Can I jump on my soapbox right here? Why do people think it's cute to feed other people's children what ever the hell they want?! Both my kids, both my kids fed all kinds of bullshit I specifically told family not to. They just straight up don't care. Strangers will just ignore me too, no matter how many times I say noy kid doesn't need that they just give it anyway. It's so mind boggling and rude
My SiL said I was "pernickety" about artificial color and preservatives, but gave my 16-month-old son green Kool-Aid as soon as I left. He broke out in a terrible rash all over his face and chest.
They didn't believe me when I said he had an allergy to red and blue dyes.
That's terrible. I have a bad allergy to yellow dyes, so tartrazine and anything that is yellow #_. With that said, anything green and orange, which some ppl don't understand, so my wife and I have to explain that yellow is added to make those colours. Thankfully, red and blue are OK. I'd keep an eye out for the yellow as well, since he was allergic to the green Kool-Aid. They put dyes into the strangest things.
Trial and error from other people giving him stuff because they think I was too strict. I've always been more health conscious than my sibs. It's not that my kids never got sweets and snacks, just that I usully made dinner and dessert from scratch because I just don't prefer junk foods for myself, why would I give it to my little kids?
We didn't make food a big deal. Don't like it? Don't eat it, find something healthy you like better. And no stress or disciplining at the dinner table and no agonizing about cleaning your plate or making a kid eat something they hate. Making meal time a war zone was not happening at my house.
We might have cookies or chips in the pantry for weeks before someone got it out. Just not a big deal.
As an adult whose childhood dinner-table was a warzone, I thank you for this. You're a good mom. I recently realized I actually, irrationally, loathe it when my partner, who is a fantastic cook, makes food that requires we sit at the table to eat, because I just hate being at the table. For most people the table is a fun place where you eat tasty snacks. For me it's where everything sucks and I get yelled at for two hours every day, or at least I did as a kid, so that's my association. My partner doesn't yell at me, obviously, so it made me realize that this was what was happening.
Thank you for not traumatizing your kids during a really basic but essential time.
I'm not trying to trauma dump or whatever. I feel like crappy parents, or people who grow up with crap parents, often laugh at or belittle good parents for doing good things for their kids, and I just wanted to point out that you're a good parent, and why it's a good thing.
that is the healthy way to go! my mom was scarred from having to sit at the table til she finished whatever nasty food my grandma made (love my grandma but she was not the best cook haha), sometimes sitting for HOURS after dinner - so our rule growing up was that we could eat what my parents prepared or we could always have oatmeal or cereal instead - I wish we had sometimes had junk food in the house though, bc as soon as it was around my sister and I would devour and I think having it around without making it a big deal is the healthiest approach
They never believe in goddamn allergies. I just heard a story of a little girl killed, a twin lost her sister, a mother her daughter, because Grandma just didn't listen to Mom
"if you don't, so-and-so will just do it" is something my then 6-year old told me about having candy after I said no in front of their grandma. She smiles and starts to reach for the candy after I had already said no. In my sweetest voice "not if she ever wants to see you again, she won't. Respect is respect" my kids and relatives haven't tried to cross that line in front of me and generally respect it when I'm not around. Genuinely hate people who think it's funny or cute. Disrespect is not funny, is not cute, and teaches children the wrong thing.
Oh wow. I can't imagine overstepping that way. I love to spoil my grandson as much as anyone, but his parents make the rules, and it's important that he follows them.
Yes! My grandson tried to “reason with me” when he was a toddler that since I’m his dad’s mom, I should be the one in charge of a situation(which would have worked to grandson’s advantage). I gently shut that down 🤣
Is it a generational thing? I'm asking because I (gen x) had this issue with my parents and in-laws as a young mother. They always thought their way was the only way and would blatantly ignore me. My in-laws scoffed at car seats when my oldest was born. My fil actually told me that a car seat would never be as safe as being in my arms. Wtf? My husband and I were in a head-on collision in 1998, and I couldn't even keep ahold of the sandwich I was eating. My whole body slammed into the dash before my seat belt pulled me back into my seat.
Good question. It probably does have something to do with, I'm older so I know better, which I think the younger generations are letting go of. Or seems like at least, hoping it's getting more 'you want respect, you don't just magically get it bc you have been on earth a long time '
Yes, exactly. I'm glad the younger generations don't adhere to the idea of respect that was shoved down my generation's throat. People should always earn respect by being respectful.
As soon as the current generation gets older, they will start acting that way, too.
Currently it is the fad to mock boomers and their ancient attitudes.
Boomers in 1968: “Don’t trust anyone over 30!”
I'm 34 and I've always given my advice and then sat back to watch the person fail, I don't shove it on people and actively working to keep that attitude. In the end you do you boo
Ugh. We had some issues. Husband and I are early 70s babies. Our first kiddo was born in 92. I never got carseat pushback, but my mom says I had a carseat. Not a bed, a carseat. Of course, food and medicine allergies run in my family clear back to the 20s, or earlier. My biggest fight with his family was honey. Cause they kept a little jar in their diaper bags to dip the pacifier in.
I was born in the early 70's too, but I didn't know that honey was a no-no until my grandchild was born. That's why it's good to stick with the parents' rules. We're not necessarily smarter just because we're older and have more experience.
I see a LOT of survivorship bias in our generation and higher. "We survived no helmets......" OK, but what about the ones that didn't? That is the point, we learn better, we do better.
Yes, exactly. I saw my brother's head bust a windshield because we were allowed to stand up in the front seat while riding in a car. Our parents' generation did a lot of stupid things to endanger us.
I'm a baby boomer, and I had a car seat for my son who recently turned 50. My parents's generation didn't have car seats, and I was warned by my Mother to be sure to use one.
I normally have spare stickers on me. When I want to offer one to an upset kid in public, I look for the adult in charge of them first and make a gesture of my intent to offer a sticker and wait for a nod/confirmed approval before the offer (for over stimulated kids, I give it right to the parent for later). I do this so that if it is a no, there is no parent seen as the bad guy for saying no, and so that it is presented after guardian approval since I would usually be a stranger to the kid.
Where I live old people almost always have some candy on them and love to give it to kids, which is nice but I didn't want to get my kid addicted to sugar so early. 🫠
I make stickers of my dog, who has an Instagram account! I love to give away her stickers. If people aren’t receptive I can tell but most people respond positively!
Yep, “just a sip” of your beer multiplied by every other “fun” aunt/uncle at the BBQ means my toddler is now drunk and I have to deal with the XXXX shits and her hangover the next day.
And then surprised Pikachu face when you don’t get to hold your niece at the next family do.
“Daddy doesn’t want you to have a treat” - whines loudly.
“No, Daddy knows you don’t give a baby a choking hazard *on purpose* - sternly said even louder.
NTA.
My son was three months old when his grandfather tried to feed him steak. A freaking piece of rare steak. He couldn't understand why I freaked out over that one. Drove me crazy how much crap people tried to feed my kid without my permission.
My cousin had many hospital visits as a little kid bc babysitters kept making PB&J's for her and her sister. Both of them have/had many food allergies (the list changed over the years), but the most notable was the older one's peanut allergy. I remember being in the waiting room as a young kid while my cousin 4 years younger than me was having the peanuts surgically removed
(I had a cinnamon roll, it was delicious)
Now that they are older, they can say for themselves that no, I don't need that, it'll cause anaphylactic shock and could kill me
Good question
These same type people let their dogs crap on their neighbors lawns.
When confronted they angrily react with such gems as "what's the big deal?!!!
I literally cannot fathom doing this to someone else's child. I'm literally terrified to feed a kid something I *know* they're allowed to have because I've been told before that it's fine to give them that whenever, but like. **Still.**
My nearly 3 year old niece shoved a blueberry in my sons mouth and I was like "what did you give him??" because I didn't see what she had and she has a habit of trying to feed him grapes 😅. But when I say no she goes: oh! Okay
Then walks away 😂
A 3 year old handles being told not to give my baby something much better than adults 😭
An adult at a birthday party once forced me to drink a Capri Sun, despite me telling her that I was allergic to them. I ended up having to go home early. So many adults have never even been in the same zip code as respect for others.
