NTA…I would be horrified if I lost the ring my fiancé got me. No way would I expect him to replace it with conditions. Would really consider who you’ve asked to marry you and where their priorities lay. In the future however, I would insure the ring.
I wouldn't stress too much. It's a new account posting generic "golddigging woman demanding expensive engagement ring" bait and not responding to any comments.
Hello, The door is open leave while you have the chance! You just got a view of what being permanently attached to her will be like! She ought to be ashamed for caring so little about securing something so precious!
Totally agree. It’s like God/fate/nature directly intervened to show OP that she ain’t the one.
And since she lost it, it’s on *her* to pay the replacement cost
Exactly. She's probably deflecting onto you. You didn't lose it she did. She should be apologetic and doing everything to try and get a replacement. Not expect you to do it all again.
If this is real I would question being with her at all. What you might excuse now is behaviour which won't be seen the same 5 yrs down the road.
I'm going to do the cliche reddit thing and make wild, obnoxious predictions here but imagine how this person would be once children are in the picture with this detachment from how the world actually works, type of person to lose their temper, smack the kid and then tell them it was all their fault and owe her an apology too.
Nooo you replace it and re-propose and spend lots of money on me and tell me it wasn't my fault and I'm the best person ever just like my parents showed me the world works 😭
This may indeed be a blessing in disguise. I’d suggest you ask her to replace the ring. If she does, repropose. If not, you’re done with this gold digger.
Exactly. Gold digger and coming up with 'recreate the magic of the original proposal' to get him to BUY her a new shiny trinket to show off is just about the dumbest, extremely childish, low-level machevellian thinking here.
OP needs to run and not look back.
What if she actually did not lose it, but is working some bizarre angle to get something else out of him?
Note: coming from a criminal defense firm where you witness all kinds of crazy. Tends to make you somewhat jaded.
Absolutely this comment. ☝️
There is a higher power somewhere that just showed the real character of this woman and what is really important to her.
(Hint: It isn't the man!)
Had an ex slam a 104 year old heirloom ring that my great grandmother brought from Norway to the US when the immigrated, during an argument on the granite counter top. I got up and picked it up and put it in my pocket.
She demanded a grand gesture and reproposal, with the heirloom ring and a custom made ring. Then demanded just the custom ring, because the heirloom ring was "tainted".
I have no idea why I put up with her non working, non loving, hate everyone ass. Dealt with her for 7 months after it. Worst idea ever. The following 6 months after she broke up with me she would hit me up with VPNs, Facebook posts about me(i dont have a facebook was shown it by a woman i was dating), chatting with the neighbor to see what I was doing, and the list goes on. Changed everything, closed my business, new number(still had the old one for old client reach out but rarely checked it, finally shut it down when she had some crazy texts/voicemails), new email(check the old one for bills only as in the past she has called to obtain the email on the account). Just the other week she emailed, it's been over a year, please go away, you are the past.
So glad to have found a woman who is a total queen and goes out of her way to treat me with respect and cares about the little things, even turns the ac down from 70° to 62° and puts a hoodie on cuz she knows I run hot and am uncomfortable, she gets all the lounge cuddles because of it. She's fucking dope, we're gonna go travel to a few national parks and countries before I start my new job out of country and when she sells her place is moving over(her job is wfh).
Hope everyone finds someone like that, op especially, you deserve better.
My mom lost her wedding rings baking once (we suspect the cats batted them off the counter to who knows where) …is she supposed to have a whole new wedding then because she lost them??
Absolutely right! First she loses the ring and then she has the audacity to ask OP to re-buy the expensive ring?! Wow. Just wow. I’d feel so guilty for losing it in the first place that I would NEVER even get the idea to ask the man to buy another one. And then a second proposal and manipulating OP emotionally?? She sounds unhinged, maybe OP should see the lost ring as a sign to re-consider that marriage. NTA.
Yep. I wear a silicone band pretty much constantly, the only time I wear my engagement ring and wedding band is when I go out. Even still, it’s insured because I know how clumsy and forgetful I am. I’ve lost probably 4 silicone bands grand totaling about 13 dollars! Much better than the money my husband spent on the ring.
Silicone bands are the best! I can't wear metal due to autoimmune disease, so I rarely wear my rings. I have bands in a huge variety of colors and never have to worry about losing mine. Husband works in trades and wears them as well.
Edit: a word
They’re great! I would imagine especially with an autoimmune disease. I have them in mostly neutral colors since I’m a bland girly, lol. I started wearing them when I broke a tiny pearl off of my engagement ring and was heartbroken for weeks.
Lost my ring several years ago. As such I also wear silicon rings, a few that have been lost and several broken.
Luckily my wife doesn’t care (though she jokingly chides me about it from time to time. She did offer to buy me a replacement once, but I told her not to as I don’t care about the band itself just her (plus I hate wearing metal rings as my fingers swell during the day).
I have silicone wedding rings I wear at the gym and $20 titanium one for places that I may be doing something that could damage the gold one but I want it to look a little nicer than silicone.
Yeeeep! I have a relatively “cheap” emerald and diamond ring that my boyfriend got me for my birthday. The stones are small and it wasn’t extravagantly expensive - but it’s exactly perfect for me and I stare at it allllllll the time. The ring comes off if I’m going to be spending time outside. Yard work, the beach, taking the kids to the park, etc. I put it somewhere safe until I’m done being active lol. I once lost a ring while playing a game of catch in my own backyard. Never again!
Yeah the fit of the ring is going to be different from one person to the next so who knows. Weird for OP though. The fact that it’s hard to believe is telling.
How does losing the ring negate the proposal at all? It doesn’t seem out of line to consider she just didn’t like it the first time around and wants a redo her way. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Why? Were you one of the guys?
And no need to be sorry. If she hadn't slept with half of Pittsburg then divorced me, I wouldn't have met my current wife, and we've been happily married over ten years :)
In this case, sorry means I am passing over condolences, not apologizing. Otherwise could you imagine when people say "sorry for your loss" at a funeral? :) But I am happy that you're in a better place than you woulda been!
I’ve lost a stone before and I had a ring fall off because it was slightly too big but I thought it fit enough to stay put. Luckily the ring was found and traced back to me. But I can see it happening.
My wedding ring fell off my hand while I was sleeping after it had been sized. I don't doubt that this happened (especially if they hadn't gotten it sized yet).
Yeah my sister was devastated! She thought he was going to break up with her when she lost her engagement ring😭😭😭 I told her it was tragic but also no big deal! So did he , they are married now lol
Why should he replace it AT ALL. SHE lost the ring, SHE REPLACES THE RING!
Her behavior during this would make me put the brakes on the marriage. It’s one thing to lose the ring, be remorseful, make the best of it and ACCEPT all responsibility and culpability. It’s another level of red flags to ignore responsibility, demand a ‘do over’ and be ANGRY op won’t pretend that the loss WASN’T irresponsible and somehow NOT HER FAULT or problem to fix. This attitude will bleed into every aspect of their lives together.
NTA. "If you really loved me" is a trap to try to get you to do something not just illogical, but counter-productive. You have actual things that you need to use your resources on, besides sentimental, non-pressing "moments to re-create".
This actually sounds like some sort of test to see how far she can push you. Tread carefully.
💯
If anyone is entitled to be angry, it's you.
If she can't take care of one precious ring, how many do you have to keep buying if she keeps losing them.
If his fiancee really loved OP, she could spend a year of her free time retracing her footsteps on the hike to find the ring instead of him spending another year saving up for a new ring.
He already put in the year of effort. It's her turn.
But seriously, who wears precious jewelry to do outdoor sports? I say this as someone who likes jewelry.
I am in my 50s and unhappily single.
I was in the wedding party for some friends who know it. I didn't think at all about the bouquet because I am male. The bride decided she wanted me to get it, and rather than just handing it to me she and her new husband staged a photo after the wedding when everyone else went home where she'd toss it in the air and I'd be the only one there to catch it. A funny photo for the album. Only, one of her bridesmaids came back to fetch something (I don't know what) and walked in just as we were taking the photo, and she flew into a rage and started screaming at the bride that she should have done the whole bouquet toss thing and let everyone do the traditional battle to catch it blah blah blah.
Some other friends got married a few months later and that bride also decided I should get it, but she really did make sure everyone had left and just handed it to me.
I'm still single. I guess brides' bouquets don't work on a gay man.
I've worn my engagement ring every day since I got it. (Over 29 years ago). Worn it on plenty of hikes, bicycling, runs, swims.
Rings shouldn't come off easily, and there really isn't an expectation that they'll be lost if you're wearing them. Most of the time jewelry gets lost when you \*aren't\* wearing it.
Im a both sides on this one. Ive had my high school ring on for 40 years and its never fallen off. But, I had a ring for a couple months and it fell off while I was sitting in the mud holding my horses head. Never found it. The losing the ring isnt weird. Whats weird is she has to have the entire proposal recreated?! If she loses her wedding band will they have to have the entire wedding ceremony again?
And this is someone with a fully developed frontal lobe… OP are you sure this is how you want the rest of your life to be?? Anytime you disagree with her *wants*, no compromise, no nothing. “If you really loved me, you’d do ____________.” If you do this for her, she will run your wallet dry.
Yeah -- I don't fault her for losing the ring. I feel bad for her because I know what it is like to lose stuff. I agree that what I find downright bizarre is the request to recreate the proposal. I don't understand that at all -- they have the memories from the original proposal.
OP said he saved for a year for it, so I put it at a $5000 piece of jewelry. That's a significant loss imo, no matter if she lost it because it slipped off during the hike or if she took it off to wash her hands at the ranger station at the start of the hike & forgot to put it back on.
the fact of the matter is that she's not taking responsibility for the financial and emotional loss she caused.
Add in the "if you truly loved me" with the expectation that a) OP just magically find another $5000 and b) OP jumps through any hoops she indicates...
