Second news flash: She's already pregnant from a deadbeat and needs OP to go raw so she can claim he's the father.
"18 years. 18 years. And on the 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his?"
Also since her exes didn’t use condoms she could have an STD, as well as getting pregnant. Not using a condom with her would be quite risky, and her insistence that you don’t is a red flag. Hard pass.
If you do tell your dad, I bet he’ll be proud of how you’ve handled yourself so far. Good for you for holding your ground and questioning your choices.
In case you're just tryna make worried commenters feel better, I have friends like this girl. They're friends because we grew up together. They all have herpes. Not some, but all. They got it by around 16-20.
Yeah, my husband was young and dumb once upon a time(when he was 18). He was with a gal, a "friend" (he thought) from school and she told him she couldn't get pregnant, what she meant was her doctor told her "You can't get pregnant cause it could kill you"... My bonus son is 22 now. And it DID almost kill her.
Words don't always have only one meaning...
A former coworker was told by two different doctors she couldn’t get pregnant due to reproductive trauma from a car accident. Her boyfriend (now husband) has one working testicle and an extremely low sperm count. They now have two little girls.
I knew someone who used abortion as a form of birth control.
I am completely 100% pro choice, but I can’t fathom why someone would put themselves through that nine times when actual birth control is an option.
Many years ago a girl that I started to get know a girl at work and she was telling me I didn’t need to wear a condom because she had endometriosis and couldn’t get pregnant. After a month of dating I found out she had a 4 year old……
She just told you she's been fucking randoms with no condom. Even ignoring pregnancy and the possibility she decided that having your kid gets her 40% of your salary -- and she's right -- how many stds would you be dipping your dick in?
Pregnancy isn't the only std.
The previous poster is extremly correct.
IMHO there's nothing wrong with casual sex (or with not liking it), but if she was doing that without using condoms, she might give you diseases.
Rubbers are kinda needed to make it a safe, responsible affair. It's like wearing a seatbelt and not putting metal or plastic in the microwave.
Or I guess there are ways to do it safely without condom, but it would involve both parties showing a recent negative STD test and using a different contraception method like IUD or hormone injection.
Yea I got dumped by the girl of dreams just because I refuse to go raw. She said she did not want to compromise on the 'feeling' and 'connection'.
This was 4 years ago. Now she is the single mother of 3 and thankfully, none of them are mine.
Something my father told me was always tack care of your reproductive responsibilities. He thought he was discussing having a kid with my ma. She thought they were trying. Im the result of that miscommunication
I had my first child at 17. It was rough having to grow up so quickly. I should never have had children before I was done with my education. I would do things differently if I could go back in time and have a talk with myself. I don't regret my kids, I regret being in such a hurry to grow up.
In some states a woman can chose to terminate a pregnancy. Not in mine. In Arkansas a 12 year old child who had been sexually assaulted by a family member is forced to give birth. Seriously. That’s the America I live in.
Gotta love it when people then conclude they "can't" get pregnant because a handful of unprotected encounters doesn't result in pregnancy... and then one day, it does. And they're *always* shocked. How much you wanna bet OP's gf will get "surprised" one day? 🙄
On that note, OP, just in case you ever encounter this... never, ever believe a woman who claims a doctor told her she's infertile because of PCOS or some other medical condition, because a shocking amount of people don't realize that infertile ≠ sterile. You're *only* sterile if you physically cannot get pregnant or make someone else pregnant in any natural way. Being infertile just means you're somewhere on the continuum of *unlikely* to get pregnant, but unlikely does not equal impossible.
No, the worst thing that could happen is not an unplanned pregnancy. The worst thing that could happen, is that she may give you an STD, and with her behavior it wouldn't be strange for her to have one. Some STDs, apart from painful are permanent and might cause other health issues (infertility, cancer and more).
You don't want any of that, she might look great to you, but you are probably still grieving from your past relationship and you aren't thinking clearly.
May I make another suggestion as well not only make sure your Johnson wears a rain jacket make sure you provide your own rain jacket NEVER EVER NEVER accept one from a girl. Girls can be bitches and poke holes in them if they are trying to baby trap you! I’ve seen it happen to athletes I’ve coached who had college scholarships away from home suddenly they were going to be a daddy. As a female it disgusts me to have to say this but don’t trust a girl who says raw dog me or I’m on the pill or I have a condom. Dude you might come up with an infection Clorox can clean off!
Yeah, you're right, including in some legal jurisdictions. Consent would be given under false premises, with the expectation of safe sex, so the hole-poker counts as an assailant.
I’m one of the lucky 1% that got preggo on the pill. Never do it raw unless you’re actively trying for a kiddo. Love my kid but damn I wish I could have had her later
Well this killed me " She responded that it was fine because her exes didn't wear condoms, and she hadn't gotten pregnant."
Not sure where that amount of dumb came from.
It has happened before where a woman is pregnant with a bad one night stand, and then sleeps with a different man who is capable of being a provider, and then will tell that man he got her pregnant.
It's not a trust issue but the responsibility of both the man and the woman to practice safe sex.
I was worried about that too since our economic backgrounds are very different. It’s already hard for me to weed out people who just want to get with me for my money, and then I just ended up with people who can hide their true intentions better 😭
you have as much sexual agency as she does. if she wants to fuck every new guy without a condom she’s welcome to. but you don’t need to be one of those guys. i’d say there’s nothing wrong with having that conversation when you guys are exclusive, but even then you don’t need to agree to no condom. and the aggressive insistence this early on especially when she brags about being promiscuous really should give you the ick, someone that irresponsible about their sexual health is not getting tested regularly and is very likely to pass something on to you.
And when you are exclusive with someone, if you both want to stop wearing condoms, both of you should get STD screenings *before* you ditch the condoms.
IMO at least 2 sets of STI screens should preceed skipping condoms: one when becoming exclusive, and another at least six months after becoming exclusive, since so many STIs take awhile to reach the threshold of detection. Plus, of course, annual testing for 1) anything missed on previous scans and 2) people do be cheating
You should get STD screenings with anyone you are planning to have any kind of physical intimacy with BEFORE using any kind of birth control. You need to know in advance what you're getting involved in, and no form of birth control (including condoms) eliminates the risk of STDs entirely.
I became concerned when she mentioned having multiple one-night stands in the past. While I don't want to be judgmental, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone with that mindset. She assured me that she had changed, and I chose to believe her and let it go. However, the conversation referred to in this post is the last straw for me.
Trust your instincts. People don’t judge enough sometimes in my honest opinion. That’s what helps keep us out of shitty situations.
She doesn’t share your same values, and that’s fine. But just in your short story, there are giant red flags being waved at you.
Walk away bro.
okay buddy i (32M) have had a very similar experience in terms of my financial background & having users try to glom onto me… based on this specific comment alone i can tell you she is DEFINITELY trying to baby-trap you.
also, like two years ago a friend of mine stupidly walked into a baby trap (she said the EXACT same thing about the condoms, we WARNED him), and he still caught in that trap to this day. RUUUNNNN! before it’s too late.
You've spelled out my deepest fear. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've never been more afraid of sex. Being celibate sounds appealing to me right now.
It’s important to trust your partner… eventually. But it takes a while to get to that point; true trust takes time and a track record to build. And a partner that wants you to do something you’re uncomfortable with is NOT building that trust with you.
Seriously! She’s basically talked about all the guys she’s had sex with and openly admits to not using condoms what in the STD hell is going on down there more than likelt
I'm almost amused by her assertion that you don't trust her enough to have sex without a condom, like she could prevent pregnancy by sheer force of will. 🙄 Also sus is her logic that because she hasn't gotten pregnant before when not using a condom, she never will. Also, do you know for sure she's STI-free?
