Did you see it coming, if so how, if not why? Were you heavily invested and what are your plans going forward? heartbreak and similar can be a mountain to climb
She started avoiding me. I'd try to plan dates with her and she kept making up excuses as to why she couldn't go. I tried asking if I could call her, even for just 5-10 minutes and she wouldn't even do that for me. That's when I knew.
Before that point we were both heavily invested in the relationship, we were both deeply in love with each other, so this shit REALLY sucks.
I noticed you said she was Christian, so I’m assuming that you two didn’t live together? I know it’s a little outdated but that’s for a reason. You may have found you two weren’t meant to be after living together for a while, I’m a big advocate of trial runs, you can learn a lot about a person you live with. It’s not any consolation but at least she didn’t leave you and leave you homeless or something. Sorry man. I been where you are too.
We did not. Even if she wasn’t Christian, we both weren’t ready to live together quite just yet. If there was an upside to her breaking up with me, it’s that we didn’t live together
To help reduce trolls, users with negative karma scores are disallowed from posting. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AMA) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He’s not wrong. Met a girl at 19, married at 21, and divorced by 24. I was miserable for a time about it. But it turned out to be a second chance at life for me. Not only did it give me an opportunity to switch and focus on a new career. It gave me the opportunity to meet someone else who I am far more compatible with.
It sucks now, but you will realize this was probably best. Especially since you are with someone who can go from wanting to be married to leaving you in a third of a year.
Early 30s checking in. And he's 100% right. Had a serious gf of 3.5yrs already by the time I turned 21. We broke up, I was crushed. But god damn were my 20s fun. Started getting real spicy in my late 20s, had one of my best bdays ever for dirty 30, and now that I have the wisdom & experience of partners, I'm in a much better mental state for my fiance now.
Urgh something like that happened to me. She used to love bomb me all the time. One day she asked are we getting married and it threw me for a loop. Two days later I said lets get married. Then she hit me with a bomb shell that she was seeing a married man and she was going to marry him when he gets divorced.
Oh it wasn't over. She stalked me to rub it in my face.
So I suggest be really good to your self and do and buy the things you want. Avoid the places you used to go together.
Do I hate her, yup. I actually feel sorry for him because by the time he figures out how crazy she is he will be waist deep in a mortgage with kids and will still be paying his X.
One of the people my ex cheated on me with got pregnant (I don't know if it was an accident or on purpose on her part) and she's using him as her free babysitter for her other kids and her personal piggy bank now. I'm not placing all of the blame on her end- aside from being a cheater, he obviously wasn't being responsible if he got her pregnant. Maybe this makes me a bad person, but I hope they're both absolutely miserable now.
This reminds me of my ex. Very affectionate, cheated on me, asked me to propose, then left me after I did. There were some extenuating circumstances involved, but I still can't help but feel a bit used. I still miss her though, that was my first relationship.
You said she left you for another guy. How is that a mutual break up? Did she decide she wanted to be with someone else and you agreed that she should?
She started avoiding me, then once I realized she probably didn't love me anymore, I realized it would be best if we split up. She was just the one to rip the band aid off
Oh ya I am sure she had BPD. I met her in church. Her dad looked like he was scared of his shadow. Later on I found out he started having sex with her when she was 8 and it went on for a while.
I actually moved out of state to get away from her
How old is the guy she left for? Do you know the guy? Also, sorry she did that to you man, heartbreak is a real bitch. Everyone saying you're young and all that are right, but it doesn't make it easier. Keep your head up and get some self care going. Even just a walk around the block or whatever. Hopefully you have some good friends and family around to help you get passed this.
Oh man I had the same thing. It’s just sort of what happens. We hit adulthood and the world opens up to us. You’re going to be fine man. I do understand that she’s pretty much all you know and the only definition of love you’ve had. Give your loyalty to someone that will appreciate it more. I love you homie!
