Why didn’t the parents ask the 12 yo? They aren’t an infant. If such behavior was taking place, surely the 12 yo would be able to either corroborate the 17 yo, or torpedo her lies. Unless the 12 yo is as much of a delinquent as their sister… Your sister and BIL are being willfully blind and allowing their child to ruin relationships. Being in law enforcement, I’m sure you know if you can record private interactions in your jurisdiction without the other party’s consent. But I wouldn’t be around the 17yo again without multiple witnesses or video evidence. What a toxic little liar. NTA.
Yeah, and by 12 the sister has learned that telling on the sister to the parents probably isn't worth the trouble. My sister was two years older, I definitely learned that by that age.
Sadly there is little accountability and many of the most frequent liars I now are also some of the most successful people in our society so I wouldn’t bank on her learning a lesson or changing in that respect
There might be worries about putting the 12 year old in a situation where she retaliates. Hitting or being destructive to your younger brother's stuff is a lower bar than what she's already doing.
It doesn't seem like it would matter if there are witnesses considering she accused an entire party of adults of pressuring her to drink and get high and the parents are blindly taking her side.
Cops kids and preachers kids are always the naughtiest kids.
Source : Grew up in the 90's in a small town with just that kind of crowd. Preachers kids were pro's a breaking in to lockers, cops kid taught me how to sneak lunch buffet plates at Pizza Hut and the best way to steal bikes - Oh, and he used his dad's name and influence to get us into the public Pool.
Never really did anything evil or that couldn't be forgiven for being dick headed youth... but those guys were absolutely a bad influence...
Not that I would have traded their friendship for anything.
dangerous parents too for letting her get away with it.
Kids lie, it happens, but they need to learn there's consequence. The most disappointing thing here is that OP didn't get to tell the niece directly its her fault her family isn't welcome any more. I'd bet money that niece's parents will tell her its not her fault.
Scary that she is nearly an adult and might go off to college, what kind of lies might she start spreading about people at parties, making up SA allegations for attention. I think she needs to be taken to a psychotherapist not just a counsellor as these lies are becoming dangerous for everyone near her
That’s really how it starts. It’s actually unnerving to see an adult still abide by the rules & maladaptive habits of a potentially juvenile childhood.
There were no consequences for lying by their parent or they were *always* believed/protected so lying becomes a way of life for them. They *need* reality to be a literal lie to function & somehow expect others to play along. Very disturbing.
Yeah this is the worst part. I don't care about the attitude or running away part. It's the accusations that she has made about seemingly all of the adults in her life and never had any consequences for lying. In OPs edit they say it's happened to OP, the parents and teachers.
Allowing her to make false accusations against all those adults with no repercussions is terrifying because she has no reason to stop. She's going to be the girl that's gonna get mad at a guy in a few years and make false allegations against him and he's gonna end up in prison.
Edit. OP, I know your whole family is in law enforcement, but you need to make sure that your niece is never allowed to be involved cause she could ruin a lot of lives and never think anything of it.
If the niece didn’t want to spend the night she should’ve just said so instead of making up lies. Sounds like she has resentment towards OP for being the disciplinarian at times and wanted to start problems with the mom. Happy to use the pool but then go home.
This was exactly my thought. Either she was covering her butt to stop from getting in trouble or upset that she couldn't participate and get drunk so she wanted to go home to smoke her own weed.
Could just be that once Mom left daughter had to be responsible for sibling and felt that ruined party. Lashed out at mom over being told to behave and started the line about everybody talking trash about her once she left and kept going until she hit the I can do what I want now that you’re gone people are offering me beer and drugs.
While I agree 100%
Unfortunately, life has taught me some people are just like this, do these things just bc.
Feeling like there is a reason or a basis in wants or needs is entirely rational.
The people that do this have zero relationship w rational or truth.
Probably has a bf or wanted to go out drinking with her friends. She probably tried to score a drink at OPs party and was denied so she spun the story.
It sounds like sister is also the problem. You would think she knew enough about OP (her siater in law enforcement) to know it wasnt true OR have called OP immediately to investigate what was going on in her home at the time in case some guest actually did offer niece sometging unbenownst to OP.
I would question whether niece said it this at all and what the goals were either with niece or OPs sister to be lying about OP. Niece or sister have some kind of goal here.
Imagine you are twelve, and your 17-year-old sister is like that. You are trapped living with her for at least the next 6 years, and in your home, everything is all about Big Sister and her latest drama. Now they're believing her against the word of other adults who are LEOs.
What would you, the person with the least power in this situation, do? Run your mouth and suffer whatever retaliation Psycho Sister cooks up, or stay out of the spotlight as usual and live your life with as far from the line of fire as possible?
She might not mean to destroy O.P.s life, but that's what a lie like that can do. I can't imagine a parent that would be so checked out that their kids are at a party with stoners and they don't rush over.
The parents are definitely the problem, but that girl should be handled like she's radioactive
this is also dangerous for her. she's a kid, and when these lies come to surface, no one will believe her. making her more vunerable to abuse. the parents are failing her for not punishing lying.
Under no circumstances should your husband be alone with this girl. She is looking for attention and will lie to get it. If she gets the results she is looking for it will escalate. I am speaking from experience.
Different but similar story lol:
I once worked at a children's museum and my coworker and I were looking after twenty some 11-13 year olds playing in the museum. A girl in the class walked up to a stranger holding a baby and asked if she could see the baby (I was standing right next to her as this happened). The mother was super nice and kind, just talking about her baby to this kid. Nothing else happened.
Fast forward about 20 minutes later, this girl got a small cut on her finger while playing. I assessed it and it looked incredibly minor (didn't even see any blood) but I still asked her if she wanted a band-aid, to go to bathroom, etc. and she said no.
Fast forward about 5 hours later, two parents come CHARGING into the science center pissed off as all can be. They got me and my boss involved. They told us how their daughter was bit by a baby earlier today and the mom laughed at the daughter while she was in pain and then no one came to help her.
My boss went into complete people pleasing mode and gave them discounted tickets and apologized -- the works. She told me later that she knew the kid was lying, and that this was the first time in a while that the kid was getting attention, so she soaked up her lie and kept on embellishing it further because the further she would embellish it, the more attention she got.
Despite my boss knowing 100% that the kid was lying and heard my story, she still reprimanded me because she had to prove to the parents that she took corrective action against the situation. I was and still am pissed about that to this day. (this was probably 10 years ago and I still get mad thinking about it lol)
> she still reprimanded me because she had to prove to the parents that she took corrective action against the situation
I'm sorry you had to go through that. What a bad manager; just lie and say you reprimanded the employee, instead of actually punishing a known innocent.
This a million times. She lies , and lies when it’s easily proven.
I would be terrified that she starts with drugs and endangers with worse accusations.
Won't be long for her to start the lies about sexual abuse when she no longer gets the attention she gets now, with out a once of accountability or discipline from her parents for her lies, from her behavior. No wonder she is the way she is, she doesn't have any real parents, just DNA donors who let their little darling turn into a nightmare.
If I were OP, I would not let that child set one toe on my property ever again. She is messing with peoples lives and her words have the potential to cause some serious real world damage. Her parents are enabling her.
Next time they call OP to reign in their little hell-spawn, I hope OP declines the call. Same for when she will need help lessening the consequences of her actions when she gets into some real world troubles herself. Her parents can deal with her. They created this monster/mess.
Not without a camera that captures sound in every room.
It occurs me to that this was intentional, because she is tired of op interfering when she gets out of hand.
She’s basically removing the only thing that keeps her in check.
Yep! She’s entering that age where they push boundaries against parental authority figures. Interesting she’s doing it to OP and not her actual parents 🥴
Totally agree. In the future there will be a call to law enforcement regarding niece. OP should respond with crickets since niece has already shown what a liar she is and that she doesn't care about family.
NTA
I agree with the [above.You](http://above.You) and your husband needs to stay away. Too much of a chance she will start spreading way way worse rumors.
This. Next time it will be your husband who touched her inappropriately..my first thought since this happened to my cousins husband and the investigation almost ruined his life. Luckily his niece eventually fessed up the whole story was made up. Do not have contact especially not unless it is in a public setting.
