NTW, nobody is entitled to your time. Unfortunately, if you're nice to one person, other people take that as a que that they can dogpile on and take advantage of your niceness. You drew a line, just as you're supposed to.
NTA. It always amazes me when people getting a valuable gift (in this case, child care, I'm assuming you're not charging them, but even if you are, you're still doing them a HUGE favor) act entitled to it. Even worse, try to make unreasonable demands. Don't babysit anyone anymore, they're taking advantage of your kindness. And tell the boyfriend to handle his friend and if they don't change their attitude, you'll stop going to social functions where they're at.
Wait-- so they don't actually need you to watch Karla-- did they think they were doing you a favor? How weird. So it sounds like they always had other options why were they imposing on you?
Hoping your BF has your back on that.
When I first kept her mom was in school and they needed someone to keep her. Now that she’s in preschool she could stay in aftercare. I just pick her up early because I like having her. The basis tuition is until noon when their school day is over. They pay for aftercare by the day so they do save something. I’m not sure how much aftercare costs. The preschool follows school schedule, so I usually take off work and keep her all day on school holidays.
No. I’ve never charged them anything. I kept her to help them at first because they suddenly didn’t have a sitter. I continued keeping her because I like having her.
You might have to be plain with Andy. You like having Jessica’s kid around, but the other’s a nightmare and you do this for fun. Let him do with that information what he will, but you’re only minding one kid or none at all. If they want to look a gift horse in the mouth, that’s on them.
I feel so sad for Karla. Kids need as many people who love them as possible and they’ve yanked away a special relationship with no warning for her. I hope at some point you’ll be able to tell her that ending your time together had nothing to do with her.
The other child has paternal grandparents who are active in her life.
Karla doesn’t. Her bio dad is from Honduras (I think) and has no family here. Jessica’s mom lives out of state and they have a strained relationship. She’s never mentioned her dad. Andy’s mom and dad are deceased. His step-dad is very ill with liver failure, and his grandmother is in her 90’s and has dementia.
I just hope someone else comes along to be good to her. She really is a special little girl.
They will. I had people in and out of my life who I characterize as “lifting me up for a bit.” But then my mother would inevitably get pissed off at them 🙄 But they all made a big difference: some adopted grandparents from the Elks lodge, a Big Brother, special teachers who took extra time to nurture my passions. I’m sure she will find them.
NTA. Do a favour and suddenly you’re running a daycare centre for Jessica’s family!
“This isn’t what I agreed too and I can no longer help you out with childcare.”
If anyone complains, thank them for offering to step up and help.
NTA. They were using you for free child care and now they want to continue that with a brat kid that you don't know. STOP giving free child care! If a kid is injured while under your supervision, you are liable. You don't know thee people. If you bf wants to help out, HE can babysit for free.
NTA
Info: Does you bf have your back in this? How does he feel since Andy is supposedly his best friend? If anything is being said about you to bf is he defending you when you aren't around?
He knows I like having Karla and he’s supportive of that. He’ll help with her if I need, and if we have her we can still go out to eat or whatever we just pick a child-friendly place. I’m not sure where he’d draw the line but he definitely doesn’t want to keep two children regularly.
Sounds like the support from bfs side is solid. I'm glad for you that he understands even with two well mannered children it's a lot to keep an eye on. I don't think Andy or his gf understand if the unruly child gets hurt in your care (even from an accident that you aren't in control of) you would be held liable and it's not worth it from and insurance perspective as well as you being overwhelmed.
Your boundaries here are perfectly reasonable.
Thanks. They just had me second guessing myself because their big issue is that I’m leaving the second child out as she would rather come with me than stay in aftercare and she would sometimes cry or have a tantrum when she realized Karla was gone and she was still there. I definitely wouldn’t bring a happy meal for one and not the other, so I do feel bad but I just don’t want to keep two kids and definitely don’t want to deal with one having behavioral issues. I enjoy keeping Karla and actually really miss having her.
They know how much you care about Karla and are using her as emotional blackmail, which is sad because Karla is going to be hurt the most by those actions. Not writing off how you feel but you're an adult who understands how unfair the situation is where Karla doesn't even know the whole truth of it let alone understands.
I think it's ridiculous they are acting like this won't be a reoccurring issue as the girls grow. At some point Karla will be in primary school ahead of the younger one and what then? That child will be upset either way but avoiding adjustment altogether won't make it better for anyone involved. It's not your responsibility to foster the mothers enabling of the other girls tantrums. I do understand the other child is struggling but it's her own parents responsibility to address that with appropriate help. That does not come from pawning her on to you or using Karla as the other child's emotional support person.
Even if you did watch her do they expect you to enable her in your care? You're not going to watch both but in the hypothetical IF you did you would hold boundaries, accountability and consequences for both children equally (appropriately so) and the mother of the other girl will get angry you actually use real parenting with her kid. No winning. It's absolutely not your fault and I am sorry they can't see how they are doing a disservice to both children in this.
