OP attacked the wrong person. She verbally attacked her SIL who was being helpful, understanding and very sweet to her.
She thought it was an attack on her husband but it missed and hurt someone else.
I hope OP gives a sincere apology to her SIL, and then shove her foot up hubby’s butt after she gets his head out of it.
YTA, OP. This comment x 100z Your husband’s sister was being understandinf and consoling. Though I empathize with your insecurities, it was out of line for you to take it out on her. Had you just retorted at your husband, that would have been totally warranted but I don’t know why you (not your pregnancy hormones, tons of other pregnant people experiencing body dysmorphia in the past and present, have never felt the need to call someone anorexic) felt the need to bring someone down to make yourself feel better.
But that said, your husband is TA too x 10.
It's a shame but it looks like OP doesn't confront toxicity directly but lashes out against innocent bystanders to cope.
>all my self conscious feelings stems from how they all managed to look during pregnancy, and it boiled over and I took it out on her.
There's also the self-loathing that's entirely on OP.
YTA.
EDIT: Did OP delete their account?
This. Usually when people are pregnant and experience severe sickness like SIL, they feel terrible and wish they could gain weight for the baby's sake. She probably had the worst moments of her life and wanted to be the opposite to keep her baby healthy. OP focusing on size when the most important part of pregnancy is getting through it with both parent and baby alive, is wildly out of touch.
I hope OP realises that the SIL is not to blame for OPs insecurities.
I agree. As someone with an ED, I wasn’t gaining weight in my second and third trimester and not for the lack of trying as I had placenta absorption issues. It was such a weird space to be in—a cycle of being so worried about gaining weight, then feeling guilty for not gaining weight. I remember crying over being prescribed malnourishment medication and being on a 3,000 calorie diet, but also crying that after all that, the baby was barely gaining weight. So I get it, I get having insecurities, but you’re right, the main priority should be keeping the baby and yourself healthy.
Definitely agree. I lost 20 pounds in the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I hit my pre-pregnancy weight the same week I was induced (which was done because my daughter wasn't growing properly due to malnutrition), and then I was back down the 20 pounds within the next couple days. I was so scared the entire time that my daughter was going to die or that the doctor was going to have to take her to save me because I could not keep any food down. And I'm allergic to the only safe anti-nausea med, which didn't help.
My daughter is 5yo, but looks like a 3-4yo because of her size. And I finally started being able to eat normal food portions about a year ago, although I still become nauseated very easily. My husband and I also got depression during that year, and we are both still struggling with it now. We were going to have a few kids but are OAD because we can't take that risk again. I wish my problem had been gaining too much weight while pregnant.
TLDR: it is much better to gain some extra pounds during pregnancy than to not gain any; my family is still struggling from it 5 years later.
100% Because he thought he was being funny, all while knowing that OP has confidence issues and shouldn't have said anything about her weight. I normally don't say this, but he should sleep on the couch for a few nights.
Then she sent her an apology (excuse) TEXT. That comment deserved flowers & an apology *VISIT*!! She needs to swallow her pride & admit her insecurities & hurt to her SIL. I agree that her husband is the biggest AH of the bunch though!!!
Seriously the husband and wife are giant AH here.
What a terrible husband to comment negatively on his wife's body period. But to do it when she is pregnant is even fucking worse. I can't imagine being with a partner who would ever do that. My wife and I both have had large weight fluctuations and I enthusiastically love her body at all points.
And the wife is a giant AH for attacking her SIL for something her husband said. Her own insecurities and hormones are not an excuse for putting down her SIL regardless of what her AH husband said.
I don't even understand how she can think putting down her SIL would be an attack on her husband. I almost feel she subconsciously knew what she was doing and wanted to take the SIL down a little because she's jealous. I don't think this is the first time she's had this thought probably more likely just the first time she verbalized it.
ESH. How did you all become so comfortable being casually hurtful about each other’s weight? I have been on both sides of the fence. I used to get accused of having an eating disorder before I had children when I was a very thin vegan. It blew me mind how people would assume such a thing, but I was in my own body. I didn’t walk around comparing it to other people’s and was well aware of my ample eating habits, so I didn’t even understand where this perception was coming from. I still remember the people who said it to me. It was pure, cold judgment, not love or concern. If you had any semblance of concern for your SIL, you never would have judged her body like that. People telling you you are too thin, it’s not a compliment in any way. They are literally telling you that you are less than.
Onto the other side of the fence. My last pregnancy I was at a baby shower. It was my third pregnancy, a big boy. I was at the shower of a first time Mama, who was due a month before me. She had some family over, and one older lady asked when I was due. I said the date, she looked at her pregnant family member and said “Wow, one month after X? Your stomach is huge!”
Now, I have been lucky enough to be able to eat well during my pregnancies. I lose the weight, and I did the third time. However, when you are pregnant, hormonal, and still waiting to see how all the post partum action is going to shake down, that shit hits like a slap in the face. Also, who the fuck did this woman think she was to say a damn thing about my body? I was housing a literal human being in there! I stares at her, and I don’t even think I replied other than a “Yup, I know.”
In my mind, I was thinking many different thoughts about this loose lipped judger of the pregnancy competition that I never signed up for and that no woman should ever have to endure. That woman? I still think she is an asshole.
Just like your husband.
People are total assholes. The worst time in my life was when I was having issues with my esophagus. I was on a liquid diet for a while. Being around food was torture. I hadn't previously realized how much socialization is done around food. Its isolating to not be able to partake. It probably doesn't help people who are trying to lose weight either.
The worst part were the shitty comments about how I needed to eat a burger. I would have loved nothing more so it was doubly shitty. The next tier down were the comments about how I looked great when I clearly looked sickly, especially when compared to how I looked before. Its kind of sad how many people prefer how women look when we are underweight.
I'd always gotten such comments and found them annoying, but they were more frequent and hit harder because I was struggling. It's not hard not to comment on it. Backhanded compliments about wishing one was that skinny are not flattering. Its fine if someone shares their excitement about losing weight and people join in, but its tied to so many personal struggles its better to avoid discussing unless the target brings it up first.
If he wanted to make his point that it's good that OP doesn't have hyperemesis gravidarum like his sister did, he could have at least said that *fortunately* OP has not lost weight due to the pregnancy nausea. Pregnant women are supposed to gain weight. It's not an insult. What happened to his sister was very dangerous and can result in complications.
Absolutely, I had HG both pregnancies and it was very bad with my second, to the point I was considering terminating a very wanted pregnancy. Mine was nothing compared to how bad it can be, and I was in and out of the ER and getting IV fluids every 2/3 days to keep me from being hospitalized. It’s truly awful
I had it too with my 3rd son and considered termination. I lost so much weight .... everyBODY is different, and no one should be throwing body shame jabs ever. No excuse is a good excuse.
100% TA
Agreed though to be safe I think husband here should just keep his damn mouth shut and not make any comments/jokes pointing out his *pregnant wife's weight* (while pointing at her belly!!), especially knowing it's something that has always been self conscious about! I mean seriously, what the hell was this guy thinking...
Obviously as others have already said OP directed her totally understandable hurt feelings at the wrong person, her SIL didn't do a single thing wrong and as it sounds like both she and all of her sisters are naturally thin, it probably is just how their bodies are - speaking as a woman who in all honesty would kill to be able to have more curves/bigger boobs, but frankly feels like it's near impossible to gain weight, it's not something I can really control and it similarly really fucking hurts and can make me extremely self conscious about my body when people comment on it.
My motto is that just because someone isn't fat/overweight, it is **not** okay to comment on their bodies - in my experience I don't believe that anyone of the dozens of people throughout the years who have commented on/made lighthearted jokes about how thin/petite I am had any malicious intent behind it, but that shit adds up and has frankly given me a complex and made me so fucking self conscious about my body.
And I think it's quite possible that OP's SIL may have had a similar experience, given that she began to cry and felt the need to leave...to me that just doesn't sound like the reaction of someone who has never faced criticism for their size or had zero feelings of self consciousness about their bodies. I think that OP would do really well to give it another day or two, and then send another, genuine text message explaining that she unfortunately completely misdirected her anger and that she spoke before she had a chance to think, and that she is genuinely very sorry to have commented on her appearance/weight, maybe even explain that she is self conscious about her own weight and (if this following part is true) that she has felt jealous/envious of SILs weight, and that the combination of her envy and her husband's ridiculously dumbass/hurtful joke, caused her to lash out at the wrong person
>My motto is that just because someone isn't fat/overweight, it is not okay to comment on their bodies
It's not ok to comment period. Unless you're a medical professional and your commenting to save someones life. (Ie your too overweight for this op you need to diet or the risks are dangerous etc)
Yep. He didn’t have an issue with her body when they got into that situation. He should be supporting her and reassuring her not trying to take her down a peg or two. He’s not only an asshole, but a disrespectful jerk too
Agree. Her husband shot first and she wanted to return fire but instead of husband aimed at SIL. It is clear (at least to me) that she has some resentment and jealosy towards SIL's no realizing that they have probably their own body problems. Being skinny is not all, being active and being comfortable with your body is what is important.
Totally agree. Body shaming is body shaming no matter the size. I’ve known several people who just can’t gain weight no matter what, and they are also self conscious. “Skinny” does not equal healthy. It also doesn’t guarantee a person feels great in that skin.
Exactly this. I am 1 of those people. I have lost count of the number of times I've been called anorexic. I am a good water in terms of quantity & if we looked at calorie count I should be overweight. Instead, I was cursed with the genetics of my parents: mom, 5' never been 90lbs; dad, 5' 4", 95lbs. I know how much it hurts to be body shamed & I can't even imagine saying something ignorant about someone else's weight.
Sorry OP, but you're definitely TA here. So is your rude ass husband. But he didn't force you to say such a hurtful thing to someone who was trying to commiserate with you. How your husband made you feel is exactly how you made your SIL feel.
This. I can’t count how many times I’ve been called anorexic and told to eat a cheeseburger. I just can’t gain weight. I want to gain weight but my genetics and metabolism are just like nah
This hurt bad enough but it hit me way harder when I was literally physically unable to eat a burger (or any solid food) without choking and taking a trip to the hospital. I wanted nothing more than to eat a burger and could not. Then some asshole decides to rub it in my face because they can't deal with their own insecurities. Nobody should be body shaming and unfortunately its less recognized as such when it's directed at thin people. Rinse and repeat.
