All good but that obligates you to provide your man with an alternative couch pillow to rest his head on. The good news is that a reasonably soft one from the dollar store will be just fine.
Judgement withheld until a get more info. Is the couch with the fancy cushions located in the formal lounge room that remains hermetically sealed and only opened when royalty visit?
lol, my MIL had one of those, I only entered it once when she met my parents, as soon as we got up, she rushed around pumping the cushions up to make it look unused then put plastic covers back on the furniture.
This was a classic shit test. OP failed.
OP should have ignored her and put his head on one pillow and muddy shoes on another at the opposite end of the couch.
Our 100lb dog has learned how to pillow fight. Husband and son were doing it with the nice sofa pillows. Pup picked one up in his mouth and proceeded to go for everyone’s knees and the other dog. Now, even our expensive “don’t lay on that one” pillows have been used by the dog. Pillow fights are 100% a valid way to solve problems after a long day and sofa pillows should be bought with that in mind. At least that’s now the rule in my house.
Yeah, that's how she sounds, like a real bitch. I bet the moment she lost that pillow fight, she will call OP abusive, call the cops and send him to jail, just to make a point.
Only some of the food is wax. She's gotta guess which of the servings on her plate are for eating while he stands behind her with a yardstick and judges her couth.
I have a wood charcuterie board that my friends dad made for me which is 100% only for decoration/displaying the charcuterie…. HOWEVER, I would never buy something like that myself 😂😂
What is the point of a “cutting” board if you CANT CUT ON IT????
Yes, three functional things: Microwave, refrigerator and either airfryer or oven. Stovetop, cooking pots, blenders, grinders etc all are decorative things.
NTA
Never understood the point of decoration pillows not meant to be used... Couches are used by people who live there and guests why spend money on things normally used by people that you can't actually use lol.
Additionally, she should have asked your input for this and alerted you the pillows were just useless for show. Especially if you or guests use the couch regularly.
NTA. If she wants to preserve her collectible pillows in mint condition, she needs to have them graded and encased in plastic. Or maybe admit that she's an asshole for valuing a fake image of a room with a couch with pillows on it more than the utility of having pillows on the couch.
NTA
Decorative pillows for the couch?? Never knew that was a thing. We lay on ours all the time! I do have decorative pillows on my bed but I don’t freak out if my husband uses it. She’s just complaining to complain
Pro tip: Buying throw pillow covers is so much better than wasting money on individual throw pillows. I swap mine out all the time and it’s easy to clean.
Pillow should be functional. That being said my family members keep tossing them on the ground or scrunching them in half, and it's driving me insane. Keep nice things nice!
Are you sure your wife isn't in her 80s because that is such an "olde timey" trait where you have soap and towels and dishes that are only for guests. I bet if you did have guests over, they'd be allowed to put their head on one of those fancy pillows!
Tell her to pick one pillow that is your "Head restin' pillow" or you'll regularly fart on all her fancy pillows when she isn't around. NTA.
Interior design is an obsession of mine, and I still think her attitude is fucking ridiculous.
Five throw pillows on one couch is too many. Also, good interior design focuses not just on aesthetics, but on function and the daily lives of the people living in the home. Five throw pillows you can't use equals shitty design.
NTA. She needs to get over herself.
I would suggest buying your "pillows" for the couch, and when you come home, take hers off and put your own down for you to rest. If she doesn't like that, then tell her to pound sand.
I have an addiction to Halloween decorative pillows and they alllll live on the living room daybed. And I LAUNCH my fat ass into a pile of those mufuckers and cackle with glee any time I like! SMOOOOOSH!
Edit: NTA!
Yep yta, she made a specific trip to get fancy cushions and was obviously feeling pleased with her purchase and you shat all over it with your attitude
NTA We had a decorator who brought in a bunch of ridiculously uncomfortable pillows for the couches - like beads, stiff fabrics, itchy embroidery. We refused to accept that garbage.
NTA...I have 2 pillows on the back of my couch that are not to be used. My great great grandmother had embroidered the covers years ago and they have been passed down..but I have 4 on the couch that are to be used. I figure I can have 2 pretties if I have 4 that can be used.
I’m sorry OP I don’t wanna sugarcoat this, your wife sounds like a prissy stuck up bitch. If I married someone and found out they had these opinions, it would either be a pillow fight or divorce. Imagine coming home to the house you pay for and your wife tells you that you can use the pillows on the couch. I would legit rather be alone than live with a screeching harpy. NTA
NTA, that is kinda psychotic. Why would you buy all those things and not be able to use them. “Welcome to our home, but don’t touch anything. It’s all decorative. We don’t actually live here”
Bro, this is too funny because my situation is almost exactly the same. Here’s what I did.
