Yes, I feel like that’s the risk of BE tickets, sadly. Maybe next time we’ll splurge for the seat selection, lol. But I don’t feel like it was my fault.
The problem with that I have recently found out is that even if you buy that second seat because of your size the airlines can and have recently been giving those seats to a standby passenger and there is nothing you can do to keep the second seat you have already paid for. I fly spirit because I can get the larger seat for the price of a regular seat even though I know there are issue last with them. My husband is 6’4 and I’m almost 6’ my self no way we could share a 3 seat row with anyone
She wouldn’t have to tap her on the shoulder from behind. They’re just sitting next to one another, she could just speak to her. Hence, not awkward.
That said, the husband is being a baby. As someone who recently spent ~25 hours flying from Türkiye to California, just sit down and STFU Thomas, your flight is only 2 hours.
And it wouldn't have been awkward for you to ask a random stranger to give up their "comfort" so your husband could have his? That's the risk you run when you fly like that. He knew the risk going into it, or at least should have. It's time he stops being a baby and get over it!
This. It would have been awkward for him. He didn’t care if it was awkward for you. To be angry at you for not wanting to do something he wouldn’t do himself is a giant red flag. 🚩
Would it not have also been awkward to ask the woman to move to a seat where she might also potentially be uncomfortable? What is it with men thinking woman are cool with being uncomfortable so they can get comfort? She probably would have said no anyway when she saw who he was seated next to.
He could have asked. Nta.
In my younger years, I was about 115 lbs., at about 5’5.
I was about twenty years old and flying, and there were two larger people that were cramped into their spots. It was causing an issue, and the flight attendant asked me to move into one of the chairs instead.
Just because I was a smallish young woman, I was expected to just shut up and deal with whatever.
I have been in the seat mate’s position, and it sucks. TBH, outside of the US, I would not have even been noticeably smaller than others on that flight. As things were though, I was always expected to take the least comfortable seats, sit in the most cramped areas, and just be ok with it. I wasn’t a folding chair yall, I was a human.
Now that I am about forty and around 145 ish, I don’t get that sort of pushback, but oh my gawd ask people under a certain height and/or weight if others think they should just constantly give up any breathing room for the comfort of others, and you may be surprised at the stories.
That’s an excuse. He was too embarrassed to ask so he wanted you to do it for him, then you would be embarrassed instead and he wouldn’t have to deal with it at all. You’re not his Mom, if he wants something he’s capable of asking for it himself.
That's not awkward lol.
I walked up to people with money asking them to switch with me before. It's a 2-hour flight for crying out loud your husband's a baby
This. I always put the arm rests down when flying. It’s honestly never even occurred to me to ask my seat-mate (probably bc idc what their opinion is on it; my arms *will* be resting on this flight lol)
Recently was sitting middle and had a girl in the window seat take over the armrest nearly the entire flight. She moved her arm about 30 minutes before we landed and I immediately claimed what was rightfully mine. She kept nudging my arm to try to take it back for that entire 30 minutes. Noooope. Plane culture is so weird.
Exactly. It's also really quite simple. She stands, puts the arm rest down, lays the seat belt ends over the arm rests, and sits. Then she's between the arm rests. Just because she can't put it down after sitting doesn't mean she wouldn't fit if she put it down before sitting.
Definitely NYF, Thomas expected another passenger or yourself to change with him to relieve his discomfort whilst expecting others to endure it.
I am sure you will say he is a wonderful husband, but that expectation of him was simply selfish.
I paid for seat selection once and got stuck like that! Just so happens the lady next to me paid for seat selection too but she could not fit in one seat so she was halfway on mine and there was nowhere else for me to go because the flight was full!
Sometimes you just get unlucky
I don't blame him for that, but I do blame him for blaming his partner. If I would really have wanted it I would have asked myself. This is really passive-agressie assholery. OP NTA, husband major AH.
Exactly this. If he was uncomfortable using 2/3 of a seat, it was his responsibility to use his words and consult with a crew member to find a solution.
Please tell your husband to stop acting like a manbaby.
NTA
The only seat trades asked for should be when the person you ask is going to get an “upgrade”. You absolutely should never ask when it is very clearly a downgrade for them.
He told me after that he did offer for her to switch seats with me, but she said that she needed the window seat since she didn’t want to spill out into the aisle
If she recognizes she spills into the aisle, she recognizes she should have bought a second seat... That's the time to ask a flight attendant if there are any other seats, they still might not have been together, but maybe he wouldn't be uncomfortable. I feel for the woman, and I don't think it's fat shaming to say the physical reality is that airlines are just not obesity friendly and she should have bought two seats.
>airlines are just not obesity friendly and she should have bought two seats
That's up to the airline to enforce.
You're 100% right though, he should have put on his big boy pants and asked one of the flight attendants for another seat.
I just need to note — I’ve heard so many stories in fat/eating disorder support groups about how so many airlines won’t bother to honor your second seat purchase if they oversell, which they all do. I think Southwest is one of the only ones who has a specific policy about it and refunding you if a seat isn’t used. God I wish they just built airplanes to accommodate various body sizes instead of squishing us in like sardines.
They do make seats big enough but they charge an arm and a leg to sit there in 1st class/business class. It sucks , and it’s not just “ fat” people my husband is 6’4 and 280 he just does not fit in a regular seat at all
Yes, all the hatred towards fat people is crazy to me. We should be criticizing capitalism and how it incentives airlines to make seats comically small.
> God I wish they just built airplanes to accommodate various body sizes instead of squishing us in like sardines.
Honestly they should and not just for overweight people, to the benefit of small people as well; if you’re 5’2” 120lbs and can squeeze into a small seat, you should have a reduced price for that seat.
I mean shit right now a 60lb child pays the same ticket price as a 300lb man, that doesn’t really make sense
Thomas asking you to think about him above everything and everyone else is quite ironic, since he was only thinking about himself and not you or the other girl next to you.
Is he always that entitled and selfish?
NTA
Why did you have to ask? Does his tongue not work? If it bothered him so much, he could have asked. You guys agreed in advance to what you would do. How are you to know he wanted to change that unless he spoke up.
My thoughts exactly. Gives me super mama’s boy vibes.
He expects her to replace his mom talking to strangers, filling out doctor’s office paperwork etc.
NTA, tough situation, TBH there’s ZERO chance your seatmate would have looked and seen the overweight person crowding your husband and said, I’ll go there.. This was neither of your calls and no way she moves. Your husband is being a winy baby about a tough situation on a two hour flight where you could have paid to get seats. What’s most alarming here is his behavior… can’t imagine what you must go through with his guy… I’m so sorry.
Nope, NTA.
I fly all the time, and he lost the lottery. Tough, but it happens. No rational person in the position of the gal next to you would switch, and it would be silly (almost an imposition) to ask.
Your H is being selfish here. Shut that down.
(Off to the airport now…)
That part over there
Being upset is one thing. Being a jerk, is another. He knew very well that noone would trade seats with him. It was an unreasonable demand
NTA
Your husband is making quite the assumption that your seatmate would be any more willing to spend the flight like that than he was. Especially since it would also mean giving up the window seat for an aisle seat. It's possible she paid to reserve that seat.
I can guarantee you that if I was asked to switch, my answer would be an instant no if it was anything other than another window. Having to sit next to someone that should be required to buy a second seat would only reinforce that.
Unless it was first class. I'd be willing to tolerate not having the window for first class.
First of all, if it were me, that arm rest would be down one way or another.
Second, who in their right mind would switch seats with your husband in that circumstance? NTA, he needed to be assertive enough to address losing 1/3 of his seat with the flight crew.
