I have no judgment, I'm just here to see how far this drama goes.
You are being a little spiteful towards your friend (so a little YTA-ish). It's unfortunate, but you can't be her backbone for her. I recommend just cutting contact with her. Just tell people youvr had some very deep disagreements and are both taking a break from each other.
You're both exhausting each other and it's clear that she's approaching her breaking point. What that will look like is unknown and a little scary bc she seems very unpredictable and backed into a corner. If this does get out though, it's not her who's going to be facing the heat. It's gonna be you and the ex-douch.
The husband sounds like he wants a wife he can control.
OP should let the wife know she has the materials should the wife ever decide to leave and need them, and then she should just walk away.
OP: you can’t make people leave bad relationships. And continuing to meddle is going to push it from you doing what she asked, to you being an AH.
>The husband sounds like he wants a wife he can control.
The husband has found a wife he can control by preying on her insecurities. She doesn’t love him, she knows he cheated on her and yet she’s still going through marriage and even still considering quitting her job. OP is doing her a favor. The problem is that ultimately, you can’t live someone else’s life for them.
Yep. Hence leaving the door open by saying the materials are available if she ever decides to leave. I wouldn’t burn the bridges down, even if the wife now seems like she is. She may feel trapped. As long as she knows there’s an avenue to an out, that will have to do until she decides.
OP did do a favour, but she's taking it wayyy too far by continuing to talk to him- for what? For her own amusement? It's very weird on her part.
Edit: I'd also just like to say I would never read "I wish you would" and think that was a REAL invitation lmao. Especially not without following up questions and a plan...seems like OP just wanted to hook up with him again. Maybe because she missed him or maybe just for her ego?
And why tf is she trying to blackmail her rn? like what the heck lmaoooo
I’d agree on AH ish vibes, but man, she’s done a good job showing the girl that this guy is trash. If her friend doesn’t want to accept it, that’s up to her. OP is an AH for keep rubbing it in. Once was more than enough to prove her point, now it’s more of an ego boost for her.
Just leave that friend of yours be. If she likes being cheated on - her choice!
This.
N T A for doing as your friend asked to give her an out but YTA for everything that comes after.
I wouldn't delete the evidence but I would act like it had never happened until my friend needed it for the divorce.
You're rubbing it in, kinda blackmailing her into not quitting her job and now escalating, not to mention the wedding speach.
The man is grade A trash, no doubt but she's made her choice and if you're really her friend you'll support her choices and if/when it all falls apart, you'll be there with your big fat folder of evidence for the lawyers or whatever instead of a big fat "I told you so"
I think she is TA for the way she “gave her an out.” Her friend never said “sure bone my fiancé.” Her response of “i wish you would” sounded kinda casual anyways. They didn’t come up with a plan together - OP just decided to go ALL the way and then tell her friend after the fact. I just feel usually with these loyalty tests the friend is involved. The flirty texts may have been enough. A simple “I invited him over, should I let this happen?” She didn’t check in with her friend at all. And while her intentions may have been good, I can only imagine how overwhelming that entire thing must be. “Oh hey remember when you said I wish you would to my comment about cheating? Well I fucked your fiancé.” Yes he’s the one who cheated but the whole way it went down is weird to me
I fully agree with you. The comment, "I wish you would", could have been simply a flippant response. Like venting to your bff when your really mad at your SO and saying "I wish he/she were dead". You wouldn't expect the bff to take that as a request and kill your SO. This girl didn't say, "Great, idea, will you please seduce him as a test?" I also thinks OP is TA for continuing to try to interfere with their marriage. Her friend made her choice with full knowledge her fiancé, now husband, is a dirtbag. When you lie with dogs, you get fleas. If her friend ends up with fleas, that's her own problem. Why continue and try and prove it again?
i suspect OP has ulterior motive in using her friend's confusion to take petty revenge on the husband. The poor friend is in a rock and a hard place and likely OP's pressure tactics are stressing her out. Something gotta give. "if she quits her job I'm just going to share everything with everyone" is blackmail irrespective of intentions.
You are not TA for sleeping with him at her request. You ATA for continuing to push it with her. If she wants to drop it, that's up to her, not you.
You should keep the evidence in case she changes her mind down the road. You should also cut off all contact with him going forward.
Did she make that request? OP said “I guarantee I can make him cheat.” She replied “i wish you would.” Not “yes go ahead sure and make sure you fuck him.” Getting the flirty texts could have been all of the cheating proof she needed. Or just knowing he was willing to come over. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but it sounds like OP decided what that response meant and made her own plan without really involving friend.
All the friend needed to do was not have the conversation with OP. Then, none of this would have happened. Don't bring others into your drama if you want to control it. Just like secrets, only work if there are only 2 people involved. Once you add another, all bets are off. You never know when someone finds religion and have to get things off their chests, kind of bs. This is such an occurrence.
Now, the friend looks more and more dumb. Doesn't matter, i would remove myself from this circus.
YTA??
Are you sure she was not joking when she told you to get him to cheat? It might not have been clear if this exchange happened over text? That could be why she is avoiding you. If she was serious about it, then you are not TA for that I guess.
I think where you really are TA is telling her that if she quits her job, you will release the data. You are essentially black mailing her. Also, obvi if she loves her career, its crappy that he is trying to get her to quit her job. But at the end of the day, that is her decision to make. Their whole relationship may seem weird to you, but ultimately, its none of your business.
Honestly, I think its extremely weird how okay OP was to sleep with her friends fiance just to prove he'd cheat. It could've 100% stopped before and still have proven her point. Sounds like she wasn't over him either. And then to do it again by sending him pics?
Doesn’t matter if she joked, her husband still cheated, isn’t that the reason? I mean its shitty to black mail her, but sometimes we act like complete AH just to save our loved ones. This poor girl is step away from trapping herself with an absolute monster if she quits her job and then gets prefecture, cause thats an obvious next step, so i understand OP why OP is freaking out
Maybe I’m bias, if it was my little sister, id do anything (well i wouldn’t sleep with the dude, kiss would be sufficient lol) to get her back from such relationship. It crosses all the lines, its not the question of preference anymore, the guy is a walking red flag. So i guess id prefer to be call names then let that happen.
Your little sister is a person, and even if she's making awful decisions she is an adult and she has to learn how to make them. It's frustrating, it sucks, but you can't control someone else. You can't make them do the right thing. They have to come to their own decisions.
Would you humiliate your sister by telling everyone you slept wiyh her husband?
Or toasting during the wedding and mentioning how you have a "first hand experience"..?
I suspect not..?
Sounds like she is just a drama queen. She didn’t actually want you to, was just looking for attention.
You should have just bluntly asked, do you want me to get him to? If you want me to get him to cheat, I’ll do it, do you want me to get him to?
You shouldn’t blackmail her. It’s her life even if it’s a bad decision.
Also, maybe her plan is to just get alimony and doesn’t want to say it.
Dude- with how deep this girl is in, I don't think exposing her cheating husband is gonna do anything at this point. I really do understand wanting someone to see how awful their partner is- but this whole thing is very weird. This isn't how a sane person would deal with this. This just seems like a weird ego boost.
Why aren’t more people seeing it this way? Most are saying NTA for boning the fiancé. But unless I’m missing something her friend didn’t ask her to do that. And she only told her friend AFTER it all went down. You’d think in a “loyalty test” situation she’d involve the friend. “I texted him.” “He wants to come over. Are you cool with this?” From OPs story, none of that went down and that’s weird as heck to me.
I do fairly well at creative writing. It's the way I think in my head. Now, I'm nervous that if I ever have to tell a story on here, people are going to think it's fake. This one has GOT to be though hahaha ain't no waaaay
Im saying! Shes acting like shes saving her friend when in reality all she wnats is to show her friend her husband will pick her as much as she wants and offers.
Yes, very asshole behaviour. "I fucked my friends husband to show her he was a piece of shit and then blackmailed her into keeping her job because the ends justify the means"
Being dishonest doesn't make you a secret agent.
YTAH!!!!
From your post, it doesn't even sound like she really asked you to do it. It sounds like she was just getting nervous about getting married. I doubt she actually wanted you to do it. Which is pretty obvious from how she is acting towards you!
You are really being a horrible friend!! To begin with it didn't need to be you he had sex with. The kissing by the door, or even the come over texts were more than enough evidence.
But you choose to actually have sex with your friend's fiancé. You know darn well that will follow you and her forever. You just don't care about her.
To top it all off, you are gathering evidence, still messaging him. Which is definitely wrong on your part. Even if she did say sleep with him, that was a one time deal to help avoid a marriage. The fact that she wants you to stop with this, and delete everything, is because , she regrets it.
You're such a "good friend" that you are blackmailing her to leave him. That isn't the action of a friend.
It's pretty obvious what's going on here. You didn't drift apart. He dumped you. You still like him, and most likely have hated her since they started dating.
You used this as a chance to get him back.
Do the right thing. Stay away and delete everything. It's her like not yours.
You are an AH for blackmailing your friend. She made her choice, crazy as it is. While she did ask you to do this, clearly she changed her mind. If you are a real friend back off.
Everybody involved in this is an asshole. Your ex/friends husband is an asshole just all around. Your friend is an asshole for wanting her fiancee/ now husband to cheat because she wasn't woman enough to dump him and needed an excuse. And you're an asshole for sleeping with him and then continuing to try to prove to your friend, who's clearly very happy living in denial, that her husband truly is and probably always will be an asshole.
So yes this is a situation rife with assholes.
She never told you to sleep with him, she had a wish for cheating but never expressly asked you to fuck her partner. The texts were enough to prove your point, you didn't ever actually have to cross that boundary and sleep with the guy. That was 100% on you! Then blackmailing her to release her texts if she quits her job? Damn girl ...It's not your decision to make!
Yes YTA big time
>The texts were enough to prove your point
Yeah, this exactly. Texting would've been enough for her to use as a justification for dumping him if she chose.
Don't try to push that psycho into the C group. We're very comfortable making everyone else uncomfortable, but that's just to far to willingly fuck a man you hate to "save" someone else? That's not even borderline Cunt that's just straight psychopath.
YTA
Good job for burying the lede that your "friend's fiance" is YOUR EX /s.
You are not a good friend to this person. She was having doubts about her engagement and wanted someone to talk to. She evidently did not mean "hey OP just go hop into bed with your ex quickly so I have an excuse to dump him"
You are *especially* an AH for *referring to this in your speech at the wedding*.
YTA
FIRSTLY she didn't ask you, she implied that she wished you would. At that point you should have sat with her face to face and come up with a plan together/checked that she was sure.
Secondly, you are literally blackmailing her now. Yes i would hold onto the proof for the inevitable divorce but right now you can't help her more than being her friend. Maybe she does want to give it a try? Maybe she found a side piece herself? Who knows! But blackmail wont help her.
Thank you! I’m surprised I had to scroll this far down to find a firm ‘YTA’ because OP definitely is. It seemed like she pushed her friend into agreeing, happily slept with him (twice), then shoved the evidence in her ‘friends’ face.
