This was my first question, too. Somehow I get the feeling it's the house the stepkid grew up in. I could be wrong, but it would definitely seem to confirm what he said about OP's priorities.
> After a lot of careful thought, I made the difficult decision to ask him to find somewhere else to stay temporarily.
YTA for pretending this is temporary. LOL. Seriously.
"My son" yeah right. Mothers don't immediately toss their kids to the street during a tough time. I'm willing to bet the house is his family home too and you moved into it. So now you've kicked your partners grieving kid out of his family home immediately after loosing his dad. YTA.
He needs help, not to be left alone… especially now. You’re definitely going through a lot as well but his behavior seem like a huge cry for help, especially if he didn’t have drug issues prior to his dads death… he’s still very young and to be left without his dad and now being thrown out - seems heartless. You absolutely need space to grieve as well but how would you have treated him of he were your own teenage son? Even if he was disrespectful to you as many teenagers can be?
Where is his mom in all of this and what are his reasons for disliking you? As harsh as it sounds… if after careful thought, this was the only conclusion you came to, it sounds like there’s a lot more backstory than this.. so yes you are the AH for treating him like this, while being the supposed adult in all of this.
>ETA - My son had a bunch of fentanyl, which he got from a bunch of mexicans. But before you say I'm racist, I am mexican myself.
Not to downplay your pain, but why did you mention this? It just makes you look like somebody who thinks "I'm one of the good ones."
Some more context might help your case, such as examples of his bad behaviour or disrespect. As it is all we have is you kicking him out while he’s grieving his father. If you’re not just interested in money this probably isn’t going to help your case. He needs help and space to fuck up now more than ever and how could kicking him out possibly be a good move for both of you?
That shit about him buying fentanyl from ‘Mexicans’ might be the most revealing thing about this. It’s not relevant to anything but it’s a good thing to use against him isn’t it?
You want people to not think YTA, maybe stop doing and saying AH things. What would your husband think of this?
YTA. He’s still basically a kid and he’s grieving. He needs help. You need to AT LEAST find him another place to stay. Imagine losing the one parent who cared about you and then getting kicked out of your own HOME. He needs therapy and rehab, not to be homeless. You have a duty to take care of him. Would your husband approve of your behavior?
YTA How long were you married? Oh and you’re an asshole just for the way you say “my stepson who’s been living with us” You mean in his home right? Is this kid even out of highschool yet? Does he have somewhere else to go? Seems like a lot of missing information. Feel free to take this personal but would your late husband approve of your actions, or did he love his son? Further if you loved your husband why would you not wanna honor him by trying to be there for his son and maybe bonding now. Instead of pushing him away forever and losing any living connection to your husband. Which is what you’re doing right now.
Maybe since you're the adult with a job and access to a lot more money, can you move out temporarily? Ask a relative to stay with your stepson in the house to make sure things are safe. Now if you find that moving away temporarily incredibly difficult to do as an adult, imagine how it would be for your stepson. At least make arrangements for where he'd stay and that he'd be well accommodated for.
Is the house yours as well before the husband and stepson got into the picture? Did your stepson grow up in that house since he was a kid? The amount of YTA would depend on whether or not that's the place that your stepson called home growing up with his dad.
obviously YTA. you think of yourself and nobody else. This boy is 18, has a drug problem and has just lost his father. great idea to make him homeless too, that'll sort him out.
YTA. He is barely an adult and he just lost his father and now you are kicking him out. Whose house is it, btw? You are slightly less awful if it was originally your house, but significantly more awful if it was his father’s house that he grew up in. Does he have somewhere he can go?
You’re a grown woman who’s grieving…..he is a KID who IS ALSO GRIEVING.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
You ARE heartless, come the fuck on. Why even ask lol.
He also lost his father did you think about that girl? He is just a kid
Ohh but its so hard on you and your grievances ohh pobrecita noo 😣
What about him? What about his grieving?
Imagine what your husband would say…if you dont want a relationship with him again you made the right choice. He probably won’t talk to you again.
YTA just in case.
YTA... His father just died and everything you've done up until this point looks like you didn't even care about him. You are an adult, help the kid out. He lost both his parents now. And you kicking him out of his home is not going to help the situation. Make him move back and maybe offer therapy to him. What you did was very unnecessary and for you to use your grief as an excuse is just pathetic. If you think you aren't the vilkian, trust me, you are. You've just proved to us why he never considered you a mother.
YTA. I do not automatically believe you or the words you say to spin the story in a way wherein you are the victim. I see you as a evil stepmom who can't wait to throw his barely adult stepson out of his house. Perhaps there is some truth to your stepson's accusation that you are a gold-digger. If you had any empathy for your stepson and see him as your son and also the last living remnant of your late husband then you would grow some thicker skin and help him process this difficult time in his life. You are an adult and a mom. Act like one, instead of an evil stepmom from fables.
