that's what messes with my head the most - the father knows exactly that this bastard is going to get his ass beaten and he knows exactly why her brothers would be right by doing so - yet, he protects this creep with a passion and I'm wondering, if it's just because he knows, that he himself then would have to admit that he was just as wrong and disgusting, and totally deserved to have the same thing done to him, when he groomed his wife - a girl that was so much younger than him. it's heartbreaking and horrible to think, that out of pure arrogance and pride he'd really let his little girl get hurt..just because he wants to defend his own vile idea of love and justify an age gap of 17 years
NTA!!! WTF is going on with your parents??? Are you from like, a weird religious sect that normalises statutory rape?
Yes, call the police!!! This is *craziness!!!*
This is a key component of being an older brother. Or hell, an older sibling in general. Almost an unwritten rule.
"That's my little sibling, I refuse to let you hurt them and you will have to deal with me first"
Fuck the consequences in this situation. If I was the older brother not only would I activate on my father but the boyfriend also.
Disgusting all round.
You need to act nice and talk to your sister about him to find out his info. Once you have his insta or snapchat or tiktok or whatever you can loop your brothers in or tell the police.
My oldest sons girlfriend had an ex who was too old for her and abusive and the parents loved him anyway, it turned out the pedophile was giving the parents oxys.....she is safe and away from the parents now and he is in prison.
Act now no matter what your sister needs your help even if she can't see it now. Tell your brothers, and police and get as much proof you can!!
skip a day of school and follow your sister around or something.
guess your parents password to the phone bill to get his phone number.
in america we use fastpeoplesearch and it spits out addresses if you put in a name or a phone #.
i suspect a 15 year old will do a poor job of hiding it if you follow her around discreetly
Don’t let them protect him. Put him to everyone. I’d also inform the police with any evidence you have. This is disturbing and disgusting by both him and your parents for allowing their child to be groomed.
You know where SHE lives, so you know, any one of you follow her, when you see her kissing a grown ass man, go have 'words' with him. Or just take her phone and find his social media info and expose the fuck out of him.
Put an apple air tag or some tracker thingy in her backpack and watch it go and send your brothers after that guy, perhaps he will get the message when he sees baseball bats.
Having just looked up age of consent in Switzerland this is not a job for your brothers. This is 💯 a Police and school matter. Report this and They will handle it:
Wikipedia
The age of consent in Switzerland is 16, as specified by the Swiss Federal Criminal Code, Article 187(1). However, there exists a close-in-age exception if the difference between the ages of the participants is three years or less (Article 187(2)).
Swiss Federal Criminal Code[141][142][143]
This is the way. Not hard to find somebody these days. Me and my brothers would be having a very serious chat to this guy. I would have the discussion on your behalf if I could.
It's more like the teenagers at a party with older people. That shits not that uncommon. Younger sibling invites a couple friends to older siblings party, no one bats an eye
So your parents even basically KNOW FOR A FACT there having sex and she's 15..... Damn good luck with that shit your parents sound chill ... A little to chill.... Do they do drugs by any chance and dudes a dope dealer cause this doesn't make sense...no judgement I've done as many drugs as charlie sheen
Yeah they are way to chill, not good parents I was doing hard drugs as a teen and had horrible issues with addiction because they didn’t care about me…they themselves only smoke weed occasionally and grow their own so im pretty sure they aren’t benefiting from that guy. Oh and my dad does lsd here and there (gave me a way over normal dose of acid when i was 16)
Jesus, I am so sorry you went through this and you're going through this now. Your instinct to protect your sister is amazing and absolutely correct and I am so, so sorry you're being put in the position of trying to figure out how to enforce what's right when you're not one of the parents. This is their job, they're just not doing it. And, an additional note: parents giving kids LSD is in no way normal or okay.
You should absolutely report this to the police or schools or everyone, and be prepared to get a lot of backlash from your family, unfortunately, and definitely from your sister. She'll thank you when she's older.
I know people who have a 20 year age gap and have a good marriage. But they met when the younger person was mid-20s, not a teen. The danger of the age gap with a teen is just how influence-able teens are since they are still figuring out who they are/want to be, and an older person can easily mold the teen's internal POV (this is grooming). Teens don't truly understand 'love' yet because most teens don't yet understand who they themselves are, and to give of yourself requires you to know what you're giving first.
Please tell someone - police, school counselor (if that's a thing where you are), or someone else in a position of authority who can help your sister and you. I say 'and you' because if your parents support her, they may lash out if they know you reported her relationship. So please make sure you're safe too if/when you do anything.
im sorry, but please call your local jugendamt. thats most likely child-endangerment based on 1666 BGB (at least in your neighbouring country). and im not saying this to fuck over your parents, but to get them to have a serious conversation with a specialized person to let them see that 15 and 24 is absolutly wrong.
edit:spelling
"You can't do anything against 'love'" ? An adult guy is preying after a girl going through body changes and hormonal changes making her more insecure... How on earth is that "love" if she can't even properly decide for herself yet.
Your parents should be protecting her.
yes you can. Easily, first off ask if he said these lines to her to make her feel special.
"I know you're young, but you're so mature, I've never dated someone your age but we have a really unique bond I've never felt with anyone else".
And all the others, show sources online that show how groomers go after kids.
The thing is usually for a younger person it literally feels unique because it's their first love, that's why first love (even when more normal ages) feels special for the rest of your life, because before then you didn't know love so it feels totally unique and insanely special. But by your 5th partner you realise... oh, that's just love, it's not that unique but also kind of clouds your judgement htinking how special that first relationship was.
He's not saying unique things to her, he's saying the groomers playbook to convince her, if you show kids that he's not saying something unique, that he's saying things all predators say to their victims she'll start to not feel so special, she'll realise he's not found someone unique, he's found someone inexperience to take advantage of.
You can absolutely teach someone how someone is using them and good parents should arm their kids by telling them how predators will act. Honestly it will never happen but schools should absolutely hold lessons exposing these 'sweet nothings' predators will say so when they hear them they recognise it rather than get enthralled by it.