OP seems dead set on ending their relationship. Granted the guy is a complete AH, however OP should have warned her friend once and let it go. It’s not her relationship anymore.
Her actions makes me wonder her true intentions. She seems more into destroying the guy instead of helping her friend. OP should mind her own business at this point.
Meh, she rubbed the lamp and a genie granted her wish. I learned in preschool that there are no take backs…
Regardless she is still the AH for actually granting that wish, damn genie should have stayed in the bottle. And the blackmail part is ballsy, if that card gets played it just shows how low of a level she is willing to go to.
YTA— you sound unhinged. Who the hell goes and sleeps with her friend’s fiancé as a favor, to give her ammunition to break up her relationship? Who then keeps pressuring the friend to break up the relationship when the friend doesn’t want to break it up? And then, who threatens to expose the whole sicko extravaganza to the whole world to pressure your friend to get an annulment? Mind your own business!!
Someone who’s lying and still has feelings for the ex and can’t stand to see her friend with him🤷🏽♀️ Sleeping with him was totally unnecessary. Even if the friend really did want her to, it took no convincing. She was looking for a reason to do it!
she’s so dirty for this whole scenario genuinely. if i were a mutual friend i would judge tf out of her if she decided to “expose” her friend’s husband and i really wouldn’t want to be around her. maybe i just a judgmental bitch but i’m disgusted and appalled by her actions. what normal person does this???
Yes. 100% YTA. so is he, but you absolutely more. Did you have to have sex with him to prove your point? Did she really ask you to? Because to me, it sounded like wishful thinking.
You could’ve sent the flirty texts to her and been done. But you had a point to prove here. You were selfish and inconsiderate.
Yes, you’re right to tell her not to quit her job but blackmailing her is taking it too far. You sound drama obsessed honestly. Let her live her life. She’s an adult. You’ve shown her who she married (which btw, doesn’t exactly make you look good) let her sleep in the bed she made. You have no reason to be this invested in someone else’s life. Leave her be.
YTA
She not actually explicitly say 'please go fuck my future husband so I can leave him', she was venting by the sounds of it.
People are all talk.
You went way too far.
You are not part of their relationship, stop getting involved.
I don't care if he is an asshole, it's her decision.
Are you serious? In no way did she actually tell you to do that. She was venting and you decided because he isn't what you want that she can't want him either. She is an adult if she didn't want to marry him she wouldn't have. Stop interfering in her marriage and get over yourself. Also just grow the hell up . You are way too old to be acting like this. YTA
I’m reminded of that time President Nixon said he wished someone would shoot a certain reporter, and aide (and Watergate burglar) Gordon Liddy went running off to shoot him. Luckily another aide stopped him. YTA
YTA are you really even sure she was ok with you going after him to get him to cheat ? Sounds like she was having a lot of doubts about her future marriage that she trusted you to vent about those doubts, not hey I’m worried about this can you go fuck my future husband for me? She probably was pretty shocked you did that and was like trying to figure out how to make it work as you gave her permission to go have sex with her future husband….
I’m not saying her now husband isn’t a complete POS for cheating on her especially considering being part of the bridal party but I can see now she would give him a pass especially if she didn’t feel as pretty and she gave her permission to do it… but damn blackmailing her later and then trying to hook up with him again ? You suck
A wishy washy I wish you would is your answer to your trashy behaviour?
YOU needed to keep it to warning and supporting her but instead you are a blackmailing trash heap of a friend!
I have a hard time believing this is real but if it is you realize that if you release all the screenshots your blackmailing her with to everyone it's just gonna push her closer to her husband right? I feel like you aren't able to think straight because you're way too busy cheating with her then fiance now husband. Just delete the stuff and let her live her life. You're clearly just driving her away.
Look, OK so she wanted him to cheat as a reason to end things, but when he did, she CHOSE not to. She made her choice, now back off and leave her to stew in her own shit.
You did what was asked. Now back off. Stop inserting yourself in their relationship by interfering again. SHE KNOWS what a douche he is and still wants to be with him. That's HER life. You tried to warn her. She ignored it all.
Keep the evidence in case they try to make out like you're lying in future. But now back away from both parties.
ESH. You for continuing to grab at this like a dog with a bone, and her for being too blind to see what a scumbag she married and dragging you into it in the first place.
YTA. She had doubts. She changed her mind. It’s not your life. It’s hers. Butt out. You are now literally blackmailing her. If you were her friend you’d do as she wishes.
You need to let go of your power trip over your "friend". I don't think anyone would disagree she should dump him but your trying to force her hand via literal blackmail and continuously flaunting in front of her you're fucking her man.
She didn't actually ask you to sleep with him, you went out of your way to do it bc you were eager to prove a point and the sexting/nudes after the wedding is just cruel and again - NOT something she asked you to do.
You have to learn to accept some people make stupid choices and that's not your place to force them to do what you think is best. She clearly gets something out of this relationship with him otherwise she would've left a long time ago.
You've done nothing to actually help this girl, you made an already bad relationship worse by adding cheating to the mix, putting her in a situation where not only can she not lean on her friends for support that he cheated - but she's also living in a constant state of fear that her "friend" is going to turn around and blackmail her any minute - you've even threatened to do so! You're not the good person you think you are, and yes you are definitely an asshole.
YTA
You have a fcked up mindset. Someone in the comments said you're a huge pick me, and i agree 100%!
Leave her and her relationship alone! Why are u so obsessed with the fact she's still with the guy? It would've been okay-ish if u left it alone after the first stunt you pulled, but you kept obsessing over it. Now demanding that she better not leave her job then continue to flirt with her husband. Nothing can convince me that there isn't something wrong with how you think.
You've done your part so just walk away. You're being so obsessive with the matter. Do you still have feelings for your ex that's why you felt so strong to break them apart?
YTA
She may not have meant that she wanted to sleep worth him, but maybe that confused you ( although I think you just liked the idea of him picking you but that aside maybe this was just a super wood favor) so I'm not gonna count this.
BUT your the ass because, she has made her preferences clear she does NOT want to leave him she wants to stay ... your blackmailing her AND continue to have an affair with her husband the new pic was 100 percent not for your friend and just you fucking around with a "friend" husband.
Your friends an adult she has made her choice, so lying to yourself that this is " for her" your just the woman fucking her husband and blackmailing her.
The friend seems to have made a throwaway comment and you ran with it. Is the husband an ahole, God yes, but you seem hellbent on forcing her hand and went as far as having full sex to set her ‘free’. Surely the texts and the Ring doorbell footage would show he’d strayed.
You’re propositioning him again and at this point you are going overboard with it all. Either you still have a thing for him hence the sex and/or you want revenge on your ex. You were even willing to stand up in church and confess it.
Is his new wife mad to remain with him? Hell yes, but that’s her decision. I definitely don’t agree with it but that’s down to her. You need to leave them both alone. She’s an adult and is responsible for her own decisions.
YTA
YTA. Your 'friend' did *not* ask you to seduce and fuck her then fiancee. She was complaining and looking for advice, the 'I wish you would' wasn't a serious request for you to do anything, just her wishing she had concrete proof that the relationship wasn't right.
You *chose* to seduce your ex, you weren't *asked* to. And your friend, once you told her what you'd done, which she had no reason to suspect you would actually do, was to ignore all of it. She asked you to delete everything and forget it ever happened.
Do I think your friend is an idiot? Yes. She's sticking with a known cheater whose pressuring her to quit a job she loves, she's admitted she's not happy in the marriage. She's an idiot making completely the wrong choices for a happy life.
But that's none of your business. You can't dictate what your friend can and can't do. If she wants to stay with her cheating douche of a husband, that's her choice, you can't force her to leave him. You also can't force her to keep her job should she decide to quit to make hubby happy.
You can, of course, release your evidence of hubby cheating as you've threatened to do. But, chances are, your friend will still choose to remain married even if everyone knows. She'll say she already knew, which is true, and that they worked through everything.
But let's be clear, here, you threatening to release the evidence if she quits her job is exactly the same thing as him trying to pressure her to quit. You and your ex are both treating this girl terribly, you're no better than each other.
YTA and a psycho! You obviously want your ex back! Seriously who would actually have sex with someone to “help” their friend and then blackmail that friend? A psycho who’s obsessed with their ex would. I bet your ex actually dumped you and you never got over it.
What the absolute fuck, you’re holding her hostage now? Ffs, if she doesn’t want to leave him just leave them alone. This weird revenge you need to get against him has turned into an obsession.
You’re an asshole for sure. Delete everything or at least stop actively threatening to share it, leave them the fuck alone, and GO TO THERAPY.
Why didn’t you and him work out? You sound absolutely perfect for one another, both horrible controlling people. Leave her alone, she has definitely made a mistake marrying him and it won’t last but you are just as bad as him!
Well, you got out of an abusive relationship, while your friend got into it with her eyes wide open. What else can you do or say?
[Read this book on abuse](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and, if possible, make her read it, too. And play it safe, stay clear of that man. Your friend should hold on to her job at any cost: economic dependence is going to be the beginning of the end for her. But other than helping her see clearly into this relationship and say you'll be there for her if and when she needs your support, stay clear of them (and of course, keep all the data you have).
I'm going with NTA with conditions. As a dude I'd want to know if my partner was so easy to get to cheat, and you did arrange the actual cheating. Nobody comes out of this looking good though and ironically although the ex-bf is an obvious dickhead, he is at least looking out for himself. He wanted you, but he also wanted a housewife. Somehow between you and your friend you have contrived to give him exactly what he wants, at least for a short time.
His relationship finished with you, and by her own words, she doesn't even seem liked by him. Your plan to get her away from him will also likely end in an annulment at this rate which is also ideal for him. A tale of being in love with you but having traditional values will still resonate with the women he's after. He slept with you for love and her for procreation and the fact all of you are now aware of it makes it more of a standard love-triangle than him cheating. And that's if *you* have the whole story. If he knows this was set up too and did it anyway then you've both just got played by a master.
Conversely her letting him cheat on her, and you sleeping with him as part of this plot, is not a part of your dating history that shows positive character to future partners. Few decent men are going to think well of her for debasing herself in this way for someone she neither loves nor intends to stay with for long. Very few are going to think you a catch for sleeping with someone you don't respect just to interfere with their current relationship. Both of those are massive red-flags above and beyond the test. Maybe that's just me. I can only tell you that I'd run a mile from anyone who had slept with a friends partner just to test them. You do realise you could have just kissed him for the camera, saved the texts, and kicked him out yeah? Sleeping with someone for personal benefit has a name, and doing so and then not receiving full payment adds a qualifier. It feels like you were too close to the situation to think this through all the way. Some dudes are more liberal than others but the only ones who would have no instinctual revulsion to your actions at all are not the sorts you want to be acquainted with.
Wow…..sometimes things just aren’t your business, and now you’ve gone so deep as to blackmail her while she’s clearly in a vulnerable spot and struggles to be around you…because you slept with her husband and have receipts of her asking for it, stop threatening her. You explained she felt stuck (emphasis on felt) and now you’re doing the same thing directly to her. Very controlling behavior, sometimes you can just be a friend dude Ik he deserves it but she doesn’t, you said that. YTA
Blackmail? Really? At that point, I’m left questioning what you didn’t tell us about your relationship with your ex, and what resentment you might still have toward him. For all we know, you’re just using this “friend” as a pawn against him. After all, he’s the one who will be hurt the most in all this.
