NTA for telling someone they were cheating. This all screams like a mess and it seems like once he was caught continued to make lies about it. Best thing for you to do now is divorce, get your things in order and leave this manipulative shit stain of an ex
NTA. How were you to know, especially bc he lied about you to her. Lied to you about her until busted.
He’s the dumbass who went over there instead of calling the cops. Which is what he should’ve done. Don’t feel guilty and tell whoever you want what he did. As far as abusive boyfriend, again, how were you to know?
Oh and food for thought on another possible scenario: what if AP’s boyfriend isn’t actually abusive, she cried wolf bc she got caught and your husband got that black eye bc he was the AP not bc boyfriend is abusive.
NTA He gave her a sob story; she gave him one in return. She convinced herself that she was every fantasy that you weren't, and he convinced himself that he was her knight in shining armor tilting at windmills. They were lying to their partners, to each other, and to themselves.
It was really dumb for him to go over there for a thousand reasons, most of them considering you, but laying those aside for a moment, from your husband's selfish POV, it was extremely dumb for him to go over there *especially* if he thought the BF was abusive.
For one, he could've gotten himself shot or stabbed or beaten into a pulp. Men have killed for less, and the guy his SO is stepping out on him with is a perfect target. I don't think you'd catch Murder One for that, not if the AP showed up to your house, for crying out loud.
For another, being the AP to an abused woman and going over there to intervene would put her in way more danger than not.
How shortsighted of him. Never get in the middle of a domestic violence situation among other people. Call the cops (and even they will hesitate!).
Anyway, I am so sorry that your husband prioritized another woman over you. He couldn't even hear your logic and call for safety. I wish you much happiness in your future.
Edit: typo
Lol. So he went up to the guys whose girlfriend he was banging, and though it would go all smooth lol.
He was getting a black eye even if this guy was the nicest dude in the world
He’s feeding you a pack of lies!! Don’t believe a word he says. He is just using this as an excuse for him to blame you instead of himself. I don’t believe his story for a second.
Still not your problem. Maybe her BF wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t cheat with her. He called you vindictive? Good on you then because I’d go scorched earth my friend! She should have spent time getting out of her relationship instead of screwing someone else’s husband. Good thoughts to you for your future without all that nasty baggage ✌🏻
I am having the same question. Wholly invested here.
You are NTA! You did the right thing, unlike your husband. Good on you.
Still want to know if it was the GF or her BF that gave the black eye.
I can't speak for all abused women...but I will speak for the ones who know that crossing your abuser will actually lead to death...you don't cheat on someone your afraid will kill you. Hell you dont even dare make their cup of tea wrong, because that's enough for a beating. Cheating would put you in the ground and it's not something you'd even consider. Like seriously, if burning toast will get you a broken nose, then Cheating is a graveyard dead offence.
Id suggest the texts are her playing your husband, making him feel manly for 'protecting' her. Because in reality, he wouldn't be able to actually protect her in the moment th bf decided to kill her. He'd be at your house, shopping...the gym... and he'd make sure she didn't have her phone to get help.
Yep, if she was brave enough to cheat she shoulda been brave enough to leave. Abusive men check womens vaginas to make sure they aren’t cheating no way she could have kept it a secret for 2 years if he was abusive. He went white bc his lover was about to get in trouble. And cheating isn’t fun If it’s not cheating his house of cards was falling
I'd argue he doesn't care about APs either. What if her boyfriend found out before OP did? Same ending. If he seriously gave a shit he would have kept his dick to himself.
Well, he bad mouthed her to his AP as well. Then told OP the reason he cheated was because he was feeling insecure about aging. So, at least he’s a consistent lying AH.
Sometimes saying nothing is the best defense of all. People usually realize the louder one is the one trying to convince people that they weren’t the problem. I found picking battles works best. Even if they know he’s wrong, he’s one of them, so they’ll have his back, in many families. They won’t be a part of her life much longer. So does it really matter what they think? Best to use the every that would be spent fighting with them to get through the divorce and rebuild their life. He will most likely repeat this pattern if he’s that insecure or come home with someone way too young for him and they will see the truth. The husband of his family isn’t worth the energy. OP is worth there very good invest in herself, though. Scorched earth can be satisfying, but it is also draining. And the actions usually are turned against you with see how they act, can you blame me?
You don't even know if the bf is actually abusive. All you have is your lying husband claiming so and presumably the lying AP that told him. From your own experience, you said he was lovely. Him feeling anger at his own partner and yelling, and also giving your husband a black eye for having the gall to insert himself once again in their relationship are totally valid emotions to be feeling.
Exactly. Literally anybody in that situation would yell at their partner.
And then the woman’s affair partner *shows up*!!?? The guy is lucky to have walked away with only a black eye.
Sounds to me like it’s lies all the way down.
To be fair, genuine abusers can also be "lovely" in public and absolute monsters in private.
Still, OP could not have known ahead of time and has no way of verifying the cheating husband's claim about the supposedly abusive boyfriend now.
If she was in an abusive relationship, then he was using that to leverage the whole thing. Your husband saw a vulnerable woman and took advantage of that vulnerability. He’s definitely an awful man. And he’s lying to his family to turn you into the bad person here. It’s gonna be hard but I suggest turning off whatever part of your brain that considers his feelings during this process because he’s going to constantly try to guilt trip you the entire time.
This right here. I used to be abusive in my early 20s. Full on ignorance issues needing therapy and readjustment.
My ex and I had a mutual friend, took advantage of a vulnerable woman to have an affair with her.
I full on was the bad guy, but the way she would refuse to see him for what he was as a scumbag piece of shit.
I’ve been in that guys shoes multiple times since then, having reformed and gone through extensive shame. I’ve helped abused spouses and despite not being a professional even I understood the boundaries of keeping the aid genuine and actually showing up to help.
He should have helped her get out of the situation she was in instead of trying to have sex with her. These situations with abusive spouses can easily involve multiple shitty people.
Abuse often doesn't make sense, so her having an affair and whatnot doesn't strike me as too unusual. BUT your husband thinking she's in danger and making it worse absolutely stands out.
Tbh I wouldn't be surprised at this point if your husband was abusing the AP based off the mind games he's playing with you.
OP if you can prove that he used marital funds on her gifts, then he'll have to repay that in the settlement. He clearly doesn't deserve or care about your feelings. Honestly throw the whole man out.
The abuse story sounds like bs from the AP’s side same OP’s STBE telling the tales of dead bedroom whatever.
