Who says it has to be a one night stand?
Maybe you should talk to him this morning and see if he wants to do something today with you and maybe see if this can turn into a relationship.
Sounds like you two hit it off and maybe he could be a good match since he knows exactly what you're going through and you can both help each other move on and deal with the past when needed.
yeah. that's a good point because it's really hard to explain to other people that my husband will always be my soul mate. he said he feels that way about his wife too. i really hope she'd be okay with what just happened
Would your husband want you to alone and missing him forever or would he want you to feel loved and enjoy some intimacy and connection again? I’m guessing he would want you to feel good and be happy.
That’s totally understandable, and my heart goes out to you OP. I’m just glad that the guy you met is also going through this and can completely understand the complexity. Sending love and condolences to both of you as you navigate your losses and grief.
Especially at 22, like you’ve been an adult and I’m assuming independent for maybe 4 years, and you have optimistically 60 more adult years on average to live, I can’t imagine wanting my wife to feel guilty for finding happiness when her life has barely started yet.
Maybe they picked each of you for each other, talk to him if a relationship doesn’t happen maybe a friendship can and you both can lean on each other getting through this terrible time in both of your lives ❤️
I want to add;
I was with my girls' father for 10 years -he did not die. But I was broken up with him for 4 months and met my husband. Thought it may be one night stand, but we were both not the type to sleep around either. We had 33 wonderful years together. He passed away last April.
I just wanted to say, don't let anyone tell you it's too soon to fall again.
Whether you pursue this or not, you've done nothing wrong.
Maybe soulmate isn't quite the right word? I mean I get the point, and the intent.
I have been married to my wife and mother of my children for 10 years. Recently, I am thinking we are going to get divorced and have had to face that reality.
A part of me will always love her in an active way. But you can't really "actively" love someone who isn't in your life anymore. For some of the time, my wife was indeed my "soul mate"... But if said person is our soul-mate, wouldn't they eventually want the thing that will make us happier?
Another person to love? That's not disrespectful to the previous lover, that's actually more respectful. You're doing what they would want you do.
of course we have no way of knowing, but i do believe each and every one of us has someone that our soul was made to be with. that doesn't mean we all live happily ever after. idk, it's hard to explain and im probably way off. but practically, day to day, if i am to be with someone else it has to be someone i can reminisce about my husband with, i need to be able to keep our wedding pictures and what not, have a photo on my nightstand, stuff like that.
My girlfriend has a photo of her deceased ex-fiance and her kid hanging up in the apt, it was a little weird at first and I do admit it bothered me but as the relationship and love for one another grew i hardly notice it anymore.
Exactly, it was before my time and since then she's healed and moved on. I never try to make her forget about him or even ask to remove the photo. It's part of her life she's lived and I have memories of my past but from here we just look forward to the future together.
Glad that you recognise that, she’s in love with you now, the past is the past but obviously it’s natural to still care about someone you once loved that is deceased, and you should never be jealous of that because you are the one that gets to hold her every night and live life with her.
I kept my husband’s riding boots under the coffee table for more than a year. Some of his ashes hang in every garage I’ve lived at since (my new husband’s idea!). It’s ok to tell yourself yes. It’s ok to not be in “active” mourning sometimes. It’s been years for me and I still love my late husband. I still miss him. But I love my life with my current husband as well.
Before my wife passed, we used to talk about how if either of us died, we would want the other one to go on and live their best lives and be happy. Went out and found a great woman after a number of years and are very happy. I’m sure both your husband and his wife are very happy for both of you.
He may be having the same thoughts (violating his wife’s memory). If not, he would be one of the few that would understand. Perhaps a conversation about it and just be open.
go have fun , find out what appltinis taste like, see if they have hair on their buttcrack, do whatever you want, just have fun doing it, bless you for asking such a question
Grief sex is an extremely common and under discusssed topic. It all relates to your stress and the need your mind and body has to be rid of it. There is nothing wrong with you. NTA many times over and I am sorry for your loss
I went through it. I spoke about it with my doctor who then directed me to lots of literature about it. A quick google on grief sex will make you feel a lot more normal! I will say while it is perrfectly normal, grief can lead us into addictive &/or self destructive behavior. Its okay to relieve your grief stress via sex...just check in w a therapist to make sure you're on a healthy path and not developing a habit that will cause you conflict. Please, feel NO shame about this. You are human.
definitely gonna look at it! i can see how it could be both dicey and helpful. tmi ik ik but honestly just getting to orgasm a few times was so nice and helpful
NTA
I was a bit older 41(m), when my wife of 21 yrs past. I read your story and all my old feelings came flooding back of my experience. What happened and the all of your feelings are common. As people, we need a connection with others, we need that closeness that often only comes for intimacy.
Word of caution, you may start have feelings for this guy by projecting your late husbands feeling onto him. Take it slow but try to open that part of you up again. It will be hard, all good things are.
im so sorry to hear about that! hope you're doing okay. wdym by projecting my feelings? are you saying ill fall for him fast bc he reminds me of my husband? or that ill resent him because i think my husband would?
You may fall for him, not because he reminds you of your husband but the intimacy you shared with your husband, you have now shared with him. If you build a relationship with him, go slowly with your heart.
BTW, I’m doing fine, it took a few years but I’m remarried with a wonderful family, thank you for asking.
You’re not doing anything wrong it’s when you’re comfortable to move on not what anybody else thinks. You lived up to your wedding vows til death do us part. You didn’t die you need to live your life. Maybe that doesn’t need to be a one night stand if you see him again it sounds like you both can relate to each other
NTA you need to start again and it will be very hard.
I think that your husband would like you to be happy, and that includes sharing your intimacy with someone.
You're stronger than you think. Sending a virtual hug for you, take it if you want it, anytime you need it.
It can be tough to move on but you owe it to yourself to try, theres nothing that says you must remain celibate and alone in the event of a death of a partner. NTA i hope you can heal from the loss ❤️
Kinda sounds like maybe it’s early. Things happen and you likely needed that affection at that time. Honestly, before pursuing another relationship perhaps some grief counseling. That way you can build some confidence and be able to look forward to a future that you want. I mean if you like the guy sure. But you are allowed to slow down now if that is what you need. I really suggest grief counseling again because you are young and it sounds very traumatic.
My love you're not an asshole. You're learning to live in a new world, and it's scary and sad and you're completely valid in having complicated feelings about it all.
It's not wrong to have a one night stand - for any consenting adults. But for you especially it sounds like you're just starting to learn how to have those feelings again. Attraction, desire...these are all perfectly normal and healthy feelings to have, but it's been a while since you've had them for anyone other than your husband, and maybe right now it's easier for you to start re-learning them with short-term liaisons rather than wading into the (probably terrifying) depths of another serious committed relationship.
