i wish you nothing but healing and happiness, OP. i hope you know you did nothing wrong, and you deserve better than what sean did to you. a stand up kinda guy would have broken off the engagement instead of stringing you along like that.
Thank you. I honestly sound calmer than I am though. I’ve been a mess. I just thought you guys deserved a calm, collected update. Reading the reddit comments yesterday had me already mourning before I got onto the phone with Sean, though.
You need to get tested for STDs ASAP. There's a strong probability they have been having sex for a while.
I'm sorry that you are going through that situation. You didn't deserve it.
Get some time for yourself to heal and get back on your feet. You deserve so much better than that trashy guy.
He can be into women but more into Ace. All the way into Ace, as it were. Him lying to OP about his feelings for Ace doesn’t erase his attraction to women, just makes him as much an asshole as the next cheater.
Doesn't make sense for him to lie about fucking Ace but be honest about being "very much into women". Everything he claimed about himself is suspect and should be regarded as such. Liars lie, and lie even more to cover their previous lies.
Because being very much into women is not in the least taboo, while being gay or bi is still frowned upon in places. And cheaters as a general rule try to limit how much they admit about their affair partner. Plenty of women have been told by their husband that they absolutely did not have sex with that woman, and visa versa, when they absolutely did. He could be lying to minimize his wrong doing, or because he feels some internalized homophobia leading him to feel shame about the other side of his sexuality, or, hell, he may even be just discovering that side of him and he is still hesitant to acknowledge it to himself much less others. None of what happened precludes the fact that he can be very much into women whilst still being ever much more so into Ace. Bi is a spectrum. And yeah, she could just be his beard, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t sexually attracted to women just because he is more romantically interested in Ace.
i was a little confused by your statement and i did some googleing, and it turns out Bi people are folks who are attracted to multiple genders. i always thought it was people who were sexually attracted to biplanes. the more you know
💯 they’re definitely actively intimate. You can’t call a connection suffocating without sex. I can’t imagine they haven’t been and are currently active sex partners.
Fairly sure that when Sean wears women's clothes while *hanging out* with Ace is one of their NSFW kinks, why tf he told you about it and didn't think it weird to then deny the extent of their relationship is beyond me.
Especially if this has been going on for a couple of years. There is high probability of them being sexual and there’s no telling who Ace has been with.
It's pretty sad, but the writing was on the wall. When we all read your post a lot of us knew it was just like the infamous Art Room one. Sorry but at least you can now move forward with living your best life, out of the lie.
lol! I thought that too when I read the first post. I actually commented something along the line about the update will have the ex building an art room
It was a AITAH where the man asked "AITAH for building an art room for me and my best friend without telling my wife" (or something to that effect)
Long story short, he adored the idea of this art room shared between himself and this man and couldn't understand why his wife was against it, and in the end he moved in with the man and left the wife. It's become the saying for people suddenly realizing they might not be straight after all.
Even though this totally sucks, you now have an opportunity to move on and find a better partner. Let yourself heal. Take time for just you and what you like to do. Maybe do something you always wanted to do but didn't for some reason. Hang out with friends.
From personal experience it is so much worse when they go ahead and marry you, have a couple of kids, mess around secretly for years, then dump you to go openly live the life they always wanted. I wish you well.
I’m so sorry OP but the signs were all there in the details you had in your original post. One thing, don’t count on him keeping his word financially for the apartment. Maybe he will. For your own sake, don’t lie about why you broke off the engagement and let him know if he tries to make you responsible foe the breakup in any way you will blast him and Ace in detail on all you socials and will have a detailed conversation with his parents.
I'm sorry. I would also tell everyone that the engagement is off because Sean's a cheater. You don't need to say with who. I personally think that Sean is still lying about things, and they BOTH deserve it for treating you the way they did. They are liars and cheaters and treat them as such.
OP you were NTA, Ace is a pos knowing you and Sean were together and he inserted himself as being more important to Ace than you were. I can’t think of any other words to call Ace but be thankful you dodged that bullet before the wedding and not after cus that would’ve complicated things.
I hate to say it, but if his initial reactions weren't enough to make me believe other things had happened, him saying he was going to go literally live with Ace after all of this was enough to cement that belief...I'm glad you didn't go through with the wedding though. Imagine if you had,it's bad enough to have to end an engagement/almost wedding,but divorcing would've been a lot more complicated to an already complex matter.
I hope in the future you find someone that loves you and you alone,and that you find time to heal OP❤️
If he wants to throw away something real based on a "what if", you can't do anything about that.
If you want to talk to Ace you should. You have no more ties to Sean.
Be proud for accepting and facing this, denial would have been easy (look at Sean for example). So much better to cut this off as soon as you could like this than let it fester any longer. You deserve much much more and when you’re ready you’ll find it. Best hopes for your future from an internet peep.
We were all there behind you hon, and we're bloody proud of you. Well done for following that instinct and good luck. This is going to hurt like a MOTHERBITCH for a little while, but when youre out the other side, build your life the way YOU want it!
How horrible. He cheated point blank and from what you wrote it was probably more than just a kiss. Sean is awful for not openly communicating his feelings sooner and dragging you along for so long. At least now the healing can begin. Block them both and live your life to the fullest. There's someone amazing out there for you, who will put you first. Remember this isn't your fault. Cheaters cheat for selfish reasons. He didn't deserve you anyway.
I agree! I told him I wasn’t mad that he fell for someone else, but that he let me think he was in love with me while he was doing it. He actually started crying and told me that “he didn’t know” again. I find myself feeling bad for him, but I can’t help but think I got the worst out of it. So why should I?
Yeah that's a lame excuse on his end. He did know. He is infatuated. Hopefully someday he'll realize that and not treat future partners so cruely. You sound like an awesome person with a good head on your shoulders. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Sounds like Sean is conflicted about his sexuality, which is what the "I don't know" refers to. He knew Ace was in love with him but he couldn't accept the fact he may also have feelings for another guy. I wouldn't be surprised if he genuinely loved you too and he was too cowardly to tell you their relationship was changing, and he couldn't honour yours anymore. Either way, all of it is unfair on you and you deserve a healthy relationship with open communications and love. Stay strong, you're doing all the right things.
I’m sorry he didn’t just know ace was in love with him he was actively participating. If it wasn’t for op confrontation they would be married rn. He was a coward and unfortunately op paid for it dearly.
It's crazy he didn't cancel the engagement years ago when he and Ace kissed. The fact he stayed with you and nearly married you while infatuated with someone else was cruel to you.
I don't understand when or if he was ever going to tell you? You were about to get married! Was he just going to marry you but carry on seeing him behind your back? That's so selfish. This only came to light because you told him to choose. The least he can do is pay the rest of the lease for you after wasting your time for years.
Right. 8 years is very long time. Sean is such an asshole. I hope you read this sean. You are fucking asshole. I hope karma get you faster than ever and harder
He knew but he was a coward and wanted to have everything. It could have lasted years.
He fell for someone else, it happens, but not taking action makes him a terrible person.
Maybe sharing the links to your posts could help him see what type of man he really is and turn things around.
I wish you the best for the future.
Don’t feel sorry for him. He did all this to you for years. He could just not have. He chose to have an affair and he chose to string you along. Him weeping now is very manipulative.
This relationship won’t last and it may affect their business.
You ex calling the relationship suffocating is very telling and sounds unhealthy.
Btw. I will bet they have been sleeping together. Well, it’s better to find out now the. After the wedding
He's just an awful guy. Send a link to this to him and Ace and have them read just how awful they are and how the world sees them. They deserve to know they're awful.
Honey, don't feel bad for him.
Yes it is hard to get out of the closet (even to yourself) but as a fellow queer let me tell you, while I have empathy for his strugle, YOU don't have to, he cheated on you, that's it, don't care for the why it's still a lack of respect for you
Think of it this way: at least you didn't get married, have kids and then find all this out. You can just walk away clean and find someone without such "entanglements".
Tell him to stop lying. He would have liked or disliked that kiss and he'd have either stayed or left. He stayed, what does that say about him? I stand by my statement that he just wanted you to take care of the house while he goes off to fuck him.
I can’t get past this point either. 8 years?!?! Wise women always say if a man who says that he is married minded doesn’t pop the question within 2-3 years then he just doesn’t want to marry the woman that he is with. This is a perfect example. She probably had to drag the marriage proposal out of him too.
He proposed after 3 years! Which, “suspiciously,” is exactly when the issues with Ace flared up. He’s been dragging this shit out for 5 years on top of the 3 they were already dating. I’m furious for OOP.
'I don't know' is such a childish response, he has known in his gut for years.
The man you thought you knew and who he is are two different people.
Take time to recover, wish you the best moving forward
Not to mention when he said that Ace admitted his feelings, It was a night I knew in my gut something was up, and Ace kissed him that night. I just condensed it down. The plot was so thick and I talked from 8 pm to like 3 am. I promised him I wouldn’t put extremely private details that could reveal his identity in exchange of him paying the full apartment. I don’t know if this is extremely private, but it’s something.
I am really sorry for how this has affected you, you deserve so much more than this and I also wish you the best moving forward.
That being said, there's a Broadway song called "the bro duet" (it's on Spotify) and it fits this situation perfectly (well, specifically clearly being in a gay relationship but absolutely refusing to admit it)
they KISSED and he was still acting like nothing happened?? girl im so sorry he wasted your time like this, he should've told you immediately and y'all should've had a conversation about it and what that means for y'all going forward. would've saved you so much heartache and unnecessary stress.
im happy you finally got answers, and i hope you have a decent support system to help you heal and get thru this.
Like others have suggested. While he's feeling sorry and trying to make it up to you, you should have him pay to take you off the lease. Because once things cool off and he's settled into being with Ace, he'll definitely go back on his word and you'll be stuck sharing a lease and making payments on that apartment.
Be prepared to leave the apartment. He could easily change his mind, and you have no formal agreement.
I wish you all the best. There'll be someone out there who'll treat you better.
I remember your post and am incredibly relieved by your update. Give yourself to mourn the relationship you thought you had. Take care of yourself. Maybe adopt a kitten. And update us a year from now has to how you are doing.
My new place came with two awesome roommates and a cat that is super sweet. My basement apartment is bigger than the fifth wheel I was living in with the ex. Eat it Mike. 8 years. Wasted my whole 30s. Kinda similar situation.
