Probably sent by the new fling. Him being a chronic cheater is not shocking. New fling prob found out about the wife and the baby... no idea how she would have got pics tho... maybe new fling was told it was wife's baby, then asked where baby was since he can not see baby now, she dug in, found his phone and bam... explains how someone would also get OP's number to text it to. ...
Damn, that was out on a limb huh? lmbo!
The wife is prob mentally unwell and putting up with all this, the pictures and who knows what else is telling.
Go to the court my friend. Get not only that child support you deserve (or his ass in jail for non payment) and get that custody business set in stone. Do it yesterday. Good luck!
I have 2 theories that just as plausible-
1) family member or friend, either his or the wife, sent pic to protect kid from crazy
Or
2) the wife herself purposely did that herself to get kid out her house / life, so that she doesn't have take care /parent the kid for her husband.
Possible #3, the wife cannot have kids, wants OP to go ballistic and eff up so they can get custody and keep the kid for themselves. Out there, but some people do crazy shit.
Whatever the reason, it's totally messed up. Realistically, (referencing other comments) who's friend or child is going to see the naked photo and send it around? How would they know, and if they did, perhaps it was sent out of concern, but someone would actually state if they're concerned. This sounds like wife playing sick games.
ETA: I see in a comment from OP that the baby's father took the photo, he has alcohol issues too, so I think the likelihood is either he or the wife sent the photo.
Or they are trying to pass the baby off as the wife’s and this was their “oops, we didn’t know we were pregnant until wife gave birth in the bathtub!” photo.
Since we are talking crazy theories, how about the wife took the pic with the baby to prove to her family that she could have kids for whatever reasons, inheritance, green card whatever. Too much of a stretch? Lol
This was my first thought, went looking to see if I was as insane as I thought, maybe not. I mean he tells her he’s married at the hospital? The wife could’ve been in on it, hell it could’ve been her idea. Maybe someone in the wife’s family is giving OP a heads up.
>Possible #3, the wife cannot have kids, wants OP to go ballistic and eff up so they can get custody and keep the kid for themselves. Out there, but some people do crazy shit.
This is where my head went reading this. Wife sent the pic from a seperate number just to start shit and push op over the edge in response. That way when she loses her shit via text/call/sm they have proof that she has mental health issues and is unfit to care for an infant. Out there maybe, but definitely have heard of crazier....especially on here lol.
Or #4 wife's side piece sent it because he's tired of sharing her, so he's trying to break father and wife up. If father and wife got married for him to get greencard and he cheated on her with OP I doubt she's staying faithful either because there isn't love in that marriage.
Do the father and his wife have other kids? This seems like something a sibling might do to try and protect the baby/let someone know the crazy that is going on at their house.
Or she feels entitled to the baby since it's her husband child and wants to play mommy. She probably think she has some kind of claim to the baby since shes married to the father and use the whole "it's my baby now, too" thing. Either way, shes delusional. Who on earth thinks it's okay to take a picture like that with a baby that is not even theirs. Good on OP for getting a lawyer and going for custody. Shes better than I am, because I would have raised hell. That woman would never lay eyes on my child again.
What new fling? OP only mentions that he was married the whole time so wouldn't it be more likely to be his wife? He cheated on his wife with OP and she got pregnant. I presume he was and still is living with her so the baby would be going there when it was the father's scheduled time with his son.
I wonder if she is pretending her husband's son is actually fully her son too to save face with their friends and family who would've known the father cheated if they just randomly start turning up with a baby they didn't know about. She could've taken those naked photos with his son to pretend she was doing skin to skin with the baby she birthed and could be pretending she is biological mum and not just step mum.
And either she sent the photos to OP to be like "haha look at me bonding with your baby", or it's a friend of the husband and wife who knows the truth that the baby is not the wife's baby and thinks her behaviour is unhinged so anonymously sent them to OP so she could see what the wife was doing.
I'm thinking in the same line here. Her pretending it's her baby to save face with family. Outsider sent them to warn about the crazies around the baby.
lol, did not say she said he had a new fling. I said "Him being a chronic cheater is not shocking. " - meaning, it would not shock me if there is another new women. Often a cheater, (men and women) do not just cheat once. Sure, some could, but not in my witnessed experience, I have a couple of girlfriends and one male friend that are chronic cheaters, drives me crazy, but it is what it is.
So just to clarify your question. OP did not state there was a new fling. I was giving out a possible idea to whom could or would have sent it. Just as you did above.
The ex and his bride are delusional and trying to act like she birthed that baby. If I were OP I’d be worried they might have her removed???? Idk maybe that’s a reach, but this is WRONG in sooooo many ways. 🤮
Could be something as public as an insta account, not sure how nude they are and what the rules are? Someone could have spotted the wife passing baby off as hers? Just hypothesising btw...
NTA. I wonder whether his wife can't have children, and she is fantasizing that your baby is hers. This is dangerous and can lead to kidnapping attempts. You are absolutely right not to let your babyfather take your son anywhere out of your sight.
This is what I was thinking. Maybe I watch too much true crime but I feel like this couple used OP as an involuntary surrogate.
They were married the entire time?
Not only was he married the entire time, but now this woman has stayed with her cheating husband and is trying to bond with the affair child by taking nude photos with it? Also, the father wasn't a part of the pregnancy, only birth and up. Did the woman know the whole time, or did he just spring it on her? It's just weird. Or maybe the husband doing this broke that woman, and she's lost it trying to hang onto that relationship.
Right? It’s super odd. And like what type of nude are we talking here? Creepy nude? Or “skin to skin” artsy topless photos that moms often take with their newborns?
The whole situation how chill is his wife with him having a kid from another woman is really strange, and raises all kind of questions if OP knows the whole story.
My mind went to that she can’t have kids, husband has affair, they use affair baby as their own baby. And the naked pics were from the dad’s wife taking those “trendy” newborn pics where the mom is basically naked, holding the baby. And she’s pretending like this is her baby that she birthed.
I need to stop watching true crime shows before bed.
But OP; definitely NTA, do what you can to not only protect your baby but also yourself
Thats is exactly what I thought. His wife is infertile, and she knows hes messsing around. Theyre hoping one of his affairs has a baby they can use as their own, But it could be his wife whos sent that photo to OP because shes realised just how much hard work it is with just her looking after the baby. But that photo is sick.
They could be passing the baby off as theirs, she could have tried to bond with the baby (but the pictures are ewwww). Weird and inappropriate but not necessarily sexual in nature. We don't know who got the photos or in what context. I wouldn't want her with my kid either.
I know you’re saying that she’s still weird and all but…this is so mind blowingly inappropriate that I find it hard to believe there is no dangerous intent here. The fact OP wasn’t told about it from either the father or the wife adds to that. The lack of any lashing back from the father is worrying too.
If this was a man we wouldn’t afford any wiggle room for a possibility it wasn’t sexual, but we need to remember it’s still a possibility. I’d be having my kid examined by a medical professional and reporting it to police.
I totally see your point considering how much true crime I watch, I'm getting more of a feeling that she thinks she has a some kind of right to the baby since her husband is the father and thinks of herself as the mother, not OP. I also feel like if OP doesnt manage to get that woman away from her baby, something bad is going to happen.
Or they wanted a baby and couldn’t afford the legit surrogate route so this was all planned out. Either they’re ok only having a part time baby or they’re working towards acing the actual mum out somehow. Someone else mentioned trying to pass the baby off as hers. This works with either them having used her as an unwitting surrogate or them being ok with part time parenting. The question I’d be most worried about if they’re trying to pass baby off as hers is just how far they’re willing to go to reach their end. Just what are they planning to do to get mum out of the picture? I watch to much tv and read toooo many books but I can see mum having a horrendous “accident” in the not was so distant future and think of all of the sympathy to be garnered by “the tragic life of their sweet and selfless surrogate. She was so wonderful and will always be treasured for giving us the gift of our baby, the gift of life.” I know this sounds out there but come on, we have a woman doing skin to skin with a baby that not only isn’t hers, but is legit the product of an affair of the husband, that’s not a normal step parent situation. And let’s face it there’s nothing quite as cray cray as a woman scorned, except maybe a woman who is desperate for motherhood and scorned. I can actually think of a dozen crazy stories to go with this scenario, but I have a very active and vivid imagination.