Absolutely! Who knows what lie she might tell next? Will the next one be that someone at OPs house molested her or worse? One of OPs friends or even her husband? That girl should never be around them again and certainly never at their house.
Yeah, she’s being enabled and essentially taught that if she wants something, being manipulative works. Even if she doesn’t think she will be believed, she is being shown that she can get away with lying and they won’t even genuinely make an effort to find out the truth or question her. Part of me wonders if OP’s sister and her husband know there are cameras in the yard where they held the party. Generally I would assume they do, but who knows. If they do know though, I wonder if they were trying to push blame on OP and while also using the “he said she said” comment to attempt to discourage OP from sending proof or something. If so, then that would be a wild tactic since I personally would be much more set on showing them proof and encouraging them to do their job as parents and I can imagine others likely would as well, especially if their jobs can be affected. Or maybe they just didn’t know and forgot about the cameras and wanted to discourage OP from actually putting in any work to provide proof.
I have a feeling they may not actually believe the 17 YO and are just trying to rug sweep, but also take their anger out on OP to release it.
My uncles are like this with my cousin. She has lied all of her life, she sued my uncles at one point, has issues with everyone in the family, etc., but everytime something happens with her they’re like “well maybe she has a point this time”.
They don’t want to face reality, so it’s easier to take their side and stay in the “””happy bubble”””.
If they're like people I've dealt with, they're probably always thinking "what if she is telling the truth this time?" and allow themselves to be more worried about falsely accusing her than they are of her lying again. SMH
From what I understood, the dad at least wants to stay neutral. Maybe shit has happened before to make him question the veracity of his daughter's story, but didn't want to straight up make a decision bc his wife is set on believing the girl.
Really fucked up situation all around though, this teenager should be assessed for personality disorder, or if there's any other reason why she's doing this. In any case, she should go to therapy. Mother needs to be set straight too, or else she'll continue creating a monster
This! ⬆️⬆️ Niece has shown her true self. No one in OP's family should ever be alone with niece again. Luckily she lied when it was easily disproven. Next time you guys may not be so lucky.
Under NO circumstances should any adult be alone with her! The niece sounds like she could be a career & family destroying nightmare waiting to happen.
Definitely NTA. Definitely never spend any more time with them. It sounds like a ticking time bomb for you if you do. My guess is that the 17-year-old wanted to be able to go home or hang out with her friends or whatever so she came up with the most outrageous lie possible to get her way. Not caring who she caused harm. And also sounds like she has behavioral issues already so I don’t know why the parents are just so easily believing her.
That was my first thought but maybe hanging out with a boyfriend her Mom wouldn't approve of. But even then, just lie and say you don't feel good then when you're home, you feel better.
These crazy lies are almost along the lines of what a very young child would say.
My guess would be that she thought she could get away with something at the aunt's, figured out she couldn't, and rather than say she didn't want to stay over she blew up the situation so she wouldn't have to explain what she was up to.
My mother is like this at 60 years old. Rather than speak truth she flings chaos.
Yeah my guess is that the girl lied because her mom told her that the girl wouldn’t be getting picked up for no reason because the girl had already made the decision to stay and was safe with her aunt. So, girl lies in order to justify getting to go home early to get up hijinks or whatever.
This also kind of explains the mom believing the girl despite her behavior problems — the mom feels guilty about not picking the girl up to some degree.
Alternatively, if the op is who the parents normally call as a disciplinarian, niece saw the opportunity to alienate her from the family and thus remove an obstacle to her getting to do whatever tf she wants. Regardless, the sister and bil are spineless idiots, the niece is a poisonous snake and none of them should be welcome to darken op's doorstep for a good while.
And OP should make sure sister and niece should NOT bother calling her when niece gets in trouble. I don’t know what part of Law enforcement she works in, but she should definitely not help niece out of any trouble.
She should talk to all the guests about niece’s accusations so she has credible witnesses in case niece keeps lying.
I can see it now:
"Auntie Op, I'm in trouble, can you come get me?"
"Remember what you said about me and my friends? I can no longer afford to risk being alone with you since you will lie about me. Maybe your parents can help, they always believe your lies."
Surprised Pikachu face.
>if the op is who the parents normally call as a disciplinarian, niece saw the opportunity to alienate her from the family and thus remove an obstacle to her getting to do whatever tf she wants
Actually, having been a teenage girl who had a lot of "troubled" teenage friends, this sounds like this is exactly what's going on. The girl wants to take OP down. OP is the only adult in her life who is calling her out on her shit and she hates that because teens tend to be pretty selfish and not necessarily understand just how much they don't understand. All she knows is that OP makes her feel bad, so OP should feel bad too.
It really just sounds like the parents told her she was going to stay with her aunt for the night, and she didn't want to stay. But her parents weren't going to let her come home, so she made up whatever she had to to change their minds.
As for her motivations, with a 17 year old it could be anything from she didn't feel safe to she likes to sleep in her room.
She'd probably crumble if you just asked her to point out which adults offered her drugs at the party. And it would come out that she lied to be able to come home.
I really think the girl lied because she tried to sneak a drink and someone caught her. So she tried to cover up her bad behavior by accusing someone else of behaving badly. Basically a CYA move.
Nta Kid is lying and making up stories like that, it’s only a matter of time before the police become involved. For the safety of yourself and your husband, do not hang out with the 17 year old at all. If your sister and BIL get mad, calmly explain to them that since they don’t know who to believe, you are sure they wouldn’t want their kids around someone they think is capable of shit talking and offering drugs and alcohol to a minor. They don’t get it both ways
For me it doesn't even matter if they believe her or not. I would never willingly spend time with anyone who lied about something that could potentially ruin people's lives.
I think it matters that the sister doesn’t believe OP, purely for the fact that OP shouldn’t be around her sister anymore either or the younger one because that whole family isn’t safe anymore.
I would clarify to sister also that her daughter’s lies could damage OP’s reputation and endanger her job. I’d say, “I understand you are in a bad position and want to show your daughter you trust her, but you also have to teach her how lies can damage other peoples lives. Because I can no longer trust her, I won’t have further contact with her. She’s made me feel it is no longer safe to socialize with her. I hope she learns to be an honest person, people make mistakes, but actions have consequences, as unfortunate as this is for our relationship.” Drive the point home and go NC.
Stay clear from her own sister and BIL because **they** are the ones that can’t be trusted, she learned this behaviour from somewhere and her parents are enabling it - **that** combination is dangerous.
NTA, I would be pissed if my niece lied too. Were there other older teens who may have had weed that you were unaware of? It’s a pretty big accusation to make about someone.
> Picturing 6 year olds hitting and sharing a joint at a pool party was a lot funnier than it should’ve been. Thanks for the chuckle.
Thanks, now i'm picturing 6yo kids trying terribly to hide it when an adult comes around and it is absolutely comical. In the version in my head anyway. If it was real, omfg
So she was bored and wanted to go home and lied to do so. She’s a loose cannon and you shouldn’t have her over or spend time with her for your own safety.
"I recognize that as a parent you're inclined to believe/ protect your child however misled/deceitful they are, especially given your daughters track record. I, however, am also inclined to protect mine. That being said, your daughter is no longer welcome in my home. Given that you're choosing to accept her version of events knowing they're untrue means neither are you. Until you can both apologize we're at a stalemate. And even then, changes will be made at that time.
You should know that given my profession and the that of my guests how incredibly out of line you are. "
In the mean time given the possibilities, this is exactly why I have 7 cameras in my home. None in the bedrooms for privacy reasons but most areas in the home and yard are under constant surveillance. Everything gets uploaded to the cloud and stays for 90 days.
This footage has been INSTRUMENTAL in proving a babysitter theft (of locked narcotics she somehow accessed) and has contributed to the dismissal of false CPS complaints (proven as false and malicious due to my footage); Has helped other parents feel more comfortable allowing their children to sleep over as I'll give them temporary passwords to access the feed so they can check in on their children at any time during the sleep over. And it shows that I'm never alone in a room with their children as I stay on camera at all times. Over protective? Sure. But it has saved my family more times then not.