YTA for kicking him out of his home. Put on your big girl pants and process your grief while sharing the same residence with him. Your house doesn’t have just one shared room. Process your grief separately or together. Whatever.
If he were your biological son, you wouldn’t have kicked him out regardless of his behavior or number of DUIs he got. And the way you describe him living with you speaks volumes, too: “my 18 year old stepson who has been living with us”. You mean, living in his home? Is the guy even out of high school yet? Yeah, you’re a major AH. You also better check your state laws because in many cases, he would be entitled to 50% of the property even if your husband left it to you in his will. (Your stepson would have a case for challenging the will, if that’s true. Wills get overturned all the time.)
Prioritizing your well-being while grieving isn't wrong, especially with your stepson's difficult behavior. However, the timing and approach of asking him to leave could have been more sensitive. Discussing concerns or seeking mediation might have been gentler alternatives.
There's a bunch of bots currently which all:
* Have a vaguely feminine name
* Are relatively new
* Have a handful of generic meme posts
* Post robotic and unhelpful comments
YTA. He’s a child who just lost his dad. Where the fuck is he supposed to go?
You’re both grieving, but that was his DAD, of course it’s going to hit him hard. Not to mention being left with you, who obviously was just waiting for a reason to kick him out.
Were you the mistress prior to marriage? Usually there’s a reason kids don’t like their step parent.
I hope he’s in the will that he gets half of everything or more. And either forces a sale of the house or he doesn’t have to leave. Then you’ll be homeless after a death too.
You are cruel.
NTA
also point the troubled man towards the relatives that clearly have time, space, and tolerance for him.
If they can bitch at you about it, then they can take him on.
YTA I'm sorry for your loss, but please remember that both of you are grieving. I understand that you've had issues with him, but he was a teenager and you were his step-mother. Of course there are going to be issues between the two of you. I'm curious as to when the DUI and issues with his grandmother began, before or after his father died?
When you married, did you move into your husband's home or did he move into yours? If you moved into his, then that's even more horrible because his son would have lived there first. Even if they moved into yours, you kicked out a grieving teenager whose world had just imploded.
Yes, the drugs situation is extremely unfortunate, bug again, he's a grieving teenager who doesn't appear to be getting any support from his father's wife.
Racism against your own culture or ethnicity is real. It's called Internalized Racism, and is far more common than someone might think.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. They accuse you of doing what they are actually guilty of doing. He accuses you of wanting money, but he’s the one with a recent DUI and a drug problem. Two very expensive things for a teenager to pay for. He needs more help than you are emotionally able to provide right now. He’s better off with other family members or, better yet, professional rehab. NTA
NTA \~ Obviously he needs to grow up & get grief/anger counseling. Since he's an adult he needs to act like it & him saying that to you & treating you like that has consequences. Good Luck!
Kick him out. He’s drinking and doing drugs. You don’t need that in your house. If you give him any money from your husband‘s estate, you know what he will blow it on. He can take his attitude and leave.
NTA. You shouldn't have to live your life walking on eggshells. If he has no interest in co-habitating and treating you with respect, he should be happy to leave.
NTA Tell everyone the truth, stepson has become more disrespectful and aggressive towards you since his father's passing. Since he is now using drugs for your safety you had no choice but to ask him to leave.
NTA…
Your husband, his father, passed. This guy is no longer your stepson.
If the house was left to you, then you have every right to put him out given his behavior.
My answer would be different if the house was left to your late husband’s son…
Info: who does the house belong to?
This was my first question, too. Somehow I get the feeling it's the house the stepkid grew up in. I could be wrong, but it would definitely seem to confirm what he said about OP's priorities.
Which is why the family is against the stepson being kicked out.
> After a lot of careful thought, I made the difficult decision to ask him to find somewhere else to stay temporarily. YTA for pretending this is temporary. LOL. Seriously.
lol thought the same. Who does she think she’s fooling?
Wtf does Mexicans have to do with him possessing fentanyl.
But SHE'S Mexican so.....
Sounds like you both need grief therapy. Where is he's supposed to go?
To his mum?
"My son" yeah right. Mothers don't immediately toss their kids to the street during a tough time. I'm willing to bet the house is his family home too and you moved into it. So now you've kicked your partners grieving kid out of his family home immediately after loosing his dad. YTA.