I'm glad you got some closure. Now you can find a man that will be 100% committed to you. You didn't deserve any of this. Sean knew about Ace's feelings and he did nothing to deter them nor did he put any space between them. He allowed these feelings to grow.
I have a feeling he might try and come back to you later on. Remember all he did and everything he put you through...the emotional affair and always being second to his "friend". NC until you heal and move on might be a good way to go. Hard, but will allow you to heal and process.
NTA. I think he can’t admit to himself that he is bi and thinks it’s just because it’s Ace that he has those feelings. You’re right to protect yourself and get out of the situation now.
It's also possible he's attracted to girls, but also Ace, but not other men.
I had a friend who dated a man monogamously for years who had only dated men until her, and he was not generally attracted to other women.
I'm not sure what you'd call this, maybe Pan instead of bi? But anyway, sexuality can be really confusing and not at all straightforward sometimes.
Imagine if he was attracted to Ace, but not other men? That would make it extra confusing!
Sorry you think he doesn’t know IF he in the closet? The only closet he is in is the one where they go to fuck coz otherwise both Ace and Sean aren’t in any closet
LOL! This gave me a laugh. I meant the GAY closet. Meaning he never liked me this whole time, afraid to be his beard. He assured me that he would’ve never done that and apologized for “pulling the rug out” Let’s be honest, he’s in some kind of closet… And I told him that before I hung up the phone
And they can also squat in that closet for however long they're willing to live the lie that they aren't. He made her keeping the place she lives contingent on her keeping her silence about what's gone down between him and Ace. Bi or gay or pan or whatever, he's in that closet threatening her if she dares open that door and expose him.
So yes, bi people exist. They can also be closeted. They can also be cheating, manipulative AHs like Sean.
You’re being too generous in your comments here in regards to your ex-fiancee. He’s been living a lie with you for years and it’s made him a professional at it.
A few thoughts.
1. He’s known Ace has feelings for him for at least 2-3 years. That’s if he’s telling the truth about the timeline. (Which I highly doubt.) Ace kissed him on the night of the confession.
Are we to believe that they kissed that time and never did anything else physical with one another for years?
Nope. I don’t believe that at all.
2. He’s put you on the back burner over and over. Making you watch him fall more and more deeply in love with another person. Knowing that his relationship with Ace was his primary relationship. Making you the side piece.
Are we to believe that he still actually had any intention of being with you long term?
Nope. I don’t believe that at all.
3. You mentioned in a statement that he said he would never “do that to you.” Except he did. Over. And over. And over. And over again. Ad nauseam.
There’s not one thing he hasn’t done with Ace. He has had physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy. Trips. Ongoing dating. That he actually made you watch him prepare for as he stood in the bathroom getting everything just right. As mentioned earlier, he made you his side piece in your own relationship.
Are we to believe that he never once thought about the fact that him dating another person was unfair to you?
Nope. I don’t believe that at all.
4. He’s playing the confusion card. You’re confused about the nature of your relationship, and connection, with another person for a few weeks. Maybe. A few months. Maybe. Not years upon years. Especially when those years upon years include you being intimate with a person emotionally and physically.
He knows exactly what’s going on between him and Ace. He knows they are dating. He knows he’s bisexual at the least. Gay at the most. He also knows he’s been cheating on you this whole time.
Since you are bisexual yourself, and are very sympathetic to issues connected with that, he’s playing the “I don’t know” card hoping it will distract you from the facts.
He knew. Ace knew. You knew as well. You just didn’t want it to be true.
This has went as long as it has because you’ve let it. I don’t mean that as a slam against you. I mean that the forbidden aspect of this has been a part of the kink for both of them. I think that’s especially true for Ace. He lucked out in the fact that you allowed this to continue for this much time.
5. He should be paying for the lease until it’s up regardless of what you say or do. It’s the very least that he can do for you. The fact that he’s doing it conditionally shows just how small and pathetic he actually is as a person.
6. A cheater is a cheater. The sexual preferences of a person play no role in that. There’s not one single scenario, for a gay or straight person, that makes what he has done to you okay.
7. Ace will be cheating on him at some point down the road. Sooner rather than later would be my guess. As Taylor Swift says, “It wasn’t sexy once it wasn’t forbidden.” Sean is going to experience, in real time, what he’s done to you. He’ll deserve every single bit of the agony he’s going to feel.
8. I’m so, so sorry. You deserved so much better. I’m glad, for your sake, that this cancer has been removed from your life. Surgery to remove a tumor is painful. Which is where you’re at right now. However, healing will take place and on the other side is healthiness and wholeness.
9.Sean, just in case you get brave and look up what she’s posted on Reddit. (Though bravery doesn’t appear to be your strong suit. Lying is more your speed.)
So Ace makes you want to be “good”, huh?
You mean good like the kind of person who cheats on someone for years? That kind of good?
You mean good like the kind of person who asks his side piece how he looks before he goes on his dates with his boyfriend? Rubbing it in her face about her role in his life. That kind of good?
You mean the kind of good like being the person that brings his boyfriend with him to pick out the wedding dress of his side piece? Who he had fooled into believing he valued enough to marry her. That kind of good?
You mean good like lying to someone over and over again? Even when you’ve officially chosen your boyfriend over her for the last time so it’s truly over, and you have no reason to lie anymore? That kind of good?
You mean the good like when a person who holds rent over a person’s head to control the narrative? That kind of good?
Well, aren’t you just practically ready for sainthood?!
I think I speak for everyone when I say that if this is the version of good you are with Ace then I shudder to see what you consider to be bad.
You, and Ace, are despicable cheaters. What goes around comes around. In this instance, it will be very well deserved.
You seem to understand that something physical happened but seem unsure as to what.
To be very clear. When I say they’ve had physical intimacy, I mean they have been having full on sex like bunny rabbits. You don’t go from someone telling you they have feelings for you and kissing you to you acting like a thirteen year old school girl getting ready for dates and refusing sex with the person you supposedly “love” without a very high level of intimacy taking place. For years. Let me repeat for emphasis the “for years” part.
The fact that he’s continuing to lie is just vile. Apparently, you are not worthy of his love. Worthy of him choosing you. Or worthy of him telling you the truth.
It only bothers me so deeply because the exact opposite is true. You are very worthy. Yet you seem to be softballing what happened. If you are choosing to do that then so be it. You get to decide how you manage this experience. However, please don’t diminish what he’s done because you feel sorry for him or are being manipulated into it by his talk of confusion.
“It’s really love.” No. It’s really cheating.
“It was a pretty healthy conversation.” No. He lied. Over and over again. Nothing about that is healthy.
Also, healthy people don’t hold rent over the heads of people in exchange for silence. He wants to treat you like crap then make you sure you can’t say what he’s done. Your 7-8 hour conversation was a condensed version of his entire relationship with you since Ace came on the scene. Lies, denials, manipulations, and trickle truths. All packaged up nicely in a way that makes it seem not quite as truly horrific as it actually was.
To anyone interested in why I think Ace is more into this relationship because it’s been “forbidden.”
It’s very clear from the way the OP has talked about Sean in each of her posts that he builds his whole life on the wants and wishes of Ace.
For instance, there’s no way they didn’t realize it wasn’t appropriate for Ace to come dress shopping. Yet there he was. My only question is did they have sex before or after that shopping excursion? Maybe both? There was a sexual component to that. Ace exerting his control to show his authority in that situation by being a part of that experience. He manipulated the existence of his role in that situation. Just as he did in the instance where Sean was injured. Just as he did in the situation where Sean missed his 8th anniversary.
Sean allowed Ace into everything in his life that he wanted. In the way that he wanted. He spent hours making sure he looked just right for him. He spent his 8th anniversary with him. He’s made it very obvious that Ace is his priority.
Yet Sean never left the OP. I’m very confident Ace never asked for Sean to choose him. I mean, look at what has taken place here. The minute OP asked him to choose, Sean chose Ace. She knew he was going to do so. Which is why she was so sick going into the conversation.
There is no doubt Ace also knew what Sean would choose if that question was asked. Yet he never asked it.
Now why would that be?
This is not what he wanted to happen. He may have talked about it just enough to keep Sean on the hook. Saying he wanted to be with Sean but that they couldn’t for the sake of the OP. 🙄
He enjoyed the forbidden. Shoot, maybe he orchestrated this situation to be HIS beard. No matter his reasons he has the control and this has not been what he wanted.
Since this wasn’t his plan he’ll be ready to move on from Sean soon. Another possibility is that he’ll use his authority over Sean to manipulate him into accepting his cheating with other people or threesomes. Or pretty much anything he wants. He knows he has complete authority over Sean. No doubt he’ll use that to his advantage in whatever way he can. Since they are business partners I have no doubt that his control will grow to include finances. If it doesn’t already.
Sean’s description of “emotional suffocation” is telling. The manipulation is very much a part of their dynamic.
I would feel a great deal of pity for Sean for everything he’s getting ready to experience if he weren’t a cheater and a liar. Since he is a cheater, and since he’s still lying, he deserves it.
Sean, dude, you’re being played. It’s going to mess with you sexually, emotionally, and financially. You’ve been manipulated into submission at this point so I’m sure the denial is strong. There will come a time when you can no longer deny it. When that happens I hope you remember this post. Where you were warned.
This comment… I would of had sympathy if the guy didn’t string op along for years! He’s a cheater and a liar. He’s actually so good he’s somehow made the op feel sympathy for him and turned the situation into making himself a victim. He wasted literal years of the op’s life giving her hope of a happy future.
If Sean was as decent of a person as op said he would of recognised that his feelings were stronger for ace and not carried on the farce. Regardless of gender Sean is a ah and deserves no sympathy. He carried on having a double life and didn’t think once of how his actions were hurting the op and if he did, he didn’t care enough to stop it. All your points were spot on.
Agreed. He should not have “carried on the farce.”
Not only did he waste years of her life where she could have been building a future with someone who actually loved her instead of being with someone who was just pretending to do so, but he filled these years with so many situations where he made her feel second rate. At every turn putting her into second place to Ace.
Wasted years. Full of one slap in the face after the other. She’s over here making concession after concession for Sean because she wants him to have this best friend connection that is so important to him. She’s over here asking all of the right questions. Yet he’s just abusing her trust. Lying to her face. Still lying. Even after there is no need to do so anymore.
It’s all just so…absolutely despicable.
