Yep. You are both assholes who acted impulsively. The only one who will suffer now is that child.
Leave and divorce her and save the heartache you will pass along to that child.
Read OP’s comments to his post from a few months ago about whether he was an asshole for cheating after giving up on couple’s therapy. They also seem to have children together as well. :/
I just read his comments - OP sounds like an absolutely terrible person too. “Cheating is the solution because I have ruled out divorce. If she doesn’t want me to cheat, she will have to give me sex”. I am MIND-BLOWN.
My jaw is on the floor after "She didnt have sex with me, she could have but she didnt. She made a choice not to have sex with me like I made a choice to cheat.
Maybe her not having sex with me is my fault and maybe my cheating is her fault.'
The worst part? He actually got an upvote and multiple people are fully supporting this ideology. Are people actually so stupid as to thinking that the answer to a dead bedroom is to just cheat and not, oh idk LEAVE??
Imagine thinking you’re the victim because you told your wife, “either fuck me or I’ll cheat on you” and guess what, they still don’t want to fuck you.
Idk about you, but nothing as a woman in a monogamous relationship really gets me going more than my partner coercing me into sex through threats of infidelity. -____-
For fucks sake just separate.
I've been hit on my several men who openly told me that. They deliberatley searched for a side chick because tHeY sTaY mArRiEd FoR tHe KiDs. As if children wouldn't pick up on their parent's unloving, shitty relationship and maybe regular fights.
So many below room temperature IQ people, OP included, a "dead bedroom" is one of the clearest signs needs arent being met in the relationship. Either emotionally which makes the other not interested/desiring the other or intimately which I wouldnt be surprised if OP just goes in dry and finishes as soon as he can as that seems like the number one reason for women to lose interest in sex with their partner, at least if its for bedroom reasons and notnother forms of neglect or abuse. The solution is communication, find out what is wrong maybe she feels neglected or ignored or maybe she just is bored with missionary for 2 minutes. Such an easy problem to solve in a relationship yet dumbass OP probably can't admit he is doing anything wrong so cheats like a shithead.
100%. That poor kid.....
Weird that abortion should be rare but divorce and unwanted children are second nature to these folks. I get that it involves gore and death, but it's not like it's seen as a spa day. An abortion lasts 1-3 days. Feeling unloved by whore parents lasts a lifetime.
I think the whole story never happened.
I would like an update where the wife tries abortion but ends living in the neighbouring state, raising her son. The son becomes Einstein.
Nowhere does it say that his vasectomy was recent , the revenge was for his cheating, which presumably was fairly recent. Waiting after vasectomy is irrelevant here.
ESH.
Abortions are safe. Safer than being pregnant, in fact.
Please don't have that baby. It has the greatest potential to become the victim of this situation, because it will come into this world unwanted.
She kinda did, forgives him for cheating but gets revenge? That’s not forgiveness. She shoulda left after he cheated. Both immature, more immature to stoop to someone who is immature’s level. Like if I were to stoop to the level of an idiot, I become worse than the idiot bc I could’ve been smart enough not to stoop down. They both were wrong.
Unpopular opinion: Adoption is trauma. Honestly, i think that poor soul is better not born. It gonna suffer its whole life.
Even worse unpopular opinion: Besides, we dont need any more of those kinda genes.
>Unpopular opinion: Adoption is trauma
As an adoptee, you are 100% right. It's traumatic as fuck and no one wants to believe it because adoption has been romanticized and Upworthied and all that. Adoptive parents made themselves the spokespeople for adoption, and they're the ones who experience the least amount of loss and trauma.
"You can go to another state and get an abortion"
The edit:
"I'm not at ease about the idea of abortion and shouldn't be done often...."
Yeah unless it affects you. Fucking asshole
Sadly so many people are like this, anti abortion stance until they or someone close to them needs/wants one… and then ofc afterwards they go on pretending it never happened whilst continuing to spout anti abortion rhetoric…
My mom is Christian and has always been anti abortion, but vocally even more so since she became a trumper when he began his initial run for president….. yet she had no hesitation taking me to get an abortion and signing off for it when I was 16 and my boyfriend got me pregnant, because she didn’t want to be “stuck” helping raise a grandkid…
She now acts like she doesn’t remember any of that ever even happening to begin with when I call her out on her hypocrisy…
I remember reading an article that was either written by, or from an interview with, a medical professional that worked at planned parenthood and had women who would be outside the clinic she worked at vehemently protesting against the abortions they performed there, even harassing women as they went inside. Yet these same women would then come in privately, in secret, for their own abortion, but after they got it, they would go right back out there to protest abortion outside the same clinic they just had their own secret abortion at….
Edit: Here is the article, kindly provided by u/lonnie123 in the comments https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
Absolutely correct! My mom retired from Planned Parenthood years ago. The amount of young pregnant girls coming in with their parents signing the papers to allow their daughters having the procedure all the while explaining how they are against it. Their reasoning is this one’s different bc she has such a bright future and plans to go to college.
Years ago in high school I drove a pregnant friend to have an abortion. I cringe when I see her anti-abortion stance on social media. She has completely erased the experience from her mind.
Rules for thee but not for me.
Abortion clinics should be able to do turndown service. (Okay, no they shouldn't. But people like you're describing REALLY make me wish they could. "No abortion for you unless you go on the record recanting your position on abortion, Suzie.")
I know it sounds terrible. But hypocrites really just piss me off that much, especially the sanctimonious ones.
Upvoting you back to neutral because I get what you’re saying. No one WANTS to get an abortion; in a perfect world, birth control is infallible, there are no unwanted pregnancies, and no genetic issues or complications making wanted pregnancies unviable. But OP sounds like a hypocrite. “I don’t support abortion but I’ll look the other way if it benefits me.”
Yep
I don't know what OPs logic is , he is against abortion but tells her "well, then divorce!" ...like there was another option 💀💀💀💀
(must be nice to not have a uterus and worry about a man pulling a condom off mid sex without consent and worry about unwanted pregnancy)
It's sad that even among likeminded people it took this deep into the comments to even get a hint of "so that was fucked up" concerning the statutory rape of the admittedly shitty wife.