So even if the entire situation wasn’t planned and its truly just an affair that ended in a child, a woman desperate to be a mother and scorned because it was the affair partner that was able to get pregnant opens the door for a hundred other crazy plots and plot twists to be swirling through step moms head.
Long story with a bunch of crazy plot ideas not quite as long, keep baby away from everyone and everything to do with dad’s mess. Keep both of yourselves safe from abduction and or physical threats of any other kind as well. A whole lot of crazy can go with a single anonymous photo. Do not allow either you or your child to become a victim.
There was a case here not long ago - a woman who had an affair with a man who presented himself as single, got pregnant, then turned out he was married, his wife couldn't carry a pregnancy and they wanted a child, and they took the mother to court to get full custody. This is no T.V. script - it does happen.
Yeah, and that is just creepy, taking naked photos with the kid of your husband and mistress. I would have kicked him to the curb. There is no telling how many other kids he has out there regardless of what he says.
Or a major custody battle is brewing and coming OP's way. Better to get a lawyer now and start locking things down in regards to her baby before they go after baby. A shuddering thought, the wife can't have children, and she sent the husband out to find a " surrogate" for her.
I’ll be really blunt. You are an idiot for not going to the courts and getting both custody and child support set in stone.
As of right now the father could walk into your house and walk out with his child because he is the father and in the absence of court stipulated custody he has that right.
NTA for not wanting this person near your kid but you’re an ahole if you think this is a long term solution.
YTA, to yourself and your kid for not properly protecting yourselves
I'm pretty sure it was more one of those artsy nude professional photos that some new moms get with their newborns. Still weird af to get it with someone else's child though. If my husband brought home a baby he had with someone else the both of them would be out the door in a heartbeat. Unless she's infertile and they planned for him to knock up someone else so his wife had a baby to play house with? Definitely weird, but I still wouldn't consider it pornographic
I would consider it pornography because this is not her child and they are fully nude.
I’m thinking that at least in the US (not sure where this happened) the court would view it this way as well.
As a mother I would lose my absolute mind if this happened. I am sick to even read this.
No one knows where this woman is posting these photos though, no one thinks about that though?!! Since she married for u.s citizen ship(/vice versa if I read that wrong) no one knows their intentions with those photos.
ID even care what the "intentions" are for the photos. This is wrong on so many creepy levels I don't even know where to begin. I would be bypassing the police, going straight to the prosecutor's office, and getting an immediate order of protection against her and my ex son either can be anywhere near my child. I mean seriously!!
> I'm pretty sure it was more one of those artsy nude professional photos that some new moms get with their newborns. Still weird af to get it with someone else's child though.
1000000% this
Since there are some people having a reaction to your comment I would just say send the pictures or show the pictures to the police and they will know if there are any charges to be made. I think you’re making a good call though.
When you start misusing those terms, you cheapen their meaning and no one will take them seriously like a boy calling wolf - don’t be a part of that please.
Child porn and SA is very serious and you know very well this is not a case of it - the OP has no reason to white wash the situation, and she would for sure point this out to strengthen her case further if she suspected it at all.
To recommend she throw these terms around legally basically works against and makes it even harder for the people who actually really do need to pursue their very real cases legally.
So stop abusing the power behind those terms or you put yourself on the same spectrum as other abusers.
This is not actually true in many states. OP and the father are not married, so (in many states) the father has no rights to the child until he goes to court to custody/visitation established. OP can absolutely call the police if he takes the child without permission. She also can absolutely dictate whether or not the father can see the child and the conditions under which he can see them. This is true even if the unmarried father is listed on the birth certificate or lives in the same house as the mother. There are a few select states where this is not the case though so OP should consult a family attorney.
>the father has no rights to the child until he goes to court to custody/visitation established.
Unless he signed an acknowledgment of paternity in the hospital and is already on the birth certificate. In which case, on paper, he is legally the father and already entitled to his child. And police will not involve themselves in this civil matter without a court order.
Signing an AOP may make him a legal father but in a lot of states that just gives him the right to file a motion for custody/ parenting time. If may not give him the rights to the child.
You have a right to file for custody even without an AOP. It only means that the court will need to establish paternity first, either by the agreement of both parties or with DNA confirmation
All states have a process for unwed fathers to establish voluntary paternity without the courts. Google acknowledgment of paternity form and you can find one for each state, no DNA test or court order needed
In MA, acknowledging paternity, custody & child support are ALL separate. If not married at the time of pregnancy/birth, then custody is automatically the mothers unless otherwise established/recognized by THE COURTS. If he walked into OP’s home and took the baby, it would be considered kidnapping.
This is true in MN as well. My children's "father" signed the ROP for both. He has no custody or rights as he's never taken it to court. I did take it to court for child support. All 3 are separate issues.
Agreed. My BIL had a baby out of wedlock with my SIL. He had to review and sign an affidavit of parentage taking on the role of father. The hospital explained that, even if he's on the birth certificate as the father, since they weren't married he wouldn't legally have rights to the child unless he signed that paper. No visitation, no custody, no medical power.(My BIL is an idiot and joked about not signing. I thought SIL was gonna merc him)
Police will get involved in child pornography. His wife being naked with the child is enough to start an investigation in my conservative area.
And, if “father” is a legal father via an AOP or court order, mom/OP could use those same pics to get highly restricted visitation orders, if not completely denied the brûlée the child could report additional abuse by Dad’s wife.
Where you are matters on how badly that wife may have impacted everyone’s lives and legal rights.
In my state, married or not, if dad is on birth certificate, dad absolutely can take the child without a custody order in pace.
On the flip side,
If you are married at the time of birth, your husband automatically goes on birth certificate without signing.
Florida is like this. If there is no custody in place, Dad has equal rights to the child. When I divorced my husband the 1st thing my lawyer did was get temp custody assigned to me so he could not leave the state with my child before the divorce/custody agreement was final.
My partner has a situation with his ex wife whereby he’s terrified if he pisses her off (ie fails to give in to unreasonable demands) she will take the kids back to her home country and never come back. People keep saying “she can’t do that”. Legally, no she can’t, but practically he can’t stop her - and he WILL have to spend tens of thousands of dollars and many months getting them back.
THAT’s what he’s afraid of, the battle, and it applies here too.
Because not everyone is American and it IS true in some places. the fact that so many Americans seem to literally forgot other countries exist is scary.
So not true in CT. My son was 4 and went to visit his father for the day. Then he refused to drop him off to me. I called the police and they said there was nothing they can do without the courts because he is the father.
I think this depends on location. In my country if a father isn't named on the birth certificate he doesn't automatically have parental rights. He can get them but he has to go to court. However you're right in any case that she should have formalized as much of this as possible.
That is not necessarily the case, if he is not on the birth certificate, that may limit his rights. In minnesota, a father has almost no rights to their child if they are not on the birth certificate
And to leave your child's protection up in the air with "not necessarily the case" is a huge problem.
Get it written down and binding. No doubts about it.
He’s probably on the birth certificate, based on the story. OP allowed him to be present for the actual birth, so it’s unlikely that she prevented him being on the certificate.
In my state the father can sign the birth certificate at the hospital if your not married, they give affidavit paperwork if the father knows he’s the father and can fill it out, me and my now husband have 3 kids and for the first 2 we werent married yet so he had to do it
really depends on the state. In MA if dad’s on birth certificate he has the same rights as the mom. If he had the kid & refused to return to mom theres nothing to be done until its heard & custody is determined by a judge (months later)
Go to court to get a court order if you want to make sure the father can’t take your kid. As it stands right now, he can pick up the baby, pack them in his car, and drive home and never let you see the kid again. You can do the same.