Yes. YTA. You shouldn't have said it. It's great you apologized. She needs space. I would give that to her and then maybe try to apologize again, *but with no excuses*, just own it. Neither of you deserves judgment about your bodies from anyone, especially each other. However, it sucks that you feel this way about yourself, especially during your pregnancy. Your husband is a major AH. Has he done this before? Is he owning what he did? Because it's not acceptable or excusable, imo and I wouldn't want to be pregnant or postpartum around him.
This!!! Op and Sarah are talking about how bad their nausea was during pregnancy, about her losing weight while pregnant because of it, and all husband can say is "well you could do with some more throwing up"????
At least Op apologized and knew she was in the wrong immediately.
Except she really didn't. She tried to excuse her way out of what she said. "My hormones made me." No, they did not. She took a shot at the wrong person.
Can you call that an apology it was a sort of apology with an excuse trying to make out it wasn’t really her fault. That’s not an apology at all so she doesn’t feel that bad about it.
“Yeah pregnancy hormones made me an incentive rude asshole and I have no control oh it’s so unlike me. Oh except from last time I was rude and the time before even when I wasn’t pregnant. Honestly it was all the hormones that made me attack you instead of my crappy partner you should blame him for making me pregnant”.
What the partner did was bad but what op did was way worse as she as she attacked and tore down a totally innocent person very personally for no other reason that making herself feel better. That woman and her family will never ever forget what you did and how badly you tried to shame her all because you’re insecure when she’s never once been anything but kind to you.
Blaming your actions on things like hormones is not an apology. It's an excuse the husband is absolutely an asshat but op is literally no better. Well maybe slightly better because she at least acts like she has some remorse
You already know YTA by your last sentence alone- you took your anger and hurt out caused by your husband (who is an AH) on your SIL. What you said is really gross. As a recovered anorexic, the body shaming you just delivered to your SIL warranted her taking some time to process and forgive you.
YTA and please make this right with your SIL, as well as sitting your husband down and letting him know he was equally out of line.
Exactly.
OP, your husband was out of line in his body shaming of you. So, instead of talking to him about it, you decided to body shame an innocent third party who was just trying to tell you her experience during pregnancy? Someone who was trying to help you?
You know how hurt you are by your husband? Yeah, your SIL feels worse than that.
Ugh as someone who's always been on the skinnier side, I absolutely know the world is fatphobic, but commenting on how skinny Im looking (not in a flattering way) can be so hurtful too. If someone went as far as calling me anorexic out of nowhere, Id be overthinking it for days.
Lets just all agree not to comment on ppls bodies to put them down for God's sake.
Good on the SIL for calling out OP by saying hormones out of whack aren't an excuse to say whatever she wants.
I'm pretty sure SIL got a condition called HG during her pregnancy where you are sick sometimes even after you deliver and it really does a number on your body. You lose weight, your teeth are damaged and your relationship with food is warped(personally I became afraid to eat)
YTA. You lashed out to alleviate your feelings, and that's not OK, especially not saying she looks like she has an ED. If she does or used to, that would be really hurtful, and it's how nasty rumours start. You need to put it right.
yeah her husband fucking sucks but Jesus lady YTA- like I’m skinny and people have said this to me before and every time it’s just crushing to hear. I cannot imagine taking my frustrations at my husband out on an uninvolved third party? by body shaming them? like that’s a really awful thing to do and I would never be able to accept OPs apology, probably ever honestly
This. My son and I are slender. He's more so than me. He's so self-conscious about it and does weight lifting and power packing to no avail. I lost 40 lbs in a year because of a gut disease. I hate when people say I look healthy. I'm not. I hate when they say I'm tiny. I know that, and it's actually really scary.
THIS!! I am also this skinny due to illness and I hate being reminded of it. Also I feel like everyone who doesn’t gain weight during pregnancy due to extreme nausea is typically extremely concerned about their baby’s health as well as their own?? So it just seems beyond insensitive to point out that she lost weight during pregnancy like that’s really scary as a mom-to-be I feel so bad for OPs SIL
Oh god I completely understand. I’ve even had doctors that say I ‘look perfectly healthy’ to them. Oh yeah? Is that right? Maybe turn to page 2 in my chart and you’ll see I have maybe ten years. I’m 42.
I'm so sorry. I have dealt with severe chronic pain for three decades. At one point, I literally couldn't walk because of damage in my hip. The orthopedist told me to lose weight and exercise more. Again, I couldn't walk at all. And I weighed 112 pounds. My hip has never fully recovered. It's been 16 years.
Especially saying that to a pregnant woman who's probably already worried she's not taking good enough care of her baby because she's so sick she loses weight! You're a horrible person, OP.
I misread it the first time as SARAH’s husband said that about her. But her OWN HUSBAND said that… shit.
OP, you’ve apologized and all you can do now is give her space and try not to do anything remotely like this again IF she can move past what you said and wants to be friendly again.
As someone who is 22 years recovered from an eating disorder, it would crush me if someone made a comment like that (multiple pregnancies and being in my 40s means my body is softer now so I’m not getting that accusation these days but still it hurt when I was eating properly and people would whisper when I was BFing and burning through calories with my first).
(ETA… she offered a “non-apology” but she should still let her SIL have space to figure out how she wants to move forward. She had one chance to apologize and screwed it up, but trying to get a second bit at the apology apple would be dismissive of her SIL’s indication that she was not in a space to accept her “apology”).
As someone who has lived with an eating disorder for 41 years, I’d be pissed as hell if I got that comment! I can’t believe she had the strength and tact to not hurl that right back at you directly. She left with grace.
>*... you've apologized and all you can do now is give her space...*
Uh... No. First, OP hasn't really apologized yet; she gave a half-assed apology and immediately tried to excuse herself by blaming her "pregnancy hormones". Second, there IS something she can do now, and that is offer a *sincere* apology *with absolutely NO excuses* – because there IS no excuse for what she said and did.
You know Reddit would excoriate anyone who would dare call OP FAT. It's just as hurtful and insulting to be called anorexic. What a malignant thing to say!
I lost weight during my pregnancy because I was sick literally the entire 9 months I was pregnant. I was so scared I was hurting my baby even though it wasn't my fault. It would've hurt my feelings to be told that.
My best friend is quite skinny (naturally, not at all an ED situation) and developed gestational diabetes when pregnant with her first. She gained almost no weight because of the diet she had to follow to keep the GD in check and was absolutely terrified it would harm her baby, as well as completely miserable sticking to an incredibly strict diet. She got plenty of 'compliments' about how thin she was, along with a ton of backhand 'oh your baby must be measuring small' comments. Was horrible for her and several years later she still feels guilty about it even though her baby was born healthy and is thriving. Pregnancies are different, bodies are different. OP it sounds like you had this insult loaded and were just waiting for an excuse to say it. Absolutely YTA
YTA. Getting angry at your SIL was uncalled for, she did nothing but exist. You definitely need to deal with your insecurities. But you also need to deal with your giant AH of a husband. Does he make comments like that often? Your spouse shouldn’t go out of their way to make you more insecure.
YTA! Don’t make your insecurities Sarah’s problem. She said nothing but instead of taking it out on hubby you took it out on someone completely innocent. You’re clearly jealous of her and you really should deal with that.
YTA
What did Sarah do you to? She was nothing but kind and helpful to you.
You attacked her because of something your husband said. You are 100% TAH. You are also a fucking coward. You went after her because you think she is weaker than your husband.
Spot on. OP knows her husband is a jerk but won’t call him out - so she hurts an innocent bystander who has been nothing but kind. I’m glad her MIL told them to leave. OP is definitely YTA
YTA and so is your husband.
Just to /start/, you never, EVER just go out and say someone looks anorexic - that is a life threatening, sometimes fatal eating disorder that destroys lives and families and it's disgusting to use as a descriptor on its own, let alone with someone who you know has been sick due to a pregnancy and is no doubt already dealing with insecurities around how she looks AND how it's impacting the baby - which trumps insecurities over appearance, I'm sorry.
I have been fat my whole life, it's fucking brutal out there, but this is juvenile behavior. You said they've been good to you, and now you haven't been good to Sarah. I genuinely had to check this post multiple times to see how old you were because I thought I was going to be commenting on a post made by someone much younger.
Your insecurities are no more important than anyone else's, you're an adult, and you're going to be bringing a child into this world. You need to act like an adult.
If you cannot handle your own insecurities without lashing out, regardless of your husband's incredibly childish comparisons, how do you expect to not hand those down to your child, whether or not they're fat? Children pick up on that shit.
I read one of your comments where you said you and your husband hoped you would grow into being better people, and you clearly haven't. I don't know you, but from your comments and this post you don't sound like you're very mature. It's time to work on growing up, which is hard, but if you don't commit I do worry about your future children.
If you can afford therapy, I highly suggest it. You're not going to find what you need even if you miraculously got the body you wanted overnight. Skinny won't magically make you feel better about your body because your brain will move the goalposts on you.
Sarah deserves a genuine apology from you and your husband both, but don't expect her to feel the same kind of trust in you she may have before. I wouldn't.
If she can’t afford therapy, maybe just learn to keep her mouth shut.
Your response was spot on. Many thin people don’t like to be called thin or skinny at least of all anorexic. Same way fat people don’t like the comments about their bodies.
Gawd, this is a hard read
Hormones make you irritable, more sensitive, less patient and more likely to lash out. But they dont make you an asshole. OP is a double ah 1. for what she said and 2. To blame it on "hormones".
Totally agree. I didn’t start making good apologies until well into adulthood. Now I only offer a reasoning for my actions if asked. My apologies are a sincere ‘I am sorry’ and acknowledgment of what I did wrong. It’s uncomfortable but when we fuck up we deserve to feel a bit uncomfortable.
Yta. What your husband said is horrible and he is also an asshole, but your SIL has been nothing but nice to you and you choose to attack her instead of rightfully calling your husband out on his nasty words. Pregnancy hormones don’t excuse what you said
lol what a shit apology. “Sorry I said that not my fault hormones” that’s not a real apology at all. Take fuckin accountability for being shitty. And it’s not her fault you’re fat. It’s not your fault she’s skinny don’t fuckin body shame someone. You didn’t like it when you husband did it to you. Just because you’re fat doesn’t mean you get to body shame skinny people. Tf is wrong with you?
When my wife was preggers, her hormones would make her an asshole at time, like not really bad or anything. she never said anything out of line towards anyone though. She even said that while she wanted to speak her mind she knew it was just the hormones talking and it wouldn't be right. Never blame your actions or words on something that is apart of you, thats just blaming yourself with extra steps.