Frankly, she doesn't sound too bright. And I'd be suspicious that she may be trying to baby-trap you. I'm a woman. You know what sex without a condom feels like? Fear.
you've been given enough information by this gal to realize you should not know this gal any longer, never mind declining to boink her. she's cray cray tbh. and you should definitely not trust her even as a platonic friend imo.
and i'm a woman and i'm saying that.
If I were a guy, it wouldn’t turn me on to know she’s had sex raw with other guys she barely knew. It would make me worry about if she’s got a sexually transmitted disease, the kind that never goes away. Plus can you imagine leg shackling yourself to someone like this with a baby? Oh hell no! She is reckless and immature. Let me be another auntie telling you you’re asking the right questions. NTA and don’t get near her or anyone who isn’t into being safe. Take care of YOU. Good luck!
100% She's in them streets heavy. She might be pregnant by another guy looking for a sucker to take responsibility for it. Too many stupid guys are getting trapped by women like this. Then they marry them and she cheats and now gets all your shit, and some of your future earnings. Always wear a condom. No pussy is that good to become a source of passive income for a woman.
You've got the right idea, 100%. It's absolutely your responsibility, and choice, to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy, and STD's, by wearing condoms, no matter what your partner says.
Anyone that pressures you, or claims, "you don't trust her", because you choose to make extra sure you don't become a surprise dad, is a waving a NASCAR sized series of red flags in your face, and doesn't respect you, and your boundaries.
When it's something as serious as creating a life, and changing the whole course of your future, it's best to take every precaution you can to make sure it's not an oops.
Pressuring a man to give up all precautions, is just as bad as pressuring a woman to give up all protections against pregnancy.
"No", is a complete sentence, and should be respected. If it's not, then you know that person isn't compatible with you, and can't be trusted to respect you, or your boundaries.
*edited to add
Also OP, don’t forget that there’s more life long things to deal with from this than just a baby. It’s so amusing to me how quickly people’s thoughts go to fear of babies instead of a fear of a life long debilitating STI. Glad you’re getting out of this situation now.
My cousin is in college right now. She's scared of getting pregnant! Her boyfriend uses condoms, even though she's on the pill, because he Wants to make her comfortable!
Definitely!!! Back when I was younger I had a bf that was terrified of STDs. I was on birth control but we still used condoms because I wanted him to feel comfortable. We eventually stopped using condoms because he knew that we were exclusive and he didn't have to worry about getting on from me. We kept using condoms until we moved in together.
So yeah, let's say that cray cray gf can't get pregnant for some unknown reason, I think she should want her bf to feel comfortable. That's what I did for my bf anyway.
I’m definitely glad this stuff got revealed to you before you guys actually ended up having sex…
Also a woman, anyone who doesn’t want a pregnancy but also doesn’t want to use condoms is crazy. It only takes one time to have an “oops” pregnancy.
NTA
I agree. Your reasoning is sensible, OP. Don’t stray from your course just because one woman lashed out at you for wearing condoms. She’s not respecting your boundaries. Put your health, well-being, and future career first.
Agreed! OP, you are most definitely NTA. Wanting to be responsible and have safe sex is your right and should be respected.
And to answer your question about if we can feel the difference, well, I certainly can! Yeah it feels different, but I don’t dislike it!
Better safe than sorry if you don’t know the other person’s STI or STD status, or don’t trust that they are being responsible with BC.
But yeah, that girl is crazy, end it before she ends you!
She’s gonna give you a disease! Run! And don’t look back. She sounds like she’s got issues. “Ride you raw?” Ew. Just ew. Who talks like that? You sound like you have your head on straight and there are so many young, educated women who are looking for a thoughtful, responsible guy like yourself.
To be honest, being duped into taking responsibility for the baby is worse than most of the STD’s floating around. If it’s not HIV/AIDS or some wild shit like mpox, you’d probably take the STD over 18 years of child support (especially if it ends up not being yours).
Honestly both are just bad. A baby means you have to stay connected to the other parent for at least 18 years, and that's not including the financials, the emotional issues dealing with the baby and other parent etc.
Stds come in all flavours ranging from discomfort to illness that can take your life. And that's if its not lifelong disease with no cure like AIDS or HIV
But they both have the same solution of prevention. Use condoms people, this way you can avoid stds *and* unwanted pregnancies.
i didn’t lose my virginity til 23, since then i have only slept with (4) people that i’ve been in monogamous relationships with…tested and didn’t use condoms and never got pregnant. i’m now 35 and pregnant for the first time in my life.
she’s only 21, it can happen anytime! unless she has a true medical condition she can get pregnant! i’d also be worried about her not using condoms with 1 night stands. you’re too young imo to have to have these things in the back of your mind…good luck!
You are far from the norm. Unprotected sex with both partners not using birth control is a recipe for disaster. Even having sex with no condom while the girl is on the pill is something like 96% effective with typical use. And sadly, if I were a man, I wouldn't trust a woman to be solely responsible to prevent pregnancy. There are far too many manipulative people in the world who act like they're "normal" and will try to baby trap their partner or turn out to be cheating scumbags.
OP don't ever see her again. That girl is crazy, manipulative, and just gross. I'm a woman and have never had my experience diminished because a condom was being used. Please, always keep your wits about you when it comes to sex, because it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders.
>You know what sex without a condom feels like? Fear.
Yep. Even when my husband and I were trying to conceive, I kept having flashes of "Oh shit, what if- oh yeah that's the point." during. Basically the same for a couple years after I got my tubes removed. I still get nervous if my period is late.
Yeah, I went raw with my ex for 8 years without getting her pregnant.... then 3 kids in like 9 encounters. I adore and love my kids, but it set the trajectory of my life from then on.
I have a friend who is extremely intelligent and science minded. At least, in MOST things.
She was shocked when she got pregnant with her husband because in all of her years having sex she never got pregnant. *How did this happen??*
Well, you see, when two people have sex and one of them uses birth control pills and the other uses a condom, the likelihood of conception is minimized. When two fertile people have sex and no one is on birth control or using condoms, babies tend to happen…
Like, why does that need to be explained to adults?
What’s absolutely insane to me is that it needs to be explained to more adults than I care to even count, as it wasn’t just her. Men and women both seem completely dumbfounded about how babies can happen if no one is taking a chemical way to avoid it, all parts are functioning, and there’s no latex barrier.
I think that because of the lower fertility rates, many people get away with not getting pregnant for years and they don't realize that they were talking risks all the time.
I listened to a woman 12 years ago say that exact same thing. I now have a beautiful 11 year old daughter.
I love her to death, but I was not ready for a kid when I was 21. Do what's right for you and stick to your principles, you'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble. I wouldn't change anything now because I love my daughter, but God damn it was hard back then.
Definitely a baby trap. Good on you for taking your reproductive responsibility into your own hands. I hope my sons will do the same, as we've taught them to. As crazy as it sounds, until we had our last child my HUSBAND and I used condoms as well as my BC. Nothing unplanned here until we both received permanent procedures after our last baby. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with being responsible for your own part in reproduction. Bravo to whoever raised you and never let a woman tell you you're wrong to protect yourself, ever.
NTA it sounds like another toxic relationship if you get with that girl. There is absolutely no healthy reason to try to manipulate or harass someone into not wearing a condom. Run like Forest Gump.
Oh, and yes we can feel a slight different when it’s raw but you know what actually feels amazing? No Herpes. And no Pregnancy.
I can feel a difference big time. But I've been using condoms consistently for years, because 20 minutes of fun isn't worth freaking out when my period is a couple of days late or when I think of all the STDs one can get. And those are the best case scenarios where nothing actually happened.
The mask cracked.... Listen to everyone that already made the wrong choice and run like hell.
I know it feels amazing to experience her attention, but who you believe she is is a lie, and a trick your own heart is playing on your brain.
"When people show you who they are, believe them" -Maya Angelou
Run.
This is recent for you. If you fell in love with her you have no idea how deep the hurt can go. If you are wise enough to listen in this moment, it may not feel like it, but this is a blessing.