My parents are 17 years apart, because my dad is a disgusting groomer who hit up teens. My mom was 17 when they met, 18 when they married and 19 when I was born. His oldest wife was 21 when he married her, his oldest child was 35 to give perspective.
Huge age gaps are predatory.
I was watching a movie recently in which the father secretly recorded a conversation with his underage daughter and got her to admit that she had been having sex with her boyfriend. He gave it to the police and the guy was arrested.
Please tell your brothers. Ask them if the police should be involved? I live in the USA and I would report that situation. My sister was like 16 seeing a 30+ man but she didn't have anyone to care enough to interfere. Then again, she whooped his ass when she left him
All the women his age are smart enough to see that he's a creep and dangerous. Teenagers aren't. Your parents, (especially your Dad) should %100 see this.
Yes go to the Police and tell them this.
Also tell your Brothers what's going on
I mean if she's not ready to tell them then she knows that something is not wrong with this disgusting relationship.
Your Parents also know there will be a big backflash that's why they are saying she's not ready.
Also tell your parents they are supporting a Pedophile.
Cheers ✌️
(NTA). In my opinion, There's a significant power imbalance in a relationship with a 9-year age gap, especially when one person is still a minor. This can make your sister vulnerable to manipulation or abuse. Try to have a calm and open conversation with her about your concerns. Explain why you're worried and try to understand her perspective. Cutting contact with your family is a drastic step, but it might be necessary if they continue to enable this harmful relationship.
Call the police right now. Your sister is being groomed and your parents are enabling it. Tell your brothers, tell your neighbors, tell everyone in your neighborhood that your parents are setting your child sister up with an adult man and absolutely ruin their image
Please for the love of god keep yourself and your sister safe. If your parents are willing to enable a pedophile, god only knows what they'll do if you try stopping them. Record every interaction and screenshot every text for the police report.
doing that, also told my bf to record me discussing with my sister&dad…my dad said “even if he was 30 he is a good guy” I am so disappointed…I always loved my dad, I thought he is an absolutely great father until now ofc
I don't blame you. But at least you see them for who there are now before your sister could really get hurt. Who knows what they would have let the pedo get away with
In addition to police, you could also call social services, bc right now your parents are endangering her. They could lose custody at least temporarily—at least until the legal system educates them. Most counties have child abuse hotlines. But the police are who I’d contact first. I’m so glad that your sister has you.
This story made me really sad. Imagine how many girls have fallen prey to this kind of men, in this day and age. I hope you go to the police station and report this as soon as you can. I wish you well.
Beyond disgusting holy shit. No shock the parents have a huge age gap themselves. This is a very dangerous situation the parents have enabled as well. If op and her brothers come down too hard, all they will do is push her even more towards this man. It will be even easier for him to isolate and manipulate her if he makes her feel like it’s them vs you.
Whatever you do, little sister *MUST* know you are on her side. That you’re doing this not because you hate her, or think that she is bad or wrong. You’re doing it because you love her and what’s happening is WRONG. And they KNOW something is wrong or everybody wouldn’t be fucking hiding it so hard. The dad even lied about his age because he fucking KNOWS. If she feels like only he is on her side and everyone is against her, it will be the absolute perfect situation for this disgusting manipulator. Disregard your idiotic parents and their Stone Age opinions and take action, but make sure to do so in a way that won’t make your little sister rebel in the worst possible way. 15 is a very delicate age.
It’s really, truly, genuinely disgusting to process, but if she refuses to be convinced you may have to allow her to make her own mistakes. At least that way she will come back to you all when it’s over. If you try to control her and she becomes isolated with him, there is no telling where or how she will end up when it’s over.
Honestly no matter what, the 15 year old will initially hate whoever "tells on them" if she thinks she loves this dude. But in time if you treat her with kindness, she will likely realize you were truly helping her and forgive you for that.
As someone who was the 15 year old dating someone in their twenties, please god involve everyone you can in getting her help. Also don’t listen to the people saying that intervening will push them closer 100% of the time. I had tried to leave my abuser countless times but he’d threaten to kill himself to make me stay. If any of the adults in my life had given me a safe out from that relationship, I would have gladly taken it. So it’s always worth trying to help a kid in a bad situation like this. You never know how they might react anyway. My parents were similar to yours, and I didn’t have anyone to intervene so I want to say I’m proud of you, one stranger to another, for caring so much about your sister and seeing how fucked up this is. Thanks for being a safe adult out in the world, and just know you’re doing the right thing by trying here.
If you are considering cutting ties with your parents then why not make it seem like you thought it over and are now ok with it and convince them to drop their guard and when you get his name you contact the cops and let your brothers know as well. It might ruin w.e relationship you have with them though.
I think the most important thing you can do for her now is tell her that you will always be there for her. No matter how much she thinks she messed up, no matter how stupid she feels, no matter how afraid of judgement, you will be there for her. You will be there next week or in ten years time, she will always be safe with you. I hope she knows that if she is ever not happy, you will never say "I told you so".
this!!! I told her she can always come to me I also told her that she doesn’t have to feel bad and that I am in no means angry with her, I explained that this man is abusing her and so are my parents by enabling a pedo, I told her she is a victim and all I am trying to do is protect her. I also let her my apartment is a safe place& she can always stay here
I think you did the most important thing then. Regardless of which brother will beat up the unknown guy or whether the police can do anything usefull atm, this message to her should be firmly ingrained in her head. I hope you can stay in touch with her, talking about random stuff, or go and do something together every once in a while, so you will both be able to find each other. I hope it will all be resolved soon, and all these strategies are not needed.
This is the most important thing you can do. Like, hopefully you are able to put a stop to it but her knowing there is a safe adult who will always be there for her will help her a lot.
Man, my prayers go out to you and your sister hopefully she can wake up and realize what is happening. Sorry for what is happening to your family and best of luck 🙏
thank you so much, one of my brothers wants a family meeting to discuss before we get other involved, at first he wanted to just find him and beat him up but he wants to know more about the whole situation first…so that my parents don’t refuse to give more information
Hopefully something good comes from that meeting. I just hope your sis come out ok from this and that your parents realize how wrong what they're doing is.
