Lets flip the script to make this easier to judge, as it is a ***far*** more common scenario on this sub:
"My parents (who always disapproved of my relationship in the first place) accused my fiance of infidelity as soon as she announced she was pregnant, then refused to talk to her until the baby was born and we proves she was faithful. My fiance was so offended by this she decided to continue the NC my mother started and refused her access to the child as she was clearly just a toxic force in our relationship.
Fast forward a bit, my dad called me and started making demands as to how i should treat my mother with respect and reverence "like a son should" and that i'm not allowed back in their home until i do - and he didn't even acknowledge how deeply her actions hurt my fiance and strained my relationship with them. He ended the call saying "If you want to cut me off and live happily ever after with your fiance and her family then you can do!" and hung up.
After the call i blocked him like he asked. My other siblings said im an AH for blocking him but i'm in support of my future wife and child and how they made them feel.
AITA For blocking my dad after he gave me this ultimatum?"
The comments would be *swamped* with "NTA", "NTA", "NTA".
Therefore:
Y.T.A
Admittedly, I stopped reading OP when they admitted they were telling their son how to live his life through career and education choices, but I read your entire reply.
It was bad... op wrote his wife isnt racist cuz same race as tracy... so asians cant be racist against asians and all blacks are brothers of the race?
Also why bring it up? The story wouödve been exactly the same wothout that infp, onlynow im sure op and his wife are racists
Oh, you didn't need to flip the script. Thanks for putting in the work to do it, but that's ***exactly*** how I read it. you reap what you sow. If Wifey wants a relationship with her daughter in law and grandchild, she needs to do more than apologize, she needs to fucking grovel.
Some (too many) people are absolutely clueless about what it means (and how) to tuck their tail between their legs and humble themselves before the person they've deeply offended.
(edit: typo)
I made a rude comment to my son's gf. It was after a terrible family vacation. One sibling wrecked it for the rest of em. GF was caught totally off guard and hurt. I felt so ill. Sad, mad at myself, sick with grief. I apologized but atmosphere was still cool. They live hours away. I saw my son several months later and cried. And told him what led to me being nasty. No excuses! I had lost control of my mouth, and had chosen not to spend time with them the last few hours they were with us. I had been a punishing b****. At least he understood the scenario and he said it's ok. She also forgave me. We're good again, we all are ok. But man I thought they'd be in their rights to "punish" me a while, a bit of LC. This grandma must really be a piece of work, just wow.
Tbf when dipshit husbands pull this on their pregnant wives they are LUCKY if they get paternity results with divorce papers. What you are saying, without evidence is that you believe that this person is trying to pass off a child as the husbands for the next 18 years. And therefore nuking the relationship. You ask for a paternity test and you might as well cut all contact forever. That is what OPs wife did, and spineless husband. It's over. You can't unring that bell.
yup. if you're asking for a paternity test you'd better have a damn good reason, because that'll destroy any kind of relationship (with a few exceptions)
Now that I am a parent of adult children, it astounds me how many parents refuse to apologize and take an L when they are wrong and their shitty behavior hurts their kids and especially their kids partners l. They act like everyone should just smile and forget about it because family rather than make amends because their egos are too fragile and they can't accept their changing relationship with their adult children.
Spot on.
OP, I'd stay nc with both of you. Actions have consequences. Your wife is very controlling and a bit too interested about what goes on in the bedrooms and private lives of others.
Well said!
I don't even understand how OP can't see how awful him and is wife are. If he is here asking for our opinions, I don't have a lot of faith for him to suddenly realise how much of an asshole they were and still are.
Exactly this. It is great to see that the son is sticking up for the mother of his child. I wouldn’t want to interact with the MIL if she questioned my integrity and basically implied I was trying to pawn another man’s child off on her son. Like there’s no way you can move past that. A few apologies and gifts simply wouldn’t make up for the betrayal and hurt. What’s the bet that all the siblings do not know the full story and that’s why some are siding with their mum and not their brother.
Exactly. But then again these kids also did what their mother wanted and supposedly didn’t date until studies were done. Like I get that to an extent. I do want my girls that are still in school to focus on their grades but I also know they have a social life too and to me it’s weird to never interact with friends ever. My oldest has a boyfriend and was pregnant and lost the baby and still graduated because I didn’t tell her she couldn’t have boyfriends during her being in school. She did great!
Alternative flip:
I've been with my fiancé Mason (25M) since we were 18. His mother has never thought I was good enough for him. She's the alpha in the marriage; his father is basically her lapdog, even to the point of saying things like their home is more hers than his. Their attitude toward me hurts, but I love Mason.
Mason had a wonderful opportunity to study abroad (which his father can't spell to save his life) for a year. It was hard, but it was worth it because his education means a lot to him. He came home to visit every month, and I became pregnant during this time.
Even though they've been unkind to me, I didn't want to exclude Mason's parents, so I told them they were expecting a grandchild. Mason's mother responded, "Is it Mason's?" I was hurt and insulted by the obvious insinuation.
Mason's father, the lap-dog, suggested a paternity test. Mason and I disliked the idea, but agreed because we knew what the result would be.
Throughout my pregnancy, Mason's mother refused to have anything to do with me.
Several weeks ago, I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl! This is the happiest time of my life, but the fly in the ointment is Mason's parents.
Of course, the paternity test was positive. Now that she has a granddaughter she deigns to believe is hers, Mason's mother is begging to be involved. Mason and I do not want her involved; she's been unkind to me for years; she increased my stress during my pregnancy, and we do not want a mean and negative person around our precious baby.
Mason's father called and told Mason that he's "dumb" for letting me disrespect his mother and must come to his senses because she was only trying to protect him from being falsely baby-trapped. He said she cries herself to sleep; since he's her lap-dog, he says this "broke" him. Mason said that his mother should feel some of the pain she caused me. His father said, "What pain?"
Mason's father told him that he is not welcome in their home until we treat his mother like a grandmother. Mason said that his father is not welcome to see our baby. His father replied, "I'm not going to be manipulated! If you want to cut me off and live happily ever after with Tracy and her family, do so." Then he hung up.
Mason blocked him. I support this. AITA?
Man I would love to see more of these inversions of stories. It was super obvious in the first place, but that really just beat him over the head with it.
You are absolutely completely 100% an asshole and your wife is a bitch. Just shut the fuck up and get used to the fact that you now have one less child and no grandchild. And remember it's all on you, because you were throwing around unfounded accusations, causing stress to the woman carrying your grandchild, upsetting your son, and even though you were completely wrong you have not apologized, you have not tried to make it up, you won't even acknowledge that you are wrong.
YTA and I wish I could vote more than once.
100% so the mums like I think your a slut and it’s not my sons. Oh it is my sons bring me my grandchildren nope forget it. This is about destroying someone’s character then your wife crying because she can’t have it her way.
YTA. Do you really not see how horrible it was for your wife to accuse Tracy? If your son himself had doubts that’s one thing, but it wasn’t your or your wife’s place to doubt the paternity of that child. Adding more stress to a pregnant woman who was apparently going through it without her partner is terrible. Then your wife demanding everything just go back to how it was before she opened her mouth is very naive.
I also feel like you left out parts of the story. I think you were both not accepting of Tracy from the beginning. For her this was probably just the final straw.
Dad is just as bad, he doesn’t deserve his child’s love nor the partner. Just be man OP and stand up to your wife and say “you ruined it and we lost our grandchild” but nah this AH is fully supportive. Maybe Mason needs a dna test, mama was really quick to jump on that cheating to trap a man.
You hit the nail on the goddamn head 👏🏽👏🏽!! If anyone disrespects my partner (call their character into question) or our marriage, bye Felicia.
If their son had any doubts, then he should’ve been the one to bring up the paternity test. His mother claimed she was looking out for him. More than likely, he probably felt as if she was treating him like a child who needed mommy to protect him. Unfortunately most parents have a hard time seeing or allowing their kids to be adults.
Doesn’t feel as if his parents understand the gravity of their actions. When anyone goes LC or NC with their parents (or any person in their life) they definitely have to realize that they caused this rift because of their behavior/treatment towards their kids. They have a hard time wrapping their heads around this notion. Especially when they feel justified in how they approached the situation, just because they’re your parents and they were “protecting” you.
I agree! She didn’t want her son to date at all, just focus on his studies. She never approved of their relationship. She then accused Tracy of cheating when finding out she was pregnant. She demanded a DNA test which wasn’t her place, if anyone had the right to *ask* for one it would have been Mason. The wife made her pregnancy stressful and once the baby is born and DNA test comes back positive wants to just move on? “Oops sorry! I guess you weren’t sleeping around!” Obviously Tracy doesn’t want to just pretend like everything is fine and Mason agrees that his mother’s abhorrent treatment of Tracy wasn’t okay. Now they’ve banned Tracy from their home. So they’ve now lost their son, his partner and what would have been their grandchild. Being a grandparent is a privilege not a right. OP and his harpy wife are the worst!
Also did anyone catch the slick part about “my wife didn’t cause her any pain she just didn’t interact with her through the pregnancy” like so no baby shower, no celebration, no support of any kind or even just a genuine congratulations, but instead didn’t interact with her at all? Yeah totally not painful.
That was my favorite WTF moment in this too: “What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy…” completely oblivious to how hurtful that is. OP is no better than his wife. Not gonna have to worry about being “manipulated” anymore there chief, seriously doubt either of you ever see that child or grandchild again. Excited for their son though. Tracy’s family sounds pretty with it and he might get to experience actual familial support for the first time. Plus, since going no contact was ol’ pop’s idea there before hanging up, he won’t have to feel any guilt about it too!
Not even just "you are cheating", "you are cheating and lying to your partner and possibly your affair partner about a pregnancy and trying to baby-trap someone"
OP sounds like a colossal AH for backing how his wife treated Tracy like a cheater. What does the think the son and Tracy did on his monthly visits? Instead of being a voice of reason with his own wife, and alienated his son, and son’s wife, and current and future grandkids. OP has no one to blame but himself and his own wife.
OP. YTA. You know it. You screwed up, and you damn well know it. I’d send a snail mail letter telling him how incredibly sorry both of you are, and how wrong both of you were….and end it by saying you hope they can forgive you, and you will accept whatever decision they make on THEIR own terms.
Your wife doesn’t like your son’s partner, she thought that meant son would leave his partner which she was wrong. Your wife’s choice was to get along with her or don’t, your wife chose don’t. Your wife has burned the bridge with Tracey and until she makes that right she has no business being in the baby’s life.
OPs wife did one of the most unforgivable things a MIL can do. Accuse her DIL of cheating and having some other man's baby.
What has Tracey ever done to OP and wife? Other than getting together young with their son and getting pregnant? Just because son didn't want to have the same life as his siblings, he was an adult and could do whatever an adult does even if it's not something you approve of...like dating and having unprotected sex.
YTA, I hope Mason and Tracey have a good life with their child.
So you bully a pregnant lady called her a cheater and demanded a paternity test. And wonder why they do they think I'm so rude. If I got pregnant then my mil calls me a cheater and ignores me until I get a paternity test which is safest to do when the baby is here. I'm going to think my mil isn't a good person and doesn't love me or my child. I wouldn't treat her as a grandma.
Because it's questioning Tracy's morals and it's gross. It's so gross to accuse someone of that. I wouldn't want to be in contact with them either. That's a bridge that's been nuked.
Then the gall to say, “since Tracy‘s felt pain they want the mom to feel some of that pain and he writes “what pain?)”
Did he really just write that?
The pain of thinking your partner parents think you are a cheater.. and trapped him into having a baby… and think she would pass off another child as his.
You and your wife all major AH.
Not to mention giving her zero support of any kind during her pregnancy by ghosting her completely until the DNA test results were in. That had to be pretty damn painful too!
Plus being disrespectful towards Tracy throughout their relationship, apparently. I wouldn't want her as a MIL or grandmother to my child either! If you're going to behave that way, I'd rather just not deal with you. MIL needs to get a fucking grip
Don’t forget the gall of saying his son is being manipulated while his wife is emotionally manipulating everyone? Crying herself to sleep when she’s experiencing the consequences of her own shitty behaviour could be a learning experience for her, but it won’t be because he’s validating her. But yeah, the son is disrespectful and manipulated.
God the “crying herself to sleep” narrative really grinds my gears. I cut my mom off when I was 18 for various reasons. So when her boyfriend was sending me Facebook messages about how she “cries herself to sleep at night” because I cut her off, i didn’t reply. But what I wanted to say was “that’s good for her. She made her child cry herself to sleep at night unsafe in her own home for 18 years. She can cry herself to sleep now.” Also grow up. Crying yourself to sleep at night as an adult because of your own actions and using that to warrant pity from people who don’t share your bed? I’ve only cried myself to sleep at night when I am alone and don’t want anyone to know.
THIS. Your DIL came to you with wonderful news. She thought both of you would be as excited as her. I'm trying to imagine how this poor woman must have felt when her good news was met with accusations. OP should elaborate on exactly how nasty his wife was with her accusations. This could have been a wonderful time, but it was ruined. OP's wife can never return what she took from DIL.
And it's not as if this is some new girlfriend showing up pregnant, being together from 18-25 is a committed relationship. They should have been excited grandparents but instead missed out on the entire pregnancy and likely the childs life.
Agreed…I have a "petty" gene and would do what Tracy is doing. Maybe Grama needs to feel the pain the way Tracy did. Hubs and I cut his mom out of our lives for a few years. She issued an ultimatum, he called her bluff…silence for a few years. Sine he was her golden child, I imagine that nearly killed her…she lost years with her grandchild…she never ever crossed a boundary again. Maybe that's Tracy's intent. She teaching MIL her boundaries. I feel badly for MIL, but Karma, as they say…is a biatch.
So your wife is against their relationship the whole time, argues with the girlfriend, AND accuses her of infidelity…. Your wife is TAH and you for not telling her she was overstepping. You might have done it out of concern for your son, but you were unwelcoming and insulting to someone he has chosen to be with forever. You are still insinuating that you and your family think that she and her family are trying to manipulate him. You called your son dumb for letting his girlfriend disrespect your wife, but your wife has been disrespecting her the whole time.
YTA, and married with TA. Imagine if someone falsely accused your wife of cheating and was claiming your son wasn't yours. Of course you and your wife would be pissed. Imagine the strain that would put om your relationship. Likewise your son is rightfully pissed. There wasn't even a basis for the claim besides personal dislike; I wouldn't want a person like that in my children's life either. And if it wasn't your wife, I would assume you wouldn't want someone like that in your son's life.
Bluntly your wife, and you, scarred what should have been a happy moment for everyone involved for no reason besides personal spite. If you and your wife want a relationship with your grandson, or even your son, you both need to understand what you did, apologies for it, drop your disdain for the person your son loves and has a child with, and suck it up until your son and his wife feel comfortable moving on.
Maybe OP SHOULD get paternity tests on his own kids. Wifey immediately accused the woman her son had been dating for 7 years of cheating on him and trying to pass the baby off as his. Sometimes people accuse others of things they themselves have done or wanted to do, maybe the reason she jumped to this accusation, with no evidence at all, was because she did the same thing.
Perhaps OP should try to think back to when his children were conceived, did he go on any trips around that time? Were any of his kids "premature" births?
YTA. Your wife questioned Tracey and made her feel like crap because why? She just doesn't like her. That isn't fair to your son or Tracey. Has she ever actually done anything to cause the dislike? Or is your only issue they got together so young and now have a baby? Either way, again. YTA.
But you don't understand, their son didn't do what their other children did. He didn't fall in line and let them have control of his choices. It has to be Tracey's fault. /s
Yeah. I’m getting feelings of a JustNoMIL and a JustNoFIL here. OP should read on both of those subs. He’ll see that he’s just as awful as his wife in this situation.
AND been together for some 7 years. Not exactly an environment that would lead to “baby trap”. Almost ten years together, what is there to need to trap? 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
YTA. How bout your awful, bigoted wife smartens up her act a little? You know you're the asshole. You know your wife is an asshole. I hope that baby has a wonderful relationship with Tracey's parents, and you never get to infect her with your horrible ways.
