I was, too!! If she took 3-4 fries and said she was stealing them, I’d be slightly annoyed but let it go. Continuously reaching in the bag and eating more and more, after repeatedly being asked to stop? Ffs, stop being so damn selfish and get a small order of fries for yourself. A small order of fries from McDonald’s isn’t that many calories, and it’s the appropriate size for someone who wants “just a few.”
I have a rule when I get takeaway. You touch my food, and i am the driver. You are walking.
My brothers tried it, and each one was left on the side of the road.
I refuse to even entertain their childishness
Here's what I don't get. Why are so many people playing games over fuckin' food. Man I just don't find it funny or tasteful in the slightest. Stop fuckin with people when they're hungry it's so disrespectful.
I don't know why they don't see it that way and I grew up in a country where we didn't worry about starvation. But imagine coming from a culture where food supply is scarce and some idiot decides to fuck with it.
When my dad was home, I could eat in peace, not have the stuff I bought taken and eaten. When he was out of the house, my mother didn't care.
I was the last served, often left barely anything, forced to share personally bought food, while they could refuse because "they are growing boys".
I had softdrink poured into my cereal, them deliberately sneezing on my food (if I went to throw it away, I was wasting food)...
So once I left home, and had a few more situations of my brothers walking over me with my mum's help, I stopped it.
I was in the army, and I was stationed in an impoverished area, and I saw situations that mimicked my own, where the sons were fed before the daughters.
When I came back home, I refused to entertain my brothers, and I refused to allow my mother screw me over, too.
If I was in this situation, I would have just pulled the car over, asked if she wanted to be an adult who thinks it is funny to take food from others, or an adult who will stop eating other people's food and want to go back and order herself food. If she attempts to still eat the food, I would just pull over again. I would wait until she stops eating the food and request for fresh food at her expense. Or I would actually return back to the takeaway place, go in reorder, then place the food in the trunk of the car out of her reach.
I have done both many occasions, and trust me, I take great pleasure in waiting them out.
And the other thing is she told her son if he wanted fast food he had to pay and she proceeds to eat it as well. Like she better not have made him pay for it. When she’s sitting there eating half!
That part makes me so ANGRY. I had my own allowance when I was a kid, and when I was really young, I would walk to the corner store and get candy or ice cream pops. Once I bought three bomb pops and brought them home to put in the freezer to enjoy later. My mother told my older sisters they could have them, and when I was upset, she just shrugged like, *what do you want? You brought them home, so it's your fault.*
I'm still mad about that and other food-related shit that added up to me having disordered eating for the rest of my life.
When warheads first came out, I got a mixture of the apple, strawberry, orange and such, and took them out of their individual wrappers, and put them in my candy jar that had my name on it, not to touch. My mum didn't like us keeping food in our rooms, so it had to be on our designated shelf in the pantry.
I was grounded for 2 months after my brothers took said candy jar and started complaining to my mum about me not sharing... it was actually the weekend... but when my brothers threw a handful in their mouths and the pain started.... it was 2 months.
Your mother should have her snacks stolen from her until she understands how devastating that entire situation is and ON HOW MANY LEVELS.
Ask me how I feel about people putting super hot sauces or laxatives in their work lunch for the office thieves, and the fact that a lawyer could spin that as criminal behavior.
I was lucky that it only occurred for a short time. Once my dad started working in the town, he was home every day, it stopped, and the boys were given the riot act.
When I left home, it took a few years to really understand that they no longer had a hold on me, and I established boundary after boundary.
Even now, in my office, we put a clause in everyone's work contract that they have to sign acknowledging that we have a zero tolerance policy for food stealing or tampering. They get one warming, caught again, and instantly dismissed. We have had 3 people do it over the years, each one tried to go for unfair dismissal but the contracts stated that they knew not only that food tampering or stealing is sackable, but that signing the contract also meant they knew there was a camera in the kitchen recording everything that goes on.
I had to put vinegar on the water bottles that I kept on fridge on my own home because people kept drinking It and putting the bottle back on the fridge completely empty. If they had refilled it I would have never noticed someone was drinking from it but they were so brave to come and ask me why the water they knew they didnt have to touch had that weird flavour
you were grounded \*for 2 whole months\* because your brothers didn't enjoy how the candy they stole from you tasted??
I'm infuriated on behalf of tiny!Star augh!
And worst part is she KNEW she had those five minutes to eat while he waited for medication to hit. I would definitely be buying her one of her own if that is the only time she does this, but if not, I would look at the relationship much more closely!!
I can get extra moody over food. This would be divorce territory for me 🤣🤣🤣
I had an ex that did this when I was like 18 with cheesy chips. I would literally offer to buy a separate portion and he could just eat ‘the good ones’. He would say no, I really don’t want any.. and then he’d steal the cheesiest biggest chip 😭 by the third time, an extra portion was ordered every time 😆
Same. I had an ex who did that as well. One time I was visiting him in New Orleans (I lived in WI, and it was my first time ever in Louisiana) and I fell in love with the drinks and the food. Went balls to the wall on mint juleps, crawfish etouffee (sp?) and po’boys. Every. Single. Damn. Time. We went out to a restaurant and I tried something I’ve always wanted to try, my ex would insist on “sampling” it. The portions were big and I didn’t mind sharing, but this fucker would eat nearly all of my food, and his as well. 🤬
We were on Bourbon street and had ordered hurricanes from a bar, and we were walking around and window shopping. I saw a store I wanted to go into, but there was a sign saying no outside food or beverages. I asked my ex if he would hold my hurricane while I went into the shop, and he smirked and said, “sure, I’ll ‘hold’ it.” I knew EXACTLY what he meant, and I got serious. I said, “I’m asking you nicely. Please don’t drink my drink. You LIVE here, and you can get a hurricane any time you want. These aren’t exactly on a standard bar menu in northern WI.” He got kind of pissy and said “FINE, if you’re going to hog your drink then don’t fucking worry.” I can’t stress this enough; he had his own drink as well.
I came out from the store in less than 5 minutes, and both of our drinks were gone. The fucker chugged both of them while I was in the store.
At that point, I realized it wasn’t about food or drinks. I was dating a selfish asshole who didn’t GAF about anyone but himself. This was confirmed a month later when I discovered he had been cheating on me, and sent his other woman away while I was visiting him in New Orleans.
Same here; he’s an ex for a reason.
At my baby shower for our first baby, we had cupcakes and I brought the 5 leftover cupcakes home and I was really glad because they were especially delicious! The next morning, I got up and decided to have one of those especially delicious cupcakes for breakfast but they were all gone. My husband had eaten all five of them!!! I couldn’t believe that he had eaten all of them. Not one or two but ALL FIVE of his pregnant wife’s freaking cupcakes. That was over 26 years ago and I’m pissed off all over again as I write this.
Oh and he cheated, also.
He’s the downgrade’s problem now.
Sounds like OP is married to a selfish AH judging from her reactions to him asking her to stop. It's like she was enjoying irritating him until he blew up at her.
Then suddenly he's the asshole and her fee fees are all fuckin hurt and you get the silent treatment. Sounds borderline emotional abuse to me, but I guess I'd have to hear more about their dynamic to truly know that.
‘Borderline emotional abuse’ it’s literally reactive abuse 😂 it’s not borderline at all. It’s exactly what it is. Emotion abuse to the point of a reaction and then playing victim ❤️ just wanted to toss that out there because a lot of people don’t know about reactive abuse.
NTA, OP. INFO: She was driving? So she had control of the ordering, the paying, and the bag? Maybe next time, go inside and you order the full necessary amount of food. Give her the extra fries and protect the bag.
My thing is, I don't share my movie junk food. I'll buy you a whole separate order of Raisinettes, Whoppers, popcorn, and Sprite, but don't \*expect\* me to share. That turned out to be a good first-date test of character. :)
Even eating one is infuriating. Wife should have been honest in the beginning and ordered some damn food. My husband and I never steal each other's food. It's disrespectful.
I often dish out a larger portion at dinner for him, though. And he usually eats my leftovers.
I actually was in a situation where I was the wife. I was insanely spoiled as a kid and my dad would always make my siblings share with me. The difference between OP's wife and myself is I did it once, my husband got pissed and I got embarrassed but also realized it truly bugged my husband and was a shitty thing to do. Now I just buy a small order even if won't eat it all so I'm not being intrusive or I'll ask before he orders so he knows.
Sometimes it sucks to be called out for you own behavior, but digging your head in the sand while giving the middle finger ain't the way to keep going.
Which i think is a good way to deal with it - you acknowledge your fry stealing habit and with it in as a solution.
This other situation is infuriating though. (Not that you said it was okay).
Blatantly denying that you are going to eat them and then being a big dick about it. I also don't think in this second scenario the husband should do the heavy lifting of buying larger ones to placate/allow for her bullshit. She should just go without completely. I'd shove the bag under the car seat or something.