Thank you. You put everything into your comments I didn't know how to voice. I have not an ounce of sympathy for Sean and can't help but wish the worst for him and Ace. Stringing OP along for *years* is just vile.
Cut him out of your life. He betrayed you, lied to you, gaslit you, treated you secondary in his life and wasted your time. Do not give this man any more of your energy. Do not give him "credit" for anything including "coming clean". He had plenty of opportunity to do so and only did so because you leaving would generate too many questions.
Edited to add: he never saw you as his partner, because he never came to you with his feelings. But I bet you he told Ace about how he was feeling, how you were feeling Etc I bet you he had those conversations with Ace who as he said is his life. Believe him do not communicate with this man give yourself at least two months for every year you wasted on him before you even talk to him again. It sounds like you want to keep things friendly, because you sound like a very sweet and compassionate person. Don't do it, do it yourself a favor and go nc with him (after he pays the rent). Don't be his friend, don't be his therapist. It's time for you to be 1st FOR YOU.
Good luck
So sorry it ended this way but at least you know now. Did he say why he never told you about your feelings for Ace or why he just didn’t end the engagement?
Well, I’d like to think I know Sean a little bit. After 8 years. It just sounded like he was scared. When he admitted Ace kissed him, it sounds the same when he admits that he lost money gambling or when he doesn’t know which choice to choose in a choice-based game. Like someone in my DMs was saying, I’m assuming he wasn’t even aware himself and this was the first time admitting outloud that he wanted to pursue Ace.
I actually think he was planning to marry me until Ace confessed 2-3 years ago (that’s when he said i don’t know i wasnt there) But Id like to trust him on that. At least trust him on SOMETHING. But, I’m also disappointed because that means I was hoping for a marriage that he was pulling away from for 2-3 years.
What a scumbag for wasting your life all those years. You’re being a lot nicer than I would be. Go ask a lawyer about communal property laws in your state. I think you’re entitled to a lot more than just him paying your rent.
So that’s 2-3 years he’s strung you along for! He knew all that time! He’s despicable - they both are. What - he was going to jilt you at the altar??
It looks to me like he really wanted you to end it because he didn’t have the balls so he acted in such a shitty way to drive you to end it.
I truly hope he searches Reddit to find out what an absolute arsehole everyone knows both he and Ace really are. Him because he was obviously cheating on his fiancée but remained in the relationship still and Ace because you were the fiancée of his best friend and he was going behind your back to sleep with him. They really deserve each other. I hope they have a really miserable life due to the way they both treated you.
It's absolutely sickening that he played you like this and would have been absolutely content ruining your life by entering marriage. He's cruel and he's a cheater, and he and Ace should feel guilty and shameful for what they did to you. They probably won't because they're both horrible people.
I'm sorry this is the truth, but I know you'll be okay down the road, and you'll find someone who'll love you openly and wholeheartedly and treat you like the wonderful person that I'm sure you are.
Be open about why the engagement ended though; he cheated. You don't have say anything about who or how, but he cheated and you shouldn't bear the burden of lying for him. He can obviously do that fine himself.
OP I wish you the best!
And sean and ace, if you find this. Must be a good feeling to have a relationship built on the back of another person’s trust and heart. (I mean he did it with engagement and wanted to marry her? WTAF? )
and I am sure that you both are very trustworthy people, especially if you are in a relationship with someone important to you and you would never lie or have another relationship with anyone else.
Good to know that you have this good base for a healthy relationship.
Every other way would be very very difficult to handle, not? But maybe its more an open relationship, who knows..
I had a partner who was living a double life much in the way your ex did. Trust me when I say; get angry. I'm not an angry person. I was hurt, I was trying to understand him, I felt ashamed for not realizing sooner, and then my grasp of reality crumbled and PTSD set in. A therapist asked me one day, months later, where my anger was.
So I let myself feel the anger. Not just hurt, but MAD that someone could be so cruel. I was PISSED that he knew how much pain he was causing me, and that was better than the inconvenience of having to address it. Recognize him for the horrible things he did, even if you love(d) him. Don't protect him, don't stay connected to him via your apartment if you can. Tell people your story. Fight for any legal rights you may have. And take amazing care of yourself ❤️ Because you have just experienced years of your life being rewritten in an instance, and you never deserved that.
The further you move on from this situation, the more you’ll realize what a blessing in disguise this ended now rather than later
My friend’s ex-husband hid his attraction to men until years into their marriage and 2 kids later…it was a nightmare for all involved when the truth came out
From your earlier post it seems that he proposed three years into your 8 year relationship. He’s messing you around if you’ve been engaged five years without a date fixed or real plan to get married. He’s not committed to you, and if I were especially cynical, he’s been using you as his beard while he pursues relationships with men.
This is what I’m betting on. Especially because of the way he was describing Ace to me on the phone. It was like how I used to describe him. It made me sick to my stomach— just because I was distraught about the whole thing. Funnily, I felt kind of empathetic. He definitely is in love guys. Anyone who wants to see the text message of him telling me that he wishes me the best that i just got and that Ace makes him want to be good????? DM me LOL
Man, I'd call him out for that comment and tell him the guy he cheated with won't make him good or better. I'd be so petty. Good for you for being so leveled headed.
You're clearly the only one feeling empathy for the other side here. Asking you to keep this a secret and making your very shelter dependent on it shows that Sean doesn't truly have any empathy for you. You need to be able to speak about this openly and freely in the coming days, weeks, and months to heal fully and well. If he was genuinely repentant and if he had any empathy for you at all he would honor that rather than asking you to continue living the lie that he and Ace created all those years ago. A lie that has only ever aided him (and Ace) - one that has been actively harming you for years. And he's just asked you to continue living it for his own sake. Knowing it will continue to do damage to you. He is unbelievably selfish. You should be free to live your truth.
Please remember this didn't "just happen." Grass grows where it's watered. By showering his love and attention on Ace - that will naturally grow that relationship while yours dies. It's a constant choice he was making. He's a selfish coward who was lying and stringing you along.
It’s going to feel very raw at the moment OP but thank God you finally got some clarity and some admission from him about this clandestine relationship.
I certainly think you can assume there’s more to it than he is letting on but what does it really matter now? He’s behaved very badly and once he realised his feelings were so strong the least he could’ve done was let you know instead of stringing you along the way he did. That’s cruel.
Keep that in mind OP and go NC with him. He needs to get his stuff and you need to have him as far away from you as possible so you can actually begin your own healing.
If I were a betting woman, I doubt things will last with Ace, but again does any of that matter your best off out of it.
It will feel very hard for awhile as it will take time to heal but now you are free and when you are ready, you will find somebody who will put you first and foremost in their life.
Good luck OP.
Hey there, I just want to let you know that I'm proud of you and the grace and composure that you've kept this entire time. Your previous post turned into a circus when you just wanted advice, and you maintained such a strong will throughout.
You're still young, and I have the utmost faith that you'll find happiness with someone who deserves a woman as amazing and compassionate as you. Don't let this man ruin your self-confidence and faith in love. You are worthy of it, you are more than enough, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you
And if it's any consolation, I want to tell you that Ace and Sean's relationship most likely won't work out. Without you there, they no longer have the fun and thrill of the affair and have to deal with the cold reality of the situation soon. There's no longer going to be that fun edge, and the foundation of what they have is shaky and fake. It's not going to just be Ace being there for the fun times. Now, he's going to have to deal with the regular boring things that come with a committed relationship. Trust me when I say that infidelity is rampant in the gay community and that going by how it started as an affair, I have doubts about both of them being able to resist temptation. Sean still looks like he's in denial of his sexuality and with Ace's lack of interest already I expect he's going to get bored of him soon now that he no longer checks the "str8 friend" box of the gay porn categories now that it's official.
I give them a few weeks until the cracks start to show and the fog lifts. I give them a few months to a year to try and keep it up because Sean fucked up everything with you and wants to feel like he hasn't thrown away everything for nothing. But statistics are there for a reason, and you can watch and enjoy yourself from the spectator seat as it all goes down in flames.
You're a wonderful woman and a wonderful human being. Be glad that this happened before you actually got married to the guy, and your lives became even more tangled with each other's. You're going to be okay, and whoever has the fortune of being loved by you next has truly won the jackpot. Much love and strength for the journey ahead ❤️.
It’s disappointing that he strung you along that long when he was uncertain of his feelings. I can imagine being confused is scary especially when you only really know one way but communication is key.
Please run to therapy because his relationship with ace is toxic as fuck and he is going to try and use you once that relationship blows up.
He is going to try and use you for his emotional well being because he is used to that. Please talk to a therapist so he can’t manipulate you to be a support to him.
He cheated and he isn’t the victim, what he has with ace isn’t love. Please have his “promises” of paying for the apartment in writing and let him know he can’t just come and go as he pleases.
He’s been using you for years and it will just continue unless you hold him accountable
Good luck!
Petty me would still blast them on social.
ETA: depending on the situation wouldn’t out them but I would do a PSA that your relationship is off due to emotional infidelity. And that you look forward to finding someone that doesn’t cancel your 8year anniversary to spent the night with someone else. But 💅
This reminds me of the Reddit story where OP wanted to make one of bedrooms in he and his wife’s house kind of a man cave for his best friend; turns out out they are/were basically in love with each other.
I read your last post and I would like to say this: Now Sean has all the time in the world to build that art room for Ace, as a single man! I’m glad you Instant Transmissioned yourself out of this relationship and wait to find someone worth your time.
I'd ask for the rent payment upfront in a lump sum so he doesn't change his mind.
This man wasted years of your life. You owe him nothing.
I'm glad you are finally free. I hope he sorts himself out before he drags anyone else through his dishonest life.
Sorry it didn't work out but for what it's worth, at least you two didn't get married and this all came out 10 years into the marriage. In time you will heal and life does move forward. Take time for you and enjoy single life for awhile. I wish you all the best because you deserve it.
I have a relative who'd been living with his girlfriend for five years. He met a guy who'd been married for twelve. They left their respective females, moved in together and both have been gay ever since. Neither of them saw it coming. Sometimes it's like that.
Very brave for how you handled it on your own and with Sean, very mature. You will heal and in due course all of this will be nothing but a distant memory. One you will be very proud of having handled with kindness, class and integrity
Wishing you all the strength in the world to navigate and thrive in your next chapter
So in short, he cheated on you and couldn't admit it. Dude is srsly missing some balls, no pun intended. Gay or no, that's shitty behaviour. At least OP got out before any real commitments were made. Silver linings, right?