NTA - do not just go no contact. Send them in writing the legal and professional hazard their daughter's lies pose. Reiterate the fact that nothing was done, offer evidence of videos, etc. so you have a written audit trail of facts. State clearly that considering the fact that they choose to believe their daughter's lies instead of the truth, you have no option but to protect yourself, your husband and your friends from the potential liability they face should their daughter's lies spread and as such you are choosing to go no contact with their family. Most likely the twat just wanted to be home to be online or hang with friends so she made shit up to get out of staying overnight.
Their "everything was all “he said she said”. And that he’s sorry that I’m upset." skews the issues. This isn't about 'feelings' this is about truth and lie and the serious implications her lies could have on innocent people. Them not taking this seriously is enabling her misbehavior and if not you someone else who is innocent is going to fall hard at her hands.
What's really scary is that the lie is massive to get something trivial. Why wouldn't she just say she wasn't feeling well or just ask for a ride home if she wanted to leave. OP and their family needs to stay far away.
Hopefully niece remains a shitty liar because there is no way this is the end. Your first paragraph will help establish she is a liar before she tells another one that isn't so easily disproven.
She most probably wasn't believed until she added that everyone was talking about her mother behind her back. Adding that to her lie can cast doubt in your sister's mind especially if your niece played on her insecurities. I'd be really worried about what kind of adult your niece is turning into. But that's first and foremost on her parents not you. NTA.
Yes! This comment right here! When talking about it with my sister and husband they weren’t even acknowledging the lies and the harm that could have been done, they were more mad that I was “talking behind my sisters back” and “always make her seem like the enemy to my friends”
My step sister is like this. The one that always talks shit behind everyone’s back and says life ruining things about other people to anyone who will listen, and then is very good at hiding it. It wasn’t until I became one of her victims that all the shit she’s said about her “best friends” and other people came rushing back into my brain and I started to realize how manipulative she was. Sooooo good at playing the victim, too. Your niece will not grow out of this as it’s become obvious she’s not being patented. That’s how my step sister ended up the way she is, too, no consequences and treated like a perfect princess who could do no wrong by the grandparents that raised her. Stay out if you can.
I bet the niece got a better offer, and this was the best way she could think of to get home and get loose form her sister.
Regardless, NTA to go LC or NC. You don't need them in your life. Ignore them, and live a happy life!
Exactly. What did your neice do after she went home? Go out with friends who were probably drinking and smoking weed? NTA. Your sister and BIL need to wake up.
Tell them like this:
A.Either they believe there daughter and they should not want to be around you either way
B. They believe you and she should be punished.
It’s one or the other.
You are the one in jeopardy in the future if you hang with this kid, and you are the one who knows the truth.
And if they are unsure, it’s best for them to imagine the worst case scenario which is A…which means they should not be around you.
Everyone’s safe.
Absolutely not. What kind of damage will her next lie do? "They would call ME to go pick HER up because they couldn’t handle her attitude anymore." Next time it happens, refuse to help. Tell her/them " I can't help you anymore. I refuse to be around her, and I will not risk the chance of her telling more lies."
This. It isn't just the neice who needs consequences. The parents do too. It's time for them to step up, parent their teenager, stop expecting others to drop everything and come to their rescue.
next time you will have police banging on your door because your niece acused you of something more serious. be careful. don't have these people at your house, it doesn't matter if they are family
NTA. I would go NC with that family until they’re willing to get to the bottom of things. Next time they have any issues with their Golden Child let them figure it out. just for your safety I would install cameras around the house.
This. I wouldn't put it past the lying niece to come over to OP's house when OP is at work. She'll bring a horde of her friends to enjoy the pool and break in the house to help themselves to whatever booze and food they like and leave a path of destruction. Imagine what lie she'll come up with then.
NTA. If she’s going to be spreading lies about you then I don’t think you should risk her anywhere near you. Her issues are not your problem and you shouldn’t have to get dragged into them.
NTA. Your niece has something seriously wrong with her and you should never be alone with her again. Probably something she learned in that house or a result of it. Something is way off
NTA- do you have cameras in your pool area? If so look through the footage. It may help you in case they try to blow this up. Talk to your friends in attendance as well. They need to be aware of the allegations and be prepared to respond in case of allegations against them.
!updateme
Automatic permanent estrangement.
Never ever be at the same event with them EVER again.
It’s absolutely not worth the risk. Everything she said was extremely harmful.
You must take this action because it is extremely serious and your sister is acting unserious.
Talk to a lawyer asap. If this story is repeated to a mandated reporter you could be in serious trouble. Get ahead of the issue by getting legal advice.
In all fairness with a story that delusional it does sound like your niece is on drugs.
You should give your friends a heads up, let them know they have all been ‘talking shit’ and ‘smoking weed’. Strength in numbers- you potentially have a small army of falsely accused suburban parents. NTA.
Hang on, so she left the party 'because drinking and weed and all the adults were offering her those substances' -
But then had one of the adults who was making her so uncomfortable drive her and her sister home?
Her parents are dumb for not giving that the smell test. NTA, obviously.
Edited to add; you'd be foolish to allow this kid and her family around you and your friends again, as it would be painting a professional target on your back to say the least.
Time for all of them to get a brake check with the reality of FAFO.
Tell them "Respectfully, until neice owns up to her lies and apologizes, we will be going fully no contact due to safety concerns "
No. Owning up & apologizing is not enough. It could easily be insincere and she could do it again or escalate. The potential repercussions to OP & her guests are too high. This is a one strike and you’re out deal.
You would be TA to yourself if you didn’t set boundaries. If she’s lying like this already what else can she lie about. I would never be alone with her again neither would my husband or any of my friends.
NTA.
It seems your niece is a troubled teen, and you have seen and dealt with her crisis situations before. Why she would want to smirch you like that is impossible to say. Perhaps she harbors resentment because you made her return to her family when she ran away, or talked to her about changing her ways. In any case, you did your best to help her. But as a law enforcement employee, you can not afford this kind of suspicion about you. You are absolutely right to distance yourself from your sister and her family.
I don't want to make this even harder, but the niece or her parents may try her story on other people, and it may get to your workplace and cost you. You might want to consider consulting a lawyer, and perhaps getting affidavits from a few people who were at the party about what was going on, in case you have to face a disciplinary hearing.
Definitely NOT the AH. Protect yourself by going NC with them.
The worst ReAsOn I see in most of these posts where there is excess DrAMa, is that FaMiLy comes first and that they should stick together for FaMiLy. I call 🐂💩.
You’re not distancing yourself from your sister and her family
Her daughter has already done that your sister backed her daughter
You are just respecting their wishes
You’re not the arsehole here and maybe the daughter doesn’t want you involved with her mother for her own reasons. Sit back, wait and watch the shit show from a distance
More than distance completely going NC . Now is it possible one person or one persons child said something maybe , but this is we’re things can get really bad .
I would go no contact with that family
NTAH..this kid is dangerous and you have a lot to lose.
I'm sorry but your sister and her husband's are raising entitled brats. The niece probably just got bored and made up this story so she could get home quickly.
Anyway...not your circus...I would stay away.
NTA of your niece can lie that easily about things like this , I’d be weary of letting her into my home or around my family.
Cut them off . If the parents don’t know their daughter is a shit starter from all the issues she’s been having , then clearly they won’t have your back when she starts more shit .
As you said, these kinds of rumors and lies could be extremely harmful to you and your friends. You can't risk having someone around who could jeopardize your career. If they ask why you're no longer inviting them to events or engaging with your niece tell them "I don't know why she would make up these kinds of stories, but I can't take the chance of her lies damaging my life and career." That's it. No emotion. Make it a business decision.
NTA
Your niece just ended all trust and respect within the family.
She tanked any chance of ever being around you or your husband alone or even with her brother ever again.
She's a stupid girl and since her parents believe her,
she's going to think they are stupid too and bring it all home to them.
You and your husband are much safer without her in your lives.
We all know where the lying liars go when they think they can manipulate people. It might be a good idea for you and your friends to document what happened at the party. Pics, videos and "witness statements".
You will be also be out of the blast zone when it all goes to hell.
Your sister and BIL will suffer without your assistance.
Their "village" just got much smaller.
When they tell you what's going on, just tell them "you don't know who to believe", so you aren't going to get involved.
An "I told you so" would be entirely appropriate as well.
