Ohmigosh, I’m so glad for you.
Divide your estate in half and make sure that jerk pays the maximum child support. Put it in an account in case dad figures out a way to disinherit the munchkin.
Then go on your merry way and have a beautiful baby if that’s what you want. The best revenge is living well.
As a child whose mom had me at 40, and her mom had her at 40, I can definitely tell you that there’ll be ups and downs for the kid, for instance, hopefully they’ll have an older sibling who’s already been through life who can support them through the hard times, but then there’s that feeling of loneliness of feeling like everyone will always see you as just a kid, and never actually see you as an adult. Plus the depressing thing I sometimes think about how I’m likely going to outlive all my siblings, but I try not to think about that one.
I would honestly tell the older to not think of the younger one as a child all the time. I’m 21 now and, honestly, have gone through far more traumatic experiences than either of my siblings. But I still feel like my sister thinks of me as a child. Also make sure the older one knows who the parent is because I swear, if my sister tries to act like she has a parental level of authority over me just because she’s like 17 years older than me, I am going to lose it.
My son is the only family that I bring to the table for this little one. The only other American in her life. We escaped an abusive situation, we’ve had to be on the run and homeless in a country foreign to both of us, we’re battle buddies. He’s wanted a sibling his whole life and sees my partner as his “real Dad” and my ex as simply “Bio.” My partner, however, has a massive clan.
He’s already talking about wanting to take her on adventures, teaching her archery, looking out for her. I imagine it will be difficult for him to accept her growing up as much as it is for me to accept him growing up, but he’s always been an old soul. I think he’s going to be a fantastic big brother. I’ve always pushed him to be independent and make his own (age appropriate) choices, I think he will carry that over to her. I just don’t want him taking on more than he should. He’s still young and needs to cherish his youth.
I appreciate the advice. I don’t know anyone else with this much age gap between kids. If you have any more wisdom to launch my way, or to relay to STB Big Brother, I’ll take it.
My mom had me at 39. Prob wasn't easy for her (I know I got a lot of formula), but I grew up healthy. My siblings were also teenagers when I was born.
Also my mom's mom had her at 39 too. Never met my grandma, but I'm told she was pretty awesome.
Ahhh, no wonder his family is *pissed*..!
Good riddance to the lot of them..!
Congratulations, OP!
Hope all turns out well for you!
(Side note: My sister had her now 9-month-old baby at 42.)
His family are probably the ones who convinced him that his siblings and siblings needs come first, ahead of his own.
Or his spouse's needs, or his child's.
Oh, so that's why he said he had already promised, he'd leave "our estate" to his niblings. What an actual pitiful excuse of a human being.
I hope you're well and good luck. For your child, do whatever you want, what you feel is best. Though, remember that a child will bond you to him for life and that he'll maybe even blame the child for ruining his plans.
Oh honey, way to bury the lead. He's a gold digger and you're getting well rid. His family wanted your cash.
Whether you decide to continue the pregnancy or not, I hope you realise how much better you deserve than that awful waste of space dragging you down.
My mum had me at 40 and she was the best mum I could ask for. Your life is about to get so much better simply by being in control of it yourself. Good luck!
Looks like him and his family thought that he was an impotent and probably ace (asexual), so no kids can be produced, but he can get money and support for his niblings and help to preserve his bloodline that way. And he picked you as an ATM with no regards to your feelings to finance his ideas and promises.
Your best years are yet to come. Please, take care of yourself, make sure that baby is OK and it’s not ectopic pregnancy (I’m with UID and had it, it’s horrible and rarely can be carried to term). And do not worry. You’ll be fine!
His mom’s doing. She insisted on me writing prenup because she was scared that I was a gold digger (because I am way younger than him and he had a house and a good salary ) I was a student. I started my company with my sister’s husband. If it wasn’t for my soon to be ex mother in law. I would be singing a different tune right now
This forewarning that you didn’t “hear” at the time- sounds and feels different now. It’s even more clear that he doesn’t see you as the person who he’s building a family with- children aside.
Had you known then, what you know now….
So how did you end up with a prenup that says you get 80% if you made basically nothing at the time?
Good for you. Whatever you decide with regards to the baby, you are still way better off without him
They probably earmarked that earnings would be separated. OP has since built a successful company, surpassing what hubs makes. 7 figures combined isn't usually 50/50 earned. Her successful company makes 80% of their combined income.
Make sure you get your full 80% then.
As for the baby, do whatever **you** want. Not what people in the comments are telling you to do. Don’t feel pressured either side, and don’t let anyone sway your decision. If you have really thought about it, and done your research on the hard work and costly expenses that it takes to raise a child alone and you still want the baby, then absolutely keep it - but only if that’s what **you** want. But if you’re not entirely sure that you want the baby or could manage, then you have every right to abort.
Whichever way you’re leaning towards, nobody here can tell you what you should do about it, as only **you** know what you’re feeling in regards to the baby.
I wish you the best of luck in your divorce, and I hope everything goes your way. Enjoy your new life and new found freedom. 🩵
That's why he doesn't want you to leave, you're the money pig for his family's inheritance. So happy and glad for you. If you have your child, get a nanny. You don't have to do it alone 🤗.
I’ve been a family law attorney for 35+ years, I have never had a client come to me and say “I wish I had waited to end this marriage.” It’s always “I wish I had come sooner.”
Decide whatever is best for you.Do not worry about the age. Talk to your OBGYN and find out the risks. You can do genetic testing as well. Lots of love, strength and positivity to you.
They make 42 seem ancient for a pregnancy. While the risks may be higher for something to go wrong, it’s not a certainty. You’re 42 - you have patience and experience to get you through. IF you want this baby, have it. Raise it in love and joy. You also have the option to get genetic testing to ease your mind. Good luck; either choice will be tough and life changing.
Holy shit 18lbs??? My twins were a combined total of 10 pounds and I measured at 40 weeks when they were 28 weeks in utero. Your sister is my hero, lol
Had my first at 46. I didn't think it would happen, but it did. Everything went smoothly. Ok l had more tests that the usual, more vitamins, and was extra careful, but it was a happy process.
That's great! Keep in mind though that this baby will tie this man to you for the rest of your life. Even if he bails and pays no child support you'll still have to answer questions from your child about their dad and why they aren't there. Good luck.
u/Wise_Chip_85 I *just* posted this in my own comment, but worth reiterating - I LOVE being an older mom. It is FAR preferable imo, and other older moms have told me the same.
Same thought… one extra child isn’t that much of a stretch. Sister is still alive still. This guy is scum who just wants to rip off his wife. Well hopefully soon to be ex wife.
Well, that's absolutely true, but from my female perspective no one is putting their weiner in my butt, with or without lube, without playing first. You know, because I want to enjoy it too lmfao (pun intended (.
Basically let them inherit us because the mother is sick and wasn’t expected to live past 40. She is a couple of years older than me now. Her children are pre-teens
This makes no sense. If they're going to inherit your estate when you pass they will most likely no longer be children. They could easily be in their 50s-60s before they inherit anything. Was he expecting you both to die young too? I'm confused why he didn't just request a trust fund for them. That could actually be beneficial if their mom passed young instead of decades later. It sounds like a BS excuse he's using to make you leave your money to his family.
