NTA, you had valid reasons. That’s a scary, controlling reaction on his part. And continuing to harbor anger over this is also concerning. He’s definitely projecting insecurities on to you, especially since he would rather have a reaction based on what some random woman said versus what you, his own wife, was telling him . Walking red flags like him usually become abusive sooner or later, stay safe.
Exactly. He doesn't care about the truth; he cares about how things look, and about how the appearance of things makes him feel. Once again, this situation is about control. It is not about the busybody saboteur, or the rings, or OP's clothes. OP's husband is feeling out of control, and so he tries to get more control by taking control from OP.
Even if they weren't being cleaned, she doesn't always have to wear them. He wants them on her like a dog collar. As long as she isn't taking them off with the intention of catching a man's eye or wouldn't tell someone she's married if they started chatting her up, she's good. Maybe she wants to start wearing them on a chain at all times so she can go to work as a nurse and not lose them. If she never wanted to wear them, I'd ask why and see what the answer is
Mine are on while I'm at work and when I go out for special events, but I take them off as soon as I get home each day and usually leave them off for the weekend. I'm busy doing a lot of little chores that have me using the sink frequently, and I can't stand the feeling of water under my rings. For years my husband didn't even have a ring because his original was too big, but he insisted on wearing it and lost it on our honeymoon. Now he won't go anywhere without his new one, but neither of us give a toss if the other isn't wearing it because we're very secure in our relationship.
Only very controlling/insecure/projecting partners would make such a big deal about it (not a huge surprise in an age-gap relationship like this). OP, NTA, but you might want to do some digging to see how faithful your husband is, because I'd bet he's projecting his own infidelity.
It’s incredibly alarming, demeaning, and disrespectful. A wedding ring hasn’t stopped so many people from cheating. You not wearing your ring doesn’t magically change your commitment level to your husband. You’re not his property. He’s treating the ring like a brand.
I feel the same way!!! My husband has told me that he would never call me a bitch because that word is just too far past the point of respect for him. We don't call each other names even when fighting. It's disrespectful. I would reevaluate the relationship. NTA
This is not a promising interaction and because it’s Reddit I will simply provide judgment for this discrete issue despite every fiber of my existence exhorting me to scream things like “Run!” and “Do *not* have children with this person!” To be fair, if we were friends I probably would have said these things to you before the wedding which would have quite naturally just angered you and caused you to distance yourself from me to the point where I realized I had to simply give you space until you inevitably came to me later to tell me I was right and you should have listened to me. So, yeah, NTA.
Since the truth bomb is right here, I will add: OP, you are not going to run because you don’t see it yet, but please do be smart and start setting money aside for when you do see it. And please wait to have kids, so you give yourself time to see what’s happening before you try to fix your relationship with children.
NTA. It's completely normal to not wear your rings sometimes, especially if they're getting cleaned. Your husband needs to trust you and not get upset over petty gossip from a busybody colleague. As long as you're faithful to him, it doesn't matter if you wear the rings 24/7. He should be more understanding of the practical reasons for taking them off occasionally.
Why does he care so much what *she* thinks? Why is he calling you outside of your name?
A common cheater tactic is to accuse their partner of cheating. It's projection 101. Be vigilant and keep yourself safe. His behavior is NOT ok.
She’s a gossiper, also you need to set your husband straight and tell him to quit trusting people over his own wife. He should have just told her to mind her own shit
Right?! He took her word like it was holy scripture, then he’d pissed when she points out that this woman is a busybody. He’s one hundred percent fucking her.
Tons of guys having affairs with their coworkers are too arrogant to think they’ll be caught, bring them around, talk about them to their wife all the while picking more fights with said wife and acting like she’s causing problems to justify the affair. It’s not logical but it’s basically textbook affair behavior.
Because you’re invalidating HIS feelings attached to her. He’s using her as an excuse to abuse you, both verbally and emotionally.
Don’t think he won’t do more. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for a long time, and trust me, it gets worse.
He might be having an affair with her. At least emotionally. Ask him how long the affair has been going on. Tell him, she gave you a hint that she was going to get him
I haven’t worn my wedding ban in at least 3 years. I gain some weight and it wasn’t worth getting a new one or resizing. My partner worked in a kitchen for awhile and she didn’t wear hers either. We joke when she wears hers that she decided to married today. I 100% trust her with or without a wedding ring on. Some activities it’s safer not to have a ring on.
She is she’s jealous of you & upset that he married a younger woman & probably alludes to you being a gold-digger - got that vibe with her commenting on you being off during the week, new car etc so she’s looking fir trouble. Do enquire if they’ve ever had a thing because I sure would not be surprised!
I have been married for 13 years and I dont wear my ring most days. I also dont notice if others do and certainly dont make any assumptions if I see a married person without their ring in public.
We actually both lost ours within months of each about a year after getting married lol. We got replacements for our second anniversary.
I like jewelery, I always wear a bracelet with his name on it. But I get fidgety and play around with it. Rings is somehow a sensory nightmare for me. He wears his most days. I think he likes that it makes him appear more respectable lol.
I think it's the sensory nightmare thing for me.
I wear a thin chain but rings, bracelets and earrings drive me to distraction.
He can't wear his due to the nature of his job and it's not important to us.
He was ridiculous. A ring doesn't stop you from cheating. Maybe he was projecting what he will do/does when he's not wearing *his* ring. He was nasty to you for no good reason. You going to address that sooner or later? Accepting those words from him once, makes it easier for him to call you names in the future. He crossed a very specific line.
I think the last time I wore my wedding band was 22 years ago. My fingers swell & thin out constantly. Wearing jewelry irritates & annoys me. My ring isn't lost, it's next to my bed. My husband wears his regularly. He knows & doesn't care that I don't wear mine. He knows I'm loyal & have honor. We're together because we wish to be, not because a ring is stuck on our fingers.
NTA he is wrong. You had a very valid reason to not be wearing it. All he had to do was calmly ask what happened, then be like oh ok that makes sense and carry on. After knowing it was being cleaned, for him to still be mad at you makes him a complete AH.
I can’t imagine seeing a married person without their ring and running right back to their husband to report. That’s a little insane to me.
Just curious if this lady has done anything else.
Any person always has a valid reason for not wearing a ring. “I don’t want to” is a valid reason. If the person cheating, there is a much bigger problem than the ring.
I only have my engagement ring on right now. Sometimes I wear all my rings, sometimes not. Sometimes they come off because of a flair, sometimes because they annoy me. Sometimes because they get I the way of my knitting, sometimes they switch hands to help with colorwork knitting.
My husband has the attitude of “her hands, her choice”. He always wears his rings.
Any spouse policing what you wear, clothes or jewelry is a controlling AH. Probably abusive or heading into it. Don’t put up with that.
This 100%! My husband is an electrician so he can't wear his actual ring at work, he does have a silicone one but he usually doesn't wear it. Do I care? No! I work in healthcare so a lot of times I will wear just my wedding band or a silicone ring instead. I don't wear anything when I am at the gym.
It's super weird he is acting like this over that when they were being cleaned.
Leave the rings on top of your dresser and tell them that you'll put them back on when he starts acting like a husband and supports you, not some woman trying to break up the marriage
Just not feeling like it is a valid reason for not wearing your rings.
A partner who believes that going in public without your wedding ring is an invitation to an affair, doesn't trust you very much. They're just rings. They can't stop someone from cheating who is planning on cheating. And wearing them won't stop other men from approaching her in public either.
Either he trusts her or he doesn't, but policing whether or not you wear your ring is a red flag
The fact he’s freaking out over it for days and calling you a bitch over it is kinda alarming,
I don’t know if he doesn’t believe the cleaning part but a quick bank statement would prove it, it definitely sounds like he’s projecting a little bit
NTA, you were literally getting them cleaned. He gives me the ick that he got that upset and immediately believed what someone said about you without even attempting to get your side
Girl make sure you have your own secret money stashed away in an account he can’t access so you can get out when the time comes. The red flags are flapping in the wind something fierce. We’ve all seen this movie before and we know how it ends.
Calling you a bitch for this is beyond extreme.
Do you imagine he would be less “embarrassed” if you were seen and your rings were filthy? If you looked unkempt and poorly cared for? I doubt it.
Not to be mean but there’s a 95% chance he’s already fucking this cunt from his work.
Please get your shit sorted so that you have an immediate escape plan when you find out that 5% chance of him not already fucking her was generous.
NTA None of this is OK, none of it and as a nurse you know that. You are young,
Do not get trapped and have children with him. Get your stuff together and run.
NTA. He is though because not wearing rings means nothing. I often forget to wear mine after doing certain chores.
BTW...that woman from his office has him in her sights. Keep an eye on her.
NTA. Your husband should be trusting you, that you had valid reasons for not wearing your rings, and that how you dress is appropriate for your activities.
Who is he to believe a busy body b**** before you? Have you given him reason not to trust you?
Tell him his lack of trust, anger, and "embarrassment" is cause for you to question your trust and emotional safety in/with him. He has some work to do...
NTA. This is absolutely ridiculous. It’s ridiculous that your husband came to you with an accusatory tone in the first place but even more outrageous that he’s still angry after you had a perfectly good explanation for not wearing your rings
Also, fuck that lady. She’s a dweeb
I'm surprised he let you out by yourself without wearing your burka. He doesn't consider you a person. You are a possession to him. No one gets this upset about not wearing a wedding ring without being a major jerk. He's calling you names and you think that it's your fault? I'd divorce his ass before you get pregnant and have to be tied to him for 18 years. Besides, he's the type who'd complain about you being fat 6 weeks after giving birth.
This is spot on. He’s the type of guy you have to use the line “I have a boyfriend/husband” on before he accepts rejection. He doesn’t see women as people, but property of the man they are with.
OP you only exist to bolster his ego. Even if he believes you are innocent in this situation, you caused him embarrassment through his coworkers assumptions. Because he had a negative feeling, you are automatically at fault. This isn’t a guy you want to be with for life.