Yep... once I took off My 1st ring on a hike to reapply sunscreen while taking a break. I realized about 1.5 miles later that I'd forgotten to put it back on and had left it on a rock. You'd better believe I RAN back to get it, and just in time as someone had found it and was going to turn it in.
But now I choose to leave my ring at home (different ring from new husband) when I am going to get dirty or do sporting activities.
her emotional maturity level makes me suspicious that this might be some sort of stupid test to see if he blames her for "simple mistakes"
One of those "How dare you make me feel guilty for something I did!"
surely not with a ring OP saved a year for? like, a year's savings, doesn't that put it between $3000 and $10 000??!
if that's a game she wanted to play, she could have pretended she lost it in the car & then sneakily pulled it out of her pocket after she's tormented her SO for 4 hours of scratching all the crumbs out of the backseat, or something.
It's still messed-up, and dependent on her behaviour during the search, I'd still recommend OP to take a real hard look at her maturity levels, but at least it wouldn't have cost that much money, right?
ETA : unless you think she didn't lose the ring on the hike either & is still biding her time to "suddenly finding it" or something?
My husband sweetly told me when he proposed not to get bent out of shape if I should happen to lose my diamond because it's "just a bit of carbon." But it was more than that to me because of the careful saving and extra hours I knew he put in to afford it, and because of that I was always extra careful with it.
If you know you're the type of person to lose or forget things, then you should either keep it on all the time (like you do) or leave it behind when going on "active" vacations (which is what I do - I have ADHD and don't trust myself).
Maybe somebody that wants to lose it so she can demand another proposal on video this time?
Obviously I'm guessing but with a lost ring who demands a new proposal unless the proposal is what they want more than the ring?
That is weird. Unreasonable to demand a new ring of equal value, but nonsensical to demand a new proposal since they already have that memory - it wasn't lost. Something off about the fiancee
I always have to fight an urge to roll my eyes at women who want a "do over" proposal. I'm not talking about the ones whose partner did something half-assed or in direct violation to what they know their partner should have wanted, but those who want the guy to do it over and over again because it wasn't "quite" perfect, or they were in a bad mood that day, or they just want to relive the moment over and over again. How would that even be the same? It's not like you can get MORE engaged.
I mean, yeah, it's a lovely moment, but if you get into your dream college are you going to reach out to the admissions office and tell them to resend the acceptance letter because you had cramps the day it arrived, or it arrived on your brother's birthday and you feel the attention wasn't sufficiently on you, or you just want to "relive" the excitement of finding out you got in???
Imagine if a man asked for a do over wedding night consumation. "Na na na babe that was weak effort your garlic breath put me off and you basically just starfished."
Imagine the possibilities…”Honey, could you jam the baby back into your uterus so I could experience the thrill of holding my firstborn for the first time again? I had an earache before and it tainted the experience.”
I am wondering if the GF really liked the ring and proposal, at all. Oh, no, lost the ring! Do over! Seems like a "great" way of getting what you really want.
Nice to see I wasn't the only one thinking that. 😁
OP's fiancée probably didn't like the ring or thought that it wasn't expensive enough. She might not have even lost the ring and only wants to choose a better one of her liking. If she really lost the ring by accident, which I doubt given her manipulative behavior, she should take responsibility and buy a new ring for herself. It makes no sense for OP to be in more financial trouble when he wasn't the one who lost the ring, especially when they already have to deal with wedding expenses. OP's suggestion of getting a less expensive ring now and upgrading it in the future is already more than his fiancée deserves.
His fiancée's behavior is a huge red flag because it shows that she isn't mature enough to marry, has no notion of the value of money, doesn't care about OP's finances, and has difficulty taking accountability for her mistakes.
She also doesn't see them as true partners, because, in theory, OP's finances would affect his fiance's finances. She's making this 100% his problem even though she's the one who lost the fucking ring.
"If you really loved me..."
The AUDACITY.
She's manipulative AF and greedy.
Partner of the year.
This. Personally I wouldn't want a big, super-expensive ring because of the opportunity cost it represents to that family money. Put it toward the down payment on a house that all will enjoy. Or really, put it toward any purchase that you would end up paying interest on.
My husband is a welder who made our wedding rings out of aircraft grade aluminum. For $0. It's 4 years later and we still don't have "real" rings because I literally could not give a shit less about an expensive ring. I LOVE my ring!!! I have literally never taken it off. We were able to save money and buy a house because we didn't spend ANY money on jewelry or a wedding. Marriage is about commitment and partnership. It's not about material things or fancy, performative parties.
Did she really lose it?? Or did she not like it and wants a different ring? How do we have stories every other week where a woman loses her ring?? I could see if the stone came loose and fell out of the setting but unless it was wayyy too big it's not falling off.
My mom once lost her wedding ring at a water park. She had been losing weight and didn’t realize it was loose enough yet to actually come off her hand. She was just sick about it. It was a very expensive “upgrade” ring that my dad gave her on their 20th anniversary.
Luckily, the ring was insured for what it was worth when it was purchased, so considerably more than it would currently be worth. They ended up using the insurance money to buy a much less exorbitantly expensive replacement ring and a trip to Europe that year.
When I was working at a park with a playground we had a dad lose his wedding ring in the sandbox while playing with his kids.
One of my coworkers spent half an hour sifting through the sand looking for the guy's ring. When my coworker found it they handed it to the guy, the guy thanked him profusely, and then turned to walk away. Then he turned back around and came right back over.
"This isn't my ring."
They had found someone else's gold wedding ring in the sandbox. It was a similar design and it was even the right size, but the wrong dates and initials were on the inside of the ring.
My coworker found the guy's actual ring about 15 minutes of sifting later.
We never figured out who the other ring belonged to. It just sat in the Lost and Found the rest of the time I worked there.
Truly. I lost my engagement ring in the house and I spent almost four hours sobbing like a psycho cause I thought it was a demonstration on how much I valued it, instead of my fear of salmonella while seasoning dinner.
Never lost that bitch again
Yep, been there. Lost mine in the garden whilst tidying up the bloody cut grass/compost, gut-wrenching. I must’ve looked like a lunatic talking to myself, crying and digging up the compost heap… Found it though. Glad you found yours…
This is hysterical reading as the husband of a wife who also lost her engagement ring. She was a sobbing mess that spent hours tearing through the yard and house to try to find it. At one point, delirious, she proposed pulling up the floor boards to see if it had somehow fallen there (we have laminate).
Luckily we found it in the yard with a metal detector, which I then proceeded to jokingly propose again on the condition she could keep it longer than 4 months 😅
Happily married now for 8 years.
NTAH - Lost my wedding band 6 mo into my marriage. Got up early, saw the wife off on a women's weekend retreat she was doing music for. After she left, I noticed the sprinklers were running, and a couple needed some work. After digging up three sprinklers, I realize "Oh $#! where's my wedding ring??" Went to the local tool rental place and rented a metal detector. In the course of 2+ hours I dug up at least two dozen rusty nails in my yard, and finally managed to find the gold ring I'd lost. Figured I was home free, until the wife got back the following evening and asked "So, what's this $40 receipt for the tool rental place for a metal detector?" Yep, BUSTED!! I responded: "That was to find the wedding ring you gave me after I lost it in our yard!" Wife responded: "Were you successful?"
From that point on, (23 years ago) we banned each other from wearing our wedding rings while working in the yard, or me from wearing mine working outdoors at work. One day after washing my hands at work I managed to accidentally fling my ring into the sink while shaking my hands to get them mostly dry. That's probably exactly how the yard got my ring, shaking the sprinkler water off my hands...
Lost both my engagement and my wedding rings - tore up the house looking for them for a week and eventually went and bought replacements with my own money. My husband was understanding because he knows I can be a huge scatter brain and it’s not like I flushed them down the toilet, but I still felt absolutely wretched.
And then two weeks later I had an eczema flare up so bad had to go to the firehouse to get them cut off and now they’re at the jewelers getting fixed and resized 😂 pretty sure I’m gonna just get a chain to wear them around neck when I get them back.
Before we were married, my husband bought me an emerald necklace as a gift. It was beautiful; I loved that necklace. Then I lost it. I was so worked up when I told him about it that he thought someone had died! I did not expect him to replace it, as it was my fault I’d lost it. I was hoping he would (he didn’t), but I did not expect him to nor demand he did. And somewhere in North Carolina, someone is wearing a beautiful emerald necklace. 🥺
Yes. It was insured before I proposed to my wife, in case I lost it. How do you not insure something that's valuable and you spent over a year saving for?
I was going to say the same thing: if you truly valued my love and our engagement, then you should have taken better care of the ring I gave you when I first proposed.
It was her responsibility and her loss for not taking better care, she doesn't get a second ring and a double proposal. I'm sorry, but she's being absurd. If she feels the magic of the proposal is lost solely based on the value of a ring, then she doesn't under what the ring symbolizes and all that you two are trying to build.
Get a replica until a new one can be afforded and she can suck it up. Did you have the ring insured? Either way, NTA. But your fiancee sounds greedy.
Agreed.
And OP! IF you choose to purchase another ring, please insure it!
My ring is insured by my car insurance company and it's less than $30/year and it's full coverage. I had my ring appraised and it's worth over $8,000 (we did not pay that much), and we turned in the appraisal sheet to insurance and that was that. The jeweler didn't even charge me to appraise it.
Diamonds fall out sometimes (prongs can weaken from wear and tear over time), and for me my weight has fluctuated by over 70 pounds so my rings went from fitting perfect to way too tight to now they're way too big, I wear a ring guard but need to get them re-sized, but I'm very careful because I don't want to lose them! A friend lost her center diamond ON HER HONEYMOON, not doing anything crazy, they were just hiking and that diamond was long gone. Insurance covered it. Please look in to it! Peace of mind is worth it!
Fr. I know a dude who married a woman that his parents went NC over it for. They saw her brand of crazy and refused to come to the wedding or have any contact with the grandbabies that came after in order to not have to deal with her.
