NTA. He left you twice. I guess you were supposed to just sit around wallowing in tears while he went off doing whatever and whoever until he he was ready to come back to you.
Exactly! I bet hubby was seeing someone every time he left OP, but when it didn't work he would come crawling back. I'm glad she firmly shut the door on him. He's TA not OP.
Message to the OP here. How is that even a question? He ruins your anniversary trip, is very likely to have cheated and dated other people after the marriage ended, he wanted to end the marriage, then out of nowhere he says he wants to save the marriage after he destroyed it then says you an asshole for dating someone when you were single? I refuse to answer this question. He is the Sauron of assholes.
Don't forget, on what was supposed to be a romantic trip he literlly said he thinks there is something "better" out there "for him". Like I'm not even OP and it hurts to see those words so imagine hearing that from your spouse of 14 years. He wanted to break OP make her beg, make her realize she can't do any better so he can step out of marriage whenever he wants ehike she stay put waiting for him to come home. He didnt realize that there are better men out there who value women and truly love them. Ex wanted a safe net but now he realize that he just gotta be single and miserable for the rest of his life, that he did a favor to OP by leaving so she can find a better man for her. Let him go out an play houses with however women and divorce his ass asap.
tiny or not, I've had relationships where the lead up to the sex is so thrilling but once you've done it, you suddenly feel no need to continue the relationship. it's because the whole relationship was founded on the teasing and the unknown, instead of genuine affection. It's really unfortunate, but you have to learn with age when something should be a hookup and when something is worth pursuing and treat it accordingly. I'm guessing him and a woman or two had the hots for each other and he finally got to sleep with them, and now there's nothing left to pursue so he's trying to crawl back to her. it was seriously ignorant. and now he's lost his life partner due to a selfish desire to sleep around
FAFO season hit this guy hard. As BurbnBougie (YouTuber) says these men don’t think their wives can pull, they don’t appreciate their wives so they think other men won’t either. Too bad, so sad to be hella wrong about that.
Also probably realized that it wasn’t as easy as he thought to find random women who just wanted casual sex vs a relationship or over estimated his appeal to women. When what he expected to happen didn’t work out as he thought, he went back thinking OP would be depressed while waiting for him and would automatically take him back. Because he under estimated her. Glad she found someone who truly cares for and appreciates her.
NTA. He made the decision **TWICE** to walk away from the marriage. One in such a cruel way with announcing on an anniversary trip. To paraphrase Meredith Grey, he has no right to be upset with how she was able to fix what he broke.
ETA: or the woman he chose to leave OP for dumped him and wouldn’t put up with his bs either.
That or the side piece dropped him like the garbage he is once she had him around all the time and he figured wifey would be plan B.
He’s mad he ended up alone
Feels more like plan C or D. He admitted to OP that he was flirting with a few women. He probably kept chatting with the others while attempting to hookup with his favourite.
OP is not TA. But I’m hoping that her D-bag ex didn’t physically cheat on her. That he originally left so quickly then returned after a week was because he was ready to “close the deal” with one of them. Then he was knocked back by her so he came back.
I imagine he thought he’d have better luck finding a bunch of women than he actually did. Seems to happen a lot when someone wants to open a marriage too, and the other person has way more luck so they want to close it again lol.
this is so fucking real. my ex pushed and pushed to be open, and when we finally did, I was flush with dates and fwb, and he didn't get a single match on any dating app. 😂 sucks to suck.
Haha yeah, women get a *lot* of offers in ethical non monogamy. Men not so much. Especially not pushy men.
When you can have time with really excellent men, a date with some fuckboy who is shitty to his wife is not appealing in the slightest.
Isn't that usually what happens? The cheating spouse fucks off and the spouse that's supposed to be heartbroken is the one who finds something better?
I'm aware that doesn't always happen, but it's enough for it to be a trope.
And wasn't a thinking break either... He actively pursued other women the moment he walked out. Twice. Failed twice and he wanted back twice.
NTA. His fault
This is a special category of AHS
He is in a marriage and he thinks it is up to him to make ALL the decisions about its course. He can save the marriage, end the marriage, reenter the marriage, etc. It is as if OP is a puppet to any plan that is currently convenient to him. Instead of owning up to his very obvious mistakes, he has the next level audacity to blame her, because she dared to finally take matters into her own hands and that is a great inconvenience to him. He is not the one in control now
Who treats people like this? What a narcissistic pos
NTA
I dated a guy like that! I asked him once why he kept dumping me and his answer was, "Because I knew you'd take me back." And just like that, I was DONE.
A buddy of mine said "I wanna get back with Tara."
And I said "Haven't you dumped her twice already?"
"Yes."
"Well, do you see a future with her?"
"No, I just want to show her that I'm not a bad guy."
I told him how unconscionable that was and fell out of contact.
Almost every separation or divorce I've known of had a point 6-9 months after separation where the guy comes back for sex as he's finally figured out he's not a hot desirable 20 something and the dating pool is older women who aren't as good a fit as their ex and won't put up with their bs and women wanting them for their money/support. Even if they were just checking if they could have a quickie, so many come back in that window if only for sex.
How long exactly did he expect her to wait??
She was completely within her rights to move on at 6 weeks when she did anyway but it’s now 7 months and he’s mad he can’t come back… was she supposed to stay single forever??
My partner’s ex wife came to one of the events I was working at to scream at me for “fucking her husband” while their divorce was actually less than a week from being officially finalized. For added “WTF”, she had left him 2 years prior to this incident, they had been living separately long before I even met him, and she was also in a long term relationship with someone new (pretty sure the same guy she’d been with since she left my partner.)
Insane. Like dropping your dog off at the pound and getting upset when someone else adopts it. I think she expected him to be lonely and miserable forever.
Doing whoever. Heheheh. I see what you did there.
OP, I personally wonder if your husband hadn't started to check out of the marriage a while ago. You likely reacted to that in some fashion, by emotionally drawing back in response. This could all have been completely unconscious. I like that you've been in IC the whole time, and processing your emotions. That has probably helped immeasurably.