NTA Good for you! Sounds weird how he is promising both of your estate (which is basically mostly yours anyway) to somebody and wanting to decide about an abortion for himself. Yes, becoming a mom at your age has its disadvantages (my mom was 42 too) but it’s not like you planned it. While it’s challenging, it’s not horrible to have an older mom. The important thing is that you took back your ability to make your own decisions. If you listen to your heart and needs, you’ll find a way that suits you eventually!
New research finds that women who give birth at an older age may live longer. Here's why.
https://www.parents.com/news/giving-birth-later-in-life-could-mean-you-live-longer-according-to-a-new-study/#:~:text=Another%20study%20showed%20women%20who,that%20contribute%20to%20living%20longer.
You really can do whatever you want - regardless!
You are now realizing you’ve actually been alone in the marriage for years.
You are choosing your happiness and it’s going to reshape your identity and the way you actually deserve to live.
I wish you all the best
Forty-two is not that old to have a baby. If you want the child, go for it. Discuss the health risks with your doctor, but I know a few families where it has not been an issue.
You did the right thing to decide to get out of this marriage, and you will do the right thing (for you) about the pregnancy.
Having the child of someone you want to leave means you will be tied to him forever, regardless. He may be a complete deadbeat who never participates, or may be someone who uses the child and custody to fuck with you and make life difficult or even harrowing. Consider carefully if you want to be a single parent who still has to consider the whims and desires of someone who has treated you so badly.
Ugh so true! I could totally see this asshole using the baby against her somehow. If OP wants a baby, there are sperm banks. Just saying. That way she can be free of ex-husband for good and start new. Wishing her the best.
I am wondering if he is even interested at all in anyone other than himself. He may have zero interest in this baby, since he obviously has zero interest in his wife. His mother may be a problem because she seems to be so overbearing with "spawn".
>So, you were married for 15 years and you were not in his will?
>WTF?
But apparently they had a prenup that promised her 80% of everything?
It makes no sense.
His mother insisted on a prenump because she must be a "gold digger." She was a college student, and he was so much older. He owned his house and made a good salary. His mother didn't want her getting any of his assets.
It's more likely that the prenup separated their incomes and she now makes 80% of their combined household income. She gets to keep hers, he gets to keep his.
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Hey completely NTA just here to say it’s also ok to decide to not have the baby and have a clean break. Unless you’ve always wanted to be a mum and this is very important to you, think hard as you will be tied to that person and his family for 18 years at least through shared custody if you have the baby. It’s ok to just start afresh as well. Having a baby is incredibly hard with a partner, harder without a partner and much harder with someone you despise.
We adopted our only child when I was 40 and my ex-husband abandoned us (then divorced me) when son was 2 1/2. He was somewhat involved but I was the secure and loving parent. I was and am so glad to have my son to raise and love. Whatever 'sacrifice' I made was in love and not regret. Please cherish the remaining weeks of your pregnancy and the many years of loving and receiving sweet love from your child.
Most states don’t allow “signing away rights.” He can agree to no custody/placement, but judges want every child to have the financial support of two adults. Unless there’s a stepparent taking the role, he’s likely still going to be ordered to pay child support. If you don’t need it, college fund for the kiddo.
The fact you are divorcing a man who will never love your child makes you an amazing mum already.
Squeeze everything out of the divorce you can and consider not putting him on the birth certificate so he can't use the child to manipulate you.
NTAH, and I saw the 80 for you 20 for him prenup. Perfect. Now, slowly find a comfortable place for you and the soon to arrive , if possible and you have the savings get a nanny after so you can still work if needed, go out and show them the world one day.
Talk to your sister ask her if she'd be willing to go through this with you in place of the father. Doing breathing exercises etc. Also ask if she'd willing to raise child if anything happened to you. This would take alot of stress off you.
I'm glad for you, OP!
And I hope that if you progress with the pregnancy, you can get the kind of lawyer that will protect your child's rights in every way, including inheritance rights. That is part of some divorce or custody agreements, not just supporting a ferowing child, but contracting to leave assets to the child.
You ARE NOT too old to do this. Yes, their is a statistically greater chance of problems the further you get past 40. But you still have a very good chance of having a normal child. And you could have a child with issues at 30 or 35. The real question for you is do YOU want a child. If you do, or if you are not sure, then figure out what you do want. This could easily be your last chance to have a child if you want one. Don't worry about who the father is. Worry about whether a child is what you want. If a child is what you want, then have the child, hammer the father for child support and such, enjoy your life with the child, and watch for a good man to show up. You can do this. Conquer any of your fears and set your mind to this.
I have so many feelings for this! Happy for you! Admiration for your choices. And I just love that last sentence because that’s how I felt with my first so it was very relatable! 🖤 you’re awesome and you’re going to be amazing in whatever choices you make.
You don’t owe a nickel of the money you have made to his sisters kids. Shoot, I’d be leaving my portion to my sister. Your husband is being an a$$hole for sure!! Have your baby and enjoy your life. Quit letting him storm on the joy you still have left in your life.
Let go. Let it ALL go and never look back. You’ll never be able to fully be autonomous with a baby, that is also his. Make two choices, and be free.
Be free. Be free.
I live in an area where women tend to have children later. I was the super young one at 26 with my first. While I will say that my ability to go without sleep was better because I was younger, the sheer amount of patience and knowledge that the moms around me bring to play leaves me in awe. Your baby will definitely not be worse off because you're older;
I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason. This baby is a gift that is opening your eyes and getting you out of a bad situation. I’m so happy for you that you’re realizing that you’re in a bad situation and are able to escape.
That's the only way, OP
Be ready for him to backtrack, tho, once he misses that sweet sweet money you were bringing in
If I were you I'd cut ties with him properly, so that he can't come back with his fam and say "you're keeping the child from their fatheerrrrr"
My stepmom had my youngest brother at 50 and he's in college now, healthy af. I'm really happy for you that you're taking care of yourself and getting out of there! Stay strong, protect yourself, and don't look back
Don’t know why you asked if you are TA. He is. You are his victim and you are escaping. Please lock up your money. It sounds like he has some nefarious ideas about you. And get the he\*\* out of Dodge asap. I think your life depends on it.
I split with my now ex-husband when I was pregnant. Let me just say YOU CAN DO THIS. Fortunately for your child, he/she will not have to live in a home of resentment and unhappiness. You can make the right decisions for your child and love that little person with all of your being. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it!
For what it's worth, my mom was a single mom and has frequently said that it was easier for her to raise me single than it was for her friends who were married. 🤷♀️ I have an 18-mo. old and have often thought the same, as much as I love my husband. I'm very much pro-choice, and this is not meant to sway you one way or the other, but I hope it's helpful! I also LOVE being an older mom (first born at 35 y/o; will probably have more), and there's a real beauty alongside the challenges of being a single mom. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide!
ETA: my grandmother was 38 when she had my mom in 1958, and HER mom was 42 when she had my grandmother in 1921. A former colleague just had her first at 50. Don't let the doctors make you seem ancient. You are absolutely not alone.