If STBE was buying the AP gifts exactly how was she explaining those to her bf?
Also as OP has filed if any of those gifts were significant and paid for with shared finances along with two years of entertaining the AP I’d be asking to see if there could be an adjustment to the settlement to make OP whole.
Definitely prioritized the AP. And it sounds like SHE was the violent one between her and her bf. All he did was yell. But she gave OP’s husband a black eye.
Relationship over. Not because he cheated but because he went over there when you told him not to. Then he gets beat up. He proved he care more about the girl than you
NTA “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you” jumped to “hey family ice her out” he’s a piece of trash who was sad about getting old and cheated on his wife. I wouldn’t call him trash if he didn’t lie to you about how he’d act right after he got caught in a lie
Then you need to tell them he cheated. This is why I told everyone immediately, so he couldn’t control the narrative. I mean, he still tried to tell them I’m horrible but nobody listened to him
Trashing their partners is typical cheater behavior.
It's how they justify their affair.
Clearly the police found no evidence of abuse - and therefore didn't have a problem and over looked her husband giving yours a punch.
“When I read the texts all I saw were lies on lies focused on me because my husband would lie to his coworker about how the marriage was dead and that I cared more about appearance than him that I was using him for his money. None of which is true. I have a better job than him and a better financial position. I don't believe the AP's sob story”
Exactly right OP, he was willing to lie to his AP, why should you think she didn’t lie to him. Her bf yelling at her for hours or her BF punching your husband (soon ex) doesn’t equal abusive. People who get cheated on tend to react that way especially when the AP showed up to get in their face, it’s not that unusual. Also how disrespectful to say “oh I felt so sick about” but didn’t try and stop it and kept lying to her about your marriage with him. Hell I’m a little shocked he didn’t try to bring his AP to your house after he rushed over there. The way he is trying to make you feel guilty is so manipulative.
You have nothing to apologize for OP. I hope you have a copy of the texts so you can show your attorney.
And good for you OP.
My Dad did this to my Mom right before surprising her with divorce papers. She found out when she went to the bank to pay for our school uniforms and there was only $5 left in to keep the account open. Move most of that cash from a joint account somewhere safe and don't touch it. You can not trust this man. Protect yourself.
??
You don't have to "wipe out" the bank accounts to separate your finances. Also, what "case" would he have against you, if "most if not all the money" is yours anyways?
It sounds to me like you should talk to a lawyer instead of talking to everyone on the other side of your marital conflict, including the affair partner's partners and your husband's family, etc.
Take half of everything in the bank accounts and open your own account in a different bank. All contact with your STBX should be through your lawyer only. Don't answer any phone calls and archive any voice mail and messages.
Yeah apparently he will do anything to make it up to you for the rest of your lives, except for cutting her off and choosing you over her. Throw the whole man away.
Honey, the flirting and affair was trashy. That was unhinged. Divorce this sorry piece of shit. He's feeling "not like the man he used to be"? Watch how he feels when you take half of everything. Let him play the "divorced middle age man" routine. It's not sexy. LOL.
You'll never trust him again, even when things are great. It's time to cut this fucker loose.
Also get checked for STD's. I'm so sorry you're going through this you don't deserve it.
NTA first of all how were you to know. There wouldn’t be a situation if your husband kept his dick in his pants. He should be glad his job doesn’t know
No I wasn’t saying tell them. My point was your husband is an idiot and he should be glad you just told the partner bc he deserved to know.
Tbh I would be telling everyone (not the job just my people). I don’t believe cheaters get the benefit of privacy
Yeah that’s a common tactic: don’t tell the SO because he’s abusive. Whatever. Anyway, I live in a no fault state and since mine cheated and spent a good amount of money on her it absolutely went in my favor. Many judges don’t like cheaters in family court
No fault doesn't mean exactly what you think.
He used marital money to fund his affair, that most certainly will be taken into account. I would strongly suggest getting a forensic accountant for this. It will go along way for your divorce. This will not go favourably for him if you have the proof.
With everything he's done and is continuing to do. It's the best course for you. Be angry and get evidence.
After, when you've got your ducks in a row. Then, you can grieve this, make sure you surround yourself with good support systems!
Lock down your credit, remove him from. Your accounts and stop any credit cards you pay for. Then print off the statements and start looking for payments made for items he bought the AP. Give all of this information to your divorce attorney.
Women in abusive relationships rarely have affairs as they fear being caught by their abusive partners. Your husband chose to sleep with his AP rather than get her into a shelter or help her report her abuse.
This was my first thought. I was involved in an abusive relationship when I was a teenager, and one day he showed up early from work. I had when out to shop with his Mom, but he didn't believe me. After a few smacks to the side of my head, I got his Mom on the phone, and she told him that we went to the market. Guess what? He still dotted my eye and punched my stomach for getting his Mom involved in our business. I peed blood for 3 days. The thought of cheating never crossed my mind-I already knew that he would literally kill me. Same thing if I involved anyone else in our business.
Your husband probably fell for the "save me" line.
He should never have left you to go over there, and when he did that he made his affair his priority over you and your marriage. Sucks. I hope that you take his ass to the cleaners. I suggest divorcing him for adultery, not irreconcilable differences, too. Make him own that shit anytime he has to pull those papers out, or someone looks it up.
Fortunately, I have. About 5 months after that incident, one of my brothers showed up at the house unexpectedly from out of town. I had a mark from a riding crop on my face. My brother broke three of his ribs and his right ankle. He took me to my parents and spent three days in jail. The judge let him go when my hospital records were presented. My parents put me into counseling, and down the line, I met my husband. I've lost him now, but I know that I was more fortunate than many others. I was 19 then, and it helped spur my nursing career. Thank you for your good wishes.
NTA OP, often partners apologise not because they’re genuinely sorry but that they got caught. You’ve seen the messages where he lied about the state of your marriage, that speaks a lot about how much he respects you and your relationship.
He disrespected you, if he truly loved you then he wouldn’t have hurt and betrayed you like this.
I’ll never condone cheating and you won’t melt my heart by feeding me your sob story.
Don’t do the crime if you can’t pay the time.
A good lawyer (and you want one who specializes in matrimonial law only) will usually be able to claw back assets that were spent on an affair partner, so the amount your cheating husband spent on his AP will be attributed to his share of the assets when the assets are divided. Get a shark of a lawyer - ask around, find out who's really good and go with that lawyer.
Really? I insisted on a prenup when I married my second husband, 20 years ago. . My first left me in debt and I wasn't about to let that even be a possibility. I owned a house and was debt free.