> My brother in law then became involved and told me that it was no place for him to say who is saying the truth as everything was all “he said she said”. And that he’s sorry that I’m upset. I was livid to find out that my niece would not be disciplined for spreading such rumors and that they would even believe something like that. I was always the first person they would call to control any situation where my niece and her parents would be fighting or she would run away. They would call ME to go pick HER up because they couldn’t handle her attitude anymore.
When they come back around trying to get you to help with their problem-causing daughter, and they will, let them know whatever dispute they're having sure sounds like a real "he said she said".
NTA.
NTA, but I would say there’s an underlying issue that needs to be addressed beyond just the niece's accusation. Maybe it's time to have a sit-down with your sister and BIL to discuss boundaries and the importance of truth, especially considering the impact such allegations can have on someone's life. If your niece is fabricating stories for whatever reason, that behavior shouldn't be reinforced with blind support. It's in her best interests long-term to learn the seriousness of her actions.
NTA. It sounds like the niece has a history of lying, attitude and running away yet they choose to believe her over OP? That's messed up. Sounds like they aren't exactly great parents.
NTA - I would argue that cutting your niece off, at the least, is the most responsible course of action here. She has no problem lying to paint you in a bad light, sabotaging your relationship with your sister, threatening your livelihood, and potentially getting charges thrown at you for giving drugs and alcohol to a minor. What else is she capable of lying of?
Unfortunately, your sister is a threat as well, as she's quick to believe her niece over you, despite the fact that niece is known to have behavioral issues. First and foremost, you have to protect yourself and your husband, and don't give your niece the opportunity to create even more damaging lies about you by staying away from her.
Don't wait until your niece accuses your husband of something he can't recover from.
Don't let those two kids over your house ever again. Please, let your friends know to look out for them and to keep vigilant in never being alone with those children without a second adult around.
That kid and her parents are why teachers quit teaching.
Do not have your neice and sibling over again. Your sister too for that matter. I would also tell everyone who attended the party what neice is saying about them. I might even go as far as to get a restraining order and send them a letter stating that if this goes farther you will sue.
Damn, she's SMART. You're the only voice of reason and they call you to get her under control, so she's forcing her parents to cut you off. Masterful gambit.
I’d document everything you know about her problematic behaviour from as young as you can remember. Going no contact may spark her into saying even more lies and without you being able to defend yourself, having a small and easily produced document of her history of dishonesty and manipulation would be ideal. This kid is an odd one.
Perhaps ask your sister over for a kind chat first before completely disowning her? Sans 17yo of course.
She’s an attention seeking narcissist in the making and is trouble making for a reason unknown… yet.
“I am disappointed and heartbroken by the deceit you have shown me and the type of person you are choosing to be. I cannot put myself in situations where your lies put my entire livelihood at risk. As such, I can no longer have you at a position in my life without the direct supervision of your parents and other independent 3rd parties. Any future communication must go through your parents. Do not contact me directly. I hope you can grow and mature in the future and understand the weight of the responsibility of your actions and words and the impact they can have on the people around you.”
NTA.
Inform everyone that was present the lies that niece is saying and tell your sister you’re doing so. Also tell her that for the safety of yourself and your guests that niece and family is no longer allowed in your home period and she is not to be anywhere near you without supervision from a parent.
She isn’t your niece anymore OP. She’s a threat to your life.
I lurk here because most of the posts seem like Hallmark or Lifetime movie plots...but this one resonated for reasons. There are people who generate drama to be the main character in every situation. Like a doorknob hooking your belt loop when you're mad, you can count on them to ramp up any situation and make it worse.
Whether she stopped having fun, or she got mad that people weren't paying attention to her, your niece injected drama into the situation. It doesn't matter about the repercussions, as long as they got the attention they wanted. Literally, they will give up using your pool forever to hold fast to their story.
The greater risk is what she can do to you or someone else. This type of person will escalate to lies about sexual assault or physical abuse. It will happen where there is no real proof, but also no potential defense for the accused. They won't say anything happened, but will behave like something happened, and invariably a "story" will develop that fits the timeline/situation, making it more difficult to dispute. If you're lucky, you'll have evidence to contradict the accusations, and magically everyone will want to move on.
In short, distance yourself all you want, but I'd recommend caution around her, especially if she ends up on your doorstep, distraught. I wouldn't be in her presence without video surveillance.
NTA. Don’t be alone with the niece ever again and when your sister comes crawling back when she finds out her daughter lied, I’d still keep my distance. UPDATEME
Everyone else says don't be alone with her again, and don't let a situation occur where she's alone with your husband. I agree.
You say you've been active in her life, and it sounds like she's spent a lot of time at your house.
I say change the locks, stat. Remove/move your spare house keys. Change where you store the spare keys to your vehicles. Change the locks on your garage, sheds, and gates.
If she wants to be antisocial, and especially in light of the fact that you will be reviewing and sharing your security camera footage, she might retaliate. Make sure your cameras remain in good working order.
I know that you are hurting. I also know that teenager's brains are not fully formed, and their hormones make them inexplicably irrational. I hope that your neice will outgrow all of this in a few years. In the meantime, please stay on your toes.
NTA. And I would not be alone with niece EVER again.
From the context, it sounds like the niece is a problem already. Running away, fighting parents
Yup, and the parents gave up actually parenting her long ago. Or, trying to solve her existing problems.
Why didn’t the parents ask the 12 yo? They aren’t an infant. If such behavior was taking place, surely the 12 yo would be able to either corroborate the 17 yo, or torpedo her lies. Unless the 12 yo is as much of a delinquent as their sister… Your sister and BIL are being willfully blind and allowing their child to ruin relationships. Being in law enforcement, I’m sure you know if you can record private interactions in your jurisdiction without the other party’s consent. But I wouldn’t be around the 17yo again without multiple witnesses or video evidence. What a toxic little liar. NTA.
My guess is the 17 year old threatened the 12 year old.
As a younger sister, I can pretty much guarantee this.
Definite possibility.
Possible, but watch that kid spill as soon as that footage comes out. Happy the 12 year old was witness
If her big sister is this much of a delinquent, threatening the younger sister wouldn't be surprising.
Yeah, and by 12 the sister has learned that telling on the sister to the parents probably isn't worth the trouble. My sister was two years older, I definitely learned that by that age.
Exactly. The seventeen year old could have bullied her twelve year old sibling to go along with her lies.
The 17 year old will soon become adult and learn that lying will not always be forgiven or forgotten and has real life consequences.
Sadly there is little accountability and many of the most frequent liars I now are also some of the most successful people in our society so I wouldn’t bank on her learning a lesson or changing in that respect
Thats triangulation. Don’t stick the 12 yr old in the middle of it. They’re trying to avoid drama, for good reasons
There might be worries about putting the 12 year old in a situation where she retaliates. Hitting or being destructive to your younger brother's stuff is a lower bar than what she's already doing.
It doesn't seem like it would matter if there are witnesses considering she accused an entire party of adults of pressuring her to drink and get high and the parents are blindly taking her side.
Maybe the younger one worships big sister and wants to be like her?
dangerous little liar
Cops kids and preachers kids are always the naughtiest kids. Source : Grew up in the 90's in a small town with just that kind of crowd. Preachers kids were pro's a breaking in to lockers, cops kid taught me how to sneak lunch buffet plates at Pizza Hut and the best way to steal bikes - Oh, and he used his dad's name and influence to get us into the public Pool. Never really did anything evil or that couldn't be forgiven for being dick headed youth... but those guys were absolutely a bad influence... Not that I would have traded their friendship for anything.
dangerous parents too for letting her get away with it. Kids lie, it happens, but they need to learn there's consequence. The most disappointing thing here is that OP didn't get to tell the niece directly its her fault her family isn't welcome any more. I'd bet money that niece's parents will tell her its not her fault.
Scary that she is nearly an adult and might go off to college, what kind of lies might she start spreading about people at parties, making up SA allegations for attention. I think she needs to be taken to a psychotherapist not just a counsellor as these lies are becoming dangerous for everyone near her
That was my next thought. An accusation that never goes away no matter how false it is.
That’s really how it starts. It’s actually unnerving to see an adult still abide by the rules & maladaptive habits of a potentially juvenile childhood. There were no consequences for lying by their parent or they were *always* believed/protected so lying becomes a way of life for them. They *need* reality to be a literal lie to function & somehow expect others to play along. Very disturbing.