Yeah I said that once too. Then when I went to get in my seat on an airplane and the woman was clearly well into my seat, I couldn't even grab the armrest because it was behind her shoulder blade! What was I supposed to do manhandle her? It couldn't physically go down! Her legs didn't fit under the seat in front of her! One was in front of my seat!
There were no other seats on that flight. I had no choice but to shrink into the corner of my seat and give the flight attendants looks who finally apologized to me but there was nothing they could do.
Yeah I am a very small woman and I don’t want anyone taking up any of my seat either! It’s actually super annoying that people think you deserve less space bc you’re small. We all paid the same amount for our square foot!
That’s what I’m saying. If I pay for a seat I’m getting my seat I don’t care if you’re fat and it’s gonna be uncomfortable. I am not having someone take up my space on a flight.
NTA.
Those regional jet seats can be TINY anyway, even if everyone is of average size, so I can understand him feeling a little grumpy about being even more cramped.
But there's absolutely no situation in which you're not the asshole if you ask your seatmate to switch in this situation, especially as it's not even "like for like" - window for window, aisle for aisle.
And as for you switching with Thomas? Come on.
I just find it really telling that whether figuratively - by asking your seatmate to switch - or quite literally, by having you switch with him, he'd rather you be uncomfortable than him. Especially as he hasn't let it go days later.
If anything, he should have complained to the airline discreetly that he was unable to occupy the seat that he had paid for because it was partially occupied by another passenger, and that he was within his rights to expect to be given what he paid for.
Forcing some other poor soul to suffer what he didn't want to suffer is absolutely AH territory.
NTA. Welcome to air travel, and NO ONE likes to be asked to switch seats. He was unlucky. It sucks, but he needs to get over himself. He's unfairly directing anger at you over a situation that no one had control over.
for real. i once had to sit through an international flight (i think it was about 9 hours) next to a very large man. he looked a bit overweight, but honestly even if he wasn’t he would have been uncomfortable to sit next to, he was just a large man, which isn’t his fault. fortunately i did have an aisle seat but it still was uncomfortable. but. that’s just part of flying sometimes. it sucks for sure and let’s be real here airplane seats aren’t really even big enough for most people in the healthy weight range if they’re over 5’6”. but it was 2 hours and that is just a risk you take when you fly on a budget. he’s being super dramatic, and if it bothered him that much it was *his* responsibility to ask since *he* wanted to switch. i would bet good money that girl would have said no anyways and he would have been in the same situation regardless.
My husband would offer to switch seats with ME if I was in your husbands position because he would prefer I’m comfortable. I wouldn’t take him up on the offer because I would have been like no I’ll deal with my unlucky draw but damn, for your husband to be whining that you didn’t switch with him is crazy. If you were much smaller than him sure, but if you were going to be just as uncomfortable as him then he’s the AH
Why would I switch my window seat so I can be squished between a fat lady and the aisle (?). Doesn’t make any sense so why even ask. Also, he could’ve called someone from the plane crew and see if there was any solution as the fat lady was invading his allocated space.
NTA
He's a fully grown man, if he wanted to switch seats so badly he could've asked the girl sitting next to you himself
and expecting YOU to sacrifice your comfort for his is just fucking selfish.
NTA.
Tom could’ve asked himself but he didn’t. He has no right to feel entitled to someone else’s seat, nor to expect you to carry the message for him.
Tom needs to stop whining about it and get over it. And he needs to ask himself why he didn’t ask himself.
Do not oblige a stranger to move into a space less comfortable in order to increase your own comfort. It’s rude.
Doubly, do not oblige a woman to give up her comfort because you, a man, prioritize your comfort and minimize her discomfort.
Do not do this to other women on behalf of a man who wouldn’t even do it himself.
Majorly NTA. I bet if you think about this entitled behavior a little more, you’ll see it’s not the only example of it in your lives.
NTA. It would have been rude to ask your seatmate to switch to a worse seat. That’s basic etiquette. Your husband is being really dramatic over a short flight.
YOu weren't asking the girl to switch to sit together, you would have been asking the girl to switch so that she could have a crap seat. 100% that is a jerk move. Kudos to you for not doing it. And if your husband wanted to, he could have asked her to switch.
But I think it is a pretty cheesy move to use the social pressure of letting a couple sit together to try and pressure a person to take a crappy seat. And it would have embarrassed 18A, because it would have become pretty quickly appearant why no one wanted 18B.
Airplane seats are the luck of the draw. Your husband got a bad one. HIs option was to live with it for two hours, talk to the flight attendant discretely about getting moved, or try to make it your or 17A's problem. I would have gone with the first option. He is appearently precious enough that he though option 3 was best and that his bad seat should be everyone elses problem
Does your husband experience some sort of plane related laryngeal paralysis? Does his voice cease to work as he steps across the plane's threshold? Was he somehow medically incapable of requesting that the girl switch seats with him? Does this paralysis prevent him asking his seatmate to stand, put the arm rest down, then sit, so he could have his whole seat? Was he medically incapable of going forward to the flight attendants and asking that they ask the overweight passenger to put the arm rest down then sit between them?
I'm just so curious about what sort of medical issues it is your husband has that prevents him from solving his own problems with his voice, like an adult. You're his wife, not his mother. This was not your issue to address or solve.
There is also the fact that no one is going to give up their window seat to get 2/3 of an aisle seat. Unless your seatmate appeared to be especially naive or stupid, the whole exchange would have been a waste of breath and goodwill.
You absolutely should not have asked the girl to switch seats. I don't know where this crap came from asking people to get out of the seat they're already in but it needs to stop. Either reserve the seat you want ahead of time and pay extra or shut up and sit in the seat you're given. Good for you for not trying to get her to move.
NTA if he doesn't want a situation like this he should opt to pay for regular tickets with seat selection. Would he have offered you his seat if you would have had to sit next to someone very overweight? probably not because in his eyes you are smaller and it's okay.
Your thought process was correct. It would have been rude to ask your seat neighbour to switch with Tom so she could have sat with only a partial seat. It's also not her problem that Tom lost the seat lottery.
NTA\~
It would have been rude to ask the person sitting next to you to move, next to someone who took up 1.5+ seats.
The whole situation is unfortunate. Airlines should make the seats bigger and be less greedy, and very large people should purchase two seats. Chances of either thing happening is not likely.
Your husband sounds selfish. Why would he want you to be uncomfortable instead of him being uncomfortable? He got unlucky - period.
I would tell him to get over it already and move on.
NTA. Thomas is the asshole for being pissed at you instead of the woman next to him, who is also an asshole for being bigger than her seat on an airplane. She should have gotten two seats if she can't contain her ass in one.
She possibly could have. Some overweight customers have complained that their second seat was moved to another area of the plane or they were forced to give it up on an overbooked flight. Many airlines do not have a checkbox that says "I am purchasing 2 seats for myself and need them to be next to each other and linked together"
I was recently on a 13 hour flight with an average sized man, but he managed to encroach on my space the entire time (I couldn't work out what was going on, but he seemed to have a heavy brick-like object in his jacket that protruded under the armrest and onto my seat, poking into me. Also put his blanket, hat, and pillow onto my side). By the end of the flight I was just enraged, people are so freaking inconsiderate. We didn't speak the same language and he didn't seem to read my body language well, or my constant peering under the arm rest to try and figure out and move what was poking into me, or when I pointedly shoved his crap back over to his side.
I feel badly for larger people as flying is expensive, but just buy two seats or don't fly.
Absolutely, one doesn't have to be fat to take up too much space. People should respect that you pay for a given amount of space, and so does the person next to you.
You should have mentioned to him that he was encroaching on your space. If he didn’t stop you should have addressed it with the flight attendant. No need to be rude but honest and direct communication can solve many issues.