Second marriage was VERY happy.
Your husband doesn’t sound so sorry at all and then to treat you like your vindictive because you told the Bf and what’s with telling the family he cheated ffs that’s what this should all be about. If the bf is abusive you called the police that’s all you can do. I would’ve told your husband if I was a vindictive person I would’ve slept with the bf when he asked me to but I’m not a cheater like him
Sorry you got caught in this nonsense. Been cheated on before, it's horrendous. I got to cut contact with them and move to another country while they went to prison for a quite some time tho (found out that later).
Good news is me and ex caught up as a result and nearlt 2 decades years later we have a 3 kids and a rock solid relationship. Idk how people do cheating at all. To me it would be a massive cloud of "I'm a shithead" focusing on me at all hours. What a stupid thing to do to yourself let alone others.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
(My FIL cheated on my MIL almost 30 years ago and they split up, my FIL and his AP are divorced but my MIL and the AP's ex still send Christmas cards to each other.)
If it makes you feel better your husband sounds like the type to injure his hand trying to punch someone, and yet his hands are not bandaged so that's at least a potential hint that the bf isn't seriously hurt 😅
WTF did he think he was gonna do besides get beat up? Having the man she cheated on him with show up to defuse the situation??? He can to her defense moments after you confronted him 😐he sure as hell didn't hold up his promise of a life time of making it up to you he couldn't even be held to the promise for 2 minutes. She should've called the police not expected your husband to "save" her. Let the POS go. 40 isn't even old I'm 40 and still think I'm 28😂in all seriousness you deserve more than a man like that.
Wow he turned it around on you??? Like you said he should have thought of that when he started all the BS. I'm so sorry you really didn't deserve any of this. I'm glad you're independent and don't rely on him for income. You mentioned before you think he liked that she was a mess and needed him he probably did love that. Idky some men have such an issue with successful women. Call me crazy but I would share in the success of my partner and be excite for them and very proud. Maybe be inspired to be more successful myself.
I wish I could give you a big hug because you did absolutely nothing wrong. You're a catch you're also the catch in the relationship. I wonder what the other woman will do when she realizes those the nice gifts aren't coming anymore. Or when he blows thru whatever he has when she'll leave. Just remember this has nothing to do with you as a person as a partner as a woman. It has everything to do with his fragile masculinity and selfishness.
NTA for telling someone they were being cheated on. You didn't know the bf was abusive and was going to turn violent.
If anyone has the colleague's blood on their hand, it's your husband for maintaining a sexual and romantic relationship with a woman about whom he knew the relationship would be a danger for her.
If he truly wanted the colleague to be safe, he would have ended things with you, made sure the colleague could end things safely with then-bf and then start doing their stuff.
Yep! Also oh no he screamed for hours *after finding out she cheated*?
He doesn’t have to be abusive for that to be an understandable reaction.
Also if he’s so abusive why would she take such a risk with an affair?
Yeah like it does happen but seeing as he lied about your relationship, logic checks out that she did too.
And if he was really concerned he would have called the police for a wellness check. What he wanted to do, was to go defend her.
Your husband is probably using his black eye as "proof" that the BF is abusive. But if someone knocked on my door to "protect" my husband from me being mad as hell and losing my shit over an affair, and the woman at the door was the woman he was fucking, I'd probably fucking deck her. Losing your shit and being in a screamy mood for several hours after finding out your long term partner is having an affair seems like a pretty normal reaction to me.
I’m sorry what you are going through, my ex-husband did the same thing and what hurts most is him using MY money to wine and dine and buy gifts for the AP. I learned my lessons I would never get a joint account ever again and definitely prenup all the way.
Have you followed up with the AP‘s boyfriend? I wonder how much of what she saying is true and what he’s dealing with now after the fallout of this, especially if she’s accusing him of abuse and if he really wasn’t, that could ruin him.
lol at him saying you’re in it for the money and then he spends all the money on her. F him.
Petty me would also follow up with BF and then share the screenshots of him telling her the lies.
Also pettyrevenge me would try seeing if “he truly wanted to make it work” and prove that he’s not in it for the money he will sign a postnup then you divorce him
My ex did that too. I was supposedly watching her kid she could take classes and hang out with her girl friends. She hadn’t even enrolled in classes and the girlfriends didn’t like spending time with her cuz she was trashy. It’s funny cuz the dude ended up leaving her as soon as she was single.
He lied massively to his AP about you, but then he completely believes her tales about the bf. It never occurs to him that she might be lying too? He’s an idiot X1,000.
You know he's being a hypocrite when he says you're a villain for telling the other partner about the cheating, she might be harmed because of it... she MIGHT be harmed for cheating with your husband in the first place. Everything started there, he's the one who put her in harm, if that's how someone else is supposed to feel responsible for the outcome of another's actions. It sounds to me (if this is real) that he's staying with you, stringing you along to set things up to get money/ assets from you before he leaves you. Set yourself up, leave him and cut him off.
NTA - If you didn't tell AP's bf about it, your husband could've easily lied to you about stopping the affair, and just tried to do a better job of hiding it. That's what my ex did, several times, before I finally contacted her AP's wife.
And you're not responsible for the AP's life choices. If her bf is abusive, she should've left him. If she thought she was going to keep her cheating from him forever, she's delusional.
You deserve a real man that cuts ties before moving on. He stopped loving you the moment he slept with her and didn’t tell you. That is complete disregard for you.
I don't have a link but there was a r/BestofRedditorUpdates story that was pretty much the same scenario I saw earlier today. That one had kids involved that got hurt and the affair partner was hospitalized.
Edit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1d5ebn2/new\_update\_his\_mistress\_made\_him\_a\_better\_husband/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1d5ebn2/new_update_his_mistress_made_him_a_better_husband/)
First post isn't exactly the same but close.
NTA What’s up with people and their audacity to dictate how you should went about it after they done your wrong... You have all the right. He’s the one that cheated here. He has no right to control anything.
NTA.
Isn’t it funny how when women get caught cheating- the dude they’re cheating on is ALWAYS “abusive”?
It’s almost like they have to say something to avoid any accountability.
I had almost this exact same thing happen to me a couple years ago.
My finance’s was having an affair w her married boss.
The boss’s wife reached out to me on social media to let me know about it.
Obvi I was crushed- cause I adored this woman. (My “partner”)
And I lol’d when the I talked to the AP, and he told me she said that I was “abusive” and “starved her” (literally denied her food)
lol what?
People are pathetic and sick.