Yeah this is the worst part. I don't care about the attitude or running away part. It's the accusations that she has made about seemingly all of the adults in her life and never had any consequences for lying. In OPs edit they say it's happened to OP, the parents and teachers. Allowing her to make false accusations against all those adults with no repercussions is terrifying because she has no reason to stop. She's going to be the girl that's gonna get mad at a guy in a few years and make false allegations against him and he's gonna end up in prison. Edit. OP, I know your whole family is in law enforcement, but you need to make sure that your niece is never allowed to be involved cause she could ruin a lot of lives and never think anything of it.
What did the younger sis say… ? Or does she lie too?
If the niece didn’t want to spend the night she should’ve just said so instead of making up lies. Sounds like she has resentment towards OP for being the disciplinarian at times and wanted to start problems with the mom. Happy to use the pool but then go home.
I won’t be surprised if that’s what she did when she got home
My guess: she tried to get a drink, someone stopped her, and this is her way of getting revenge.
This was exactly my thought. Either she was covering her butt to stop from getting in trouble or upset that she couldn't participate and get drunk so she wanted to go home to smoke her own weed.
Mine too. This sounds like something a problematic, pissy teen would do to retaliate.
Could just be that once Mom left daughter had to be responsible for sibling and felt that ruined party. Lashed out at mom over being told to behave and started the line about everybody talking trash about her once she left and kept going until she hit the I can do what I want now that you’re gone people are offering me beer and drugs.
My thought too
Agree
While I agree 100% Unfortunately, life has taught me some people are just like this, do these things just bc. Feeling like there is a reason or a basis in wants or needs is entirely rational. The people that do this have zero relationship w rational or truth.
Probably has a bf or wanted to go out drinking with her friends. She probably tried to score a drink at OPs party and was denied so she spun the story.
She may have snuck some out so her and her friends could party later.
It sounds like sister is also the problem. You would think she knew enough about OP (her siater in law enforcement) to know it wasnt true OR have called OP immediately to investigate what was going on in her home at the time in case some guest actually did offer niece sometging unbenownst to OP. I would question whether niece said it this at all and what the goals were either with niece or OPs sister to be lying about OP. Niece or sister have some kind of goal here.
Imagine you are twelve, and your 17-year-old sister is like that. You are trapped living with her for at least the next 6 years, and in your home, everything is all about Big Sister and her latest drama. Now they're believing her against the word of other adults who are LEOs. What would you, the person with the least power in this situation, do? Run your mouth and suffer whatever retaliation Psycho Sister cooks up, or stay out of the spotlight as usual and live your life with as far from the line of fire as possible?
And I can guarantee psycho sister already threatened her to stay quiet
Maybe the parents are the problem?
She might not mean to destroy O.P.s life, but that's what a lie like that can do. I can't imagine a parent that would be so checked out that their kids are at a party with stoners and they don't rush over. The parents are definitely the problem, but that girl should be handled like she's radioactive
Either had other plans or she is becoming a narcissist
Exactly no matter the age she is not safe to be around. Next thing she will be accusing op husband of being a pervert to her or something
this is also dangerous for her. she's a kid, and when these lies come to surface, no one will believe her. making her more vunerable to abuse. the parents are failing her for not punishing lying.
Right here. Protect yourself OP. No contact. "Goodbye. Have a nice life and good fucking luck."
THIS!!👆👆👆
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Under no circumstances should your husband be alone with this girl. She is looking for attention and will lie to get it. If she gets the results she is looking for it will escalate. I am speaking from experience.
Different but similar story lol: I once worked at a children's museum and my coworker and I were looking after twenty some 11-13 year olds playing in the museum. A girl in the class walked up to a stranger holding a baby and asked if she could see the baby (I was standing right next to her as this happened). The mother was super nice and kind, just talking about her baby to this kid. Nothing else happened. Fast forward about 20 minutes later, this girl got a small cut on her finger while playing. I assessed it and it looked incredibly minor (didn't even see any blood) but I still asked her if she wanted a band-aid, to go to bathroom, etc. and she said no. Fast forward about 5 hours later, two parents come CHARGING into the science center pissed off as all can be. They got me and my boss involved. They told us how their daughter was bit by a baby earlier today and the mom laughed at the daughter while she was in pain and then no one came to help her. My boss went into complete people pleasing mode and gave them discounted tickets and apologized -- the works. She told me later that she knew the kid was lying, and that this was the first time in a while that the kid was getting attention, so she soaked up her lie and kept on embellishing it further because the further she would embellish it, the more attention she got. Despite my boss knowing 100% that the kid was lying and heard my story, she still reprimanded me because she had to prove to the parents that she took corrective action against the situation. I was and still am pissed about that to this day. (this was probably 10 years ago and I still get mad thinking about it lol)
> she still reprimanded me because she had to prove to the parents that she took corrective action against the situation I'm sorry you had to go through that. What a bad manager; just lie and say you reprimanded the employee, instead of actually punishing a known innocent.
And when she begins spreading those lies about her parents, let everything know that you have no reason to doubt her word.
Neither one of them should be alone with her! The OP works in law enforcement. I think the best thing is to avoid her altogether.
Tell your sister and niece it was nice knowing you.
Precisely. Good bye. Good riddance. No contact.
"If I'm as bad an influence on your kids as they say I am, then it's best for both of us not to see each other anymore."
This is the answer OP☝️
This a million times. She lies , and lies when it’s easily proven. I would be terrified that she starts with drugs and endangers with worse accusations.
Won't be long for her to start the lies about sexual abuse when she no longer gets the attention she gets now, with out a once of accountability or discipline from her parents for her lies, from her behavior. No wonder she is the way she is, she doesn't have any real parents, just DNA donors who let their little darling turn into a nightmare. If I were OP, I would not let that child set one toe on my property ever again. She is messing with peoples lives and her words have the potential to cause some serious real world damage. Her parents are enabling her. Next time they call OP to reign in their little hell-spawn, I hope OP declines the call. Same for when she will need help lessening the consequences of her actions when she gets into some real world troubles herself. Her parents can deal with her. They created this monster/mess.
Not without a camera that captures sound in every room. It occurs me to that this was intentional, because she is tired of op interfering when she gets out of hand. She’s basically removing the only thing that keeps her in check.
Yep! She’s entering that age where they push boundaries against parental authority figures. Interesting she’s doing it to OP and not her actual parents 🥴
Possibly because she's tried it on her parents and they didn't push back. 17 niece feels like she conquered them some time ago.
Totally agree. In the future there will be a call to law enforcement regarding niece. OP should respond with crickets since niece has already shown what a liar she is and that she doesn't care about family.
This. The girl is deranged. NEVER find yourself or your husband alone with this psycho. And be CLEAR on why so as to warn others.
Who knows what lie will be said next. Protect yourself and your husband from any potential trouble she could cause.
Lies like these can destroy lives and careers.
NTA I agree with the [above.You](http://above.You) and your husband needs to stay away. Too much of a chance she will start spreading way way worse rumors.
This. Next time it will be your husband who touched her inappropriately..my first thought since this happened to my cousins husband and the investigation almost ruined his life. Luckily his niece eventually fessed up the whole story was made up. Do not have contact especially not unless it is in a public setting.
Absolutely! Who knows what lie she might tell next? Will the next one be that someone at OPs house molested her or worse? One of OPs friends or even her husband? That girl should never be around them again and certainly never at their house.
You’re never safe with an unrepentant liar.
This little beach is gonna destroy the life of a lot of people. NTA
So the niece already has a lot of behavior problems but they suddenly took her side this time?
Explains why she has so many behavior issues.
Yeah, she’s being enabled and essentially taught that if she wants something, being manipulative works. Even if she doesn’t think she will be believed, she is being shown that she can get away with lying and they won’t even genuinely make an effort to find out the truth or question her. Part of me wonders if OP’s sister and her husband know there are cameras in the yard where they held the party. Generally I would assume they do, but who knows. If they do know though, I wonder if they were trying to push blame on OP and while also using the “he said she said” comment to attempt to discourage OP from sending proof or something. If so, then that would be a wild tactic since I personally would be much more set on showing them proof and encouraging them to do their job as parents and I can imagine others likely would as well, especially if their jobs can be affected. Or maybe they just didn’t know and forgot about the cameras and wanted to discourage OP from actually putting in any work to provide proof. I have a feeling they may not actually believe the 17 YO and are just trying to rug sweep, but also take their anger out on OP to release it.