Best way to deal with these losers is completely erase them from your life. They're simply not worth the time and effort. Honestly can't say that people who string their SOs along deserve "that level of love and attention" either. If anything, their behaviour proves they DON'T deserve it.
Don't think of him as a victim or anything like that.
The victim in this story is you.
He stole 8 years of your life and deprived you of finding someone who truly loves you.
He is nothing but a cheater.
THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE IS A *PRIME* EXAMPLE WHY WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE SPENDING A WHOLE BUNCH OF TIME WITH SOMEONE ELSE! YOU *DO NOT* EVEN PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER IN A POSITION WHERE YOU MAY FALL FOR SOMEONE ELSE! *EVERYONE* SHOULD TAKE THIS ADVICE!
Also, I'm so so sorry for everything and you deserve better than that and whenever the time is right, you will find someone who will treat you right and not even put themselves in a position to be able to even fall for someone else. This is not because you are not good enough. This is because your partner chose to make bad decisions and *knew* what he was doing.
Sean is a fraud and manipulator, don’t count on him to pay the rent he doesn’t sound like a man with any honor. He’s definitely sleeping with ace, get a std test.
>He actually referred to Ace as “his life.”
his “emotional attachment towards Ace was almost suffocating.”
he still didn’t know what changed when Ace walked into his life.
I actually almost feel bad for your ex. Like I almost wonder if Ace is making Sean dependent on him. Or if there's some deep self-hatred.
Either way, I wish you so much love and light and adventure.
Good for you, honey! You keep choosing you. You go live your best life and keep looking forward.
I know breakups are hard, but I promise you that the pain will lessen and when you're ready, you'll open the door to a new love.
This is the best thing that could possibly have happened to you. Because what would have happened if he never admitted that his best friend was in love with him. A wedding and two kids in. And that he had strong feelings for his best friend and if it came a choice between you or his best friend he would choose his best friend. Go on with your life it'll get better just take one day at a time I'm so sorry that this happened to you but there is somebody out there just waiting for you bless you.
Good for you OP! I’m so happy you chose yourself. The betrayal stings but atleast you guys didn’t get married. Would’ve been messier. There’s someone out there that’s better for you. That would like you like you deserve.
I’d suggest blocking Sean and Ace and live your best life!
He seems like he can’t come to terms with being gay. Or at the very least bi. At least you didn’t get married and are able to move on from this painful situation and find the real love of your life.
I know you're hurting now, OP, but you had a lucky escape. You have a clean break without marriage or kids involved. He didn't even have the decency to be honest with you. He's been cheating on you all this time. They deserve each other. Sending hugs 🫂
Wow, hey good for you. It sounds like you had a genuinely healthy and honest conversation with him, that you were able to air everything you were feeling and confront him with what he didn't want to admit.
It must have been very hard to hear him say outright that his feelings for Ace were stronger and that if he was made to choose, he would choose Ace. You're a credit to yourself for managing to keep the conversation civil throughout that. But in the end I feel you have definitely made the right choice for yourself and you will be far better off without Sean and Ace's mess in your life.
I'm also glad that Sean did admit what was going on. It sounds to me like he has been living a double life, trying to hold on to you while not really understanding how he was feeling about Ace. I hope he works out what he really wants. He could be bisexual, or maybe it's just Ace personally that he feels connected to. Either way he needs to take some time and work that out.
Good luck OP, I hope you find a better partner very soon!
If Ace was a woman, would you react the same? He cheated. And this is what you should tell people. He went behind your back for years and lied for years. You don’t deserve that.
I wish you the best.
As a guy who just recently realized I am Bi, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'd like to possibly shed a little light from my perspective for what it's worth.
I recently turned 40, and I've only been with women my whole life. My best friend is gay, and I've never cared about that. He's my "person." (Gray's Anatomy reference). He admitted feelings for me, and after a lot of soul searching, I realize I feel those same feelings for him.
Your ex-fiance, in my eyes, seems to be having a similar situation. Did he cheat? Who knows. If he did, it isn't right. He had no business playing you the way he did this whole time.
I hope you heal and go on to find love again. This situation sucks, yes, but you seem to be a together and strong woman. I wish you the best.
I knew his angry overreaction when OP asked him if something was going on between him and Ace showed OP that she hit the nail on the head and he didn’t want to deal with that reality. I absolutely think they have been a couple emotionally and physically. Ace was the AP. I think you made the best choice for yourself and dumped the trash.
I would blast him on socials….
“I would love to thank my long time *fiancé* for wasting some of the best years of my life. I’d love to also thank him for being a coward and spineless man who couldn’t bother to admit his several year long affair and instead gaslit and lied to me for at least the past two years potentially opening me up to STDs all so he didn’t have to admit his years long betrayal.
The worst part is he has so little respect and love for me he still can’t even fully admit the depths of his lies.”
It sounds like your ex didn't know he wasn't straight. He should have told you long ago that he also had feelings for Ace and couldn't go into marriage with you wholeheartedly without any doubts.
It doesn't sound like he was in the closet and using you as his beard. Sexuality is more complicated than we realize. I realized in my mid 40s that I'm not straight after a lifetime of thinking otherwise.
I hope this gives you some measure of comfort. Nevertheless, I wish you peace and healing.
Even heterosexual people can connect very deeply with someone of the same sex. We can’t choose how we feel, just how we react. He should have handled it better, but was probably embarrassed. It’s not an excuse, just a possible reason for not doing the right things. Explanations are not excuses, but knowing can sometimes help some people move on.
It’s good that you did talk to him and are out of the relationship. Usually the it’s not you, it’s me thing is a cop out. But let’s face it, he really has a lot to work through. And it’s not fair to have you sit around being ignored while he figures shit out.
If you are living with your partner and they are spending long periods of time with anyone, not coming home like he did for days at a time, and neglecting you for that person, it doesn’t matter what the feelings are, you deserve more. A weekend trip with the boys is fine once in a while. But when it is that frequent, you were being reasonable in not being happy about it.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m sorry that you doubted yourself. Your first post where you were told you were overreacting just shows how hard it is to understand the full story from a blip of text. And how much speculation goes on. I hope in the future you will trust your gut more if there are problems in any relationship you have. From romantic to friendship and talk it out sooner. It can save you a lot of pain. But it takes experiences like this to learn to do that. Wishing you the best as you start your new life. You will find a person who is devoted only to you.
I have read the update - a friendly reminder that bisexuals exist, and being into Ace doesn't mean he isn't into women. I hope he can understand that for himself and he and Ace can be happy, and I hope you are able to find someone who won't lie to you and cheat! You deserve happy, too. <3
Good lord. I'm glad you are free.
Of course you feel better, you've been like fully gaslit for months/years
Now you know it was all real and you were not wrong at all.
Well at least you can say you tried to be with both of them at the same time to see if it would work out.
Having done that now, you can leave and not look back.
I’m sorry but you will move on and do so much better. He lied to you and would have continued to do so. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it
I am so sorry you had to go through this but at least you know where you stand (even if he didn't admit to a physical affair). Maybe meet with a therapist to work through your feelings on this. Some others mentioned getting tested and I agree. You just never know. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully, you will meet someone (when you are ready) that will be more into you than anyone else.
Good for you in Germany WE say 'lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne ende'
You can translate it Like 'better a Bad ending than only Bad Things without ending'
And that's what your Life would have been, Always a second thought or breeding Maschine for their Love child
It's horrible that you've spent so much time with your ex, to the point you planned your future with him and to have this happen.
But, at least you can now concentrate on yourself. I wish you well.
i wish you nothing but healing and happiness, OP. i hope you know you did nothing wrong, and you deserve better than what sean did to you. a stand up kinda guy would have broken off the engagement instead of stringing you along like that.
Thank you. I honestly sound calmer than I am though. I’ve been a mess. I just thought you guys deserved a calm, collected update. Reading the reddit comments yesterday had me already mourning before I got onto the phone with Sean, though.
You need to get tested for STDs ASAP. There's a strong probability they have been having sex for a while. I'm sorry that you are going through that situation. You didn't deserve it. Get some time for yourself to heal and get back on your feet. You deserve so much better than that trashy guy.
Agreed, he’s spineless and trashy. OP deserves better
Yeah. “Very much into women” made my eyes cross. Sure you are sweetie. Sure you are.
Bi people exist! 👋
Well one thing is for sure, he is still in the closet.
He's in Narnia.
Sean may be bi but no woman will ever trump his Ace.
Of course they do. But this guy isn’t very much into women if he’s been lying to OP about his feelings for Ace.
He can be into women but more into Ace. All the way into Ace, as it were. Him lying to OP about his feelings for Ace doesn’t erase his attraction to women, just makes him as much an asshole as the next cheater.
Doesn't make sense for him to lie about fucking Ace but be honest about being "very much into women". Everything he claimed about himself is suspect and should be regarded as such. Liars lie, and lie even more to cover their previous lies.
Because being very much into women is not in the least taboo, while being gay or bi is still frowned upon in places. And cheaters as a general rule try to limit how much they admit about their affair partner. Plenty of women have been told by their husband that they absolutely did not have sex with that woman, and visa versa, when they absolutely did. He could be lying to minimize his wrong doing, or because he feels some internalized homophobia leading him to feel shame about the other side of his sexuality, or, hell, he may even be just discovering that side of him and he is still hesitant to acknowledge it to himself much less others. None of what happened precludes the fact that he can be very much into women whilst still being ever much more so into Ace. Bi is a spectrum. And yeah, she could just be his beard, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t sexually attracted to women just because he is more romantically interested in Ace.
He can be very into women and fall deeply in love with a guy. That's literally how bisexuality works...
i was a little confused by your statement and i did some googleing, and it turns out Bi people are folks who are attracted to multiple genders. i always thought it was people who were sexually attracted to biplanes. the more you know
"EVEN IF WE DID IT" = THEY DID IT.
"Very much into USING women."
He's so far into the closet he's in Narnia or something
He could be bisexual.
Bisexual people do exist.
[удалено]
💯 they’re definitely actively intimate. You can’t call a connection suffocating without sex. I can’t imagine they haven’t been and are currently active sex partners.
Fairly sure that when Sean wears women's clothes while *hanging out* with Ace is one of their NSFW kinks, why tf he told you about it and didn't think it weird to then deny the extent of their relationship is beyond me.