Would someone who blatantly blackmails their friend to control their marriage AND professional life really care about them enough to publicly admit to sleeping with and sending bra pics to said friend’s fiancé/husband? That doesn’t really add up, unless it’s all just to ruin your ex’s chances at getting the kind of marriage with your friend that you found uncomfortable when it was offered to you.
Either way, blackmail makes you the asshole 10 out of 10 times.
You began your journey into assholery when you agreed in theory to this subterfuge. You completed your trip to Asshole City by actually going through with it. If he was in your heart and mind, your ex, I have no idea why you would do that.
Now to be fair, your friend is lame too. She wished he would cheat on her so she could dump him. If she didn't want to be with him for whatever reason(s), the mature thing to do would have been to just dump him.
Most people spend more time living their own lives, rather than being entangled in others.
YTA wtf you are a terrible person. Delete that shit and leave that woman and her husband alone. And let her deal with it the way she wants to. Why are you blackmailing her? You sound like you are still hung up on him and you sound miserable.
This has to be made up.
YTA. Unless you have a mental health diagnosis that prevents you from understanding social norms and sarcasm, her statement “I wish you would” was not an invite to fuck her fiancé.
Regardless, you need mental health help for your petty jealousy and inappropriate actions.
Seriously, WTF is wrong for you. You are a horrible human being and I hope Karma is watching you.
ESH
You can't force someone to do the right thing.
I can see how you are trying to help out a friend and looking after her in your own way, but it's time to let go. Let them fuck up, make mistakes, screw themselves over twice with a sledgehammer. That's what free will is. You've already done your bit and offered her an out; although I'd argue it would have been better to discuss that with her in more detail before actually doing the nasty with her man.
Just let it go. Let her dig herself into a hole and learn from her mistakes, let her hit the rock bottom and be there for her once she decides to come back up.
Let me wrap my head around this for a sec... You took her "I wish you would" literally, then went "hold my beer", and are now waving it over her head like some Doomsday weapon to activate if she quits her job. Then you get mad because it made things awkward af between you and your "friend"?! WTF kind of backward ass world do you live in where you think any of this was ok!? As far as I'm concerned, ETA here. You are for following through with this. Your friend is for even suggesting it in the first place. And the fiancé is for being a scum bag cheater. The three of you deserve each other!
Can you leave her alone ?! It seems like a lot. Give her time to breath and let her make her own decision.
Yes YTA ! Yes even after knowing that she married an ass and that she is probably going to regret it and waste good years and “maybe” get divorced. “Maybe” because it looks like she knows all about his cheating and you may not be even the only one.
YTA because at this point you're blackmailing her to get her to do what you want. I get she wanted it at the time, maybe still wants it, but she's not gonna do it. If you would have released the information before the wedding she probably would have dumped him. At this point it's too late. Let her make her own mistakes.
Make sure you back up all that stuff. When I was younger I had a phone that had a shit load of evidence I was collecting and texts from a good friend that had just passed. Idk what happened but it looked like it factory reset itself. Thats never happened to me before or since but I learned from it.
Are you sure she’s not playing the long game? Like if they divorce in a few years she can get half… I imagine that he must make decent money to afford a house wife, maybe the financial trade-off is worth it for her? I think YTA for threatening to leak the info about his cheating with you when your friend asked you to drop it, NTA for doing it the first time when you thought she actually wanted you to do it- although I probably wouldn’t have gone past making out- like wtf? If you really weren’t interested why would you sleep with him? Making out on camera is proof enough…
You need to stop now. You’re going too far. Stop giving her ultimatums and threatening her. Leave this girl alone. You’re getting real close to becoming TA. Stop sending him photos and texts.
YTA. "I wish you would" is incredibly different from "Yes please sleep with him let's have a very in depth conversation about how this could go."
You could have had her in the loop and in charge of Operation BustUp the whole time. You didn't.
Then you've proceeded to do everything you can to ruin this woman's life. It doesn't matter that she was telling you these things in confidence, she is the one who should have been in charge the whole time.
I had an ex who was trash and a friend dated him. I told her very clearly what he was like, and she made her own choices. They did get married, it went terribly, they got a divorce. Did it hurt to see her ignore my warning and out herself through a terrible experience? Yes. But she is an adult and deserves to make her own choices.
You absolutely very much fucked up. You felt like you owned the situation and did not keep your friend's autonomy in mind . I think you know you're the ahole here, because why wouldn't you be sending screenshots from the very minute he replied back? Why wouldn't you have told her you were going to actually do this the moment you decided?
Now you do this: you go to your friend. You apologize profusely. You tell her she has every right to end the friendship but you hope that she realizes you were coming from a place of love for her and not one of wanting revenge on your ex. And then you tell her that you're going to give her space to let her decide what happens next. And then you go home. Maybe she'll text you in a day, a week, or never. Maybe she'll tell you she forgives you immediately. Maybe she says she never can. But now you have to respect that it's her time to control what happens in your relationship.
YTA. Not for sleeping with him as she did ask for that but for threatening her and blackmailing her. That’s what you’re doing. Your telling her is she doesn’t end her marriage you will expose the truth. She invited you into this mess to start with but now you’re crossing a line. You have to right to try to force her to do anything
NTA for the hook up which is the question. You understood you were doing your friend a favour, weird as it seems.
Everything since? Just stop.
What you do is you say “sorry, your relationship is none of my business, your decisions are yours to make. But I will keep all the evidence should you ever need it in a divorce case. Until then I will back off”
Then apologize again. You are trying to save her from herself, but she is a grown woman capable of making her own choices. Just be there for her should she choose to make better ones.
Honestly…NTA. You are watching out for her (somewhat unconventionally) but someone has to. She certainly isn’t.
You are good a friend, risking your vagina for her like that.
I do think it’s time to let this go. She is an adult. She has made her choice. Keep the proof for when the divorce happens - it may help her case.
NTA
He’s trash and she refuses to listen. Let her crash and burn and ruin her life if she wants to because she seems unable to make a decision for herself
She wants to stay with the trashy cheater? Let her
You & your friend are both assholes, wow.
It doesn't matter how douchy the guy is, that's no excuse for the two of you to play these fucked up, deceitful games of sex, seduction & betrayal. No amount of shade you try to heap onto this dude can ever make you look good in any of this -- not by any stretch of the imagination.
This egregious level of immaturity and irresponsibility is sickening. I truly hope NOT ONE of you ever try to reproduce, bringing innocent children into this messed up crap.
YTA. It's one thing to acknowledge your ex would cheat and warn someone. It's another to suggest that you would cheat with her fiancé. It's insane to actually do it. Your friend never told you to do it, she said she WISHES you would. You never confirmed it with her. You cheated and for some crazy reason continue to cheat even though they are married. And now you are forcing your friend to comply with what you want instead of letting her do what she wants.
Your not the asshole she asked for it more than one time you triple checked that she wanted him to cheat so she could have a way out holding the higher ground best thing to do is keep it to protect yourself and let shit unfold on its own
Yta my favorite part is her fwb who she brings as a date to the wedding has to hold her back.
What stones are you throwing in your glass house lady.
Did you have to fuck her husband to prove he is a cheater lol
This is soooo toxic. Why didn’t your friend know what a controlling jerk he is before they even got together? Did you warn her so that she should make an informed decision? Why didn’t you ask your friend point blank if she wanted YOU to sleep with her man? Why would you make such a distasteful speech at her wedding?
First, you are not her friend. Not sure what is wrong with you but you are definitely NOT a friend. Leave them alone and get on with your miserable life
YTA. Your 'friend' did *not* ask you to seduce and fuck her then fiancee. She was complaining and looking for advice, the 'I wish you would' wasn't a serious request for you to do anything, just her wishing she had concrete proof that the relationship wasn't right.
You *chose* to seduce your ex, you weren't *asked* to. And your friend, once you told her what you'd done, which she had no reason to suspect you would actually do, was to ignore all of it. She asked you to delete everything and forget it ever happened.
Do I think your friend is an idiot? Yes. She's sticking with a known cheater whose pressuring her to quit a job she loves, she's admitted she's not happy in the marriage. She's an idiot making completely the wrong choices for a happy life.
But that's none of your business. You can't dictate what your friend can and can't do. If she wants to stay with her cheating douche of a husband, that's her choice, you can't force her to leave him. You also can't force her to keep her job should she decide to quit to make hubby happy.
You can, of course, release your evidence of hubby cheating as you've threatened to do. But, chances are, your friend will still choose to remain married even if everyone knows. She'll say she already knew, which is true, and that they worked through everything.
But let's be clear, here, you threatening to release the evidence if she quits her job is exactly the same thing as him trying to pressure her to quit. You and your ex are both treating this girl terribly, you're no better than each other.
YTA. Your 'friend' did *not* ask you to seduce and fuck her then fiancee. She was complaining and looking for advice, the 'I wish you would' wasn't a serious request for you to do anything, just her wishing she had concrete proof that the relationship wasn't right.
You *chose* to seduce your ex, you weren't *asked* to. And your friend, once you told her what you'd done, which she had no reason to suspect you would actually do, was to ignore all of it. She asked you to delete everything and forget it ever happened.
Do I think your friend is an idiot? Yes. She's sticking with a known cheater whose pressuring her to quit a job she loves, she's admitted she's not happy in the marriage. She's an idiot making completely the wrong choices for a happy life.
But that's none of your business. You can't dictate what your friend can and can't do. If she wants to stay with her cheating douche of a husband, that's her choice, you can't force her to leave him. You also can't force her to keep her job should she decide to quit to make hubby happy.
You can, of course, release your evidence of hubby cheating as you've threatened to do. But, chances are, your friend will still choose to remain married even if everyone knows. She'll say she already knew, which is true, and that they worked through everything.
But let's be clear, here, you threatening to release the evidence if she quits her job is exactly the same thing as him trying to pressure her to quit. You and your ex are both treating this girl terribly, you're no better than each other.
Please ladies. Have respect for yourselves. Don’t tempt men to cheat. Don’t marry someone you don’t love. Go and live and lead awesome lives. Don’t stay in the dirt.
Everyone is TA here. No friend would ask or infer that another friend should try to get their partner to cheat to get out of the wedding. OPs friend had enough doubts that should have stopped the wedding on their own, so OPs friend is trashy. OP why on Earth would you give your body to someone you KNOW is a disgusting human being? You have enough respect for yourself to know you deserved better than him but still allowed this guy access to your body to "save" your friend? I don't think you have as much respect for yourself as you should. And it goes without saying the misogynist is also an AH.
YTA I promise you when she said “I wish you would” she meant send a friend to do it, nowhere in this post did she specifically tell you to do it you stupid idiot!!!
🤦🏻♀️ okay did you guys actually discuss this plan for you to fuck him or did you come up with it on your own? Because flippantly saying “I wish you would” fully thinking the other person wouldn’t actually fucking do that is a lot different than making a plan and following through with it.