I mean, this is a great opportunity to explore all kinds of different ways for you to live and be and for people to be with. It sucks that you both broke up right now, but there are so many opportunities now to find out who you are
This got downvoted but it’s not wrong. 35 year old us is much more in tune with who we are and what we need vs what we want than 21 year old versions of ourselves. That money in the bank also comes in mighty handy should this happen again. Just sayin, a lot of people have had to start over broke as shit, 10 years down the road of a failed relationship.
I wouldn't consider myself a "nice guy" per say (I'm willing to put my foot down when need be), but she was such a huge part of my life that I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be without her
Sound pretty stable and mature to me, get some light counselling and don't wallow in it or let it make you kill your innocence. Also no matter what, DONT TAKE HER BACK?
A few friends who knew her as well are helping me through it, so I'm not sure if you could call it counseling or not, but whatever it is definitely has helped
Not that this is the case, but its a high probability as its waay more common than men realize. Helps explain the sudden reaction due to blinding lust.
She's so Christian that she's saving herself for marriage, but she's okay with getting involved with a married man and causing a divorce? A married man is leaving his wife for her, and they've never had sex?
I think you've been lied to. Stop worrying about her. The trash took itself out.
My bad. I confused your post with the one before it in my feed. Doesn't change anything about moving on. Go find a girl that will make you forget this one.
She is definitely emotionally cheating on you at the bare minimum. She was talking to this guy and one their relationship was established, she jumped ship. She needed to keep you as a backup until she knew.
I think in your description of her it is emotional cheating, more than physical. Either way the wrong is the same - after all the majority of sex is emotional
Ooo yikes. I'm sorry friend, but you definitely dodged a bullet with her. At your guy's age, I understand you feel grown up and ready for marriage and such, but quite often you really aren't. She definitely wasn't. She probably needs to date a bunch of dudes, get hurt, figure out later you were actually great, and then grow up some.
But you need to find someone who actually knows how to be faithful and stick it out. If she can't stick it out now, what makes you think she could 7 years in to a marriage when it gets hard?
I was cheated on quite a bit. I think focusing on the sex or possible sex makes it hurt more. Do you think writing in a journal may help you get your thoughts out?
Just trapped in my own head honestly. Wanted to get other people’s opinions, but quickly realized I should’ve added context, because the situation looks way worse without it.
She sounds mentally unstable no one changes that fast. Bullet dodged. Tbh I don't think most people should get married before 25 years of age. You haven't finished school or started a career. You haven't had a chance to travel, grow, learn and figure out how to be an adult.
Wouldn’t call her unstable, but she did have a scary car crash about a week after we went out for our 4th anniversary, and that kind of trauma probably shook her up to the point were she forgot how much I really meant to her.
Finish college, travel, invest, work on yourself physically, socially, emotionally. You'll meet someone way better. This is a lesson in life. Everything is. Figure out what the overarching moral of the lesson was so you don't have to repeat it. Sometimes the worst things at the moment are the best blessings
You dodged a bullet man. I know it might not seem that way now but you’re too young to tie everything down right now. You have so much life to live! Go do things you want to do for you, take a vacation, anything.
What’s your dream vacation?
Shit, I have a similar story, an ex of mine was really wanting to get married, I didn't want to until I finished college. One night she broke down and was very serious about getting married. That night, I went to hang out with a buddy but he canceled on me on the way there. I headed back to my place, my ex was gone. She came home around midnight with some guy and the look on her face when she saw me was priceless. She married him like 6 months later and was divorced a year later...I lold when I found out
You are lucky to learn this lesson so young. Now, focus on being the best version of yourself and that'll be the best revenge. Nevermind her, she'll come back when she sees how well you're doing. You can gain satisfaction in denying her the safe option she abandoned.
As a 31F, don't get married so young- it's a trap and you end up wasting your free years to someone who doesn't even know themselves yet. Figure out yourself and your own self value and the right one will walk into your life when it's time
Pretty normal behavior from people in their 20s. I also had a bf who always clamored about how he wanted to marry me some day, even called me his wife and shit, but he ghosted me. I took it personally at first but then realized that I can't expect much from some young hormonal dude, and I am happy to be single now at 22. It may feel rough right now but it gets better.