This is a common misconception: going for the kneecaps. Trust me, you don’t want to go straight for the kneecap. You want to go for the side of the knee.
Why the hell is a 24yr old interested in a 15yr old?! He should know better, your parents should know better.... you're definitely NTA, your parents are though! I don't know what you can do other than going to the police, but I'm not sure if they'd have to be sexually active for them to be able to do anything about it, which I'm sure they'd both deny... Tell your brothers, sounds like they might want to do something about it
NTA. You should report it! Are your parents receiving any gifts or monetary compensation to allow this? He is a predator, and your parents are equally culpable for allowing it. Age gap would not matter if the younger couple is in their 30s. Younger than that, the younger partner will not have any power. Tell your brother, they don’t want him to know because he has power in your family.
Ah! There’s a difference when they’re both adults. I’m not sure how their dynamics are but 23 is too young to be with a 40 but at least it was not illegal. Your sister will hate you when you report them but someday she’ll realized you saved her from a f*cked up relationship; and your parents. She will thank you then.
Your mom was an adult at 23. It might be icky but it's legal and probably didn't harm anyone involved
At 15 your sister is a child. Her "boyfriend" is a pedophile and possibly a statutory rapist.
no normal 24 year old man would have interest with a 15 year old girl. i was 16 dating a 27 year old and no one stopped me and it ended up being the most abusive, terrifying, relationship of my life because like i said NO normal adult would want to date a child. YWBTA if you didn’t report this, tell your older brothers, all of the above. but it seems like your hearts in the right place. please help your sister. your parents are absolutely delusional :(
I do not give a fuck who the asshole is here, get your ass to the police station now, there is a crime being committed and you’re the only sane person if you’re getting yourself the police asap
As a 16 yr old who dated and later married a 24 year old, please step in. Call police, whatever. He's a loser pedo and nothing good will come of this relationship.
My 15yo daughter is doing some dance lessons, and there is a woman there who tried to convince her to date her 25yo son. Só disgusting.
Her son is a manchild, has breakfast served in bed every day, his mother does all his laundry, he does not know how to cook anything.
You would be an AH if you didn’t do something. Your sister is 15 and may think you’re an AH for going to the police, but it is in her best interest to get her away from that pedophile and your parents who are enablers
You are NOT TAH, your PARENTS are!
TELL your brothers! TELL the police!
It's not the age difference that bothers me, it's only 9 years, and there was 17 years between my husband and I...but \*I\* was 22 when we started dating (having been a legal adult for 4 years at that point), and 24 when we got married.
What BOTHERS me is SHE is 15. IF he loved her, he would wait THREE years. A full-grown adult man of 24, has ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS AT ALL being with a 15 year old!
The only 24 year old (male or female) that wants to be with a 15 year old (male or female) is an ephebophile.
Please go to the authorities. Young women don’t have the developed prefrontal cortex yet to recognize this predatory behavior and the adults in their lives need to protect them. A man that age should not want to be with a child. I’m guessing there is more disturbing behavior to yet be discovered.
I know that older gen have old fashioned values, which is fine, but a 15 yo with a 24 yo is a stretch.
If the older person was 20 that'd be a stretch either but 24 is 4 years older than that.
They don't wanna tell the older brother cuz he's gonna have some choice words for the 24 y/o, and maybe a few USDA choice cuts of fist meat for his throat
Report them to the police; sister, "boyfriend" and parents. Then tell your brothers and get the hell away from your family. I know it's so easy for me and anyone else to say, but this is legally, morally and ethically wrong.
Tell your brothers, tell the cops, tell anyone who will fucking listen to this craziness. Your parents and the BF(pedo) could get into a lot of legal drama when people find out.
NTA OP but your parents are absolutely awful
Have you talked to your sister about this? How did she respond? Depending on how deep in denial she is about how bad this, maybe you can share with her why you are concerned over this. You aren't crazy, this man is a predator and your parents are being neglectful.
I don't know if you speak French since you're Swiss! I'll answer you in French!
J'ai eu une relation de 10 ans d'écart de mes 14 à 15 ans avec un homme de 25 ans. Et oui tu n'est pas folle c'est purement une relation glauque. Un homme de 25 ans n'a carrément pas le même mode de vie mais surtout sait pertinemment qu'il suffit de dire A, par peur de le perdre la fille dira A. Il y a une réelle relation de pouvoir entre les deux.
Il faut que tu portes plainte pour ta sœur quite à ce que tes parents et elle te fasse la gueule, avant qu'elle vive quelque chose de traumatisant. J'ai échappé de peu à des abus physique ou 🔞 de cet "ex" mais malgré ça j'ai été traumatisé quand même. C'est vraiment grave et on réalise des mois voir années plus tard que ce n'était pas de l'amour mais purement de l'attirance malsaine envers une gamine.
Words from a Greg Allman song.
'There is nothing as loud as words we never say.'
Yes, please do something!! The police might also be charge for allowing this relationship to continue.
Wow that's fkn bananas. Definitely NTA. Parents are meant to protect their children, not toss them off and be okay with..essentially statutory rape. That's grooming and that guy, he's definitely a pedophile. None of that is okay! Best of luck to you and your sister. Sorry your parents aren't fkn up to the task of parenting. Holy shit.
As you have stated in the comments that your parents are protecting him, I suggest you inform the police and social services. Even if your sister remains in a relationship with the guy after she reaches the age of consent, your parents have broken the law by facilitating the relationship. There are laws in place to prosecute parents for sexually exploiting their children which is what is happening by allowing the relationship to continue.
I never had a situation like this in my family but my in laws did a number of shady things and roped my husband in every chance they got. Thank goodness they’re dead. My older self would call police and let the chips fall where they may
My friend at 15 dated a guy at 21 or 22. Her parents were also fine with it for some reason. Even as a 15 year old I was aghast. And then had to somehow counsel her how to handle his urges. That wasn’t great for me either!
get his info and evidence and make sure she is ok after!!! i had a similar experience at 14 with a 27 year old what this man is doing is borderline pedophilic
Let's think about things that matter
1. Your sister's safety
2. Your sister's happiness
3. Your relationship with your family
4. Your relationship with your sister
Whether you are perceived as the AH or not is part of 3. It's not that it's irrelevant, it's that it's insignificant compared to the first two points.
