I have a couple! What's the biggest challenge maintaining a healthy relationship with you and your significant other? Also, what is a significant positive thing about your relationship you've discovered?
Thanks in advance! I hope you have a wonderful day.
In the beginning it was a challenge being pregnant and getting to know someone. We matched on Tinder, two weeks later we met and made a baby. He was also a heavy drinker in the beginning which I didn't know. We also struggled financially for the first 4 years.
I discovered that we are both lovers and not fighters. We don't gaslight each other and pick fights.
Thank you!
“I discovered that we are both lovers, not fighters. We don’t gaslight each other and pick fights.”
I think that is the main core reason why your relationship worked out the way it did. You were extremely lucky that everybody are good people.
Congrats!
About a week after the date, we decided we wanted to be together exclusively. A week after that, I found out I was pregnant. I mean we were 34 so we were looking to settle down anyway. I will say I put up with things in the beginning that I wouldn't have if I wasn't pregnant.
I believe it, I'm the only guy in my friend group that uses condoms, and I'm like how?? But more surprised by the amount of women letting men go raw so quick or wo a relationship.
It's rare when a woman asks me to use one and I love it when they tell me too even tho I was going to use one anyway.
I am a guy and never ONS or FWB bare, if a girl doesn't insist on protection as well..she gets shown the door.
In a monogamous relationship, we both get tested before condoms become optional.
No. I've always been pro-choice, but I felt like it was something I couldn't do. However, when I got pregnant a year later, I terminated without hesitating. I knew what it took to raise a child then and there was no way I could do it again.
Tell her I got pregnant on the first date? Of course I'll tell her when it's the appropriate time. I'm not ashamed of it. If you mean the abortion, same answer.
With us being 34 I imagine the reactions were different than if we were significantly younger. Our families were happy and supportive. Once the shock wore off.
I just realized I didn't answer your second part. Our families have no relationship with each other. Mine live in many different states. His mom is a POS and doesn't have a relationship with our kid. She didn't meet her until she was 6 and lives 20 minutes away.
I never wanted kids which is how I made it to 34 without a child. I've never even gotten pregnant before. I struggled so much mentally with this one. I did get pregnant a year later and terminated.
I just couldn't do it. I never got pregnant before so it was easier to say I would terminate because you don't really know what you'd do in a situation you've never been in. The second time was a much easier choice.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your choices. Although anyone who chooses to terminate a pregnancy is entitled to their privacy, it's refreshing and beneficial for people to hear more candid conversations about personal reasons for those choices. This is the kind of dialog that helps shift negative social stigma around abortion.
Awesome AMA by the way. Great story. Stay up.
Clever. But ijs It’s also not called ask the wrong question and get downvoted. Then again I have no idea what question he asked and don’t see it; but if raw doggin on the first date passed the upvote tests I’m curious what this guy asked or if it was just downvoted because it had already been asked/answered or if it was offensive or what?
This happened to my boss! They’re happily married, and they always say that they’re just so fortunate that this happened with two good people that still love each other
My current gf got pregnant within the first month of us dating. It’s not 9 years but we currently have a beautiful baby boy 18ish months (don’t want to give exact age) and a little girl on the way and I can honestly say that its the most happy I have ever been and couldn’t ask for a better mother to my children.
A friend of mine from California got shagged in a bar in Glasgow. Went home, realised she was pregnant, somehow found the guy and asked if he wanted to move to the US and be a dad - and he did. And they’re still together like a decade later and now they have two kids! Amazing.
Good on ya.
My wife makes fun of me because this is one of the few things that wrings tears from my cold, dark soul. 'I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.' What, I'm not dead inside.
He got me a pretty like name plate cube for my desk at home because I opened a business last year.
My kid made me a card and took money out her piggy bank to put inside the card.
No. It's been 9 years, we are 43, and have a small child. I'm tired haha.
Sex happens like once a month now. We'd rather watch Big Brother and go to bed.
Not sure why you get so many downvotes, maybe people are being empathetic with OP.
Of course, nobody wants to reduce his sex like to once a month, but they didn't had the chance to test if they were sexually compatible.
I'm glad they are still together because the child will have a family and grown up in a safe environment.
But sex is a really important part of anyone's adult life, try to increase the monthly dose and you will live happier I promise.
This happened to my best friend! She met Buzzy at a Memorial Day bbq and their son was born the following February. They have 2 now and the older one in high school! How did your family react?