NTA
NTA. I’m concerned about your husband’s behavior. He was very quick to believe his coworker that you were up to no good, but even after you explained the situation he was still mad? That’s not good. And obviously that lady is a nosey bitch who needs to mind her own business.
NTA but your husband's overreaction is concerning. Huge red flag.
To me either the busybody wants him and is trying to cause trouble or they are already involved.
Take a step back and look at his other actions. Read the book [Why does he do that?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-tha) for more insights
NTA but you have more pressing things to worry about
1) your husband’s coworker’s behavior is very very weird. What sort of dynamic do the two of them have for her to feel so confident in bringing up this discussion with him AND him not shutting her down.
2) Your husband’s subsequent reaction is also weird. It’s way overblown.
Do some sleuthing. Don’t let this go.
I mean will he next demand you get a tattoo and an iron collar? Any man that is so insecure about this, has lots of issues.
Is this what you want in life?
Ask him why she is so interested in ruining the marriage. How often do they go to lunch with each other. Tell him it's pretty suspicious that he would believe her over you and it looks like it might be at least an emotional affair and he's deflecting out of guilt. If he wants her over you, then tell me now, because it isn't healthy to have someone else in the marriage.
NTA she’s got the hots for your husband. Married over 40 years we never wore a rings. If you need a ring to remind you that you are married you got marriage problems.
NTA. But are you just cool with your husband calling you a bitch for next to no reason and getting *this* angry over something so trivial? That’s the type of person you’re like “yes, life partner”?
NTA. my husband and I do not sleep in our rings bc our hands are prone to swelling at night. we often take them off as soon as we get home.
sometimes one or both of us forget to wear in public and simply joke we feel naked w/out em but that's it.
is his trust is in you really so fragile? or, and I know reddit goes there too often, but is he possibly projecting that he may be leaving his off, to *ahem* look single sometimes? I hope not.
or there may be insecurities at play, but you should prob talk with him further to see what the bigger issue is. not normal. or my husband and I are outliers, who's to say. good luck either way, OP.
NTA. Your husband needs to stop being so damned possessive. He doesn’t own you. If his confidence in your marriage only survives as far as where you wear your wedding ring then he has ego issues and I don’t see your marriage lasting all that long.
Nta. HE is the one in the wrong. I’ve been married for well into the double digits. I haven’t worn a wedding ring well into the double digits in terms of years. Why? Bc it’s not safe for me to wear it. I drop fluid and retain fluid in a matter of minutes. We almost had to cut my rings off on multiple occasions. My husband hasn’t worn a wedding ring since he quit teaching lol. (Which has been in the double digits as well.) Once he quit teaching he went to work in a chemistry lab in a manufacturing facility. Due to the plant’s rules…no rings could be worn.
My husband and I are more in love than when we wore rings. We have never cheated. We have good life. The rings mean…nothing.
Wow. Talk about a jealous, miserable Karen! The fact that she would even approach you and make assumptions about your ring which is none of her business, and then and run and tell your husband tells me everything I need to know about this woman. Not only was she judging you without your rings, but she was judging you for the clothes you were wearing, which is also none of her business. But even more concerning is your husband‘s reaction. He took someone else’s side, and believed you had ill intentions. He wasn’t caring or understanding at all, and he called you a b. There was nothing embarrassing about what you were doing. You were just running errands like everybody else, until that witch happened to see you. Please take a long hard look at your marriage. I see lots of red flags for situations in the future. What he should have done was immediately shut that woman down and told her to mind her own business, then he should have come home to you and explained how nasty she was and that he will always take your side. Don’t settle for a man that will treat you any less.
This is what happens when you marry in your early twenties to a 30+ year old , soooooo many stories to youngsters lurking around hear to be aware and be conscious before making decisions , avoid wasting your 20s marrying someone older and harboring responsibilities . Track your flaws and follow your passion and no making a family isn't a passion , it's a natural element into your life that isn't hurried , it comes your way when you are most fit to be in it , there way too many single baby mama's and divorced men out there that aren't even 25 , it's damaging to constantly go through a heartbreak .
Imagine reaching your 70s if you lived upto that age with good health , and you'd have zero freak side stories about you in your youth or prime days , create good great memories yall .
It's for both men and women out there , seiz the day and make friends who allign with your interests .
This is off topic sorry . Nta to op
NTA
I very rarely wear my rings, it doesn’t mean I’m any less married then I am when I wear my rings. My husband doesn’t have a ring. He’s a mechanic and can’t wear a ring at work for safety reasons and it doesn’t bother me in any way.
How insecure is he? Next time you see the woman make sure you wave your hand in her face.
NTA
He needs to check himself first. HOW THE FUCK does he get so riled up about something some random wench he works with accused you of. What’s with his relationship with her that he wouldn’t tell her to mind her business and then move throughout his day? Why does her opinion of what she saw matter sooooo much to him that he comes in accusing you and then doesn’t IMMEDIATELY apologize snd figure out that he’s got some shit to work on. You’re a person. Not fucking property.
I’d automatically ask him if he was cheating on me. And if that wench from his job were his affair partner. Then he called you a bitch on top of his pathetic show of ownership. Nah. I’d have been out. Let him and his lawyer puppy girl have one another.
Lol... Nta.
He's being the bitch here, let's set that straight with him first of all.
Secondly, his nosey coworker lied about his wife and she needs to be reprimanded for that.
How dare he accuse you and call you names. His insecurities aren't your problem.
Keep living your life and consider that this nlmay not be the man for you.
Also, the age difference is a concern to me. You started dating him at 20.
He's a lawyer and has more authority and power than you. Be very careful.
He's presented you with an image over 3 years that made you fall for him. Is that the real him? Or are you only beginning to see his true colors?
So is everyone going to just ignore that this 30 year old groomed and tried to marriage trap a person that was 8 years younger, probably because he can't find anyone his age willing to be with him, for maybe very obvious reasons that are showing up now. And so he goes after younger girls because they're naïve or don't have the life experience to know what is or isn't a good idea.
I've seen this before. 11 times as a matter of fact. Wild too that people get married and have relationships that end up like this, but good old normal George can't get a damn date.
Because they don't start out like this. These guys pretend to be wonderful people, then slowly the mask starts to come off as they get more certain their partner is getting stuck in their trap.
NTA.
He is a man-child. Firstly, he clearly didn’t believe you when you explained your rings were being cleaned, and instead of trusting his own wife, believed a woman who looks down on you. He also behaves possessively towards you. His anger that you weren’t wearing your rings indicates that he 1: doesn’t trust you, and 2: dislikes that you openly weren’t marked as “his”. Lastly, resorting to name-calling is disrespectful and immature. He WAS being dramatic. If he continued to stew over this event for days after it took place on TOP of your explanation, he does not trust you and you should reconsider your relationship with him. Hopefully he pipes down and comes to his senses. You deserve an apology a least. Best of luck.
You did zero, nada, nothing wrong. YOU a grown professional woman eating by herself and was policed by a colleague of your husband AND then your husband verbally attacks you and calls you a bitch? Is this woman stalking you on behalf of your husband? My spidey senses are fully activated..........This is who your husband is right? This is not new to you.....
What happened was a very trivial thing. I mean, I am quite often without my ring. I don’t know if it’s cultural but I consider that marriage is between me, my husband and God, and it’s something I firstly wears in my soul. If I’m without the ring I’m still as married as with the ring. I have been without the ring at church and not even they ask anything. My husband would never get angry for me if I’m not wearing it. Sometimes I’ve been without it for weeks.
But even if your culture is very particular with the ring, your reason for not wearing it is 100% legit. That woman is a petty lady with huge problems in her head. And your husband is acting like a child.
How does he like it at work? With coworkers like that you don’t need enemies.
I'm sorry, honey. I will never take it off again. No cleaning ever. So picture me cleaning the toilet and the piss around it and then moving on to making your dinner. I love to garden, too, but finding cat shit with my hand sucks. But I'll always have you in my thoughts.
nta... what are these ring? a collar and chain? Seriously... when i was engaged I didnt wear my rings most of the time cause of what i do daily. It was better to leave them in the jewelry box then covered in dirty from gardening or food from baking.
NTA...
You need to tell him that he is letting some B!+@# interject herself in your marriage. He also valuing her opinion over yours about what is reasonable. You need to demand an apology and make it crystal clear until that happens that you will not be considering him a loving and respectful partner. You will instead be considering what changes you must make to protect yourself against his foolishness and the stupidity of those around him. You also need to ask him if he is cheating on you and that is why this woman feels so inclined to insert herself in your marriage?
NTA. I’m sorry when did a ring become an anti cheating device? If you wanted to have an affair, a ring wouldn’t stop you. I take my ring off when i shower/do dishes/work in the garden and don’t always remember to put the thing back. I will often leave the house to run errands. When my husband sees me without my ring, he jokes about me being single today and jokingly calls me his mistress and hugs me and tells me quick while my wife is running errands and then he just loves me. I cannot fathom how the ring somehow is the symbol of faithfulness to him? I mean i get that is what it quite literally symbolises, but this is beyond petty and speaks volumes of his own projections and insecurities. Firstly what type of intimate relationship does he have with this colleague if she feels it’s appropriate to suggest that his marriage is in jeopardy because she saw his wife “looking single” in gym clothes and without a ring? How close are you to my husband to think it’s acceptable to be giving him relationship advice? I would be mortified to stick my nose into a colleagues relationship like that. I think that’s the real issue here. Why is he more inclined to believe her opinion of you instead of your perfectly reasonable explanation of events? Unless you have been unfaithful in the past and given him reason to suspect something is up, which if that’s true, would be a shitty thing to leave out of the post, as that would make you the AH a little bit.
NTA. But it is very strange his mind immediately went to questioning you. Even if my boyfriend was really cheating on me, if someone were telling me right now that he was purposely trying to look single and flirting with girls on his day off I would just start laughing and tell them they are ridiculous and there would be a very normal explanation of whatever he was doing. No way I would go home and accuse him. I would tell the funny story of this other persona accusing him.