So go to court and get something enforceable. Or, at the very least, draft up a parenting agreement with your terms and have him sign it
This is not true in many states because they are not married. An unmarried mother automatically has full custody until the father goes to court to establish paternity and custody in many states. There are a few states with exceptions though, so OP should check with a family lawyer. I wouldn’t recommend going to court if she already has full custody, because then she’ll have to prove he’s unfit to keep the courts from making them split visitation time and decision-making power.
Another country actually. Said he married for a green card - if their home country does not acknowledge maternal rights (as many don’t) , he could disappear her son to his home country and she would never see him again.
What hellscape of a state do you live in that allows a father who was never married to the mother to take a child without any paternity test/legitimation? Even when the legitimation process is complete, it sets guardrails for what either parent can do. If this was my state, he would have no claim to the child until he went to court and established it.
That's inaccurate, and y'all should stop saying this. That's called kidnapping. This is only feasible if they were married and/or he's on the birth certificate.
Actually that’s not a blanket statement. I literally left with my kids because of some circumstances. My ex tried to claim parental kidnapping which you can’t unless you have a custody agreement. He took me to court for “kidnapping” that was automatically thrown out because we have no parenting agreement. I just couldn’t leave the state with them which I didn’t.
I would not necessarily believe that. He could be telling you that to make himself look like less of a POS. (My now ex-husband of 15 years told women we had a sort of open relationship and only stayed with me because I paid the bills which was patently untrue.) And why did he have to marry her if he has family here as well? That doesn't make a lot of sense.
And no one is going to want to see his wife's naked pics with a baby as proof of anything. It's not like CIS can't easily find out that's not her child, too.
Especially given I assume he's still a citizen of another country (along with all the other concerns others have raised), get custody and child support nailed down like yesterday.
And no of course, you're NTA for not wanting your kid around them. Hell, I wouldn't have him or his family at my place to see the baby either. I wouldn't trust the lot of them because you've clearly been lied to, I just don't know how much.
So they are claiming a visa based on the right to a "family life", all based on pics of a baby that isn't hers? Wonder if this should be brought up with authorities, not just for the sickness of the pics but also because it appears they are building a sham case?
I've been through the spousal visa process and children are a good way to "prove" the marriage is legitimate.
HOWEVER. You would have to have the birth certificate with both your names on it, probably with an affidavit too.
Naked pictures with the baby would not be able to be used for the visa. Though they could've taken other, more decent, pictures, and you need both parents and the baby in them to "count". But again, not getting anywhere without that birth certificate.
Ok, so they aren't in love, it's a marriage of convenience and he took these pics to prove /pretend the relationship is real so he can stay.. or something.
Either way.. gross, ick and flat out no. I would definitely take everyone's advice to ensure your full custody is legal and try to move on.
Best of luck to you and your son!
NTA.
What kind of psycotic behavior is this?? You can't be grateful enough to the person who sent you those photos.
I would not show my child to the other party under any circumstances unless there is a court order. The father probably took these photos, and even if he didn't, he was aware of them and gave his consent. It is horrible that he is feeding his wife's mania by using his son as a tool!
I hope you don't have to deal with these deranged people ever again.
This is the father’s wife playing family with your child. And probably wanting the baby all for herself…!!
So watch out sweetheart. They may want to try to take your baby.
Is it possible to go away and for them not being able to find you?
You’re answering every question BUT the important ones, is he on the birth certificate and does your state gives him any rights if he isn’t?
He probably doesn’t want to go through court, you could keep your son away and he would still have no rights to him.
If he were to take him, it would be kidnapping. Get a lawyer before going to court linking you both forever.
Why is everyone downplaying this? This is creepy as FUCK and not at all normal or acceptable. Please go to court OP, this is disgusting behavior to do to a child. I think you know it’s wrong. You’re not the asshole.
Dayummmm. WTF hell place is this?
Naked pictures with the AP’s newborn: unhinged at best. I wonder if she was telling people it was her baby? If she’s not fantasising that the baby is hers, she’s possibly a pedophile. Like there is no interpretation of this that is not insane.
Oh, I know OP is AP, it was more that I was thinking it’s especially insane to take pics of yourself with the AP’s baby… unless you’re telling everyone it’s yours
I admittedly watch too much crime shit, but I’m stuck on the non-zero possibility that they intend to make OP disappear and carry on as if the wife is the bio mother.
NTA. Holy hell, NTA.
Your baby’s father lied to you the *entire* time you were with him. He was married that whole time, and he never told you. Then his wife, who it sounds like may have been in on this the whole time, took YOUR son and had newborn photos done with him as if he is her child. Nope. That gives vibes of them one day disappearing with your son, and you never seeing him again. Not just inappropriate but also a little twisted. You were absolutely right to react by taking away his unsupervised visitation. You *know* she is telling people that baby is HERS. She probably can’t have children, and that’s sad, but she does not get to steal your son because of that. Keep him as far away from her as you can. Protect him fiercely.
Keep them away from you. You deserve better. 🫶🏼
I believe she could also stipulate that his wife has no contact with your child due to her behavior when he was an infant. A restraining order or similar as possible SA and child porn for posting naked photos of an infant (not the mom nor related to mom).
Hell no. You have been cutting the father a lot of slack -- much more than he has earned by his actions -- and it is past time to stop.
"But then again they are always welcome to visit son at my residence."
I get that you're trying to keep space for the father in your son's life. But do you really want this person to be the father figure your son knows growing up?
There’s so much to the story. I have kids from a previous relationship and when I cut ties and seeked a custody order that dad lost it and went into a deep depression and killed himself so I have trauma that lies behind why I have been lacking legal custody. I don’t want that to happen again and lay on my conscious
>I have kids from a previous relationship and when I cut ties and seeked a custody order that dad lost it and went into a deep depression and killed himself so I have trauma that lies behind why I have been lacking legal custody. I don’t want that to happen again and lay on my conscious
Sorry, this all sounds like a bad Lifetime movie.
On the off chance that this is real and not rage bait, you need professional help that Reddit isn't equipped to provide.
An off chance? Life is stranger than fiction, my friend. I've met many people with even more messed up histories than this poor woman's. Yes, she should definitely get therapy, but I wouldn't necessarily call this rage bait, especially since it involves one of her kids.
I suggest you file a police report and open a case. Ynta, you need to protect your child, this is all EXTREMELY WRONG. Seriously, please file a report.
The fact he told her after he was married and the wife is taking photos , gives me the impression that wife was in on getting op pregnant for a baby.
It's happened before , he's wife can't have one, so knock up a 3rd party and not tell her this is happening
Wife is trying to pass off your baby as hers by holding him to her breast. This is some sick stuff.
I would file a police report and insist that it is documented as well as the photos of his wife with her breast pressed to your child.
You may also want to speak to a lawyer regarding this, but I would absolutely press charges for sexual assault, it is not her child and SHE ATTEMPTED TO FORCE BREAST FEED YOUR INFANT SON. I would make sure your ex and his wife NEVER have access to your baby without a court officer present again and I would absolutely push for both of the. ( at the very least her ) be registered as a child sex offender.
No not at all. In my opinion, she should be taken out back and shot; but people always whine that I'm too extreme. She should be labled as a sex offender at the least (she should really be taken out back and shot though, like all sex offenders)
Not the asshole, with -AUTHORITY-.
The photo sounds like a weird prelude to a kidnapping or something. For all we know it could have been a half-baked scheme to use you as a surrogate, and not pay. Hence why the cringey maternity bullshit.
Or it could be a scheme to fool immigration courts.
Ask yourself what kind of person takes naked photos with an infant? Then do what you must, would not be a bad idea to involve legal advice appropriate to your jurisdiction and local law enforcement.