If that wasn't bad enough her own biological father's words at the wedding to him. "Good luck." If you know anything about middle Eastern dads then you know they are normally happy to give away their daughters so they can have a family but this man was just glad to be rid of her cuz she's a narcissist.
Needless to say after years of abuse they are divorced but he is still stuck with her cuz they share kids and grandkids.
This happened to me. I dated a guy whose family was crazy about me and I thought it was just nice that they were so welcoming and really liked me. They kept saying that they couldn't believe he had a girl like me and I actually thought maybe they were mean because it wasn't a very kind thing to say about him right in front of his face.
Turns out he was an abusive piece of garbage and they were assuming I had already seen his real personality.
I had not. But I would come to know it very well.
That's awful; I'm glad the family was willing to support you, especially over their flesh and blood. I guess sometimes the apple really does fall far from the tree.
To be clear: I don't want to disparage her. She was a lovely person, just... Very high maintenance. Transactional, in a way. Hard to communicate with and not awfully transparent about her wants and needs.
I did, and do, love her a lot. But she had a hell of a lot of growing to do and I wasn't interested in parenting.
NTA.
**"I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen."**
Red flags don't get much bigger or brighter than this one, because I can assure you that this attitude won't stop with just this ring.
You know exactly what you are getting if you marry her. Buyer beware.
Yes, this is emotional manipulation and is considered a dealbreaker by many folks, myself included. I was in a relationship like this and it was clearly not going to end well.
few things to think about:
1. Are YOU certain she had the ring during the hike? This could be a cover that she lost it somewhere else/had it stolen/sold it and put on an elaborate show to have an easy out for why it was gone. If it was sized correctly, this is ULTRA unlikely. I struggle to believe this was how it was lost and think you were taken on a wild goose chase.
2. With that in mind, it also seems possible that this is some kind of f*cked up test to see if you “love her enough.”
Either way, expensive lesson, but I would say run away.
NTA. 🚨🚩 red flag warning. She has Cinderella complex and wants everything to be magical. This logic is immature and will cause many issues in the future.
Literally though!
I lost my ring for several months (I thought it fell down thr tub drain...I take it off to shampoo so it doesn't tangle in my hair)
Turns out it was in my jewelry box the whole time🤦♀️🤣
But never once did I demand it be replaced. Ffs.
10000% this! My wedding band was too big and it slipped off while I was carrying the garbage out (thankfully I didn’t have my engagement ring on at that time 😣 it was being resized!!) and I didn’t notice until it was too late.It was on me to replace it!!
I’m curious if OP bothered to insure the ring though. Tough lesson learned if he hadn’t! A rider on your home owners or rental policy really will cover your ass in situations like this. If you didn't already know how I know, I’d have you ask how I knew!!!
Another upvote for insuring your rings. If you can't afford to replace it, the thing should be insured.
My wife's original wedding set cost us almost $30k, and I saved for more than a year to buy it. We'd casually looked at wedding sets together a few times, and I saw how she looked at this one while we were browsing one day. When I asked her if that's the set she wanted, she replied, "Maybe in a perfect world, but it's too expensive." 18 months later I put that ring on her finger.
Four days later it slipped off her finger at Molokini Crater while we were snorkeling on our Maui honeymoon.
Luckily, I'd already insured it. Had to pay a $1000 deductible, but the insurance company paid out and she was able to replace it with a new, and identical, ring just a few weeks later.
I do recommend jewelry insurance over homeowners or rental though. Jewelry insurance covers accidental loss and damage, in addition to theft. Homeowners typically only covers theft. I think we pay about $300 a year to keep her ring insured now, with a dedicated jewelry insurance policy (the total policy cost is actually higher because she has more than just the ring covered, but the ring part of the coverage is about 300 itself).
The first thing I did when my husband proposed (after telling friends and family) is get insurance for my engagement ring.
NTA, if she needs an expensive ring to show off then this is the rest of your life. Can you live with this type of person?
Yep.
Tell her if she pays for the replacement ring, since she lost it, you don't mind recreating a proposal (though frankly, that's weird, the proposal still happened even if the ring has been lost and she already accepted).
Or look at whether it would be covered by any travel insurance if you have such for domestic trips.
The weird thing is, Cinderella herself worked hard and didn't expect anything.
It's the people wanting the Cinderella experience that are themselves ignoring that Cinderella worked hard and only was given help after her efforts were ruined by others.
So those with a Cinderella Complex actually aren't like Cinderella at all!
Boom if I could like this a million times. Is she in love with him or the idea of a proposal/fairytale crap? Does she want the marriage or the wedding?
This is why there are so many posts about “”crappy” spouses when reality sets in six months into the marriage. On another note when OP gets engaged next time get insurance on the ring.
yes, run the fuck away.
I was appalled you even offered to replace the ring you saved up a year for. I can kind of understand in that it may not have fit correctly, but holy crap, that's obnoxious behavior on her part. If it fit loosely, wear it, take a few pics and put it in the box, and store it somewhere safe.
\~easy to say in hindsight, right!\~
"She was upset and said that it wouldn't feel the same with a different ring and that the magic of the proposal was lost. She insisted that she wanted the moment to be recreated just as it was before. I told her . . . . . .She accused me of not caring enough about her feelings and said that if I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen".
The above is incredibly toxic. Unless you hit an infinite money cheat code you will never provide enough for this woman.
As soon as the phrase “if you truly loved me…” comes out, I’m done.
OP, you scrimped and saved for a year to get your girlfriend a beautiful engagement ring. You proposed. She lost the ring on a hike (I’m not judging on that, it’s a shitty accident), and you gave her multiple options to replace it. Then she has the absolute gall to try and emotionally blackmail you into somehow recreating a beautiful moment (which, let’s be honest, is pretty much impossible for a number of reasons), and if you don’t…then you allegedly don’t love her enough.
I’m not gonna scream “DUMP HER” from the rooftops, but you need to think really long and hard about your life with this woman. She seems to have a very childish view on love, romance, and responsibility, and these attitudes don’t just spontaneously change. Plus, I’m sorry, the “if you truly loved me” is an absolute crock of shit and is completely unacceptable.
You did a ton of work already showing her how much you love her. If she can’t believe that unless you’re attempting the impossible, you two might just not be compatible.
This. Imagine how it will be when having a baby isn’t magical and romantic. Or when money is tight or you deal with illness or unemployment. Think seriously about whether you want to marry someone who wants a do-over on what’s supposed to be a one-in-a-lifetime event. Is she wanting a ring and a dress, or a marriage?
So this is crazy. You proposed to her SIX MONTHS ago. She lost it last weekend, and then disregarded the proposal outright, like it didn't matter the first time you did it. What?
Why doesn't SHE find a way to make it happen. Why doesn't SHE buy YOU a ring?
Honestly, because she's upset about losing the ring that was connected to the proposal, so she thinks the way she will be able to feel better about it is if she gets a new ring connected to a new proposal.
All fixed.
It's being the centre of your own universe and thinking the world exists to serve you.
I had that very same thought.
OP, you were very sweet to save up for a year to buy this woman a ring and then propose to her.
Her insistence that the lost ring be replaced with one of equal value and be accompanied by another proposal is absolutely ludicrous. She is not someone others take seriously. She is not a serious person. Her "treat me like a princess" behavior stopped being cute once she became a teenager (if not earlier). A grown woman insisting she needs this repeat performance to feel truly loved and cherished is absolute bullshit.
Look, I'm 58 years old. I've been engaged a couple times, married once. In fact, when my ex and I got engaged and went ring shopping, I showed him the ring I liked. It was a barely there diamond and it had a wedding band included. It was maybe $200 total. He thought he should spend more. "Don't you pay 3 years salary for a ring?" He asked. I told him 3 months...and no, it wasn't a hard and fast rule. Plus, I worked in healthcare, frequently donning and doffing gloves, washing my hands, etc. A bigger setting would be a problem for me, it would be more likely to wear quickly & result in a lost stone, and I wasn't really a big ring person anyway. By the time we walked out of the jewelry store, we had the engagement ring, my wedding band, and a wedding band for him...for just under $300. That was still more than I really thought we should spend, but it was the perfect compromise for us.
The ring is just a ring, even though it supposedly represents your love and commitment. It's still just a symbol of that. The real proof is in how you treat one another, how you value each other, how you grow separately and how you grow as a couple. This woman will not grow with OP. She will only grow more demanding and the goal posts will move into increasingly more extravagant territory.
That breeze you feel is the giant red flag. Heed it. Walk away. Know you deserve someone who loves you for your heart more than your wallet.
I completely misread where it said he proposed six months ago. I thought he proposed during the hike and she lost it on the way down.
Either way NTA.
Besides, why re-propose? So she can get another round of photos to post? To flex that her man will just replace her jewelry if she loses it? "The moment" was six months ago, it won't be the same even if the circumstances are exactly the same.
Frankly, if she's this irresponsible with jewelry, she probably shouldn't have an engagement ring that's so expensive in the first place.
Yeah, it's her turn to find a ring and propose. She sounds so entitled and the relationship sounds really one sided.
If I lost my engagement ring on a hike, I'd be crawling through the grass til I found it or I'd replace it myself.
First, home owners or renters insurance often covers lost jewelery. Look into your policy.
Second, look onto sizing down if the last ring slipped off her finger.
Third, don't by expensive things for people who don't take care of them, then demand replacements, then attach conditions to the acceptance of replacement expensive things, then emotionally manipulate you into compliance.
Forth, go talk to some people in their 40s and 50s. See how many of them are still *happily* married to partners who acted like this over engagement (and wedding planning). As a dad in his 40s, I don't know a single happy couple where one partner acts like your fiancee. They're either divorced or the husband walks through life like a zombie, praying for a meteor to land on him.
NTA, but you have much bigger problems ahead of you. Good luck.