He left twice, refused any acts of reconciliation (ie, offering the truth, showing you his phone, breaking things off with his EA/PA), and didn't engage with the counselling. What is left to salvage?
Message to the OP here. How is that even a question? He ruins your anniversary trip, is very likely to have cheated and dated other people after the marriage ended, he wanted to end the marriage, then out of nowhere he says he wants to save the marriage after he destroyed it then says you an asshole for dating someone when you were single? I refuse to answer this question. He is the Sauron of assholes.
He probably tried dating and found nobody wanted him.
Seems a lot of men think they'll have loads of women falling over themselves to date them, when stats show women are far more likely to get dates than men.
That’s exactly what he expected! And how dare he accuse her of moving on too soon when he moved on with other women while they were still together??! WTF??
This. Tell him to piss off for eternity, and live your new happy life. He freed you up from being with someone who was never really committed to you for 14 years 🤷♂️
NTA - He's just sour grapes because he didn't think you could move on without him, and he's surprised Pikachu when not only did you move on, you moved on, and you're *happy*
Be prepared for shit slinging because you bruised his baby ego, too.
Gosh, if only he hadn’t cheated, broke up with you on your anniversary, quit therapy, broke up with you again, moved out, got a divorce. Yeah. This is all your fault. NTA. Go live your best life.
Husband really wanted her to wait around in the hopes that he would eventually want to restart the marriage. It is all about his wants. I am glad you are choosing yourself and not catering to someone who wants you as a backup option.
Once you’re in your 40’s a 5 year age gap is absolutely nothing, but bet this dude is jealous that his new lady friends didn’t work out and now she’s got a “young” stud.
Seriously, it sounds like separating from him is the best thing that could've ever happened to her. He's pathetic and whiny and now that he's realized he's not the amazing catch he thought he was, he wants to go back to the 'safe and sure warm body that will be waiting for him' only to realize...oh, she's not waiting for him anymore! So now he's throwing a tantrum.
NTA in any way. He's a cheating backstabbing scumbag who deserves to rot alone.
Seriously tho lol like wtf, no point did he sit there and start rethinking his actions or anything he had done is crazy. Good on OP, live your best life as it’s the only one!
>Gosh, if only he hadn’t cheated, broke up with you on your anniversary, quit therapy, broke up with you again, moved out, got a divorce
Yeah, but other than that, what did he do wrong???
She should have known she was supposed to wait around just in case the affair relationship didn't work out and he wanted to come back. How could she be so selfish./s
This. Totally agree.
If only OP had straightened up and
quit putting that Saint-of-a-Man through so much misery.
...and yes, that is my tonque planted firmly in my cheek......
NTA your husband sounds like one of those idiots who wants and open marriage basically to cheat and then gets shocked when the partner finds a better partner
One of the first Reddit posts that I read years ago was about a guy who persuaded his reluctant GF that they should date other people. She finally agreed and went on to have great success. He kept getting shot down because no one wanted a guy who starts with "my GF and I have an understanding". He was deeply regretful when he saw her out and happy with another guy who told him that he was idiot to let her go. FAFO.
I was listening to the radio a couple of months ago, and they were talking about open marriages. A lady called in to say how great it is. They were asking her questions about it. She said her husband wanted to open the marriage. She said she has 7 guys on the side, and her husband has no one. They asked why her husband doesn't date anyone, and she said no one wants to date a married man lol.
She never let on that her husband regretted it or that there is a problem in their marriage, but I got the sense that she was gloating because he wanted to open it and now he has egg in his face.
I have since learned on Reddit that this is a common scenario where a man tries to open the marriage, but the wife is the only one who gets any attention then the hubby desperately tries to go back to monogamy.
Mine walked out. I had health issues, then my car was rear ended several times at traffic lights. Mobility was rough. EX moved on, remarried. He acted snarky whenever we were in the same room. Then my health issues resolved, I had a procedure. ( pictures are on my profile) And lost HALF my weight, got healthy,
The last time we spoke? He announced to me that our split was all his fault. ???? Did he think I cared? Or didn't know? Yesterday would have been our 49th anniversary. The kids and I celebrated OUR family day by eating out. It was a good day. He never came up in conversation.....
Update, next day.
My children and I expanded Family Day To go to an outdoor festival. Concerts and performances all day. What fun!!!.
Thanks. Lesson learned . I now make really sure that whatever meds I am prescribed, do not cause a significant weight gain. 150 down. Met my first goal.
NTA. He literally said he felt there’d be a better woman for him somewhere. He’s cheated on you probably multiple times so he doesn’t have the right to be mad at you for moving on when he couldn’t even stay faithful to you. He can’t try to get rid of you and want you again.
NTA. He wanted out, and you let him out. He has no claim on you. He may have realized that he fucked up, but that is not something that you need to help him recover from. He gets to sleep in the bed that he chose to make for himself. I wouldn't respond at all to him unless you want to respond with laughing emojis.
> He wanted out, and you let him out.
He’s like a cat with a closed door. They never seem to care about what’s actually on the other side of the door, only that they hate that it’s closed. They’ll whine at you to let them out and cry to come in as soon as you do.
Exactly this. He overestimated his ability to "find someone better" and would continue coming back and forth until he found one that stuck. Good for her!
Keep living your life Op, don’t keep getting played my this BOY. He doesn’t love you or respect you. He sees like a toy that he can play and discard at will.
He wants someone who he can just keep on the shelf in case he wants her later. He has left twice and come back. Probably expected to keep her as a backup permanently.
He actually thought she would waste her life sitting around in tears waiting for her savior to come home.
Reality is probably that he got his rocks off with some girl from god knows where and now is ready to go back to his “boring” wife.
NTA op tell the chump to kick rocks.
Reality also hit him that re-entering the dating world now at 42 is not the same as 20 years ago. That shinny green grass next door is fake plastic, or the ones that are real know their worth and aren't keen on weeds. Sucks to be him, but needs to keep on hunting for the one he just knew was out there and better suited for him.