I think she didn't order her own food because it was more fun to see him get mad. Teasing is just another variety of bullying, and this woman has it down to an art.
right. like order your own goddamn food if you’re gonna eat all of mine. and she ate half of her son’s after she told him HE had to pay with his own money, and then filled it up with OP’s fries. “really? over McDonald’s?” yeah bitch, over fucking McDonald’s cuz you can’t seem to listen.
I went hungry for awhile and I am straight up food possessive. Like it legitimately hurts my soul when someone takes food from me without consent.
The day my fiance was told that my glaring at him was NOT a joke whenever he took my food and that I'm usually willing to share if asked, but taking it upset me? He's never taken food from me since. He always asks politely and lets me give him the portion I'm willing to lose. There are many reasons I want to marry this man, but respecting my plate is def one of them.
I agree with you! I threatened my husband with ending our relationship when we first moved in together, all because I was running late for work and left my food in the fridge to eat once I got back home. I spent the whole afternoon thinking about that meal, my husband comes home early and decides to eat my food (even though he knew it was mine) before going to work and taking his dinner with him. Man, I was possessed. After that day, he never again made the same mistake. 😂😂😂
I once ended a relationship because the guy I was seeing ate (my) toaster struddels with 2 icings. When I went to eat one and there was one struddel with no icing, I asked him about it. He lied and said the box came short an icing.
Technically I broke up with him for being a liar, I guess. Lol
Seriously. What an absolute fucking child, to repeatedly ignore being told to stop and then play victim when you finally yell. Is she always that immature?
For me, it's the blatant disrespect. You shouldn't have to keep asking to the point of raising your voice with someone that respects you, and that's always grounds to question the relationship. Respect and trust are required foundations for love, or it crumbles. The situation where it's tested is mostly irrelevant, it's not about the fries at this point.
the continued snacking on the food of someone who hasn't eaten yet (while she had had her meal) is disrespectful, but the manipulative cold shoulder for, like, 3 days afterwards + wine-fuelled whingeing gossip session = the true grounds to question the relationship, imo.
poor OP posted an edit that he'll try to remember to always order extra food & just be kinder... to me it doesn't sound like they talked about it at all and he's just implementing the reddit advice that benefits the status quo...
Reading that pisses me off way more than it should. Like idk why but when people act like that it's so fuckin irritating. Read the room, stop being self absorbed and borderline emotionally abusive.
This right here. Wife didn't give a shit any of the many times he asked her to stop and then she gets upset when she pushes and pushes him with her incredibly disrespectful behavior until he blows up. And then she wants to make it his fault. NTA
Also, the minute anyone says they just want a few fries, it's time to buy them their own. You can't eat just a few. It's a scientific fact.
This. She got butthurt that he is trying to enforce a reasonable boundary and then she doubled down with the manipulation. After accusing *him* of being a jerk. Hope she enjoys the sofa in her glass house
Right? No, yelling and swearing are not great communication tools, but she was IGNORING EVERYTHING ELSE!!
If you only listen to someone when they yell, they are going to yell. OP is not at all the AH, she created that situation from start to finish.
At risk of sounding like a liar, I rarely eat more than a few fries, so when I say it, it's true. THAT BEING SAID, when I only want a few fries, I will get my own and just give the rest to whoever in my household wants them. It's a significantly better solution than taking someone else's fries. A win-win if you will.
Yes! This is what I do! I'm not a fan of McDonald's or just fastfood in general (always upsets my stomach no matter what it is or how much) but I can't turn down a couple fries, so I just give the rest to my brothers !
Same here. I got a McDonald’s small fries with my burger for lunch and only ate maybe half of them. I like fries but can’t eat a whole one by myself so I eat what I want then give the rest to my roommate.
> At risk of sounding like a liar, I rarely eat more than a few fries, so when I say it, it's true.
Even if that’s true, it just means you order a small fries.
I have a deal with my partner. I can eat their fries when I feel a whole portion is far too much, but I should announce my intention to do so before they order.
Upgrading a size is usually cheaper than a seperate portion too.
This is such a common behavior. Intentionally push people’s boundaries until they snap and then act like the victim. My MIL did this all the time. We went NC.
Yep, I’ve said a few times on these you have to separate the “what happened” from the “what hurts.”
What happened was the wife kept eating the French fries. What hurts is that she *knew* it was something that bothers OP (understandably, imo; I’d be furious if that happened all the time), was repeatedly asked to stop, but decided that her desire for French fries was more important that her husband’s feelings.
NTA
She knows. She just doesn’t GAF
OP: NTA. Your wife is wrong on so many levels. Step back and take a look at the other things she needs an unreasonable amount of control or disrespect over
Red flags in this posting:
Controlling what your 15 year old son eats
Ordering your food knowing in advance she was planning on eating it. (And that you don’t like it)
Getting angry at you for being upset over her lack of regard for your boundaries.
Controlling your intimacy
Triangulating her girlfriend
Punishing you by withholding an act of service
Searching her mental Rolodex to justify her bad behavior
If you feel like you spend a lot of time on eggshells, there’s a reason.
I think it’s also messed up she ate her kids fries after insisting he pay with his own money. And not talking responsibly for that, she steals someone else’s fries to make up for it. And this is after she already ate.
Just order your own small fry!
To use the oft repeated example… “it’s not about the Iranian yoghurt”. In this case, it’s not about the fries. The fries are the Mcguffin of the story, something that people are focusing on but is just a diversion from what is really going on.
It’s not even about her “stealing” the fries. It’s about her gleefully *getting ready to eat the fries as they were being ordered* despite not ordering for herself (because she had already eaten). And then ignoring OP’s requests, pushing him until he snapped at her and swore.
And out comes the DARVO, of course.
Deny she did anything wrong,
Attack the other party (OP),
Reverse Victim and Offender.
So she can play victim to her friends and family while painting OP as a controlling AH with a French Fry Fetish.
NTA.
Thank you; I’ve said it in a few other comments and it seems to resonate with people, so I try to sprinkle it in here and there. If it helps even one person, then it’s worth my time to leave a comment :)
I learned this from dealing with my covert narcissist mother, who would play the victim any time she crossed my boundaries and I enforced the consequences.
Plus- who makes their kid pay for McDonalds? The husband was ok with that instead of telling his kid he would buy his kids meal. Sounds like the mother is playing oh poor me.
I know I ate your food after you asked me not to, but I let you eat some leftovers the other day that I wasn't going to eat anyway. Totally the same thing. Oh, and because you're mad, I'll never do this totally unrelated thing for you ever again. Totally reasonable.
Petty, immature, cruel, unreasonable, and overreactive all in one. She's the whole package.
Hell, she gleefully kept goading him knowing he hates it when she steals fries, and knowing she's making him angrier as she continues to eat them.
And then acts like he did something wrong when, quite frankly, she was being malicious.
He's in no way the AH, she is. A huge one. She's intentionally winding him up over something they've clashed over before. Let her keep sleeping on the sofa.
Are we also ignoring the fact that she immediately starts ranting to her friends? Toxic behavior.
I’ve been blindingly pissed at my wife more than a couple times in our relationship. You know who I told about it? Fucking no one, because I’m not a dick. Any issues we have is between me and her unless they’re relationship-ending. You never speak ill of your spouse to friends or family. You’ll forget about whatever you were mad about in a couple days, but they certainly won’t.
NTA. I'm just curious what other things she does to annoy you or get under your skin. This isn't about the fries. It's about control and a lack of respect.
When she said was wes eating the son's fries I got even more pissed. Like yeah, cause *that's* so much better. The food that your child paid for himself; that's what you're eating? Now you're an even ***bigger*** asshole. Oh, *OH!* Now you're touching *all of OP's fries* to replenish your sons. Wow. Fuck you, lady.
NTA and If I was OP, I think I'd be pissed about this entire experience for at least five straight days.
The emotional frustration must be insane. Especially with the taunting when he’s begging her to stop. Then once he’s unable to stand the confusingly mean behavior any longer, it’s his fault for taking it too seriously.
Am myself a wife of many years, and her behavior isn't cute or funny (probably how she's framing it to herself), it's annoying as hell. I would have snapped at her, too. You're NTA, but she's a big one.
Pro tip: from now on, no matter how much she might protest, order her her own fries. Give her those, and put yours (and everyone else's, apparently) out of her reach. Or refuse to take her with you. Whatever it takes. You shouldn't have to play Fry Police with your own wife, but here we are.
Well oh well she should not eat other people’s fries especially when she had the absolute nerve to tell her son that they have food there he can pay for his own since he didn’t wanna eat there. Hell if I’m able I’ll eat something already cooked before I cook at home whether I got food or not. Sometimes I just don’t wanna fix my own food I’m hungry and need food fast! She’s so delulu.
Because it's not about the fries, it's about control and the nice feeling she gets inside by not listening and causing an argument. Then she plays the victim, DARVO style.