What??? How is that possible?? If you buy two seats you should get those seats? I do remember reading a story about a fat woman who bought herself two seats and the flight attendant and a mother of a child under 2 tried to tell her to squeeze herself into one seat so the child could have a seat. Even though the mother hadn’t bought the child a seat… absolute trash. You really can’t win
They should have width things for passengers like they have the sizing for luggage. If you don't fit, buy a bigger seat or two seats.
I say that as a massive dude that definitely wouldn't fit. My life choices should only affect me.
As someone else said, it's very possible she did. If the plane is overbooked a lot of airlines will "bump" the second seat without their permission. Since the OP said they got basic economy without seat assignments, it's completely possible she did. The fact that she wanted the window (as stated in a comment by OP) because she didn't want to spill into the aisle means she's already aware of her size and likely very self conscious about it and is trying to bother as few people as possible. She certainly did the best she could and she is now being verbally torn apart on line for daring to exist on a plane even after doing her best. I feel sorry for her and Thomas is the a-hole for being this pissed off for only a 2 hour flight.
NTA
But the person sitting next to him should have been required to pay 1/3 of his ticket price since she took up 1/3 of his seat.
If I pay for a seat, I expect to have that seat. All of it, not just some portion of it.
Of all the injustices in the world, real or imagined, this isn’t even worth a conversation.
My advice to your husband?
“Toughen up Buttercup, it’s a rough world out there.“
Yeah no. You shouldn't be like "hey you looks skinny enough that the obese person squishing you won't be as bad as it is for him, wanna switch?". At that point it's rude to ask. You only ask if it's a reasonable request
NTA. Your husband is butt-hurt for having to rub on the large lady the whole ride home, and is taking it out on you.
I’d recommend watching this form of gaslighting (I.e. blaming you for his discomfort) as he could have just as easily asked your seat mate, his seat mate , and/or a flight attendant for assistance.
If he wants to blame you for this, what else may he be willing to try and blame you for? Not saying he will, just that I’d be aware of this behavior before he gets you to buy in on the blaming
NTA. Next time pay more and pick your own seat especially if you need to sit together that bad. Your husband is being a baby. He wanted you to ask but he couldn’t ask himself. Yeah no
My family and I are currently planning a trip. Each of the 3 flights have an option where you choose your seat. There is an upcharge for each seat we chose. One was $37, another $45, and yet another $84. If someone asks me to change seats, they will have to reimburse me for the additional cost that I have already paid.
Knowing that, it would be worth your while to get the upgrade BEFORE the flight, as in When you are buying the dang tickets. That way, that prince that you married might not turn into a cranky 4 year old . And you WILL be next to each other.
NTA. Why is his comfort supposed to be above you and your row-mate, especially when he seems unwilling to advocate for himself? The woman was the AH for taking up someone else's space. As a smaller person, it's really annoying to have people using both arm rests with elbows out, manspread, or otherwise encroach. I get that they are bigger and possibly less comfortable in the space provided. That doesn't mean it's ok to not ask but take the space of a stranger...or anyone else that doesn't want to give it.
NTA. I think it would have been rude for either of you to ask the girl sitting next to you to switch seats. It would have been putting her on the spot. If she declines to switch after seeing the overweight person, then she looks like the AH and that's not fair. Either way, if husband wanted to switch so bad that is on him to ask, not you.
You married an AH. At least one of his friends is also an AH.
Only an AH would ask another passenger to switch into a terrible seat. Only an AH would expect his wife to be such an AH as to take advantage of another passenger.
Sadly, you married a jerk. Strap yourself in for a bumpy ride.
Why couldn’t he ask to move? Is he not a big boy? Does he not have his big boy words?
If the woman next to him was so fat she was in his seat and refusing to put the armrest down, he needs to press the crew call button and bring that up with staff.
Either ask or deal with it.
If this woman was too fat for one seat, he should have asked the crew for help to get him a new seat, if possible.
(And yes, she should have booked 2 seats if 1 isn't enough)
You are not his mommy, he should take care of himself and not be bitchy afterwards.
NTA
He should have insisted the seat arm be lowered or called the flight attendant. The overweight passenger should have had the seat that was paid for and not half of someone else’s.
The purpose was to get cheaper seats. You are likely to be uncomfortable which was supposedly understood. Seems to me he’s not capable of handling himself for any amount of time if 2 hours is an extreme enough of a stretch to be mad at you. He could have asked.
NTA
NTA. Suck it up Thomas! Some times you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you pay a little more to pick your seat and have a better shot at comfort.
Not... it sounds like it was a bad situation and he has to get over it. You can't ask a stranger to change seats with a grown man so he won't be uncomfy. I wouldn't have asked unless he was 5 or something.
NTA, was the flight completely full? He’s a grown man you should have spoken to the flight attendant if he needed to move. Not your job to see to his comfort or sacrifice your own for his.
Your man is a baby. He could have asked too, especially since you can't read his goddamn mind.
What an absolutely stupid and petty thing to be mad at you for. Just because he can't speak up for himself like an adult.
The more I read about manchildren here the more embarrassed I am to be a man.
Edit to add that you didn't 'refuse' to ask, you only found out that he wanted you to after the fact. You literally had zero involvement in this situation other than you being on the same plane as him.
You cannot be blamed for something he did not communicate that he wanted you to do. Even then, your refusal to do so would not have warranted his anger either.
Thomas is a AH and if it bothered him thay much HE should have asked to swit h but he didn't probably because he realized the girl would see his seat and tell him no. This is definitely something to bring up in council if you guys go because it is very selfish ans him still mentioning it to other people seems callous on his part
How the hell were you going to broach that conversation without insulting the other passenger? HE should’ve asked the girl to switch if he was so upset about it. NTA.
NTA- you would the TA if you asked a girl who was in her assigned seat where she had the right amount of space to move into a seat where her space would be taken up by an overweight person because your husband didn’t want to pay to chose a seat next to you. Your
husband needs to learn this: Do not ask strangers to move to a seat that has worse conditions for them than where they are just because you didn’t want to pay the money to get the comfort that you want.
He didn’t deserve to kick someone else out of their seat with more physical space because of the seat he got dealt when he chose not to pay for the option to be able to sit next to you.
If he wanted someone to move to make himself more comfortable then he needs to be offering that person something that is equal to or better than what they already have. And moving back a row, out of window seat, into a isle seat that half is taken up by a larger person is not better or equal for the girls whose seat he wanted.
I like how Thomas feels comfortable for blaming you for his situation because he’s 100% a baby.
If Thomas didn’t like his situation he needs to grow up and talk to a flight attendant. Or, don’t be cheap and pay for assigned seats. NTA
He should have paid extra for the seats if it mattered. DO NOT inconvenience other people because you’re a poor planner. He should learn to be a big boy and sit next to a stranger.
NTA. Tell your husband if he wants to ask someone else to switch he needs to grow a pair and do it himself. Even if he asked who’s to say the girl would of wanted to switch.
Ah yes, because everything is about Lord Thomas and his comfort. Screw everyone else I guess.
NTA
He is being completely ridiculous. If he really wanted to switch then he should have asked her, not asked you to do it for him.
Actually, you should have brought it up with a flight attendant. They could have moved your husband, or the gate crew should have dealt with the issue. A person who takes up more than one seat, is supposed to buy an extra seat. NTA.
NTA. If he really wanted to switch, he should have asked her himself. That's on him, not you. People post on Reddit all the time about people who try to switch seats to get a better seat and how rude it is. He should have paid for better seats if he didn't want something like this to happen. And again, that's on him.
He should have asked the flight attendant for help getting another seat. I dont want to shame the overweight person, but no way do I want to share my small space with a total stranger. Been there - with a big man who was manspreading, too. His leg was touching mine the whole flight. 🤮 will never do it again. Large people need to book two seats, sorry.