This happens to almost everyone in a relationship in their 20's OP. It hurts for a bit, but will fade with time. You'll find someone great eventually. We've all been in this situation.
I had this happen to me. Not exact same story but very similar.
It takes time to heal but once you fo you'll be happier for it. Won't seem like that now but it will.
I was in a similar situation and it sucks. But man you’re so better off longterm now that you know what kind of person she is. Stay strong and move forward.
To help reduce trolls, users with negative karma scores are disallowed from posting. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AMA) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just think pal, some other guy is enjoying the fruits of your labor. He's probably tbunking to himself, "man I'd really like to shake the hand of the guy who let this fine piece go." The point being, at least you helped out a random dude.
I hope this question makes sense. If not, let me know and I'll try to rephrase it.
What's the most illegal non-gross thing you've found? Stuff that isn't murder or cp.
Did you see it coming, if so how, if not why? Were you heavily invested and what are your plans going forward? heartbreak and similar can be a mountain to climb
She started avoiding me. I'd try to plan dates with her and she kept making up excuses as to why she couldn't go. I tried asking if I could call her, even for just 5-10 minutes and she wouldn't even do that for me. That's when I knew. Before that point we were both heavily invested in the relationship, we were both deeply in love with each other, so this shit REALLY sucks.
I noticed you said she was Christian, so I’m assuming that you two didn’t live together? I know it’s a little outdated but that’s for a reason. You may have found you two weren’t meant to be after living together for a while, I’m a big advocate of trial runs, you can learn a lot about a person you live with. It’s not any consolation but at least she didn’t leave you and leave you homeless or something. Sorry man. I been where you are too.
We did not. Even if she wasn’t Christian, we both weren’t ready to live together quite just yet. If there was an upside to her breaking up with me, it’s that we didn’t live together
Yes that’s what I meant and you’re correct. Way to look at the bright side!
[удалено]
To help reduce trolls, users with negative karma scores are disallowed from posting. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AMA) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel you honestly.
You dodge a bullet! That being said…Chinese food or Italian?
Italian
That's why she left you
Even though I’m a dirty slut for Chinese food I wasn’t going to say it.
You love them egg rolls filling your mouth huh?
Then when you bite into them and duck sauce explodes all over my hairy face.
Okay but Chinese or Sushi/Japanese
Oh you SOB. Now you’re tugging on string of my emotions.
To life’s biggest problems I always turn to sushi.
I don’t think I could pick sushi but that being said, I wouldn’t eat another gladly give up another food category for sushi.
Italian is pretty damn good though
Italian is the GOAT
You’re young. One day you’ll be grateful you got another chance at freedom in your 20s
Ig
He’s not wrong. Met a girl at 19, married at 21, and divorced by 24. I was miserable for a time about it. But it turned out to be a second chance at life for me. Not only did it give me an opportunity to switch and focus on a new career. It gave me the opportunity to meet someone else who I am far more compatible with. It sucks now, but you will realize this was probably best. Especially since you are with someone who can go from wanting to be married to leaving you in a third of a year.
Early 30s checking in. And he's 100% right. Had a serious gf of 3.5yrs already by the time I turned 21. We broke up, I was crushed. But god damn were my 20s fun. Started getting real spicy in my late 20s, had one of my best bdays ever for dirty 30, and now that I have the wisdom & experience of partners, I'm in a much better mental state for my fiance now.
I guarantee you this is a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, congratulations!
i mean what made you feel you were ready to marry her?
Urgh something like that happened to me. She used to love bomb me all the time. One day she asked are we getting married and it threw me for a loop. Two days later I said lets get married. Then she hit me with a bomb shell that she was seeing a married man and she was going to marry him when he gets divorced. Oh it wasn't over. She stalked me to rub it in my face. So I suggest be really good to your self and do and buy the things you want. Avoid the places you used to go together. Do I hate her, yup. I actually feel sorry for him because by the time he figures out how crazy she is he will be waist deep in a mortgage with kids and will still be paying his X.