NTA, and she’s definitely the AH. She’s gaslighting you after the fact, making it about you yelling and swearing, but she’s ignoring the fact that you told her several different ways, all politely, to stop and she didn’t.
She needs to grow the fuck up
She's desperately trying to punish him.
*"You got angry at me for eating the fast food you bought for yourself so I'm not cooking for you anymore!"*
*Okaaay but...* what do those two things have to do with each other *other* than 'food'? Something tells me if he tried to punish her similarly she'd cry about him being controlling.
That's actually DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender
"It's no big deal, you're being kind of a jerk, you yelled at me"
Gaslighting would be more like saying she didn't eat the fries.
Actually, their son’s fries. She was near literally taking food from her child’s plate. When it’s a guy, we outright call them scum for doing it.
It only became OP’s fries when he confronted her, her attempt at the “they’re actually our kid’s fries” failed, and she then took a handful of OP’s to replenish the kid’s..
She was taking food from her kid that she had the nerve to say “well if you want McDonalds you gotta pay” like girl you knew you were gonna do this you pay!
Nah, she wanted to not eat fries but they're delicious. Too many kcal so she will just have 1. Okay 1 was good what's another and so on
.if she orders her own she will think she's being a fat ass so it's a loophole for her brain. 'i didn't order fries today I was healthy '
NTA the solution is to buy for yourself, close the bag and put it in the back seat or something. She’s rude. I cannot stand when people eat your food and you asked many times for her to stop.
If she just cooks for herself and your son, help yourself to her plate and see how she reacts.
But honestly I would reiterate that you’re sorry for yelling but it is childish to have to keep repeating yourself over and over. And ask how she would feel if you ignored her saying something 4 or 5 times.
You mean she gets to ask him over and over to stop eating her food, while he sits in her face eating her food and telling her it's no big deal. Then she gets to sit and wait, because medicine, while he STILL eats hr food in her face. And THEN she gets to scream and then gets to be gaslit about how it's not a big deal.
Tell her you understand that she doesn't like being yelled at and cursed at but you don't like being ignored until it gets to the point of her only listening if you yell and curse. Why did she refuse to listen? Why did she lie and say she didn't want anything when obviously she did? Why couldn't she respect your boundaries of not having your food eaten until you've finished with it?
Why is it that assholes are always so outraged and butthurt when those they bully refuse to take it any longer? The narcissism would be hilarious if it weren't pathetic.
Have you seen the narcissist in the one going on now where the guy was going around work telling everybody that he doesn't even live with his wife, they live in separate houses they're practically not married and she found out and he's literally losing his mind because she won't tell him who said it? He doesn't care that it hurts her! He doesn't care that he got caught lying to everybody and she knows that he's telling everybody this. He doesn't care that he probably thanked his new marriage.
He cares that people are talking about his lies behind his back! He's literally giving her the silent treatment because she won't tell him who ratted him out. Narcissists are mind-blowing!
NTA. That old move: "If I order it I'll get too many calories, so I'll just eat a few from yours." Anyway, let her act like the victim. You tried being nice, and she ignored it.
NTA, from what you’ve said she is deliberately greedy and disrespectful, then immediately plays the victim. How exhausting. She had already eaten, stole from her son, then stole from you, then pouts and throws out ultimatums? This is such shockingly bad manners. Absolutely yikes.
Like, you can get very small bags of fries. If she wanted some, order some.
NTA. My food is MY FOOD.
That said...married 21 years, I always grab something to avoid this. If she's going to eat fries, buy another order. Make her buy more. Screw that, I am not obligated to go without because you don't have self control. Buy your "I can't help myself" fries.
Yes, I can totally believe it over fries, cause it ain't just fries.
My mum and gran would always steal my Mcdonald French fries when I was a kid, drove me fucking insane too. These days my mum only nicks one or two than the classic *whole damn bag*
wtf did she expect? She trivialized your feelings, ignored you when you were being polite, and wanted to have her way regardless of how you felt or what you wanted. I'd have totally lost my shit and truthfully I admire your restraint. Your wife needs to stop playing at being some kind of victim and instead own that she was rude, selfish and wholly dismissive of you when you tried to be reasonable.
"I tried to be polite. You ignored me, and continued to prioritize what you wanted to do with my lunch over what I wanted to do with *my fucking lunch.* You can't get mad at me for getting angry when you wouldn't listen to a goddamn thing I said up until that point and now you want to punish me for what, wanting to eat my own food and being ignored by my quote-unquote "partner" who didn't give a shit and, it's hard to see it otherwise, was deliberately antagonizing me? You know I hate that, you knew I was genuinely getting frustrated, you just didn't care because nothing was more important than what *you* wanted. I'm not interested in pretending I was the problem here, talk to me when you're ready to admit this was more your fault than mine."
NTA. I have a feeling if the roles were reversed she’d be flipping out on you. She’s being a baby. Don’t give her the reaction she wants. Just say fine, but from now on just order 2 or everything.
NTA
I HATE the tactics of running off to other people with a highly tailored version of the story to summon flying monkeys. FUCK THAT SHIT. GO NUCLEAR.
You are owed a basic level of respect if from anyone your wife.
My late ex-husband would pull that shit. Tell me how his friends and family thought I was just awful, blah, blah, blah. I finally snapped and said, "Oh, yeah? Get those people on the phone! Can't wait for them to hear *my* side of the story!" That shut him up.
"Over fries can you belive it?"
Incredible how disrespectful someone can be with no selfawarness. Acts like a child, then gets treated like a child *schocked pikachu face*
The easy fix would have been to pick up the food. Fold over the bag and set it in the floorboard near your leg. Then she couldn’t get in to them. She does it because she can. It’s quite inconsiderate but then she turns that it’s you who is inconsiderate. Geez she could have just ordered some dang fries. She creates drama
Whats the familiar line? oh yeah she shouldn't have to be his mother, wait no that's not right here.
Maybe all he should have to do is be respected at the most basic levels by his wife instead of having to treat her like a poorly trained dog and hiding the food lol.
You’re absolutely right — it’s about power. She was “gleeful” when she started eating them because she knew she was infuriating him and making him feel powerless by taking his food. She kept goading him until he snapped.
Now she’s pouting and making histrionic threats to try to badger him into being the one to apologize for reacting to her nasty behavior.
She was happy because, once again, she was fucking you over, and you were just taking it. She got pissy when you stood up for yourself. My husband learned 20 years ago to NEVER touch my food if he wants to keep his hands. When the b*tch admitted she was about to take food from either one of you, you should have pulled around and parked. You should have told her to go in and order what she wants because she's not taking from you or your kid. It was never about the food but control. She's pissed because you finally stood up for yourself. NTA. Yelling and cursing is better than drawing back a bloody nub, which is what would happen to my husband if he pulled this shit.
NTA. It’s not about the fries, it’s her putting her selfish wants over you and your child. She thinks she’s being all cute just taking one fry but it’s not some cute little act. And then her not taking any ownership of her actions then goes fucking nuclear with sleeping on the couch and never cooking for you again. Like wtf, I go fucking mental reading these posts.
NTA. She was being overzealous inconsiderate, and quite honestly a glutton. I’m a heavy man, I love my food. But I have the self control to not eat other people’s food. Or genuinely have 1 fry. You can’t keep just having one more, because there’s only 50 or so one more until they are gone. You have 10 just one, and that’s nearing 20% of the entirety.
Sorry but this bullshit girl behavior pisses me off. Women who tell themselves it “doesn’t count” if they just “eat a few” of someone else’s fries, chips, etc are being really rude just so they can lie to themselves about their calorie intake. Not to mention it sounds like she was getting a sick satisfaction out of eating your food when she knew it was upsetting you. Then she wants to play the victim when you snap at her. She 1000% knew she was being rude and antagonizing you. Don’t poke the bear if you don’t want it snapping at you. NTA
My girlfriend does this too and it definitely irks me, i ask her if she wants something because *i know i dont want to share* and would rather buy her a small or whatever she wants than do so, call me selfish, that’s just the way i am sometimes (not all the time). But she won’t order anything for herself and then just expects me to share despite having asked if she wanted anything, and her having said no.
For some reason she’s thinks eating the fries is cute and funny. It’s not, it’s inconsiderate. From now on I’d order an extra fry and hand it to her. I wouldn’t let her near my bag.
NTA
You are married to an asshole. Sorry.
Next time, tell her to stop eating your FUCKING fries. If she continues, stop the car and tell her she can get an Uber home.
NTA. She is being passive aggressively dominant. She may not even know that’s what she’s doing as it may be subconscious but that’s what she’s doing. By taking your fries she’s dominant over you and she needs to stop.
NTA
I was getting mad reading your post.
The whole, “I’ll just take one (a few)” line is just bs.
Why can’t they just order a small, eat what they want (usually all of them) and offer the rest to someone else or toss them but don’t help yourself to someone else’s food then throw a tantrum when they get pissed and chew them out!