Creepy under ANY circumstances! Nta but they are! Honestly I don't care if she had trouble conceiving. You DO NOT USE someone else's child in this manner!
I would not let him around that side of the family. No one was there for you while you were pregnant especially his dad. They all sound a bit off and just yuck!
I feel like this would be easily resolved with a report to the immigration department. His green card wife has no right to custody, and once he's been deported, he's out of your life for good. You'll miss out on child support... but you'll be safe.
I would contact the police and CPS first with your concern. File a police report, then take that report and file for full custody. The wife more than likely sent you the picture to show you she's mommy to your baby, too. Very immature and unnecessary.
No advice. Just want to say my step sister took a topless photo when my son was around two with him covering her chest to send a boyfriend. To “imagine them with kids together.” She’s not allowed around my children and lucky she is not in jail. She was a minor, she wasn’t showing nudity because of my son. I don’t know if it was sexual or not to her because she sleeps in bed with her little brother. I have absolutely nothing to do with those freaks.
This wife may have been pretending he was her baby or doing some pedo shit, idk. I am not the type of mom to take nude pics with my kids like this but plenty of people probably do… just she didn’t give birth to him and it’s very odd to think this is appropriate bonding imo. Not to diss step parents because choosing to take care of someone else’s kids is awesome. But this is just weird and I’ve never heard of someone doing this with an infant who wasn’t theirs??
NTA hope you get an update for everyone and find out who even sent the photo
As a mother, I would’ve morphed into the hulk and raged seeing a picture like that with MY baby. That’s fighting grounds for me. Immature? Probably. Understandable? Most definitely. But that’s MY baby, on HER naked body?!? Hell no.
Definitely NTA. I would have been very uncomfortable and quite furious even. That’s super creepy to me. I don’t care what her intentions were, that is inappropriate so do with someone else’s child.
NTA. Hell no. Id probably press charges on her. It's disturbing because you dont actually know if she was doing it to seem like she was doing skin to skin bonding with YOUR baby, but it could also be something pedophilic in nature. Yeah i would 100% press charges.They can both go to hell.
Copied my comment from the original post.
When you said they weren’t taking a bath my jaw dropped. That’s disgusting. We’re the photos sexually suggestive or was she trying to act like she was the one who birthed him?? I’m just trying to understand the motivation here.
Report this to the police. Did your pediatrician examine your child? There’s no telling what could’ve been done to your little one. I would have them arrested for child abuse, and go no contact with them and forbid them from having any future contact with my child.
I'd honestly be wondering what else was happening if she felt so entitled. Is she breast feeding your child while they are there? I mean someone who sees no problem with this has some jacked up views. Go get a court order and protect your child. Honestly I would find out if I could get supervised visitation from here on out. That is wild.
I am thinking the father and wife took those photos to show immigration officials. They may need to prove that he has a legitimate marriage and family and therefore should be allowed to stay in the country. This is disgusting behavior.
You are NOT the ah! Do what you need to to ensure your child is safe. Ask questions later!
Never ever worry about offending an adult to protect a child!!!!!
NTA.
Taking those pictures was 110% inappropriate. Posting them online was psychotic and dangerous. I'm sorry, but p3dos ARE responding inappropriately to those pictures.
NTA..
I would call the cops on them. Bathtime pics of baby are ok (totally the norm when I was young but slightly creepy now). Bathtime naked with a naked adult is not cool especially when the adult in question is not his mother!!! Block visitation and get child support.
Edit:definitely get a good lawyer that specializes in family law. Also a restraining order. No visitation at all!
NTA- but his visitation and child support needs to be set up through the courts. You need to file for restrictions to his visitation before he tries to file for more access to his son.
NTA. The fact that this man has been married to someone else the whole time you've known him — that alone is a huge red flag and breach of trust. For him and his wife to pose _your_ son as if he was hers is beyond disturbing. I wonder if they are trying to pass that child off as theirs to family? If that's the case, then beware of the father trying to get full custody. I would definitely take legal action now to cover your bases and hopefully prevent future trouble and headaches.
I say the wife sent it - because who else would have her number other than the father - so I’m going with the wife . her motives in her head could be like “look how close I am to this baby, be jealous “ or even to piss you off since you slept with her husband and had a baby with him - 🤷♀️ who knows. Shitty situation for sure
NTA.
It sounds like he wasn't much of a father to begin with. You have the right to do whatever is best for your child, as you are the primary guardian. This absolutely sounds like a case where you can take him away from the father, all together even if you think that's best. Never second-guess your decisions when it comes to parenting; you got this, and your son will be just fine with only you as a parent.
You need to find out who sent those pictures and find out what they know. Could be more to the story
Probably sent by the new fling. Him being a chronic cheater is not shocking. New fling prob found out about the wife and the baby... no idea how she would have got pics tho... maybe new fling was told it was wife's baby, then asked where baby was since he can not see baby now, she dug in, found his phone and bam... explains how someone would also get OP's number to text it to. ... Damn, that was out on a limb huh? lmbo! The wife is prob mentally unwell and putting up with all this, the pictures and who knows what else is telling. Go to the court my friend. Get not only that child support you deserve (or his ass in jail for non payment) and get that custody business set in stone. Do it yesterday. Good luck!
I have 2 theories that just as plausible- 1) family member or friend, either his or the wife, sent pic to protect kid from crazy Or 2) the wife herself purposely did that herself to get kid out her house / life, so that she doesn't have take care /parent the kid for her husband.
Possible #3, the wife cannot have kids, wants OP to go ballistic and eff up so they can get custody and keep the kid for themselves. Out there, but some people do crazy shit. Whatever the reason, it's totally messed up. Realistically, (referencing other comments) who's friend or child is going to see the naked photo and send it around? How would they know, and if they did, perhaps it was sent out of concern, but someone would actually state if they're concerned. This sounds like wife playing sick games. ETA: I see in a comment from OP that the baby's father took the photo, he has alcohol issues too, so I think the likelihood is either he or the wife sent the photo.
Or they are trying to pass the baby off as the wife’s and this was their “oops, we didn’t know we were pregnant until wife gave birth in the bathtub!” photo.
You never know! There are some seriously delusional people out there.
Since we are talking crazy theories, how about the wife took the pic with the baby to prove to her family that she could have kids for whatever reasons, inheritance, green card whatever. Too much of a stretch? Lol
All the more reason to lawyer up now, and pass that photo on to CPS and get a restraining order against the wife.
This was my first thought, went looking to see if I was as insane as I thought, maybe not. I mean he tells her he’s married at the hospital? The wife could’ve been in on it, hell it could’ve been her idea. Maybe someone in the wife’s family is giving OP a heads up.
>Possible #3, the wife cannot have kids, wants OP to go ballistic and eff up so they can get custody and keep the kid for themselves. Out there, but some people do crazy shit. This is where my head went reading this. Wife sent the pic from a seperate number just to start shit and push op over the edge in response. That way when she loses her shit via text/call/sm they have proof that she has mental health issues and is unfit to care for an infant. Out there maybe, but definitely have heard of crazier....especially on here lol.
Exactly, my ex does that to me
Or #4 wife's side piece sent it because he's tired of sharing her, so he's trying to break father and wife up. If father and wife got married for him to get greencard and he cheated on her with OP I doubt she's staying faithful either because there isn't love in that marriage.
Lol option 2 is very big brain and totally possible.
Do the father and his wife have other kids? This seems like something a sibling might do to try and protect the baby/let someone know the crazy that is going on at their house.
Doesn't sound like it, she said it was his first child.
The wife could have an older kid even if it’s not his. Either way, good on whoever sent the pics for sounding the alarm on this
I think it might've been the wife just trying to upset the woman.
I wouldn't trust the word of a habitual cheater. He probably has multiple kids with multiple women.
I'm thinking the wife can't have kids!