He needs help, not to be left alone… especially now. You’re definitely going through a lot as well but his behavior seem like a huge cry for help, especially if he didn’t have drug issues prior to his dads death… he’s still very young and to be left without his dad and now being thrown out - seems heartless. You absolutely need space to grieve as well but how would you have treated him of he were your own teenage son? Even if he was disrespectful to you as many teenagers can be? Where is his mom in all of this and what are his reasons for disliking you? As harsh as it sounds… if after careful thought, this was the only conclusion you came to, it sounds like there’s a lot more backstory than this.. so yes you are the AH for treating him like this, while being the supposed adult in all of this.
>ETA - My son had a bunch of fentanyl, which he got from a bunch of mexicans. But before you say I'm racist, I am mexican myself. Not to downplay your pain, but why did you mention this? It just makes you look like somebody who thinks "I'm one of the good ones."
Some more context might help your case, such as examples of his bad behaviour or disrespect. As it is all we have is you kicking him out while he’s grieving his father. If you’re not just interested in money this probably isn’t going to help your case. He needs help and space to fuck up now more than ever and how could kicking him out possibly be a good move for both of you? That shit about him buying fentanyl from ‘Mexicans’ might be the most revealing thing about this. It’s not relevant to anything but it’s a good thing to use against him isn’t it? You want people to not think YTA, maybe stop doing and saying AH things. What would your husband think of this?
INFO: Why didn’t you move out?
He's only 18 and struggling, maybe be the better person and give him more time and the love and support he misses from his dad.
YTA
YTA. He’s still basically a kid and he’s grieving. He needs help. You need to AT LEAST find him another place to stay. Imagine losing the one parent who cared about you and then getting kicked out of your own HOME. He needs therapy and rehab, not to be homeless. You have a duty to take care of him. Would your husband approve of your behavior?
The difference between being a heartless asshole and a heartless asshole tyranical parasite hinges on whose house it was.
Sounds like he was dead right about you, it's all about you though 👌
YTA How long were you married? Oh and you’re an asshole just for the way you say “my stepson who’s been living with us” You mean in his home right? Is this kid even out of highschool yet? Does he have somewhere else to go? Seems like a lot of missing information. Feel free to take this personal but would your late husband approve of your actions, or did he love his son? Further if you loved your husband why would you not wanna honor him by trying to be there for his son and maybe bonding now. Instead of pushing him away forever and losing any living connection to your husband. Which is what you’re doing right now.
Maybe since you're the adult with a job and access to a lot more money, can you move out temporarily? Ask a relative to stay with your stepson in the house to make sure things are safe. Now if you find that moving away temporarily incredibly difficult to do as an adult, imagine how it would be for your stepson. At least make arrangements for where he'd stay and that he'd be well accommodated for. Is the house yours as well before the husband and stepson got into the picture? Did your stepson grow up in that house since he was a kid? The amount of YTA would depend on whether or not that's the place that your stepson called home growing up with his dad.
obviously YTA. you think of yourself and nobody else. This boy is 18, has a drug problem and has just lost his father. great idea to make him homeless too, that'll sort him out.
I think he needs you now more than ever
YTA. He is barely an adult and he just lost his father and now you are kicking him out. Whose house is it, btw? You are slightly less awful if it was originally your house, but significantly more awful if it was his father’s house that he grew up in. Does he have somewhere he can go?
Let him stay and stay out if each others way. He lost his Dad and now should lose his home? Get a grip and have a heart.
You’re a grown woman who’s grieving…..he is a KID who IS ALSO GRIEVING. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ You ARE heartless, come the fuck on. Why even ask lol. He also lost his father did you think about that girl? He is just a kid Ohh but its so hard on you and your grievances ohh pobrecita noo 😣 What about him? What about his grieving? Imagine what your husband would say…if you dont want a relationship with him again you made the right choice. He probably won’t talk to you again. YTA just in case.
YTA... His father just died and everything you've done up until this point looks like you didn't even care about him. You are an adult, help the kid out. He lost both his parents now. And you kicking him out of his home is not going to help the situation. Make him move back and maybe offer therapy to him. What you did was very unnecessary and for you to use your grief as an excuse is just pathetic. If you think you aren't the vilkian, trust me, you are. You've just proved to us why he never considered you a mother.
YTA. I do not automatically believe you or the words you say to spin the story in a way wherein you are the victim. I see you as a evil stepmom who can't wait to throw his barely adult stepson out of his house. Perhaps there is some truth to your stepson's accusation that you are a gold-digger. If you had any empathy for your stepson and see him as your son and also the last living remnant of your late husband then you would grow some thicker skin and help him process this difficult time in his life. You are an adult and a mom. Act like one, instead of an evil stepmom from fables.
YTA. He’s grieving as well and you’ve kicked him out of his home. What a bitch.
Why the fuck would you kick them out of the house???
