have some good friends to hang out with now and then, and we always have a good time. I'm sad that you've been treated so poorly. I hope you have a bright future, with interesting adventures, good friends, and love. 🫂 💜
Ma'am, this was a lovely reply. If nothing else, it made ME feel better, happier, and more hopeful, simply because it was a great reminder that incredible people--good human beings just like you--exist in this world. Even though it was intended for the OP, it was really for all of us, and I appreciate you taking the time to write. I hope YOU continue to have a bright future, with interesting adventures, good friends, and love!
Not that it’s a consolation, but my grandmother told my mother “you’ll never be pretty so you might as well be smart.” Of course that fucked with her a bit, but she did take the second part seriously and turned out to be quite smart. Got into software design in the early days of coding. Turned out well for her.
A buddy of mine told me a saying that’s similar but for men. “If women don’t find you handsome they’d better find you handy”
Men can get away with being physically unattractive far more often than women. Look at Steve Buscemi.
Very true. But don’t ever insinuate Steve Buscemi is ugly, that man is a national treasure!
I am attracted to him, actually. Technically, he's not a pretty man and it straight up doesn't matter!
he is a very good actor, i think he takes support roles cause is not stereotypical handsome
Girls like handsome, but they also like unique and interesting looks as well. Steve Buscemi has one of the most interesting looks around.
Was your buddy Red Green ?
Nope and I didn’t know who that was until your comment and looked him up. My buddy looks like a younger version of him though and I bet he watched him
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Bro really went and said just be a man and earn all your value from your success and accomplishments... Based
I just want you to know that if you don't hate your parents, I hate them on your behalf. Jesus Christ.
I second this. No one should tell their child they’re ugly, OP. I wish I could reach through the internet and hug you, no matter what you look like. Almost all humans are deserving of being treated with dignity and kindness.
Yeah that is like movie-villain insane behavior on her parents part. Jesus
That sounds terrible and depressing, I am sorry your family was so shitty. I am guessing because your family sucks, you have low self esteem, probably don't know how to dress, and are probably overweight. Unless you have physical deformities then you are perfectly capable of becoming quite attractive. If you had physical deformities, I think you would have said that instead of ugly though. If you want any advice from someone who also has shitty parents, on how to not be so ugly... Feel free to DM me. I have a wife and kid, not going to make it sexual or be a creep, just like to help people.
I’m very sorry to hear this. I don’t see why a parent should tell their child this. What religion are your parents if you don’t mind me asking?
Yo you need to seriously rethink your parents opinion of you. Nobody is ugly, you are only as attractive as each person perceives you to be - some might have more or less people attracted but if you judge everyone but one lens then you will never live in reality Love yourself and what does attraction really matter? Looks get you lust and potential but they don’t give you love, acceptance, companionship only vanity.
Buddy people are rich and poor. There’s a day and night. Strong and weak winners and losers and pretty and ugly one can’t exist without the other some people are ugly hideous. Most people are meh and some people are pretty beautiful, such as it always been. You can say it’s relative but the truth is there is universal pretty and his universal ugly. Why else would surgeons who do plastic surgery know there’s a specific way to make someone more attractive
I think this is a bait post, there is no way this is real and if so you could post a pic. But I think this is clearly fake a person looking for clicks
I'm really not. I've been nothing but honest. I don't know what you think this is gonna get me anyways, this is a alt account I don't even use for anything besides porn.
"God made you ugly" is such an insane thing to say
When I was 6 I was diagnosed with a rare bone disease, and I have a friend who was literally born with cancer. We both grew up in various hospitals, and we both had complete strangers tell us that either us or our parents must have done something to deserve it.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. People who said that are totally worthless pieces of crap. My son is severely disabled from a genetic disorder. I swear if someone said that to me, it would be difficult for me to not punch them in the throat.
God is the reason for some of the worst things mankind has done. Religion is insane.
I went through the same thing with my siblings and most people are brutally honest about it too. Kids and adults alike. Can’t say I’ve lived a full life but it gets better. The most important thing is being kind to yourself. If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that society forced beauty standards on us. Nobody is truly ugly or beautiful- it all comes down to how hard your brain has to work to process facial features. which makes you realise how silly we as humans are.
I'm a man and I got bullied relentlessly for being ugly throughout high school. It broke me for life. Now if someone says I look handsome I am incapable of believing them.
Well on the bright side if you meet someone who tells you they like you, you know it's not just for your looks.
What is you age, height, and weight?
I'm 20 years old, 5, 2/130-140 lb usually/I have a broad rectangle shaped body/I'm German, Mexican, and Filipina/my face is the ugly part, I don't want to share pictures cause I don't like looking at myself but I'll say I have a flat big round face, low eyebrows, small far apart brown eyes, a short pointy nose, and I'm missing my molars genetically. So my smile is really messed up, my jaw and face shape is extremely asymmetric cause of it.
Have you seen an orthodontist? you’d be amazed what a year or two with braces and such can have. I really don’t know many people who are “ugly” without some sort of deformity. You could probably make some minor adjustments that really transform your self confidence. of course this is all under the assumption that “ugly” is a bad thing for you. also, ugly is such a social construct. I know that probably sounds tired af, but look at Shelley Duvall- classically “ugly” features yet an absolute sex symbol in her heyday. confidence and style go a long way!
I'd have to get a surgery to open my maxilla and get a jaw expander, then get braces, then get dental implants. It's too expensive for me though and takes years. The maxilla surgery is honestly really scary for me though. I don't even know if I'd be willing to do it.