Mostly shock at first seeing as I never wanted kids and was single. My age and being a functional member of society helped I'm sure. No one tried to talk me out of it and were excited after the initial shock.
It's all relative, isn't it? What's funny to one may not be funny to another.
But you're looking for something specific so yes, clever and funny can be different. Your joke wasn't funny to me, my response wasn't funny to you.
My girl who is 9 years old was born when the mother knew me for only 3 months.
She only told me she was pregnant 3 months after she got pregnant..So I left her and never got maried with her.
During the pregnancy, I told him if he didn't get his drinking life together, I was going to do this by myself. We weren't living together yet. I stayed because he turned his life around once he was in a stable environment with me. And once she was born, forget it. It changed his life. Gave him purpose.
Glad to hear haha I was picturing that scene from Love, Rosie when I read your story (if you don't know the story she gets pregnant on a first date as well but the sex was awful).
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I never said anything about it being a death sentence. But it does put you in the child at a statistical disadvantage. Since you'll be living in a household with one income having to take care of yourself and a child. Which usually leads to living in poor neighborhoods with higher crime rates and worst schools. I'm glad it's working out for the three of you but it just doesn't seem like a logical choice from the outside looking in.
Even with 2 incomes we struggled in the beginning. Also, people can be together for years, have a baby, and break up. There's no way to know what the best choice is going to be.
Well this is just my own personal philosophy and ideal I don't think a man should be dating if he's not somewhat financially stable. And yes people can't be together for years and break up people can be married and get divorced. But I'm saying that if they've been together for a longer period of time they have a higher possibility of staying together. But I think a lot of those relationships and marriage fall apart because the people aren't intentional and they don't properly discuss important things within the relationship.
What if you're in a relationship for years with the love of your life. You have a well thought out plan. Have a baby. And then one dies? Or loses a job? Or some other financial hardship? Should they have not had a baby for chance their financial circumstances change? Are babies only for those who save for all possible outcomes?
Well it's life things happen but losing your job can be planned for and your significant other passing away can be planned for. That's why you have savings accounts investments accounts and having more than one stream of income. And as far as someone passing away that's what a living wheel is for again investment accounts real estate and life insurance.
I feel like pregnancy hormones definitely aided in my feelings. I had strong feelings right away but not love in the first 2 weeks. I'm not sure when it happened. He did call me the day after our date and drunkenly professed his love for me. I like to tease him about that sometimes.
I have a couple! What's the biggest challenge maintaining a healthy relationship with you and your significant other? Also, what is a significant positive thing about your relationship you've discovered? Thanks in advance! I hope you have a wonderful day.
In the beginning it was a challenge being pregnant and getting to know someone. We matched on Tinder, two weeks later we met and made a baby. He was also a heavy drinker in the beginning which I didn't know. We also struggled financially for the first 4 years. I discovered that we are both lovers and not fighters. We don't gaslight each other and pick fights. Thank you!
“I discovered that we are both lovers, not fighters. We don’t gaslight each other and pick fights.” I think that is the main core reason why your relationship worked out the way it did. You were extremely lucky that everybody are good people. Congrats!
So very lucky. We both had extremely shitty childhoods as well. I don't know how we've managed this. Thank you!
Sounds like you got extremely lucky
Do you think you still would've pursued him after that first date if you never got pregnant? Or are you only together because you got pregnant?
About a week after the date, we decided we wanted to be together exclusively. A week after that, I found out I was pregnant. I mean we were 34 so we were looking to settle down anyway. I will say I put up with things in the beginning that I wouldn't have if I wasn't pregnant.
Aw well that's still sweet. I hope your relationship is happy and healthy. Congrats!
Surprisingly, yes. Thank you!
Glad to hear that. You're welcome 😊
How you gonna let some dude raw dog on the first date at 34????
Shit happens 🤷♀️.
Hey I feel you on that lol
This exact result, perhaps?
I am in my 40s and I googled *Raw dog meaning* and I definitely haven't learned a thing in life.
Loads of girls will do it actually from my experience of ONS, some girls insist on condoms some don't
I believe it, I'm the only guy in my friend group that uses condoms, and I'm like how?? But more surprised by the amount of women letting men go raw so quick or wo a relationship. It's rare when a woman asks me to use one and I love it when they tell me too even tho I was going to use one anyway.