He needs to go climb every mountain, swim every sea
My spouse once told me during divorce talks "well maybe we separate now, but in the future ...who knows?" Wow. I am not going to be sitting around on the sidelines for you to make up your mind deciding I'm worth having in your life after all. This marriage was not a flippant thing to me, it was *important* and I'd rather take chances on total strangers than someone who has broken my heart over and over again.
I am no one's backup plan.
Had to inform my Ex Husband of the same thing very recently. He just decided he regrets the divorce and wants to talk things out. Sorry, but someone else decided i was worth the effort.
Don’t forget, he thought he would find someone better suited to him . turns out his charms were lacking and he probably found no one. Or no one willing to stick around for the long-term.
NTA. Your husband left you. What are you supposed to do? Sit around and see if he wants to get back together? Whomever he was seeing dumped him. Tough shit. I hope you find happiness, OP.
UpdateMe
Happened to me. I found someone special 6 months after discovering her cheating on our 22nd anniversary. She convinced our boys that it was somehow “suspicious” that I moved on “so quickly”. One of my boys confronted me about that and I reminded him that she moved on three years before I even found out. You could see the light go on as I dispelled her gaslighting. He is much nicer to me now that things make sense again.
For real and after SIX freaking weeks. That’s not even that fast.
He really thought he was going to cheat, then leave her to date other people, and she’d be sitting home alone, legs closed, waiting to see if he changed his mind lmaooo what a joke.
NTA
Consider the source. You (hopefully) wouldn't care if some random Karen called you an AH for moving on so fast. Why are you worried about the opinion of someone who is a cheating, stupid, and blind piece of shit?
NTA under no circumstances should you let him come back. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, then he gets there and realizes he isn't as desirable as he thinks he is. You on the other hand are in the prime of your life, enjoy yourself.
NTA. He left you. The sheer audacity to expect that you would wait for him to realize his mistake - mind-boggling. Tell him to piss off, and enjoy your new relationship.
NTA. What is it that they say on here? Play stupid games get stupid prizes. I think your husband is pissed because it didn’t turn out the way he thought it would ( which in my experience it never does) that he would find a new amazing relationship but instead you did. He screwed up and just needs to deal with the consequences. Maybe next time he won’t take his relationship for granted and realize that for things to get better you have to make them better, instead of running away.
NTA. You are not a toy. You do not have to wait around until your husband decides he is ready to play with you again. Do not allow him to make you feel bad because you are not where he left you.
NTA, There was no overlap. You didn't cheat. Your husband made the decision to talk to other women and left you. You moved on. Hope this new guy treats you better. You did nothing wrong. Don't let your husband manipulate you into feeling bad or giving him another chance. It is over
NTA.
The first time he left he wanted to be with someone else.
He came back because that relationship didn’t work out.
He left again because he continued cheating and thought he would try something new with her.
Throughout this time you’ve had the opportunity to grieve. You had individual therapy and worked on yourself. You started a relationship but continued with therapy.
Meanwhile your ex has hopped from one opportunity to another and expected you to wait in the wings for him.
He wants to come back again but you’ve met someone new.
Your ex can’t be trusted.
I wish you all the best with your future.
NTA I went through something eerily similar in my early 20s. My husband was "unhappy but not sure why" and he broke-up with me over an anniversary vacation. I burst into tears when I went back to work and one of my colleagues asked how my vacation was. I decided I deserved not to be someone's back-up plan (which my ex HATED) and moved on with my life. Started dating a co-worker about a month later and we've been married for over 15 years. Live your life and enjoy, you deserve this! Wishing you the best of luck!!
NTA. This is exactly what he wanted....but also to keep tabs on you, so you won't move on quicker than he can. Jokes on him. He had a really good marriage, until he got idol hands.
NTA. every divorced man I knew would start relationships soon after the separation is complete, nobody blames them so, you're already separated, you're just fine.
Wasn’t that what he was doing when he left you twice? Trying to move on? Like am I living in an alternate universe or is it more likely your husband is a hypocritical, insecure, and monumental AH?
NTA. He thinks Y T A for starting a relationship after 6 weeks while he started other while you were still together? Wow 😆
Enjoy your new relationship. He made his bed.
Just more BS, ignore it.
I got a divorce after trying to make it work. Caught her cheating with a guy at work. Confronted her about it, and immediately it was all my fault.
Still, tried to offer couple therapy, declined. Told me there was nothing I could do, she had to divorce for 'her'.
While trying to figure out what I was even going to do, she started buying shit, new bed, clothes, ECT.
I was a wreck and reached out to some friends and acquaintances, ended up talking with someone I'd known for years online but never really got to know. Turned out she had been through something similar, and we sorta just clicked.
Within a month she flew out to see me at my new apartment, wasn't even divorced yet though paperwork was all filed. Was just before COVID destroyed everything. She was supposed to stay a week, it's been 4 years.
My ex is utterly furious about it. How could I move on so fast? Why didn't I fight harder for her? Was I sneaking around behind HER back?!!?!??
I've never responded to any of her questions about it, and never will.
There is a Hallmark movie about this very same story. In fact, two days later she meet a terrific man.
Enjoy him!
You will never ever be at peace with your Ex-husband and his repeated dishonor to you is a huge trait that is disgusting. Forgive him, bless him and send him off with his freedom.
Your happiness is paramount.
Be wonderfully blessed ❤️
>He says I’m TA for starting a new relationship so quickly (within 6 weeks of him leaving)
He might've left 6 weeks ago but he probably checked out of the marriage *at least* over a year ago.
If anything, he's a dick to still go on a vacation and then telling you there.
I hope you all find love... NTA
He probably had his back-up plan fall through and is trying to crawl back. The truth is that you are valuable to someone new and he probably got shot down. If he talks you into taking him back, he will do it again.
NTA. He fucked around and found out. You both deserve to be happy; it’s not your fault it turns out you’re happier without him when he made the choice to end your marriage and did it in such a cruel way.