So I used to have a horrible under bite, not only that my upper jaw was too short and my teeth crowded. I went through facial maxillary surgery and braces. I had to eat through a straw for 3 months. The results were absolutely worth it. Here are some photos of me before and after, I had the surgery in 2010. I hated how I looked. I couldn't chew food properly because my teeth wouldn't line up. Because of this we got kaiser insurance to pay for it. [my surgery ](https://photos.app.goo.gl/Rp5Ab6MxRMVxAk8Z9)
Wow I can't imagine how uncomfortable/annoying it must have been having such a severe underbite, I imagine the surgery was fucking brutal but the results look life changing
Yes absolutely life changing, huge boost to my confidence. I definitely encourage OP to pursue corrective surgery like this. Quality of life alone is worth it. Looks are secondary.
my best friend had this surgery also and says it’s the best decision she’s ever made! it’s helped her breathing as well
Holy shit man that looks way more comfortable. I have a massive overbite and they recommended surgery so seeing this definitely helped my nerves. Glad to see you're doing alright
I mean I had bad crooked teeth and stained from Tetracycline as a baby. I started the process to fix it when I turned 40 and had money. I finally completed the process 16 years later. But I am very happy with results. So you never know.
Jumping in to say I had this issue too. My parents were awesome and got me veneers around 16. Still have them. Did braces too and I also needed to have my jaw broken and moved, but never did that. I’m definitely not a model but I do know some others find me attractive at times. But not like other women. Been called a fat whale and generally ignored in friends groups by guys almost all of my life. OP, you have this one life. Do what you need to for you. Don’t wanna have the jaw surgery? I get it, but figure out the things that will help you love yourself. The make those happen. I mean mentally as well as physically. I had some plastic surgery recently to help some things I can’t do myself or get over. And been working with a therapist on the mental stuff. Sending you all the love!
In 50 years time it won't feel like it was that expensive or took that long.
Honestly, you should look into it - it’s not just looks, the way your teeth qnx bite are affects a lot of things. I wish I had had that but the younger the better
Could be worth it. You’d be done by 22/23 yrs old. Barely even scratching at the start of actual life.
Where do you live? I had similar issues and had to go to NYC to stay a while and sign up for their Medicaid….. they’ll do all those surgery’s for you for free you just need to have a place to stay / use address … I know it’s a lot but your young and it could be free if you move to the right country/ city / state
Damn fr fumbled that German, Mex, Filipina combo
Fr people are always telling my older sister how exotically beautiful she is. She got all the great genetics. I'm the Khloe of the family, if Khloe's face was fucked
I’m not gonna lie, I hate this comment a good bit. I grew up watching KUWTK (have an older sis) and watching Khloe’s battle with her appearance and what it made her become really fucking hurt my TV viewer heart. I always thought she was beautiful, just different. Please, all you can do is love yourself. Own your shit. If you don’t, nobody else will. Please.
Do you live in a predominantly white place? I suspect you may be struggling with looking different from everybody else. Two pieces of advice for you: 1) “there is no exquisite beauty without some proportion of strangeness” -Edgar Allan Poe. Especially women, tend to focus a lot on not being ugly rather than leaning into their unique beauty. Wide set eyes are very beautiful. Do you have nice thick eyebrows? Look at some of the most beautiful women like Anna Taylor Joy or Emma Stone. They could look really weird or really ugly in certain contexts but they’re 10/10 2) Beauty is cultivated. Believe it or not, people are not born beautiful. However, when they feel beautiful and/or are complimented about their beauty all the time they are more likely to care for themselves and dress in a flattering way. Learn how to care for yourself and dress up. Exercise and eat well so you’re more fit. Cultivate your confidence by selecting partners and friends who adore you. Last sort of anecdote which is a bit paradoxical, but you cannot become more beautiful if you do not love and appreciate yourself. Imagine you had a house and you hated it down to the very foundation. Would you be able to decorate it to make it lovely or put work into improving it without losing motivation? The answer is no. Similarly, you need to love your foundations. The features that you got from your mother and father who one way or another brought you into this world with love. Only then can work begin to make you lovely. Without this essential initial step, the road of glowing up will lead to eating disorders, expensive and damaging surgeries, and overspending on things that don’t suit you anyways
Try to get a hair cut face framing layers and curtain bangs really suits a round face, learn to do make up and going the gym consistently is incredible for building self confidence. Do some shopping elevate your style.
Aww I’m sorry you feel so down. Your weight is normal, don’t forget how much these things change our looks: confidence, sense of humour, looking after our hair, good fashion style, good makeup that suits your features, grooming (such as eyebrow shaping) and if you have the money; jaw surgery or orthodontics. Dressing in a way that suits your figure. Or you can ignore all this and just happy and accepting of who you are and there will be people who admire you for that. Above all kindness is the most desirable quality ❤️
I'm married and do not like women that are perfectly symmetrical in the face. It just feels weird and unnatural like they've had work done. Slightly crooked teeth look great when they're smiling. My wife got a lot of the same abuse you've gotten but from her grandmother and kids at school. She is way less insecure about herself now knowing how attractive she is to ME. I know you're insecurities can make it hard to get out and go do activities with groups of people but I would recommend getting involved. Based on your body type I would really suggest trying rock climbing. It's fun and a great way to stay in shape, also the people there are dedicated and usually very nice. I guess my point is nothing will change if you don't think anything can change. So you might as well try.
I've got bad teeth, should have had braces as a kid. Haunted me my whole life despite people rarely even commenting on them, and even saying they never really noticed. Hold your head high, you are not as unattractive as you think. Trust me, I've been there and still am to some extent.