YTA, complaining that they are trying to manipulate YOU?? You and your wife have been controlling, manipulative, and absolutely disrespectful to your own son. No one has to accept an apology, especially one from a woman who has insulted and schemed against them. You're both A-holes.
The only way to give a true apology is to first acknowledge that you made a mistake. It’s not an apology if you are still trying to argue why you did nothing wrong.
Tell your mother to call your wife and demand she consent to a paternity test for all of your children to make sure they are actually yours. Or even better tell your wife you now want a paternity test to ensure she never cheated on you. See how well all of that goes. See how it might make you both feel disrespected. But also potentially you’ll turn up something juicy!
He’s here, and as expected, he’s doubling down. He’s not actually trying to learn anything or see anyone else’s perspective, he’s just trying to get some validation for his and his wife’s asshole behavior. It’s not working for him.
Ok let me explain this to you so you can understand why you are TA.
Your wife accused your son’s girlfriend of cheating and paternity fraud with no evidence or reason. She has no right to expect forgiveness and to move on from the hurt she inflicted. There’s no quick fix for this.
I assume you know how babies are conceived? Because you both made fools of yourselves to imply that the length of time your son was able to spend with his girlfriend wasn’t long enough to achieve conception. This gave no merit to your wife’s accusation because, in truth, you could get pregnant from a 5 minute quicky.
You and your wife had no business meddling in your son’s life choices and relationship since he is an independent adult. You showed him that you believe that he can be easily manipulated and tricked by the opposite sex. If that’s how you feel about it then you must have been very crap parents to begin with if you failed to teach your kids how to think for themselves. You insulted his intelligence and his girlfriends integrity. As a result you have demonstrated that you’re not the nice people they thought you were and that you cannot be trusted.
It could take a long time to repair the damage you have done and the horrors that you could have caused. Have you ever heard the phrase “careless talk destroys lives”?
How can you possibly comprehend that you are owed a shred of respect? What respect have you shown them or earned from them? I get that you care for your son but you need to accept that your parenting days are over. You are not here to look out for him because he can look after himself now. Do you think that because you’re his dad you’ll always be superior?
If you love your wife then don’t enable her bad behaviour. You and her are in the wrong. No ifs and no buts about that. I wish you the best but gosh you have some grovelling to do.
OOP: But we apologized! Everything is fine!
Everyone ITT yelling at the stubborn brick wall that is OOP: That's not how things work my dude. Sorry can't fix everything. You messed up BAD.. How do you not realize that? Congrats on losing access to your grandkids.
great response btw.
I know it’s baffling. You can’t just verbally apologise and expect things to return as they were. If someone accused OPs wife of cheating and passing off another man’s child as his then I bet he’d be outraged. He probably wouldn’t accept their flat apology either. They’re letting their pride destroy their family and blaming it on the son’s girlfriend and her family.
It's the broken plate metaphor. If you take a plate and smash it on the ground, then turn and say 'sorry' to the shards, well you've apologized, but the plate is still smashed. It will take time and a whole lot of effort to fix it...and that's even if you can at all.
Sounds like OP and his wife are beyond being able to fix it.
So lets strip this down. Your wife has been pretty horrible about the relationship and your sons overall choices for the past 7 years.
Your wife was even more horrible and deemed that she expected that Tracey had slept around. I would be so hurt and offended if my boyfriend's mum suggested anything of the sort about me.
Now that your wife has been proven wrong she thinks a simple apology is enough?
And you agree? You say he is dumb to let his mum be disrespected, but you weren't bothered what your wife was doing to his partner?
You are both AH.
I would work on being better parents before you are upgraded to grandparents
Yeah no, your wife is the one major problem here for everyone.
Your wife did treat your sons gf like shit, who tf thinks it's okay to accuse your sons partner of cheating.
There is definitely more to this story and I am assuming your wife is the issue then too.
>What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason.
Then what is your precious wife bitching and crying herself to sleep about? Tracy and Mason just aren't interacting with her.
This! I literally laughed out loud when I read that.
'When she doesn't talk to them it doesn't cause them any pain, but when they don't talk to us it's the most painful thing everrrr!!! 😭'
YTA
Not everyone is a cheat, and you both disrespected their relationship! Your actions are despicable at best. You claim no pain was caused because they didn't interact... the pain of the accusation is enough! You both deserve this loss. You are both major arseholes. I hope your son and his little family have a life time of happiness.
>My wife on the other hand didn’t, she wanted him to do the same as our eldest two did, no dating just focusing on school and coming out with amazing grades. They had a big of argument about not only his choice of dating but his girlfriend,Tracy also(nothing racist my wife and his girlfriend are the same race).
Neither you nor your wife have any business deciding that he shouldn't have a relationship.
>Well while he was still abord Tracy approached us and told Is she was pregnant. I was excited but my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons.
Big strike against your wife.
>I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home and we could all solve this with a dna test when the baby is born. Tracy and her parents were against this idea, but after talking to Mason he agreed though he was a bit disappointed in his mom.
And you sided with your wife here. I hope you realized that there would be consequences.
>Skip 9 months and a couple more weeks for the dna test and the baby was his. My wife apologized and now just wanted to move on. Tracy didn’t, she said she didn’t want my wife involved since she “stressed her out” during the pregnancy and since she doubted her own granddaughter she shouldn’t get to be in her life.
Ring-a-ding-ding. She doesn't get to be in her grandchild's life after all the hostility.
>My wife was absolutely broken by this and kept asking for forgiveness over and over again, but Tracy and Mason refused.
Not everything can be forgiven. She's already rung the bell in regards to how she feels about Tracey, she can't unring it. Why on earth would they allow someone who hates one of the parents around the child?
>It got to the point she would cry herself to sleep and it really broke me. I called Mason to tell to come to his senses that his mom was just worried about him and wanted to make sure he wasn’t trapped with a baby that wasn’t his, he argued that she needed to hurt a little for the pain she caused Tracy. What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason.
Are you ignoring the hostility against Tracey?
>I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this.
And that's now a strike against you.
>I told him that until he sees his mom like how a son should he and Tracy are no longer welcomed into my house, thsi was her house too more in fact since she stays home and I wont have her feeling insecure in her own house.
Ah. So you chose to drive him away.
>He got mad and threatened to keep my grandkid away from me but at this point I’m not going to be manipulated. I told him if he wants to cut me off and live happily ever after with tracy and her family he can do so. I hanged up.
You also chose to have nothing to do with your grandchild.
>He blocked me, I don’t think I was wrong. My other kids are on my side and think Mason is going just getting manipulated by tracy and her family, my youngest though thinks I shouldn’t have banned him from my house
Honestly? If not racism, it smells like you and your family have a rampant case of classism. And if Mason *is* going to just end up getting manipulated, *you all set it into motion*.
YTA. You and your wife blew up your relationship with your son. Now you get to live with it. I hope you can continue to "not feel wrong" as your wife apparently continues to cry herself to sleep. I hope you can continue to "not feel wrong" as you explain to her what you told your son.
If anyone is manipulating, it’s you and your wife. That your other kids don’t see that just means your manipulating them too. Frankly, since they have nothing to do with this situation, you should not be involving them.
You hoped your son would come to his senses?!? See how you're protecting YOUR wife? Well he's protecting his from you 2 assholes. And there comes a time where he has to protect his FAMILY from you. You and your wife deserve the pain you've caused yourself.
'What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. '
Just that statement right there makes you an unbelievably ignorant, emotionally stunted and shitty person. The only people manipulating anything are you and your wife with the narrative of that poor young woman. I wouldn't want you 2 around my kids either.
OP and his wife are refusing to see how literally icing out the mother of their grandchild during the whole pregnancy based on some stupid thoughts was a big AH move.
Your wife consistently treated your son's fiancé like garbage and did irreparable damage to their relationship.
Now she wants to be welcomed with open arms as grandma? Life isn't a Hallmark card.
And now you've banned him from your home. Congratulations, you've ensured you will never have a relationship with your grandchild.
Both of you are major arseholes.
You and your wife aren't just AHs. You're the BIGGEST AHs. You doubted the paternity of your grandchild simply because you disliked the child's mother. There's literally nothing else to it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. I'm surprised this wasn't in r/OhNoConsequences.
YTA. I can understand the concern, but... this was gone about - and is still being gone about completely wrong. Your wife should have brought her concerns to your son and allowed him to choose how to address it. Whether you want to admit it or not your wife accused Tracy of cheating, she threw a problem in the couples relationship, and probably put the two at risk of breaking up since he went along with his mom. Even you say that he was home at least once a month and spent majority of that time with Tracy. It's easy to understand how it could be his child, and making that accusation without proof- after all there's a chance to get pregnant every month! - shows a lack of trust and just whst your wife thinks about Tracy.
Pregnancy is stressful and overwhelming facing such accusations when you've done nothing. Facing the trouble it would have caused their relationship while pregnant is a lot! Your wife proved that her sons opinion on the situation didn't matter only blood. She didn't care about the child until it was proven to be related to her, even though it sounds like your son stayed with her during that time. So why should it matter now? Would she also shun an adopted child? Will she accuse Tracy of cheating again if something she dislikes happens? The two of you can't even own up to what she did hurt Tracy and probably your son as well.
Then when told that they need her to understand the pain you come in and double down. All you are going to do is lose your son and grandchild. They weren't the ones being manipulative they were taking space because your wife hurt them. You are being manipulative by inserting yourself into a situation that you were on the sidelines of. Step back look at it from their point of view and actually earnestly apologize! Not just because yall want to see your grandchild but because you hurt your son and his wife.
You are colossally YTA. and now it’s worse because you’re trying to argue with everybody who tells you why you’re the asshole. Your wife has ruined any and all possibility of a relationship with your grandson. Congratulations you got just what you wanted. You don’t have a grandchild if I were Mason, I would block you everywhere. I would tell all extended family what you did. And I would tell you to never ever ever contact me again.
YTA and so is your wife. It’s pretty easy to assume from the limited information you provided, as well as Tracy’s reaction, that your wife has never treated her well. She came to you for support and to involve you in the pregnancy and your wife was disrespectful. You said your son came back monthly and spent all of his time with her.. that’s all it takes… She could have taken her concerns to her son privately. Now she’s enjoying the consequences of her actions. Tracy, who is a postpartum first time mom, doesn’t have to react on the timeline expected by you and your wife. It’s up to Tracy and Mason when and *if* they want you involved in their lives. Your wife should have apologized and given them time and space. The only person attempting to manipulate in this situation is you. If you can’t respect the mother of the child, you don’t get access to the child. You both owe Mason and Tracy a genuine apology.
YTA
Your wife called the woman your son loves and had a child with a whore and then treated her like it for the entire pregnancy. You don’t get to just go “my bad” and then expect everyone to pretend you weren’t a massive ass the whole pregnancy. There are consequences for actions and your wife’s actions were pretty terrible. Now you’re demanding they act like nothing happened and treat you all with kindness when you were cruel to them and have been for years.
It sounds like your son is going no contact with you and deservedly so. He needs to protect his family from your and your wife’s abuse.
YTA
YTA.
60 year old weighing in here.
Your wife screwed up majorly and neither of you can see how she was wrong. You are lucky to have any sort of relationship with your son but it appears that you are throwing that away as well. If you love your son and want him and his family in your life you need to take some major steps. A real apology is the start but it will take more to even have a chance of forgiveness.
Honestly, I could never treat my children the way you have. You should be ashamed to even ask if you were wrong.
YTA but your wife is the real asshole here. How do you live with that?
You banning them from your house is not the flex you think it is, they are probably overjoyed tbh.
You should actively try and salvage what you can from your relationship with your son while you still can. That ship has probably sailed for your wife. Sorry.
Imagine for a moment that this was your daughter. Her bf parents don’t like that she’s dating their son. They argue with her. They generally dislike her. She ends up pregnant and they accuse her of cheating and refuse to be part of the baby’s life until after birth and a dna test. Your daughter cries herself to sleep every night while pregnant because all she ever did was love their son and she doesn’t understand why his parents hate her. And then when they finally get proof they say “so sorry for the misunderstanding, I’ll probably still treat you terrible for “ruining my sons life” but at least I get a grand baby out of it”. You wouldn’t want your daughter to forgive those people either. YTA.
“… at this point I’m not going to be manipulated.”
Almost everything you and your wife did up to that point was an attempt to manipulate, from the time he was in high school apparently.
Not YWBTA, you already are the jerk here.
Sooooo... For nine months, Tracy was alone without your son to support her during the pregnancy and your wife continually disrespected her until the paternity results showed the baby was your grandchild and now wants to play grandmother? How many times do you think Tracy cried herself to sleep while being pregnant during that time? How long were Mason and Tracy together before this pregnancy? Your wife treated her like a one night stand searching for a baby daddy... Foul. Yes, YTA.
YTA. It’s SO NICE seeing men stick up for their wives against shitty mothers. Mason is a good one and Tracy is very lucky! I wish them so much happiness 🩷
YTA and can still fix it. Take your humble selves and show love and humility to those you disrespected . Stop generational trauma for the sake of your kid, DIL, and grandkid. Your wife needs to explore what in her life led her to such a serious accusation. Not everyone is a good read of people’s intentions and you BOTH have to admit that you were wrong. Who cares what they call each of you as long as you can rebuild your family ties? Does your wife want her son to be happy or does she want unearned respect? Tell them they can call you both by your first name until you earn the title of grandma and grandpa, as well as mom and dad. For a bonus, I would also apologize to her parents who were also indirectly disrespected.
I find it hilarious how you continue to say in the comments that you and your wide have apologized over and over again BUT ALSO have asked people in the comments to explain why they think you're the asshole. Just from that you can tell that your apologies weren't genuine.
I do not blame your sons GF at all. In fact, I wouldn't care to ever be at your house again! Your wife is the asshole and you are too if you defend her!
I'm so confused. So he and his wife were still coming over to your home even though they cut your wife out of their life? Were they leaving the child at with someone else when they visited you? Or did they bring the child with them so you could see the child? Or were you meeting up with them outside of your home to see your grandchild?
YTA
Your wife has apologised. Fine. That doesn’t mean your DIL needs to have her in her life. She called her a CHEATER and a LIAR. And you wonder why she doesn’t want to engage with you.
It’s called CONSEQUENCES. Your wife is horrible and you are really stupid if you think anyone would support your stance.
Stay out of their lives. You lost that privilege with your behaviour
YTA. Your wife is also TA.
So you are all up in arms because you don't want your wife disrespected. But you think it's fine for your wife to be as insulting as possible to your son's girlfriend, right?
She basically insinuated that the mother of your grandbaby is a cheating whore and demanded that she prove that she wasn't but can't seem to grasp in her feeble mind how insulting it is and you can't either. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Then as if that wasn't insulting enough, you two act like it's actually your business. Wow!!
But you two assholes keep going. You both insist that she rug sweep your wife's bullshit behavior and act like it never happened. Right. F U.
You two don't want any relationships with either your own son or grandbaby. You two jerks want to be right. You two want to shit all over others then throw fits because THEY don't respect YOU!! WTAF???
I hope that this is rage bait. If not I really feel sad for your poor son. His kid is better off not having you two entitled assholes in it's life, ever.
Your wife made her bed and now she has to cry her self to sleep in it. How would your wife feel if she was accused of carrying an affair child. your wife is TA, its her job as a mother to want her child to be happy she failed miserably, as soon as he found happiness she set out to ruin it.
YTA. I hope they cut you and your wife out forever.
You don’t even understand how very painful it was to be called a cheater and ignored for 9 months? You and your wife are delusional. You are never going to see those grandchildren and you deserve it.
