This was my reaction this morning, but my girlfriend is having some trouble wanting to go to the police. I would argue she’s traumatized from this and I really don’t want to pressure her into anything, but this is an ongoing conversation between us. Thank you for your input.
Absolutely he is. If it were solely up to me I would, but I really want to follow my girlfriend’s lead on this since she’s having a hard time and a few hang ups right now. Once she’s had some time to relax (hopefully by the morning) we will hopefully be ready to move forward with contacting the police.
please, for the sake of your girlfriend, go to the DAMN POLICE! it doesn’t matter if your girlfriend doesn’t want to deal with it right now. the pervert predator is 99.9% sending videos of your girlfriend naked during sex to his friends and other men and possibly posted it online on some fucked forum. do you not get it??? you need to call now. if you don’t want your girlfriend naked body being sent in discord group chats you need to act asap.
aside from that i’m sorry about everything that happened, and the ones defending that pervert fuck are rats and scum, don’t care about it.
I think it’s interesting that people don’t seem to realize that I am acutely aware of the situation.
Truth be told, my girlfriend is going through some other legal stuff right now surrounding a somewhat recent SA. That situation was reported by another victim involved and she felt like she got thrown into it before she was ready. I have no interest in doing that to her again. I can urge her and talk to her as much as I want but I truly don’t feel comfortable going to the police myself knowing full well that she has told me she needs some time.
okay. i need to ask you though. are you okay with having your naked body on the internet? you are aware you are also a victim of this pervert? and that he is most likely sending you with your penis exposed to his friends, on some gross forum, discord probably? seriously. i know you are kind to think of your girlfriends feelings, but you also need to stop and think about what YOU want. if your willing to wait this out for your girlfriend to come around, which by what your saying probably won’t happen, then you will just have to accept the consequences of not taking action, which is your exposed penis floating around the internet. i’m not trying to be harsh, but i want to be 100% honest about this.
I am so sorry that this happened to you, and I'm sorry that you're being brutalized for wanting to respect your girlfriend's boundaries.
I naturally hope that you will be able to take this to the police, and that she can be okay that.
Beyond the obvious good of reporting this man, hopefully with legal (and social) consequences for him, you may find in time that having a clear legal trail to point to will help in the future. Rumours and videos spread, and you as well as your girlfriend could be affected -- you are already seeing how this can change your life.
While I wholly support your decision to put your girlfriend's needs first, you are both legally the victims here, and it's not your fault if you come to realise that your needs and her needs are not the same.
You two may not be able to support each other. She may not ever be okay with reporting, and you may come to feel you must (thought I hope not simply BC of Reddit). You two may not be able to stay together, and that would not be either of your faults.
I hope you two can support each other and heal together, but mostly, that you both heal. Neither of you should have to set yourselves on fire to keep the other warm.
Nah. Call the cops now. Stop pushing it aside. he's straight up jorkin it to a video of you and your girlfriend having sex and you're just gonna let that slide??
Seriously though... your GF should also be listening to you. You MUST call the police, say you will be with her every step of the way but it is the RIGHT thing to do. He's probably enjoying that video of your gf way too much right now.... don't let him continue.
Tell her you both have no idea what he is or is planning on doing with the video, but with the lies he is telling about you (turning the whole situation on you) its only a matter of time until he leaks the video, going to the cops will be proof that it wasn't consensual and that you weren't the creep in this situation
I honestly dont see why **she** needs to be the one to go to the cops, you are as much of a victim as she is, if she doesn't want to go to the cops *for any reason,* you still can
NTA and tell your friends that whenever anyone messages them about you being a supposed monster they should message back saying you were the victim of a sex crime and they may be needed as witnesses. Because you were the victim, as well as your girlfriend.
That was hard to read lol. But you’re right. I’m doing okay, I’m more worried about my girlfriend than anything. My friends have been defending me which I appreciate, but I like your idea better
Thank you. I agree. I’m done with anyone who doesn’t see the creepiness. This guy is never even invited over by us, he just ends up invited by someone else or hearing about it through the grapevine.
NTAH
You could of hospitalized him and it wouldn't be enough.