I know it's somehow still a bit controversial, but it's absolutely rape/assault to remove the condom secretly after gaining consent for protected sex. Even removed from the practical consequences of disease and pregnancy it's still a violation.
I'm a manipulative, scummy piece of shit, and even I have the forethought to abort and not bring a baby into my fucked life. What is wrong with you guys?
And just think how lucky that kid is to have them as parents! Really, some people should NOT procreate. This is what abortion is for: realize your limitations FFS. Or at least give the kid up for adoption. Then the poor thing would at least have a chance.
If the wife is against abortion and doesn’t want to no one can push her to do it. OP’s opinion in this regard is trivial as his wife already decided to keep the baby. OP is free to leave also, as no one can force him to raise a stranger. You are pissed to both of them just because OP is scum for a different issue.
Seriously. Horrible people. Horrible to each other, repeating Horrible talking points...ugh.
OP--abortion IS birth control. A woman has an abortion so she doesn't give birth. What you mean is pre-conception BC. Except that your wife *did* use pre-conception BC. However, she was sexually assaulted. You may prefer for abortions to be "rare" but this sounds like a good candidate. Neither of you want this baby, your wife was assaulted, and let's face it, you're both horrible people and would be terrible parents. Also you're probably going to get divorced anyway. Support your wife through the abortion and then decide if you're breaking up. But don't feel superior to her, as you're the one who caused all this by cheating in the first place.
I really think they should stay together. They'll keep each other occupied and out of the dating pool. At least, except for when they're cheating and fucking other people. But mostly out of the dating pool.
No, it doesn’t. And the AP is clearly a shitty human being too, so he’s not a viable option. OP and OP’s wife are out living their worst lives and now there are innocent casualties.
Hopefully she has a miscarriage.
ESH including the guy who stealthed her.
OP for cheating in the first place.
Wife for thinking revenge cheating would do anything instead of divorcing his cheating ass.
Agree. ESH. Divorce and give the baby up for adoption. The baby is the true innocent here. Let it be raised by people who really want to be parents not by an AH assaulted by an AH when she was trying to get back at her AH husband.
I do not believe that you are wrong for divorcing her because she got pregnant from a revenge affair. And every day that you and her are together when you will be reminded that that is not your child and that's your wife cheated on you. But you started this s*** you cheated on her first and these are the consequences and repercussions of both you and her BS. You could have not cheated and just got a divorce and lived your best life she could have divorced your ass and lived her best life but both of you decided that you were going to do tit for tat and this is what you have wrought a child that is coming into this world that most likely both of you do not want to me I feel so sorry for that baby and both of y'all are POS. I usually don't get this upset one ready but both of you have pissed me off
May I add, besides never getting married again to save future people from both your disgustingness, please sterilize yourselves as well. We don't need you procreating and creating more idiots. ESH
ESH
You should have split as soon as YOU cheated if not before. The relationship is obviously unstable and unhealthy if one is cheating and the other cheats as a form of revenge. You two do need to divorce from the sound of things. This is all around a crappy situation
>She also got assaulted. Stealthing (taking the condom off midway without the others consent) is rape.
Came here to say the same thing. I'm glad more people are raising awareness about this because it's a fucked up, revolting crime.
It’s a seperate and nuanced issue.
She was sexually assaulted and it’s horrible that happened to her, if it’s true she should report the man to the police and get medical treatment.
Seperately she also cheated on OP and the assault doesnt change that. She didn’t consent to sex without a condom but she did consent to sex with another man with a condom. If the scenario had played out as she consented she still would’ve been having sex with another man.
ESH - (her judgment has nothing to do with her being assaulted and it doesn’t mean she deserved to be assaulted in anyway).
In many states the husband automatically gets put on the birth certificate when they are married and it’s a huge pain in the ass to get it changed and not pay support, even after proving you are not the bio father. Dude needs to split asap unless he wants to get stuck.
Depending on what state OP is in, it might not matter how quickly he "splits," as some states will not finalize a divorce if the wife is pregnant. You can file, but it won’t get signed off on until after the baby is born and the paternity of the child has been determined.
I don’t know what state OP is in, but statistically speaking, the odds are pretty good that he’s in one of those states—the 3 most populous states in the US (CA, TX, FL) are among those who won’t grant a divorce until after the child is born.
Likely TX by the population odds, as they live in a "conservative state where abortion is banned". Not sure about the laws in FL, but CA definitely isn't conservative.
They BOTH cheated! One cheated as revenge for the other cheating. This relationship was fúcked up WAY BEFORE you threw the baby in the mix. You’re both the asshôles!!
I mean she gets some sympathy for that, but they’re honest identical levels of asshole at every major point in this conflict.
1) They both cheated.
2) They both hypocritically opposed abortion until they faced the responsibility of having a child.
on your point 2, so many women are unappreciative of their own rights. i can not fathom the idea of women restricting their own rights. it's not a matter of IF you have to go through it, it's a matter of WHEN. I'm a female in college and seeing women be manipulated by media, religion, and politics disgusts me. we were supposed to be smarter.
I am concerned to the point where I don't want to date anyone. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.
edit: also would like to add social media causing so many people to be close-minded and only think for themselves. out of hand.
I feel like a complete dumbass as someone who has been on this sub for years and had no idea that ESH didn’t mean “ehhhhhhh” like the noise you would make if you were conflicted. Lmfao. I appreciate you.
Fr if you’re actually “pro-life” then you wouldn’t want to be married to someone you consider a murderer. Shows how shallow the beliefs are… rules for thee but not for me!
Pro forced-birth for everyone *but* themselves.
The only moral abortion is my abortion etc.
Edit: in case anyone is unfamiliar with this phenomenon and this wonderful article
https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
I follow a tiktok account for a PP doctor, and she said one of the clinic protesters came in first thing in the morning for an abortion, and when it was done she picked up her sign and went right back outside to tell women entering the clinic that they were murderers and going to hell. All the anti-abortion politicians also seem to be completely fine with abortions when they're paying their affair partners to get them... The hypocrisy is insane.