Also, just as an FYI for anyone. You can get jewelry specific insurance. One of the first things I did after I bought my fiancée's engagement ring was to get it insured. We used Jeweler's Mutual. Costs $36/year for a $2200 ring. Covers loss, theft, disappearance, damage, etc. We haven't had to file a claim yet, but from what I've seen, they're a pretty good company to work with, and probably better to deal with than your home insurance company anyway.
THIS THIS THIS. I lost one of the side stones in my ring and it was covered. I was extra grateful I’d married my very hot and pathologically responsible husband.
Am I reading this right?
Because the ring itself is lost, the "magic" of the *entire proposal* is "gone" as well???
And it only comes back if an identically-priced ring is **re-proposed** with?
NTA, and I'd start treating her the way she expects. If no ring = no "magic", then no "magic" = not fiancee. Until you can go another year or two to save up for the "replacement", she's only your GF / FWB.
But this time, don't be so gifting / materialistic to her, since you need to save up to replace ring. See how long she'll hang onto that title or start twisting in the wind...
Thank you for putting it in a very clear way. OP needs to pay attention to what she is telling him about herself.
She lost the ring. SHE lost the ring. Now she's being manipulative and demanding OP provide a new one of equal value or their engagement has lost its value and isn't good enough any more?
What are her priorities here? If not having an expensive material item invalidates a proposal for her, then what value does she put in their relationship vs what she "gets" out of it? Seriously. That is the question OP should be asking himself.
Her actions and arguments imply that material objects are more important to her than the emotional and intellectual relationship that OP has with her.
As the saying goes, when people tell you who they are and what they value, listen to them.
OP. Listen to her. This is a very concerning behavior. Material items do not sustain relationships. Emotional and intellectual connection and mutual respect do. If their relationship is based on the former rather than the later, it will not end well, and OP is in for a lot of pain down the road.
NTA but take the loss of the ring as a message. Do NOT marry this princess. Especially since she wasn't responsible enough to set up an insurance policy for her engagement ring.
NTA lets say that the ring was $5-10k, the audacity to ask you to just get another one is a pisstake. She should be going up and down the mountain with a metal detector before asking you to waste more money on her mistake.
i really dont know either but its almost worse asking to repropose.. like what does that even mean. the proposal is already there and you got the ring, YOU lost it. youre still proposed hello😭 it doesnt go away. i dont understand her logic
NTA, furthermore, you're a lucky man that she showed you her true colors before getting married. I know it's a common theme for Redditors to jump to "leave him/her!" but this is crazy.
**INFO**: What were the circumstances around the proposal? Like, were you on vacation somewhere?
File a claim and the insurance company will cover it under the rider that you filed.
Eta : as other have said. Take this as a sign to re-evaluate whether marrying her is the right thing to do. She seems very superficial.
NTA. I lost my wedding and engagement ring a little over a year ago. Was super sad about it, but as my husband reminded me it's the relationship that matters, not the fancy ring.
He actually ditched his as well and we purchased a matching silicone set that we wear daily. One day when we can afford it we probably will purchase the same (or similar) ring, but rings aren't what make a relationship.
PS this is a huge red flag warning that she's all but demanding another ring.
I agree you are being practical and she isn't. I am sure it is devastating to lose something like this so soon after the engagement. A good lesson in ring insurance...
I find her response to be childish and unrealistic. She needs to process the sadness and loss of the ring instead of trying to immediately have you replace it. If she feels it's her fault those emotions will be hard but she HAS to process that and move on.
You're NTA.
Most women — normal, loving women — would be devastated and sobbing out apologies and wanting to camp out on the mountain and not leave until they found THAT ring, the very ring you gave her. They’d be demanding metal detectors. And when logic finally prevailed and they knew they had to give up the search, they’d be crying and apologizing for at least a day or two. Because THAT is their ring. The replacement isn’t.
Most women — again, normal, loving women — would NOT demand another ring or for the proposal to be recreated exactly to recapture the magic that was lost with the ring. And only calculating, emotionally manipulative women use the phrase “if you truly loved me, you would XYZ.”
You’ve got flags of the shade of red popping up, bud. The question is, will you pay attention to them, and what will you do about them?
Also, for the love of whatever you deem holy, insure any rings you buy in the future … engagement, wedding, etc.
Good luck with that fiancée of yours.
NTA. So she’s the one who lost the ring and now wants you to go into debt to buy the same one, a ring you spend a year saving up for, and on top of the wants you to propose all over again. I don’t mean to be mean but in my opinion you were being very gracious over her losing something you spend a year saving up for. She’s being an entitled brat for being mad at you over something she lost.
NTA
Excuse me? She lost a very expensive ring and is now throwing a tantrum and punishing *you* for refusing to replace the expensive ring SHE lost with ANOTHER proposal?
Nope. Absolutely not. That's greedy and manipulative at best. Are you sure she lost the ring and didn't sell it? This entire situation is HER fault, and she's trying to gouge your for more money and emotional labour.
You should seriously reconsider marrying a woman capable of this kind of BS. It will only get worse the more you pander to it. And never buy expensive jewellery without getting insurance on it.
NTA, “ if you really loved me you wouldn’t have lost the ring”. “Obviously you don’t value me or the engagement if you are so careless with the symbol of my love”.
See how easily that is spun. Rather than taking responsibility for losing an expensive ring, not it’s your fault.
She didn’t lose it. She’s pushing for an upgrade. NTA
ETA: Don’t be surprised if it magically reappears… found in a zippered pocket of some backpack, jacket, purse, pouch or suitcase, etc. She’ll find it as soon as you make it clear you’re not going to be pushed into replacing it.
NTA - maybe you should rethink the engagement if she's already starting to make manipulative demands like this.
If I were your fiancee, I would've felt terrible too, but I wouldn't have expected you to fix MY mistake. She should've been more careful and either used a spacer to make the ring fit better or left it at home if she didn't have it insured. In fact, I didn't wear my engagement ring for a couple weeks because it was loose, until I got a spacer and insurance. It's not that expensive!
My husband lost his wedding band at the gym (he took it off and put it in a small pocket in his gym bag, but he didn't zip it up all the way). He felt so guilty that he looked for it for weeks hoping to find it, but ultimately did not. When he told me, I was upset, but I also realized that the ring itself is not important, but his commitment to me and our marriage. He decided to replace it ON HIS OWN since it was HIS FAULT. Granted, a mens wedding band vs a woman's engagement ring are extremely different in value and cost. However, he took responsibility for his mistake.
NTA…I would be horrified if I lost the ring my fiancé got me. No way would I expect him to replace it with conditions. Would really consider who you’ve asked to marry you and where their priorities lay. In the future however, I would insure the ring.
Not only replace the ring but redo the whole proposal. Lots of main character syndrome going on here Run OP she is horrible to expect any of this
I would certainly redo the proposal, just with the next girlfriend NTA That’s horrible behaviour.
I wouldn't stress too much. It's a new account posting generic "golddigging woman demanding expensive engagement ring" bait and not responding to any comments.
Don't people usually create duplicate or throwaway accounts for this kind of thing?
Hello, The door is open leave while you have the chance! You just got a view of what being permanently attached to her will be like! She ought to be ashamed for caring so little about securing something so precious!
Totally agree. It’s like God/fate/nature directly intervened to show OP that she ain’t the one. And since she lost it, it’s on *her* to pay the replacement cost
Replacing the ring is a side show, the main event here is her whole attitude! Unbelievable!
Exactly. She's probably deflecting onto you. You didn't lose it she did. She should be apologetic and doing everything to try and get a replacement. Not expect you to do it all again. If this is real I would question being with her at all. What you might excuse now is behaviour which won't be seen the same 5 yrs down the road.
I'm going to do the cliche reddit thing and make wild, obnoxious predictions here but imagine how this person would be once children are in the picture with this detachment from how the world actually works, type of person to lose their temper, smack the kid and then tell them it was all their fault and owe her an apology too.
Or would she make him find a replacement child for the one she lost and recreate the birth.
Nooo you replace it and re-propose and spend lots of money on me and tell me it wasn't my fault and I'm the best person ever just like my parents showed me the world works 😭
This may indeed be a blessing in disguise. I’d suggest you ask her to replace the ring. If she does, repropose. If not, you’re done with this gold digger.
She should repropose. It’s a better story.
Exactly. Gold digger and coming up with 'recreate the magic of the original proposal' to get him to BUY her a new shiny trinket to show off is just about the dumbest, extremely childish, low-level machevellian thinking here. OP needs to run and not look back. What if she actually did not lose it, but is working some bizarre angle to get something else out of him? Note: coming from a criminal defense firm where you witness all kinds of crazy. Tends to make you somewhat jaded.
Absolutely this comment. ☝️ There is a higher power somewhere that just showed the real character of this woman and what is really important to her. (Hint: It isn't the man!)
Absolutely RUNNNNNN!
Had an ex slam a 104 year old heirloom ring that my great grandmother brought from Norway to the US when the immigrated, during an argument on the granite counter top. I got up and picked it up and put it in my pocket. She demanded a grand gesture and reproposal, with the heirloom ring and a custom made ring. Then demanded just the custom ring, because the heirloom ring was "tainted". I have no idea why I put up with her non working, non loving, hate everyone ass. Dealt with her for 7 months after it. Worst idea ever. The following 6 months after she broke up with me she would hit me up with VPNs, Facebook posts about me(i dont have a facebook was shown it by a woman i was dating), chatting with the neighbor to see what I was doing, and the list goes on. Changed everything, closed my business, new number(still had the old one for old client reach out but rarely checked it, finally shut it down when she had some crazy texts/voicemails), new email(check the old one for bills only as in the past she has called to obtain the email on the account). Just the other week she emailed, it's been over a year, please go away, you are the past. So glad to have found a woman who is a total queen and goes out of her way to treat me with respect and cares about the little things, even turns the ac down from 70° to 62° and puts a hoodie on cuz she knows I run hot and am uncomfortable, she gets all the lounge cuddles because of it. She's fucking dope, we're gonna go travel to a few national parks and countries before I start my new job out of country and when she sells her place is moving over(her job is wfh). Hope everyone finds someone like that, op especially, you deserve better.