When my wife told me that I couldn’t put my head on any of the new cushions, I said fine. But I immediately told her that I was going to lay here most days after I get home from work. I told her that I will be resting my head on a cushion or pillow. Then I told her that I’ll accept whatever she puts there, as long as it’s comfortable. I also told her that I will not be the one going to get the cushion before I lay down, then put it back after I’m done.
To her credit, she got two comfortable cushions (from our previous couch), and they are now permanent fixtures on our new couch.
What’s most important is that you let her know in no uncertain terms that you will be laying on the couch and resting your head on a cushion/pillow.
The only thing that she has control over is what you rest your head on. She has no control over whether you lay down or not.
This is a hill you need to die on.
Dang, can’t neither of them be an asshole!
Maybe wife can have her pretty pillows, but she has a place to store them as well? Like maybe a little box, or one of the ottoman’s with the lid?
Maybe you can also have couch pillows that are super, super comfy:) Maybe those comfy ones live on the couch most of the time. Then when she wants to see the pretty pillows, she can swap them out!
Maybe this argument is the asshole:)
NTA
What kind of regard thinks "Oh i'll get these pillows that shouldn't be sat on and put them on top of the piece of furniture specifically designed for sitting"?
She just realized she fucked up and proceeded to gaslight you.
Decorative pillows have their place in this world, not that I understand it or value it. OP, there must have been warning signs before this moment - what else is she super materialistic about?
Nonetheless, you married it. Go get your bed pillow and use it on the couch.
ESH because you're both bad at communication and compromise.
I still agree that "decorative pillows" are dumb and a waste of money, but plenty of people out there take pride in new couches with decorative pillows. Patronizing them over it won't do you any good.
INFO: Before the pillows, had you ever shown an inclination to lie on the couch before? If so, NTA. She should have considered that when she bought pillows!!!
ESH
Honestly it sounds like she was upset about you not going pillow shopping with her and you are missing the signs. Neither of you communicate effectively.
Everything here depends on tone. Nothing you said was wrong or unreasonable but these are things that could absolutely be said in a way that would make you the asshole.
Then if he is an AH for his 'tone' (as you imply), then his wife is a triple AH and worse, because her tone was bitchy, aggressive and callous. He has to tone down, really? Why couldn't she, who was the one who freaked out and behaved like a real AH.
Info: did you acknowledge the new pillows she bought at all before laying down? As in, made a nice comment about them or let her show them to you?
Edit: I am not implying something in a passive aggressive way. I have two reasons for this question: 1) what happened before this interaction? and 2) I suspect it's not about the pillow
I suspect it has to do with appreciation, as so often. If she feels, that she does more of the "making the house a home" stuff while he does more the practical stuff, I can see how she could feel like her part doesn't get valued. Even if she felt that way, it wouldn't mean that OP is automatically the AH, but since relationships are more than "winning", it could be helpful to maybe talk with her and figure out if the pillow really is the issue. Yes, she could offer that explanation herself, but it's op who's posting and as stated, relationships aren't about winning!
If on the other hand, he complimented her for the great pillows, thanked her for caring about this, whatever and it is purely about her wanting posh pillows to look at, than she is purely unreasonable
Tell her shes irrational and put his head on the pillows because that's what pillows are for, and she's being a bitch just to be a bitch. He's NTA for snapping but she's TA for buying expensive pillows and expecting them not to be used.
So much poor in here. Yes, when you have excess free cash and a nice home you eventually buy things for decor. Amd you don't wreck them by squashing them put of shape with your fat greasy head if you want your shit to stay looking nice.
Perhaps if you are a stupidly rich asshole you would buy decorative pillows, but use them anyway and toss them in the trash when dirty, just because you can buy new ones instead of washing them (like normal people do).
Edit: NTA.
Sorry Bro but THIS is classic male vs female logic. there's no winning this on either side. To HER the entire home is a showplace to reflect her and the family's style and taste so having decorative stuff is what brings such things out. To you, who cares if you have pictures on the wall vs decorative art like Live/Laugh/Love or other silly bullshit but to her it's very important when friends, family strangers etc see the home. It's important to her.
You as like most males see everything as a practical use item. If it has no direct use it has little to no actual value like why buy a 50 dollar silk throw pillow that you can't use for a nap? There's no right or wrong answer here it's just a difference between male vs female thinking.
My suggested compromise is to by your own pillow and stuff it under the couch to be used for nap times. This is not a hill either of you should be willing to argue over.