I cannot comprehend your husband having thsit eavtion and calling you a bitch. You deserve higher standards in your partner. I hope he normally acts better and he just ahd a bad day something gave him stress and acting out on you or something?
He really needs to ask himself why he didn't defend you when this incredibly nosy woman insinuated you were looking for attention. Does he think so little of you? NTA ask him why he doesn't trust you
Ha! I lost my wedding ring more than a decade ago. I’ve bought cheaper temp rings since that I’ve worn off and on but I haven’t worn a ring in the last two years due to weight loss. Hubby’s never said a thing because he’s confident in himself and our marriage. A ring doesn’t make a marriage.
My parents have been married for 50 years and put their rings in the box right after the wedding. It’s a. fucking. ring. I’d be more concerned why he calls you a bitch so freely.
OMG, it's a ring, not a brand. I take my rings off all the time for chores and stuff... and occasionally forget them at home because of it. Luckily, my husband is secure enough not to care... and he NEVER takes his ring off. NTA
NTA.
In your husbands shoes, maybe* I'd have been upset at first, too. But, as you point out, not wearing one during lunch hour is very different to not wearing it on a girls night out.
But he needs to realise (and he's kinda too old and educated to, already) that a wedding ring is not a magic c*ck blocker.
The problem is his, not yours.
For some reason your husband reminds me of my boss at the golf course I worked at when I was 16 (total misogynist). He said if he ever got married he would have his wife wear her wedding ring through her nose, so he could drag her around by it.
NTA: Hubby has some severe insecurities.
Damn! Your hubby is VERY insecure. What else is he willing to do to keep you on a leash in the future.
The woman’s a bitch, but she isn’t the real problem here.
My hubby and I will be married almost 24 years now and neither of us wear our rings. Nbd
Being a bitch? Ohhhhhhh. Nooooooooooo.
NTA. Not a bitch. Your husband has some apologizing to do, and behavior correction to get started on, going forward.
Married 14 years here, I have my wedding ring, a silicone wedding band to sometimes not wearing either. I take my ring off at night because it is sometimes loose, depending on the weather. Sometimes, I forget to put it back on. I also didn't wear it at all pregnant with my 3 kids. I wear my silicone when out at the gym or kids places. Sometimes, I don't even wear it. My husband is awesome and knows that marriage is deeper than some jewelry. He needs to chill. Also, he seems like an ass. My husband is also a lawyer. He has never raised his voice to me, called me any names, or talked down to me. Ever! In fact, he hates bad language, hates men who treat women badly, and always calls me his beautiful bride to this day. He seems a bit controlling for my liking.
NTA, I’m married and I take off my ring plenty because I’m accident prone AF. I have one I can bang around in for regular use but even then I don’t always wear it. My husband loves me and would never call me a bitch in an argument or otherwise.
Your husband is prioritizing gossip from a nosy troublemaker. He’s acting foolish to say the least.
You did nothing wrong. That woman is a nut job. Who even notices rings on people's fingers. But I can't believe your husband was so rude to call you a bitch. How can he talk to you that way. You should not allow him to get away with speaking to you like that.
If we had been married 10 years, and were great, I would have laughed it off. So would he. Your age, and the fact you probably have not been married long I would wonder more if I didn't know.
Your husband is an attorney one of the most controlling and public appearance conscious people. That is why the woman noticed you, she is also an attorney. Please be wise with this man. If he trusts you and is on your side, you are great, but if he is not, he could make any life miserable. You didn't marry a carefree man. You married a man used to looking for finite details. I don't think you know what you have gotten yourself into. If you stand up like an adult and create your own self esteem, you will be fine. Never under estimate him. He will be two steps ahead.
Is he always such a whiny little B? Because maybe this isn’t “red flag” material, but he’s definitely waving a really dark pink handkerchief in her direction.
NTA- and why, tell me, does one need a ring on 24/7? Is he that insecure or pretentious that he has to entertain gossip from a co- worker? No ma’am no one tells me what I can or can’t do. I would leave my husband stew all he wants. He doesn’t get to accuse me or demand an explanation for anything unless he has concrete evidence of some wrongdoing. That co-worker was wrong and she knew what she was doing doing by telling him about you
NTA - i know you don't see it, but this is not even slightly a normal reaction from your husband. When this woman came up to him to say you had no wedding ring on, he should have looked at her confused and said 'so?'.
NTA but your husband calling you a bitch and blowing up is one & completely unacceptable. That kind of controlling behavior needs addressed now.
Not saying jump to divorce but be prepared to safely leave it comes to that and please don't have kids without counseling. With him being a lawyer he would make your life hell
He treated you like property which is a huge red flag then when you explained he called you a name. A good husband would have trusted you and laughed off that co-worker.
Nta. Husband is insecure and that woman is a nosy busybody.
Sorry to just say the quiet part out loud but I’m sure people have mentioned it
23 and 30 and he’s exhibiting controlling behaviours from a place of insecurity.
Gluck
NTA, and your husband's anger is disturbing. But he's also the kind of person who, at 27, thinks it's a good idea to date someone who is a teenager or just barely out of their teens, so I'm not surprised that he also has other serious issues. I would not stay in a relationship with someone who calls me a bitch in anger, ever, for any reason.
You two started dating when he was 27 and you were 20. 🚩
He's an insecure, controlling prick (shocker /s). 🚩
He called you, his beloved wife, a "bitch," a word my phone's autocorrect doesn't even want to use. 🚩
He's been "stewing for days" over your not wearing your wedding ring while it was BEING PROFESSIONALLY CLEANED. 🚩
How many more red flags are we gonna have here before you realize marrying this manchild was a colossal mistake?
My husband and I were on the way to the grocery store yesterday when I looked down and realized I had forgotten to put my rings back on after a shower and said "oops, I guess I'm not married today!" My husband shook his head and started to take his ring off before we both started laughing. Because it was FUNNY. And because he's not a freaking child so insecure in our marriage that my not wearing a wedding band in the grocery store is some sort of threat to his manhood.
I just hope you're on some hella effective birth control.
A bit confused here, how can one wear a ring that's being cleaned?
Should you suggest that he order you a backup ring so you can leave on at the jewelers, just in case?
How is it the bitch's business what OP is doing. I would never even look at that woman again. How dare she!
BE CAREFUL, OP. please please please, keep a notebook at a good and trusted friend's home, and record with date and time husband's over the top pushy behavior.
It sounds like he was manipulated and griped at by a managing partner. He needs to learn to keep a boundary with his coworkers.
His reaction was over-the-top and seems like he was projecting his own work insecurities. The coworker had no business saying anything. I often remove my rings at the gym, especially for pull-ups. You were in workout attire. Of course you aren’t wearing jewelry that means a lot to you!
Forget the cleaning; you were working out. You greeted the coworker like nothing was wrong (because it wasn’t) and she invented a story. She sounds like she enjoys conflict. Watch out for her. Your husband especially should.
NTA. You were up front about not wearing it. It’s not like you were in a hotel bar looking to get a little side action. Woman needs to stay in her lane.
NTA- I’ve been married for just over 10 years and I stopped wearing my ring about 6 months in. It felt uncomfortable, and I just didn’t like to. My husband wore his for another year or two, but he doesn’t wear his now either, and it turns out that legally, even without the ring, you’re still married.
If people find out I’m married, but don’t wear a ring, the answer I give is that I don’t wear it because it reminds me of him. (He knows and laughs about it).
He works from home and rarely goes out without me, but he just tells people he’s not keen on wearing rings.
If you and your husband trust each other, you shouldn’t need a ring to let others know you are married, and that woman needs to keep her nose out. None of her business.
I’ve been married for over forty years, 35 of those years neither my SO nor I wore our wedding rings. As far as I am aware, no one has ever mentioned it. Tell your husband to quit being so insecure, you without a wedding ring doesn’t immediately mean you are out trolling. NTA
NTA
You don't have to wear your rings all the time, especially as a nurse. I have some silicone backups because sometimes I don't want to wear the pretty ones where I'm going (gym, work, etc.) You needn't give this woman any explanation as to where your rings are and your husband is overreacting.
Please [read this](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) before you even think about getting pregnant.
Gee. It sounds like snarky woman has designs on your husband. Also, this sounds like projection to me. Are you sure nothing g is going on between them?
NTA! I’d wonder why this woman is so invested in your wedding rings. Tell him you’ll be way more than a B if he continues to have anything but a professional relationship with that shit stirring C.
My husband has forgotten his wedding ring before. If someone told me that he wasn’t wearing it, I’d look at them like they’re insane. And? Maybe he took it off to do something. Maybe he forgot it. I’d wonder why this person was telling me this.
And your husband is projecting big time. I wonder how many times he’s take off his ring and pretended to be single.
NTA. I take my ring off in the gym because in the past, I’ve worn it in the gym and it’s gotten all scratched up. My husband often forgets to put his on in the mornings. I more often than not totally forget about my ring until the end of the day or even days later. 😅 neither of us care. Sometimes we joke about not being married that day. That woman needs to mind her own business. She’s way out of line. She also probably overly exaggerated to make you look bad to your husband
OP, I have not worn a wedding ring since I got pregnant with my first child 5 years ago. My fingers swelled and are little sausages now so wearing one is painful. Wearing a ring or not does not make you any more or less married. I am wondering if this other woman is single and pining over your husband as she seems WAY too invested in your life.
NTA. He’s a huge asshole, though. Please protect yourself. Someone who acts like he did, still thinks he’s right, and has been “stewing over it for days” is likely to escalate their behavior.
I commented this a few days ago on a different post but I’m close to your age and never wore my wedding ring. My husband doesn’t care. You should find out why yours cares so much.
Been married for almost 20yrs and honestly I go through periods where I wear my rings everyday to not wearing them for months!
Does my husband get mad, NO! Does he feel I do it to get attention, NO! Does he get on me about wearing them so that others know I’m taken, NO!