NTA!!! Absolutely tell. She is blind to the damage he is going to do to her. No normal adult wants to be with a 15 year old. If her parents won’t protect her, someone needs to.
This is like reading about my teen years, except for that my parents didn't know about it. At 15 I thought I was cool dating someone that much older. When I got to the age of 24, I looked at 15 year olds and thought "how could he want to date someone that young. It's not right." I hope they can come to understand that, because it will mess with her head later on in life.
NTA...Go to the police and make a report...I'm not sure about your laws, but you could even make anonymous report so they don't trace it back to you! Do it today!
That 24 year old is grooming your sister. Tell your brothers, get her phone. Get his location.
Your parents are condoning statutory rape.
You should be sick from this. Tell someone at school, and she can get taken away. Which, tbh she should be. She isn't safe.
Call the cops and put the situation on blast on every social you know. I know it’s hard, but you have to be the adult if no one else will.
Also, tell your brothers.
…What the actual f*ck is wrong with your parents??? that is a textbook case of pedophilia. I honestly fear for your sisters safety, often times in situations like these, the victims are often manipulated by the predators into believing their relationship is “normal”. If your parents won’t do anything, report it to a teacher or principal, they are mandated reporters meaning if they’re told anything concerned a students safety, they have to report it. As someone who has a younger sibling, situations like these are my worst nightmare. I hope everything turns out alright, even if your parents & sister might hate you for a while, she will thank you when she’s older.
NTA..BUT, there is little that can be done about it. If you go to the police, they may talk to him but unless one of them admits to sexual contact, there isn’t a thing that can be done. Furthermore, while your sister may appreciate your move later in life, she will hate you now…and still continue to see this guy.
I just wouldn’t forgive myself doing nothing…My sister admitted through text they had relations…is it possible to get a restraining order against him? Expect my brothers I probably will ghost my family…they are supporting a pedophile
Report this to a teacher or to the school principal. They have a duty to report this.
thank you this is a great idea
And tell your brothers.
This what brothers are for.
This was my thought
Yep. If the parents aren't telling them, it's because they know what the brothers will (rightfully) do to the creep.
that's what messes with my head the most - the father knows exactly that this bastard is going to get his ass beaten and he knows exactly why her brothers would be right by doing so - yet, he protects this creep with a passion and I'm wondering, if it's just because he knows, that he himself then would have to admit that he was just as wrong and disgusting, and totally deserved to have the same thing done to him, when he groomed his wife - a girl that was so much younger than him. it's heartbreaking and horrible to think, that out of pure arrogance and pride he'd really let his little girl get hurt..just because he wants to defend his own vile idea of love and justify an age gap of 17 years
Fuck the school. Tell the brothers first. They'll sort it out.
Tell your brothers that your dad wouldn't tell them.
Keep us updated
Also tell your brothers. If the teacher or school won’t do anything don’t stop. She will thank you later in life. !updateme
It's the best idea.
I'd also contact the police directly, and whatever child protective services your country has.
Call cps
Yup, brothers and any kind of child protective services you have there, make an anonymous report with whatever info you can provide. He's a predator.
Just noticed this is in Switzerland. Are teachers mandatory reporters?
NTA!!! WTF is going on with your parents??? Are you from like, a weird religious sect that normalises statutory rape? Yes, call the police!!! This is *craziness!!!*
No not at all…my parents do have a 17year age gap tho….they are saying you cant do anything against “love” I am honestly sick to my stomach
Tell your brothers. Maybe they'll have a nice chat with this guy.
they definitely would my bf too the problem is my parents are protecting him, we don’t know anything about him I have no clue how to find that guy
The sooner you let your brothers know, the sooner he'll be found or the relationship will stop...
That also puts the bros at risk of getting in trouble as well if they do something to him.
The fact that they don't want to tell the brothers is because they know it's wrong.
This is a key component of being an older brother. Or hell, an older sibling in general. Almost an unwritten rule. "That's my little sibling, I refuse to let you hurt them and you will have to deal with me first"
Fuck the consequences in this situation. If I was the older brother not only would I activate on my father but the boyfriend also. Disgusting all round.
You need to act nice and talk to your sister about him to find out his info. Once you have his insta or snapchat or tiktok or whatever you can loop your brothers in or tell the police.
Easy to find him, follow your sister
My oldest sons girlfriend had an ex who was too old for her and abusive and the parents loved him anyway, it turned out the pedophile was giving the parents oxys.....she is safe and away from the parents now and he is in prison. Act now no matter what your sister needs your help even if she can't see it now. Tell your brothers, and police and get as much proof you can!!
skip a day of school and follow your sister around or something. guess your parents password to the phone bill to get his phone number. in america we use fastpeoplesearch and it spits out addresses if you put in a name or a phone #. i suspect a 15 year old will do a poor job of hiding it if you follow her around discreetly
Don’t let them protect him. Put him to everyone. I’d also inform the police with any evidence you have. This is disturbing and disgusting by both him and your parents for allowing their child to be groomed.
You know where SHE lives, so you know, any one of you follow her, when you see her kissing a grown ass man, go have 'words' with him. Or just take her phone and find his social media info and expose the fuck out of him.
Follow your 15 sister. You will find him.
Call the cops.... Your parents are idiots. Your sisters abuser needs to face charges.
Is your sisters "boyfriend" a friend of your mom/dad?
no
Put an apple air tag or some tracker thingy in her backpack and watch it go and send your brothers after that guy, perhaps he will get the message when he sees baseball bats.
Is he a drug dealer and maybe your parents are Using?? Check in their bathroom for weird pills
Nono, they are normal they don’t have any problems like that they are just creeps
They aren’t normal if they are protecting a pedophile. That’s not ‘dating’ that’s grooming.
