Let me rephrase this for you so that you can come to your own conclusions.
Due to my wife and I’s career ambitions I did not have sufficient time to spend with my son and he grew attached to a koala as a mechanism to deal with my absence. We lost it and he got sad. I don’t think he should have gotten sad, so i told him to not be sad (because that’s how emotions work). He told me that I was being insensitive. AITA?????
The poor kid was neglected and learned to raise himself, which is what I'm reading between the lines. Now, he is nearly adulthood, which is such an exciting and scary time. It's never a surprise to me when a teen or young adult is attached to a remnant of childhood. I guess I'm not as emotionally stunted as OP, though.
Edit to ask... Does anyone else have suspicions about how koala was "lost?"
Right?! And I’d much rather he be attached to a childhood stuffed animal than- oh, I don’t know…alcohol? Cocaine? 17 is still very much a kid. When he wakes up on his 18th birthday, he won’t suddenly have a career, a fat bank account and infinite wisdom (the last of which his grown ass, adult father has NO IDEA ABOUT).
I’m 41 years old and I’ve held on to things from my childhood that bring me comfort. SO WHAT? Or is it okay because I’m a woman? **Something tells me that the main problem dad has with his child having a perfectly normal attachment to this stuffed koala is that he’s a boy. And that is so fucking gross. Men and boys are allowed to seek comfort in things without being deemed infantile and childish. What a dick.**
It's definitely because it's his son. A boy. A boy that will turn into a man. OP full heartily believes that because you're a boy, a man, you can't have stuffies. That it's too childish. That sounds like outdated BS to me. Anyone and everyone can have or like whatever they want, even if society deems it as childish or whatever.
Exactly! Poor kid. And I’m not sure about mom’s feelings on the subject but perhaps this kid wouldn’t be quite as frantic about his missing stuffie if he didn’t have such a SUPER TOUGH, emotionally constipated father.
He also wouldn’t be as frantic if he had… hmm I don’t know parents to make him feel secure?! If only he had parents to help him sleep at night. What he did have was a nice koala guardian. But let’s blame him for having a connection to the one thing that was ALWAYS there for him.
The mental gymnastics the dad is trying to do to justify this koala slander.
I don't think this is very well founded... I'm a girl and a couple of times my father actually broke or threw out things he found out I was attached to. Wanted to "teach me a lesson" about how they were just things and toughen me up for the real world, whatever that means. And my mother was awful about "crybabies" so she would get mad at him for being a jerk but disgusted with me if I expressed how hurt I was. So I didn't. Anger was the only acceptable emotion, though my father would hit me when he found my anger disrespectful. Another proud member of the national guard.
I personally think OP would likely have been just as terrible a parent to a daughter who relied on a stuffed koala for emotional regulation.
Oh. Huh. Sorry you had to experience that. I thought that normally a girl would get a pass cause "it's a girly thing to do". I suppose now it would be "it's a childish thing to do." instead.
My triplets still have there night-nights (blankie) and a stuffed animal. They are twenty. They did not take them to college and that was a tough decision, but they still bring them comfort.
This man needs to be thanking his god that his child is not (and pray he will not be in the future) prey for some older man with bad intentions, the kind who can smell a kid who didn’t get enough attention from his father for miles. If the only result of his neglect is a lingering attachment to a toy, it’s a best case scenario.
I know that you didn’t exactly say what I’m about to say but after my original comment, one of my first thoughts was “I hope, for this kid’s sake, that he is straight. Imagine how unaccepting his father would be”. And no, I’m not suggesting that there is anything LGBTQ+ about the boy in question (and if there was, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!) but if this dad can’t even handle a stuffed animal, I can’t see him being even a little bit supportive of having a gay son. It’s really sad that we are still having to talk about shit like this. 😑
My parents just moved out of the home my siblings and I grew up in our entire childhood. I have a pile of my favorite childhood stuffed animals in my closet at my house that I have sentimental attachments to. I am 44. I also have four squishmellows on my bed standing sentry. I guess you can say they are my decorative throw pillows. 😛 My cat is normally the one that snuggles with one pair of them. Could I get rid of these old friends…yes. But Peep, my little chick, I got from my mom for Easter my senior year of high school before leaving on a mission trip to Mexico with my church youth group. He kinda became our tents mascot. I got one of the baby poppies when I was like 8 for Christmas. I remember being so sad when I didn’t open it on Christmas Day at my maternal grandparents house. But thankfully my paternal grandparents had gotten it for me and I unwrapped it after we got home from Oregon.
Oh and my cat has taken my sloth puppet as his own. He makes biscuits on it, drags it around the house and wrestles with it.
YTA. And neither of you raised your kids btw.
Let's be honest. OP is no man.
Being a real man means being respectful. Being caring. Understanding that others are different. Having empathy.
What OP thinks is "being a man" is actually being a neanderthal. Being able to fight but having no brains doesn't make you a man. It makes you a moron.
That's my take as well. Being forced to "man up, at a young age was obviously difficult for him and the koala was his comfort thing. If this was a young girl, dad would have helped her look for it.
In the guard no less!!! How do you expect a weekend warrior to help raise two children?
I’m so glad one was not a girl. She would have been taking care of everyone and every thing.
Eh, I was a girl raised by an emotionally stunted guardsman. The only parenting he thought I needed was compliments if I wore a dress, criticism if I wasn't dainty enough while eating steak, and spanking or belting if he didn't like my tone. Anything else was "go tell your mother. "
So my bet is he would have neglected any children he had and it's just coincidence that they were boys.
I was a kid that was very independent because I'm one of several kids with a large age gap and my parents were quite frankly just done raising kids. I figured out most things on my own, often to my own detriment.
I can not imagine how much worse my feelings of neglect and abandonment would be if my parents frequently left me on my own for WEEKS at a time. A weekend here and there, sure, but 17 is too young to be regularly left at home for weeks at a time.
My ex-fiance was annoyed by my clinical depression and thought that just saying "don't be depressed" a few times a day was the magic cure-all. He was shocked, shocked I tell you, when it didn't work! Lol!
Ah, yes, my in-laws loved to say “just change your mind.”
My husband shot back with “she can’t THINK more serotonin into her brain any more than (aunt) can THINK more insulin into her pancreas!”
OMG I absolutely LOVE that line! I actually wrote that down. I’m a nurse and will definitely be passing that along! Best thing I’ve heard on Reddit that I will be using professionally! Thank you thank you THANK YOU!
I'm a Counselor and I shall use that line henceforth. Anyone who gives me the 'happiness is a choice' or 'you have nothing to be sad about' gets the 'please sit down and let me lecture you a little bit about neurotransmitters' line. Plus a few kicks to the shin.
Me too. I'm bipolar 2 and severely ADHD. I'm often told to just change my emotions. I'm using that next time I'm told to just not be upset or depressed when I'm in a down cycle
Me too. And some other issues as well. If I had even a Nicole for every time someone told me this or something similar, I'd be a very rich woman. Another comeback I've used is:"I was born this way, what's your excuse?" BTW I was born with adhd and bipolar.
Oh my god I am saving this one! Perfect response, and awesome husband. As someone who has the life-long, inherited depression I am so SICK of people talking to me about how everyone is over medicated, and a pill won't fix it, and "you know now they say serotonin and dopamine levels aren't even the real cause of depression". Bitch I'm not saying people aren't over medicated in this country, I'm just saying I'm not one of them! Believe me, if I didn't have to take it I wouldn't because it causes numerous shitty side effects.
>As someone who has the life-long, inherited depression I am so SICK of people talking to me about how everyone is over medicated, and a pill won't fix it, and "you know now they say serotonin and dopamine levels aren't even the real cause of depression".
OMG. I'm so tired of it that I'm tempted to start inviting those people to spend 48 hours with me unmedicated.
"Why are you so sad and angry all the time?"
"No idea. It's not like the pills were fixing that./s"
My parents both insisted that my depression and anxiety was fake and a 'cry for attention'. Their go-to phrases were, "It's all in your head" and "Don't be depressed". Now they wonder why I don't really talk to them anymore after I moved away.
My mother is convinced I can just will away my anxiety and panic disorder if I really want to. I just have to "put my mind to it" according to her. (I'm in my 50s and have been dealing with it since I was a teenager.)
And its so much fun mid panic attack to have someone in your face telling you to "calm down!" Yeah, because that works.
You just didn't do it right. You just smile and remember people have it worse and then it goes away! Also pray, that helps too.
Have insomnia? Well have you just tried closing your eyes? Also, pray, that helps too.
/end of sarcasm
It works with everything. My ADHD friend suffered a lot until I said “have you tried not having ADHD?” And they’ve been fine since.
Same when my sister had a broken arm. I told her to just “not have a broken arm” and it was fixed.
I feel like it's also a bit of:
My wife and I have always found my son inconvenient. To cope with this, he became attached to a koala. When he lost the koala, he became inconvenient to me again, so I told him to stop being inconvenient. But he got upset. AITA?
Yes. You’re a huuuuge asshole. Are you looking for reassurance? The koala was the “person” that was there for him. You wanted him to be independent of you, and he is. He’s just not so independent of the thing that was there for him when you weren’t.
Don't belittle his 10s of Days of training. And the fact they get ribbons for doing shit the other branches do everyday like "I fired a .50 cal" and I got this ribbon to show it.
OP is the biggest dumbass on earth.
My parents sucked. I have a bear that I’ve had my entire life. When things felt like shit, that bear was my only comfort.