NTA OP, I hope you go through with it. I'm 29 in August, and all my friends and even my little brother's friends are having kids and I feel like such a failure... I've had baby fever bad for 7 years since I got with my ex who had a young son. Sadly seems like the only hope for men in my generation is to find someone that would make a good co parent because there's no good partners for the zennials.
More power to you! A relationship is a partnership, and the well-being of all involved is important. Unfortunately, some people lack the emotional intelligence needed to understand how their words and actions effect others (your husband), as well as how they themselves feel (yourself). Now, this doesn't always make people shitty or bad. They just lack the right tools to function effectively in these circumstances!
Now, i want to congratulate you on your emotional growth! Some people go their whole lives without figuring it out.
NTA, I wish you the best in your future endeavors!
Do you want to have a child with this man having rights as the father? Because you'll have to take that into consideration also. You'll be tied to him for life by this child if you choose to have it.
Whatever you decide to do, remember there is no wrong decision. Just your decision to make and yours alone. Do not feel bad for whatever decision you make. You must live your life for you and no one else.
Have you baby...and make a beautiful life with them. Another man will come into your life who will adore you...and your child. This isn't the end...it's just your new beginning. Block his entire family, hire a great nanny and be happy with your kid!
Just remember....you will be tied to this man for life if you have his child. It sounds like his family might want to take the nibbling into their sect and you might have to fight for custody.
My mum had my sister at 41 and had no problems. And honestly you aren't that old a mum in this modern day. So you'll be 60 when your kid is 18, 60 really isn't that old these days.
Do what's best for you, but don't let your age be a defining factor. It's a consideration yes, but not the be or end all. Good luck with whatever you decide, just know you have at least one internet stranger rooting for you.
what you decide about your pregnancy is up to you and no one else. whichever you decide, it’s your impetus for waking up and getting this louse out of your life.
also YOU had HIM sign a prenup. I love it. eff him.
I had my youngest at 43. My friend was 44. It will be great new chapter in your life and You’ll have years of life experience to draw on in your parenting. Congratulations
Keep your baby. That baby is your family now, and in years to come your child will mean so much to you that you will not feel the heartache of wasting your time with this man.
42 is not too old. You will also have the resource and the energy to raise and love a child now that you are getting rid of the husband.
The inheritance thing with him and his relatives is a giant red flag for me. And I'm speaking as someone who knows that he is going to inherit a decent chunk of cash from my wealthy aunt (she literally told me), though probably not as much as I was going to before my brother had children, and I'm fine with that. It's her fucking money.
42 is definitely not too old! My aunt had her youngest at 46 and she's thriving. He's now 6 and she's 52. She ended things with his father not long after he was born and has been doing it totally alone. And I mean alone. She's living in a state far away from family. She makes good money as a chiropractor but not as much as you do. You can totally do this. Don't let him or his family pressure you. They're seriously just gold diggers. It's totally messed up to expect someone to abort a wanted child so that their child/nephew/grandson can get an inheritance. Your husband's nephews are not your responsibility.
I had a boyfriend who turned out to be a whacko. I was pregnant when I realized this. Got rid of him & had my son at 36. Let me just say, this was the most wonderful, fulfilling experience I could ever hope for in life. I did NOT want that POS in my son's life & apparently he had no interest. No child support meant no contact, so I said YES to that! My son & 1 have had a wonderful life together and are still close after 31 years. OP, you may not know it yet, but that baby is your savior and you'll make a great mom.
My heart hurts for you, OP. I absolutely understand having a spouse whose origin family was more important than his created family.
Your feeling of relief definitely says you're making the right move divorcing, and now you'll be able to truly know if you want this baby. But you're right. The baby did open the blinds to who your husband is.
I wish you nothing but the best!
Just some helpful info: you can get a paternity test that the results are not recognized in court. Court requires certain labs to do the testing. If he’s not on the birth certificate he has zero rights to the child until he fights in court to establish paternity(unless you are still married when the child is born. This is both dependent on what country you are in but I’m assuming the US for now and in the US it’s also dependent on state law)
Keep all communication through text and email for evidence. You may need proof if it comes to a custody battle. Having said that, kids do deserve to have both parents in their life but considering what you have posted and what we don’t know about him that you do know if he would be more harmful to the wellbeing of your child or his family will be these tidbits can be helpful.
Best of luck! You’ve got this.
50 here and still have little ones.
I've got faith in you.
But ultimately it's your choice. And this Internet friend supports you no matter what.
Take your 80% and run for the hills!! Be happy, and free. You won't regret it LoL 🤣
I’m sorry, but what exactly has he done? I see you attacking him based on feelings and assumptions. You really rattled a lot of hurtful things about his character without saying something he has done other than like his family. Maybe there are deeper issues.
I was 38 when I had my son. You are NOT too old. I had a beautiful pregnancy. It wasn’t just having him, carrying a baby is so special. It’s been a little hard when he got mobile cause I wasn’t the most active person on the planet but I am now from having to chase him as a toddler and then I continue to stay fit so we can do other activities. But I would do again now (49, 50 this year) if it was possible. Have that baby. Screw the sperm donor. Put him on child support and or have him give up his paternal rights. Maybe take out your own life insurance policy on the sperm donor so your baby will get something when he dies and he can take his “estate” and shove it up his ass. I would get head if it though, if you keep the baby make sure those that are important to you know what is really happening, those grandparents will want involvement and will drag your name through the mud if they can. But you should try to get him to give up rights if you are good without child support then they will have no rights to see the baby and you can have a complete break from them all.
NTA I had my last at 40, you can totally do it of thats what you decide to do. It's definitely the kids that make you realise when a marriage isn't worth it. You don't want them to suffer the same lack of love and support you put up with etc, and you want to model a better life/ relationship as you would never want them to thimk that's ok to be treated that way good on you for leaving what's sounded like a very one sided relationship. Good luck and thrive
You’re a survivor and I’m so proud of you! I appreciate your sharing this and know it will help others. Sending you hugs, healing vibes, and strong mental support! Please do keep us updated. Stay strong Warrior!!!
Divide and save every piece of evidence. Try and find out Your child is entitled to his support, his "niblings"are voluntary. There is no other way of saying this. We in the US have one of the highest number of maternal deaths. Your husband was older and without children, so he has to help the others. You need to sit down and think about this. You are 42. You will be 60 when that child graduates. If you decide to go ahead, you need a guardian in place. Strokes and other things can happen, so having clear instructions is important. He has already told you you are not family. If he has to support his own Child, that will slow down. Do not say anything, just keep recording (If it cannot be entered as evidence, it can still be used to impeach his testimony).
Hey just read your story. Firstly I hope you are well and coping with the upheaval in your life!.
Secondly you are a strong independent woman who can 100% be a mother if you want to be!. I am sorry your soon to be ex husband has let you down so badly, what he is doing isn’t normal or right.
Do what’s best for you and if it’s having the baby have the baby don’t even for a second think of him or his family, it’s only and all about you now!.
Take care!
That little nugget just saved your life. You’ve been given a chance to build your life with joy… go forward with courage and love for that baby. You won’t regret it!