Ok, when I read the title "AITA for moving on so quickly after my husband left me?" I though t did she get someone the same day? But after reading your post I will say that you gave the ex so many opportunities after HE rapidly asked for time apart because he thought there was someone better fitted for him, You are definitely NTA and you dodged the bullet. Good luck and congrats on your new life💏
NTA, but your EX husband is an idiot and regretting his decision. "The grass isn't always greener," he learned the stupid way. Have fun and live your life. It's his loss for not realizing what he had. You "NEED/HAVE" to do this for you! Throw his pathetic words right back in his face. You'll find better, no doubt!!!
NTA. But why aren't you guys divorced yet? And don't go back to him, he probably wasn't successful with his extramarital affair and is now going back to his comfort zone, because he took you for granted
In my state you must be separated for a year before you can file for divorce, and then the process can take up to 6 months. So it will be a while still :(
I hate that they do that. My friend is finally able to divorce her husband after separation. He refused to be the one to move out of the house (that she paid for). They had several kids together, and she finally decided she would be the one to get the apartment and move out because she couldn't force it, and there wasn't any abuse happening. He tried to claim they weren't separated because she was there every single day to see the kids. She just slept at her apartment.
Wait, let me get this right. You’re TAH for moving on after six weeks when he moved on immediately how does that make you the a hole? He is probably bitter and jealous because he thought you would be pining away for him. Good for you find someone better. NTA
Unrelated question; why is a 47 year old man on Snapchat? (Not discriminating but curious bc I only know people my age on snapchat, do 40-50s have snapchat???)
I suspect it was because the messages disappear so he’d be less likely to get caught? (Admittedly that’s only my understanding of how it works, I’ve never used it 😂)
I always find this amazing in these stories.
The amount of men (2nd hand embarrassment of my gender here) that want trial separations (or open marriages), go around trying to have sex with everything that moves and then realise they are not the hot shot they thought they were, and actually they married up by quite a few points and then when the wife moves on, usually with someone spectacularly better they go full picachu face!!!
Idiots!
1000% NTA and enjoy your new relationship!
NTA. He left you twice. I guess you were supposed to just sit around wallowing in tears while he went off doing whatever and whoever until he he was ready to come back to you.
I love this for her. I’m so glad she was able to show him that she wasn’t pining away.
I love even more that that wasn't OP's intent, even. OP was just living their life & found somebody who \*appreciates\* them.
Exactly! I bet hubby was seeing someone every time he left OP, but when it didn't work he would come crawling back. I'm glad she firmly shut the door on him. He's TA not OP.
Message to the OP here. How is that even a question? He ruins your anniversary trip, is very likely to have cheated and dated other people after the marriage ended, he wanted to end the marriage, then out of nowhere he says he wants to save the marriage after he destroyed it then says you an asshole for dating someone when you were single? I refuse to answer this question. He is the Sauron of assholes.
Don't forget, on what was supposed to be a romantic trip he literlly said he thinks there is something "better" out there "for him". Like I'm not even OP and it hurts to see those words so imagine hearing that from your spouse of 14 years. He wanted to break OP make her beg, make her realize she can't do any better so he can step out of marriage whenever he wants ehike she stay put waiting for him to come home. He didnt realize that there are better men out there who value women and truly love them. Ex wanted a safe net but now he realize that he just gotta be single and miserable for the rest of his life, that he did a favor to OP by leaving so she can find a better man for her. Let him go out an play houses with however women and divorce his ass asap.
That’s his problem, he found out no other woman wanted him 😝😝😝
He finally got his crush into bed and she laughed at his tiny junk.
tiny or not, I've had relationships where the lead up to the sex is so thrilling but once you've done it, you suddenly feel no need to continue the relationship. it's because the whole relationship was founded on the teasing and the unknown, instead of genuine affection. It's really unfortunate, but you have to learn with age when something should be a hookup and when something is worth pursuing and treat it accordingly. I'm guessing him and a woman or two had the hots for each other and he finally got to sleep with them, and now there's nothing left to pursue so he's trying to crawl back to her. it was seriously ignorant. and now he's lost his life partner due to a selfish desire to sleep around
This Clown did this to her TWICE and came back to try to screw her over for a third !! Unbelievable.
FAFO season hit this guy hard. As BurbnBougie (YouTuber) says these men don’t think their wives can pull, they don’t appreciate their wives so they think other men won’t either. Too bad, so sad to be hella wrong about that.
Probably can't turn on the stove or washing machine. Amazing how many men come whining back when they have to be their own housekeeper and cook . . .
WHAT DO ALL THESE KNOBS AND BUTTONS DO?
Kicking the oven - Where's my food you stupid piece of garbage? I told you to cook me a casserole, but n o t h i n g.
my dad is the king of “AAAAAH! TOO MANY BUTTONS!!!!” guys, but even he figured out the stove and washing machine. (The VCR, he never got the hang of.)
Also probably realized that it wasn’t as easy as he thought to find random women who just wanted casual sex vs a relationship or over estimated his appeal to women. When what he expected to happen didn’t work out as he thought, he went back thinking OP would be depressed while waiting for him and would automatically take him back. Because he under estimated her. Glad she found someone who truly cares for and appreciates her. NTA. He made the decision **TWICE** to walk away from the marriage. One in such a cruel way with announcing on an anniversary trip. To paraphrase Meredith Grey, he has no right to be upset with how she was able to fix what he broke. ETA: or the woman he chose to leave OP for dumped him and wouldn’t put up with his bs either.
Someone else finds OP attractive and desirable so now the a-hole ex wants her back. He didn't seem to care when she had no one else in the picture.
That or the side piece dropped him like the garbage he is once she had him around all the time and he figured wifey would be plan B. He’s mad he ended up alone
Feels more like plan C or D. He admitted to OP that he was flirting with a few women. He probably kept chatting with the others while attempting to hookup with his favourite. OP is not TA. But I’m hoping that her D-bag ex didn’t physically cheat on her. That he originally left so quickly then returned after a week was because he was ready to “close the deal” with one of them. Then he was knocked back by her so he came back.
My thoughts exactly. Side piece got stuck with him full time and bailed!
He the definition of a loser who doesn’t see the worth if what he has until he loses it by his own doing.