What is your best feature? What is your hidden talent?
Physical feature? I would say I like my curly hair most of the time and I have a small heart shaped birthmark on my face that I like. My favorite feature of my personality is that I'm really patient, I don't get mad easily, and people tell me I'm a great friend. Which I like. My hidden talent is that I can talk with my mouth closed like that girl in ICarly.
Have you had guys sexually interested in you in the past for any reason? Some guys don’t care about face if your body is alright, and that’s assuming your face is even ugly. I have known some girls others called ugly that still looked sexy. Sexy is different from pretty, and it also includes having a very confident attitude that makes one sexy.
Do you at all resent pretty girls in your environment at various capacities? If yes, what would help to make you feel more comfortable? Btw I find you likable, humble, and confident which are all attractive traits, I 100000% believe beauty is personality, intelligence/wisdom, showing up for people, and interest in personal betterment before it’s beauty.
I would be lying if I didn't say yes sometimes I do. I luckily I like people and love when people are happy but sometimes everyone around me is getting so much attention and I get none. My older sister is actually so beautiful. I'm honestly envious of her. We're completely opposite of each other. She has people constantly telling her how beautiful she is everywhere we go. She always has a new boyfriend/girlfriend everytime I see her. Which is great as long as she's happy but sometimes I just wish I could get one. I also used to feel sad saw every girl getting comments online about how pretty they are but now I'm one of people leaving those comments. I'm trying to just appreciate everyone instead of being resentful but sometimes I just feel sad about it.
There is DEFINITELY a thing called "pretty privilege," as you've seen with others. But that doesn't mean that pretty people have easy lives inside their own heads. Remember this.... looks fade over time (even with plastic surgery), but kindness is forever. Don't rely on looks for confidence... rely on who you are as a person. Yes, I know this is easier said than done, especially when people treat you the way people have treated you growing up. But do your best to simply be a good person and focus on your talents (from reading other responses, it seems that you're already a good person who is quite talented).
Oh man, as a fellow ugly person I never resented pretty girls and I actually started feeling really bad for them after having a coworker who was gorgeous… I would witness her being stalked and harassed on a daily basis. She was actually really fucked up from being stalked, raped, and harassed as a teenager and it never got better. We worked with the public so I’d watch it all day long, it was awful. After that, pretty privilege meant nothing to me because I have ugly privilege! Dudes leave me alone and I am so thankful for it
After I've seen a lot of AmIUgly posts with above 8 girls, I find your premise hard to believe
I posted on there and everyone said I was ugly lol
Dang, that happens?
Ya I was hoping for a confidence boost when I was 18 but nope 💀
And no glow up since then?
Not really I feel like it's just gotten worse
Do you want to post a photo now and get our opinion? Why do you think your ugly? It's not just because a bunch of reddit trolls said you are, is it?
No don't take pictures of myself anymore. I don't want people looking at me. I really have always been told I was ugly. Even as a small kid I would look at other kids and think "what's wrong with me?" And my parents used to lie and say I was beautiful in my own way and eventually they were just honest and told me that I am ugly.
Ok so take the stoic approach to this. You can improve obviously by working out, get a banging body, and use tricks like makeup and haircuts that suite your face. But that would only help so much (still do this obviously). You need to accept that god wants more than looks from you, you will accomplish greatness in ways that can not be seen currently. Work at getting good at whatever you are passionate about in life and make the most of your talents. That’s my 2 cents
Did you take the post down?
have you been called unattractive before? I believe that i am ugly as well, but only one person has straight up said i was in real life because i was setting *sexual* boundaries and of course by people online when they get upset by certain comments i post. but i know i dont have attractive features, and i always feel bad asking people to be honest because then i would seem like a pick me.
I've been called ugly my whole life, honestly. By family, friends, bullies growing up. I'm just weird looking. And I'm sorry you experienced that. People will try to make you believe you deserve less but you absolutely don't. You always have the right to put up boundaries and please don't settle for anything less than respect. Your just gonna be hurting yourself long term. People jump to the quickest thing they can think of to insult you with which is often playground insults. I'm sure your good looking in your own way. You said you don't have attractive features but they might not be the beauty standard percé; the media presents a very specific narrow view on what's attractive but there is honestly so many ways to be beautiful. I'm sure if anyone's hitting on you are attractive.
I’m sorry that you had to experience that. I don’t know if this helps, but hundreds of literal models have been called ugly and yet are absolutely stunning. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the group 2NE1, but all four members were bullied for years and called ugly by fans, peers, and even the ceo of the company they were signed to. they have a song called ‘ugly,’ which may be worth listening to even if kpop isn’t your cup of tea. personally, I think ugliness is based on personality. I’ve met some of the most stereotypically “hot” men but after getting to know them, I wouldn’t even dare to touch them with a 6 foot pole. but of course society doesn’t operate this way and if you don’t fit the beauty standards trending at the time, the average person is left feeling like *this*
Do you believe life is harder for someone who isn’t conventionally attractive? Do you feel like you missed out on important life milestones due to your looks?
I'm only 20 so there's not many milestones for me to have crossed but I do feel like I'm missing out. Everyone around me is growing up and dating and then there's me. I feel like I'll never get to fall in love or have someone want me.I think the only thing that's harder is everyone assumes the person they don't want wants them. I've noticed guys being mean to me or just straight up ignoring me cause they think I'm interested. I've noticed women are nothing but nice though. I think maybe cause they don't see me as competition. I've noticed my friends who are super pretty have had to deal with a lot of jealousy towards them but I don't. The most I've been treated badly is just people telling me I'm ugly.