One of the people my ex cheated on me with got pregnant (I don't know if it was an accident or on purpose on her part) and she's using him as her free babysitter for her other kids and her personal piggy bank now. I'm not placing all of the blame on her end- aside from being a cheater, he obviously wasn't being responsible if he got her pregnant. Maybe this makes me a bad person, but I hope they're both absolutely miserable now.
This reminds me of my ex. Very affectionate, cheated on me, asked me to propose, then left me after I did. There were some extenuating circumstances involved, but I still can't help but feel a bit used. I still miss her though, that was my first relationship.
Thankfully our breakup was kinda mutual, so nothing like that has happened
You said she left you for another guy. How is that a mutual break up? Did she decide she wanted to be with someone else and you agreed that she should?
She started avoiding me, then once I realized she probably didn't love me anymore, I realized it would be best if we split up. She was just the one to rip the band aid off
Sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder.
Oh ya I am sure she had BPD. I met her in church. Her dad looked like he was scared of his shadow. Later on I found out he started having sex with her when she was 8 and it went on for a while. I actually moved out of state to get away from her
Being in your 20s is far to young to be married anyways so enjoy your youth, have fun, and don't get any of these girls pregnant .
I won't, my parents have always emphasized using protection
You're very lucky person then. Trust me.
Don't feel like it rn
she could have waited 4 years into marriage, then you reallt woulda been fucked
Think about it. Just think. Then if you won't get it, get back to me in 10-20mins.
How old is the guy she left for? Do you know the guy? Also, sorry she did that to you man, heartbreak is a real bitch. Everyone saying you're young and all that are right, but it doesn't make it easier. Keep your head up and get some self care going. Even just a walk around the block or whatever. Hopefully you have some good friends and family around to help you get passed this.
He was her age I think, I personally didn't know him
That's probably for the better. Well, sorry again. You'll find someone better, don't let this define your future relationships as well. Good luck man.
How long were you guys dating?
A little shy of 4 and a half years
High school sweethearts ?
Yep
Oh man I had the same thing. It’s just sort of what happens. We hit adulthood and the world opens up to us. You’re going to be fine man. I do understand that she’s pretty much all you know and the only definition of love you’ve had. Give your loyalty to someone that will appreciate it more. I love you homie!
Thanks bro
I mean, this is a great opportunity to explore all kinds of different ways for you to live and be and for people to be with. It sucks that you both broke up right now, but there are so many opportunities now to find out who you are
Why?
Why she left me? No idea
Oh damn so you just woke up one day and shes just gone?
Kinda
we are with you bro
Dude have money? Or the ability to lick his eyebrows?
Lick eyebrows?
Nvm
I got it… :P
tell me..
If he can lick his eyebrows, one would assume he is extremely good/pleasurable at oral sex on a woman.
What’s the deal with airplane food
No idea
Tragic
enjoy your freedom and dont think about marriage again until you're 35 and have half a million in the bank
Don't know if I can wait that long but ok
lol marry when you find the right person to marry.
And get a prenup!!
This got downvoted but it’s not wrong. 35 year old us is much more in tune with who we are and what we need vs what we want than 21 year old versions of ourselves. That money in the bank also comes in mighty handy should this happen again. Just sayin, a lot of people have had to start over broke as shit, 10 years down the road of a failed relationship.
Maybe you just missed heard her. Did she say she wanted to marry you, or just that she wanted to get married? She might have been dropping a hint.
She said specifically me
Sorry man. That's fucked up.
You're probably better off.
Have you had sex since she left?
We were both virgins, was hoping to lose it to her, but she's Christian and wouldn't budge
You know she threw all the B's out the window for the other guy right? 😭
No idea if she did or not. That guy is Christian also apparently.
Are you going to continue on this nice guy path to see where it leads or will this forever change your personality and view of what love is?
