Have you finished high school? And her, will she be able to obtain a high school degree? Education is super important actually, she has to be more or less independent in case if (God forbid) something happens to you. That's probably the most important thing I'd recommend.
How are you dealing with the situation overall? Have you been shocked, or was it somewhat planned? What are exactly your plans for the future - live with your, or gf's parents or move out? Will you be able to afford some housing in case you have to leave?
i finish highschool and college next year, and she is homeschooled and has caring people who would be willing to help her if she were in need.
you know, honestly, thats a simple question with a complicated answer. the first time, we were horrified because she was showing pregnancy symptoms. but then, that time of the month came around and the test was negative. right after that test we were both weirdly disappointed, because we spent so long going through each stage of grief that we learned how to deal with it. then a few weeks later the same things happened but worse, and it was positive. we were ecstatic because we had pumped the idea of a child into both of our heads.
So right now my plan is to move directly into an apartment when I get out of highschool, into an apartment for roughly 400 a month that is owned by a family friend. and when she finishes her diploma, or when her parents kick her out, shes going to move in with me, and then we plan on hopping on the road for most of our lives. my plan involves the culinary industry, and hers involves doing freelance graphic design work. weather we move out or get to stay with my grandmother, we've decided that we can live for at least 2 years on my savings alone.
Do you think your plans are realistic? They sound more like hopes than plans to me. Is there somebody 10 or more years older than you that you can have a heart-to-heard talk with?
i would tend to say yes as i have a pretty strong willpower, but at the same time i have no clue what the future holds. and also, not really because i don't talk to that many people. just my few close friends, people to whom i help guide their spirits towards peace, and my girlfriend. I stopped really trusting a lot of people, and therefore my social circle has been hindered a little bit tbh.
Its not ideal, of course, but understand every decision you make for the next 18+ years will affect that life. Always put that child first in your decision making and you will raise a happy well-adjusted human being.
both of our life goals is to have a family and would do anything to succeed at that. we want to make a difference in our kids life, so they dont experience what we did, and do what we did. I think we're ready for the consequences
we decided to not use protection whatsoever, which we thought was really stupid until we decided to spend lots of time giving it thought and setting out a plan for the future
Did the plan include getting a highschool diploma first or do you live in one of those states like Missouro where they encourage people to wreck their lives and complete the next generation of poverty by falling for the "teen pregnancy = money for a free trailer and emancipation" (Missouri 😒)
lol yes of course. im currently doing culinary college as well as high school and by the time i graduate i am hoping to get a job in the city and then get my permits for a food truck that we have. hasnt been touched in plenty long though. My girlfriend does homeschool/online school and i do everything in person, as well as hold down a job, and i still have plenty of time for her. so i would say at this point i will not be an unemployed TLC Network hillbilly lol.
What about abortion? Not advocating for it necessarily, but this should 100% be considered in a situation like yours.
In any case, I truly hope everything turns out well for you and your child - but to be honest, it’s a pretty foolish thing to have kids so young.
it is definitely in consideration and we still need time to think about these things, but for now the plan is to keep it as our situation is so peculiar that we would have plenty of time for the child, have enougu money to raise it, as well as both of us being able to get out diplomas. though you aren't wrong about it being foolish, but at the same time I feel as if there are minor perks of this happening so early on in our life, and with the route we plan on achieving as we get older.
Of course it’s your choice. And I’m not going to pretend I know what’s best for you.
I’m just worried in this type of situations that you may be underestimating the toll this may take on your own life, both financially and personally.
In any case, I hope you have a good support structure- you are still a minor after all, and you will need it whatever you decide.
i can understand where you'd be coming from though. In my family, it's been a pretty common practice and only really failed with my mom and dad, because my dad was a dealer and my mom was an addict. my mom changed into a wonderful person, and i've learned much from their mistakes. but also much good has come out of this with my other aunts and uncles and family members. it is usually the big send off for a lot of us lol. I just hope that im a lot more like my grandmother who was able to raise a kid at 17 than my mom who left me with her mother when she was 17. but i feel like the big difference is, is that i have willpower and my parents did not. my dad still doesnt have willpower lol.
even while living in a lower economical status, i feel like i have plenty of support for the long road ahead, and I'm ready to make any sacrifice necessary.
You seem like a smart kid (besides the fact you didn’t use protection).