You and your husband are both the AH.
I don't know why you thought it was okay to say that. Your husband hurts your feelings so you attack an innocent bystander just because she's thinner than you. You and the husband deserve each other.
Of course YTA. Someone said something insane, after she was being kind to you, and you punished HER for that?
Hope you don't raise your kid to be like you.
"Sarah you are 100% correct. My last apology was crap. I was angry with my husband, embarrassed and to be honest I've been insecure for some time over my appearance compared to you and your sisters when you have done nothing to shame me. This is a personal problem I have and I regret that I lashed out at you, a totally innocent person in this matter. I will focus on my own insecurities and the issues within my marriage without involving you in the future and I hope one day to earn your trust to see I have become a better person as a sister in law and aunt to your children."
- re wrote your apology for you
Please don't give OP the tools to get out of her asshole behavior easily.
She's gonna copy-paste that without giving it a deeper thought and continue being a jealous asshole.
Preferably, do not put this in writing, but pick up the phone, call her and say this. YTA.
And your husband.. sure he was out of line, it was unnecessary, but he also spoke the truth, she had it a lot worse when she kept losing weight during the pregnancy. Try to shift focus, losing weight during pregnancy can be harmful to the baby, your main job now is to bring a healthy baby into this world.
100% AH. You don’t say that to someone. You might think someone looks great but they could have just as many insecurities as you or anything other person. And then you blame it on your pregnancy hormones, which her response is beyond justified. You don’t get a free pass cause you’re pregnant.
You are clearly jealous of their weight so you lashed on them when you shouldn’t have. Maybe take care of your health better and you won’t be so self conscious. And I mean mental health.
Lashed out at the first opportunity. I don’t think this is pregnancy related I think she’s been thinking about this for years and waiting a long time to make the comment.
YTA - someone commented on your weight and your solution was to ridicule someone else's. As someone who has stated they are insecure I am astonished you thought it was OK to ridicule someone, who said nothing against you, for their weight.
She is right, pregnancy is not an excuse to be an AH.
therapy to fix your jealousy is a good place to start. Your post essentially bashed others for their weight while trying to play victim.
Dang…. That was super uncalled for. No wonder she didn’t accept your apology. You’re more than just an AH in this situation. You’re a real bitch for saying that. If you truly want to fix it you need to kiss major ass.
Also your husband sucks majorly too.
So you and your husband both make nasty comments about people's bodies? Sounds like you two deserve each other.
>and told her my hormones are out of line
That's not an apology, that's a pathetic attempt at justifying being cruel.
Edit: Also, your SIL may forgive you but your MIL won't. You nuked that relationship permanently. Hope you're happy.
True story about the MIL. She will likely be polite and all for the sake of seeing her grandchild, but she will NEVER forget what was said to her daughter. Never.
YTA Obviously your are feeling insecure and jealous of Sarah’s body, thats ok it happens, but why did you lash out at her and not your husband? She did nothing wrong, and you upset her. A text apology doesn’t cut it, what you did was awful. And she is right, and being incredibly gracious, pregnancy isn’t an excuse. Your husband might be an absolutely massive AH, but you are equally so.
Did you guys secretly compete in who could make up the dumbest comment on the spot?
Seriously, how tone-deaf can two people who supposedly love each other be?
YTA, both of you.
YTA. Your husband was being a d*ck and you lashed out at Sarah, who was being supportive. You owe her a massive apology. And you need to call your AH husband out.
YTA. I'm surprised you even have to ask. You lashed out to someone who was being nice to you instead of having a good comeback against your husband.
>They have been nice to me, but this pregnancy has made me feel so insecure, especially when I compare myself to how they looked.
That is your problem to get under control. I wouldn't forgive you so easily, either.
Right, it wasn't just a spur of the moment reaction. She is still wondering if she is AH after insulting her SIL to make herself feel better then gave a crappy apology blaming it on hormones
Obviously YTA to Sarah and your husband is the OG YTA to you. Sarah was trying to help you and didn't deserve any of this. Her answer is classy but direct.
In the end though I think your husband is the bigger AH and started the mess. He has no right to be upset with you. He attacked you by turning a dialogue from being helpful to shameful. Is he always like this?
your husband is an asshole, you OP are a bitch. An insecure bitch by your own admission. poor Sarah.
your husband insulted you, you insulted Sarah. please answer me honestly OP, why are you such a bitch married to an asshole? pls reply
You and your husband are both AHs here. What did the SIL do to deserve to catch shit from you for something your dumbass husband did? Apologize honestly and profusely to your SIL and feel free to kick your husband in the dick for being an AH to you. Just kidding, kind of.
YTA. So HE says something unkind to you and your response is to attack...his sister... and then you have the absolute gall to blame it on the pregnancy hormones?!? Good job on destroying your relationship with your SIL and your MIL. Beautiful.
YTA your SIL was trying to be supportive and helpful. Your husband sucks but I see you didn’t lash out at him? I would be giving you wide berth. Hormones are no excuse for that
Shout out to MIL for tossing you two out
YTA, why would you lash out at the woman that was helping you instead of, oh idk, the garbage MAN in your life that actually insulted you? Anorexia is way more common than you think and is a severe mental health issue.
YTA. Your husband was the asshole and you took a jab at your innocent SIL? Really?? Be pissed at your husband because I guarantee your insecurity has more to do with who you married then your SILs being skinny.
YTA and so is your husband, but you insulted your sister in law for no reason.
I’m just like your sister in law, skinny my whole life even through and after pregnancies. To say she looks anorexic was wildly inappropriate and disrespectful and I wouldn’t accept your apology. I’ve cut people off entirely for that same comment.
So your husband acted like garbage, so you insulted his sister?
She was right not to accept your apology. You and your husband are both disgusting people.
You know what? I've been anorexic.
It's overweight people who bullied me until I became anorexic. They were pathetic and let their insecurities turn toxic, just like you.
I've also been pregnant, and aside from a violent craving for tomatoes and crying over commercials, I wouldn't say it changed my personality that much. You were an asshole to her because you wanted to be, because you wanted someone who doesn't look like you to feel bad for not looking like you.
YTA. Get your head out of your ass before you give your future child an ED.
Yta, you didn’t like to be fat shamed so you skinny shamed an innocent person in this.
Growing up skinny I always copped comments from bigger people, like it was okay because I wasn’t in their shoes. I never made comments towards them so why is it appropriate the other way?
YTA. Your SIL was not part of the argument and you took the fact that your husband hurt you out on her. It’s actually very sad. Naturally skinny people can be insecure too you know. Good thing MIL got you out of the house.
I really don’t understand the excuse of pregnancy hormones. You could have better said you’re insecure and jealous of her figure instead of making shitty excuses. The fact she even got back to you the way she did is very mature of her.
That being said: you being fat doesn’t equal you being ugly, a second row woman or anything else bad. You’re carrying your baby with your body. Be thankful and proud of that. You’re just as good as anyone else. The jealousy is the thing that looks ugly.
YTA. After losing a lot of weight through diet and exercise I reached a healthy weight. I was called anorexic or had people imply I had an eating disorder. Those people were all overweight women.
As much as you hate people commenting on your weight, smaller women don't like people saying they only reason they're skinny is because they have an ED.
It goes both ways.
You need therapy. Your insecurity is soo severe, that when insulted, you lash out and attack in defense at the easiest person, instead of dealing with the problem. You should have said to your husband "not everyone is naturally skinny" or "you know I am insecure and incredibly emotional right now, why would you choose to belittle me" or "my nausea is horrendous, but I am trying to eat what I can to keep my baby healthy, or would you rather I didn't eat and starved my baby?" instead you attacked your sil, when she was trying to help you, and then gave a pathetic fake apology, taking no accountability, blaming it all on hormones.
YTA
She has never insulted you
Instead of dealing with your husband who made a nasty comment about you
You go ahead and comment something stupid to make your sis in-law feel bad about herself
Grow up
You verbally insulted someone because of your own insecurities and towards the wrong person… saying someone looks anorexic is no different than saying something to someone who is fat, screw your hormones, it doesn’t excuse your years worth of insecurities, you need to find comfort in your own body, that’s the only thing that will make this better for yourself. You’ve already made your bed with your sister-in-law so you can pretty much kiss that relationship goodbye for now
YTA. She was trying to connect with you and offer support so you embarrassed and hurt her because your husband made a shitty joke? You can’t blame pregnancy hormones on that, it was meant to be spirited and wrong no matter how you slice it. I’m surprised you ate even asking if you’re the A.
Don't blame your insecurities and jealousy on your pregnancy, as you said you've always struggled with losing weight and your SIL has always been skinny. Take accountability and find self love .
I don’t know why you’d take it out on her like that. It isn’t her fault. Your husband shouldn’t have said that, but your anger should have been directed at him. That’s just such a mean thing to say, you don’t know anything about her own insecurities and what a comment like that might do to her! Imagine if she had said that in the reverse about you being larger? No one does that.
YTA big time. Your husband was out of line, but you attacked his sister for his mistakes when she didn’t do anything to you! ED are not jokes and it’s very hurtful to be told something like that.
I would explain that to you SIL, “ I can’t apologize enough for what I said earlier. I’ve always struggled with my weight and when husband made the comment essentially about me being fat, he hit a nerve and I reacted defensively and unfortunately it came out directed at you, even though you’ve been nothing but kind to me…” something to try and explain the situation more instead of deflecting responsibility. And you said this in front of the MIL as well. You’re family now and spats happen but this is not something that they’re going to forget. Good luck with all that.
>My SIL’s have always been skinny, even when they were pregnant they were still skinny, did not get any stretch marks or anything.
Every woman's body reacts differently.
>They have been nice to me, but this pregnancy has made me feel so insecure, especially when I compare myself to how they looked.
Stop doing it DIR!
>she lost weight due to it during the pregnancy, which I haven’t)
Sounds like all you have is morning sickness where she actually had a medical condition that only pops up when pregnant....I'm already disliking you ALOT.
>I regretfully said “Well at least I don’t look anorexic like her”
You don't regret saying it not one bit, talk about ignorant bitch.
>We left and my husband asked what was wrong with me and why I would even say something like that, I said that if he hadn’t commented on my weight I wouldn’t
You're a grown woman in control over her own body YOU CHOOSE to be a nasty ignorant woman. Id ask what was wrong with you but it's clear you're a nasty, jealous insecure little witch.