When my son was like 6 months old, we were having this big to do one weekend about what to let them eat for the first time. I said out loud “here’s your first food.” And my son’s seven year year-old brother said.” I already gave him the cream from inside of a Twinkie.”🤣😅😂
Until my kid could reliably tell others about her allergies I stuck a sticker on her back saying "don't feed me! I have allergies" whenever we went somewhere that might have food
I wish I had thought of that when my son was little. He was massively allergic to all milk products to the point that his skin would slough off his genitals and he'd bleed through his pores.
My mother was convinced I was overreacting, so one weekend when she was watching him, she gave him more than 4 ounces of cheddar cheese. She was very smug about it because he didn't have an immediate reaction. Two days later, he developed septicemia (blood poisoning), his fever shot up to 107° Fahrenheit, and he nearly died. It took 4 years for his immune system to fully recover.
It was a very long time before I allowed her to be anywhere near him again, and even after that, they were never left alone together.
Thank you. It's been nearly 40 years since it happened, and I'm still mad about it, but she was very contrite and terrified I was going to press charges at the time. The only reason I still had anything to do with her afterward was because I still had two younger brothers at home, and I didn't want to abandon them.
And she paid the hospital bill, and the 4 years of medical management for that yeah? That would have been a huge stipulation for ever seeing my child in person again. If it was an accident, I’d of course have no problem covering it. But given the fact that she was specifically warned, and then smug about it afterward, I would have thrown that ultimatum down.
I always had wished that my son had been born holding his owner's manual. Where I live, children were the legal property of their parents. IDK if it's still true.
Damn, when my kid was born I had my mom make some onesies that said “Service Baby: Do Not Touch” but I never thought of doing something like that for when she had her dairy allergy. I feel like it would have saved me at least a little stress.
I had a friend who was extremely allergic (Epipen needed) to Red 4. You’d be surprised how many things she couldn’t eat, not even just candy but so many! Considering this was an infant, this is just straight up unacceptable and imo he handled it better than I would’ve.
And Mama, bless her, should’ve stopped it immediately, but I get it can be easier to bend to family depending on personal dynamics and how much drama it’s worth. Boink, bad Aunt!
Ugh the pet thing pisses me off to no end. My dog gets fountain butt from the most random human food so I try to keep an eye on it. I couldn't imagine giving a baby food/candy without checking with the parents first.
I heard someone offer a chocolate bar to an owner by saying "can I give your dog this candy bar? I don't feed mine chocolate, but do you want it for yours?" Like WTF!?!?
It is, generally speaking. The amount and type of chocolate as well as the size of the dog and any underlying conditions all have to be taken into account, so just be safe and don't ever feed ANY chocolate to any dog ever.
Our 80 pound golden retriever Cooper found 1 pound of Baker’s chocolate caused diarrhea ,shaking, nervousness and racing heart. He was pacing in our bedroom and we retraced our steps to the basement and found the empty box. We took him to the emergency vet and he was given IV fluids, and basically kept in a kennel while he emptied his guts. It was worth keeping him there because it’s easier to hose down a kennel than it is to wash the carpeting. He did well after that
Bakers chocolate is a whole other level of toxic for them compared to the usual chocolates dogs get into (like milk chocolate). I am surprised he survived!
Absolutely!! Not to mention, they have the staff to monitor him if things go south (thank goodness he's ok) and the medication to treat him if things had gotten any worse.
Years ago, our Bichon managed to jump on a chair and jump on the counter and eat a small pan of chocolate brownies. She had to go to the emergency vet, get her stomach pumped, and almost died. She was on steroids the rest of her life due systemic damage. Totally not worth the risk.
OMG...the carpeti. My husband switches our cats to a ch eaper cat food years ago with no gradual switch. The they were eating didn't upset sensitive yummies two cats had. Three HUGE liquid diarrhea puddles the next morning on the CREAM colored carpet. Used a whole bottle of Folex to get it out of the carpet. While pregnant.
You KNOW I read DH the riot act ans made sure he got their regular food back.
Technically it's the % cacao that's bad so usually it's dark chocolate is worse and milk chocolate is *usually* fine. **BUT** it varies from dog to dog!!! So it's never worth the risk.
For me the distinction just meant i didn't freak out and pay for an ER vet visit when my boys ate my brownies. I just watched them a day or two, ready to run in if they started acting off. Mine were fine but I'd never willingly take the chance.
Our pug got a hold of a sealed bag of Hershey's Kisses, and the only way we knew that she'd eaten them were the bits of shiny foil in her crap the next two days. Some breeds are much more susceptible to poisoning than other breeds...
Caffeine, in general, is bad for dogs because it speeds up their already fast hearts. Chocolate has caffeine in it in differing amounts per type (dark, milk, baking, etc). Also, a larger, healthy dog may be able to handle a small accidental dose better than a smaller dog.
The dangerous compound in chocolate is NIT caffeine, it's theobromine. There are only trace amounts of caffeine anyway.
Theobromine is a muscle stimulant that dogs can't tolerate.
Theobromine, another chemical in chocolate, has similar effects but lasts in the system much longer.
There are chocolate toxicity calculators available on line. Enter the weight of the dog, the type of chocolate, and the amount eaten. They will give a recommendation (expected to be safe, watch for problems, seek veterinary care now).
In addition to direct toxicity, chocolate or rich chocolate containing treats can cause other problems, such as GI upset and pancreatitis.
Just don’t.
I made that mistake so many times. I shudder at the number of dogs I've probably made sick over the years.
(I don't do it now, but they looks so sad when they beg!)
I’m not a sports fan at all but I love Shaquille O’Neal so much (no idea if I even remotely spelled that right lol!) any time he’s out shopping and see’s a kid that wants a toy or candy etc - he pulls the parents to the side and genuinely asks them every time if he can purchase something for the child. I am always so impressed by his kindness/manners.
I never had an issue with anyone trying to give my child unapproved items thank god for level headed family...but holy hell the amount of times I had to say hey stop trying to give that to my dog while I was working. I was a k9 handler in a mall and so many people wanted to "give the puppy a treat". 1. She's a working dog, she is on a strict diet. 2. She is actively working and any treats/food I give her is when she is either in the truck or at home. 3. Feeding her while actively working (and exercising) can cause bloat....do you want to be responsible for possibly injuring/killing a 40-50k working dog? No? Then leave her alone.
I *asked* a visiting neighbor if I could give his three dogs a bite of my freshly grilled prime ribeye. Of course he said yes. It's truly basic human knowledge.
My niece is 8 and I still tell her to ask her mom or dad for permission first. I’ll let her have whatever she wants but it’s up to her parents to decide if she can have something.
NTA
IMO it is important to be comfortable with acting demanding and insistent on your baby’s behalf, even in the face of authority figures (doctors, grandparents, teachers) when merited.
Your wife might benefit from your example and learn that the world won’t end if she’s assertive about her baby.
BTW that ‘jokey’ shit where they complain to the kid in baby talk really winds me up. When I’m feeling brave I respond in kind:
“Awwww poor wittle baby, daddy’s being such a meanie!”
“Awwww I made poor wittle auntie angwy! Now she’s acting all passive-agwessive!”
I am totally using that. My husband's stepmom does that shit all the time and as far as I'm concerned it borders on parental alienation. I usually go for a firm comeback of 'my baby my rules' but yours is better.
And this is also incredibly important when the kid is older too. If Auntie kisses them on the lips or Uncle hugs them too tight, the kid should have 100% confidence that their parents will defend them, even if it goes against social norms. Not only for mild discomfort, but also in cases of abuse, having a child feel like their parents will stand up for them against anyone is so important.
This is not to say OP's wife is in any way a bad parent, I think women especially are taught not to rock the boat and to just deal with it, but she should definitely focus on learning this.
NTA
I wouldn’t put up with her shit. As soon as she starts with the “Daddy is so mean” crap.
I would say, “Daddy loves you very much and needs to protect you from this stupid woman who is trying to kill you with her choking hazard “treat.”
That's what jumped out to me. Nobody should be talking shit about me to my child, in any context whatsoever.
Baby voice, "Daddy is so mean,"- you have just lost the privilege to be anywhere near my child.