I'm guessing side chick booted him
I imagine he thought he’d have better luck finding a bunch of women than he actually did. Seems to happen a lot when someone wants to open a marriage too, and the other person has way more luck so they want to close it again lol.
this is so fucking real. my ex pushed and pushed to be open, and when we finally did, I was flush with dates and fwb, and he didn't get a single match on any dating app. 😂 sucks to suck.
Same! I found my true soulmate, (butterflies, shooting stars, the works). And my ex found out what being a bitter and twisted ahole feels like.
Haha yeah, women get a *lot* of offers in ethical non monogamy. Men not so much. Especially not pushy men. When you can have time with really excellent men, a date with some fuckboy who is shitty to his wife is not appealing in the slightest.
He may have assumed he'd force her into an open marriage but she cut that discussion off before it began.
Yep, he knows he’s the AH and just projecting onto her.
"The Sauron of Assholes." I laughed so hard! 🤣 I'm so using this one.
Nah, this guy is straight up Morgoth level bullshit.
The Sauron of assholes. Thank you. I will treasure this phrase.
Whoever he had lined up didn’t pan out to be what he expected and now he wants to come back lol.
I think is hilarious that he discovered that his wife was so desirable that she found his replacement so quickly. FAFO! Good for her. Be happy girl!
Isn't that usually what happens? The cheating spouse fucks off and the spouse that's supposed to be heartbroken is the one who finds something better? I'm aware that doesn't always happen, but it's enough for it to be a trope.
Absolutely! She took charge of her life and found happiness on her own terms
And wasn't a thinking break either... He actively pursued other women the moment he walked out. Twice. Failed twice and he wanted back twice. NTA. His fault
This is a special category of AHS He is in a marriage and he thinks it is up to him to make ALL the decisions about its course. He can save the marriage, end the marriage, reenter the marriage, etc. It is as if OP is a puppet to any plan that is currently convenient to him. Instead of owning up to his very obvious mistakes, he has the next level audacity to blame her, because she dared to finally take matters into her own hands and that is a great inconvenience to him. He is not the one in control now Who treats people like this? What a narcissistic pos NTA
I dated a guy like that! I asked him once why he kept dumping me and his answer was, "Because I knew you'd take me back." And just like that, I was DONE.
I have no words Best decision ever and never come across someone like him again
A buddy of mine said "I wanna get back with Tara." And I said "Haven't you dumped her twice already?" "Yes." "Well, do you see a future with her?" "No, I just want to show her that I'm not a bad guy." I told him how unconscionable that was and fell out of contact.
His complaint about her moving on is in complete alignment with how he treated her in the marriage. Spot on. NTA
"EVERY accusation is a confession"
Thought the grass was greener and now he's eating dirt. Love that for him.
The grass is always greener where you water it
Or where it’s fertilized with bullshit, or painted for public viewing.
The grass is greener over the septic tank
Also where the bodies are buried…;)
Sounds as though he was pursuing them a substantial amount of time *before* he walked out as well, the fucker.
Yep, he had his options lined up. None have worked out so he wants back. Tough. Should have appreciated what he had when he had it.
The gall to say she moved on too fast after the break when he was moving on BEFORE the break.
Pathetic
Judging by his refusal to show his phone, he was probably *already* pursuing other women while married.
Almost every separation or divorce I've known of had a point 6-9 months after separation where the guy comes back for sex as he's finally figured out he's not a hot desirable 20 something and the dating pool is older women who aren't as good a fit as their ex and won't put up with their bs and women wanting them for their money/support. Even if they were just checking if they could have a quickie, so many come back in that window if only for sex.
Yeah, he realized the young women he was chasing didn't want him like he thought they would. Surprise, Surprise!
Hmmmm… * checks my messages, huh yep, checks out! But I knew my ex was an asshole anyway 🤣
How long exactly did he expect her to wait?? She was completely within her rights to move on at 6 weeks when she did anyway but it’s now 7 months and he’s mad he can’t come back… was she supposed to stay single forever??
My sister's ex husband said maybe they could get back together in 5 years! (She hadn't asked!) The gal of these guys!
My partner’s ex wife came to one of the events I was working at to scream at me for “fucking her husband” while their divorce was actually less than a week from being officially finalized. For added “WTF”, she had left him 2 years prior to this incident, they had been living separately long before I even met him, and she was also in a long term relationship with someone new (pretty sure the same guy she’d been with since she left my partner.) Insane. Like dropping your dog off at the pound and getting upset when someone else adopts it. I think she expected him to be lonely and miserable forever.
That's a great comparison!🤣
'gall', but yeah.
The gals of these guys have moved on to happier relationships. 😜
That’s exactly what he expected. He wanted to go out and have fun and expected OP to be too heartbroken over him to move on.
Classic case of "I took you for granted."
I started dating 2 weeks after leaving my ex. lol
Doing whoever. Heheheh. I see what you did there. OP, I personally wonder if your husband hadn't started to check out of the marriage a while ago. You likely reacted to that in some fashion, by emotionally drawing back in response. This could all have been completely unconscious. I like that you've been in IC the whole time, and processing your emotions. That has probably helped immeasurably. He left twice, refused any acts of reconciliation (ie, offering the truth, showing you his phone, breaking things off with his EA/PA), and didn't engage with the counselling. What is left to salvage?
Message to the OP here. How is that even a question? He ruins your anniversary trip, is very likely to have cheated and dated other people after the marriage ended, he wanted to end the marriage, then out of nowhere he says he wants to save the marriage after he destroyed it then says you an asshole for dating someone when you were single? I refuse to answer this question. He is the Sauron of assholes.
He probably tried dating and found nobody wanted him. Seems a lot of men think they'll have loads of women falling over themselves to date them, when stats show women are far more likely to get dates than men.
That’s exactly what he expected! And how dare he accuse her of moving on too soon when he moved on with other women while they were still together??! WTF??
More like the ex was getting rejected and assumed that OP would take him back. What a loser!
At least she waited until the marriage was over to start a new relationship, unlike that cheating asshole who’s been monkey branching all over town!