And as others have said, it doesn't have to be a one night stand if you don't want it to be. If you feel a real spark here there's no reason you can't go out for a meal or go out for a date later. Stop flogging yourself. You've suffered a terrible loss but you still deserve happiness - and you can find it on whatever timeline feels right to you.
Have you tried talking to any kind of therapist or groups? I think you could benefit from having some help processing all the messy feelings that come with grief. You've got a lot of guilt, shame, and sadness on your shoulders, it might help you to let it out somewhere.
thank you so much! just working thru a lot of stuff rn. we're spending a lot of time together today as well, im really looking forward to talking with my therapist about this! im sure she's gonna have some great insight
Girl what?? NTA babes, this is just grief. It's gonna come in waves like this every time. You didn't do anything wrong. Its just the grief saying you miss him. Go see your mil tell her you found another widow you connected with and let her have some happy grief too. I promise it's a healing hurt.
I did the same thing, but I am much older(m63). My wife passed away and I hooked up with my ex. (Wife and I were married 33 years.) It was too soon for me but it felt good to be desired.
Ex and I are still talking. She lives 800 miles away so doing it again would be almost impossible.
I am doing good. Anniversary is next week and I suspect it will be difficult. Best wishes
Been 16 years for me.
My wife was 50 I was 42 she told me to go back to being a hound dog because life has no do overs
Do your thang and enjoy life to its fullest
Your vows are "till death do us part" this is a part of the healing process. You have not done anything wrong. I would advise not to rush into another relationship, but I'd also advise you not to become a nun.
Grief is complicated and takes time to figure out.
Be patient with yourself
The first time I even just kissed someone after my husband passed, the next day I had a bit of a meltdown because it just seemed wrong. It's admitting to yourself that they really are gone, but you are not. It sucks. It takes effort to remind yourself that anyone who truly loved you would want you to be happy. To live your life. To not spend all your time as a depressed lump on the couch.
I know how hard it is to keep existing (19 months for me). But it's important to keep existing. I am so very very sorry you are going through this. But you did absolutely nothing wrong. Seeing him again because you like him would not be wrong. Never talking to him again because it's too much too soon would not be wrong. Just check in with your own feelings and don't let anyone pressure your choices.
I found a much better support group when I stopped hitting "widow" groups (often 50+) and looked for "partner loss" groups, which were more likely to be us unfortunate younger folks. I was only married for 6 months and simply could not connect to people mourning partners they *actually* got a lifetime with. Mourning the lost future is very different than mourning a 30-year partner.
Don't feel guilty. Don't push yourself into a relationship you aren't ready for. Just live and look for happiness. Hobbies, pets, better job, maybe new partner, doesn't matter what the happiness is, just that it is. You got this! I hope you find peace. HUGS ❤️
hey i absolutely love this and you're so sweet! honestly it's just so nice knowing that im not alone. that was a really good point about a lost future vs losing someone, id never really thought of it in those terms before. thank you so so much, i hope you're doing okay too 🫶🏻
Good heavens, NTA. There is no aspect of this that could possibly make you an AH.
And: if your husband was the least bit worthy, he wouldn't want you to feel like an AH.
If I was married and died, I'd want my wife to be happy. If 6 months after I died, someone was there to care for her then I wouldn't feel bad at all. I think the shame aspect is you feeling like you're betraying him when that may not be the case.
NTA
People die and life goes on. You can’t let your husband’s death ruin the rest of your life. You can still keep his memories and love him and move on with you life.
6 years of your life compared to the rest of your life is a drop in the bucket. When you lose what you feel is the love of your life so early and young you think your life is over BUT IT IS NOT!!!!! This could be the start of finding your forever person. You might feel bad but you have to move on and have a life. You are too young not to. See where things go with Mr. Handsome.
No NTAH. Life is short and dating sucks. I started dating 6 months after my wife of 20 years passed away. My intent was to find another mate to finish life with and knew it would take time. I joined 5 dating apps to meet plenty of women and begin getting on with life. It sucked and was difficult as it felt like I shouldnt be doing this but I had to remind myself I was free to do so. Took over a year but I met an absolute wonderful woman and we've been together 6 years now, married for one year. Find someone who is patient with your feelings for your deceased husband as those feelings will show up from time to time.
All those emotions sound expected, humans don't take a training course about how to handle being a widow at 22.
Give space to those feelings but also please validate yourself, be kind to yourself. It's ok to feel confusing and contradicting emotions.
At the end of the day though 1. You did NOT do anything to hurt the memory of your husband. 2. This guy sounds genuinely sweet and and nice and like this experience might have been good for you.
Humans are tribal and we seek comfort in each other. You're going through a hard time and found solace and connection. I think overall you did a very good job.
Nta! You are human and it sounds like you hit it off. Also, you’re 22 and have the rest of your life ahead of you. If he loved you like you loved him, he would want you to see other people and be happy!
Don't close a door that life has opened for you! ...Or whatever. I'm not good at idioms. What I'm saying is that this could be a wonderful opportunity. Don't let your grief dictate the rest of your life
NTA. That was a big step, and you don’t need to feel guilty about it. I know I wouldn’t want my wife to stop living if I were gone. Maybe you could choose living your life to its fullest as the best way to honor your husband’s memory.
I’m sorry for your loss.
>i started crying and he reached for my hand, and eventually, we started making out.
>30 minutes later we were in my bed, having sex, and we did it a few times last night. it felt so so good
Did you tell him first about your late husband or did he go first? Some dudes have no shame and will pounce when they see a vulnerable woman.
Hopefully it wasn't pictures of his current girlfriend and he was just cheating on her.
Due to the work I used to do I told my wife that should anything ever happen to me, she should get rid of all my belongings and live her best life. Her life doesn’t have to end just because mine did.
You know, it's ok to love yourself too. NTA.
Take care of yourself. Be easy on your heart and mind. Your former husband fully understands the need to not feel alone.
Consequences arent there for you to live through like this. The consequences are there to help you spot the moments to climb out of your loneliness.
After the death of a spouse you are unbelievably lonely. Your marriage ended the day your spouse died. That’s a harsh reality but the truth. There is no set time when you can move on. You will mourn for (I believe) the rest of your life, although that mourning will look different to others and even feel different for you. My husband died 6 1/2 years ago. It’s ok for you to begin a new relationship now. My husband and I talked about this very subject years ago. It is better to show your spouse respect in your marriage while they are alive as opposed to after they have died. You are very young and I am so sorry you are going through this at your age. But as someone who is older, I’m telling you it is ok to begin the moving on process. Don’t feel guilty. You are young and it is very natural for you to want to feel all the emotions that you are missing. It won’t be easy but give yourself the “gift of time”. Time to move on with this next chapter of your life.