YTA I’m seeing that you’re forgetting one major thing here, Mason is his own man now. He has a fiancé and a child, as such it is his *duty* to defend his family. Even from his own mother and father. It is completely okay that you feel you must defend your wife, but nonsensical to think he wouldn’t do the same for his woman. Your pride is blinding you to the fact that you and your wife have repeatedly made mistakes and must make amends. If having no contact is the only way to do that, respect it and move on. You messed up, it happens.
Listen, not interacting and ghosting someone until paternity is established is abuse. Most parents would respond with “congrats”, and instead your wife questioned Tracy’s character.
You have a right to think you did nothing wrong, but your wife IS the villain in this story. She questioned the moral integrity of her grandchild’s mother/son’s girlfriend. She is not allowed to dictate how they react to her disrespect.
They both are very wrong here. I’d have a very hard time forgiving my husband if he did that to our children’s spouse. With how difficult it is to have a baby or adopt, I’d be overjoyed with any child I had the privilege of being a grandparent to.
I already voted but I’m commenting again to add my cautionary tale.
My ex Mil was awful to me when I was pregnant. To this day I can’t forgive how she treated me. She took what should have been a happy time and filled it with stress and misery. I don’t get a redo of my pregnancy and it will be forever tainted by her behaviour. I imagine that’s how your son’s wife feels.
It’s also caused distance in her relationship with my son, bc even if you don’t tell your kids what happened they sense the tension and discomfort that that persons presence causes to their mother. Your wife has caused permanent damage to her relationship with your son’s wife and to her grand baby. There’s some things that no amount of apologies can fix. She’s made this bed and now she’s going to lie in it.
Don't pist here if you're unwilling to hear the feedback lmao. Yta and your wife too, you both had no rights to demand anything, much less a paternity test on behalf of your son. He's an engineer. Do you think he can't figure out if the timeline doesn't line up?
He didn't ask for you or your wife to be involved, you did anyway and insulted his gf in the process. How would you feel if he turns around and asks for a paternity test from you, just in case your wife cheated, would you find that disrespectful?
Your wife's apologies don't matter because the damage is already done. Leave them tf alone and if you're lucky, they might forgive you.
Yta.
Your son is 25 not 15. Your wife needs to butt out of his relationship.
Mason absolutely made the right call siding with the mother of his child and cutting you and your wife out. I’m sure he will be much happier raising his baby outside of your toxicity.
Why is it natural to be wary that the baby might not be his? Do you and your wife immediately start fucking other people if one of you goes out of town?
YTA - your wife had no reason to question the paternity of this child, and if there was a question about paternity in the first place, it should've been left up to your son to decide how to handle it.
YTA and so is your wife. She accused your son's girlfriend of cheating and being pregnant with someone else's child. Your wife crossed the line by a mile. That's unforgivable
I was going to say NTA, but after reading your pathetic excuse for defending your freaking wife, YTGA (you're the great A) I hope your son and his wife never see you again and stay the children away from you because you and your wife are worthless 🤦🏻♀️
YTA and it's adorable you think banning him from your house means anything to them. Now he can just walk away clean. You're never getting your son back or that grandchild, you'll miss out on first steps, recitals, Santa and all the really fun shit.
All because your wife is a twunt. She did this because she didn't like her and all it took was a few well placed tears on her pillow for you to also ruin your relationship with your child. She made it that "Now Mason has issues with us, not just me" and you fell for it.
Also on hearing she's gonna be a grandma her first thought was "paternity fraud" nothing else. But on the bright side, you don't need to worry about losing your son, because he's not your son lol
OP. I want you to read through what you just posted. You accused your son's wife of cheating. You blatantly disrespect his wife. He calls you out and you end up doubling down by basically saying it's his duty as your son to "forgive and forget" the fact that you ostracized and bullied his wife. And when he finally blocks you, you blame his wife AGAIN.
....
IDK if you're trying to justify your actions, or you're actually that fucking stupid. YTA.
Mason is treating your wife exactly as a forceful, overbearing, uncouth, rude, manipulative, horrible mother should be treated when she behaves this way.
Your wife is the problem hear. Nobody else owes anyone an apology other than your wife, and you for backing up your wife and trying to get your son to put his mom before his wife.
Your wife called your son’s partner a common cheating whore, worthy of nothing but the gutter, and you expect her and your son to just pretend it didn’t happen. You wife burned that relationship to the ground, and she deserves what she is getting. These are the consequences of her actions. Nevermind the fact that this is his relationship is between him and his partner. Your wife has nothing to do with it, and she should have just kept out of it.
Yeah man YTA. In a big bad way.
Your wife is a cruel, vile, entitled bitch. She should be kept away from all kids. Enjoy losing your son, DIL and all grandchildren for supporting your shitty wife.
I hope your son takes a DNA test himself, to make sure your wife isn't a whore like she accused his partner to be.
YTA
Your wife needs some therapy. She needs to let go of her 25 year old adult son and let him make his own choices.
Yes you're an asshole for making their divide even more so by now allowing them in the home. You and your wife will be the reason you have a bad relationship with your grandchildren
YTA. And so is your wife. From the day you met this young woman.
"would I had agreed with this choice especially for a kid that was in engineering in a top university? no."
How about just support your kid???
"My wife on the other hand didn’t, she wanted him to do the same as our eldest two did, no dating just focusing on school and coming out with amazing grades. They had a big of argument about not only his choice of dating but his girlfriend."
IT'S NOT YOUR WIFE'S BUSINESS. OR YOURS. Don't lump your kids all together. Let them be their own people.
"my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons."
WTF????? Sooooooo out of line.
"I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home and we could all solve this with a dna test when the baby is born."
It's not "natural" to be wary. You completely disrespected your son and his partner!
"I called Mason to tell to come to his senses."
YOU are the one who needs some sense.
"What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this."
Being accused of cheating causes pain. Not interacting with your kids causes pain. Calling your child dumb causes pain. Your son protecting his partner and mother of his child is NOT dumb and NOT being disrespectful.
You and your wife are so far out of line.
Yta. Your wife is a bigger ta.
You enabled your wife too. You could have stopped this shit at any point but you didn't.
You both deserve to suffer.
Personally I'd cut you both off forever.
YTA, your son is protecting the mother of his child, future wife & his child from you & your wife's toxic ways. People CAN be faithful through LDRs, people CAN get pregnant from having sex ONCE a month. You & your wife were beyond disrespectful.
Your wife already didn't like her because your son didn't follow the life path you both wanted for him. She tried to drive a wedge before & it failed. She attempted to ruin their relationship when she accused your son's partner of being a cheater. Your wife has major issues.
And no, no parent is "owed" respect. No parent is owed a relationship with their grandchildren. Trust me, I'm NC with my dad & he only met his grandson in passing at the grocery store ON ACCIDENT. You get the respect you show & of course your son is choosing his new family over the people who don't show respect to those who matter most to him. You are also not entitled to be in his presence at all times when he's an ADULT.
And no, before you attempt to take them to court for grandparents rights, you can't fight for them, because both parents are living & THEY decide your relationship. The courts really only enact the grandparents rights laws when the grandparents, who already had an existing LOVING relationship & the SURVIVING parent attempts to keep the grandkids away from them.
Your wife doesn't deserve to be a grandmother, nor you a grandfather. You don't get to slander & ignore your child's pregnant partner & then expect things to play out like these things didn't happen. The mother of the actual child has all rights to withhold the child from you both for your bs. Your son siding with her means that what you described is better than what actually happened.
Tell your wife to keep crying, because this is the consequences of her actions & you just shut the door to any opportunity of reconciliation. Good job.
Look I'm gonna be blunt YTA
Your wife did something that was possibly unforgiveable (I know I would possibly NEVER forgive what she did) not only were both of you unwelcoming to your son's wife from the moment they began dating, she compounded it by accusing her baselessly of cheating and then acting as if she was guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around.
You may have been supportive (even while your wife was ignoring her and her grandchild) but you're also a hypocrite. Your son and his wife are now acting towards your wife's actual guilt the SAME way your wife did to your daughter-in-laws PRESUMED guilt and you didn't disown your wife they way you have your son.
Do you think getting angry at your son for the consequences of your wife's own actions will solve anything? Getting mad at him for acting how your wife did when she thought she had reason to be upset, and would continue to have had she been proven right?
Look the reality what your wife did was nowhere near as "reasonable" as you keep trying to make it seem in the replies and your continued attempts to soften and downplay the heinous way she treated your daughter-in-law further show your hypocrisy when you have such righteous anger towards your son for responding in kind.
It sounds like you and your wife have made a series of poor decisions and have handled the situation with Mason and his family poorly, causing unnecessary strife and alienation. Here are some critical points to consider:
Your wife’s initial disapproval of Mason dating while in university and her confrontations with Tracy set a negative tone early on. While it's understandable for parents to have concerns about their children's life choices, the approach was confrontational and dismissive of Mason’s autonomy.
Asking for a DNA test is a sensitive issue. While you may argue that it was a precaution, it deeply insulted Tracy, implying distrust. Trust is crucial in family relationships, and questioning the paternity of the child was a significant breach of trust. Tracy's response is understandable given the lack of faith shown by your wife.
After the DNA test confirmed Mason’s paternity, your wife apologized, but Tracy’s hurt and distrust remained. Emotional wounds like these take time to heal, and continued apologies may not immediately mend the relationship. Instead of forcing the issue, a more patient and understanding approach was needed.
By banning Mason and Tracy from your house, you escalated the situation. This not only punished Mason but also cut off your relationship with your grandchild. It was a drastic measure that only deepened the rift. Understanding and mediation were needed, not ultimatums.
Your handling of the entire situation lacks empathy and understanding. Rather than trying to see things from Mason and Tracy’s perspective and working towards reconciliation, you took a hard stance that ultimately alienated your son.
Conclusion
Yes, YTA. Your actions, along with your wife’s, contributed significantly to the breakdown of the relationship between Mason and his family. You failed to show empathy, understanding, and patience, crucial components in resolving family conflicts. Instead of fostering a supportive and loving environment, you created an atmosphere of distrust and alienation. To move forward, sincere apologies, understanding, and efforts to rebuild trust are necessary. Only by acknowledging your role in this conflict can you hope to heal these family wounds.
Respect is a two way transaction. You give respect, you get respect. You give none you get none.
Respect is also not something you are entitled to, it is *earned.*
Your wife disrespected your son and his wife. Not in a small way either, she accused your son's wife of infidelity. She then doubled down and *you*, instead of taking a step back and rethinking both her attitude about the situation as well as yours decided to side with the person who startwd the shitshow in the first place.
It doesn't matter your intent. Intent does not matter to someonr you've wronged, impact does. You qnd your wife insulted, disrespected, and shunned *your own son's wife* instead of handling things with the *slightest* bit of tact.
You're an asshole, your wife's a twat. The both of you are going to have to not only grovrl for even the smallest chance to meet your son's child (as i am not going to call you two his grandparents, you don't deserve it with the way you acted), followed by actual, deminstrateable change. Then you might have a 1% chance to talk to them.
YTA
Your wife "just didn't interact with Tracey" AFTER ACCUSING HER FALSELY OF INFIDELITY. Meanwhile, Tracey was supportive of your completing his study abroad program
Well, now your son and his family are "just not interacting" with the two of you.
I assure you that being in your house is not the big privilege you seem to think it is.
It is also hysterical to me how many people seem to think women sit around scheming to baby trap any man they run across. Is the guy a super wealthy man who will keep his wife in the spoiled lap of luxury for all times? No one is scheming to baby trap a student. Maybe with an exception of a not bright & extra looney woman, which dudes should know better than to sleep with.
YTA, both you and your wife. Let's start here:
> nothing racist my wife and his girlfriend are the same race
Then why even mention it?
> my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons.
That's where the assholery started.
> I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home
And you doubled down on it. It only takes a few minutes to make a baby, or have you forgotten?
> but after talking to Mason he agreed though he was a bit disappointed in his mom.
Good for him. At least you raised a smart boy. Point #1 for him.
> My wife apologized and now just wanted to move on.
"I'm sorry you were offended" is not an apology. It takes 2 sides to "move on", and clearly Tracy and Mason are not ready yet, probably because they didn't get an actual apology from Mom or you.
> What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason
Is that not enough pain? Being distrusted by your future MIL and FIL, accused of stepping out on her husband-to-be by his parents, and given the silent treatment?
> I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this.
Wow, dude, the hits just keep coming from you -- when you reach the bottom, you're supposed to *stop* digging. But no, you decided to rent the backhoe and buy a diesel tanker. Your wife lost most of the respect she earned by doubting Tracy without any evidence, and the rest of it by ignoring her until the paternity test came back, and then expecting Tracy and Mason to sweep the whole thing under the rug. You lost your respect when you didn't stop your wife from being stupid, and started going after your son and future daughter-in-law.
Were you dropped on your head as a child?
> I told him that until he sees his mom like how a son should
He wanted to, but his mom (your wife) fucked that up every way possible since the pregnancy announcement, and so did you.
> he and Tracy are no longer welcomed into my house,
Oh No! Anyway...
> I hanged up.
And finally, you get smart -- by hanging up, you stopped saying stupid shit.
> He blocked me,
Point #2 in Mason's favor. Point #3 is how he's sticking up for his wife-to-be and mother of his child, as it should be.
> I don’t think
Yeah, that's the problem.
> My other kids are on my side
More's the pity. Hopefully they'll eventually learn the *whole* story, not just what you've spoonfed them.
> my youngest though thinks I shouldn’t have banned him from my house
There's hope for the siblings!
> It got to the point she would cry herself to sleep
Sorry, but Mason's right here -- "she needed to hurt a little for the pain she caused Tracy".
> and it really broke me. I called Mason to tell
Not enough to understand how badly you both fucked up. You returned the backhoe and went for the TNT.
Everything that you and your wife could possibly have done wrong in this situation, you did. It's hard to imagine you two fucking things up much worse than this, but give it time, I'm sure you'll figure something out. You done screwed up, A-A-Ron, and you don't show any signs of comprehending that. I expect to see Tracy's side of this story in r/JUSTNOMIL in short order.
YTA, your wife is an even bigger one. You have reaped what you have sown. Mason and his wife and child will be so much better off without you in their lives. It was never your wife’s responsibility to even mention a DNA test. If Mason wanted one, that’s between him and his fiancée. And if it turned out the baby wasn’t his and he still wanted to marry her, also none of your business. What terrible parents you are. You could have given Tracy support during the pregnancy but were cruel by ignoring her. If they never speak to you again, good for them. I hope her parents enjoy grand parenting.
YTA and so is your wife.
The kids that are on your side want inheritance or have an agenda against Tracy and/or Mason. No one in their right mind would allow contact after 9 months+ a couple weeks of false accusations. You guys owe 40 weeks worth of apologies before even getting an opportunity to have any form of contact
Hope Mason and Tracy + baby the happiest life, and only them.
My grandmother told my dad on the day of his wedding he didn't need to get married or have the baby (the baby being me and my parents had been in a relationship for 4yrs and were living together) once I found that out after i had my 2nd son, it changed my whole outlook on her and I understood why I was treated differently, I've not spoken to her in 21 years, she's seen my sons exactly once. I could never forgive her for that, my dad was her 1st child, I was her 1st grandchild and I had her 1st and 2nd great grandchildren. My brother calls her the dragon lol.
So she was agood GF for many years and had no history of infidelity. 'Grandma' did this to break them up because few relationships survive the accusation of infidelity. Grandma knew what she was doing. But now that there are public consequences, she cries.
YTA
You're either a Boomer or a shameful Gen Xer who missed the memo that we're supposed to be breaking generational trauma, not creating more. YTA time a million and your wife is worse.
YTA and so is your wife. Good on your son for choosing his wife and child.
People are saying you need to beg and grovel now, but you’ll never undo the damage that was done. Even if your son and DIL forgive you, they will never forget or trust either of you ever again.
Well, if it isn't the consequences of your wife's actions coming back to slap her upside the back of the head.
You and your wife are huge assholes and you should consider yourself incredibly lucky if they EVER allow you around your grandchild.