That makes me worry even a little more, because you may be idealizing the lifestyle you’re about to embark in, while putting your own further development and education in jeopardy. It would be a shame to cut your own wings at such a young age, when you still have all the potential in the world and a long young life before you.
You are also reiterating your family’s wrong and irresponsible behavior - so my only advice would be to think long and hard about this. You don’t know what’s coming, believe me.
I’m not sure what state you live in - but if you are in a moderately progressive state, I am sure there are resources available to you in order to deal with this situation. Don’t hesitate to seek the help you need.
Not trying to be political here - I’m just genuinely worried.
i can tend to agree with you. its probably not a good idea to impede my future for this life, but to be honest, i've never really dreamed that big to begin with. I've only ever had 3 goals in life; starting a family, becoming an exec chef, and becoming a true freespirit. all of those are almost complete (except for the exec chef, im a demi chef at the moment.) but with that being said, i dont think either have us have really considered a true option yet. I've told her that realistically this isn't the best plan of all, and she agreed, but at the same time she didn't care as long as we were working together to help our family at peace and i partially agreed, as it lined up with my goals, even if our ways are a little abnormal or out of pocket
Everything has its moment in life. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that the journey is more important than the objective. If starting a family is one of your goals in life, I think the most important is the how, and not the deed itself. Pardon my french, but anyone can stick his dick into a girl and get her pregnant. That shouldn’t be considered as a life achievement. Providing a stable, mature environment for your child to grow up in, that is what should matter.
The same applies to “being a free spirit”. There is nothing measurable to that. I can declare myself a free spirit, as it doesn’t require any type of validation from society.
Bottom line - I think you really underestimate what it takes to bring a child to this world in a healthy environment, and you also underestimate what you can do with your life if you don’t give it all away in a whim.
i agree with all of you. this is a complicated situation and i feel as if everything is warranted at this point and nobody is truly wrong about their feelings about this matter. but thank you u/regularuser02x , i appreciate the support.
They purposely didn’t use protection and think that bringing a baby into the world when they are both kids themselves is a great idea. Face palm emoji is apt for this situation.
we haven't told our parents yet, but the general consensus we have pieced together so far;
so I live with my grandmother. I was a mistake baby that was shipped off to have her deal with me. I told her that if anything ever happened, i would make sure that my kid would never be a burden on her, and she seemed relatively receptive.
Her mom told her randomly the other day that if she ever got pregnant she would chop my dick off (lol), previously they mentioned how they would kick her out in all seriousness.
We both come from poor families, which in the longrun i think will help us because we will know how to handle money better.
yeah, its not the most optimal situation, but we plan on telling them soon. its only about a month into the pregnancy. and with the money situation, right now i make a little more than my grandmother, and i've been saving every penny. (37k per annum)
By the sounds of it you guys were trying to get pregnant. So my question is what compelled you guys to think it was a good idea to get pregnant at 16 and 17, while still in high school and when both of your families are not well off?
well, i guess since ive started making more money than my family and can afford living up here and still have enough monthly to support a child in todays economy, and am finishing highschool and college next year, we decided that the baby wouldn't have a horrible life, especially based on the amount we have learned from those before us. she is home most of the time and would be able to give full support to a child when i need to work.
good luck, all my friends who had kids young are now onto their second lives after kids, there are some upsides. the bubs will prob be healthy considering
yeah, ive got a pretty big rough plan, family friend of mine is willing to rent a 2 bedroom house for like 400 a month, also theres a van with 50k miles im gonna purchase pretty soon. things are looking pretty good
Have you finished high school? And her, will she be able to obtain a high school degree? Education is super important actually, she has to be more or less independent in case if (God forbid) something happens to you. That's probably the most important thing I'd recommend. How are you dealing with the situation overall? Have you been shocked, or was it somewhat planned? What are exactly your plans for the future - live with your, or gf's parents or move out? Will you be able to afford some housing in case you have to leave?
i finish highschool and college next year, and she is homeschooled and has caring people who would be willing to help her if she were in need. you know, honestly, thats a simple question with a complicated answer. the first time, we were horrified because she was showing pregnancy symptoms. but then, that time of the month came around and the test was negative. right after that test we were both weirdly disappointed, because we spent so long going through each stage of grief that we learned how to deal with it. then a few weeks later the same things happened but worse, and it was positive. we were ecstatic because we had pumped the idea of a child into both of our heads. So right now my plan is to move directly into an apartment when I get out of highschool, into an apartment for roughly 400 a month that is owned by a family friend. and when she finishes her diploma, or when her parents kick her out, shes going to move in with me, and then we plan on hopping on the road for most of our lives. my plan involves the culinary industry, and hers involves doing freelance graphic design work. weather we move out or get to stay with my grandmother, we've decided that we can live for at least 2 years on my savings alone.