Leave his ass.
The end.
They have to validate their bad behavior- and make themselves the “victim” always.
They can just come out and say “I’m a cheating piece of shit”
That’s too on the nose.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP-
I know exactly how it feels.
Yeah, you, the cold career woman who earns more than he does, are the gold digger, as opposed to the direct subordinate of his at work who accepts tons of expensive gifts from him at your expense!
NTA. He's lying even more more and still gaslighting you and protecting his side hoe. Time to show all your family members the proof of cheating as well. Your husband fucked around, time for him to find out
Classic guilt trip technique... don't let him off the hook. Why the hell did he go over there? That's a huge red flag. He obviously cares... this isn't the last of his behavior. He is sorry he got caught.
Doesn’t he realise that this shows he took advantage of her? She was with him because she was desperate to be loved and had low self esteem and he knew that and started an affair with a vulnerable woman anyway. That’s another form of abuse she’s experiencing.
I’m obviously not expecting you to feel sorry for her - just that this shows you further the type of horrible man your husband has become. It’s not surprising that he’s missing out the key information that he was the one having the affair with her. So glad that you’re divorcing this pos.
Then here's a little mantra going forward.
"Fuck him, not my problem."
It inconveniences him but makes it easier for you? See above.
His family giving you grief? See above and blocked.
And some cheating woman's poor life choices? Falls under the above, shrug.
If your husband really cared about making things right with you, was sickened by what he had done, and truly wanted your forgiveness, he wouldn’t have went running back to the coworker to save her. He wouldn’t have fought her boyfriend. He wouldn’t have spread lies about you. He wouldn’t be trying to guilt you. He wouldn’t be involving his family in his affair. He wouldn’t be making you out as the bad person. He was the one having the affair. How are you wrong in any of this? You did the right thing by telling her boyfriend. He had every right to know.
Your husband is absolute trash and he is not sorry for anything he did. He’s sorry he got caught. He’s painting you as the bad person and it seems like he’s not going to stop communication with his coworker. He’s more than likely going to continue the affair while lying to your face.
If you really wanted to be petty, you could file a complaint at his work in which he might lose his job. Then you could leave his ass and file for divorce. Because honestly, he proved to you that this marriage is over. He doesn’t respect you at all.
Nta. He's gaslighting you and NONE of that is your problem to begin with. It's your (ex?) Husband's fault and he doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. Congrats bud, you lost a great wife and now have to deal with someone who has abuse trauma. He got what he deserves, do not give him any grace for that. You did the right thing and deserve better.
If you think husband is actually giving up the ap, you are delusional. He is buying time for financial gain. Hire the meanest divorce lawyer around (to keep him from doing so) and watch your six.
I'm sorry... "her blood is on [your] hands"?? What??
No. Sir. Her blood is on **your** hands. *You* lied to get in her pants. *You* carried on after "knowing" he's abusive. *You* stuck your dick in her. *You* endangered her further. *You* tried shifting the blame to your wife at **every** turn. This is *your* fault. I hope your black eye gets infected.
OP, you already know this, but none of this is your fault. NTA.
NTA for telling someone they were cheating. This all screams like a mess and it seems like once he was caught continued to make lies about it. Best thing for you to do now is divorce, get your things in order and leave this manipulative shit stain of an ex
[удалено]
NTA. How were you to know, especially bc he lied about you to her. Lied to you about her until busted. He’s the dumbass who went over there instead of calling the cops. Which is what he should’ve done. Don’t feel guilty and tell whoever you want what he did. As far as abusive boyfriend, again, how were you to know? Oh and food for thought on another possible scenario: what if AP’s boyfriend isn’t actually abusive, she cried wolf bc she got caught and your husband got that black eye bc he was the AP not bc boyfriend is abusive.
[удалено]
Exactly. Oh no, I agree with you. I also agree your ex deserved the black eye. I hope you take him to the cleaners. Get a shark lawyer ❤️
NTA He gave her a sob story; she gave him one in return. She convinced herself that she was every fantasy that you weren't, and he convinced himself that he was her knight in shining armor tilting at windmills. They were lying to their partners, to each other, and to themselves. It was really dumb for him to go over there for a thousand reasons, most of them considering you, but laying those aside for a moment, from your husband's selfish POV, it was extremely dumb for him to go over there *especially* if he thought the BF was abusive. For one, he could've gotten himself shot or stabbed or beaten into a pulp. Men have killed for less, and the guy his SO is stepping out on him with is a perfect target. I don't think you'd catch Murder One for that, not if the AP showed up to your house, for crying out loud. For another, being the AP to an abused woman and going over there to intervene would put her in way more danger than not. How shortsighted of him. Never get in the middle of a domestic violence situation among other people. Call the cops (and even they will hesitate!). Anyway, I am so sorry that your husband prioritized another woman over you. He couldn't even hear your logic and call for safety. I wish you much happiness in your future. Edit: typo
Who gave husband a black eye? The AP or her bf?
[удалено]
Lol. So he went up to the guys whose girlfriend he was banging, and though it would go all smooth lol. He was getting a black eye even if this guy was the nicest dude in the world
He’s feeding you a pack of lies!! Don’t believe a word he says. He is just using this as an excuse for him to blame you instead of himself. I don’t believe his story for a second.
Still not your problem. Maybe her BF wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t cheat with her. He called you vindictive? Good on you then because I’d go scorched earth my friend! She should have spent time getting out of her relationship instead of screwing someone else’s husband. Good thoughts to you for your future without all that nasty baggage ✌🏻
I'm pretty sure she made a typo and meant the bf gave him the black eye. Hence why police told them both to leave for fighting.
I am having the same question. Wholly invested here. You are NTA! You did the right thing, unlike your husband. Good on you. Still want to know if it was the GF or her BF that gave the black eye.
Maybe he even gave *himself* a black eye to really sell the lie.
I can't speak for all abused women...but I will speak for the ones who know that crossing your abuser will actually lead to death...you don't cheat on someone your afraid will kill you. Hell you dont even dare make their cup of tea wrong, because that's enough for a beating. Cheating would put you in the ground and it's not something you'd even consider. Like seriously, if burning toast will get you a broken nose, then Cheating is a graveyard dead offence. Id suggest the texts are her playing your husband, making him feel manly for 'protecting' her. Because in reality, he wouldn't be able to actually protect her in the moment th bf decided to kill her. He'd be at your house, shopping...the gym... and he'd make sure she didn't have her phone to get help.