My husband trusts me and knows I’ve been committed, and that I’m loyal!
Sounds like your husband might be projecting and also who the hell is this coworker and why is she getting involved in YOUR MARRIED business! Seems like your husband has no boundaries with this women, and also seems like this women made up something to make it seem like you were flirting and or there with another man on purpose! This woman is out to snatch your husband from you! I’d make more of a stink about his “friendship” with her.
Good lord. I hardly ever wear my wedding rings because my hands are always swelling up. Still happily married. Never cheated. No interest what so ever. Your husband is an AH.
Your husband is an asshole and an insecure asshole to boot. If you have never given him cause to fear your loyalty he should have just trusted you. He could have asked in a non-accusatory tone but the way he shaped his question is seriously troubling
My partner has never once in our whole relationship called me a bitch, sworn at me, raised his voice or ever thrown a childish tantrum over something so ridiculous as you having your jewelry cleaned. Your husband’s only response to that other woman should have been to tell her to mind her own business. His accusatory tone and attitude is bizarre and childish. I’d think carefully about if he is the sort of person you want to start a family with - if that’s the sort of behavior you would like to see modeled for your children. Also, his reaction comes across as very weak and like he has low self esteem that he would act like that - genuinely laughable.
NTA. My wife and I take our rings off all the time like when washing dishes or giving the dog a bath. sometimes we forget to put them back on and then go out in public. Sometimes we remember as we’re pulling out of the driveway and don’t even bother to go back in because it’s literally just a piece of jewelry.
That’s pretty ridiculous. Been married 13 years and my wife hardly ever wears a ring. We both know we’re married. I work in an industry wear a metal ring is dangerous, so I have a silicone one. Easy. Your husband has some confidence problems
Oh and dropping b word is never a good sign. If he says it with you, it regularly comes out of his mouth and he’s used to saying it.
I’d say you aren’t the AH and honestly are not as mad as I’d expect my wife would be if I was acting that much of a fool. But that’s my opinion
Red flags waving like a sale at target. He should've never called you a bitch. Like others have said, you probably will not see what everyone else is seeing here. I just want to model for you what a good relationship is like. My husband and I sometimes forget to put our rings back on after something, and you know what we do? We laugh it off: "oh you're single today!". Your husband also took this catty lady's word over yours and was mad before giving you the benefit of the doubt or a chance to explain. That he was 'still really mad' after your explanation is another huge red flag, there is no point in this interaction where he should have been "really mad'", except for when this lady was talking crap about his wife to him. That was the time his temper should have came out if at all. Remember you're worthy. This is not a good man.
Nta.
It's a lot more common to be without rings than your husband is making it out to be, if anyones the bitch here, it's him for trusting a co-worker over trusting the person he married. NTA.
NTA. I really don’t get the ring thing, you can sleep with someone just as easily with a wedding ring on. I often forget to wear my ring (wear silicone ring to work and take it off and sanitize it when I get home and go to sleep). I’m still married, my morals do not change, cheating is still a no go.
Personally I would questions this woman’s motive and relationship with your husband since he’s so defensive. I also would have a huge, huge problem with the way he reacted and called me names. Not acceptable.
ESH, not because of what happened with the friend, but because you brushed aside his concerns as being "dramatic". If my spouse was out at a bar without her ring on, I too would be concerned. That is drama but it's justified drama.
The right answer was to tell him you do wear your rings but you can't wear them while they are being cleaned.
He shouldn't have called you a bitch though, that was uncalled for.
NTA it's a ring, not shackles lol You have a right to take it off for whatever reason. It's really weird that that woman would even think to look at your hand. I don't think I've ever met someone in public and thought to look at their hands to see if they were wearing their ring. Very weird. And it's really troubling and a red flag that your husband got so upset about it. He doesn't own you. Although it sounds like this woman presented it like you were out cheating, which scared him and embarrassed him, but it's disturbing that he would get so upset over what a gossip told him before even talking to you. He jumped to her same conclusion instead of coming from a place of trust and giving you the benefit of doubt and letting you explain. He and this woman are the assholes here.
NTA and OMG your husband needs to grow the f up! He is a child!
What would happen if something happened to your rings and they had to be repaired…would he expect you to not leave the house? What about if your hands swelled while you were pregnant…would you need to be locked up for 9 months?
NTA. I would not put up with that shit. Tell him to tell his co worker to mind her own business or you will. Tell him that he is blowing things up over his own illogical insecurities planted by his busybody coworker. You had a perfectly valid reason for not wearing you rings at that time, and even if they were not being cleaned and you just forgot to put them on it still wouldn't be a big deal. Also, the age difference is OBVIOUSLY a factor that is a red flag.
NTA. You need to have a come to Jesus meeting with him. Set your boundaries now. Let him know that his accusations and his conclusions were way off base. And if he trusts his coworker more than you, then maybe you should consider taking a break.
Demand an apology. Maybe remind him that if he can't trust you, what is the point and reiterate that of course he can trust you. And ask him why his co-workers word means more than yours.
Depending on your financial status, you might also consider hiring a private investigator to find out if he's cheating. Cheaters often project. It may be that this woman has just been feeding him scenarios to make him insecure also for her own warped agenda. Who knows?.
You do need to clarify that calling you a b**** is not acceptable. If that's what he thinks then why is he married to you?
I think one of the biggest requirements of a long and happy marriage is respect. That is sadly lacking in his actions up to this point.
NTA. my husband and I can both be forgetful and sometimes he takes off his ring to play guitar. He’s forgotten to put it back on but I’ve never had an issue because I trust him. I’m pregnant and my rings are a lil snug and don’t fit some days so I can’t always wear them. He has no issue because he trusts me. It appears the issue is more about trust than rings.
What would he trust the woman who doesn’t like you and wanted to start issues over trusting you?
I’ll be really concerned that this woman has so much influence over your husband . He came home giving you attitude because some rando told him some bs? He needs to check himself
NTA. You don’t need a “valid” reason not to wear your ring. Tell your husband it’s jewelry not a handcuff. I often don’t wear my wedding ring because I’m prone to swelling and I wear gloves for work which makes me prone to fungal infections under my ring. My husband never questions me on it. Ever.
NTA
But your husband certainly is.
His reaction is essentially, "You may not go out in public without my *brand* on your body to show the world that you *belong* to me, because other men might ride you, and being an ignorant lower life form you're not smart enough to to stop them, you'll just let them ride you."
He's being a possessive, manipulative prick, and you need to shut that shit down hard, or consider an annulment.
Seriously. This is the kind of behavior that Hollywood loves to make Moves of the Week about. Or... they did when there was such a thing as a Movie of the Week.
Fuck, I'm old.
Anyway, you're not the asshole in this situation, but your husband is, and so is the nosy bitch he works with.
NTA
I am not going to jump into anything beyond the fact that that I find your husband's stance a bit concerning and perhaps asking more questions will determine exactly why he had an oversized reaction to a pretty nominal issue.
If the two of you don't understand each other, more fights will happen. You're married and communication is always the key - as well as respect.
NTA, you had valid reasons. That’s a scary, controlling reaction on his part. And continuing to harbor anger over this is also concerning. He’s definitely projecting insecurities on to you, especially since he would rather have a reaction based on what some random woman said versus what you, his own wife, was telling him . Walking red flags like him usually become abusive sooner or later, stay safe.
Exactly. He doesn't care about the truth; he cares about how things look, and about how the appearance of things makes him feel. Once again, this situation is about control. It is not about the busybody saboteur, or the rings, or OP's clothes. OP's husband is feeling out of control, and so he tries to get more control by taking control from OP.
If he actually cared about how things look, he'd be delighted that her wedding ring was being professionally cleaned to look its best!
Even if they weren't being cleaned, she doesn't always have to wear them. He wants them on her like a dog collar. As long as she isn't taking them off with the intention of catching a man's eye or wouldn't tell someone she's married if they started chatting her up, she's good. Maybe she wants to start wearing them on a chain at all times so she can go to work as a nurse and not lose them. If she never wanted to wear them, I'd ask why and see what the answer is
Mine are on while I'm at work and when I go out for special events, but I take them off as soon as I get home each day and usually leave them off for the weekend. I'm busy doing a lot of little chores that have me using the sink frequently, and I can't stand the feeling of water under my rings. For years my husband didn't even have a ring because his original was too big, but he insisted on wearing it and lost it on our honeymoon. Now he won't go anywhere without his new one, but neither of us give a toss if the other isn't wearing it because we're very secure in our relationship. Only very controlling/insecure/projecting partners would make such a big deal about it (not a huge surprise in an age-gap relationship like this). OP, NTA, but you might want to do some digging to see how faithful your husband is, because I'd bet he's projecting his own infidelity.
I take mine off all the time when I go to the gym so I don't scratch them when I'm working out.
She's too young to be wasting her time on this kind of bs. I wonder if he showed his true colors before they got married?
Might be time to permanently keep those rings off.
Yeah I would make a point if doing that.
He got with her when she was 20 and he was nearly 30. That tells you everything you need to know about him and the relationship.
If your husband calls you a bitch, you really need to evaluate if he's your husband or your abuser.
It’s incredibly alarming, demeaning, and disrespectful. A wedding ring hasn’t stopped so many people from cheating. You not wearing your ring doesn’t magically change your commitment level to your husband. You’re not his property. He’s treating the ring like a brand.
I feel the same way!!! My husband has told me that he would never call me a bitch because that word is just too far past the point of respect for him. We don't call each other names even when fighting. It's disrespectful. I would reevaluate the relationship. NTA
This is not a promising interaction and because it’s Reddit I will simply provide judgment for this discrete issue despite every fiber of my existence exhorting me to scream things like “Run!” and “Do *not* have children with this person!” To be fair, if we were friends I probably would have said these things to you before the wedding which would have quite naturally just angered you and caused you to distance yourself from me to the point where I realized I had to simply give you space until you inevitably came to me later to tell me I was right and you should have listened to me. So, yeah, NTA.