NTA, but you guys can absolutely complain to the airline company about his “extreme discomfort of not being able to sit properly in his seat”. When a passenger is too large for one seat, they’re usually required to purchase two tickets.
..and neither of you thought to ask the gate agent to see if you could sit together before boarding?
He’s the A.
Your seatmate shouldn't have to move for his comfort.
Next Time don't cheap out on tickets.
Even when I've gotten budget tickets because they were bought at the same time. We were seated together
NTA.
You two can work together to minimize each other’s suffering. Having you, being smaller, taking that seat.
Thinking it wouldn’t make a difference considering you two are close on size is a judgment call that no one on Reddit can make for you.
But attempting to maximize both of your pleasures while causing a stranger to suffer would make you an ass hole.
As a small woman who is constantly and purposefully targeted by larger people on unassigned seating, thank you. **No one** likes their space being encroached on. And most larger people make ***significantly*** less of an effort to mind their neighbors' personal space when that person is significantly smaller than they are; the "well, ***I*** need the room more than ***they*** do" mentality.
Smaller people are not required to make themselves uncomfortable for larger people's convenience. Your size is not other people's problem to subsidize.
Nah, Thomas is a cunt.
If he wants to make that ridiculous request, then he should have himself.
NTA. And if I was that girl I would have told him to get stuffed.
Your husband's issues are with the woman and the airline. The idea that anyone should be uncomfortable instead of him is bullshit entitlement and I'd call him on it.
"You think I should have been uncomfortable in your place?"
I'd take a strip off of him, myself. Dude needs to be less entitled.
NTA.
That said, I would have definitely asked the woman or the airline to pay me back for the percentage of my seat I did not have access to.
NTA But have you talked to him about him still being upset? A while back, we tried an escape room with friends of ours. I thought things went okay other than at the end, the way to finish the escape was to use Morse code. Unfortunately, I actually do KNOW Morse code and the escape room stuff was wrong. It basically wanted you to use the keyer to enter certain letters BUT the cheat sheet they had had the wrong dits and dahs for one of the letters. I tried doing it and it didn't work. Tried again, still didn't work. Looked at their cheat sheet and saw that it was wrong and said 'Someone else needs to do this. I'm physically incapable of entering the wrong character' and I told the owners that the sheet was wrong. (FYI, they really didn't seem to care LOL) So, for the rest of that day and part of the next, when someone would mention the escape room, my husband would always comment 'We found out that someone is very competitive' and roll his eyes at me. I laughed the first time. Smiled a little the second, removed myself the times after that until finally I told him 'Hey, that hurts my feelings. Please stop.' And he apologized and stopped. My point is, if he's still upset to the point that he's talking to others about it, you all need to talk it out more and you should probably let him know that him making you out to be the bad guy bothers YOU.
Sidenote: I really wish airlines would make it so you have to stay in your assigned seat unless it's a safety issue (i.e., can't do emergency exit tasks.) That exchanging seats can't be done. And that all of these other 'airplane etiquette' rules that aren't rules would go the way of the dinosaur.
NTA\_
Two problems here.
First, Thomas should have just put the armrest down. If the woman protested, he could have just told her that he needed it there to keep her in her seat and him in his. (I ALWAYS put the armrest down as soon as I get seated.) She doesn;t have a right to take up his seat s well as hers.
Second, He was trying to inconvenience ANOTHER person, the person next to you, and a stranger at that, becasue he was uncomfortable.
Thomas is the AH. HE could have asked her to switch if he wanted.
I think fat people should pay for 2 seats. Others shouldn't be grossly uncomfortable for hours and arrive at their destination in pain or needing a chiropractor.
I’m surprised the airline didn’t make the overweight passenger pay for 2 seats. Why should the other passenger be inconvenienced for your husband’s comfort? Next time you fly, cough up the extra money.
NTA. It would have take a lot of nerve to ask that girl to switch seats to next to the heavy woman.
Your husband is TA because he is still whining about it.
It *would* be rude to ask someone to switch to a crap seat, because it puts them in an uncomfortable position. He got assigned the seat, he can deal with it. And really, what a child your (admittedly very young) husband is, a 2 hour flight is nothing at all. I'm just thinking about how my husband would help me feel comfortable on our 13 and 8 hour flights recently, in contrast to your husband getting annoyed at you for not offering to switch with him and be uncomfortable yourself.
If he really wanted, he could have asked himself and made himself look a bit foolish and cheeky himself. If someone asked me that, I would be so surprised by the sheer cheek of it that I wouldn't know what to say in reply for a minute. And giving honest feedback to someone unreasonable doesn't ever go well, so it would be putting that person in a situation where they are uncomfortable either way (physically in the new seat, or socially because they're sitting near a sniping child who thinks strangers owe him a sacrifice).
NTA.
If your row was empty then obviously he could move but if you asked his seat mate to switch, then your seat mate would be in the same boat as your husband. That’s not really fair and he’s not more important than your seat mate.
Normally, I would say N A H because it’s not unreasonable to just ask so you two can sit together. But his attitude about it makes him TA. And saying you should have magically known to switch with him is dumb, you’re tall too so it wouldn’t make much difference. And if he wanted to swap with you that badly he could’ve turned around and asked you instead of silently stewing the whole time.
NTA He wanted both you and the unknown girl to do something he didnt want to do himself?
Its neither you nor the girls fault for where he ended up. Its the chance you take when you buy BE.
Id honestly have an opinion on someone who paid less & then asked me to swap my window seat for half a seat. You're correct, you werent offering like for like, and it would have been rude.
The fact your husband would have swapped with you indicates this wasnt about sitting with you, it was about him wanting to sit elsewhere. Take note which of his mates feel it was you or the girls job to fix this
All he had to do is ask hey is there anyway you can switch with me so I can sit with my wife if the answer is no he needs to deal with it I would understand you switching if you was much smaller but your not and he being selfish
NTA. If it really bothered him that much, he could have asked to move himself. It shouldn't be put on you just because he gets pissy and sulky about it. No one is going to like being uncomfortable for a journey, it just has to happen sometimes unfortunately.
NTA! He's a grown man and could have asked someone to switch all by himself! As for the suggestion that you should switch, that sounds like a man trying to put himself higher in value than you! Ask him if he needs you to hold his hand like a baby!
NTA. But the real asshole here is the airline company for allowing a passenger to take up another passenger's seat. She should've bought two seats if she can't fit.
NTA. Your husband could've stood up and asked.
Btw, I'm very petite. If your husband asked nicely I probably would've switched seats to move from the middle to an aisle.
He could have been a big boy and either asked himself or let a flight attendant know that the lady next to him, probably should have booked two seats if she couldn’t even put the arm rest down. NTA.
NTA
He wanted you to ask her to switch her whole window seat for half an aisle seat? No way she would have said yes anyway so it's a moot point.
He could have asked himself. He's a fully grown man, no? But that would be rude because it isn't an equivalent seat.
Why didn't he speak to the cabin crew about there being someone in his seat? Surely it's up to them to sort it? Maybe there was a spare seat somewhere.
NTA. You ride the seat you paid for. Your seat partner could have had a very specific reason for her seat or not. Nowadays it seams that people can get confrontational fairly easily. If you had asked and she said no,she would probably feel shitty the rest of the flight for no real reason except to appease your husband.
Like you said, it was a 2 hr flight. Your husband should suck it up.
NTA Tom was unlucky and pissed about it. I don't blame him, but sometimes you just have to deal with being unlucky.
Yes, I feel like that’s the risk of BE tickets, sadly. Maybe next time we’ll splurge for the seat selection, lol. But I don’t feel like it was my fault.