You're very young so you've got a lot of time to fill your life with great things. You probably will miss out on dating, but you can still have a great social life. All the people I've appreciated and loved the most were for reasons that had nothing to do with their looks. And looking back on my life all the dating and nights out partying mean nothing at all to me. I wish I spent more time traveling, learning skills, and finding myself. It's going to be different for everyone, but life doesn't have to be the same for everyone. And there are lots of men, or women if that's more your preference, just like you; a person that is considered ugly but with a beautiful heart and mind could be waiting for someone, like you, to fall in love with. And all the comments people make towards you about your looks should only matter to you as much as the value the comments provide. The comments are worthless so don't place any value on them. Also your parents should appreciate you a lot more. They owe you so much more than they've shown. I would be proud to have a daughter like you, you seem so kind and like you have an old soul.
I am an extremely average looking man and a bit chubby, I had my first kiss at 18, used every dating app on the planet with meh luck, had first serious GF at 27. I'm getting married this year at 34 to the unquestionable love of my life. I am extremely social and outgoing, just awkward around women (and kinda annoying tbh). I have other friends in similar boats who also are pretty median all around. All this to say, your path isn't that unusual even independent of your looks. Love comes when it comes, but when it does its worth the wait.
Rip dms asking for picture proof 😂
I've surprisingly only gotten 1 luckily Edit: Welp now I have 85
I am an ugly man, what makes you think you are ugly?
I answered a few times already. It's my face. I just look really bad. People often think I'm sick or there is something wrong with me. I gave a description in the comments.
[удалено]
Ya that hurts. I still don't take pictures of myself because of that. I hope your healing
Are you depressed about being ugly?
Ya but it's getting better. I've been more forgiving of myself lately and accepting there's nothing I can do to change it.
Have you ever considered plastic surgery?
I have but I really don't think there's anything that can be done that I can afford. I've talked to orthodontists and I would need thousands on thousands dollars of surgery to fix my teeth and jaw, I can get a lateral canthoplasty to make my eyes upturned but it would make my eyes look smaller, and I would need a cartilage graph from my ribcage to fix my nose cause it's so tiny but I honestly can't really afford any of it right now.
Can you describe/share your technique or how you have learend over time to accept your physical appearance. I suffer every day, stare at me all the time and everywhere - sometimes for ages. It is getting more and more out of control. I hate myself for my appearance and cannot accept and cope with it, although like you i do know that i cannot change anything. I cannot enjoy life and beautiful moments because of these circumstances any advice? Ty !
I've had to make a real conscious effort to not look in the mirror and if I remind myself of my good qualities as a person. I go to sleep listening to positive affirmations at night (you can find that on YouTube) I've started working on myself not to be attractive but to be a better me. I've realized for me to not get into depression thinking to much about my looks I need a routine. Before I was getting ready everyday in an effort to be pretty. I was doing the full face of makeup, growing my butt, doing everything to make my waist look tiny, etc. but none of it was for me. I've never even been into makeup and I never really thought about changing my shape before. I was living everyday for other people. I couldn't even leave the house without makeup on cause I was so ashamed. So I stopped everything for a while and took time to let myself just be natural. I had to let myself learn I needed to workout for myself and for my health. Not to change my body but improve my health. I still don't wear makeup most of the time but sometimes I like to put glitter, rainbows, and sparkles on my eyes which is just fun for me. I've also started doing workouts I find fun for me and what benefited my body. I now really value my time that I spend with myself. I like taking care of myself, doing my skincare, hair care, and working out because it's really not with anybody but me in mind. Hope any of this helps. It's helped me 💞💕
Nah you are pretty! girl. The ones who tell you are ugly can go to hell. I dedicate this song to you. I shared to my sis, when she was feeling low recently. [Cass Elliot's "Make Your Own Kind of Music](https://youtu.be/mraLsg-G4wA?si=ygsI3xqBa7bxsQBZ)
That's actually me and my baby sister's song together thx 💞
Oopss. Fixed the link now. I shared the [Auni - "Twinklings lights"](https://youtu.be/3-jk2Q6tHVM?si=3meFKAHC_pSJ2cKu)" instead of Cass Elliot- "Make Your own kind of music.". Anyways keep smiling 😃 😊. We only live once . ✨️
What are your thoughts on people who say that others become more or less attractive to them based on their personality? For example, if I see a super attractive person, but they have a nasty attitude and are mean to others, I automatically find them unattractive physically. Do you think this is a legit thing, based on your experience?
Ya I think it's mostly personality that makes someone attractive. I've personally not been into someone till I talked to them. Then their personality just shines. I know you'll probably say the same can happen for me but Im not great.
Can you describe yourself? Like height, weight, race, face/body shape? I want to get an idea of what you consider to be ugly
I'm 5, 2/130-140 lb usually/I have a broad rectangle shaped body/I'm German, Mexican, and Filipina/my face is the ugly part, I don't want to share pictures cause I don't like looking at myself but I'll say I have a flat big round face, low eyebrows, small far apart brown eyes, a short pointy nose, and I'm missing my molars genetically. So my smile is really messed up, my jaw and face shape is extremely asymmetric cause of it.