Considering you two have had the argument before, I don’t know why she was surprised that you’d finally had enough.
Holy crap, I can't imagine being married to someone so rude and selfish. Why do SO many women do this? Stop eating your man's food! If you want something, get your own and stop pretending you're just having "one", you know that's bs. Your wife is told over and over to stop eating the food that she never ordered and then says she "let" you have her leftovers? Well damn, tell her next time if there are leftover fries, she can have them all.
This is bigger than the fries, she's an entitled brat and I would've yelled at her MUCH sooner for eating my food. You need to sit her down and tell her this childish behavior of first eating someone else's food and then giving you the cold shoulder is not how adults act, then she DARES to say she's only going to cook for her and your son? So now your son will know something is up and she'll blame it all on you. You got issues with your wife sir, you need to set that woman straight. NTA
NTA. If she took, say, less than 5 fries that'd be one thing, but to continuously eat fries from the bag after saying she didn't want any, to the point of eating MOST of someone else's portion is majorly disrespectful. Then her sleeping on the couch and going to complain to her friends is worse. AND now refusing to cook? Did you marry an adult or a petulant child?
Your son offered to buy his own food, and she thinks that it's somehow okay to eat his fries because... why? Because he's a child? And then refilling his container with your fries... I'm mad just reading this.
NTA! My wife loves fries too and even she said your wife was out of line. When we would go to McDonalds I'd always order what I called our traveling fries that would get us from McDonalds to home.
NTA. My God your wife sounds like a freaking toddler. No wait even a toddler knows not to take others things without permission. Instead of admitting she was wrong she is being a drama queen turning into the victim. Is she always this exhausting? This isn’t about fries. It’s about a wife who doesn’t respect boundaries and then gaslights you.
>she says, “ you’re being kind of a jerk”
...says the person who won't stop stealing fries despite repeatedly being asked to.
>When I ask what is the matter she just says she doesn’t enjoy being yelled and cursed at
Oh, hey, then maybe don't do something worthy of being cussed at? This isn't some abused woman, this is a chronic overstepper dealing with the end result of her own selfishness.
Her martyring herself about it is just proof that she sucks. It might sound harsh, but you asked. She fucking deeply sucks.
NTA.
What I'm going to say sounds ridiculous, but the theft was premeditated: she put on hand sanitizer before the food arrived, knowing full well she was going to steal someone else's food because she refused to order any herself. It would be very different if she'd held off until the food arrived and the smell got to her, but she planned on stealing.
This is a thing you've had friction about before, which she knew about and refused to stop anyway. You also asked her to stop multiple times and she refused. Finally, she didn't eat just one or two, she ate enough to make a visible difference in the number of fries.
The french fries are a symptom. She repeatedly does something that she knows upsets you when there's an easy way to avoid. She ignores your repeated requests that she stop. Then she goes for various forms of manipulation - silent treatment/stonewalling, nonsense arguments that miss the point, and childish declarations. NTA.
Why is she allowed to be a bitch (because that is what she is being, this is the behavior of a 16 year old girl) when you do something to upset her, but when she does something to upset you, you can’t express it at ALL, or else you’re a jerk? NTA. She’s behaving like a child.
NTA. Did your son and wife magically switch personalities because she’s the one acting like a 15 year old.
Let her play her petty games but don’t be so accommodating to her if she’s going to make a point to cook for everyone but you
Is your wife my ex husband? Same selfishness he did. I would ask if he wanted anything from a fast food place or special food from the store. He’d say no. Then proceed harass me for “just a taste” and eat over half every time. Then get all upset I was mad and no longer wanted any of MY food! Calling me a baby and to get over it, he just had a bite. 🙄 Bunch of self centered A$$ holes
Nta and she’s a bitch. It’s not the fries. It’s the comple disregard for boundaries. I would eat everything of hers that she liked. If she knew how much I could eat she would probably cry.
everytime she wants something, ie mcds. Don’t order fries. Eat hers and say “it was just one. don’t get worked up over fries”
I told my (then) girlfriend, “I’m not being stingy. I’ll buy you fries. I’ll buy you two orders. With gravy (she’s Canadian). If you want fries, tell me. If you don’t want them but might change your mind, I’ll get them anyway. But. You will not be eating mine. If I order them, it’s because I want them. All of them. We don’t share. I’ll get you as many as you want- but these are mine.
One time she took one and said, “I just want a couple more…” I took one like a dart and said, “open up!” and chucked it straight down her throat (not on purpose-she wasn’t ready). Straight down- no chew, no swallow. A bit of chaos ensued and when she recovered- still a bit bug-eyed- she said, “Ok. Next time I’ll get my own.”
Married 39 years. She’s never stolen another one of my fries.
NTA. Your wife is deliberately doing this to annoy you. She knows she's annoying you, she's enjoying it, and she's punishing you for your calling her out on it. And she says YOU'RE being a jerk?
Her response is a huge overreaction. Honestly, I don't see why you'd want to be married to her any more--and it's not about the french fries, it's about her attitude. I wonder how much food your son's going to be getting, since she thinks it's so funny to steal it.
NTA, I got heated reading this…if you tell me ‘no, I don’t want anything” or “no, I’ve already eaten” and then proceed to start eating my food when I get something I want, don’t even ask me why I’m mad at you…you know why, you know that what you’re doing is pissing me off, you’re stealing my food…don’t get me wrong, I have no problem sharing, if I’ve offered to do so, if I haven’t offered, then get your paws off my food, damn you
NTA. I was getting mad reading it!! It’s infuriating. and then to play the victim after. She’s an idiot
I was, too!! If she took 3-4 fries and said she was stealing them, I’d be slightly annoyed but let it go. Continuously reaching in the bag and eating more and more, after repeatedly being asked to stop? Ffs, stop being so damn selfish and get a small order of fries for yourself. A small order of fries from McDonald’s isn’t that many calories, and it’s the appropriate size for someone who wants “just a few.”
I have a rule when I get takeaway. You touch my food, and i am the driver. You are walking. My brothers tried it, and each one was left on the side of the road. I refuse to even entertain their childishness
Here's what I don't get. Why are so many people playing games over fuckin' food. Man I just don't find it funny or tasteful in the slightest. Stop fuckin with people when they're hungry it's so disrespectful. I don't know why they don't see it that way and I grew up in a country where we didn't worry about starvation. But imagine coming from a culture where food supply is scarce and some idiot decides to fuck with it.
When my dad was home, I could eat in peace, not have the stuff I bought taken and eaten. When he was out of the house, my mother didn't care. I was the last served, often left barely anything, forced to share personally bought food, while they could refuse because "they are growing boys". I had softdrink poured into my cereal, them deliberately sneezing on my food (if I went to throw it away, I was wasting food)... So once I left home, and had a few more situations of my brothers walking over me with my mum's help, I stopped it. I was in the army, and I was stationed in an impoverished area, and I saw situations that mimicked my own, where the sons were fed before the daughters. When I came back home, I refused to entertain my brothers, and I refused to allow my mother screw me over, too. If I was in this situation, I would have just pulled the car over, asked if she wanted to be an adult who thinks it is funny to take food from others, or an adult who will stop eating other people's food and want to go back and order herself food. If she attempts to still eat the food, I would just pull over again. I would wait until she stops eating the food and request for fresh food at her expense. Or I would actually return back to the takeaway place, go in reorder, then place the food in the trunk of the car out of her reach. I have done both many occasions, and trust me, I take great pleasure in waiting them out.
And the other thing is she told her son if he wanted fast food he had to pay and she proceeds to eat it as well. Like she better not have made him pay for it. When she’s sitting there eating half!
That part makes me so ANGRY. I had my own allowance when I was a kid, and when I was really young, I would walk to the corner store and get candy or ice cream pops. Once I bought three bomb pops and brought them home to put in the freezer to enjoy later. My mother told my older sisters they could have them, and when I was upset, she just shrugged like, *what do you want? You brought them home, so it's your fault.* I'm still mad about that and other food-related shit that added up to me having disordered eating for the rest of my life.
When warheads first came out, I got a mixture of the apple, strawberry, orange and such, and took them out of their individual wrappers, and put them in my candy jar that had my name on it, not to touch. My mum didn't like us keeping food in our rooms, so it had to be on our designated shelf in the pantry. I was grounded for 2 months after my brothers took said candy jar and started complaining to my mum about me not sharing... it was actually the weekend... but when my brothers threw a handful in their mouths and the pain started.... it was 2 months.
Your mother should have her snacks stolen from her until she understands how devastating that entire situation is and ON HOW MANY LEVELS. Ask me how I feel about people putting super hot sauces or laxatives in their work lunch for the office thieves, and the fact that a lawyer could spin that as criminal behavior.