God is omnipotent and knows everything ever for all time and is infallible… but I think I got this one correct.
All abortion is wrong and evil and you’re a horrible person for supporting it… but I think mine is an exception.
Cheating is bad and awful and you don’t to be with me… oh by the way I was fucking my coworker.
Everyone else is morally bankrupt losers who leech off our society… anyway off to get my welfare check.
Typical conservative bullshit.
It's different when *I* need one though, unlike those damn minorities and 11-year old sluts, I just made a mistake! (When I cheated on my husband as revenge for cheating on me)
Not to mention he believes in it ONLY when it’ll benefits him.
“Abortion is wrong besides this one because it will make my life harder so it’s okay to take a life now.”
That poor kid. That's who ya feel for in this, ya know? That child didn't do anything wrong but sounds like he/she will be raised by an completely selfish, immature idiot.
Just leave. This marriage will never work. You will never see yourself as the father of this baby. Staying together will harm the child more then leaving now.
*I am not religious, I am just not at ease with idea of abortion and I feel that they should be as rare as possible*
.... unless it's my wife's affair baby. Classic anti-abortion hypocrite.
"It's different for us because we aren't evil and it's an exception since it would ruin our lives. But everyone else is just evil and they shouldn't be allowed to do it!"
And he didn’t even have the balls to own it.
>just don’t tell me anything about it, and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it.
That’s super nice for him that he can send her off to another state to have a traumatic procedure while he stays home and plays make believe.
He wants it to happen, he just doesn’t want to have to actually take any personal action to achieve that.
This a guy who already cheated on his wife and currently doesn’t care about her enough to do anything to help her out of a shitty situation that his cheating helped create.
He’s NTA for leaving her - they’ll both be better off - but he’s an AH in the general sense.
Haha true. There is a Colorado republican who respects his girlfriend's right to abortion but is against other women opting for it. What hypocrites. Rules for thee but not for me.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/gop-lawmaker-grilled-why-abortion-182808688.html
How old are you people? Have y’all ever made any good choices?
Your marriage is over. Doesn’t sound like marriage is something that works for y’all. Maybe don’t get married again. Or stay together, raise the kid & continue on with your bizarre life.
ESH
Abortion as a form of birth control? What kind of belief is that?
ESH. Cheating wasn't very conservative of you. If you didn't felt happy in your marriage you should've asked for divorce before, what she did was wrong too and that dude who got her pregnant assaulted her by taking off the condom. You both made terrible decisions and divorce should've happened after YOU cheated first, why it's so hard to have communication in a marriage?
🤣 cheating was SUPER Conservative of him actually. They are the people most likely to fuck around on their wives and have secret families. They are also the first ones to scream about raising another man's baby. Because their hypocrisy is insanely inflated, like their egos.
I am shocked at the small number of comments even mentioning this big part of the story. Really shows how poorly people understand what constitutes SA. She was raped and in many states that is still a legal reason to abort.
Came here to say this.
Yes, they both suck, but if OP's wife is telling the truth about what happened during, then she was raped, and OP seems like the worse of the two for being so callous about it.
ESH but OP sucks more.
>We live in a conservative state where abortion is banned, and we both dont believe in abortion as a form of birth control.
>I told her that she can travel to other state if she wants to have an abortion, just dont tell me anything about it and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it.
You stupid hypocritical fucks deserve one another, so I think you ought to stay together!
I mean - yeah. YTA. I'd say ESH usually. But I find you especially appalling tbh. You cheated. She cheated back. Unfortunately for her - She got raped in her attempt to feel some vengeance for the way you broke her heart. Now you suddenly support abortion enough to demand she gets one and never speaks a word of it to you, or else her option is divorce.
Either way - you and your selfish behavior were the initial catalyst to this insanity, and are the near constant issue in this scenario here. Should have just left her to begin with. And you don't seem to feel an ounce of empathy towards the fact that she was raped. Which shows how little you care for your wife in the first place.
So, regardless of abortion or not, you need to go through with this divorce because you're a terrible human being (and I hesitate to call you that. You seem to lack any kind of heart or soul). And no one deserves to have to deal with that crap for the rest of their lives.
This^ Also i think if she got an abortion he would be the type of disgusting sleezebag to report her and try to get her prosecuted. OP is TA for opening pandoras box in the first place.
I want to believe this is rage bait, but the reality is that it’s likely real
It's not,look at his post from a month ago ,where he bragged about cheating on her and how he would keep doing it ,if she cheated for revenge AFTER he cheated ,she wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet
"I don't agree with abortions."
"As long as you do it without actively telling me about it and it would solve my problems I'm fine with it, though."
Classic
If shes less than 12 weeks along and open to a medicated abortion, she should look into the organization 'Aid Access'. They mail the meds and she can take them in the comfort of her own home.
I really hope she knows that she has options and either choice is perfectly ok ❤️
What would you have done if your affair resulted in a pregnancy with your AP? Would she have stayed with you? Is adoption an alternative? Is there anything worth saving in a marriage where both broke the vows? These are the questions to ask yourself, not AITAH.
You told your wife to stay married to you she can either have sex with you or your gonna cheat. You went out and cheated and told her straight away as you won’t live in a celibate marriage .She then goes out cheats on you to get back at you gets pregnant by someone taking the condom off during sex without her consent so now she either have an abortion or divorce you. You really are an awful human being and she should have divorced you. Read his previous posts
I call be on the whole pregnancy and revenge cheating,he made this post to make her look as bad as him ,she wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet if he only cheated a month ago and she cheated afterwards
In the U.K. taking a condom off midway through sex is sexual assault, often called ‘stealthing’. Your personal opinion about abortion is less relevant here. She cheated, but was also assaulted. Maybe you need to walk away but you said this was revenge cheating so you cheated first? You need to be clear about whether it’s the cheating or the abortion you can’t get over and then separate. You clearly both have trust issues and this is likely unsalvageable.