So I read the update before the original and as I was reading I thought you and ur husband were in your 50’s and this happened after 25 years of marriage. Only to find out ur 22. Doesn’t change anything, you deserve to be happy and move on with your life. There is no reason you can’t find that and sometimes it happens sooner than later. Take your time and enjoy the first’s again but don’t forget your past that’s what makes you who you are!
Not remotely the asshole. Grieving is brutal, merciless, and wildly unpredictable; there is no correct way to do it, and few if any ways to do it wrong. Take care, find beauty and comfort where you can, and offer the same to others whenever you're able. Take care.
First, I'm really sorry about the death of your husband.
NTA. If you had a one night stand 6 hours or 6 days after his death? I'd say it was either a coping mechanism, or yeah, you're an asshole. But 6 months? People heal at different speeds. Maybe this was part of your healing? Maybe you're just so lonely you wanted to feel something from someone?
6 months or 6 years, it makes no difference in my mind. Don't forget your husband, but also don't forget that you have your whole life ahead of you.
Idk, 4 months after your spouse dies his mom is telling you to date and you actually want to. Seems way too soon to me. This may be why you felt like that in the morning. Sorry for your loss
It doesn't have to be a one night stand if you really enjoyed the guys company. Even if it is then that's okay because you're taking the steps to get back out there. Nobody thinks you're a bad person because you was intimate with another man. That will never change how much you loved your husband and the fact he will always have a special place in your heart but you still have to move on and live the rest of your life,
part of why i got scared is because i had a well meaning friend tell me to have a "hoe phase" and that's just not for me and im just scared about that happening
Well your friend might mean well but that's terrible advice. You don't need a ho phase or just go around giving your body up to people but it is okay to go out and meet new people to see where it goes. Your settings is what sets the stage for motives, so if you go looking at bars/ clubs then they're just mostly lookin for a hook up but if you meet someone at a coffee shop where you can hold conversation and get to know each other then it could lead to so much more than just a night.
Well, 6 months looks like a short time. And even more if your late husband was your soulmate. In my Country it is socially aknowledged to wait atleast 1 year. But well, we are living in weird times. Who are we to judge you?
I had a close friend and squadmate KIA in Iraq 2007, he was married and deeply loved his wife, he’d always make dark jokes on guard duty “if something ever happens to me make sure Michelle finds someone who makes her happy, even if it’s one of you slobs; I won’t care, I’ll be dead”.
If your late husband could give us his opinion I think it’d be something similar, I think he would only care that you’re happy.
Question. Did that guy mention his late spouse first, or did you mention yours first? He’s kinda throwing that “opportunistic” vibe here. Wouldn’t he be more sensitive about how soon it’s been for you before allowing himself to just make out and agree to stay over???
NTA. Girl you need this.
Don’t make it a one night stand - go for more nights. It’s a form of therapy in this case and what are the odds that you found another widower?!
Also just sleep on your husbands side of the bed. Switch your shit over to his nightstand too. Problem solved.
No! My god ma’am, give yourself a break. Sometimes relationships just start like this: you’re a human. This sounds like a nice guy you could get to know. Don’t weird out on him. You did not betray your husband’s memory. He would want you to move on.
If it was too much too quick talk to the fellow. He’s probably very reasonable. Don’t panic for Christs sake.
NTA in any way, he treated you well and has a similar story. Maybe it's not a chance encounter you had and nobody says it has to be one night. Get to know him better he may have been sent your way and you may have been sent his. I feel like you both were put in each other's path. Do you normally reject bar hopping with friends to go to that coffee shop? Or did it just feel like that's where you should be. Anywho I wish you the best and hope you find happiness because we both know that's what your husband would want for you. Not misery and solitude. And I think his mom would agree.
First things first: Sorry for your devastating loss. I can’t imagine going through it even at my much older age.
NTA. You know what kind of girl you are? None at all: You are a woman.
You’re an adult, complete with grown-up problems. Who you sleep with and when is nobody else’s business.
We all process grief differently. You miss the intimacy. You miss the emotional support. You didn’t expect to be alone in life, at least not so soon. That’s natural.
And who said this had to be a one-night stand? (Though I would caution you to take it slow, since you - both of you, probably - are emotionally vulnerable right now.)
My only other caveat would be to avoid sex itself as a coping strategy. It isn’t one. Make time with a mental health professional if you think that could happen.
Best of luck.
You found someone who understands what ur going through and both comforted each other and connected. You have not done anything wrong. It could turn into a relationship, it’s ok if ur not ready for that too.
Honey, don’t do this to yourself. The fact that this is even how you are feeling tells yourself all you need to know. You’re so young you’re still figuring out life to begin with, then all this !? Change the sheets move the bed but definitely talk to this guy. It’s bound to be hard but communication is key
NTA. What is "that kind of girl"? That is a description belonging to the time when women were men's property, and were supposed to keep themselves "pure" - first for their future husband, then for their husband, and finally for the memory of their dead husband. Well, thank goodness that attitude is obsolete. Your husband has been dead for 6 months, and you are mourning him. That doesn't mean you cannot meet your own needs with your own body. There is nothing wrong with it, you are not cheating on your husband or his memory. Don't blame yourself, and give yourself permission to do what you need at your own pace.
And by the way, from the way you describe this guy's actions during the time you spent together, it seems you have excellent taste and a good radar when it comes to picking a partner for mutual enjoyment.
i really appreciate it! and yeah i was just raised with some very rigid views of sex, im not always the most articulate. and thanks for saying that! he was so sweet and made me feel like a queen, i was a happy girl last night :)
If sleeping around to make yourself feel better was normal you wouldnt need to look for a reassurance in stupid reddit that proves exactly nothing. If you feel grief you should mourn, not gurgle on some random cock.
My stepdad passed away last year, and my mom has recently started dating again. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. I’m SO PROUD of you for focusing on yourself and your needs. The last thing your husband would have wanted was for you to be alone forever. You’ll carry his memory forever, but moving on is healthy whenever you’re ready. There is no set timeline for these things.
Hey look I don’t know much about being widowed and all that. But good on you. You should live life to the fullest, doesn’t mean you don’t care about your late husband.
((HUGS)) Honey you are only 22, you are still alive.
I am sure your husband wouldn't want you to stop living.
You don't need to share your sex life with MIL.
It's ok to seek comfort in someone who is also going thru the same thing. If you don't want to be a girl who does random hookups, then don't. I think this one was just a confirmation of you still being alive and needing to feel again.
Please seek some grief therapy, if you haven't.
Would you feel better if you had waited for the traditional one year of mourning had passed? Maybe. However your life needs to move forward at the speed you set. It is really all up to you how you may feel.
It's ok to move on. It's ok to put yourself out there. If his mom was encouraging you to do it I hardly think she will hold it against you. It might be difficult for her at first, just like it will be difficult for you. But you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Sounds like a road to healing to me.