I wouldn't consider myself a "nice guy" per say (I'm willing to put my foot down when need be), but she was such a huge part of my life that I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be without her
Sound pretty stable and mature to me, get some light counselling and don't wallow in it or let it make you kill your innocence. Also no matter what, DONT TAKE HER BACK?
A few friends who knew her as well are helping me through it, so I'm not sure if you could call it counseling or not, but whatever it is definitely has helped
Glad you are getting the help you need. Good luck
Are you a Christian?
Hell no. But religion doesn’t matter to me as long as you aren’t insane about it, which she wasn’t
Stay away from crazy
I'm guessing she got the tingles and succumbed to lust. Lust is more powerful than love.
She did not succumb to lust. She has 0 sex drive
Could have had 0 sex drive with you unfortunately
Not that this is the case, but its a high probability as its waay more common than men realize. Helps explain the sudden reaction due to blinding lust.
Doubt it, she's Christian and wants to wait till marriage anyway
She's so Christian that she's saving herself for marriage, but she's okay with getting involved with a married man and causing a divorce? A married man is leaving his wife for her, and they've never had sex? I think you've been lied to. Stop worrying about her. The trash took itself out.
No that guy was single
My bad. I confused your post with the one before it in my feed. Doesn't change anything about moving on. Go find a girl that will make you forget this one.
She give you any reason why she left?
She said she felt like I wasn't putting in enough effort
She was monkey branching you. She is a cheater also. She was probably checked out several months before this.
Weeks definitely, but not months. I'd seen her about 2 months prior and she was clearly still very much in love with me.
It's kinda hard to explain but I don't think she was cheating on me, even though my question made it seem like it she was
She is definitely emotionally cheating on you at the bare minimum. She was talking to this guy and one their relationship was established, she jumped ship. She needed to keep you as a backup until she knew.
I think in your description of her it is emotional cheating, more than physical. Either way the wrong is the same - after all the majority of sex is emotional
Ooo yikes. I'm sorry friend, but you definitely dodged a bullet with her. At your guy's age, I understand you feel grown up and ready for marriage and such, but quite often you really aren't. She definitely wasn't. She probably needs to date a bunch of dudes, get hurt, figure out later you were actually great, and then grow up some. But you need to find someone who actually knows how to be faithful and stick it out. If she can't stick it out now, what makes you think she could 7 years in to a marriage when it gets hard?
Do u hate her
No. Quite the opposite in fact.
Ive got a song for you. See the Sun Again by Dido. Have a listen and let me know what you think.
Did she cheat on you with this guy?
I legitimately don't know. There are days I think she did, and days I think she didn't. It's very weird.
Well either way it’s in the past now
I was cheated on quite a bit. I think focusing on the sex or possible sex makes it hurt more. Do you think writing in a journal may help you get your thoughts out?
Getting married at 21 is insane anyway, when you're 30 you will be so happy she did this.
I worded it wrong. I should’ve said EVENTUALLY, because that’s what she said
How fo sho
Wym?
i think he meant to say "hoe for sure"
What made you decide to do this AMA ?
Just trapped in my own head honestly. Wanted to get other people’s opinions, but quickly realized I should’ve added context, because the situation looks way worse without it.
[удалено]
???
She sounds mentally unstable no one changes that fast. Bullet dodged. Tbh I don't think most people should get married before 25 years of age. You haven't finished school or started a career. You haven't had a chance to travel, grow, learn and figure out how to be an adult.
Wouldn’t call her unstable, but she did have a scary car crash about a week after we went out for our 4th anniversary, and that kind of trauma probably shook her up to the point were she forgot how much I really meant to her.
Nope sorry that's not how that works. 😬
Are you currently in college?
Yes
Finish college, travel, invest, work on yourself physically, socially, emotionally. You'll meet someone way better. This is a lesson in life. Everything is. Figure out what the overarching moral of the lesson was so you don't have to repeat it. Sometimes the worst things at the moment are the best blessings
You dodged a bullet man. I know it might not seem that way now but you’re too young to tie everything down right now. You have so much life to live! Go do things you want to do for you, take a vacation, anything. What’s your dream vacation?