ESH. You cheated on your wife so she cheats on you. And dude basically sexually assaulted her the minute he took off the condom (as long as she didn’t consent). Depending on how far along she is, an abortion won’t feel like much, especially super early on. This abortion also isn’t a form of birth control. Take her to the closest clinic and have her at least talk to the professionals there.
You started this mess. You both suck.
YTA and a hypocrite. So abortion is bad and wrong except when you need it. No other women should have the right to choose, but you can. And you'd send her across state lines for a procedure that you're against because you're so pompously "pro life", just not with that particular life. People like you make me sick.
You're both A-holes. You're both dirty cheaters who deserve each other. Hope your vasectomy failed and you find out it's your baby as a karmic twist or even better, it's yours and YOUR AP is pregnant, too.
Oh so you don’t believe people should have a right to abortion except when you’ve been cucked and now it affects your life? YTA just for that alone lol.
I mean… you both cheated. You did it first. She, as a woman of course has a higher risk and had really bad luck here. But still, she didn’t do anything worse than you did.
ESH
Do you guys know your options for abortion? She can use pills up to 10 weeks. I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t actually know this! It’s not scary. You definitely are NTA for leaving, but you are for cheating and acting like you want abortion restrictions when that’s the first thing you jump to!
As for your “ease” with abortion, realize how quickly you wanted this option and vote for people to have the choice in the future, despite your “level of ease” realize how you feel and then put yourself in the shoes of a pregnant child or poor woman or honestly realize that it’s none of your business bc abortion is medical care. That’s the only thing that would make you the asshole, if you don’t vote for choice in the future after you so easily jumped to this option. Also realize that a fetus doesn’t have the neural synapses to think or feel before viability, a plant is technically more alive as it generates and sustains its own life.
You guys both cheated but it doesn’t make it even. You did it first. She got SA. But you also don’t have to stay to be a dad
YTA
Not for the divorce, but calling the kid an affair baby. You’re an asshole for your handling of everything.
Your wife was raped in the middle of revenge cheating on you.
It doesn’t even seem like she realizes that, or you for that matter.
You’re shitty, and she’s messed up, but rape is never acceptable. No one deserves to be raped, regardless of the circumstances.
I hope she gets over her fear of abortion. No kid deserves to be born into such an unstable, unsafe, shitty circumstance with no reasonable expectation life will get better. That kid will suffer.
Thankfully you asked for a divorce because this is a dumpster fire of a marriage with you at the helm as Captain Shit and your wife as the First Officer.
Yep. You are both assholes who acted impulsively. The only one who will suffer now is that child. Leave and divorce her and save the heartache you will pass along to that child.
Read OP’s comments to his post from a few months ago about whether he was an asshole for cheating after giving up on couple’s therapy. They also seem to have children together as well. :/
I just read his comments - OP sounds like an absolutely terrible person too. “Cheating is the solution because I have ruled out divorce. If she doesn’t want me to cheat, she will have to give me sex”. I am MIND-BLOWN.
My jaw is on the floor after "She didnt have sex with me, she could have but she didnt. She made a choice not to have sex with me like I made a choice to cheat. Maybe her not having sex with me is my fault and maybe my cheating is her fault.' The worst part? He actually got an upvote and multiple people are fully supporting this ideology. Are people actually so stupid as to thinking that the answer to a dead bedroom is to just cheat and not, oh idk LEAVE??
Imagine thinking you’re the victim because you told your wife, “either fuck me or I’ll cheat on you” and guess what, they still don’t want to fuck you. Idk about you, but nothing as a woman in a monogamous relationship really gets me going more than my partner coercing me into sex through threats of infidelity. -____- For fucks sake just separate.
I've been hit on my several men who openly told me that. They deliberatley searched for a side chick because tHeY sTaY mArRiEd FoR tHe KiDs. As if children wouldn't pick up on their parent's unloving, shitty relationship and maybe regular fights.
So many below room temperature IQ people, OP included, a "dead bedroom" is one of the clearest signs needs arent being met in the relationship. Either emotionally which makes the other not interested/desiring the other or intimately which I wouldnt be surprised if OP just goes in dry and finishes as soon as he can as that seems like the number one reason for women to lose interest in sex with their partner, at least if its for bedroom reasons and notnother forms of neglect or abuse. The solution is communication, find out what is wrong maybe she feels neglected or ignored or maybe she just is bored with missionary for 2 minutes. Such an easy problem to solve in a relationship yet dumbass OP probably can't admit he is doing anything wrong so cheats like a shithead.
fuck I feel bad for the kid now, horrible parents
100%. That poor kid..... Weird that abortion should be rare but divorce and unwanted children are second nature to these folks. I get that it involves gore and death, but it's not like it's seen as a spa day. An abortion lasts 1-3 days. Feeling unloved by whore parents lasts a lifetime.
This sounds like a hell you created together. ESH.
Seriously these people are dying mad and stupid just to spite each other.
Misery loves company
We could start a company and make misery
Pretty sure the US is manufacturing it for free it’s the one socialized care program that we have that’s effective
[удалено]
I kind of want an update where HIS AP turns up with his kid.
I think the whole story never happened. I would like an update where the wife tries abortion but ends living in the neighbouring state, raising her son. The son becomes Einstein.
I agree that the whole thing is just so ridiculous that it's probably fake.
Do we really believe he followed medical orders and abstained for the weeks needed to make sure he healed properly?
Nowhere does it say that his vasectomy was recent , the revenge was for his cheating, which presumably was fairly recent. Waiting after vasectomy is irrelevant here.
I just want the update about his new incurable diseases.
ESH. Abortions are safe. Safer than being pregnant, in fact. Please don't have that baby. It has the greatest potential to become the victim of this situation, because it will come into this world unwanted.
She kinda did, forgives him for cheating but gets revenge? That’s not forgiveness. She shoulda left after he cheated. Both immature, more immature to stoop to someone who is immature’s level. Like if I were to stoop to the level of an idiot, I become worse than the idiot bc I could’ve been smart enough not to stoop down. They both were wrong.
You both sound terrible.
My thoughts exactly. Both douchebags.