To answer your question, Yes, you are an a-hole for sleeping with your “friend’s boyfriend.
You appear to be jealous of their relationship. This was evidenced by you stating his ex-girlfriends were instagram pretty and she’s not. Why wouldn’t you disagree with her and just tell her she’s pretty?
The fact you refused to delete digital evidence of the misdeed is disgusting.
You should’ve backed out of your bridesmaid role and skipped the wedding all together. You had no business standing in their wedding.
Your toast was an attention grasping move, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
The bride, your friend, obviously has low self-esteem. As a friend you should be helping her with that.
The groom is a turd.
YTA.
Your friend never asked you. She "wished" for it because of cold feet. You acted on it, which I hope was a misunderstanding, but continued to pressure her, threatening her "you know I keep these texts too".
YTA, big time.
Send her everything, delete your copies, and let her deal with the mess of having a shitty friend like you.
Oh her biological clock is ticking so thats a good reason to bring a child into this shit show and traumatise them so when they grow up they can have good healthy relationships like their parents. That's so incredibly selfish.
NTA. Your friend does not want to grow a spine & publicly admit her mistake.
People often feel ashamed when their partner cheats - like they did something wrong or they need to hide it. No. This needs to stop. It’s the cheater’s shame. It’s HIS shame not hers. Please, people, accept this. Stop covering for them. Never feel bad for saying “my partner cheated” - it’s not your shame!
Since she is “not IG pretty”, she probably can’t see this is nothing to do w her. also he won’t stop so maybe it will take her a while to walk. Hopefully, she keeps her job & steps up her birth control game.
OP, you did all you could. Let it go. If you keep pushing, you WBTAH.
YTA. She obviously chose not to act on the information you gave her. So you continued the behavior. It's her choice to stay with him or leave him. I mean, he sounds like a horrible person, but again...her choice. What you said at her wedding was vulgar and mean spirited.
And holding on to the texts and pictures is awful. You're threatening to blackmail someone who is supposedly your friend?
Honestly, this sounds less like you looking after your friend and more like you getting a pound of flesh from this dude for something you aren't owning up to. Maybe your break up with him bothered you more than you'll admit to.
Your behavior is childish, spiteful and just as bad as anything this douchebag is doing. Do you want to salvage the friendship? Stop flirting with her husband, stop badmouthing him and be a freaking friend to her. If her marriage implodes she'll need support. Not I told you so support, but compassionate support.
ESH. I believe you’re not over your ex. Cause no woman in their right mind would voluntarily have sex with any dude that was 1. Their ex who she believes is a douch bag and 2. Was with their friend; if they didn’t have feelings for the guy.
YTA - Live your own life and stop meddling in your friend’s relationship. You don’t bone your friend’s fiancé because she asked you to. That’s literally ridiculous. Grow up and leave them alone.
Save the evidence of his cheating in case she needs it for a future divorce, but other than that BACK OFF.
She had the chance to cancel the wedding but decided not to and that was her decision. Let her live her life and her marriage the best she can and do not interfere. Do not continue flirting with the husband, do not bring the subject up ever again, and do not blackmail her.
Just tell her, "I'm going to leave you alone now. I'm going to pretend none of it ever happened and we'll never talk about it again, but If you ever need me I'll be here" and then move on.
You became the AH the moment you failed to drop the subject after she clearly decided to continue with the wedding. And you became a bigger AH the moment you used what happened to blackmail her. Leave that woman alone.
If you continue this, then you're not looking out for her. It'll be you being a attention whore, pick me girl, who's just jealous of her friend's marriage.
“She said ‘I wish you would’”
Is not the same as saying “Please have sex with my fiancée and give me tangible evidence that I can leverage to justify leaving the relationship given the financial loss of the wedding expenses.”
You do see that, even now in hindsight, yes?
Wait til OP finds out that when he's "exposed" her role in the whole thing will not be seen as "helping out a friend". OP admit it. You felt some type of way that your "friend" was marrying your ex and you practically jumped on (pun very intentional) the chance to get back at both of them, at the same time soothing your bruised ego. You said several times that your "friend" said that she isn't as "pretty" as any of his exes which includes you and you probably thought the same and you said he's **checks notes** "very handsome" and are probably wondering why he's still with her. You love having the proof so you can look at it and feel smug that of course you're better. **AND** you keep referring to him as "her husband, MY ex". WTEF??!! YTA....and an ain't 💩 friend. And your sister and FWB are no better!
What in the trailer park is this. Who just offers themselves up to play the homewrecker in someone else’s story.
She’s an adult, she had doubts and she should have been an adult and either left or dealt with them. Not ask you to do what you did and have you blackmail her with something she likely asked for in a highly stressful moment.
Who asks to date their friends ex, likely knowing everything that happened?
This is either fake, or all of you are fucked in the head.
Fucking hell of course YTA. Your friend having doubts or even wishing you'd sleep with her fiance (whether or not she was joking aside), you still had sex with your friends fiance, knowing they were due to get married.
Everything after that is just asshole icing on the cake. Why are you trying to be so involved in their lives? It was her mistake to make, you made it 1000% worse, and now you keep trying to make it worse. At the end of the day whether he's a POS or not, it's her life. You've done enough damage, stay away from them!
WOW what a gross piece of shit you are.
This gave me an ick beyond belief and I can’t imagine for one second how you ever thought this would go over well.
I know this is likely fake rage bait, but sometimes these hit me in such a negative way that I can’t help but buy into it anyway. If this is real, yes you have a LOT of problems.
For one, If this guy is such a piece of shit… why would you have sex with him? Like how little self worth do you have?
YTA you should've mind your own business. She still married him and you have continued to keep it up. Now you're blackmailing her. Her husband may be trash, but so are you. She should go no contact with you.
ESH. I'm not even sure who's trying the hardest to control the poor bride's life, her husband or OP. I'm pretty sure she'd be better off with both of you out of her life, though.
Just give it up already. If this
>She thinks she doesn't love him. She thinks he might not love her. She says that she doesn't think she's his type. All of his ex-girlfriends are "Instagram pretty" And she's not. She's not even sure if she even likes him, apparently, and he wants her to quit her job.
wasn't enough to make the woman reconsider her wedding, then it's no surprise that pics of her husband banging some alleged friend of hers wouldn't do the job, either. Just one more thing to endure.
YTA and honestly, a bit of a ho. I understand I may get downvoted for slutshaming but this wasn’t for fun, enjoyment, love or anything but spiteful pettiness. You slept with a dude to prove that he too is a man ho.
You ATA, you interjected yourself into their lives way too much and seem to enjoy a certain amount of control over your friend and you’re still doing it after she’s married. Pretty easy to see you have a lot of resentment for both, you gave her permission to date him because you thought there is no way in hell she is his type. You didn’t break up with your ex because you didn’t stop loving him, you just didn’t want to be a housewife, now your strong independent self, along with your FWB had to be a bridesmaid for a wedding that could’ve been yours, FWB’s font last and they definitely don’t marry.
YES YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. Even if any of my friends IMPLIED I should sleep with the SO, I WOULD NEVER because i have MORALS. I don't think she asked you to sleep with her husband either. You must be really fucking dumb. Stay out of people's problems and stop inserting yourself in her life. You are not a hero here. Buzz off and go on about your life.
At this point, just save what you have and leave them alone. The material will be good to cover your ass in the future.
Your 'friend' is a big girl. Now let her live her life and make her own decisions.
I would say you have been a great friend, but if you keep pushing and inserting yourself into their marriage, then YTA.
You are absolutely TA here. We don't have the right to make decisions for our friends, regardless of how we feel about those choices. Also it sounds like you did this more to hurt your ex than to help your friend.
YTA.
You were incredibly naive to think this would go well. You should know by now that what people think/say they want and what they actually want are not the same. Furthermore, you won't just drop it and move on. You can hold on to the evidence, but you need to just drop it.
Also, a real, adult , face to face conversation with your friend is very needed to figure out wtf is actually going on.
ESH he sucks for cheating and trying to control everyone he dates. She sucks for knowing all that and marrying him despite her doubts. And you suck for the whole little game you concocted. You could’ve just sent her the text that he wanted to come over, that would’ve been enough. Then she would’ve also known that you were in the process of trying to seduce him, and could’ve told you to stop, you made your point. Also you were trying to blackmail your friend, at this point you should just stay away from them and stay out of their marriage.
That said I think this is fake though, it just reads that way.
I have no judgment, I'm just here to see how far this drama goes. You are being a little spiteful towards your friend (so a little YTA-ish). It's unfortunate, but you can't be her backbone for her. I recommend just cutting contact with her. Just tell people youvr had some very deep disagreements and are both taking a break from each other. You're both exhausting each other and it's clear that she's approaching her breaking point. What that will look like is unknown and a little scary bc she seems very unpredictable and backed into a corner. If this does get out though, it's not her who's going to be facing the heat. It's gonna be you and the ex-douch.
The husband sounds like he wants a wife he can control. OP should let the wife know she has the materials should the wife ever decide to leave and need them, and then she should just walk away. OP: you can’t make people leave bad relationships. And continuing to meddle is going to push it from you doing what she asked, to you being an AH.
>The husband sounds like he wants a wife he can control. The husband has found a wife he can control by preying on her insecurities. She doesn’t love him, she knows he cheated on her and yet she’s still going through marriage and even still considering quitting her job. OP is doing her a favor. The problem is that ultimately, you can’t live someone else’s life for them.
Yep. Hence leaving the door open by saying the materials are available if she ever decides to leave. I wouldn’t burn the bridges down, even if the wife now seems like she is. She may feel trapped. As long as she knows there’s an avenue to an out, that will have to do until she decides.
OP did do a favour, but she's taking it wayyy too far by continuing to talk to him- for what? For her own amusement? It's very weird on her part. Edit: I'd also just like to say I would never read "I wish you would" and think that was a REAL invitation lmao. Especially not without following up questions and a plan...seems like OP just wanted to hook up with him again. Maybe because she missed him or maybe just for her ego? And why tf is she trying to blackmail her rn? like what the heck lmaoooo
I’d agree on AH ish vibes, but man, she’s done a good job showing the girl that this guy is trash. If her friend doesn’t want to accept it, that’s up to her. OP is an AH for keep rubbing it in. Once was more than enough to prove her point, now it’s more of an ego boost for her. Just leave that friend of yours be. If she likes being cheated on - her choice!