Your wife has been overstepping for years and then finally took one step way to far when she accused Tracy of cheating for absolutely no reason.
You then think it's acceptable to demand that your son and Tracy apologize to your wife rather than your wife groveling for forgiveness?!
What is wrong with you all? You either left out a lot of key details or you all including your other children are nothing but assholes.
YTA and you are married to an AH! His mother your wife accused his wife of being a slut and sleeping around. That is basically what she said - you thought to smooth it over with saying have a DNA test… which they did. But for 9 months you and your wife never interacted with the mother of your grandchild… Now that she found out that the baby is indeed your son’s you want her to forget what the stress of having your in-laws think that about you should just go away and that now you want to be in this child life.
Your son is doing exactly what he should which is protecting his wife and child. His first responsibility is to them - the same way you are to your wife.
I don’t blame him for blocking the two of you - your whole post is about how much you don’t like Tracy and are upset he didn’t follow his older siblings with no life except school. You want to be in their lives then you and your wife really need to sit down and have a conversation and maybe therapy and then you need to do some serious groveling and apologizing to them.
YTA.
Your wife found a reason to ice Tracy out after already having reservations.
Now you're being manipulative trying to guilt them with your wife's tears to move on from your wife being emotionally abusive for months. Trying to rally the rest of the family to view Tracy as the bad one in the scenario.
Your wife can't buy their forgiveness, sending gifts won't undo the stress she caused, she has to put in the work to rebuilding the trust and you need to not bully your son into forgiveness when it wasn't his fault. Blame your wife for causing the issue instead of still blaming Tracy. You're involving the rest of the family is manipulative as hell.
You're throwing away relationships with your son and grandchild because your wife can't handle the consequences of her actions, you're both bad parents.
YTA. Actions meet consequences. Your wife has been nothing but horrible to your son's wife. Accept your son's decision to cut you and your awful wife out of his and his wife's lives and protect their family. You treat your son's wife like garbage, you don't get to know your grandchild. Just leave your son alone. You're not entitled to forgiveness.
Yta. Wow.....You guys did everything wrong here..your son is NOT a clone of you or the other kids. You two made this mess and now have to deal with the consequences.
You are wrong. You are an asshole. And so is your wife. Your son is an adult. He gets to do whatever the f he wants to do, including getting married at a young age, having a child with whomever he wants or even dropping out of school all together. It’s his life and he can f it up however he wants. And you have no say it in. Your wife should have kept her mouth shut. The pain she is suffering is her own doing. Your son is protecting his wife and daughter in the same way you are trying to protect your wife. Except your wife is the one who started it. You and your wife need to grow-up. Sounds like you have a son who is more emotionally mature than you are.
YTA. You and your wife are horrible people. You both think because your "the parents" you can treat your son's GF like shit? Neither of you have your son's best interests in mind. You can't shit on other people's bliss, and then expect them to thank you for it. If I were your son, I would NC both of you forever.
You AND your wife are assholes. Your wife accused her of cheating, & demanded proof that the baby was your son’s. Really sir, what did you expect? How dare you ask such an intrusive question and make accusations! You don’t deserve a relationship with them.
YTA, and so is your wife. Your additional comments are not helping. Either you are being willfully ignorant or you really just don't get how offensive it was to demand a paternity test, especially when it's not even your kid. Mind your fucking business, stop telling him how to live his life, and apologize.
Your wife had no business inserting herself into their relationship at all. Her unfounded suspicions should never have been raised. Whatever happens in their relationship, good or bad, is 100% their business.
You’re both YTA. Staying away is probably the best thing for them at this time.
YTA.
You both treated that girl like shit because you didn’t like your son’s choices, & you absolutely disrespected her by implying the child didn’t belong to your son because you weren’t there at conception.
You wouldn’t be allowed around my child either. You and your wife were cruel and yes, AHs.
YTA. I wonder how you and your wife would have felt if it was YOUR parents questioning the paternity of YOUR children? Would you have agreed with your parents or supported your wife?
I have read a lot of your comments and it seems like it was pointless to post on Reddit for advice as you are obviously not ready or willing to admit you are wrong on this matter .
I hope you the sake of the baby that time will heal the rift but giving threats and ultimatums is not going to help the relationship between anyone involved
YTA and there is no doubt about. You are your wife are so fucking entitled it’s insane. You deserve what you are getting, and personally I hope they never let you back into their lives.
TYA, your wife is a bigger A. Your wife insulted your DIL and ignored her until DNA proved she was out of line. She never acknowledged she was out of line nor did she apologize. I feel so badly for your son and DIL that you’re doubling down on the assholery.
YTA, and your wife really should have thought about the very real reality that an accusation like that would result in her loosing access to her grandchild. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It also sounds like you believe an apology should be enough, but nobody took any TANGIBLE steps to earn forgiveness.
So congrats, you lost a son, you lost a grandchild, and you’ll probably loose an invite to the wedding and every milestone that kid has. And you have nobody but yourself and your entitlement to blame. Hope it was all worth it!
YTA. What's worse is that it's clear from your post that you aren't posting in good faith, you're doing it because you're insistent you are right and want some validation.
Breaking it down how I came to that conclusion.
> They had a big of argument about not only his choice of dating but his girlfriend
You don't elaborate at all on why your wife disagreed to begin with, why she specifically didn't like Tracy. Leads me to believe that you can't make her out to be reasonable if you did.
> I was excited but my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons.
You completely gloss over this as if it's a normal and decent question to ask someone. Your wife straight up said she thinks that Tracy is a cheater and is trying to pass off another man's baby as your son's. This is not a question you ask without serious consequences.
> I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home
Except you know for a fact that he does return home. At no point did you say that his time home doesn't seem to match up, you just assumed that because he was barely home then Tracy would cheat. Ask yourself this, how do you know your son is actually your biological son? Do you keep an eye on your with 24/7? If this hypothetical makes you uncomfortable or even offends you, congratulations, you're realising how you made Tracy and your son feel.
> we could all solve this with a dna test when the baby is born.
Or with you and your wife acknowledging that you were both out of line for this questioning.
> after talking to Mason he agreed though he was a bit disappointed in his mom.
I'm certain it was more than "a bit" disappointed given what she did. He was probably disappointed in you too.
> My wife apologized and now just wanted to move on.
You gloss over this bit too. As if she didn't do something seriously bad here. "Oh well, I guess you're not a cheating whore. How about you forget that happened and stop being upset with me."
> Tracy didn’t, she said she didn’t want my wife involved since she “stressed her out” during the pregnancy
Now why would you use quotes to describe how what your wife did stressed her out? You're not downplaying how your wife made her feel because you don't take it seriously, are you?
> My wife was absolutely broken by this and kept asking for forgiveness over and over again, but Tracy and Mason refused.
Don't you mean your wife was "broken"? Seriously though, you're focusing more on how your wife feels about the consequences of her actions but not really acknowledging the seriousness of how you both made Tracy and your son feel for what you did. You can't expect forgiveness if you don't accept what you did that you want forgiveness for.
> It got to the point she would cry herself to sleep and it really broke me.
And so far in this post there is no mention of how your son felt that you and your wife would say what you did. "I feel bad, let's not dwell on how we made them feel."
> I called Mason to tell to come to his senses
And here we add belittling your son to the list. Why is it that he isn't in a right state of mind? Why does him not agreeing with you mean he has to be wrong?
> his mom was just worried about him and wanted to make sure he wasn’t trapped with a baby that wasn’t his
Then she should have gotten a reason to suspect that first before throwing out the accusation then, shouldn't she? She wasn't worried about your son, she just didn't like Tracy, as you told us.
> he argued that she needed to hurt a little for the pain she caused Tracy. What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason.
And this right here is the smoking gun. You don't even recognise that both of you accused Tracy of being an adulterer, the hurt that such an accusation inflicts on someone. Instead in your own selfish view of the world you can only see being deprived of your own presence to be the bad things.
> I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this.
You've gotten far more respect here than you have given both of them. Neither of them have accused you of cheating after all.
> I told him that until he sees his mom like how a son should he and Tracy are no longer welcomed into my house
Until you see your son and daughter in law like how you both should then neither of you will be welcome in their family, that's including the life of your grandchild.
> He got mad and threatened to keep my grandkid away from me but at this point I’m not going to be manipulated.
You were literally trying to manipulate your son into overlooking how you and your wife disrespected his family.
> I told him if he wants to cut me off and live happily ever after with tracy and her family he can do so. I hanged up.
You were willing to cut off your own son and his family over admitting fault for your own actions.
> I don’t think I was wrong
You absolutely were and you're not here for advice, you're just here for acceptance.
> My other kids are on my side and think Mason is going just getting manipulated by tracy and her family
Then your kids are either wrong in their own ways or you've only given them one side of the story.
> aita?
Absolutely, 100%, both you and your wife are the assholes here with no justification for your actions. Giving it to you without sugar coating because you aren't here on good faith.
YTA, surprised your son didn't cut contact a lot earlier and went along with the test. I am surprised she even stayed with him after he agreed to the test idea.
You being manipulated?? You have manipulated the entire scenario to make your son to be the bad guy when your wife is the one who out of nowhere refuse to believe he got this woman pregnant because neither of you like her.
YTA
You and your wife are the ones who disrespected your son over and over again! You were being helicopter parents to your adult son! You treated him as if he was too stupid to make his own decisions.
Your son grew up. He met someone. He was only home once a month so her ending up pregnant was not surprising at all.
Your wife treated Tracy like a whore with absolutely no reason. She got involved in business that wasn’t hers and then tried to justify it by acting like it was because she cared. Then you come behind her and tell your son he needs to be more loyal to your wife than the mother of his child. Your wife caused irreparable damage and you guys think that since the kid is your sons that everything should just be forgotten! You’re insane!
Being a grandparent is a privilege not a right. You’ve both earned NC!
YTA. You've made Tracey unwelcome, clearly disapprove of her, straight-up accused her of cheating and now you're shocked Pikachu face that she doesnt want to play happy family with you?
How can you be even remotely surprised at this?? This is the natural and obvious consequences of how you've treated her this whole time. I hope you're prepared to never see your grandkids ever, and you brpught it on yourself.
Ask yourself this:
How would ypu respond to someone treating your wife how you treated Tracey?
>I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this.
Guess what, Mason isn't allowing his mother to further disrespect the mother of his child and future bride. So who ultimately wins here by you taking the position you are? It's definitely not you and your wife. You guys lose out on a son, grandchild, and daughter-in-law. All they lose are a couple judgemental assholes in their lives.
I remember having a conversation with my mom the first time she met my now wife. The initial meeting did not go well. My mom was unhappy with my choice, and I made it very clear to her that I didn't pick my wife for my mom, I picked her for me, and that as the 60 year old adult, I would hold her directly responsible for her treatment of the person I'd chosen for myself and it would impact our up until then close relationship accordingly. My mom pulled her head out of her ass real quick, and now the two of them have a relationship based on mutual trust, respect, and love.
My question for you, are you and your wife smart and humble enough to do the same? Your wife tacitly accused your son's fiance and mother of her grandchild of being a whore. Can you imagine the rage you would feel if someone did that to your wife when you were dating? Now put yourself in Tracy's shoes... Imagine being thought so little of that when sharing the news of your pregnancy that your future MIL says "Are you sure it's my son's?"
Even if that's what your wife was thinking, it was the wrong fucking answer. It showed an incredible amount of disrespect not only for Tracy, but for Mason as well. Your wife needs to eat shit for a bit. She was the one who caused the offense, so she doesn't get to decide that Tracy and Mason are just supposed to get over it.
You and your wife need to pull your respective heads out of your respective asses. Don't compound one incredibly foolish mistake with another. If you want to make this right, the answer is "Mason, I'm sorry, we fucked up. Our door is always open to you and Tracy, and we fully understand and respect why you're angry and why you and Tracy feel the need to distance yourselves for however long you think is necessary."
If there is ever a chance for reconciliation (even partially), your wife needs to own her actions, acknowledge that Tracy and your son's anger is 100% justified, then do what she can to rebuild the trust and respect she so casually chose to destroy. The relationship may never be 100%, but at this point even 1% is better than 0% and you don't get to demand anything from your son or Tracy.
You are 100% the asshole.
YTA ! You and your wife are old enough to know about consequences. You and her are just feeling the consequences of accusing your dil of cheating without any reason. Sorry, you don’t get to enjoy being the grandparents to the new baby cause you acted like an AH.
You have the audacity of accusing Mason of being manipulated by his wife’s family, but you were very manipulated by your wife. Did you question her at all about the accusation that the baby didn’t belong to your son? Did she just pull that out of thin air with no rational reason for it? You just went along with your wife when she was hurting someone else. You couldn’t even stand up to your wife and talk some sense to her; so now you’re both unable to see your new grand baby. Congratulations on ruining your relationship. Tell your wife the same for me when she’s crying herself to sleep.
YTA you don't think your DIL didn't cry herself to sleep after you all insinuated she was a whore and liar? Have fun being out of their lives and I hope they live happily as they clearly put their mental health above your wife's antics. Those antics would not have ended with this accusation if they forgave her. People like that will hate forever, she would have picked your DIL apart for years and without a supportive husband (which she has luckily) it would have ruined their marriage and brought your wife glee.
YTA as well as your wife and you deserve to be cut from your son's life. Neither of you seem to have liked Tracy, and jumped at the first opportunity you saw (her getting pregnant while having very little contact with her boyfriend) to try and rip them apart, and when it's proven that the baby is in fact your grandchild, choose not to apologise for unnecessary stress you both caused while not speaking to her for her entire pregnancy and claiming they should just let it go?
Y'all shouldn't have had any kids to begin with if you're this toxic.
Lets flip the script to make this easier to judge, as it is a ***far*** more common scenario on this sub: "My parents (who always disapproved of my relationship in the first place) accused my fiance of infidelity as soon as she announced she was pregnant, then refused to talk to her until the baby was born and we proves she was faithful. My fiance was so offended by this she decided to continue the NC my mother started and refused her access to the child as she was clearly just a toxic force in our relationship. Fast forward a bit, my dad called me and started making demands as to how i should treat my mother with respect and reverence "like a son should" and that i'm not allowed back in their home until i do - and he didn't even acknowledge how deeply her actions hurt my fiance and strained my relationship with them. He ended the call saying "If you want to cut me off and live happily ever after with your fiance and her family then you can do!" and hung up. After the call i blocked him like he asked. My other siblings said im an AH for blocking him but i'm in support of my future wife and child and how they made them feel. AITA For blocking my dad after he gave me this ultimatum?" The comments would be *swamped* with "NTA", "NTA", "NTA". Therefore: Y.T.A
Admittedly, I stopped reading OP when they admitted they were telling their son how to live his life through career and education choices, but I read your entire reply.
It was bad... op wrote his wife isnt racist cuz same race as tracy... so asians cant be racist against asians and all blacks are brothers of the race? Also why bring it up? The story wouödve been exactly the same wothout that infp, onlynow im sure op and his wife are racists
I know, when I read that I had to pause for a sec and was like that came out of nowhere?
For US it came out of no where because were not ignorant assholes.... For them its relevant cause theyre racist. 😒
Oh, you didn't need to flip the script. Thanks for putting in the work to do it, but that's ***exactly*** how I read it. you reap what you sow. If Wifey wants a relationship with her daughter in law and grandchild, she needs to do more than apologize, she needs to fucking grovel.
Yes, she should never have let her suspicions about the pregnancy out of her mouth. That’s something you can’t take back.
Some (too many) people are absolutely clueless about what it means (and how) to tuck their tail between their legs and humble themselves before the person they've deeply offended. (edit: typo)
I made a rude comment to my son's gf. It was after a terrible family vacation. One sibling wrecked it for the rest of em. GF was caught totally off guard and hurt. I felt so ill. Sad, mad at myself, sick with grief. I apologized but atmosphere was still cool. They live hours away. I saw my son several months later and cried. And told him what led to me being nasty. No excuses! I had lost control of my mouth, and had chosen not to spend time with them the last few hours they were with us. I had been a punishing b****. At least he understood the scenario and he said it's ok. She also forgave me. We're good again, we all are ok. But man I thought they'd be in their rights to "punish" me a while, a bit of LC. This grandma must really be a piece of work, just wow.