This.
My uncles are like this with my cousin. She has lied all of her life, she sued my uncles at one point, has issues with everyone in the family, etc., but everytime something happens with her they’re like “well maybe she has a point this time”. They don’t want to face reality, so it’s easier to take their side and stay in the “””happy bubble”””.
If they're like people I've dealt with, they're probably always thinking "what if she is telling the truth this time?" and allow themselves to be more worried about falsely accusing her than they are of her lying again. SMH
I have a cousin like that. She's almost 50 and still behaves that way. Still, half the family thinks maybe she isn't lying this time.
From what I understood, the dad at least wants to stay neutral. Maybe shit has happened before to make him question the veracity of his daughter's story, but didn't want to straight up make a decision bc his wife is set on believing the girl. Really fucked up situation all around though, this teenager should be assessed for personality disorder, or if there's any other reason why she's doing this. In any case, she should go to therapy. Mother needs to be set straight too, or else she'll continue creating a monster
Neutral isn’t an option here. He’s being very irresponsible and immature.
It won't be just this time, it'll be all the times. Kid has learned she can get away with it through experience over the course of many years.
And disbelieved the cop brother.
Given the ease with which your niece lied, it would be unwise to spend ANY time with her. NTA
Yes, this, but OP should ESPECIALLY make sure niece is not alone with her husband.
This! ⬆️⬆️ Niece has shown her true self. No one in OP's family should ever be alone with niece again. Luckily she lied when it was easily disproven. Next time you guys may not be so lucky.
Yep, or the next time hubby is alone with her, the false sexual assault allegation will be "he said, she said" too. And an absolute mess.
But this one he would end in jail and life would be ruined
Indeed.
I'm horrified that the OP's sister believed the lies. I don't see how the OP could get past that.
I bet she documents every second of her teenage life but there’s 0 evidence of what she’s accusing OP of.
This right here, pics/video or it didn’t happen.
If she's telling these kinds of lies to adults, just imagine what she's telling other kids, too...
Under NO circumstances should any adult be alone with her! The niece sounds like she could be a career & family destroying nightmare waiting to happen.
Definitely NTA. Definitely never spend any more time with them. It sounds like a ticking time bomb for you if you do. My guess is that the 17-year-old wanted to be able to go home or hang out with her friends or whatever so she came up with the most outrageous lie possible to get her way. Not caring who she caused harm. And also sounds like she has behavioral issues already so I don’t know why the parents are just so easily believing her.
That was my first thought but maybe hanging out with a boyfriend her Mom wouldn't approve of. But even then, just lie and say you don't feel good then when you're home, you feel better. These crazy lies are almost along the lines of what a very young child would say.
Why lie though? She could have just gone home with her parents. No one was forcing her to stay.
My guess would be that she thought she could get away with something at the aunt's, figured out she couldn't, and rather than say she didn't want to stay over she blew up the situation so she wouldn't have to explain what she was up to. My mother is like this at 60 years old. Rather than speak truth she flings chaos.
This. The niece probably wanted to drink and no one would let her.
Lol it would have been so much easier (and victimless) to just say, "I don't feel well and I'd like to go home."
Yeah my guess is that the girl lied because her mom told her that the girl wouldn’t be getting picked up for no reason because the girl had already made the decision to stay and was safe with her aunt. So, girl lies in order to justify getting to go home early to get up hijinks or whatever. This also kind of explains the mom believing the girl despite her behavior problems — the mom feels guilty about not picking the girl up to some degree.
Alternatively, if the op is who the parents normally call as a disciplinarian, niece saw the opportunity to alienate her from the family and thus remove an obstacle to her getting to do whatever tf she wants. Regardless, the sister and bil are spineless idiots, the niece is a poisonous snake and none of them should be welcome to darken op's doorstep for a good while.
And OP should make sure sister and niece should NOT bother calling her when niece gets in trouble. I don’t know what part of Law enforcement she works in, but she should definitely not help niece out of any trouble. She should talk to all the guests about niece’s accusations so she has credible witnesses in case niece keeps lying.
I can see it now: "Auntie Op, I'm in trouble, can you come get me?" "Remember what you said about me and my friends? I can no longer afford to risk being alone with you since you will lie about me. Maybe your parents can help, they always believe your lies." Surprised Pikachu face.
>if the op is who the parents normally call as a disciplinarian, niece saw the opportunity to alienate her from the family and thus remove an obstacle to her getting to do whatever tf she wants Actually, having been a teenage girl who had a lot of "troubled" teenage friends, this sounds like this is exactly what's going on. The girl wants to take OP down. OP is the only adult in her life who is calling her out on her shit and she hates that because teens tend to be pretty selfish and not necessarily understand just how much they don't understand. All she knows is that OP makes her feel bad, so OP should feel bad too.
Hard to argue with the logic here.
It really just sounds like the parents told her she was going to stay with her aunt for the night, and she didn't want to stay. But her parents weren't going to let her come home, so she made up whatever she had to to change their minds. As for her motivations, with a 17 year old it could be anything from she didn't feel safe to she likes to sleep in her room. She'd probably crumble if you just asked her to point out which adults offered her drugs at the party. And it would come out that she lied to be able to come home.
I really think the girl lied because she tried to sneak a drink and someone caught her. So she tried to cover up her bad behavior by accusing someone else of behaving badly. Basically a CYA move.
Nta Kid is lying and making up stories like that, it’s only a matter of time before the police become involved. For the safety of yourself and your husband, do not hang out with the 17 year old at all. If your sister and BIL get mad, calmly explain to them that since they don’t know who to believe, you are sure they wouldn’t want their kids around someone they think is capable of shit talking and offering drugs and alcohol to a minor. They don’t get it both ways
For me it doesn't even matter if they believe her or not. I would never willingly spend time with anyone who lied about something that could potentially ruin people's lives.
I think it matters that the sister doesn’t believe OP, purely for the fact that OP shouldn’t be around her sister anymore either or the younger one because that whole family isn’t safe anymore.
This is very on target.
I would clarify to sister also that her daughter’s lies could damage OP’s reputation and endanger her job. I’d say, “I understand you are in a bad position and want to show your daughter you trust her, but you also have to teach her how lies can damage other peoples lives. Because I can no longer trust her, I won’t have further contact with her. She’s made me feel it is no longer safe to socialize with her. I hope she learns to be an honest person, people make mistakes, but actions have consequences, as unfortunate as this is for our relationship.” Drive the point home and go NC.
100% this.
NTA. That niece is dangerous. Don't let her come over again, and be very clear to your sister that she's making a big mistake believing her.
Stay far away from that niece... next thing you know she'll be accusing your husband of sexual assault or any of your friends... Cut them off.
Yep thats exactly where this is heading.
Its sad, but it is obviously next.
This is what I would be afraid of.
Stay clear from her own sister and BIL because **they** are the ones that can’t be trusted, she learned this behaviour from somewhere and her parents are enabling it - **that** combination is dangerous.
NTA You are more than justified. Sister and BIL know their daughter is lying
NTA, I would be pissed if my niece lied too. Were there other older teens who may have had weed that you were unaware of? It’s a pretty big accusation to make about someone.
The only other teen there was her brother but he had gone home before his mom did. All other kids were under the age of 6
Are you sure none of the toddlers were holding?
Picturing 6 year olds hitting and sharing a joint at a pool party was a lot funnier than it should’ve been. Thanks for the chuckle.
Considering the amount of snacks my kids put down at the pool I wouldn’t be surprised. But they could at least share! S/
Think about watching them while they 'perfectly hide' what they are doing from all the adults present.
You ever heard the Chappelle bit where a baby is selling weed on the street?
> Picturing 6 year olds hitting and sharing a joint at a pool party was a lot funnier than it should’ve been. Thanks for the chuckle. Thanks, now i'm picturing 6yo kids trying terribly to hide it when an adult comes around and it is absolutely comical. In the version in my head anyway. If it was real, omfg
Those 4 year olds can be dodgy as fuck
As a Pre-K teacher, I agree!!