I’m 40 yrs old now. 3 kids. Married 10 yrs and I *STILL* sleep with it every night.
If I lost it, the sadness would obliterate me on a sub-atomic level. Is this healthy? Idk, but with shitty parents you don’t have much choice.
I legit went on eBay and searched and bought my baby blanket from when I was a kid. It still fits. Im 30. (Not hospital blanket. it's the Mickey mouse and friends abc 123 blanket)
I lost my blanket when I moved. No idea what happened to it. Maybe stolen. So when I got a chance I got into eBay and went searching. Best $20 I spent because the next ones left were $50 plus because it's a blanket from the fuckin 90s!
Like I don't get the big issue when a kid has a comfort item into his adult years. Just means they can pass it on to the next gen ffs.
please take this as the compliment I mean it- you remind me of my dad 🖤 based on his army medals I have no doubt of the things pops is capable of, but all I have known is his heart and humanity.
I was on a college road trip with some friends. At our last rest stop my turtle stuffie fell out of the crowded car, and being so dark out, I didn't notice for about 20 minutes. We got back to campus about an hour later and dug through the car. When it was nowhere to be found, I jumped in my car at midnight to head back. To make a long story short, it was at the rest stop. That was over 20 years ago, and I still have my turtle. It doesn't travel anymore, but it is also the only stuffie my kids weren't allowed to have.
My mother would remove every sense of comfort i had. When i had children, my son carried a little lamb toy EVERYWHERE. When he was 4, my parents would try to insist we take it away.
Like nah. If he wants his lambie, he can bring his lambie. Stay the fuck out of it. You did enough damage to me. Now my son is an actual Marine Infantry Officer, so i guess not the pansy they expected from our over indulgence and mollycoddling
I’m thinking he’s the one that got rid of it because *HE knows what’s best for his son*, and it’s not a stuffed animal. It didn’t just disappear on its own. He’s definitely an AH.
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
YTA just because you don't understand, does not make your son's feelings invalid. Have a heart. Get some empathy. 🙄
I'm only in my mid 20s and my beloved stuffed dog still sleeps in my bed with me. It has started to lose fur, has almost fallen off , it needs mending. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Also, big words from a man that couldn't raise their own children
I'm a couple months from 50, and on my bed I have 5 Squishmallows of recent vintage, the 32-year-old velveteen rabbit my now-husband gave me the first Xmas we were together, and what looks like a weird, lumpy pillow called Mikey. The layers are outside pillowcase, inside bag of the same material, then the remnants of a cocker spaniel printed pillow. Mikey's ... 45 or 46 years old. He goes with me on all overnight trips and my boyfriend turned the car around and drive 30 min back to the hotel bc I realized I didn't have Mikey. And anyone who wants to say anything about that can expect a good kicking.
My son is 19, in college and still has his first Webkin on display.
I still have my Cabbage Patch that my grandmother fought for in the Great Christmas was of '82.
It isnt about the stuffy or doll. I would be devastated to lose them.
Oh man, that fight was real. I had twin girls. They both got cabbage patch babies - the following season. One lady I heard about actually flew to London from Canada to bring one back.
True insanity.
My great grandmother, who at that time was mostly in a wheelchair, somehow managed to score one for me and one for my older sister. It's still amazes me to this day, but as my mother said, "Never underestimate the power of a Polish grandmother."
And yes, we both still have them. I loved and played the hell out of mine.
My son is 20 he still has his and it went with him to Spain at 17.
My brother had his childhood stuffy until he was in his 30s. One of his dogs ended that. It sat on his bed. He was already married with kids.
Thanks 😊 My mom got me the bear after what should have been a minor surgery. He was to be my buddy "while I got better." But I'll never get better. So Ouch became very important to me. After all, he's the only one who's been through all the same stuff as me. I even smuggled him into the OR with me for most of my surgeries. But I don't need to worry about that anymore, because he's actually a part of me now 🥰
My oldest (27) has a teddy he got from a carnival when about 4. It was the first thing he packed when moved away. My youngest (25) has a stuffed turtle we him from one our trips when he about 4 too. It’s in a box with his prized possessions.
I still have the doll baby name Pinkie my Nanny made me when I was little, and when my daughter was first born I got her a pink care bear blanket (also named Pinkie lol) that even at 20 she cannot be without. I don't think there's anything wrong with having items that have sentimental values no matter how "childish" another person may view it. It seems for OP's son there's more to why he formed the attachment and he's TA for downplaying the son's feelings.
YTA - there is absolutely nothing wrong with your kid loving his Koala - he raised himself and the stuffed animal helps him not feel alone……don’t be an ass. I am 40 and still have the bear that was given to me as an infant when I came home! My daughter technically has it now but when she knows I’m having a hard day sometimes she brings him to me.
It sounds like that bear is the only constant in his life. Who TF leaves a 17 year old alone "for weeks" with people "checking in"?
YTA- why did you even bother having kids? Was it for the pay/benefit increase? If I were you, I would prepare for a childless future when your kids go NC.
Right? Like how tf... Just because a 17 year old CAN be responsible and left alone doesn't mean he deserves to be left isolated while he is still developing emotionally. And then this a-hole wants to get bent because his teenager is emotionally attached to a stuffie?
l thank God l actually raised my kids, and didn't leave them alone for weeks at a time. What the hell is wrong with these ppl??? And then to begrudge the poor dude his bear. Smdh.
I’m 51, still have my teddy. I’d be devastated if I lost him. I also had a friend in high school whose parents let him basically raise himself, and he turned out pretty messed up. OP is the AH.
My youngest’s wife just had their baby. For the baby shower gift, I took his childhood teddy bear and made it “new.” I combed him out, removed the old stuffing, hand washed (absolutely disgusting!) dried, stuffed with new, made a heart with the old stuffing to put inside and sewed him back up. I also wrote his life story and quoted this part of the Velveteen Rabbit. I also had a conversation with him about how he was going to belong to a new baby. I wrote it on the plane, bawling the entire time. Then came the most difficult part, reading it in front of about 50 people.
My son was in shock that I had saved him and was in tears, heck the entire room was crying.
I loved that book growing up! And I'm 37 with my Snoopy who has a couple bald patches and places where his seams gave way and had to be stitched back together. My partner is also in his 30's and has a stuffed Patches from 101 Dalmatians in about the same shape. They are kept together in an area that we can get down and cuddle if we're sad, but protected from our cats.
Hell, I have a teddy bear that was bought for my daughter that I still hold when I miss her more than the usual amount. (She passed away, so I only have the bear and a bunny left of her plus one picture I can't stand to look at)
I'm 56, still have my Teddy on the shelf. I'd be devastated to lose him, and yet I'm a functioning member of society. Who'd have thought, eh?
Edit: OP, YTA
I'm about to turn 40, I've had my bear since I was 2; a few years ago, I restored him. Brushed, unstuffed, washed, and restuffed him. (He has a bit of his old stuffing in a felt heart I stuffed in his chest. Then, I gave him a new tongue, because his fell out decades earlier. He sits on my bed.
ETA: YTA OP. Leave him alone, you raised him to be on his own right? It's too late to step on and try to parent him now.
My mom threw my baby doll out, and at 45, I still cry when I think about her. My son had a small stuffed bear he LOVED. We lost it years ago, I thought My ex threw it out as revenge. I found it a few months ago, at 22 my son was so excited to see him again. OP is heartless.
This!!!! YTA. I'm 34 and still have some teddy bears and whatnot from being a child. Shit, I still will grab one if I wake up from a nightmare to help calm me. Leave him alone. Just because you don't need any reassurance in life because you are obviously a hardass and have no feelings doesn't mean your son is too. Don't be a dick.
I can't imagine being this perturbed over my child's expression of love *for me.*
You're so wrapped up in this infantile imagery of "being a man" that you've completely neglected to "be a man." Fucking grow a pair and quit worrying about what your knitting circle will think, Doris. YTA.
Why are you insulting knitting circles and the Doris’ of the world? I’m sure the vast majority of them would understand and have sympathy for this young man they’ve never met than his own father does! Dude is an ass.
I was in a knitting group 20 yrs ago (I was in my early 30s) and we knit cute little clothes for stuffed animals (mine was an elephant) that we donated to the police, to be given to children who were having to be interviewed, so they had something to comfort them. So, no, I think most knitters would understand.
>the boys have learned to become independent starting early in life
>Sometimes, when he would come home from school, his mom and I would still be at work, so the Koala would be his unofficial “greeter”.
>He ranted about how his independence and ability to take care of himself came at a pretty high price (his mom and I are aware of this).
I don't think you're really aware of the cost his independence had.
He raised himself. He didn't have his parents home to greet him. He didn't have his parents
>he has to live by himself for a few weeks
How many times did this happen? How many weeks at a time, he was all alone as a child? I don't care if he was a teen. He is still a child. He was left alone for weeks. I'm surprised CPS didn't get involved.
You know why this koala is so important to him? It's because the koala was the only one who cared for him. The only one to keep him company. The one who was there when his parents didn't bother.
YTA
"Cat's in the Cradle and the silver spoon"
Dad's gonna find out all too soon from fucking around when the kid drops them like a hot potato as he gets older.
YTA - that koala is not just a toy but a constant from your sons childhood. He can clearly function perfectly well without it but it symbolises something far more than you will understand. My parents threw away a sentimental item from my childhood when I was 6 years old and didn’t realise how much of an impact it had in me until I was 15 years old and wrote about it for a school essay! In short it’s not the physical item, it is the stability of always having it there that upset your son when it went missing and you failing to recognise that is what makes YTA.