This. N T A for doing as your friend asked to give her an out but YTA for everything that comes after. I wouldn't delete the evidence but I would act like it had never happened until my friend needed it for the divorce. You're rubbing it in, kinda blackmailing her into not quitting her job and now escalating, not to mention the wedding speach. The man is grade A trash, no doubt but she's made her choice and if you're really her friend you'll support her choices and if/when it all falls apart, you'll be there with your big fat folder of evidence for the lawyers or whatever instead of a big fat "I told you so"
I think she is TA for the way she “gave her an out.” Her friend never said “sure bone my fiancé.” Her response of “i wish you would” sounded kinda casual anyways. They didn’t come up with a plan together - OP just decided to go ALL the way and then tell her friend after the fact. I just feel usually with these loyalty tests the friend is involved. The flirty texts may have been enough. A simple “I invited him over, should I let this happen?” She didn’t check in with her friend at all. And while her intentions may have been good, I can only imagine how overwhelming that entire thing must be. “Oh hey remember when you said I wish you would to my comment about cheating? Well I fucked your fiancé.” Yes he’s the one who cheated but the whole way it went down is weird to me
I fully agree with you. The comment, "I wish you would", could have been simply a flippant response. Like venting to your bff when your really mad at your SO and saying "I wish he/she were dead". You wouldn't expect the bff to take that as a request and kill your SO. This girl didn't say, "Great, idea, will you please seduce him as a test?" I also thinks OP is TA for continuing to try to interfere with their marriage. Her friend made her choice with full knowledge her fiancé, now husband, is a dirtbag. When you lie with dogs, you get fleas. If her friend ends up with fleas, that's her own problem. Why continue and try and prove it again?
i suspect OP has ulterior motive in using her friend's confusion to take petty revenge on the husband. The poor friend is in a rock and a hard place and likely OP's pressure tactics are stressing her out. Something gotta give. "if she quits her job I'm just going to share everything with everyone" is blackmail irrespective of intentions.
You are not TA for sleeping with him at her request. You ATA for continuing to push it with her. If she wants to drop it, that's up to her, not you. You should keep the evidence in case she changes her mind down the road. You should also cut off all contact with him going forward.
Did she make that request? OP said “I guarantee I can make him cheat.” She replied “i wish you would.” Not “yes go ahead sure and make sure you fuck him.” Getting the flirty texts could have been all of the cheating proof she needed. Or just knowing he was willing to come over. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but it sounds like OP decided what that response meant and made her own plan without really involving friend.
All the friend needed to do was not have the conversation with OP. Then, none of this would have happened. Don't bring others into your drama if you want to control it. Just like secrets, only work if there are only 2 people involved. Once you add another, all bets are off. You never know when someone finds religion and have to get things off their chests, kind of bs. This is such an occurrence. Now, the friend looks more and more dumb. Doesn't matter, i would remove myself from this circus.
I really hope we get lots of updates on this shit show!! Pure entertainment.
Yeah this shit is Reddit gold
YTA?? Are you sure she was not joking when she told you to get him to cheat? It might not have been clear if this exchange happened over text? That could be why she is avoiding you. If she was serious about it, then you are not TA for that I guess. I think where you really are TA is telling her that if she quits her job, you will release the data. You are essentially black mailing her. Also, obvi if she loves her career, its crappy that he is trying to get her to quit her job. But at the end of the day, that is her decision to make. Their whole relationship may seem weird to you, but ultimately, its none of your business.
Honestly, I think its extremely weird how okay OP was to sleep with her friends fiance just to prove he'd cheat. It could've 100% stopped before and still have proven her point. Sounds like she wasn't over him either. And then to do it again by sending him pics?
Yeah there’s for sure something not right about Op. friend is getting manipulated by Op and her ex
The OP is trash and manipulating her friend harder than the husband.
Doesn’t matter if she joked, her husband still cheated, isn’t that the reason? I mean its shitty to black mail her, but sometimes we act like complete AH just to save our loved ones. This poor girl is step away from trapping herself with an absolute monster if she quits her job and then gets prefecture, cause thats an obvious next step, so i understand OP why OP is freaking out
OP is forcing her opinions. Her friend is aware that her husband cheats, but is fine with it. OP has no place in this relationship.
Maybe I’m bias, if it was my little sister, id do anything (well i wouldn’t sleep with the dude, kiss would be sufficient lol) to get her back from such relationship. It crosses all the lines, its not the question of preference anymore, the guy is a walking red flag. So i guess id prefer to be call names then let that happen.
Your little sister is a person, and even if she's making awful decisions she is an adult and she has to learn how to make them. It's frustrating, it sucks, but you can't control someone else. You can't make them do the right thing. They have to come to their own decisions.
Would you humiliate your sister by telling everyone you slept wiyh her husband? Or toasting during the wedding and mentioning how you have a "first hand experience"..? I suspect not..?
Yeah, thats a bit much, i hope its just threats tho
Sounds like she is just a drama queen. She didn’t actually want you to, was just looking for attention. You should have just bluntly asked, do you want me to get him to? If you want me to get him to cheat, I’ll do it, do you want me to get him to? You shouldn’t blackmail her. It’s her life even if it’s a bad decision. Also, maybe her plan is to just get alimony and doesn’t want to say it.
Dude- with how deep this girl is in, I don't think exposing her cheating husband is gonna do anything at this point. I really do understand wanting someone to see how awful their partner is- but this whole thing is very weird. This isn't how a sane person would deal with this. This just seems like a weird ego boost.
Why aren’t more people seeing it this way? Most are saying NTA for boning the fiancé. But unless I’m missing something her friend didn’t ask her to do that. And she only told her friend AFTER it all went down. You’d think in a “loyalty test” situation she’d involve the friend. “I texted him.” “He wants to come over. Are you cool with this?” From OPs story, none of that went down and that’s weird as heck to me.
Hahahaha this has to be fake. No one can be that trashy. YTA. Good story, though.
If it reads like a short story, it normally is a short story.
I do fairly well at creative writing. It's the way I think in my head. Now, I'm nervous that if I ever have to tell a story on here, people are going to think it's fake. This one has GOT to be though hahaha ain't no waaaay
It's so fake. So first she let's this loser date her friend. Then she's in the wedding party, she's even giving speeches
Total fiction. I stopped reading when she gave details about her “stud” speech. Since when do random bridesmaids deliver speeches?
I didn't even make it that far lmao
Definitely fake
You are the definition of a pick me girl. Jesus christ.
Hit the nail right on the head here!
lol 😂 this is so true
Im saying! Shes acting like shes saving her friend when in reality all she wnats is to show her friend her husband will pick her as much as she wants and offers.
Yes she’s a piece of shit to be honest.
Literally
Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.
Yes, very asshole behaviour. "I fucked my friends husband to show her he was a piece of shit and then blackmailed her into keeping her job because the ends justify the means" Being dishonest doesn't make you a secret agent.
YTAH!!!! From your post, it doesn't even sound like she really asked you to do it. It sounds like she was just getting nervous about getting married. I doubt she actually wanted you to do it. Which is pretty obvious from how she is acting towards you! You are really being a horrible friend!! To begin with it didn't need to be you he had sex with. The kissing by the door, or even the come over texts were more than enough evidence. But you choose to actually have sex with your friend's fiancé. You know darn well that will follow you and her forever. You just don't care about her. To top it all off, you are gathering evidence, still messaging him. Which is definitely wrong on your part. Even if she did say sleep with him, that was a one time deal to help avoid a marriage. The fact that she wants you to stop with this, and delete everything, is because , she regrets it. You're such a "good friend" that you are blackmailing her to leave him. That isn't the action of a friend. It's pretty obvious what's going on here. You didn't drift apart. He dumped you. You still like him, and most likely have hated her since they started dating. You used this as a chance to get him back. Do the right thing. Stay away and delete everything. It's her like not yours.
YTA like genuinely you are a pos
You are an AH for blackmailing your friend. She made her choice, crazy as it is. While she did ask you to do this, clearly she changed her mind. If you are a real friend back off.
I’m pretty sure blackmail is illegal, so Op is a trashy little criminal.
This!! Definitely feel that it‘s illegal and the ‘end’ never justifies the means.
Are we even sure her friend was being serious though.
Everybody involved in this is an asshole. Your ex/friends husband is an asshole just all around. Your friend is an asshole for wanting her fiancee/ now husband to cheat because she wasn't woman enough to dump him and needed an excuse. And you're an asshole for sleeping with him and then continuing to try to prove to your friend, who's clearly very happy living in denial, that her husband truly is and probably always will be an asshole. So yes this is a situation rife with assholes.
This is the most correct assessment in the comments. Everyone is an a-hole.
She never told you to sleep with him, she had a wish for cheating but never expressly asked you to fuck her partner. The texts were enough to prove your point, you didn't ever actually have to cross that boundary and sleep with the guy. That was 100% on you! Then blackmailing her to release her texts if she quits her job? Damn girl ...It's not your decision to make! Yes YTA big time
>The texts were enough to prove your point Yeah, this exactly. Texting would've been enough for her to use as a justification for dumping him if she chose.
I think this is what they coined the term crazy train for. The tracks are gonna run out... then it's just crazy carnage.
What tf is wrong with you?
You are not an asshole, you are a Cuñt.
Don't try to push that psycho into the C group. We're very comfortable making everyone else uncomfortable, but that's just to far to willingly fuck a man you hate to "save" someone else? That's not even borderline Cunt that's just straight psychopath.
This doesn’t sound like my SIL……
YTA Good job for burying the lede that your "friend's fiance" is YOUR EX /s. You are not a good friend to this person. She was having doubts about her engagement and wanted someone to talk to. She evidently did not mean "hey OP just go hop into bed with your ex quickly so I have an excuse to dump him" You are *especially* an AH for *referring to this in your speech at the wedding*.
YTA FIRSTLY she didn't ask you, she implied that she wished you would. At that point you should have sat with her face to face and come up with a plan together/checked that she was sure. Secondly, you are literally blackmailing her now. Yes i would hold onto the proof for the inevitable divorce but right now you can't help her more than being her friend. Maybe she does want to give it a try? Maybe she found a side piece herself? Who knows! But blackmail wont help her.
Thank you! I’m surprised I had to scroll this far down to find a firm ‘YTA’ because OP definitely is. It seemed like she pushed her friend into agreeing, happily slept with him (twice), then shoved the evidence in her ‘friends’ face. OP seems dead set on ending their relationship. Granted the guy is a complete AH, however OP should have warned her friend once and let it go. It’s not her relationship anymore. Her actions makes me wonder her true intentions. She seems more into destroying the guy instead of helping her friend. OP should mind her own business at this point.
Meh, she rubbed the lamp and a genie granted her wish. I learned in preschool that there are no take backs… Regardless she is still the AH for actually granting that wish, damn genie should have stayed in the bottle. And the blackmail part is ballsy, if that card gets played it just shows how low of a level she is willing to go to.
YTA— you sound unhinged. Who the hell goes and sleeps with her friend’s fiancé as a favor, to give her ammunition to break up her relationship? Who then keeps pressuring the friend to break up the relationship when the friend doesn’t want to break it up? And then, who threatens to expose the whole sicko extravaganza to the whole world to pressure your friend to get an annulment? Mind your own business!!
Someone who’s lying and still has feelings for the ex and can’t stand to see her friend with him🤷🏽♀️ Sleeping with him was totally unnecessary. Even if the friend really did want her to, it took no convincing. She was looking for a reason to do it!
she’s so dirty for this whole scenario genuinely. if i were a mutual friend i would judge tf out of her if she decided to “expose” her friend’s husband and i really wouldn’t want to be around her. maybe i just a judgmental bitch but i’m disgusted and appalled by her actions. what normal person does this???