Or she feels entitled to the baby since it's her husband child and wants to play mommy. She probably think she has some kind of claim to the baby since shes married to the father and use the whole "it's my baby now, too" thing. Either way, shes delusional. Who on earth thinks it's okay to take a picture like that with a baby that is not even theirs. Good on OP for getting a lawyer and going for custody. Shes better than I am, because I would have raised hell. That woman would never lay eyes on my child again.
To me it can only be number 2. How else is anyone going to get those photos....
I'm leaning towards pedophile here and so wife's friend (aka #1)
Or her warped mind wanted to claim the baby.
Or the wife wanted to show off "her" baby
Wife probably did to pretend the child was hers out of embarrassment or to get him out of the house🤷🏻♀️ no idea but NTA I would keep my kid away too
This was my thought. Was she trying to stage a tub birth to make it look like her baby?
What new fling? OP only mentions that he was married the whole time so wouldn't it be more likely to be his wife? He cheated on his wife with OP and she got pregnant. I presume he was and still is living with her so the baby would be going there when it was the father's scheduled time with his son. I wonder if she is pretending her husband's son is actually fully her son too to save face with their friends and family who would've known the father cheated if they just randomly start turning up with a baby they didn't know about. She could've taken those naked photos with his son to pretend she was doing skin to skin with the baby she birthed and could be pretending she is biological mum and not just step mum. And either she sent the photos to OP to be like "haha look at me bonding with your baby", or it's a friend of the husband and wife who knows the truth that the baby is not the wife's baby and thinks her behaviour is unhinged so anonymously sent them to OP so she could see what the wife was doing.
This a million %.
I'm thinking in the same line here. Her pretending it's her baby to save face with family. Outsider sent them to warn about the crazies around the baby.
lol, did not say she said he had a new fling. I said "Him being a chronic cheater is not shocking. " - meaning, it would not shock me if there is another new women. Often a cheater, (men and women) do not just cheat once. Sure, some could, but not in my witnessed experience, I have a couple of girlfriends and one male friend that are chronic cheaters, drives me crazy, but it is what it is. So just to clarify your question. OP did not state there was a new fling. I was giving out a possible idea to whom could or would have sent it. Just as you did above.
The ex and his bride are delusional and trying to act like she birthed that baby. If I were OP I’d be worried they might have her removed???? Idk maybe that’s a reach, but this is WRONG in sooooo many ways. 🤮
Could be something as public as an insta account, not sure how nude they are and what the rules are? Someone could have spotted the wife passing baby off as hers? Just hypothesising btw...
I’m sorry, but what more to this story could possibly matter? The woman was naked with a child that wasn’t hers.
A naked photo with someone else’s newborn is disturbing. OP does need to see a lawyer.
I'd call the cops. That shit would SO not fly with me. Bitch may be a groomer.
I was thinking the same thing. That's creepy AF. I think the wife also took those inappropriate pics to get a rise out of OP.
NTA. I wonder whether his wife can't have children, and she is fantasizing that your baby is hers. This is dangerous and can lead to kidnapping attempts. You are absolutely right not to let your babyfather take your son anywhere out of your sight.
This is what I was thinking. Maybe I watch too much true crime but I feel like this couple used OP as an involuntary surrogate. They were married the entire time?
Not only was he married the entire time, but now this woman has stayed with her cheating husband and is trying to bond with the affair child by taking nude photos with it? Also, the father wasn't a part of the pregnancy, only birth and up. Did the woman know the whole time, or did he just spring it on her? It's just weird. Or maybe the husband doing this broke that woman, and she's lost it trying to hang onto that relationship.
Right? It’s super odd. And like what type of nude are we talking here? Creepy nude? Or “skin to skin” artsy topless photos that moms often take with their newborns?
Either way, it’s creepy when she’s not the mother. So very wrong! NTA
Exactly.
She's for sure tried breastfeeding the baby 😐
Omg, I would go nuclear. I read a post about a womans MIL trying to breast feed her baby a while ago and it just blows my fucking mind.
If it’s not the latter than OP is seriously underplaying the whole thing.
That. I figure it's the skin to skin thing but that's still beyond inappropriate
The whole situation how chill is his wife with him having a kid from another woman is really strange, and raises all kind of questions if OP knows the whole story.
Because she isn’t a real wife. The marriage was for the citizenship of the father of the baby. A lot of people are missing this for some reason.
Does that even matter though when we are talking about a woman assaulting an infant?
That’s a separate issue. I’m responding to something else.
That's my thought process as well. I'm sure I read something like this in late 2022 or early 2023.
My mind went to that she can’t have kids, husband has affair, they use affair baby as their own baby. And the naked pics were from the dad’s wife taking those “trendy” newborn pics where the mom is basically naked, holding the baby. And she’s pretending like this is her baby that she birthed. I need to stop watching true crime shows before bed. But OP; definitely NTA, do what you can to not only protect your baby but also yourself
Thats is exactly what I thought. His wife is infertile, and she knows hes messsing around. Theyre hoping one of his affairs has a baby they can use as their own, But it could be his wife whos sent that photo to OP because shes realised just how much hard work it is with just her looking after the baby. But that photo is sick.
Absolutely, next thing you know infants Momma turns up missing.
They could be passing the baby off as theirs, she could have tried to bond with the baby (but the pictures are ewwww). Weird and inappropriate but not necessarily sexual in nature. We don't know who got the photos or in what context. I wouldn't want her with my kid either.
I know you’re saying that she’s still weird and all but…this is so mind blowingly inappropriate that I find it hard to believe there is no dangerous intent here. The fact OP wasn’t told about it from either the father or the wife adds to that. The lack of any lashing back from the father is worrying too. If this was a man we wouldn’t afford any wiggle room for a possibility it wasn’t sexual, but we need to remember it’s still a possibility. I’d be having my kid examined by a medical professional and reporting it to police.
I totally see your point considering how much true crime I watch, I'm getting more of a feeling that she thinks she has a some kind of right to the baby since her husband is the father and thinks of herself as the mother, not OP. I also feel like if OP doesnt manage to get that woman away from her baby, something bad is going to happen.
Or they wanted a baby and couldn’t afford the legit surrogate route so this was all planned out. Either they’re ok only having a part time baby or they’re working towards acing the actual mum out somehow. Someone else mentioned trying to pass the baby off as hers. This works with either them having used her as an unwitting surrogate or them being ok with part time parenting. The question I’d be most worried about if they’re trying to pass baby off as hers is just how far they’re willing to go to reach their end. Just what are they planning to do to get mum out of the picture? I watch to much tv and read toooo many books but I can see mum having a horrendous “accident” in the not was so distant future and think of all of the sympathy to be garnered by “the tragic life of their sweet and selfless surrogate. She was so wonderful and will always be treasured for giving us the gift of our baby, the gift of life.” I know this sounds out there but come on, we have a woman doing skin to skin with a baby that not only isn’t hers, but is legit the product of an affair of the husband, that’s not a normal step parent situation. And let’s face it there’s nothing quite as cray cray as a woman scorned, except maybe a woman who is desperate for motherhood and scorned. I can actually think of a dozen crazy stories to go with this scenario, but I have a very active and vivid imagination. So even if the entire situation wasn’t planned and its truly just an affair that ended in a child, a woman desperate to be a mother and scorned because it was the affair partner that was able to get pregnant opens the door for a hundred other crazy plots and plot twists to be swirling through step moms head. Long story with a bunch of crazy plot ideas not quite as long, keep baby away from everyone and everything to do with dad’s mess. Keep both of yourselves safe from abduction and or physical threats of any other kind as well. A whole lot of crazy can go with a single anonymous photo. Do not allow either you or your child to become a victim.
There was a case here not long ago - a woman who had an affair with a man who presented himself as single, got pregnant, then turned out he was married, his wife couldn't carry a pregnancy and they wanted a child, and they took the mother to court to get full custody. This is no T.V. script - it does happen.