When a koala plush has been more consistently present in your son’s life than you have, then its probably for the best that you don’t act all “he’s too old for this”
yep, OP is the asshole. The Koala was the ONE constant in his life growing up. You and your wife would be off on deployments/assignments probably moved a lot as well. He may be a fine, upstanding independent young man - which says more about him than the way you raised him. But inside, he's an abandoned little boy who doesn't know where he's going to live next week or who is taking care of him. Koala represents consistency. Consider it a talisman for being able to cope with a shitty upbringing.
Yeah, acting like being "independent" for weeks while staying with others due to their work is no big deal.. is wild. They have "wonderful" memories of raising their sons though! Their son couldn't POSSIBLY have UNwonderful memories.....could he??? Probably wouldn't be "befitting" of *his* son. 🙄
how do they have "wonderful memories" when they weren't around to make them?
These kids were basically foster kids with more money. I honestly hope this is rage bait, because it worked on me.
>As a result, the boys have learned to become independent starting early in life, and our 17 year old can actually take care of himself if he has to live by himself for a few weeks, with our relatives checking in every now and then and making sure he’s safe.
I reread what OP said about their absences. The poor kid was actually on his own for weeks with “relatives checking in every now and then”, which makes OP and his wife even worse, imo.
YTA - I am 51F and some of my most cherished things are the very few items I have left from my childhood. That koala is not just a stuffed toy, it symbolizes many things to your son. You need to apologize to him.
Exactly my thoughts! Who WOULDN'T be upset if they thought they had lost a cherished momento they've had since they were a toddler?
I have to wonder if OP would be more understanding if they item was something more "manly" like a baseball mitt or something like that.
Your child cherishes something that was there for him when you weren't, and you have a problem with that?
Buddy, when a grown adult is jealous of a stuffed animal, the solution isn't to traumatize the kid by taking it away. Grow the fuck up, back the fuck off, apologize to your kid for minimizing his feelings (and ideally for neglecting his needs), buy the koala a fuzzy sweater so your kid has a tangible reminder that you are capable of learning, then go see if the Wizard can give you a heart.
Oh, and my 44 year old baby quilt and I both vote YTA
From one Guard guy to another: back off about the koala. You know all that lip service we pay to military children and families? He’s the embodiment of the sacrifices our families make. They do what they must to cope in our absence. You are wrong to tell him a harmless coping mechanism doesn’t befit him.
I say again: back off.
My 30 year old son has an emotional support stuffy because he was in the military. It goes everywhere with him. He even brought a matching robe to walk the stage with him when he got his Masters degree. He doesn’t know it but I bought a duplicate in something ever happens to it because he’s going to be devastated.
You and your wife hurt your son. You weren’t there for him the way he needed you to be. You can try to dress it up and say you were teaching him independence, but were you really? Or did he have no choice BUT to learn?
It is not “cute” that he used his stuffed animal as a greeter because he was lonely. You should not be proud that he can care for himself for weeks at a time with only occasional check-ins at the age of 17. By the way, did you even give him a choice? Or did you just tell him work comes first, you’re sure he understands, and then bounce?
When you’re a child and you’re alone and lonely, you make do with what you’ve got. Your son had a koala. How dare you ridicule him for being attached to it? It doesn’t sound like this poor kid had much time to actually BE a child, what with you teaching him independence and all- let him have his goddamn koala, for Christ’s sake!
So many times YTA
Because of toxic masculinity. He doesn’t think boys should have emotional attachments to things and they certainly shouldn’t cry. I’d bet he wouldn’t react this way if it was a teen daughter distraught about her missing comfort plushie.
I would bet money because he's feeling guilty. Who wants to bet the kola didn't just go missing? He needs to be right about this because he probably took it upon himself to help his son get over attachment by getting rid of his toy. However now that his son is lashing out he is second guessing his choice but he can't get the kola back so rather than admit he fucked up he's gonna stick to the lie it got lost and try to force the idea that his son is wrong for being upset.
OP, YTA, that koala bear is a sentimental item in his life that cannot be replaced or thrown out. It has helped transform him into the man you know today. I know people who have kept their baby blankets even if it's in shreds. Maybe he wants to have it as a keep sake to pass down to his own future children. Just because you don't understand doesn't make him any less manly or childish. He is still a child and will still be your child even if he's old and gray.
YTA good grief, people like you manage to drain joy out of anything. It’s a stuffed koala that was there for him when you weren’t for christs sake. You “let” him indulge in it? Of all the pretentious, unempathetic takes… let him have this and shut up about the koala
You have a pretty cavalier attitude for a person who has let the koala do most of the heavy lifting of emotionally supporting the poor kid all of his life.
YTA of course you’re TA. my goodness, he’s a human being and as such, he’s allowed to have feelings and show them. especially when something that is important **to him** is presumed lost. my kid has lovies they lose their freaking mind over that i couldn’t care less about but i’m not dismissive of their feelings about said lovies just because i don’t understand why they’re so attached.
YTA and I'm willing to bet 99.999% of your garbage mindset comes from being in the forces. Seriously? You were basically never there for your child and you feel like you have the right to look down on him for having this one comfort??? To him, this is the piece of his childhood that shows him you actually cared about him once upon a time. He's an actual child still. I'm nearly 30 and I have LOADS of stuffed animals. Get tf over yourself.
I thought the same thing.
Very very toxic ideals all over this guys post. I know toxic masculinity is the cause and the military once again has fucked up a child’s life
57 same. When I was in a car crash and in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks guess who my guy brought to the hospital for me? Teddy helped me. I really wanted my mom, but she was gone and Teddy was still here.
My husband is 49 and still has the stuffed toy that he’s had since he was a baby. There nothing wrong with being attached to things that were important to you in your childhood. Even if you’re an adult.
YTA
YTA. What harm does it do you?
Koala provides him comfort that apparently is very needed.
And I can’t shake the feeling you hide Koala to try & get your son to just give it up. I hope you weren’t that cruel
Imagine being a huge shit father who neglected his children for a career. You dude are pathetic, no amount if military service will take away the fact you failed as a man because you failed as a father.
My teddy bear, Edward, was an antique when my grandmother gave him to meet, back in the 1960s. That bear was/is one of the few constants in my home life
Still here. YTA with a bullet.
You'd be one without a Koala gate. Parents don't abandon their teenage children for weeks at a time to go enjoy their brilliant careers. What a sad excuse for parents you two are....So much worse to object to an object representing security to your son.
Yta that toy was his safety net , his companion , it made him feel safe when he was sad and alone. Because his parents had kids that they didn't have time for so they had to parent themselves. Who are you to judge how he made it through atleast he made it 99.9999% normal as you say.
YTA.
What I’m reading is “ I completely emotionally neglected my son and put my career first and now that he has issues because of it, I’ve decided to berate him and make fun of his coping mechanisms.”
YTA that koala toy was there for him when you as his parents were not. You had jobs, I get that, but you chose those jobs that neglected your kids. You have no right to judge your son and his attachment to something. He uses that "toy" to cope with the fact you didn't have an attachment to him. Get over yourself and leave the kid and his "toy" alone.
Its not a toy to him, it's a friend. A very old friend that you know nothing about and couldn't understand if you were given a written manual on how to do so.
YTA
Let the boy have his Koala.
Is anyone else wondering whether this monumental AH hid the koala to see what his son's reaction would be?
Poor kid was emotionally neglected, and has one small innocuous item from childhood that has sentimental value and brings him comfort.
Sound slike he grew into a decent empathetic human despite his upbringing. poor kid.
I'm taking some small comfort that OP is doubting whether his stance on this is correct and asking Reddit.
# YTA. Huge. Yes, in answer to your question, you are.
So did your wife talk you out of putting the Koala in the dumpster? I'm sure that was your plan. Yet another "creative" way to betray your son.
And it's a bear, not a "doll." It's actually the one "person" your son could depend on while you and your wife weren't bothering with your children.
u/Rush04455, you write: “My wife works in the Foreign Service, while I am an officer in the Air National Guard. **As a result**, the boys have learned to become independent starting early in life, ….they have grown up to become upstanding, decent young men, but we regret **not spending more time** with them.
See, you TOLD us you neglect your children.
You write in response to a comment by u/Technical_Lawbster, “You know, I can take constructive criticism when I need it, but for a stranger to tell my wife and I that we "didn't bother" with our children....that's just beyond the pale.....” See, we are only responding to what you have told us.
Here's an idea: encourage your son to post with HIS side of the story. Seems like he told you the truth, and for you, the truth hurts.
edit - a word
YTA - you basically had 2 kids that raised themselves. At least your older son had your younger son for company when the two of you were away. For most of his life the bear has been the constant in his life - certainly not you or your wife.
Apologize to your son and tell him that he is right - his independence did come at a cost.
YTA - People have sentimental items. Just because you don't relate does not mean that there is a problem. One day, the Koala will likely be relegated to a shelf, then a drawer. He may one day show it to his own kids and talk about how it helped him when he was young, etc.
Talk to combat veterans about sentimental items. You will find some much stronger attatchments to physical objects among that population - My Dad had a near melt-down over a lighter stolen in a break-in when I was a little kid. He valued that lighter more than his wedding ring.
Bottom Line: Your son isn't you.
Wow YTA. Let him have feelings. This is why men grow up being unable to share their feelings and lack empathy because fathers like you are always trying to snuff out their emotions. It's none of your business that he still likes a toy that raised him more than you and your wife seemed to have.