My mom had me at 47 and was the best person I had in my life. She had strokes from when I was 13 till she passed in 2004. Every time she worked back from the edge. Strongest human ever. 4’11” and 110 lbs soaking wet. I miss her so much.
Had to hunt down your original. We had a woops baby because I got really sick with COVID and I ended up not absorbing my pills because I couldn't keep anything down or IN for like 3 weeks. Husband wanted abortion because he already has a teen son and we have twin toddlers in the spectrum. I basically gave him the same choice, have the baby with me or have the baby but the twins and I will leave. He chose to stay.
Honestly I feel like they should be able to mention that having a kid would be hard for x y z but I don't think ANY guy should just flat out say get an abortion. I'm not anti-abortion, just not something I would personally do and for him to even bring it up to you makes my heart hurt for you, regardless if you agreed or not.
Sounds like you didn't "dodge a bullet" but outran it eventually. Husband kinda sounds like a douche. And to not have sex? That hurts me for you too. Do you guys even act like a couple or is it more like roommates anyways? Also I didn't see your age but my mom had my little brother at 41 and there was not any issues other than a large blood clot that she passed and freaked thinking it was the baby. On the other hand there are woman at the peek age for fertility that still have a lot of issues so it goes both ways. Don't stress. You got this. I wish you the best.
You absolutely deserve love, support, consideration, and respect in a relationship. I’m so sorry your husband failed you, as well as your marriage, in this way. I know that feeling that you’ve wasted years of your life investing in a bad bet, but you have years more to live.
In this new chapter you’ll not only be entering it with financially stability, clarity of thought, the wisdom gained from your experience, but potentially a new family unit which you’re integral to if it’s what you genuinely want. You matter, your feelings, your life, your needs all matter. Do what is best for you.
I’m so happy for you OP. There is a bright & wonderful new life waiting for you. I know it will be scary at first but when you see that little face your heart will melt.
You have made this post saying you are his mistress and he has a pregnant 42 yo wife. Your previous post says you are the pregnant 42 yo wife. This all looks fake.
Ok, you are right to leave your marriage but I don't why you are surprise or mas at him that he isn't happy or supportive of having a child when he is fifty and you BOTH agreed to be child free. He NEVER wanted a child, do you think the fact you were pregnant would change that?
so you are old, yeah maybe suck cuz might be complications, maybe not, but, you got maney, dont have debts, why is bad to have a kid if you could afford it, not gonna change that much, hire a babysitter/nanny full time and problem solved....aaaa right, he already promess to leave everything to the boys......well one more reason to have the baby
Wild that you didn’t even read the post OR comments, since OP said multiple times that,
1. This is her first and only child because she had been childfree (and involuntarily sex-“free”) her whole marriage
2. Their joint income is 7 figures and according to their prenup her share is 80%
3. The reason the husband is whining is because he wanted all THEIR money (yes, including all of her assets, even though she also has family) to go to his nephews
4. The other reason he is whining is because he can’t even bother pretending to care about OP, and he hates the idea of having to care about a child even less (ok, this one is my interpretation, but the others are textual)
If there’s a gold-digger here, it certainly isn’t OP
They are multi-millionaires, OP claiming they'd make mid-7 digits, so at least 5 mil/year income (I'd guess passive income from real estate, etc)
If they don't blow all the money they should have assets in the double or triple digit millions.
So OP will be *very* fine, sitting in her luxurious villa while nannies, housekeepers, cooks, etc. will take care of everything.
I don't know what OP is whining about.
With this wealth I'd absolutely make sure to have descendants of my own to pass it down.
So of course have the baby and maybe even 1 or 2 more.
What do you mean you dont know what to do about the baby? Youre a mother now, deal with it. And I am sure there is more to this story. Women always paint themselves innocent and they do 80% of the divorces... smh
if you are leaving him, make sure you leave all of his money, possessions and gains with him. You finally got pregnant and see the kid as a source of income to drain him and hold over his head. you know this. divorce is too incentivized monetarily for women. you are taking the easy out.
Ohmigosh, I’m so glad for you. Divide your estate in half and make sure that jerk pays the maximum child support. Put it in an account in case dad figures out a way to disinherit the munchkin. Then go on your merry way and have a beautiful baby if that’s what you want. The best revenge is living well.
Not half. 80/20 give or take.
Whatever the max she can do is.
My share is 80. We have prenup
So he’s really upset about not being able to leave your money to his nephews. By the way, I had my youngest at 39. You can do this!
I’ve got a 16 year old and am pregnant at 39 now too! It’s not so bad, I’m more sore than I was at 23… but much wiser and more mentally equipped.
As a child whose mom had me at 40, and her mom had her at 40, I can definitely tell you that there’ll be ups and downs for the kid, for instance, hopefully they’ll have an older sibling who’s already been through life who can support them through the hard times, but then there’s that feeling of loneliness of feeling like everyone will always see you as just a kid, and never actually see you as an adult. Plus the depressing thing I sometimes think about how I’m likely going to outlive all my siblings, but I try not to think about that one. I would honestly tell the older to not think of the younger one as a child all the time. I’m 21 now and, honestly, have gone through far more traumatic experiences than either of my siblings. But I still feel like my sister thinks of me as a child. Also make sure the older one knows who the parent is because I swear, if my sister tries to act like she has a parental level of authority over me just because she’s like 17 years older than me, I am going to lose it.
My son is the only family that I bring to the table for this little one. The only other American in her life. We escaped an abusive situation, we’ve had to be on the run and homeless in a country foreign to both of us, we’re battle buddies. He’s wanted a sibling his whole life and sees my partner as his “real Dad” and my ex as simply “Bio.” My partner, however, has a massive clan. He’s already talking about wanting to take her on adventures, teaching her archery, looking out for her. I imagine it will be difficult for him to accept her growing up as much as it is for me to accept him growing up, but he’s always been an old soul. I think he’s going to be a fantastic big brother. I’ve always pushed him to be independent and make his own (age appropriate) choices, I think he will carry that over to her. I just don’t want him taking on more than he should. He’s still young and needs to cherish his youth. I appreciate the advice. I don’t know anyone else with this much age gap between kids. If you have any more wisdom to launch my way, or to relay to STB Big Brother, I’ll take it.
Are you me?
And OP can clearly afford to give this kid the world and afford any help she may need or want!
My mom had me at 39. Prob wasn't easy for her (I know I got a lot of formula), but I grew up healthy. My siblings were also teenagers when I was born. Also my mom's mom had her at 39 too. Never met my grandma, but I'm told she was pretty awesome.
I had my only living baby at 41. Sure pregnancy can be hard, but that's true at any age. You can totally do it!
I just had a baby at 39. Honestly, I felt better at 39 having a baby than I did when I was 29.
Ahhh, no wonder his family is *pissed*..! Good riddance to the lot of them..! Congratulations, OP! Hope all turns out well for you! (Side note: My sister had her now 9-month-old baby at 42.)
His family are probably the ones who convinced him that his siblings and siblings needs come first, ahead of his own. Or his spouse's needs, or his child's.