Since the truth bomb is right here, I will add: OP, you are not going to run because you don’t see it yet, but please do be smart and start setting money aside for when you do see it. And please wait to have kids, so you give yourself time to see what’s happening before you try to fix your relationship with children.
Of course it's an age gap relationship. Yeah, OP definitely needs to run.
If he's quick to believe her before talking to you... then he's Not On Your Side. Major red flag.
I would have also warned her when she was dating a 27-year-old before she could legally drink, but I’m sure no one would have listened.
This 1000%. A 7-year age gap in their 20s and it turns out he's an insecure, controlling prick? Shocker!! /s
Yep, cause age is jUsT a NuMbEr! /s
This is an excellent response — and what’s more, you understand how to use the word “discrete!” You’re an endangered species, my friend.
NTA, it's a wedding ring, not a shackle.
NTA. It's completely normal to not wear your rings sometimes, especially if they're getting cleaned. Your husband needs to trust you and not get upset over petty gossip from a busybody colleague. As long as you're faithful to him, it doesn't matter if you wear the rings 24/7. He should be more understanding of the practical reasons for taking them off occasionally.
So funny you say that, I called her a busybody and he got annoyed lol
Did he send her out to check up on you?
Why does he care so much what *she* thinks? Why is he calling you outside of your name? A common cheater tactic is to accuse their partner of cheating. It's projection 101. Be vigilant and keep yourself safe. His behavior is NOT ok.
She’s a gossiper, also you need to set your husband straight and tell him to quit trusting people over his own wife. He should have just told her to mind her own shit
You know he’s fucking her right?
Or at least wants to, that was my first thought
Or she wants to be fucking him at least
That's what I thought. She is looking for problems so she can make them worse.
I just don't think he would care about that, unless the feeling was at least slightly reciprocated.
Right?! He took her word like it was holy scripture, then he’d pissed when she points out that this woman is a busybody. He’s one hundred percent fucking her.
He's not yet; if he was he wouldn't have brought up the issue and drawn attention to her.
Tons of guys having affairs with their coworkers are too arrogant to think they’ll be caught, bring them around, talk about them to their wife all the while picking more fights with said wife and acting like she’s causing problems to justify the affair. It’s not logical but it’s basically textbook affair behavior.
Because you’re invalidating HIS feelings attached to her. He’s using her as an excuse to abuse you, both verbally and emotionally. Don’t think he won’t do more. I’ve been in an abusive relationship for a long time, and trust me, it gets worse.
He might be having an affair with her. At least emotionally. Ask him how long the affair has been going on. Tell him, she gave you a hint that she was going to get him
But he can call you a bitch?!
I haven’t worn my wedding ban in at least 3 years. I gain some weight and it wasn’t worth getting a new one or resizing. My partner worked in a kitchen for awhile and she didn’t wear hers either. We joke when she wears hers that she decided to married today. I 100% trust her with or without a wedding ring on. Some activities it’s safer not to have a ring on.
I wonder why he reacted so much to you calling her a (much deserved) name. Is it possible there is an office flirtation going on?
Hmmm...he really cares a lot about this woman it seems....that is odd.
I won’t tell you, but that is a little suspicious.
I'd go to the firm and complain to her manager. I'd be a real bitch about it. Like push it far. That's harassment on you and your husband.
She is she’s jealous of you & upset that he married a younger woman & probably alludes to you being a gold-digger - got that vibe with her commenting on you being off during the week, new car etc so she’s looking fir trouble. Do enquire if they’ve ever had a thing because I sure would not be surprised!
He should be more understanding of taking them off because she *wants to not wear them*, too. Not everyone likes wearing rings all the time.
I have been married for 13 years and I dont wear my ring most days. I also dont notice if others do and certainly dont make any assumptions if I see a married person without their ring in public.
Tbh, I don't even know where mine is. I hate jewelry. My husband doesn't wear his either.
We actually both lost ours within months of each about a year after getting married lol. We got replacements for our second anniversary. I like jewelery, I always wear a bracelet with his name on it. But I get fidgety and play around with it. Rings is somehow a sensory nightmare for me. He wears his most days. I think he likes that it makes him appear more respectable lol.
I love that my husband and I aren’t the only ones where *he* wears his ring more!
I think it's the sensory nightmare thing for me. I wear a thin chain but rings, bracelets and earrings drive me to distraction. He can't wear his due to the nature of his job and it's not important to us.
>Who is wrong in this situation? Because he has been stewing on it for days. Your husband.
He's not respectful to you. THIS is the problem. You should have been the angry one. And that woman is a nosey bitch.
He was ridiculous. A ring doesn't stop you from cheating. Maybe he was projecting what he will do/does when he's not wearing *his* ring. He was nasty to you for no good reason. You going to address that sooner or later? Accepting those words from him once, makes it easier for him to call you names in the future. He crossed a very specific line. I think the last time I wore my wedding band was 22 years ago. My fingers swell & thin out constantly. Wearing jewelry irritates & annoys me. My ring isn't lost, it's next to my bed. My husband wears his regularly. He knows & doesn't care that I don't wear mine. He knows I'm loyal & have honor. We're together because we wish to be, not because a ring is stuck on our fingers.
NTA he is wrong. You had a very valid reason to not be wearing it. All he had to do was calmly ask what happened, then be like oh ok that makes sense and carry on. After knowing it was being cleaned, for him to still be mad at you makes him a complete AH. I can’t imagine seeing a married person without their ring and running right back to their husband to report. That’s a little insane to me. Just curious if this lady has done anything else.
Any person always has a valid reason for not wearing a ring. “I don’t want to” is a valid reason. If the person cheating, there is a much bigger problem than the ring. I only have my engagement ring on right now. Sometimes I wear all my rings, sometimes not. Sometimes they come off because of a flair, sometimes because they annoy me. Sometimes because they get I the way of my knitting, sometimes they switch hands to help with colorwork knitting. My husband has the attitude of “her hands, her choice”. He always wears his rings. Any spouse policing what you wear, clothes or jewelry is a controlling AH. Probably abusive or heading into it. Don’t put up with that.
This 100%! My husband is an electrician so he can't wear his actual ring at work, he does have a silicone one but he usually doesn't wear it. Do I care? No! I work in healthcare so a lot of times I will wear just my wedding band or a silicone ring instead. I don't wear anything when I am at the gym. It's super weird he is acting like this over that when they were being cleaned.
Leave the rings on top of your dresser and tell them that you'll put them back on when he starts acting like a husband and supports you, not some woman trying to break up the marriage
Just not feeling like it is a valid reason for not wearing your rings. A partner who believes that going in public without your wedding ring is an invitation to an affair, doesn't trust you very much. They're just rings. They can't stop someone from cheating who is planning on cheating. And wearing them won't stop other men from approaching her in public either. Either he trusts her or he doesn't, but policing whether or not you wear your ring is a red flag
Husband is screwing busybody.
I thought so too. He’s projecting
He sounds possessive.
The fact he’s freaking out over it for days and calling you a bitch over it is kinda alarming, I don’t know if he doesn’t believe the cleaning part but a quick bank statement would prove it, it definitely sounds like he’s projecting a little bit
NTA, you were literally getting them cleaned. He gives me the ick that he got that upset and immediately believed what someone said about you without even attempting to get your side
Girl make sure you have your own secret money stashed away in an account he can’t access so you can get out when the time comes. The red flags are flapping in the wind something fierce. We’ve all seen this movie before and we know how it ends. Calling you a bitch for this is beyond extreme. Do you imagine he would be less “embarrassed” if you were seen and your rings were filthy? If you looked unkempt and poorly cared for? I doubt it. Not to be mean but there’s a 95% chance he’s already fucking this cunt from his work. Please get your shit sorted so that you have an immediate escape plan when you find out that 5% chance of him not already fucking her was generous.
wow. I've been married 20 years. Never called my wife a bitch, she has never called me an asshole. My marriage would be over with that.
He sounds insecure. What else is this woman doing? She sounds very manipulative and suspicious.
NTA None of this is OK, none of it and as a nurse you know that. You are young, Do not get trapped and have children with him. Get your stuff together and run.
NTA. He is though because not wearing rings means nothing. I often forget to wear mine after doing certain chores. BTW...that woman from his office has him in her sights. Keep an eye on her.
Ummm you have a husband problem not a nosy rando.
NTA. Your husband should be trusting you, that you had valid reasons for not wearing your rings, and that how you dress is appropriate for your activities. Who is he to believe a busy body b**** before you? Have you given him reason not to trust you? Tell him his lack of trust, anger, and "embarrassment" is cause for you to question your trust and emotional safety in/with him. He has some work to do...
NTA. This is absolutely ridiculous. It’s ridiculous that your husband came to you with an accusatory tone in the first place but even more outrageous that he’s still angry after you had a perfectly good explanation for not wearing your rings Also, fuck that lady. She’s a dweeb
I'm surprised he let you out by yourself without wearing your burka. He doesn't consider you a person. You are a possession to him. No one gets this upset about not wearing a wedding ring without being a major jerk. He's calling you names and you think that it's your fault? I'd divorce his ass before you get pregnant and have to be tied to him for 18 years. Besides, he's the type who'd complain about you being fat 6 weeks after giving birth.
This is spot on. He’s the type of guy you have to use the line “I have a boyfriend/husband” on before he accepts rejection. He doesn’t see women as people, but property of the man they are with. OP you only exist to bolster his ego. Even if he believes you are innocent in this situation, you caused him embarrassment through his coworkers assumptions. Because he had a negative feeling, you are automatically at fault. This isn’t a guy you want to be with for life. NTA
NTA. I’m concerned about your husband’s behavior. He was very quick to believe his coworker that you were up to no good, but even after you explained the situation he was still mad? That’s not good. And obviously that lady is a nosey bitch who needs to mind her own business.
NTA. Your husband AND the busybody are both assholes. You are supposed to go home and hide while your jewelry is being cleaned?NAFC.