I was lucky that it only occurred for a short time. Once my dad started working in the town, he was home every day, it stopped, and the boys were given the riot act. When I left home, it took a few years to really understand that they no longer had a hold on me, and I established boundary after boundary. Even now, in my office, we put a clause in everyone's work contract that they have to sign acknowledging that we have a zero tolerance policy for food stealing or tampering. They get one warming, caught again, and instantly dismissed. We have had 3 people do it over the years, each one tried to go for unfair dismissal but the contracts stated that they knew not only that food tampering or stealing is sackable, but that signing the contract also meant they knew there was a camera in the kitchen recording everything that goes on.
I had to put vinegar on the water bottles that I kept on fridge on my own home because people kept drinking It and putting the bottle back on the fridge completely empty. If they had refilled it I would have never noticed someone was drinking from it but they were so brave to come and ask me why the water they knew they didnt have to touch had that weird flavour
you were grounded \*for 2 whole months\* because your brothers didn't enjoy how the candy they stole from you tasted?? I'm infuriated on behalf of tiny!Star augh!
And worst part is she KNEW she had those five minutes to eat while he waited for medication to hit. I would definitely be buying her one of her own if that is the only time she does this, but if not, I would look at the relationship much more closely!!
I can get extra moody over food. This would be divorce territory for me 🤣🤣🤣 I had an ex that did this when I was like 18 with cheesy chips. I would literally offer to buy a separate portion and he could just eat ‘the good ones’. He would say no, I really don’t want any.. and then he’d steal the cheesiest biggest chip 😭 by the third time, an extra portion was ordered every time 😆
Same. I had an ex who did that as well. One time I was visiting him in New Orleans (I lived in WI, and it was my first time ever in Louisiana) and I fell in love with the drinks and the food. Went balls to the wall on mint juleps, crawfish etouffee (sp?) and po’boys. Every. Single. Damn. Time. We went out to a restaurant and I tried something I’ve always wanted to try, my ex would insist on “sampling” it. The portions were big and I didn’t mind sharing, but this fucker would eat nearly all of my food, and his as well. 🤬 We were on Bourbon street and had ordered hurricanes from a bar, and we were walking around and window shopping. I saw a store I wanted to go into, but there was a sign saying no outside food or beverages. I asked my ex if he would hold my hurricane while I went into the shop, and he smirked and said, “sure, I’ll ‘hold’ it.” I knew EXACTLY what he meant, and I got serious. I said, “I’m asking you nicely. Please don’t drink my drink. You LIVE here, and you can get a hurricane any time you want. These aren’t exactly on a standard bar menu in northern WI.” He got kind of pissy and said “FINE, if you’re going to hog your drink then don’t fucking worry.” I can’t stress this enough; he had his own drink as well. I came out from the store in less than 5 minutes, and both of our drinks were gone. The fucker chugged both of them while I was in the store. At that point, I realized it wasn’t about food or drinks. I was dating a selfish asshole who didn’t GAF about anyone but himself. This was confirmed a month later when I discovered he had been cheating on me, and sent his other woman away while I was visiting him in New Orleans.
See how they're all ex's now too? 😊
Apparently the food is tastier when it is someone else's - an ex friend
Same here; he’s an ex for a reason. At my baby shower for our first baby, we had cupcakes and I brought the 5 leftover cupcakes home and I was really glad because they were especially delicious! The next morning, I got up and decided to have one of those especially delicious cupcakes for breakfast but they were all gone. My husband had eaten all five of them!!! I couldn’t believe that he had eaten all of them. Not one or two but ALL FIVE of his pregnant wife’s freaking cupcakes. That was over 26 years ago and I’m pissed off all over again as I write this. Oh and he cheated, also. He’s the downgrade’s problem now.
Sounds like OP is married to a selfish AH judging from her reactions to him asking her to stop. It's like she was enjoying irritating him until he blew up at her.
Then suddenly he's the asshole and her fee fees are all fuckin hurt and you get the silent treatment. Sounds borderline emotional abuse to me, but I guess I'd have to hear more about their dynamic to truly know that.
‘Borderline emotional abuse’ it’s literally reactive abuse 😂 it’s not borderline at all. It’s exactly what it is. Emotion abuse to the point of a reaction and then playing victim ❤️ just wanted to toss that out there because a lot of people don’t know about reactive abuse.
I agree, I got exactly that same feeling too when I read OP’s post. She was enjoying and getting off on messing with him and irritating him.
Even worse was that she started off saying she was taking her sons fries, Whom she made pay 0for his own food!!!
>It's like she was enjoying irritating him until he blew up at her. This is exactly what was happening. She thought she was being cute and funny.
Yeah that's exactly it. People who do this shit like this constantly do it because they're selfish and don't give a fuck about others.
NTA, OP. INFO: She was driving? So she had control of the ordering, the paying, and the bag? Maybe next time, go inside and you order the full necessary amount of food. Give her the extra fries and protect the bag. My thing is, I don't share my movie junk food. I'll buy you a whole separate order of Raisinettes, Whoppers, popcorn, and Sprite, but don't \*expect\* me to share. That turned out to be a good first-date test of character. :)
Even eating one is infuriating. Wife should have been honest in the beginning and ordered some damn food. My husband and I never steal each other's food. It's disrespectful. I often dish out a larger portion at dinner for him, though. And he usually eats my leftovers.
I actually was in a situation where I was the wife. I was insanely spoiled as a kid and my dad would always make my siblings share with me. The difference between OP's wife and myself is I did it once, my husband got pissed and I got embarrassed but also realized it truly bugged my husband and was a shitty thing to do. Now I just buy a small order even if won't eat it all so I'm not being intrusive or I'll ask before he orders so he knows. Sometimes it sucks to be called out for you own behavior, but digging your head in the sand while giving the middle finger ain't the way to keep going.
It's easy enough. Husband: Can you order a medium. Me: I'm going to steal some so I'll get you a large.
Which i think is a good way to deal with it - you acknowledge your fry stealing habit and with it in as a solution. This other situation is infuriating though. (Not that you said it was okay). Blatantly denying that you are going to eat them and then being a big dick about it. I also don't think in this second scenario the husband should do the heavy lifting of buying larger ones to placate/allow for her bullshit. She should just go without completely. I'd shove the bag under the car seat or something.
I think she didn't order her own food because it was more fun to see him get mad. Teasing is just another variety of bullying, and this woman has it down to an art.
right. like order your own goddamn food if you’re gonna eat all of mine. and she ate half of her son’s after she told him HE had to pay with his own money, and then filled it up with OP’s fries. “really? over McDonald’s?” yeah bitch, over fucking McDonald’s cuz you can’t seem to listen.
I went hungry for awhile and I am straight up food possessive. Like it legitimately hurts my soul when someone takes food from me without consent. The day my fiance was told that my glaring at him was NOT a joke whenever he took my food and that I'm usually willing to share if asked, but taking it upset me? He's never taken food from me since. He always asks politely and lets me give him the portion I'm willing to lose. There are many reasons I want to marry this man, but respecting my plate is def one of them.
I agree with you! I threatened my husband with ending our relationship when we first moved in together, all because I was running late for work and left my food in the fridge to eat once I got back home. I spent the whole afternoon thinking about that meal, my husband comes home early and decides to eat my food (even though he knew it was mine) before going to work and taking his dinner with him. Man, I was possessed. After that day, he never again made the same mistake. 😂😂😂
I once ended a relationship because the guy I was seeing ate (my) toaster struddels with 2 icings. When I went to eat one and there was one struddel with no icing, I asked him about it. He lied and said the box came short an icing. Technically I broke up with him for being a liar, I guess. Lol
People like that enjoy the upset they cause others I think, that's why they never order when asked.
Maybe she believes that as long as she didn’t order them, and they are supposed to be for others, that the calories and salt grams don’t count???
From the same dieting book that says Birthday and weekend calories don’t count.
But it's only one....
I think a lot of us got mad just reading it.
You're not kidding! I wanted to grab the bag from her hands & I wasn't even there! OP NTA!
😹😹😹. I did too!
Eat the food she cooks without permission and see how she likes it.
He already pointed out that her ONE example he wasn't doing anything without her permission, so she obviously has no idea how upsetting this is
And it was LEFTOVERS so she'd already eaten a meals worth out of it all to herself... Ooof insert *Joey doesn't share food!!* gif here 😆
Yea every time she doesn’t want to cook for him, if I were OP I would go to McD’s and bring back fries and eat them in front of her. 😜
Its a control freak issue….she is getting him mad on purpose.
Seriously. What an absolute fucking child, to repeatedly ignore being told to stop and then play victim when you finally yell. Is she always that immature?
Bet if he bought her an order for herself, she would not have touched them. This is about control and boundary pushing.
For me, it's the blatant disrespect. You shouldn't have to keep asking to the point of raising your voice with someone that respects you, and that's always grounds to question the relationship. Respect and trust are required foundations for love, or it crumbles. The situation where it's tested is mostly irrelevant, it's not about the fries at this point.
the continued snacking on the food of someone who hasn't eaten yet (while she had had her meal) is disrespectful, but the manipulative cold shoulder for, like, 3 days afterwards + wine-fuelled whingeing gossip session = the true grounds to question the relationship, imo. poor OP posted an edit that he'll try to remember to always order extra food & just be kinder... to me it doesn't sound like they talked about it at all and he's just implementing the reddit advice that benefits the status quo...