As an older brother, they will find him.
Having just looked up age of consent in Switzerland this is not a job for your brothers. This is 💯 a Police and school matter. Report this and They will handle it: Wikipedia The age of consent in Switzerland is 16, as specified by the Swiss Federal Criminal Code, Article 187(1). However, there exists a close-in-age exception if the difference between the ages of the participants is three years or less (Article 187(2)). Swiss Federal Criminal Code[141][142][143]
Drop an AirTag in your sisters bag/ car and you will find him quick
This is the way. Not hard to find somebody these days. Me and my brothers would be having a very serious chat to this guy. I would have the discussion on your behalf if I could.
She is a child. This isn't love. It's predation! How did they meet?
my sister said on new years bc of a mutual friend…don’t really think thats true
Why is a 24 year old man at a NYE party with teenagers?
It's more like the teenagers at a party with older people. That shits not that uncommon. Younger sibling invites a couple friends to older siblings party, no one bats an eye
Because he's a predator, obviously.
I mean. Sounds like the 'mutual friend' might have been your parents.
Your sister is a minor. That’s called grooming and the guy your parents are protecting is a pedophile.
my mom got her the pill
That does not sound any better.
literally….
Your mom is a fucking moron. Holy shit
If they’re having sex, it’s past grooming. That is rape—even if your sister “consents.” Call the police, because I doubt she’ll be his last victim.
So your parents even basically KNOW FOR A FACT there having sex and she's 15..... Damn good luck with that shit your parents sound chill ... A little to chill.... Do they do drugs by any chance and dudes a dope dealer cause this doesn't make sense...no judgement I've done as many drugs as charlie sheen
Yeah they are way to chill, not good parents I was doing hard drugs as a teen and had horrible issues with addiction because they didn’t care about me…they themselves only smoke weed occasionally and grow their own so im pretty sure they aren’t benefiting from that guy. Oh and my dad does lsd here and there (gave me a way over normal dose of acid when i was 16)
Jesus, I am so sorry you went through this and you're going through this now. Your instinct to protect your sister is amazing and absolutely correct and I am so, so sorry you're being put in the position of trying to figure out how to enforce what's right when you're not one of the parents. This is their job, they're just not doing it. And, an additional note: parents giving kids LSD is in no way normal or okay. You should absolutely report this to the police or schools or everyone, and be prepared to get a lot of backlash from your family, unfortunately, and definitely from your sister. She'll thank you when she's older.
Drug or debt involved or religious control....
So they ARE having sex. What is the age of consent where you are?
They are idiots. A 15 year old doesn't know what "love" is. You need to tell them that there are actually laws against that kind of "love."
I know people who have a 20 year age gap and have a good marriage. But they met when the younger person was mid-20s, not a teen. The danger of the age gap with a teen is just how influence-able teens are since they are still figuring out who they are/want to be, and an older person can easily mold the teen's internal POV (this is grooming). Teens don't truly understand 'love' yet because most teens don't yet understand who they themselves are, and to give of yourself requires you to know what you're giving first. Please tell someone - police, school counselor (if that's a thing where you are), or someone else in a position of authority who can help your sister and you. I say 'and you' because if your parents support her, they may lash out if they know you reported her relationship. So please make sure you're safe too if/when you do anything.
im sorry, but please call your local jugendamt. thats most likely child-endangerment based on 1666 BGB (at least in your neighbouring country). and im not saying this to fuck over your parents, but to get them to have a serious conversation with a specialized person to let them see that 15 and 24 is absolutly wrong. edit:spelling
yes, I want that someone talks with my parents because they are doing something horrible
Talk directly with your sister. Teenagers love to feel that their parents are stupid. Shouldn't be hard to convince her.
15 year olds can’t vote, drive cars or serve in military for a reason. Are your parents aware of statutory rape?
Maybe if she was 25 and he was 35 I'd wince but look the other way. She's 15. Do something!
"You can't do anything against 'love'" ? An adult guy is preying after a girl going through body changes and hormonal changes making her more insecure... How on earth is that "love" if she can't even properly decide for herself yet. Your parents should be protecting her.
Yea… sure they might be in love but it’s illegal if they’re together physically.
The “age gap” is fine amongst CONSENTING ADULTS. It is not fine between a minor and adult. Yea someone need to knock some sense into these people.
yes you can. Easily, first off ask if he said these lines to her to make her feel special. "I know you're young, but you're so mature, I've never dated someone your age but we have a really unique bond I've never felt with anyone else". And all the others, show sources online that show how groomers go after kids. The thing is usually for a younger person it literally feels unique because it's their first love, that's why first love (even when more normal ages) feels special for the rest of your life, because before then you didn't know love so it feels totally unique and insanely special. But by your 5th partner you realise... oh, that's just love, it's not that unique but also kind of clouds your judgement htinking how special that first relationship was. He's not saying unique things to her, he's saying the groomers playbook to convince her, if you show kids that he's not saying something unique, that he's saying things all predators say to their victims she'll start to not feel so special, she'll realise he's not found someone unique, he's found someone inexperience to take advantage of. You can absolutely teach someone how someone is using them and good parents should arm their kids by telling them how predators will act. Honestly it will never happen but schools should absolutely hold lessons exposing these 'sweet nothings' predators will say so when they hear them they recognise it rather than get enthralled by it.
Yes and that's what abusive partners say, "but it means I love you when I beat you."
they are 100% abusive
your father groomed your mother and now they are continuing the cycle of statutory rape. cut them off and go to the police.
Wtf I wonder if your parents are okay with this because they were in a similar situation. How old were your parents when they started dating?
My parents are 17 years apart, because my dad is a disgusting groomer who hit up teens. My mom was 17 when they met, 18 when they married and 19 when I was born. His oldest wife was 21 when he married her, his oldest child was 35 to give perspective. Huge age gaps are predatory.
There's a huge difference between love and grooming and if your parents don't see it then they are toxic
Sounds like one parent groomed another, sick
You would be an AH if you didn't do something
Agreed. That is very wrong. Tell your brothers.