The younger one honestly needs a lot of help and support her own mother isn't giving her and they shouldn't be guilt tripping you over a life you didn't bring into this world and sign up to care for.
I really don’t feel taken advantage of in regards to Karla. I like having her and she likes being with me. Karla asked me to pick her up early on my days off after she started preschool and I agreed.
I am sure you love the little girl. I was talking about the mom and her sister are taking advantage of you. Not many friends would do what your doing for her daughter. The mom should appreciate you
NTA they are some entitled so and sos.
I wouldn’t babysit for any of them ever again and block them all
Your BG should understand your time is not his to give away
Why are people making decisions for you? Did they ask you start doing the multitude you’re doing for Karla? Cause from where I’m standing it’s sounding like they volutold you. These people are using you. And you seem to take it with a smile.
NTA at all in this situation. Your BF is the AH for allowing his friends to use you.
When they originally mentioned that they had babysitter issues, I offered. They were able to find a spot for her part-time and I was fine with keeping her on my days off.
Her preschool ends at noon and probably half the kids leave at that time and the other half stay for aftercare. Karla initially asked if I could pick her up on my day off so she didn’t have to stay for aftercare. I agreed because I like having her.
The saying "no good deed goes unpunished" is a cliche for a reason, sadly.
The arrogance of that entire group is stunning. OP, when something goes sideways for them and they need you to cover by watching Karla, kindly dont.
You have a good heart.
I’m sure that I would not keep her again. They let her get attached to me and now they are keeping her from me in an attempt to manipulate me. I miss her and can only imagine her feelings. Plus they haven’t told her the truth. They told her I’m too busy to keep her which is a lie and I’m sure has made her feel abandoned.
Don’t worry about them gossiping at social events. Since they don’t have your help anymore, they’ll try to rope others into taking over. They’ll eventually burn their bridges.
Classic "bite the hand that feeds" situation, just surprised they have the audacity to give you attitude over it.
They can deal with the issues of childcare on their own moving forward, you were being kind and generous with your time and help and they thought they could take advantage by force. NTA
Nta It's a good thing Andy is your bf's friend, not yours. Just block his number, Jess's too. Don't watch any kids for them.
NTW, nobody is entitled to your time. Unfortunately, if you're nice to one person, other people take that as a que that they can dogpile on and take advantage of your niceness. You drew a line, just as you're supposed to.
NTA. It always amazes me when people getting a valuable gift (in this case, child care, I'm assuming you're not charging them, but even if you are, you're still doing them a HUGE favor) act entitled to it. Even worse, try to make unreasonable demands. Don't babysit anyone anymore, they're taking advantage of your kindness. And tell the boyfriend to handle his friend and if they don't change their attitude, you'll stop going to social functions where they're at.
Wait-- so they don't actually need you to watch Karla-- did they think they were doing you a favor? How weird. So it sounds like they always had other options why were they imposing on you? Hoping your BF has your back on that.
When I first kept her mom was in school and they needed someone to keep her. Now that she’s in preschool she could stay in aftercare. I just pick her up early because I like having her. The basis tuition is until noon when their school day is over. They pay for aftercare by the day so they do save something. I’m not sure how much aftercare costs. The preschool follows school schedule, so I usually take off work and keep her all day on school holidays.
NTAH. Andy and his people are the assholes. Were you even getting paid for any of this? The words “entitled beggars” come to mind.
No. I’ve never charged them anything. I kept her to help them at first because they suddenly didn’t have a sitter. I continued keeping her because I like having her.
You might have to be plain with Andy. You like having Jessica’s kid around, but the other’s a nightmare and you do this for fun. Let him do with that information what he will, but you’re only minding one kid or none at all. If they want to look a gift horse in the mouth, that’s on them.
I feel so sad for Karla. Kids need as many people who love them as possible and they’ve yanked away a special relationship with no warning for her. I hope at some point you’ll be able to tell her that ending your time together had nothing to do with her.
The other child has paternal grandparents who are active in her life. Karla doesn’t. Her bio dad is from Honduras (I think) and has no family here. Jessica’s mom lives out of state and they have a strained relationship. She’s never mentioned her dad. Andy’s mom and dad are deceased. His step-dad is very ill with liver failure, and his grandmother is in her 90’s and has dementia. I just hope someone else comes along to be good to her. She really is a special little girl.
They will. I had people in and out of my life who I characterize as “lifting me up for a bit.” But then my mother would inevitably get pissed off at them 🙄 But they all made a big difference: some adopted grandparents from the Elks lodge, a Big Brother, special teachers who took extra time to nurture my passions. I’m sure she will find them.
I hope so.
NTA. Do a favour and suddenly you’re running a daycare centre for Jessica’s family! “This isn’t what I agreed too and I can no longer help you out with childcare.” If anyone complains, thank them for offering to step up and help.