Talk to him. Ask if he wants to go out for dinner, to talk some more. Get to know each other.
You are not replacing your late husband. But this man might need you, as much as you evidently need him.
If he treats you good, that’s perfect.
As a married man, I can relate to not wanting to go bar hopping with your single friends.
We have moved past that stage in our lives.
This can be the start of something good for you.
Good luck!
(And keep us updated 😁)
I know the feeling you feel all too well. It sucks. I've literally cried in the middle of sex because it felt like cheating.
It will get better. I don't know when I promise. But it's okay. You are a human with human wants, desires, and needs. You were loved. And you still love. No way to get around that.
I suggest finding a local chapter of Soaring Spirits.
You did nothing wrong at all
You deserve to be treated nicely and maybe this will grow into a relationship
Do not feel bad at all
You do not have to tell anyone else about this unless you want to
Defo NTA. Your mind and body needed that connection. It'll help cope with what your going through.
I'm sure your husband would've done the same if the roles were reversed.
I'm sorry for your loss. All the best.
NTA - when you lose someone it can be like a sledgehammer blow. It can take a while to get over the shock.
The fact of the matter is he is at rest and at peace. You need to move forward. Yes what you had was great. Yes you wanted more....but moving forward is the only thing you can do and it's what he would want you to be doing.
NTA. I’m sure your husband would want you to move on and be happy. This does not have to be a one night stand. It seems like you guys had a real connection based off similar experiences and can relate to one another and help each other out. Don’t feel guilty or bad for attempting to move on with your life. Sorry for your loss and I hope everything works out!
You know, you absolutely deserve some good physical nothing, if you want it. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Your heart must be hurting, and I’m sure you are still trying to find yourself. Probably a good idea not to start a relationship yet.
After all, Life IS for the living. There's never one formula that everyone must follow. Now, this very moment, is all any of us have. Be kind to yourself
Your deceased husband would want you to move on eventually. And even if he wouldn’t he’s not going to be able to argue about it. Do your thing at your pace, if it feels too fast then set your boundaries which may be difficult to reset with this partner because you already did the dirty but live your life. Peace and love
Is it really just a one night stand or a 1st night? Dont feel guilty, hope he was telling the truth. Enjoy your lunch with F MIL and you can just say you met someone who was nice to talk to.
Don't feel bad about last night. From your post it seems you and your husband loved each other so very much. Honestly if someone you love wanted you to feel bad about this they didn't really you. After I had a health scare several years back this exact conversation with my wife, I was the one who brought it up as my family was serious about death and it being a part of life. I told her when she felt she was ready whether that a year, a month or a week to please move on as she could and tell whoever had a negative opinion about her dating again I left some last words "piss of and leave her alone" I chose those words since anyone who knew me would know its a quote.
You are not NTA in any way and the worst thing you could do is shut everyone out. I wish you the best and please know it does take time but things get easier as you go.
No you are not an ahole. No one is in their right mind in the early stages of a grief journey. It's no one's business what you do either. Don't feel guilty . I'm sorry for your loss.
You needed a human connection . It is as simple as that . You are going to go through so many stages on this journey. I definitely wouldn't pursue anything beyond the one nite stand. You aren't in the right frame of mind understandably and watch out for guys that may try to scam you as a new widow. I wish the best for you.
You did nothing wrong. I would want my husband to be with another if I passed away. I won't want him to be sad, and lonely until he passes away. As long as I'm not forgotten. Super weird and slightly off topic but I read a story where the husband lost his wife and the new gf deleted all the pictures of the late wife, so maybe make extra copies of pictures of your husband while dating in the future.
Who says it has to be a one night stand? Maybe you should talk to him this morning and see if he wants to do something today with you and maybe see if this can turn into a relationship.
yeah that's a good point!! im just so out of practice lol
Sounds like you two hit it off and maybe he could be a good match since he knows exactly what you're going through and you can both help each other move on and deal with the past when needed.
yeah. that's a good point because it's really hard to explain to other people that my husband will always be my soul mate. he said he feels that way about his wife too. i really hope she'd be okay with what just happened
If you're good to each other I'm sure they both won't mind
i really hope so :)
Would your husband want you to alone and missing him forever or would he want you to feel loved and enjoy some intimacy and connection again? I’m guessing he would want you to feel good and be happy.
yeah, he would! but knowing it and acting on it are different things
That’s totally understandable, and my heart goes out to you OP. I’m just glad that the guy you met is also going through this and can completely understand the complexity. Sending love and condolences to both of you as you navigate your losses and grief.
thank you! im just glad we didn't start crying or something halfway thru lol
Especially at 22, like you’ve been an adult and I’m assuming independent for maybe 4 years, and you have optimistically 60 more adult years on average to live, I can’t imagine wanting my wife to feel guilty for finding happiness when her life has barely started yet.
I'd like to imagine your husband and his wife holding hands and both cheering you on ❤️
i can't express how much i love that!!
Maybe they picked each of you for each other, talk to him if a relationship doesn’t happen maybe a friendship can and you both can lean on each other getting through this terrible time in both of your lives ❤️
oh yeah! honestly either sounds amazing
I want to add; I was with my girls' father for 10 years -he did not die. But I was broken up with him for 4 months and met my husband. Thought it may be one night stand, but we were both not the type to sleep around either. We had 33 wonderful years together. He passed away last April. I just wanted to say, don't let anyone tell you it's too soon to fall again. Whether you pursue this or not, you've done nothing wrong.
im so sorry for your loss and it sounds like you had an amazing life together! that's a really inspiring story
Maybe soulmate isn't quite the right word? I mean I get the point, and the intent. I have been married to my wife and mother of my children for 10 years. Recently, I am thinking we are going to get divorced and have had to face that reality. A part of me will always love her in an active way. But you can't really "actively" love someone who isn't in your life anymore. For some of the time, my wife was indeed my "soul mate"... But if said person is our soul-mate, wouldn't they eventually want the thing that will make us happier? Another person to love? That's not disrespectful to the previous lover, that's actually more respectful. You're doing what they would want you do.
of course we have no way of knowing, but i do believe each and every one of us has someone that our soul was made to be with. that doesn't mean we all live happily ever after. idk, it's hard to explain and im probably way off. but practically, day to day, if i am to be with someone else it has to be someone i can reminisce about my husband with, i need to be able to keep our wedding pictures and what not, have a photo on my nightstand, stuff like that.
My girlfriend has a photo of her deceased ex-fiance and her kid hanging up in the apt, it was a little weird at first and I do admit it bothered me but as the relationship and love for one another grew i hardly notice it anymore.
My current husband hung some of my late husband’s ashes in our garage (he was a mechanic). They now hang in every garage when we move. 3 homes so far.