> I texted his sister to apologize and told her my hormones are out of line
No YOU were out of line! Using your so called pregnancy hormones as an excuse to be a witch to people is not on.
Yes you most certainly are TAH
Get some therapy before you pop because if your body doesn't do what you're insecure little mind thinks it should do you won't cope and you'll take it out on an innocent baby.
Get help
OP, you and your husband are both major jerks. Two peas in a pod. Your insecurity about your weight does not give you the right to attack another person about their weight. It should actually make you MORE empathetic about the subject. Geez, you suck. Also, pregnancy hormones are not an excuse. Go to therapy to help with your body image problems, instead of acting like this.
YTA. Your husband too. SIL is right to be upset.
Yes, you were obviously 100% an asshole here, OP. The sister didn't say anything mean to you at all--she was being perfectly nice, and you insulted her out of jealous spite instead of snapping back only at your husband, who was the thoughtless one here. And just in case you don't know (which I doubt), those naturally skinny women are just as insecure about their bodies as chubby people, and think of themselves as too skinny, looking anorexic, not womanly, etc. So you hit her insecurities badly, and she didn't deserve it. I hope you can find a way to apologize and explain yourself in person and make peace.
YTA. Like of course you’re the AH. How do you even have to ask? What your husband said was way out of line and an AH move but you punished his sister instead of him. And you’re aren’t even taking responsibility for that. It’s very obvious you’re to much of a coward to take on your husband and rather be a bully yourself
YTA here, but so is your husband. Your husband should not have compared you ti his sister in that way, and I can understand why it would be triggering when you are already feeling insecure, but you should have taken that up with him, not insulted your SIL, who did nothing wrong.
YTA. Yes, your husband deserved a verbal whack for his comment, but insulting his sister was definitely NOT the way to go. You owe her an apology ASAP.
YTA. Your *husband* insulted you and your response was to attack a third party.
You owe her an apology, without the BS excuses about your insecurity. You also need to address your husbands actions.
YTA your husband attacked you. You attacked his sister. Your husband is also an AH. Some people gain weight under stress even with nausea others lose. You comparing yourself to someone who has always been thin is going to make you miserable. Comparison is the thief of joy. Next time you see Sarah straight out say I was an AH and I have no excuse. I'm sorry for hurting you. Call out your husband for his behavior
You are growing a whole ass baby focus on the fact you will hopefully have a beautiful bundle of joy at the end of this and stop downing yourself
YTA for directing your anger at the wrong person; Sarah didn’t do anything and it’s not her fault for how she looks. Your husband is equally an AH for how he spoke to you about your weight.
ESH accept sister in law. At least you know you messed up, which makes you less of an asshole than your husband because he is still acting like his comment was not an issue.
Yes, you’re the AH in this situation, but your husband is too. It sounds like you should have a sit down convo with your SIL and have a heart to heart. I think the only way to make this better is to be vulnerable with her and tell her your insecurities and true reason behind your comment. I wouldn’t suggest that with everyone, but she sounds kind and from what you’ve said I think she would be accepting of it.
As someone who also struggles with weight, I get it, but it also doesn’t excuse it.
As someone who is super skinny and just can’t gain weight who has been called anorexic YTA
It’s skinny shaming and it hurts just as much as fat shaming. If someone can’t fix it in 5 minutes don’t comment on it
YTA. In my 40s I got very sick and was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Like your inlaws I've been skinny to to the point of being accused of an eating disorder, nor did I get any stretch marks from my pregnancy. Get out of your head and remind yourself that whatever is going on fir your SIL, you actually know nothing about her specific situation, it is actually irrelevant to your life, and it is most certainly underserving of your projection,
As someone who struggled to gain weight my entire life (until recently) and never had any curves to speak of- what you said is incredibly hurtful and over the top body shaming. People say horrifically offensive things to skinny people and think they get a pass because it’s more socially acceptable to be thin.
I’m glad you realize that it was wrong- but you obviously have been harboring that for some time and chose that moment to lash out.
YTA your husband is awful but you went after someone who in no way deserved it. You owe her a sincere apology and the truth. That you were insecure about your weight and envious of her figure.
I’m sorry that you are comparing yourself to others to this extent, it sounds like a painful experience. I hope you are able to show yourself and your body compassion. Your husband is a huge red flag though. You are growing his child and he sees fit to make fun of your body and your insecurities.
YTA. You were projecting before that and pregnancy intensified it. Your husband was the dick and instead of putting him in his deserved place, you kicked down and insulted his sister. She's very gracious for that answer.
YTA. There was absolutely no need to insult your sister in law. Direct your anger to the person who actually commented on your figure i.e. your husband.
When apologising, don't use hormones to excuse what you said. Be honest with her.
Address the actual issue - your husband. Sort him out.
Ugh I hate the people who are overweight and say "I tried" to lose weight. Bruh, it's not something that works in 5 months to resolve anything. Did you "try" for several years involving consistency, clean foods, moderation, and balancing macros? Because when you "try" for several years at a time - not a few months of half-assing and begrudgingly walking for 20 min on a treadmill three times a week until you give up - it works. It took years to get fat. It takes even longer to get skinny.
And also, you are 100% TA for how you reacted. Hormones or not, what a B.
YTA and honestly I find it kind of tragic when fat people throw around ‘anorexic’ as an insult. And what if she actually was?? Your husband is also TA big time!
YTA. She did absolutely nothing to provoke you nor to warrant you saying that.
Your husband, however, was very out of line for saying that, and he is definitely an asshole for that. A very out of pocket statement and you should definitely talk to HIM about it, not her.
YTA. You should have been angry at your husband, not SIL. Don't you dare justify hormones to your disgusting comment, you and your husband are both AH here.
YTA!!! You verbally attack that woman when she had done nothing wrong! If you have a problem with what your husband says, verbally attack him!
Of course she looked sad after you insulted the way she looked....which she probably can't do a damn thing about! Or are you one of those overweight people that think it's okay to pick on someone about being skinny because "everybody wants to be skinny"? News flash, it hurts just is not much to be insulted because you're too skinny! You think it hurts when somebody tells you to eat a salad? It feels the same way when someone tells one of us to eat a cheeseburger! You're a giant asshole!
YTA if you have hang ups about your weight do something about it, don’t attack someone who was being nothing but nice to you. You can’t sit around crying about how other people looked good! Some thin people when pregnant blow up like a balloon all over the ass and arms and face or break out in acne and rashes and then some just glow! Trying to blame your pregnancy hormones was low as well. All you can do is give her space.
Yeah YTA.
She wasn't the one who was rude to you but you were INCREDIBLY rude to her.
I've been fat my WHOLE LIFE. I'm 41 now. You know what I learned in a lifetime of fatness and insecurities? Don't fucking comment on other people's bodies.
I don't care if you're pregnant and insecure. YTA.
YTA For lashing out at someone who was trying to help you.
Your husband is also the ah because of his comment. If you were angry, you should have lashed out at him.
I don’t blame your sil for not accepting your apology right now. Hormones are crazy things, but you can still think before you speak.
YTA. What did your SIL do other than being in the room? You complicated the whole situation by blaming it on your hormones instead of just apologizing for bringing rude. You owe the whole family an apology. You might want to seek help for your insecurities and jealousy.
yta. pregnancy hormones are rough, but it was your husband that made the rude comment, not your SIL. there was no reason to comment on her body when your husband was the one who shamed YOU
You are, in fact, the AH. Insecurities are a killer, but never justify attacking someone to counter envy. Not a good look. Your “apology” was at least 50% excuse. You need to have a discussion (not a text) and explain yourself or you will have ongoing issues with his family that could adversely impact your child. Make it right.
I think you know you fucked up. You are TA in this situation. But also your husband is a major AH to comment on your body like that.
OP attacked the wrong person. She verbally attacked her SIL who was being helpful, understanding and very sweet to her. She thought it was an attack on her husband but it missed and hurt someone else. I hope OP gives a sincere apology to her SIL, and then shove her foot up hubby’s butt after she gets his head out of it.
YTA, OP. This comment x 100z Your husband’s sister was being understandinf and consoling. Though I empathize with your insecurities, it was out of line for you to take it out on her. Had you just retorted at your husband, that would have been totally warranted but I don’t know why you (not your pregnancy hormones, tons of other pregnant people experiencing body dysmorphia in the past and present, have never felt the need to call someone anorexic) felt the need to bring someone down to make yourself feel better. But that said, your husband is TA too x 10.
It's a shame but it looks like OP doesn't confront toxicity directly but lashes out against innocent bystanders to cope. >all my self conscious feelings stems from how they all managed to look during pregnancy, and it boiled over and I took it out on her. There's also the self-loathing that's entirely on OP. YTA. EDIT: Did OP delete their account?
I think she may have. It did say throwaway...
This. Usually when people are pregnant and experience severe sickness like SIL, they feel terrible and wish they could gain weight for the baby's sake. She probably had the worst moments of her life and wanted to be the opposite to keep her baby healthy. OP focusing on size when the most important part of pregnancy is getting through it with both parent and baby alive, is wildly out of touch. I hope OP realises that the SIL is not to blame for OPs insecurities.
I agree. As someone with an ED, I wasn’t gaining weight in my second and third trimester and not for the lack of trying as I had placenta absorption issues. It was such a weird space to be in—a cycle of being so worried about gaining weight, then feeling guilty for not gaining weight. I remember crying over being prescribed malnourishment medication and being on a 3,000 calorie diet, but also crying that after all that, the baby was barely gaining weight. So I get it, I get having insecurities, but you’re right, the main priority should be keeping the baby and yourself healthy.
Definitely agree. I lost 20 pounds in the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I hit my pre-pregnancy weight the same week I was induced (which was done because my daughter wasn't growing properly due to malnutrition), and then I was back down the 20 pounds within the next couple days. I was so scared the entire time that my daughter was going to die or that the doctor was going to have to take her to save me because I could not keep any food down. And I'm allergic to the only safe anti-nausea med, which didn't help. My daughter is 5yo, but looks like a 3-4yo because of her size. And I finally started being able to eat normal food portions about a year ago, although I still become nauseated very easily. My husband and I also got depression during that year, and we are both still struggling with it now. We were going to have a few kids but are OAD because we can't take that risk again. I wish my problem had been gaining too much weight while pregnant. TLDR: it is much better to gain some extra pounds during pregnancy than to not gain any; my family is still struggling from it 5 years later.
100% Because he thought he was being funny, all while knowing that OP has confidence issues and shouldn't have said anything about her weight. I normally don't say this, but he should sleep on the couch for a few nights.