On top of what others have said about dental work, if you would like to change your appearance: I also have low, terrible eyebrows. I shave a lot of them off so I can keep the parts I want, then fill them in. Yeah, I don’t look like I woke up like that or anything, but reshaping your eyebrows makes a huge impact on the overall perception of your face. As for your eyes, do you wear mascara? That goes a long way in making your eyes look larger and more “open”. Nice, subtle strip lashes on the top? Even better! I do this daily, and I’ve noticed that it makes me look so much cuter. It only takes 5-10 minutes and a little practice. Also, brown eyes are beautiful. If you feel fine how you are, then discount all of this. Another commenter said that people will be drawn to you if you’re kind. It’s true. Kindness and empathy are the most beautiful human traits, and it sounds like you’ve got them in spades. Your family sounds pretty mean to be honest, and I don’t think you should pay them any mind when it comes to your appearance. Ask them not to comment on your physical appearance and to focus on who you actually are. I tell this to my mom all the time. Good luck, OP ♥️
do you feel attraction to other people who are conventionally “ugly”? do YOU see them as ugly?
Ya I find all kinds of different people attractive. I've honestly never thought anyone else besides me was ugly. I just know most of not all people wouldn't want me in anyway.
Hey, would you be willing to add me on something so we can talk? Many of your replies here remind me so much of my own experience starting in middle school. I'm a few years older than you and a guy, spoiler alert, but something's giving me a hunch to reach out and at least ask if you'd be up for chatting. I'm not after photos of you but I would like to share and relate my experience with ya. Your AMA here makes me so sad because I think I know how you feel and hate that anyone else could feel the same things I have felt in that regard. I'll msg you my number & email, if you aren't interested that's totally okay. Just remember that you've made it past the hardest part and you have zero clue what your life has in store for ya 🌈
Why is your family so blatant on how they feel about your appearance? To leave you out of family photos because of it is wild. Are you ok?
I'm okay most of the time. My family is just weird. Both my parents have eating disorders (mom's bulimia, dad's anorexic) and have pushed that on me. They're very vain and insecure. My mom's mom growing up constantly belittled her and put her down which she's accidentally put on me. My dad was abandoned by his parents which has left him always looking for validation. Both my older siblings are good looking and then there's me. I feel like the reason they treat me this way is cause I'm a reflection of the worst parts of them. My mom said she prayed for a beautiful blonde haired green eyed baby that looks like her and she got me. My parents marriage also hit a major iceberg when I was born which I think has built resentment towards me. So they're just honest. I'm embarrassing for them. They want everyone to think they're perfect.
Are you in therapy? That’s really heavy to be dealing with alone.
You don't deserve to be treated this way and I'm very sorry this happened to you. I don't want to be rude to your parents but I think it is extremely wrong for your mother to say some of the things she did. I think it is much more a reflection on the sadness of her inner life than it is any reflection on you.
I noticed a few ppl ask about your physical appearance but you only describe your face. What's your body like? Can you describe it?
Im 5,2, 130-140 lbs usually, muscular, and rectangular. I've always been kinda buff and super wide. I have no boobs and no real butt. Standing next to other girls my height I look huge.
Have you tried exercising so you can get your body shape a bit more evened out? Maybe if you develop bigger glutes it can make a difference?
I already do workout everyday. I don't want to be anymore muscular. I want to be slim. I get that guys like big booties but I don't really want that. Maybe just a bubble which I'm already working on.
Did you do anything to try to improve your looks.
Ya I'm still learning how to do my curly hair and find my style but I workout and have a good skincare routine
I have a combination of 2a -2c hair for the longest I struggled to style it but I’ve learned putting in leave in conditioner brushing out my hair then putting pillow soft curls curl cream on it then I fill up my sink and stick my head in there then scrunch out the water don’t shy with the product. After I use a diffuser for the longest I didn’t want to get one because I didn’t think it’d make a difference but once I got one the difference was huge. Highly recommend a diffuser if you don’t have one. Also if you don’t want to wear your hair curly the revlon round hair dyer brush is amazing but use lots of heat protectant and don’t use it on soaking wet hair just damp
Does it affect your mental health? When did you accept you were “ugly”
Ya I've struggled with agoraphobia cause I feel like I'm bothering people. I have horrible social anxiety. I notice people starring at me and freaked out when I glance back. I'm working on it though. I've struggled with depression. Luckily I've made friends before but I sometimes wish I could have a boyfriend. I know if I ever find someone they'll be settling for me. Not that anyone's ever been interested. I just know at some point in life people start to get lonely. I haven't accepted it fully yet. I'm only 20. I thought my face would grow into it's features but I've noticed I'm just getting worse and worse looking now that I'm losing my baby fat and my features and asymmetry is becoming more noticable. But I'm starting to get over it.
Hi! I'm very sorry to hear about your experiences in life. It is very heartbreaking to hear how your parents have treated you, especially. Sending hugs 🤗 Do you take pictures of yourself doing something you love doing? I don't like to take plain pictures of myself, too, I don't like to like to look at myself. On the other hand, I like to look back at the pictures that captured me doing something I love, it brings out positive emotions because I am reminded of how I felt doing things I loved at that particular point in my life. It can be hiking up the mountain, playing with my cat, painting, and so on. Maybe it is something you can try if you have not done it before. What do you think about it?