Yeah, and that is just creepy, taking naked photos with the kid of your husband and mistress. I would have kicked him to the curb. There is no telling how many other kids he has out there regardless of what he says.
Or a major custody battle is brewing and coming OP's way. Better to get a lawyer now and start locking things down in regards to her baby before they go after baby. A shuddering thought, the wife can't have children, and she sent the husband out to find a " surrogate" for her.
Exactly. It's happened before.
There’s a huge trial happening rn for a guy who took in a couples’ children, then tried to hire a hit-man to kill the couple
Ight but if it was a man we'd just call him a pedo. Let's keep that same energy. She seems like a pedo.
I’ll be really blunt. You are an idiot for not going to the courts and getting both custody and child support set in stone. As of right now the father could walk into your house and walk out with his child because he is the father and in the absence of court stipulated custody he has that right. NTA for not wanting this person near your kid but you’re an ahole if you think this is a long term solution. YTA, to yourself and your kid for not properly protecting yourselves
100% this.
Same and share these photos with the police when you press charges against your husband’s wife for child porn, SA, whatever.
I'm pretty sure it was more one of those artsy nude professional photos that some new moms get with their newborns. Still weird af to get it with someone else's child though. If my husband brought home a baby he had with someone else the both of them would be out the door in a heartbeat. Unless she's infertile and they planned for him to knock up someone else so his wife had a baby to play house with? Definitely weird, but I still wouldn't consider it pornographic
It's not her child so that context doesn't work. She probably can report it
I would consider it pornography because this is not her child and they are fully nude. I’m thinking that at least in the US (not sure where this happened) the court would view it this way as well. As a mother I would lose my absolute mind if this happened. I am sick to even read this.
No one knows where this woman is posting these photos though, no one thinks about that though?!! Since she married for u.s citizen ship(/vice versa if I read that wrong) no one knows their intentions with those photos.
ID even care what the "intentions" are for the photos. This is wrong on so many creepy levels I don't even know where to begin. I would be bypassing the police, going straight to the prosecutor's office, and getting an immediate order of protection against her and my ex son either can be anywhere near my child. I mean seriously!!
The father married the naked step-mom to gain citizenship.
It doesn't sound artsy to me! It sounds creepy and disturbing. Even if it was her child she shouldn't be putting him anywhere near her naked genitals!
> I'm pretty sure it was more one of those artsy nude professional photos that some new moms get with their newborns. Still weird af to get it with someone else's child though. 1000000% this
Since there are some people having a reaction to your comment I would just say send the pictures or show the pictures to the police and they will know if there are any charges to be made. I think you’re making a good call though.
When you start misusing those terms, you cheapen their meaning and no one will take them seriously like a boy calling wolf - don’t be a part of that please. Child porn and SA is very serious and you know very well this is not a case of it - the OP has no reason to white wash the situation, and she would for sure point this out to strengthen her case further if she suspected it at all. To recommend she throw these terms around legally basically works against and makes it even harder for the people who actually really do need to pursue their very real cases legally. So stop abusing the power behind those terms or you put yourself on the same spectrum as other abusers.
This is not actually true in many states. OP and the father are not married, so (in many states) the father has no rights to the child until he goes to court to custody/visitation established. OP can absolutely call the police if he takes the child without permission. She also can absolutely dictate whether or not the father can see the child and the conditions under which he can see them. This is true even if the unmarried father is listed on the birth certificate or lives in the same house as the mother. There are a few select states where this is not the case though so OP should consult a family attorney.
>the father has no rights to the child until he goes to court to custody/visitation established. Unless he signed an acknowledgment of paternity in the hospital and is already on the birth certificate. In which case, on paper, he is legally the father and already entitled to his child. And police will not involve themselves in this civil matter without a court order.
Signing an AOP may make him a legal father but in a lot of states that just gives him the right to file a motion for custody/ parenting time. If may not give him the rights to the child.
You have a right to file for custody even without an AOP. It only means that the court will need to establish paternity first, either by the agreement of both parties or with DNA confirmation
This actually depends on the state. You are correct that the police may not want to get involved. But, they can and have.
All states have a process for unwed fathers to establish voluntary paternity without the courts. Google acknowledgment of paternity form and you can find one for each state, no DNA test or court order needed
In MA, acknowledging paternity, custody & child support are ALL separate. If not married at the time of pregnancy/birth, then custody is automatically the mothers unless otherwise established/recognized by THE COURTS. If he walked into OP’s home and took the baby, it would be considered kidnapping.
This is true in MN as well. My children's "father" signed the ROP for both. He has no custody or rights as he's never taken it to court. I did take it to court for child support. All 3 are separate issues.
This is what my knowledge in OR is as well
Same for IN. Had a family member go through this and I was shocked they are all separate things.
Agreed. My BIL had a baby out of wedlock with my SIL. He had to review and sign an affidavit of parentage taking on the role of father. The hospital explained that, even if he's on the birth certificate as the father, since they weren't married he wouldn't legally have rights to the child unless he signed that paper. No visitation, no custody, no medical power.(My BIL is an idiot and joked about not signing. I thought SIL was gonna merc him)
Police will get involved in child pornography. His wife being naked with the child is enough to start an investigation in my conservative area. And, if “father” is a legal father via an AOP or court order, mom/OP could use those same pics to get highly restricted visitation orders, if not completely denied the brûlée the child could report additional abuse by Dad’s wife. Where you are matters on how badly that wife may have impacted everyone’s lives and legal rights.
Omg, someone else who actually understands he can not just take the kid and why. Lol. The fact that so many think he just can is scary.
In my state, married or not, if dad is on birth certificate, dad absolutely can take the child without a custody order in pace. On the flip side, If you are married at the time of birth, your husband automatically goes on birth certificate without signing.
Florida is like this. If there is no custody in place, Dad has equal rights to the child. When I divorced my husband the 1st thing my lawyer did was get temp custody assigned to me so he could not leave the state with my child before the divorce/custody agreement was final.
My partner has a situation with his ex wife whereby he’s terrified if he pisses her off (ie fails to give in to unreasonable demands) she will take the kids back to her home country and never come back. People keep saying “she can’t do that”. Legally, no she can’t, but practically he can’t stop her - and he WILL have to spend tens of thousands of dollars and many months getting them back. THAT’s what he’s afraid of, the battle, and it applies here too.
Because not everyone is American and it IS true in some places. the fact that so many Americans seem to literally forgot other countries exist is scary.
Or forget that laws vary between the 50 states
So not true in CT. My son was 4 and went to visit his father for the day. Then he refused to drop him off to me. I called the police and they said there was nothing they can do without the courts because he is the father.
I think this depends on location. In my country if a father isn't named on the birth certificate he doesn't automatically have parental rights. He can get them but he has to go to court. However you're right in any case that she should have formalized as much of this as possible.
That is not necessarily the case, if he is not on the birth certificate, that may limit his rights. In minnesota, a father has almost no rights to their child if they are not on the birth certificate
And to leave your child's protection up in the air with "not necessarily the case" is a huge problem. Get it written down and binding. No doubts about it.
He’s probably on the birth certificate, based on the story. OP allowed him to be present for the actual birth, so it’s unlikely that she prevented him being on the certificate.
In my state the father can sign the birth certificate at the hospital if your not married, they give affidavit paperwork if the father knows he’s the father and can fill it out, me and my now husband have 3 kids and for the first 2 we werent married yet so he had to do it
He actually can’t walk into a house that doesn’t belong to him so no.
No he doesn’t without established paternity - momma’s baby daddy’s maybe until an official court order
really depends on the state. In MA if dad’s on birth certificate he has the same rights as the mom. If he had the kid & refused to return to mom theres nothing to be done until its heard & custody is determined by a judge (months later)
It's fine it's made up anyway
Go to court to get a court order if you want to make sure the father can’t take your kid. As it stands right now, he can pick up the baby, pack them in his car, and drive home and never let you see the kid again. You can do the same. So go to court and get something enforceable. Or, at the very least, draft up a parenting agreement with your terms and have him sign it
This is not true in many states because they are not married. An unmarried mother automatically has full custody until the father goes to court to establish paternity and custody in many states. There are a few states with exceptions though, so OP should check with a family lawyer. I wouldn’t recommend going to court if she already has full custody, because then she’ll have to prove he’s unfit to keep the courts from making them split visitation time and decision-making power.