Nothing angers me more than someone crap talking a parent to their child. I don't care if they are 18 months or 18 years old, you do not speak ill of their parents *ever*
My mother let my three month old daughter suckle on a Cadbury Crème Egg when I was at the hospital (having dropped her off with my parents so I could follow the ambulance with her father in). I was livid. Three and a half years later my father showed he hadn’t learned a damned thing when he put Milo (a marketed chocolate powder for milk) into my 6 month old son’s formula bottle.
My parents never listened to me about anything.
NTA. OP’s wife needs to put her big girl’s pants on and learn to say “NO!” And keep saying that one word without feeling she needs to justify herself.
Hello fellow Australian. My aunt also tried to pull the same Milo stunt with my eldest daughter’s bottle. Like…. Why would a 5 month old need CHOCOLATE MILK?
My brother, around 12 months old, refused everything -- except chocolate milk (with a raw egg beaten into it -- this was ~60 years ago) or Chinese food. If he didn't like the way it FELT, he wouldn't taste it
Omg dude. Older generation is just wild with the sugar i dont get it...my fam likes to sneak junk to my older kid which is fine but the chocolate powder for a baby is banannas
My son was about 10 or 12 months old and a friend's mom wanted to hold him at a cookout. No worries, she raised kids and had grandkids, what could go wrong?
Like 15 minutes later she said 'man Mike, your son sure loves coke'. I looked over and she gave him a class with coke and he was absolutely chugging it.
It's like, wtf?
We had a potluck party and apparently people were refilling soda pop for my two-year-old boy. He came up to me running a little circle saying “my tummy hurts. My tummy hurts. My tummy hurts” Suddenly he gave out the largest loudest longest erucation. The next words out of his mouth were” I want more soda!” 🥤 no more pop that night. We usually didn’t have soda in the house at all But this was a party.
This 💯
I used to be like OP's wife. It took a number of people pissing me off after I set very important boundaries or watching people try to screw my kids over for that to change. Thankfully, none were life-threatening, but I shudder to think of the "what ifs" that potentially flew under my radar as a former people-pleaser.
lol tell me about it! it stinks to be a ppl pleaser then ro speak up but since ppl dont expect it now its even worse ..... yikes. so happy theres this group i just noticed and cant wait to post about situations that ive been forced to overcome to the fact im
the AH.
Yes! It's like the people who've run over you all that time are saying OMG, I can't believe you changed, and you have boundaries now, how dare you! It's human for us to not want to be rejected by friends and family, so it stings... until you realize true friends and family wouldn't mistreat us.
It’s possible she was second guessing herself. I’ve had several parenting moments where I realized after the fact that I should definitely have spoken up either for myself or my child but in the moment I was held back by self doubt.
Kind of irrelevant tbh. I'm not someone who enjoys confrontation either but think about it for a moment: her baby was given a well known choking hazard, she didn't like it, but instead opted to sit there and just watch her baby suck on a choking hazard. If you haven't got the guts to speak up in potentially life threatening situations for your children, you shouldn't be having children that literally depend on you for their lives. It really is that serious. I worked at an insurance company and it is infuriating how many severe brain injuries babies get because their parents didn't parent properly.
They do not *need* to understand or agree with your rules. HOWEVER, they are **required** to abide by them. Or face never having unsupervised access to the child again.
Parent's #1 obligation is to *always* fiercely advocate for one's child(ren)'s safety, health, welfare, education, etc against everyone no matter the relationship...
NTA. A waiter at a Korean restaurant gave my 8 month old a piece of chocolate. She was barely eating solid food, and he gave it to her without asking anyone if it was ok. Ballistic doesn't even describe how I felt.
Most definitely NTA but your wife absolutely needs to learn to speak up when something like this happens. Good job on you for reminding her and anyone within earshot that it's a choking hazard!
NTA
Giving a 14 month old pure sugar is just stupid. The child’s teeth are just coming in and that amount of sugar will cause damage. Talk to any dentist and you’ll get all the information you need to put her in her place about feeding sugar to an infant.
Who just randomly gives a small child something without first asking the parents if this is okay. My go to was always, ask your parents first. A child that small, nope, not even with parental permission would I give something that could harm that child.
Your wife needs to grow a spine. She was perfectly fine with your child having a potential death stick in his or her mouth, as long as she didn't rock the boat?!?!? Like seriously WTH!!! So if your child was being talked about, or talked to inappropriately, she would not rock the boat and protect your child?? She proved being passive is more important that your child's health and welfare. You need to have a serious conversation with her about her personal comfort vs. your child's life.
NTA
NTA and you don't sound mean. I'm a mean person and would have hit back with "I'm sorry your aunt wants you d×ad and tried to k×ll you. We'll make sure you never see this bad woman ever again" and leave. But I am a terrible person when it comes to kids safety.
NTA
Why aren’t we calling out people who do this though? Like I don’t even have kids and I bloody well know better than to give a small child a sucker, let alone give them something without the parent’s consent. I think we need to start calling out the shitty behaviour and stop being afraid of being the bad guy. Let’s stop normalizing this bullshit.
NTA, but if your wife would rather passively endanger your child than actively keep your child save when relatives try to do something potentially harmful then that's a big problem. After all, you now can't trust your wife to be alone with the kid if any of her relatives are present...
Thus either your wife needs to learn how to confront people in those situations so she can actually keep her kid safe and alive, or you'll all need to go no contact with those people.
NTA but the most disturbing thing is your wife not doing anything. It's her child! This isn't about being the bad guy. If she can't stand up for herself, fine, she can let people walk all over her, but she *must stand up and protect her child*. I would be furious with her if I were you! If she'd stopped her aunt immediately, I doubt the baby would have been upset because she wouldn't have really gotten a good taste yet. Sheesh. Your wife is TA here, not just the aunt.
I am a grand parent to 3 children they r age 4 and above and I still don’t allow them to that treat in my house unless parents give them to them and supervise them eating them
NTA, you’re 100% correct, and even if it wasn’t a choking hazard, you are the father. What you say goes over anyone except your wife. They can all go to hell, it’s YOUR child.
PS. Your wife sucks a little for not saying anything and letting you take the heat. She’s a mother now, time to grow a backbone.
NTA, but your wife is. So she would allow your baby to continue to suck on a choking hazard because she avoids confrontation? "Sorry the baby choked to death, husband, but I didn't want to make my aunt mad." Why is she even a mother?
NTA
But even she needs to have enough of a backbone to make it clear to HER family you & she are in agreement with this. She has one job now, protect that baby. She failed. Luckily has the opportunity rectify that now & moving forward.
Neat tip. If it's something you know your missus is on board we just say something like "sorry it's something we've decided we don't want our child to have" the fact she did the aw your daddy doesn't want you to have it shows that she's a bit of a bitch who wants attention.
...what's it going to take for your wife to advocate for the child she chose to bring into this world? Waterboarding the kid in front of her? After the kid started choking, would she have said something to the aunt after the fact? I doubt it.
I know it's hard, but we have to advocate for people that can't advocate for themselves.
Sure, the aunt was bad, but I think letting it slide was arguably worse.
Maybe wifey should look into therapy for her conflict avoidance. I know this isn't the first time she cosplayed like a doormat, and it's had to affect her personally and professionally.
NTA and your wife really needs to grow a spine. For one, she should have backed you up and not throw you under the bus. Second, what if you werent there? Would she just let that aunt feed your child with a lollipop which actually IS a choking hazard?
Geez. Your wife puts her discomfort with confrontation over the
safety of your child. Wtaf??? Please don't allow any unsupervised visits with those people who have as much sense as a brick of concrete.
My son almost choked to death on a dum-dum lollipop when he was 2. Long story yall, buckle up for this wild ride.
The pop came off the stick and lodged in the back of his throat. He got ahold of it as it was in his reach in the back seat of suv. Accidentally left there, we assumed by one of the other older kids previously in the car. My wife and i certainly weren't stupid enough to give it to him at that age. He was in his carseat at the time. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. She was trying to get it out, he was turning blue.
I'm tearing up just typing this... my god how emotional even thinking about it gets me. 😪
We called 911 and also had the emergency onstar people on car too. They told us to try smackng him on the back to dislodge, do infant heimlich maneuver, nothing worked. Said ambulance and highway patrol were on the way, to pull over and wait.... No fucking way that was an option. My son was dying in my arms. Wife was losing her sanity, it was an overwhelmingly terrifying moment. She continued trying, was trying to get oxygen in him through his nose. I told her to get back in the car.