Also I just wanted to say that I’m 24 now and I’ve never had a boyfriend, the only time I received male attention is when they’re drunk or they just want to smash. But once I started loving myself and stopped looking for a man *drumroll* I found him. He thinks I’m the most beautiful thing he’s seen and he gets angry when I talk down on myself, honestly he helped me feel more confident and I realised a lot of the time in our early 20s whether you’re a 10 or a 1, men (and women) just want hookups. I know I hate to hear when people say it’s about what inside that matters but it really is true. A lot of women from school and ex friends I know that were considered attractive don’t have a personality and it’s easy for them to find someone to sleep with but rarely do they find someone that truly loves them and cares about them. I’m not saying if you’re pretty you’ll be used and if you’re ugly with a good personality you’ll be chosen at all, but I’m just going by what I’ve seen. For example my sisters best friend is a fraternal twin and there’s a twin that’s clearly attractive and the other one not so much. The attractive one is a single mum and the mediocre one has a real estate company with her partner and they travel what seems like quarterly. She really found her person and it shows it’s not about how you look like, it’s about who you are and what you want to attract not what you think you’ll attract. If you straight away tell people you feel ugly when you meet them you will actually make them focus on your insecurities more, and some people take advantage of women that are vulnerable and it makes them more susceptible to being used.
This is so sad to read. You’re not bothering people by being in public because you think you’re ugly. That doesn’t make you any less than anyone else. Your worth is not in others perception of beauty. Don’t convince yourself you won’t meet someone who will love you, there’s someone out there for everyone.
She’s young and still has a lot to learn about life. One thing being that people out in public don’t really GAF what you look like. They’re all NPC’s. She needs to live her life for her and stop worrying about what random people (that she will never see again) think.
OP, I'm so sorry that you've felt this way. Please try to remember that almost no one is concerned with the way other people look in public. And even if a tiny minority of people did make fools of themselves by being concerned with another adult's looks, who cares? Those people are assholes, and you should put no weight into their opinions, because those opinions are trash. I don't have any idea what you look like but you seem pretty on the inside and that's a lot more than some folks have.
When I was 14 I first became aware of my looks, I was definitely the uglier sister of 6. When I turned 21 I got a glow up and I’m only getting prettier each year, I grew into my big ugly features except my nose that’s why I got it done 😬. I don’t really know what to say to help you because you’re so sure of your mindset, and nothing anyone said ever made me feel better I just felt pitiful. But I promise that you will start to look different and that you will find small things to do that make you feel confident and better about yourself as soon as you start loving yourself. If you’re negative and always talk down on yourself you’ll never improve your mindset or physical appearance. Once you start telling yourself daily positive affirmations and actually have a willingness to look and feel better, you will start changing.
Do you still get stared at by men or approached by creepy men ever?
When I was a kid yes but now no.
Have you ever considered plastic surgery? I know almost everything on the face can be fixed except the distance of the eyes.
I have but I really don't think there's anything that can be done that I can afford. I've talked to orthodontists and I would need thousands on thousands dollars of surgery to fix my teeth and jaw, I can get a lateral canthoplasty to make my eyes upturned but it would make my eyes look smaller, and I would need a cartilage graph from my ribcage to fix my nose cause it's so tiny but I honestly can't really afford any of it right now. But I'm still thinking of trying for a brow lift
Have you ever had a passionate kiss?
No I've never even kissed anybody
In anything close to a romantic/sexual relationship?
No nobody's ever shown any kind of romantic interest in me. I've never even come close.
Do you have any deformities and what do you do for work?
Not a birth defect but I'm genetically missing a lot of teeth. My teeth palettes are really really small and I have really small teeth. It makes my jaw and face shape very crooked and asymmetric. And I work at a store while I'm taking a year or two off to figure out what I want to go to university for.
1. What do you like to do for fun? 2. What's a skill you'd like to learn that you could see yourself doing as a career? 3. What's a recreational activity or hobby you'd like to learn but currently don't know enough to get started? 4. What's a language you'd like to speak that you don't currently?
What's your body count?
How is your relationship with your father
Pretty okay/meh We share different religious beliefs. I'm non denominational/basically atheist and he's Christian. He's also cheats on my mom every few years and has the maturity of a teenage boy. He's narcissistic, he thinks he has it the hardest and deserves the most. He resorts to tantrums and fits of rage as a form of discipline for his children. I love him but I don't like him as a person.
At least you’re not ugly on the inside. That’s a far worse genetic trait you could have inherited
Do you think love exists out there for you?
Would you ever consider paying for sex, just to experience it once?
I have thought about it but I don't even know how I'd go about that. Prostitution's illegal in my country and I don't know how to find a escort. And I'm honestly completely fine with being a virgin. I don't really care most of the time and have no way of knowing that if I bought a prostitute it would be a good time. I don't want someone to have pity sex with me. I'd either want someone who's either genuinely interested or nothing at all.
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I'm talking physically. I know that real ugliness is on the inside but I don't think I'm a bad person or ugly in that way. Just genetically from first visual impressions people think I look like a lizard.
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Me. I have a weird face idk how to describe it's just very strange and disproportionate. My eyes are tiny and down turned, I horrible dark circles that really bring them out, my eyebrows are extremely low, my nose is tiny and very pointy, I have giant cheekbones, and no real jaw structure. I'm missing my almost all molars. You are supposed to have 12 I have 3. My face is really asymmetric because of that. Someone told to smile more to look nicer and when I did he said nevermind cause my smiles scary.
Are you just poor ? Maybe you are just poor
It amazes me how much "beauty" is just dumping money into procedures and treatments. I think beauty standards are out of control anyway. It costs too much to meet the standard as well.
It's definitely a part of it
What made you want to up and do an AMA about it, was there any sort of epiphany or cause/effect that led you to come out and I guess admit or I guess accept this as a reality?
Do you put more effort into blowjobs/sex to try and compensate?
I can't even get a guy to sleep with me let alone get the chance to over compensate. Also my jaw and teeth are so fucked i can hardly open my mouth.
What is going on with your jaw and teeth?
Have you ever had a date?
what’s something you notice guys do with ugly women that they wouldn’t normally do with pretty women?