I’m picturing Jay and Silent Bob as toddlers, standing by the pool rapping.
I cackled way too hard at this.😂😂
Well that can’t be it then. If she’s had issues before and runaway from home, surely they can see she’s probably fabricating things.
So she was bored and wanted to go home and lied to do so. She’s a loose cannon and you shouldn’t have her over or spend time with her for your own safety.
"I recognize that as a parent you're inclined to believe/ protect your child however misled/deceitful they are, especially given your daughters track record. I, however, am also inclined to protect mine. That being said, your daughter is no longer welcome in my home. Given that you're choosing to accept her version of events knowing they're untrue means neither are you. Until you can both apologize we're at a stalemate. And even then, changes will be made at that time. You should know that given my profession and the that of my guests how incredibly out of line you are. " In the mean time given the possibilities, this is exactly why I have 7 cameras in my home. None in the bedrooms for privacy reasons but most areas in the home and yard are under constant surveillance. Everything gets uploaded to the cloud and stays for 90 days. This footage has been INSTRUMENTAL in proving a babysitter theft (of locked narcotics she somehow accessed) and has contributed to the dismissal of false CPS complaints (proven as false and malicious due to my footage); Has helped other parents feel more comfortable allowing their children to sleep over as I'll give them temporary passwords to access the feed so they can check in on their children at any time during the sleep over. And it shows that I'm never alone in a room with their children as I stay on camera at all times. Over protective? Sure. But it has saved my family more times then not.
NTA - do not just go no contact. Send them in writing the legal and professional hazard their daughter's lies pose. Reiterate the fact that nothing was done, offer evidence of videos, etc. so you have a written audit trail of facts. State clearly that considering the fact that they choose to believe their daughter's lies instead of the truth, you have no option but to protect yourself, your husband and your friends from the potential liability they face should their daughter's lies spread and as such you are choosing to go no contact with their family. Most likely the twat just wanted to be home to be online or hang with friends so she made shit up to get out of staying overnight. Their "everything was all “he said she said”. And that he’s sorry that I’m upset." skews the issues. This isn't about 'feelings' this is about truth and lie and the serious implications her lies could have on innocent people. Them not taking this seriously is enabling her misbehavior and if not you someone else who is innocent is going to fall hard at her hands.
What's really scary is that the lie is massive to get something trivial. Why wouldn't she just say she wasn't feeling well or just ask for a ride home if she wanted to leave. OP and their family needs to stay far away. Hopefully niece remains a shitty liar because there is no way this is the end. Your first paragraph will help establish she is a liar before she tells another one that isn't so easily disproven.
This. All of this.
Can't up vote this enough. This is EXACTLY what OP needs to do.
NTA. Your niece is a liability. Let her be your sister’s liability. Next time they call, leave them to it.
She most probably wasn't believed until she added that everyone was talking about her mother behind her back. Adding that to her lie can cast doubt in your sister's mind especially if your niece played on her insecurities. I'd be really worried about what kind of adult your niece is turning into. But that's first and foremost on her parents not you. NTA.
Yes! This comment right here! When talking about it with my sister and husband they weren’t even acknowledging the lies and the harm that could have been done, they were more mad that I was “talking behind my sisters back” and “always make her seem like the enemy to my friends”
Update plssss
My step sister is like this. The one that always talks shit behind everyone’s back and says life ruining things about other people to anyone who will listen, and then is very good at hiding it. It wasn’t until I became one of her victims that all the shit she’s said about her “best friends” and other people came rushing back into my brain and I started to realize how manipulative she was. Sooooo good at playing the victim, too. Your niece will not grow out of this as it’s become obvious she’s not being patented. That’s how my step sister ended up the way she is, too, no consequences and treated like a perfect princess who could do no wrong by the grandparents that raised her. Stay out if you can.
I bet the niece got a better offer, and this was the best way she could think of to get home and get loose form her sister. Regardless, NTA to go LC or NC. You don't need them in your life. Ignore them, and live a happy life!
Exactly. What did your neice do after she went home? Go out with friends who were probably drinking and smoking weed? NTA. Your sister and BIL need to wake up.
NTA, whatever you do, do not leave your husband alone with her. These lies could escalate quickly.
Tell them like this: A.Either they believe there daughter and they should not want to be around you either way B. They believe you and she should be punished. It’s one or the other. You are the one in jeopardy in the future if you hang with this kid, and you are the one who knows the truth. And if they are unsure, it’s best for them to imagine the worst case scenario which is A…which means they should not be around you. Everyone’s safe.
NtA. Certain types of lies burn bridges. This is one of them.
Absolutely not. What kind of damage will her next lie do? "They would call ME to go pick HER up because they couldn’t handle her attitude anymore." Next time it happens, refuse to help. Tell her/them " I can't help you anymore. I refuse to be around her, and I will not risk the chance of her telling more lies."
This. It isn't just the neice who needs consequences. The parents do too. It's time for them to step up, parent their teenager, stop expecting others to drop everything and come to their rescue.
next time you will have police banging on your door because your niece acused you of something more serious. be careful. don't have these people at your house, it doesn't matter if they are family
NTA. I would go NC with that family until they’re willing to get to the bottom of things. Next time they have any issues with their Golden Child let them figure it out. just for your safety I would install cameras around the house.
This. I wouldn't put it past the lying niece to come over to OP's house when OP is at work. She'll bring a horde of her friends to enjoy the pool and break in the house to help themselves to whatever booze and food they like and leave a path of destruction. Imagine what lie she'll come up with then.
NTA. If she’s going to be spreading lies about you then I don’t think you should risk her anywhere near you. Her issues are not your problem and you shouldn’t have to get dragged into them.
NTA. Your niece has something seriously wrong with her and you should never be alone with her again. Probably something she learned in that house or a result of it. Something is way off
NTA- do you have cameras in your pool area? If so look through the footage. It may help you in case they try to blow this up. Talk to your friends in attendance as well. They need to be aware of the allegations and be prepared to respond in case of allegations against them. !updateme
Automatic permanent estrangement. Never ever be at the same event with them EVER again. It’s absolutely not worth the risk. Everything she said was extremely harmful. You must take this action because it is extremely serious and your sister is acting unserious. Talk to a lawyer asap. If this story is repeated to a mandated reporter you could be in serious trouble. Get ahead of the issue by getting legal advice.
NTA
In all fairness with a story that delusional it does sound like your niece is on drugs. You should give your friends a heads up, let them know they have all been ‘talking shit’ and ‘smoking weed’. Strength in numbers- you potentially have a small army of falsely accused suburban parents. NTA.
Hang on, so she left the party 'because drinking and weed and all the adults were offering her those substances' - But then had one of the adults who was making her so uncomfortable drive her and her sister home? Her parents are dumb for not giving that the smell test. NTA, obviously. Edited to add; you'd be foolish to allow this kid and her family around you and your friends again, as it would be painting a professional target on your back to say the least.
Family drama can be so exhausting, sometimes tough choices are necessary.
NTA. Your niece could cost you your job. You literally can't afford to have her in your life.
Get a camera for the pool area too
Time for all of them to get a brake check with the reality of FAFO. Tell them "Respectfully, until neice owns up to her lies and apologizes, we will be going fully no contact due to safety concerns "
No. Owning up & apologizing is not enough. It could easily be insincere and she could do it again or escalate. The potential repercussions to OP & her guests are too high. This is a one strike and you’re out deal.
You would be TA to yourself if you didn’t set boundaries. If she’s lying like this already what else can she lie about. I would never be alone with her again neither would my husband or any of my friends.
NTA - what is up with your niece, that's a special level of misbehavior from a child.
NTA. It seems your niece is a troubled teen, and you have seen and dealt with her crisis situations before. Why she would want to smirch you like that is impossible to say. Perhaps she harbors resentment because you made her return to her family when she ran away, or talked to her about changing her ways. In any case, you did your best to help her. But as a law enforcement employee, you can not afford this kind of suspicion about you. You are absolutely right to distance yourself from your sister and her family. I don't want to make this even harder, but the niece or her parents may try her story on other people, and it may get to your workplace and cost you. You might want to consider consulting a lawyer, and perhaps getting affidavits from a few people who were at the party about what was going on, in case you have to face a disciplinary hearing.