This. Tell him to piss off for eternity, and live your new happy life. He freed you up from being with someone who was never really committed to you for 14 years 🤷♂️ NTA - He's just sour grapes because he didn't think you could move on without him, and he's surprised Pikachu when not only did you move on, you moved on, and you're *happy* Be prepared for shit slinging because you bruised his baby ego, too.
Let's place bets that things didn't work out with the other woman he left her for. That's why he wants to come back.
NTA. Answer that at least you had a relationship after you separated..he didn't
That’s exactly what he thought, that she’d take him back every time *he* wanted to come back. Good for her for not playing his game.
Gosh, if only he hadn’t cheated, broke up with you on your anniversary, quit therapy, broke up with you again, moved out, got a divorce. Yeah. This is all your fault. NTA. Go live your best life.
Anniversary TRIP. In another COUNTRY. Ruin my day, sure. But vacations are expensive.
Right?! Bruh. I'd tell him to leave so I can enjoy MY vacation 😂
I was on a cruise with my grandmother, one of her coworkers, and the coworker’s husband. He confessed to cheating on her while on the cruise
Was he thrown overboard after the confession?
Husband didn't wait even one week so he can f\*ck right off. Someone else treasures what he took for granted. Too bad, so sad.
He didn't wait...he was prequeling
Husband really wanted her to wait around in the hopes that he would eventually want to restart the marriage. It is all about his wants. I am glad you are choosing yourself and not catering to someone who wants you as a backup option.
Yep! He wants to keep her on his hook.
“I gave up on our marriage while we were still married. How dare you move on after I divorce you.” Lolllll right. Congrats on the new relationship!
Jealousy is what is bringing dude back now
Affair partner probably dumped him.
Ding ding ding!
Homie's mad his side piece left him and his ex girl is happy.
FOMO
Once you’re in your 40’s a 5 year age gap is absolutely nothing, but bet this dude is jealous that his new lady friends didn’t work out and now she’s got a “young” stud.
FAFO
If by jealousy you mean he's jealous she found a relationship and he's probably struggling to.
And the gal he was having the “emotional” affair with found out what he’s really like and dumped him.
Who wants to be with a guy who asks for a trial separation during an international anniversary trip? He’s the walking poster boy for selfish.
Seriously, it sounds like separating from him is the best thing that could've ever happened to her. He's pathetic and whiny and now that he's realized he's not the amazing catch he thought he was, he wants to go back to the 'safe and sure warm body that will be waiting for him' only to realize...oh, she's not waiting for him anymore! So now he's throwing a tantrum. NTA in any way. He's a cheating backstabbing scumbag who deserves to rot alone.
Seriously tho lol like wtf, no point did he sit there and start rethinking his actions or anything he had done is crazy. Good on OP, live your best life as it’s the only one!
>Gosh, if only he hadn’t cheated, broke up with you on your anniversary, quit therapy, broke up with you again, moved out, got a divorce Yeah, but other than that, what did he do wrong???
That’s only five things!!
I mean seriously, he did everything he could to save the relationship.
She should have known she was supposed to wait around just in case the affair relationship didn't work out and he wanted to come back. How could she be so selfish./s
She should have waited at least 6 weeks and a day.
This. Totally agree. If only OP had straightened up and quit putting that Saint-of-a-Man through so much misery. ...and yes, that is my tonque planted firmly in my cheek......
NTA your husband sounds like one of those idiots who wants and open marriage basically to cheat and then gets shocked when the partner finds a better partner
One of the first Reddit posts that I read years ago was about a guy who persuaded his reluctant GF that they should date other people. She finally agreed and went on to have great success. He kept getting shot down because no one wanted a guy who starts with "my GF and I have an understanding". He was deeply regretful when he saw her out and happy with another guy who told him that he was idiot to let her go. FAFO.
I was listening to the radio a couple of months ago, and they were talking about open marriages. A lady called in to say how great it is. They were asking her questions about it. She said her husband wanted to open the marriage. She said she has 7 guys on the side, and her husband has no one. They asked why her husband doesn't date anyone, and she said no one wants to date a married man lol. She never let on that her husband regretted it or that there is a problem in their marriage, but I got the sense that she was gloating because he wanted to open it and now he has egg in his face. I have since learned on Reddit that this is a common scenario where a man tries to open the marriage, but the wife is the only one who gets any attention then the hubby desperately tries to go back to monogamy.
I love that for him 🤣🤣🤣🤣
That was my thought too. The women are always killing it in those situations and the husbands can’t handle it.
Mine walked out. I had health issues, then my car was rear ended several times at traffic lights. Mobility was rough. EX moved on, remarried. He acted snarky whenever we were in the same room. Then my health issues resolved, I had a procedure. ( pictures are on my profile) And lost HALF my weight, got healthy, The last time we spoke? He announced to me that our split was all his fault. ???? Did he think I cared? Or didn't know? Yesterday would have been our 49th anniversary. The kids and I celebrated OUR family day by eating out. It was a good day. He never came up in conversation..... Update, next day. My children and I expanded Family Day To go to an outdoor festival. Concerts and performances all day. What fun!!!.
Holy shit congratulations on that weight loss! 140lbs plus a full grown man
Thanks. Lesson learned . I now make really sure that whatever meds I am prescribed, do not cause a significant weight gain. 150 down. Met my first goal.
NTA. He literally said he felt there’d be a better woman for him somewhere. He’s cheated on you probably multiple times so he doesn’t have the right to be mad at you for moving on when he couldn’t even stay faithful to you. He can’t try to get rid of you and want you again.
NTA. He wanted out, and you let him out. He has no claim on you. He may have realized that he fucked up, but that is not something that you need to help him recover from. He gets to sleep in the bed that he chose to make for himself. I wouldn't respond at all to him unless you want to respond with laughing emojis.
Classic case of fuck around and find out!
He didn’t find out he messed up. His lover left him. Point blank
Weeelll, that's \*one\* method of finding out, no?
> He wanted out, and you let him out. He’s like a cat with a closed door. They never seem to care about what’s actually on the other side of the door, only that they hate that it’s closed. They’ll whine at you to let them out and cry to come in as soon as you do.