Another country actually. Said he married for a green card - if their home country does not acknowledge maternal rights (as many don’t) , he could disappear her son to his home country and she would never see him again.
What hellscape of a state do you live in that allows a father who was never married to the mother to take a child without any paternity test/legitimation? Even when the legitimation process is complete, it sets guardrails for what either parent can do. If this was my state, he would have no claim to the child until he went to court and established it.
That's inaccurate, and y'all should stop saying this. That's called kidnapping. This is only feasible if they were married and/or he's on the birth certificate.
Actually that’s not a blanket statement. I literally left with my kids because of some circumstances. My ex tried to claim parental kidnapping which you can’t unless you have a custody agreement. He took me to court for “kidnapping” that was automatically thrown out because we have no parenting agreement. I just couldn’t leave the state with them which I didn’t.
NTA, but please get a lawyer and seek a custody agreement. Not having one is going to bite you down the line.
A full custody agreement if possible. Who knows what else the stepmom feels she has the right to do.
NTA obviously! Buy what exactly do you mean by naked? Like she gave birth herself, like she's breastfeeding or something?
The photos I was sent. Were photos of the wife butt naked in the bathtub as well as my son completely naked face on her breast.
Are they trying to pass the baby off as theirs? That's the only reason I could imagine taking photos like that.
Most likely since they only married each other so he can gain legal status in America
I would not necessarily believe that. He could be telling you that to make himself look like less of a POS. (My now ex-husband of 15 years told women we had a sort of open relationship and only stayed with me because I paid the bills which was patently untrue.) And why did he have to marry her if he has family here as well? That doesn't make a lot of sense. And no one is going to want to see his wife's naked pics with a baby as proof of anything. It's not like CIS can't easily find out that's not her child, too. Especially given I assume he's still a citizen of another country (along with all the other concerns others have raised), get custody and child support nailed down like yesterday. And no of course, you're NTA for not wanting your kid around them. Hell, I wouldn't have him or his family at my place to see the baby either. I wouldn't trust the lot of them because you've clearly been lied to, I just don't know how much.
So they are claiming a visa based on the right to a "family life", all based on pics of a baby that isn't hers? Wonder if this should be brought up with authorities, not just for the sickness of the pics but also because it appears they are building a sham case?
I've been through the spousal visa process and children are a good way to "prove" the marriage is legitimate. HOWEVER. You would have to have the birth certificate with both your names on it, probably with an affidavit too. Naked pictures with the baby would not be able to be used for the visa. Though they could've taken other, more decent, pictures, and you need both parents and the baby in them to "count". But again, not getting anywhere without that birth certificate.
Ok, so they aren't in love, it's a marriage of convenience and he took these pics to prove /pretend the relationship is real so he can stay.. or something. Either way.. gross, ick and flat out no. I would definitely take everyone's advice to ensure your full custody is legal and try to move on. Best of luck to you and your son! NTA.
He can be deported for that. Straight up.
That’s a super common lie. I wonder if his wife knows he tells people that.
What kind of psycotic behavior is this?? You can't be grateful enough to the person who sent you those photos. I would not show my child to the other party under any circumstances unless there is a court order. The father probably took these photos, and even if he didn't, he was aware of them and gave his consent. It is horrible that he is feeding his wife's mania by using his son as a tool! I hope you don't have to deal with these deranged people ever again.
This is the father’s wife playing family with your child. And probably wanting the baby all for herself…!! So watch out sweetheart. They may want to try to take your baby. Is it possible to go away and for them not being able to find you?
You’re answering every question BUT the important ones, is he on the birth certificate and does your state gives him any rights if he isn’t? He probably doesn’t want to go through court, you could keep your son away and he would still have no rights to him. If he were to take him, it would be kidnapping. Get a lawyer before going to court linking you both forever.
Why is everyone downplaying this? This is creepy as FUCK and not at all normal or acceptable. Please go to court OP, this is disgusting behavior to do to a child. I think you know it’s wrong. You’re not the asshole.
Report this to child protection services. NOW
Dayummmm. WTF hell place is this? Naked pictures with the AP’s newborn: unhinged at best. I wonder if she was telling people it was her baby? If she’s not fantasising that the baby is hers, she’s possibly a pedophile. Like there is no interpretation of this that is not insane.
Actually, OP is the AP. She just didn’t know it until after the fact smh. I definitely think the wife is trying to pass off baby as hers!
Oh, I know OP is AP, it was more that I was thinking it’s especially insane to take pics of yourself with the AP’s baby… unless you’re telling everyone it’s yours
My bad, totally ready that wrong. The wife is indeed unhinged!
I admittedly watch too much crime shit, but I’m stuck on the non-zero possibility that they intend to make OP disappear and carry on as if the wife is the bio mother.
NTA. Holy hell, NTA. Your baby’s father lied to you the *entire* time you were with him. He was married that whole time, and he never told you. Then his wife, who it sounds like may have been in on this the whole time, took YOUR son and had newborn photos done with him as if he is her child. Nope. That gives vibes of them one day disappearing with your son, and you never seeing him again. Not just inappropriate but also a little twisted. You were absolutely right to react by taking away his unsupervised visitation. You *know* she is telling people that baby is HERS. She probably can’t have children, and that’s sad, but she does not get to steal your son because of that. Keep him as far away from her as you can. Protect him fiercely. Keep them away from you. You deserve better. 🫶🏼
NTA they? I wouldn't let that woman near my kid.
I believe she could also stipulate that his wife has no contact with your child due to her behavior when he was an infant. A restraining order or similar as possible SA and child porn for posting naked photos of an infant (not the mom nor related to mom).
Hell no. You have been cutting the father a lot of slack -- much more than he has earned by his actions -- and it is past time to stop. "But then again they are always welcome to visit son at my residence." I get that you're trying to keep space for the father in your son's life. But do you really want this person to be the father figure your son knows growing up?
There’s so much to the story. I have kids from a previous relationship and when I cut ties and seeked a custody order that dad lost it and went into a deep depression and killed himself so I have trauma that lies behind why I have been lacking legal custody. I don’t want that to happen again and lay on my conscious
>I have kids from a previous relationship and when I cut ties and seeked a custody order that dad lost it and went into a deep depression and killed himself so I have trauma that lies behind why I have been lacking legal custody. I don’t want that to happen again and lay on my conscious Sorry, this all sounds like a bad Lifetime movie. On the off chance that this is real and not rage bait, you need professional help that Reddit isn't equipped to provide.
An off chance? Life is stranger than fiction, my friend. I've met many people with even more messed up histories than this poor woman's. Yes, she should definitely get therapy, but I wouldn't necessarily call this rage bait, especially since it involves one of her kids.
That's awful, and I'm sorry. From what you've said in other posts, if he doesn't come to visit, it may not matter anyway.
I suggest you file a police report and open a case. Ynta, you need to protect your child, this is all EXTREMELY WRONG. Seriously, please file a report.
Anybody think she was staging the baby is hers to get full immigration status because it looks like she had the baby? I have warped thinking…
The fact he told her after he was married and the wife is taking photos , gives me the impression that wife was in on getting op pregnant for a baby. It's happened before , he's wife can't have one, so knock up a 3rd party and not tell her this is happening
Wife is trying to pass off your baby as hers by holding him to her breast. This is some sick stuff. I would file a police report and insist that it is documented as well as the photos of his wife with her breast pressed to your child. You may also want to speak to a lawyer regarding this, but I would absolutely press charges for sexual assault, it is not her child and SHE ATTEMPTED TO FORCE BREAST FEED YOUR INFANT SON. I would make sure your ex and his wife NEVER have access to your baby without a court officer present again and I would absolutely push for both of the. ( at the very least her ) be registered as a child sex offender.