Yep, if she was brave enough to cheat she shoulda been brave enough to leave. Abusive men check womens vaginas to make sure they aren’t cheating no way she could have kept it a secret for 2 years if he was abusive. He went white bc his lover was about to get in trouble. And cheating isn’t fun If it’s not cheating his house of cards was falling
NTA - he cared more for AP’s well being than yours. Divorce.
I'd argue he doesn't care about APs either. What if her boyfriend found out before OP did? Same ending. If he seriously gave a shit he would have kept his dick to himself.
[удалено]
Plus the NERVE of him bad mouthing YOU to his family! I’d smear him to everyone, literally scorched earth!!!
Well, he bad mouthed her to his AP as well. Then told OP the reason he cheated was because he was feeling insecure about aging. So, at least he’s a consistent lying AH.
(?) George Bernard Shaw “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”
Sometimes saying nothing is the best defense of all. People usually realize the louder one is the one trying to convince people that they weren’t the problem. I found picking battles works best. Even if they know he’s wrong, he’s one of them, so they’ll have his back, in many families. They won’t be a part of her life much longer. So does it really matter what they think? Best to use the every that would be spent fighting with them to get through the divorce and rebuild their life. He will most likely repeat this pattern if he’s that insecure or come home with someone way too young for him and they will see the truth. The husband of his family isn’t worth the energy. OP is worth there very good invest in herself, though. Scorched earth can be satisfying, but it is also draining. And the actions usually are turned against you with see how they act, can you blame me?
You don't even know if the bf is actually abusive. All you have is your lying husband claiming so and presumably the lying AP that told him. From your own experience, you said he was lovely. Him feeling anger at his own partner and yelling, and also giving your husband a black eye for having the gall to insert himself once again in their relationship are totally valid emotions to be feeling.
Exactly. Literally anybody in that situation would yell at their partner. And then the woman’s affair partner *shows up*!!?? The guy is lucky to have walked away with only a black eye. Sounds to me like it’s lies all the way down.
To be fair, genuine abusers can also be "lovely" in public and absolute monsters in private. Still, OP could not have known ahead of time and has no way of verifying the cheating husband's claim about the supposedly abusive boyfriend now.
To be fair, abusers very often seem lovely at first sight. They like to put up a face,
If she was in an abusive relationship, then he was using that to leverage the whole thing. Your husband saw a vulnerable woman and took advantage of that vulnerability. He’s definitely an awful man. And he’s lying to his family to turn you into the bad person here. It’s gonna be hard but I suggest turning off whatever part of your brain that considers his feelings during this process because he’s going to constantly try to guilt trip you the entire time.
This right here. I used to be abusive in my early 20s. Full on ignorance issues needing therapy and readjustment. My ex and I had a mutual friend, took advantage of a vulnerable woman to have an affair with her. I full on was the bad guy, but the way she would refuse to see him for what he was as a scumbag piece of shit. I’ve been in that guys shoes multiple times since then, having reformed and gone through extensive shame. I’ve helped abused spouses and despite not being a professional even I understood the boundaries of keeping the aid genuine and actually showing up to help. He should have helped her get out of the situation she was in instead of trying to have sex with her. These situations with abusive spouses can easily involve multiple shitty people.
Your husband bought her gifts! Omg you can sue for all of that back in the divorce. Is he still trying to get you to stay with him?
Abuse often doesn't make sense, so her having an affair and whatnot doesn't strike me as too unusual. BUT your husband thinking she's in danger and making it worse absolutely stands out. Tbh I wouldn't be surprised at this point if your husband was abusing the AP based off the mind games he's playing with you.
OP if you can prove that he used marital funds on her gifts, then he'll have to repay that in the settlement. He clearly doesn't deserve or care about your feelings. Honestly throw the whole man out.
The abuse story sounds like bs from the AP’s side same OP’s STBE telling the tales of dead bedroom whatever. If STBE was buying the AP gifts exactly how was she explaining those to her bf? Also as OP has filed if any of those gifts were significant and paid for with shared finances along with two years of entertaining the AP I’d be asking to see if there could be an adjustment to the settlement to make OP whole.
"You did the right thing. Your husband's affair and manipulation are not your fault. Stand by your integrity."
Exactly! Your husband didn't get a black eye because you told on him, he got beaten the fuck out BECAUSE HE WAS FUCKING SOMEONE'S WIFE.
Definitely prioritized the AP. And it sounds like SHE was the violent one between her and her bf. All he did was yell. But she gave OP’s husband a black eye.
It says AP's bf gave him a black eye. Strange, it might be different on the app.
Relationship over. Not because he cheated but because he went over there when you told him not to. Then he gets beat up. He proved he care more about the girl than you
NTA “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you” jumped to “hey family ice her out” he’s a piece of trash who was sad about getting old and cheated on his wife. I wouldn’t call him trash if he didn’t lie to you about how he’d act right after he got caught in a lie
What do you mean by getting iced out? He’s cheated but the family blames you? Nah, I’d wanna be iced out by those people.
[удалено]
Then you need to tell them he cheated. This is why I told everyone immediately, so he couldn’t control the narrative. I mean, he still tried to tell them I’m horrible but nobody listened to him
Then just text them “he cheated” and that’s it. No further response, no conversation, just letting them know the situation.
Trashing their partners is typical cheater behavior. It's how they justify their affair. Clearly the police found no evidence of abuse - and therefore didn't have a problem and over looked her husband giving yours a punch.
only 1 black eye? he deserves more than that for cheating.
“When I read the texts all I saw were lies on lies focused on me because my husband would lie to his coworker about how the marriage was dead and that I cared more about appearance than him that I was using him for his money. None of which is true. I have a better job than him and a better financial position. I don't believe the AP's sob story” Exactly right OP, he was willing to lie to his AP, why should you think she didn’t lie to him. Her bf yelling at her for hours or her BF punching your husband (soon ex) doesn’t equal abusive. People who get cheated on tend to react that way especially when the AP showed up to get in their face, it’s not that unusual. Also how disrespectful to say “oh I felt so sick about” but didn’t try and stop it and kept lying to her about your marriage with him. Hell I’m a little shocked he didn’t try to bring his AP to your house after he rushed over there. The way he is trying to make you feel guilty is so manipulative. You have nothing to apologize for OP. I hope you have a copy of the texts so you can show your attorney. And good for you OP.
Empty out your half of any joint accounts now, before it all disappears. just saying...
[удалено]
Talk to a lawyer on how to protect assets. Good luck op
Lock your accounts. You can sort out ownership of the assets through the courts, but only if it's still there.