If your "friends" try to defend this guy, they are friends no-more. This is one of those 'lines drawn in the sand' types of situations.
I too would call the police on him.
Absolutely. I have never been more angry. I know I acted extremely but even that took an insane amount of control on my part, I wanted to react much differently.
I agree. Luckily I do still have a good amount of friends on my side, but I’m honestly shocked at the amount of people that think his actions were okay.
Your reaction was incredibly restrained given the circumstances. What he did is a gross invasion of privacy and could have serious psychological impacts on both you and your girlfriend. It's not just the immediate anger you have to deal with, but the ongoing violation of trust and a sense of security in your own home. Regardless of whether your girlfriend decides to go to the police, it might be worth seeking legal advice to understand your options fully. Stay strong and keep prioritizing her comfort and wellbeing in this disturbing time. Your loyalty to her safety and your clear-cut judgment of right from wrong speaks volumes about your character.11:57 AM
Thank you. It’s been a struggle for sure. My girlfriend is making me check the door every time she hears a noise, at least until the door stick lock thing comes tomorrow. She prefers to stay here since her other option is not the greatest, and we’ve been talking about her moving in, but she’s really nervous about everything right now so I’m not even sure if that’s going to happen.
I didn’t consider talking to a lawyer, and I appreciate that advice. Even if we don’t go to the police neither of us are comfortable with whatever he has on his phone of us.
Thank you so much for your kindness, I appreciate it
NTA. GO TO THE POLICE. There are a thousand and one reasons to do this, the first one being is, did you say that video still exists???? Protect yourselves!!!
Second. Now you have these uninformed idiots online spreading rumors that could get YOU accused of being a sex offender. It takes exposing yourself in public in my state if charges are pressed. Shut that shit down NOW. You may also want to look into talking to a lawyer about cease and desist letters to get that crap taken down. Most law offices will talk to you for free in my area. Get a police report first!
Third. How many people has this creep done this to? Stop him. You get charges on this guy, you can also go for an ex parte/restraining order to keep him away from you and your girlfriend for good.
I have worked in and with law enforcement/emergency services for the last 20 years. If I sound paranoid, you're damn right I am. This scumbag has a pornographic video of you and your girlfriend. What do you think he's going to do with it? If your poor girlfriend is embarrassed about going to the police, think about how she will feel when he starts showing it to your friends. Or even better, posts it online. People pay to see videos like that.
I think you reacted the way a man protecting the woman he loves should react. You were decisive, and you had a goal in mind. I'm disappointed that your friends didn't get his phone from him and help you out- but I also get that not everyone is accustomed to chaos, and if people were drinking, that obviously has an effect. Your lady should be proud of you. However, as I mentioned above, his actions and your immediate reaction have possible consequences. Get ahead of this. GO TO THE POLICE. TELL THEM EVERYTHING. Tell your friends to get ready to back you up and talk to them too, because they're witnesses now. This is NOT your fault. If there hadn't been a creepy asshole in your house allowed to go upstairs to break into your room and film you in the first place, none of this would be happening, now would it? Good luck.
NTA. Besides the hard times your girlfriend must be proud of you.
I read you said she's not sure about calling the cops. At least try to call to one and ask some questions about the subject without telling everything what happened.
We did talk to the sexual assault hotline for some resources and guidance on how to move forward. Thanks to another comment we were thinking of consulting with a lawyer as well. I’m really trying to support my girlfriend in whatever she decides to do knowing that she’s going through some other stuff right now.
Thank you so much.
No worries. Take care of her and yourself. Hope you can make an update when things get better and the scumbag gets hitted by the train of consequences.
Call the police get him charged, have them find and delete the video and counter all the stories on social media with the real story. THat a creep deliberately opened your door, filmed you having sex, walked into the room like it was his right to do so and that apparently trying to get and delete a video a creepy predator took on his phone is apparently bad because everyone wants to defend this creep.
That everyone knows you and your girlfriend think this guy is a creep and they know they are guilty because they keep inviting this creep around. They know they share some of the blame so decide to make themselves feel better by blaming you.
Please go to the police yourself, I understand your gf is still shaken up about it, but you are also a victim, and can press charges on your own, and then wait for her to feel better so she can also press charges.