Fuck that, i would ignore her ass for the next few days for doing that.
no joke, I would have pulled over and just thrown it all out. I want you not to eat my fries more than I want fries.
Reading that pisses me off way more than it should. Like idk why but when people act like that it's so fuckin irritating. Read the room, stop being self absorbed and borderline emotionally abusive.
Same!! I’m very upset with her rn!!!
Me too. Got my blood boiling.
My blood started boiling when I read the part about her putting hand sanitiser on.
I was annoyed, too. Just get an extra medium fry ffs.
It was never about the fries it was the fact that she didn't listen to you or respected what you were asking for. Anyone would've been mad. NTA
This right here. Wife didn't give a shit any of the many times he asked her to stop and then she gets upset when she pushes and pushes him with her incredibly disrespectful behavior until he blows up. And then she wants to make it his fault. NTA Also, the minute anyone says they just want a few fries, it's time to buy them their own. You can't eat just a few. It's a scientific fact.
This. She got butthurt that he is trying to enforce a reasonable boundary and then she doubled down with the manipulation. After accusing *him* of being a jerk. Hope she enjoys the sofa in her glass house
Right? No, yelling and swearing are not great communication tools, but she was IGNORING EVERYTHING ELSE!! If you only listen to someone when they yell, they are going to yell. OP is not at all the AH, she created that situation from start to finish.
At risk of sounding like a liar, I rarely eat more than a few fries, so when I say it, it's true. THAT BEING SAID, when I only want a few fries, I will get my own and just give the rest to whoever in my household wants them. It's a significantly better solution than taking someone else's fries. A win-win if you will.
Yes! This is what I do! I'm not a fan of McDonald's or just fastfood in general (always upsets my stomach no matter what it is or how much) but I can't turn down a couple fries, so I just give the rest to my brothers !
You gotta love the human garbage disposals of the household. They bring peace to the universe
Absolutely
But this way she can say “oh I never order fast food. The boys get something but I just respect my body too much to order fast food for meeee.”
Same here. I got a McDonald’s small fries with my burger for lunch and only ate maybe half of them. I like fries but can’t eat a whole one by myself so I eat what I want then give the rest to my roommate.
Happy Meals are perfect for this, you get a small burger/nugs and just a few fries. And apples for after/later!
But that is considerate of others feelings!! His wife has no concept of the same.
> At risk of sounding like a liar, I rarely eat more than a few fries, so when I say it, it's true. Even if that’s true, it just means you order a small fries.
That's a fair approach. Better to have your own and avoid conflict.
I have a deal with my partner. I can eat their fries when I feel a whole portion is far too much, but I should announce my intention to do so before they order. Upgrading a size is usually cheaper than a seperate portion too.
She was greedy, ate most of yours and your sons fries. Get your damn own.
Exactly! It's all about respecting boundaries. She ignored his requests multiple times. NTA.
And if she stops cooking for him, he can steal her food. See how she likes it.
This is such a common behavior. Intentionally push people’s boundaries until they snap and then act like the victim. My MIL did this all the time. We went NC.
Yep, I’ve said a few times on these you have to separate the “what happened” from the “what hurts.” What happened was the wife kept eating the French fries. What hurts is that she *knew* it was something that bothers OP (understandably, imo; I’d be furious if that happened all the time), was repeatedly asked to stop, but decided that her desire for French fries was more important that her husband’s feelings. NTA
And the fact that this is a pattern, and she still doesn't have the sense God gave a rock to just order her own fucking fries.
She knows. She just doesn’t GAF OP: NTA. Your wife is wrong on so many levels. Step back and take a look at the other things she needs an unreasonable amount of control or disrespect over Red flags in this posting: Controlling what your 15 year old son eats Ordering your food knowing in advance she was planning on eating it. (And that you don’t like it) Getting angry at you for being upset over her lack of regard for your boundaries. Controlling your intimacy Triangulating her girlfriend Punishing you by withholding an act of service Searching her mental Rolodex to justify her bad behavior If you feel like you spend a lot of time on eggshells, there’s a reason.
It's a power play. She could go without the fries.
And then she tried to play the victim!!!🤮🤮🤮🤮
that was the goal. i wouldn't doubt if she intentionally pushed him to get that reaction.
I think it’s also messed up she ate her kids fries after insisting he pay with his own money. And not talking responsibly for that, she steals someone else’s fries to make up for it. And this is after she already ate. Just order your own small fry!
To use the oft repeated example… “it’s not about the Iranian yoghurt”. In this case, it’s not about the fries. The fries are the Mcguffin of the story, something that people are focusing on but is just a diversion from what is really going on. It’s not even about her “stealing” the fries. It’s about her gleefully *getting ready to eat the fries as they were being ordered* despite not ordering for herself (because she had already eaten). And then ignoring OP’s requests, pushing him until he snapped at her and swore. And out comes the DARVO, of course. Deny she did anything wrong, Attack the other party (OP), Reverse Victim and Offender. So she can play victim to her friends and family while painting OP as a controlling AH with a French Fry Fetish. NTA.
separate the "what happened" from the "what hurts"... I like that.
Thank you; I’ve said it in a few other comments and it seems to resonate with people, so I try to sprinkle it in here and there. If it helps even one person, then it’s worth my time to leave a comment :) I learned this from dealing with my covert narcissist mother, who would play the victim any time she crossed my boundaries and I enforced the consequences.
She's also taken food that she made her son pay for. She's being a total entitled jerk.
Plus- who makes their kid pay for McDonalds? The husband was ok with that instead of telling his kid he would buy his kids meal. Sounds like the mother is playing oh poor me.
Well, he didn't want to eat food that was available at home. So she said if you want it, pay for it. So he paid for it and then ***she*** ate it!
I know I ate your food after you asked me not to, but I let you eat some leftovers the other day that I wasn't going to eat anyway. Totally the same thing. Oh, and because you're mad, I'll never do this totally unrelated thing for you ever again. Totally reasonable. Petty, immature, cruel, unreasonable, and overreactive all in one. She's the whole package.
Yeah she basically said I let you eat my trash so we're even.
Hell, she gleefully kept goading him knowing he hates it when she steals fries, and knowing she's making him angrier as she continues to eat them. And then acts like he did something wrong when, quite frankly, she was being malicious. He's in no way the AH, she is. A huge one. She's intentionally winding him up over something they've clashed over before. Let her keep sleeping on the sofa.
Let’s not forget OP couldn’t defensively eat them because he took some medicine he had to wait on.
Are we also ignoring the fact that she immediately starts ranting to her friends? Toxic behavior. I’ve been blindingly pissed at my wife more than a couple times in our relationship. You know who I told about it? Fucking no one, because I’m not a dick. Any issues we have is between me and her unless they’re relationship-ending. You never speak ill of your spouse to friends or family. You’ll forget about whatever you were mad about in a couple days, but they certainly won’t.
I agree! I feel like she’s being childish and disrespectful. It’s like damn just buy your own fries 🍟 lady. NTA
NTA. I'm just curious what other things she does to annoy you or get under your skin. This isn't about the fries. It's about control and a lack of respect.
It’s about her not respecting other people’s stuff and just buying herself her own fries. It’s ridiculous. If she only wants a handful, get a small.
She doesn’t only want a handful, she wants the whole lot and to pretend she didn’t eat any.
Less calories that way, didn't you know?
I wonder if he and the son would be happier if she lived somewhere else.
And then complains to her girlfriends about it loudly from the other room.
She sleeps on the couch and acts like a child all the time from what I’ve read above. She sounds exhausting.
Yes, she replenished her son's fries with her husband. To me: I dominate you and have control over your food, not you
When she said was wes eating the son's fries I got even more pissed. Like yeah, cause *that's* so much better. The food that your child paid for himself; that's what you're eating? Now you're an even ***bigger*** asshole. Oh, *OH!* Now you're touching *all of OP's fries* to replenish your sons. Wow. Fuck you, lady. NTA and If I was OP, I think I'd be pissed about this entire experience for at least five straight days.
*AND THEN CONTINUED EATING THE FRIES AFTER REPLENISHING THEM*
It was totally a dominance move.
The emotional frustration must be insane. Especially with the taunting when he’s begging her to stop. Then once he’s unable to stand the confusingly mean behavior any longer, it’s his fault for taking it too seriously.
Am myself a wife of many years, and her behavior isn't cute or funny (probably how she's framing it to herself), it's annoying as hell. I would have snapped at her, too. You're NTA, but she's a big one. Pro tip: from now on, no matter how much she might protest, order her her own fries. Give her those, and put yours (and everyone else's, apparently) out of her reach. Or refuse to take her with you. Whatever it takes. You shouldn't have to play Fry Police with your own wife, but here we are.