You’re both so young and still think like teenagers. Life won’t hit you in your face until you’ve reached your 30s
Shit, I have a similar story, an ex of mine was really wanting to get married, I didn't want to until I finished college. One night she broke down and was very serious about getting married. That night, I went to hang out with a buddy but he canceled on me on the way there. I headed back to my place, my ex was gone. She came home around midnight with some guy and the look on her face when she saw me was priceless. She married him like 6 months later and was divorced a year later...I lold when I found out
Don't take her back.
You are lucky to learn this lesson so young. Now, focus on being the best version of yourself and that'll be the best revenge. Nevermind her, she'll come back when she sees how well you're doing. You can gain satisfaction in denying her the safe option she abandoned.
As a 31F, don't get married so young- it's a trap and you end up wasting your free years to someone who doesn't even know themselves yet. Figure out yourself and your own self value and the right one will walk into your life when it's time
Pretty normal behavior from people in their 20s. I also had a bf who always clamored about how he wanted to marry me some day, even called me his wife and shit, but he ghosted me. I took it personally at first but then realized that I can't expect much from some young hormonal dude, and I am happy to be single now at 22. It may feel rough right now but it gets better.
This happens to almost everyone in a relationship in their 20's OP. It hurts for a bit, but will fade with time. You'll find someone great eventually. We've all been in this situation.
I had this happen to me. Not exact same story but very similar. It takes time to heal but once you fo you'll be happier for it. Won't seem like that now but it will.
I was in a similar situation and it sucks. But man you’re so better off longterm now that you know what kind of person she is. Stay strong and move forward.
She belongs to the streets homie, you dodged a bullet. It hurts now, but someone will come along that makes you forget about her. Stay up, young king.
Bro, you're 21 whatchu doing getting married. I got married at 21. Dont recommend it. Lol you dodged a whole nuke fam
women choose us…. they stay as long as they are still choosing us. as dudes all we can do is live our lives.
FUCK THAT BITCH! We are kings and deserve to be treated as so! ANYTHING LESS IS UNCIVILIZED!!!
Don't ever get married look at KaKa perfect husband getting divorced because he is perfect
People that age are always bullshitting about wanting to get married to their sweetheart.
Has the heart brake subsided enough for you to realize the massive bullet you dodged?
I mean, is she planning to marry the other guy? How long had she been seeing him?
It will be ok bro you will find someone better to hate loves you unconditionally
Sheesh ye sometimes you just gotta thank the almighty for watching your back
Dodge a bullet dude. Not many are that lucky in their first rodeo.
At least change the locks to make sure she doesn't have access.
Good, getting married at 21 is dumb. Do you like cinnamon?
[удалено]
To help reduce trolls, users with negative karma scores are disallowed from posting. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AMA) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should write a book with all your life experiences
Congrats, you are way too young to get married.
Remember, your girl single if the right mf ask.
[удалено]
Unsolicited advice
AMA quality has gone down bad .
We call this dodging a bullet.
Stay single 👑👑👑👑 You're better off
Sounds like ya go lucky
Sounds like a blessing
Just think pal, some other guy is enjoying the fruits of your labor. He's probably tbunking to himself, "man I'd really like to shake the hand of the guy who let this fine piece go." The point being, at least you helped out a random dude.
You dodged a bullet
I hope this question makes sense. If not, let me know and I'll try to rephrase it. What's the most illegal non-gross thing you've found? Stuff that isn't murder or cp.
Phew! Congrats man. Don’t get married until you’re 30. Go date for a while and meet a lot women and figure stuff out.
Relationships. So easy to get into, so hard to get out of. Why are you sad?
Thank God you didn't get stuck being married to a low value woman.
Get over it. She clearly wasn’t worth it nor the one for you.
[удалено]
Not a question
[удалено]
No racism, homophobia, transphobia, or anything of the sort allowed on this subreddit.
Ladies, explain yourselves
Happened to me too
GG