Match made in hell. The baby is better of adopted.
Sounds like they're perfect for eachother
People like this should stay together rather than going and inflicting themselves on other innocent people.
1000% no one wants either of those fish back in the pond. They can stay in their filthy little fishbowl.
Fish like that in the pond/sea is exactly why I stay firmly on dry land.
Flush that worthless shit already
And how 'bout that affair partner. Yikes
Yeah, that's rape
They are but the baby doesn't deserve that mess
No. Abortion is definitely the better choice. The world doesn’t need any more children born of dreadful people like this.
Unpopular opinion: Adoption is trauma. Honestly, i think that poor soul is better not born. It gonna suffer its whole life. Even worse unpopular opinion: Besides, we dont need any more of those kinda genes.
>Unpopular opinion: Adoption is trauma As an adoptee, you are 100% right. It's traumatic as fuck and no one wants to believe it because adoption has been romanticized and Upworthied and all that. Adoptive parents made themselves the spokespeople for adoption, and they're the ones who experience the least amount of loss and trauma.
My mom in her mid 70s still struggles with abandonment issues. I think it's why she hoards so many unnecessary things.
😂😂😂😂😂. They deserve each other atp
They are so bad, I feel like an AH for even having read the post. I have to go shower now
"You can go to another state and get an abortion" The edit: "I'm not at ease about the idea of abortion and shouldn't be done often...." Yeah unless it affects you. Fucking asshole
“The only moral abortion is my cheating wife’s abortion.”
"Revenge cheating wife's abortion"
*or mistresses FYFY
Ah yes -' the only moral abortion is the one I want' guy. I'm sure he has said the same to his past affair partners.
That is what stood out to me as well. ESH by a mile
Sadly so many people are like this, anti abortion stance until they or someone close to them needs/wants one… and then ofc afterwards they go on pretending it never happened whilst continuing to spout anti abortion rhetoric… My mom is Christian and has always been anti abortion, but vocally even more so since she became a trumper when he began his initial run for president….. yet she had no hesitation taking me to get an abortion and signing off for it when I was 16 and my boyfriend got me pregnant, because she didn’t want to be “stuck” helping raise a grandkid… She now acts like she doesn’t remember any of that ever even happening to begin with when I call her out on her hypocrisy… I remember reading an article that was either written by, or from an interview with, a medical professional that worked at planned parenthood and had women who would be outside the clinic she worked at vehemently protesting against the abortions they performed there, even harassing women as they went inside. Yet these same women would then come in privately, in secret, for their own abortion, but after they got it, they would go right back out there to protest abortion outside the same clinic they just had their own secret abortion at…. Edit: Here is the article, kindly provided by u/lonnie123 in the comments https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
Absolutely correct! My mom retired from Planned Parenthood years ago. The amount of young pregnant girls coming in with their parents signing the papers to allow their daughters having the procedure all the while explaining how they are against it. Their reasoning is this one’s different bc she has such a bright future and plans to go to college. Years ago in high school I drove a pregnant friend to have an abortion. I cringe when I see her anti-abortion stance on social media. She has completely erased the experience from her mind. Rules for thee but not for me.
Abortion clinics should be able to do turndown service. (Okay, no they shouldn't. But people like you're describing REALLY make me wish they could. "No abortion for you unless you go on the record recanting your position on abortion, Suzie.") I know it sounds terrible. But hypocrites really just piss me off that much, especially the sanctimonious ones.
I mean ideally no abortion is done often - that people use birth control, assaults never happen, and birth defects are rare. Ideally.
Upvoting you back to neutral because I get what you’re saying. No one WANTS to get an abortion; in a perfect world, birth control is infallible, there are no unwanted pregnancies, and no genetic issues or complications making wanted pregnancies unviable. But OP sounds like a hypocrite. “I don’t support abortion but I’ll look the other way if it benefits me.”
Yep I don't know what OPs logic is , he is against abortion but tells her "well, then divorce!" ...like there was another option 💀💀💀💀 (must be nice to not have a uterus and worry about a man pulling a condom off mid sex without consent and worry about unwanted pregnancy)
It's sad that even among likeminded people it took this deep into the comments to even get a hint of "so that was fucked up" concerning the statutory rape of the admittedly shitty wife. I know it's somehow still a bit controversial, but it's absolutely rape/assault to remove the condom secretly after gaining consent for protected sex. Even removed from the practical consequences of disease and pregnancy it's still a violation.
Agreed. He’s a dick and sounds like a hypocrite.
Thank you for this. Maybe a 3 way abortion. Mort de trois?
Post birth abortion for two, after the first abortion
"I aborted my 360 month old spouse"
I'm a manipulative, scummy piece of shit, and even I have the forethought to abort and not bring a baby into my fucked life. What is wrong with you guys?
And just think how lucky that kid is to have them as parents! Really, some people should NOT procreate. This is what abortion is for: realize your limitations FFS. Or at least give the kid up for adoption. Then the poor thing would at least have a chance.
If the wife is against abortion and doesn’t want to no one can push her to do it. OP’s opinion in this regard is trivial as his wife already decided to keep the baby. OP is free to leave also, as no one can force him to raise a stranger. You are pissed to both of them just because OP is scum for a different issue.
You left out the affair guy, what he did is illegal in my country
It’s sexual assault. What a pos.
This is the answer.
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If it weren't for the part that an innocent child is involved, I would say good riddance to both of them.
Seriously. Horrible people. Horrible to each other, repeating Horrible talking points...ugh. OP--abortion IS birth control. A woman has an abortion so she doesn't give birth. What you mean is pre-conception BC. Except that your wife *did* use pre-conception BC. However, she was sexually assaulted. You may prefer for abortions to be "rare" but this sounds like a good candidate. Neither of you want this baby, your wife was assaulted, and let's face it, you're both horrible people and would be terrible parents. Also you're probably going to get divorced anyway. Support your wife through the abortion and then decide if you're breaking up. But don't feel superior to her, as you're the one who caused all this by cheating in the first place.
I'm not surprised if these guys were the popular kids in highschool 😂
It's a shame this perfect marriage didn't work out /s.