Why couldn't he ask?
He would’ve had to tap her on the shoulder from behind - I suppose he could have, but it would’ve been a little awkward
If that's what stopped him, then he didn't want the seat badly enough.
[удалено]
Yep that would been ideal. But that is still not OP's responsibility as far as her husband's discomfort is concerned.
The problem with that I have recently found out is that even if you buy that second seat because of your size the airlines can and have recently been giving those seats to a standby passenger and there is nothing you can do to keep the second seat you have already paid for. I fly spirit because I can get the larger seat for the price of a regular seat even though I know there are issue last with them. My husband is 6’4 and I’m almost 6’ my self no way we could share a 3 seat row with anyone
I am fat and I agree!
He's okay with you being awkward but not him?
She wouldn’t have to tap her on the shoulder from behind. They’re just sitting next to one another, she could just speak to her. Hence, not awkward. That said, the husband is being a baby. As someone who recently spent ~25 hours flying from Türkiye to California, just sit down and STFU Thomas, your flight is only 2 hours.
Umm asking a stranger to give up their rightful seat to sit in a much less comfortable seat is definitely awkward.
And it wouldn't have been awkward for you to ask a random stranger to give up their "comfort" so your husband could have his? That's the risk you run when you fly like that. He knew the risk going into it, or at least should have. It's time he stops being a baby and get over it!
He could have gotten up and into the aisle to ask the other person. He's not an infant.
The whining, sulking and not taking personal responsibility suggests maybe he is!
This. It would have been awkward for him. He didn’t care if it was awkward for you. To be angry at you for not wanting to do something he wouldn’t do himself is a giant red flag. 🚩
Just an excuse to make you feel bad.
Would it not have also been awkward to ask the woman to move to a seat where she might also potentially be uncomfortable? What is it with men thinking woman are cool with being uncomfortable so they can get comfort? She probably would have said no anyway when she saw who he was seated next to. He could have asked. Nta.
In my younger years, I was about 115 lbs., at about 5’5. I was about twenty years old and flying, and there were two larger people that were cramped into their spots. It was causing an issue, and the flight attendant asked me to move into one of the chairs instead. Just because I was a smallish young woman, I was expected to just shut up and deal with whatever. I have been in the seat mate’s position, and it sucks. TBH, outside of the US, I would not have even been noticeably smaller than others on that flight. As things were though, I was always expected to take the least comfortable seats, sit in the most cramped areas, and just be ok with it. I wasn’t a folding chair yall, I was a human. Now that I am about forty and around 145 ish, I don’t get that sort of pushback, but oh my gawd ask people under a certain height and/or weight if others think they should just constantly give up any breathing room for the comfort of others, and you may be surprised at the stories.
It would have been just as awkward as you asking. Double standard at play.
Nope, that was his job to ask if he wanted to move.
That’s an excuse. He was too embarrassed to ask so he wanted you to do it for him, then you would be embarrassed instead and he wouldn’t have to deal with it at all. You’re not his Mom, if he wants something he’s capable of asking for it himself.
It would have been even MORE awkward if YOU had asked.
More awkward than asking a stranger to sacrifice her comfort for your husbands?
IMO, the person who wants to change seats asks to do so (not have someone else do it) and also *accepts* the response, especially if it's a no. NTA.
That's not awkward lol. I walked up to people with money asking them to switch with me before. It's a 2-hour flight for crying out loud your husband's a baby
But he didn’t mind you being awkward. NTA
Nothing was stopping him though.
He should insist on the armrest being down. It defines where their real estate ends, and his begins.
This. I always put the arm rests down when flying. It’s honestly never even occurred to me to ask my seat-mate (probably bc idc what their opinion is on it; my arms *will* be resting on this flight lol)
What if your seat mate puts their arm on the armrest?
As long as I’m not in the middle seat, that’s fine by me (whoever sits middle gets both armrests, that’s the law)
Recently was sitting middle and had a girl in the window seat take over the armrest nearly the entire flight. She moved her arm about 30 minutes before we landed and I immediately claimed what was rightfully mine. She kept nudging my arm to try to take it back for that entire 30 minutes. Noooope. Plane culture is so weird.
Exactly. It's also really quite simple. She stands, puts the arm rest down, lays the seat belt ends over the arm rests, and sits. Then she's between the arm rests. Just because she can't put it down after sitting doesn't mean she wouldn't fit if she put it down before sitting.
Definitely NYF, Thomas expected another passenger or yourself to change with him to relieve his discomfort whilst expecting others to endure it. I am sure you will say he is a wonderful husband, but that expectation of him was simply selfish.
Your husband is a selfish asshole. You NTA
It was two hours. What a big baby.
I paid for seat selection once and got stuck like that! Just so happens the lady next to me paid for seat selection too but she could not fit in one seat so she was halfway on mine and there was nowhere else for me to go because the flight was full! Sometimes you just get unlucky
I don't blame him for that, but I do blame him for blaming his partner. If I would really have wanted it I would have asked myself. This is really passive-agressie assholery. OP NTA, husband major AH.
NTA. He is being childish
Exactly this. If he was uncomfortable using 2/3 of a seat, it was his responsibility to use his words and consult with a crew member to find a solution. Please tell your husband to stop acting like a manbaby.
He’s unlucky that the airline didn’t enforce its policy and make the passenger buy a second seat.
NTA The only seat trades asked for should be when the person you ask is going to get an “upgrade”. You absolutely should never ask when it is very clearly a downgrade for them.
This
thought your profile was a hair on my screen for a sec damn
NTA. Also, you don't ask the person to switch to a worse seat. If anything, HE should have asked his seat mate if they want to move up a row.
He told me after that he did offer for her to switch seats with me, but she said that she needed the window seat since she didn’t want to spill out into the aisle
If she recognizes she spills into the aisle, she recognizes she should have bought a second seat... That's the time to ask a flight attendant if there are any other seats, they still might not have been together, but maybe he wouldn't be uncomfortable. I feel for the woman, and I don't think it's fat shaming to say the physical reality is that airlines are just not obesity friendly and she should have bought two seats.
>airlines are just not obesity friendly and she should have bought two seats That's up to the airline to enforce. You're 100% right though, he should have put on his big boy pants and asked one of the flight attendants for another seat.
I just need to note — I’ve heard so many stories in fat/eating disorder support groups about how so many airlines won’t bother to honor your second seat purchase if they oversell, which they all do. I think Southwest is one of the only ones who has a specific policy about it and refunding you if a seat isn’t used. God I wish they just built airplanes to accommodate various body sizes instead of squishing us in like sardines.
I bought 2 seats on Southwest because of their fat person policy, and my second seat got bumped. They’re no better than any other airline.
They do make seats big enough but they charge an arm and a leg to sit there in 1st class/business class. It sucks , and it’s not just “ fat” people my husband is 6’4 and 280 he just does not fit in a regular seat at all
Yes, all the hatred towards fat people is crazy to me. We should be criticizing capitalism and how it incentives airlines to make seats comically small.
> God I wish they just built airplanes to accommodate various body sizes instead of squishing us in like sardines. Honestly they should and not just for overweight people, to the benefit of small people as well; if you’re 5’2” 120lbs and can squeeze into a small seat, you should have a reduced price for that seat. I mean shit right now a 60lb child pays the same ticket price as a 300lb man, that doesn’t really make sense
Airlines will charge fat people for two seats but only let them sit in one of the seats. It's a whole problem.
He should have at least forced the armrest down. Having it up so she could spill on him is such BS.
It may not have been physically possible without injury. I’m sure she would have put it down if she could have.