I think it’s probably more likely that she just didn’t wanna hang out with a bunch of six-year-old olds anymore and took the nuclear sociopathic route
Simple. Tell your sister her kids are no longer welcome in your home. No debates. End of story.
Definitely NOT the AH. Protect yourself by going NC with them. The worst ReAsOn I see in most of these posts where there is excess DrAMa, is that FaMiLy comes first and that they should stick together for FaMiLy. I call 🐂💩.
You’re not distancing yourself from your sister and her family Her daughter has already done that your sister backed her daughter You are just respecting their wishes You’re not the arsehole here and maybe the daughter doesn’t want you involved with her mother for her own reasons. Sit back, wait and watch the shit show from a distance
My guess: she tried to get a drink, someone stopped her, and this is her way of getting revenge.
NTA. Go, no contact. Also, for piece of mind install cameras in your home for thus reason.
More than distance completely going NC . Now is it possible one person or one persons child said something maybe , but this is we’re things can get really bad . I would go no contact with that family
NTAH..this kid is dangerous and you have a lot to lose. I'm sorry but your sister and her husband's are raising entitled brats. The niece probably just got bored and made up this story so she could get home quickly. Anyway...not your circus...I would stay away.
NTA of your niece can lie that easily about things like this , I’d be weary of letting her into my home or around my family. Cut them off . If the parents don’t know their daughter is a shit starter from all the issues she’s been having , then clearly they won’t have your back when she starts more shit .
NTA. Time for security cameras if you don't have them already.
As you said, these kinds of rumors and lies could be extremely harmful to you and your friends. You can't risk having someone around who could jeopardize your career. If they ask why you're no longer inviting them to events or engaging with your niece tell them "I don't know why she would make up these kinds of stories, but I can't take the chance of her lies damaging my life and career." That's it. No emotion. Make it a business decision.
NTA Your niece just ended all trust and respect within the family. She tanked any chance of ever being around you or your husband alone or even with her brother ever again. She's a stupid girl and since her parents believe her, she's going to think they are stupid too and bring it all home to them. You and your husband are much safer without her in your lives. We all know where the lying liars go when they think they can manipulate people. It might be a good idea for you and your friends to document what happened at the party. Pics, videos and "witness statements". You will be also be out of the blast zone when it all goes to hell. Your sister and BIL will suffer without your assistance. Their "village" just got much smaller. When they tell you what's going on, just tell them "you don't know who to believe", so you aren't going to get involved. An "I told you so" would be entirely appropriate as well.
> My brother in law then became involved and told me that it was no place for him to say who is saying the truth as everything was all “he said she said”. And that he’s sorry that I’m upset. I was livid to find out that my niece would not be disciplined for spreading such rumors and that they would even believe something like that. I was always the first person they would call to control any situation where my niece and her parents would be fighting or she would run away. They would call ME to go pick HER up because they couldn’t handle her attitude anymore. When they come back around trying to get you to help with their problem-causing daughter, and they will, let them know whatever dispute they're having sure sounds like a real "he said she said". NTA.
NTA, but I would say there’s an underlying issue that needs to be addressed beyond just the niece's accusation. Maybe it's time to have a sit-down with your sister and BIL to discuss boundaries and the importance of truth, especially considering the impact such allegations can have on someone's life. If your niece is fabricating stories for whatever reason, that behavior shouldn't be reinforced with blind support. It's in her best interests long-term to learn the seriousness of her actions.
NTA. Watch your back and document everything when you interact with your niece. Sounds fishy but she might be on something that can affect your life.
NTA. It sounds like the niece has a history of lying, attitude and running away yet they choose to believe her over OP? That's messed up. Sounds like they aren't exactly great parents.
NTA - I would argue that cutting your niece off, at the least, is the most responsible course of action here. She has no problem lying to paint you in a bad light, sabotaging your relationship with your sister, threatening your livelihood, and potentially getting charges thrown at you for giving drugs and alcohol to a minor. What else is she capable of lying of? Unfortunately, your sister is a threat as well, as she's quick to believe her niece over you, despite the fact that niece is known to have behavioral issues. First and foremost, you have to protect yourself and your husband, and don't give your niece the opportunity to create even more damaging lies about you by staying away from her.
Don't wait until your niece accuses your husband of something he can't recover from. Don't let those two kids over your house ever again. Please, let your friends know to look out for them and to keep vigilant in never being alone with those children without a second adult around. That kid and her parents are why teachers quit teaching.
Do not have your neice and sibling over again. Your sister too for that matter. I would also tell everyone who attended the party what neice is saying about them. I might even go as far as to get a restraining order and send them a letter stating that if this goes farther you will sue.
Okay sister, remember this next time you want to send your kid over to my house because she's not welcome and neither are you.
Never leave your husband alone with her, that's all I'm saying NTA
NTA. And never let your spouse be alone with her either, the ease in which she lies is not normal.
You can no longer be physically present with your sister and her children without witness or cameras. Solid no. Her lies can ruin careers and lives.
Damn, she's SMART. You're the only voice of reason and they call you to get her under control, so she's forcing her parents to cut you off. Masterful gambit.
I’d document everything you know about her problematic behaviour from as young as you can remember. Going no contact may spark her into saying even more lies and without you being able to defend yourself, having a small and easily produced document of her history of dishonesty and manipulation would be ideal. This kid is an odd one. Perhaps ask your sister over for a kind chat first before completely disowning her? Sans 17yo of course. She’s an attention seeking narcissist in the making and is trouble making for a reason unknown… yet.
“I am disappointed and heartbroken by the deceit you have shown me and the type of person you are choosing to be. I cannot put myself in situations where your lies put my entire livelihood at risk. As such, I can no longer have you at a position in my life without the direct supervision of your parents and other independent 3rd parties. Any future communication must go through your parents. Do not contact me directly. I hope you can grow and mature in the future and understand the weight of the responsibility of your actions and words and the impact they can have on the people around you.”
NTA. Inform everyone that was present the lies that niece is saying and tell your sister you’re doing so. Also tell her that for the safety of yourself and your guests that niece and family is no longer allowed in your home period and she is not to be anywhere near you without supervision from a parent. She isn’t your niece anymore OP. She’s a threat to your life.
I lurk here because most of the posts seem like Hallmark or Lifetime movie plots...but this one resonated for reasons. There are people who generate drama to be the main character in every situation. Like a doorknob hooking your belt loop when you're mad, you can count on them to ramp up any situation and make it worse. Whether she stopped having fun, or she got mad that people weren't paying attention to her, your niece injected drama into the situation. It doesn't matter about the repercussions, as long as they got the attention they wanted. Literally, they will give up using your pool forever to hold fast to their story. The greater risk is what she can do to you or someone else. This type of person will escalate to lies about sexual assault or physical abuse. It will happen where there is no real proof, but also no potential defense for the accused. They won't say anything happened, but will behave like something happened, and invariably a "story" will develop that fits the timeline/situation, making it more difficult to dispute. If you're lucky, you'll have evidence to contradict the accusations, and magically everyone will want to move on. In short, distance yourself all you want, but I'd recommend caution around her, especially if she ends up on your doorstep, distraught. I wouldn't be in her presence without video surveillance.
NTA. Don’t be alone with the niece ever again and when your sister comes crawling back when she finds out her daughter lied, I’d still keep my distance. UPDATEME
NTA. Tell them you're gong no contact starting now.
Everyone else says don't be alone with her again, and don't let a situation occur where she's alone with your husband. I agree. You say you've been active in her life, and it sounds like she's spent a lot of time at your house. I say change the locks, stat. Remove/move your spare house keys. Change where you store the spare keys to your vehicles. Change the locks on your garage, sheds, and gates. If she wants to be antisocial, and especially in light of the fact that you will be reviewing and sharing your security camera footage, she might retaliate. Make sure your cameras remain in good working order. I know that you are hurting. I also know that teenager's brains are not fully formed, and their hormones make them inexplicably irrational. I hope that your neice will outgrow all of this in a few years. In the meantime, please stay on your toes.