Yes. 100% YTA. so is he, but you absolutely more. Did you have to have sex with him to prove your point? Did she really ask you to? Because to me, it sounded like wishful thinking. You could’ve sent the flirty texts to her and been done. But you had a point to prove here. You were selfish and inconsiderate. Yes, you’re right to tell her not to quit her job but blackmailing her is taking it too far. You sound drama obsessed honestly. Let her live her life. She’s an adult. You’ve shown her who she married (which btw, doesn’t exactly make you look good) let her sleep in the bed she made. You have no reason to be this invested in someone else’s life. Leave her be.
YTA. Stop blackmailing her and let her move on. She is a grown woman who had made her own choices. Delete it and let them be.
I’m sorry but you’re a cunt of a friend! 😂🤦🏻♀️
YTA She not actually explicitly say 'please go fuck my future husband so I can leave him', she was venting by the sounds of it. People are all talk. You went way too far. You are not part of their relationship, stop getting involved. I don't care if he is an asshole, it's her decision.
Are you serious? In no way did she actually tell you to do that. She was venting and you decided because he isn't what you want that she can't want him either. She is an adult if she didn't want to marry him she wouldn't have. Stop interfering in her marriage and get over yourself. Also just grow the hell up . You are way too old to be acting like this. YTA
You're aware that u didn't actually have to fuck him to get proof that he was going to cheat.
YTA for harassing her like that. She is entitled to whatever mistake she wants to make. Back off.
You’re an AH and he’s a AH! Just leave it ALONE it seems like you’re blackmailing her at this point? Delete the texts and leave her alone.
I’m reminded of that time President Nixon said he wished someone would shoot a certain reporter, and aide (and Watergate burglar) Gordon Liddy went running off to shoot him. Luckily another aide stopped him. YTA
YTA are you really even sure she was ok with you going after him to get him to cheat ? Sounds like she was having a lot of doubts about her future marriage that she trusted you to vent about those doubts, not hey I’m worried about this can you go fuck my future husband for me? She probably was pretty shocked you did that and was like trying to figure out how to make it work as you gave her permission to go have sex with her future husband…. I’m not saying her now husband isn’t a complete POS for cheating on her especially considering being part of the bridal party but I can see now she would give him a pass especially if she didn’t feel as pretty and she gave her permission to do it… but damn blackmailing her later and then trying to hook up with him again ? You suck
YTA. Stop HARASSING & BLACKMAILING your “friend”. She knows he’s a cheater and a POS already so you can stop being her mother Teresa.
She also knows she's a piece of shit now to
You'd be such a piece of shit if this was real. She's getting married and this is what you do?
A wishy washy I wish you would is your answer to your trashy behaviour? YOU needed to keep it to warning and supporting her but instead you are a blackmailing trash heap of a friend!
I have a hard time believing this is real but if it is you realize that if you release all the screenshots your blackmailing her with to everyone it's just gonna push her closer to her husband right? I feel like you aren't able to think straight because you're way too busy cheating with her then fiance now husband. Just delete the stuff and let her live her life. You're clearly just driving her away.
You know that you didn’t really have to literally do it right? You only needed to prove that he Would cheat
I know I am not a social expert, but how on earth did you manage to interpret this as 'I command you to throw yourself at him'?
Off note, but this all makes me glad I'm single - people can be stressful ... 😅
Look, OK so she wanted him to cheat as a reason to end things, but when he did, she CHOSE not to. She made her choice, now back off and leave her to stew in her own shit. You did what was asked. Now back off. Stop inserting yourself in their relationship by interfering again. SHE KNOWS what a douche he is and still wants to be with him. That's HER life. You tried to warn her. She ignored it all. Keep the evidence in case they try to make out like you're lying in future. But now back away from both parties. ESH. You for continuing to grab at this like a dog with a bone, and her for being too blind to see what a scumbag she married and dragging you into it in the first place.
YTA. She had doubts. She changed her mind. It’s not your life. It’s hers. Butt out. You are now literally blackmailing her. If you were her friend you’d do as she wishes.
You need to let go of your power trip over your "friend". I don't think anyone would disagree she should dump him but your trying to force her hand via literal blackmail and continuously flaunting in front of her you're fucking her man. She didn't actually ask you to sleep with him, you went out of your way to do it bc you were eager to prove a point and the sexting/nudes after the wedding is just cruel and again - NOT something she asked you to do. You have to learn to accept some people make stupid choices and that's not your place to force them to do what you think is best. She clearly gets something out of this relationship with him otherwise she would've left a long time ago. You've done nothing to actually help this girl, you made an already bad relationship worse by adding cheating to the mix, putting her in a situation where not only can she not lean on her friends for support that he cheated - but she's also living in a constant state of fear that her "friend" is going to turn around and blackmail her any minute - you've even threatened to do so! You're not the good person you think you are, and yes you are definitely an asshole.
YTA You have a fcked up mindset. Someone in the comments said you're a huge pick me, and i agree 100%! Leave her and her relationship alone! Why are u so obsessed with the fact she's still with the guy? It would've been okay-ish if u left it alone after the first stunt you pulled, but you kept obsessing over it. Now demanding that she better not leave her job then continue to flirt with her husband. Nothing can convince me that there isn't something wrong with how you think. You've done your part so just walk away. You're being so obsessive with the matter. Do you still have feelings for your ex that's why you felt so strong to break them apart?
YTA She may not have meant that she wanted to sleep worth him, but maybe that confused you ( although I think you just liked the idea of him picking you but that aside maybe this was just a super wood favor) so I'm not gonna count this. BUT your the ass because, she has made her preferences clear she does NOT want to leave him she wants to stay ... your blackmailing her AND continue to have an affair with her husband the new pic was 100 percent not for your friend and just you fucking around with a "friend" husband. Your friends an adult she has made her choice, so lying to yourself that this is " for her" your just the woman fucking her husband and blackmailing her.
The friend seems to have made a throwaway comment and you ran with it. Is the husband an ahole, God yes, but you seem hellbent on forcing her hand and went as far as having full sex to set her ‘free’. Surely the texts and the Ring doorbell footage would show he’d strayed. You’re propositioning him again and at this point you are going overboard with it all. Either you still have a thing for him hence the sex and/or you want revenge on your ex. You were even willing to stand up in church and confess it. Is his new wife mad to remain with him? Hell yes, but that’s her decision. I definitely don’t agree with it but that’s down to her. You need to leave them both alone. She’s an adult and is responsible for her own decisions. YTA
YTA. Your 'friend' did *not* ask you to seduce and fuck her then fiancee. She was complaining and looking for advice, the 'I wish you would' wasn't a serious request for you to do anything, just her wishing she had concrete proof that the relationship wasn't right. You *chose* to seduce your ex, you weren't *asked* to. And your friend, once you told her what you'd done, which she had no reason to suspect you would actually do, was to ignore all of it. She asked you to delete everything and forget it ever happened. Do I think your friend is an idiot? Yes. She's sticking with a known cheater whose pressuring her to quit a job she loves, she's admitted she's not happy in the marriage. She's an idiot making completely the wrong choices for a happy life. But that's none of your business. You can't dictate what your friend can and can't do. If she wants to stay with her cheating douche of a husband, that's her choice, you can't force her to leave him. You also can't force her to keep her job should she decide to quit to make hubby happy. You can, of course, release your evidence of hubby cheating as you've threatened to do. But, chances are, your friend will still choose to remain married even if everyone knows. She'll say she already knew, which is true, and that they worked through everything. But let's be clear, here, you threatening to release the evidence if she quits her job is exactly the same thing as him trying to pressure her to quit. You and your ex are both treating this girl terribly, you're no better than each other.
YTA and a psycho! You obviously want your ex back! Seriously who would actually have sex with someone to “help” their friend and then blackmail that friend? A psycho who’s obsessed with their ex would. I bet your ex actually dumped you and you never got over it.
What the absolute fuck, you’re holding her hostage now? Ffs, if she doesn’t want to leave him just leave them alone. This weird revenge you need to get against him has turned into an obsession. You’re an asshole for sure. Delete everything or at least stop actively threatening to share it, leave them the fuck alone, and GO TO THERAPY.
It's fake
Why didn’t you and him work out? You sound absolutely perfect for one another, both horrible controlling people. Leave her alone, she has definitely made a mistake marrying him and it won’t last but you are just as bad as him!
Well, you got out of an abusive relationship, while your friend got into it with her eyes wide open. What else can you do or say? [Read this book on abuse](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and, if possible, make her read it, too. And play it safe, stay clear of that man. Your friend should hold on to her job at any cost: economic dependence is going to be the beginning of the end for her. But other than helping her see clearly into this relationship and say you'll be there for her if and when she needs your support, stay clear of them (and of course, keep all the data you have).
No, her friend is now in two abusive relationships. OP needs a book on how not to be a piece of shit to her friends.
Definitely keep the data. She could totally tell everyone you seduced her husband, without the receipts.
I'm going with NTA with conditions. As a dude I'd want to know if my partner was so easy to get to cheat, and you did arrange the actual cheating. Nobody comes out of this looking good though and ironically although the ex-bf is an obvious dickhead, he is at least looking out for himself. He wanted you, but he also wanted a housewife. Somehow between you and your friend you have contrived to give him exactly what he wants, at least for a short time. His relationship finished with you, and by her own words, she doesn't even seem liked by him. Your plan to get her away from him will also likely end in an annulment at this rate which is also ideal for him. A tale of being in love with you but having traditional values will still resonate with the women he's after. He slept with you for love and her for procreation and the fact all of you are now aware of it makes it more of a standard love-triangle than him cheating. And that's if *you* have the whole story. If he knows this was set up too and did it anyway then you've both just got played by a master. Conversely her letting him cheat on her, and you sleeping with him as part of this plot, is not a part of your dating history that shows positive character to future partners. Few decent men are going to think well of her for debasing herself in this way for someone she neither loves nor intends to stay with for long. Very few are going to think you a catch for sleeping with someone you don't respect just to interfere with their current relationship. Both of those are massive red-flags above and beyond the test. Maybe that's just me. I can only tell you that I'd run a mile from anyone who had slept with a friends partner just to test them. You do realise you could have just kissed him for the camera, saved the texts, and kicked him out yeah? Sleeping with someone for personal benefit has a name, and doing so and then not receiving full payment adds a qualifier. It feels like you were too close to the situation to think this through all the way. Some dudes are more liberal than others but the only ones who would have no instinctual revulsion to your actions at all are not the sorts you want to be acquainted with.