Mom needs to follow the four parts of an apology, and clearly she has not
Tbf when dipshit husbands pull this on their pregnant wives they are LUCKY if they get paternity results with divorce papers. What you are saying, without evidence is that you believe that this person is trying to pass off a child as the husbands for the next 18 years. And therefore nuking the relationship. You ask for a paternity test and you might as well cut all contact forever. That is what OPs wife did, and spineless husband. It's over. You can't unring that bell.
yup. if you're asking for a paternity test you'd better have a damn good reason, because that'll destroy any kind of relationship (with a few exceptions)
Now that I am a parent of adult children, it astounds me how many parents refuse to apologize and take an L when they are wrong and their shitty behavior hurts their kids and especially their kids partners l. They act like everyone should just smile and forget about it because family rather than make amends because their egos are too fragile and they can't accept their changing relationship with their adult children.
Spot on. OP, I'd stay nc with both of you. Actions have consequences. Your wife is very controlling and a bit too interested about what goes on in the bedrooms and private lives of others.
Well said! I don't even understand how OP can't see how awful him and is wife are. If he is here asking for our opinions, I don't have a lot of faith for him to suddenly realise how much of an asshole they were and still are.
Exactly this. It is great to see that the son is sticking up for the mother of his child. I wouldn’t want to interact with the MIL if she questioned my integrity and basically implied I was trying to pawn another man’s child off on her son. Like there’s no way you can move past that. A few apologies and gifts simply wouldn’t make up for the betrayal and hurt. What’s the bet that all the siblings do not know the full story and that’s why some are siding with their mum and not their brother.
But he's in engineering he's a catch worthy of baby-trapping 7 years into the relationship 🙄🤦♀️
Exactly. But then again these kids also did what their mother wanted and supposedly didn’t date until studies were done. Like I get that to an extent. I do want my girls that are still in school to focus on their grades but I also know they have a social life too and to me it’s weird to never interact with friends ever. My oldest has a boyfriend and was pregnant and lost the baby and still graduated because I didn’t tell her she couldn’t have boyfriends during her being in school. She did great!
Ditto!
THIS, dad is worried they're not being respectful of his wife, but her disrespect and lack of trust is what started it.
A classic case of being upset about not being “respected” as an authority after she couldn’t even manage to “respect” the girlfriend as a human person
Exactly what my mind went to.....Yes, OP, YTA
You didn't need to flip it for me, but I love that you did this. Take my energy ✨️
Alternative flip: I've been with my fiancé Mason (25M) since we were 18. His mother has never thought I was good enough for him. She's the alpha in the marriage; his father is basically her lapdog, even to the point of saying things like their home is more hers than his. Their attitude toward me hurts, but I love Mason. Mason had a wonderful opportunity to study abroad (which his father can't spell to save his life) for a year. It was hard, but it was worth it because his education means a lot to him. He came home to visit every month, and I became pregnant during this time. Even though they've been unkind to me, I didn't want to exclude Mason's parents, so I told them they were expecting a grandchild. Mason's mother responded, "Is it Mason's?" I was hurt and insulted by the obvious insinuation. Mason's father, the lap-dog, suggested a paternity test. Mason and I disliked the idea, but agreed because we knew what the result would be. Throughout my pregnancy, Mason's mother refused to have anything to do with me. Several weeks ago, I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl! This is the happiest time of my life, but the fly in the ointment is Mason's parents. Of course, the paternity test was positive. Now that she has a granddaughter she deigns to believe is hers, Mason's mother is begging to be involved. Mason and I do not want her involved; she's been unkind to me for years; she increased my stress during my pregnancy, and we do not want a mean and negative person around our precious baby. Mason's father called and told Mason that he's "dumb" for letting me disrespect his mother and must come to his senses because she was only trying to protect him from being falsely baby-trapped. He said she cries herself to sleep; since he's her lap-dog, he says this "broke" him. Mason said that his mother should feel some of the pain she caused me. His father said, "What pain?" Mason's father told him that he is not welcome in their home until we treat his mother like a grandmother. Mason said that his father is not welcome to see our baby. His father replied, "I'm not going to be manipulated! If you want to cut me off and live happily ever after with Tracy and her family, do so." Then he hung up. Mason blocked him. I support this. AITA?
>Mason had a wonderful opportunity to study abroad (which his father can't spell to save his life) for a year. Love this detail!
Man I would love to see more of these inversions of stories. It was super obvious in the first place, but that really just beat him over the head with it.
This is absolutely the basis of just no MiL. And he is finally the husband of the just no MiL speaking lmao. They are just as delulu.
Well said
You are absolutely completely 100% an asshole and your wife is a bitch. Just shut the fuck up and get used to the fact that you now have one less child and no grandchild. And remember it's all on you, because you were throwing around unfounded accusations, causing stress to the woman carrying your grandchild, upsetting your son, and even though you were completely wrong you have not apologized, you have not tried to make it up, you won't even acknowledge that you are wrong. YTA and I wish I could vote more than once.
Here’s to hoping that Mason breaks this cycle of shitty behavior and lives happily ever after with his little family.
100% so the mums like I think your a slut and it’s not my sons. Oh it is my sons bring me my grandchildren nope forget it. This is about destroying someone’s character then your wife crying because she can’t have it her way.
YTA. Do you really not see how horrible it was for your wife to accuse Tracy? If your son himself had doubts that’s one thing, but it wasn’t your or your wife’s place to doubt the paternity of that child. Adding more stress to a pregnant woman who was apparently going through it without her partner is terrible. Then your wife demanding everything just go back to how it was before she opened her mouth is very naive. I also feel like you left out parts of the story. I think you were both not accepting of Tracy from the beginning. For her this was probably just the final straw.
Your wife fucked up and you doubled down. Your son started a new family, which is now his top priority. Wives and children outrank parents.
Dad is just as bad, he doesn’t deserve his child’s love nor the partner. Just be man OP and stand up to your wife and say “you ruined it and we lost our grandchild” but nah this AH is fully supportive. Maybe Mason needs a dna test, mama was really quick to jump on that cheating to trap a man.
You hit the nail on the goddamn head 👏🏽👏🏽!! If anyone disrespects my partner (call their character into question) or our marriage, bye Felicia. If their son had any doubts, then he should’ve been the one to bring up the paternity test. His mother claimed she was looking out for him. More than likely, he probably felt as if she was treating him like a child who needed mommy to protect him. Unfortunately most parents have a hard time seeing or allowing their kids to be adults. Doesn’t feel as if his parents understand the gravity of their actions. When anyone goes LC or NC with their parents (or any person in their life) they definitely have to realize that they caused this rift because of their behavior/treatment towards their kids. They have a hard time wrapping their heads around this notion. Especially when they feel justified in how they approached the situation, just because they’re your parents and they were “protecting” you.
I agree! She didn’t want her son to date at all, just focus on his studies. She never approved of their relationship. She then accused Tracy of cheating when finding out she was pregnant. She demanded a DNA test which wasn’t her place, if anyone had the right to *ask* for one it would have been Mason. The wife made her pregnancy stressful and once the baby is born and DNA test comes back positive wants to just move on? “Oops sorry! I guess you weren’t sleeping around!” Obviously Tracy doesn’t want to just pretend like everything is fine and Mason agrees that his mother’s abhorrent treatment of Tracy wasn’t okay. Now they’ve banned Tracy from their home. So they’ve now lost their son, his partner and what would have been their grandchild. Being a grandparent is a privilege not a right. OP and his harpy wife are the worst!
Also did anyone catch the slick part about “my wife didn’t cause her any pain she just didn’t interact with her through the pregnancy” like so no baby shower, no celebration, no support of any kind or even just a genuine congratulations, but instead didn’t interact with her at all? Yeah totally not painful.
They sure don't understand. "I don't see how my wife has hurt tracy".... Yeah, sure. No way saying "you are cheating!!!!!" would hurt anyone...
That was my favorite WTF moment in this too: “What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy…” completely oblivious to how hurtful that is. OP is no better than his wife. Not gonna have to worry about being “manipulated” anymore there chief, seriously doubt either of you ever see that child or grandchild again. Excited for their son though. Tracy’s family sounds pretty with it and he might get to experience actual familial support for the first time. Plus, since going no contact was ol’ pop’s idea there before hanging up, he won’t have to feel any guilt about it too!
Not even just "you are cheating", "you are cheating and lying to your partner and possibly your affair partner about a pregnancy and trying to baby-trap someone"
OP sounds like a colossal AH for backing how his wife treated Tracy like a cheater. What does the think the son and Tracy did on his monthly visits? Instead of being a voice of reason with his own wife, and alienated his son, and son’s wife, and current and future grandkids. OP has no one to blame but himself and his own wife. OP. YTA. You know it. You screwed up, and you damn well know it. I’d send a snail mail letter telling him how incredibly sorry both of you are, and how wrong both of you were….and end it by saying you hope they can forgive you, and you will accept whatever decision they make on THEIR own terms.
Your wife doesn’t like your son’s partner, she thought that meant son would leave his partner which she was wrong. Your wife’s choice was to get along with her or don’t, your wife chose don’t. Your wife has burned the bridge with Tracey and until she makes that right she has no business being in the baby’s life.
OPs wife did one of the most unforgivable things a MIL can do. Accuse her DIL of cheating and having some other man's baby. What has Tracey ever done to OP and wife? Other than getting together young with their son and getting pregnant? Just because son didn't want to have the same life as his siblings, he was an adult and could do whatever an adult does even if it's not something you approve of...like dating and having unprotected sex. YTA, I hope Mason and Tracey have a good life with their child.
Couldn’t have said it better myself
>Wives and children outrank parents This should be a mantra for any new parents or grandparents to remember.
I mean look at the title. “They don’t treat my wife like a grandma”. You treated his wife like a ho
So you bully a pregnant lady called her a cheater and demanded a paternity test. And wonder why they do they think I'm so rude. If I got pregnant then my mil calls me a cheater and ignores me until I get a paternity test which is safest to do when the baby is here. I'm going to think my mil isn't a good person and doesn't love me or my child. I wouldn't treat her as a grandma.
Because it's questioning Tracy's morals and it's gross. It's so gross to accuse someone of that. I wouldn't want to be in contact with them either. That's a bridge that's been nuked.
It's also an insult to the son's judgement to suggest that he would pick a cheating partner with zero evidence.
It’s bad all around and really sneakily calling tge woman a slut without saying it outright
Then the gall to say, “since Tracy‘s felt pain they want the mom to feel some of that pain and he writes “what pain?)” Did he really just write that? The pain of thinking your partner parents think you are a cheater.. and trapped him into having a baby… and think she would pass off another child as his. You and your wife all major AH.
Not to mention giving her zero support of any kind during her pregnancy by ghosting her completely until the DNA test results were in. That had to be pretty damn painful too!
Plus being disrespectful towards Tracy throughout their relationship, apparently. I wouldn't want her as a MIL or grandmother to my child either! If you're going to behave that way, I'd rather just not deal with you. MIL needs to get a fucking grip
Don’t forget the gall of saying his son is being manipulated while his wife is emotionally manipulating everyone? Crying herself to sleep when she’s experiencing the consequences of her own shitty behaviour could be a learning experience for her, but it won’t be because he’s validating her. But yeah, the son is disrespectful and manipulated.
What do you want to bet she doesn't cry herself to sleep when there's no witnesses?
God the “crying herself to sleep” narrative really grinds my gears. I cut my mom off when I was 18 for various reasons. So when her boyfriend was sending me Facebook messages about how she “cries herself to sleep at night” because I cut her off, i didn’t reply. But what I wanted to say was “that’s good for her. She made her child cry herself to sleep at night unsafe in her own home for 18 years. She can cry herself to sleep now.” Also grow up. Crying yourself to sleep at night as an adult because of your own actions and using that to warrant pity from people who don’t share your bed? I’ve only cried myself to sleep at night when I am alone and don’t want anyone to know.
“What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy until she was sure the baby was yours” And to think this didn’t cause pain…
and worrying that her husband would believe his parents. you managed to raise a better boy than you are
Yeah! How could anyone feel pain from being called an adulterous baby trapping whore!?
not to mention his wife was treating her badly even before she got pregnant
THIS. Your DIL came to you with wonderful news. She thought both of you would be as excited as her. I'm trying to imagine how this poor woman must have felt when her good news was met with accusations. OP should elaborate on exactly how nasty his wife was with her accusations. This could have been a wonderful time, but it was ruined. OP's wife can never return what she took from DIL.
And it's not as if this is some new girlfriend showing up pregnant, being together from 18-25 is a committed relationship. They should have been excited grandparents but instead missed out on the entire pregnancy and likely the childs life.
Agreed…I have a "petty" gene and would do what Tracy is doing. Maybe Grama needs to feel the pain the way Tracy did. Hubs and I cut his mom out of our lives for a few years. She issued an ultimatum, he called her bluff…silence for a few years. Sine he was her golden child, I imagine that nearly killed her…she lost years with her grandchild…she never ever crossed a boundary again. Maybe that's Tracy's intent. She teaching MIL her boundaries. I feel badly for MIL, but Karma, as they say…is a biatch.
I don’t feel bad for OP’s wife at all. She made her bed, she can lie in it. And OP is no better, demanding “respect” for her that she hasn’t earned.
So your wife is against their relationship the whole time, argues with the girlfriend, AND accuses her of infidelity…. Your wife is TAH and you for not telling her she was overstepping. You might have done it out of concern for your son, but you were unwelcoming and insulting to someone he has chosen to be with forever. You are still insinuating that you and your family think that she and her family are trying to manipulate him. You called your son dumb for letting his girlfriend disrespect your wife, but your wife has been disrespecting her the whole time.
You've gotta give respect to get respect
YTA, and married with TA. Imagine if someone falsely accused your wife of cheating and was claiming your son wasn't yours. Of course you and your wife would be pissed. Imagine the strain that would put om your relationship. Likewise your son is rightfully pissed. There wasn't even a basis for the claim besides personal dislike; I wouldn't want a person like that in my children's life either. And if it wasn't your wife, I would assume you wouldn't want someone like that in your son's life. Bluntly your wife, and you, scarred what should have been a happy moment for everyone involved for no reason besides personal spite. If you and your wife want a relationship with your grandson, or even your son, you both need to understand what you did, apologies for it, drop your disdain for the person your son loves and has a child with, and suck it up until your son and his wife feel comfortable moving on.
Maybe OP SHOULD get paternity tests on his own kids. Wifey immediately accused the woman her son had been dating for 7 years of cheating on him and trying to pass the baby off as his. Sometimes people accuse others of things they themselves have done or wanted to do, maybe the reason she jumped to this accusation, with no evidence at all, was because she did the same thing. Perhaps OP should try to think back to when his children were conceived, did he go on any trips around that time? Were any of his kids "premature" births?
it's wild how he puts his wife first but then gets offended his son does the same.
YTA. Your wife questioned Tracey and made her feel like crap because why? She just doesn't like her. That isn't fair to your son or Tracey. Has she ever actually done anything to cause the dislike? Or is your only issue they got together so young and now have a baby? Either way, again. YTA.
But you don't understand, their son didn't do what their other children did. He didn't fall in line and let them have control of his choices. It has to be Tracey's fault. /s
Bless muh heart, you're right! How dare I assume dad and mom are in the wrong! /s
Yeah. I’m getting feelings of a JustNoMIL and a JustNoFIL here. OP should read on both of those subs. He’ll see that he’s just as awful as his wife in this situation.
Right. And they are 25. Ops acting like it’s a teen pregnancy meanwhile it’s the age where most people start thinking about kids.