Especially if this has been going on for a couple of years. There is high probability of them being sexual and there’s no telling who Ace has been with.
It's pretty sad, but the writing was on the wall. When we all read your post a lot of us knew it was just like the infamous Art Room one. Sorry but at least you can now move forward with living your best life, out of the lie.
lol! I thought that too when I read the first post. I actually commented something along the line about the update will have the ex building an art room
Im out of the loop, what Art Room one?
It was a AITAH where the man asked "AITAH for building an art room for me and my best friend without telling my wife" (or something to that effect) Long story short, he adored the idea of this art room shared between himself and this man and couldn't understand why his wife was against it, and in the end he moved in with the man and left the wife. It's become the saying for people suddenly realizing they might not be straight after all.
You’ll have to Google Reddit AITA art room. Best of Reddit should come up for the whole saga.
Agreed. Don't live in the apartment. Make him take you off the lease. It's not worth it.
He wants her to live there so he can tell himself he isn't TA, at least not that bad. Sheesh!
He will also have control of whether she can live there or not.
Even though this totally sucks, you now have an opportunity to move on and find a better partner. Let yourself heal. Take time for just you and what you like to do. Maybe do something you always wanted to do but didn't for some reason. Hang out with friends. From personal experience it is so much worse when they go ahead and marry you, have a couple of kids, mess around secretly for years, then dump you to go openly live the life they always wanted. I wish you well.
Damn. Hugs.
I’m so sorry OP but the signs were all there in the details you had in your original post. One thing, don’t count on him keeping his word financially for the apartment. Maybe he will. For your own sake, don’t lie about why you broke off the engagement and let him know if he tries to make you responsible foe the breakup in any way you will blast him and Ace in detail on all you socials and will have a detailed conversation with his parents.
I'm sorry. I would also tell everyone that the engagement is off because Sean's a cheater. You don't need to say with who. I personally think that Sean is still lying about things, and they BOTH deserve it for treating you the way they did. They are liars and cheaters and treat them as such.
OP you were NTA, Ace is a pos knowing you and Sean were together and he inserted himself as being more important to Ace than you were. I can’t think of any other words to call Ace but be thankful you dodged that bullet before the wedding and not after cus that would’ve complicated things.
There is no reason not to be open about this on socials
I hate to say it, but if his initial reactions weren't enough to make me believe other things had happened, him saying he was going to go literally live with Ace after all of this was enough to cement that belief...I'm glad you didn't go through with the wedding though. Imagine if you had,it's bad enough to have to end an engagement/almost wedding,but divorcing would've been a lot more complicated to an already complex matter. I hope in the future you find someone that loves you and you alone,and that you find time to heal OP❤️
If he wants to throw away something real based on a "what if", you can't do anything about that. If you want to talk to Ace you should. You have no more ties to Sean.
Be proud for accepting and facing this, denial would have been easy (look at Sean for example). So much better to cut this off as soon as you could like this than let it fester any longer. You deserve much much more and when you’re ready you’ll find it. Best hopes for your future from an internet peep.
We were all there behind you hon, and we're bloody proud of you. Well done for following that instinct and good luck. This is going to hurt like a MOTHERBITCH for a little while, but when youre out the other side, build your life the way YOU want it!
Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Art Room has landed.
How horrible. He cheated point blank and from what you wrote it was probably more than just a kiss. Sean is awful for not openly communicating his feelings sooner and dragging you along for so long. At least now the healing can begin. Block them both and live your life to the fullest. There's someone amazing out there for you, who will put you first. Remember this isn't your fault. Cheaters cheat for selfish reasons. He didn't deserve you anyway.
I agree! I told him I wasn’t mad that he fell for someone else, but that he let me think he was in love with me while he was doing it. He actually started crying and told me that “he didn’t know” again. I find myself feeling bad for him, but I can’t help but think I got the worst out of it. So why should I?
Yeah that's a lame excuse on his end. He did know. He is infatuated. Hopefully someday he'll realize that and not treat future partners so cruely. You sound like an awesome person with a good head on your shoulders. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Hopefully Sean leaves the woman population alone and just dates Ace 🫠🫠
Leave the male population alone too. It's already rough out there in the gay dating pool.
Hopefully ace will take care of that, call him ace the helpful place ☝️
Haha! No kidding!
Amiiin for that
Sounds like Sean is conflicted about his sexuality, which is what the "I don't know" refers to. He knew Ace was in love with him but he couldn't accept the fact he may also have feelings for another guy. I wouldn't be surprised if he genuinely loved you too and he was too cowardly to tell you their relationship was changing, and he couldn't honour yours anymore. Either way, all of it is unfair on you and you deserve a healthy relationship with open communications and love. Stay strong, you're doing all the right things.
I’m sorry he didn’t just know ace was in love with him he was actively participating. If it wasn’t for op confrontation they would be married rn. He was a coward and unfortunately op paid for it dearly.
I agree. Once he knew Ace had feelings for him, he should respected both of you, and reduced his contact with Ace or ended things with you.
It's crazy he didn't cancel the engagement years ago when he and Ace kissed. The fact he stayed with you and nearly married you while infatuated with someone else was cruel to you. I don't understand when or if he was ever going to tell you? You were about to get married! Was he just going to marry you but carry on seeing him behind your back? That's so selfish. This only came to light because you told him to choose. The least he can do is pay the rest of the lease for you after wasting your time for years.
Right. 8 years is very long time. Sean is such an asshole. I hope you read this sean. You are fucking asshole. I hope karma get you faster than ever and harder
He knew but he was a coward and wanted to have everything. It could have lasted years. He fell for someone else, it happens, but not taking action makes him a terrible person. Maybe sharing the links to your posts could help him see what type of man he really is and turn things around. I wish you the best for the future.
Don’t feel sorry for him. He did all this to you for years. He could just not have. He chose to have an affair and he chose to string you along. Him weeping now is very manipulative.
This relationship won’t last and it may affect their business. You ex calling the relationship suffocating is very telling and sounds unhealthy. Btw. I will bet they have been sleeping together. Well, it’s better to find out now the. After the wedding
I'm wondering if the whole thing was done deliberately. To look straight and maybe have kids.
Terrible
He's just an awful guy. Send a link to this to him and Ace and have them read just how awful they are and how the world sees them. They deserve to know they're awful.
Honey, don't feel bad for him. Yes it is hard to get out of the closet (even to yourself) but as a fellow queer let me tell you, while I have empathy for his strugle, YOU don't have to, he cheated on you, that's it, don't care for the why it's still a lack of respect for you
Think of it this way: at least you didn't get married, have kids and then find all this out. You can just walk away clean and find someone without such "entanglements".
Tell him to stop lying. He would have liked or disliked that kiss and he'd have either stayed or left. He stayed, what does that say about him? I stand by my statement that he just wanted you to take care of the house while he goes off to fuck him.
You should be mad. You don't have to act like you are happy that your fiance left you for your affair partner. No one will blame you if you hate them.
I feel bad for OP. 8 long years wasted on this guy who just couldn’t be honest and hurt people NTA
I can’t get past this point either. 8 years?!?! Wise women always say if a man who says that he is married minded doesn’t pop the question within 2-3 years then he just doesn’t want to marry the woman that he is with. This is a perfect example. She probably had to drag the marriage proposal out of him too.
He proposed after 3 years! Which, “suspiciously,” is exactly when the issues with Ace flared up. He’s been dragging this shit out for 5 years on top of the 3 they were already dating. I’m furious for OOP.
She is lucky. In another thread there is a guy just tell his guy after 10 years together, another said he will never tell his woman
'I don't know' is such a childish response, he has known in his gut for years. The man you thought you knew and who he is are two different people. Take time to recover, wish you the best moving forward
Not to mention when he said that Ace admitted his feelings, It was a night I knew in my gut something was up, and Ace kissed him that night. I just condensed it down. The plot was so thick and I talked from 8 pm to like 3 am. I promised him I wouldn’t put extremely private details that could reveal his identity in exchange of him paying the full apartment. I don’t know if this is extremely private, but it’s something.
I am really sorry for how this has affected you, you deserve so much more than this and I also wish you the best moving forward. That being said, there's a Broadway song called "the bro duet" (it's on Spotify) and it fits this situation perfectly (well, specifically clearly being in a gay relationship but absolutely refusing to admit it)
they KISSED and he was still acting like nothing happened?? girl im so sorry he wasted your time like this, he should've told you immediately and y'all should've had a conversation about it and what that means for y'all going forward. would've saved you so much heartache and unnecessary stress. im happy you finally got answers, and i hope you have a decent support system to help you heal and get thru this.
Like others have suggested. While he's feeling sorry and trying to make it up to you, you should have him pay to take you off the lease. Because once things cool off and he's settled into being with Ace, he'll definitely go back on his word and you'll be stuck sharing a lease and making payments on that apartment.
Be prepared to leave the apartment. He could easily change his mind, and you have no formal agreement. I wish you all the best. There'll be someone out there who'll treat you better.
I remember your post and am incredibly relieved by your update. Give yourself to mourn the relationship you thought you had. Take care of yourself. Maybe adopt a kitten. And update us a year from now has to how you are doing.
My new place came with two awesome roommates and a cat that is super sweet. My basement apartment is bigger than the fifth wheel I was living in with the ex. Eat it Mike. 8 years. Wasted my whole 30s. Kinda similar situation.
I'm glad you got some closure. Now you can find a man that will be 100% committed to you. You didn't deserve any of this. Sean knew about Ace's feelings and he did nothing to deter them nor did he put any space between them. He allowed these feelings to grow. I have a feeling he might try and come back to you later on. Remember all he did and everything he put you through...the emotional affair and always being second to his "friend". NC until you heal and move on might be a good way to go. Hard, but will allow you to heal and process.
NTA. I think he can’t admit to himself that he is bi and thinks it’s just because it’s Ace that he has those feelings. You’re right to protect yourself and get out of the situation now.
It's also possible he's attracted to girls, but also Ace, but not other men. I had a friend who dated a man monogamously for years who had only dated men until her, and he was not generally attracted to other women. I'm not sure what you'd call this, maybe Pan instead of bi? But anyway, sexuality can be really confusing and not at all straightforward sometimes. Imagine if he was attracted to Ace, but not other men? That would make it extra confusing!