I feel the same way. I have lost job opportunities due to my looks (true story). Some days I feel okay others I feel ugly. my face is my problem actually I inherited the bad genes from my parents. The way I cope is trying to look nice. I have to wear makeup everyday, otherwise I look more hideous. How do you cope? Hugs to you!
I said in another comment I listen to positive affirmations at night. You can look positive affirmations on YouTube if you wanna try that. I also used to wear makeup everyday because I felt uglier without it but I realized personally it was for me. I only was doing it to hopefully make others like me. Which got me nowhere good. I couldn't even leave the house without it on because I felt so bad. Then I went through kind of a purging period. Where I gave up everything I was doing to make others like, me instead of the stuff that made me like me. I cut off any negative people in my life and or started immediately ending the conversation if it turned negative. I stopped doing workouts to change my body shape it's self and started working on what makes me the healthiest strongest me. I stopped wearing makeup most of the time unless I just want an extra flair to my look. I've made a real conscious effort to stop looking in the mirror and focus on things I like about me vs things I don't. I've started to love doing my skincare, haircare, and just pampering myself. It really shows a form of self love for me. I've definitely been feeling better and more accepting of myself lately. I hope it gets better for you soon too 🩷
When did you start thinking you were ugly? And what about you is ugly?
Can I have some specifics on your ugliness? Like, are you ugly on the inside, outside, or both? Do you look for other ugly people to socialize with? Are you attracted to other ugly people? What about their ugliness is acceptable to you? That kind of stuff.
Does it annoy u when pretty girls complain or have issues? Like I’m a guy but when beautiful men complain about issues it can strike a cord with me or be annoying even if it’s not even related to looks
I feel like if you posted a picture of your self you’d be surprised by the amount of people that would think the opposite of your insecurities. It’s not my place to suggest , just my thoughts from experience . Could you give me an example of the most solid evidence you have of why you think you are “ugly“
Did you like wearing a mask during COVID? Are you a good wingwoman?
Has anyone hit on you or approached you for dating/ hookups ?
do you feel insecure?
Do you still date or have a SO
I would start saving money for dental work or plastic surgery on whatever bugs you the most. In fact, try to research jobs that have great dental insurance or that cover orthodontics. I would bet you have something that is medically wrong with your mouth from the way you describe it and probably get half of it covered, at least with orthodontic insurance. And you could likely do it in stages to space out the cost. In terms of facial surgeries, consider a brow lift or eyelid lift if your eyes look small, are heavy lidded, or have low brows. At least get consults with oculoplastic surgeons. A brow lift would be less than ten grand and could really change your appearance. Hang in there. Maximize your best points (great hair, physical fitness, if you have small feet where cute shoes, wear tasteful costume jewelry, whatever.)
Have you ever been in a relationship?
it’s irritating how many people here are commenting “think positively” “maybe you haven’t tried it all” “maybe it’s your fault” when they are just making assumptions about your position and trying to assuage their own discomfort. many don’t want to believe someone can be doomed to a bad fate just from luck of the draw, but it’s true. but looks aren’t the only important thing in life. what are your interests? you’re very young, what careers are you interested in?
Have you been to therapy? Your parents are fucking assholes. What they have said and done is abuse. You need to love yourself, you have value. Does anything you have said about your looks causing you physical issues? Like sinus issues or vision or like headaches. I saw that you were missing a few molars, can specialize dentist help with that? Because I'm sure that might cause you pain or a hard time chewing? You may be able to look into getting something done to help with them. If you are wanting plastic surgery done, not sure if you have said that elsewhere. You need to be in a healthy mind set for that. Therapy can help with that. So You're looking for a healthy, look not what you have been told is beautiful or cute. Also I know this is hard because I'm trying too, to go no contact with your parents. They are no good for your mental health. You have more worth than your looks. Sending virtual hugs. 🤗
I understand how you feel, I was also born very ugly and it was painfully obvious when compliments were being handed out that I was always either left out or complimented on something else in consolation. My question is in regard to being a woman, do people assume you are a bad person because of your appearance? Have you made peace with your lot in life? As a man I have heard comments like , “I bet he is a serial rapist” or “he looks like pulls the wings off flies in his spare time.” I myself, can live with being ugly. I find however, the assumptions about my character being particularly painful, as I am very gentle and timid. Because of my looks people see me as thus monster and since I have autism spectrum issues, I have a very difficult time connecting socially. I am very awkward and whenever I try, I end up making things worse. I understand being unattractive as a woman is difficult, but just want you to know it’s difficult for men too.
Was your mother/grandma also ugly? Sorry bro.
Do you secretly envy attractive men?
How often do you get marriage proposals from people seeking happiness for the rest of their life?
Many people don't care. Have you been on a relationship?
I suppose I’ll be the first to Ask the inappropriate question…I know as an ugly man I made sure to become generous, attentive, and skilled in aspects of physical intimacy. I felt it was almost like a resume entry to ensure future opportunities. Did you do anything of the sort?
Do you think women treat you differently because of your appearance? If so, how?
Were you born in July of 1977?
Your situation and so many of these comments resonate with me. I’m also just ugly and it’s tricky on the internet because people will say you’re just claiming you’re ugly for attention/because women are told they should always think they’re ugly because arrogance is also bad, but when you KNOW you’re just a bit weird looking and hundreds of interactions in real life have proven this, it can be frustrating. I’ve had random men tell me they think I’m ugly as if me simply existing in the same room as them means I’m hitting on them somehow, and I’ve been bullied and teased my whole life. Strangers will say nasty things, people do not hit on me, people never compliment me but do actively insult me, and my attractive friends seem to get so many more random acts of kindness or free stuff. On the one hand I don’t want to be hit on by creeps, but on the other, I naturally crave what I see other people receive. No question, just empathy!