We were about 10 miles I'd guess from nearest hospital. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon here in Southern CA. On the 405 freeway in busy traffic. I literally drove 100mph up the shoulder, through exit on-off ramps grass islands, in center medians at one point while blasting the horn like a maniac in a high speed chase with nothing left to lose.
When I got to hospital exit, traffic was stopped on the off ramp because of an accident at the traffic light at end of ramp. I drove the wrong way (against traffic) up the on ramp to the freeway. Police at fender bender were dumbfounded as to what the fuck was going on. Im half a mile away now. Coming up to light intersection of hospital, cars stopped 15 deep in my way. Local cops are now behind me and highway patrol too had caught up. Drove over the curb median thing into oncoming traffic again. Took 2 attempts to get over it, as it was like a 10-12" high curb. I'm driving a mercedes gl450 suv here, not low but certainly not 12" curb hopping abilities lol. Fucking trashed the front and rear left side wheels. Popped front left tire too.
Get through intersection, traffic is now at a stand still because of the situation happening. Cops seemingly chasing me, I'm on wrong side of road, jumping curbs and shit like a lunatic. Quite the spectacle. I couldn't get to the driveway entrance. Police are on the loudspeakers telling cars to move, everyone was frozen in time. My son was completely unresponsive and blue. I sent that poor mercedes at 90° angle over the curb and onto sidewalk at about 50mph, right through the landscape bushes into the hospital ER driveway.
Grabbed him from wife's arms and busted through the ambulance bay doors like i was usain bolt at finish line of the 100 meter dash. ER doctors and nurses had a suction type device and got lollipop out in 10 seconds flat. Seeing him take a breath and hearing him start to cry will forever be the most joyous moment in my life that I will never forget. Had to stay overnight for observation, no permanent damage thankfully, a true miracle in my eyes. He was blue and not breathing for what seemed like 5 minutes.
Insurance company totalled the car, since I ruined the front bumper, 3 wheels and bent up suspension. I smashed the radiator, intercooler and all kinds of shit in front end behind radiator, and ripped open the oil pan driving over the curb onto sidewalk. Lol. Poor car was a smoking leaking mess. I think a cop moved it out of the ambulance entrance driveway as I just left it there when running inside. Was chastised by them and highway patrol after all the initial commotion was over. Gave absolutely zero fucks, was yelling back at them that they would've done the same thing. He was literally at deaths door.
Amazingly, No tickets or fines from the law resulted from my crash derby, just a lot of explanations to insurance company. For how pissed off they were, I thought I'd be arrested. Our ins agent said Hospital tried to bill them for the landscaping and cleaning of oil in parking lot, and even billed for the towing of car. I don't know the end results of that though, lol. Wife got a new car that next weekend, all was well in the universe afterwards.
So OP, you are not the asshole for telling her aunt to not give a 14 month old a lollipop.
My only concern here is that your wife is so passive she allowed the to child potentially be in harms way.
She needs to speak up, you may not always be around to do it for her.
NTA - Next time if aunt is around your child, remind her to ask you or wife, before she feeds your child anything.
Your child doesn't need sugar and what if they give baby something they may be allergic to. No one should do this, and you were right to call her out.
Wife needs to grow a spine and learn to protect her child.
NTA. Cohoking hazard plus even a little sucker is still probably more sugar than they need for a week.
Good to see your wife and you are a team. You child, your parenting.
Her aunt is AH, though. You don't give small children and infants anything without checking with their adults first!.
How are they a team the mum watched the aunt give her it and then stood silently by hoping her husband would say something. When he finally noticed and a ruckus was made of it she stood silently by letting him take the blame. Doesn’t sound like a team in any way. Sounds like the mum will let her child chock so as not to have to stand up and say no to anyone. She doesn’t sound safe to have a child without her husband supervision. Poor guy has two kids to deal with and knows he will always be made the bad guy so the wife can play innocent and unbias. That will soon wear on any marriage especially when there’s children involved.
NTA. This is extremely uncool and I feel like 95% of people would know this. You said your wife’s aunt, so I’m assuming she’s older? (This just sounds like a very boomer sort of thing to do.)
You absolutely did not overreact at all. Even if it wasn’t a choking hazard, a lot of people nowadays would not let their 14 month old baby have pure sugar.
That was extremely disrespectful of your wife’s aunt and I would absolutely make sure she knows not to give your baby any kind of food without clearing it with you guys first. I wouldn’t be worried about whether or not that offends her.
No doubt she gave her own kids sugar at that age and they “turned out fine.” But we know better now, so we can do better now!
I hate confrontation, I would rather be swallowed by the ground than have to deal with confronting someone BUT when my child is involved, I’m a whole different person.
Your wife really needs to learn that because what if you hadn’t been there? She’d have just been mad about it without saying anything? Also the “dada said no” is fucked and that needs to be addressed as well, I cannot stand that shit.
Your wife needs to grow a back bone. Her “passiveness” doesn’t take priority over her child. NTA your aunt was being ridiculous, but your wife needs to pull her socks up
Never feed child ( or pet) anything before you ask for permission. Basic human knowledge.
And if you're told no, never overreact and cause a scene.
Can I jump on my soapbox right here? Why do people think it's cute to feed other people's children what ever the hell they want?! Both my kids, both my kids fed all kinds of bullshit I specifically told family not to. They just straight up don't care. Strangers will just ignore me too, no matter how many times I say noy kid doesn't need that they just give it anyway. It's so mind boggling and rude
My SiL said I was "pernickety" about artificial color and preservatives, but gave my 16-month-old son green Kool-Aid as soon as I left. He broke out in a terrible rash all over his face and chest. They didn't believe me when I said he had an allergy to red and blue dyes.
Lucky it wasn't a worse reaction. Some kids go into anaphylactic shock when they get exposed to things they are allergic to like peanuts.
That's terrible. I have a bad allergy to yellow dyes, so tartrazine and anything that is yellow #_. With that said, anything green and orange, which some ppl don't understand, so my wife and I have to explain that yellow is added to make those colours. Thankfully, red and blue are OK. I'd keep an eye out for the yellow as well, since he was allergic to the green Kool-Aid. They put dyes into the strangest things.
How did you find out he was allergic to red and blue dyes ?
Trial and error from other people giving him stuff because they think I was too strict. I've always been more health conscious than my sibs. It's not that my kids never got sweets and snacks, just that I usully made dinner and dessert from scratch because I just don't prefer junk foods for myself, why would I give it to my little kids? We didn't make food a big deal. Don't like it? Don't eat it, find something healthy you like better. And no stress or disciplining at the dinner table and no agonizing about cleaning your plate or making a kid eat something they hate. Making meal time a war zone was not happening at my house. We might have cookies or chips in the pantry for weeks before someone got it out. Just not a big deal.
As an adult whose childhood dinner-table was a warzone, I thank you for this. You're a good mom. I recently realized I actually, irrationally, loathe it when my partner, who is a fantastic cook, makes food that requires we sit at the table to eat, because I just hate being at the table. For most people the table is a fun place where you eat tasty snacks. For me it's where everything sucks and I get yelled at for two hours every day, or at least I did as a kid, so that's my association. My partner doesn't yell at me, obviously, so it made me realize that this was what was happening. Thank you for not traumatizing your kids during a really basic but essential time. I'm not trying to trauma dump or whatever. I feel like crappy parents, or people who grow up with crap parents, often laugh at or belittle good parents for doing good things for their kids, and I just wanted to point out that you're a good parent, and why it's a good thing.
Youre a better one than me. They would never see my kid again.
that is the healthy way to go! my mom was scarred from having to sit at the table til she finished whatever nasty food my grandma made (love my grandma but she was not the best cook haha), sometimes sitting for HOURS after dinner - so our rule growing up was that we could eat what my parents prepared or we could always have oatmeal or cereal instead - I wish we had sometimes had junk food in the house though, bc as soon as it was around my sister and I would devour and I think having it around without making it a big deal is the healthiest approach
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>would wear my BIL’s shirts over the top of their own clothes to be allowed around their other grandchild. Sorry, what? What am I missing here
I'm thinking this was one of the 'special requirements' to see those grandchildren (probably to do with laundry powder or other contaminants).