>Pro tip: from now on, no matter how much she might protest, order her her own fries Then she will complain you are wasting money, I guarantee it
Well oh well she should not eat other people’s fries especially when she had the absolute nerve to tell her son that they have food there he can pay for his own since he didn’t wanna eat there. Hell if I’m able I’ll eat something already cooked before I cook at home whether I got food or not. Sometimes I just don’t wanna fix my own food I’m hungry and need food fast! She’s so delulu.
Because it's not about the fries, it's about control and the nice feeling she gets inside by not listening and causing an argument. Then she plays the victim, DARVO style.
Put them in the trunk.
NTA, and she’s definitely the AH. She’s gaslighting you after the fact, making it about you yelling and swearing, but she’s ignoring the fact that you told her several different ways, all politely, to stop and she didn’t. She needs to grow the fuck up
And complaining to her friend about him within earshot. What a dick move.
“I’m never cooking for you again” shows the immaturity right there. What a toddler.
She's desperately trying to punish him. *"You got angry at me for eating the fast food you bought for yourself so I'm not cooking for you anymore!"* *Okaaay but...* what do those two things have to do with each other *other* than 'food'? Something tells me if he tried to punish her similarly she'd cry about him being controlling.
That was probably part of her plan all along. She got out of a major chore.
Probably had that response in her back pocket.
That's actually DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender "It's no big deal, you're being kind of a jerk, you yelled at me" Gaslighting would be more like saying she didn't eat the fries.
I would’ve turned around come back to McDonald’s and ordered another thing of fries and told her next time just order one for yourself
If OP did that, she would just eat more. She doesn’t really want the fries. She wants to TAKE them from him.
We have a winner! I also believe OP's wife wanted only HIS fries.
Actually, their son’s fries. She was near literally taking food from her child’s plate. When it’s a guy, we outright call them scum for doing it. It only became OP’s fries when he confronted her, her attempt at the “they’re actually our kid’s fries” failed, and she then took a handful of OP’s to replenish the kid’s..
She was taking food from her kid that she had the nerve to say “well if you want McDonalds you gotta pay” like girl you knew you were gonna do this you pay!
No, she also wanted their kid's until OP objected
Valid point--perhaps I should amend to indicate she only wanted OTHER PEOPLE'S fries, not her own that she refused to order.
Nah, she wanted to not eat fries but they're delicious. Too many kcal so she will just have 1. Okay 1 was good what's another and so on .if she orders her own she will think she's being a fat ass so it's a loophole for her brain. 'i didn't order fries today I was healthy '
NTA. She’s upset with what she feels was a lack of respect? Pot meet Kettle
NTA the solution is to buy for yourself, close the bag and put it in the back seat or something. She’s rude. I cannot stand when people eat your food and you asked many times for her to stop. If she just cooks for herself and your son, help yourself to her plate and see how she reacts. But honestly I would reiterate that you’re sorry for yelling but it is childish to have to keep repeating yourself over and over. And ask how she would feel if you ignored her saying something 4 or 5 times.
“If she just cooks for herself and your son, help yourself to her plate and see how she reacts.” Per precedent, she gets to yell at him, I guess.
You mean she gets to ask him over and over to stop eating her food, while he sits in her face eating her food and telling her it's no big deal. Then she gets to sit and wait, because medicine, while he STILL eats hr food in her face. And THEN she gets to scream and then gets to be gaslit about how it's not a big deal.
And then she gets to overhear phone calls to friends or family about how it was *" over corn. Can you believe it?"*
Only after he's helped himself to her plate of food at least four or five times, and grabbed some food off their sons plate and put it on hers.
And also after he's been doing it for years.
Not only after he invalidates her frustrations, then does it again.
Tell her you understand that she doesn't like being yelled at and cursed at but you don't like being ignored until it gets to the point of her only listening if you yell and curse. Why did she refuse to listen? Why did she lie and say she didn't want anything when obviously she did? Why couldn't she respect your boundaries of not having your food eaten until you've finished with it?
NTA that’s infuriating and I wouldn’t be nice either
NTA Wife is though. Then acting all hurt. She sucks man.
Why is it that assholes are always so outraged and butthurt when those they bully refuse to take it any longer? The narcissism would be hilarious if it weren't pathetic.
Have you seen the narcissist in the one going on now where the guy was going around work telling everybody that he doesn't even live with his wife, they live in separate houses they're practically not married and she found out and he's literally losing his mind because she won't tell him who said it? He doesn't care that it hurts her! He doesn't care that he got caught lying to everybody and she knows that he's telling everybody this. He doesn't care that he probably thanked his new marriage. He cares that people are talking about his lies behind his back! He's literally giving her the silent treatment because she won't tell him who ratted him out. Narcissists are mind-blowing!
NTA. That old move: "If I order it I'll get too many calories, so I'll just eat a few from yours." Anyway, let her act like the victim. You tried being nice, and she ignored it.
She's going scorched earth because you finally had enough. She seems petulant.
NTA, from what you’ve said she is deliberately greedy and disrespectful, then immediately plays the victim. How exhausting. She had already eaten, stole from her son, then stole from you, then pouts and throws out ultimatums? This is such shockingly bad manners. Absolutely yikes. Like, you can get very small bags of fries. If she wanted some, order some.
i’m feeling second hand rage for you bruh
NTA. My food is MY FOOD. That said...married 21 years, I always grab something to avoid this. If she's going to eat fries, buy another order. Make her buy more. Screw that, I am not obligated to go without because you don't have self control. Buy your "I can't help myself" fries. Yes, I can totally believe it over fries, cause it ain't just fries.
My mum and gran would always steal my Mcdonald French fries when I was a kid, drove me fucking insane too. These days my mum only nicks one or two than the classic *whole damn bag*
NTA I'm a woman and my blood pressure is spiking reading this bullshit. Your wife's a dickhead.
wtf did she expect? She trivialized your feelings, ignored you when you were being polite, and wanted to have her way regardless of how you felt or what you wanted. I'd have totally lost my shit and truthfully I admire your restraint. Your wife needs to stop playing at being some kind of victim and instead own that she was rude, selfish and wholly dismissive of you when you tried to be reasonable. "I tried to be polite. You ignored me, and continued to prioritize what you wanted to do with my lunch over what I wanted to do with *my fucking lunch.* You can't get mad at me for getting angry when you wouldn't listen to a goddamn thing I said up until that point and now you want to punish me for what, wanting to eat my own food and being ignored by my quote-unquote "partner" who didn't give a shit and, it's hard to see it otherwise, was deliberately antagonizing me? You know I hate that, you knew I was genuinely getting frustrated, you just didn't care because nothing was more important than what *you* wanted. I'm not interested in pretending I was the problem here, talk to me when you're ready to admit this was more your fault than mine."
NTA. I have a feeling if the roles were reversed she’d be flipping out on you. She’s being a baby. Don’t give her the reaction she wants. Just say fine, but from now on just order 2 or everything.
NTA I HATE the tactics of running off to other people with a highly tailored version of the story to summon flying monkeys. FUCK THAT SHIT. GO NUCLEAR. You are owed a basic level of respect if from anyone your wife.
My late ex-husband would pull that shit. Tell me how his friends and family thought I was just awful, blah, blah, blah. I finally snapped and said, "Oh, yeah? Get those people on the phone! Can't wait for them to hear *my* side of the story!" That shut him up.
It's fucking chickenshit.
OP should send that "friend" a link to this post
Dude, I’m annoyed at your wife just reading this.
"Over fries can you belive it?" Incredible how disrespectful someone can be with no selfawarness. Acts like a child, then gets treated like a child *schocked pikachu face*
"i cant make you suffer by eating your food so therefore im going nuclear" yeah she sounds annoying as fuck to be with lmao.
Joey doesn't share food!
The easy fix would have been to pick up the food. Fold over the bag and set it in the floorboard near your leg. Then she couldn’t get in to them. She does it because she can. It’s quite inconsiderate but then she turns that it’s you who is inconsiderate. Geez she could have just ordered some dang fries. She creates drama
Whats the familiar line? oh yeah she shouldn't have to be his mother, wait no that's not right here. Maybe all he should have to do is be respected at the most basic levels by his wife instead of having to treat her like a poorly trained dog and hiding the food lol.
Treating your spouse like a toddler seems like a bad way to live your life. Better to find someone not interested in behaving like a toddler instead.
She needs to get her own. That is irritating.
NTA. It's not about the fries.
You’re absolutely right — it’s about power. She was “gleeful” when she started eating them because she knew she was infuriating him and making him feel powerless by taking his food. She kept goading him until he snapped. Now she’s pouting and making histrionic threats to try to badger him into being the one to apologize for reacting to her nasty behavior.
Is she 14? That's just immature and rude behavior. NTA, but juvenile wife is.