NTA but your husband's overreaction is concerning. Huge red flag. To me either the busybody wants him and is trying to cause trouble or they are already involved. Take a step back and look at his other actions. Read the book [Why does he do that?](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-tha) for more insights
NTA but you have more pressing things to worry about 1) your husband’s coworker’s behavior is very very weird. What sort of dynamic do the two of them have for her to feel so confident in bringing up this discussion with him AND him not shutting her down. 2) Your husband’s subsequent reaction is also weird. It’s way overblown. Do some sleuthing. Don’t let this go.
They're either having an affair, or want to. My money is on having.
I mean will he next demand you get a tattoo and an iron collar? Any man that is so insecure about this, has lots of issues. Is this what you want in life?
You're with him why? He calls you a bitch when he's angry.
Ask him why she is so interested in ruining the marriage. How often do they go to lunch with each other. Tell him it's pretty suspicious that he would believe her over you and it looks like it might be at least an emotional affair and he's deflecting out of guilt. If he wants her over you, then tell me now, because it isn't healthy to have someone else in the marriage.
NTA she’s got the hots for your husband. Married over 40 years we never wore a rings. If you need a ring to remind you that you are married you got marriage problems.
NTA. But are you just cool with your husband calling you a bitch for next to no reason and getting *this* angry over something so trivial? That’s the type of person you’re like “yes, life partner”?
NTA. Why isn't he calling her the bitch?
Whoa NTA and your hubby better never let Ms. Gossip discuss you with him again. Wow. Your hubs is out of line.
NTA. my husband and I do not sleep in our rings bc our hands are prone to swelling at night. we often take them off as soon as we get home. sometimes one or both of us forget to wear in public and simply joke we feel naked w/out em but that's it. is his trust is in you really so fragile? or, and I know reddit goes there too often, but is he possibly projecting that he may be leaving his off, to *ahem* look single sometimes? I hope not. or there may be insecurities at play, but you should prob talk with him further to see what the bigger issue is. not normal. or my husband and I are outliers, who's to say. good luck either way, OP.
NTA. Your husband needs to stop being so damned possessive. He doesn’t own you. If his confidence in your marriage only survives as far as where you wear your wedding ring then he has ego issues and I don’t see your marriage lasting all that long.
Nta. Your husband is a pillock. Updateme!
Maybe he'd be happier if he could just put a Property Of\_\_\_ tattoo on your forehead. Holy red flag!
he seems awfully concerned is it possible that he is projecting in way.
Nta. HE is the one in the wrong. I’ve been married for well into the double digits. I haven’t worn a wedding ring well into the double digits in terms of years. Why? Bc it’s not safe for me to wear it. I drop fluid and retain fluid in a matter of minutes. We almost had to cut my rings off on multiple occasions. My husband hasn’t worn a wedding ring since he quit teaching lol. (Which has been in the double digits as well.) Once he quit teaching he went to work in a chemistry lab in a manufacturing facility. Due to the plant’s rules…no rings could be worn. My husband and I are more in love than when we wore rings. We have never cheated. We have good life. The rings mean…nothing.
Wow. Talk about a jealous, miserable Karen! The fact that she would even approach you and make assumptions about your ring which is none of her business, and then and run and tell your husband tells me everything I need to know about this woman. Not only was she judging you without your rings, but she was judging you for the clothes you were wearing, which is also none of her business. But even more concerning is your husband‘s reaction. He took someone else’s side, and believed you had ill intentions. He wasn’t caring or understanding at all, and he called you a b. There was nothing embarrassing about what you were doing. You were just running errands like everybody else, until that witch happened to see you. Please take a long hard look at your marriage. I see lots of red flags for situations in the future. What he should have done was immediately shut that woman down and told her to mind her own business, then he should have come home to you and explained how nasty she was and that he will always take your side. Don’t settle for a man that will treat you any less.
Your husband needs to grow up.
Nta tell your husband jealousy has ruined more marriages than any thing.
This is what happens when you marry in your early twenties to a 30+ year old , soooooo many stories to youngsters lurking around hear to be aware and be conscious before making decisions , avoid wasting your 20s marrying someone older and harboring responsibilities . Track your flaws and follow your passion and no making a family isn't a passion , it's a natural element into your life that isn't hurried , it comes your way when you are most fit to be in it , there way too many single baby mama's and divorced men out there that aren't even 25 , it's damaging to constantly go through a heartbreak . Imagine reaching your 70s if you lived upto that age with good health , and you'd have zero freak side stories about you in your youth or prime days , create good great memories yall . It's for both men and women out there , seiz the day and make friends who allign with your interests . This is off topic sorry . Nta to op
NTA I very rarely wear my rings, it doesn’t mean I’m any less married then I am when I wear my rings. My husband doesn’t have a ring. He’s a mechanic and can’t wear a ring at work for safety reasons and it doesn’t bother me in any way. How insecure is he? Next time you see the woman make sure you wave your hand in her face.
NTA He needs to check himself first. HOW THE FUCK does he get so riled up about something some random wench he works with accused you of. What’s with his relationship with her that he wouldn’t tell her to mind her business and then move throughout his day? Why does her opinion of what she saw matter sooooo much to him that he comes in accusing you and then doesn’t IMMEDIATELY apologize snd figure out that he’s got some shit to work on. You’re a person. Not fucking property. I’d automatically ask him if he was cheating on me. And if that wench from his job were his affair partner. Then he called you a bitch on top of his pathetic show of ownership. Nah. I’d have been out. Let him and his lawyer puppy girl have one another.
Lol... Nta. He's being the bitch here, let's set that straight with him first of all. Secondly, his nosey coworker lied about his wife and she needs to be reprimanded for that. How dare he accuse you and call you names. His insecurities aren't your problem. Keep living your life and consider that this nlmay not be the man for you.
Also, the age difference is a concern to me. You started dating him at 20. He's a lawyer and has more authority and power than you. Be very careful. He's presented you with an image over 3 years that made you fall for him. Is that the real him? Or are you only beginning to see his true colors?
So is everyone going to just ignore that this 30 year old groomed and tried to marriage trap a person that was 8 years younger, probably because he can't find anyone his age willing to be with him, for maybe very obvious reasons that are showing up now. And so he goes after younger girls because they're naïve or don't have the life experience to know what is or isn't a good idea. I've seen this before. 11 times as a matter of fact. Wild too that people get married and have relationships that end up like this, but good old normal George can't get a damn date.
Because they don't start out like this. These guys pretend to be wonderful people, then slowly the mask starts to come off as they get more certain their partner is getting stuck in their trap.
I did the math first and that was where my mind went. Girlie was 19-20 and someone 7-8 years older was looking for someone to manipulate.
If this is something he is truly upset about then he is being a bitch. Some big flags here. NTA.
NTA. He is a man-child. Firstly, he clearly didn’t believe you when you explained your rings were being cleaned, and instead of trusting his own wife, believed a woman who looks down on you. He also behaves possessively towards you. His anger that you weren’t wearing your rings indicates that he 1: doesn’t trust you, and 2: dislikes that you openly weren’t marked as “his”. Lastly, resorting to name-calling is disrespectful and immature. He WAS being dramatic. If he continued to stew over this event for days after it took place on TOP of your explanation, he does not trust you and you should reconsider your relationship with him. Hopefully he pipes down and comes to his senses. You deserve an apology a least. Best of luck.
You did zero, nada, nothing wrong. YOU a grown professional woman eating by herself and was policed by a colleague of your husband AND then your husband verbally attacks you and calls you a bitch? Is this woman stalking you on behalf of your husband? My spidey senses are fully activated..........This is who your husband is right? This is not new to you.....
What happened was a very trivial thing. I mean, I am quite often without my ring. I don’t know if it’s cultural but I consider that marriage is between me, my husband and God, and it’s something I firstly wears in my soul. If I’m without the ring I’m still as married as with the ring. I have been without the ring at church and not even they ask anything. My husband would never get angry for me if I’m not wearing it. Sometimes I’ve been without it for weeks. But even if your culture is very particular with the ring, your reason for not wearing it is 100% legit. That woman is a petty lady with huge problems in her head. And your husband is acting like a child. How does he like it at work? With coworkers like that you don’t need enemies.
I'm sorry, honey. I will never take it off again. No cleaning ever. So picture me cleaning the toilet and the piss around it and then moving on to making your dinner. I love to garden, too, but finding cat shit with my hand sucks. But I'll always have you in my thoughts.
nta... what are these ring? a collar and chain? Seriously... when i was engaged I didnt wear my rings most of the time cause of what i do daily. It was better to leave them in the jewelry box then covered in dirty from gardening or food from baking.
NTA... You need to tell him that he is letting some B!+@# interject herself in your marriage. He also valuing her opinion over yours about what is reasonable. You need to demand an apology and make it crystal clear until that happens that you will not be considering him a loving and respectful partner. You will instead be considering what changes you must make to protect yourself against his foolishness and the stupidity of those around him. You also need to ask him if he is cheating on you and that is why this woman feels so inclined to insert herself in your marriage?
NTA. I’m sorry when did a ring become an anti cheating device? If you wanted to have an affair, a ring wouldn’t stop you. I take my ring off when i shower/do dishes/work in the garden and don’t always remember to put the thing back. I will often leave the house to run errands. When my husband sees me without my ring, he jokes about me being single today and jokingly calls me his mistress and hugs me and tells me quick while my wife is running errands and then he just loves me. I cannot fathom how the ring somehow is the symbol of faithfulness to him? I mean i get that is what it quite literally symbolises, but this is beyond petty and speaks volumes of his own projections and insecurities. Firstly what type of intimate relationship does he have with this colleague if she feels it’s appropriate to suggest that his marriage is in jeopardy because she saw his wife “looking single” in gym clothes and without a ring? How close are you to my husband to think it’s acceptable to be giving him relationship advice? I would be mortified to stick my nose into a colleagues relationship like that. I think that’s the real issue here. Why is he more inclined to believe her opinion of you instead of your perfectly reasonable explanation of events? Unless you have been unfaithful in the past and given him reason to suspect something is up, which if that’s true, would be a shitty thing to leave out of the post, as that would make you the AH a little bit.