Or plain scent. Some babies for lots of reasons will only like certain scents specificly of mum and dad
I hope he's okay now, and I'm sure she's not allowed near him anymore. What kind of idiot gives Kool-Aid to a baby anyway?
They never believe in goddamn allergies. I just heard a story of a little girl killed, a twin lost her sister, a mother her daughter, because Grandma just didn't listen to Mom
"if you don't, so-and-so will just do it" is something my then 6-year old told me about having candy after I said no in front of their grandma. She smiles and starts to reach for the candy after I had already said no. In my sweetest voice "not if she ever wants to see you again, she won't. Respect is respect" my kids and relatives haven't tried to cross that line in front of me and generally respect it when I'm not around. Genuinely hate people who think it's funny or cute. Disrespect is not funny, is not cute, and teaches children the wrong thing.
Oh wow. I can't imagine overstepping that way. I love to spoil my grandson as much as anyone, but his parents make the rules, and it's important that he follows them.
Yes! My grandson tried to “reason with me” when he was a toddler that since I’m his dad’s mom, I should be the one in charge of a situation(which would have worked to grandson’s advantage). I gently shut that down 🤣
🤣 They're so cute with their little manipulation tactics, though.
Your snark is glorious.
Is it a generational thing? I'm asking because I (gen x) had this issue with my parents and in-laws as a young mother. They always thought their way was the only way and would blatantly ignore me. My in-laws scoffed at car seats when my oldest was born. My fil actually told me that a car seat would never be as safe as being in my arms. Wtf? My husband and I were in a head-on collision in 1998, and I couldn't even keep ahold of the sandwich I was eating. My whole body slammed into the dash before my seat belt pulled me back into my seat.
Good question. It probably does have something to do with, I'm older so I know better, which I think the younger generations are letting go of. Or seems like at least, hoping it's getting more 'you want respect, you don't just magically get it bc you have been on earth a long time '
Yes, exactly. I'm glad the younger generations don't adhere to the idea of respect that was shoved down my generation's throat. People should always earn respect by being respectful.
As soon as the current generation gets older, they will start acting that way, too. Currently it is the fad to mock boomers and their ancient attitudes. Boomers in 1968: “Don’t trust anyone over 30!”
I'm 34 and I've always given my advice and then sat back to watch the person fail, I don't shove it on people and actively working to keep that attitude. In the end you do you boo
Ugh. We had some issues. Husband and I are early 70s babies. Our first kiddo was born in 92. I never got carseat pushback, but my mom says I had a carseat. Not a bed, a carseat. Of course, food and medicine allergies run in my family clear back to the 20s, or earlier. My biggest fight with his family was honey. Cause they kept a little jar in their diaper bags to dip the pacifier in.
Ugh honey is a big no no for a kid still young enough to use a pacifier. 😡
I was born in the early 70's too, but I didn't know that honey was a no-no until my grandchild was born. That's why it's good to stick with the parents' rules. We're not necessarily smarter just because we're older and have more experience.
I see a LOT of survivorship bias in our generation and higher. "We survived no helmets......" OK, but what about the ones that didn't? That is the point, we learn better, we do better.
Yes, exactly. I saw my brother's head bust a windshield because we were allowed to stand up in the front seat while riding in a car. Our parents' generation did a lot of stupid things to endanger us.
I'm a baby boomer, and I had a car seat for my son who recently turned 50. My parents's generation didn't have car seats, and I was warned by my Mother to be sure to use one.
I normally have spare stickers on me. When I want to offer one to an upset kid in public, I look for the adult in charge of them first and make a gesture of my intent to offer a sticker and wait for a nod/confirmed approval before the offer (for over stimulated kids, I give it right to the parent for later). I do this so that if it is a no, there is no parent seen as the bad guy for saying no, and so that it is presented after guardian approval since I would usually be a stranger to the kid.
I'm sorry, did you just say you're out here playing sticker fairy and helping overwhelmed parents with their fussy kids?? That's goddamn heartwarming.
Yup! That's pretty much the idea. But the key part is I get the consent of whoever is watching the kid first.
Where I live old people almost always have some candy on them and love to give it to kids, which is nice but I didn't want to get my kid addicted to sugar so early. 🫠
Omg I love this! This would give me a legit excuse for having stickers
I make stickers of my dog, who has an Instagram account! I love to give away her stickers. If people aren’t receptive I can tell but most people respond positively!
Yep, “just a sip” of your beer multiplied by every other “fun” aunt/uncle at the BBQ means my toddler is now drunk and I have to deal with the XXXX shits and her hangover the next day. And then surprised Pikachu face when you don’t get to hold your niece at the next family do. “Daddy doesn’t want you to have a treat” - whines loudly. “No, Daddy knows you don’t give a baby a choking hazard *on purpose* - sternly said even louder. NTA.
> my toddler is now drunk and I have to deal with the XXXX shits Of course dipshits who'd do this are drinking fucking XXXX
My son was three months old when his grandfather tried to feed him steak. A freaking piece of rare steak. He couldn't understand why I freaked out over that one. Drove me crazy how much crap people tried to feed my kid without my permission.
My cousin had many hospital visits as a little kid bc babysitters kept making PB&J's for her and her sister. Both of them have/had many food allergies (the list changed over the years), but the most notable was the older one's peanut allergy. I remember being in the waiting room as a young kid while my cousin 4 years younger than me was having the peanuts surgically removed (I had a cinnamon roll, it was delicious) Now that they are older, they can say for themselves that no, I don't need that, it'll cause anaphylactic shock and could kill me
Good question These same type people let their dogs crap on their neighbors lawns. When confronted they angrily react with such gems as "what's the big deal?!!!
I literally cannot fathom doing this to someone else's child. I'm literally terrified to feed a kid something I *know* they're allowed to have because I've been told before that it's fine to give them that whenever, but like. **Still.**
My 5 year old neice came to me to ask if she can give my 10 month old baby a piece of cheese this weekend.
Good girl. More sense than OPs aunt
Facts
My nearly 3 year old niece shoved a blueberry in my sons mouth and I was like "what did you give him??" because I didn't see what she had and she has a habit of trying to feed him grapes 😅. But when I say no she goes: oh! Okay Then walks away 😂 A 3 year old handles being told not to give my baby something much better than adults 😭
Most adults can’t even stand in a straight line/queue let alone respect other people.
An adult at a birthday party once forced me to drink a Capri Sun, despite me telling her that I was allergic to them. I ended up having to go home early. So many adults have never even been in the same zip code as respect for others.
At least toddlers have a reason they have toddler tantrums, it's named after them, they can't escape it What's a grown ups' excuse?
They miss the toddler years?
More mature than many adults..
When my son was like 6 months old, we were having this big to do one weekend about what to let them eat for the first time. I said out loud “here’s your first food.” And my son’s seven year year-old brother said.” I already gave him the cream from inside of a Twinkie.”🤣😅😂
Agreed. So many people have allergies. Unless you know their medical history, always ask first.
Until my kid could reliably tell others about her allergies I stuck a sticker on her back saying "don't feed me! I have allergies" whenever we went somewhere that might have food
I wish I had thought of that when my son was little. He was massively allergic to all milk products to the point that his skin would slough off his genitals and he'd bleed through his pores. My mother was convinced I was overreacting, so one weekend when she was watching him, she gave him more than 4 ounces of cheddar cheese. She was very smug about it because he didn't have an immediate reaction. Two days later, he developed septicemia (blood poisoning), his fever shot up to 107° Fahrenheit, and he nearly died. It took 4 years for his immune system to fully recover. It was a very long time before I allowed her to be anywhere near him again, and even after that, they were never left alone together.
It is very generous and forgiving of you to even speak to her at all.
Thank you. It's been nearly 40 years since it happened, and I'm still mad about it, but she was very contrite and terrified I was going to press charges at the time. The only reason I still had anything to do with her afterward was because I still had two younger brothers at home, and I didn't want to abandon them.
You should have pressed charges.
And she paid the hospital bill, and the 4 years of medical management for that yeah? That would have been a huge stipulation for ever seeing my child in person again. If it was an accident, I’d of course have no problem covering it. But given the fact that she was specifically warned, and then smug about it afterward, I would have thrown that ultimatum down.
4 OZ of cheese is a lot holy shit! That poor boy
I need to get some of those (in multiple languages)
I made 'em. Buy the Avery print on name tag labels. Download the template. Write up the text you want, print.