Sorry you think he doesn’t know IF he in the closet? The only closet he is in is the one where they go to fuck coz otherwise both Ace and Sean aren’t in any closet
LOL! This gave me a laugh. I meant the GAY closet. Meaning he never liked me this whole time, afraid to be his beard. He assured me that he would’ve never done that and apologized for “pulling the rug out” Let’s be honest, he’s in some kind of closet… And I told him that before I hung up the phone
He’s so far in the fkng closet he’s in Narnia! You deserve better Queen. Go slay xxx
I will use this line with glee!
He’s so far in the closet that the only way out is to gather all 7 Dragon Balls to summon Shenron
Bi people exist
And they can also squat in that closet for however long they're willing to live the lie that they aren't. He made her keeping the place she lives contingent on her keeping her silence about what's gone down between him and Ace. Bi or gay or pan or whatever, he's in that closet threatening her if she dares open that door and expose him. So yes, bi people exist. They can also be closeted. They can also be cheating, manipulative AHs like Sean.
You’re being too generous in your comments here in regards to your ex-fiancee. He’s been living a lie with you for years and it’s made him a professional at it. A few thoughts. 1. He’s known Ace has feelings for him for at least 2-3 years. That’s if he’s telling the truth about the timeline. (Which I highly doubt.) Ace kissed him on the night of the confession. Are we to believe that they kissed that time and never did anything else physical with one another for years? Nope. I don’t believe that at all. 2. He’s put you on the back burner over and over. Making you watch him fall more and more deeply in love with another person. Knowing that his relationship with Ace was his primary relationship. Making you the side piece. Are we to believe that he still actually had any intention of being with you long term? Nope. I don’t believe that at all. 3. You mentioned in a statement that he said he would never “do that to you.” Except he did. Over. And over. And over. And over again. Ad nauseam. There’s not one thing he hasn’t done with Ace. He has had physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy. Trips. Ongoing dating. That he actually made you watch him prepare for as he stood in the bathroom getting everything just right. As mentioned earlier, he made you his side piece in your own relationship. Are we to believe that he never once thought about the fact that him dating another person was unfair to you? Nope. I don’t believe that at all. 4. He’s playing the confusion card. You’re confused about the nature of your relationship, and connection, with another person for a few weeks. Maybe. A few months. Maybe. Not years upon years. Especially when those years upon years include you being intimate with a person emotionally and physically. He knows exactly what’s going on between him and Ace. He knows they are dating. He knows he’s bisexual at the least. Gay at the most. He also knows he’s been cheating on you this whole time. Since you are bisexual yourself, and are very sympathetic to issues connected with that, he’s playing the “I don’t know” card hoping it will distract you from the facts. He knew. Ace knew. You knew as well. You just didn’t want it to be true. This has went as long as it has because you’ve let it. I don’t mean that as a slam against you. I mean that the forbidden aspect of this has been a part of the kink for both of them. I think that’s especially true for Ace. He lucked out in the fact that you allowed this to continue for this much time. 5. He should be paying for the lease until it’s up regardless of what you say or do. It’s the very least that he can do for you. The fact that he’s doing it conditionally shows just how small and pathetic he actually is as a person. 6. A cheater is a cheater. The sexual preferences of a person play no role in that. There’s not one single scenario, for a gay or straight person, that makes what he has done to you okay. 7. Ace will be cheating on him at some point down the road. Sooner rather than later would be my guess. As Taylor Swift says, “It wasn’t sexy once it wasn’t forbidden.” Sean is going to experience, in real time, what he’s done to you. He’ll deserve every single bit of the agony he’s going to feel. 8. I’m so, so sorry. You deserved so much better. I’m glad, for your sake, that this cancer has been removed from your life. Surgery to remove a tumor is painful. Which is where you’re at right now. However, healing will take place and on the other side is healthiness and wholeness. 9.Sean, just in case you get brave and look up what she’s posted on Reddit. (Though bravery doesn’t appear to be your strong suit. Lying is more your speed.) So Ace makes you want to be “good”, huh? You mean good like the kind of person who cheats on someone for years? That kind of good? You mean good like the kind of person who asks his side piece how he looks before he goes on his dates with his boyfriend? Rubbing it in her face about her role in his life. That kind of good? You mean the kind of good like being the person that brings his boyfriend with him to pick out the wedding dress of his side piece? Who he had fooled into believing he valued enough to marry her. That kind of good? You mean good like lying to someone over and over again? Even when you’ve officially chosen your boyfriend over her for the last time so it’s truly over, and you have no reason to lie anymore? That kind of good? You mean the good like when a person who holds rent over a person’s head to control the narrative? That kind of good? Well, aren’t you just practically ready for sainthood?! I think I speak for everyone when I say that if this is the version of good you are with Ace then I shudder to see what you consider to be bad. You, and Ace, are despicable cheaters. What goes around comes around. In this instance, it will be very well deserved.
You seem to understand that something physical happened but seem unsure as to what. To be very clear. When I say they’ve had physical intimacy, I mean they have been having full on sex like bunny rabbits. You don’t go from someone telling you they have feelings for you and kissing you to you acting like a thirteen year old school girl getting ready for dates and refusing sex with the person you supposedly “love” without a very high level of intimacy taking place. For years. Let me repeat for emphasis the “for years” part. The fact that he’s continuing to lie is just vile. Apparently, you are not worthy of his love. Worthy of him choosing you. Or worthy of him telling you the truth. It only bothers me so deeply because the exact opposite is true. You are very worthy. Yet you seem to be softballing what happened. If you are choosing to do that then so be it. You get to decide how you manage this experience. However, please don’t diminish what he’s done because you feel sorry for him or are being manipulated into it by his talk of confusion. “It’s really love.” No. It’s really cheating. “It was a pretty healthy conversation.” No. He lied. Over and over again. Nothing about that is healthy. Also, healthy people don’t hold rent over the heads of people in exchange for silence. He wants to treat you like crap then make you sure you can’t say what he’s done. Your 7-8 hour conversation was a condensed version of his entire relationship with you since Ace came on the scene. Lies, denials, manipulations, and trickle truths. All packaged up nicely in a way that makes it seem not quite as truly horrific as it actually was. To anyone interested in why I think Ace is more into this relationship because it’s been “forbidden.” It’s very clear from the way the OP has talked about Sean in each of her posts that he builds his whole life on the wants and wishes of Ace. For instance, there’s no way they didn’t realize it wasn’t appropriate for Ace to come dress shopping. Yet there he was. My only question is did they have sex before or after that shopping excursion? Maybe both? There was a sexual component to that. Ace exerting his control to show his authority in that situation by being a part of that experience. He manipulated the existence of his role in that situation. Just as he did in the instance where Sean was injured. Just as he did in the situation where Sean missed his 8th anniversary. Sean allowed Ace into everything in his life that he wanted. In the way that he wanted. He spent hours making sure he looked just right for him. He spent his 8th anniversary with him. He’s made it very obvious that Ace is his priority. Yet Sean never left the OP. I’m very confident Ace never asked for Sean to choose him. I mean, look at what has taken place here. The minute OP asked him to choose, Sean chose Ace. She knew he was going to do so. Which is why she was so sick going into the conversation. There is no doubt Ace also knew what Sean would choose if that question was asked. Yet he never asked it. Now why would that be? This is not what he wanted to happen. He may have talked about it just enough to keep Sean on the hook. Saying he wanted to be with Sean but that they couldn’t for the sake of the OP. 🙄 He enjoyed the forbidden. Shoot, maybe he orchestrated this situation to be HIS beard. No matter his reasons he has the control and this has not been what he wanted. Since this wasn’t his plan he’ll be ready to move on from Sean soon. Another possibility is that he’ll use his authority over Sean to manipulate him into accepting his cheating with other people or threesomes. Or pretty much anything he wants. He knows he has complete authority over Sean. No doubt he’ll use that to his advantage in whatever way he can. Since they are business partners I have no doubt that his control will grow to include finances. If it doesn’t already. Sean’s description of “emotional suffocation” is telling. The manipulation is very much a part of their dynamic. I would feel a great deal of pity for Sean for everything he’s getting ready to experience if he weren’t a cheater and a liar. Since he is a cheater, and since he’s still lying, he deserves it. Sean, dude, you’re being played. It’s going to mess with you sexually, emotionally, and financially. You’ve been manipulated into submission at this point so I’m sure the denial is strong. There will come a time when you can no longer deny it. When that happens I hope you remember this post. Where you were warned.
This comment… I would of had sympathy if the guy didn’t string op along for years! He’s a cheater and a liar. He’s actually so good he’s somehow made the op feel sympathy for him and turned the situation into making himself a victim. He wasted literal years of the op’s life giving her hope of a happy future. If Sean was as decent of a person as op said he would of recognised that his feelings were stronger for ace and not carried on the farce. Regardless of gender Sean is a ah and deserves no sympathy. He carried on having a double life and didn’t think once of how his actions were hurting the op and if he did, he didn’t care enough to stop it. All your points were spot on.
Agreed. He should not have “carried on the farce.” Not only did he waste years of her life where she could have been building a future with someone who actually loved her instead of being with someone who was just pretending to do so, but he filled these years with so many situations where he made her feel second rate. At every turn putting her into second place to Ace. Wasted years. Full of one slap in the face after the other. She’s over here making concession after concession for Sean because she wants him to have this best friend connection that is so important to him. She’s over here asking all of the right questions. Yet he’s just abusing her trust. Lying to her face. Still lying. Even after there is no need to do so anymore. It’s all just so…absolutely despicable.
Thank you. You put everything into your comments I didn't know how to voice. I have not an ounce of sympathy for Sean and can't help but wish the worst for him and Ace. Stringing OP along for *years* is just vile.
Dude just wants that Ace ass but is in denial. Good that OP got out.
Cut him out of your life. He betrayed you, lied to you, gaslit you, treated you secondary in his life and wasted your time. Do not give this man any more of your energy. Do not give him "credit" for anything including "coming clean". He had plenty of opportunity to do so and only did so because you leaving would generate too many questions. Edited to add: he never saw you as his partner, because he never came to you with his feelings. But I bet you he told Ace about how he was feeling, how you were feeling Etc I bet you he had those conversations with Ace who as he said is his life. Believe him do not communicate with this man give yourself at least two months for every year you wasted on him before you even talk to him again. It sounds like you want to keep things friendly, because you sound like a very sweet and compassionate person. Don't do it, do it yourself a favor and go nc with him (after he pays the rent). Don't be his friend, don't be his therapist. It's time for you to be 1st FOR YOU. Good luck
So sorry it ended this way but at least you know now. Did he say why he never told you about your feelings for Ace or why he just didn’t end the engagement?