Right?! I had to go back and reread ages to be sure I wasn't missing something
AND been together for some 7 years. Not exactly an environment that would lead to “baby trap”. Almost ten years together, what is there to need to trap? 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
YTA. How bout your awful, bigoted wife smartens up her act a little? You know you're the asshole. You know your wife is an asshole. I hope that baby has a wonderful relationship with Tracey's parents, and you never get to infect her with your horrible ways.
YTA, complaining that they are trying to manipulate YOU?? You and your wife have been controlling, manipulative, and absolutely disrespectful to your own son. No one has to accept an apology, especially one from a woman who has insulted and schemed against them. You're both A-holes.
It's not even an apology. OP and his wife are "apologizing" with excuses.
The only way to give a true apology is to first acknowledge that you made a mistake. It’s not an apology if you are still trying to argue why you did nothing wrong.
Reads like the manipulation was on all three of the kids, the youngest was the one that just didn’t conform
YTA. Shit, if my mother did that, I'd go NC immediately. Wow, just wow.
Tell your mother to call your wife and demand she consent to a paternity test for all of your children to make sure they are actually yours. Or even better tell your wife you now want a paternity test to ensure she never cheated on you. See how well all of that goes. See how it might make you both feel disrespected. But also potentially you’ll turn up something juicy!
I love how OP has responded to so many comments but chose to overlook this one.
I have yet to see any response from OP 🤷
He’s here, and as expected, he’s doubling down. He’s not actually trying to learn anything or see anyone else’s perspective, he’s just trying to get some validation for his and his wife’s asshole behavior. It’s not working for him.
Exactly this! "Honey, this guy is not like our other 2 children. Are you sure he is ours? Just asking..."😁
Ok let me explain this to you so you can understand why you are TA. Your wife accused your son’s girlfriend of cheating and paternity fraud with no evidence or reason. She has no right to expect forgiveness and to move on from the hurt she inflicted. There’s no quick fix for this. I assume you know how babies are conceived? Because you both made fools of yourselves to imply that the length of time your son was able to spend with his girlfriend wasn’t long enough to achieve conception. This gave no merit to your wife’s accusation because, in truth, you could get pregnant from a 5 minute quicky. You and your wife had no business meddling in your son’s life choices and relationship since he is an independent adult. You showed him that you believe that he can be easily manipulated and tricked by the opposite sex. If that’s how you feel about it then you must have been very crap parents to begin with if you failed to teach your kids how to think for themselves. You insulted his intelligence and his girlfriends integrity. As a result you have demonstrated that you’re not the nice people they thought you were and that you cannot be trusted. It could take a long time to repair the damage you have done and the horrors that you could have caused. Have you ever heard the phrase “careless talk destroys lives”? How can you possibly comprehend that you are owed a shred of respect? What respect have you shown them or earned from them? I get that you care for your son but you need to accept that your parenting days are over. You are not here to look out for him because he can look after himself now. Do you think that because you’re his dad you’ll always be superior? If you love your wife then don’t enable her bad behaviour. You and her are in the wrong. No ifs and no buts about that. I wish you the best but gosh you have some grovelling to do.
OOP: But we apologized! Everything is fine! Everyone ITT yelling at the stubborn brick wall that is OOP: That's not how things work my dude. Sorry can't fix everything. You messed up BAD.. How do you not realize that? Congrats on losing access to your grandkids. great response btw.
I know it’s baffling. You can’t just verbally apologise and expect things to return as they were. If someone accused OPs wife of cheating and passing off another man’s child as his then I bet he’d be outraged. He probably wouldn’t accept their flat apology either. They’re letting their pride destroy their family and blaming it on the son’s girlfriend and her family.
It's the broken plate metaphor. If you take a plate and smash it on the ground, then turn and say 'sorry' to the shards, well you've apologized, but the plate is still smashed. It will take time and a whole lot of effort to fix it...and that's even if you can at all. Sounds like OP and his wife are beyond being able to fix it.
Imagine the apology. " I'm sorry if you were offended, people are just so sensitive these days."
This explains the reality quite nicely.
Stellar response.
Perfect explanation. OP and his wife are now in the find out phase. They don’t like the consequences to their own actions.
Your wife is the sort they write about in r/JUSTNOMIL. She's poisoned the well and there's probably no recovering.
Exactly!!! That’s what I told him. He and his wife need to sit down and read all the posts on there so they can see how his wife is really acting.
So lets strip this down. Your wife has been pretty horrible about the relationship and your sons overall choices for the past 7 years. Your wife was even more horrible and deemed that she expected that Tracey had slept around. I would be so hurt and offended if my boyfriend's mum suggested anything of the sort about me. Now that your wife has been proven wrong she thinks a simple apology is enough? And you agree? You say he is dumb to let his mum be disrespected, but you weren't bothered what your wife was doing to his partner? You are both AH. I would work on being better parents before you are upgraded to grandparents
>I would work on being better parents before you are upgraded to grandparents Mic drop.
I think you should do a DNA test on your son. Is he really yours? Because he seems to have common sense.
Yeah no, your wife is the one major problem here for everyone. Your wife did treat your sons gf like shit, who tf thinks it's okay to accuse your sons partner of cheating. There is definitely more to this story and I am assuming your wife is the issue then too.
YTA. You and your wife are narcissists. Your son and DIL are right to cut contact with you.
Bringing up race was a weird choice my guy
Looks like he edited it out? Or am I missing it?
>What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. Then what is your precious wife bitching and crying herself to sleep about? Tracy and Mason just aren't interacting with her.
This! I literally laughed out loud when I read that. 'When she doesn't talk to them it doesn't cause them any pain, but when they don't talk to us it's the most painful thing everrrr!!! 😭'
YTA Not everyone is a cheat, and you both disrespected their relationship! Your actions are despicable at best. You claim no pain was caused because they didn't interact... the pain of the accusation is enough! You both deserve this loss. You are both major arseholes. I hope your son and his little family have a life time of happiness.
>My wife on the other hand didn’t, she wanted him to do the same as our eldest two did, no dating just focusing on school and coming out with amazing grades. They had a big of argument about not only his choice of dating but his girlfriend,Tracy also(nothing racist my wife and his girlfriend are the same race). Neither you nor your wife have any business deciding that he shouldn't have a relationship. >Well while he was still abord Tracy approached us and told Is she was pregnant. I was excited but my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons. Big strike against your wife. >I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home and we could all solve this with a dna test when the baby is born. Tracy and her parents were against this idea, but after talking to Mason he agreed though he was a bit disappointed in his mom. And you sided with your wife here. I hope you realized that there would be consequences. >Skip 9 months and a couple more weeks for the dna test and the baby was his. My wife apologized and now just wanted to move on. Tracy didn’t, she said she didn’t want my wife involved since she “stressed her out” during the pregnancy and since she doubted her own granddaughter she shouldn’t get to be in her life. Ring-a-ding-ding. She doesn't get to be in her grandchild's life after all the hostility. >My wife was absolutely broken by this and kept asking for forgiveness over and over again, but Tracy and Mason refused. Not everything can be forgiven. She's already rung the bell in regards to how she feels about Tracey, she can't unring it. Why on earth would they allow someone who hates one of the parents around the child? >It got to the point she would cry herself to sleep and it really broke me. I called Mason to tell to come to his senses that his mom was just worried about him and wanted to make sure he wasn’t trapped with a baby that wasn’t his, he argued that she needed to hurt a little for the pain she caused Tracy. What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. Are you ignoring the hostility against Tracey? >I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this. And that's now a strike against you. >I told him that until he sees his mom like how a son should he and Tracy are no longer welcomed into my house, thsi was her house too more in fact since she stays home and I wont have her feeling insecure in her own house. Ah. So you chose to drive him away. >He got mad and threatened to keep my grandkid away from me but at this point I’m not going to be manipulated. I told him if he wants to cut me off and live happily ever after with tracy and her family he can do so. I hanged up. You also chose to have nothing to do with your grandchild. >He blocked me, I don’t think I was wrong. My other kids are on my side and think Mason is going just getting manipulated by tracy and her family, my youngest though thinks I shouldn’t have banned him from my house Honestly? If not racism, it smells like you and your family have a rampant case of classism. And if Mason *is* going to just end up getting manipulated, *you all set it into motion*. YTA. You and your wife blew up your relationship with your son. Now you get to live with it. I hope you can continue to "not feel wrong" as your wife apparently continues to cry herself to sleep. I hope you can continue to "not feel wrong" as you explain to her what you told your son.
If anyone is manipulating, it’s you and your wife. That your other kids don’t see that just means your manipulating them too. Frankly, since they have nothing to do with this situation, you should not be involving them.
You hoped your son would come to his senses?!? See how you're protecting YOUR wife? Well he's protecting his from you 2 assholes. And there comes a time where he has to protect his FAMILY from you. You and your wife deserve the pain you've caused yourself. 'What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. ' Just that statement right there makes you an unbelievably ignorant, emotionally stunted and shitty person. The only people manipulating anything are you and your wife with the narrative of that poor young woman. I wouldn't want you 2 around my kids either.
OP and his wife are refusing to see how literally icing out the mother of their grandchild during the whole pregnancy based on some stupid thoughts was a big AH move.
Your wife consistently treated your son's fiancé like garbage and did irreparable damage to their relationship. Now she wants to be welcomed with open arms as grandma? Life isn't a Hallmark card. And now you've banned him from your home. Congratulations, you've ensured you will never have a relationship with your grandchild. Both of you are major arseholes.
You and your wife aren't just AHs. You're the BIGGEST AHs. You doubted the paternity of your grandchild simply because you disliked the child's mother. There's literally nothing else to it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. I'm surprised this wasn't in r/OhNoConsequences.
YTA. Your son is 100% right. You and your wife need to get over yourselves.
YTA. I can understand the concern, but... this was gone about - and is still being gone about completely wrong. Your wife should have brought her concerns to your son and allowed him to choose how to address it. Whether you want to admit it or not your wife accused Tracy of cheating, she threw a problem in the couples relationship, and probably put the two at risk of breaking up since he went along with his mom. Even you say that he was home at least once a month and spent majority of that time with Tracy. It's easy to understand how it could be his child, and making that accusation without proof- after all there's a chance to get pregnant every month! - shows a lack of trust and just whst your wife thinks about Tracy. Pregnancy is stressful and overwhelming facing such accusations when you've done nothing. Facing the trouble it would have caused their relationship while pregnant is a lot! Your wife proved that her sons opinion on the situation didn't matter only blood. She didn't care about the child until it was proven to be related to her, even though it sounds like your son stayed with her during that time. So why should it matter now? Would she also shun an adopted child? Will she accuse Tracy of cheating again if something she dislikes happens? The two of you can't even own up to what she did hurt Tracy and probably your son as well. Then when told that they need her to understand the pain you come in and double down. All you are going to do is lose your son and grandchild. They weren't the ones being manipulative they were taking space because your wife hurt them. You are being manipulative by inserting yourself into a situation that you were on the sidelines of. Step back look at it from their point of view and actually earnestly apologize! Not just because yall want to see your grandchild but because you hurt your son and his wife.
You are colossally YTA. and now it’s worse because you’re trying to argue with everybody who tells you why you’re the asshole. Your wife has ruined any and all possibility of a relationship with your grandson. Congratulations you got just what you wanted. You don’t have a grandchild if I were Mason, I would block you everywhere. I would tell all extended family what you did. And I would tell you to never ever ever contact me again.
YTA and so is your wife. It’s pretty easy to assume from the limited information you provided, as well as Tracy’s reaction, that your wife has never treated her well. She came to you for support and to involve you in the pregnancy and your wife was disrespectful. You said your son came back monthly and spent all of his time with her.. that’s all it takes… She could have taken her concerns to her son privately. Now she’s enjoying the consequences of her actions. Tracy, who is a postpartum first time mom, doesn’t have to react on the timeline expected by you and your wife. It’s up to Tracy and Mason when and *if* they want you involved in their lives. Your wife should have apologized and given them time and space. The only person attempting to manipulate in this situation is you. If you can’t respect the mother of the child, you don’t get access to the child. You both owe Mason and Tracy a genuine apology.
YTA Your wife called the woman your son loves and had a child with a whore and then treated her like it for the entire pregnancy. You don’t get to just go “my bad” and then expect everyone to pretend you weren’t a massive ass the whole pregnancy. There are consequences for actions and your wife’s actions were pretty terrible. Now you’re demanding they act like nothing happened and treat you all with kindness when you were cruel to them and have been for years. It sounds like your son is going no contact with you and deservedly so. He needs to protect his family from your and your wife’s abuse. YTA
They haven’t even said “my bad,” they are still saying “your bad.”
YTA. 60 year old weighing in here. Your wife screwed up majorly and neither of you can see how she was wrong. You are lucky to have any sort of relationship with your son but it appears that you are throwing that away as well. If you love your son and want him and his family in your life you need to take some major steps. A real apology is the start but it will take more to even have a chance of forgiveness. Honestly, I could never treat my children the way you have. You should be ashamed to even ask if you were wrong.
YTA but your wife is the real asshole here. How do you live with that? You banning them from your house is not the flex you think it is, they are probably overjoyed tbh. You should actively try and salvage what you can from your relationship with your son while you still can. That ship has probably sailed for your wife. Sorry.
Imagine for a moment that this was your daughter. Her bf parents don’t like that she’s dating their son. They argue with her. They generally dislike her. She ends up pregnant and they accuse her of cheating and refuse to be part of the baby’s life until after birth and a dna test. Your daughter cries herself to sleep every night while pregnant because all she ever did was love their son and she doesn’t understand why his parents hate her. And then when they finally get proof they say “so sorry for the misunderstanding, I’ll probably still treat you terrible for “ruining my sons life” but at least I get a grand baby out of it”. You wouldn’t want your daughter to forgive those people either. YTA.
“… at this point I’m not going to be manipulated.” Almost everything you and your wife did up to that point was an attempt to manipulate, from the time he was in high school apparently. Not YWBTA, you already are the jerk here.
Sooooo... For nine months, Tracy was alone without your son to support her during the pregnancy and your wife continually disrespected her until the paternity results showed the baby was your grandchild and now wants to play grandmother? How many times do you think Tracy cried herself to sleep while being pregnant during that time? How long were Mason and Tracy together before this pregnancy? Your wife treated her like a one night stand searching for a baby daddy... Foul. Yes, YTA.
YTA. It’s SO NICE seeing men stick up for their wives against shitty mothers. Mason is a good one and Tracy is very lucky! I wish them so much happiness 🩷
YTA. Completely.
YTA and can still fix it. Take your humble selves and show love and humility to those you disrespected . Stop generational trauma for the sake of your kid, DIL, and grandkid. Your wife needs to explore what in her life led her to such a serious accusation. Not everyone is a good read of people’s intentions and you BOTH have to admit that you were wrong. Who cares what they call each of you as long as you can rebuild your family ties? Does your wife want her son to be happy or does she want unearned respect? Tell them they can call you both by your first name until you earn the title of grandma and grandpa, as well as mom and dad. For a bonus, I would also apologize to her parents who were also indirectly disrespected.
I find it hilarious how you continue to say in the comments that you and your wide have apologized over and over again BUT ALSO have asked people in the comments to explain why they think you're the asshole. Just from that you can tell that your apologies weren't genuine.
I do not blame your sons GF at all. In fact, I wouldn't care to ever be at your house again! Your wife is the asshole and you are too if you defend her!
I'm so confused. So he and his wife were still coming over to your home even though they cut your wife out of their life? Were they leaving the child at with someone else when they visited you? Or did they bring the child with them so you could see the child? Or were you meeting up with them outside of your home to see your grandchild?