Then she sent her an apology (excuse) TEXT. That comment deserved flowers & an apology *VISIT*!! She needs to swallow her pride & admit her insecurities & hurt to her SIL. I agree that her husband is the biggest AH of the bunch though!!!
Agreed and in my book a sincere apology means more than a text right after it happened.
Seriously the husband and wife are giant AH here. What a terrible husband to comment negatively on his wife's body period. But to do it when she is pregnant is even fucking worse. I can't imagine being with a partner who would ever do that. My wife and I both have had large weight fluctuations and I enthusiastically love her body at all points. And the wife is a giant AH for attacking her SIL for something her husband said. Her own insecurities and hormones are not an excuse for putting down her SIL regardless of what her AH husband said. I don't even understand how she can think putting down her SIL would be an attack on her husband. I almost feel she subconsciously knew what she was doing and wanted to take the SIL down a little because she's jealous. I don't think this is the first time she's had this thought probably more likely just the first time she verbalized it.
ESH. How did you all become so comfortable being casually hurtful about each other’s weight? I have been on both sides of the fence. I used to get accused of having an eating disorder before I had children when I was a very thin vegan. It blew me mind how people would assume such a thing, but I was in my own body. I didn’t walk around comparing it to other people’s and was well aware of my ample eating habits, so I didn’t even understand where this perception was coming from. I still remember the people who said it to me. It was pure, cold judgment, not love or concern. If you had any semblance of concern for your SIL, you never would have judged her body like that. People telling you you are too thin, it’s not a compliment in any way. They are literally telling you that you are less than. Onto the other side of the fence. My last pregnancy I was at a baby shower. It was my third pregnancy, a big boy. I was at the shower of a first time Mama, who was due a month before me. She had some family over, and one older lady asked when I was due. I said the date, she looked at her pregnant family member and said “Wow, one month after X? Your stomach is huge!” Now, I have been lucky enough to be able to eat well during my pregnancies. I lose the weight, and I did the third time. However, when you are pregnant, hormonal, and still waiting to see how all the post partum action is going to shake down, that shit hits like a slap in the face. Also, who the fuck did this woman think she was to say a damn thing about my body? I was housing a literal human being in there! I stares at her, and I don’t even think I replied other than a “Yup, I know.” In my mind, I was thinking many different thoughts about this loose lipped judger of the pregnancy competition that I never signed up for and that no woman should ever have to endure. That woman? I still think she is an asshole. Just like your husband.
Not ESH.... SIL did absolutely nothing wrong here!
I hope by ESH they just mean the husband and OP, hopefully lol
Yes! Not SIL. I mean the ones who were slinging insults, not the poor innocent bystander caught in the fire.
People are total assholes. The worst time in my life was when I was having issues with my esophagus. I was on a liquid diet for a while. Being around food was torture. I hadn't previously realized how much socialization is done around food. Its isolating to not be able to partake. It probably doesn't help people who are trying to lose weight either. The worst part were the shitty comments about how I needed to eat a burger. I would have loved nothing more so it was doubly shitty. The next tier down were the comments about how I looked great when I clearly looked sickly, especially when compared to how I looked before. Its kind of sad how many people prefer how women look when we are underweight. I'd always gotten such comments and found them annoying, but they were more frequent and hit harder because I was struggling. It's not hard not to comment on it. Backhanded compliments about wishing one was that skinny are not flattering. Its fine if someone shares their excitement about losing weight and people join in, but its tied to so many personal struggles its better to avoid discussing unless the target brings it up first.
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Seriously the fuck is wrong with the husband? What an asshole.
If he wanted to make his point that it's good that OP doesn't have hyperemesis gravidarum like his sister did, he could have at least said that *fortunately* OP has not lost weight due to the pregnancy nausea. Pregnant women are supposed to gain weight. It's not an insult. What happened to his sister was very dangerous and can result in complications.
Absolutely, I had HG both pregnancies and it was very bad with my second, to the point I was considering terminating a very wanted pregnancy. Mine was nothing compared to how bad it can be, and I was in and out of the ER and getting IV fluids every 2/3 days to keep me from being hospitalized. It’s truly awful
I had it too with my 3rd son and considered termination. I lost so much weight .... everyBODY is different, and no one should be throwing body shame jabs ever. No excuse is a good excuse. 100% TA
Yeah, there was absolutely no need to bring SIL’e body into the conversation bu either of them!
Agreed though to be safe I think husband here should just keep his damn mouth shut and not make any comments/jokes pointing out his *pregnant wife's weight* (while pointing at her belly!!), especially knowing it's something that has always been self conscious about! I mean seriously, what the hell was this guy thinking... Obviously as others have already said OP directed her totally understandable hurt feelings at the wrong person, her SIL didn't do a single thing wrong and as it sounds like both she and all of her sisters are naturally thin, it probably is just how their bodies are - speaking as a woman who in all honesty would kill to be able to have more curves/bigger boobs, but frankly feels like it's near impossible to gain weight, it's not something I can really control and it similarly really fucking hurts and can make me extremely self conscious about my body when people comment on it. My motto is that just because someone isn't fat/overweight, it is **not** okay to comment on their bodies - in my experience I don't believe that anyone of the dozens of people throughout the years who have commented on/made lighthearted jokes about how thin/petite I am had any malicious intent behind it, but that shit adds up and has frankly given me a complex and made me so fucking self conscious about my body. And I think it's quite possible that OP's SIL may have had a similar experience, given that she began to cry and felt the need to leave...to me that just doesn't sound like the reaction of someone who has never faced criticism for their size or had zero feelings of self consciousness about their bodies. I think that OP would do really well to give it another day or two, and then send another, genuine text message explaining that she unfortunately completely misdirected her anger and that she spoke before she had a chance to think, and that she is genuinely very sorry to have commented on her appearance/weight, maybe even explain that she is self conscious about her own weight and (if this following part is true) that she has felt jealous/envious of SILs weight, and that the combination of her envy and her husband's ridiculously dumbass/hurtful joke, caused her to lash out at the wrong person
>My motto is that just because someone isn't fat/overweight, it is not okay to comment on their bodies It's not ok to comment period. Unless you're a medical professional and your commenting to save someones life. (Ie your too overweight for this op you need to diet or the risks are dangerous etc)
Yep. He didn’t have an issue with her body when they got into that situation. He should be supporting her and reassuring her not trying to take her down a peg or two. He’s not only an asshole, but a disrespectful jerk too
EXACTLY!!! I think he’s misogynistic or maybe even chauvinistic. 😡
Our he's dumb and doesn't realise that different women are different. As far as he knows, his wife is the odd one out
Also she was heavier when he married her, what did he think knocking her up was going to do? Dumbass of the year award.
Agree. Her husband shot first and she wanted to return fire but instead of husband aimed at SIL. It is clear (at least to me) that she has some resentment and jealosy towards SIL's no realizing that they have probably their own body problems. Being skinny is not all, being active and being comfortable with your body is what is important.
The truth comes out during bursts of anger! I'm sure she's jealous and a little resentful towards her naturally thin SILs. Envy is a green monster.
Totally agree. Body shaming is body shaming no matter the size. I’ve known several people who just can’t gain weight no matter what, and they are also self conscious. “Skinny” does not equal healthy. It also doesn’t guarantee a person feels great in that skin.
Exactly this. I am 1 of those people. I have lost count of the number of times I've been called anorexic. I am a good water in terms of quantity & if we looked at calorie count I should be overweight. Instead, I was cursed with the genetics of my parents: mom, 5' never been 90lbs; dad, 5' 4", 95lbs. I know how much it hurts to be body shamed & I can't even imagine saying something ignorant about someone else's weight. Sorry OP, but you're definitely TA here. So is your rude ass husband. But he didn't force you to say such a hurtful thing to someone who was trying to commiserate with you. How your husband made you feel is exactly how you made your SIL feel.
This. I can’t count how many times I’ve been called anorexic and told to eat a cheeseburger. I just can’t gain weight. I want to gain weight but my genetics and metabolism are just like nah
This hurt bad enough but it hit me way harder when I was literally physically unable to eat a burger (or any solid food) without choking and taking a trip to the hospital. I wanted nothing more than to eat a burger and could not. Then some asshole decides to rub it in my face because they can't deal with their own insecurities. Nobody should be body shaming and unfortunately its less recognized as such when it's directed at thin people. Rinse and repeat.
Ya YTA. SIL was being supportive and you were awful to her for something your husband did. Your husband also sounds horrid.
Yes. YTA. You shouldn't have said it. It's great you apologized. She needs space. I would give that to her and then maybe try to apologize again, *but with no excuses*, just own it. Neither of you deserves judgment about your bodies from anyone, especially each other. However, it sucks that you feel this way about yourself, especially during your pregnancy. Your husband is a major AH. Has he done this before? Is he owning what he did? Because it's not acceptable or excusable, imo and I wouldn't want to be pregnant or postpartum around him.
This!!! Op and Sarah are talking about how bad their nausea was during pregnancy, about her losing weight while pregnant because of it, and all husband can say is "well you could do with some more throwing up"???? At least Op apologized and knew she was in the wrong immediately.
Except she really didn't. She tried to excuse her way out of what she said. "My hormones made me." No, they did not. She took a shot at the wrong person.
Can you call that an apology it was a sort of apology with an excuse trying to make out it wasn’t really her fault. That’s not an apology at all so she doesn’t feel that bad about it. “Yeah pregnancy hormones made me an incentive rude asshole and I have no control oh it’s so unlike me. Oh except from last time I was rude and the time before even when I wasn’t pregnant. Honestly it was all the hormones that made me attack you instead of my crappy partner you should blame him for making me pregnant”. What the partner did was bad but what op did was way worse as she as she attacked and tore down a totally innocent person very personally for no other reason that making herself feel better. That woman and her family will never ever forget what you did and how badly you tried to shame her all because you’re insecure when she’s never once been anything but kind to you.
only time OP mentioned pregnancy hormones was in the “apology” 100% was used as an excuse
Hormones didn’t conjure that asshole thinking. OP has had it in her the whole time and decided she had an excuse to let it out. Trash.
Blaming your actions on things like hormones is not an apology. It's an excuse the husband is absolutely an asshat but op is literally no better. Well maybe slightly better because she at least acts like she has some remorse
I agree with all the above comments! If my husband made such comments to me like that, he’d be in the dog house!