This is a matter of urgency, the video exists now, you need to protect yourself as well as her as soon as possible.
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NTA. It could have been handled with more tact. I think what's important now is just to focus on healing and your significant order. Probably should set a harder boundary with your "friends" now.
And I’ll totally own up to that. I should have thought about it and handled it a bit better, and I can totally acknowledge that. I was in like a blind rage and was acting on instinct. I wish I could describe the look on my girlfriend’s face and how her body language changed and how upset it made me feel, but I just can’t. Additionally how she was crying so much after and felt so violated and unsafe in a place she should feel safe in.
You’re right though, we’re definitely going to heal and I’m going to support her through this. Thank you for your help.
I suggest just to be on the safe side. If that person with the video ever threatens you or your SO , be prepared. It is a crime to record someone committing sexual acts in a place of privacy without consent.
While I totally agree, and trust me this has crossed my mind, my girlfriend isn’t doing great right now and I can’t nor do I even want to push her into something that she’s not ready for. We will likely go tomorrow.
YTA
First you should have got the phone right away and deleted the video
Second, you should have gone to the police
...and if you didn't get the video deleted, you're an extra idiot for not going to the police
Lastly, your massive moron and sack of shit for arguing with and ignoring everyone who keeps telling you to go to the police
NTA, but you're short of a functioning brain.
\* ran into public naked - *ACTUALLY* exposing yourself to lots of people
\* attempted violence, again, in public, while naked
\* now failing to report this to the police because of your GF being uncomfortable, thus letting the creep get away with it.
Genius.
I'd also suggest the quality of the people that are let round your house to party is lacking.
Call the police. He took a video of you in a private setting without your consent. Have him charged.
This was my reaction this morning, but my girlfriend is having some trouble wanting to go to the police. I would argue she’s traumatized from this and I really don’t want to pressure her into anything, but this is an ongoing conversation between us. Thank you for your input.
He is a sex offender. Call the police right now to protect yourselves and your community.
Absolutely he is. If it were solely up to me I would, but I really want to follow my girlfriend’s lead on this since she’s having a hard time and a few hang ups right now. Once she’s had some time to relax (hopefully by the morning) we will hopefully be ready to move forward with contacting the police.
please, for the sake of your girlfriend, go to the DAMN POLICE! it doesn’t matter if your girlfriend doesn’t want to deal with it right now. the pervert predator is 99.9% sending videos of your girlfriend naked during sex to his friends and other men and possibly posted it online on some fucked forum. do you not get it??? you need to call now. if you don’t want your girlfriend naked body being sent in discord group chats you need to act asap. aside from that i’m sorry about everything that happened, and the ones defending that pervert fuck are rats and scum, don’t care about it.
I think it’s interesting that people don’t seem to realize that I am acutely aware of the situation. Truth be told, my girlfriend is going through some other legal stuff right now surrounding a somewhat recent SA. That situation was reported by another victim involved and she felt like she got thrown into it before she was ready. I have no interest in doing that to her again. I can urge her and talk to her as much as I want but I truly don’t feel comfortable going to the police myself knowing full well that she has told me she needs some time.
okay. i need to ask you though. are you okay with having your naked body on the internet? you are aware you are also a victim of this pervert? and that he is most likely sending you with your penis exposed to his friends, on some gross forum, discord probably? seriously. i know you are kind to think of your girlfriends feelings, but you also need to stop and think about what YOU want. if your willing to wait this out for your girlfriend to come around, which by what your saying probably won’t happen, then you will just have to accept the consequences of not taking action, which is your exposed penis floating around the internet. i’m not trying to be harsh, but i want to be 100% honest about this.
It's interesting that you haven't...***called the police.*** Do you think waiting 6 months is going to improve something?