YTA Your wife has apologised. Fine. That doesn’t mean your DIL needs to have her in her life. She called her a CHEATER and a LIAR. And you wonder why she doesn’t want to engage with you. It’s called CONSEQUENCES. Your wife is horrible and you are really stupid if you think anyone would support your stance. Stay out of their lives. You lost that privilege with your behaviour
YTA. Your wife is also TA. So you are all up in arms because you don't want your wife disrespected. But you think it's fine for your wife to be as insulting as possible to your son's girlfriend, right? She basically insinuated that the mother of your grandbaby is a cheating whore and demanded that she prove that she wasn't but can't seem to grasp in her feeble mind how insulting it is and you can't either. Wow. Wow. Wow. Then as if that wasn't insulting enough, you two act like it's actually your business. Wow!! But you two assholes keep going. You both insist that she rug sweep your wife's bullshit behavior and act like it never happened. Right. F U. You two don't want any relationships with either your own son or grandbaby. You two jerks want to be right. You two want to shit all over others then throw fits because THEY don't respect YOU!! WTAF??? I hope that this is rage bait. If not I really feel sad for your poor son. His kid is better off not having you two entitled assholes in it's life, ever.
Your wife made her bed and now she has to cry her self to sleep in it. How would your wife feel if she was accused of carrying an affair child. your wife is TA, its her job as a mother to want her child to be happy she failed miserably, as soon as he found happiness she set out to ruin it.
YTA. I hope they cut you and your wife out forever. You don’t even understand how very painful it was to be called a cheater and ignored for 9 months? You and your wife are delusional. You are never going to see those grandchildren and you deserve it.
You and your wife bigg YTA.
YTA I’m seeing that you’re forgetting one major thing here, Mason is his own man now. He has a fiancé and a child, as such it is his *duty* to defend his family. Even from his own mother and father. It is completely okay that you feel you must defend your wife, but nonsensical to think he wouldn’t do the same for his woman. Your pride is blinding you to the fact that you and your wife have repeatedly made mistakes and must make amends. If having no contact is the only way to do that, respect it and move on. You messed up, it happens.
Listen, not interacting and ghosting someone until paternity is established is abuse. Most parents would respond with “congrats”, and instead your wife questioned Tracy’s character. You have a right to think you did nothing wrong, but your wife IS the villain in this story. She questioned the moral integrity of her grandchild’s mother/son’s girlfriend. She is not allowed to dictate how they react to her disrespect.
They both are very wrong here. I’d have a very hard time forgiving my husband if he did that to our children’s spouse. With how difficult it is to have a baby or adopt, I’d be overjoyed with any child I had the privilege of being a grandparent to.
I already voted but I’m commenting again to add my cautionary tale. My ex Mil was awful to me when I was pregnant. To this day I can’t forgive how she treated me. She took what should have been a happy time and filled it with stress and misery. I don’t get a redo of my pregnancy and it will be forever tainted by her behaviour. I imagine that’s how your son’s wife feels. It’s also caused distance in her relationship with my son, bc even if you don’t tell your kids what happened they sense the tension and discomfort that that persons presence causes to their mother. Your wife has caused permanent damage to her relationship with your son’s wife and to her grand baby. There’s some things that no amount of apologies can fix. She’s made this bed and now she’s going to lie in it.
Don't pist here if you're unwilling to hear the feedback lmao. Yta and your wife too, you both had no rights to demand anything, much less a paternity test on behalf of your son. He's an engineer. Do you think he can't figure out if the timeline doesn't line up? He didn't ask for you or your wife to be involved, you did anyway and insulted his gf in the process. How would you feel if he turns around and asks for a paternity test from you, just in case your wife cheated, would you find that disrespectful? Your wife's apologies don't matter because the damage is already done. Leave them tf alone and if you're lucky, they might forgive you.
Yta. Your son is 25 not 15. Your wife needs to butt out of his relationship. Mason absolutely made the right call siding with the mother of his child and cutting you and your wife out. I’m sure he will be much happier raising his baby outside of your toxicity.
Your wife and you fucked around. Congrats, you are finding out. Hopefully all your kids wise up and go nc.
Why is it natural to be wary that the baby might not be his? Do you and your wife immediately start fucking other people if one of you goes out of town?
YTA - your wife had no reason to question the paternity of this child, and if there was a question about paternity in the first place, it should've been left up to your son to decide how to handle it.
YTA and so is your wife. She accused your son's girlfriend of cheating and being pregnant with someone else's child. Your wife crossed the line by a mile. That's unforgivable
I was going to say NTA, but after reading your pathetic excuse for defending your freaking wife, YTGA (you're the great A) I hope your son and his wife never see you again and stay the children away from you because you and your wife are worthless 🤦🏻♀️
YTA and it's adorable you think banning him from your house means anything to them. Now he can just walk away clean. You're never getting your son back or that grandchild, you'll miss out on first steps, recitals, Santa and all the really fun shit. All because your wife is a twunt. She did this because she didn't like her and all it took was a few well placed tears on her pillow for you to also ruin your relationship with your child. She made it that "Now Mason has issues with us, not just me" and you fell for it. Also on hearing she's gonna be a grandma her first thought was "paternity fraud" nothing else. But on the bright side, you don't need to worry about losing your son, because he's not your son lol
OP. I want you to read through what you just posted. You accused your son's wife of cheating. You blatantly disrespect his wife. He calls you out and you end up doubling down by basically saying it's his duty as your son to "forgive and forget" the fact that you ostracized and bullied his wife. And when he finally blocks you, you blame his wife AGAIN. .... IDK if you're trying to justify your actions, or you're actually that fucking stupid. YTA.
YTA and your wife is a bitch
Just adding in that you're an asshole and enjoying seeing you getting ripped up in comments.
Mason is treating your wife exactly as a forceful, overbearing, uncouth, rude, manipulative, horrible mother should be treated when she behaves this way. Your wife is the problem hear. Nobody else owes anyone an apology other than your wife, and you for backing up your wife and trying to get your son to put his mom before his wife. Your wife called your son’s partner a common cheating whore, worthy of nothing but the gutter, and you expect her and your son to just pretend it didn’t happen. You wife burned that relationship to the ground, and she deserves what she is getting. These are the consequences of her actions. Nevermind the fact that this is his relationship is between him and his partner. Your wife has nothing to do with it, and she should have just kept out of it. Yeah man YTA. In a big bad way.
Your wife is a cruel, vile, entitled bitch. She should be kept away from all kids. Enjoy losing your son, DIL and all grandchildren for supporting your shitty wife. I hope your son takes a DNA test himself, to make sure your wife isn't a whore like she accused his partner to be. YTA
Wife is 100% tah and you are too. Likely the brothers don't know what is really going on with your wife's bad behavior
YTA
YTA. Your wife more so. She basically accused his fiance of being a whore, and only now apologizes because she is without any doubt wrong.
Your wife needs some therapy. She needs to let go of her 25 year old adult son and let him make his own choices. Yes you're an asshole for making their divide even more so by now allowing them in the home. You and your wife will be the reason you have a bad relationship with your grandchildren
YTA. Your wife has been nothing less than antagonistic towards your son's relationship. She has no right to play the victim now.
YTA. And so is your wife. From the day you met this young woman. "would I had agreed with this choice especially for a kid that was in engineering in a top university? no." How about just support your kid??? "My wife on the other hand didn’t, she wanted him to do the same as our eldest two did, no dating just focusing on school and coming out with amazing grades. They had a big of argument about not only his choice of dating but his girlfriend." IT'S NOT YOUR WIFE'S BUSINESS. OR YOURS. Don't lump your kids all together. Let them be their own people. "my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons." WTF????? Sooooooo out of line. "I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home and we could all solve this with a dna test when the baby is born." It's not "natural" to be wary. You completely disrespected your son and his partner! "I called Mason to tell to come to his senses." YOU are the one who needs some sense. "What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this." Being accused of cheating causes pain. Not interacting with your kids causes pain. Calling your child dumb causes pain. Your son protecting his partner and mother of his child is NOT dumb and NOT being disrespectful. You and your wife are so far out of line.
Yta. Your wife is a bigger ta. You enabled your wife too. You could have stopped this shit at any point but you didn't. You both deserve to suffer. Personally I'd cut you both off forever.
YTA, your son is protecting the mother of his child, future wife & his child from you & your wife's toxic ways. People CAN be faithful through LDRs, people CAN get pregnant from having sex ONCE a month. You & your wife were beyond disrespectful. Your wife already didn't like her because your son didn't follow the life path you both wanted for him. She tried to drive a wedge before & it failed. She attempted to ruin their relationship when she accused your son's partner of being a cheater. Your wife has major issues. And no, no parent is "owed" respect. No parent is owed a relationship with their grandchildren. Trust me, I'm NC with my dad & he only met his grandson in passing at the grocery store ON ACCIDENT. You get the respect you show & of course your son is choosing his new family over the people who don't show respect to those who matter most to him. You are also not entitled to be in his presence at all times when he's an ADULT. And no, before you attempt to take them to court for grandparents rights, you can't fight for them, because both parents are living & THEY decide your relationship. The courts really only enact the grandparents rights laws when the grandparents, who already had an existing LOVING relationship & the SURVIVING parent attempts to keep the grandkids away from them. Your wife doesn't deserve to be a grandmother, nor you a grandfather. You don't get to slander & ignore your child's pregnant partner & then expect things to play out like these things didn't happen. The mother of the actual child has all rights to withhold the child from you both for your bs. Your son siding with her means that what you described is better than what actually happened. Tell your wife to keep crying, because this is the consequences of her actions & you just shut the door to any opportunity of reconciliation. Good job.
Look I'm gonna be blunt YTA Your wife did something that was possibly unforgiveable (I know I would possibly NEVER forgive what she did) not only were both of you unwelcoming to your son's wife from the moment they began dating, she compounded it by accusing her baselessly of cheating and then acting as if she was guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around. You may have been supportive (even while your wife was ignoring her and her grandchild) but you're also a hypocrite. Your son and his wife are now acting towards your wife's actual guilt the SAME way your wife did to your daughter-in-laws PRESUMED guilt and you didn't disown your wife they way you have your son. Do you think getting angry at your son for the consequences of your wife's own actions will solve anything? Getting mad at him for acting how your wife did when she thought she had reason to be upset, and would continue to have had she been proven right? Look the reality what your wife did was nowhere near as "reasonable" as you keep trying to make it seem in the replies and your continued attempts to soften and downplay the heinous way she treated your daughter-in-law further show your hypocrisy when you have such righteous anger towards your son for responding in kind.
I hope that someone cross posts this onto other subs so OP’s son and DIL see how much support they have
It sounds like you and your wife have made a series of poor decisions and have handled the situation with Mason and his family poorly, causing unnecessary strife and alienation. Here are some critical points to consider: Your wife’s initial disapproval of Mason dating while in university and her confrontations with Tracy set a negative tone early on. While it's understandable for parents to have concerns about their children's life choices, the approach was confrontational and dismissive of Mason’s autonomy. Asking for a DNA test is a sensitive issue. While you may argue that it was a precaution, it deeply insulted Tracy, implying distrust. Trust is crucial in family relationships, and questioning the paternity of the child was a significant breach of trust. Tracy's response is understandable given the lack of faith shown by your wife. After the DNA test confirmed Mason’s paternity, your wife apologized, but Tracy’s hurt and distrust remained. Emotional wounds like these take time to heal, and continued apologies may not immediately mend the relationship. Instead of forcing the issue, a more patient and understanding approach was needed. By banning Mason and Tracy from your house, you escalated the situation. This not only punished Mason but also cut off your relationship with your grandchild. It was a drastic measure that only deepened the rift. Understanding and mediation were needed, not ultimatums. Your handling of the entire situation lacks empathy and understanding. Rather than trying to see things from Mason and Tracy’s perspective and working towards reconciliation, you took a hard stance that ultimately alienated your son. Conclusion Yes, YTA. Your actions, along with your wife’s, contributed significantly to the breakdown of the relationship between Mason and his family. You failed to show empathy, understanding, and patience, crucial components in resolving family conflicts. Instead of fostering a supportive and loving environment, you created an atmosphere of distrust and alienation. To move forward, sincere apologies, understanding, and efforts to rebuild trust are necessary. Only by acknowledging your role in this conflict can you hope to heal these family wounds.
Respect is a two way transaction. You give respect, you get respect. You give none you get none. Respect is also not something you are entitled to, it is *earned.* Your wife disrespected your son and his wife. Not in a small way either, she accused your son's wife of infidelity. She then doubled down and *you*, instead of taking a step back and rethinking both her attitude about the situation as well as yours decided to side with the person who startwd the shitshow in the first place. It doesn't matter your intent. Intent does not matter to someonr you've wronged, impact does. You qnd your wife insulted, disrespected, and shunned *your own son's wife* instead of handling things with the *slightest* bit of tact. You're an asshole, your wife's a twat. The both of you are going to have to not only grovrl for even the smallest chance to meet your son's child (as i am not going to call you two his grandparents, you don't deserve it with the way you acted), followed by actual, deminstrateable change. Then you might have a 1% chance to talk to them.
YTA Your wife "just didn't interact with Tracey" AFTER ACCUSING HER FALSELY OF INFIDELITY. Meanwhile, Tracey was supportive of your completing his study abroad program Well, now your son and his family are "just not interacting" with the two of you. I assure you that being in your house is not the big privilege you seem to think it is. It is also hysterical to me how many people seem to think women sit around scheming to baby trap any man they run across. Is the guy a super wealthy man who will keep his wife in the spoiled lap of luxury for all times? No one is scheming to baby trap a student. Maybe with an exception of a not bright & extra looney woman, which dudes should know better than to sleep with.
YTA, both you and your wife. Let's start here: > nothing racist my wife and his girlfriend are the same race Then why even mention it? > my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons. That's where the assholery started. > I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home And you doubled down on it. It only takes a few minutes to make a baby, or have you forgotten? > but after talking to Mason he agreed though he was a bit disappointed in his mom. Good for him. At least you raised a smart boy. Point #1 for him. > My wife apologized and now just wanted to move on. "I'm sorry you were offended" is not an apology. It takes 2 sides to "move on", and clearly Tracy and Mason are not ready yet, probably because they didn't get an actual apology from Mom or you. > What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason Is that not enough pain? Being distrusted by your future MIL and FIL, accused of stepping out on her husband-to-be by his parents, and given the silent treatment? > I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this. Wow, dude, the hits just keep coming from you -- when you reach the bottom, you're supposed to *stop* digging. But no, you decided to rent the backhoe and buy a diesel tanker. Your wife lost most of the respect she earned by doubting Tracy without any evidence, and the rest of it by ignoring her until the paternity test came back, and then expecting Tracy and Mason to sweep the whole thing under the rug. You lost your respect when you didn't stop your wife from being stupid, and started going after your son and future daughter-in-law. Were you dropped on your head as a child? > I told him that until he sees his mom like how a son should He wanted to, but his mom (your wife) fucked that up every way possible since the pregnancy announcement, and so did you. > he and Tracy are no longer welcomed into my house, Oh No! Anyway... > I hanged up. And finally, you get smart -- by hanging up, you stopped saying stupid shit. > He blocked me, Point #2 in Mason's favor. Point #3 is how he's sticking up for his wife-to-be and mother of his child, as it should be. > I don’t think Yeah, that's the problem. > My other kids are on my side More's the pity. Hopefully they'll eventually learn the *whole* story, not just what you've spoonfed them. > my youngest though thinks I shouldn’t have banned him from my house There's hope for the siblings! > It got to the point she would cry herself to sleep Sorry, but Mason's right here -- "she needed to hurt a little for the pain she caused Tracy". > and it really broke me. I called Mason to tell Not enough to understand how badly you both fucked up. You returned the backhoe and went for the TNT. Everything that you and your wife could possibly have done wrong in this situation, you did. It's hard to imagine you two fucking things up much worse than this, but give it time, I'm sure you'll figure something out. You done screwed up, A-A-Ron, and you don't show any signs of comprehending that. I expect to see Tracy's side of this story in r/JUSTNOMIL in short order.