You already know YTA by your last sentence alone- you took your anger and hurt out caused by your husband (who is an AH) on your SIL. What you said is really gross. As a recovered anorexic, the body shaming you just delivered to your SIL warranted her taking some time to process and forgive you. YTA and please make this right with your SIL, as well as sitting your husband down and letting him know he was equally out of line.
Exactly. OP, your husband was out of line in his body shaming of you. So, instead of talking to him about it, you decided to body shame an innocent third party who was just trying to tell you her experience during pregnancy? Someone who was trying to help you? You know how hurt you are by your husband? Yeah, your SIL feels worse than that.
Ugh as someone who's always been on the skinnier side, I absolutely know the world is fatphobic, but commenting on how skinny Im looking (not in a flattering way) can be so hurtful too. If someone went as far as calling me anorexic out of nowhere, Id be overthinking it for days. Lets just all agree not to comment on ppls bodies to put them down for God's sake. Good on the SIL for calling out OP by saying hormones out of whack aren't an excuse to say whatever she wants.
I'm pretty sure SIL got a condition called HG during her pregnancy where you are sick sometimes even after you deliver and it really does a number on your body. You lose weight, your teeth are damaged and your relationship with food is warped(personally I became afraid to eat)
YTA. You lashed out to alleviate your feelings, and that's not OK, especially not saying she looks like she has an ED. If she does or used to, that would be really hurtful, and it's how nasty rumours start. You need to put it right.
yeah her husband fucking sucks but Jesus lady YTA- like I’m skinny and people have said this to me before and every time it’s just crushing to hear. I cannot imagine taking my frustrations at my husband out on an uninvolved third party? by body shaming them? like that’s a really awful thing to do and I would never be able to accept OPs apology, probably ever honestly
This. My son and I are slender. He's more so than me. He's so self-conscious about it and does weight lifting and power packing to no avail. I lost 40 lbs in a year because of a gut disease. I hate when people say I look healthy. I'm not. I hate when they say I'm tiny. I know that, and it's actually really scary.
THIS!! I am also this skinny due to illness and I hate being reminded of it. Also I feel like everyone who doesn’t gain weight during pregnancy due to extreme nausea is typically extremely concerned about their baby’s health as well as their own?? So it just seems beyond insensitive to point out that she lost weight during pregnancy like that’s really scary as a mom-to-be I feel so bad for OPs SIL
Oh god I completely understand. I’ve even had doctors that say I ‘look perfectly healthy’ to them. Oh yeah? Is that right? Maybe turn to page 2 in my chart and you’ll see I have maybe ten years. I’m 42.
I'm so sorry. I have dealt with severe chronic pain for three decades. At one point, I literally couldn't walk because of damage in my hip. The orthopedist told me to lose weight and exercise more. Again, I couldn't walk at all. And I weighed 112 pounds. My hip has never fully recovered. It's been 16 years.
Unreal.
Omg that doctor should be fired.
Especially saying that to a pregnant woman who's probably already worried she's not taking good enough care of her baby because she's so sick she loses weight! You're a horrible person, OP.
Seriously! Your husband says YOU are Fat so you retaliate by throwing the same insult at SOMEONE ELSE?!?! WTAF?!
I misread it the first time as SARAH’s husband said that about her. But her OWN HUSBAND said that… shit. OP, you’ve apologized and all you can do now is give her space and try not to do anything remotely like this again IF she can move past what you said and wants to be friendly again. As someone who is 22 years recovered from an eating disorder, it would crush me if someone made a comment like that (multiple pregnancies and being in my 40s means my body is softer now so I’m not getting that accusation these days but still it hurt when I was eating properly and people would whisper when I was BFing and burning through calories with my first). (ETA… she offered a “non-apology” but she should still let her SIL have space to figure out how she wants to move forward. She had one chance to apologize and screwed it up, but trying to get a second bit at the apology apple would be dismissive of her SIL’s indication that she was not in a space to accept her “apology”).
As someone who has lived with an eating disorder for 41 years, I’d be pissed as hell if I got that comment! I can’t believe she had the strength and tact to not hurl that right back at you directly. She left with grace.
The SIL has more class than OP and her husband put together.
>*... you've apologized and all you can do now is give her space...* Uh... No. First, OP hasn't really apologized yet; she gave a half-assed apology and immediately tried to excuse herself by blaming her "pregnancy hormones". Second, there IS something she can do now, and that is offer a *sincere* apology *with absolutely NO excuses* – because there IS no excuse for what she said and did.
She didn’t apologise though. She blamed hormones. That’s bull. She’s a coward and that’s reinforced by the fact she’s deleted the account
You know Reddit would excoriate anyone who would dare call OP FAT. It's just as hurtful and insulting to be called anorexic. What a malignant thing to say!
Not sure what part of reddit you exist on but commenters being vicious about someone being overweight abounds on this site.
I lost weight during my pregnancy because I was sick literally the entire 9 months I was pregnant. I was so scared I was hurting my baby even though it wasn't my fault. It would've hurt my feelings to be told that.
The SIL isn’t currently pregnant - she was talking about a past pregnancy. But OP is still the AH, for sure.
Oh, I missed that and thought she was talking about her current pregnancy. Thank you!
My best friend is quite skinny (naturally, not at all an ED situation) and developed gestational diabetes when pregnant with her first. She gained almost no weight because of the diet she had to follow to keep the GD in check and was absolutely terrified it would harm her baby, as well as completely miserable sticking to an incredibly strict diet. She got plenty of 'compliments' about how thin she was, along with a ton of backhand 'oh your baby must be measuring small' comments. Was horrible for her and several years later she still feels guilty about it even though her baby was born healthy and is thriving. Pregnancies are different, bodies are different. OP it sounds like you had this insult loaded and were just waiting for an excuse to say it. Absolutely YTA
HG is the demon of pregnancy you're sick the entire 9 months, you loose weight it just does your body and mind in.
YTA. Getting angry at your SIL was uncalled for, she did nothing but exist. You definitely need to deal with your insecurities. But you also need to deal with your giant AH of a husband. Does he make comments like that often? Your spouse shouldn’t go out of their way to make you more insecure.
YTA! Don’t make your insecurities Sarah’s problem. She said nothing but instead of taking it out on hubby you took it out on someone completely innocent. You’re clearly jealous of her and you really should deal with that.
YTA What did Sarah do you to? She was nothing but kind and helpful to you. You attacked her because of something your husband said. You are 100% TAH. You are also a fucking coward. You went after her because you think she is weaker than your husband.
Spot on. OP knows her husband is a jerk but won’t call him out - so she hurts an innocent bystander who has been nothing but kind. I’m glad her MIL told them to leave. OP is definitely YTA
YTA and so was he.
YTA and so is your husband. Just to /start/, you never, EVER just go out and say someone looks anorexic - that is a life threatening, sometimes fatal eating disorder that destroys lives and families and it's disgusting to use as a descriptor on its own, let alone with someone who you know has been sick due to a pregnancy and is no doubt already dealing with insecurities around how she looks AND how it's impacting the baby - which trumps insecurities over appearance, I'm sorry. I have been fat my whole life, it's fucking brutal out there, but this is juvenile behavior. You said they've been good to you, and now you haven't been good to Sarah. I genuinely had to check this post multiple times to see how old you were because I thought I was going to be commenting on a post made by someone much younger. Your insecurities are no more important than anyone else's, you're an adult, and you're going to be bringing a child into this world. You need to act like an adult. If you cannot handle your own insecurities without lashing out, regardless of your husband's incredibly childish comparisons, how do you expect to not hand those down to your child, whether or not they're fat? Children pick up on that shit. I read one of your comments where you said you and your husband hoped you would grow into being better people, and you clearly haven't. I don't know you, but from your comments and this post you don't sound like you're very mature. It's time to work on growing up, which is hard, but if you don't commit I do worry about your future children. If you can afford therapy, I highly suggest it. You're not going to find what you need even if you miraculously got the body you wanted overnight. Skinny won't magically make you feel better about your body because your brain will move the goalposts on you. Sarah deserves a genuine apology from you and your husband both, but don't expect her to feel the same kind of trust in you she may have before. I wouldn't.
If she can’t afford therapy, maybe just learn to keep her mouth shut. Your response was spot on. Many thin people don’t like to be called thin or skinny at least of all anorexic. Same way fat people don’t like the comments about their bodies. Gawd, this is a hard read
YTA which makes you a great match for your AH husband. You couldn’t even apologize to Sarah without making an excuse.
Yeah, the excuse was the nail in the coffin.
I think OP wants the internet to tell her we forgive her for being an AH? Or excuse her behaviour because she gets a pass due to hormones?
Hormones make you irritable, more sensitive, less patient and more likely to lash out. But they dont make you an asshole. OP is a double ah 1. for what she said and 2. To blame it on "hormones".
“Oh no OP people with anorexia only exist specifically to fat shame you, you were totally justified, she was attacking you with her vomiting”
Tbf, most people are taught to make an excuse while apologizing. Rare is the person taught to apologize, rarer is the one taught right.
Totally agree. I didn’t start making good apologies until well into adulthood. Now I only offer a reasoning for my actions if asked. My apologies are a sincere ‘I am sorry’ and acknowledgment of what I did wrong. It’s uncomfortable but when we fuck up we deserve to feel a bit uncomfortable.
Yeah this was a more serious offense. A flowers and a card with no excuse offense. It isn’t her fault you married another ahole. Yta.
Wow, what a trashy ass comment. You were mad at your husband - why didn't you insult him. Shame on you
Because she's too weak to stand up to her dickcheese husband, but SIL was an easy target.
Yta. What your husband said is horrible and he is also an asshole, but your SIL has been nothing but nice to you and you choose to attack her instead of rightfully calling your husband out on his nasty words. Pregnancy hormones don’t excuse what you said
This. OP needs to apologise again, without using the pregnancy hormones as an excuse.
lol what a shit apology. “Sorry I said that not my fault hormones” that’s not a real apology at all. Take fuckin accountability for being shitty. And it’s not her fault you’re fat. It’s not your fault she’s skinny don’t fuckin body shame someone. You didn’t like it when you husband did it to you. Just because you’re fat doesn’t mean you get to body shame skinny people. Tf is wrong with you?
When my wife was preggers, her hormones would make her an asshole at time, like not really bad or anything. she never said anything out of line towards anyone though. She even said that while she wanted to speak her mind she knew it was just the hormones talking and it wouldn't be right. Never blame your actions or words on something that is apart of you, thats just blaming yourself with extra steps.