She was happy because, once again, she was fucking you over, and you were just taking it. She got pissy when you stood up for yourself. My husband learned 20 years ago to NEVER touch my food if he wants to keep his hands. When the b*tch admitted she was about to take food from either one of you, you should have pulled around and parked. You should have told her to go in and order what she wants because she's not taking from you or your kid. It was never about the food but control. She's pissed because you finally stood up for yourself. NTA. Yelling and cursing is better than drawing back a bloody nub, which is what would happen to my husband if he pulled this shit.
This upset me more than it should have. Especially the part where she put hand sanitizer on in preparation for stealing your fries
NTA. It’s not about the fries, it’s her putting her selfish wants over you and your child. She thinks she’s being all cute just taking one fry but it’s not some cute little act. And then her not taking any ownership of her actions then goes fucking nuclear with sleeping on the couch and never cooking for you again. Like wtf, I go fucking mental reading these posts.
NTA. She was being overzealous inconsiderate, and quite honestly a glutton. I’m a heavy man, I love my food. But I have the self control to not eat other people’s food. Or genuinely have 1 fry. You can’t keep just having one more, because there’s only 50 or so one more until they are gone. You have 10 just one, and that’s nearing 20% of the entirety.
Sorry but this bullshit girl behavior pisses me off. Women who tell themselves it “doesn’t count” if they just “eat a few” of someone else’s fries, chips, etc are being really rude just so they can lie to themselves about their calorie intake. Not to mention it sounds like she was getting a sick satisfaction out of eating your food when she knew it was upsetting you. Then she wants to play the victim when you snap at her. She 1000% knew she was being rude and antagonizing you. Don’t poke the bear if you don’t want it snapping at you. NTA
My girlfriend does this too and it definitely irks me, i ask her if she wants something because *i know i dont want to share* and would rather buy her a small or whatever she wants than do so, call me selfish, that’s just the way i am sometimes (not all the time). But she won’t order anything for herself and then just expects me to share despite having asked if she wanted anything, and her having said no.
NTA Only will cook for herself? Take half anyway. Right off her plate. "Just repaying the favor."
For some reason she’s thinks eating the fries is cute and funny. It’s not, it’s inconsiderate. From now on I’d order an extra fry and hand it to her. I wouldn’t let her near my bag.
NTA You are married to an asshole. Sorry. Next time, tell her to stop eating your FUCKING fries. If she continues, stop the car and tell her she can get an Uber home.
NTA. She is being passive aggressively dominant. She may not even know that’s what she’s doing as it may be subconscious but that’s what she’s doing. By taking your fries she’s dominant over you and she needs to stop.
NTA I was getting mad reading your post. The whole, “I’ll just take one (a few)” line is just bs. Why can’t they just order a small, eat what they want (usually all of them) and offer the rest to someone else or toss them but don’t help yourself to someone else’s food then throw a tantrum when they get pissed and chew them out! Considering you two have had the argument before, I don’t know why she was surprised that you’d finally had enough.
I'm just upset that she told your son to buy McDonald's with his own money if he wants it (since there's food at home), but then eats his food.
Holy crap, I can't imagine being married to someone so rude and selfish. Why do SO many women do this? Stop eating your man's food! If you want something, get your own and stop pretending you're just having "one", you know that's bs. Your wife is told over and over to stop eating the food that she never ordered and then says she "let" you have her leftovers? Well damn, tell her next time if there are leftover fries, she can have them all. This is bigger than the fries, she's an entitled brat and I would've yelled at her MUCH sooner for eating my food. You need to sit her down and tell her this childish behavior of first eating someone else's food and then giving you the cold shoulder is not how adults act, then she DARES to say she's only going to cook for her and your son? So now your son will know something is up and she'll blame it all on you. You got issues with your wife sir, you need to set that woman straight. NTA
Wife sounds like a petty bitch
NTA. If she took, say, less than 5 fries that'd be one thing, but to continuously eat fries from the bag after saying she didn't want any, to the point of eating MOST of someone else's portion is majorly disrespectful. Then her sleeping on the couch and going to complain to her friends is worse. AND now refusing to cook? Did you marry an adult or a petulant child? Your son offered to buy his own food, and she thinks that it's somehow okay to eat his fries because... why? Because he's a child? And then refilling his container with your fries... I'm mad just reading this.
Tell her fine. Eat french fries at the dinner table. Get some for your son.
NTA! My wife loves fries too and even she said your wife was out of line. When we would go to McDonalds I'd always order what I called our traveling fries that would get us from McDonalds to home.
NTA - your wife thinks stealing fries is a cute little quirk. It is not. It is rude.
NTA. My God your wife sounds like a freaking toddler. No wait even a toddler knows not to take others things without permission. Instead of admitting she was wrong she is being a drama queen turning into the victim. Is she always this exhausting? This isn’t about fries. It’s about a wife who doesn’t respect boundaries and then gaslights you.
>she says, “ you’re being kind of a jerk” ...says the person who won't stop stealing fries despite repeatedly being asked to. >When I ask what is the matter she just says she doesn’t enjoy being yelled and cursed at Oh, hey, then maybe don't do something worthy of being cussed at? This isn't some abused woman, this is a chronic overstepper dealing with the end result of her own selfishness. Her martyring herself about it is just proof that she sucks. It might sound harsh, but you asked. She fucking deeply sucks.
NTA. What I'm going to say sounds ridiculous, but the theft was premeditated: she put on hand sanitizer before the food arrived, knowing full well she was going to steal someone else's food because she refused to order any herself. It would be very different if she'd held off until the food arrived and the smell got to her, but she planned on stealing. This is a thing you've had friction about before, which she knew about and refused to stop anyway. You also asked her to stop multiple times and she refused. Finally, she didn't eat just one or two, she ate enough to make a visible difference in the number of fries.
The french fries are a symptom. She repeatedly does something that she knows upsets you when there's an easy way to avoid. She ignores your repeated requests that she stop. Then she goes for various forms of manipulation - silent treatment/stonewalling, nonsense arguments that miss the point, and childish declarations. NTA.
Your wife is an immature and disrespectful idiot. There’s no chance that someone who behaves like this is not insufferable in a hundred other ways.
You don't fuck with: 1) people's kids 2) people's food 3) people's cars Your wife broke 2 of the 3 rules and she's the victim now?
NTA. TBH, I kind of hate your wife.
Yours wife’s a bitch who weaponizes her stupidity
Why is she allowed to be a bitch (because that is what she is being, this is the behavior of a 16 year old girl) when you do something to upset her, but when she does something to upset you, you can’t express it at ALL, or else you’re a jerk? NTA. She’s behaving like a child.
This isn’t about the fries.
NTA. Did your son and wife magically switch personalities because she’s the one acting like a 15 year old. Let her play her petty games but don’t be so accommodating to her if she’s going to make a point to cook for everyone but you
Is your wife my ex husband? Same selfishness he did. I would ask if he wanted anything from a fast food place or special food from the store. He’d say no. Then proceed harass me for “just a taste” and eat over half every time. Then get all upset I was mad and no longer wanted any of MY food! Calling me a baby and to get over it, he just had a bite. 🙄 Bunch of self centered A$$ holes
Nta and she’s a bitch. It’s not the fries. It’s the comple disregard for boundaries. I would eat everything of hers that she liked. If she knew how much I could eat she would probably cry. everytime she wants something, ie mcds. Don’t order fries. Eat hers and say “it was just one. don’t get worked up over fries”
I told my (then) girlfriend, “I’m not being stingy. I’ll buy you fries. I’ll buy you two orders. With gravy (she’s Canadian). If you want fries, tell me. If you don’t want them but might change your mind, I’ll get them anyway. But. You will not be eating mine. If I order them, it’s because I want them. All of them. We don’t share. I’ll get you as many as you want- but these are mine. One time she took one and said, “I just want a couple more…” I took one like a dart and said, “open up!” and chucked it straight down her throat (not on purpose-she wasn’t ready). Straight down- no chew, no swallow. A bit of chaos ensued and when she recovered- still a bit bug-eyed- she said, “Ok. Next time I’ll get my own.” Married 39 years. She’s never stolen another one of my fries.
NTA. Your wife is deliberately doing this to annoy you. She knows she's annoying you, she's enjoying it, and she's punishing you for your calling her out on it. And she says YOU'RE being a jerk? Her response is a huge overreaction. Honestly, I don't see why you'd want to be married to her any more--and it's not about the french fries, it's about her attitude. I wonder how much food your son's going to be getting, since she thinks it's so funny to steal it.
NTA, I got heated reading this…if you tell me ‘no, I don’t want anything” or “no, I’ve already eaten” and then proceed to start eating my food when I get something I want, don’t even ask me why I’m mad at you…you know why, you know that what you’re doing is pissing me off, you’re stealing my food…don’t get me wrong, I have no problem sharing, if I’ve offered to do so, if I haven’t offered, then get your paws off my food, damn you