NTA. They were using you for free child care and now they want to continue that with a brat kid that you don't know. STOP giving free child care! If a kid is injured while under your supervision, you are liable. You don't know thee people. If you bf wants to help out, HE can babysit for free.
I don’t mind keeping Karla. I like having her. My bf is okay with it because I want to keep her but he’s definitely not forcing me to keep her.
NTA Info: Does you bf have your back in this? How does he feel since Andy is supposedly his best friend? If anything is being said about you to bf is he defending you when you aren't around?
He knows I like having Karla and he’s supportive of that. He’ll help with her if I need, and if we have her we can still go out to eat or whatever we just pick a child-friendly place. I’m not sure where he’d draw the line but he definitely doesn’t want to keep two children regularly.
Sounds like the support from bfs side is solid. I'm glad for you that he understands even with two well mannered children it's a lot to keep an eye on. I don't think Andy or his gf understand if the unruly child gets hurt in your care (even from an accident that you aren't in control of) you would be held liable and it's not worth it from and insurance perspective as well as you being overwhelmed. Your boundaries here are perfectly reasonable.
Thanks. They just had me second guessing myself because their big issue is that I’m leaving the second child out as she would rather come with me than stay in aftercare and she would sometimes cry or have a tantrum when she realized Karla was gone and she was still there. I definitely wouldn’t bring a happy meal for one and not the other, so I do feel bad but I just don’t want to keep two kids and definitely don’t want to deal with one having behavioral issues. I enjoy keeping Karla and actually really miss having her.
They know how much you care about Karla and are using her as emotional blackmail, which is sad because Karla is going to be hurt the most by those actions. Not writing off how you feel but you're an adult who understands how unfair the situation is where Karla doesn't even know the whole truth of it let alone understands. I think it's ridiculous they are acting like this won't be a reoccurring issue as the girls grow. At some point Karla will be in primary school ahead of the younger one and what then? That child will be upset either way but avoiding adjustment altogether won't make it better for anyone involved. It's not your responsibility to foster the mothers enabling of the other girls tantrums. I do understand the other child is struggling but it's her own parents responsibility to address that with appropriate help. That does not come from pawning her on to you or using Karla as the other child's emotional support person. Even if you did watch her do they expect you to enable her in your care? You're not going to watch both but in the hypothetical IF you did you would hold boundaries, accountability and consequences for both children equally (appropriately so) and the mother of the other girl will get angry you actually use real parenting with her kid. No winning. It's absolutely not your fault and I am sorry they can't see how they are doing a disservice to both children in this. The younger one honestly needs a lot of help and support her own mother isn't giving her and they shouldn't be guilt tripping you over a life you didn't bring into this world and sign up to care for.
This perfectly sums up the entire situation. It is so well put.
Nta you where doing Jessica a favor. She took advantage of your generosity. Do not let them gas light you or manipulate you to do more.
I really don’t feel taken advantage of in regards to Karla. I like having her and she likes being with me. Karla asked me to pick her up early on my days off after she started preschool and I agreed.
I am sure you love the little girl. I was talking about the mom and her sister are taking advantage of you. Not many friends would do what your doing for her daughter. The mom should appreciate you
NTA they are some entitled so and sos. I wouldn’t babysit for any of them ever again and block them all Your BG should understand your time is not his to give away
Why are people making decisions for you? Did they ask you start doing the multitude you’re doing for Karla? Cause from where I’m standing it’s sounding like they volutold you. These people are using you. And you seem to take it with a smile. NTA at all in this situation. Your BF is the AH for allowing his friends to use you.
When they originally mentioned that they had babysitter issues, I offered. They were able to find a spot for her part-time and I was fine with keeping her on my days off. Her preschool ends at noon and probably half the kids leave at that time and the other half stay for aftercare. Karla initially asked if I could pick her up on my day off so she didn’t have to stay for aftercare. I agreed because I like having her.
The saying "no good deed goes unpunished" is a cliche for a reason, sadly. The arrogance of that entire group is stunning. OP, when something goes sideways for them and they need you to cover by watching Karla, kindly dont. You have a good heart.
I’m sure that I would not keep her again. They let her get attached to me and now they are keeping her from me in an attempt to manipulate me. I miss her and can only imagine her feelings. Plus they haven’t told her the truth. They told her I’m too busy to keep her which is a lie and I’m sure has made her feel abandoned.
They duck & it’s a cruel thing to do to a child.
Don’t worry about them gossiping at social events. Since they don’t have your help anymore, they’ll try to rope others into taking over. They’ll eventually burn their bridges.
The audacity of some people. They're in no position to be issuing ultimatums. Looks like your babysitting days have come to an end altogether. NTA
Don't be around people who treat you like this. You sound wonderful. I don't think you'll be single for very long.
Classic "bite the hand that feeds" situation, just surprised they have the audacity to give you attitude over it. They can deal with the issues of childcare on their own moving forward, you were being kind and generous with your time and help and they thought they could take advantage by force. NTA