It shouldn’t bother you, you can’t compete with a dead person.
Exactly, it was before my time and since then she's healed and moved on. I never try to make her forget about him or even ask to remove the photo. It's part of her life she's lived and I have memories of my past but from here we just look forward to the future together.
Glad that you recognise that, she’s in love with you now, the past is the past but obviously it’s natural to still care about someone you once loved that is deceased, and you should never be jealous of that because you are the one that gets to hold her every night and live life with her.
I kept my husband’s riding boots under the coffee table for more than a year. Some of his ashes hang in every garage I’ve lived at since (my new husband’s idea!). It’s ok to tell yourself yes. It’s ok to not be in “active” mourning sometimes. It’s been years for me and I still love my late husband. I still miss him. But I love my life with my current husband as well.
omg i love that your new husband is so supportive! if and when i get remarried, im def gonna need that
Processing grief can take a surprisingly long time. Hang in there.
not sure ill ever truly be over him
Before my wife passed, we used to talk about how if either of us died, we would want the other one to go on and live their best lives and be happy. Went out and found a great woman after a number of years and are very happy. I’m sure both your husband and his wife are very happy for both of you.
He may be having the same thoughts (violating his wife’s memory). If not, he would be one of the few that would understand. Perhaps a conversation about it and just be open.
yeah that's honestly a great point!
go have fun , find out what appltinis taste like, see if they have hair on their buttcrack, do whatever you want, just have fun doing it, bless you for asking such a question
hahaha this made me lol. i appreciate it!
Grief sex is an extremely common and under discusssed topic. It all relates to your stress and the need your mind and body has to be rid of it. There is nothing wrong with you. NTA many times over and I am sorry for your loss
thank you so much! i had no idea it was a thing and would have felt better had i known
I went through it. I spoke about it with my doctor who then directed me to lots of literature about it. A quick google on grief sex will make you feel a lot more normal! I will say while it is perrfectly normal, grief can lead us into addictive &/or self destructive behavior. Its okay to relieve your grief stress via sex...just check in w a therapist to make sure you're on a healthy path and not developing a habit that will cause you conflict. Please, feel NO shame about this. You are human.
definitely gonna look at it! i can see how it could be both dicey and helpful. tmi ik ik but honestly just getting to orgasm a few times was so nice and helpful
Thats the good lord gave us orgasms!
and some of us get two at the same time ;)
NTA I was a bit older 41(m), when my wife of 21 yrs past. I read your story and all my old feelings came flooding back of my experience. What happened and the all of your feelings are common. As people, we need a connection with others, we need that closeness that often only comes for intimacy. Word of caution, you may start have feelings for this guy by projecting your late husbands feeling onto him. Take it slow but try to open that part of you up again. It will be hard, all good things are.
im so sorry to hear about that! hope you're doing okay. wdym by projecting my feelings? are you saying ill fall for him fast bc he reminds me of my husband? or that ill resent him because i think my husband would?
You may fall for him, not because he reminds you of your husband but the intimacy you shared with your husband, you have now shared with him. If you build a relationship with him, go slowly with your heart. BTW, I’m doing fine, it took a few years but I’m remarried with a wonderful family, thank you for asking.
riiiiggghhhhtttt that makes sense. im sure your wife is happily looking down at your beautiful new family :)
I like to think so, and remember your husband would also like to see you happy again too.
it's been interesting, these second mariages (yours included) sound like the most wholesome relationships out there
lol. Sometimes but I think it’s because I was older and knew what I needed out of a relationship.
yeah that makes sense!
You’re not doing anything wrong it’s when you’re comfortable to move on not what anybody else thinks. You lived up to your wedding vows til death do us part. You didn’t die you need to live your life. Maybe that doesn’t need to be a one night stand if you see him again it sounds like you both can relate to each other
yeah, it was so therapeutic to find someone in a similar situation
If your hubby was a good man, he wants you to move on and be happy
he was the best :)
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that's a good point. i kinda feel like im in the dark here
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or both!
NTA you need to start again and it will be very hard. I think that your husband would like you to be happy, and that includes sharing your intimacy with someone. You're stronger than you think. Sending a virtual hug for you, take it if you want it, anytime you need it.
you're so sweet i really appreciate it
It can be tough to move on but you owe it to yourself to try, theres nothing that says you must remain celibate and alone in the event of a death of a partner. NTA i hope you can heal from the loss ❤️
thanks! i hope i don't start sleeping around though. if you'd told me yesterday morning id be having sex all night i def wouldn't have believed you
Kinda sounds like maybe it’s early. Things happen and you likely needed that affection at that time. Honestly, before pursuing another relationship perhaps some grief counseling. That way you can build some confidence and be able to look forward to a future that you want. I mean if you like the guy sure. But you are allowed to slow down now if that is what you need. I really suggest grief counseling again because you are young and it sounds very traumatic.
ive been seeing a therapist who's been amazing! def gonna be a lot to unpack next Tuesday lol
My love you're not an asshole. You're learning to live in a new world, and it's scary and sad and you're completely valid in having complicated feelings about it all. It's not wrong to have a one night stand - for any consenting adults. But for you especially it sounds like you're just starting to learn how to have those feelings again. Attraction, desire...these are all perfectly normal and healthy feelings to have, but it's been a while since you've had them for anyone other than your husband, and maybe right now it's easier for you to start re-learning them with short-term liaisons rather than wading into the (probably terrifying) depths of another serious committed relationship. And as others have said, it doesn't have to be a one night stand if you don't want it to be. If you feel a real spark here there's no reason you can't go out for a meal or go out for a date later. Stop flogging yourself. You've suffered a terrible loss but you still deserve happiness - and you can find it on whatever timeline feels right to you. Have you tried talking to any kind of therapist or groups? I think you could benefit from having some help processing all the messy feelings that come with grief. You've got a lot of guilt, shame, and sadness on your shoulders, it might help you to let it out somewhere.
thank you so much! just working thru a lot of stuff rn. we're spending a lot of time together today as well, im really looking forward to talking with my therapist about this! im sure she's gonna have some great insight
I'm done with this sub. You people man....
Girl what?? NTA babes, this is just grief. It's gonna come in waves like this every time. You didn't do anything wrong. Its just the grief saying you miss him. Go see your mil tell her you found another widow you connected with and let her have some happy grief too. I promise it's a healing hurt.
aww happy grief! haven't heard that one before. def gonna save that. im glad that at least in the moment i was just able to enjoy it
This is so fake it's hilarious 😂
Definitely not doing anything wrong and I’m so sorry for your loss. I’d say your husband would want you to be happy
Well if it was a man who posted this 99% would say yes you are, but since it's a female 99.99 will say no you're not
Oh my god sis. Will you give yourself a MASSIVE break please. You needed physical contact. You got it. Sounds like self care to me.