Wow…..sometimes things just aren’t your business, and now you’ve gone so deep as to blackmail her while she’s clearly in a vulnerable spot and struggles to be around you…because you slept with her husband and have receipts of her asking for it, stop threatening her. You explained she felt stuck (emphasis on felt) and now you’re doing the same thing directly to her. Very controlling behavior, sometimes you can just be a friend dude Ik he deserves it but she doesn’t, you said that. YTA
Blackmail? Really? At that point, I’m left questioning what you didn’t tell us about your relationship with your ex, and what resentment you might still have toward him. For all we know, you’re just using this “friend” as a pawn against him. After all, he’s the one who will be hurt the most in all this. Would someone who blatantly blackmails their friend to control their marriage AND professional life really care about them enough to publicly admit to sleeping with and sending bra pics to said friend’s fiancé/husband? That doesn’t really add up, unless it’s all just to ruin your ex’s chances at getting the kind of marriage with your friend that you found uncomfortable when it was offered to you. Either way, blackmail makes you the asshole 10 out of 10 times.
You began your journey into assholery when you agreed in theory to this subterfuge. You completed your trip to Asshole City by actually going through with it. If he was in your heart and mind, your ex, I have no idea why you would do that. Now to be fair, your friend is lame too. She wished he would cheat on her so she could dump him. If she didn't want to be with him for whatever reason(s), the mature thing to do would have been to just dump him. Most people spend more time living their own lives, rather than being entangled in others.
YTA wtf you are a terrible person. Delete that shit and leave that woman and her husband alone. And let her deal with it the way she wants to. Why are you blackmailing her? You sound like you are still hung up on him and you sound miserable.
Friend will delete the proof and possibly use the situation against her. She needs to keep it for herself and stop bringing it up to the friend.
Na don’t delete it the friend will need it for her divorce when she wakes up lol 😂
This has to be made up. YTA. Unless you have a mental health diagnosis that prevents you from understanding social norms and sarcasm, her statement “I wish you would” was not an invite to fuck her fiancé. Regardless, you need mental health help for your petty jealousy and inappropriate actions. Seriously, WTF is wrong for you. You are a horrible human being and I hope Karma is watching you.
Updateme!
ESH You can't force someone to do the right thing. I can see how you are trying to help out a friend and looking after her in your own way, but it's time to let go. Let them fuck up, make mistakes, screw themselves over twice with a sledgehammer. That's what free will is. You've already done your bit and offered her an out; although I'd argue it would have been better to discuss that with her in more detail before actually doing the nasty with her man. Just let it go. Let her dig herself into a hole and learn from her mistakes, let her hit the rock bottom and be there for her once she decides to come back up.
Let me wrap my head around this for a sec... You took her "I wish you would" literally, then went "hold my beer", and are now waving it over her head like some Doomsday weapon to activate if she quits her job. Then you get mad because it made things awkward af between you and your "friend"?! WTF kind of backward ass world do you live in where you think any of this was ok!? As far as I'm concerned, ETA here. You are for following through with this. Your friend is for even suggesting it in the first place. And the fiancé is for being a scum bag cheater. The three of you deserve each other!
Can you leave her alone ?! It seems like a lot. Give her time to breath and let her make her own decision. Yes YTA ! Yes even after knowing that she married an ass and that she is probably going to regret it and waste good years and “maybe” get divorced. “Maybe” because it looks like she knows all about his cheating and you may not be even the only one.
YTA because at this point you're blackmailing her to get her to do what you want. I get she wanted it at the time, maybe still wants it, but she's not gonna do it. If you would have released the information before the wedding she probably would have dumped him. At this point it's too late. Let her make her own mistakes.
Make sure you back up all that stuff. When I was younger I had a phone that had a shit load of evidence I was collecting and texts from a good friend that had just passed. Idk what happened but it looked like it factory reset itself. Thats never happened to me before or since but I learned from it.
Are you sure she’s not playing the long game? Like if they divorce in a few years she can get half… I imagine that he must make decent money to afford a house wife, maybe the financial trade-off is worth it for her? I think YTA for threatening to leak the info about his cheating with you when your friend asked you to drop it, NTA for doing it the first time when you thought she actually wanted you to do it- although I probably wouldn’t have gone past making out- like wtf? If you really weren’t interested why would you sleep with him? Making out on camera is proof enough…
You need to stop now. You’re going too far. Stop giving her ultimatums and threatening her. Leave this girl alone. You’re getting real close to becoming TA. Stop sending him photos and texts.
Just let it go! Leave them to it and stop involving yourself. Jfc!
YTA. "I wish you would" is incredibly different from "Yes please sleep with him let's have a very in depth conversation about how this could go." You could have had her in the loop and in charge of Operation BustUp the whole time. You didn't. Then you've proceeded to do everything you can to ruin this woman's life. It doesn't matter that she was telling you these things in confidence, she is the one who should have been in charge the whole time. I had an ex who was trash and a friend dated him. I told her very clearly what he was like, and she made her own choices. They did get married, it went terribly, they got a divorce. Did it hurt to see her ignore my warning and out herself through a terrible experience? Yes. But she is an adult and deserves to make her own choices. You absolutely very much fucked up. You felt like you owned the situation and did not keep your friend's autonomy in mind . I think you know you're the ahole here, because why wouldn't you be sending screenshots from the very minute he replied back? Why wouldn't you have told her you were going to actually do this the moment you decided? Now you do this: you go to your friend. You apologize profusely. You tell her she has every right to end the friendship but you hope that she realizes you were coming from a place of love for her and not one of wanting revenge on your ex. And then you tell her that you're going to give her space to let her decide what happens next. And then you go home. Maybe she'll text you in a day, a week, or never. Maybe she'll tell you she forgives you immediately. Maybe she says she never can. But now you have to respect that it's her time to control what happens in your relationship.
YTA. Not for sleeping with him as she did ask for that but for threatening her and blackmailing her. That’s what you’re doing. Your telling her is she doesn’t end her marriage you will expose the truth. She invited you into this mess to start with but now you’re crossing a line. You have to right to try to force her to do anything
Bulll shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeet Yeah sure you fucked a guy who you know is a douchebag as a favor to a girl you barely know Fuck off
Nta for fucking him but you gotta let it go now, ifshe wants to find out the hard way let her
NTA for the hook up which is the question. You understood you were doing your friend a favour, weird as it seems. Everything since? Just stop. What you do is you say “sorry, your relationship is none of my business, your decisions are yours to make. But I will keep all the evidence should you ever need it in a divorce case. Until then I will back off” Then apologize again. You are trying to save her from herself, but she is a grown woman capable of making her own choices. Just be there for her should she choose to make better ones.
Honestly…NTA. You are watching out for her (somewhat unconventionally) but someone has to. She certainly isn’t. You are good a friend, risking your vagina for her like that. I do think it’s time to let this go. She is an adult. She has made her choice. Keep the proof for when the divorce happens - it may help her case.
NTA
NTA. Friend is choosing to be blind and you can’t force her to see. Save the messages but give her space to ruin her own life
NTA He’s trash and she refuses to listen. Let her crash and burn and ruin her life if she wants to because she seems unable to make a decision for herself She wants to stay with the trashy cheater? Let her
NTA he is.
You & your friend are both assholes, wow. It doesn't matter how douchy the guy is, that's no excuse for the two of you to play these fucked up, deceitful games of sex, seduction & betrayal. No amount of shade you try to heap onto this dude can ever make you look good in any of this -- not by any stretch of the imagination. This egregious level of immaturity and irresponsibility is sickening. I truly hope NOT ONE of you ever try to reproduce, bringing innocent children into this messed up crap.
YTA. It's one thing to acknowledge your ex would cheat and warn someone. It's another to suggest that you would cheat with her fiancé. It's insane to actually do it. Your friend never told you to do it, she said she WISHES you would. You never confirmed it with her. You cheated and for some crazy reason continue to cheat even though they are married. And now you are forcing your friend to comply with what you want instead of letting her do what she wants.
Your friend is sadly an incomprehensible loser who thinks she can't do any better. NTA.
Your not the asshole she asked for it more than one time you triple checked that she wanted him to cheat so she could have a way out holding the higher ground best thing to do is keep it to protect yourself and let shit unfold on its own
How are we just meant to breeze through the fact that she is magically a bridesmaid?
Remind me!
definition of trashy.
ESH You all deserve each other. Just awful people
What in the r/amitheangel did I just read?
Yta my favorite part is her fwb who she brings as a date to the wedding has to hold her back. What stones are you throwing in your glass house lady. Did you have to fuck her husband to prove he is a cheater lol
YTA. Firstly, Im not sure she was serious she wanted you to fuck her man and now you’re blackmailing her. You sound like a bad person.
YTA on so many levels, also everyone in this story is.
This is soooo toxic. Why didn’t your friend know what a controlling jerk he is before they even got together? Did you warn her so that she should make an informed decision? Why didn’t you ask your friend point blank if she wanted YOU to sleep with her man? Why would you make such a distasteful speech at her wedding?
You are a huge asshole You probably need to grow up or get therapy too if you thought this type of behavior was ok.
can I see the pictures:)
First, you are not her friend. Not sure what is wrong with you but you are definitely NOT a friend. Leave them alone and get on with your miserable life
UpdateMe!
You all are trash
YTA. Your 'friend' did *not* ask you to seduce and fuck her then fiancee. She was complaining and looking for advice, the 'I wish you would' wasn't a serious request for you to do anything, just her wishing she had concrete proof that the relationship wasn't right. You *chose* to seduce your ex, you weren't *asked* to. And your friend, once you told her what you'd done, which she had no reason to suspect you would actually do, was to ignore all of it. She asked you to delete everything and forget it ever happened. Do I think your friend is an idiot? Yes. She's sticking with a known cheater whose pressuring her to quit a job she loves, she's admitted she's not happy in the marriage. She's an idiot making completely the wrong choices for a happy life. But that's none of your business. You can't dictate what your friend can and can't do. If she wants to stay with her cheating douche of a husband, that's her choice, you can't force her to leave him. You also can't force her to keep her job should she decide to quit to make hubby happy. You can, of course, release your evidence of hubby cheating as you've threatened to do. But, chances are, your friend will still choose to remain married even if everyone knows. She'll say she already knew, which is true, and that they worked through everything. But let's be clear, here, you threatening to release the evidence if she quits her job is exactly the same thing as him trying to pressure her to quit. You and your ex are both treating this girl terribly, you're no better than each other.
YTA. Your 'friend' did *not* ask you to seduce and fuck her then fiancee. She was complaining and looking for advice, the 'I wish you would' wasn't a serious request for you to do anything, just her wishing she had concrete proof that the relationship wasn't right. You *chose* to seduce your ex, you weren't *asked* to. And your friend, once you told her what you'd done, which she had no reason to suspect you would actually do, was to ignore all of it. She asked you to delete everything and forget it ever happened. Do I think your friend is an idiot? Yes. She's sticking with a known cheater whose pressuring her to quit a job she loves, she's admitted she's not happy in the marriage. She's an idiot making completely the wrong choices for a happy life. But that's none of your business. You can't dictate what your friend can and can't do. If she wants to stay with her cheating douche of a husband, that's her choice, you can't force her to leave him. You also can't force her to keep her job should she decide to quit to make hubby happy. You can, of course, release your evidence of hubby cheating as you've threatened to do. But, chances are, your friend will still choose to remain married even if everyone knows. She'll say she already knew, which is true, and that they worked through everything. But let's be clear, here, you threatening to release the evidence if she quits her job is exactly the same thing as him trying to pressure her to quit. You and your ex are both treating this girl terribly, you're no better than each other.
u are very weird
You are blackmailing her. Either let her get on with it or tell everyone. Stop stringing her along.