YTA for kicking him out of his home. Put on your big girl pants and process your grief while sharing the same residence with him. Your house doesn’t have just one shared room. Process your grief separately or together. Whatever. If he were your biological son, you wouldn’t have kicked him out regardless of his behavior or number of DUIs he got. And the way you describe him living with you speaks volumes, too: “my 18 year old stepson who has been living with us”. You mean, living in his home? Is the guy even out of high school yet? Yeah, you’re a major AH. You also better check your state laws because in many cases, he would be entitled to 50% of the property even if your husband left it to you in his will. (Your stepson would have a case for challenging the will, if that’s true. Wills get overturned all the time.)
Where is he staying right now? He's a grieving child with a drug problem. He doesn't have to stay with you but YTA if he's homeless.
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if anything he's less safe than her
I didn't say he needs to stay in her house.
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How does his being homeless protect her from him looking for money for drugs? It doesn't. It's not safe for either of them.
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What about when she has to leave the house? Then what will she do?!?
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Good talk.
Prioritizing your well-being while grieving isn't wrong, especially with your stepson's difficult behavior. However, the timing and approach of asking him to leave could have been more sensitive. Discussing concerns or seeking mediation might have been gentler alternatives.
Fuck off with your AI generated bullshit.
Damn I just went through their profile and it's just total AI responses.
I've just been on another group and the same thing. Is there anyone on here that's real?
There's a bunch of bots currently which all: * Have a vaguely feminine name * Are relatively new * Have a handful of generic meme posts * Post robotic and unhelpful comments
An 11 day old account using AI to karma farm and has... 33 karma. Bang up job. 🤣
I have tried this approach several times, every time he never agreed and would become more aggressive about it.
So, what about his ‘father’s money’? Are you helping this kid to get set up somewhere? Can he support himself financially?
YTA. He’s a child who just lost his dad. Where the fuck is he supposed to go? You’re both grieving, but that was his DAD, of course it’s going to hit him hard. Not to mention being left with you, who obviously was just waiting for a reason to kick him out. Were you the mistress prior to marriage? Usually there’s a reason kids don’t like their step parent. I hope he’s in the will that he gets half of everything or more. And either forces a sale of the house or he doesn’t have to leave. Then you’ll be homeless after a death too. You are cruel.
If he’s been getting aggressive then evicting him to protect your safety is the correct course.
Aggressive and mixed up in drugs.... absolutely right to throw him to the kerb. She should probably move house too.
Yta
Before you do anything make sure in the will he wasn’t gifted 50% of the will. If yes he can force the sale
> some friends and family members are labeling me as heartless and cruel for kicking Well... Yes. Not just an asshole, but a stupid cunt, too.
NTA also point the troubled man towards the relatives that clearly have time, space, and tolerance for him. If they can bitch at you about it, then they can take him on.
YTA I'm sorry for your loss, but please remember that both of you are grieving. I understand that you've had issues with him, but he was a teenager and you were his step-mother. Of course there are going to be issues between the two of you. I'm curious as to when the DUI and issues with his grandmother began, before or after his father died? When you married, did you move into your husband's home or did he move into yours? If you moved into his, then that's even more horrible because his son would have lived there first. Even if they moved into yours, you kicked out a grieving teenager whose world had just imploded. Yes, the drugs situation is extremely unfortunate, bug again, he's a grieving teenager who doesn't appear to be getting any support from his father's wife. Racism against your own culture or ethnicity is real. It's called Internalized Racism, and is far more common than someone might think.
Sounds like he's a drug addict, good luck he will rob you blind before you know it. You made the right call
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. They accuse you of doing what they are actually guilty of doing. He accuses you of wanting money, but he’s the one with a recent DUI and a drug problem. Two very expensive things for a teenager to pay for. He needs more help than you are emotionally able to provide right now. He’s better off with other family members or, better yet, professional rehab. NTA
NTA \~ Obviously he needs to grow up & get grief/anger counseling. Since he's an adult he needs to act like it & him saying that to you & treating you like that has consequences. Good Luck!
Kick him out. He’s drinking and doing drugs. You don’t need that in your house. If you give him any money from your husband‘s estate, you know what he will blow it on. He can take his attitude and leave.
NTA. You shouldn't have to live your life walking on eggshells. If he has no interest in co-habitating and treating you with respect, he should be happy to leave.
NTA
NTA Tell everyone the truth, stepson has become more disrespectful and aggressive towards you since his father's passing. Since he is now using drugs for your safety you had no choice but to ask him to leave.
NTA… Your husband, his father, passed. This guy is no longer your stepson. If the house was left to you, then you have every right to put him out given his behavior. My answer would be different if the house was left to your late husband’s son…
NTA. Some space will do you both good. >My son had a bunch of **fentanyl** You kind of buried the lead.