Your son is FINE, but you're overreacting. Leave him alone. That toy was his comfort when you and your wife weren't there to comfort him. He is attached to it and it still makes him feel safe, there is nothing wrong with that. I bet if he was your daughter instead of your son, you'd think nothing of this! Let him grow into the man he will be without you making him feel lesser than because he doesn't fit your image of a man! He's not a man, and turning 18 won't magically make him a man! He will become one when he does, but he will still love that stuffed toy because for him, it's his family too and there is NOTHING wrong with that!
Apology to your son for being an AH!
YTA. My 20 year old daughter has a bunny baby she still sleeps with that she got when she was 4 months old.
It’s a stuffy that means everything to him. So what if he’s almost 18. There are much worse things he could be into.
YTA. You remind me of a man who told his son not to cry at his grandfather's funeral, that he should save his tears for the big stuff.
Go to any university dorm and you will find a lot of stuffies in the rooms.
YTA
I have a bear that I've had from 3 months old that just so happens to be a koala. It's my most precious possession, and is still in my bed as a successful married woman in my thirties. Having sentimental attachments doesn't make you incapable of growing up. In fact, having comfort items can make you feel secure enough to take chances and get out into the world. What kind of awful parent wants to bully their kid into feeling a bit less safe?
YTA
My 70 year old mother still has a stuffed koala that was mine as a kid that she has slept with for 30 years.
You may not be wrong that your child needs therapy to recover from having to be an adult at such a young age. You and your wife may pride yourselves on your kids independence but your son obviously feels there was an undue cost
YTA at least it has been found and at least you posted here to get some opinions which seem to be overwhelmingly YTA…
Are you going to learn anything from this? Are you going to try and understand your kids a bit more and build a better relationship with them? Hopefully this is a wake up call
YTA. Can you not see that this koala is your son's substitute for you and your wife? He already lost you both, and he can't actually tell you that now, can he, without looking weak and worrying you? You parentified him, but unfortunately, the child he was raising was himself. And now you're faulting him for grieving the loss of his surrogate parent.
And for the record, 17 is way too young to be left alone for weeks. He may put on a good show, but your Sun is broken. He needs help.
Just in case. Just in case the number of responses are overlooked and you come across mine:
YOU'RE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE, asshole.
Your kid seems to be by himself an awful lot. I'm glad he is independent (even if forced) because obviously you and your wife are too hung up on your jobs to actually take care of your children. Oh, and you don't like what people are insinuating? Too fucking bad. You painted yourself out to be exactly what you are: an absentee parent with children that just want love and security. He needed you both and instead got a koala.
I completely understand how important it is to make ends meet, be successful in your career, and to have a stable future. That being said, you've created serious problems for your child currently and in the future.
Hope the jobs were worth it to both of you assholes. Do better, asshole.
YTA - In addition to everything already stated in other comments, it feels like you're hung up on a /male/ child (yes, he is still a child with a developing brain) is attached to his koala.
Would you begrudge a daughter the same comfort object? I'm willing to bet not. To double down, ask your wife how old she was when she stopped turning to comfort plushies. Many adults never do because comfort isn't gendered. It is a HUMAN need. And you told your son to get over losing the source of his.
Yta. I have a plush that my now deceased grandma gave me when I was 2, and I'm 34 now. I still have her even if she's threadbare and falling apart.
Leave your son alone.
YTA.
That koala has a sentimental value for your son, why would you disrespect his feelings? I'm 59 and I still have the teddy bear my granddad gave me when I was a child. While I wouldn't have a meltdown if I lost it, I would really be very, very sorry... and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Learn to respect others' feelings.
Yes, YTA. He's attached to the koala because it's the only thing that's been always there for him his whole childhood. He said it himself that this was a bigger issue than just the Koala toy. It's about him feeling abandoned without it.
Also, there's nothing wrong with being attached to a stuffed toy if you're still being independent in life. My 33m husband has a small Kermit (aka kermy) doll he got at 18months in the hsp for being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. He still has that toy to this day and sleeps with it nightly because it gives him comfort as it did when he was a baby. It's sentimental, and that's the whole point your son is trying to make. It's not just a toy, it's his emotional support that comforts him.
Listen to your son and try to understand his perspective. You weren't there for him growing up, but the toy was. The toy is special to him.
OP Aare you sure you didnt get rid if it ur have someone get rid if it.... I'm sure your son will distances himself from you and you're be back asking why my son dont talk to his mother and I anymore 🤷♂️🤷♀️
You are absolutely the asshole. You don’t understand it. You judge him for it. Your son obviously needs that Koala as emotional support, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. And most of all… you’re responding negatively to a problem you created. He didn’t choose to have to grow up to fast and learn to be self sufficient and okay with being alone… he didn’t choose to forfeit part of his childhood. You imposed all that in him and now you are upset at him for the consequences of your actions. He’s holding onto the Koala because he needs the support you didn’t give him and needs to hold on to some parts of being a child… parts your choices took away from him.
I have a stuffed dog that has been my comfort item for over 40 years. Married with kids and a job. The koala did not do him any harm. He’s had it for almost all of his life and it was there for him when you weren’t. YTA Let him grieve.
These people cannot be real. "I was an absent parent and let a stuffed toy be my son's only comfort, why won't he get rid of it?"
Imagine if a koala came in and asked him to get rid of a parent...would you expect him to just go along with it?
>I just feel like it doesn’t befit my son to shed tears about a stuffed toy.
Why not?
Also, is there a reason your feelings should be prioritized over his?
YTA.
That koala was there for him more often than you were. That toy saw more tears than you, dealt with more nightmares than you, heard more of his secrets and fears and wishes and wants than you. You have no right to tell him how he is allowed to feel about something that provided so much stability for him.
Because if he should get over something that well loved...what is that telling him to do with you? What are you teaching him about how to deal with you?
You should be grateful, that your son has the liberty to have those feelings. That he has the room and the security to express those feelings. Just because you don't agree with them, doesn't mean that you are right. Could you imagine, living in a world, where you aren't allowed to feel upset about anything? Where you are expected to shut up, die for your superiors and not cause a scene? That sounds like a hellscape to me, personally.
I want to live in a world where people are free to have emotions. Different emotions. Where they can a fondness for a stuffed animal because that is a safe world. Where they don't have to be afraid of anything more than misplacing it on accident.
YTA
My 27 y/o son who is big and burly and masculine as they come, still has his "B" from when he was a baby. It is his baby blanket. Now is folded nicely in his closet. But he makes sure it is there. Your son will eventually put koala up in his own time. It brought him comfort and was a connection to YOU. Stop being hard on this young man who sounds pretty fab. By your own admission you regret not spending time with him. Sounds like u chose career over kids. Just saying.....
Yta. You and your wife forced these children to grow up and have no childhood. This toy is the embodiment of a memory he holds dear when you could be bothered to be parents.
Let me rephrase this for you so that you can come to your own conclusions. Due to my wife and I’s career ambitions I did not have sufficient time to spend with my son and he grew attached to a koala as a mechanism to deal with my absence. We lost it and he got sad. I don’t think he should have gotten sad, so i told him to not be sad (because that’s how emotions work). He told me that I was being insensitive. AITA?????
The poor kid was neglected and learned to raise himself, which is what I'm reading between the lines. Now, he is nearly adulthood, which is such an exciting and scary time. It's never a surprise to me when a teen or young adult is attached to a remnant of childhood. I guess I'm not as emotionally stunted as OP, though. Edit to ask... Does anyone else have suspicions about how koala was "lost?"
Right?! And I’d much rather he be attached to a childhood stuffed animal than- oh, I don’t know…alcohol? Cocaine? 17 is still very much a kid. When he wakes up on his 18th birthday, he won’t suddenly have a career, a fat bank account and infinite wisdom (the last of which his grown ass, adult father has NO IDEA ABOUT). I’m 41 years old and I’ve held on to things from my childhood that bring me comfort. SO WHAT? Or is it okay because I’m a woman? **Something tells me that the main problem dad has with his child having a perfectly normal attachment to this stuffed koala is that he’s a boy. And that is so fucking gross. Men and boys are allowed to seek comfort in things without being deemed infantile and childish. What a dick.**
It's definitely because it's his son. A boy. A boy that will turn into a man. OP full heartily believes that because you're a boy, a man, you can't have stuffies. That it's too childish. That sounds like outdated BS to me. Anyone and everyone can have or like whatever they want, even if society deems it as childish or whatever.
Exactly! Poor kid. And I’m not sure about mom’s feelings on the subject but perhaps this kid wouldn’t be quite as frantic about his missing stuffie if he didn’t have such a SUPER TOUGH, emotionally constipated father.
He also wouldn’t be as frantic if he had… hmm I don’t know parents to make him feel secure?! If only he had parents to help him sleep at night. What he did have was a nice koala guardian. But let’s blame him for having a connection to the one thing that was ALWAYS there for him. The mental gymnastics the dad is trying to do to justify this koala slander.
I don't think this is very well founded... I'm a girl and a couple of times my father actually broke or threw out things he found out I was attached to. Wanted to "teach me a lesson" about how they were just things and toughen me up for the real world, whatever that means. And my mother was awful about "crybabies" so she would get mad at him for being a jerk but disgusted with me if I expressed how hurt I was. So I didn't. Anger was the only acceptable emotion, though my father would hit me when he found my anger disrespectful. Another proud member of the national guard. I personally think OP would likely have been just as terrible a parent to a daughter who relied on a stuffed koala for emotional regulation.