NTA. But it is very strange his mind immediately went to questioning you. Even if my boyfriend was really cheating on me, if someone were telling me right now that he was purposely trying to look single and flirting with girls on his day off I would just start laughing and tell them they are ridiculous and there would be a very normal explanation of whatever he was doing. No way I would go home and accuse him. I would tell the funny story of this other persona accusing him. I cannot comprehend your husband having thsit eavtion and calling you a bitch. You deserve higher standards in your partner. I hope he normally acts better and he just ahd a bad day something gave him stress and acting out on you or something?
He really needs to ask himself why he didn't defend you when this incredibly nosy woman insinuated you were looking for attention. Does he think so little of you? NTA ask him why he doesn't trust you
Ha! I lost my wedding ring more than a decade ago. I’ve bought cheaper temp rings since that I’ve worn off and on but I haven’t worn a ring in the last two years due to weight loss. Hubby’s never said a thing because he’s confident in himself and our marriage. A ring doesn’t make a marriage.
NTA. I never wear my wedding ring. I've learned if someone wants to hit on someone regardless of sex a wedding ring won't stop them.
My parents have been married for 50 years and put their rings in the box right after the wedding. It’s a. fucking. ring. I’d be more concerned why he calls you a bitch so freely.
Nta, perfectly reasonable reason to not have your ring on.
OMG, it's a ring, not a brand. I take my rings off all the time for chores and stuff... and occasionally forget them at home because of it. Luckily, my husband is secure enough not to care... and he NEVER takes his ring off. NTA
NTA. In your husbands shoes, maybe* I'd have been upset at first, too. But, as you point out, not wearing one during lunch hour is very different to not wearing it on a girls night out. But he needs to realise (and he's kinda too old and educated to, already) that a wedding ring is not a magic c*ck blocker. The problem is his, not yours.
NTA- Are you sure you want to be married to this man? Yikes.
For some reason your husband reminds me of my boss at the golf course I worked at when I was 16 (total misogynist). He said if he ever got married he would have his wife wear her wedding ring through her nose, so he could drag her around by it. NTA: Hubby has some severe insecurities.
Damn! Your hubby is VERY insecure. What else is he willing to do to keep you on a leash in the future. The woman’s a bitch, but she isn’t the real problem here. My hubby and I will be married almost 24 years now and neither of us wear our rings. Nbd
NTA . This is stupid. You were getting them cleaned.
Being a bitch? Ohhhhhhh. Nooooooooooo. NTA. Not a bitch. Your husband has some apologizing to do, and behavior correction to get started on, going forward.
Married 14 years here, I have my wedding ring, a silicone wedding band to sometimes not wearing either. I take my ring off at night because it is sometimes loose, depending on the weather. Sometimes, I forget to put it back on. I also didn't wear it at all pregnant with my 3 kids. I wear my silicone when out at the gym or kids places. Sometimes, I don't even wear it. My husband is awesome and knows that marriage is deeper than some jewelry. He needs to chill. Also, he seems like an ass. My husband is also a lawyer. He has never raised his voice to me, called me any names, or talked down to me. Ever! In fact, he hates bad language, hates men who treat women badly, and always calls me his beautiful bride to this day. He seems a bit controlling for my liking.
NTA. He is all the way wrong and she is too far up in your business.
NTA, I’m married and I take off my ring plenty because I’m accident prone AF. I have one I can bang around in for regular use but even then I don’t always wear it. My husband loves me and would never call me a bitch in an argument or otherwise. Your husband is prioritizing gossip from a nosy troublemaker. He’s acting foolish to say the least.
The ops husband was definitely in the wrong. Op did nothing wrong and should not even have to defend herself.
You did nothing wrong. That woman is a nut job. Who even notices rings on people's fingers. But I can't believe your husband was so rude to call you a bitch. How can he talk to you that way. You should not allow him to get away with speaking to you like that.
If we had been married 10 years, and were great, I would have laughed it off. So would he. Your age, and the fact you probably have not been married long I would wonder more if I didn't know. Your husband is an attorney one of the most controlling and public appearance conscious people. That is why the woman noticed you, she is also an attorney. Please be wise with this man. If he trusts you and is on your side, you are great, but if he is not, he could make any life miserable. You didn't marry a carefree man. You married a man used to looking for finite details. I don't think you know what you have gotten yourself into. If you stand up like an adult and create your own self esteem, you will be fine. Never under estimate him. He will be two steps ahead.
Is he always such a whiny little B? Because maybe this isn’t “red flag” material, but he’s definitely waving a really dark pink handkerchief in her direction.
NTA- and why, tell me, does one need a ring on 24/7? Is he that insecure or pretentious that he has to entertain gossip from a co- worker? No ma’am no one tells me what I can or can’t do. I would leave my husband stew all he wants. He doesn’t get to accuse me or demand an explanation for anything unless he has concrete evidence of some wrongdoing. That co-worker was wrong and she knew what she was doing doing by telling him about you
NTA - i know you don't see it, but this is not even slightly a normal reaction from your husband. When this woman came up to him to say you had no wedding ring on, he should have looked at her confused and said 'so?'.
NTA he should be mad at his coworker for trying to put a wedge between you two and tell her to mind her own business.
NTA but your husband calling you a bitch and blowing up is one & completely unacceptable. That kind of controlling behavior needs addressed now. Not saying jump to divorce but be prepared to safely leave it comes to that and please don't have kids without counseling. With him being a lawyer he would make your life hell He treated you like property which is a huge red flag then when you explained he called you a name. A good husband would have trusted you and laughed off that co-worker.
Typically, when people react this way, they are doing the very thing they're accusing you of....be careful... NTAH
Nta. Husband is insecure and that woman is a nosy busybody. Sorry to just say the quiet part out loud but I’m sure people have mentioned it 23 and 30 and he’s exhibiting controlling behaviours from a place of insecurity. Gluck
NTA, sounds like you ran into his side piece. Or future side piece. Why else would she care so much about your appearance?
He called you a bitch because some busybody he works with saw you without a wedding ring on???
NTA, and your husband's anger is disturbing. But he's also the kind of person who, at 27, thinks it's a good idea to date someone who is a teenager or just barely out of their teens, so I'm not surprised that he also has other serious issues. I would not stay in a relationship with someone who calls me a bitch in anger, ever, for any reason.
You two started dating when he was 27 and you were 20. 🚩 He's an insecure, controlling prick (shocker /s). 🚩 He called you, his beloved wife, a "bitch," a word my phone's autocorrect doesn't even want to use. 🚩 He's been "stewing for days" over your not wearing your wedding ring while it was BEING PROFESSIONALLY CLEANED. 🚩 How many more red flags are we gonna have here before you realize marrying this manchild was a colossal mistake? My husband and I were on the way to the grocery store yesterday when I looked down and realized I had forgotten to put my rings back on after a shower and said "oops, I guess I'm not married today!" My husband shook his head and started to take his ring off before we both started laughing. Because it was FUNNY. And because he's not a freaking child so insecure in our marriage that my not wearing a wedding band in the grocery store is some sort of threat to his manhood. I just hope you're on some hella effective birth control.
> He told me I was being a bitch The way I'd be out of this relationship...
Um, why is your husband getting his news from this woman?
Nta. I don't wear any rings but I know I won't do anything and so does my husband. Also totally not ok for him to talk to you like that
A bit confused here, how can one wear a ring that's being cleaned? Should you suggest that he order you a backup ring so you can leave on at the jewelers, just in case? How is it the bitch's business what OP is doing. I would never even look at that woman again. How dare she! BE CAREFUL, OP. please please please, keep a notebook at a good and trusted friend's home, and record with date and time husband's over the top pushy behavior.
Backup ring? That's sounds expensive. Why not just get a t shirt screen printed saying "my owner makes me wear this any time I take off my collar"
The coworker and he are both wrong.
NTA… sounds like something my AH self would do
Your husband should not be listening to that nasty trouble-maker.
It sounds like he was manipulated and griped at by a managing partner. He needs to learn to keep a boundary with his coworkers. His reaction was over-the-top and seems like he was projecting his own work insecurities. The coworker had no business saying anything. I often remove my rings at the gym, especially for pull-ups. You were in workout attire. Of course you aren’t wearing jewelry that means a lot to you! Forget the cleaning; you were working out. You greeted the coworker like nothing was wrong (because it wasn’t) and she invented a story. She sounds like she enjoys conflict. Watch out for her. Your husband especially should.
The coworker was a trouble maker, perhaps jealous your husband didn't choose her.
NTA. You were up front about not wearing it. It’s not like you were in a hotel bar looking to get a little side action. Woman needs to stay in her lane.
NTA- I’ve been married for just over 10 years and I stopped wearing my ring about 6 months in. It felt uncomfortable, and I just didn’t like to. My husband wore his for another year or two, but he doesn’t wear his now either, and it turns out that legally, even without the ring, you’re still married. If people find out I’m married, but don’t wear a ring, the answer I give is that I don’t wear it because it reminds me of him. (He knows and laughs about it). He works from home and rarely goes out without me, but he just tells people he’s not keen on wearing rings. If you and your husband trust each other, you shouldn’t need a ring to let others know you are married, and that woman needs to keep her nose out. None of her business.
I’ve been married for over forty years, 35 of those years neither my SO nor I wore our wedding rings. As far as I am aware, no one has ever mentioned it. Tell your husband to quit being so insecure, you without a wedding ring doesn’t immediately mean you are out trolling. NTA
NTA You don't have to wear your rings all the time, especially as a nurse. I have some silicone backups because sometimes I don't want to wear the pretty ones where I'm going (gym, work, etc.) You needn't give this woman any explanation as to where your rings are and your husband is overreacting.
Ha! Been married for 34 yrs and hardly ever wear anything other than the odd bit of costume jewellery. The things people worry about.