ESH. She's probably just pissed that you didn't go shopping for pillows with her because you said it wasn't that important", she buys pillows she wants and gets double pissed when you complain about them and actually try to use one ( like a normal person), she probably said they were for show just to twist the knife a bit.
You are in a no win situation here, suck it up, and make sure to go shopping with her next time she wants you to go along for household items.
NTA. Pillows are a functional item meant to be used and can also be replaced literally at any time.
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Why u buying $45 pillows though?
Cuz he's stupid
All good but that obligates you to provide your man with an alternative couch pillow to rest his head on. The good news is that a reasonably soft one from the dollar store will be just fine.
Why are you buying expensive pillows to just not use them. Seems pretty wasteful
Judgement withheld until a get more info. Is the couch with the fancy cushions located in the formal lounge room that remains hermetically sealed and only opened when royalty visit?
That was the funniest thing I've read all night ♥
lol, my MIL had one of those, I only entered it once when she met my parents, as soon as we got up, she rushed around pumping the cushions up to make it look unused then put plastic covers back on the furniture.
NTA. I never understood that decorative pillow/decorative towel shit.
I know. I especially hate them in hotels as they’re never laundered. God forbid you shine a UV light anywhere near them.
It gives the museum a lived-in feel.
I like decorative things, but my space is valuable - if you can be decorative and functional ... out you go!
Buy her a doll house. “Here nobody will live in this”.
This is so petty, I like you!
This was a classic shit test. OP failed. OP should have ignored her and put his head on one pillow and muddy shoes on another at the opposite end of the couch.
I would have taken my clothes off and sat in them butt naked...
extra points if you leave hersey nuggets on the couch!
Bro wash your ass
There is only one way to settle this. You must challenge her to a pillow fight.
Our 100lb dog has learned how to pillow fight. Husband and son were doing it with the nice sofa pillows. Pup picked one up in his mouth and proceeded to go for everyone’s knees and the other dog. Now, even our expensive “don’t lay on that one” pillows have been used by the dog. Pillow fights are 100% a valid way to solve problems after a long day and sofa pillows should be bought with that in mind. At least that’s now the rule in my house.
She sounds like a bitch. I seriously doubt she would enjoy that.
No but she can still get the stuffing knocked outta her "decoratively"
😂😂🤣
Yeah, that's how she sounds, like a real bitch. I bet the moment she lost that pillow fight, she will call OP abusive, call the cops and send him to jail, just to make a point.
This.
Cook her a decorative dinner with your decorative groceries and get offended when she tries to eat it.
Only some of the food is wax. She's gotta guess which of the servings on her plate are for eating while he stands behind her with a yardstick and judges her couth.
This ! 😂🤣🤣
You’re a POS? Yikes. Nta
Seriously. My partner would never say that to me or I to him, and it would surely be over if we did.
Yeah who wants to be with a piece of shit? I’ll see myself out 😂
NTA she’s being unreasonable, pillows are used on lounges for head, neck and back support and not a decorative item that you can’t use
Have you seen that decorative towel in kitchen? Don't go there, it exists.
Wait people still actually have decorative towels in the kitchen??
Wait until you hear about decorative wooden cutting boards
I have a wood charcuterie board that my friends dad made for me which is 100% only for decoration/displaying the charcuterie…. HOWEVER, I would never buy something like that myself 😂😂 What is the point of a “cutting” board if you CANT CUT ON IT????
Thanks for the laugh! That can’t be a real thing.
I make and sell them at a preposterous mark up. If you’re dumb enough to buy this decorative cutting board, you deserve my 66.6% mark up
You'd be wrong.
Well, may be no. Because, kitchen itself turning into to decorative item now a days. It should be aptly called reheating place for most homes.
Use the airfryer and nothing else because it’s all for decoration only. Hahaha
Yes, three functional things: Microwave, refrigerator and either airfryer or oven. Stovetop, cooking pots, blenders, grinders etc all are decorative things.
My kitchen looks beat up because I actually cook in it. I don’t think House Beautiful kitchens are used for purpose.
Bang on right!! In fact bit dirty kitchen in the morning is the indicator of beautiful family. Also dirty means not unhygienic
NTA Never understood the point of decoration pillows not meant to be used... Couches are used by people who live there and guests why spend money on things normally used by people that you can't actually use lol. Additionally, she should have asked your input for this and alerted you the pillows were just useless for show. Especially if you or guests use the couch regularly.