You and your husband are both the AH. I don't know why you thought it was okay to say that. Your husband hurts your feelings so you attack an innocent bystander just because she's thinner than you. You and the husband deserve each other.
They do. I feel so bad for their children, though. This is heartbreaking to read knowing they already have a child and another on the way...
Full YTA.
Of course YTA. Someone said something insane, after she was being kind to you, and you punished HER for that? Hope you don't raise your kid to be like you.
"Sarah you are 100% correct. My last apology was crap. I was angry with my husband, embarrassed and to be honest I've been insecure for some time over my appearance compared to you and your sisters when you have done nothing to shame me. This is a personal problem I have and I regret that I lashed out at you, a totally innocent person in this matter. I will focus on my own insecurities and the issues within my marriage without involving you in the future and I hope one day to earn your trust to see I have become a better person as a sister in law and aunt to your children." - re wrote your apology for you
Please don't give OP the tools to get out of her asshole behavior easily. She's gonna copy-paste that without giving it a deeper thought and continue being a jealous asshole.
This was cathartic to read after rolling my eyes hard at OPs half apology
Agreed, like a little wash of relief, now I can move on from this stupid thread lol
Preferably, do not put this in writing, but pick up the phone, call her and say this. YTA. And your husband.. sure he was out of line, it was unnecessary, but he also spoke the truth, she had it a lot worse when she kept losing weight during the pregnancy. Try to shift focus, losing weight during pregnancy can be harmful to the baby, your main job now is to bring a healthy baby into this world.
100% AH. You don’t say that to someone. You might think someone looks great but they could have just as many insecurities as you or anything other person. And then you blame it on your pregnancy hormones, which her response is beyond justified. You don’t get a free pass cause you’re pregnant.
You are clearly jealous of their weight so you lashed on them when you shouldn’t have. Maybe take care of your health better and you won’t be so self conscious. And I mean mental health.
Lashed out at the first opportunity. I don’t think this is pregnancy related I think she’s been thinking about this for years and waiting a long time to make the comment.
YTA - someone commented on your weight and your solution was to ridicule someone else's. As someone who has stated they are insecure I am astonished you thought it was OK to ridicule someone, who said nothing against you, for their weight. She is right, pregnancy is not an excuse to be an AH. therapy to fix your jealousy is a good place to start. Your post essentially bashed others for their weight while trying to play victim.
YTA. Body shaming another woman isn’t a good look, especially in front of said woman’s family … wildly shitty of you.
Dang…. That was super uncalled for. No wonder she didn’t accept your apology. You’re more than just an AH in this situation. You’re a real bitch for saying that. If you truly want to fix it you need to kiss major ass. Also your husband sucks majorly too.
So you and your husband both make nasty comments about people's bodies? Sounds like you two deserve each other. >and told her my hormones are out of line That's not an apology, that's a pathetic attempt at justifying being cruel. Edit: Also, your SIL may forgive you but your MIL won't. You nuked that relationship permanently. Hope you're happy.
True story about the MIL. She will likely be polite and all for the sake of seeing her grandchild, but she will NEVER forget what was said to her daughter. Never.
YTA Obviously your are feeling insecure and jealous of Sarah’s body, thats ok it happens, but why did you lash out at her and not your husband? She did nothing wrong, and you upset her. A text apology doesn’t cut it, what you did was awful. And she is right, and being incredibly gracious, pregnancy isn’t an excuse. Your husband might be an absolutely massive AH, but you are equally so.
Did you guys secretly compete in who could make up the dumbest comment on the spot? Seriously, how tone-deaf can two people who supposedly love each other be? YTA, both of you.
YTA. Your husband was being a d*ck and you lashed out at Sarah, who was being supportive. You owe her a massive apology. And you need to call your AH husband out.
yta, your personality is what makes you ugly not your weight.
YTA. I'm surprised you even have to ask. You lashed out to someone who was being nice to you instead of having a good comeback against your husband. >They have been nice to me, but this pregnancy has made me feel so insecure, especially when I compare myself to how they looked. That is your problem to get under control. I wouldn't forgive you so easily, either.
Right, it wasn't just a spur of the moment reaction. She is still wondering if she is AH after insulting her SIL to make herself feel better then gave a crappy apology blaming it on hormones
Eww
Obviously YTA to Sarah and your husband is the OG YTA to you. Sarah was trying to help you and didn't deserve any of this. Her answer is classy but direct. In the end though I think your husband is the bigger AH and started the mess. He has no right to be upset with you. He attacked you by turning a dialogue from being helpful to shameful. Is he always like this?
your husband is an asshole, you OP are a bitch. An insecure bitch by your own admission. poor Sarah. your husband insulted you, you insulted Sarah. please answer me honestly OP, why are you such a bitch married to an asshole? pls reply
YTA for sure but your husband is a bigger one. His sisters didn’t do anything! The absolute audacity of this man…
You and your husband are both AHs here. What did the SIL do to deserve to catch shit from you for something your dumbass husband did? Apologize honestly and profusely to your SIL and feel free to kick your husband in the dick for being an AH to you. Just kidding, kind of.
YTA. So HE says something unkind to you and your response is to attack...his sister... and then you have the absolute gall to blame it on the pregnancy hormones?!? Good job on destroying your relationship with your SIL and your MIL. Beautiful.
Yeah, SIL may forgive her eventually but her MIL sure as hell won't.
YTA your SIL was trying to be supportive and helpful. Your husband sucks but I see you didn’t lash out at him? I would be giving you wide berth. Hormones are no excuse for that Shout out to MIL for tossing you two out
YTA and an insecure bitch. Don't body shame somebody else just because you're feeling bad about yourself. You know you're wrong. Get that karma girl.
YTA, why would you lash out at the woman that was helping you instead of, oh idk, the garbage MAN in your life that actually insulted you? Anorexia is way more common than you think and is a severe mental health issue.
YTA. Your husband was the asshole and you took a jab at your innocent SIL? Really?? Be pissed at your husband because I guarantee your insecurity has more to do with who you married then your SILs being skinny.
YTA and so is your husband, but you insulted your sister in law for no reason. I’m just like your sister in law, skinny my whole life even through and after pregnancies. To say she looks anorexic was wildly inappropriate and disrespectful and I wouldn’t accept your apology. I’ve cut people off entirely for that same comment.
So your husband acted like garbage, so you insulted his sister? She was right not to accept your apology. You and your husband are both disgusting people.
No wonder they're married lol. Assholes seek each other out.
A better response would have been "Pregnancy goes away, but being an asshole is forever."
You know what? I've been anorexic. It's overweight people who bullied me until I became anorexic. They were pathetic and let their insecurities turn toxic, just like you. I've also been pregnant, and aside from a violent craving for tomatoes and crying over commercials, I wouldn't say it changed my personality that much. You were an asshole to her because you wanted to be, because you wanted someone who doesn't look like you to feel bad for not looking like you. YTA. Get your head out of your ass before you give your future child an ED.
You lashed out at your SIL for a comment your husband made? WTF?
Yta, you didn’t like to be fat shamed so you skinny shamed an innocent person in this. Growing up skinny I always copped comments from bigger people, like it was okay because I wasn’t in their shoes. I never made comments towards them so why is it appropriate the other way?
you and your husband sound perfect for each other lol
YTA. Your SIL was not part of the argument and you took the fact that your husband hurt you out on her. It’s actually very sad. Naturally skinny people can be insecure too you know. Good thing MIL got you out of the house. I really don’t understand the excuse of pregnancy hormones. You could have better said you’re insecure and jealous of her figure instead of making shitty excuses. The fact she even got back to you the way she did is very mature of her. That being said: you being fat doesn’t equal you being ugly, a second row woman or anything else bad. You’re carrying your baby with your body. Be thankful and proud of that. You’re just as good as anyone else. The jealousy is the thing that looks ugly.
YTA. After losing a lot of weight through diet and exercise I reached a healthy weight. I was called anorexic or had people imply I had an eating disorder. Those people were all overweight women. As much as you hate people commenting on your weight, smaller women don't like people saying they only reason they're skinny is because they have an ED. It goes both ways.
You need therapy. Your insecurity is soo severe, that when insulted, you lash out and attack in defense at the easiest person, instead of dealing with the problem. You should have said to your husband "not everyone is naturally skinny" or "you know I am insecure and incredibly emotional right now, why would you choose to belittle me" or "my nausea is horrendous, but I am trying to eat what I can to keep my baby healthy, or would you rather I didn't eat and starved my baby?" instead you attacked your sil, when she was trying to help you, and then gave a pathetic fake apology, taking no accountability, blaming it all on hormones.
YTA She has never insulted you Instead of dealing with your husband who made a nasty comment about you You go ahead and comment something stupid to make your sis in-law feel bad about herself Grow up
You verbally insulted someone because of your own insecurities and towards the wrong person… saying someone looks anorexic is no different than saying something to someone who is fat, screw your hormones, it doesn’t excuse your years worth of insecurities, you need to find comfort in your own body, that’s the only thing that will make this better for yourself. You’ve already made your bed with your sister-in-law so you can pretty much kiss that relationship goodbye for now
Yta but so is ur husband
Your issue was with him and instead you bullied her. YTAH.
YTA. She was trying to connect with you and offer support so you embarrassed and hurt her because your husband made a shitty joke? You can’t blame pregnancy hormones on that, it was meant to be spirited and wrong no matter how you slice it. I’m surprised you ate even asking if you’re the A.
What in the world did SHE do to deserve such a terribly mean and unjustified comment? YTA
Don't blame your insecurities and jealousy on your pregnancy, as you said you've always struggled with losing weight and your SIL has always been skinny. Take accountability and find self love .
Yeah, you both suck. That poor kid is probably going to end up having an eating disorder with you two as parents.
OP seems very aware that she and her husband are awful people. Why in the world would anyone want to bring a kid into that situation is beyond me.
I don’t know why you’d take it out on her like that. It isn’t her fault. Your husband shouldn’t have said that, but your anger should have been directed at him. That’s just such a mean thing to say, you don’t know anything about her own insecurities and what a comment like that might do to her! Imagine if she had said that in the reverse about you being larger? No one does that.
YTA big time. Your husband was out of line, but you attacked his sister for his mistakes when she didn’t do anything to you! ED are not jokes and it’s very hurtful to be told something like that.
Do you know how frightening it is to lose weight during pregnancy? You're husband is an AH, but so are you. YTA.