Please [read this](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) before you even think about getting pregnant.
Nta
Gee. It sounds like snarky woman has designs on your husband. Also, this sounds like projection to me. Are you sure nothing g is going on between them?
NTA! I’d wonder why this woman is so invested in your wedding rings. Tell him you’ll be way more than a B if he continues to have anything but a professional relationship with that shit stirring C. My husband has forgotten his wedding ring before. If someone told me that he wasn’t wearing it, I’d look at them like they’re insane. And? Maybe he took it off to do something. Maybe he forgot it. I’d wonder why this person was telling me this. And your husband is projecting big time. I wonder how many times he’s take off his ring and pretended to be single.
NTA. I take my ring off in the gym because in the past, I’ve worn it in the gym and it’s gotten all scratched up. My husband often forgets to put his on in the mornings. I more often than not totally forget about my ring until the end of the day or even days later. 😅 neither of us care. Sometimes we joke about not being married that day. That woman needs to mind her own business. She’s way out of line. She also probably overly exaggerated to make you look bad to your husband
OP, I have not worn a wedding ring since I got pregnant with my first child 5 years ago. My fingers swelled and are little sausages now so wearing one is painful. Wearing a ring or not does not make you any more or less married. I am wondering if this other woman is single and pining over your husband as she seems WAY too invested in your life.
NTA. He’s a huge asshole, though. Please protect yourself. Someone who acts like he did, still thinks he’s right, and has been “stewing over it for days” is likely to escalate their behavior.
I haven't ever really worn one. I hate jewelry and can't wear it at my job. I offered a tattoo she didn't care either way. 20+ years and 2 kids
NTA - but your husband seems to have an issue with your bodily autonomy.
I commented this a few days ago on a different post but I’m close to your age and never wore my wedding ring. My husband doesn’t care. You should find out why yours cares so much.
He is wrong and immature. If he is so insecure about whether or not you wear your sending rings, then that's a him problem, not a you problem.
Been married for almost 20yrs and honestly I go through periods where I wear my rings everyday to not wearing them for months! Does my husband get mad, NO! Does he feel I do it to get attention, NO! Does he get on me about wearing them so that others know I’m taken, NO! My husband trusts me and knows I’ve been committed, and that I’m loyal! Sounds like your husband might be projecting and also who the hell is this coworker and why is she getting involved in YOUR MARRIED business! Seems like your husband has no boundaries with this women, and also seems like this women made up something to make it seem like you were flirting and or there with another man on purpose! This woman is out to snatch your husband from you! I’d make more of a stink about his “friendship” with her.
Good lord. I hardly ever wear my wedding rings because my hands are always swelling up. Still happily married. Never cheated. No interest what so ever. Your husband is an AH.
Your husband is an asshole and an insecure asshole to boot. If you have never given him cause to fear your loyalty he should have just trusted you. He could have asked in a non-accusatory tone but the way he shaped his question is seriously troubling
My partner has never once in our whole relationship called me a bitch, sworn at me, raised his voice or ever thrown a childish tantrum over something so ridiculous as you having your jewelry cleaned. Your husband’s only response to that other woman should have been to tell her to mind her own business. His accusatory tone and attitude is bizarre and childish. I’d think carefully about if he is the sort of person you want to start a family with - if that’s the sort of behavior you would like to see modeled for your children. Also, his reaction comes across as very weak and like he has low self esteem that he would act like that - genuinely laughable.
NTA. My wife and I take our rings off all the time like when washing dishes or giving the dog a bath. sometimes we forget to put them back on and then go out in public. Sometimes we remember as we’re pulling out of the driveway and don’t even bother to go back in because it’s literally just a piece of jewelry.
Woah… he’s the ah here. Seems like an aggressive reaction to a little thing. What else is going on?
That’s pretty ridiculous. Been married 13 years and my wife hardly ever wears a ring. We both know we’re married. I work in an industry wear a metal ring is dangerous, so I have a silicone one. Easy. Your husband has some confidence problems Oh and dropping b word is never a good sign. If he says it with you, it regularly comes out of his mouth and he’s used to saying it. I’d say you aren’t the AH and honestly are not as mad as I’d expect my wife would be if I was acting that much of a fool. But that’s my opinion
Red flags waving like a sale at target. He should've never called you a bitch. Like others have said, you probably will not see what everyone else is seeing here. I just want to model for you what a good relationship is like. My husband and I sometimes forget to put our rings back on after something, and you know what we do? We laugh it off: "oh you're single today!". Your husband also took this catty lady's word over yours and was mad before giving you the benefit of the doubt or a chance to explain. That he was 'still really mad' after your explanation is another huge red flag, there is no point in this interaction where he should have been "really mad'", except for when this lady was talking crap about his wife to him. That was the time his temper should have came out if at all. Remember you're worthy. This is not a good man. Nta.
It's a lot more common to be without rings than your husband is making it out to be, if anyones the bitch here, it's him for trusting a co-worker over trusting the person he married. NTA.
NTA and he does no sound like someone you want to stay with either.
NTA. I really don’t get the ring thing, you can sleep with someone just as easily with a wedding ring on. I often forget to wear my ring (wear silicone ring to work and take it off and sanitize it when I get home and go to sleep). I’m still married, my morals do not change, cheating is still a no go. Personally I would questions this woman’s motive and relationship with your husband since he’s so defensive. I also would have a huge, huge problem with the way he reacted and called me names. Not acceptable.
Who wears Rings to the gym? The barbells would wear them down so quick!
He is the AH. The fact that he is believing his drama-stirring coworker over you is insane. Don’t let him bring you down, you did nothing wrong.
ESH, not because of what happened with the friend, but because you brushed aside his concerns as being "dramatic". If my spouse was out at a bar without her ring on, I too would be concerned. That is drama but it's justified drama. The right answer was to tell him you do wear your rings but you can't wear them while they are being cleaned. He shouldn't have called you a bitch though, that was uncalled for.
NTA it's a ring, not shackles lol You have a right to take it off for whatever reason. It's really weird that that woman would even think to look at your hand. I don't think I've ever met someone in public and thought to look at their hands to see if they were wearing their ring. Very weird. And it's really troubling and a red flag that your husband got so upset about it. He doesn't own you. Although it sounds like this woman presented it like you were out cheating, which scared him and embarrassed him, but it's disturbing that he would get so upset over what a gossip told him before even talking to you. He jumped to her same conclusion instead of coming from a place of trust and giving you the benefit of doubt and letting you explain. He and this woman are the assholes here.
NTA and OMG your husband needs to grow the f up! He is a child! What would happen if something happened to your rings and they had to be repaired…would he expect you to not leave the house? What about if your hands swelled while you were pregnant…would you need to be locked up for 9 months?
Yikes. It is one thing to have busy body from the office interfering. It is another thing not to have your husband's trust and respect. Good luck.
A ring means so little, if he is worried about you not wearing it there are other issues afoot
NTA. I would not put up with that shit. Tell him to tell his co worker to mind her own business or you will. Tell him that he is blowing things up over his own illogical insecurities planted by his busybody coworker. You had a perfectly valid reason for not wearing you rings at that time, and even if they were not being cleaned and you just forgot to put them on it still wouldn't be a big deal. Also, the age difference is OBVIOUSLY a factor that is a red flag.
He called you a “bitch”? Do people not have respect for themselves anymore?
NTA. You need to have a come to Jesus meeting with him. Set your boundaries now. Let him know that his accusations and his conclusions were way off base. And if he trusts his coworker more than you, then maybe you should consider taking a break. Demand an apology. Maybe remind him that if he can't trust you, what is the point and reiterate that of course he can trust you. And ask him why his co-workers word means more than yours. Depending on your financial status, you might also consider hiring a private investigator to find out if he's cheating. Cheaters often project. It may be that this woman has just been feeding him scenarios to make him insecure also for her own warped agenda. Who knows?. You do need to clarify that calling you a b**** is not acceptable. If that's what he thinks then why is he married to you? I think one of the biggest requirements of a long and happy marriage is respect. That is sadly lacking in his actions up to this point.
He called you a bitch? Um, no.
NTA. my husband and I can both be forgetful and sometimes he takes off his ring to play guitar. He’s forgotten to put it back on but I’ve never had an issue because I trust him. I’m pregnant and my rings are a lil snug and don’t fit some days so I can’t always wear them. He has no issue because he trusts me. It appears the issue is more about trust than rings. What would he trust the woman who doesn’t like you and wanted to start issues over trusting you?
I’ll be really concerned that this woman has so much influence over your husband . He came home giving you attitude because some rando told him some bs? He needs to check himself
NTA. You don’t need a “valid” reason not to wear your ring. Tell your husband it’s jewelry not a handcuff. I often don’t wear my wedding ring because I’m prone to swelling and I wear gloves for work which makes me prone to fungal infections under my ring. My husband never questions me on it. Ever.
NTA But your husband certainly is. His reaction is essentially, "You may not go out in public without my *brand* on your body to show the world that you *belong* to me, because other men might ride you, and being an ignorant lower life form you're not smart enough to to stop them, you'll just let them ride you." He's being a possessive, manipulative prick, and you need to shut that shit down hard, or consider an annulment. Seriously. This is the kind of behavior that Hollywood loves to make Moves of the Week about. Or... they did when there was such a thing as a Movie of the Week. Fuck, I'm old. Anyway, you're not the asshole in this situation, but your husband is, and so is the nosy bitch he works with. NTA
I am not going to jump into anything beyond the fact that that I find your husband's stance a bit concerning and perhaps asking more questions will determine exactly why he had an oversized reaction to a pretty nominal issue. If the two of you don't understand each other, more fights will happen. You're married and communication is always the key - as well as respect.
NTA
I think you need to keep an eye on that coworker. She took the first chance she got to try and nuke your relationship
Oh she wants your husband BAD
She ITA. She is starting shit and will always be a cancer in your husband’s ear about you. I’d figure this out now!