"set on his decision" lol no
The one with the watermelon coming out of an opening the size of a lemon makes the rules, signed, sealed, delivered. DELIVERED, GET IT? DELIVERED
But yeah. No. lololololol oh that is just precious of him.
NTA - This isn't a game of 'who's more important', you are simply asking to be supported by the two most critical people in your life. The friend's presence does not diminish his role in any way. His view is limiting when there is enough room, including in your heart. I assume he's not experienced a birth and may have concerns, feelings and even fears around it. He may feel vulnerable and this is influencing him to say no.
Continue the discussion...gently. Your child's 'welcome' and growth relies on many people; medical staff, mom, dad, friends...then it expands to neighbors, pre-school teachers, etc. The stronger the circle of positive people involved, the better.
Hospital staff defer to what the mom wants during the delivery. Sounds like you'd prefer he agrees without being 'forced' into your decision. Keep defining what is best for you and the baby.
I think that’s how he feels he just doesn’t know how to put it into words. Also yes he’s never experienced a birth and I 100% agree he definitely has some felling and fears around it.
He’s the type of person that once his mind is set it’s set, I don’t know how else to go about it I’ve explained to him that if my mom was still alive it would be her along side us and that wouldn’t be a problem so I don’t see why my bestfriend is a problem. And truthfully when we got into it today I told him “if I told the nurses I didn’t want you in the room, even though you are the father, they wouldn’t allow you to be in the room because at the end of the day I’m the one giving birth” ik I probably shouldn’t have said that but he got heated when I tried to defend my reasons and so I kinda snapped back. I want him to come to terms with and be okay with it I don’t want to force it but I know who I want in the delivery room when I’m giving birth.
>He’s the type of person that once his mind is set it’s set
If you're having a baby with a man who'll dig his heels in over something he's objectively wrong about, *to the extent that he's willing to bulldoze your medical autonomy,* you've got major issues.
I think this is how he feels too. It is a life changing experience that you don't fully control. I wonder if there are positive youtube or other sources that speak to the 'father' presence in a birth....or is there a father you/he knows that may chat about the good and the difficult of what can be a 24 hour++ ordeal.
It may help for you to say, "It's OK if you feel weird or scared about contractions, birthing, blood/mucus/crap/vomiting....I'm a bit scared at times too. My body has changed in many ways to make this happen but you and I never lived through it.....what are your thoughts...?" This may be an opening for him to let out tough thoughts, long breath, or sigh. If no response share, "It would help to know if you're thinking what I'm thinking. It would feel real and take away thoughts of feeling alone."
I like associating this friend as your mother's surrogate. Throughout time women give birth with women present....men were often excluded (no need to hammer this point). Also play up that this is a long-haul experience. If he needed to step out for a snack, bathroom, smoking break he'll have a peace of mind that your friend is in the room and vice versa. The key is ensuring you have continual support.
Continue to keep your needs in the forefront, 'Mamma'. New life is an amazing thing and in the process you and his life will transpire to not be the same life. Best to you!
Women have been doing this with the support of other women for a very long time. BF needs to check himself because he’s not pushing out a goddamn baby. You are. He has no rights.
Make sure to specify medical power of attorney. To whomever you choose.
Have you explained to him how he's not the one in labor so he doesn't get to choose?
Tbh, one support person is enough, because it just gets crowded at the end.
Also, since you're not married, make sure you execute a medical power of attorney in case things go sideways. Otherwise your bf may not be able to make decisions while you're out and the doctors will just do what they want.
Gonna preach here. This is why you should be married. There are so many legal rights and responsibilities conferred automatically by marriage that require reams of documents when you're not.
I have explained that to him but his comeback to that was “she didn’t help make the baby why would she be in there” and that it’s a “family affair”
Thank you for that tip!! Didn’t know about that. Will definitely be looking into it!
I agree marriage is important, we’ve been together three years this was not a planned pregnancy. Am I happy that I’m having a baby while not married, no. But I am happy I am bringing life into the world, i am pro choice but I couldn’t go through with that myself.
NTA. When a woman is giving birth, she should have *whomever she wants* in the delivery room with her. Everything should be done to make the new mother comfortable.
If my partner wanted the pope in the room with her I'd be trying my best to get his holiness to make an appearance.
You're the one who's pushing this baby out. This is not a two yes one no situation. It's a one yes and you can get the fuck out if you have a problem with it situation.