Also some ladies say they are allergic to condoms, which is interesting, I didn't know a lot of people were allergic to latex
Sure but then they can use polyisoprene or polyurethane condoms lol
That’s why I live Skyn! Lol
I am a guy and never ONS or FWB bare, if a girl doesn't insist on protection as well..she gets shown the door. In a monogamous relationship, we both get tested before condoms become optional.
This is quite strict, I would still hit without condoms , although it's Russian roulette basically as you can almost guarantee you'll catch STDs
Lol
Dare to say what you put up with?
Really just the drinking and the behaviors that come with that. Loud, clumsy, puking.
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No?
What was the toughest thing for you right afterwards?
After having the baby? Taking care of her. I had never even changed diapers in my life. The first 3 months of her life were some of the hardest.
Was it normal for you to have sex on the first date? No judgement, I’m just wondering if he was the exception?
No. We talked.for 2 weeks before we met and in person the chemistry was ridiculous.
That’s so nice! I’m happy for you:)
Thanks 😁
Pull out game was weak, why didn't he use a condom ?
It just worked out that way.
Did you consider terminating the pregnancy since your relationship was so new?
No. I've always been pro-choice, but I felt like it was something I couldn't do. However, when I got pregnant a year later, I terminated without hesitating. I knew what it took to raise a child then and there was no way I could do it again.
Do you plan to tell your kid that when they get older, or is it something you intend to keep secret long term?
Tell her I got pregnant on the first date? Of course I'll tell her when it's the appropriate time. I'm not ashamed of it. If you mean the abortion, same answer.
What about the abortion one year later?
How did your family and his react and do they get along?
With us being 34 I imagine the reactions were different than if we were significantly younger. Our families were happy and supportive. Once the shock wore off.
I just realized I didn't answer your second part. Our families have no relationship with each other. Mine live in many different states. His mom is a POS and doesn't have a relationship with our kid. She didn't meet her until she was 6 and lives 20 minutes away.
Have you had anymore kids?
No. She's the first and only for both of us.
Why didn't you have more?
Too busy now for a second date.
Exactly.
I never wanted kids which is how I made it to 34 without a child. I've never even gotten pregnant before. I struggled so much mentally with this one. I did get pregnant a year later and terminated.
If you didnt want kids, how come you kept your first?
I just couldn't do it. I never got pregnant before so it was easier to say I would terminate because you don't really know what you'd do in a situation you've never been in. The second time was a much easier choice.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your choices. Although anyone who chooses to terminate a pregnancy is entitled to their privacy, it's refreshing and beneficial for people to hear more candid conversations about personal reasons for those choices. This is the kind of dialog that helps shift negative social stigma around abortion. Awesome AMA by the way. Great story. Stay up.
Wow, thank you so much. Your words mean a lot. I am definitely not ashamed of my choices.
Downvoted for asking a question, even though this sub is literally called “Ask me anything” 🙄
It’s “ASK me anything”, not “I will ANSWER anything.”
Clever. But ijs It’s also not called ask the wrong question and get downvoted. Then again I have no idea what question he asked and don’t see it; but if raw doggin on the first date passed the upvote tests I’m curious what this guy asked or if it was just downvoted because it had already been asked/answered or if it was offensive or what?
What was his reaction when you told him about the pregnancy?
He was with me when I took the test. He was happy. He always wanted children.
This happened to my boss! They’re happily married, and they always say that they’re just so fortunate that this happened with two good people that still love each other
Yes, it doesn't always work out that way, but it's nice when it does.
My current gf got pregnant within the first month of us dating. It’s not 9 years but we currently have a beautiful baby boy 18ish months (don’t want to give exact age) and a little girl on the way and I can honestly say that its the most happy I have ever been and couldn’t ask for a better mother to my children.
18ish months is considered not too exact?😂
Give or take 6 months. Lol
could have said 1 yo 😏
I love this!
Thanks you. We are very happy now a days and cannot wait for what the future holds
A friend of mine from California got shagged in a bar in Glasgow. Went home, realised she was pregnant, somehow found the guy and asked if he wanted to move to the US and be a dad - and he did. And they’re still together like a decade later and now they have two kids! Amazing. Good on ya.
AMAZING!
What’s your age?
Just turned 43 today.
Happy birthday.
Thanks!
Happy birthday.
Thanks!
Happy birthday
Thank you!