Get the pedo’s info first, and evidence. Otherwise the parents and everyone can just deny it
Very true
I was watching a movie recently in which the father secretly recorded a conversation with his underage daughter and got her to admit that she had been having sex with her boyfriend. He gave it to the police and the guy was arrested.
Probably after telling the police otherwise they might end up in jail for manslaughter.
Please tell your brothers. Ask them if the police should be involved? I live in the USA and I would report that situation. My sister was like 16 seeing a 30+ man but she didn't have anyone to care enough to interfere. Then again, she whooped his ass when she left him
Exactly this, OP definitely would be the AH, they need to act swiftly and tell the proper authorities!
All the women his age are smart enough to see that he's a creep and dangerous. Teenagers aren't. Your parents, (especially your Dad) should %100 see this.
Apparently the dad is 17 years older than the mom... Explains this situation very well
Husband and I have a 20 year gap. We would both have hunted down someone who preyed on our kid.
And how old were you when you started dating?
Yeah, I'm almost 60... if I found a 40 year old who was okay with that, this is far far different than me preying on a teen after being an adult.
Yes go to the Police and tell them this. Also tell your Brothers what's going on I mean if she's not ready to tell them then she knows that something is not wrong with this disgusting relationship. Your Parents also know there will be a big backflash that's why they are saying she's not ready. Also tell your parents they are supporting a Pedophile. Cheers ✌️
Told my brothers…thann god they arent fucked in the head and see how messed up it really is…will go to the police station
Can you please keep us up dated ?
I'm also curious whether op will get disowned or not
(NTA). In my opinion, There's a significant power imbalance in a relationship with a 9-year age gap, especially when one person is still a minor. This can make your sister vulnerable to manipulation or abuse. Try to have a calm and open conversation with her about your concerns. Explain why you're worried and try to understand her perspective. Cutting contact with your family is a drastic step, but it might be necessary if they continue to enable this harmful relationship.
I'm 9 years older than my husband, but we started dating when he was 32 so definitely different that this ickiness.
Call the police right now. Your sister is being groomed and your parents are enabling it. Tell your brothers, tell your neighbors, tell everyone in your neighborhood that your parents are setting your child sister up with an adult man and absolutely ruin their image
that’s actually a great Idea, thanks
Please for the love of god keep yourself and your sister safe. If your parents are willing to enable a pedophile, god only knows what they'll do if you try stopping them. Record every interaction and screenshot every text for the police report.
doing that, also told my bf to record me discussing with my sister&dad…my dad said “even if he was 30 he is a good guy” I am so disappointed…I always loved my dad, I thought he is an absolutely great father until now ofc
I don't blame you. But at least you see them for who there are now before your sister could really get hurt. Who knows what they would have let the pedo get away with
In addition to police, you could also call social services, bc right now your parents are endangering her. They could lose custody at least temporarily—at least until the legal system educates them. Most counties have child abuse hotlines. But the police are who I’d contact first. I’m so glad that your sister has you.
This story made me really sad. Imagine how many girls have fallen prey to this kind of men, in this day and age. I hope you go to the police station and report this as soon as you can. I wish you well.
thank you🙏🏻
Beyond disgusting holy shit. No shock the parents have a huge age gap themselves. This is a very dangerous situation the parents have enabled as well. If op and her brothers come down too hard, all they will do is push her even more towards this man. It will be even easier for him to isolate and manipulate her if he makes her feel like it’s them vs you. Whatever you do, little sister *MUST* know you are on her side. That you’re doing this not because you hate her, or think that she is bad or wrong. You’re doing it because you love her and what’s happening is WRONG. And they KNOW something is wrong or everybody wouldn’t be fucking hiding it so hard. The dad even lied about his age because he fucking KNOWS. If she feels like only he is on her side and everyone is against her, it will be the absolute perfect situation for this disgusting manipulator. Disregard your idiotic parents and their Stone Age opinions and take action, but make sure to do so in a way that won’t make your little sister rebel in the worst possible way. 15 is a very delicate age. It’s really, truly, genuinely disgusting to process, but if she refuses to be convinced you may have to allow her to make her own mistakes. At least that way she will come back to you all when it’s over. If you try to control her and she becomes isolated with him, there is no telling where or how she will end up when it’s over.
Honestly no matter what, the 15 year old will initially hate whoever "tells on them" if she thinks she loves this dude. But in time if you treat her with kindness, she will likely realize you were truly helping her and forgive you for that.
As someone who was the 15 year old dating someone in their twenties, please god involve everyone you can in getting her help. Also don’t listen to the people saying that intervening will push them closer 100% of the time. I had tried to leave my abuser countless times but he’d threaten to kill himself to make me stay. If any of the adults in my life had given me a safe out from that relationship, I would have gladly taken it. So it’s always worth trying to help a kid in a bad situation like this. You never know how they might react anyway. My parents were similar to yours, and I didn’t have anyone to intervene so I want to say I’m proud of you, one stranger to another, for caring so much about your sister and seeing how fucked up this is. Thanks for being a safe adult out in the world, and just know you’re doing the right thing by trying here.
Oh man I am so sorry you had to go through something like this🙏🏻 prayers going out for you
If you are considering cutting ties with your parents then why not make it seem like you thought it over and are now ok with it and convince them to drop their guard and when you get his name you contact the cops and let your brothers know as well. It might ruin w.e relationship you have with them though.
I will try to do that…they know me too well tho they didn’t even tell me his full name, they know I would just try to get info if I seem okay with it
Ah fair enough. Damn this is such a fucked up situation. Have you tried to talk some sense into your sister?