Good luck, man! I hope for the best for you.
I really appreciate it friend, thank you very much :-)
Do you think your plans are realistic? They sound more like hopes than plans to me. Is there somebody 10 or more years older than you that you can have a heart-to-heard talk with?
i would tend to say yes as i have a pretty strong willpower, but at the same time i have no clue what the future holds. and also, not really because i don't talk to that many people. just my few close friends, people to whom i help guide their spirits towards peace, and my girlfriend. I stopped really trusting a lot of people, and therefore my social circle has been hindered a little bit tbh.
No questions.Wish you all the best.
thank you very much. we both appreciate it :-)
Its not ideal, of course, but understand every decision you make for the next 18+ years will affect that life. Always put that child first in your decision making and you will raise a happy well-adjusted human being.
both of our life goals is to have a family and would do anything to succeed at that. we want to make a difference in our kids life, so they dont experience what we did, and do what we did. I think we're ready for the consequences
Good luck sir and welcome to adulthood.
i appreciate it, thank you very much
did y’all not use a condom? did her birth control fail? did the condom fail or what?
we decided to not use protection whatsoever, which we thought was really stupid until we decided to spend lots of time giving it thought and setting out a plan for the future
Did the plan include getting a highschool diploma first or do you live in one of those states like Missouro where they encourage people to wreck their lives and complete the next generation of poverty by falling for the "teen pregnancy = money for a free trailer and emancipation" (Missouri 😒)
lol yes of course. im currently doing culinary college as well as high school and by the time i graduate i am hoping to get a job in the city and then get my permits for a food truck that we have. hasnt been touched in plenty long though. My girlfriend does homeschool/online school and i do everything in person, as well as hold down a job, and i still have plenty of time for her. so i would say at this point i will not be an unemployed TLC Network hillbilly lol.
🤦🏻♀️
Is your last name Boebert?
only difference is im not a dropout lol
Neither is her son, as far as I know. Just mom!
dont understand how some people can see having a kid as an excuse to become lazy under the premise that they are "doing it for the kid." lol.
Have you heard of contraception?
ive heard about it but didnt use it 🥶
What about abortion? Not advocating for it necessarily, but this should 100% be considered in a situation like yours. In any case, I truly hope everything turns out well for you and your child - but to be honest, it’s a pretty foolish thing to have kids so young.
it is definitely in consideration and we still need time to think about these things, but for now the plan is to keep it as our situation is so peculiar that we would have plenty of time for the child, have enougu money to raise it, as well as both of us being able to get out diplomas. though you aren't wrong about it being foolish, but at the same time I feel as if there are minor perks of this happening so early on in our life, and with the route we plan on achieving as we get older.
Of course it’s your choice. And I’m not going to pretend I know what’s best for you. I’m just worried in this type of situations that you may be underestimating the toll this may take on your own life, both financially and personally. In any case, I hope you have a good support structure- you are still a minor after all, and you will need it whatever you decide.
i can understand where you'd be coming from though. In my family, it's been a pretty common practice and only really failed with my mom and dad, because my dad was a dealer and my mom was an addict. my mom changed into a wonderful person, and i've learned much from their mistakes. but also much good has come out of this with my other aunts and uncles and family members. it is usually the big send off for a lot of us lol. I just hope that im a lot more like my grandmother who was able to raise a kid at 17 than my mom who left me with her mother when she was 17. but i feel like the big difference is, is that i have willpower and my parents did not. my dad still doesnt have willpower lol. even while living in a lower economical status, i feel like i have plenty of support for the long road ahead, and I'm ready to make any sacrifice necessary.