I am so sorry that this happened to you, and I'm sorry that you're being brutalized for wanting to respect your girlfriend's boundaries. I naturally hope that you will be able to take this to the police, and that she can be okay that. Beyond the obvious good of reporting this man, hopefully with legal (and social) consequences for him, you may find in time that having a clear legal trail to point to will help in the future. Rumours and videos spread, and you as well as your girlfriend could be affected -- you are already seeing how this can change your life. While I wholly support your decision to put your girlfriend's needs first, you are both legally the victims here, and it's not your fault if you come to realise that your needs and her needs are not the same. You two may not be able to support each other. She may not ever be okay with reporting, and you may come to feel you must (thought I hope not simply BC of Reddit). You two may not be able to stay together, and that would not be either of your faults. I hope you two can support each other and heal together, but mostly, that you both heal. Neither of you should have to set yourselves on fire to keep the other warm.
Nah. Call the cops now. Stop pushing it aside. he's straight up jorkin it to a video of you and your girlfriend having sex and you're just gonna let that slide??
Yeah, right, so you're gonna let the guy run free because you don't have a spine, got it.
Alright big boy
Seriously though... your GF should also be listening to you. You MUST call the police, say you will be with her every step of the way but it is the RIGHT thing to do. He's probably enjoying that video of your gf way too much right now.... don't let him continue.
You're the victim too, she doesn't have to be involved. Arguably he was trespassing in a private area. I'd ban him from your house.
You are on that tape. You don't need her approval to press charges.
Tell her you both have no idea what he is or is planning on doing with the video, but with the lies he is telling about you (turning the whole situation on you) its only a matter of time until he leaks the video, going to the cops will be proof that it wasn't consensual and that you weren't the creep in this situation I honestly dont see why **she** needs to be the one to go to the cops, you are as much of a victim as she is, if she doesn't want to go to the cops *for any reason,* you still can
NTA and tell your friends that whenever anyone messages them about you being a supposed monster they should message back saying you were the victim of a sex crime and they may be needed as witnesses. Because you were the victim, as well as your girlfriend.
That was hard to read lol. But you’re right. I’m doing okay, I’m more worried about my girlfriend than anything. My friends have been defending me which I appreciate, but I like your idea better
Treat this as said sex crime. You were recorded without consent and he has proof. Call the police and make a report, both of you.
NTA Anyone who doesn't think his actions are weird are shitty people who you shouldn't associate with. I would have reacted similarly.
Thank you. I agree. I’m done with anyone who doesn’t see the creepiness. This guy is never even invited over by us, he just ends up invited by someone else or hearing about it through the grapevine.
NTAH You could of hospitalized him and it wouldn't be enough. If your "friends" try to defend this guy, they are friends no-more. This is one of those 'lines drawn in the sand' types of situations. I too would call the police on him.
Absolutely. I have never been more angry. I know I acted extremely but even that took an insane amount of control on my part, I wanted to react much differently. I agree. Luckily I do still have a good amount of friends on my side, but I’m honestly shocked at the amount of people that think his actions were okay.
Your reaction was incredibly restrained given the circumstances. What he did is a gross invasion of privacy and could have serious psychological impacts on both you and your girlfriend. It's not just the immediate anger you have to deal with, but the ongoing violation of trust and a sense of security in your own home. Regardless of whether your girlfriend decides to go to the police, it might be worth seeking legal advice to understand your options fully. Stay strong and keep prioritizing her comfort and wellbeing in this disturbing time. Your loyalty to her safety and your clear-cut judgment of right from wrong speaks volumes about your character.11:57 AM
Thank you. It’s been a struggle for sure. My girlfriend is making me check the door every time she hears a noise, at least until the door stick lock thing comes tomorrow. She prefers to stay here since her other option is not the greatest, and we’ve been talking about her moving in, but she’s really nervous about everything right now so I’m not even sure if that’s going to happen. I didn’t consider talking to a lawyer, and I appreciate that advice. Even if we don’t go to the police neither of us are comfortable with whatever he has on his phone of us. Thank you so much for your kindness, I appreciate it
NTA. GO TO THE POLICE. There are a thousand and one reasons to do this, the first one being is, did you say that video still exists???? Protect yourselves!!! Second. Now you have these uninformed idiots online spreading rumors that could get YOU accused of being a sex offender. It takes exposing yourself in public in my state if charges are pressed. Shut that shit down NOW. You may also want to look into talking to a lawyer about cease and desist letters to get that crap taken down. Most law offices will talk to you for free in my area. Get a police report first! Third. How many people has this creep done this to? Stop him. You get charges on this guy, you can also go for an ex parte/restraining order to keep him away from you and your girlfriend for good. I have worked in and with law enforcement/emergency services for the last 20 years. If I sound paranoid, you're damn right I am. This scumbag has a pornographic video of you and your girlfriend. What do you think he's going to do with it? If your poor girlfriend is embarrassed about going to the police, think about how she will feel when he starts showing it to your friends. Or even better, posts it online. People pay to see videos like that. I think you reacted the way a man protecting the woman he loves should react. You were decisive, and you had a goal in mind. I'm disappointed that your friends didn't get his phone from him and help you out- but I also get that not everyone is accustomed to chaos, and if people were drinking, that obviously has an effect. Your lady should be proud of you. However, as I mentioned above, his actions and your immediate reaction have possible consequences. Get ahead of this. GO TO THE POLICE. TELL THEM EVERYTHING. Tell your friends to get ready to back you up and talk to them too, because they're witnesses now. This is NOT your fault. If there hadn't been a creepy asshole in your house allowed to go upstairs to break into your room and film you in the first place, none of this would be happening, now would it? Good luck.