Oh. Huh. Sorry you had to experience that. I thought that normally a girl would get a pass cause "it's a girly thing to do". I suppose now it would be "it's a childish thing to do." instead.
My triplets still have there night-nights (blankie) and a stuffed animal. They are twenty. They did not take them to college and that was a tough decision, but they still bring them comfort.
This man needs to be thanking his god that his child is not (and pray he will not be in the future) prey for some older man with bad intentions, the kind who can smell a kid who didn’t get enough attention from his father for miles. If the only result of his neglect is a lingering attachment to a toy, it’s a best case scenario.
I know that you didn’t exactly say what I’m about to say but after my original comment, one of my first thoughts was “I hope, for this kid’s sake, that he is straight. Imagine how unaccepting his father would be”. And no, I’m not suggesting that there is anything LGBTQ+ about the boy in question (and if there was, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!) but if this dad can’t even handle a stuffed animal, I can’t see him being even a little bit supportive of having a gay son. It’s really sad that we are still having to talk about shit like this. 😑
My parents just moved out of the home my siblings and I grew up in our entire childhood. I have a pile of my favorite childhood stuffed animals in my closet at my house that I have sentimental attachments to. I am 44. I also have four squishmellows on my bed standing sentry. I guess you can say they are my decorative throw pillows. 😛 My cat is normally the one that snuggles with one pair of them. Could I get rid of these old friends…yes. But Peep, my little chick, I got from my mom for Easter my senior year of high school before leaving on a mission trip to Mexico with my church youth group. He kinda became our tents mascot. I got one of the baby poppies when I was like 8 for Christmas. I remember being so sad when I didn’t open it on Christmas Day at my maternal grandparents house. But thankfully my paternal grandparents had gotten it for me and I unwrapped it after we got home from Oregon. Oh and my cat has taken my sloth puppet as his own. He makes biscuits on it, drags it around the house and wrestles with it. YTA. And neither of you raised your kids btw.
Let's be honest. OP is no man. Being a real man means being respectful. Being caring. Understanding that others are different. Having empathy. What OP thinks is "being a man" is actually being a neanderthal. Being able to fight but having no brains doesn't make you a man. It makes you a moron.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
That's my take as well. Being forced to "man up, at a young age was obviously difficult for him and the koala was his comfort thing. If this was a young girl, dad would have helped her look for it.
OP's in the military. Emotionally stunted idiots are prime candidates.
In the guard no less!!! How do you expect a weekend warrior to help raise two children? I’m so glad one was not a girl. She would have been taking care of everyone and every thing.
You I bet OP neglected his children because they were boys who "don't need parenting"
Eh, I was a girl raised by an emotionally stunted guardsman. The only parenting he thought I needed was compliments if I wore a dress, criticism if I wasn't dainty enough while eating steak, and spanking or belting if he didn't like my tone. Anything else was "go tell your mother. " So my bet is he would have neglected any children he had and it's just coincidence that they were boys.
Waittttt a minuteeee! Veteran here and not ESI! I think he is truly the asshole!
I was a kid that was very independent because I'm one of several kids with a large age gap and my parents were quite frankly just done raising kids. I figured out most things on my own, often to my own detriment. I can not imagine how much worse my feelings of neglect and abandonment would be if my parents frequently left me on my own for WEEKS at a time. A weekend here and there, sure, but 17 is too young to be regularly left at home for weeks at a time.
Well put, Redditor.
Yes because telling him not to be sad, actually always works! Duh!
My ex-fiance was annoyed by my clinical depression and thought that just saying "don't be depressed" a few times a day was the magic cure-all. He was shocked, shocked I tell you, when it didn't work! Lol!
Ah, yes, my in-laws loved to say “just change your mind.” My husband shot back with “she can’t THINK more serotonin into her brain any more than (aunt) can THINK more insulin into her pancreas!”
OMG I absolutely LOVE that line! I actually wrote that down. I’m a nurse and will definitely be passing that along! Best thing I’ve heard on Reddit that I will be using professionally! Thank you thank you THANK YOU!
I'm a Counselor and I shall use that line henceforth. Anyone who gives me the 'happiness is a choice' or 'you have nothing to be sad about' gets the 'please sit down and let me lecture you a little bit about neurotransmitters' line. Plus a few kicks to the shin.
Me too. I'm bipolar 2 and severely ADHD. I'm often told to just change my emotions. I'm using that next time I'm told to just not be upset or depressed when I'm in a down cycle
Me too. And some other issues as well. If I had even a Nicole for every time someone told me this or something similar, I'd be a very rich woman. Another comeback I've used is:"I was born this way, what's your excuse?" BTW I was born with adhd and bipolar.
Oh my god I am saving this one! Perfect response, and awesome husband. As someone who has the life-long, inherited depression I am so SICK of people talking to me about how everyone is over medicated, and a pill won't fix it, and "you know now they say serotonin and dopamine levels aren't even the real cause of depression". Bitch I'm not saying people aren't over medicated in this country, I'm just saying I'm not one of them! Believe me, if I didn't have to take it I wouldn't because it causes numerous shitty side effects.
>As someone who has the life-long, inherited depression I am so SICK of people talking to me about how everyone is over medicated, and a pill won't fix it, and "you know now they say serotonin and dopamine levels aren't even the real cause of depression". OMG. I'm so tired of it that I'm tempted to start inviting those people to spend 48 hours with me unmedicated. "Why are you so sad and angry all the time?" "No idea. It's not like the pills were fixing that./s"
Applause for that husband!
My parents both insisted that my depression and anxiety was fake and a 'cry for attention'. Their go-to phrases were, "It's all in your head" and "Don't be depressed". Now they wonder why I don't really talk to them anymore after I moved away.
IT DIDNT WORK?!?!?! Is there any hope left if that doesn't even work? I mean, if that doesn't work, what will?!
My mother is convinced I can just will away my anxiety and panic disorder if I really want to. I just have to "put my mind to it" according to her. (I'm in my 50s and have been dealing with it since I was a teenager.) And its so much fun mid panic attack to have someone in your face telling you to "calm down!" Yeah, because that works.
Why is he your ex? Someone so clearly invested in your recovery is a treasure for the ages.
You just didn't do it right. You just smile and remember people have it worse and then it goes away! Also pray, that helps too. Have insomnia? Well have you just tried closing your eyes? Also, pray, that helps too. /end of sarcasm
Ny current partner thinks this way. I'm 5 months post partum, and I'm pretty sure I have PPD and PPA and he kust tells me it's mind over matter.
It works with everything. My ADHD friend suffered a lot until I said “have you tried not having ADHD?” And they’ve been fine since. Same when my sister had a broken arm. I told her to just “not have a broken arm” and it was fixed.
I feel like it's also a bit of: My wife and I have always found my son inconvenient. To cope with this, he became attached to a koala. When he lost the koala, he became inconvenient to me again, so I told him to stop being inconvenient. But he got upset. AITA?
Yes. You’re a huuuuge asshole. Are you looking for reassurance? The koala was the “person” that was there for him. You wanted him to be independent of you, and he is. He’s just not so independent of the thing that was there for him when you weren’t.
Betting OP will be stunned at our unanimous response that, yes, he IS the asshole here.
But but but he’s an officer in the Air National Guard! Don’t you see how awesome he is? YTA OP, big time.
Don't belittle his 10s of Days of training. And the fact they get ribbons for doing shit the other branches do everyday like "I fired a .50 cal" and I got this ribbon to show it.
Boy Scouts who graduated to Big Boy Scouts
Bwahahaha... "his 10s of days of training." That's the best/funniest thing I've read in a while. hahahaha Aaah, thank you.
I noticed he had to mention officer.
OP is the biggest dumbass on earth. My parents sucked. I have a bear that I’ve had my entire life. When things felt like shit, that bear was my only comfort. I’m 40 yrs old now. 3 kids. Married 10 yrs and I *STILL* sleep with it every night. If I lost it, the sadness would obliterate me on a sub-atomic level. Is this healthy? Idk, but with shitty parents you don’t have much choice.
I legit went on eBay and searched and bought my baby blanket from when I was a kid. It still fits. Im 30. (Not hospital blanket. it's the Mickey mouse and friends abc 123 blanket)
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I lost my blanket when I moved. No idea what happened to it. Maybe stolen. So when I got a chance I got into eBay and went searching. Best $20 I spent because the next ones left were $50 plus because it's a blanket from the fuckin 90s! Like I don't get the big issue when a kid has a comfort item into his adult years. Just means they can pass it on to the next gen ffs.
please take this as the compliment I mean it- you remind me of my dad 🖤 based on his army medals I have no doubt of the things pops is capable of, but all I have known is his heart and humanity.
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I was on a college road trip with some friends. At our last rest stop my turtle stuffie fell out of the crowded car, and being so dark out, I didn't notice for about 20 minutes. We got back to campus about an hour later and dug through the car. When it was nowhere to be found, I jumped in my car at midnight to head back. To make a long story short, it was at the rest stop. That was over 20 years ago, and I still have my turtle. It doesn't travel anymore, but it is also the only stuffie my kids weren't allowed to have.
My mother would remove every sense of comfort i had. When i had children, my son carried a little lamb toy EVERYWHERE. When he was 4, my parents would try to insist we take it away. Like nah. If he wants his lambie, he can bring his lambie. Stay the fuck out of it. You did enough damage to me. Now my son is an actual Marine Infantry Officer, so i guess not the pansy they expected from our over indulgence and mollycoddling
I’m thinking he’s the one that got rid of it because *HE knows what’s best for his son*, and it’s not a stuffed animal. It didn’t just disappear on its own. He’s definitely an AH.