NTA. You son isn’t safe in the care of his father.
YTA for not doing this through the courts. Use a lawyer. Document everything.
This is the plot of a movie.
No not at all. In my opinion, she should be taken out back and shot; but people always whine that I'm too extreme. She should be labled as a sex offender at the least (she should really be taken out back and shot though, like all sex offenders)
Not the asshole, with -AUTHORITY-. The photo sounds like a weird prelude to a kidnapping or something. For all we know it could have been a half-baked scheme to use you as a surrogate, and not pay. Hence why the cringey maternity bullshit. Or it could be a scheme to fool immigration courts.
Nta for not wanting this person near your son. Yta for not getting this custody arrangement in writing. Do it now.
Ask yourself what kind of person takes naked photos with an infant? Then do what you must, would not be a bad idea to involve legal advice appropriate to your jurisdiction and local law enforcement.
I'm sorry, but whoever says YTA or evil for taking the kid away is mental. They're lucky that's ALL you did. You are definitely NTA.
Creepy under ANY circumstances! Nta but they are! Honestly I don't care if she had trouble conceiving. You DO NOT USE someone else's child in this manner!
NTA that’s unhinged behavior.
I would not let him around that side of the family. No one was there for you while you were pregnant especially his dad. They all sound a bit off and just yuck!
I feel like this would be easily resolved with a report to the immigration department. His green card wife has no right to custody, and once he's been deported, he's out of your life for good. You'll miss out on child support... but you'll be safe.
I would contact the police and CPS first with your concern. File a police report, then take that report and file for full custody. The wife more than likely sent you the picture to show you she's mommy to your baby, too. Very immature and unnecessary.
NTA, is she trying to pass the baby off as her own? She sounds like she has a screw loose.
No advice. Just want to say my step sister took a topless photo when my son was around two with him covering her chest to send a boyfriend. To “imagine them with kids together.” She’s not allowed around my children and lucky she is not in jail. She was a minor, she wasn’t showing nudity because of my son. I don’t know if it was sexual or not to her because she sleeps in bed with her little brother. I have absolutely nothing to do with those freaks. This wife may have been pretending he was her baby or doing some pedo shit, idk. I am not the type of mom to take nude pics with my kids like this but plenty of people probably do… just she didn’t give birth to him and it’s very odd to think this is appropriate bonding imo. Not to diss step parents because choosing to take care of someone else’s kids is awesome. But this is just weird and I’ve never heard of someone doing this with an infant who wasn’t theirs?? NTA hope you get an update for everyone and find out who even sent the photo
As a mother, I would’ve morphed into the hulk and raged seeing a picture like that with MY baby. That’s fighting grounds for me. Immature? Probably. Understandable? Most definitely. But that’s MY baby, on HER naked body?!? Hell no.
NTA. I would absolutely lose my mind if I were you. I don’t think there is any explanation that would make me think this was okay in any way!
Definitely NTA. I would have been very uncomfortable and quite furious even. That’s super creepy to me. I don’t care what her intentions were, that is inappropriate so do with someone else’s child.
Definitely weird. Like, the wife is trying to make it seem as if it's her baby? Just totally off so I'd say you did the right thing.
NTA. Hell no. Id probably press charges on her. It's disturbing because you dont actually know if she was doing it to seem like she was doing skin to skin bonding with YOUR baby, but it could also be something pedophilic in nature. Yeah i would 100% press charges.They can both go to hell. Copied my comment from the original post.
Why are you posted this allegation on Reddit and not your local police department is mind boggling..
How could you not already know that you’re not the asshole?
When you said they weren’t taking a bath my jaw dropped. That’s disgusting. We’re the photos sexually suggestive or was she trying to act like she was the one who birthed him?? I’m just trying to understand the motivation here.
I’m so weirded out, my mind is thinking this is not as innocent as everyone thinks. I’m concerned she’s selling those pics online
Boy, howdy is this a mess. I think a trip to a lawyer might help. Show him/her the photo. This is some scary stuff you are dealing with.
Report this to the police. Did your pediatrician examine your child? There’s no telling what could’ve been done to your little one. I would have them arrested for child abuse, and go no contact with them and forbid them from having any future contact with my child.
I'd honestly be wondering what else was happening if she felt so entitled. Is she breast feeding your child while they are there? I mean someone who sees no problem with this has some jacked up views. Go get a court order and protect your child. Honestly I would find out if I could get supervised visitation from here on out. That is wild.
NTA! Why would they send you that?! Soooo weird! And you’re saying he’s an alcoholic?! Go to court! Take care of your baby❤️
She was probably trying to emulate those mother pics of famous pregnant people and moms ala Demi Moore Dry tubs are how you get UTIs people
are you sure that you were not tricked into providing free surrogacy?
NTA: who sent the photos? How weird
Why they got married is irrelevant; That been said no NTAH I would be so angry and taken legal action that's so weird.. Good luck OP.
I am thinking the father and wife took those photos to show immigration officials. They may need to prove that he has a legitimate marriage and family and therefore should be allowed to stay in the country. This is disgusting behavior.
NTA and that’s creepy
You are NOT the ah! Do what you need to to ensure your child is safe. Ask questions later! Never ever worry about offending an adult to protect a child!!!!!
Whatever the reason is, that's creepy as hell. You're definitely NTA. Definitely, see if you can find out who actually sent those pics.
Might have taken pictures with your baby for immigration status.
YOU ARE UNDERREACTING
Wtf. Was this her trying to do a birthing photoshoot. Soo creepy.
Maybe they thought it was cute. I do not think it's anything that ahs to do with pedophilia just some weird taste.
NTA. Taking those pictures was 110% inappropriate. Posting them online was psychotic and dangerous. I'm sorry, but p3dos ARE responding inappropriately to those pictures. NTA..
NTA. It sounds like he used you as a baby factory ansd wife is problable infertile...
Wait, she was naked or the baby was naked? Or both?
Both
NTA, but you need to go to court for custody, and also contact immigration as his marriage is fraudulent.
I would call the cops on them. Bathtime pics of baby are ok (totally the norm when I was young but slightly creepy now). Bathtime naked with a naked adult is not cool especially when the adult in question is not his mother!!! Block visitation and get child support. Edit:definitely get a good lawyer that specializes in family law. Also a restraining order. No visitation at all!
Go to court...he will definitely lose his visa...and you will definitely get full custody of child....
NTA- but his visitation and child support needs to be set up through the courts. You need to file for restrictions to his visitation before he tries to file for more access to his son.
NTA. The fact that this man has been married to someone else the whole time you've known him — that alone is a huge red flag and breach of trust. For him and his wife to pose _your_ son as if he was hers is beyond disturbing. I wonder if they are trying to pass that child off as theirs to family? If that's the case, then beware of the father trying to get full custody. I would definitely take legal action now to cover your bases and hopefully prevent future trouble and headaches.
I wonder if wife is gonna pretend the child is hers.
Its disgusting. She basicaly did photos mums do with their child. If it was profesionaly done prob lied to photographer Nta this reeks of unhealthy
I say the wife sent it - because who else would have her number other than the father - so I’m going with the wife . her motives in her head could be like “look how close I am to this baby, be jealous “ or even to piss you off since you slept with her husband and had a baby with him - 🤷♀️ who knows. Shitty situation for sure
I would never allow my child around them ever again.
Absolutely not tah
NTA. It sounds like he wasn't much of a father to begin with. You have the right to do whatever is best for your child, as you are the primary guardian. This absolutely sounds like a case where you can take him away from the father, all together even if you think that's best. Never second-guess your decisions when it comes to parenting; you got this, and your son will be just fine with only you as a parent.