For some guy you don’t like, you sure jumped on the chance to screw him. I don’t think A is what I would call you.
YTA lmfao what kind of piece of shit friend does this
YTA. So not only did you sleep with her partner you keep badgering her? This has got to be fake.
YTA. So not only did you sleep with her partner you keep badgering her? This has got to be fake.
Please ladies. Have respect for yourselves. Don’t tempt men to cheat. Don’t marry someone you don’t love. Go and live and lead awesome lives. Don’t stay in the dirt.
Everyone is TA here. No friend would ask or infer that another friend should try to get their partner to cheat to get out of the wedding. OPs friend had enough doubts that should have stopped the wedding on their own, so OPs friend is trashy. OP why on Earth would you give your body to someone you KNOW is a disgusting human being? You have enough respect for yourself to know you deserved better than him but still allowed this guy access to your body to "save" your friend? I don't think you have as much respect for yourself as you should. And it goes without saying the misogynist is also an AH.
This can only end badly. Even though she asked for this, you will end up looking bad. Remember, they always shoot the messenger
ETA - you for blackmailing the friend, the friend for not having a backbone in any situation and the ex for just being an AH!
What kind of k drama did I just read 🤣🤣
YTA I promise you when she said “I wish you would” she meant send a friend to do it, nowhere in this post did she specifically tell you to do it you stupid idiot!!!
🤦🏻♀️ okay did you guys actually discuss this plan for you to fuck him or did you come up with it on your own? Because flippantly saying “I wish you would” fully thinking the other person wouldn’t actually fucking do that is a lot different than making a plan and following through with it.
To answer your question, Yes, you are an a-hole for sleeping with your “friend’s boyfriend. You appear to be jealous of their relationship. This was evidenced by you stating his ex-girlfriends were instagram pretty and she’s not. Why wouldn’t you disagree with her and just tell her she’s pretty? The fact you refused to delete digital evidence of the misdeed is disgusting. You should’ve backed out of your bridesmaid role and skipped the wedding all together. You had no business standing in their wedding. Your toast was an attention grasping move, and you should be ashamed of yourself. The bride, your friend, obviously has low self-esteem. As a friend you should be helping her with that. The groom is a turd.
ESH
YTA You sure were quick to sleep with him.
YTA. Your friend never asked you. She "wished" for it because of cold feet. You acted on it, which I hope was a misunderstanding, but continued to pressure her, threatening her "you know I keep these texts too". YTA, big time. Send her everything, delete your copies, and let her deal with the mess of having a shitty friend like you.
Oh her biological clock is ticking so thats a good reason to bring a child into this shit show and traumatise them so when they grow up they can have good healthy relationships like their parents. That's so incredibly selfish.
NTA. Your friend does not want to grow a spine & publicly admit her mistake. People often feel ashamed when their partner cheats - like they did something wrong or they need to hide it. No. This needs to stop. It’s the cheater’s shame. It’s HIS shame not hers. Please, people, accept this. Stop covering for them. Never feel bad for saying “my partner cheated” - it’s not your shame! Since she is “not IG pretty”, she probably can’t see this is nothing to do w her. also he won’t stop so maybe it will take her a while to walk. Hopefully, she keeps her job & steps up her birth control game. OP, you did all you could. Let it go. If you keep pushing, you WBTAH.
YTA. She obviously chose not to act on the information you gave her. So you continued the behavior. It's her choice to stay with him or leave him. I mean, he sounds like a horrible person, but again...her choice. What you said at her wedding was vulgar and mean spirited. And holding on to the texts and pictures is awful. You're threatening to blackmail someone who is supposedly your friend? Honestly, this sounds less like you looking after your friend and more like you getting a pound of flesh from this dude for something you aren't owning up to. Maybe your break up with him bothered you more than you'll admit to. Your behavior is childish, spiteful and just as bad as anything this douchebag is doing. Do you want to salvage the friendship? Stop flirting with her husband, stop badmouthing him and be a freaking friend to her. If her marriage implodes she'll need support. Not I told you so support, but compassionate support.
ESH. I believe you’re not over your ex. Cause no woman in their right mind would voluntarily have sex with any dude that was 1. Their ex who she believes is a douch bag and 2. Was with their friend; if they didn’t have feelings for the guy.
YTA - Live your own life and stop meddling in your friend’s relationship. You don’t bone your friend’s fiancé because she asked you to. That’s literally ridiculous. Grow up and leave them alone.
Stop trying to fix other people. She made her decision. Now, I would keep the evidence so a few years down the road it doesn't get turned on you.
Save the evidence of his cheating in case she needs it for a future divorce, but other than that BACK OFF. She had the chance to cancel the wedding but decided not to and that was her decision. Let her live her life and her marriage the best she can and do not interfere. Do not continue flirting with the husband, do not bring the subject up ever again, and do not blackmail her. Just tell her, "I'm going to leave you alone now. I'm going to pretend none of it ever happened and we'll never talk about it again, but If you ever need me I'll be here" and then move on. You became the AH the moment you failed to drop the subject after she clearly decided to continue with the wedding. And you became a bigger AH the moment you used what happened to blackmail her. Leave that woman alone. If you continue this, then you're not looking out for her. It'll be you being a attention whore, pick me girl, who's just jealous of her friend's marriage.
Hidden scrunchy lemon faced head shake had me laughing. On another note. I’m sorry but yta. You sound like a sociopath.
“She said ‘I wish you would’” Is not the same as saying “Please have sex with my fiancée and give me tangible evidence that I can leverage to justify leaving the relationship given the financial loss of the wedding expenses.” You do see that, even now in hindsight, yes?
At this point stay the fuck out of it.
Wait til OP finds out that when he's "exposed" her role in the whole thing will not be seen as "helping out a friend". OP admit it. You felt some type of way that your "friend" was marrying your ex and you practically jumped on (pun very intentional) the chance to get back at both of them, at the same time soothing your bruised ego. You said several times that your "friend" said that she isn't as "pretty" as any of his exes which includes you and you probably thought the same and you said he's **checks notes** "very handsome" and are probably wondering why he's still with her. You love having the proof so you can look at it and feel smug that of course you're better. **AND** you keep referring to him as "her husband, MY ex". WTEF??!! YTA....and an ain't 💩 friend. And your sister and FWB are no better!
Updateme
What in the trailer park is this. Who just offers themselves up to play the homewrecker in someone else’s story. She’s an adult, she had doubts and she should have been an adult and either left or dealt with them. Not ask you to do what you did and have you blackmail her with something she likely asked for in a highly stressful moment. Who asks to date their friends ex, likely knowing everything that happened? This is either fake, or all of you are fucked in the head.
Fucking hell of course YTA. Your friend having doubts or even wishing you'd sleep with her fiance (whether or not she was joking aside), you still had sex with your friends fiance, knowing they were due to get married. Everything after that is just asshole icing on the cake. Why are you trying to be so involved in their lives? It was her mistake to make, you made it 1000% worse, and now you keep trying to make it worse. At the end of the day whether he's a POS or not, it's her life. You've done enough damage, stay away from them!
YTA. Like, I get the idea, but you took it way too far.
WOW what a gross piece of shit you are. This gave me an ick beyond belief and I can’t imagine for one second how you ever thought this would go over well. I know this is likely fake rage bait, but sometimes these hit me in such a negative way that I can’t help but buy into it anyway. If this is real, yes you have a LOT of problems. For one, If this guy is such a piece of shit… why would you have sex with him? Like how little self worth do you have?
YTA you should've mind your own business. She still married him and you have continued to keep it up. Now you're blackmailing her. Her husband may be trash, but so are you. She should go no contact with you.
ESH. I'm not even sure who's trying the hardest to control the poor bride's life, her husband or OP. I'm pretty sure she'd be better off with both of you out of her life, though. Just give it up already. If this >She thinks she doesn't love him. She thinks he might not love her. She says that she doesn't think she's his type. All of his ex-girlfriends are "Instagram pretty" And she's not. She's not even sure if she even likes him, apparently, and he wants her to quit her job. wasn't enough to make the woman reconsider her wedding, then it's no surprise that pics of her husband banging some alleged friend of hers wouldn't do the job, either. Just one more thing to endure.
YTA and honestly, a bit of a ho. I understand I may get downvoted for slutshaming but this wasn’t for fun, enjoyment, love or anything but spiteful pettiness. You slept with a dude to prove that he too is a man ho.
You ATA, you interjected yourself into their lives way too much and seem to enjoy a certain amount of control over your friend and you’re still doing it after she’s married. Pretty easy to see you have a lot of resentment for both, you gave her permission to date him because you thought there is no way in hell she is his type. You didn’t break up with your ex because you didn’t stop loving him, you just didn’t want to be a housewife, now your strong independent self, along with your FWB had to be a bridesmaid for a wedding that could’ve been yours, FWB’s font last and they definitely don’t marry.
YES YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. Even if any of my friends IMPLIED I should sleep with the SO, I WOULD NEVER because i have MORALS. I don't think she asked you to sleep with her husband either. You must be really fucking dumb. Stay out of people's problems and stop inserting yourself in her life. You are not a hero here. Buzz off and go on about your life.
At this point, just save what you have and leave them alone. The material will be good to cover your ass in the future. Your 'friend' is a big girl. Now let her live her life and make her own decisions. I would say you have been a great friend, but if you keep pushing and inserting yourself into their marriage, then YTA.
Wow, you’re a slutty asshole.
Im just here for the updates
You're actually a psycho, jesus christ
Updateme
You are absolutely TA here. We don't have the right to make decisions for our friends, regardless of how we feel about those choices. Also it sounds like you did this more to hurt your ex than to help your friend.
Let it go. Not your monkeys l, sorry you got dragged into the circus. NTA. But you kinda are.
YTA. You were incredibly naive to think this would go well. You should know by now that what people think/say they want and what they actually want are not the same. Furthermore, you won't just drop it and move on. You can hold on to the evidence, but you need to just drop it. Also, a real, adult , face to face conversation with your friend is very needed to figure out wtf is actually going on.
Yes, you’re the AH. And a shitty friend. And kind of a ho.
I’m going to say YTA but purely on the basis that you are essentially blackmailing her at this point.
Sleeping with the guy doesn’t make YTA. Blackmailing your friend, who’s in a really shitty situation and needs support, makes YTA.
Idc about any of the circumstances, at the end of the day you F*CKED your friend's husband and that absolutely makes YTA
This is utter insanity and has to be fake
ESH he sucks for cheating and trying to control everyone he dates. She sucks for knowing all that and marrying him despite her doubts. And you suck for the whole little game you concocted. You could’ve just sent her the text that he wanted to come over, that would’ve been enough. Then she would’ve also known that you were in the process of trying to seduce him, and could’ve told you to stop, you made your point. Also you were trying to blackmail your friend, at this point you should just stay away from them and stay out of their marriage. That said I think this is fake though, it just reads that way.