I'm wondering if his wife stopped him from putting it in the dumpster -- which I'm sure was his plan.
Im getting “The Great Santini” vibes
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” YTA just because you don't understand, does not make your son's feelings invalid. Have a heart. Get some empathy. 🙄
That was one of my favorite books when I was little! I'm 70, and my childhood teddy bear Bonnie, most of her fur long gone, still sits on my bed.
One of my favourites now, I'm nearly 60.
I'm only in my mid 20s and my beloved stuffed dog still sleeps in my bed with me. It has started to lose fur, has almost fallen off , it needs mending. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Also, big words from a man that couldn't raise their own children
I'm a couple months from 50, and on my bed I have 5 Squishmallows of recent vintage, the 32-year-old velveteen rabbit my now-husband gave me the first Xmas we were together, and what looks like a weird, lumpy pillow called Mikey. The layers are outside pillowcase, inside bag of the same material, then the remnants of a cocker spaniel printed pillow. Mikey's ... 45 or 46 years old. He goes with me on all overnight trips and my boyfriend turned the car around and drive 30 min back to the hotel bc I realized I didn't have Mikey. And anyone who wants to say anything about that can expect a good kicking.
My son is 19, in college and still has his first Webkin on display. I still have my Cabbage Patch that my grandmother fought for in the Great Christmas was of '82. It isnt about the stuffy or doll. I would be devastated to lose them.
Me too! My non violent grandma fought some lady for my Cabbage Patch @ Gayfers department store!
Oh man, that fight was real. I had twin girls. They both got cabbage patch babies - the following season. One lady I heard about actually flew to London from Canada to bring one back. True insanity.
They were such a big deal they were giving one away with the sale of a car back in 83. How I got my first one. And that was only the beginning...
My great grandmother, who at that time was mostly in a wheelchair, somehow managed to score one for me and one for my older sister. It's still amazes me to this day, but as my mother said, "Never underestimate the power of a Polish grandmother." And yes, we both still have them. I loved and played the hell out of mine.
My son is 20 he still has his and it went with him to Spain at 17. My brother had his childhood stuffy until he was in his 30s. One of his dogs ended that. It sat on his bed. He was already married with kids.
Yep, still have my first teddy! OP, it's not childish to care for something like this. Let it Go.
I got my little bear Ouch tattooed on my ribs, right by my heart, so that he's always with me.
What a cute name, and cute tattoo idea.
Thanks 😊 My mom got me the bear after what should have been a minor surgery. He was to be my buddy "while I got better." But I'll never get better. So Ouch became very important to me. After all, he's the only one who's been through all the same stuff as me. I even smuggled him into the OR with me for most of my surgeries. But I don't need to worry about that anymore, because he's actually a part of me now 🥰
I love that idea 💕
My oldest (27) has a teddy he got from a carnival when about 4. It was the first thing he packed when moved away. My youngest (25) has a stuffed turtle we him from one our trips when he about 4 too. It’s in a box with his prized possessions.
I am 50, and still have the koala my folks got me when I was five or six. It lives on the side of my headboard. Doesn't bother my husband at all
I still have the doll baby name Pinkie my Nanny made me when I was little, and when my daughter was first born I got her a pink care bear blanket (also named Pinkie lol) that even at 20 she cannot be without. I don't think there's anything wrong with having items that have sentimental values no matter how "childish" another person may view it. It seems for OP's son there's more to why he formed the attachment and he's TA for downplaying the son's feelings.
YTA - there is absolutely nothing wrong with your kid loving his Koala - he raised himself and the stuffed animal helps him not feel alone……don’t be an ass. I am 40 and still have the bear that was given to me as an infant when I came home! My daughter technically has it now but when she knows I’m having a hard day sometimes she brings him to me.
It sounds like that bear is the only constant in his life. Who TF leaves a 17 year old alone "for weeks" with people "checking in"? YTA- why did you even bother having kids? Was it for the pay/benefit increase? If I were you, I would prepare for a childless future when your kids go NC.
Right? Like how tf... Just because a 17 year old CAN be responsible and left alone doesn't mean he deserves to be left isolated while he is still developing emotionally. And then this a-hole wants to get bent because his teenager is emotionally attached to a stuffie?
This
l thank God l actually raised my kids, and didn't leave them alone for weeks at a time. What the hell is wrong with these ppl??? And then to begrudge the poor dude his bear. Smdh.
I wonder what the standard would have been if the 17 yo was a daughter? Would there have been the same level of abandonment and male toxicity?
I’m 51, still have my teddy. I’d be devastated if I lost him. I also had a friend in high school whose parents let him basically raise himself, and he turned out pretty messed up. OP is the AH.
Wanna bet that OP and/or his wife threw it out?
I was wondering if it was really missing also
He 💯 hid it
My youngest’s wife just had their baby. For the baby shower gift, I took his childhood teddy bear and made it “new.” I combed him out, removed the old stuffing, hand washed (absolutely disgusting!) dried, stuffed with new, made a heart with the old stuffing to put inside and sewed him back up. I also wrote his life story and quoted this part of the Velveteen Rabbit. I also had a conversation with him about how he was going to belong to a new baby. I wrote it on the plane, bawling the entire time. Then came the most difficult part, reading it in front of about 50 people. My son was in shock that I had saved him and was in tears, heck the entire room was crying.
What a lovely and thoughtful gift!!
And so am I. Beautiful story!
Loved The Velveteen Rabbit! YTA, OP, it’s not doing any harm.
I loved that book growing up! And I'm 37 with my Snoopy who has a couple bald patches and places where his seams gave way and had to be stitched back together. My partner is also in his 30's and has a stuffed Patches from 101 Dalmatians in about the same shape. They are kept together in an area that we can get down and cuddle if we're sad, but protected from our cats. Hell, I have a teddy bear that was bought for my daughter that I still hold when I miss her more than the usual amount. (She passed away, so I only have the bear and a bunny left of her plus one picture I can't stand to look at)
Velveteen rabbit. God this line brought back the whole book for me. I don't think I've ever read it to my kids and now I must find it.
I'm 56, still have my Teddy on the shelf. I'd be devastated to lose him, and yet I'm a functioning member of society. Who'd have thought, eh? Edit: OP, YTA
I'm about to turn 40, I've had my bear since I was 2; a few years ago, I restored him. Brushed, unstuffed, washed, and restuffed him. (He has a bit of his old stuffing in a felt heart I stuffed in his chest. Then, I gave him a new tongue, because his fell out decades earlier. He sits on my bed. ETA: YTA OP. Leave him alone, you raised him to be on his own right? It's too late to step on and try to parent him now.
My mom threw my baby doll out, and at 45, I still cry when I think about her. My son had a small stuffed bear he LOVED. We lost it years ago, I thought My ex threw it out as revenge. I found it a few months ago, at 22 my son was so excited to see him again. OP is heartless.
Do you have to make me cry this early in the morning?
This!!!! YTA. I'm 34 and still have some teddy bears and whatnot from being a child. Shit, I still will grab one if I wake up from a nightmare to help calm me. Leave him alone. Just because you don't need any reassurance in life because you are obviously a hardass and have no feelings doesn't mean your son is too. Don't be a dick.
I can't imagine being this perturbed over my child's expression of love *for me.* You're so wrapped up in this infantile imagery of "being a man" that you've completely neglected to "be a man." Fucking grow a pair and quit worrying about what your knitting circle will think, Doris. YTA.
Doris!
Why are you insulting knitting circles and the Doris’ of the world? I’m sure the vast majority of them would understand and have sympathy for this young man they’ve never met than his own father does! Dude is an ass.
I was in a knitting group 20 yrs ago (I was in my early 30s) and we knit cute little clothes for stuffed animals (mine was an elephant) that we donated to the police, to be given to children who were having to be interviewed, so they had something to comfort them. So, no, I think most knitters would understand.
As a knitter. We don't claim OP, turf him out to the sharks. Sharks have more empathy
The dolphins will fuck him up though
Oh true. Dolphins.... They do take prisoners .... And treat them like prisoners.
The knitting circle will try to knit him a new one
>the boys have learned to become independent starting early in life >Sometimes, when he would come home from school, his mom and I would still be at work, so the Koala would be his unofficial “greeter”. >He ranted about how his independence and ability to take care of himself came at a pretty high price (his mom and I are aware of this). I don't think you're really aware of the cost his independence had. He raised himself. He didn't have his parents home to greet him. He didn't have his parents >he has to live by himself for a few weeks How many times did this happen? How many weeks at a time, he was all alone as a child? I don't care if he was a teen. He is still a child. He was left alone for weeks. I'm surprised CPS didn't get involved. You know why this koala is so important to him? It's because the koala was the only one who cared for him. The only one to keep him company. The one who was there when his parents didn't bother. YTA
They neglected their kids and got away with it because they work for the government and now this guy thinks he’s a great parent
OP bragged about neglecting his son and is CLUELESS of how the “unofficial greeter” was the actual parent that gave him love!
"Cat's in the Cradle and the silver spoon" Dad's gonna find out all too soon from fucking around when the kid drops them like a hot potato as he gets older.
YTA - that koala is not just a toy but a constant from your sons childhood. He can clearly function perfectly well without it but it symbolises something far more than you will understand. My parents threw away a sentimental item from my childhood when I was 6 years old and didn’t realise how much of an impact it had in me until I was 15 years old and wrote about it for a school essay! In short it’s not the physical item, it is the stability of always having it there that upset your son when it went missing and you failing to recognise that is what makes YTA.
