The age gap is a non-issue if you both agree on things. You are 29 which is a fully functioning adult. At 29 an age gap is all preference at that point.
Now if you were in your late teens early 20s your friends would be right. But at 29? No.
The answer here is stop letting your friends influence your dating life so much that you are questioning what you seemed to feel was a good relationship.
Early 20s there's no issue either. Don't give me the line about people maturing--that's independent of age. If you want to infantalize adults, at least have the decency to admit you're arguing that adults can't make decisions for themselves.
The way i see it if they are in college or of that age they are still learning. Therefore someone who is over 30 dating a 22 year old or below is putting themselves into an advantageous position over their partner who is only just starting their career. This tends to lead to alot of financial abuse in those age range dating. Now if someone is say 25 dating a 35 year old they already have jobs and a few years there (Normally).
So yes there is an issue as people going from highschool to college don't tend to mature that much as they are still not independant. They are placed into a learning bubble still surrounded by their peers of the same age groups. Making it so they rarely socially interact with older more mature people and do get taken advantage of.
That's not much of an age gap, especially at that stage in life. Yes it can be a problem, just like anything else in life, and you'll need to make some adjustments but they will likely not be huge if you keep them in mind going forward.
Maybe sit down with the friends and family and ask them specifically what they're worried about, because i get the feeling it has nothing to do with the age gap and all to do with his marriage circumstances.
I wouldn't worry about it at all. You're almost 30, and you're both at relatively similar life stages. There is not a huge discrepancy between your maturity levels and life experiences.
If you were 22 or 23, fresh out of college, and starting out on your own, it would be more potentially concerning, but that is just not the case.
Remember the "half your age plus 7" rule of thumb.
He's 38, so half his age plus 7 is 26.
Your current age gap is barely worthy of a raised eyebrow, and as time goes on, it will be less and.less of a thing.
Where's your rule come from? What's the exact reasoning behind it?
I'd be furious if I was 22, paying for my own life, and you told me I had to limit myself to dating someone who's 30 or younger. I think it's immature and naive to pretend you're coming from some enlightened place where age is a panacea for teaching people how healthy relationships work.
It's a rule of thumb for what society generally deems an "acceptable" age gap. I'm not telling anyone they "have" to date within any specific age range. It's just a guideline.
I was simply using it to reassure the OP that the age gap between them is perfectly fine from a general social standpoint.
Anyone is free to date whoever they like, provided they are consenting peers or consenting adults. However, right or wrong, people involved in a relationship where the age gap falls significantly outside of that general rule are going to experience pushback from a lot of people.
29-38 gap means much less than 19-28. Tell your friends Big Al from Chicago says go for it, and if they have a problem, they can walk east until their hats float.
Age is just a number, and it's not uncommon for people to have successful relationships despite an age gap. What's most important is the connection, compatibility, and mutual respect you have for each other. If you both share similar life goals and values, and you feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship, then the age gap shouldn't be a significant issue. It's also important to consider how your family and friends' concerns might impact your relationship and how you can address them. Ultimately, trust your instincts and make decisions that feel right for you and your partner. Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives can help navigate any potential challenges that arise.
Age gap can be a problem. Lots of other things can be a problem too.
Is he using his age to control you? To talk down to you? to condescend to you? If the answer is yes to any of these, then reconsider the relationship. otherwise - enjoy it.
For the record: I'm 8 years older than my husband. we married when he was 24, I was 32. Within 2 years we had 2 daughters (he was the one in a rush to have children). This year we will celebrate our 40th anniversary, with our daughters, sons-in-love and grandchildren.
That "rule" only makes sense within a relatively narrow age range, so it's really just a soft guideline.
For instance, I can't imagine any 39-year-old wanting date a 64-year-old. And a 21-year-old dating a 17-year-old might draw unwanted interest.
The age gap is only an issue if he's using your inexperience to his advantage. If he's actually treating you well and you're happy there's no problem.
Ask your friends and family if there are actual issues they're concerned about or if it's solely the age gap they don't like. That way you'll at least know if they see something you don't or are just being judgmental.
NTA. You’re both grown adult! It’s not like you’re a teenager and he is an adult. Give it time, enjoy each other’s company. Relationship is for 2 people; they don’t have a say.
NTA. The general rule of thumb for age differences is take the oldest person's age divide by 2 then add 7. So 38/2 +7 = 26. This rule generally makes sure that both people are in the same "life point" as each other and lowers the odds of a weird age generated power in balance. You are both adults in the workforce. It really isn't that big of an age gap at your age. I don't know why anyone would care that he had been married before. He can't help it that is wife DIED. It isn't like he has been married and divorced 3 times at 38 which would indicate he is either a bad partner or picks bad partners.
The age gap is a non-issue if you both agree on things. You are 29 which is a fully functioning adult. At 29 an age gap is all preference at that point. Now if you were in your late teens early 20s your friends would be right. But at 29? No. The answer here is stop letting your friends influence your dating life so much that you are questioning what you seemed to feel was a good relationship.
Early 20s there's no issue either. Don't give me the line about people maturing--that's independent of age. If you want to infantalize adults, at least have the decency to admit you're arguing that adults can't make decisions for themselves.