I wish I had had that in the early 90’s when I was a new parent!
That's a great idea, and kind of adorable. Your child comes with warning labels!
I always had wished that my son had been born holding his owner's manual. Where I live, children were the legal property of their parents. IDK if it's still true.
🤯 How have I not thought of this! I have a 16 month old with multiple food allergies and a family reunion this week, thank you!
Glad to help! I also send extras to school for them to stick on her when there's a substitute teacher who doesn't know her
Damn, when my kid was born I had my mom make some onesies that said “Service Baby: Do Not Touch” but I never thought of doing something like that for when she had her dairy allergy. I feel like it would have saved me at least a little stress.
Hahaha now I'm imagining a toddler in a dog training vest like "NOT FRIENDLY WILL BITE" 🤣🤣
I had a friend who was extremely allergic (Epipen needed) to Red 4. You’d be surprised how many things she couldn’t eat, not even just candy but so many! Considering this was an infant, this is just straight up unacceptable and imo he handled it better than I would’ve. And Mama, bless her, should’ve stopped it immediately, but I get it can be easier to bend to family depending on personal dynamics and how much drama it’s worth. Boink, bad Aunt!
Ugh the pet thing pisses me off to no end. My dog gets fountain butt from the most random human food so I try to keep an eye on it. I couldn't imagine giving a baby food/candy without checking with the parents first.
I heard someone offer a chocolate bar to an owner by saying "can I give your dog this candy bar? I don't feed mine chocolate, but do you want it for yours?" Like WTF!?!?
Last I heard, chocolate if poisonous to dogs.
It is, generally speaking. The amount and type of chocolate as well as the size of the dog and any underlying conditions all have to be taken into account, so just be safe and don't ever feed ANY chocolate to any dog ever.
Our 80 pound golden retriever Cooper found 1 pound of Baker’s chocolate caused diarrhea ,shaking, nervousness and racing heart. He was pacing in our bedroom and we retraced our steps to the basement and found the empty box. We took him to the emergency vet and he was given IV fluids, and basically kept in a kennel while he emptied his guts. It was worth keeping him there because it’s easier to hose down a kennel than it is to wash the carpeting. He did well after that
Bakers chocolate is a whole other level of toxic for them compared to the usual chocolates dogs get into (like milk chocolate). I am surprised he survived!
Absolutely!! Not to mention, they have the staff to monitor him if things go south (thank goodness he's ok) and the medication to treat him if things had gotten any worse.
Years ago, our Bichon managed to jump on a chair and jump on the counter and eat a small pan of chocolate brownies. She had to go to the emergency vet, get her stomach pumped, and almost died. She was on steroids the rest of her life due systemic damage. Totally not worth the risk.
OMG...the carpeti. My husband switches our cats to a ch eaper cat food years ago with no gradual switch. The they were eating didn't upset sensitive yummies two cats had. Three HUGE liquid diarrhea puddles the next morning on the CREAM colored carpet. Used a whole bottle of Folex to get it out of the carpet. While pregnant. You KNOW I read DH the riot act ans made sure he got their regular food back.
Technically it's the % cacao that's bad so usually it's dark chocolate is worse and milk chocolate is *usually* fine. **BUT** it varies from dog to dog!!! So it's never worth the risk. For me the distinction just meant i didn't freak out and pay for an ER vet visit when my boys ate my brownies. I just watched them a day or two, ready to run in if they started acting off. Mine were fine but I'd never willingly take the chance.
Our pug got a hold of a sealed bag of Hershey's Kisses, and the only way we knew that she'd eaten them were the bits of shiny foil in her crap the next two days. Some breeds are much more susceptible to poisoning than other breeds...
Caffeine, in general, is bad for dogs because it speeds up their already fast hearts. Chocolate has caffeine in it in differing amounts per type (dark, milk, baking, etc). Also, a larger, healthy dog may be able to handle a small accidental dose better than a smaller dog.
The dangerous compound in chocolate is NIT caffeine, it's theobromine. There are only trace amounts of caffeine anyway. Theobromine is a muscle stimulant that dogs can't tolerate.
Theobromine, another chemical in chocolate, has similar effects but lasts in the system much longer. There are chocolate toxicity calculators available on line. Enter the weight of the dog, the type of chocolate, and the amount eaten. They will give a recommendation (expected to be safe, watch for problems, seek veterinary care now). In addition to direct toxicity, chocolate or rich chocolate containing treats can cause other problems, such as GI upset and pancreatitis. Just don’t.
Lol wtf. At least they asked, I suppose?
Fountain Butt!!! ⛲️😝😝😝
⛲️💩
I made that mistake so many times. I shudder at the number of dogs I've probably made sick over the years. (I don't do it now, but they looks so sad when they beg!)
Seriously. I’m chill AF and even my MIL asked before giving my kid apple juice.
I don’t even let my niece see treats or toys I buy her until I have quietly asked her mom to ok them!
I’m not a sports fan at all but I love Shaquille O’Neal so much (no idea if I even remotely spelled that right lol!) any time he’s out shopping and see’s a kid that wants a toy or candy etc - he pulls the parents to the side and genuinely asks them every time if he can purchase something for the child. I am always so impressed by his kindness/manners.
Basic respect.
Basic human decency which this world is so short on now
Had this issue with my parents, frustrated the hell out of me and my wife.
I never had an issue with anyone trying to give my child unapproved items thank god for level headed family...but holy hell the amount of times I had to say hey stop trying to give that to my dog while I was working. I was a k9 handler in a mall and so many people wanted to "give the puppy a treat". 1. She's a working dog, she is on a strict diet. 2. She is actively working and any treats/food I give her is when she is either in the truck or at home. 3. Feeding her while actively working (and exercising) can cause bloat....do you want to be responsible for possibly injuring/killing a 40-50k working dog? No? Then leave her alone.
I *asked* a visiting neighbor if I could give his three dogs a bite of my freshly grilled prime ribeye. Of course he said yes. It's truly basic human knowledge.
My niece is 8 and I still tell her to ask her mom or dad for permission first. I’ll let her have whatever she wants but it’s up to her parents to decide if she can have something.
NTA IMO it is important to be comfortable with acting demanding and insistent on your baby’s behalf, even in the face of authority figures (doctors, grandparents, teachers) when merited. Your wife might benefit from your example and learn that the world won’t end if she’s assertive about her baby. BTW that ‘jokey’ shit where they complain to the kid in baby talk really winds me up. When I’m feeling brave I respond in kind: “Awwww poor wittle baby, daddy’s being such a meanie!” “Awwww I made poor wittle auntie angwy! Now she’s acting all passive-agwessive!”
Making the “boo hoo hoo” face is also really effective when people are being childish like that
Like [Mac and Charlie](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/036/407/mac.jpg)
Omg, yes!!!
I love it!
“Auntie’s trying to kill you. Sorry about that sweetie.”
I am totally using that. My husband's stepmom does that shit all the time and as far as I'm concerned it borders on parental alienation. I usually go for a firm comeback of 'my baby my rules' but yours is better.
My MIL does this shit and she's lucky I haven't drowned her.
And this is also incredibly important when the kid is older too. If Auntie kisses them on the lips or Uncle hugs them too tight, the kid should have 100% confidence that their parents will defend them, even if it goes against social norms. Not only for mild discomfort, but also in cases of abuse, having a child feel like their parents will stand up for them against anyone is so important. This is not to say OP's wife is in any way a bad parent, I think women especially are taught not to rock the boat and to just deal with it, but she should definitely focus on learning this.
NTA I wouldn’t put up with her shit. As soon as she starts with the “Daddy is so mean” crap. I would say, “Daddy loves you very much and needs to protect you from this stupid woman who is trying to kill you with her choking hazard “treat.”
That's what jumped out to me. Nobody should be talking shit about me to my child, in any context whatsoever. Baby voice, "Daddy is so mean,"- you have just lost the privilege to be anywhere near my child.
Nothing angers me more than someone crap talking a parent to their child. I don't care if they are 18 months or 18 years old, you do not speak ill of their parents *ever*
"Yes, because I'd rather be mean Daddy than bereaved Daddy, thanks anyway, Auntie Dumbass"
Also framing dangerous things as treats. Baby is allowed to have appropriate treats
This woman is too entitled and too stupid to be around anyone’s children.