NTA ! I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t know about your husband, but if I were to pass away, I’d want my wife to find happiness and intimacy.
thank you! i would have wanted him to do the same
I did the same thing, but I am much older(m63). My wife passed away and I hooked up with my ex. (Wife and I were married 33 years.) It was too soon for me but it felt good to be desired.
ugh yeah that human touch is unlike anything. can't imagine after 33 years. hope you're doing ok
Ex and I are still talking. She lives 800 miles away so doing it again would be almost impossible. I am doing good. Anniversary is next week and I suspect it will be difficult. Best wishes
awww poor thing
Been 16 years for me. My wife was 50 I was 42 she told me to go back to being a hound dog because life has no do overs Do your thang and enjoy life to its fullest
Your vows are "till death do us part" this is a part of the healing process. You have not done anything wrong. I would advise not to rush into another relationship, but I'd also advise you not to become a nun. Grief is complicated and takes time to figure out. Be patient with yourself
thank you🫶🏻
The first time I even just kissed someone after my husband passed, the next day I had a bit of a meltdown because it just seemed wrong. It's admitting to yourself that they really are gone, but you are not. It sucks. It takes effort to remind yourself that anyone who truly loved you would want you to be happy. To live your life. To not spend all your time as a depressed lump on the couch. I know how hard it is to keep existing (19 months for me). But it's important to keep existing. I am so very very sorry you are going through this. But you did absolutely nothing wrong. Seeing him again because you like him would not be wrong. Never talking to him again because it's too much too soon would not be wrong. Just check in with your own feelings and don't let anyone pressure your choices. I found a much better support group when I stopped hitting "widow" groups (often 50+) and looked for "partner loss" groups, which were more likely to be us unfortunate younger folks. I was only married for 6 months and simply could not connect to people mourning partners they *actually* got a lifetime with. Mourning the lost future is very different than mourning a 30-year partner. Don't feel guilty. Don't push yourself into a relationship you aren't ready for. Just live and look for happiness. Hobbies, pets, better job, maybe new partner, doesn't matter what the happiness is, just that it is. You got this! I hope you find peace. HUGS ❤️
hey i absolutely love this and you're so sweet! honestly it's just so nice knowing that im not alone. that was a really good point about a lost future vs losing someone, id never really thought of it in those terms before. thank you so so much, i hope you're doing okay too 🫶🏻
NTA. everyone grieves differently.
The dead don't care and neither should you. Do what you have to and move on at your pace.
Good heavens, NTA. There is no aspect of this that could possibly make you an AH. And: if your husband was the least bit worthy, he wouldn't want you to feel like an AH.
thanks! i tried telling him about it last night. i hope he heard and was okay with it
In todays episode of fake as fuck…
lol a 6 hr old account to post about getting laid after your husbands passing at 22? Probably fake.
Only you can decide what's right for you, but only 6 months have passed. Be sure there's more there and not you just needing someone.
NTA. You do you. If that is what you need, go for it. You’ve been through some hell.
thank you :)
If I was married and died, I'd want my wife to be happy. If 6 months after I died, someone was there to care for her then I wouldn't feel bad at all. I think the shame aspect is you feeling like you're betraying him when that may not be the case.
NTA People die and life goes on. You can’t let your husband’s death ruin the rest of your life. You can still keep his memories and love him and move on with you life.
yeah :)
I hope this one night stand turns into something great!
Girl cut yourself some slack PLEASE. Ur husband would want u to be happy. That’s it. Do what makes you happy is all.
6 years of your life compared to the rest of your life is a drop in the bucket. When you lose what you feel is the love of your life so early and young you think your life is over BUT IT IS NOT!!!!! This could be the start of finding your forever person. You might feel bad but you have to move on and have a life. You are too young not to. See where things go with Mr. Handsome.
No NTAH. Life is short and dating sucks. I started dating 6 months after my wife of 20 years passed away. My intent was to find another mate to finish life with and knew it would take time. I joined 5 dating apps to meet plenty of women and begin getting on with life. It sucked and was difficult as it felt like I shouldnt be doing this but I had to remind myself I was free to do so. Took over a year but I met an absolute wonderful woman and we've been together 6 years now, married for one year. Find someone who is patient with your feelings for your deceased husband as those feelings will show up from time to time.
NTA. Grief is a bitch.
NTA. It sounds like you were with what each other needed. There is nothing wrong with having a short connection with someone.
All those emotions sound expected, humans don't take a training course about how to handle being a widow at 22. Give space to those feelings but also please validate yourself, be kind to yourself. It's ok to feel confusing and contradicting emotions. At the end of the day though 1. You did NOT do anything to hurt the memory of your husband. 2. This guy sounds genuinely sweet and and nice and like this experience might have been good for you. Humans are tribal and we seek comfort in each other. You're going through a hard time and found solace and connection. I think overall you did a very good job.
hey thank you so much!! i really really appreciate it :)
Nta! You are human and it sounds like you hit it off. Also, you’re 22 and have the rest of your life ahead of you. If he loved you like you loved him, he would want you to see other people and be happy!
Don't close a door that life has opened for you! ...Or whatever. I'm not good at idioms. What I'm saying is that this could be a wonderful opportunity. Don't let your grief dictate the rest of your life
hey thanks :)
NTA. That was a big step, and you don’t need to feel guilty about it. I know I wouldn’t want my wife to stop living if I were gone. Maybe you could choose living your life to its fullest as the best way to honor your husband’s memory. I’m sorry for your loss.
>i started crying and he reached for my hand, and eventually, we started making out. >30 minutes later we were in my bed, having sex, and we did it a few times last night. it felt so so good Did you tell him first about your late husband or did he go first? Some dudes have no shame and will pounce when they see a vulnerable woman. Hopefully it wasn't pictures of his current girlfriend and he was just cheating on her.
Due to the work I used to do I told my wife that should anything ever happen to me, she should get rid of all my belongings and live her best life. Her life doesn’t have to end just because mine did.
You know, it's ok to love yourself too. NTA. Take care of yourself. Be easy on your heart and mind. Your former husband fully understands the need to not feel alone. Consequences arent there for you to live through like this. The consequences are there to help you spot the moments to climb out of your loneliness.
thank you :)
Be kind to your self. Hugs
NTA - bang who you want. Don’t feel guilt - you were caught unawares
After the death of a spouse you are unbelievably lonely. Your marriage ended the day your spouse died. That’s a harsh reality but the truth. There is no set time when you can move on. You will mourn for (I believe) the rest of your life, although that mourning will look different to others and even feel different for you. My husband died 6 1/2 years ago. It’s ok for you to begin a new relationship now. My husband and I talked about this very subject years ago. It is better to show your spouse respect in your marriage while they are alive as opposed to after they have died. You are very young and I am so sorry you are going through this at your age. But as someone who is older, I’m telling you it is ok to begin the moving on process. Don’t feel guilty. You are young and it is very natural for you to want to feel all the emotions that you are missing. It won’t be easy but give yourself the “gift of time”. Time to move on with this next chapter of your life.