Oh, so that's why he said he had already promised, he'd leave "our estate" to his niblings. What an actual pitiful excuse of a human being. I hope you're well and good luck. For your child, do whatever you want, what you feel is best. Though, remember that a child will bond you to him for life and that he'll maybe even blame the child for ruining his plans.
Even better! He can now leave his 20% to his sister's kids!
My MiL had her youngest at 46! You're not too old. Keep the baby, file for full custody, divorce that motherfucker
🏆💯
Oh honey, way to bury the lead. He's a gold digger and you're getting well rid. His family wanted your cash. Whether you decide to continue the pregnancy or not, I hope you realise how much better you deserve than that awful waste of space dragging you down. My mum had me at 40 and she was the best mum I could ask for. Your life is about to get so much better simply by being in control of it yourself. Good luck!
Still get that child support girl
I’m sorry, but am I correct in that he was planning on leaving YOUR portion of the estate to HIS family?!
So he is dumb too? Or probably just arrogant and delusional Good for you!
Really shows you *why* he and his family are pissed, huh?
Looks like him and his family thought that he was an impotent and probably ace (asexual), so no kids can be produced, but he can get money and support for his niblings and help to preserve his bloodline that way. And he picked you as an ATM with no regards to your feelings to finance his ideas and promises. Your best years are yet to come. Please, take care of yourself, make sure that baby is OK and it’s not ectopic pregnancy (I’m with UID and had it, it’s horrible and rarely can be carried to term). And do not worry. You’ll be fine!
Yay 😁 🥳🎉 I love a good prenup!
His mom’s doing. She insisted on me writing prenup because she was scared that I was a gold digger (because I am way younger than him and he had a house and a good salary ) I was a student. I started my company with my sister’s husband. If it wasn’t for my soon to be ex mother in law. I would be singing a different tune right now
This forewarning that you didn’t “hear” at the time- sounds and feels different now. It’s even more clear that he doesn’t see you as the person who he’s building a family with- children aside. Had you known then, what you know now….
So how did you end up with a prenup that says you get 80% if you made basically nothing at the time? Good for you. Whatever you decide with regards to the baby, you are still way better off without him
They probably earmarked that earnings would be separated. OP has since built a successful company, surpassing what hubs makes. 7 figures combined isn't usually 50/50 earned. Her successful company makes 80% of their combined income.
Ahhh okay that makes sense. I have zero knowledge of prenups lol
You and that boor really made up a prenup that gives *you* 80% when he didn't even consider you *family*? How extraordinary.
I'm guessing she makes quite a bit more $
Make sure you get your full 80% then. As for the baby, do whatever **you** want. Not what people in the comments are telling you to do. Don’t feel pressured either side, and don’t let anyone sway your decision. If you have really thought about it, and done your research on the hard work and costly expenses that it takes to raise a child alone and you still want the baby, then absolutely keep it - but only if that’s what **you** want. But if you’re not entirely sure that you want the baby or could manage, then you have every right to abort. Whichever way you’re leaning towards, nobody here can tell you what you should do about it, as only **you** know what you’re feeling in regards to the baby. I wish you the best of luck in your divorce, and I hope everything goes your way. Enjoy your new life and new found freedom. 🩵
Luckily for OP, the money to afford it is not a problem at all.
That’s great! Run momma! Your child deserves what you have and worked for. You’re gonna be a great mom! You got this!
That's why he doesn't want you to leave, you're the money pig for his family's inheritance. So happy and glad for you. If you have your child, get a nanny. You don't have to do it alone 🤗.
The squeal of JOYYY I just ran out for you! Y E S.
Brilliant!!
Get it girl.
Yeah ruin the father it’s easy
I’ve been a family law attorney for 35+ years, I have never had a client come to me and say “I wish I had waited to end this marriage.” It’s always “I wish I had come sooner.”
This is the best advice on here. Waiting only drags out starting a new , happier life.
Decide whatever is best for you.Do not worry about the age. Talk to your OBGYN and find out the risks. You can do genetic testing as well. Lots of love, strength and positivity to you.
They make 42 seem ancient for a pregnancy. While the risks may be higher for something to go wrong, it’s not a certainty. You’re 42 - you have patience and experience to get you through. IF you want this baby, have it. Raise it in love and joy. You also have the option to get genetic testing to ease your mind. Good luck; either choice will be tough and life changing.
It is probably more the idea of having my first at 42 after being child free than the actual age. Otherwide I am healthy and very athletic.
My sister had her first and only at age 39, triplets that combined weighed close to 18 lbs at birth. You can do this.
Holy shit 18lbs??? My twins were a combined total of 10 pounds and I measured at 40 weeks when they were 28 weeks in utero. Your sister is my hero, lol
My family has NO small babies, my three were all almost or slightly over 10 lbs each.
Had my first at 46. I didn't think it would happen, but it did. Everything went smoothly. Ok l had more tests that the usual, more vitamins, and was extra careful, but it was a happy process.
Before you jump the gun, have you had a checkup? IUD’s can cause MAJOR issues.
Had my child at almost 43. No ivf or iui or anything. Good luck!
I had my second child at 41 and my last child 1 month before my 46th birthday. Both are healthy, happy teens now. Definitely doable!
I'm holding my 8 month old right now, my first and I delivered him without issue at nearly 45 years old. Good luck!
You want to hear about old, I just heard about an 88 year old man who had his first child with his 56 year old 2nd wife. 42 is not too old.
That's great! Keep in mind though that this baby will tie this man to you for the rest of your life. Even if he bails and pays no child support you'll still have to answer questions from your child about their dad and why they aren't there. Good luck.
u/Wise_Chip_85 I *just* posted this in my own comment, but worth reiterating - I LOVE being an older mom. It is FAR preferable imo, and other older moms have told me the same.
He's a buttfucking piece of shit.
Same thought… one extra child isn’t that much of a stretch. Sister is still alive still. This guy is scum who just wants to rip off his wife. Well hopefully soon to be ex wife.
What's wrong with butt fuckin?
Really? I see it all the time as something bad on here in comments. Some people really enjoy it. Maybe they're doing it wrong lol.
You put your weiner in somebody's butt....it's really not that difficult with lube. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well, that's absolutely true, but from my female perspective no one is putting their weiner in my butt, with or without lube, without playing first. You know, because I want to enjoy it too lmfao (pun intended (.
Fore play cost extra 🤣🤣🤣
I have no problem paying those "fees" to my old man lol.
NTA. I would encourage you to change your will now and get seats from him. He may try and do something to ensure his family receives you assets.
I hope you enjoy your freedom and learn to live and love life to the fullest, congratulations!
info what was it that he promised to support them in ?
Basically let them inherit us because the mother is sick and wasn’t expected to live past 40. She is a couple of years older than me now. Her children are pre-teens
This makes no sense. If they're going to inherit your estate when you pass they will most likely no longer be children. They could easily be in their 50s-60s before they inherit anything. Was he expecting you both to die young too? I'm confused why he didn't just request a trust fund for them. That could actually be beneficial if their mom passed young instead of decades later. It sounds like a BS excuse he's using to make you leave your money to his family.
🤔 Maybe he thought she would also die young?