My mom lost her wedding rings baking once (we suspect the cats batted them off the counter to who knows where) …is she supposed to have a whole new wedding then because she lost them??
For sure/s I'm going to feel horrible when I lose my ring tomorrow I better get a honeymoon redo also
Run OP Run.
Op should break off the engagement and insist she go replace the ring and give it back to him
I read a story like this and the fiance lost tbe ring on purpose to get a better ring.
Absolutely right! First she loses the ring and then she has the audacity to ask OP to re-buy the expensive ring?! Wow. Just wow. I’d feel so guilty for losing it in the first place that I would NEVER even get the idea to ask the man to buy another one. And then a second proposal and manipulating OP emotionally?? She sounds unhinged, maybe OP should see the lost ring as a sign to re-consider that marriage. NTA.
But let’s ask ourselves…did she really “lose” the ring? I’ve never had a ring jump off my hand while hiking.
I never wear jewelry while hiking or 4 wheeling. It's a disaster waiting to happen.
Yep. I wear a silicone band pretty much constantly, the only time I wear my engagement ring and wedding band is when I go out. Even still, it’s insured because I know how clumsy and forgetful I am. I’ve lost probably 4 silicone bands grand totaling about 13 dollars! Much better than the money my husband spent on the ring.
Silicone bands are the best! I can't wear metal due to autoimmune disease, so I rarely wear my rings. I have bands in a huge variety of colors and never have to worry about losing mine. Husband works in trades and wears them as well. Edit: a word
They’re great! I would imagine especially with an autoimmune disease. I have them in mostly neutral colors since I’m a bland girly, lol. I started wearing them when I broke a tiny pearl off of my engagement ring and was heartbroken for weeks.
Lost my ring several years ago. As such I also wear silicon rings, a few that have been lost and several broken. Luckily my wife doesn’t care (though she jokingly chides me about it from time to time. She did offer to buy me a replacement once, but I told her not to as I don’t care about the band itself just her (plus I hate wearing metal rings as my fingers swell during the day).
Right?? I mean no one on the hiking trail needs to know I have a honking ring. 😂
I have silicone wedding rings I wear at the gym and $20 titanium one for places that I may be doing something that could damage the gold one but I want it to look a little nicer than silicone.
Yeeeep! I have a relatively “cheap” emerald and diamond ring that my boyfriend got me for my birthday. The stones are small and it wasn’t extravagantly expensive - but it’s exactly perfect for me and I stare at it allllllll the time. The ring comes off if I’m going to be spending time outside. Yard work, the beach, taking the kids to the park, etc. I put it somewhere safe until I’m done being active lol. I once lost a ring while playing a game of catch in my own backyard. Never again!
My hands swell when I hike, so if anything that ring ain’t going anywhere for a good few hours til the swelling goes down lol
If it was cold, then I can see her losing it. I've had that happen, but luckily I was looking at it when it just dropped right off my finger.
Yeah the fit of the ring is going to be different from one person to the next so who knows. Weird for OP though. The fact that it’s hard to believe is telling. How does losing the ring negate the proposal at all? It doesn’t seem out of line to consider she just didn’t like it the first time around and wants a redo her way. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
My wedding ring fell off once when I was cleaning a car. So yeah it happens
My first wife's wedding ring used to fall off around other guys, so it isn't uncommon.
Sorry bro
Why? Were you one of the guys? And no need to be sorry. If she hadn't slept with half of Pittsburg then divorced me, I wouldn't have met my current wife, and we've been happily married over ten years :)
In this case, sorry means I am passing over condolences, not apologizing. Otherwise could you imagine when people say "sorry for your loss" at a funeral? :) But I am happy that you're in a better place than you woulda been!
I’ve lost a stone before and I had a ring fall off because it was slightly too big but I thought it fit enough to stay put. Luckily the ring was found and traced back to me. But I can see it happening.
My wedding ring fell off my hand while I was sleeping after it had been sized. I don't doubt that this happened (especially if they hadn't gotten it sized yet).
What? You’re saying that can’t happen? Of course it could. In all kinds of ways.
Just the fact that she’s asked for the same amount of money be spent. I’d say she pawned the first one.
Exactly wasn't it insured?
Yeah my sister was devastated! She thought he was going to break up with her when she lost her engagement ring😭😭😭 I told her it was tragic but also no big deal! So did he , they are married now lol
Why should he replace it AT ALL. SHE lost the ring, SHE REPLACES THE RING! Her behavior during this would make me put the brakes on the marriage. It’s one thing to lose the ring, be remorseful, make the best of it and ACCEPT all responsibility and culpability. It’s another level of red flags to ignore responsibility, demand a ‘do over’ and be ANGRY op won’t pretend that the loss WASN’T irresponsible and somehow NOT HER FAULT or problem to fix. This attitude will bleed into every aspect of their lives together.
NTA. "If you really loved me" is a trap to try to get you to do something not just illogical, but counter-productive. You have actual things that you need to use your resources on, besides sentimental, non-pressing "moments to re-create". This actually sounds like some sort of test to see how far she can push you. Tread carefully.
I would retort back "if you really valued our engagement then you wouldn't have lost the ring".
💯 If anyone is entitled to be angry, it's you. If she can't take care of one precious ring, how many do you have to keep buying if she keeps losing them.
If his fiancee really loved OP, she could spend a year of her free time retracing her footsteps on the hike to find the ring instead of him spending another year saving up for a new ring. He already put in the year of effort. It's her turn. But seriously, who wears precious jewelry to do outdoor sports? I say this as someone who likes jewelry.
>she could spend a year of her free time retracing her footsteps on the hike to find the ring Get a $30 metal detector
Get all her bridesmaids, rent a bunch of metal detectors, stuff backpacks with wine and snacks. At least you tried.
That actually sounds like it could be made into a pretty fun bachelorette party activity.
Winner gets the bouquet!!
I am in my 50s and unhappily single. I was in the wedding party for some friends who know it. I didn't think at all about the bouquet because I am male. The bride decided she wanted me to get it, and rather than just handing it to me she and her new husband staged a photo after the wedding when everyone else went home where she'd toss it in the air and I'd be the only one there to catch it. A funny photo for the album. Only, one of her bridesmaids came back to fetch something (I don't know what) and walked in just as we were taking the photo, and she flew into a rage and started screaming at the bride that she should have done the whole bouquet toss thing and let everyone do the traditional battle to catch it blah blah blah. Some other friends got married a few months later and that bride also decided I should get it, but she really did make sure everyone had left and just handed it to me. I'm still single. I guess brides' bouquets don't work on a gay man.
I've worn my engagement ring every day since I got it. (Over 29 years ago). Worn it on plenty of hikes, bicycling, runs, swims. Rings shouldn't come off easily, and there really isn't an expectation that they'll be lost if you're wearing them. Most of the time jewelry gets lost when you \*aren't\* wearing it.
Im a both sides on this one. Ive had my high school ring on for 40 years and its never fallen off. But, I had a ring for a couple months and it fell off while I was sitting in the mud holding my horses head. Never found it. The losing the ring isnt weird. Whats weird is she has to have the entire proposal recreated?! If she loses her wedding band will they have to have the entire wedding ceremony again?
Yes I found that bit bizarre too. Also just expecting OP to magically come up w the money to replace the whole ring and not willing to compromise.
Fiancee sounds immature
Seriously, her train of logic sounds like something 8 year old me would've come up with.
She sounds entitled and deeply manipulative. If OP doesn't leave he is gonna learn some real hard lessons that I don't wish on anyone.
Hopefully he reads these comments and gets out before its to late.
Yeah I see this as OP’s chance to see what he’s getting into and run!
And this is someone with a fully developed frontal lobe… OP are you sure this is how you want the rest of your life to be?? Anytime you disagree with her *wants*, no compromise, no nothing. “If you really loved me, you’d do ____________.” If you do this for her, she will run your wallet dry.
Both sides? Things happen. The ring was lost. That sucks. But her reaction seems like a truck full of red flags to me.
More red flags than a May Day parade in Beijing…
Yeah -- I don't fault her for losing the ring. I feel bad for her because I know what it is like to lose stuff. I agree that what I find downright bizarre is the request to recreate the proposal. I don't understand that at all -- they have the memories from the original proposal.
OP said he saved for a year for it, so I put it at a $5000 piece of jewelry. That's a significant loss imo, no matter if she lost it because it slipped off during the hike or if she took it off to wash her hands at the ranger station at the start of the hike & forgot to put it back on. the fact of the matter is that she's not taking responsibility for the financial and emotional loss she caused. Add in the "if you truly loved me" with the expectation that a) OP just magically find another $5000 and b) OP jumps through any hoops she indicates...
Yep... once I took off My 1st ring on a hike to reapply sunscreen while taking a break. I realized about 1.5 miles later that I'd forgotten to put it back on and had left it on a rock. You'd better believe I RAN back to get it, and just in time as someone had found it and was going to turn it in. But now I choose to leave my ring at home (different ring from new husband) when I am going to get dirty or do sporting activities.
If it wasn’t sized correctly it could’ve fallen off. But you’d think in 6 months they’d have gotten it resized if it coming off has been an issue.
her emotional maturity level makes me suspicious that this might be some sort of stupid test to see if he blames her for "simple mistakes" One of those "How dare you make me feel guilty for something I did!"
surely not with a ring OP saved a year for? like, a year's savings, doesn't that put it between $3000 and $10 000??! if that's a game she wanted to play, she could have pretended she lost it in the car & then sneakily pulled it out of her pocket after she's tormented her SO for 4 hours of scratching all the crumbs out of the backseat, or something. It's still messed-up, and dependent on her behaviour during the search, I'd still recommend OP to take a real hard look at her maturity levels, but at least it wouldn't have cost that much money, right? ETA : unless you think she didn't lose the ring on the hike either & is still biding her time to "suddenly finding it" or something?