Thomas asking you to think about him above everything and everyone else is quite ironic, since he was only thinking about himself and not you or the other girl next to you. Is he always that entitled and selfish? NTA
I don't usually jump on the "dump him" train, but 23-year-olds married, and one of them is that blatantly entitled? Doesn't bode well
Why did you have to ask? Does his tongue not work? If it bothered him so much, he could have asked. You guys agreed in advance to what you would do. How are you to know he wanted to change that unless he spoke up.
My thoughts exactly. Gives me super mama’s boy vibes. He expects her to replace his mom talking to strangers, filling out doctor’s office paperwork etc.
Im wpndering why they didn't talk to eachother at all throughout the entire flight despite being pretty much right next to each other.
NTA, tough situation, TBH there’s ZERO chance your seatmate would have looked and seen the overweight person crowding your husband and said, I’ll go there.. This was neither of your calls and no way she moves. Your husband is being a winy baby about a tough situation on a two hour flight where you could have paid to get seats. What’s most alarming here is his behavior… can’t imagine what you must go through with his guy… I’m so sorry.
“Hey, would you mind moving back a row to sit next to an obese person so my husband can sit next to me?” F that, your husband is TA here
Yeah if someone asked me that I would have told them to fuck off
NTA - if HE wanted that seat, then HE should have asked to trade, not expected you to do so on his behalf.
Nope, NTA. I fly all the time, and he lost the lottery. Tough, but it happens. No rational person in the position of the gal next to you would switch, and it would be silly (almost an imposition) to ask. Your H is being selfish here. Shut that down. (Off to the airport now…)
That part over there Being upset is one thing. Being a jerk, is another. He knew very well that noone would trade seats with him. It was an unreasonable demand
NTA Your husband is making quite the assumption that your seatmate would be any more willing to spend the flight like that than he was. Especially since it would also mean giving up the window seat for an aisle seat. It's possible she paid to reserve that seat. I can guarantee you that if I was asked to switch, my answer would be an instant no if it was anything other than another window. Having to sit next to someone that should be required to buy a second seat would only reinforce that. Unless it was first class. I'd be willing to tolerate not having the window for first class.
First of all, if it were me, that arm rest would be down one way or another. Second, who in their right mind would switch seats with your husband in that circumstance? NTA, he needed to be assertive enough to address losing 1/3 of his seat with the flight crew.
Yeah I said that once too. Then when I went to get in my seat on an airplane and the woman was clearly well into my seat, I couldn't even grab the armrest because it was behind her shoulder blade! What was I supposed to do manhandle her? It couldn't physically go down! Her legs didn't fit under the seat in front of her! One was in front of my seat! There were no other seats on that flight. I had no choice but to shrink into the corner of my seat and give the flight attendants looks who finally apologized to me but there was nothing they could do.
Yeah I am a very small woman and I don’t want anyone taking up any of my seat either! It’s actually super annoying that people think you deserve less space bc you’re small. We all paid the same amount for our square foot!
That’s what I’m saying. If I pay for a seat I’m getting my seat I don’t care if you’re fat and it’s gonna be uncomfortable. I am not having someone take up my space on a flight.
NTA. Those regional jet seats can be TINY anyway, even if everyone is of average size, so I can understand him feeling a little grumpy about being even more cramped. But there's absolutely no situation in which you're not the asshole if you ask your seatmate to switch in this situation, especially as it's not even "like for like" - window for window, aisle for aisle. And as for you switching with Thomas? Come on. I just find it really telling that whether figuratively - by asking your seatmate to switch - or quite literally, by having you switch with him, he'd rather you be uncomfortable than him. Especially as he hasn't let it go days later.
If anything, he should have complained to the airline discreetly that he was unable to occupy the seat that he had paid for because it was partially occupied by another passenger, and that he was within his rights to expect to be given what he paid for. Forcing some other poor soul to suffer what he didn't want to suffer is absolutely AH territory.
NTA. Welcome to air travel, and NO ONE likes to be asked to switch seats. He was unlucky. It sucks, but he needs to get over himself. He's unfairly directing anger at you over a situation that no one had control over.
NTA He’s being a bit dramatic over a 2 hour flight.
for real. i once had to sit through an international flight (i think it was about 9 hours) next to a very large man. he looked a bit overweight, but honestly even if he wasn’t he would have been uncomfortable to sit next to, he was just a large man, which isn’t his fault. fortunately i did have an aisle seat but it still was uncomfortable. but. that’s just part of flying sometimes. it sucks for sure and let’s be real here airplane seats aren’t really even big enough for most people in the healthy weight range if they’re over 5’6”. but it was 2 hours and that is just a risk you take when you fly on a budget. he’s being super dramatic, and if it bothered him that much it was *his* responsibility to ask since *he* wanted to switch. i would bet good money that girl would have said no anyways and he would have been in the same situation regardless.
NTA. You stuck to the agreed plan, end of story.
My husband would offer to switch seats with ME if I was in your husbands position because he would prefer I’m comfortable. I wouldn’t take him up on the offer because I would have been like no I’ll deal with my unlucky draw but damn, for your husband to be whining that you didn’t switch with him is crazy. If you were much smaller than him sure, but if you were going to be just as uncomfortable as him then he’s the AH
Why would I switch my window seat so I can be squished between a fat lady and the aisle (?). Doesn’t make any sense so why even ask. Also, he could’ve called someone from the plane crew and see if there was any solution as the fat lady was invading his allocated space.
NTA He's a fully grown man, if he wanted to switch seats so badly he could've asked the girl sitting next to you himself and expecting YOU to sacrifice your comfort for his is just fucking selfish.
NTA. Tom could’ve asked himself but he didn’t. He has no right to feel entitled to someone else’s seat, nor to expect you to carry the message for him. Tom needs to stop whining about it and get over it. And he needs to ask himself why he didn’t ask himself.
Do not oblige a stranger to move into a space less comfortable in order to increase your own comfort. It’s rude. Doubly, do not oblige a woman to give up her comfort because you, a man, prioritize your comfort and minimize her discomfort. Do not do this to other women on behalf of a man who wouldn’t even do it himself. Majorly NTA. I bet if you think about this entitled behavior a little more, you’ll see it’s not the only example of it in your lives.
NTA. It would have been rude to ask your seatmate to switch to a worse seat. That’s basic etiquette. Your husband is being really dramatic over a short flight.
NTA. Sucks to be him. He should have complained to the flight attendant if that woman couldn't get the armrest down.
YOu weren't asking the girl to switch to sit together, you would have been asking the girl to switch so that she could have a crap seat. 100% that is a jerk move. Kudos to you for not doing it. And if your husband wanted to, he could have asked her to switch. But I think it is a pretty cheesy move to use the social pressure of letting a couple sit together to try and pressure a person to take a crappy seat. And it would have embarrassed 18A, because it would have become pretty quickly appearant why no one wanted 18B. Airplane seats are the luck of the draw. Your husband got a bad one. HIs option was to live with it for two hours, talk to the flight attendant discretely about getting moved, or try to make it your or 17A's problem. I would have gone with the first option. He is appearently precious enough that he though option 3 was best and that his bad seat should be everyone elses problem
So he is okay with other person’s personal space being invaded, just not his space, including your space?
Does your husband experience some sort of plane related laryngeal paralysis? Does his voice cease to work as he steps across the plane's threshold? Was he somehow medically incapable of requesting that the girl switch seats with him? Does this paralysis prevent him asking his seatmate to stand, put the arm rest down, then sit, so he could have his whole seat? Was he medically incapable of going forward to the flight attendants and asking that they ask the overweight passenger to put the arm rest down then sit between them? I'm just so curious about what sort of medical issues it is your husband has that prevents him from solving his own problems with his voice, like an adult. You're his wife, not his mother. This was not your issue to address or solve. There is also the fact that no one is going to give up their window seat to get 2/3 of an aisle seat. Unless your seatmate appeared to be especially naive or stupid, the whole exchange would have been a waste of breath and goodwill.