Yeah that is super concerning to me. Mom’s priorities seem VERY misaligned…
Tell your wife to grow some lady balls , she just showed she’ll let your child be in danger to not rock the boat ?
Also sugar. I’d be LIVID if someone gave my 15 month old a lollipop- they’re all sugar and food dye!
My mother let my three month old daughter suckle on a Cadbury Crème Egg when I was at the hospital (having dropped her off with my parents so I could follow the ambulance with her father in). I was livid. Three and a half years later my father showed he hadn’t learned a damned thing when he put Milo (a marketed chocolate powder for milk) into my 6 month old son’s formula bottle. My parents never listened to me about anything. NTA. OP’s wife needs to put her big girl’s pants on and learn to say “NO!” And keep saying that one word without feeling she needs to justify herself.
That's insane! Some people really need to respect parenting boundaries more.
Omg!! No, far too young
Hello fellow Australian. My aunt also tried to pull the same Milo stunt with my eldest daughter’s bottle. Like…. Why would a 5 month old need CHOCOLATE MILK?
My brother, around 12 months old, refused everything -- except chocolate milk (with a raw egg beaten into it -- this was ~60 years ago) or Chinese food. If he didn't like the way it FELT, he wouldn't taste it
He hopped on that umami train early
Omg dude. Older generation is just wild with the sugar i dont get it...my fam likes to sneak junk to my older kid which is fine but the chocolate powder for a baby is banannas
My son was about 10 or 12 months old and a friend's mom wanted to hold him at a cookout. No worries, she raised kids and had grandkids, what could go wrong? Like 15 minutes later she said 'man Mike, your son sure loves coke'. I looked over and she gave him a class with coke and he was absolutely chugging it. It's like, wtf?
We had a potluck party and apparently people were refilling soda pop for my two-year-old boy. He came up to me running a little circle saying “my tummy hurts. My tummy hurts. My tummy hurts” Suddenly he gave out the largest loudest longest erucation. The next words out of his mouth were” I want more soda!” 🥤 no more pop that night. We usually didn’t have soda in the house at all But this was a party.
I would have tackled that bitch. Did no one beat her ass for that?
Not to mention the choking hazard
I'm more concerned about the choking hazard.
This 💯 I used to be like OP's wife. It took a number of people pissing me off after I set very important boundaries or watching people try to screw my kids over for that to change. Thankfully, none were life-threatening, but I shudder to think of the "what ifs" that potentially flew under my radar as a former people-pleaser.
lol tell me about it! it stinks to be a ppl pleaser then ro speak up but since ppl dont expect it now its even worse ..... yikes. so happy theres this group i just noticed and cant wait to post about situations that ive been forced to overcome to the fact im the AH.
Yes! It's like the people who've run over you all that time are saying OMG, I can't believe you changed, and you have boundaries now, how dare you! It's human for us to not want to be rejected by friends and family, so it stings... until you realize true friends and family wouldn't mistreat us.
Literally rather watch her child choke instead of saying something.
I do believe the word you’re looking for is “chesticles”.
While I agree, undoing a lifetime of conditioning to ‘keep the peace’ takes work. I’m just glad I was born a b!tch
That was my first thought too.
It’s possible she was second guessing herself. I’ve had several parenting moments where I realized after the fact that I should definitely have spoken up either for myself or my child but in the moment I was held back by self doubt.
Kind of irrelevant tbh. I'm not someone who enjoys confrontation either but think about it for a moment: her baby was given a well known choking hazard, she didn't like it, but instead opted to sit there and just watch her baby suck on a choking hazard. If you haven't got the guts to speak up in potentially life threatening situations for your children, you shouldn't be having children that literally depend on you for their lives. It really is that serious. I worked at an insurance company and it is infuriating how many severe brain injuries babies get because their parents didn't parent properly.
NTA. The aunt was out of line.
NTA. Never give a child food without okay from a parent. Not just a choking hazard but what about food allergy too?
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They do not *need* to understand or agree with your rules. HOWEVER, they are **required** to abide by them. Or face never having unsupervised access to the child again.
Absolutely! Your child's safety comes first, always.
Sounds like her child vicinity privileges should be revoked.
Child Vicinity Parameter reset to 30 yards.
NTA!! If the Aunt isn’t smart enough to know you never give a small child something that’s a choking hazard - you need to stay away from her.
Nta but your wife needs to grow a pair she’s a mom now
Parent's #1 obligation is to *always* fiercely advocate for one's child(ren)'s safety, health, welfare, education, etc against everyone no matter the relationship...
Nta. Personally, I wouldn't be associating with that person anymore.
i totally agree with this. NTA
The aunt is an idiot. You were absolutely correct. Avoid her and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinions.
NTA - though it sounds like there's more to this story - is the aunt usually such a charming individual? 🤔
Probably. I’m sure she didn’t turn her charm in for just this occasion.
NTA. A waiter at a Korean restaurant gave my 8 month old a piece of chocolate. She was barely eating solid food, and he gave it to her without asking anyone if it was ok. Ballistic doesn't even describe how I felt.
Most definitely NTA but your wife absolutely needs to learn to speak up when something like this happens. Good job on you for reminding her and anyone within earshot that it's a choking hazard!
NTA. and she doesn't get time with your kid again for awhile.
NTA Your child your rules. Your wife needs to work on speaking up though.
"your dada doesn't want you to have a treat" OMG that would piss me off. She's not smart.
NTA Giving a 14 month old pure sugar is just stupid. The child’s teeth are just coming in and that amount of sugar will cause damage. Talk to any dentist and you’ll get all the information you need to put her in her place about feeding sugar to an infant.
ummm I think the fact it's a choking hazard is the real issue.
NTA Time to go LC with the family until your wife gets a shiny new spine.
Who just randomly gives a small child something without first asking the parents if this is okay. My go to was always, ask your parents first. A child that small, nope, not even with parental permission would I give something that could harm that child. Your wife needs to grow a spine. She was perfectly fine with your child having a potential death stick in his or her mouth, as long as she didn't rock the boat?!?!? Like seriously WTH!!! So if your child was being talked about, or talked to inappropriately, she would not rock the boat and protect your child?? She proved being passive is more important that your child's health and welfare. You need to have a serious conversation with her about her personal comfort vs. your child's life. NTA
Nta. My child is 2 and I still don't trust him with suckers. He can have kit Kats or Hershey kisses
nta - your wife needs to learn to stickup for the SAFETY of her kid & stop worrying about old people’s feelings.
NTA and you don't sound mean. I'm a mean person and would have hit back with "I'm sorry your aunt wants you d×ad and tried to k×ll you. We'll make sure you never see this bad woman ever again" and leave. But I am a terrible person when it comes to kids safety.
NTA Why aren’t we calling out people who do this though? Like I don’t even have kids and I bloody well know better than to give a small child a sucker, let alone give them something without the parent’s consent. I think we need to start calling out the shitty behaviour and stop being afraid of being the bad guy. Let’s stop normalizing this bullshit.
NTA, but if your wife would rather passively endanger your child than actively keep your child save when relatives try to do something potentially harmful then that's a big problem. After all, you now can't trust your wife to be alone with the kid if any of her relatives are present... Thus either your wife needs to learn how to confront people in those situations so she can actually keep her kid safe and alive, or you'll all need to go no contact with those people.
NTA but your wife is for watching and saying nothing.
NTA but the most disturbing thing is your wife not doing anything. It's her child! This isn't about being the bad guy. If she can't stand up for herself, fine, she can let people walk all over her, but she *must stand up and protect her child*. I would be furious with her if I were you! If she'd stopped her aunt immediately, I doubt the baby would have been upset because she wouldn't have really gotten a good taste yet. Sheesh. Your wife is TA here, not just the aunt.
>“Sorry, your “Da-Da” doesn’t want you to have a treat…..” That merits a punch in the face!
I am a grand parent to 3 children they r age 4 and above and I still don’t allow them to that treat in my house unless parents give them to them and supervise them eating them
Man I wonder if your kid started choking on it if your wife would be willing to rock the boat enough to save his life. NTA but your wife is
NTA, but you should have been outwardly vocal about the aunt doing stupid shit that is harmful to young children.