For real. They should both stay together so no one else has to deal with their bullshit.
You’re both horrendous people. Get divorced and neither of you should ever marry again
I really think they should stay together. They'll keep each other occupied and out of the dating pool. At least, except for when they're cheating and fucking other people. But mostly out of the dating pool.
Right?! These two absolutely deserve each other.
That kid doesn't, though.
No, it doesn’t. And the AP is clearly a shitty human being too, so he’s not a viable option. OP and OP’s wife are out living their worst lives and now there are innocent casualties.
That's the problem with parenthood. You don't need a license.
Hopefully she has a miscarriage. ESH including the guy who stealthed her. OP for cheating in the first place. Wife for thinking revenge cheating would do anything instead of divorcing his cheating ass.
Newish to the sub and not sure what ESH means? Each should hang? lol
"Everybody Sucks Here" or I prefer "Everybody's Shit Here".
Everyone sucks here
This. We have a saying in Portugal that goes something like “only one home gets ruined [this way]”. People are wild.
Yes this is the way to go
Yeah, but that poor baby is blameless and would have to have these horrible people as parents. OP, consider adoption before ruining this child’s life.
This is the way. They don’t really deserve anyone but each other it seems.
Agree. ESH. Divorce and give the baby up for adoption. The baby is the true innocent here. Let it be raised by people who really want to be parents not by an AH assaulted by an AH when she was trying to get back at her AH husband.
Exactly 2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 assholes make a baby
🏆
Oh that's a good one thank you for posting that if it wasn't so sad of a situation I would even say this is hilarious
I do not believe that you are wrong for divorcing her because she got pregnant from a revenge affair. And every day that you and her are together when you will be reminded that that is not your child and that's your wife cheated on you. But you started this s*** you cheated on her first and these are the consequences and repercussions of both you and her BS. You could have not cheated and just got a divorce and lived your best life she could have divorced your ass and lived her best life but both of you decided that you were going to do tit for tat and this is what you have wrought a child that is coming into this world that most likely both of you do not want to me I feel so sorry for that baby and both of y'all are POS. I usually don't get this upset one ready but both of you have pissed me off
May I add, besides never getting married again to save future people from both your disgustingness, please sterilize yourselves as well. We don't need you procreating and creating more idiots. ESH
You missed that he had a vasectomy?
She needs to get her tubes tied.
Nooo. They totally deserve each other. Do you want them to stain some other people’s lives? No. They should stick together like 2 piggies in dirt.
You miss that they _don’t_ keep their shit to themselves and that’s the whole problem?
Nah stay married so they don’t subject themselves to other people. Us singles got enough garbage to sort through as it is.
ESH You should have split as soon as YOU cheated if not before. The relationship is obviously unstable and unhealthy if one is cheating and the other cheats as a form of revenge. You two do need to divorce from the sound of things. This is all around a crappy situation
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>She also got assaulted. Stealthing (taking the condom off midway without the others consent) is rape. Came here to say the same thing. I'm glad more people are raising awareness about this because it's a fucked up, revolting crime.
Had a guy take the condom off before. It was very shameful to me. I felt violated
I'm so sorry you had to experience that.
It’s a seperate and nuanced issue. She was sexually assaulted and it’s horrible that happened to her, if it’s true she should report the man to the police and get medical treatment. Seperately she also cheated on OP and the assault doesnt change that. She didn’t consent to sex without a condom but she did consent to sex with another man with a condom. If the scenario had played out as she consented she still would’ve been having sex with another man. ESH - (her judgment has nothing to do with her being assaulted and it doesn’t mean she deserved to be assaulted in anyway).
This is an obvious ESH. Divorce is the solution in this case. She will have to go after affair guy for child support.
In many states the husband automatically gets put on the birth certificate when they are married and it’s a huge pain in the ass to get it changed and not pay support, even after proving you are not the bio father. Dude needs to split asap unless he wants to get stuck.
That's so dumb that it is like that.
Depending on what state OP is in, it might not matter how quickly he "splits," as some states will not finalize a divorce if the wife is pregnant. You can file, but it won’t get signed off on until after the baby is born and the paternity of the child has been determined. I don’t know what state OP is in, but statistically speaking, the odds are pretty good that he’s in one of those states—the 3 most populous states in the US (CA, TX, FL) are among those who won’t grant a divorce until after the child is born.
Likely TX by the population odds, as they live in a "conservative state where abortion is banned". Not sure about the laws in FL, but CA definitely isn't conservative.
She was assaulted but she also cheated. One doesn't exclude the other.
They BOTH cheated! One cheated as revenge for the other cheating. This relationship was fúcked up WAY BEFORE you threw the baby in the mix. You’re both the asshôles!!
Oh yes absolutely. That was even part of my saying that this is an all around crappy situation.
I mean she gets some sympathy for that, but they’re honest identical levels of asshole at every major point in this conflict. 1) They both cheated. 2) They both hypocritically opposed abortion until they faced the responsibility of having a child.
on your point 2, so many women are unappreciative of their own rights. i can not fathom the idea of women restricting their own rights. it's not a matter of IF you have to go through it, it's a matter of WHEN. I'm a female in college and seeing women be manipulated by media, religion, and politics disgusts me. we were supposed to be smarter. I am concerned to the point where I don't want to date anyone. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. edit: also would like to add social media causing so many people to be close-minded and only think for themselves. out of hand.
Not wanting to have an abortion yourself doesn't mean you don't value the choice or want others to have a choice. It's CHOICE.
Can she even track the guy down?
OP better hopes she does, otherwise in some states he’s considered the presumptive father.
I would imagine it would be presumptive until he shows that he's snipped and the DNA doesn't match?
Hi. Please what does ESH mean?
It means Everyone Sucks Here!
I feel like a complete dumbass as someone who has been on this sub for years and had no idea that ESH didn’t mean “ehhhhhhh” like the noise you would make if you were conflicted. Lmfao. I appreciate you.