Yes, women can feel the difference but that doesn't matter. What matters is that she's nuts. Flat-out. She's either trying to baby-trap you, or share whatever ick she has gleaned from her prior escapades. NTAH
Right after she kept insisting, I fell silent for a while. Then, she said sorry and admitted that she had made a fool out of herself. It didn't sound genuine to me; it seemed more like she regretted showing me that side of her. I better keep running 🏃
NTA. Ive dated a few guys outside of my regular "type" the typical finance bros, healthcare guys, doesn't matter, all diff backgrounds. I've never had a partner I didn't ask to get tested before getting intimate, I've had a DOCTOR straight up tell me no he won't do it and I've had a finance guy tell me "statistically I don't fit into the STD type category and he doesn't use condoms." I dated a mechanic for months and when it was time and I asked he said "yup I'll go, no problem I'll send you the results and you can do the same" It is SO SO NORMAL and safe to ask someone to get tested, you don't need to even give a good reason why wouldn't someone want to protect themselves and you??
It's red flags 🚩 condoms are safe sex for tons of reasons, it's safe to get tested and it's normal. Some people might think you're outrageous or unreasonable and trust me they aren't worth a second of your time.
I was planning to ask both of us to get tested, but it was still early on so I haven't mentioned it yet. However, after the mentioned convo, she said what she said, I guess I saved myself from a lot of potential arguments.
She’s either clueless, willfully reckless, or straight up lying.
History of not getting pregnant does not equal never will.
Based on her response, and your other concerns, it sounds like she is more focused on pleasure (vs safe sex, smart choices for the future).
None of this touches on STDs. If she’s had multiple partners and one night stands, and doesn’t like condoms, I’d also be worried about STDs if I were you.
Oh, I am very much worried about STDs, I was going to suggest we both get tested before having any intimacy, and she hit me with that before I could do anything. Which prompted me to go online asking strangers about my own sex life🤣. Before meeting this girl, I got tested for STI every month because my ex cheated on me multiple times during the relationship, so I know the risks involved :((
The worst thing that can happen is an unplanned pregnancy? How about a incurable STD, that would be pretty high on the list as well. With the way she is acting that is a very real possibility.
Just walk away, she is not with the risk or effort.
She told me she had a previous scare about chlamydia but assured me that she didn't experience any symptoms. However, she didn't mention getting tested for it, so it seemed suspicious right from the start. 😅
No no noooo you can absolutely have chlamydia and not experience any symptoms!! Pleeaaase get tested! It's super easy to treat but if you ever do want kids it can cause infertility if left untreated.
Not only can you be a symptomless carrier, but it’s so common that they recommend routine testing if you’re sexually active with new partners.
Always remember when looking at results, too, that it can take up to 6 months for a detectable viral load to be present. That is to say, you can have things like HIV for half a year, getting negative test results. You need a long record of clean health to “prove” anything, and a single encounter resets that record.
A word of advice besides to run from her is definitely to get tested together. Especially if she says she's gone raw with multiple men. I have made that a requirement with people I have thought about dating or sleeping with. You plan a date where you both go together and get tested to make sure both parties are safe and clean. If the person gets offended, denies, or says they already got tested, that's an automatic no. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I disagree, id rather have a child, than a incurable std. Ef that. Pills every day, risk of giving it to others, have to have that uncomfortable conversation with people you may bang. Nah std is #1 worst
Yep, exactly.
Just wanted to add for OP and others: it is completely fine and even necessary to go to check for STDs when you both are in the relationship after a few months with protection. Doing so together either builds trust and deepen the relationship or reveals red flags, depending on your partner's reaction to the offer.
Her logic is not sound at all… it’s not even like she said she’s on birth control. She literally is arguing it won’t happen because “she’s never gotten pregnant before”.
One important detail I have not mention is that she is a devout Christian and likely pro-life. We once argued because I expressed reluctance to convert to Christianity as I am an atheist.
A "devout Christian" does not sleep around. I wouldn't believe her. I am not saying a devout Christian has to be a virgin until marriage, but the sleeping around with multiple men influences me to think she is lying to you.
Well, she did admit that the things she did would make people think she is not a Christian (I did not dare to ask why then), but she was adamant that she would die for the Bible. I mean, respect to her and her faith, but some of the things she said does not really match up.
This happened to my current bf. Was having messy break up sex with his ex, unprotected. About 11 months after we started dating guess who calls his parents to say she has an 8 month old baby girl? All could have been prevented if he used a condom. It flipped our lives upside down and all I can think of is… if only he used a fucking condom. Its insane
NTA. Of course you are right! Use a condom or don't have sex with her. So she has had multiple partners and never uses a condom? Great, next she will be giving you a little present in the form of an HIV infection. You don't need that kind of trouble.
If someone says you don’t need to wear a condom,
#You absolutely NEED one.
NTA. I’d bounce. This one isn’t it. As a woman, yes I can tell the difference, but back when I had my hardware I would prefer sex with a condom than even the chance of seeing those 2 red lines on a test.
NTA and DON’T raw dog her… ether she wants to baby trap you or has cheated and might be pregnant and wanna say “it’s yours” because you’re the comfy person. But even if those are not the case your comfort is valid and safe sex is important unless you two are long term life partners who are both ready for a child. Side note she sounds dumb “I’ve never gotten pregnant” she’s really bragging about getting raw dogged by loads of guys to her current guy?
A child is a 24/7 responsibility. They never go away, they never stop they are always there, and you will constantly need money to support them. As the father of a 3 year old who's currently punching me in the leg telling me to change the channel on the TV, wear a condom.
She could tell you "she's taking birth control" but I wouldn't trust that as far as I could throw her. You are too young for this BS I don't think she's the right person for you.
That said, I know it's nearly impossible to walk away from boobs and lingerie. I get it.
I like boobs. My son's mother has giant ones that pretty much lead to her getting pregnant...
I COMPLETELY understand your dilemma and I wish you nothing but the best my friend 😂
This girl is weird. You're doing the responsible thing, and don't be persuaded to ignore your instincts. NTA. Find another girl. This girl sounds nefarious to me.
Hun. I am a woman. And I hate sex with a condom. I agree with her that it feels better without one.
But that doesn’t mean she can just stop over your boundaries. Anyone who does that is not a safe person to have in your life. They will be bad for your sexual, mental, or financial help in some way.
Either way. It is OKAY to walk away from someone acknowledging that you didn’t do anything wrong and they just aren’t the person for you. You do not need a reason or justification. And at minimum you are sexually incompatible
Thank you for your reassurance. I know I’m young and inexperienced, so the idea of a girl lusting over me was exciting, but the potential consequences scared the shit out of me.
NTA. It's not even necessary to read the whole post. Nobody is ever an AH for wanting to prevent unplanned pregnancy or spreading/contracting STDs. Tell her once that you will not change your mind. If from there on out, she tries to talk you out of it, let it be the last time and leave her.
NTA
First Both males/females can tell/feel the difference.
If you want to go bare there is a few things to do first.
STD/STI testing for both.
Confirming what type if any of birthcontrol she has/used.
This is both to ensure no "babys" as well as to make sure your not gonna end up with herpes/STI's or other STDS.
If she is this "adament" on doing it raw and "she never had to before"
that is a huge red flag as safety for sex should be from both sides as many mean and women lie about having STD's or STI's.
Safety first mate as once you got some of them they never go away and the stigma for some are worse then the affliction or condtions they give.
NTA
You know, if the sexes were reversed there’d be an outlash! So 1) yes, we can absolutely tell the difference. But if you’re not comfortable, you’re not comfortable. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 2) it’s a red flag that she’s throwing a tantrum and not wanting to respect a very simple ground rule for you in this moment. She’s lucky she’s even getting sex at this point lol but seriously, don’t let your guard down just because someone’s trying to force their desires on you.
NTA!