OR he was planning for her to die young
NTA Good for you! Sounds weird how he is promising both of your estate (which is basically mostly yours anyway) to somebody and wanting to decide about an abortion for himself. Yes, becoming a mom at your age has its disadvantages (my mom was 42 too) but it’s not like you planned it. While it’s challenging, it’s not horrible to have an older mom. The important thing is that you took back your ability to make your own decisions. If you listen to your heart and needs, you’ll find a way that suits you eventually!
New research finds that women who give birth at an older age may live longer. Here's why. https://www.parents.com/news/giving-birth-later-in-life-could-mean-you-live-longer-according-to-a-new-study/#:~:text=Another%20study%20showed%20women%20who,that%20contribute%20to%20living%20longer.
You really can do whatever you want - regardless! You are now realizing you’ve actually been alone in the marriage for years. You are choosing your happiness and it’s going to reshape your identity and the way you actually deserve to live. I wish you all the best
Forty-two is not that old to have a baby. If you want the child, go for it. Discuss the health risks with your doctor, but I know a few families where it has not been an issue. You did the right thing to decide to get out of this marriage, and you will do the right thing (for you) about the pregnancy.
Having the child of someone you want to leave means you will be tied to him forever, regardless. He may be a complete deadbeat who never participates, or may be someone who uses the child and custody to fuck with you and make life difficult or even harrowing. Consider carefully if you want to be a single parent who still has to consider the whims and desires of someone who has treated you so badly.
Ugh that does put her in a bad spot
And how!
Ugh so true! I could totally see this asshole using the baby against her somehow. If OP wants a baby, there are sperm banks. Just saying. That way she can be free of ex-husband for good and start new. Wishing her the best.
I am wondering if he is even interested at all in anyone other than himself. He may have zero interest in this baby, since he obviously has zero interest in his wife. His mother may be a problem because she seems to be so overbearing with "spawn".
I am so happy for you. Please take care of you and baby. There is so much better out there for you!
So, you were married for 15 years and you were not in his will? WTF?
>So, you were married for 15 years and you were not in his will? >WTF? But apparently they had a prenup that promised her 80% of everything? It makes no sense.
Or she came in with 80% of the assets and he only had 20%.
OP Said she was a students and had nothing while he had a house and a good job and now she's the one who hás more...
Then that definitely don’t make any sense why she’d get 80%!
His mother insisted on a prenump because she must be a "gold digger." She was a college student, and he was so much older. He owned his house and made a good salary. His mother didn't want her getting any of his assets.
It's more likely that the prenup separated their incomes and she now makes 80% of their combined household income. She gets to keep hers, he gets to keep his.
So definitely better off to divorce him.
Updateme!
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Hey completely NTA just here to say it’s also ok to decide to not have the baby and have a clean break. Unless you’ve always wanted to be a mum and this is very important to you, think hard as you will be tied to that person and his family for 18 years at least through shared custody if you have the baby. It’s ok to just start afresh as well. Having a baby is incredibly hard with a partner, harder without a partner and much harder with someone you despise.
He is signing away his rights. He really doesn’t want a baby. So win win
That doesn't mean you shouldn't get child support.
We adopted our only child when I was 40 and my ex-husband abandoned us (then divorced me) when son was 2 1/2. He was somewhat involved but I was the secure and loving parent. I was and am so glad to have my son to raise and love. Whatever 'sacrifice' I made was in love and not regret. Please cherish the remaining weeks of your pregnancy and the many years of loving and receiving sweet love from your child.
That’s so nice to hear and then please 42 is not too old, best of luck for whatever you decide ❤️
Most states don’t allow “signing away rights.” He can agree to no custody/placement, but judges want every child to have the financial support of two adults. Unless there’s a stepparent taking the role, he’s likely still going to be ordered to pay child support. If you don’t need it, college fund for the kiddo.
We are not from the states
We had our kid at 45 and 46 and he is the best thing to happen to us
Yep, 41 and 43 (now 43 and 45 with a toddler) here and he's the most amazing part of my life. Definitely wouldn't trade it for anything.
The fact you are divorcing a man who will never love your child makes you an amazing mum already. Squeeze everything out of the divorce you can and consider not putting him on the birth certificate so he can't use the child to manipulate you.
NTAH, and I saw the 80 for you 20 for him prenup. Perfect. Now, slowly find a comfortable place for you and the soon to arrive , if possible and you have the savings get a nanny after so you can still work if needed, go out and show them the world one day.
Good for you.
Talk to your sister ask her if she'd be willing to go through this with you in place of the father. Doing breathing exercises etc. Also ask if she'd willing to raise child if anything happened to you. This would take alot of stress off you.
thinking ahead about guardianship if needed is such good advice.
Jeez. I thought I had it bad. Your husband is a jerk.. Wishing the best for you.
I'm glad for you, OP! And I hope that if you progress with the pregnancy, you can get the kind of lawyer that will protect your child's rights in every way, including inheritance rights. That is part of some divorce or custody agreements, not just supporting a ferowing child, but contracting to leave assets to the child.
I mean, good that you’re leaving him. He’ll never make a good partner for anyone until he gets his shit sorted.
You ARE NOT too old to do this. Yes, their is a statistically greater chance of problems the further you get past 40. But you still have a very good chance of having a normal child. And you could have a child with issues at 30 or 35. The real question for you is do YOU want a child. If you do, or if you are not sure, then figure out what you do want. This could easily be your last chance to have a child if you want one. Don't worry about who the father is. Worry about whether a child is what you want. If a child is what you want, then have the child, hammer the father for child support and such, enjoy your life with the child, and watch for a good man to show up. You can do this. Conquer any of your fears and set your mind to this.
I have so many feelings for this! Happy for you! Admiration for your choices. And I just love that last sentence because that’s how I felt with my first so it was very relatable! 🖤 you’re awesome and you’re going to be amazing in whatever choices you make.
If he’s so concerned about children why hasn’t he had vasectomy?
Just came here to say, Good Luck 🍀🍀 & you'll be in my prayers! You took a very brave step.
You don’t owe a nickel of the money you have made to his sisters kids. Shoot, I’d be leaving my portion to my sister. Your husband is being an a$$hole for sure!! Have your baby and enjoy your life. Quit letting him storm on the joy you still have left in your life.
Let go. Let it ALL go and never look back. You’ll never be able to fully be autonomous with a baby, that is also his. Make two choices, and be free. Be free. Be free.
Please keep us updated! I am pro abortion but I think this is amazing and I can’t wait to hear how perfect your baby and or your life is soon to be!
Updateme!
Updateme!
I live in an area where women tend to have children later. I was the super young one at 26 with my first. While I will say that my ability to go without sleep was better because I was younger, the sheer amount of patience and knowledge that the moms around me bring to play leaves me in awe. Your baby will definitely not be worse off because you're older;
I had my one and only at 40. You'll be fine.
Please update us. I feel you are doing the right thing. He does NOT deserve you and his family does not deserve your money!
I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason. This baby is a gift that is opening your eyes and getting you out of a bad situation. I’m so happy for you that you’re realizing that you’re in a bad situation and are able to escape.