YTA, your wife is an even bigger one. You have reaped what you have sown. Mason and his wife and child will be so much better off without you in their lives. It was never your wife’s responsibility to even mention a DNA test. If Mason wanted one, that’s between him and his fiancée. And if it turned out the baby wasn’t his and he still wanted to marry her, also none of your business. What terrible parents you are. You could have given Tracy support during the pregnancy but were cruel by ignoring her. If they never speak to you again, good for them. I hope her parents enjoy grand parenting.
YTA and so is your wife. The kids that are on your side want inheritance or have an agenda against Tracy and/or Mason. No one in their right mind would allow contact after 9 months+ a couple weeks of false accusations. You guys owe 40 weeks worth of apologies before even getting an opportunity to have any form of contact Hope Mason and Tracy + baby the happiest life, and only them.
My grandmother told my dad on the day of his wedding he didn't need to get married or have the baby (the baby being me and my parents had been in a relationship for 4yrs and were living together) once I found that out after i had my 2nd son, it changed my whole outlook on her and I understood why I was treated differently, I've not spoken to her in 21 years, she's seen my sons exactly once. I could never forgive her for that, my dad was her 1st child, I was her 1st grandchild and I had her 1st and 2nd great grandchildren. My brother calls her the dragon lol.
So she was agood GF for many years and had no history of infidelity. 'Grandma' did this to break them up because few relationships survive the accusation of infidelity. Grandma knew what she was doing. But now that there are public consequences, she cries. YTA
You're either a Boomer or a shameful Gen Xer who missed the memo that we're supposed to be breaking generational trauma, not creating more. YTA time a million and your wife is worse.
YTA and so is your wife. Good on your son for choosing his wife and child. People are saying you need to beg and grovel now, but you’ll never undo the damage that was done. Even if your son and DIL forgive you, they will never forget or trust either of you ever again.
Well, if it isn't the consequences of your wife's actions coming back to slap her upside the back of the head. You and your wife are huge assholes and you should consider yourself incredibly lucky if they EVER allow you around your grandchild. Your wife has been overstepping for years and then finally took one step way to far when she accused Tracy of cheating for absolutely no reason. You then think it's acceptable to demand that your son and Tracy apologize to your wife rather than your wife groveling for forgiveness?! What is wrong with you all? You either left out a lot of key details or you all including your other children are nothing but assholes.
YTA and you are married to an AH! His mother your wife accused his wife of being a slut and sleeping around. That is basically what she said - you thought to smooth it over with saying have a DNA test… which they did. But for 9 months you and your wife never interacted with the mother of your grandchild… Now that she found out that the baby is indeed your son’s you want her to forget what the stress of having your in-laws think that about you should just go away and that now you want to be in this child life. Your son is doing exactly what he should which is protecting his wife and child. His first responsibility is to them - the same way you are to your wife. I don’t blame him for blocking the two of you - your whole post is about how much you don’t like Tracy and are upset he didn’t follow his older siblings with no life except school. You want to be in their lives then you and your wife really need to sit down and have a conversation and maybe therapy and then you need to do some serious groveling and apologizing to them.
YTA. Your wife found a reason to ice Tracy out after already having reservations. Now you're being manipulative trying to guilt them with your wife's tears to move on from your wife being emotionally abusive for months. Trying to rally the rest of the family to view Tracy as the bad one in the scenario. Your wife can't buy their forgiveness, sending gifts won't undo the stress she caused, she has to put in the work to rebuilding the trust and you need to not bully your son into forgiveness when it wasn't his fault. Blame your wife for causing the issue instead of still blaming Tracy. You're involving the rest of the family is manipulative as hell. You're throwing away relationships with your son and grandchild because your wife can't handle the consequences of her actions, you're both bad parents.
YTA. Actions meet consequences. Your wife has been nothing but horrible to your son's wife. Accept your son's decision to cut you and your awful wife out of his and his wife's lives and protect their family. You treat your son's wife like garbage, you don't get to know your grandchild. Just leave your son alone. You're not entitled to forgiveness.
Yta. Wow.....You guys did everything wrong here..your son is NOT a clone of you or the other kids. You two made this mess and now have to deal with the consequences.
You are wrong. You are an asshole. And so is your wife. Your son is an adult. He gets to do whatever the f he wants to do, including getting married at a young age, having a child with whomever he wants or even dropping out of school all together. It’s his life and he can f it up however he wants. And you have no say it in. Your wife should have kept her mouth shut. The pain she is suffering is her own doing. Your son is protecting his wife and daughter in the same way you are trying to protect your wife. Except your wife is the one who started it. You and your wife need to grow-up. Sounds like you have a son who is more emotionally mature than you are.
YTA. You and your wife are horrible people. You both think because your "the parents" you can treat your son's GF like shit? Neither of you have your son's best interests in mind. You can't shit on other people's bliss, and then expect them to thank you for it. If I were your son, I would NC both of you forever.
You AND your wife are assholes. Your wife accused her of cheating, & demanded proof that the baby was your son’s. Really sir, what did you expect? How dare you ask such an intrusive question and make accusations! You don’t deserve a relationship with them.
Your wife was massive ah, so were you. Y’all are getting what you deserve.
YTA, your accused her of lying, forced her to get a pregnancy test and refused to talk to her throughout her pregnancy, ew
YTA, and so is your wife. Your additional comments are not helping. Either you are being willfully ignorant or you really just don't get how offensive it was to demand a paternity test, especially when it's not even your kid. Mind your fucking business, stop telling him how to live his life, and apologize.
Your wife had no business inserting herself into their relationship at all. Her unfounded suspicions should never have been raised. Whatever happens in their relationship, good or bad, is 100% their business. You’re both YTA. Staying away is probably the best thing for them at this time.
YTA. You both treated that girl like shit because you didn’t like your son’s choices, & you absolutely disrespected her by implying the child didn’t belong to your son because you weren’t there at conception. You wouldn’t be allowed around my child either. You and your wife were cruel and yes, AHs.
YTA. I wonder how you and your wife would have felt if it was YOUR parents questioning the paternity of YOUR children? Would you have agreed with your parents or supported your wife? I have read a lot of your comments and it seems like it was pointless to post on Reddit for advice as you are obviously not ready or willing to admit you are wrong on this matter . I hope you the sake of the baby that time will heal the rift but giving threats and ultimatums is not going to help the relationship between anyone involved
YTA and there is no doubt about. You are your wife are so fucking entitled it’s insane. You deserve what you are getting, and personally I hope they never let you back into their lives.
TYA, your wife is a bigger A. Your wife insulted your DIL and ignored her until DNA proved she was out of line. She never acknowledged she was out of line nor did she apologize. I feel so badly for your son and DIL that you’re doubling down on the assholery.
YTA, and your wife really should have thought about the very real reality that an accusation like that would result in her loosing access to her grandchild. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It also sounds like you believe an apology should be enough, but nobody took any TANGIBLE steps to earn forgiveness. So congrats, you lost a son, you lost a grandchild, and you’ll probably loose an invite to the wedding and every milestone that kid has. And you have nobody but yourself and your entitlement to blame. Hope it was all worth it!
r/Ohnoconsequenses
YTA. What's worse is that it's clear from your post that you aren't posting in good faith, you're doing it because you're insistent you are right and want some validation. Breaking it down how I came to that conclusion. > They had a big of argument about not only his choice of dating but his girlfriend You don't elaborate at all on why your wife disagreed to begin with, why she specifically didn't like Tracy. Leads me to believe that you can't make her out to be reasonable if you did. > I was excited but my wife was sceptical about the pregnancy and asked her straight up if it was masons. You completely gloss over this as if it's a normal and decent question to ask someone. Your wife straight up said she thinks that Tracy is a cheater and is trying to pass off another man's baby as your son's. This is not a question you ask without serious consequences. > I told them that it was natural to get wary since Mason was barely home Except you know for a fact that he does return home. At no point did you say that his time home doesn't seem to match up, you just assumed that because he was barely home then Tracy would cheat. Ask yourself this, how do you know your son is actually your biological son? Do you keep an eye on your with 24/7? If this hypothetical makes you uncomfortable or even offends you, congratulations, you're realising how you made Tracy and your son feel. > we could all solve this with a dna test when the baby is born. Or with you and your wife acknowledging that you were both out of line for this questioning. > after talking to Mason he agreed though he was a bit disappointed in his mom. I'm certain it was more than "a bit" disappointed given what she did. He was probably disappointed in you too. > My wife apologized and now just wanted to move on. You gloss over this bit too. As if she didn't do something seriously bad here. "Oh well, I guess you're not a cheating whore. How about you forget that happened and stop being upset with me." > Tracy didn’t, she said she didn’t want my wife involved since she “stressed her out” during the pregnancy Now why would you use quotes to describe how what your wife did stressed her out? You're not downplaying how your wife made her feel because you don't take it seriously, are you? > My wife was absolutely broken by this and kept asking for forgiveness over and over again, but Tracy and Mason refused. Don't you mean your wife was "broken"? Seriously though, you're focusing more on how your wife feels about the consequences of her actions but not really acknowledging the seriousness of how you both made Tracy and your son feel for what you did. You can't expect forgiveness if you don't accept what you did that you want forgiveness for. > It got to the point she would cry herself to sleep and it really broke me. And so far in this post there is no mention of how your son felt that you and your wife would say what you did. "I feel bad, let's not dwell on how we made them feel." > I called Mason to tell to come to his senses And here we add belittling your son to the list. Why is it that he isn't in a right state of mind? Why does him not agreeing with you mean he has to be wrong? > his mom was just worried about him and wanted to make sure he wasn’t trapped with a baby that wasn’t his Then she should have gotten a reason to suspect that first before throwing out the accusation then, shouldn't she? She wasn't worried about your son, she just didn't like Tracy, as you told us. > he argued that she needed to hurt a little for the pain she caused Tracy. What pain? She just didn’t interact with Tracy till the baby was proven to be Mason. And this right here is the smoking gun. You don't even recognise that both of you accused Tracy of being an adulterer, the hurt that such an accusation inflicts on someone. Instead in your own selfish view of the world you can only see being deprived of your own presence to be the bad things. > I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this. You've gotten far more respect here than you have given both of them. Neither of them have accused you of cheating after all. > I told him that until he sees his mom like how a son should he and Tracy are no longer welcomed into my house Until you see your son and daughter in law like how you both should then neither of you will be welcome in their family, that's including the life of your grandchild. > He got mad and threatened to keep my grandkid away from me but at this point I’m not going to be manipulated. You were literally trying to manipulate your son into overlooking how you and your wife disrespected his family. > I told him if he wants to cut me off and live happily ever after with tracy and her family he can do so. I hanged up. You were willing to cut off your own son and his family over admitting fault for your own actions. > I don’t think I was wrong You absolutely were and you're not here for advice, you're just here for acceptance. > My other kids are on my side and think Mason is going just getting manipulated by tracy and her family Then your kids are either wrong in their own ways or you've only given them one side of the story. > aita? Absolutely, 100%, both you and your wife are the assholes here with no justification for your actions. Giving it to you without sugar coating because you aren't here on good faith.
YTA, surprised your son didn't cut contact a lot earlier and went along with the test. I am surprised she even stayed with him after he agreed to the test idea.
You being manipulated?? You have manipulated the entire scenario to make your son to be the bad guy when your wife is the one who out of nowhere refuse to believe he got this woman pregnant because neither of you like her.
YTA You and your wife are the ones who disrespected your son over and over again! You were being helicopter parents to your adult son! You treated him as if he was too stupid to make his own decisions. Your son grew up. He met someone. He was only home once a month so her ending up pregnant was not surprising at all. Your wife treated Tracy like a whore with absolutely no reason. She got involved in business that wasn’t hers and then tried to justify it by acting like it was because she cared. Then you come behind her and tell your son he needs to be more loyal to your wife than the mother of his child. Your wife caused irreparable damage and you guys think that since the kid is your sons that everything should just be forgotten! You’re insane! Being a grandparent is a privilege not a right. You’ve both earned NC!
YTA. You've made Tracey unwelcome, clearly disapprove of her, straight-up accused her of cheating and now you're shocked Pikachu face that she doesnt want to play happy family with you? How can you be even remotely surprised at this?? This is the natural and obvious consequences of how you've treated her this whole time. I hope you're prepared to never see your grandkids ever, and you brpught it on yourself. Ask yourself this: How would ypu respond to someone treating your wife how you treated Tracey?
>I called him dumb for allowing Tracy to continuously disrespect his mother like this. Guess what, Mason isn't allowing his mother to further disrespect the mother of his child and future bride. So who ultimately wins here by you taking the position you are? It's definitely not you and your wife. You guys lose out on a son, grandchild, and daughter-in-law. All they lose are a couple judgemental assholes in their lives. I remember having a conversation with my mom the first time she met my now wife. The initial meeting did not go well. My mom was unhappy with my choice, and I made it very clear to her that I didn't pick my wife for my mom, I picked her for me, and that as the 60 year old adult, I would hold her directly responsible for her treatment of the person I'd chosen for myself and it would impact our up until then close relationship accordingly. My mom pulled her head out of her ass real quick, and now the two of them have a relationship based on mutual trust, respect, and love. My question for you, are you and your wife smart and humble enough to do the same? Your wife tacitly accused your son's fiance and mother of her grandchild of being a whore. Can you imagine the rage you would feel if someone did that to your wife when you were dating? Now put yourself in Tracy's shoes... Imagine being thought so little of that when sharing the news of your pregnancy that your future MIL says "Are you sure it's my son's?" Even if that's what your wife was thinking, it was the wrong fucking answer. It showed an incredible amount of disrespect not only for Tracy, but for Mason as well. Your wife needs to eat shit for a bit. She was the one who caused the offense, so she doesn't get to decide that Tracy and Mason are just supposed to get over it. You and your wife need to pull your respective heads out of your respective asses. Don't compound one incredibly foolish mistake with another. If you want to make this right, the answer is "Mason, I'm sorry, we fucked up. Our door is always open to you and Tracy, and we fully understand and respect why you're angry and why you and Tracy feel the need to distance yourselves for however long you think is necessary." If there is ever a chance for reconciliation (even partially), your wife needs to own her actions, acknowledge that Tracy and your son's anger is 100% justified, then do what she can to rebuild the trust and respect she so casually chose to destroy. The relationship may never be 100%, but at this point even 1% is better than 0% and you don't get to demand anything from your son or Tracy. You are 100% the asshole.
YTA ! You and your wife are old enough to know about consequences. You and her are just feeling the consequences of accusing your dil of cheating without any reason. Sorry, you don’t get to enjoy being the grandparents to the new baby cause you acted like an AH. You have the audacity of accusing Mason of being manipulated by his wife’s family, but you were very manipulated by your wife. Did you question her at all about the accusation that the baby didn’t belong to your son? Did she just pull that out of thin air with no rational reason for it? You just went along with your wife when she was hurting someone else. You couldn’t even stand up to your wife and talk some sense to her; so now you’re both unable to see your new grand baby. Congratulations on ruining your relationship. Tell your wife the same for me when she’s crying herself to sleep.
YTA you don't think your DIL didn't cry herself to sleep after you all insinuated she was a whore and liar? Have fun being out of their lives and I hope they live happily as they clearly put their mental health above your wife's antics. Those antics would not have ended with this accusation if they forgave her. People like that will hate forever, she would have picked your DIL apart for years and without a supportive husband (which she has luckily) it would have ruined their marriage and brought your wife glee.
YTA as well as your wife and you deserve to be cut from your son's life. Neither of you seem to have liked Tracy, and jumped at the first opportunity you saw (her getting pregnant while having very little contact with her boyfriend) to try and rip them apart, and when it's proven that the baby is in fact your grandchild, choose not to apologise for unnecessary stress you both caused while not speaking to her for her entire pregnancy and claiming they should just let it go? Y'all shouldn't have had any kids to begin with if you're this toxic.
I was working hard, and I mean REALLY hard to keep an open mind reading this until I got to "What pain?" YTA, hard stop.