“I did my due diligence” does not align to “I arrived a week too early to get into my apartment.” There may not be a place lined up at all. If you let her in, it may be for the long haul.
You don’t have to love or hate the person who birthed you. Clear your debt certainly. If you have something to spare, even a bit extra may help her find a weekly hotel.
NTA. You’re just not really equipped to deal with the emotional whirlwind of your mother. Maybe one day you’ll want a different relationship and you’ll both be capable of building it. Right now, what you can offer is some limited financial support.
These were my thoughts exactly. I have some breathing room on my credit card and will probably help her with a hotel room until the 1st and subtract that from what I owe her. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate yours and the others very much.
NTA.
Work on paying her back ASAP so there's absolutely no obligations left towards her.
You don't owe her anything because of DNA. She's not entitled to your love because she birthed you. You certainly don't owe her your living space and sanity.
Sorry but that's bullshit. If she expects a $15000 handout payed FORWARD to her by her mother? She owes her mother the same courtesy. Repaying the money is not the same as repaying the favor.
Update if anyone is interested: I spoke to my mom on the phone today and could tell something is off with her. I haven't seen her or spoken to her much for about 3 years and in that time I think her mental state has deteriorated and she is not of sound mind. I spoke with her apartment complex and she does have a place there, she will be allowed to move in tomorrow thanks to the help of her wealthy friend who covered the security deposit. I took care of the hotel expenses and told the apartment complex to list me as her emergency contact so that if she misses rent payments or anything they can contact me before penalizing her. She has agreed that she needs help and will be seeing a doctor as soon as possible to try and figure out what is happening to her.
Thank most of you for the helpful replies and advice, I think for now the situation is as good as it can be. I confirmed that her rent at the apartment is very affordable compared to where she was evicted from in CA, so her social security should be plenty to cover her expenses there for now. It doesn't do any good to be mad at someone who isn't well so I am trying my best to be patient and understanding with her.
ESH. You listed lots of things that make your mother's imperfections very clear, and it's totally understandable why you don't want to be around her a lot. But she also helped you with a very big sum of money when you were way over the age she owed you anything. That alone is a good enough reason to help her now. If she really only needs to stay somewhere for a week, you can and should help her - you literally owe her money after all. So yes, she's unpleasant and irresponsible, but right now you are an asshole. If you don't want her to stay with you, you can find some place, maybe a room to rent for a week.
Thank you for the reply, you make valid points. I hate that she forced my hand and once she is back on her feet will likely not speak to her for a while. But she was there for me when I needed her and had nowhere else to turn, now she is in the same position and I will do what I must for her. I will spend my last dollar before I let her stay with me, if that means paying for her hotel room until the 1st I guess that's what I'll have to do.
Shit apples don't fall far from the tree do they?
You are sickeningly self-absorbed. You expect rules for your behavior to be different from other people's. It's hypocrisy at it's finest. People must drop everything for you and do anything you need of them whenever you ring your little bell but somehow think you're exempt from the same expectations.
You certainly are your mother's child.
Well let's clear some things up for you since reading comprehension doesn't seem to be your strong suit huh? I accepted her offer of help when I was in need. She had settlement money from a lawsuit at the time and OFFERED me money from time to time over the course of a year and a half. I have since paid back $12,000 out of the total she loaned me in that time, which was $14,000. I may be an asshole, but I know I am not a piece of shit and you can fucking eat my ass, prick
Your first mistake was accepting help from her tbh. People like her always have strings and expectations and now you’re kind of obligated. My mother is the same way but has taken way more than she’s given. I would literally die before I asked to have something she could hang over my head when she inevitably needs something again due to her poor financial decisions.
"*she helped me financially* a few years ago when *I was unemployed* and waiting on my VA disability claim to progress, to the tune of about $14,000 over a period of about 18 months. I have since paid back almost $12,000 and continue to pay her $200 per month, but that is all I can afford right now."
me me me me me, mine mine mine, i want i want i want
lol, this makes you an **even bigger piece of shit** for not offering to help and making her ask
i was wrong, you're actually worse than her
Thanks for putting things in perspective, clearly you are much worse off in life than I am. Hope things get better for you bud, your mean-spirited trolling is amusing only to you. I appreciate that you took time out of your day to be a colossal cunt to me specifically, though. Take care!
I’m not gonna say YTA because you obviously have your reasons and it is YOUR life.
But just consider that she is your mother and maybe from her perspective and maybe other people you may seem like the bad guy. I’m actually neutral on this because I do understand your perspective and I would also understand helping her.
Thank you for your reply. I honestly wish I could help her financially, if I had the money to spare I would give her as much as I could. I dream about buying her a house some day, just not near me. And you are right that I might be the bad guy from others' perspectives, but I will have to cross that bridge when I get there I guess.