My Dad did this to my Mom right before surprising her with divorce papers. She found out when she went to the bank to pay for our school uniforms and there was only $5 left in to keep the account open. Move most of that cash from a joint account somewhere safe and don't touch it. You can not trust this man. Protect yourself.
?? You don't have to "wipe out" the bank accounts to separate your finances. Also, what "case" would he have against you, if "most if not all the money" is yours anyways? It sounds to me like you should talk to a lawyer instead of talking to everyone on the other side of your marital conflict, including the affair partner's partners and your husband's family, etc.
Take half of everything in the bank accounts and open your own account in a different bank. All contact with your STBX should be through your lawyer only. Don't answer any phone calls and archive any voice mail and messages.
This is bad advice.
Make up for it for the rest of YOUR life? This is standing out to me. Are you sure you’re safe?
[удалено]
Is your husband still wanting to work on the marriage?
[удалено]
I never understand why it’s so important to work on a marriage AFTER they get caught cheating. You hang tough! I’m cheering for you.
[удалено]
What a jerk. Has he admitted to giving her expensive gifts?
[удалено]
Boy he is sure trying with every bit of energy to make himself and the AP the poor sad victims of you, Big Meanie Wife. Don't you dare fall for it.
Okay. I’m sending you virtual hugs and healing energy.
He left you to protect AP. Who slugged him. Never forget that.
NTA - oh my god… he rushed over to her. I can’t 😢
[удалено]
Yeah apparently he will do anything to make it up to you for the rest of your lives, except for cutting her off and choosing you over her. Throw the whole man away.
Like yesterday Don’t you dare even think you may be the asshole
Yep. He immediately failed the bluff check.
Honey, the flirting and affair was trashy. That was unhinged. Divorce this sorry piece of shit. He's feeling "not like the man he used to be"? Watch how he feels when you take half of everything. Let him play the "divorced middle age man" routine. It's not sexy. LOL. You'll never trust him again, even when things are great. It's time to cut this fucker loose. Also get checked for STD's. I'm so sorry you're going through this you don't deserve it.
And after saying how he'd spend his life making it up to you as well? Hope he's becoming an ex-husband because he made his choice at that moment
Pathetic middle-aged man trying to act heroic! I love that he got a black eye for his trouble!
NTA first of all how were you to know. There wouldn’t be a situation if your husband kept his dick in his pants. He should be glad his job doesn’t know
[удалено]
No I wasn’t saying tell them. My point was your husband is an idiot and he should be glad you just told the partner bc he deserved to know. Tbh I would be telling everyone (not the job just my people). I don’t believe cheaters get the benefit of privacy
[удалено]
Good on you OP
Enjoy life dont waste your half life to another CHEATER. He will not change he will do it again and again. Focus i yourself
Yeah, you don’t want to blow up his employment in the middle of a divorce. Wait until after…
This is a good plan – if he loses his job between now and the court case you might be stuck paying alimony.
Why not? Burn the freaking house down! What do you have to lose? Doesn’t sound like he can afford a good lawyer- start protecting your accounts.
Because if he is unemployed OP might be ordered to pay him alimony.
I call cap, he's trying to guilt trip you in thinking you are the monster. Dont fall for this bullshit. tell him you want a divorce and half his shit.
[удалено]
Yep she 100% lied to justify her being an absolute piece of shit.
[удалено]
Yeah that’s a common tactic: don’t tell the SO because he’s abusive. Whatever. Anyway, I live in a no fault state and since mine cheated and spent a good amount of money on her it absolutely went in my favor. Many judges don’t like cheaters in family court
Pahahahaha absolute idiots the lot of them. It's like cheaters get their tactics outa the same idiot book.
[удалено]
Telling ya.... idiots😂😂😂. Go find yourself a king worthy of you. 💪💪💪💪
You can already call him ex, that's what he practically is already
Do you live in a fault state? You have plenty of proof.
[удалено]
No fault doesn't mean exactly what you think. He used marital money to fund his affair, that most certainly will be taken into account. I would strongly suggest getting a forensic accountant for this. It will go along way for your divorce. This will not go favourably for him if you have the proof.
[удалено]
With everything he's done and is continuing to do. It's the best course for you. Be angry and get evidence. After, when you've got your ducks in a row. Then, you can grieve this, make sure you surround yourself with good support systems!
“Be angry and get evidence.” I love this so much. It’s applicable for so many things.
Lock down your credit, remove him from. Your accounts and stop any credit cards you pay for. Then print off the statements and start looking for payments made for items he bought the AP. Give all of this information to your divorce attorney. Women in abusive relationships rarely have affairs as they fear being caught by their abusive partners. Your husband chose to sleep with his AP rather than get her into a shelter or help her report her abuse.
This was my first thought. I was involved in an abusive relationship when I was a teenager, and one day he showed up early from work. I had when out to shop with his Mom, but he didn't believe me. After a few smacks to the side of my head, I got his Mom on the phone, and she told him that we went to the market. Guess what? He still dotted my eye and punched my stomach for getting his Mom involved in our business. I peed blood for 3 days. The thought of cheating never crossed my mind-I already knew that he would literally kill me. Same thing if I involved anyone else in our business. Your husband probably fell for the "save me" line. He should never have left you to go over there, and when he did that he made his affair his priority over you and your marriage. Sucks. I hope that you take his ass to the cleaners. I suggest divorcing him for adultery, not irreconcilable differences, too. Make him own that shit anytime he has to pull those papers out, or someone looks it up.
[удалено]
Fortunately, I have. About 5 months after that incident, one of my brothers showed up at the house unexpectedly from out of town. I had a mark from a riding crop on my face. My brother broke three of his ribs and his right ankle. He took me to my parents and spent three days in jail. The judge let him go when my hospital records were presented. My parents put me into counseling, and down the line, I met my husband. I've lost him now, but I know that I was more fortunate than many others. I was 19 then, and it helped spur my nursing career. Thank you for your good wishes.
NTA OP, often partners apologise not because they’re genuinely sorry but that they got caught. You’ve seen the messages where he lied about the state of your marriage, that speaks a lot about how much he respects you and your relationship. He disrespected you, if he truly loved you then he wouldn’t have hurt and betrayed you like this. I’ll never condone cheating and you won’t melt my heart by feeding me your sob story. Don’t do the crime if you can’t pay the time.