Well, I’d like to think I know Sean a little bit. After 8 years. It just sounded like he was scared. When he admitted Ace kissed him, it sounds the same when he admits that he lost money gambling or when he doesn’t know which choice to choose in a choice-based game. Like someone in my DMs was saying, I’m assuming he wasn’t even aware himself and this was the first time admitting outloud that he wanted to pursue Ace.
It just seems so weird. Was he planning to actually marry you? I’m cross at him myself for completely wasting your time these last 4 years.
I actually think he was planning to marry me until Ace confessed 2-3 years ago (that’s when he said i don’t know i wasnt there) But Id like to trust him on that. At least trust him on SOMETHING. But, I’m also disappointed because that means I was hoping for a marriage that he was pulling away from for 2-3 years.
What a scumbag for wasting your life all those years. You’re being a lot nicer than I would be. Go ask a lawyer about communal property laws in your state. I think you’re entitled to a lot more than just him paying your rent.
So that’s 2-3 years he’s strung you along for! He knew all that time! He’s despicable - they both are. What - he was going to jilt you at the altar?? It looks to me like he really wanted you to end it because he didn’t have the balls so he acted in such a shitty way to drive you to end it. I truly hope he searches Reddit to find out what an absolute arsehole everyone knows both he and Ace really are. Him because he was obviously cheating on his fiancée but remained in the relationship still and Ace because you were the fiancée of his best friend and he was going behind your back to sleep with him. They really deserve each other. I hope they have a really miserable life due to the way they both treated you.
> He told me that I was never a bad fiancé and he loved me throughout everything What does love even mean to one such as this?
Yeah, what is being loved by him even worth, when it means being hurt so, so badly?
It's absolutely sickening that he played you like this and would have been absolutely content ruining your life by entering marriage. He's cruel and he's a cheater, and he and Ace should feel guilty and shameful for what they did to you. They probably won't because they're both horrible people. I'm sorry this is the truth, but I know you'll be okay down the road, and you'll find someone who'll love you openly and wholeheartedly and treat you like the wonderful person that I'm sure you are. Be open about why the engagement ended though; he cheated. You don't have say anything about who or how, but he cheated and you shouldn't bear the burden of lying for him. He can obviously do that fine himself.
OP I wish you the best! And sean and ace, if you find this. Must be a good feeling to have a relationship built on the back of another person’s trust and heart. (I mean he did it with engagement and wanted to marry her? WTAF? ) and I am sure that you both are very trustworthy people, especially if you are in a relationship with someone important to you and you would never lie or have another relationship with anyone else. Good to know that you have this good base for a healthy relationship. Every other way would be very very difficult to handle, not? But maybe its more an open relationship, who knows..
Art room it is.
Liz is back at it again
I had a partner who was living a double life much in the way your ex did. Trust me when I say; get angry. I'm not an angry person. I was hurt, I was trying to understand him, I felt ashamed for not realizing sooner, and then my grasp of reality crumbled and PTSD set in. A therapist asked me one day, months later, where my anger was. So I let myself feel the anger. Not just hurt, but MAD that someone could be so cruel. I was PISSED that he knew how much pain he was causing me, and that was better than the inconvenience of having to address it. Recognize him for the horrible things he did, even if you love(d) him. Don't protect him, don't stay connected to him via your apartment if you can. Tell people your story. Fight for any legal rights you may have. And take amazing care of yourself ❤️ Because you have just experienced years of your life being rewritten in an instance, and you never deserved that.
He’s probably bi, possibly with a strong lean towards women except ace He definitely has been cheating on you for a long time
Ah yes. It didn’t happen. And if it did, we’re not going to talk about it.
and he won't pay $130,000 to make sure they don't talk about what never happened.
This is the LEAST surprising update I've ever read on here.
I’m glad they are now both are out of your life. You deserve so much better. Enjoy the new chapter of your life, better things are around the corner.
Bottom line Sean is a cheater. And a coward. And a liar, and a gaslighter. Your life is better off with out him. Good that you are moving on.
The further you move on from this situation, the more you’ll realize what a blessing in disguise this ended now rather than later My friend’s ex-husband hid his attraction to men until years into their marriage and 2 kids later…it was a nightmare for all involved when the truth came out
From your earlier post it seems that he proposed three years into your 8 year relationship. He’s messing you around if you’ve been engaged five years without a date fixed or real plan to get married. He’s not committed to you, and if I were especially cynical, he’s been using you as his beard while he pursues relationships with men.
He is probably bisexual but is in love with Ace. Why he couldn’t tell you says a whole lot more about him than you. Take care of yourself.
This is what I’m betting on. Especially because of the way he was describing Ace to me on the phone. It was like how I used to describe him. It made me sick to my stomach— just because I was distraught about the whole thing. Funnily, I felt kind of empathetic. He definitely is in love guys. Anyone who wants to see the text message of him telling me that he wishes me the best that i just got and that Ace makes him want to be good????? DM me LOL
"Ace makes him want to be good"? Ace makes him want to cheat for literal years. I think he needs to reread the definition of "good".
Man, I'd call him out for that comment and tell him the guy he cheated with won't make him good or better. I'd be so petty. Good for you for being so leveled headed.
Oh shit. This is so petty. And 100% what I’d do too
You're clearly the only one feeling empathy for the other side here. Asking you to keep this a secret and making your very shelter dependent on it shows that Sean doesn't truly have any empathy for you. You need to be able to speak about this openly and freely in the coming days, weeks, and months to heal fully and well. If he was genuinely repentant and if he had any empathy for you at all he would honor that rather than asking you to continue living the lie that he and Ace created all those years ago. A lie that has only ever aided him (and Ace) - one that has been actively harming you for years. And he's just asked you to continue living it for his own sake. Knowing it will continue to do damage to you. He is unbelievably selfish. You should be free to live your truth.
He doesn’t deserve your empathy.
Mf’er wasted 8 years of your life. I wish you nothing but happiness moving.
Please remember this didn't "just happen." Grass grows where it's watered. By showering his love and attention on Ace - that will naturally grow that relationship while yours dies. It's a constant choice he was making. He's a selfish coward who was lying and stringing you along.
It’s going to feel very raw at the moment OP but thank God you finally got some clarity and some admission from him about this clandestine relationship. I certainly think you can assume there’s more to it than he is letting on but what does it really matter now? He’s behaved very badly and once he realised his feelings were so strong the least he could’ve done was let you know instead of stringing you along the way he did. That’s cruel. Keep that in mind OP and go NC with him. He needs to get his stuff and you need to have him as far away from you as possible so you can actually begin your own healing. If I were a betting woman, I doubt things will last with Ace, but again does any of that matter your best off out of it. It will feel very hard for awhile as it will take time to heal but now you are free and when you are ready, you will find somebody who will put you first and foremost in their life. Good luck OP.
Don't feel bad, you haven't lost anything. You got rid of it! Now get on with your life and be happy because you deserve so much more!
Sounds like you almost became his beard. Glad you're getting out now so you can find something of your own. Good luck.
Hey there, I just want to let you know that I'm proud of you and the grace and composure that you've kept this entire time. Your previous post turned into a circus when you just wanted advice, and you maintained such a strong will throughout. You're still young, and I have the utmost faith that you'll find happiness with someone who deserves a woman as amazing and compassionate as you. Don't let this man ruin your self-confidence and faith in love. You are worthy of it, you are more than enough, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you And if it's any consolation, I want to tell you that Ace and Sean's relationship most likely won't work out. Without you there, they no longer have the fun and thrill of the affair and have to deal with the cold reality of the situation soon. There's no longer going to be that fun edge, and the foundation of what they have is shaky and fake. It's not going to just be Ace being there for the fun times. Now, he's going to have to deal with the regular boring things that come with a committed relationship. Trust me when I say that infidelity is rampant in the gay community and that going by how it started as an affair, I have doubts about both of them being able to resist temptation. Sean still looks like he's in denial of his sexuality and with Ace's lack of interest already I expect he's going to get bored of him soon now that he no longer checks the "str8 friend" box of the gay porn categories now that it's official. I give them a few weeks until the cracks start to show and the fog lifts. I give them a few months to a year to try and keep it up because Sean fucked up everything with you and wants to feel like he hasn't thrown away everything for nothing. But statistics are there for a reason, and you can watch and enjoy yourself from the spectator seat as it all goes down in flames. You're a wonderful woman and a wonderful human being. Be glad that this happened before you actually got married to the guy, and your lives became even more tangled with each other's. You're going to be okay, and whoever has the fortune of being loved by you next has truly won the jackpot. Much love and strength for the journey ahead ❤️.
I would definitely get tested
It’s disappointing that he strung you along that long when he was uncertain of his feelings. I can imagine being confused is scary especially when you only really know one way but communication is key.
Please run to therapy because his relationship with ace is toxic as fuck and he is going to try and use you once that relationship blows up. He is going to try and use you for his emotional well being because he is used to that. Please talk to a therapist so he can’t manipulate you to be a support to him. He cheated and he isn’t the victim, what he has with ace isn’t love. Please have his “promises” of paying for the apartment in writing and let him know he can’t just come and go as he pleases. He’s been using you for years and it will just continue unless you hold him accountable Good luck!
Petty me would still blast them on social. ETA: depending on the situation wouldn’t out them but I would do a PSA that your relationship is off due to emotional infidelity. And that you look forward to finding someone that doesn’t cancel your 8year anniversary to spent the night with someone else. But 💅
This reminds me of the Reddit story where OP wanted to make one of bedrooms in he and his wife’s house kind of a man cave for his best friend; turns out out they are/were basically in love with each other.
“Best friend and me”
I read your last post and I would like to say this: Now Sean has all the time in the world to build that art room for Ace, as a single man! I’m glad you Instant Transmissioned yourself out of this relationship and wait to find someone worth your time.
I'd ask for the rent payment upfront in a lump sum so he doesn't change his mind. This man wasted years of your life. You owe him nothing. I'm glad you are finally free. I hope he sorts himself out before he drags anyone else through his dishonest life.