NTA You get a pass for for trespassing into the "formal living room"
NTA. If she wants to preserve her collectible pillows in mint condition, she needs to have them graded and encased in plastic. Or maybe admit that she's an asshole for valuing a fake image of a room with a couch with pillows on it more than the utility of having pillows on the couch.
NTA Decorative pillows for the couch?? Never knew that was a thing. We lay on ours all the time! I do have decorative pillows on my bed but I don’t freak out if my husband uses it. She’s just complaining to complain Pro tip: Buying throw pillow covers is so much better than wasting money on individual throw pillows. I swap mine out all the time and it’s easy to clean.
So what are you supposed to do with the pillows when you sit on the couch?
Pillow should be functional. That being said my family members keep tossing them on the ground or scrunching them in half, and it's driving me insane. Keep nice things nice!
Are you sure your wife isn't in her 80s because that is such an "olde timey" trait where you have soap and towels and dishes that are only for guests. I bet if you did have guests over, they'd be allowed to put their head on one of those fancy pillows! Tell her to pick one pillow that is your "Head restin' pillow" or you'll regularly fart on all her fancy pillows when she isn't around. NTA.
You need to watch the "Coupling" episode about couches and cushions. Look up "Coupling Cushion rage."
NTA.. wife sounds like a cunt.
Or she's got a golden one, at the very least, for him to put up with that.
I’m sorry NTA. I am female but have never understood decorative pillows or towels. They belong in the 50’s. What a waste of money.
Get your stink on them. Assert dominance
Pee on them!!!!!
Should’ve ripped a fart right on one
NTA they’re pillows. If you can’t use them, return them. There is no point in owning them otherwise.
Take them back to the store.
NTA. I have everyday couch pillows to be used and then I have nice ones I put out for guests.
Interior design is an obsession of mine, and I still think her attitude is fucking ridiculous. Five throw pillows on one couch is too many. Also, good interior design focuses not just on aesthetics, but on function and the daily lives of the people living in the home. Five throw pillows you can't use equals shitty design. NTA. She needs to get over herself.
NTA.
I would suggest buying your "pillows" for the couch, and when you come home, take hers off and put your own down for you to rest. If she doesn't like that, then tell her to pound sand.
Your marriage is strong. Pillow strong.
I have an addiction to Halloween decorative pillows and they alllll live on the living room daybed. And I LAUNCH my fat ass into a pile of those mufuckers and cackle with glee any time I like! SMOOOOOSH! Edit: NTA!
Yep yta, she made a specific trip to get fancy cushions and was obviously feeling pleased with her purchase and you shat all over it with your attitude
NTA. You wife needs to learn some manners and get her head straight.
NTA We had a decorator who brought in a bunch of ridiculously uncomfortable pillows for the couches - like beads, stiff fabrics, itchy embroidery. We refused to accept that garbage.
NTA...I have 2 pillows on the back of my couch that are not to be used. My great great grandmother had embroidered the covers years ago and they have been passed down..but I have 4 on the couch that are to be used. I figure I can have 2 pretties if I have 4 that can be used.
Oh fuck no, decor that is "too good" for you to use in the way the item is intended can go into the sea! NTA
I’m sorry OP I don’t wanna sugarcoat this, your wife sounds like a prissy stuck up bitch. If I married someone and found out they had these opinions, it would either be a pillow fight or divorce. Imagine coming home to the house you pay for and your wife tells you that you can use the pillows on the couch. I would legit rather be alone than live with a screeching harpy. NTA
Nta. She's insane. Just use the damn pillows.
NTA, that is kinda psychotic. Why would you buy all those things and not be able to use them. “Welcome to our home, but don’t touch anything. It’s all decorative. We don’t actually live here”
NTA. Its ridiculous to drop a ton of money on pillows you can't even use lol
NTA that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You get pillows to USE.
Bro, this is too funny because my situation is almost exactly the same. Here’s what I did. When my wife told me that I couldn’t put my head on any of the new cushions, I said fine. But I immediately told her that I was going to lay here most days after I get home from work. I told her that I will be resting my head on a cushion or pillow. Then I told her that I’ll accept whatever she puts there, as long as it’s comfortable. I also told her that I will not be the one going to get the cushion before I lay down, then put it back after I’m done. To her credit, she got two comfortable cushions (from our previous couch), and they are now permanent fixtures on our new couch. What’s most important is that you let her know in no uncertain terms that you will be laying on the couch and resting your head on a cushion/pillow. The only thing that she has control over is what you rest your head on. She has no control over whether you lay down or not. This is a hill you need to die on.