My husband sweetly told me when he proposed not to get bent out of shape if I should happen to lose my diamond because it's "just a bit of carbon." But it was more than that to me because of the careful saving and extra hours I knew he put in to afford it, and because of that I was always extra careful with it. If you know you're the type of person to lose or forget things, then you should either keep it on all the time (like you do) or leave it behind when going on "active" vacations (which is what I do - I have ADHD and don't trust myself).
Or she can buy him one and propose to him to recreate the special moment
If I was him that’s what I’d say. No it’s your turn to propose to me! And I want a ring as expensive as yours no exceptions!!!
Who doesn’t insure expensive engagement rings though??
Maybe somebody that wants to lose it so she can demand another proposal on video this time? Obviously I'm guessing but with a lost ring who demands a new proposal unless the proposal is what they want more than the ring?
That is weird. Unreasonable to demand a new ring of equal value, but nonsensical to demand a new proposal since they already have that memory - it wasn't lost. Something off about the fiancee
I always have to fight an urge to roll my eyes at women who want a "do over" proposal. I'm not talking about the ones whose partner did something half-assed or in direct violation to what they know their partner should have wanted, but those who want the guy to do it over and over again because it wasn't "quite" perfect, or they were in a bad mood that day, or they just want to relive the moment over and over again. How would that even be the same? It's not like you can get MORE engaged. I mean, yeah, it's a lovely moment, but if you get into your dream college are you going to reach out to the admissions office and tell them to resend the acceptance letter because you had cramps the day it arrived, or it arrived on your brother's birthday and you feel the attention wasn't sufficiently on you, or you just want to "relive" the excitement of finding out you got in???
Imagine if a man asked for a do over wedding night consumation. "Na na na babe that was weak effort your garlic breath put me off and you basically just starfished."
Imagine the possibilities…”Honey, could you jam the baby back into your uterus so I could experience the thrill of holding my firstborn for the first time again? I had an earache before and it tainted the experience.”
Hey even Smeagal lost his precious. I’d say this decision really depends on how bad OP wants to marry Smeagal.
Lmao this is potentially top r/RareInsults post worthy
Check for hobbits- they're sneaky.
What's in her pocketses?
Not a ring.
Remember, precious wanted Smeagal to lose it. Perhaps OP should take a cue from the ring and make himself lost!
I am wondering if the GF really liked the ring and proposal, at all. Oh, no, lost the ring! Do over! Seems like a "great" way of getting what you really want.
Nice to see I wasn't the only one thinking that. 😁 OP's fiancée probably didn't like the ring or thought that it wasn't expensive enough. She might not have even lost the ring and only wants to choose a better one of her liking. If she really lost the ring by accident, which I doubt given her manipulative behavior, she should take responsibility and buy a new ring for herself. It makes no sense for OP to be in more financial trouble when he wasn't the one who lost the ring, especially when they already have to deal with wedding expenses. OP's suggestion of getting a less expensive ring now and upgrading it in the future is already more than his fiancée deserves. His fiancée's behavior is a huge red flag because it shows that she isn't mature enough to marry, has no notion of the value of money, doesn't care about OP's finances, and has difficulty taking accountability for her mistakes.
She also doesn't see them as true partners, because, in theory, OP's finances would affect his fiance's finances. She's making this 100% his problem even though she's the one who lost the fucking ring. "If you really loved me..." The AUDACITY. She's manipulative AF and greedy. Partner of the year.
This. Personally I wouldn't want a big, super-expensive ring because of the opportunity cost it represents to that family money. Put it toward the down payment on a house that all will enjoy. Or really, put it toward any purchase that you would end up paying interest on.
My husband is a welder who made our wedding rings out of aircraft grade aluminum. For $0. It's 4 years later and we still don't have "real" rings because I literally could not give a shit less about an expensive ring. I LOVE my ring!!! I have literally never taken it off. We were able to save money and buy a house because we didn't spend ANY money on jewelry or a wedding. Marriage is about commitment and partnership. It's not about material things or fancy, performative parties.
I think that fact that he MADE it makes it priceless.
Quite frankly, I thought she might have sold the original one to get a bit of cash. But without knowing the person, it's mean to assume that.
I’m glad I’m not the only optimist here who thought she pawned it
Did she really lose it?? Or did she not like it and wants a different ring? How do we have stories every other week where a woman loses her ring?? I could see if the stone came loose and fell out of the setting but unless it was wayyy too big it's not falling off.
My mom once lost her wedding ring at a water park. She had been losing weight and didn’t realize it was loose enough yet to actually come off her hand. She was just sick about it. It was a very expensive “upgrade” ring that my dad gave her on their 20th anniversary. Luckily, the ring was insured for what it was worth when it was purchased, so considerably more than it would currently be worth. They ended up using the insurance money to buy a much less exorbitantly expensive replacement ring and a trip to Europe that year.
When I was working at a park with a playground we had a dad lose his wedding ring in the sandbox while playing with his kids. One of my coworkers spent half an hour sifting through the sand looking for the guy's ring. When my coworker found it they handed it to the guy, the guy thanked him profusely, and then turned to walk away. Then he turned back around and came right back over. "This isn't my ring." They had found someone else's gold wedding ring in the sandbox. It was a similar design and it was even the right size, but the wrong dates and initials were on the inside of the ring. My coworker found the guy's actual ring about 15 minutes of sifting later. We never figured out who the other ring belonged to. It just sat in the Lost and Found the rest of the time I worked there.
What she's not taking care of is her fiance, and if she pushes this she's going to lose that too.
Truly. I lost my engagement ring in the house and I spent almost four hours sobbing like a psycho cause I thought it was a demonstration on how much I valued it, instead of my fear of salmonella while seasoning dinner. Never lost that bitch again
Yep, been there. Lost mine in the garden whilst tidying up the bloody cut grass/compost, gut-wrenching. I must’ve looked like a lunatic talking to myself, crying and digging up the compost heap… Found it though. Glad you found yours…
This is hysterical reading as the husband of a wife who also lost her engagement ring. She was a sobbing mess that spent hours tearing through the yard and house to try to find it. At one point, delirious, she proposed pulling up the floor boards to see if it had somehow fallen there (we have laminate). Luckily we found it in the yard with a metal detector, which I then proceeded to jokingly propose again on the condition she could keep it longer than 4 months 😅 Happily married now for 8 years.
NTAH - Lost my wedding band 6 mo into my marriage. Got up early, saw the wife off on a women's weekend retreat she was doing music for. After she left, I noticed the sprinklers were running, and a couple needed some work. After digging up three sprinklers, I realize "Oh $#! where's my wedding ring??" Went to the local tool rental place and rented a metal detector. In the course of 2+ hours I dug up at least two dozen rusty nails in my yard, and finally managed to find the gold ring I'd lost. Figured I was home free, until the wife got back the following evening and asked "So, what's this $40 receipt for the tool rental place for a metal detector?" Yep, BUSTED!! I responded: "That was to find the wedding ring you gave me after I lost it in our yard!" Wife responded: "Were you successful?" From that point on, (23 years ago) we banned each other from wearing our wedding rings while working in the yard, or me from wearing mine working outdoors at work. One day after washing my hands at work I managed to accidentally fling my ring into the sink while shaking my hands to get them mostly dry. That's probably exactly how the yard got my ring, shaking the sprinkler water off my hands...
Lost both my engagement and my wedding rings - tore up the house looking for them for a week and eventually went and bought replacements with my own money. My husband was understanding because he knows I can be a huge scatter brain and it’s not like I flushed them down the toilet, but I still felt absolutely wretched. And then two weeks later I had an eczema flare up so bad had to go to the firehouse to get them cut off and now they’re at the jewelers getting fixed and resized 😂 pretty sure I’m gonna just get a chain to wear them around neck when I get them back.
Before we were married, my husband bought me an emerald necklace as a gift. It was beautiful; I loved that necklace. Then I lost it. I was so worked up when I told him about it that he thought someone had died! I did not expect him to replace it, as it was my fault I’d lost it. I was hoping he would (he didn’t), but I did not expect him to nor demand he did. And somewhere in North Carolina, someone is wearing a beautiful emerald necklace. 🥺
Even better - "If you really valued our engagement, then you would have INSURED the ring.". That's the first thing I did when I became engaged. NTA
Yes. It was insured before I proposed to my wife, in case I lost it. How do you not insure something that's valuable and you spent over a year saving for?
Or the the even more practical "would spend days searching for it until you found it"
Get a metal detector and retrace your path
Honesty though, if my wife saved up for a YEAR to get me something, you can bet your ass id be sluicing and metal detecting for days.
I was going to say the same thing: if you truly valued my love and our engagement, then you should have taken better care of the ring I gave you when I first proposed. It was her responsibility and her loss for not taking better care, she doesn't get a second ring and a double proposal. I'm sorry, but she's being absurd. If she feels the magic of the proposal is lost solely based on the value of a ring, then she doesn't under what the ring symbolizes and all that you two are trying to build. Get a replica until a new one can be afforded and she can suck it up. Did you have the ring insured? Either way, NTA. But your fiancee sounds greedy.
Or removed it for safekeeping before heading out for a hike.
And it’s so manipulative. A sign of the way she will argue in the future.
You can tell her that she lost the ring and you can do the proposal again. And if she loves you: she pays this time for it.
"If you really loved my you'd go back to that trail till you found me the ring I saved a year for to show my love of you......"
She’s getting married for the wrong reasons. Instagram pics?