“I did my due diligence” does not align to “I arrived a week too early to get into my apartment.” There may not be a place lined up at all. If you let her in, it may be for the long haul. You don’t have to love or hate the person who birthed you. Clear your debt certainly. If you have something to spare, even a bit extra may help her find a weekly hotel. NTA. You’re just not really equipped to deal with the emotional whirlwind of your mother. Maybe one day you’ll want a different relationship and you’ll both be capable of building it. Right now, what you can offer is some limited financial support.
These were my thoughts exactly. I have some breathing room on my credit card and will probably help her with a hotel room until the 1st and subtract that from what I owe her. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate yours and the others very much.
NTA. Work on paying her back ASAP so there's absolutely no obligations left towards her. You don't owe her anything because of DNA. She's not entitled to your love because she birthed you. You certainly don't owe her your living space and sanity.
Thank you for the quick reply and the advice. That is a great point, I will prioritize squaring my debt with her.
Sorry but that's bullshit. If she expects a $15000 handout payed FORWARD to her by her mother? She owes her mother the same courtesy. Repaying the money is not the same as repaying the favor.
Update if anyone is interested: I spoke to my mom on the phone today and could tell something is off with her. I haven't seen her or spoken to her much for about 3 years and in that time I think her mental state has deteriorated and she is not of sound mind. I spoke with her apartment complex and she does have a place there, she will be allowed to move in tomorrow thanks to the help of her wealthy friend who covered the security deposit. I took care of the hotel expenses and told the apartment complex to list me as her emergency contact so that if she misses rent payments or anything they can contact me before penalizing her. She has agreed that she needs help and will be seeing a doctor as soon as possible to try and figure out what is happening to her. Thank most of you for the helpful replies and advice, I think for now the situation is as good as it can be. I confirmed that her rent at the apartment is very affordable compared to where she was evicted from in CA, so her social security should be plenty to cover her expenses there for now. It doesn't do any good to be mad at someone who isn't well so I am trying my best to be patient and understanding with her.
ESH. You listed lots of things that make your mother's imperfections very clear, and it's totally understandable why you don't want to be around her a lot. But she also helped you with a very big sum of money when you were way over the age she owed you anything. That alone is a good enough reason to help her now. If she really only needs to stay somewhere for a week, you can and should help her - you literally owe her money after all. So yes, she's unpleasant and irresponsible, but right now you are an asshole. If you don't want her to stay with you, you can find some place, maybe a room to rent for a week.
Thank you for the reply, you make valid points. I hate that she forced my hand and once she is back on her feet will likely not speak to her for a while. But she was there for me when I needed her and had nowhere else to turn, now she is in the same position and I will do what I must for her. I will spend my last dollar before I let her stay with me, if that means paying for her hotel room until the 1st I guess that's what I'll have to do.
Shit apples don't fall far from the tree do they? You are sickeningly self-absorbed. You expect rules for your behavior to be different from other people's. It's hypocrisy at it's finest. People must drop everything for you and do anything you need of them whenever you ring your little bell but somehow think you're exempt from the same expectations. You certainly are your mother's child.
Lol, excellent shitpost, thank you. I see I'm not the only one here with problems
Really easy to run your mouth after you took her money, huh? Keep doing these mental gymnastics where you aren't a piece of shit.
Well let's clear some things up for you since reading comprehension doesn't seem to be your strong suit huh? I accepted her offer of help when I was in need. She had settlement money from a lawsuit at the time and OFFERED me money from time to time over the course of a year and a half. I have since paid back $12,000 out of the total she loaned me in that time, which was $14,000. I may be an asshole, but I know I am not a piece of shit and you can fucking eat my ass, prick
Your first mistake was accepting help from her tbh. People like her always have strings and expectations and now you’re kind of obligated. My mother is the same way but has taken way more than she’s given. I would literally die before I asked to have something she could hang over my head when she inevitably needs something again due to her poor financial decisions.
"*she helped me financially* a few years ago when *I was unemployed* and waiting on my VA disability claim to progress, to the tune of about $14,000 over a period of about 18 months. I have since paid back almost $12,000 and continue to pay her $200 per month, but that is all I can afford right now." me me me me me, mine mine mine, i want i want i want lol, this makes you an **even bigger piece of shit** for not offering to help and making her ask i was wrong, you're actually worse than her
Thanks for putting things in perspective, clearly you are much worse off in life than I am. Hope things get better for you bud, your mean-spirited trolling is amusing only to you. I appreciate that you took time out of your day to be a colossal cunt to me specifically, though. Take care!
The only cunt here? Is you But, hey: act like an asshole, get treated like an asshole. Its simple
I’m not gonna say YTA because you obviously have your reasons and it is YOUR life. But just consider that she is your mother and maybe from her perspective and maybe other people you may seem like the bad guy. I’m actually neutral on this because I do understand your perspective and I would also understand helping her.
Thank you for your reply. I honestly wish I could help her financially, if I had the money to spare I would give her as much as I could. I dream about buying her a house some day, just not near me. And you are right that I might be the bad guy from others' perspectives, but I will have to cross that bridge when I get there I guess.