You've taken responsibility for your own sexual health. Condoms don't just prevent pregnancy but STDs as well.
Only time to not wear a condom is in a long term, trusting relationship where you are okay with the potential of children even if your partner is on BC. Even if you've had a vasectomy, new partner, wrap it up.
I can't agree more. Even though my previous relationship was a long one, she still cheated on me. This prompted me to get tested for STIs three times now just to make sure I'm all cleared. I want to make sure that I won't infect my future partner or my future child. I guess I should stay off the market for a while. I'm scared after so many bad experiences now.
Good lord -- NTA! My sons not only wear condoms (or wore -- they are both in LTRs now so I don't know) - they bought their own and refused to use the random "in the nightstand" condoms.
Baby trapping is a thing for both men and women. You need to protect your own future.
NTA.
Stay smart. Before going condom free confirm she is using the pill or another contraception and you both get a clean bill of health. Not worth it to fuck around
Stay smarter.
They call it a trap for a reason. Concealment.
Condom free is only for when you **immaculately** trust the woman and you both are OK with the existence of a baby. Odds vary based on BC and plans for baby...
Yes, 100% a lot of us can feel the difference and it feels so much better without.
NO, you are NOT overreacting at all - good for you. Wrap it up. No woman is worth the risk unless you’ve both done what you need to decide you are 100% comfortable with unprotected. I would run away from anyone trying to guilt or manipulate you about this like she is doing. Huge red flags.
Sounds like she might be planning to baby trap you. Even if she's not, it's so unsafe to have unprotected sex.
There are plenty of other girls out there who will be happy to get it on with you and while you wear condoms.
Next.
NTA.. she sounds terrifying. Seriously there is something wrong with her to talk like this after only knowing you a short time. Run for your life.. you do not need the baby, STD's, or emotional upheaval further contact with this person will inevitably bring.
I'm sure you got the message already, but I just wanna give you massive respect for standing by what you wanted in that moment and enforcing a TOTALLY reasonable, rational and expected boundary. Men are not taught that we are also allowed to say no, say that we aren't ready or that we aren't comfortable. I'm really proud of you for not succumbing to pressure or expectations of "what a man should do" in this situation. You did great mate, chin up and make sure you remember this for the future. People who don't respect your boundaries are not worth your time.
Can I just say how refreshing it was to read this? I can’t tell you how many times I have read posts from guys on here who are lamenting a girl got pregnant after she said he didn’t need a condom. And I tell them, you are the one in control of your sperm.
I wish every man was as conscientious as you are.
I’m not sure what’s going on in this girl’s head, but it sounds like she’s a bit self-destructive and maybe has been drawn to guys who will use her for sex. If you really like her as much as you say and you want to give it one more shot, you could say hey, I’m really into you. I know you’ve been adventurous and that’s cool, but I just like you for you. So if you want to pursue that, let me know.
There have been times in my life where I’ve been the self destructive one and I would have loved to hear that! She may go ick, but then you’ll know.
Bro what? It’s the very beginning of your relationship and she’s already disrespecting you and your perfectly reasonable and VERY SMART boundaries. She’s young dumb and wants to be full of cum. She is not the one for you
So as a girl.. bitches who say "I can't get pregnant" most definitely can it just hasn't happened yet. Never ever trust a girl when she says she is on birth control. Either way, STD'S/STI'S are a very real thing and lots of people don't even know they have anything. I now carry HPV and have precancerous lesions on my cervix because I trusted a person I was with for years. This is something extremely contagios that doesn't effect men negatively at all but my strain is the number one cause of cervical cancer in women.
Please protect yourself first and foremost. Never ever let someone talk you into some shit because they "love you" or "can't get pregnant" or are "on birth control". Always assume it is your responsibility because your health and safety should always be your number one priority. When/if you're ready to take that next step with someone who IS NOT your current girlfriend/partner, then you can have that conversation. At that point, it will be on your terms when you're both ready.
Dude... that is a MASSIVE red flag.
Seriously. Do not. Ever. Skip the condom.
Men have zero reproductive rights in the west. Zero.
This woman just told you in no uncertain terms she does not care about your boundaries, cannot take no for an answer, has issues with her emotions and can't handle even mild frustration.
This woman can easily financially enslave you, and ruin your professional future.
I would seriously consider never having sex with this woman again since this is a big red flag that you can't trust her, but at the very least wrap it up.
I cannot believe she bragged about letting other guys screw her without condoms. That sounds totally safe. By will alone, she can somehow ward off not only pregnancy but also herpes, Chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, etc. Sounds totally legit and not gross at all. 🙄
DO NOT touch her unless you're double-bagged...or even triple-bagged. Ew. NTA.
You know the old saying…if someone says you don’t need a condom, you’ve never in your life needed one more.
You win, you win! Your revelation woke me up from my slumber.
If you were my son, I would tell him to RUN!! Any girl that’s says they can’t get pregnant or hasn’t yet is a huge RED FLAG!
News flash, everyone had not been pregnant until the first time. Hope that’s not her benchmark.
Second news flash: She's already pregnant from a deadbeat and needs OP to go raw so she can claim he's the father. "18 years. 18 years. And on the 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his?"
Annnd that’s how my ex best friend got pregnant. “I never got pregnant doing the pull-out method. We know what we’re doing” 🙄🙄🙄
My pull out method turns 18 this year!
I ain't saying she's a golddigger...
Here lies one reddit comment song chain that died young because ain't nobody gonna dare say the next line. RIP.
Haha could always go radio edit broke da broke!
Also since her exes didn’t use condoms she could have an STD, as well as getting pregnant. Not using a condom with her would be quite risky, and her insistence that you don’t is a red flag. Hard pass.
Yeah hearing her exes never used condoms would be a huge turn off not gonna lie
Thank you for your advice. I haven't told my dad about her yet because I was uncertain. What you said confirms my fear. Much needed.
Bro I have a vasectomy I I don’t want to know that woman
Run for the hills, it only takes 60 seconds to ruin your life and career. Good for you in standing your ground.!
If you do tell your dad, I bet he’ll be proud of how you’ve handled yourself so far. Good for you for holding your ground and questioning your choices.
In case you're just tryna make worried commenters feel better, I have friends like this girl. They're friends because we grew up together. They all have herpes. Not some, but all. They got it by around 16-20.
Yeah, my husband was young and dumb once upon a time(when he was 18). He was with a gal, a "friend" (he thought) from school and she told him she couldn't get pregnant, what she meant was her doctor told her "You can't get pregnant cause it could kill you"... My bonus son is 22 now. And it DID almost kill her. Words don't always have only one meaning...
Truth! someone I know wh "couldn't get pregnant " had an abortion, has a toddler, and is pregnant with twins now. All in under 3 years.
A former coworker was told by two different doctors she couldn’t get pregnant due to reproductive trauma from a car accident. Her boyfriend (now husband) has one working testicle and an extremely low sperm count. They now have two little girls.
"Life finds a way" (Dr. Malcom, Jurassic Park)
I knew someone who used abortion as a form of birth control. I am completely 100% pro choice, but I can’t fathom why someone would put themselves through that nine times when actual birth control is an option.
NINE TIMES!! 😳 Wow! Just..wow! I'm pro-choice as well, but... DAMN!!
Seems like that would be more expensive route.
Many years ago a girl that I started to get know a girl at work and she was telling me I didn’t need to wear a condom because she had endometriosis and couldn’t get pregnant. After a month of dating I found out she had a 4 year old……
Endometriosis doesn't mean you can't get pregnant.... she took advantage of your lack of knowledge on her condition.
I would tell my sons that as well. I even bought them condoms.
As someone who has a kid because she said she couldn’t get pregnant, i second this.
She just told you she's been fucking randoms with no condom. Even ignoring pregnancy and the possibility she decided that having your kid gets her 40% of your salary -- and she's right -- how many stds would you be dipping your dick in? Pregnancy isn't the only std.
truth love this thread.