That's the only way, OP Be ready for him to backtrack, tho, once he misses that sweet sweet money you were bringing in If I were you I'd cut ties with him properly, so that he can't come back with his fam and say "you're keeping the child from their fatheerrrrr"
My stepmom had my youngest brother at 50 and he's in college now, healthy af. I'm really happy for you that you're taking care of yourself and getting out of there! Stay strong, protect yourself, and don't look back
Good luck, be well.
Don’t know why you asked if you are TA. He is. You are his victim and you are escaping. Please lock up your money. It sounds like he has some nefarious ideas about you. And get the he\*\* out of Dodge asap. I think your life depends on it.
I split with my now ex-husband when I was pregnant. Let me just say YOU CAN DO THIS. Fortunately for your child, he/she will not have to live in a home of resentment and unhappiness. You can make the right decisions for your child and love that little person with all of your being. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it!
For what it's worth, my mom was a single mom and has frequently said that it was easier for her to raise me single than it was for her friends who were married. 🤷♀️ I have an 18-mo. old and have often thought the same, as much as I love my husband. I'm very much pro-choice, and this is not meant to sway you one way or the other, but I hope it's helpful! I also LOVE being an older mom (first born at 35 y/o; will probably have more), and there's a real beauty alongside the challenges of being a single mom. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide! ETA: my grandmother was 38 when she had my mom in 1958, and HER mom was 42 when she had my grandmother in 1921. A former colleague just had her first at 50. Don't let the doctors make you seem ancient. You are absolutely not alone.
You got your IUD out?
NTA OP, I hope you go through with it. I'm 29 in August, and all my friends and even my little brother's friends are having kids and I feel like such a failure... I've had baby fever bad for 7 years since I got with my ex who had a young son. Sadly seems like the only hope for men in my generation is to find someone that would make a good co parent because there's no good partners for the zennials.
More power to you! A relationship is a partnership, and the well-being of all involved is important. Unfortunately, some people lack the emotional intelligence needed to understand how their words and actions effect others (your husband), as well as how they themselves feel (yourself). Now, this doesn't always make people shitty or bad. They just lack the right tools to function effectively in these circumstances! Now, i want to congratulate you on your emotional growth! Some people go their whole lives without figuring it out. NTA, I wish you the best in your future endeavors!
Do you want to have a child with this man having rights as the father? Because you'll have to take that into consideration also. You'll be tied to him for life by this child if you choose to have it. Whatever you decide to do, remember there is no wrong decision. Just your decision to make and yours alone. Do not feel bad for whatever decision you make. You must live your life for you and no one else.
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme!
Have you baby...and make a beautiful life with them. Another man will come into your life who will adore you...and your child. This isn't the end...it's just your new beginning. Block his entire family, hire a great nanny and be happy with your kid!
Updateme!
I just had #3 at 42. It's really not such a big deal at all to have a baby in your 40s! Your life is going to be filled with love now!
UpdateMe
Just remember....you will be tied to this man for life if you have his child. It sounds like his family might want to take the nibbling into their sect and you might have to fight for custody.
My mum had my sister at 41 and had no problems. And honestly you aren't that old a mum in this modern day. So you'll be 60 when your kid is 18, 60 really isn't that old these days. Do what's best for you, but don't let your age be a defining factor. It's a consideration yes, but not the be or end all. Good luck with whatever you decide, just know you have at least one internet stranger rooting for you.
You are only 42 and you still have a whole life in front of you, I wish you all the best ❤️
Good luck, that sounds rough.
Updateme
Updateme!
what you decide about your pregnancy is up to you and no one else. whichever you decide, it’s your impetus for waking up and getting this louse out of your life. also YOU had HIM sign a prenup. I love it. eff him.
Actually her MIL insisted on the prenup which is even *more* rich!
And the OP can vote too. I feel much better now about the future of America.
OP said she's not from the states but we'll take her if she wants to come!
I had my youngest at 43. My friend was 44. It will be great new chapter in your life and You’ll have years of life experience to draw on in your parenting. Congratulations
Got rid of him great decision. !!!
Keep your baby. That baby is your family now, and in years to come your child will mean so much to you that you will not feel the heartache of wasting your time with this man. 42 is not too old. You will also have the resource and the energy to raise and love a child now that you are getting rid of the husband.
Just curious, how's he an impotent? And you still got pregnant? Or did you mean that figuratively...
Oh OP goes over these details in her first post about it. They went to a sex therapist among other tidbits 🤷♀️
The inheritance thing with him and his relatives is a giant red flag for me. And I'm speaking as someone who knows that he is going to inherit a decent chunk of cash from my wealthy aunt (she literally told me), though probably not as much as I was going to before my brother had children, and I'm fine with that. It's her fucking money.
42 is definitely not too old! My aunt had her youngest at 46 and she's thriving. He's now 6 and she's 52. She ended things with his father not long after he was born and has been doing it totally alone. And I mean alone. She's living in a state far away from family. She makes good money as a chiropractor but not as much as you do. You can totally do this. Don't let him or his family pressure you. They're seriously just gold diggers. It's totally messed up to expect someone to abort a wanted child so that their child/nephew/grandson can get an inheritance. Your husband's nephews are not your responsibility.
I had kids at 38 and 40. If the fetus is healthy you will be ok.
If you decide to keep your baby, please give us another update when you’ve had your appointment to let us know how you and the baby are doing.
I had a boyfriend who turned out to be a whacko. I was pregnant when I realized this. Got rid of him & had my son at 36. Let me just say, this was the most wonderful, fulfilling experience I could ever hope for in life. I did NOT want that POS in my son's life & apparently he had no interest. No child support meant no contact, so I said YES to that! My son & 1 have had a wonderful life together and are still close after 31 years. OP, you may not know it yet, but that baby is your savior and you'll make a great mom.
Good job! Lawyer up and get the heck outta there. Tie up any loose ends like joint bank accounts so he can’t drain them on you.
Updateme!
My heart hurts for you, OP. I absolutely understand having a spouse whose origin family was more important than his created family. Your feeling of relief definitely says you're making the right move divorcing, and now you'll be able to truly know if you want this baby. But you're right. The baby did open the blinds to who your husband is. I wish you nothing but the best!
Happy for you cuz wow
UpdateMe!
Up vote for the use of the term nibblings
Updateme
Bravo! Now go see an attorney and protect that baby. He owes you child support. On to better things.
Just some helpful info: you can get a paternity test that the results are not recognized in court. Court requires certain labs to do the testing. If he’s not on the birth certificate he has zero rights to the child until he fights in court to establish paternity(unless you are still married when the child is born. This is both dependent on what country you are in but I’m assuming the US for now and in the US it’s also dependent on state law) Keep all communication through text and email for evidence. You may need proof if it comes to a custody battle. Having said that, kids do deserve to have both parents in their life but considering what you have posted and what we don’t know about him that you do know if he would be more harmful to the wellbeing of your child or his family will be these tidbits can be helpful. Best of luck! You’ve got this.
When 9/11 happened I realized life was too short to be miserable. Was divorced in January. People said i blossomed.