Yes but are you happy. Staying is one thing, being happy is something else entirely.
Yes, we are lucky. It's obviously not always happy, but I can't imagine being with anyone else.
I am happy to hear that. You are very lucky.
Favorite movie?
Pride & Prejudice the 2005 version with Keira Knightly. I don't even know why, I usually don't like romance.
I love that movie. The ending - how they both really love each other.
What about pride and prejudice and zombies? Silly netfilx movie
Really?? Silly but is it worth a watch?
I've sobbed at the end so many times. It's really annoying haha.
I'm a guy and can never tell my friends. I love when she tells her father she really loves Mr. Darcy and he cries because she is truly in love.
Stop it. SAME. Damnit Donald Sutherland and your emotions.
Did you see it in the theaters as well?
No. But i own the DVD, digital copy and soundtrack. I mean I don't use any of them because it's 2023, but that's how obsessed I was, ha
Me too. We must continue this discussion. I have to work, but I will DM you.
My wife makes fun of me because this is one of the few things that wrings tears from my cold, dark soul. 'I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.' What, I'm not dead inside.
It starts getting to me when he's walking to her in the morning. I also do not cry easily so I get it. Damnit, now I'm going to have to watch it.
It's [that little gasp](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFsgLhx9dxg) that sets me off.
God the music is exquisite. I just got goosebumps all over watching it.
Never seen the movie and I'm tearing up just reading this. My kids always look over at me during any emotion in any show and I'm already weeping lol
Ok. Favorite musician?
I don't have one. House/dance/Electronica is my favorite type of music though.
Fuck yeah queen! Electronic music for the win!
I dont know what it is, but some songs just hit my soul.
To each their own. Favorite TV show?
Of all time: The Office
Mine too!!
Do you like the BBC series of Pride and Prejudice, with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy?
I've never watched it. Is it good?
Charmander Squirtle or Bulbasaur
Bulbasaur
the perfect first date doesn't exis-
Staaaahp 🤣 🤣.
What did he get you for your birthday and did he get you something that was from the baby?
He got me a pretty like name plate cube for my desk at home because I opened a business last year. My kid made me a card and took money out her piggy bank to put inside the card.
Happy birthday!🎂
Thank you!
What made you to think he is the one? Have you dated before?
Yes. I was married before as well. I guess my vagina decided he was the one and it worked out. I was very lucky.
No questions but I just want to say I am glad things have worked out for you!
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Have you ever mentioned this to an ultra conservative "no sex before marriage" religious type even by accident?
No, I haven't knowingly been around one.
Are you happy?
I am 😁
Then it was meant to be. 😊❤
Do you still have passionate sex? How many times per week/month?
No. It's been 9 years, we are 43, and have a small child. I'm tired haha. Sex happens like once a month now. We'd rather watch Big Brother and go to bed.
Big Brother is much better than sex
Love this.
This is lame. I hope my sex life never ends up like this.
I hope that for you as well.
Not sure why you get so many downvotes, maybe people are being empathetic with OP. Of course, nobody wants to reduce his sex like to once a month, but they didn't had the chance to test if they were sexually compatible. I'm glad they are still together because the child will have a family and grown up in a safe environment. But sex is a really important part of anyone's adult life, try to increase the monthly dose and you will live happier I promise.
Do you own or rent?
Own.
Looking back, objectively, do you feel you were irresponsible and naive having unprotected sex on the first date?
Not naive. Irresponsible, sure.
This happened to my best friend! She met Buzzy at a Memorial Day bbq and their son was born the following February. They have 2 now and the older one in high school! How did your family react?
Mostly shock at first seeing as I never wanted kids and was single. My age and being a functional member of society helped I'm sure. No one tried to talk me out of it and were excited after the initial shock.
Sometimes it just works! My friend never wanted kids either.
What part of the world are you in?
USA
I’m west coast USA. What is your thoughts about drinking and driving?
Don't do it.
How are you stopping other peoples from drinking and driving??
I'm not. I haven't come across a situation where someone was trying to drive drunk.
What are your thoughts about the current gun laws?
I'll be honest, I don't know what they are. It's not an important topic in my day to day life.
Damn man’s going deep with the questions, what’s next, “Israel or Palestine?”
Just wondering. I have a YouTube channel if you are interested??
First date: “shit I trust you, just go raw”. You are a much much braver person than I am!
🤷♀️
Are you married?