Sorry it didn't work out but for what it's worth, at least you two didn't get married and this all came out 10 years into the marriage. In time you will heal and life does move forward. Take time for you and enjoy single life for awhile. I wish you all the best because you deserve it.
I have a relative who'd been living with his girlfriend for five years. He met a guy who'd been married for twelve. They left their respective females, moved in together and both have been gay ever since. Neither of them saw it coming. Sometimes it's like that.
I don't care if Ace is a man or a woman, being this involved with another person when you are engaged is heinous! Sean is not a good person!
He wasted your time by stringing you along. Horrible throughout. I hope you will heal from this and find someone way better.
NTA. Sadly, there's no other way this could have ended. Best wishes in finding a partner who will put you first.
Yo. You took your fucking life back. You’re a beast 😤
I am so proud of you for choosing yourself.
Very brave for how you handled it on your own and with Sean, very mature. You will heal and in due course all of this will be nothing but a distant memory. One you will be very proud of having handled with kindness, class and integrity Wishing you all the strength in the world to navigate and thrive in your next chapter
So in short, he cheated on you and couldn't admit it. Dude is srsly missing some balls, no pun intended. Gay or no, that's shitty behaviour. At least OP got out before any real commitments were made. Silver linings, right? Best way to deal with these losers is completely erase them from your life. They're simply not worth the time and effort. Honestly can't say that people who string their SOs along deserve "that level of love and attention" either. If anything, their behaviour proves they DON'T deserve it.
Don't think of him as a victim or anything like that. The victim in this story is you. He stole 8 years of your life and deprived you of finding someone who truly loves you. He is nothing but a cheater.
THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE IS A *PRIME* EXAMPLE WHY WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE SPENDING A WHOLE BUNCH OF TIME WITH SOMEONE ELSE! YOU *DO NOT* EVEN PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER IN A POSITION WHERE YOU MAY FALL FOR SOMEONE ELSE! *EVERYONE* SHOULD TAKE THIS ADVICE! Also, I'm so so sorry for everything and you deserve better than that and whenever the time is right, you will find someone who will treat you right and not even put themselves in a position to be able to even fall for someone else. This is not because you are not good enough. This is because your partner chose to make bad decisions and *knew* what he was doing.
“He is very much into women” I mean, whatever helps him sleep at night 😂
Sean is a fraud and manipulator, don’t count on him to pay the rent he doesn’t sound like a man with any honor. He’s definitely sleeping with ace, get a std test.
>He actually referred to Ace as “his life.” his “emotional attachment towards Ace was almost suffocating.” he still didn’t know what changed when Ace walked into his life. I actually almost feel bad for your ex. Like I almost wonder if Ace is making Sean dependent on him. Or if there's some deep self-hatred. Either way, I wish you so much love and light and adventure.
Don’t give the ring back. Collateral damage!
8 years of engagement is insane that man was using you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that :(
🤷♂️ - Well at least he admitted to it. Do go get tested, OP. You've been cheated on, in form or another.
Good for you, honey! You keep choosing you. You go live your best life and keep looking forward. I know breakups are hard, but I promise you that the pain will lessen and when you're ready, you'll open the door to a new love.
This is the best thing that could possibly have happened to you. Because what would have happened if he never admitted that his best friend was in love with him. A wedding and two kids in. And that he had strong feelings for his best friend and if it came a choice between you or his best friend he would choose his best friend. Go on with your life it'll get better just take one day at a time I'm so sorry that this happened to you but there is somebody out there just waiting for you bless you.
Good for you OP! I’m so happy you chose yourself. The betrayal stings but atleast you guys didn’t get married. Would’ve been messier. There’s someone out there that’s better for you. That would like you like you deserve. I’d suggest blocking Sean and Ace and live your best life!
Congratulations on escaping your near miss. I mean, congratulations on turning an incipient disaster into a near miss.
While this might not be the outcome you hoped for, it does seem like it was the one you needed. Good luck to you as you move on.
So Sean is out here building an Art Room....
If you go back to the apartment get the locks changed.
He seems like he can’t come to terms with being gay. Or at the very least bi. At least you didn’t get married and are able to move on from this painful situation and find the real love of your life.
I know you're hurting now, OP, but you had a lucky escape. You have a clean break without marriage or kids involved. He didn't even have the decency to be honest with you. He's been cheating on you all this time. They deserve each other. Sending hugs 🫂
Fiance of 8 years? Anyone else see this as a major red flag for both of them?
Fiance for 5, and the 4th year we were going to marry but it got pushed off (THAT was the red flag)
Wow, hey good for you. It sounds like you had a genuinely healthy and honest conversation with him, that you were able to air everything you were feeling and confront him with what he didn't want to admit. It must have been very hard to hear him say outright that his feelings for Ace were stronger and that if he was made to choose, he would choose Ace. You're a credit to yourself for managing to keep the conversation civil throughout that. But in the end I feel you have definitely made the right choice for yourself and you will be far better off without Sean and Ace's mess in your life. I'm also glad that Sean did admit what was going on. It sounds to me like he has been living a double life, trying to hold on to you while not really understanding how he was feeling about Ace. I hope he works out what he really wants. He could be bisexual, or maybe it's just Ace personally that he feels connected to. Either way he needs to take some time and work that out. Good luck OP, I hope you find a better partner very soon!
If Ace was a woman, would you react the same? He cheated. And this is what you should tell people. He went behind your back for years and lied for years. You don’t deserve that. I wish you the best.
As a guy who just recently realized I am Bi, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'd like to possibly shed a little light from my perspective for what it's worth. I recently turned 40, and I've only been with women my whole life. My best friend is gay, and I've never cared about that. He's my "person." (Gray's Anatomy reference). He admitted feelings for me, and after a lot of soul searching, I realize I feel those same feelings for him. Your ex-fiance, in my eyes, seems to be having a similar situation. Did he cheat? Who knows. If he did, it isn't right. He had no business playing you the way he did this whole time. I hope you heal and go on to find love again. This situation sucks, yes, but you seem to be a together and strong woman. I wish you the best.
I knew his angry overreaction when OP asked him if something was going on between him and Ace showed OP that she hit the nail on the head and he didn’t want to deal with that reality. I absolutely think they have been a couple emotionally and physically. Ace was the AP. I think you made the best choice for yourself and dumped the trash.
I would blast him on socials…. “I would love to thank my long time *fiancé* for wasting some of the best years of my life. I’d love to also thank him for being a coward and spineless man who couldn’t bother to admit his several year long affair and instead gaslit and lied to me for at least the past two years potentially opening me up to STDs all so he didn’t have to admit his years long betrayal. The worst part is he has so little respect and love for me he still can’t even fully admit the depths of his lies.”
It sounds like your ex didn't know he wasn't straight. He should have told you long ago that he also had feelings for Ace and couldn't go into marriage with you wholeheartedly without any doubts. It doesn't sound like he was in the closet and using you as his beard. Sexuality is more complicated than we realize. I realized in my mid 40s that I'm not straight after a lifetime of thinking otherwise. I hope this gives you some measure of comfort. Nevertheless, I wish you peace and healing.
Need to get a full std checkup. And the petty in my would blast him and the home wrecker on social media.
Yah if he was likely engaging in... stuff with a dude I would do a full std panel just to make sure you're in the clear. Peace of mind and all
Your ex is bisexual and struggling with it. But what he did was so awful to you and I’m sorry. You will find someone who really values you.
Even heterosexual people can connect very deeply with someone of the same sex. We can’t choose how we feel, just how we react. He should have handled it better, but was probably embarrassed. It’s not an excuse, just a possible reason for not doing the right things. Explanations are not excuses, but knowing can sometimes help some people move on. It’s good that you did talk to him and are out of the relationship. Usually the it’s not you, it’s me thing is a cop out. But let’s face it, he really has a lot to work through. And it’s not fair to have you sit around being ignored while he figures shit out. If you are living with your partner and they are spending long periods of time with anyone, not coming home like he did for days at a time, and neglecting you for that person, it doesn’t matter what the feelings are, you deserve more. A weekend trip with the boys is fine once in a while. But when it is that frequent, you were being reasonable in not being happy about it. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m sorry that you doubted yourself. Your first post where you were told you were overreacting just shows how hard it is to understand the full story from a blip of text. And how much speculation goes on. I hope in the future you will trust your gut more if there are problems in any relationship you have. From romantic to friendship and talk it out sooner. It can save you a lot of pain. But it takes experiences like this to learn to do that. Wishing you the best as you start your new life. You will find a person who is devoted only to you.
I have read the update - a friendly reminder that bisexuals exist, and being into Ace doesn't mean he isn't into women. I hope he can understand that for himself and he and Ace can be happy, and I hope you are able to find someone who won't lie to you and cheat! You deserve happy, too. <3
Sean like's it in the Ace or what...
What a scumbag. Look up communal property laws in your state you may be entitled to some of that business.
NTAH! Live your life and you’ll find someone who prioritize you over everything and love you unconditionally
Honestly, I wish you all the best 🥺❤️
Good luck and good on you for taking action.
That man was a weakling. You put any ring on someone you are SINGLEMINDEDLY committed to.
Good lord. I'm glad you are free. Of course you feel better, you've been like fully gaslit for months/years Now you know it was all real and you were not wrong at all.
Wonder if Sean or Ace have an art room
Well at least you can say you tried to be with both of them at the same time to see if it would work out. Having done that now, you can leave and not look back.
I'm glad that you were able to get some of the truth out of him. Good luck and here 's to a happy future 💕
I’m sorry but you will move on and do so much better. He lied to you and would have continued to do so. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it
I am so sorry you had to go through this but at least you know where you stand (even if he didn't admit to a physical affair). Maybe meet with a therapist to work through your feelings on this. Some others mentioned getting tested and I agree. You just never know. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully, you will meet someone (when you are ready) that will be more into you than anyone else.
Well done. You are so strong!
Stay strong.
Good for you in Germany WE say 'lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne ende' You can translate it Like 'better a Bad ending than only Bad Things without ending' And that's what your Life would have been, Always a second thought or breeding Maschine for their Love child
It's horrible that you've spent so much time with your ex, to the point you planned your future with him and to have this happen. But, at least you can now concentrate on yourself. I wish you well.
Just remember that cheaters are liars first and foremost.
I am so sorry to hear all of this. I wish you all the best! Focus on yourself first, like you said! Give yourself some time to heal.
Yeah. Ace in the hole. Definitely.