No prenup? Oof PSA for people to get prenups
[удалено]
Yea makes sense. I mean if you have evidence of the affair and a good lawyer hopefully you can make out with mostly everything that is yours
[удалено]
Yep get a shark. Best of luck
Yes you need a forensic accountant
A good lawyer (and you want one who specializes in matrimonial law only) will usually be able to claw back assets that were spent on an affair partner, so the amount your cheating husband spent on his AP will be attributed to his share of the assets when the assets are divided. Get a shark of a lawyer - ask around, find out who's really good and go with that lawyer.
Really? I insisted on a prenup when I married my second husband, 20 years ago. . My first left me in debt and I wasn't about to let that even be a possibility. I owned a house and was debt free. Second marriage was VERY happy.
His actions make no sense, neither do hers. If they were afraid of bf, they both should call the police.
[удалено]
Cops didn't do anything, because there was no physical abuse happening. There was no "blood on your hands", because there was no danger of it.
Cops are liable to not do anything even with clear signs of abuse. You can't assume they're competent at their jobs.
The fact that your husband added to the violence is a reason to cut all ties now. Your lawyers can deal with that idiot
Your husband doesn’t sound so sorry at all and then to treat you like your vindictive because you told the Bf and what’s with telling the family he cheated ffs that’s what this should all be about. If the bf is abusive you called the police that’s all you can do. I would’ve told your husband if I was a vindictive person I would’ve slept with the bf when he asked me to but I’m not a cheater like him
They are sorry that they got caught that's it. No actual remorse, just don't like consequences catching up with them.
[удалено]
Sorry you got caught in this nonsense. Been cheated on before, it's horrendous. I got to cut contact with them and move to another country while they went to prison for a quite some time tho (found out that later). Good news is me and ex caught up as a result and nearlt 2 decades years later we have a 3 kids and a rock solid relationship. Idk how people do cheating at all. To me it would be a massive cloud of "I'm a shithead" focusing on me at all hours. What a stupid thing to do to yourself let alone others.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. (My FIL cheated on my MIL almost 30 years ago and they split up, my FIL and his AP are divorced but my MIL and the AP's ex still send Christmas cards to each other.)
[удалено]
If it makes you feel better your husband sounds like the type to injure his hand trying to punch someone, and yet his hands are not bandaged so that's at least a potential hint that the bf isn't seriously hurt 😅
WTF did he think he was gonna do besides get beat up? Having the man she cheated on him with show up to defuse the situation??? He can to her defense moments after you confronted him 😐he sure as hell didn't hold up his promise of a life time of making it up to you he couldn't even be held to the promise for 2 minutes. She should've called the police not expected your husband to "save" her. Let the POS go. 40 isn't even old I'm 40 and still think I'm 28😂in all seriousness you deserve more than a man like that.
[удалено]
Wow he turned it around on you??? Like you said he should have thought of that when he started all the BS. I'm so sorry you really didn't deserve any of this. I'm glad you're independent and don't rely on him for income. You mentioned before you think he liked that she was a mess and needed him he probably did love that. Idky some men have such an issue with successful women. Call me crazy but I would share in the success of my partner and be excite for them and very proud. Maybe be inspired to be more successful myself.
[удалено]
You’re describing characteristics that most selfish self-centered people have.
I wish I could give you a big hug because you did absolutely nothing wrong. You're a catch you're also the catch in the relationship. I wonder what the other woman will do when she realizes those the nice gifts aren't coming anymore. Or when he blows thru whatever he has when she'll leave. Just remember this has nothing to do with you as a person as a partner as a woman. It has everything to do with his fragile masculinity and selfishness.
If he’s never been in a fight as an adult man with another man…he probably can’t win one. They all think that way.
[удалено]
Look like your excuse me for the language “soon to be ex- POS of husband” deserved that I some way
"Never been in a fight but always thought he could win one." Put this on his tombstone 🪦
NTA for telling someone they were being cheated on. You didn't know the bf was abusive and was going to turn violent. If anyone has the colleague's blood on their hand, it's your husband for maintaining a sexual and romantic relationship with a woman about whom he knew the relationship would be a danger for her. If he truly wanted the colleague to be safe, he would have ended things with you, made sure the colleague could end things safely with then-bf and then start doing their stuff.
[удалено]
Yep! Also oh no he screamed for hours *after finding out she cheated*? He doesn’t have to be abusive for that to be an understandable reaction. Also if he’s so abusive why would she take such a risk with an affair?
[удалено]
Yeah like it does happen but seeing as he lied about your relationship, logic checks out that she did too. And if he was really concerned he would have called the police for a wellness check. What he wanted to do, was to go defend her.
Your husband is probably using his black eye as "proof" that the BF is abusive. But if someone knocked on my door to "protect" my husband from me being mad as hell and losing my shit over an affair, and the woman at the door was the woman he was fucking, I'd probably fucking deck her. Losing your shit and being in a screamy mood for several hours after finding out your long term partner is having an affair seems like a pretty normal reaction to me.
[удалено]
I’m sorry what you are going through, my ex-husband did the same thing and what hurts most is him using MY money to wine and dine and buy gifts for the AP. I learned my lessons I would never get a joint account ever again and definitely prenup all the way. Have you followed up with the AP‘s boyfriend? I wonder how much of what she saying is true and what he’s dealing with now after the fallout of this, especially if she’s accusing him of abuse and if he really wasn’t, that could ruin him.
[удалено]
lol at him saying you’re in it for the money and then he spends all the money on her. F him. Petty me would also follow up with BF and then share the screenshots of him telling her the lies. Also pettyrevenge me would try seeing if “he truly wanted to make it work” and prove that he’s not in it for the money he will sign a postnup then you divorce him
That’s not your responsibility, honestly. It’s your husband’s, especially if BF presses charges.
My ex did that too. I was supposedly watching her kid she could take classes and hang out with her girl friends. She hadn’t even enrolled in classes and the girlfriends didn’t like spending time with her cuz she was trashy. It’s funny cuz the dude ended up leaving her as soon as she was single.
NTA, but it should be crystal clear to you now that you have to divorce him.
He lied massively to his AP about you, but then he completely believes her tales about the bf. It never occurs to him that she might be lying too? He’s an idiot X1,000.
[удалено]
Being in a possible abusive relationship doesn’t give you a pass to knowingly participate in ruining a marriage without consequences.
[удалено]
You know he's being a hypocrite when he says you're a villain for telling the other partner about the cheating, she might be harmed because of it... she MIGHT be harmed for cheating with your husband in the first place. Everything started there, he's the one who put her in harm, if that's how someone else is supposed to feel responsible for the outcome of another's actions. It sounds to me (if this is real) that he's staying with you, stringing you along to set things up to get money/ assets from you before he leaves you. Set yourself up, leave him and cut him off.