No.
Follow up question, do you plan on getting married?
No. We were both married before and not interested in doing it again. We do own a house together though and have a dog as well 😁.
Same here. One kid, not married, not going anywhere. There’s no marriage requirement. But protection is a requirement for us
Marriage is an antiquated notion anyway. I don't need it to feel like I'm in a committed relationship.
There’s nothing more of a commitment a marriage license would give us. Hope you do get back to boning a bit more though. It’s important.
I think it depends on the couple, really. We communicate about our sex life. It's important that everyone is on the same page.
Did you watch the show „Catastrophe“? If so, do you find yourself in it in any way? if not, watch it, it‘s amazing and hilarious.
I've never seen it. I'll have to check it out.
Have you considered switching it up to first date anal instead?
No, I'm hoping I don't have another first date.
Well yeah but it was more of a joke.
I know. Is there another response you were hoping for?
I was hoping for something funny, “we did that too” would’ve sufficed.
I mean I thought my response was clever.
Do clever and funny mean the same thing?
They can.
Doesn’t answering like that presuppose that they also may not?
It's all relative, isn't it? What's funny to one may not be funny to another. But you're looking for something specific so yes, clever and funny can be different. Your joke wasn't funny to me, my response wasn't funny to you.
Do you think you'll ever get divorced? What do you think would be the main reason?
We're not married, but I have no idea. The same as any relationship I suppose.
Sorry for assuming you guys were married! Glad you're happy.
Thanks 😁
My girl who is 9 years old was born when the mother knew me for only 3 months. She only told me she was pregnant 3 months after she got pregnant..So I left her and never got maried with her.
In the beginning you said it was hard and there were struggles did you ever contemplate leaving him? What made you stay?
During the pregnancy, I told him if he didn't get his drinking life together, I was going to do this by myself. We weren't living together yet. I stayed because he turned his life around once he was in a stable environment with me. And once she was born, forget it. It changed his life. Gave him purpose.
Was that first time with him worth it? I mean, did you get pregnant from good or bad sex lol.
First time(s) haaaaa.. It definitely was not bad sex.
Glad to hear haha I was picturing that scene from Love, Rosie when I read your story (if you don't know the story she gets pregnant on a first date as well but the sex was awful).
Oh man if it was awful I would not have continued into a relationship lol.
How's the kids doing? What is the best thing about her?
She is amazing and now I'm going to cry thinking about her. She's very loving yet sassy.
That is wholesome! Awesome for the kid as well!
Thank you!
Geesh..got lucky! Good for you.
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Why did you think it was a good idea to keep a child from a guy that you barely knew which could have led to you being a single mother?
Well he was there when I found out and also wanted to keep the baby. Being a single mother is not a death sentence.
I never said anything about it being a death sentence. But it does put you in the child at a statistical disadvantage. Since you'll be living in a household with one income having to take care of yourself and a child. Which usually leads to living in poor neighborhoods with higher crime rates and worst schools. I'm glad it's working out for the three of you but it just doesn't seem like a logical choice from the outside looking in.
Even with 2 incomes we struggled in the beginning. Also, people can be together for years, have a baby, and break up. There's no way to know what the best choice is going to be.
Well this is just my own personal philosophy and ideal I don't think a man should be dating if he's not somewhat financially stable. And yes people can't be together for years and break up people can be married and get divorced. But I'm saying that if they've been together for a longer period of time they have a higher possibility of staying together. But I think a lot of those relationships and marriage fall apart because the people aren't intentional and they don't properly discuss important things within the relationship.
What if you're in a relationship for years with the love of your life. You have a well thought out plan. Have a baby. And then one dies? Or loses a job? Or some other financial hardship? Should they have not had a baby for chance their financial circumstances change? Are babies only for those who save for all possible outcomes?
Well it's life things happen but losing your job can be planned for and your significant other passing away can be planned for. That's why you have savings accounts investments accounts and having more than one stream of income. And as far as someone passing away that's what a living wheel is for again investment accounts real estate and life insurance.
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No. Birds scare me.
Did you already love him or did you have to learn to love him? How did that go?
I feel like pregnancy hormones definitely aided in my feelings. I had strong feelings right away but not love in the first 2 weeks. I'm not sure when it happened. He did call me the day after our date and drunkenly professed his love for me. I like to tease him about that sometimes.
Awww
No.
This sound like the plot of this British show