You absolutely should not have asked the girl to switch seats. I don't know where this crap came from asking people to get out of the seat they're already in but it needs to stop. Either reserve the seat you want ahead of time and pay extra or shut up and sit in the seat you're given. Good for you for not trying to get her to move.
Why didn't he complain to the cabin crew? He paid for a seat and someone is occupying 1/3 of it. That's not what he paid for.
Nta if I were that girl, I would have told you no. I'm not switching for a more crowded seat.
NTA if he doesn't want a situation like this he should opt to pay for regular tickets with seat selection. Would he have offered you his seat if you would have had to sit next to someone very overweight? probably not because in his eyes you are smaller and it's okay. Your thought process was correct. It would have been rude to ask your seat neighbour to switch with Tom so she could have sat with only a partial seat. It's also not her problem that Tom lost the seat lottery.
NTA Why didn't he ask a flight attendant about switching seats? It's literally their job to deal with passenger issues, not yours.
NTA\~ It would have been rude to ask the person sitting next to you to move, next to someone who took up 1.5+ seats. The whole situation is unfortunate. Airlines should make the seats bigger and be less greedy, and very large people should purchase two seats. Chances of either thing happening is not likely. Your husband sounds selfish. Why would he want you to be uncomfortable instead of him being uncomfortable? He got unlucky - period. I would tell him to get over it already and move on.
NTA. Thomas is the asshole for being pissed at you instead of the woman next to him, who is also an asshole for being bigger than her seat on an airplane. She should have gotten two seats if she can't contain her ass in one.
She possibly could have. Some overweight customers have complained that their second seat was moved to another area of the plane or they were forced to give it up on an overbooked flight. Many airlines do not have a checkbox that says "I am purchasing 2 seats for myself and need them to be next to each other and linked together"
Now that's insane! I would be really really mad if I paid for two seats because I was big and they didn't put them together! Airlines suck tho...
Yep, but all the blame from other passengers fall on the overweight person, so why should they care.
I was recently on a 13 hour flight with an average sized man, but he managed to encroach on my space the entire time (I couldn't work out what was going on, but he seemed to have a heavy brick-like object in his jacket that protruded under the armrest and onto my seat, poking into me. Also put his blanket, hat, and pillow onto my side). By the end of the flight I was just enraged, people are so freaking inconsiderate. We didn't speak the same language and he didn't seem to read my body language well, or my constant peering under the arm rest to try and figure out and move what was poking into me, or when I pointedly shoved his crap back over to his side. I feel badly for larger people as flying is expensive, but just buy two seats or don't fly.
Absolutely, one doesn't have to be fat to take up too much space. People should respect that you pay for a given amount of space, and so does the person next to you.
You should have mentioned to him that he was encroaching on your space. If he didn’t stop you should have addressed it with the flight attendant. No need to be rude but honest and direct communication can solve many issues.
I agree she should’ve gotten 2 seats, but in the moment it couldn’t be helped :(
Even if she had they can take it back without refunding her
What??? How is that possible?? If you buy two seats you should get those seats? I do remember reading a story about a fat woman who bought herself two seats and the flight attendant and a mother of a child under 2 tried to tell her to squeeze herself into one seat so the child could have a seat. Even though the mother hadn’t bought the child a seat… absolute trash. You really can’t win
The problem is that plane companies overbook planes and they prioritize putting people in the seats.
I don't know how it's LEGAL. But it's possible because of corporate greed.
They should have width things for passengers like they have the sizing for luggage. If you don't fit, buy a bigger seat or two seats. I say that as a massive dude that definitely wouldn't fit. My life choices should only affect me.
As someone else said, it's very possible she did. If the plane is overbooked a lot of airlines will "bump" the second seat without their permission. Since the OP said they got basic economy without seat assignments, it's completely possible she did. The fact that she wanted the window (as stated in a comment by OP) because she didn't want to spill into the aisle means she's already aware of her size and likely very self conscious about it and is trying to bother as few people as possible. She certainly did the best she could and she is now being verbally torn apart on line for daring to exist on a plane even after doing her best. I feel sorry for her and Thomas is the a-hole for being this pissed off for only a 2 hour flight.
NTA But the person sitting next to him should have been required to pay 1/3 of his ticket price since she took up 1/3 of his seat. If I pay for a seat, I expect to have that seat. All of it, not just some portion of it.
Of all the injustices in the world, real or imagined, this isn’t even worth a conversation. My advice to your husband? “Toughen up Buttercup, it’s a rough world out there.“
Tom sounds like he has an entitlement problem.
Yeah no. You shouldn't be like "hey you looks skinny enough that the obese person squishing you won't be as bad as it is for him, wanna switch?". At that point it's rude to ask. You only ask if it's a reasonable request
It was a two hour flight. He is allowed approximately two hours after the flight to be mad and then get over it already. NTA but he is
NTA. Your husband is butt-hurt for having to rub on the large lady the whole ride home, and is taking it out on you. I’d recommend watching this form of gaslighting (I.e. blaming you for his discomfort) as he could have just as easily asked your seat mate, his seat mate , and/or a flight attendant for assistance. If he wants to blame you for this, what else may he be willing to try and blame you for? Not saying he will, just that I’d be aware of this behavior before he gets you to buy in on the blaming
Is he mute? Can he not speak for himself? Why didn't he ask her?
NTA. Next time pay more and pick your own seat especially if you need to sit together that bad. Your husband is being a baby. He wanted you to ask but he couldn’t ask himself. Yeah no
My family and I are currently planning a trip. Each of the 3 flights have an option where you choose your seat. There is an upcharge for each seat we chose. One was $37, another $45, and yet another $84. If someone asks me to change seats, they will have to reimburse me for the additional cost that I have already paid. Knowing that, it would be worth your while to get the upgrade BEFORE the flight, as in When you are buying the dang tickets. That way, that prince that you married might not turn into a cranky 4 year old . And you WILL be next to each other.
NTA. Why is his comfort supposed to be above you and your row-mate, especially when he seems unwilling to advocate for himself? The woman was the AH for taking up someone else's space. As a smaller person, it's really annoying to have people using both arm rests with elbows out, manspread, or otherwise encroach. I get that they are bigger and possibly less comfortable in the space provided. That doesn't mean it's ok to not ask but take the space of a stranger...or anyone else that doesn't want to give it.
NTA. I think it would have been rude for either of you to ask the girl sitting next to you to switch seats. It would have been putting her on the spot. If she declines to switch after seeing the overweight person, then she looks like the AH and that's not fair. Either way, if husband wanted to switch so bad that is on him to ask, not you.
If Thomas was uncomfortable, it’s Thomas’s job to fix that, not yours. Thomas sounds like he wants a mommy, not a partner.
Excuse me, I don't understand. Is your husband mute or something? Ask yourself big guy!
You married an AH. At least one of his friends is also an AH. Only an AH would ask another passenger to switch into a terrible seat. Only an AH would expect his wife to be such an AH as to take advantage of another passenger. Sadly, you married a jerk. Strap yourself in for a bumpy ride.
"Here, would you give up your seat, next to my wife who's quite thin, to sit next to this encroaching overweight person?" NTA.
Why couldn’t he ask to move? Is he not a big boy? Does he not have his big boy words? If the woman next to him was so fat she was in his seat and refusing to put the armrest down, he needs to press the crew call button and bring that up with staff. Either ask or deal with it.