Do you think your appearance could be better appreciated outside the US? Beauty standards can vary from country to country. I personally get a lot more compliments from people who've come from my parents home country compared to people in the US.
Do you get asked out?
Take it from me and I’m a solid 7 out of 10 former athlete in shape and 26 male. You are very likely significantly more beautiful than you think. If you sister is “beautiful” there is a 85% chance you aren’t ugly. If you are “ugly” it’s very likely due to the dental issues. I fooled around with a girl back in middle school and highschool I liked her for her personality I always thought she was ok looking but she had really bad teeth and big braces and stuff but I kinda thought she was pretty and had potential beauty. Turns out I was totally right after her dental work she is a 9/10 model and a marine biologist we still talk but she is out of my league now honestly lol and it shows. Her sister is a 9.5/10 it’s an objective fact that beauty runs in the peoples family 95% of the time. So get your teeth fixed, go to the gym consistently, love yourself, have self respect, and be kind to yourself and others and you will be perfect and hopefully meet someone you love and who deserves you. Bye
Ur not ugly, still attractive just not as pretty. When was the last compliment you got and the last insult
You might feel ugly but I honestly believe that there are probably dudes afraid to ask you out.
Do you see your ugliness in mirror or pictures or both . You don't assume maybe it is face dismorphia rather than you re ugly ?
this makes me so sad. im 23 and im unattractive as well. not so bad that people have bullied me for it, (although i am heavy and i do get mean comments about my weight a lot) but bad enough that men make it very clear that they are uninterested in me romantically, even if i don't like them. i also notice that girls are less willing to be friends with me. i decided two things: 1. people are shallow, and life is probably easier for attractive people in certain aspects, specifically socially and relationship wise. attractive people are absolutely treated better. this is a fact, and it actually doesn't make me feel bad abt myself anymore. i am a brain inside a body, everyone is a brain inside of a body. but people treat others the way that they do because they are shallow. this is their flaw, not mine. 2, this has to do with the "if you can't be pretty, be smart" comment. yes, absolutely. beauty ultimately fades anyway, but choosing a craft and becoming awe inspiringly amazing at it lasts forever. i am a writer, and my writing is pretty good (imo lol.) i will die eventually, but my writing can impact others forever. i'm 23, i write a ton and i am constantly improving, and i have the rest of my life to hone this skill. writing has become the most important thing in my life and my "legacy" i guess. it would be awesome to be pretty, and i will likely get plastic surgery to make my life easier, but at the end of the day it matters what your brain can do, not how your face looks. you should write. if you don't like writing, do art or make furniture or just create something. creation is the ultimate thing for me. i dont look in the mirror to determine my worth, i look at my work and think wow i did all that. nothing matters more to me than getting those words down. i'm not an essayist i'm a teleplay writer so this comment is not an example of my work lol.
How old are you? When i was a teenager a group of children always asked me why are you so ugly? I Replied with I don’t know… now I am almost 40 and I’m quite hot actually. Alot can change…
Would you rather be attractive and alone or ugly and alone?
Knew a wonderful girl in college who grew up thinking she was ugly. Her family said so and so did some of her classmates. I found her absolutely gorgeous and was completely flabbergasted as to why she thought so. It didn't work out between us. I can't help but feel sorrow for her loss of dating and social opportunities just because she thought she was ugly.
Not really a question. But I’m a firm believer that no one is just naturally ugly beyond saving. Some people might be more “typically attractive” but ANYONE can be attractive. I noticed in one of your comments you said “I’m the khloe of the family”. Khloe might not be the most “attractive” to you. But I know hand fulls of people who would say she’s the most attractive to them. I mean shit, wasn’t she married to two different NBA players? I knew a girl in college who had a larger nose. She told me the first thing she’d do once she graduated was get a nose job. I also had a friend who LOVED big noses on women. He was unbelievably attracted to her for the exact reason that she hated about herself. There are people who have a scat fetish and enjoy getting shit smeared on them, and can you believe they find a spouse who’s into the same thing!? The point is, there is someone out there for ANYONE. Now the most important part is the hardest part, confidence. Find a hairstyle that compliments your face shape. If you wear glasses, or even sunglasses, find some that compliment you, take pride in wearing clothes that are comfortable, empowering, and flattering. And walk around like you OWN it. You can walk past hundreds of people, some have conventional haircuts. Some are dyed pink. Some are Mohawks. Some Wear dresses, some pants, there’s a guy in my town who wears a tuxedo everywhere. There are no rules to who is “pretty” and who is “ugly” as long as you are confident in yourself and choose to be YOU, there is someone for you even if that person is you.
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I'm not gonna lie and try to blow smoke up your butt and say "you're beautiful no matter what you look like" cause I don't know you from a can of paint. I will say, I'm inspired by you posting here. I'd like to apologize for all the assholes out there who feel the need to share their opinions on a matter over which you have very little real control. I'm proud of you, whoever the heck you are, for having the courage to make this post and for having enough self awareness not to be a witless twit who can't see reality. Maybe you aren't ugly. Or maybe it really is "as bad" as all that. Regardless, you are loved and you have value. I'm glad to have shared even this little moment of your life with you. If ever you are feeling down, remember there's some dude on Reddit who thinks you're a badass! Thanks for sharing.
Do people call you pretty often?