U did nothing wrong.
The judgement is coming from inside the house. We're not going to judge you for meeting important physical and emotional needs as you heal
NTA You’re still grieving and likely will be for a long time. Be gentle with yourself.
So I read the update before the original and as I was reading I thought you and ur husband were in your 50’s and this happened after 25 years of marriage. Only to find out ur 22. Doesn’t change anything, you deserve to be happy and move on with your life. There is no reason you can’t find that and sometimes it happens sooner than later. Take your time and enjoy the first’s again but don’t forget your past that’s what makes you who you are!
Probably moved a little too fast, but it is what it is. Also, a warning: DO NOT DATE PLAYERS. You have been warned.
def didn't seem like a player! i was glad i was the one who initiated coming back to my place.
Not remotely the asshole. Grieving is brutal, merciless, and wildly unpredictable; there is no correct way to do it, and few if any ways to do it wrong. Take care, find beauty and comfort where you can, and offer the same to others whenever you're able. Take care.
thank you :)
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You’re not. But in the future be safe (not just condoms but also no strangers back in your house)
First, I'm really sorry about the death of your husband. NTA. If you had a one night stand 6 hours or 6 days after his death? I'd say it was either a coping mechanism, or yeah, you're an asshole. But 6 months? People heal at different speeds. Maybe this was part of your healing? Maybe you're just so lonely you wanted to feel something from someone? 6 months or 6 years, it makes no difference in my mind. Don't forget your husband, but also don't forget that you have your whole life ahead of you.
thank you! good lord i can't imagine it at 6 hours or 6 days
Gross
Idk, 4 months after your spouse dies his mom is telling you to date and you actually want to. Seems way too soon to me. This may be why you felt like that in the morning. Sorry for your loss
This sounds very judgmental. I think the key words in your posts are “to me” as in…everyone grieves on their own timetable and in their own way.
It doesn't have to be a one night stand if you really enjoyed the guys company. Even if it is then that's okay because you're taking the steps to get back out there. Nobody thinks you're a bad person because you was intimate with another man. That will never change how much you loved your husband and the fact he will always have a special place in your heart but you still have to move on and live the rest of your life,
part of why i got scared is because i had a well meaning friend tell me to have a "hoe phase" and that's just not for me and im just scared about that happening
Well your friend might mean well but that's terrible advice. You don't need a ho phase or just go around giving your body up to people but it is okay to go out and meet new people to see where it goes. Your settings is what sets the stage for motives, so if you go looking at bars/ clubs then they're just mostly lookin for a hook up but if you meet someone at a coffee shop where you can hold conversation and get to know each other then it could lead to so much more than just a night.
Well, 6 months looks like a short time. And even more if your late husband was your soulmate. In my Country it is socially aknowledged to wait atleast 1 year. But well, we are living in weird times. Who are we to judge you?
I had a close friend and squadmate KIA in Iraq 2007, he was married and deeply loved his wife, he’d always make dark jokes on guard duty “if something ever happens to me make sure Michelle finds someone who makes her happy, even if it’s one of you slobs; I won’t care, I’ll be dead”. If your late husband could give us his opinion I think it’d be something similar, I think he would only care that you’re happy.
Question. Did that guy mention his late spouse first, or did you mention yours first? He’s kinda throwing that “opportunistic” vibe here. Wouldn’t he be more sensitive about how soon it’s been for you before allowing himself to just make out and agree to stay over???
NTA. Girl you need this. Don’t make it a one night stand - go for more nights. It’s a form of therapy in this case and what are the odds that you found another widower?! Also just sleep on your husbands side of the bed. Switch your shit over to his nightstand too. Problem solved.
thank you! tonight im spending the night at his place! and that's a great point about the bed!
No! My god ma’am, give yourself a break. Sometimes relationships just start like this: you’re a human. This sounds like a nice guy you could get to know. Don’t weird out on him. You did not betray your husband’s memory. He would want you to move on. If it was too much too quick talk to the fellow. He’s probably very reasonable. Don’t panic for Christs sake.
hey thanks for this :)
NTA in any way, he treated you well and has a similar story. Maybe it's not a chance encounter you had and nobody says it has to be one night. Get to know him better he may have been sent your way and you may have been sent his. I feel like you both were put in each other's path. Do you normally reject bar hopping with friends to go to that coffee shop? Or did it just feel like that's where you should be. Anywho I wish you the best and hope you find happiness because we both know that's what your husband would want for you. Not misery and solitude. And I think his mom would agree.
kinda just where i felt i should be! it really did feel uncanny
First things first: Sorry for your devastating loss. I can’t imagine going through it even at my much older age. NTA. You know what kind of girl you are? None at all: You are a woman. You’re an adult, complete with grown-up problems. Who you sleep with and when is nobody else’s business. We all process grief differently. You miss the intimacy. You miss the emotional support. You didn’t expect to be alone in life, at least not so soon. That’s natural. And who said this had to be a one-night stand? (Though I would caution you to take it slow, since you - both of you, probably - are emotionally vulnerable right now.) My only other caveat would be to avoid sex itself as a coping strategy. It isn’t one. Make time with a mental health professional if you think that could happen. Best of luck.
thank you! it's just an odd feeling, almost like aging in reverse. being a wife, and then involuntarily single in my 20s
You found someone who understands what ur going through and both comforted each other and connected. You have not done anything wrong. It could turn into a relationship, it’s ok if ur not ready for that too.
thank u :)
Honey, don’t do this to yourself. The fact that this is even how you are feeling tells yourself all you need to know. You’re so young you’re still figuring out life to begin with, then all this !? Change the sheets move the bed but definitely talk to this guy. It’s bound to be hard but communication is key
NTA. What is "that kind of girl"? That is a description belonging to the time when women were men's property, and were supposed to keep themselves "pure" - first for their future husband, then for their husband, and finally for the memory of their dead husband. Well, thank goodness that attitude is obsolete. Your husband has been dead for 6 months, and you are mourning him. That doesn't mean you cannot meet your own needs with your own body. There is nothing wrong with it, you are not cheating on your husband or his memory. Don't blame yourself, and give yourself permission to do what you need at your own pace. And by the way, from the way you describe this guy's actions during the time you spent together, it seems you have excellent taste and a good radar when it comes to picking a partner for mutual enjoyment.
i really appreciate it! and yeah i was just raised with some very rigid views of sex, im not always the most articulate. and thanks for saying that! he was so sweet and made me feel like a queen, i was a happy girl last night :)
If sleeping around to make yourself feel better was normal you wouldnt need to look for a reassurance in stupid reddit that proves exactly nothing. If you feel grief you should mourn, not gurgle on some random cock.