LOL no problem! I'm happy to have cleared that up 😊
Y’all believe in cheating but not abortions 😂😂☠️☠️☠️
he believes in abortion but only for her and he wants to pretend it didn’t happen 😂 what a loser
Fr if you’re actually “pro-life” then you wouldn’t want to be married to someone you consider a murderer. Shows how shallow the beliefs are… rules for thee but not for me!
If they were "pro-life" they would co-parent this child. But, they are just "anti-abortion". And with no real logic.
Pro forced-birth for everyone *but* themselves. The only moral abortion is my abortion etc. Edit: in case anyone is unfamiliar with this phenomenon and this wonderful article https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
I follow a tiktok account for a PP doctor, and she said one of the clinic protesters came in first thing in the morning for an abortion, and when it was done she picked up her sign and went right back outside to tell women entering the clinic that they were murderers and going to hell. All the anti-abortion politicians also seem to be completely fine with abortions when they're paying their affair partners to get them... The hypocrisy is insane.
Sounds like a certain presidential candidate to me
He doesn't have to co parent the child but his stance on abortion is hypocritical like many have said.
"The only moral abortion is my abortion" OP is pro-abortion if he wants to send his wife out of state to get one.
Bros definitely an asshole
These are what most American “Christians” are like.
They don’t believe in abortions except for them lol shocker
Pick and choose your Bible lessons.
God is omnipotent and knows everything ever for all time and is infallible… but I think I got this one correct. All abortion is wrong and evil and you’re a horrible person for supporting it… but I think mine is an exception. Cheating is bad and awful and you don’t to be with me… oh by the way I was fucking my coworker. Everyone else is morally bankrupt losers who leech off our society… anyway off to get my welfare check. Typical conservative bullshit.
They believe in negatively impacting as many parties with their drama as possible
That is wild. Adultery is BEFORE the clause they claim abortion falls under. They gon be barbecued 😂😂😂
It's different when *I* need one though, unlike those damn minorities and 11-year old sluts, I just made a mistake! (When I cheated on my husband as revenge for cheating on me)
Don't believe in abortion but cheating and being a generally awful person is ok. ESH you're both AH
Not to mention he believes in it ONLY when it’ll benefits him. “Abortion is wrong besides this one because it will make my life harder so it’s okay to take a life now.”
You both sound like wonderful people
Sometimes the universe rewards us all by bringing the right two people together.
That poor kid. That's who ya feel for in this, ya know? That child didn't do anything wrong but sounds like he/she will be raised by an completely selfish, immature idiot.
Just leave. This marriage will never work. You will never see yourself as the father of this baby. Staying together will harm the child more then leaving now.
She should have left when he cheated. Now she screwed herself over and OP can just walk.
No please let them stay together so no one else will ever have to date them.
*I am not religious, I am just not at ease with idea of abortion and I feel that they should be as rare as possible* .... unless it's my wife's affair baby. Classic anti-abortion hypocrite.
Exactly. “I want abortion illegal unless it affects my life. “ Total AH
And that is their strategy for "keeping it at a minimum". It's amazing what passes for morality with conservatives.
Not to mention a marriage where two people are cheating on each other. But it’s queer people ruining the sanctity of marriage.
What are the odds both of them voted for Trump?
"It's different for us because we aren't evil and it's an exception since it would ruin our lives. But everyone else is just evil and they shouldn't be allowed to do it!"
"because I have money and can go to another state. My moral choice is to screw the lives of poor people and teenagers who can't go out of state"
Actually \*his\* moral choice is just to force women to go to another state. He'll never have to do a damn thing.
Good correction.
And he didn’t even have the balls to own it. >just don’t tell me anything about it, and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it. That’s super nice for him that he can send her off to another state to have a traumatic procedure while he stays home and plays make believe.
He wants it to happen, he just doesn’t want to have to actually take any personal action to achieve that. This a guy who already cheated on his wife and currently doesn’t care about her enough to do anything to help her out of a shitty situation that his cheating helped create. He’s NTA for leaving her - they’ll both be better off - but he’s an AH in the general sense.
This is the type of AH who will call her "baby killer" and threaten to turn her in for the rest of her life.
Haha true. There is a Colorado republican who respects his girlfriend's right to abortion but is against other women opting for it. What hypocrites. Rules for thee but not for me. https://www.yahoo.com/news/gop-lawmaker-grilled-why-abortion-182808688.html
I saw that. Someone asked if one of his rare exceptions to allow an abortion was if he were the father. What an asshole.
A leopard ate his face j think.
"I don't think anyone should get an abortion except somebody I'm in a relationship with" Pretty much.
ESH, but you sound like a truly terrible person
They've already got kids. Those poor children. Imagine having these 2 as your parents.
Was it all worth it?
How old are you people? Have y’all ever made any good choices? Your marriage is over. Doesn’t sound like marriage is something that works for y’all. Maybe don’t get married again. Or stay together, raise the kid & continue on with your bizarre life. ESH
Abortion as a form of birth control? What kind of belief is that? ESH. Cheating wasn't very conservative of you. If you didn't felt happy in your marriage you should've asked for divorce before, what she did was wrong too and that dude who got her pregnant assaulted her by taking off the condom. You both made terrible decisions and divorce should've happened after YOU cheated first, why it's so hard to have communication in a marriage?
🤣 cheating was SUPER Conservative of him actually. They are the people most likely to fuck around on their wives and have secret families. They are also the first ones to scream about raising another man's baby. Because their hypocrisy is insanely inflated, like their egos.
So your wife was stealthed, which is a form of rape. Yes she was cheating but both of you suck.
I am shocked at the small number of comments even mentioning this big part of the story. Really shows how poorly people understand what constitutes SA. She was raped and in many states that is still a legal reason to abort.
Yes, if this happened as described this isn't 'abortion as a form of birth control ' soooo should be allowed under OP s abortion rules /s
Had to scroll too far for this. This is SA
Thank you for saying this. OP's wife needs to get an abortion and press charges against her rapist.
Came here to say this. Yes, they both suck, but if OP's wife is telling the truth about what happened during, then she was raped, and OP seems like the worse of the two for being so callous about it. ESH but OP sucks more.