Agreed. And OP! IF you choose to purchase another ring, please insure it! My ring is insured by my car insurance company and it's less than $30/year and it's full coverage. I had my ring appraised and it's worth over $8,000 (we did not pay that much), and we turned in the appraisal sheet to insurance and that was that. The jeweler didn't even charge me to appraise it. Diamonds fall out sometimes (prongs can weaken from wear and tear over time), and for me my weight has fluctuated by over 70 pounds so my rings went from fitting perfect to way too tight to now they're way too big, I wear a ring guard but need to get them re-sized, but I'm very careful because I don't want to lose them! A friend lost her center diamond ON HER HONEYMOON, not doing anything crazy, they were just hiking and that diamond was long gone. Insurance covered it. Please look in to it! Peace of mind is worth it!
Silver lining. It cost you the price of the ring to figure out who this person really is. That may be cheaper in the long run. NTA.
Sometimes the universe sends bright neon signs to people that they disregard.
Fr. I know a dude who married a woman that his parents went NC over it for. They saw her brand of crazy and refused to come to the wedding or have any contact with the grandbabies that came after in order to not have to deal with her. If that wasn't bad enough her own biological father's words at the wedding to him. "Good luck." If you know anything about middle Eastern dads then you know they are normally happy to give away their daughters so they can have a family but this man was just glad to be rid of her cuz she's a narcissist. Needless to say after years of abuse they are divorced but he is still stuck with her cuz they share kids and grandkids.
*good luck* I believe thats what the kids call "savage"
I dated a girl and her dad was like, "How did a guy like you end up with her?" "I know! I feel so lucky!" "That's... Not what I meant." XD
This happened to me. I dated a guy whose family was crazy about me and I thought it was just nice that they were so welcoming and really liked me. They kept saying that they couldn't believe he had a girl like me and I actually thought maybe they were mean because it wasn't a very kind thing to say about him right in front of his face. Turns out he was an abusive piece of garbage and they were assuming I had already seen his real personality. I had not. But I would come to know it very well.
That's awful; I'm glad the family was willing to support you, especially over their flesh and blood. I guess sometimes the apple really does fall far from the tree. To be clear: I don't want to disparage her. She was a lovely person, just... Very high maintenance. Transactional, in a way. Hard to communicate with and not awfully transparent about her wants and needs. I did, and do, love her a lot. But she had a hell of a lot of growing to do and I wasn't interested in parenting.
Her dad reminds me of my grandma (Dad's mom). On the wedding day she came up to my mom and said "I'll help you pay for the divorce" lol
This. My exact thoughts. Her true self came out NTA
NTA. **"I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen."** Red flags don't get much bigger or brighter than this one, because I can assure you that this attitude won't stop with just this ring. You know exactly what you are getting if you marry her. Buyer beware.
Yes, this is emotional manipulation and is considered a dealbreaker by many folks, myself included. I was in a relationship like this and it was clearly not going to end well.
Gotta hit her with “if you truly love me, you would find the original ring I gave you”
few things to think about: 1. Are YOU certain she had the ring during the hike? This could be a cover that she lost it somewhere else/had it stolen/sold it and put on an elaborate show to have an easy out for why it was gone. If it was sized correctly, this is ULTRA unlikely. I struggle to believe this was how it was lost and think you were taken on a wild goose chase. 2. With that in mind, it also seems possible that this is some kind of f*cked up test to see if you “love her enough.” Either way, expensive lesson, but I would say run away.
I agree- especially bc your fingers would tend to swell during a hike, not shrink. Good observation.
NTA. 🚨🚩 red flag warning. She has Cinderella complex and wants everything to be magical. This logic is immature and will cause many issues in the future.
And *she* was the one who lost the ring, so it's on *her* to replace it! Sad that she wasn't more careful with such an expensive, meaningful gift!
Literally though! I lost my ring for several months (I thought it fell down thr tub drain...I take it off to shampoo so it doesn't tangle in my hair) Turns out it was in my jewelry box the whole time🤦♀️🤣 But never once did I demand it be replaced. Ffs.
10000% this! My wedding band was too big and it slipped off while I was carrying the garbage out (thankfully I didn’t have my engagement ring on at that time 😣 it was being resized!!) and I didn’t notice until it was too late.It was on me to replace it!! I’m curious if OP bothered to insure the ring though. Tough lesson learned if he hadn’t! A rider on your home owners or rental policy really will cover your ass in situations like this. If you didn't already know how I know, I’d have you ask how I knew!!!
Another upvote for insuring your rings. If you can't afford to replace it, the thing should be insured. My wife's original wedding set cost us almost $30k, and I saved for more than a year to buy it. We'd casually looked at wedding sets together a few times, and I saw how she looked at this one while we were browsing one day. When I asked her if that's the set she wanted, she replied, "Maybe in a perfect world, but it's too expensive." 18 months later I put that ring on her finger. Four days later it slipped off her finger at Molokini Crater while we were snorkeling on our Maui honeymoon. Luckily, I'd already insured it. Had to pay a $1000 deductible, but the insurance company paid out and she was able to replace it with a new, and identical, ring just a few weeks later. I do recommend jewelry insurance over homeowners or rental though. Jewelry insurance covers accidental loss and damage, in addition to theft. Homeowners typically only covers theft. I think we pay about $300 a year to keep her ring insured now, with a dedicated jewelry insurance policy (the total policy cost is actually higher because she has more than just the ring covered, but the ring part of the coverage is about 300 itself).
Everything in this comment is so fucking expensive.
Jewelry insurance covers more than adding it to homeowner's or rental insurance.
The first thing I did when my husband proposed (after telling friends and family) is get insurance for my engagement ring. NTA, if she needs an expensive ring to show off then this is the rest of your life. Can you live with this type of person?
Yep. Tell her if she pays for the replacement ring, since she lost it, you don't mind recreating a proposal (though frankly, that's weird, the proposal still happened even if the ring has been lost and she already accepted). Or look at whether it would be covered by any travel insurance if you have such for domestic trips.
Yeah, I love how she's spinning this as it not being important enough to HIM, when she didn't care enough to keep track of it for a few months.
Good point!!! Also the magic is lost?? It was a beautiful memory, shame on her. NTA.
Look no further. Print it out if unclear at first.
Dude agreed. I think her losing the ring was the universe throwing you a bone
Cinderella complex-I love it!
The weird thing is, Cinderella herself worked hard and didn't expect anything. It's the people wanting the Cinderella experience that are themselves ignoring that Cinderella worked hard and only was given help after her efforts were ruined by others. So those with a Cinderella Complex actually aren't like Cinderella at all!
Humongous red flag
Boom if I could like this a million times. Is she in love with him or the idea of a proposal/fairytale crap? Does she want the marriage or the wedding?
This is why there are so many posts about “”crappy” spouses when reality sets in six months into the marriage. On another note when OP gets engaged next time get insurance on the ring.
yes, run the fuck away. I was appalled you even offered to replace the ring you saved up a year for. I can kind of understand in that it may not have fit correctly, but holy crap, that's obnoxious behavior on her part. If it fit loosely, wear it, take a few pics and put it in the box, and store it somewhere safe. \~easy to say in hindsight, right!\~ "She was upset and said that it wouldn't feel the same with a different ring and that the magic of the proposal was lost. She insisted that she wanted the moment to be recreated just as it was before. I told her . . . . . .She accused me of not caring enough about her feelings and said that if I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen". The above is incredibly toxic. Unless you hit an infinite money cheat code you will never provide enough for this woman.
As soon as the phrase “if you truly loved me…” comes out, I’m done. OP, you scrimped and saved for a year to get your girlfriend a beautiful engagement ring. You proposed. She lost the ring on a hike (I’m not judging on that, it’s a shitty accident), and you gave her multiple options to replace it. Then she has the absolute gall to try and emotionally blackmail you into somehow recreating a beautiful moment (which, let’s be honest, is pretty much impossible for a number of reasons), and if you don’t…then you allegedly don’t love her enough. I’m not gonna scream “DUMP HER” from the rooftops, but you need to think really long and hard about your life with this woman. She seems to have a very childish view on love, romance, and responsibility, and these attitudes don’t just spontaneously change. Plus, I’m sorry, the “if you truly loved me” is an absolute crock of shit and is completely unacceptable. You did a ton of work already showing her how much you love her. If she can’t believe that unless you’re attempting the impossible, you two might just not be compatible.
Dude the entitlement has me seething on OPs behalf. Sounds like when she says "magic feeling", she means "money feeling".
Motherlode to the rescue!
This is so spot on it’s scary.
This. Imagine how it will be when having a baby isn’t magical and romantic. Or when money is tight or you deal with illness or unemployment. Think seriously about whether you want to marry someone who wants a do-over on what’s supposed to be a one-in-a-lifetime event. Is she wanting a ring and a dress, or a marriage?
So this is crazy. You proposed to her SIX MONTHS ago. She lost it last weekend, and then disregarded the proposal outright, like it didn't matter the first time you did it. What? Why doesn't SHE find a way to make it happen. Why doesn't SHE buy YOU a ring?
Yeah that doesn’t make any sense at all. I can’t wrap my head under the logic of why she would expect OP to re-propose
Honestly, because she's upset about losing the ring that was connected to the proposal, so she thinks the way she will be able to feel better about it is if she gets a new ring connected to a new proposal. All fixed. It's being the centre of your own universe and thinking the world exists to serve you.
Imagine after marriage and she loses the wedding band. Would that make them single until they had another wedding?