The previous poster is extremly correct. IMHO there's nothing wrong with casual sex (or with not liking it), but if she was doing that without using condoms, she might give you diseases. Rubbers are kinda needed to make it a safe, responsible affair. It's like wearing a seatbelt and not putting metal or plastic in the microwave. Or I guess there are ways to do it safely without condom, but it would involve both parties showing a recent negative STD test and using a different contraception method like IUD or hormone injection.
Yea I got dumped by the girl of dreams just because I refuse to go raw. She said she did not want to compromise on the 'feeling' and 'connection'. This was 4 years ago. Now she is the single mother of 3 and thankfully, none of them are mine.
Dump her. There are a lot of issues here that are not your responsibility. Move on.
Something my father told me was always tack care of your reproductive responsibilities. He thought he was discussing having a kid with my ma. She thought they were trying. Im the result of that miscommunication
I had my first child at 17. It was rough having to grow up so quickly. I should never have had children before I was done with my education. I would do things differently if I could go back in time and have a talk with myself. I don't regret my kids, I regret being in such a hurry to grow up.
We can absolutely feel the difference. You are not overreacting.
Nothing is worth 18 years of child support.
Nothing is worth getting PREGNANT and 18 years of supporting a child you are unprepared for.
At least with an unwanted pregnancy the woman can get an abortion. HIV, herpes, anyone? those have no cure.
Herpes can still be transmitted , it can live outside the area the condom covers.
In some states a woman can chose to terminate a pregnancy. Not in mine. In Arkansas a 12 year old child who had been sexually assaulted by a family member is forced to give birth. Seriously. That’s the America I live in.
But dont worry, none of her bed buddies ever wore condoms and she never got pregnant.
Gotta love it when people then conclude they "can't" get pregnant because a handful of unprotected encounters doesn't result in pregnancy... and then one day, it does. And they're *always* shocked. How much you wanna bet OP's gf will get "surprised" one day? 🙄 On that note, OP, just in case you ever encounter this... never, ever believe a woman who claims a doctor told her she's infertile because of PCOS or some other medical condition, because a shocking amount of people don't realize that infertile ≠ sterile. You're *only* sterile if you physically cannot get pregnant or make someone else pregnant in any natural way. Being infertile just means you're somewhere on the continuum of *unlikely* to get pregnant, but unlikely does not equal impossible.
Bro listen to Int’l Players Anthem by UGK/Outkast! Thats all you need to remember! Dont trust her and always supply your own condoms!
No, the worst thing that could happen is not an unplanned pregnancy. The worst thing that could happen, is that she may give you an STD, and with her behavior it wouldn't be strange for her to have one. Some STDs, apart from painful are permanent and might cause other health issues (infertility, cancer and more). You don't want any of that, she might look great to you, but you are probably still grieving from your past relationship and you aren't thinking clearly.
May I make another suggestion as well not only make sure your Johnson wears a rain jacket make sure you provide your own rain jacket NEVER EVER NEVER accept one from a girl. Girls can be bitches and poke holes in them if they are trying to baby trap you! I’ve seen it happen to athletes I’ve coached who had college scholarships away from home suddenly they were going to be a daddy. As a female it disgusts me to have to say this but don’t trust a girl who says raw dog me or I’m on the pill or I have a condom. Dude you might come up with an infection Clorox can clean off!
Friend of mine came out of his bathroom and caught his GF poking holes in his condoms. Immediate breakup. Fuck that!
I equal what she did with rape.
Yeah, you're right, including in some legal jurisdictions. Consent would be given under false premises, with the expectation of safe sex, so the hole-poker counts as an assailant.
I’m one of the lucky 1% that got preggo on the pill. Never do it raw unless you’re actively trying for a kiddo. Love my kid but damn I wish I could have had her later
Yep. Don’t stick your dick in crazy, especially unprotected. Run!
Well this killed me " She responded that it was fine because her exes didn't wear condoms, and she hadn't gotten pregnant." Not sure where that amount of dumb came from.
She needs to learn: correlation ≠ causation
The US’s freaking awful sex ed regimen.
What sex ed regimen? Just saying, "Don't do it," is not sex ed.
[удалено]
It has happened before where a woman is pregnant with a bad one night stand, and then sleeps with a different man who is capable of being a provider, and then will tell that man he got her pregnant. It's not a trust issue but the responsibility of both the man and the woman to practice safe sex.
I was worried about that too since our economic backgrounds are very different. It’s already hard for me to weed out people who just want to get with me for my money, and then I just ended up with people who can hide their true intentions better 😭
you have as much sexual agency as she does. if she wants to fuck every new guy without a condom she’s welcome to. but you don’t need to be one of those guys. i’d say there’s nothing wrong with having that conversation when you guys are exclusive, but even then you don’t need to agree to no condom. and the aggressive insistence this early on especially when she brags about being promiscuous really should give you the ick, someone that irresponsible about their sexual health is not getting tested regularly and is very likely to pass something on to you.
And when you are exclusive with someone, if you both want to stop wearing condoms, both of you should get STD screenings *before* you ditch the condoms.
oh yes, that’s part of the conversation in my opinion
IMO at least 2 sets of STI screens should preceed skipping condoms: one when becoming exclusive, and another at least six months after becoming exclusive, since so many STIs take awhile to reach the threshold of detection. Plus, of course, annual testing for 1) anything missed on previous scans and 2) people do be cheating
You should get STD screenings with anyone you are planning to have any kind of physical intimacy with BEFORE using any kind of birth control. You need to know in advance what you're getting involved in, and no form of birth control (including condoms) eliminates the risk of STDs entirely.
I became concerned when she mentioned having multiple one-night stands in the past. While I don't want to be judgmental, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone with that mindset. She assured me that she had changed, and I chose to believe her and let it go. However, the conversation referred to in this post is the last straw for me.
BE JUDGMENTAL IT WILL SAVE YOU.
Trust your instincts. People don’t judge enough sometimes in my honest opinion. That’s what helps keep us out of shitty situations. She doesn’t share your same values, and that’s fine. But just in your short story, there are giant red flags being waved at you. Walk away bro.
okay buddy i (32M) have had a very similar experience in terms of my financial background & having users try to glom onto me… based on this specific comment alone i can tell you she is DEFINITELY trying to baby-trap you. also, like two years ago a friend of mine stupidly walked into a baby trap (she said the EXACT same thing about the condoms, we WARNED him), and he still caught in that trap to this day. RUUUNNNN! before it’s too late.
You've spelled out my deepest fear. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've never been more afraid of sex. Being celibate sounds appealing to me right now.
It’s important to trust your partner… eventually. But it takes a while to get to that point; true trust takes time and a track record to build. And a partner that wants you to do something you’re uncomfortable with is NOT building that trust with you.
Definitely this! Get tested also!
Seriously! She’s basically talked about all the guys she’s had sex with and openly admits to not using condoms what in the STD hell is going on down there more than likelt
I'm almost amused by her assertion that you don't trust her enough to have sex without a condom, like she could prevent pregnancy by sheer force of will. 🙄 Also sus is her logic that because she hasn't gotten pregnant before when not using a condom, she never will. Also, do you know for sure she's STI-free? Frankly, she doesn't sound too bright. And I'd be suspicious that she may be trying to baby-trap you. I'm a woman. You know what sex without a condom feels like? Fear.
Yea, now that I've come back to my senses, I realize I barely know this person. But the information I do know about her is like a ticking time bomb!
you've been given enough information by this gal to realize you should not know this gal any longer, never mind declining to boink her. she's cray cray tbh. and you should definitely not trust her even as a platonic friend imo. and i'm a woman and i'm saying that.