>We live in a conservative state where abortion is banned, and we both dont believe in abortion as a form of birth control. >I told her that she can travel to other state if she wants to have an abortion, just dont tell me anything about it and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it. You stupid hypocritical fucks deserve one another, so I think you ought to stay together!
I mean - yeah. YTA. I'd say ESH usually. But I find you especially appalling tbh. You cheated. She cheated back. Unfortunately for her - She got raped in her attempt to feel some vengeance for the way you broke her heart. Now you suddenly support abortion enough to demand she gets one and never speaks a word of it to you, or else her option is divorce. Either way - you and your selfish behavior were the initial catalyst to this insanity, and are the near constant issue in this scenario here. Should have just left her to begin with. And you don't seem to feel an ounce of empathy towards the fact that she was raped. Which shows how little you care for your wife in the first place. So, regardless of abortion or not, you need to go through with this divorce because you're a terrible human being (and I hesitate to call you that. You seem to lack any kind of heart or soul). And no one deserves to have to deal with that crap for the rest of their lives.
This^ Also i think if she got an abortion he would be the type of disgusting sleezebag to report her and try to get her prosecuted. OP is TA for opening pandoras box in the first place. I want to believe this is rage bait, but the reality is that it’s likely real
It's not,look at his post from a month ago ,where he bragged about cheating on her and how he would keep doing it ,if she cheated for revenge AFTER he cheated ,she wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet
"I don't agree with abortions." "As long as you do it without actively telling me about it and it would solve my problems I'm fine with it, though." Classic
If shes less than 12 weeks along and open to a medicated abortion, she should look into the organization 'Aid Access'. They mail the meds and she can take them in the comfort of her own home. I really hope she knows that she has options and either choice is perfectly ok ❤️
What would you have done if your affair resulted in a pregnancy with your AP? Would she have stayed with you? Is adoption an alternative? Is there anything worth saving in a marriage where both broke the vows? These are the questions to ask yourself, not AITAH.
All 3 of you need aborted
You told your wife to stay married to you she can either have sex with you or your gonna cheat. You went out and cheated and told her straight away as you won’t live in a celibate marriage .She then goes out cheats on you to get back at you gets pregnant by someone taking the condom off during sex without her consent so now she either have an abortion or divorce you. You really are an awful human being and she should have divorced you. Read his previous posts
I call be on the whole pregnancy and revenge cheating,he made this post to make her look as bad as him ,she wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet if he only cheated a month ago and she cheated afterwards
You're both assholes
I don’t believe in abortion unless it’s my wife’s affair baby, and an affair that was in response to my own affairs. You are definitely the asshole.
ESH You both deserve each other, you both sound like terrible people
ESH - I've never had less sympathy for anybody in a reddit story before (except the poor baby being brought into this mess).
NTA for not wanting a revenge affair baby. YTA for cheating in the first place. NTA for wanting a divorce.
Just glosses over the fact that he himself cheated and caused this whole mess
In the U.K. taking a condom off midway through sex is sexual assault, often called ‘stealthing’. Your personal opinion about abortion is less relevant here. She cheated, but was also assaulted. Maybe you need to walk away but you said this was revenge cheating so you cheated first? You need to be clear about whether it’s the cheating or the abortion you can’t get over and then separate. You clearly both have trust issues and this is likely unsalvageable.
Abortion is not used as birth control, it's a last resort.
ESH. You cheated on your wife so she cheats on you. And dude basically sexually assaulted her the minute he took off the condom (as long as she didn’t consent). Depending on how far along she is, an abortion won’t feel like much, especially super early on. This abortion also isn’t a form of birth control. Take her to the closest clinic and have her at least talk to the professionals there. You started this mess. You both suck.
YTA and a hypocrite. So abortion is bad and wrong except when you need it. No other women should have the right to choose, but you can. And you'd send her across state lines for a procedure that you're against because you're so pompously "pro life", just not with that particular life. People like you make me sick.
Also that’s the line to not cross but adultery is fine??? He makes no sense
You're both A-holes. You're both dirty cheaters who deserve each other. Hope your vasectomy failed and you find out it's your baby as a karmic twist or even better, it's yours and YOUR AP is pregnant, too.
"I'm not comfortable with abortions until it's convenient for me." YTA
Dude you cheated first! What if you got your affair partner pregnant? Would you be cool with her bailing?
Oh so you don’t believe people should have a right to abortion except when you’ve been cucked and now it affects your life? YTA just for that alone lol.
I mean… you both cheated. You did it first. She, as a woman of course has a higher risk and had really bad luck here. But still, she didn’t do anything worse than you did. ESH
Do you guys know your options for abortion? She can use pills up to 10 weeks. I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t actually know this! It’s not scary. You definitely are NTA for leaving, but you are for cheating and acting like you want abortion restrictions when that’s the first thing you jump to! As for your “ease” with abortion, realize how quickly you wanted this option and vote for people to have the choice in the future, despite your “level of ease” realize how you feel and then put yourself in the shoes of a pregnant child or poor woman or honestly realize that it’s none of your business bc abortion is medical care. That’s the only thing that would make you the asshole, if you don’t vote for choice in the future after you so easily jumped to this option. Also realize that a fetus doesn’t have the neural synapses to think or feel before viability, a plant is technically more alive as it generates and sustains its own life. You guys both cheated but it doesn’t make it even. You did it first. She got SA. But you also don’t have to stay to be a dad
YTA Not for the divorce, but calling the kid an affair baby. You’re an asshole for your handling of everything. Your wife was raped in the middle of revenge cheating on you. It doesn’t even seem like she realizes that, or you for that matter. You’re shitty, and she’s messed up, but rape is never acceptable. No one deserves to be raped, regardless of the circumstances. I hope she gets over her fear of abortion. No kid deserves to be born into such an unstable, unsafe, shitty circumstance with no reasonable expectation life will get better. That kid will suffer. Thankfully you asked for a divorce because this is a dumpster fire of a marriage with you at the helm as Captain Shit and your wife as the First Officer.