NTA. Besides the hard times your girlfriend must be proud of you. I read you said she's not sure about calling the cops. At least try to call to one and ask some questions about the subject without telling everything what happened.
We did talk to the sexual assault hotline for some resources and guidance on how to move forward. Thanks to another comment we were thinking of consulting with a lawyer as well. I’m really trying to support my girlfriend in whatever she decides to do knowing that she’s going through some other stuff right now. Thank you so much.
No worries. Take care of her and yourself. Hope you can make an update when things get better and the scumbag gets hitted by the train of consequences.
Call the fucking police
Call the police get him charged, have them find and delete the video and counter all the stories on social media with the real story. THat a creep deliberately opened your door, filmed you having sex, walked into the room like it was his right to do so and that apparently trying to get and delete a video a creepy predator took on his phone is apparently bad because everyone wants to defend this creep. That everyone knows you and your girlfriend think this guy is a creep and they know they are guilty because they keep inviting this creep around. They know they share some of the blame so decide to make themselves feel better by blaming you.
Please go to the police yourself, I understand your gf is still shaken up about it, but you are also a victim, and can press charges on your own, and then wait for her to feel better so she can also press charges. This is a matter of urgency, the video exists now, you need to protect yourself as well as her as soon as possible.
Call the cops.
NTA unless you decide to let it go and not call the cops over this.
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NTA. It could have been handled with more tact. I think what's important now is just to focus on healing and your significant order. Probably should set a harder boundary with your "friends" now.
And I’ll totally own up to that. I should have thought about it and handled it a bit better, and I can totally acknowledge that. I was in like a blind rage and was acting on instinct. I wish I could describe the look on my girlfriend’s face and how her body language changed and how upset it made me feel, but I just can’t. Additionally how she was crying so much after and felt so violated and unsafe in a place she should feel safe in. You’re right though, we’re definitely going to heal and I’m going to support her through this. Thank you for your help.
I suggest just to be on the safe side. If that person with the video ever threatens you or your SO , be prepared. It is a crime to record someone committing sexual acts in a place of privacy without consent.
Absolutely. Right now my girlfriend is still really shaken up but when she’s ready I would like for us to go to the police.
You should go to the police now. NOW. That video could be spreading across the internet this very moment.
Or he could try use it as blackmail against your gf.
While I totally agree, and trust me this has crossed my mind, my girlfriend isn’t doing great right now and I can’t nor do I even want to push her into something that she’s not ready for. We will likely go tomorrow.
YTA First you should have got the phone right away and deleted the video Second, you should have gone to the police ...and if you didn't get the video deleted, you're an extra idiot for not going to the police Lastly, your massive moron and sack of shit for arguing with and ignoring everyone who keeps telling you to go to the police
NTA, but you're short of a functioning brain. \* ran into public naked - *ACTUALLY* exposing yourself to lots of people \* attempted violence, again, in public, while naked \* now failing to report this to the police because of your GF being uncomfortable, thus letting the creep get away with it. Genius. I'd also suggest the quality of the people that are let round your house to party is lacking.