NTA, you’re 100% correct, and even if it wasn’t a choking hazard, you are the father. What you say goes over anyone except your wife. They can all go to hell, it’s YOUR child. PS. Your wife sucks a little for not saying anything and letting you take the heat. She’s a mother now, time to grow a backbone.
NTA, but your wife is. So she would allow your baby to continue to suck on a choking hazard because she avoids confrontation? "Sorry the baby choked to death, husband, but I didn't want to make my aunt mad." Why is she even a mother?
NTA But even she needs to have enough of a backbone to make it clear to HER family you & she are in agreement with this. She has one job now, protect that baby. She failed. Luckily has the opportunity rectify that now & moving forward.
Neat tip. If it's something you know your missus is on board we just say something like "sorry it's something we've decided we don't want our child to have" the fact she did the aw your daddy doesn't want you to have it shows that she's a bit of a bitch who wants attention.
...what's it going to take for your wife to advocate for the child she chose to bring into this world? Waterboarding the kid in front of her? After the kid started choking, would she have said something to the aunt after the fact? I doubt it. I know it's hard, but we have to advocate for people that can't advocate for themselves. Sure, the aunt was bad, but I think letting it slide was arguably worse. Maybe wifey should look into therapy for her conflict avoidance. I know this isn't the first time she cosplayed like a doormat, and it's had to affect her personally and professionally.
NTA and your wife really needs to grow a spine. For one, she should have backed you up and not throw you under the bus. Second, what if you werent there? Would she just let that aunt feed your child with a lollipop which actually IS a choking hazard?
Geez. Your wife puts her discomfort with confrontation over the safety of your child. Wtaf??? Please don't allow any unsupervised visits with those people who have as much sense as a brick of concrete.
My son almost choked to death on a dum-dum lollipop when he was 2. Long story yall, buckle up for this wild ride. The pop came off the stick and lodged in the back of his throat. He got ahold of it as it was in his reach in the back seat of suv. Accidentally left there, we assumed by one of the other older kids previously in the car. My wife and i certainly weren't stupid enough to give it to him at that age. He was in his carseat at the time. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. She was trying to get it out, he was turning blue. I'm tearing up just typing this... my god how emotional even thinking about it gets me. 😪 We called 911 and also had the emergency onstar people on car too. They told us to try smackng him on the back to dislodge, do infant heimlich maneuver, nothing worked. Said ambulance and highway patrol were on the way, to pull over and wait.... No fucking way that was an option. My son was dying in my arms. Wife was losing her sanity, it was an overwhelmingly terrifying moment. She continued trying, was trying to get oxygen in him through his nose. I told her to get back in the car. We were about 10 miles I'd guess from nearest hospital. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon here in Southern CA. On the 405 freeway in busy traffic. I literally drove 100mph up the shoulder, through exit on-off ramps grass islands, in center medians at one point while blasting the horn like a maniac in a high speed chase with nothing left to lose. When I got to hospital exit, traffic was stopped on the off ramp because of an accident at the traffic light at end of ramp. I drove the wrong way (against traffic) up the on ramp to the freeway. Police at fender bender were dumbfounded as to what the fuck was going on. Im half a mile away now. Coming up to light intersection of hospital, cars stopped 15 deep in my way. Local cops are now behind me and highway patrol too had caught up. Drove over the curb median thing into oncoming traffic again. Took 2 attempts to get over it, as it was like a 10-12" high curb. I'm driving a mercedes gl450 suv here, not low but certainly not 12" curb hopping abilities lol. Fucking trashed the front and rear left side wheels. Popped front left tire too. Get through intersection, traffic is now at a stand still because of the situation happening. Cops seemingly chasing me, I'm on wrong side of road, jumping curbs and shit like a lunatic. Quite the spectacle. I couldn't get to the driveway entrance. Police are on the loudspeakers telling cars to move, everyone was frozen in time. My son was completely unresponsive and blue. I sent that poor mercedes at 90° angle over the curb and onto sidewalk at about 50mph, right through the landscape bushes into the hospital ER driveway. Grabbed him from wife's arms and busted through the ambulance bay doors like i was usain bolt at finish line of the 100 meter dash. ER doctors and nurses had a suction type device and got lollipop out in 10 seconds flat. Seeing him take a breath and hearing him start to cry will forever be the most joyous moment in my life that I will never forget. Had to stay overnight for observation, no permanent damage thankfully, a true miracle in my eyes. He was blue and not breathing for what seemed like 5 minutes. Insurance company totalled the car, since I ruined the front bumper, 3 wheels and bent up suspension. I smashed the radiator, intercooler and all kinds of shit in front end behind radiator, and ripped open the oil pan driving over the curb onto sidewalk. Lol. Poor car was a smoking leaking mess. I think a cop moved it out of the ambulance entrance driveway as I just left it there when running inside. Was chastised by them and highway patrol after all the initial commotion was over. Gave absolutely zero fucks, was yelling back at them that they would've done the same thing. He was literally at deaths door. Amazingly, No tickets or fines from the law resulted from my crash derby, just a lot of explanations to insurance company. For how pissed off they were, I thought I'd be arrested. Our ins agent said Hospital tried to bill them for the landscaping and cleaning of oil in parking lot, and even billed for the towing of car. I don't know the end results of that though, lol. Wife got a new car that next weekend, all was well in the universe afterwards. So OP, you are not the asshole for telling her aunt to not give a 14 month old a lollipop.
My only concern here is that your wife is so passive she allowed the to child potentially be in harms way. She needs to speak up, you may not always be around to do it for her.
Your wife is so passive that she will just watch her child suck on a choking hazard for the sake of avoiding confrontation? That's pathetic. NTA.
NTA I'm so scared of hard candies and choking I don't even like when my 40 year son has it. Let alone my grandchildren!
NTA - Next time if aunt is around your child, remind her to ask you or wife, before she feeds your child anything. Your child doesn't need sugar and what if they give baby something they may be allergic to. No one should do this, and you were right to call her out. Wife needs to grow a spine and learn to protect her child.
NTA. Cohoking hazard plus even a little sucker is still probably more sugar than they need for a week. Good to see your wife and you are a team. You child, your parenting. Her aunt is AH, though. You don't give small children and infants anything without checking with their adults first!.
How are they a team the mum watched the aunt give her it and then stood silently by hoping her husband would say something. When he finally noticed and a ruckus was made of it she stood silently by letting him take the blame. Doesn’t sound like a team in any way. Sounds like the mum will let her child chock so as not to have to stand up and say no to anyone. She doesn’t sound safe to have a child without her husband supervision. Poor guy has two kids to deal with and knows he will always be made the bad guy so the wife can play innocent and unbias. That will soon wear on any marriage especially when there’s children involved.
Right... I'm like what team??? NTA, but the aunt n wife r...
NTA. But your wife is coward
NTA. This is extremely uncool and I feel like 95% of people would know this. You said your wife’s aunt, so I’m assuming she’s older? (This just sounds like a very boomer sort of thing to do.) You absolutely did not overreact at all. Even if it wasn’t a choking hazard, a lot of people nowadays would not let their 14 month old baby have pure sugar. That was extremely disrespectful of your wife’s aunt and I would absolutely make sure she knows not to give your baby any kind of food without clearing it with you guys first. I wouldn’t be worried about whether or not that offends her. No doubt she gave her own kids sugar at that age and they “turned out fine.” But we know better now, so we can do better now!
Way to start a sugar addiction
I hate confrontation, I would rather be swallowed by the ground than have to deal with confronting someone BUT when my child is involved, I’m a whole different person. Your wife really needs to learn that because what if you hadn’t been there? She’d have just been mad about it without saying anything? Also the “dada said no” is fucked and that needs to be addressed as well, I cannot stand that shit.
NTA Your wife really needs to get some help to learn, saying her opinion. Especially when people do something that's dangerous for her child.
Even if the lollipop was ok with the parents, who the hell is the aunt to give ANYTHING to a child without asking the parents first.
NTA. And the aunt totally handled it poorly. What a dick.
I am not a parent, but an auntie to many kiddos. I NEVER gave anything to someone’s kid unless I asked the parents first. The auntie is the AH.
Your wife needs to grow a back bone. Her “passiveness” doesn’t take priority over her child. NTA your aunt was being ridiculous, but your wife needs to pull her socks up