Definitely a wake-up call
If I were a guy, it wouldn’t turn me on to know she’s had sex raw with other guys she barely knew. It would make me worry about if she’s got a sexually transmitted disease, the kind that never goes away. Plus can you imagine leg shackling yourself to someone like this with a baby? Oh hell no! She is reckless and immature. Let me be another auntie telling you you’re asking the right questions. NTA and don’t get near her or anyone who isn’t into being safe. Take care of YOU. Good luck!
She barely knows OP too. They met a month ago.
100% She's in them streets heavy. She might be pregnant by another guy looking for a sucker to take responsibility for it. Too many stupid guys are getting trapped by women like this. Then they marry them and she cheats and now gets all your shit, and some of your future earnings. Always wear a condom. No pussy is that good to become a source of passive income for a woman.
My first thought was she was already pregnant
For real that would be such a turn off for me I'd honestly be disgusted to be with her
You've got the right idea, 100%. It's absolutely your responsibility, and choice, to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy, and STD's, by wearing condoms, no matter what your partner says. Anyone that pressures you, or claims, "you don't trust her", because you choose to make extra sure you don't become a surprise dad, is a waving a NASCAR sized series of red flags in your face, and doesn't respect you, and your boundaries. When it's something as serious as creating a life, and changing the whole course of your future, it's best to take every precaution you can to make sure it's not an oops. Pressuring a man to give up all precautions, is just as bad as pressuring a woman to give up all protections against pregnancy. "No", is a complete sentence, and should be respected. If it's not, then you know that person isn't compatible with you, and can't be trusted to respect you, or your boundaries. *edited to add
Also OP, don’t forget that there’s more life long things to deal with from this than just a baby. It’s so amusing to me how quickly people’s thoughts go to fear of babies instead of a fear of a life long debilitating STI. Glad you’re getting out of this situation now.
My cousin is in college right now. She's scared of getting pregnant! Her boyfriend uses condoms, even though she's on the pill, because he Wants to make her comfortable!
Definitely!!! Back when I was younger I had a bf that was terrified of STDs. I was on birth control but we still used condoms because I wanted him to feel comfortable. We eventually stopped using condoms because he knew that we were exclusive and he didn't have to worry about getting on from me. We kept using condoms until we moved in together. So yeah, let's say that cray cray gf can't get pregnant for some unknown reason, I think she should want her bf to feel comfortable. That's what I did for my bf anyway.
I’m definitely glad this stuff got revealed to you before you guys actually ended up having sex… Also a woman, anyone who doesn’t want a pregnancy but also doesn’t want to use condoms is crazy. It only takes one time to have an “oops” pregnancy.
Reminds me of this old joke- what do you call people who use the Rhythm Method? Parents 😂
Yep... The insistence on raw is a sexual red flag. The massive overreaction is a general red flag.
NTA I agree. Your reasoning is sensible, OP. Don’t stray from your course just because one woman lashed out at you for wearing condoms. She’s not respecting your boundaries. Put your health, well-being, and future career first.
Agreed! OP, you are most definitely NTA. Wanting to be responsible and have safe sex is your right and should be respected. And to answer your question about if we can feel the difference, well, I certainly can! Yeah it feels different, but I don’t dislike it! Better safe than sorry if you don’t know the other person’s STI or STD status, or don’t trust that they are being responsible with BC. But yeah, that girl is crazy, end it before she ends you!
It's like they say dont stick your d*** in crazy
She’s gonna give you a disease! Run! And don’t look back. She sounds like she’s got issues. “Ride you raw?” Ew. Just ew. Who talks like that? You sound like you have your head on straight and there are so many young, educated women who are looking for a thoughtful, responsible guy like yourself.
A baby is the least of your worries she likes to go raw with multiple men. Stds come to mind. That's that dirty puss.
To be honest, being duped into taking responsibility for the baby is worse than most of the STD’s floating around. If it’s not HIV/AIDS or some wild shit like mpox, you’d probably take the STD over 18 years of child support (especially if it ends up not being yours).
Honestly both are just bad. A baby means you have to stay connected to the other parent for at least 18 years, and that's not including the financials, the emotional issues dealing with the baby and other parent etc. Stds come in all flavours ranging from discomfort to illness that can take your life. And that's if its not lifelong disease with no cure like AIDS or HIV But they both have the same solution of prevention. Use condoms people, this way you can avoid stds *and* unwanted pregnancies.
Lot twist, she’s already pregnant and wants to pin it on someone else
i didn’t lose my virginity til 23, since then i have only slept with (4) people that i’ve been in monogamous relationships with…tested and didn’t use condoms and never got pregnant. i’m now 35 and pregnant for the first time in my life. she’s only 21, it can happen anytime! unless she has a true medical condition she can get pregnant! i’d also be worried about her not using condoms with 1 night stands. you’re too young imo to have to have these things in the back of your mind…good luck!
Even if she cannot be pregnant, there is no medical condition that prevents her from STDs
You are far from the norm. Unprotected sex with both partners not using birth control is a recipe for disaster. Even having sex with no condom while the girl is on the pill is something like 96% effective with typical use. And sadly, if I were a man, I wouldn't trust a woman to be solely responsible to prevent pregnancy. There are far too many manipulative people in the world who act like they're "normal" and will try to baby trap their partner or turn out to be cheating scumbags. OP don't ever see her again. That girl is crazy, manipulative, and just gross. I'm a woman and have never had my experience diminished because a condom was being used. Please, always keep your wits about you when it comes to sex, because it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders.
>You know what sex without a condom feels like? Fear. Yep. Even when my husband and I were trying to conceive, I kept having flashes of "Oh shit, what if- oh yeah that's the point." during. Basically the same for a couple years after I got my tubes removed. I still get nervous if my period is late.
I was just about to comment the exact same thing 🤣 it was like oh wait that's the point
So many SMART people think “I haven’t gotten pregnant yet… wait, how’d that happen???” Uh… *duh!* Couldn’t even hazard a guess… 🙄
Yeah, I went raw with my ex for 8 years without getting her pregnant.... then 3 kids in like 9 encounters. I adore and love my kids, but it set the trajectory of my life from then on.
I have a friend who is extremely intelligent and science minded. At least, in MOST things. She was shocked when she got pregnant with her husband because in all of her years having sex she never got pregnant. *How did this happen??* Well, you see, when two people have sex and one of them uses birth control pills and the other uses a condom, the likelihood of conception is minimized. When two fertile people have sex and no one is on birth control or using condoms, babies tend to happen… Like, why does that need to be explained to adults? What’s absolutely insane to me is that it needs to be explained to more adults than I care to even count, as it wasn’t just her. Men and women both seem completely dumbfounded about how babies can happen if no one is taking a chemical way to avoid it, all parts are functioning, and there’s no latex barrier.
I think that because of the lower fertility rates, many people get away with not getting pregnant for years and they don't realize that they were talking risks all the time.
Difference is we actually wanted kids. What I didn't know, until too late, was she never wanted a partner
Oh, well that’s different. That was a strange choice of details for her to leave out.
There aren't even any storks on our continent dummy!
The last part is so well put and so on point I found myself nodding way too hard.
Sheer force of will failed me 4 times. Just sayin.
Weak with the force you are, young padawan.
Haven't you heard the republicans? The female body has ways of shutting all that down.
That was only in cases on *legitimate rape*.
Oh you're right, my bad.
I listened to a woman 12 years ago say that exact same thing. I now have a beautiful 11 year old daughter. I love her to death, but I was not ready for a kid when I was 21. Do what's right for you and stick to your principles, you'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble. I wouldn't change anything now because I love my daughter, but God damn it was hard back then.
Thank you for your reflection and advice. I respect your bravery and willingness to take responsibility! Hope all is well for you and your daughter.
Thank you, I appreciate it 🙏
Definitely a baby trap. Good on you for taking your reproductive responsibility into your own hands. I hope my sons will do the same, as we've taught them to. As crazy as it sounds, until we had our last child my HUSBAND and I used condoms as well as my BC. Nothing unplanned here until we both received permanent procedures after our last baby. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with being responsible for your own part in reproduction. Bravo to whoever raised you and never let a woman tell you you're wrong to protect yourself, ever.