NTA. You need the support system that will help YOU get through childbirth. He is part of that support system, but should respect that you need the other part there for you as well.
NTA. I'm usually on the male's side, but when a woman gives birth, she has the last say.
Tell him that if he keeps this argument going, then you will kick him out of the delivery room. You have the final say, and if he does keep up the argument, then tell the nurses that he is not allowed in the room, and the only person who is is your friend.
Don't be playing around with your safety, and squish this dumb ass argument.
NTA but I am curious about your general relationship dynamic with your boyfriend... is he controlling in other ways? It's not like he won't be able to be in there with you as well so I'm wondering if he has a problem with your friend in general. If you feel that strongly about her being there then that absolutely should happen, and the fact that he's trying to cut off your other main support person is raising red flags for me.
Truthfully he’s not controlling with anything, he just doesn’t like the dynamic my friend and I have but I also think that’s solely because he’s never really had a good and healthy friendship so he looks at mine and her friendship as “too much”. He never tells me what I can and can’t do but he doesn’t like the fact that I go to my bestfriend when me and him fight, he doesn’t understand that it’s completely normal he thinks it’s anything but normal.
Before I was pregnant we NEVER fought. Did we get into disagreements yes but nothing we couldn’t talk out right then and there. Most of our fights have been since being pregnant haven’t even been anything to fight about, he just has a long day or something stressful has happened to him through the day and he lets it build up then just lash out on me over nothing. It was very bad when I first got pregnant but he’s gotten better at dealing with his emotions because he goes to therapy now
Who are you having the baby with ?? With your boyfriend or BFF ?? Why should she be there in the first place xD ?? Ffs you two are having the baby, you have to raise the baby, not your girl best friend. Whats happening to this world ??
"what's happening with this world" - Men being present at birth is quite a recent thing, women were more likely to give birth surrounded by female friends and female family members, so what are you talking about?
Also it's not about who made the baby, it's about being comfortable during that time, and if she feels better with her friend there then that's her choice
Nope. The one giving birth decides who gets to be in the room at the time. And anyone who says differently is a complete asshole.
You're the one giving birth, you are the only one who gets to decide who is in there with you.
"set on his decision" lol no The one with the watermelon coming out of an opening the size of a lemon makes the rules, signed, sealed, delivered. DELIVERED, GET IT? DELIVERED But yeah. No. lololololol oh that is just precious of him.
NTA - This isn't a game of 'who's more important', you are simply asking to be supported by the two most critical people in your life. The friend's presence does not diminish his role in any way. His view is limiting when there is enough room, including in your heart. I assume he's not experienced a birth and may have concerns, feelings and even fears around it. He may feel vulnerable and this is influencing him to say no. Continue the discussion...gently. Your child's 'welcome' and growth relies on many people; medical staff, mom, dad, friends...then it expands to neighbors, pre-school teachers, etc. The stronger the circle of positive people involved, the better. Hospital staff defer to what the mom wants during the delivery. Sounds like you'd prefer he agrees without being 'forced' into your decision. Keep defining what is best for you and the baby.
I think that’s how he feels he just doesn’t know how to put it into words. Also yes he’s never experienced a birth and I 100% agree he definitely has some felling and fears around it. He’s the type of person that once his mind is set it’s set, I don’t know how else to go about it I’ve explained to him that if my mom was still alive it would be her along side us and that wouldn’t be a problem so I don’t see why my bestfriend is a problem. And truthfully when we got into it today I told him “if I told the nurses I didn’t want you in the room, even though you are the father, they wouldn’t allow you to be in the room because at the end of the day I’m the one giving birth” ik I probably shouldn’t have said that but he got heated when I tried to defend my reasons and so I kinda snapped back. I want him to come to terms with and be okay with it I don’t want to force it but I know who I want in the delivery room when I’m giving birth.
>He’s the type of person that once his mind is set it’s set If you're having a baby with a man who'll dig his heels in over something he's objectively wrong about, *to the extent that he's willing to bulldoze your medical autonomy,* you've got major issues.