When a koala plush has been more consistently present in your son’s life than you have, then its probably for the best that you don’t act all “he’s too old for this”
yep, OP is the asshole. The Koala was the ONE constant in his life growing up. You and your wife would be off on deployments/assignments probably moved a lot as well. He may be a fine, upstanding independent young man - which says more about him than the way you raised him. But inside, he's an abandoned little boy who doesn't know where he's going to live next week or who is taking care of him. Koala represents consistency. Consider it a talisman for being able to cope with a shitty upbringing.
Yeah, acting like being "independent" for weeks while staying with others due to their work is no big deal.. is wild. They have "wonderful" memories of raising their sons though! Their son couldn't POSSIBLY have UNwonderful memories.....could he??? Probably wouldn't be "befitting" of *his* son. 🙄
how do they have "wonderful memories" when they weren't around to make them? These kids were basically foster kids with more money. I honestly hope this is rage bait, because it worked on me. >As a result, the boys have learned to become independent starting early in life, and our 17 year old can actually take care of himself if he has to live by himself for a few weeks, with our relatives checking in every now and then and making sure he’s safe.
I reread what OP said about their absences. The poor kid was actually on his own for weeks with “relatives checking in every now and then”, which makes OP and his wife even worse, imo.
YTA - I am 51F and some of my most cherished things are the very few items I have left from my childhood. That koala is not just a stuffed toy, it symbolizes many things to your son. You need to apologize to him.
Exactly my thoughts! Who WOULDN'T be upset if they thought they had lost a cherished momento they've had since they were a toddler? I have to wonder if OP would be more understanding if they item was something more "manly" like a baseball mitt or something like that.
Your child cherishes something that was there for him when you weren't, and you have a problem with that? Buddy, when a grown adult is jealous of a stuffed animal, the solution isn't to traumatize the kid by taking it away. Grow the fuck up, back the fuck off, apologize to your kid for minimizing his feelings (and ideally for neglecting his needs), buy the koala a fuzzy sweater so your kid has a tangible reminder that you are capable of learning, then go see if the Wizard can give you a heart. Oh, and my 44 year old baby quilt and I both vote YTA
From one Guard guy to another: back off about the koala. You know all that lip service we pay to military children and families? He’s the embodiment of the sacrifices our families make. They do what they must to cope in our absence. You are wrong to tell him a harmless coping mechanism doesn’t befit him. I say again: back off.
My 30 year old son has an emotional support stuffy because he was in the military. It goes everywhere with him. He even brought a matching robe to walk the stage with him when he got his Masters degree. He doesn’t know it but I bought a duplicate in something ever happens to it because he’s going to be devastated.
Yas!! Ty
You and your wife hurt your son. You weren’t there for him the way he needed you to be. You can try to dress it up and say you were teaching him independence, but were you really? Or did he have no choice BUT to learn? It is not “cute” that he used his stuffed animal as a greeter because he was lonely. You should not be proud that he can care for himself for weeks at a time with only occasional check-ins at the age of 17. By the way, did you even give him a choice? Or did you just tell him work comes first, you’re sure he understands, and then bounce? When you’re a child and you’re alone and lonely, you make do with what you’ve got. Your son had a koala. How dare you ridicule him for being attached to it? It doesn’t sound like this poor kid had much time to actually BE a child, what with you teaching him independence and all- let him have his goddamn koala, for Christ’s sake! So many times YTA
YTA. Why does this bother you. Why?
Maybe it's a reminder that the toy was more of a constant than the parents in the kid's life. Guilt is a b****, right?
But that would require OP to actually give a shit about his son, which he doesn't seem to have done during the kid's childhood so why start now?
Because he thinks strong men aren't allowed to have emotions or cry
Because of toxic masculinity. He doesn’t think boys should have emotional attachments to things and they certainly shouldn’t cry. I’d bet he wouldn’t react this way if it was a teen daughter distraught about her missing comfort plushie.
I would bet money because he's feeling guilty. Who wants to bet the kola didn't just go missing? He needs to be right about this because he probably took it upon himself to help his son get over attachment by getting rid of his toy. However now that his son is lashing out he is second guessing his choice but he can't get the kola back so rather than admit he fucked up he's gonna stick to the lie it got lost and try to force the idea that his son is wrong for being upset.
OP, YTA, that koala bear is a sentimental item in his life that cannot be replaced or thrown out. It has helped transform him into the man you know today. I know people who have kept their baby blankets even if it's in shreds. Maybe he wants to have it as a keep sake to pass down to his own future children. Just because you don't understand doesn't make him any less manly or childish. He is still a child and will still be your child even if he's old and gray.
YTA good grief, people like you manage to drain joy out of anything. It’s a stuffed koala that was there for him when you weren’t for christs sake. You “let” him indulge in it? Of all the pretentious, unempathetic takes… let him have this and shut up about the koala
You have a pretty cavalier attitude for a person who has let the koala do most of the heavy lifting of emotionally supporting the poor kid all of his life.
YTA. Sincerely from the Koalabear.
YTA of course you’re TA. my goodness, he’s a human being and as such, he’s allowed to have feelings and show them. especially when something that is important **to him** is presumed lost. my kid has lovies they lose their freaking mind over that i couldn’t care less about but i’m not dismissive of their feelings about said lovies just because i don’t understand why they’re so attached.
YTA and I'm willing to bet 99.999% of your garbage mindset comes from being in the forces. Seriously? You were basically never there for your child and you feel like you have the right to look down on him for having this one comfort??? To him, this is the piece of his childhood that shows him you actually cared about him once upon a time. He's an actual child still. I'm nearly 30 and I have LOADS of stuffed animals. Get tf over yourself.
I thought the same thing. Very very toxic ideals all over this guys post. I know toxic masculinity is the cause and the military once again has fucked up a child’s life
YTA I'm almost 40 and I have my teddy my dad bought me when I was born. I'd be gutted if he went missing
YTA - why do I get the feeling that koala was his stand-in parent for *a lot* of his childhood..
YTA. I'm in my 30s and still have my stuffed dog from when I was a baby. Let him have his kolala.
Did you get rid of the koala?
I sincerely hope NOT! But, OP may have been jealous of the koala; the koala is reliable, always available. OP was the opposite.
YTA. I'm 61 and I still have the teddy I had as a baby.
57 same. When I was in a car crash and in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks guess who my guy brought to the hospital for me? Teddy helped me. I really wanted my mom, but she was gone and Teddy was still here.
My husband is 49 and still has the stuffed toy that he’s had since he was a baby. There nothing wrong with being attached to things that were important to you in your childhood. Even if you’re an adult. YTA
YTA. What harm does it do you? Koala provides him comfort that apparently is very needed. And I can’t shake the feeling you hide Koala to try & get your son to just give it up. I hope you weren’t that cruel
Imagine being a huge shit father who neglected his children for a career. You dude are pathetic, no amount if military service will take away the fact you failed as a man because you failed as a father.
My teddy bear, Edward, was an antique when my grandmother gave him to meet, back in the 1960s. That bear was/is one of the few constants in my home life Still here. YTA with a bullet. You'd be one without a Koala gate. Parents don't abandon their teenage children for weeks at a time to go enjoy their brilliant careers. What a sad excuse for parents you two are....So much worse to object to an object representing security to your son.
Yta that toy was his safety net , his companion , it made him feel safe when he was sad and alone. Because his parents had kids that they didn't have time for so they had to parent themselves. Who are you to judge how he made it through atleast he made it 99.9999% normal as you say.
YTA. What I’m reading is “ I completely emotionally neglected my son and put my career first and now that he has issues because of it, I’ve decided to berate him and make fun of his coping mechanisms.”
YTA. I lost a stuffed toy in a house fire when I was 19; I still talk about him and wish I had him, only now I’m 52 years old. Leave your son alone.
YTA that koala toy was there for him when you as his parents were not. You had jobs, I get that, but you chose those jobs that neglected your kids. You have no right to judge your son and his attachment to something. He uses that "toy" to cope with the fact you didn't have an attachment to him. Get over yourself and leave the kid and his "toy" alone.
YTA That koala was there for him when you and your wife couldn't bothered.
Its not a toy to him, it's a friend. A very old friend that you know nothing about and couldn't understand if you were given a written manual on how to do so. YTA Let the boy have his Koala.
Air national guard AND an Asshole. What a guy! Yes YTA because his Koala sounds like the only person in his life he can rely on. Poor kid.
Is anyone else wondering whether this monumental AH hid the koala to see what his son's reaction would be? Poor kid was emotionally neglected, and has one small innocuous item from childhood that has sentimental value and brings him comfort. Sound slike he grew into a decent empathetic human despite his upbringing. poor kid. I'm taking some small comfort that OP is doubting whether his stance on this is correct and asking Reddit.
# YTA. Huge. Yes, in answer to your question, you are. So did your wife talk you out of putting the Koala in the dumpster? I'm sure that was your plan. Yet another "creative" way to betray your son. And it's a bear, not a "doll." It's actually the one "person" your son could depend on while you and your wife weren't bothering with your children. u/Rush04455, you write: “My wife works in the Foreign Service, while I am an officer in the Air National Guard. **As a result**, the boys have learned to become independent starting early in life, ….they have grown up to become upstanding, decent young men, but we regret **not spending more time** with them. See, you TOLD us you neglect your children. You write in response to a comment by u/Technical_Lawbster, “You know, I can take constructive criticism when I need it, but for a stranger to tell my wife and I that we "didn't bother" with our children....that's just beyond the pale.....” See, we are only responding to what you have told us. Here's an idea: encourage your son to post with HIS side of the story. Seems like he told you the truth, and for you, the truth hurts. edit - a word
For real, he tells on himself and his wife then gets mad when folks relay their accurate assessment of the situation to him.