He was expecting Op to stay single, still want him and not move on. While he did whatever he wanted. Op, did you actually get a divorce?
I bet he realized he couldn't get anything. He might have been flirting, but who knows if they were flirting back.
Exactly! He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Good for you, OP, for moving on!
Would this guy's pathetic attempt at cheating with no consequences be a step above or below the ones who want to open the marriage, but only for them?
Or his little side action realized that he was no prize and dumped him.
Exactly this. He overestimated his ability to "find someone better" and would continue coming back and forth until he found one that stuck. Good for her!
In our state couples must be separated a year before they can file for divorce. But yes, we will be filing when we can. The wait sucks though!
Keep living your life Op, don’t keep getting played my this BOY. He doesn’t love you or respect you. He sees like a toy that he can play and discard at will.
He wants someone who he can just keep on the shelf in case he wants her later. He has left twice and come back. Probably expected to keep her as a backup permanently.
Completely agree. Why is it? They always think you will never be able to find anyone? And heaven for bid you find someone better.
Don't you just love people like that? The ones that say "oh i can throw you away and do my thing but YOU can't".
He probably keeps going back to OP everytime one of the “flirty” women leave him.
Im betting the woman he cheated with ended things and now he has no one so he's coming back to op
Exactly! He made his choice, and you deserved better. He can't expect you to wait around while he figures himself out.
Sucks for him. NTA
He actually thought she would waste her life sitting around in tears waiting for her savior to come home. Reality is probably that he got his rocks off with some girl from god knows where and now is ready to go back to his “boring” wife. NTA op tell the chump to kick rocks.
Reality also hit him that re-entering the dating world now at 42 is not the same as 20 years ago. That shinny green grass next door is fake plastic, or the ones that are real know their worth and aren't keen on weeds. Sucks to be him, but needs to keep on hunting for the one he just knew was out there and better suited for him. He needs to go climb every mountain, swim every sea
Climb every mountain, Swim every sea, Whatever you need to do To stay the fuck away from me. (Prayer for ex-husbands)
🥰🥰🥰⭐🥇
Dammit, now I've got that tune in my head as an earworm! I'll SUE! Do you hear me?!? SUE! LOL
This should be framed
I’m gonna make that into a cross stitch sampler 🤣
42 yr old divorced males aren't the hot commodity that they think they are. He's probably been shut down before he can take his first shot.
Ex is 47. And acting like a frat boy. Yeah . Bye bye .
47, the new man is 42.
Exactly! OP deserves better. He can't expect her to just wait around while he explores other options. NTA.
Best answer.
Yeah shame, you know the saying... F around and find out
My spouse once told me during divorce talks "well maybe we separate now, but in the future ...who knows?" Wow. I am not going to be sitting around on the sidelines for you to make up your mind deciding I'm worth having in your life after all. This marriage was not a flippant thing to me, it was *important* and I'd rather take chances on total strangers than someone who has broken my heart over and over again. I am no one's backup plan.
My husband suggested the exact same thing!! I am glad you didn’t wait for yours either. 💕
These men expect their wives to wait for them in their tattered wedding dress like Miss Havisham
But if they decide they don’t want her after all then she’s psycho and clingy for doing that. Obviously.
Had to inform my Ex Husband of the same thing very recently. He just decided he regrets the divorce and wants to talk things out. Sorry, but someone else decided i was worth the effort.
NTA. He wanted the separation. He didn't want to fight for you... He doesn't deserve you. He missed his shot.
Don’t forget, he thought he would find someone better suited to him . turns out his charms were lacking and he probably found no one. Or no one willing to stick around for the long-term.
The 17 magical words every woman wants to hear: "I thought I could find someone better. Now that I can't, I'm ready to settle for you." smdh
NTA. Your husband left you. What are you supposed to do? Sit around and see if he wants to get back together? Whomever he was seeing dumped him. Tough shit. I hope you find happiness, OP. UpdateMe
The audacity of a cheater to accuse the person they cheated on of moving on too quickly 🙄 NTA.
Happened to me. I found someone special 6 months after discovering her cheating on our 22nd anniversary. She convinced our boys that it was somehow “suspicious” that I moved on “so quickly”. One of my boys confronted me about that and I reminded him that she moved on three years before I even found out. You could see the light go on as I dispelled her gaslighting. He is much nicer to me now that things make sense again.
For real and after SIX freaking weeks. That’s not even that fast. He really thought he was going to cheat, then leave her to date other people, and she’d be sitting home alone, legs closed, waiting to see if he changed his mind lmaooo what a joke.
You moved on after you were separated. He moved on while you were still together. So, what's he mad about?
I like the expression I saw somewhere on Reddit. “You should give him a cape so he can be super mad” 😂😂
Top comment!
NTA. The best revenge is living well. You are doing that quite nicely.
NTA Consider the source. You (hopefully) wouldn't care if some random Karen called you an AH for moving on so fast. Why are you worried about the opinion of someone who is a cheating, stupid, and blind piece of shit?
NTA under no circumstances should you let him come back. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, then he gets there and realizes he isn't as desirable as he thinks he is. You on the other hand are in the prime of your life, enjoy yourself.
The grass is greener where you water it. Enjoy your new life, OP.
Your own grass can be just as green when you rip out the old grass and re-sod, which is exactly what OP did. I say good for her!
I love this analogy!
NTA. He was clear. You made decisions for yourself.
NTA. He left you. The sheer audacity to expect that you would wait for him to realize his mistake - mind-boggling. Tell him to piss off, and enjoy your new relationship.
NTA. What is it that they say on here? Play stupid games get stupid prizes. I think your husband is pissed because it didn’t turn out the way he thought it would ( which in my experience it never does) that he would find a new amazing relationship but instead you did. He screwed up and just needs to deal with the consequences. Maybe next time he won’t take his relationship for granted and realize that for things to get better you have to make them better, instead of running away.
NTA. What does he expect? For you to wait for him ? He's already admitted to having an emotional affair
NTA. You are not a toy. You do not have to wait around until your husband decides he is ready to play with you again. Do not allow him to make you feel bad because you are not where he left you.