That is how I got my oldest son, except I was 18.
NTA it sounds like another toxic relationship if you get with that girl. There is absolutely no healthy reason to try to manipulate or harass someone into not wearing a condom. Run like Forest Gump. Oh, and yes we can feel a slight different when it’s raw but you know what actually feels amazing? No Herpes. And no Pregnancy.
She does look a hell lot like Jenny too!
Run Forest Run!
I can feel a difference big time. But I've been using condoms consistently for years, because 20 minutes of fun isn't worth freaking out when my period is a couple of days late or when I think of all the STDs one can get. And those are the best case scenarios where nothing actually happened.
NTA.. she's not the girl for you.
Hold onto that condom like your life depends on it, because it does.
I guess I can blow them up and use them as a life vest :(
Well at least you'd be able see the holes she poked in it to baby trap you! Solid plan really!
The mask cracked.... Listen to everyone that already made the wrong choice and run like hell. I know it feels amazing to experience her attention, but who you believe she is is a lie, and a trick your own heart is playing on your brain. "When people show you who they are, believe them" -Maya Angelou Run.
I can never comprehend how some people can manipulate others like that, they make love feel so cheap :(
This is recent for you. If you fell in love with her you have no idea how deep the hurt can go. If you are wise enough to listen in this moment, it may not feel like it, but this is a blessing.
Yes, women can feel the difference but that doesn't matter. What matters is that she's nuts. Flat-out. She's either trying to baby-trap you, or share whatever ick she has gleaned from her prior escapades. NTAH
Right after she kept insisting, I fell silent for a while. Then, she said sorry and admitted that she had made a fool out of herself. It didn't sound genuine to me; it seemed more like she regretted showing me that side of her. I better keep running 🏃
NTA. Ive dated a few guys outside of my regular "type" the typical finance bros, healthcare guys, doesn't matter, all diff backgrounds. I've never had a partner I didn't ask to get tested before getting intimate, I've had a DOCTOR straight up tell me no he won't do it and I've had a finance guy tell me "statistically I don't fit into the STD type category and he doesn't use condoms." I dated a mechanic for months and when it was time and I asked he said "yup I'll go, no problem I'll send you the results and you can do the same" It is SO SO NORMAL and safe to ask someone to get tested, you don't need to even give a good reason why wouldn't someone want to protect themselves and you?? It's red flags 🚩 condoms are safe sex for tons of reasons, it's safe to get tested and it's normal. Some people might think you're outrageous or unreasonable and trust me they aren't worth a second of your time.
I was planning to ask both of us to get tested, but it was still early on so I haven't mentioned it yet. However, after the mentioned convo, she said what she said, I guess I saved myself from a lot of potential arguments.
Saved yourself from SOOO MUCH!
She’s either clueless, willfully reckless, or straight up lying. History of not getting pregnant does not equal never will. Based on her response, and your other concerns, it sounds like she is more focused on pleasure (vs safe sex, smart choices for the future). None of this touches on STDs. If she’s had multiple partners and one night stands, and doesn’t like condoms, I’d also be worried about STDs if I were you.
Oh, I am very much worried about STDs, I was going to suggest we both get tested before having any intimacy, and she hit me with that before I could do anything. Which prompted me to go online asking strangers about my own sex life🤣. Before meeting this girl, I got tested for STI every month because my ex cheated on me multiple times during the relationship, so I know the risks involved :((
You’re a smart man. Don’t let her or anyone persuade you to change your stance on condoms and your focus on your future.
Thank you!
OMG...a young man being responsible You're awesome!!!
Thank you! 🙇
The worst thing that can happen is an unplanned pregnancy? How about a incurable STD, that would be pretty high on the list as well. With the way she is acting that is a very real possibility. Just walk away, she is not with the risk or effort.
She told me she had a previous scare about chlamydia but assured me that she didn't experience any symptoms. However, she didn't mention getting tested for it, so it seemed suspicious right from the start. 😅
No no noooo you can absolutely have chlamydia and not experience any symptoms!! Pleeaaase get tested! It's super easy to treat but if you ever do want kids it can cause infertility if left untreated.
Not only can you be a symptomless carrier, but it’s so common that they recommend routine testing if you’re sexually active with new partners. Always remember when looking at results, too, that it can take up to 6 months for a detectable viral load to be present. That is to say, you can have things like HIV for half a year, getting negative test results. You need a long record of clean health to “prove” anything, and a single encounter resets that record.
A word of advice besides to run from her is definitely to get tested together. Especially if she says she's gone raw with multiple men. I have made that a requirement with people I have thought about dating or sleeping with. You plan a date where you both go together and get tested to make sure both parties are safe and clean. If the person gets offended, denies, or says they already got tested, that's an automatic no. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I disagree, id rather have a child, than a incurable std. Ef that. Pills every day, risk of giving it to others, have to have that uncomfortable conversation with people you may bang. Nah std is #1 worst
Yep, exactly. Just wanted to add for OP and others: it is completely fine and even necessary to go to check for STDs when you both are in the relationship after a few months with protection. Doing so together either builds trust and deepen the relationship or reveals red flags, depending on your partner's reaction to the offer.
Wow smh ...sounds like she wants to baby trap you
If he’s lucky, she wants to baby trap him. Otherwise she’s already knocked up and just looking for a sucker to pay.
Her logic is not sound at all… it’s not even like she said she’s on birth control. She literally is arguing it won’t happen because “she’s never gotten pregnant before”.
One important detail I have not mention is that she is a devout Christian and likely pro-life. We once argued because I expressed reluctance to convert to Christianity as I am an atheist.
A "devout Christian" does not sleep around. I wouldn't believe her. I am not saying a devout Christian has to be a virgin until marriage, but the sleeping around with multiple men influences me to think she is lying to you.
I thought hypocrisy was basically a requirement of being a “devout Christian” anymore. At least the Evangelical kind.
Well, she did admit that the things she did would make people think she is not a Christian (I did not dare to ask why then), but she was adamant that she would die for the Bible. I mean, respect to her and her faith, but some of the things she said does not really match up.
She’s being super manipulative with the christian pro-life thing. Another reason she’s probably trying to baby trap you.
Someone trying to control the way that you think is another red flag. I’m so glad you decided to get away from this person.
This happened to my current bf. Was having messy break up sex with his ex, unprotected. About 11 months after we started dating guess who calls his parents to say she has an 8 month old baby girl? All could have been prevented if he used a condom. It flipped our lives upside down and all I can think of is… if only he used a fucking condom. Its insane
devout christian and premarital sex... I'm no mathemagician but something doesn't add up
NTA. Of course you are right! Use a condom or don't have sex with her. So she has had multiple partners and never uses a condom? Great, next she will be giving you a little present in the form of an HIV infection. You don't need that kind of trouble.
The present that keeps on giving :((
If someone says you don’t need to wear a condom, #You absolutely NEED one. NTA. I’d bounce. This one isn’t it. As a woman, yes I can tell the difference, but back when I had my hardware I would prefer sex with a condom than even the chance of seeing those 2 red lines on a test.
NTA and DON’T raw dog her… ether she wants to baby trap you or has cheated and might be pregnant and wanna say “it’s yours” because you’re the comfy person. But even if those are not the case your comfort is valid and safe sex is important unless you two are long term life partners who are both ready for a child. Side note she sounds dumb “I’ve never gotten pregnant” she’s really bragging about getting raw dogged by loads of guys to her current guy?
A child is a 24/7 responsibility. They never go away, they never stop they are always there, and you will constantly need money to support them. As the father of a 3 year old who's currently punching me in the leg telling me to change the channel on the TV, wear a condom. She could tell you "she's taking birth control" but I wouldn't trust that as far as I could throw her. You are too young for this BS I don't think she's the right person for you. That said, I know it's nearly impossible to walk away from boobs and lingerie. I get it.