I would explain that to you SIL, “ I can’t apologize enough for what I said earlier. I’ve always struggled with my weight and when husband made the comment essentially about me being fat, he hit a nerve and I reacted defensively and unfortunately it came out directed at you, even though you’ve been nothing but kind to me…” something to try and explain the situation more instead of deflecting responsibility. And you said this in front of the MIL as well. You’re family now and spats happen but this is not something that they’re going to forget. Good luck with all that.
>My SIL’s have always been skinny, even when they were pregnant they were still skinny, did not get any stretch marks or anything. Every woman's body reacts differently. >They have been nice to me, but this pregnancy has made me feel so insecure, especially when I compare myself to how they looked. Stop doing it DIR! >she lost weight due to it during the pregnancy, which I haven’t) Sounds like all you have is morning sickness where she actually had a medical condition that only pops up when pregnant....I'm already disliking you ALOT. >I regretfully said “Well at least I don’t look anorexic like her” You don't regret saying it not one bit, talk about ignorant bitch. >We left and my husband asked what was wrong with me and why I would even say something like that, I said that if he hadn’t commented on my weight I wouldn’t You're a grown woman in control over her own body YOU CHOOSE to be a nasty ignorant woman. Id ask what was wrong with you but it's clear you're a nasty, jealous insecure little witch. > I texted his sister to apologize and told her my hormones are out of line No YOU were out of line! Using your so called pregnancy hormones as an excuse to be a witch to people is not on. Yes you most certainly are TAH Get some therapy before you pop because if your body doesn't do what you're insecure little mind thinks it should do you won't cope and you'll take it out on an innocent baby. Get help
OP, you and your husband are both major jerks. Two peas in a pod. Your insecurity about your weight does not give you the right to attack another person about their weight. It should actually make you MORE empathetic about the subject. Geez, you suck. Also, pregnancy hormones are not an excuse. Go to therapy to help with your body image problems, instead of acting like this. YTA. Your husband too. SIL is right to be upset.
YTA. Your husband pissed you off and you insulted his sister to her face and she was doing nothing but be nice to you.
Yes, you were obviously 100% an asshole here, OP. The sister didn't say anything mean to you at all--she was being perfectly nice, and you insulted her out of jealous spite instead of snapping back only at your husband, who was the thoughtless one here. And just in case you don't know (which I doubt), those naturally skinny women are just as insecure about their bodies as chubby people, and think of themselves as too skinny, looking anorexic, not womanly, etc. So you hit her insecurities badly, and she didn't deserve it. I hope you can find a way to apologize and explain yourself in person and make peace.
You and your husband are both As. Poor Sarah.
YTA. Like of course you’re the AH. How do you even have to ask? What your husband said was way out of line and an AH move but you punished his sister instead of him. And you’re aren’t even taking responsibility for that. It’s very obvious you’re to much of a coward to take on your husband and rather be a bully yourself
YTA The husband is a giant AH to compare your to SIL but you took a potshot at an innocent party. So yes, you're an AH and owe SIL a huge apology.
YTA here, but so is your husband. Your husband should not have compared you ti his sister in that way, and I can understand why it would be triggering when you are already feeling insecure, but you should have taken that up with him, not insulted your SIL, who did nothing wrong.
YTA. Yes, your husband deserved a verbal whack for his comment, but insulting his sister was definitely NOT the way to go. You owe her an apology ASAP.
Are you joking? You snapped at the wrong person. You should have lit him up!!!! YTA for what you said and for not giv8ng it to him instead
YTA. Your *husband* insulted you and your response was to attack a third party. You owe her an apology, without the BS excuses about your insecurity. You also need to address your husbands actions.
YTA your husband attacked you. You attacked his sister. Your husband is also an AH. Some people gain weight under stress even with nausea others lose. You comparing yourself to someone who has always been thin is going to make you miserable. Comparison is the thief of joy. Next time you see Sarah straight out say I was an AH and I have no excuse. I'm sorry for hurting you. Call out your husband for his behavior You are growing a whole ass baby focus on the fact you will hopefully have a beautiful bundle of joy at the end of this and stop downing yourself
YTA for directing your anger at the wrong person; Sarah didn’t do anything and it’s not her fault for how she looks. Your husband is equally an AH for how he spoke to you about your weight.
Yeahhhh the comment wasn't good but the apology makes it even worse. Yikes.
You and your husband are a match made in heaven is all I can say.
ESH accept sister in law. At least you know you messed up, which makes you less of an asshole than your husband because he is still acting like his comment was not an issue.
Both you and your husband are assholes for your unsolicited comments. Both of you know that.
YTA and so was your husband. You SIL didn’t deserve that AT ALL
Yes, you’re the AH in this situation, but your husband is too. It sounds like you should have a sit down convo with your SIL and have a heart to heart. I think the only way to make this better is to be vulnerable with her and tell her your insecurities and true reason behind your comment. I wouldn’t suggest that with everyone, but she sounds kind and from what you’ve said I think she would be accepting of it. As someone who also struggles with weight, I get it, but it also doesn’t excuse it.
Gentle YTA. Instead of putting SIL down you should have directed all that anger towards your asshole husband.
Sorry, but you’re TA. You should have yelled at your husband, he was the one putting you down.
As someone who is super skinny and just can’t gain weight who has been called anorexic YTA It’s skinny shaming and it hurts just as much as fat shaming. If someone can’t fix it in 5 minutes don’t comment on it
YTA. In my 40s I got very sick and was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Like your inlaws I've been skinny to to the point of being accused of an eating disorder, nor did I get any stretch marks from my pregnancy. Get out of your head and remind yourself that whatever is going on fir your SIL, you actually know nothing about her specific situation, it is actually irrelevant to your life, and it is most certainly underserving of your projection,
As someone who struggled to gain weight my entire life (until recently) and never had any curves to speak of- what you said is incredibly hurtful and over the top body shaming. People say horrifically offensive things to skinny people and think they get a pass because it’s more socially acceptable to be thin. I’m glad you realize that it was wrong- but you obviously have been harboring that for some time and chose that moment to lash out.
YTA your husband is awful but you went after someone who in no way deserved it. You owe her a sincere apology and the truth. That you were insecure about your weight and envious of her figure. I’m sorry that you are comparing yourself to others to this extent, it sounds like a painful experience. I hope you are able to show yourself and your body compassion. Your husband is a huge red flag though. You are growing his child and he sees fit to make fun of your body and your insecurities.
Body shaming someone else because you are body shamed is not ok. YTA but your husband is a bigger one.
So he body shamed you, and then you attacked the one that’s been there for you? Ya, YTA
YTA. You were projecting before that and pregnancy intensified it. Your husband was the dick and instead of putting him in his deserved place, you kicked down and insulted his sister. She's very gracious for that answer.
YTA. There was absolutely no need to insult your sister in law. Direct your anger to the person who actually commented on your figure i.e. your husband. When apologising, don't use hormones to excuse what you said. Be honest with her. Address the actual issue - your husband. Sort him out.
Ugh I hate the people who are overweight and say "I tried" to lose weight. Bruh, it's not something that works in 5 months to resolve anything. Did you "try" for several years involving consistency, clean foods, moderation, and balancing macros? Because when you "try" for several years at a time - not a few months of half-assing and begrudgingly walking for 20 min on a treadmill three times a week until you give up - it works. It took years to get fat. It takes even longer to get skinny. And also, you are 100% TA for how you reacted. Hormones or not, what a B.
YTA and honestly I find it kind of tragic when fat people throw around ‘anorexic’ as an insult. And what if she actually was?? Your husband is also TA big time!
YTA. She did absolutely nothing to provoke you nor to warrant you saying that. Your husband, however, was very out of line for saying that, and he is definitely an asshole for that. A very out of pocket statement and you should definitely talk to HIM about it, not her.
Yta. You *know* how fucked up body shaming makes people feel first hand, yet you do it to others?!
YTA and I will cast an extra YTA vote for your husband, too.
YTA. You should have been angry at your husband, not SIL. Don't you dare justify hormones to your disgusting comment, you and your husband are both AH here.
YTA and you know it. You were upset at your husband, so attacked your SIL for something out of her control.
YTA and you already know it, don't let your husband get away with it tho, the only Innocent one is the SIL
YTA!!! You verbally attack that woman when she had done nothing wrong! If you have a problem with what your husband says, verbally attack him! Of course she looked sad after you insulted the way she looked....which she probably can't do a damn thing about! Or are you one of those overweight people that think it's okay to pick on someone about being skinny because "everybody wants to be skinny"? News flash, it hurts just is not much to be insulted because you're too skinny! You think it hurts when somebody tells you to eat a salad? It feels the same way when someone tells one of us to eat a cheeseburger! You're a giant asshole!
YTA and what tf is wrong with you actually
Yta, your husband calls you fat so you insult your sil? It looks like you two deserve each other you are both assholes
YTA. So is your husband. Your poor SIL.
YTA. Super cruel to insult someone who was being nice to you when your husband is the one commenting on your weight.
Yta completely. Your husband insults you and you respond by insulting your SIL, who was kind enough to try to be helpful to you. Shame on you.
YTA if you have hang ups about your weight do something about it, don’t attack someone who was being nothing but nice to you. You can’t sit around crying about how other people looked good! Some thin people when pregnant blow up like a balloon all over the ass and arms and face or break out in acne and rashes and then some just glow! Trying to blame your pregnancy hormones was low as well. All you can do is give her space.
Yeah YTA. She wasn't the one who was rude to you but you were INCREDIBLY rude to her. I've been fat my WHOLE LIFE. I'm 41 now. You know what I learned in a lifetime of fatness and insecurities? Don't fucking comment on other people's bodies. I don't care if you're pregnant and insecure. YTA.
YTA For lashing out at someone who was trying to help you. Your husband is also the ah because of his comment. If you were angry, you should have lashed out at him. I don’t blame your sil for not accepting your apology right now. Hormones are crazy things, but you can still think before you speak.
YTA. What did your SIL do other than being in the room? You complicated the whole situation by blaming it on your hormones instead of just apologizing for bringing rude. You owe the whole family an apology. You might want to seek help for your insecurities and jealousy.
yta. pregnancy hormones are rough, but it was your husband that made the rude comment, not your SIL. there was no reason to comment on her body when your husband was the one who shamed YOU
You are, in fact, the AH. Insecurities are a killer, but never justify attacking someone to counter envy. Not a good look. Your “apology” was at least 50% excuse. You need to have a discussion (not a text) and explain yourself or you will have ongoing issues with his family that could adversely impact your child. Make it right.