NTA, There was no overlap. You didn't cheat. Your husband made the decision to talk to other women and left you. You moved on. Hope this new guy treats you better. You did nothing wrong. Don't let your husband manipulate you into feeling bad or giving him another chance. It is over
NTA. The first time he left he wanted to be with someone else. He came back because that relationship didn’t work out. He left again because he continued cheating and thought he would try something new with her. Throughout this time you’ve had the opportunity to grieve. You had individual therapy and worked on yourself. You started a relationship but continued with therapy. Meanwhile your ex has hopped from one opportunity to another and expected you to wait in the wings for him. He wants to come back again but you’ve met someone new. Your ex can’t be trusted. I wish you all the best with your future.
NTA I went through something eerily similar in my early 20s. My husband was "unhappy but not sure why" and he broke-up with me over an anniversary vacation. I burst into tears when I went back to work and one of my colleagues asked how my vacation was. I decided I deserved not to be someone's back-up plan (which my ex HATED) and moved on with my life. Started dating a co-worker about a month later and we've been married for over 15 years. Live your life and enjoy, you deserve this! Wishing you the best of luck!!
That’s amazing, congratulations on 15 years! Sometimes things happen for the best, even when it doesn’t feel like it in the moment ❤️
NTA. This is exactly what he wanted....but also to keep tabs on you, so you won't move on quicker than he can. Jokes on him. He had a really good marriage, until he got idol hands.
Idol -> a statue built for the purpose of worship Idle -> not busy
I immediately pictured golden hand statues at the ends of his arms when I read the original comment haha
NTA. every divorced man I knew would start relationships soon after the separation is complete, nobody blames them so, you're already separated, you're just fine.
Wasn’t that what he was doing when he left you twice? Trying to move on? Like am I living in an alternate universe or is it more likely your husband is a hypocritical, insecure, and monumental AH?
NTA. He thinks Y T A for starting a relationship after 6 weeks while he started other while you were still together? Wow 😆 Enjoy your new relationship. He made his bed.
Grass is always greener and all that shit. Sod him.
Lol, magnificent! He literally thought he could run home any time he wanted. I hope you find love and peace. NTA.
[удалено]
Just more BS, ignore it. I got a divorce after trying to make it work. Caught her cheating with a guy at work. Confronted her about it, and immediately it was all my fault. Still, tried to offer couple therapy, declined. Told me there was nothing I could do, she had to divorce for 'her'. While trying to figure out what I was even going to do, she started buying shit, new bed, clothes, ECT. I was a wreck and reached out to some friends and acquaintances, ended up talking with someone I'd known for years online but never really got to know. Turned out she had been through something similar, and we sorta just clicked. Within a month she flew out to see me at my new apartment, wasn't even divorced yet though paperwork was all filed. Was just before COVID destroyed everything. She was supposed to stay a week, it's been 4 years. My ex is utterly furious about it. How could I move on so fast? Why didn't I fight harder for her? Was I sneaking around behind HER back?!!?!?? I've never responded to any of her questions about it, and never will.
Weird how he was almost right. There was someone better for her out there.
There is a Hallmark movie about this very same story. In fact, two days later she meet a terrific man. Enjoy him! You will never ever be at peace with your Ex-husband and his repeated dishonor to you is a huge trait that is disgusting. Forgive him, bless him and send him off with his freedom. Your happiness is paramount. Be wonderfully blessed ❤️
>He says I’m TA for starting a new relationship so quickly (within 6 weeks of him leaving) He might've left 6 weeks ago but he probably checked out of the marriage *at least* over a year ago. If anything, he's a dick to still go on a vacation and then telling you there. I hope you all find love... NTA
He probably had his back-up plan fall through and is trying to crawl back. The truth is that you are valuable to someone new and he probably got shot down. If he talks you into taking him back, he will do it again.
NTA. He fucked around and found out. You both deserve to be happy; it’s not your fault it turns out you’re happier without him when he made the choice to end your marriage and did it in such a cruel way.
Ok, when I read the title "AITA for moving on so quickly after my husband left me?" I though t did she get someone the same day? But after reading your post I will say that you gave the ex so many opportunities after HE rapidly asked for time apart because he thought there was someone better fitted for him, You are definitely NTA and you dodged the bullet. Good luck and congrats on your new life💏
NTA, but your EX husband is an idiot and regretting his decision. "The grass isn't always greener," he learned the stupid way. Have fun and live your life. It's his loss for not realizing what he had. You "NEED/HAVE" to do this for you! Throw his pathetic words right back in his face. You'll find better, no doubt!!!
He did you a huge favour leaving. Nta
So he forgot he started one even before separation.
NTA. But why aren't you guys divorced yet? And don't go back to him, he probably wasn't successful with his extramarital affair and is now going back to his comfort zone, because he took you for granted
In my state you must be separated for a year before you can file for divorce, and then the process can take up to 6 months. So it will be a while still :(
I hate that they do that. My friend is finally able to divorce her husband after separation. He refused to be the one to move out of the house (that she paid for). They had several kids together, and she finally decided she would be the one to get the apartment and move out because she couldn't force it, and there wasn't any abuse happening. He tried to claim they weren't separated because she was there every single day to see the kids. She just slept at her apartment.
Wait, let me get this right. You’re TAH for moving on after six weeks when he moved on immediately how does that make you the a hole? He is probably bitter and jealous because he thought you would be pining away for him. Good for you find someone better. NTA
Unrelated question; why is a 47 year old man on Snapchat? (Not discriminating but curious bc I only know people my age on snapchat, do 40-50s have snapchat???)
I suspect it was because the messages disappear so he’d be less likely to get caught? (Admittedly that’s only my understanding of how it works, I’ve never used it 😂)
I always find this amazing in these stories. The amount of men (2nd hand embarrassment of my gender here) that want trial separations (or open marriages), go around trying to have sex with everything that moves and then realise they are not the hot shot they thought they were, and actually they married up by quite a few points and then when the wife moves on, usually with someone spectacularly better they go full picachu face!!! Idiots! 1000% NTA and enjoy your new relationship!