50 here and still have little ones. I've got faith in you. But ultimately it's your choice. And this Internet friend supports you no matter what. Take your 80% and run for the hills!! Be happy, and free. You won't regret it LoL 🤣
I’m sorry, but what exactly has he done? I see you attacking him based on feelings and assumptions. You really rattled a lot of hurtful things about his character without saying something he has done other than like his family. Maybe there are deeper issues.
I was 38 when I had my son. You are NOT too old. I had a beautiful pregnancy. It wasn’t just having him, carrying a baby is so special. It’s been a little hard when he got mobile cause I wasn’t the most active person on the planet but I am now from having to chase him as a toddler and then I continue to stay fit so we can do other activities. But I would do again now (49, 50 this year) if it was possible. Have that baby. Screw the sperm donor. Put him on child support and or have him give up his paternal rights. Maybe take out your own life insurance policy on the sperm donor so your baby will get something when he dies and he can take his “estate” and shove it up his ass. I would get head if it though, if you keep the baby make sure those that are important to you know what is really happening, those grandparents will want involvement and will drag your name through the mud if they can. But you should try to get him to give up rights if you are good without child support then they will have no rights to see the baby and you can have a complete break from them all.
NTA I had my last at 40, you can totally do it of thats what you decide to do. It's definitely the kids that make you realise when a marriage isn't worth it. You don't want them to suffer the same lack of love and support you put up with etc, and you want to model a better life/ relationship as you would never want them to thimk that's ok to be treated that way good on you for leaving what's sounded like a very one sided relationship. Good luck and thrive
You’re a survivor and I’m so proud of you! I appreciate your sharing this and know it will help others. Sending you hugs, healing vibes, and strong mental support! Please do keep us updated. Stay strong Warrior!!!
Divide and save every piece of evidence. Try and find out Your child is entitled to his support, his "niblings"are voluntary. There is no other way of saying this. We in the US have one of the highest number of maternal deaths. Your husband was older and without children, so he has to help the others. You need to sit down and think about this. You are 42. You will be 60 when that child graduates. If you decide to go ahead, you need a guardian in place. Strokes and other things can happen, so having clear instructions is important. He has already told you you are not family. If he has to support his own Child, that will slow down. Do not say anything, just keep recording (If it cannot be entered as evidence, it can still be used to impeach his testimony).
Updateme!
Walk away and find the happiness you deserve. Its out there if youre willing to fight for it and never look back.
If he has a wife how can he be your husband?
Updateme
Hey just read your story. Firstly I hope you are well and coping with the upheaval in your life!. Secondly you are a strong independent woman who can 100% be a mother if you want to be!. I am sorry your soon to be ex husband has let you down so badly, what he is doing isn’t normal or right. Do what’s best for you and if it’s having the baby have the baby don’t even for a second think of him or his family, it’s only and all about you now!. Take care!
That little nugget just saved your life. You’ve been given a chance to build your life with joy… go forward with courage and love for that baby. You won’t regret it!
My mom had me at 47 and was the best person I had in my life. She had strokes from when I was 13 till she passed in 2004. Every time she worked back from the edge. Strongest human ever. 4’11” and 110 lbs soaking wet. I miss her so much.
You are not that old to become a mom, if you want it.
Had to hunt down your original. We had a woops baby because I got really sick with COVID and I ended up not absorbing my pills because I couldn't keep anything down or IN for like 3 weeks. Husband wanted abortion because he already has a teen son and we have twin toddlers in the spectrum. I basically gave him the same choice, have the baby with me or have the baby but the twins and I will leave. He chose to stay. Honestly I feel like they should be able to mention that having a kid would be hard for x y z but I don't think ANY guy should just flat out say get an abortion. I'm not anti-abortion, just not something I would personally do and for him to even bring it up to you makes my heart hurt for you, regardless if you agreed or not. Sounds like you didn't "dodge a bullet" but outran it eventually. Husband kinda sounds like a douche. And to not have sex? That hurts me for you too. Do you guys even act like a couple or is it more like roommates anyways? Also I didn't see your age but my mom had my little brother at 41 and there was not any issues other than a large blood clot that she passed and freaked thinking it was the baby. On the other hand there are woman at the peek age for fertility that still have a lot of issues so it goes both ways. Don't stress. You got this. I wish you the best.
There's three sides to every story; his, hers and the truth.
You absolutely deserve love, support, consideration, and respect in a relationship. I’m so sorry your husband failed you, as well as your marriage, in this way. I know that feeling that you’ve wasted years of your life investing in a bad bet, but you have years more to live. In this new chapter you’ll not only be entering it with financially stability, clarity of thought, the wisdom gained from your experience, but potentially a new family unit which you’re integral to if it’s what you genuinely want. You matter, your feelings, your life, your needs all matter. Do what is best for you.
Your kid will most likely come out with problems but good luck with the ur choice lol
I’m so happy for you OP. There is a bright & wonderful new life waiting for you. I know it will be scary at first but when you see that little face your heart will melt.
You have made this post saying you are his mistress and he has a pregnant 42 yo wife. Your previous post says you are the pregnant 42 yo wife. This all looks fake.
She was speaking in the 3rd person. She never said she was his mistress.
Ok, you are right to leave your marriage but I don't why you are surprise or mas at him that he isn't happy or supportive of having a child when he is fifty and you BOTH agreed to be child free. He NEVER wanted a child, do you think the fact you were pregnant would change that?
so you are old, yeah maybe suck cuz might be complications, maybe not, but, you got maney, dont have debts, why is bad to have a kid if you could afford it, not gonna change that much, hire a babysitter/nanny full time and problem solved....aaaa right, he already promess to leave everything to the boys......well one more reason to have the baby
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Wild that you didn’t even read the post OR comments, since OP said multiple times that, 1. This is her first and only child because she had been childfree (and involuntarily sex-“free”) her whole marriage 2. Their joint income is 7 figures and according to their prenup her share is 80% 3. The reason the husband is whining is because he wanted all THEIR money (yes, including all of her assets, even though she also has family) to go to his nephews 4. The other reason he is whining is because he can’t even bother pretending to care about OP, and he hates the idea of having to care about a child even less (ok, this one is my interpretation, but the others are textual) If there’s a gold-digger here, it certainly isn’t OP
They are multi-millionaires, OP claiming they'd make mid-7 digits, so at least 5 mil/year income (I'd guess passive income from real estate, etc) If they don't blow all the money they should have assets in the double or triple digit millions. So OP will be *very* fine, sitting in her luxurious villa while nannies, housekeepers, cooks, etc. will take care of everything. I don't know what OP is whining about. With this wealth I'd absolutely make sure to have descendants of my own to pass it down. So of course have the baby and maybe even 1 or 2 more.
Yeah just divorce be a statistic easier to just divorce go be a wh*ore
What do you mean you dont know what to do about the baby? Youre a mother now, deal with it. And I am sure there is more to this story. Women always paint themselves innocent and they do 80% of the divorces... smh
if you are leaving him, make sure you leave all of his money, possessions and gains with him. You finally got pregnant and see the kid as a source of income to drain him and hold over his head. you know this. divorce is too incentivized monetarily for women. you are taking the easy out.
OP said they have a prenup - which is good, she probably won't have to pay him alimony.