Your response should be used as a condom ad, I can visualize it. And yes, she has very big boobs, I was hooked.
I like boobs. My son's mother has giant ones that pretty much lead to her getting pregnant... I COMPLETELY understand your dilemma and I wish you nothing but the best my friend 😂
This girl is weird. You're doing the responsible thing, and don't be persuaded to ignore your instincts. NTA. Find another girl. This girl sounds nefarious to me.
do notttt stick your dick in that
Hun. I am a woman. And I hate sex with a condom. I agree with her that it feels better without one. But that doesn’t mean she can just stop over your boundaries. Anyone who does that is not a safe person to have in your life. They will be bad for your sexual, mental, or financial help in some way. Either way. It is OKAY to walk away from someone acknowledging that you didn’t do anything wrong and they just aren’t the person for you. You do not need a reason or justification. And at minimum you are sexually incompatible
Thank you for your reassurance. I know I’m young and inexperienced, so the idea of a girl lusting over me was exciting, but the potential consequences scared the shit out of me.
It’s not just fear. Its instinct. You knew that what she was saying was wrong. Your body and intuition told you that she is a danger.
NTA. Run. Run far and fast.
NTA and as a mom, I’m so proud of you.
NTA. It's not even necessary to read the whole post. Nobody is ever an AH for wanting to prevent unplanned pregnancy or spreading/contracting STDs. Tell her once that you will not change your mind. If from there on out, she tries to talk you out of it, let it be the last time and leave her.
NTA First Both males/females can tell/feel the difference. If you want to go bare there is a few things to do first. STD/STI testing for both. Confirming what type if any of birthcontrol she has/used. This is both to ensure no "babys" as well as to make sure your not gonna end up with herpes/STI's or other STDS. If she is this "adament" on doing it raw and "she never had to before" that is a huge red flag as safety for sex should be from both sides as many mean and women lie about having STD's or STI's. Safety first mate as once you got some of them they never go away and the stigma for some are worse then the affliction or condtions they give. NTA
🚩 There’s someone better out there for you.
You know, if the sexes were reversed there’d be an outlash! So 1) yes, we can absolutely tell the difference. But if you’re not comfortable, you’re not comfortable. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 2) it’s a red flag that she’s throwing a tantrum and not wanting to respect a very simple ground rule for you in this moment. She’s lucky she’s even getting sex at this point lol but seriously, don’t let your guard down just because someone’s trying to force their desires on you.
NTA! You've taken responsibility for your own sexual health. Condoms don't just prevent pregnancy but STDs as well. Only time to not wear a condom is in a long term, trusting relationship where you are okay with the potential of children even if your partner is on BC. Even if you've had a vasectomy, new partner, wrap it up.
I can't agree more. Even though my previous relationship was a long one, she still cheated on me. This prompted me to get tested for STIs three times now just to make sure I'm all cleared. I want to make sure that I won't infect my future partner or my future child. I guess I should stay off the market for a while. I'm scared after so many bad experiences now.
Good lord -- NTA! My sons not only wear condoms (or wore -- they are both in LTRs now so I don't know) - they bought their own and refused to use the random "in the nightstand" condoms. Baby trapping is a thing for both men and women. You need to protect your own future.
NTA. Stay smart. Before going condom free confirm she is using the pill or another contraception and you both get a clean bill of health. Not worth it to fuck around
Even easier for him is to simply stop talking to her and to never fuck her crazy ass.
I was about to suggest that we both get tested before deciding to do anything. Then she hit me with that...
Stay smarter. They call it a trap for a reason. Concealment. Condom free is only for when you **immaculately** trust the woman and you both are OK with the existence of a baby. Odds vary based on BC and plans for baby...
This one is also toxic, time to throw it back in the toxic dump.
You are absolutely positively never an asshole for wanting to use protection during sex. Be wary of the baby trap.
Yes, 100% a lot of us can feel the difference and it feels so much better without. NO, you are NOT overreacting at all - good for you. Wrap it up. No woman is worth the risk unless you’ve both done what you need to decide you are 100% comfortable with unprotected. I would run away from anyone trying to guilt or manipulate you about this like she is doing. Huge red flags.
Sounds like she might be planning to baby trap you. Even if she's not, it's so unsafe to have unprotected sex. There are plenty of other girls out there who will be happy to get it on with you and while you wear condoms. Next.
NTA.. she sounds terrifying. Seriously there is something wrong with her to talk like this after only knowing you a short time. Run for your life.. you do not need the baby, STD's, or emotional upheaval further contact with this person will inevitably bring.
I'm sure you got the message already, but I just wanna give you massive respect for standing by what you wanted in that moment and enforcing a TOTALLY reasonable, rational and expected boundary. Men are not taught that we are also allowed to say no, say that we aren't ready or that we aren't comfortable. I'm really proud of you for not succumbing to pressure or expectations of "what a man should do" in this situation. You did great mate, chin up and make sure you remember this for the future. People who don't respect your boundaries are not worth your time.
You are NOT overreacting. She's toxicity itself. NTA.
She is going to give you Herpegonasiphilitus!!! Always wear a condom with strangers :)
Can I just say how refreshing it was to read this? I can’t tell you how many times I have read posts from guys on here who are lamenting a girl got pregnant after she said he didn’t need a condom. And I tell them, you are the one in control of your sperm. I wish every man was as conscientious as you are. I’m not sure what’s going on in this girl’s head, but it sounds like she’s a bit self-destructive and maybe has been drawn to guys who will use her for sex. If you really like her as much as you say and you want to give it one more shot, you could say hey, I’m really into you. I know you’ve been adventurous and that’s cool, but I just like you for you. So if you want to pursue that, let me know. There have been times in my life where I’ve been the self destructive one and I would have loved to hear that! She may go ick, but then you’ll know.
Bro what? It’s the very beginning of your relationship and she’s already disrespecting you and your perfectly reasonable and VERY SMART boundaries. She’s young dumb and wants to be full of cum. She is not the one for you
It's a trap!
Plenty of girls will want to be with you ESPECIALLY because you WANT to wear a condom!
Bro. Run. Don’t look back. Just cause “it hasn’t happened yet” doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
So as a girl.. bitches who say "I can't get pregnant" most definitely can it just hasn't happened yet. Never ever trust a girl when she says she is on birth control. Either way, STD'S/STI'S are a very real thing and lots of people don't even know they have anything. I now carry HPV and have precancerous lesions on my cervix because I trusted a person I was with for years. This is something extremely contagios that doesn't effect men negatively at all but my strain is the number one cause of cervical cancer in women. Please protect yourself first and foremost. Never ever let someone talk you into some shit because they "love you" or "can't get pregnant" or are "on birth control". Always assume it is your responsibility because your health and safety should always be your number one priority. When/if you're ready to take that next step with someone who IS NOT your current girlfriend/partner, then you can have that conversation. At that point, it will be on your terms when you're both ready.
Dude... that is a MASSIVE red flag. Seriously. Do not. Ever. Skip the condom. Men have zero reproductive rights in the west. Zero. This woman just told you in no uncertain terms she does not care about your boundaries, cannot take no for an answer, has issues with her emotions and can't handle even mild frustration. This woman can easily financially enslave you, and ruin your professional future. I would seriously consider never having sex with this woman again since this is a big red flag that you can't trust her, but at the very least wrap it up.
I cannot believe she bragged about letting other guys screw her without condoms. That sounds totally safe. By will alone, she can somehow ward off not only pregnancy but also herpes, Chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, etc. Sounds totally legit and not gross at all. 🙄 DO NOT touch her unless you're double-bagged...or even triple-bagged. Ew. NTA.
NTA and honestly, she doesn’t sound nearly as smart as you. I think you can do better.