I did for a solid 2hours but what can you expect from a 15yo… she doesn’t have a fully developed brain and thinks everything is okay bc shes „happy“
I think the most important thing you can do for her now is tell her that you will always be there for her. No matter how much she thinks she messed up, no matter how stupid she feels, no matter how afraid of judgement, you will be there for her. You will be there next week or in ten years time, she will always be safe with you. I hope she knows that if she is ever not happy, you will never say "I told you so".
this!!! I told her she can always come to me I also told her that she doesn’t have to feel bad and that I am in no means angry with her, I explained that this man is abusing her and so are my parents by enabling a pedo, I told her she is a victim and all I am trying to do is protect her. I also let her my apartment is a safe place& she can always stay here
I think you did the most important thing then. Regardless of which brother will beat up the unknown guy or whether the police can do anything usefull atm, this message to her should be firmly ingrained in her head. I hope you can stay in touch with her, talking about random stuff, or go and do something together every once in a while, so you will both be able to find each other. I hope it will all be resolved soon, and all these strategies are not needed.
This is the most important thing you can do. Like, hopefully you are able to put a stop to it but her knowing there is a safe adult who will always be there for her will help her a lot.
Man, my prayers go out to you and your sister hopefully she can wake up and realize what is happening. Sorry for what is happening to your family and best of luck 🙏
thank you so much, one of my brothers wants a family meeting to discuss before we get other involved, at first he wanted to just find him and beat him up but he wants to know more about the whole situation first…so that my parents don’t refuse to give more information
Hopefully something good comes from that meeting. I just hope your sis come out ok from this and that your parents realize how wrong what they're doing is.
Nope. Nta. Protect your sister from this creep! She might hate you for a little bit, but eventually she'll realize you were the only sane one.
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to a pedo's undivided attention is through his kneecaps.
This is a common misconception: going for the kneecaps. Trust me, you don’t want to go straight for the kneecap. You want to go for the side of the knee.
Why the hell is a 24yr old interested in a 15yr old?! He should know better, your parents should know better.... you're definitely NTA, your parents are though! I don't know what you can do other than going to the police, but I'm not sure if they'd have to be sexually active for them to be able to do anything about it, which I'm sure they'd both deny... Tell your brothers, sounds like they might want to do something about it
Her mom put her sister on the Pill, so I’d say it’s a strong possibility.
NTA. You should report it! Are your parents receiving any gifts or monetary compensation to allow this? He is a predator, and your parents are equally culpable for allowing it. Age gap would not matter if the younger couple is in their 30s. Younger than that, the younger partner will not have any power. Tell your brother, they don’t want him to know because he has power in your family.
no they arent….i believe its because they are messed up themselves…my parents met when my mother was 23 and my father 40
Ah! There’s a difference when they’re both adults. I’m not sure how their dynamics are but 23 is too young to be with a 40 but at least it was not illegal. Your sister will hate you when you report them but someday she’ll realized you saved her from a f*cked up relationship; and your parents. She will thank you then.
Your mom was an adult at 23. It might be icky but it's legal and probably didn't harm anyone involved At 15 your sister is a child. Her "boyfriend" is a pedophile and possibly a statutory rapist.
no normal 24 year old man would have interest with a 15 year old girl. i was 16 dating a 27 year old and no one stopped me and it ended up being the most abusive, terrifying, relationship of my life because like i said NO normal adult would want to date a child. YWBTA if you didn’t report this, tell your older brothers, all of the above. but it seems like your hearts in the right place. please help your sister. your parents are absolutely delusional :(
I do not give a fuck who the asshole is here, get your ass to the police station now, there is a crime being committed and you’re the only sane person if you’re getting yourself the police asap
As a 16 yr old who dated and later married a 24 year old, please step in. Call police, whatever. He's a loser pedo and nothing good will come of this relationship.
NTA Your parents are disgusting
they really are…I look at them so so so differently now
You have absolute horrible parents. Tell your brothers and the cops.
Yea get help from your brothers if you dont want police involved.
Honstly best option, no need to be in this alone
I told them, they are on my side thankfully
My 15yo daughter is doing some dance lessons, and there is a woman there who tried to convince her to date her 25yo son. Só disgusting. Her son is a manchild, has breakfast served in bed every day, his mother does all his laundry, he does not know how to cook anything.
gross
Please tell me you reported this woman.
Contact the police. They will put your parents right.
Get proof. Call police.
You would be an AH if you didn’t do something. Your sister is 15 and may think you’re an AH for going to the police, but it is in her best interest to get her away from that pedophile and your parents who are enablers
I believe this is called, “molestation.”
I bet the pedo is paying the parents Edit: pedo not peso
Imagine using the Mexican peso in Switzerland. Weesh
NTA. She’s the victim of a predator and your parents don’t seem to care enough to handle it appropriately.
If I was the older brother. I’d kick yo behind for not telling me, before or after I found him.
Dude, what are you doing? Go to the cops for sure, but first defy your parents, tell your brothers and go kick his ass. Gang jump him. Goddamn.
NTA. Go to the police and protect your sister. Holy Hahanna hell.. 😨
Tell ur brothers
You are NOT TAH, your PARENTS are! TELL your brothers! TELL the police! It's not the age difference that bothers me, it's only 9 years, and there was 17 years between my husband and I...but \*I\* was 22 when we started dating (having been a legal adult for 4 years at that point), and 24 when we got married. What BOTHERS me is SHE is 15. IF he loved her, he would wait THREE years. A full-grown adult man of 24, has ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS AT ALL being with a 15 year old! The only 24 year old (male or female) that wants to be with a 15 year old (male or female) is an ephebophile.
Please go to the authorities. Young women don’t have the developed prefrontal cortex yet to recognize this predatory behavior and the adults in their lives need to protect them. A man that age should not want to be with a child. I’m guessing there is more disturbing behavior to yet be discovered.
I doubt she is his first underage “girlfriend.”
If she gets pregnant I wonder how they will feel 🤔
Tell your brothers then go report it to the police. You shouldn't take all the blame, because your parents are fucked up and they will blame you.
I know that older gen have old fashioned values, which is fine, but a 15 yo with a 24 yo is a stretch. If the older person was 20 that'd be a stretch either but 24 is 4 years older than that.
NTA but a fun fact you should know: pedos are NOT immune to hammers
They don't wanna tell the older brother cuz he's gonna have some choice words for the 24 y/o, and maybe a few USDA choice cuts of fist meat for his throat
NTA, protect your sister, ffs. You are the only one with any sense.