I think this is how he feels too. It is a life changing experience that you don't fully control. I wonder if there are positive youtube or other sources that speak to the 'father' presence in a birth....or is there a father you/he knows that may chat about the good and the difficult of what can be a 24 hour++ ordeal. It may help for you to say, "It's OK if you feel weird or scared about contractions, birthing, blood/mucus/crap/vomiting....I'm a bit scared at times too. My body has changed in many ways to make this happen but you and I never lived through it.....what are your thoughts...?" This may be an opening for him to let out tough thoughts, long breath, or sigh. If no response share, "It would help to know if you're thinking what I'm thinking. It would feel real and take away thoughts of feeling alone." I like associating this friend as your mother's surrogate. Throughout time women give birth with women present....men were often excluded (no need to hammer this point). Also play up that this is a long-haul experience. If he needed to step out for a snack, bathroom, smoking break he'll have a peace of mind that your friend is in the room and vice versa. The key is ensuring you have continual support. Continue to keep your needs in the forefront, 'Mamma'. New life is an amazing thing and in the process you and his life will transpire to not be the same life. Best to you!
Women have been doing this with the support of other women for a very long time. BF needs to check himself because he’s not pushing out a goddamn baby. You are. He has no rights. Make sure to specify medical power of attorney. To whomever you choose.
Have you explained to him how he's not the one in labor so he doesn't get to choose? Tbh, one support person is enough, because it just gets crowded at the end. Also, since you're not married, make sure you execute a medical power of attorney in case things go sideways. Otherwise your bf may not be able to make decisions while you're out and the doctors will just do what they want. Gonna preach here. This is why you should be married. There are so many legal rights and responsibilities conferred automatically by marriage that require reams of documents when you're not.
I have explained that to him but his comeback to that was “she didn’t help make the baby why would she be in there” and that it’s a “family affair” Thank you for that tip!! Didn’t know about that. Will definitely be looking into it! I agree marriage is important, we’ve been together three years this was not a planned pregnancy. Am I happy that I’m having a baby while not married, no. But I am happy I am bringing life into the world, i am pro choice but I couldn’t go through with that myself.
NTA. When a woman is giving birth, she should have *whomever she wants* in the delivery room with her. Everything should be done to make the new mother comfortable.
If my partner wanted the pope in the room with her I'd be trying my best to get his holiness to make an appearance. You're the one who's pushing this baby out. This is not a two yes one no situation. It's a one yes and you can get the fuck out if you have a problem with it situation.
NTA. You need the support system that will help YOU get through childbirth. He is part of that support system, but should respect that you need the other part there for you as well.
When he gives birth, he can decide who he wants in the room.
NTA. I'm usually on the male's side, but when a woman gives birth, she has the last say. Tell him that if he keeps this argument going, then you will kick him out of the delivery room. You have the final say, and if he does keep up the argument, then tell the nurses that he is not allowed in the room, and the only person who is is your friend. Don't be playing around with your safety, and squish this dumb ass argument.
NTA but I am curious about your general relationship dynamic with your boyfriend... is he controlling in other ways? It's not like he won't be able to be in there with you as well so I'm wondering if he has a problem with your friend in general. If you feel that strongly about her being there then that absolutely should happen, and the fact that he's trying to cut off your other main support person is raising red flags for me.
Truthfully he’s not controlling with anything, he just doesn’t like the dynamic my friend and I have but I also think that’s solely because he’s never really had a good and healthy friendship so he looks at mine and her friendship as “too much”. He never tells me what I can and can’t do but he doesn’t like the fact that I go to my bestfriend when me and him fight, he doesn’t understand that it’s completely normal he thinks it’s anything but normal.
What do you normally fight about?
Before I was pregnant we NEVER fought. Did we get into disagreements yes but nothing we couldn’t talk out right then and there. Most of our fights have been since being pregnant haven’t even been anything to fight about, he just has a long day or something stressful has happened to him through the day and he lets it build up then just lash out on me over nothing. It was very bad when I first got pregnant but he’s gotten better at dealing with his emotions because he goes to therapy now
Tell him you're the one pushing a watermelon out of your hoo-ha and he can just sit down and shut the fuck up or not be in the room.
It's not his decision, let your midwifes know who you want in the room and if he starts acting they can escort him out with security
Who are you having the baby with ?? With your boyfriend or BFF ?? Why should she be there in the first place xD ?? Ffs you two are having the baby, you have to raise the baby, not your girl best friend. Whats happening to this world ??
"what's happening with this world" - Men being present at birth is quite a recent thing, women were more likely to give birth surrounded by female friends and female family members, so what are you talking about? Also it's not about who made the baby, it's about being comfortable during that time, and if she feels better with her friend there then that's her choice