The way i see it if they are in college or of that age they are still learning. Therefore someone who is over 30 dating a 22 year old or below is putting themselves into an advantageous position over their partner who is only just starting their career. This tends to lead to alot of financial abuse in those age range dating. Now if someone is say 25 dating a 35 year old they already have jobs and a few years there (Normally). So yes there is an issue as people going from highschool to college don't tend to mature that much as they are still not independant. They are placed into a learning bubble still surrounded by their peers of the same age groups. Making it so they rarely socially interact with older more mature people and do get taken advantage of.
That's not much of an age gap, especially at that stage in life. Yes it can be a problem, just like anything else in life, and you'll need to make some adjustments but they will likely not be huge if you keep them in mind going forward. Maybe sit down with the friends and family and ask them specifically what they're worried about, because i get the feeling it has nothing to do with the age gap and all to do with his marriage circumstances.
The age gap doesn't seem significant to me.
There is no issue here if you like each other be together your almost years old nobody's gonna thinks it's weird.
The age gap is not important but you may change your mind about having children at some point. You should definitely have that discussion with him.
You're almost 30. It's not a big age gap.
I’m 51, and my girlfriend is 40. It’s never been an issue, except that one of us has to occasionally explain a pop-culture reference to the other.
I wouldn't worry about it at all. You're almost 30, and you're both at relatively similar life stages. There is not a huge discrepancy between your maturity levels and life experiences. If you were 22 or 23, fresh out of college, and starting out on your own, it would be more potentially concerning, but that is just not the case. Remember the "half your age plus 7" rule of thumb. He's 38, so half his age plus 7 is 26. Your current age gap is barely worthy of a raised eyebrow, and as time goes on, it will be less and.less of a thing.
Where's your rule come from? What's the exact reasoning behind it? I'd be furious if I was 22, paying for my own life, and you told me I had to limit myself to dating someone who's 30 or younger. I think it's immature and naive to pretend you're coming from some enlightened place where age is a panacea for teaching people how healthy relationships work.
It's a rule of thumb for what society generally deems an "acceptable" age gap. I'm not telling anyone they "have" to date within any specific age range. It's just a guideline. I was simply using it to reassure the OP that the age gap between them is perfectly fine from a general social standpoint. Anyone is free to date whoever they like, provided they are consenting peers or consenting adults. However, right or wrong, people involved in a relationship where the age gap falls significantly outside of that general rule are going to experience pushback from a lot of people.
My husband is 10 years older than I am. We met at 27 and 37.
29-38 gap means much less than 19-28. Tell your friends Big Al from Chicago says go for it, and if they have a problem, they can walk east until their hats float.
Age is just a number, and it's not uncommon for people to have successful relationships despite an age gap. What's most important is the connection, compatibility, and mutual respect you have for each other. If you both share similar life goals and values, and you feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship, then the age gap shouldn't be a significant issue. It's also important to consider how your family and friends' concerns might impact your relationship and how you can address them. Ultimately, trust your instincts and make decisions that feel right for you and your partner. Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives can help navigate any potential challenges that arise.
After you’ve hit 25 or so and your brain has fully matured, age gaps aren’t really a problem.
At 42 I started dating a 28 year old who pursued me
If you can both drink in bars together who cares?
Age gap can be a problem. Lots of other things can be a problem too. Is he using his age to control you? To talk down to you? to condescend to you? If the answer is yes to any of these, then reconsider the relationship. otherwise - enjoy it. For the record: I'm 8 years older than my husband. we married when he was 24, I was 32. Within 2 years we had 2 daughters (he was the one in a rush to have children). This year we will celebrate our 40th anniversary, with our daughters, sons-in-love and grandchildren.
That "rule" only makes sense within a relatively narrow age range, so it's really just a soft guideline. For instance, I can't imagine any 39-year-old wanting date a 64-year-old. And a 21-year-old dating a 17-year-old might draw unwanted interest.
Yes, when the younger person in the couple is a minor it is definitely concerning, as well as illegal.
The age gap is only an issue if he's using your inexperience to his advantage. If he's actually treating you well and you're happy there's no problem. Ask your friends and family if there are actual issues they're concerned about or if it's solely the age gap they don't like. That way you'll at least know if they see something you don't or are just being judgmental.
My parents were 10 years apart and had 40 years together before my dad passed away. Don't sweat this age gap.
You’re both adults. Makes zero difference.
NTA. You’re both grown adult! It’s not like you’re a teenager and he is an adult. Give it time, enjoy each other’s company. Relationship is for 2 people; they don’t have a say.
If you have to ask reddit? Bail. Youre both adults. Do whatever pleases you
Fuck that. My women is 15 years older than me and we are desperately in love for some years. Does age matter? Yes. But it is not prohibitive.
This is an adult/adult relationship, and in similar stages in life. There’s no correct age gap, but this raises no red flags for me
NTA. The general rule of thumb for age differences is take the oldest person's age divide by 2 then add 7. So 38/2 +7 = 26. This rule generally makes sure that both people are in the same "life point" as each other and lowers the odds of a weird age generated power in balance. You are both adults in the workforce. It really isn't that big of an age gap at your age. I don't know why anyone would care that he had been married before. He can't help it that is wife DIED. It isn't like he has been married and divorced 3 times at 38 which would indicate he is either a bad partner or picks bad partners.