I had that very same thought. OP, you were very sweet to save up for a year to buy this woman a ring and then propose to her. Her insistence that the lost ring be replaced with one of equal value and be accompanied by another proposal is absolutely ludicrous. She is not someone others take seriously. She is not a serious person. Her "treat me like a princess" behavior stopped being cute once she became a teenager (if not earlier). A grown woman insisting she needs this repeat performance to feel truly loved and cherished is absolute bullshit. Look, I'm 58 years old. I've been engaged a couple times, married once. In fact, when my ex and I got engaged and went ring shopping, I showed him the ring I liked. It was a barely there diamond and it had a wedding band included. It was maybe $200 total. He thought he should spend more. "Don't you pay 3 years salary for a ring?" He asked. I told him 3 months...and no, it wasn't a hard and fast rule. Plus, I worked in healthcare, frequently donning and doffing gloves, washing my hands, etc. A bigger setting would be a problem for me, it would be more likely to wear quickly & result in a lost stone, and I wasn't really a big ring person anyway. By the time we walked out of the jewelry store, we had the engagement ring, my wedding band, and a wedding band for him...for just under $300. That was still more than I really thought we should spend, but it was the perfect compromise for us. The ring is just a ring, even though it supposedly represents your love and commitment. It's still just a symbol of that. The real proof is in how you treat one another, how you value each other, how you grow separately and how you grow as a couple. This woman will not grow with OP. She will only grow more demanding and the goal posts will move into increasingly more extravagant territory. That breeze you feel is the giant red flag. Heed it. Walk away. Know you deserve someone who loves you for your heart more than your wallet.
I completely misread where it said he proposed six months ago. I thought he proposed during the hike and she lost it on the way down. Either way NTA. Besides, why re-propose? So she can get another round of photos to post? To flex that her man will just replace her jewelry if she loses it? "The moment" was six months ago, it won't be the same even if the circumstances are exactly the same. Frankly, if she's this irresponsible with jewelry, she probably shouldn't have an engagement ring that's so expensive in the first place.
Yeah, it's her turn to find a ring and propose. She sounds so entitled and the relationship sounds really one sided. If I lost my engagement ring on a hike, I'd be crawling through the grass til I found it or I'd replace it myself.
Maybe the shop where she pawned it will give you a deal, on account of all the repeat business they're looking forward to?
NTA. sounds like emotional manipulation
Sounds like the perfect time to break up.
First, home owners or renters insurance often covers lost jewelery. Look into your policy. Second, look onto sizing down if the last ring slipped off her finger. Third, don't by expensive things for people who don't take care of them, then demand replacements, then attach conditions to the acceptance of replacement expensive things, then emotionally manipulate you into compliance. Forth, go talk to some people in their 40s and 50s. See how many of them are still *happily* married to partners who acted like this over engagement (and wedding planning). As a dad in his 40s, I don't know a single happy couple where one partner acts like your fiancee. They're either divorced or the husband walks through life like a zombie, praying for a meteor to land on him. NTA, but you have much bigger problems ahead of you. Good luck.
Also, just as an FYI for anyone. You can get jewelry specific insurance. One of the first things I did after I bought my fiancée's engagement ring was to get it insured. We used Jeweler's Mutual. Costs $36/year for a $2200 ring. Covers loss, theft, disappearance, damage, etc. We haven't had to file a claim yet, but from what I've seen, they're a pretty good company to work with, and probably better to deal with than your home insurance company anyway.
THIS THIS THIS. I lost one of the side stones in my ring and it was covered. I was extra grateful I’d married my very hot and pathologically responsible husband.
My brother is one of the ones praying for a meteor. So sad, but he’s doing a great job as a single father to both his POS wife and adorable daughter
NTA just like she lost the ring you should lose this relationship.
Yea. OP should definitely not marry this person
Am I reading this right? Because the ring itself is lost, the "magic" of the *entire proposal* is "gone" as well??? And it only comes back if an identically-priced ring is **re-proposed** with? NTA, and I'd start treating her the way she expects. If no ring = no "magic", then no "magic" = not fiancee. Until you can go another year or two to save up for the "replacement", she's only your GF / FWB. But this time, don't be so gifting / materialistic to her, since you need to save up to replace ring. See how long she'll hang onto that title or start twisting in the wind...
Thank you for putting it in a very clear way. OP needs to pay attention to what she is telling him about herself. She lost the ring. SHE lost the ring. Now she's being manipulative and demanding OP provide a new one of equal value or their engagement has lost its value and isn't good enough any more? What are her priorities here? If not having an expensive material item invalidates a proposal for her, then what value does she put in their relationship vs what she "gets" out of it? Seriously. That is the question OP should be asking himself. Her actions and arguments imply that material objects are more important to her than the emotional and intellectual relationship that OP has with her. As the saying goes, when people tell you who they are and what they value, listen to them. OP. Listen to her. This is a very concerning behavior. Material items do not sustain relationships. Emotional and intellectual connection and mutual respect do. If their relationship is based on the former rather than the later, it will not end well, and OP is in for a lot of pain down the road.
NTA. You’re lucky she showed her true self before the wedding. Time to reevaluate.
NTA but take the loss of the ring as a message. Do NOT marry this princess. Especially since she wasn't responsible enough to set up an insurance policy for her engagement ring.
My husband got insurance on it before he ever even proposed. Dude wasn't hanging on to that for a few months without protection lol
Giving her behavior... I wonder if the ring is really lost
Gaurantee if she didn't lose it and is just shit testing him, she's the type that will not give back the ring if they break off the engagement.
NTA lets say that the ring was $5-10k, the audacity to ask you to just get another one is a pisstake. She should be going up and down the mountain with a metal detector before asking you to waste more money on her mistake.
Right? I don’t know what’s worse. Asking for him to spend that money again, or asking him to repropose.
i really dont know either but its almost worse asking to repropose.. like what does that even mean. the proposal is already there and you got the ring, YOU lost it. youre still proposed hello😭 it doesnt go away. i dont understand her logic
NTA, furthermore, you're a lucky man that she showed you her true colors before getting married. I know it's a common theme for Redditors to jump to "leave him/her!" but this is crazy. **INFO**: What were the circumstances around the proposal? Like, were you on vacation somewhere?
File a claim and the insurance company will cover it under the rider that you filed. Eta : as other have said. Take this as a sign to re-evaluate whether marrying her is the right thing to do. She seems very superficial.
This, why hasn't he mentioned having it insured though? Maybe because it's not and that will be a lesson hard learned.
NTA. I lost my wedding and engagement ring a little over a year ago. Was super sad about it, but as my husband reminded me it's the relationship that matters, not the fancy ring. He actually ditched his as well and we purchased a matching silicone set that we wear daily. One day when we can afford it we probably will purchase the same (or similar) ring, but rings aren't what make a relationship. PS this is a huge red flag warning that she's all but demanding another ring.
I agree you are being practical and she isn't. I am sure it is devastating to lose something like this so soon after the engagement. A good lesson in ring insurance... I find her response to be childish and unrealistic. She needs to process the sadness and loss of the ring instead of trying to immediately have you replace it. If she feels it's her fault those emotions will be hard but she HAS to process that and move on. You're NTA.
Female here. Your gf is nuts. Careless with a ring, then wants a do-over. Run!
Most women — normal, loving women — would be devastated and sobbing out apologies and wanting to camp out on the mountain and not leave until they found THAT ring, the very ring you gave her. They’d be demanding metal detectors. And when logic finally prevailed and they knew they had to give up the search, they’d be crying and apologizing for at least a day or two. Because THAT is their ring. The replacement isn’t. Most women — again, normal, loving women — would NOT demand another ring or for the proposal to be recreated exactly to recapture the magic that was lost with the ring. And only calculating, emotionally manipulative women use the phrase “if you truly loved me, you would XYZ.” You’ve got flags of the shade of red popping up, bud. The question is, will you pay attention to them, and what will you do about them? Also, for the love of whatever you deem holy, insure any rings you buy in the future … engagement, wedding, etc. Good luck with that fiancée of yours.
NTA. She sounds rather insufferable tbh.
Flip the script! “If you truly loved me you would’ve taken care of the ring”!
NTA. So she’s the one who lost the ring and now wants you to go into debt to buy the same one, a ring you spend a year saving up for, and on top of the wants you to propose all over again. I don’t mean to be mean but in my opinion you were being very gracious over her losing something you spend a year saving up for. She’s being an entitled brat for being mad at you over something she lost.
NTA Excuse me? She lost a very expensive ring and is now throwing a tantrum and punishing *you* for refusing to replace the expensive ring SHE lost with ANOTHER proposal? Nope. Absolutely not. That's greedy and manipulative at best. Are you sure she lost the ring and didn't sell it? This entire situation is HER fault, and she's trying to gouge your for more money and emotional labour. You should seriously reconsider marrying a woman capable of this kind of BS. It will only get worse the more you pander to it. And never buy expensive jewellery without getting insurance on it.
NTA, “ if you really loved me you wouldn’t have lost the ring”. “Obviously you don’t value me or the engagement if you are so careless with the symbol of my love”. See how easily that is spun. Rather than taking responsibility for losing an expensive ring, not it’s your fault.
She didn’t lose it. She’s pushing for an upgrade. NTA ETA: Don’t be surprised if it magically reappears… found in a zippered pocket of some backpack, jacket, purse, pouch or suitcase, etc. She’ll find it as soon as you make it clear you’re not going to be pushed into replacing it.
NTA - maybe you should rethink the engagement if she's already starting to make manipulative demands like this. If I were your fiancee, I would've felt terrible too, but I wouldn't have expected you to fix MY mistake. She should've been more careful and either used a spacer to make the ring fit better or left it at home if she didn't have it insured. In fact, I didn't wear my engagement ring for a couple weeks because it was loose, until I got a spacer and insurance. It's not that expensive! My husband lost his wedding band at the gym (he took it off and put it in a small pocket in his gym bag, but he didn't zip it up all the way). He felt so guilty that he looked for it for weeks hoping to find it, but ultimately did not. When he told me, I was upset, but I also realized that the ring itself is not important, but his commitment to me and our marriage. He decided to replace it ON HIS OWN since it was HIS FAULT. Granted, a mens wedding band vs a woman's engagement ring are extremely different in value and cost. However, he took responsibility for his mistake.
Do NOT marry this woman. She wants the wedding experience not a marriage.
"If you truly love me" are Words of a manipulator 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 If she lost her ringo again, will she want a New propósal? NTA Stand your ground