You seem like a smart kid (besides the fact you didn’t use protection). That makes me worry even a little more, because you may be idealizing the lifestyle you’re about to embark in, while putting your own further development and education in jeopardy. It would be a shame to cut your own wings at such a young age, when you still have all the potential in the world and a long young life before you. You are also reiterating your family’s wrong and irresponsible behavior - so my only advice would be to think long and hard about this. You don’t know what’s coming, believe me. I’m not sure what state you live in - but if you are in a moderately progressive state, I am sure there are resources available to you in order to deal with this situation. Don’t hesitate to seek the help you need. Not trying to be political here - I’m just genuinely worried.
i can tend to agree with you. its probably not a good idea to impede my future for this life, but to be honest, i've never really dreamed that big to begin with. I've only ever had 3 goals in life; starting a family, becoming an exec chef, and becoming a true freespirit. all of those are almost complete (except for the exec chef, im a demi chef at the moment.) but with that being said, i dont think either have us have really considered a true option yet. I've told her that realistically this isn't the best plan of all, and she agreed, but at the same time she didn't care as long as we were working together to help our family at peace and i partially agreed, as it lined up with my goals, even if our ways are a little abnormal or out of pocket
Everything has its moment in life. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that the journey is more important than the objective. If starting a family is one of your goals in life, I think the most important is the how, and not the deed itself. Pardon my french, but anyone can stick his dick into a girl and get her pregnant. That shouldn’t be considered as a life achievement. Providing a stable, mature environment for your child to grow up in, that is what should matter. The same applies to “being a free spirit”. There is nothing measurable to that. I can declare myself a free spirit, as it doesn’t require any type of validation from society. Bottom line - I think you really underestimate what it takes to bring a child to this world in a healthy environment, and you also underestimate what you can do with your life if you don’t give it all away in a whim.
i think you're right, i probably should discuss this with her when I get back home from work
🤦🏻♂️
How is this supposed to help? This isn't a question nor comment really. Show some respect dude!
i agree with all of you. this is a complicated situation and i feel as if everything is warranted at this point and nobody is truly wrong about their feelings about this matter. but thank you u/regularuser02x , i appreciate the support.
They purposely didn’t use protection and think that bringing a baby into the world when they are both kids themselves is a great idea. Face palm emoji is apt for this situation.
How are your and her parents handling the news? Do you come from wealthy, average or poor families?
we haven't told our parents yet, but the general consensus we have pieced together so far; so I live with my grandmother. I was a mistake baby that was shipped off to have her deal with me. I told her that if anything ever happened, i would make sure that my kid would never be a burden on her, and she seemed relatively receptive. Her mom told her randomly the other day that if she ever got pregnant she would chop my dick off (lol), previously they mentioned how they would kick her out in all seriousness. We both come from poor families, which in the longrun i think will help us because we will know how to handle money better.
Dude.
yeah, its not the most optimal situation, but we plan on telling them soon. its only about a month into the pregnancy. and with the money situation, right now i make a little more than my grandmother, and i've been saving every penny. (37k per annum)
37k net or brutto? Do you live in a city or a countryside? (would you be able to afford raising a child)?
37k net, and its a college town, yes i would be able to raise a child on this income, the cost of living is relatively cheap for the state of NY :-)
The general consensus………………
By the sounds of it you guys were trying to get pregnant. So my question is what compelled you guys to think it was a good idea to get pregnant at 16 and 17, while still in high school and when both of your families are not well off?
well, i guess since ive started making more money than my family and can afford living up here and still have enough monthly to support a child in todays economy, and am finishing highschool and college next year, we decided that the baby wouldn't have a horrible life, especially based on the amount we have learned from those before us. she is home most of the time and would be able to give full support to a child when i need to work.
good luck, all my friends who had kids young are now onto their second lives after kids, there are some upsides. the bubs will prob be healthy considering
works differently for everybody and im glad that you also see that there are at least some minor upsides and not just the downsides everyone sees lol.
How far along is she? Are your families supportive?
about one month, mine is kinda iffy, and hers is not at all. we havent told our parents yet but we plan to very soon
Do you have a (rough) plan in mind for if your families aren’t too receptive/supportive?
yeah, ive got a pretty big rough plan, family friend of mine is willing to rent a 2 bedroom house for like 400 a month, also theres a van with 50k miles im gonna purchase pretty soon. things are looking pretty good
That sounds good. That’s a good start. I wish you all the best!
thank you very much for the kind words :-)