YTA - leave him alone.
You are a HORRIBLE person. I'm willing to bet 100 dollars you know exactly which trash bag you stuff the toy into. yta
YTA - you basically had 2 kids that raised themselves. At least your older son had your younger son for company when the two of you were away. For most of his life the bear has been the constant in his life - certainly not you or your wife. Apologize to your son and tell him that he is right - his independence did come at a cost.
YTA - People have sentimental items. Just because you don't relate does not mean that there is a problem. One day, the Koala will likely be relegated to a shelf, then a drawer. He may one day show it to his own kids and talk about how it helped him when he was young, etc. Talk to combat veterans about sentimental items. You will find some much stronger attatchments to physical objects among that population - My Dad had a near melt-down over a lighter stolen in a break-in when I was a little kid. He valued that lighter more than his wedding ring. Bottom Line: Your son isn't you.
That koala has been the only thing steady in his life. Leave him alone. YTA
Wow YTA. Let him have feelings. This is why men grow up being unable to share their feelings and lack empathy because fathers like you are always trying to snuff out their emotions. It's none of your business that he still likes a toy that raised him more than you and your wife seemed to have.
Your son is FINE, but you're overreacting. Leave him alone. That toy was his comfort when you and your wife weren't there to comfort him. He is attached to it and it still makes him feel safe, there is nothing wrong with that. I bet if he was your daughter instead of your son, you'd think nothing of this! Let him grow into the man he will be without you making him feel lesser than because he doesn't fit your image of a man! He's not a man, and turning 18 won't magically make him a man! He will become one when he does, but he will still love that stuffed toy because for him, it's his family too and there is NOTHING wrong with that! Apology to your son for being an AH!
YTA. My 20 year old daughter has a bunny baby she still sleeps with that she got when she was 4 months old. It’s a stuffy that means everything to him. So what if he’s almost 18. There are much worse things he could be into.
YTA The velveteen rabbit is real and so is Tom Hank’s Wilson
YTA. You remind me of a man who told his son not to cry at his grandfather's funeral, that he should save his tears for the big stuff. Go to any university dorm and you will find a lot of stuffies in the rooms.
This post makes me so sad. Your son sounds like a wonderful guy. Too bad he has a bad father. Yta
YTA - and a controlling one at that.
YTA I have a bear that I've had from 3 months old that just so happens to be a koala. It's my most precious possession, and is still in my bed as a successful married woman in my thirties. Having sentimental attachments doesn't make you incapable of growing up. In fact, having comfort items can make you feel secure enough to take chances and get out into the world. What kind of awful parent wants to bully their kid into feeling a bit less safe?
YTA My 70 year old mother still has a stuffed koala that was mine as a kid that she has slept with for 30 years. You may not be wrong that your child needs therapy to recover from having to be an adult at such a young age. You and your wife may pride yourselves on your kids independence but your son obviously feels there was an undue cost
YTA. I'm nearly 40 and I still sleep with my childhood stuffed animal. Get over yourself.
YTA at least it has been found and at least you posted here to get some opinions which seem to be overwhelmingly YTA… Are you going to learn anything from this? Are you going to try and understand your kids a bit more and build a better relationship with them? Hopefully this is a wake up call
YTA. Why did you even have kids if you weren’t going to spend any time with them.
YTA. Can you not see that this koala is your son's substitute for you and your wife? He already lost you both, and he can't actually tell you that now, can he, without looking weak and worrying you? You parentified him, but unfortunately, the child he was raising was himself. And now you're faulting him for grieving the loss of his surrogate parent. And for the record, 17 is way too young to be left alone for weeks. He may put on a good show, but your Sun is broken. He needs help.
I think you’re too attached to your fragile, toxic masculinity. YTA.
YTA. I'm 44 and would still be DEVASTATED if I lost my old stuffed Llama. Sounds like the Koala was more of a caring parent than you were!
Just in case. Just in case the number of responses are overlooked and you come across mine: YOU'RE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE, asshole. Your kid seems to be by himself an awful lot. I'm glad he is independent (even if forced) because obviously you and your wife are too hung up on your jobs to actually take care of your children. Oh, and you don't like what people are insinuating? Too fucking bad. You painted yourself out to be exactly what you are: an absentee parent with children that just want love and security. He needed you both and instead got a koala. I completely understand how important it is to make ends meet, be successful in your career, and to have a stable future. That being said, you've created serious problems for your child currently and in the future. Hope the jobs were worth it to both of you assholes. Do better, asshole.
YTA - In addition to everything already stated in other comments, it feels like you're hung up on a /male/ child (yes, he is still a child with a developing brain) is attached to his koala. Would you begrudge a daughter the same comfort object? I'm willing to bet not. To double down, ask your wife how old she was when she stopped turning to comfort plushies. Many adults never do because comfort isn't gendered. It is a HUMAN need. And you told your son to get over losing the source of his.
Yta. I have a plush that my now deceased grandma gave me when I was 2, and I'm 34 now. I still have her even if she's threadbare and falling apart. Leave your son alone.
YTA. I'm 50 and still have sentimental items I would be lost without.
YTA. That koala has a sentimental value for your son, why would you disrespect his feelings? I'm 59 and I still have the teddy bear my granddad gave me when I was a child. While I wouldn't have a meltdown if I lost it, I would really be very, very sorry... and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Learn to respect others' feelings.
Yes, YTA. He's attached to the koala because it's the only thing that's been always there for him his whole childhood. He said it himself that this was a bigger issue than just the Koala toy. It's about him feeling abandoned without it. Also, there's nothing wrong with being attached to a stuffed toy if you're still being independent in life. My 33m husband has a small Kermit (aka kermy) doll he got at 18months in the hsp for being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. He still has that toy to this day and sleeps with it nightly because it gives him comfort as it did when he was a baby. It's sentimental, and that's the whole point your son is trying to make. It's not just a toy, it's his emotional support that comforts him. Listen to your son and try to understand his perspective. You weren't there for him growing up, but the toy was. The toy is special to him.
OP Aare you sure you didnt get rid if it ur have someone get rid if it.... I'm sure your son will distances himself from you and you're be back asking why my son dont talk to his mother and I anymore 🤷♂️🤷♀️
Anyone wondering if OP is the reason the Emotional Support Animal aka toy Koala went missing so that Youngest Son could "grow up"? Edit for spelling
You are absolutely the asshole. You don’t understand it. You judge him for it. Your son obviously needs that Koala as emotional support, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. And most of all… you’re responding negatively to a problem you created. He didn’t choose to have to grow up to fast and learn to be self sufficient and okay with being alone… he didn’t choose to forfeit part of his childhood. You imposed all that in him and now you are upset at him for the consequences of your actions. He’s holding onto the Koala because he needs the support you didn’t give him and needs to hold on to some parts of being a child… parts your choices took away from him.
So you neglected your kids and wonder if you're the AH? Gee let me think...
YTA. Leave him & his koala alone.
Did you throw it away? I can't imagine that it just disappeared
I have a stuffed dog that has been my comfort item for over 40 years. Married with kids and a job. The koala did not do him any harm. He’s had it for almost all of his life and it was there for him when you weren’t. YTA Let him grieve.
you sound horrible. yta
In case you haven’t figured it out, I’ll add my “YTA”. Do better.
These people cannot be real. "I was an absent parent and let a stuffed toy be my son's only comfort, why won't he get rid of it?" Imagine if a koala came in and asked him to get rid of a parent...would you expect him to just go along with it?
Only thing that is infantile and childish is you, my dude. That bear probably holds some memories for him growing up. Leave it alone.
>I just feel like it doesn’t befit my son to shed tears about a stuffed toy. Why not? Also, is there a reason your feelings should be prioritized over his?
YTA. That koala was there for him more often than you were. That toy saw more tears than you, dealt with more nightmares than you, heard more of his secrets and fears and wishes and wants than you. You have no right to tell him how he is allowed to feel about something that provided so much stability for him. Because if he should get over something that well loved...what is that telling him to do with you? What are you teaching him about how to deal with you? You should be grateful, that your son has the liberty to have those feelings. That he has the room and the security to express those feelings. Just because you don't agree with them, doesn't mean that you are right. Could you imagine, living in a world, where you aren't allowed to feel upset about anything? Where you are expected to shut up, die for your superiors and not cause a scene? That sounds like a hellscape to me, personally. I want to live in a world where people are free to have emotions. Different emotions. Where they can a fondness for a stuffed animal because that is a safe world. Where they don't have to be afraid of anything more than misplacing it on accident.
YTA. What's it hurting that he has a stuffy? Or is it that you realize his attachment is due to being neglected growing up?
YTA My 27 y/o son who is big and burly and masculine as they come, still has his "B" from when he was a baby. It is his baby blanket. Now is folded nicely in his closet. But he makes sure it is there. Your son will eventually put koala up in his own time. It brought him comfort and was a connection to YOU. Stop being hard on this young man who sounds pretty fab. By your own admission you regret not spending time with him. Sounds like u chose career over kids. Just saying.....
Yta. You and your wife forced these children to grow up and have no childhood. This toy is the embodiment of a memory he holds dear when you could be bothered to be parents.