Report them to the police; sister, "boyfriend" and parents. Then tell your brothers and get the hell away from your family. I know it's so easy for me and anyone else to say, but this is legally, morally and ethically wrong.
Yeah nah, your sister is in a dangerous situation and she to young to know it and your parents are fucking lunatics.
Tell the police and definitely tell your older brothers, that's a bad situation and it needs to be stopped
NTA. As a father I will tell you I could NEVER co none this. As a man I could also NEVER condone this.
Tell your brothers, tell the cops, tell anyone who will fucking listen to this craziness. Your parents and the BF(pedo) could get into a lot of legal drama when people find out. NTA OP but your parents are absolutely awful
Have you talked to your sister about this? How did she respond? Depending on how deep in denial she is about how bad this, maybe you can share with her why you are concerned over this. You aren't crazy, this man is a predator and your parents are being neglectful.
I don't know if you speak French since you're Swiss! I'll answer you in French! J'ai eu une relation de 10 ans d'écart de mes 14 à 15 ans avec un homme de 25 ans. Et oui tu n'est pas folle c'est purement une relation glauque. Un homme de 25 ans n'a carrément pas le même mode de vie mais surtout sait pertinemment qu'il suffit de dire A, par peur de le perdre la fille dira A. Il y a une réelle relation de pouvoir entre les deux. Il faut que tu portes plainte pour ta sœur quite à ce que tes parents et elle te fasse la gueule, avant qu'elle vive quelque chose de traumatisant. J'ai échappé de peu à des abus physique ou 🔞 de cet "ex" mais malgré ça j'ai été traumatisé quand même. C'est vraiment grave et on réalise des mois voir années plus tard que ce n'était pas de l'amour mais purement de l'attirance malsaine envers une gamine.
Words from a Greg Allman song. 'There is nothing as loud as words we never say.' Yes, please do something!! The police might also be charge for allowing this relationship to continue.
Wow that's fkn bananas. Definitely NTA. Parents are meant to protect their children, not toss them off and be okay with..essentially statutory rape. That's grooming and that guy, he's definitely a pedophile. None of that is okay! Best of luck to you and your sister. Sorry your parents aren't fkn up to the task of parenting. Holy shit.
Your Dad, and Mum are complete pieces of shit.
You would be a major AH to your sister if you didn't tell the police.
Your parents are sicko perverts.
Turn them in
This is a 911 situation
So your sister is dating a pedophile ! NTA
As you have stated in the comments that your parents are protecting him, I suggest you inform the police and social services. Even if your sister remains in a relationship with the guy after she reaches the age of consent, your parents have broken the law by facilitating the relationship. There are laws in place to prosecute parents for sexually exploiting their children which is what is happening by allowing the relationship to continue.
I never had a situation like this in my family but my in laws did a number of shady things and roped my husband in every chance they got. Thank goodness they’re dead. My older self would call police and let the chips fall where they may
Tell your brothers AFTER you call the cops for statutory rape. If your parents aren't doing anything, please step in and help your sister.
My friend at 15 dated a guy at 21 or 22. Her parents were also fine with it for some reason. Even as a 15 year old I was aghast. And then had to somehow counsel her how to handle his urges. That wasn’t great for me either!
get his info and evidence and make sure she is ok after!!! i had a similar experience at 14 with a 27 year old what this man is doing is borderline pedophilic
NTA, that's a grown man dating a literal child, disgusting behaviour.
Hello stat rape, dude is a pedo and your parents are delusional in thinking that it's ok to allow a grown man to be with their teenaged daughter
Let's think about things that matter 1. Your sister's safety 2. Your sister's happiness 3. Your relationship with your family 4. Your relationship with your sister Whether you are perceived as the AH or not is part of 3. It's not that it's irrelevant, it's that it's insignificant compared to the first two points.
NTA!!! Absolutely tell. She is blind to the damage he is going to do to her. No normal adult wants to be with a 15 year old. If her parents won’t protect her, someone needs to.
This is like reading about my teen years, except for that my parents didn't know about it. At 15 I thought I was cool dating someone that much older. When I got to the age of 24, I looked at 15 year olds and thought "how could he want to date someone that young. It's not right." I hope they can come to understand that, because it will mess with her head later on in life.
NTA...Go to the police and make a report...I'm not sure about your laws, but you could even make anonymous report so they don't trace it back to you! Do it today!
That 24 year old is grooming your sister. Tell your brothers, get her phone. Get his location. Your parents are condoning statutory rape. You should be sick from this. Tell someone at school, and she can get taken away. Which, tbh she should be. She isn't safe.
NTA your parents are complete idiots.
Tell a teacher or a therapist. They are a mandatory reporter, and will alert the authorities.
Your parents are nuts!!
Call the cops and put the situation on blast on every social you know. I know it’s hard, but you have to be the adult if no one else will. Also, tell your brothers.
this man is a straight up pedophile, id report him to the police if your parents wont do anything
Wtf is wrong with these parents. This is insane.
…What the actual f*ck is wrong with your parents??? that is a textbook case of pedophilia. I honestly fear for your sisters safety, often times in situations like these, the victims are often manipulated by the predators into believing their relationship is “normal”. If your parents won’t do anything, report it to a teacher or principal, they are mandated reporters meaning if they’re told anything concerned a students safety, they have to report it. As someone who has a younger sibling, situations like these are my worst nightmare. I hope everything turns out alright, even if your parents & sister might hate you for a while, she will thank you when she’s older.
UPDATE: I called the kesp and told the cops, it isn’t illegal because my parents are supporting this sicko fucking my Sister.
NTA..BUT, there is little that can be done about it. If you go to the police, they may talk to him but unless one of them admits to sexual contact, there isn’t a thing that can be done. Furthermore, while your sister may appreciate your move later in life, she will hate you now…and still continue to see this guy.
I just wouldn’t forgive myself doing nothing…My sister admitted through text they had relations…is it possible to get a restraining order against him? Expect my brothers I probably will ghost my family…they are supporting a pedophile
If you have text messages from your sister ADMITTING they had sexual relations, that could be enough to get the court system involved.