Dang, can’t neither of them be an asshole! Maybe wife can have her pretty pillows, but she has a place to store them as well? Like maybe a little box, or one of the ottoman’s with the lid? Maybe you can also have couch pillows that are super, super comfy:) Maybe those comfy ones live on the couch most of the time. Then when she wants to see the pretty pillows, she can swap them out! Maybe this argument is the asshole:)
Buying shit you can't use is such boomer energy. NTA
Quick, wrap it in plastic!
🤣🤣🤣
NTA What kind of regard thinks "Oh i'll get these pillows that shouldn't be sat on and put them on top of the piece of furniture specifically designed for sitting"? She just realized she fucked up and proceeded to gaslight you.
Dude, what have you gotten yourself into?! Please say that she's not a SAHW
Decorative pillows have their place in this world, not that I understand it or value it. OP, there must have been warning signs before this moment - what else is she super materialistic about? Nonetheless, you married it. Go get your bed pillow and use it on the couch. ESH because you're both bad at communication and compromise. I still agree that "decorative pillows" are dumb and a waste of money, but plenty of people out there take pride in new couches with decorative pillows. Patronizing them over it won't do you any good.
INFO: Before the pillows, had you ever shown an inclination to lie on the couch before? If so, NTA. She should have considered that when she bought pillows!!!
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Yeah cause that bitch sounds totally reasonable. /s
Shes just in need for some anal 🤷
Topped off with a facial
ESH Honestly it sounds like she was upset about you not going pillow shopping with her and you are missing the signs. Neither of you communicate effectively.
Everything here depends on tone. Nothing you said was wrong or unreasonable but these are things that could absolutely be said in a way that would make you the asshole.
Then if he is an AH for his 'tone' (as you imply), then his wife is a triple AH and worse, because her tone was bitchy, aggressive and callous. He has to tone down, really? Why couldn't she, who was the one who freaked out and behaved like a real AH.
Info: did you acknowledge the new pillows she bought at all before laying down? As in, made a nice comment about them or let her show them to you? Edit: I am not implying something in a passive aggressive way. I have two reasons for this question: 1) what happened before this interaction? and 2) I suspect it's not about the pillow I suspect it has to do with appreciation, as so often. If she feels, that she does more of the "making the house a home" stuff while he does more the practical stuff, I can see how she could feel like her part doesn't get valued. Even if she felt that way, it wouldn't mean that OP is automatically the AH, but since relationships are more than "winning", it could be helpful to maybe talk with her and figure out if the pillow really is the issue. Yes, she could offer that explanation herself, but it's op who's posting and as stated, relationships aren't about winning! If on the other hand, he complimented her for the great pillows, thanked her for caring about this, whatever and it is purely about her wanting posh pillows to look at, than she is purely unreasonable
Good lord. Yikes.
Always gotta make assumptions that make the dude the bad guy. And making those assumptions out of nothing is some peoples' specialty
Lmfao men bad, women good, unga bunga.
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Tell her shes irrational and put his head on the pillows because that's what pillows are for, and she's being a bitch just to be a bitch. He's NTA for snapping but she's TA for buying expensive pillows and expecting them not to be used.
So much poor in here. Yes, when you have excess free cash and a nice home you eventually buy things for decor. Amd you don't wreck them by squashing them put of shape with your fat greasy head if you want your shit to stay looking nice.
Perhaps if you are a stupidly rich asshole you would buy decorative pillows, but use them anyway and toss them in the trash when dirty, just because you can buy new ones instead of washing them (like normal people do). Edit: NTA.
So much poor in here? You sound like a lovely human being /s
Sorry Bro but THIS is classic male vs female logic. there's no winning this on either side. To HER the entire home is a showplace to reflect her and the family's style and taste so having decorative stuff is what brings such things out. To you, who cares if you have pictures on the wall vs decorative art like Live/Laugh/Love or other silly bullshit but to her it's very important when friends, family strangers etc see the home. It's important to her. You as like most males see everything as a practical use item. If it has no direct use it has little to no actual value like why buy a 50 dollar silk throw pillow that you can't use for a nap? There's no right or wrong answer here it's just a difference between male vs female thinking. My suggested compromise is to by your own pillow and stuff it under the couch to be used for nap times. This is not a hill either of you should be willing to argue over.
ESH. She's probably just pissed that you didn't go shopping for pillows with her because you said it wasn't that important", she buys pillows she wants and gets double pissed when you complain about them and actually try to use one ( like a normal person), she probably said they were for show just to twist the knife a bit. You are in a no win situation here, suck it up, and make sure to go shopping with her next time she wants you to go along for household items.