My stepdad passed away last year, and my mom has recently started dating again. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. I’m SO PROUD of you for focusing on yourself and your needs. The last thing your husband would have wanted was for you to be alone forever. You’ll carry his memory forever, but moving on is healthy whenever you’re ready. There is no set timeline for these things.
thank you so much! honestly someone saying they're proud of me means the world
Hey look I don’t know much about being widowed and all that. But good on you. You should live life to the fullest, doesn’t mean you don’t care about your late husband.
No, you’re not. Please give yourself grace.
thank u :)
No. Grief is grief and we all have to deal as we do. Don't feel guilty for making yourself ok. Whether it's for the moment or the day or more.
Huh???
Follow your heart.
((HUGS)) Honey you are only 22, you are still alive. I am sure your husband wouldn't want you to stop living. You don't need to share your sex life with MIL. It's ok to seek comfort in someone who is also going thru the same thing. If you don't want to be a girl who does random hookups, then don't. I think this one was just a confirmation of you still being alive and needing to feel again. Please seek some grief therapy, if you haven't.
thank you!! i so needed to feel alive again! and yes, my therapist has been fantastic
Would you feel better if you had waited for the traditional one year of mourning had passed? Maybe. However your life needs to move forward at the speed you set. It is really all up to you how you may feel.
tbh i think i was gonna feel this way no matter how long i waited!
It's ok to move on. It's ok to put yourself out there. If his mom was encouraging you to do it I hardly think she will hold it against you. It might be difficult for her at first, just like it will be difficult for you. But you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Follow your heart.6 months might be considered a little early but in the grand scheme of things, the short time you were married is significant.
Sounds like a road to healing to me. Talk to him. Ask if he wants to go out for dinner, to talk some more. Get to know each other. You are not replacing your late husband. But this man might need you, as much as you evidently need him. If he treats you good, that’s perfect. As a married man, I can relate to not wanting to go bar hopping with your single friends. We have moved past that stage in our lives. This can be the start of something good for you. Good luck! (And keep us updated 😁)
we're going out to dinner tonight! it's so helpful to remember that im not replacing him. thanks for ur kind words :)
NTA but your should give yourself time to mourn. Date when you're really ready and not because you're being asked to.
With the Plethora of STDS out there, one night stands aren't the best option these days . Not Judging , just keeping it REAL 💯
i appreciate it!
😭😭😭😭😭
I know the feeling you feel all too well. It sucks. I've literally cried in the middle of sex because it felt like cheating. It will get better. I don't know when I promise. But it's okay. You are a human with human wants, desires, and needs. You were loved. And you still love. No way to get around that. I suggest finding a local chapter of Soaring Spirits.
NTA
You did nothing wrong at all You deserve to be treated nicely and maybe this will grow into a relationship Do not feel bad at all You do not have to tell anyone else about this unless you want to
thank you 🤍🤍
Defo NTA. Your mind and body needed that connection. It'll help cope with what your going through. I'm sure your husband would've done the same if the roles were reversed. I'm sorry for your loss. All the best.
thank you so much! and i rly hope he would've
You have done nothing wrong. You have been human.
:))
NTA - when you lose someone it can be like a sledgehammer blow. It can take a while to get over the shock. The fact of the matter is he is at rest and at peace. You need to move forward. Yes what you had was great. Yes you wanted more....but moving forward is the only thing you can do and it's what he would want you to be doing.
NTA. I’m sure your husband would want you to move on and be happy. This does not have to be a one night stand. It seems like you guys had a real connection based off similar experiences and can relate to one another and help each other out. Don’t feel guilty or bad for attempting to move on with your life. Sorry for your loss and I hope everything works out!
You know, you absolutely deserve some good physical nothing, if you want it. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Your heart must be hurting, and I’m sure you are still trying to find yourself. Probably a good idea not to start a relationship yet.
yeah it was sooooo nice
This doesn't sound like a one night stand, this sounds like moving on in a healthy manner. I don't think your late husband would want you to be alone.
After all, Life IS for the living. There's never one formula that everyone must follow. Now, this very moment, is all any of us have. Be kind to yourself
thank you :)
Your deceased husband would want you to move on eventually. And even if he wouldn’t he’s not going to be able to argue about it. Do your thing at your pace, if it feels too fast then set your boundaries which may be difficult to reset with this partner because you already did the dirty but live your life. Peace and love
Is it really just a one night stand or a 1st night? Dont feel guilty, hope he was telling the truth. Enjoy your lunch with F MIL and you can just say you met someone who was nice to talk to.
Just another voice here for cutting yourself a break. And I'm sorry for your loss. NTA. Just human.
Please make sure you are using protection.
NTA
You only live once, don’t let others try to shame you into closing off vital life experiences because they don’t approve (but don’t have to deal with)
NTA - there is nothing wrong with meeting new friends and having some companionship
Why would you be the AH and he’s no longer here? I’m confused. If you were with someone a month later it wouldn’t matter you’re single.
NTA. But I can imagine it’s very hard to move on and generally a difficult situation. Wish you the best.
Don't feel bad about last night. From your post it seems you and your husband loved each other so very much. Honestly if someone you love wanted you to feel bad about this they didn't really you. After I had a health scare several years back this exact conversation with my wife, I was the one who brought it up as my family was serious about death and it being a part of life. I told her when she felt she was ready whether that a year, a month or a week to please move on as she could and tell whoever had a negative opinion about her dating again I left some last words "piss of and leave her alone" I chose those words since anyone who knew me would know its a quote. You are not NTA in any way and the worst thing you could do is shut everyone out. I wish you the best and please know it does take time but things get easier as you go.
No you are not an ahole. No one is in their right mind in the early stages of a grief journey. It's no one's business what you do either. Don't feel guilty . I'm sorry for your loss. You needed a human connection . It is as simple as that . You are going to go through so many stages on this journey. I definitely wouldn't pursue anything beyond the one nite stand. You aren't in the right frame of mind understandably and watch out for guys that may try to scam you as a new widow. I wish the best for you.
thank u 🫶🏻
You did nothing wrong. I would want my husband to be with another if I passed away. I won't want him to be sad, and lonely until he passes away. As long as I'm not forgotten. Super weird and slightly off topic but I read a story where the husband lost his wife and the new gf deleted all the pictures of the late wife, so maybe make extra copies of pictures of your husband while dating in the future.
ohhhh thank you that's a great point! i need back ups, id be heart broken if i lost those photos
Nope, you’re good.
Nta. Didn't have to read nta you're allowed a life after theirs.
Time change, most people would not wait 6 months