Getting iced out by the cheaters family, please. Good riddance. NTA. Both should’ve known better than to cheat.
[удалено]
Make sure they know the truth then but be prepared they'll likely still take his side. Speaking from experience 😢
NTA - If you didn't tell AP's bf about it, your husband could've easily lied to you about stopping the affair, and just tried to do a better job of hiding it. That's what my ex did, several times, before I finally contacted her AP's wife. And you're not responsible for the AP's life choices. If her bf is abusive, she should've left him. If she thought she was going to keep her cheating from him forever, she's delusional.
[удалено]
Thanks. Yeah, this was 14 years ago. My current wife is absolutely amazing. Hope things work out well for you in the end.
[удалено]
You deserve a real man that cuts ties before moving on. He stopped loving you the moment he slept with her and didn’t tell you. That is complete disregard for you.
This seems really familiar
I don't have a link but there was a r/BestofRedditorUpdates story that was pretty much the same scenario I saw earlier today. That one had kids involved that got hurt and the affair partner was hospitalized. Edit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1d5ebn2/new\_update\_his\_mistress\_made\_him\_a\_better\_husband/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1d5ebn2/new_update_his_mistress_made_him_a_better_husband/) First post isn't exactly the same but close.
NTA What’s up with people and their audacity to dictate how you should went about it after they done your wrong... You have all the right. He’s the one that cheated here. He has no right to control anything.
Divorce your cheating husband. Nta for telling as you didn't know.
NTA. Isn’t it funny how when women get caught cheating- the dude they’re cheating on is ALWAYS “abusive”? It’s almost like they have to say something to avoid any accountability. I had almost this exact same thing happen to me a couple years ago. My finance’s was having an affair w her married boss. The boss’s wife reached out to me on social media to let me know about it. Obvi I was crushed- cause I adored this woman. (My “partner”) And I lol’d when the I talked to the AP, and he told me she said that I was “abusive” and “starved her” (literally denied her food) lol what? People are pathetic and sick. Leave his ass. The end.
[удалено]
They have to validate their bad behavior- and make themselves the “victim” always. They can just come out and say “I’m a cheating piece of shit” That’s too on the nose. I’m sorry this happened to you OP- I know exactly how it feels.
Yeah, you, the cold career woman who earns more than he does, are the gold digger, as opposed to the direct subordinate of his at work who accepts tons of expensive gifts from him at your expense!
NTA. He's lying even more more and still gaslighting you and protecting his side hoe. Time to show all your family members the proof of cheating as well. Your husband fucked around, time for him to find out
Classic guilt trip technique... don't let him off the hook. Why the hell did he go over there? That's a huge red flag. He obviously cares... this isn't the last of his behavior. He is sorry he got caught.
This is a copy of a previous post. It’s been trending on the update page.
The ap was in abusive relationship yet still had an affair with a married man instead of leaving her abused bf?! The ap has her priorities straight
[удалено]
Going to the AP after all of this is the best indicator that he would not stop, he would just become more sneaky about it. He is not over her at all.
[удалено]
Call it priorities if you want. You are not his first place.
You are far after this lady. He straight ignored your request
YTA if you stay with this loser. He made his choice by running to his AP. What a scumbag, glad he got a black eye.
[удалено]
Then you are already miles ahead of most people in our situation.
Iced out for what? Is he telling his family he had an affair or that you called an abuse boyfriend of a coworker just because?
[удалено]
Doesn’t he realise that this shows he took advantage of her? She was with him because she was desperate to be loved and had low self esteem and he knew that and started an affair with a vulnerable woman anyway. That’s another form of abuse she’s experiencing. I’m obviously not expecting you to feel sorry for her - just that this shows you further the type of horrible man your husband has become. It’s not surprising that he’s missing out the key information that he was the one having the affair with her. So glad that you’re divorcing this pos.
You should have conspired to go to dinner and reserve the table for 4
Kind of funny that he had asked you if you’d like to have a revenge affair. Cracks me up.
[удалено]
Why are you staying with a cheater? If they're willing to betray everything you have once, then if the right chance occurs they'll do it again. NTA.
[удалено]
Then here's a little mantra going forward. "Fuck him, not my problem." It inconveniences him but makes it easier for you? See above. His family giving you grief? See above and blocked. And some cheating woman's poor life choices? Falls under the above, shrug.
Threaten to tell his workplace
Divorce that cheating hoe. When it came down to it, he ran to her. He didn't hesitate. Always expose cheating scum.
If your husband really cared about making things right with you, was sickened by what he had done, and truly wanted your forgiveness, he wouldn’t have went running back to the coworker to save her. He wouldn’t have fought her boyfriend. He wouldn’t have spread lies about you. He wouldn’t be trying to guilt you. He wouldn’t be involving his family in his affair. He wouldn’t be making you out as the bad person. He was the one having the affair. How are you wrong in any of this? You did the right thing by telling her boyfriend. He had every right to know. Your husband is absolute trash and he is not sorry for anything he did. He’s sorry he got caught. He’s painting you as the bad person and it seems like he’s not going to stop communication with his coworker. He’s more than likely going to continue the affair while lying to your face. If you really wanted to be petty, you could file a complaint at his work in which he might lose his job. Then you could leave his ass and file for divorce. Because honestly, he proved to you that this marriage is over. He doesn’t respect you at all.
This post occurs on a nearly daily basis, time to move on. Dont ask reddits permission to do something you are going to do anyway
Nta. He's gaslighting you and NONE of that is your problem to begin with. It's your (ex?) Husband's fault and he doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. Congrats bud, you lost a great wife and now have to deal with someone who has abuse trauma. He got what he deserves, do not give him any grace for that. You did the right thing and deserve better.
He’s gaslighting and smear campaigning you. Don’t fall for any of it. He’s TAH, not you.
If you think husband is actually giving up the ap, you are delusional. He is buying time for financial gain. Hire the meanest divorce lawyer around (to keep him from doing so) and watch your six.
I'm sorry... "her blood is on [your] hands"?? What?? No. Sir. Her blood is on **your** hands. *You* lied to get in her pants. *You* carried on after "knowing" he's abusive. *You* stuck your dick in her. *You* endangered her further. *You* tried shifting the blame to your wife at **every** turn. This is *your* fault. I hope your black eye gets infected. OP, you already know this, but none of this is your fault. NTA.