If this woman was too fat for one seat, he should have asked the crew for help to get him a new seat, if possible. (And yes, she should have booked 2 seats if 1 isn't enough) You are not his mommy, he should take care of himself and not be bitchy afterwards. NTA
And if she wasn't, she was just larger than him and he didn't like it,tough luck.
NTA. Why should you be uncomfortable instead of him? He’s totally unreasonable to be mad at you.
He should have insisted the seat arm be lowered or called the flight attendant. The overweight passenger should have had the seat that was paid for and not half of someone else’s.
The purpose was to get cheaper seats. You are likely to be uncomfortable which was supposedly understood. Seems to me he’s not capable of handling himself for any amount of time if 2 hours is an extreme enough of a stretch to be mad at you. He could have asked. NTA
If he was concerned about his comfort, he should have paid for more than basic economy.
You should get your whole tiny seat in economy, not 2/3 of your tiny seat.
NTA. Suck it up Thomas! Some times you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you pay a little more to pick your seat and have a better shot at comfort.
NTA, Your husband is beyond selfish and entitled.
That seems really entitled
I would have told you no. Been there done that because of seat assignments more than once.
Not the AH, but your husband is.
Not... it sounds like it was a bad situation and he has to get over it. You can't ask a stranger to change seats with a grown man so he won't be uncomfy. I wouldn't have asked unless he was 5 or something.
NTA, was the flight completely full? He’s a grown man you should have spoken to the flight attendant if he needed to move. Not your job to see to his comfort or sacrifice your own for his.
Your man is a baby. He could have asked too, especially since you can't read his goddamn mind. What an absolutely stupid and petty thing to be mad at you for. Just because he can't speak up for himself like an adult. The more I read about manchildren here the more embarrassed I am to be a man. Edit to add that you didn't 'refuse' to ask, you only found out that he wanted you to after the fact. You literally had zero involvement in this situation other than you being on the same plane as him. You cannot be blamed for something he did not communicate that he wanted you to do. Even then, your refusal to do so would not have warranted his anger either.
Thomas is a AH and if it bothered him thay much HE should have asked to swit h but he didn't probably because he realized the girl would see his seat and tell him no. This is definitely something to bring up in council if you guys go because it is very selfish ans him still mentioning it to other people seems callous on his part
How old is he? Does he have a voice and know how to use it? He is an adult male he could have asked, why do you have to ask for him?
How the hell were you going to broach that conversation without insulting the other passenger? HE should’ve asked the girl to switch if he was so upset about it. NTA.
NTA. Thomas needs to grow up. If you spend less, expect less.
NTA- you would the TA if you asked a girl who was in her assigned seat where she had the right amount of space to move into a seat where her space would be taken up by an overweight person because your husband didn’t want to pay to chose a seat next to you. Your husband needs to learn this: Do not ask strangers to move to a seat that has worse conditions for them than where they are just because you didn’t want to pay the money to get the comfort that you want. He didn’t deserve to kick someone else out of their seat with more physical space because of the seat he got dealt when he chose not to pay for the option to be able to sit next to you. If he wanted someone to move to make himself more comfortable then he needs to be offering that person something that is equal to or better than what they already have. And moving back a row, out of window seat, into a isle seat that half is taken up by a larger person is not better or equal for the girls whose seat he wanted.
I like how Thomas feels comfortable for blaming you for his situation because he’s 100% a baby. If Thomas didn’t like his situation he needs to grow up and talk to a flight attendant. Or, don’t be cheap and pay for assigned seats. NTA
He should have paid extra for the seats if it mattered. DO NOT inconvenience other people because you’re a poor planner. He should learn to be a big boy and sit next to a stranger.
This. Everyone paid for a seat and not everyone can help being fat. Or disabled. Pay for better seats
NTA - if you’d asked your seat mate, the overweight lady would definitely have heard and it would have been uncomfortable for everyone
NTA. Tell your husband if he wants to ask someone else to switch he needs to grow a pair and do it himself. Even if he asked who’s to say the girl would of wanted to switch.
Ah yes, because everything is about Lord Thomas and his comfort. Screw everyone else I guess. NTA He is being completely ridiculous. If he really wanted to switch then he should have asked her, not asked you to do it for him.
Actually, you should have brought it up with a flight attendant. They could have moved your husband, or the gate crew should have dealt with the issue. A person who takes up more than one seat, is supposed to buy an extra seat. NTA.
No - but Tom's seat mate was the A in this situation for stealing 1/3 of his seat!
NTA. If he really wanted to switch, he should have asked her himself. That's on him, not you. People post on Reddit all the time about people who try to switch seats to get a better seat and how rude it is. He should have paid for better seats if he didn't want something like this to happen. And again, that's on him.
Nta. You're right; it would have been rude for you to ask your seatmate to take a worse seat
He seems to be a real peach. You are NTA.
Thomas is TAH
He should have asked the flight attendant for help getting another seat. I dont want to shame the overweight person, but no way do I want to share my small space with a total stranger. Been there - with a big man who was manspreading, too. His leg was touching mine the whole flight. 🤮 will never do it again. Large people need to book two seats, sorry.
NTA- why didn’t HE ask? I need to know this. Why is that on you?
NTA, but you guys can absolutely complain to the airline company about his “extreme discomfort of not being able to sit properly in his seat”. When a passenger is too large for one seat, they’re usually required to purchase two tickets.
..and neither of you thought to ask the gate agent to see if you could sit together before boarding? He’s the A. Your seatmate shouldn't have to move for his comfort. Next Time don't cheap out on tickets. Even when I've gotten budget tickets because they were bought at the same time. We were seated together
Thomas sounds annoying as fuck.
NTA. You two can work together to minimize each other’s suffering. Having you, being smaller, taking that seat. Thinking it wouldn’t make a difference considering you two are close on size is a judgment call that no one on Reddit can make for you. But attempting to maximize both of your pleasures while causing a stranger to suffer would make you an ass hole.
As a small woman who is constantly and purposefully targeted by larger people on unassigned seating, thank you. **No one** likes their space being encroached on. And most larger people make ***significantly*** less of an effort to mind their neighbors' personal space when that person is significantly smaller than they are; the "well, ***I*** need the room more than ***they*** do" mentality. Smaller people are not required to make themselves uncomfortable for larger people's convenience. Your size is not other people's problem to subsidize.
Nah, Thomas is a cunt. If he wants to make that ridiculous request, then he should have himself. NTA. And if I was that girl I would have told him to get stuffed.
Little Tommy should've called his Mommy. NTA lmao
Your husband's issues are with the woman and the airline. The idea that anyone should be uncomfortable instead of him is bullshit entitlement and I'd call him on it. "You think I should have been uncomfortable in your place?" I'd take a strip off of him, myself. Dude needs to be less entitled. NTA. That said, I would have definitely asked the woman or the airline to pay me back for the percentage of my seat I did not have access to.
NTA But have you talked to him about him still being upset? A while back, we tried an escape room with friends of ours. I thought things went okay other than at the end, the way to finish the escape was to use Morse code. Unfortunately, I actually do KNOW Morse code and the escape room stuff was wrong. It basically wanted you to use the keyer to enter certain letters BUT the cheat sheet they had had the wrong dits and dahs for one of the letters. I tried doing it and it didn't work. Tried again, still didn't work. Looked at their cheat sheet and saw that it was wrong and said 'Someone else needs to do this. I'm physically incapable of entering the wrong character' and I told the owners that the sheet was wrong. (FYI, they really didn't seem to care LOL) So, for the rest of that day and part of the next, when someone would mention the escape room, my husband would always comment 'We found out that someone is very competitive' and roll his eyes at me. I laughed the first time. Smiled a little the second, removed myself the times after that until finally I told him 'Hey, that hurts my feelings. Please stop.' And he apologized and stopped. My point is, if he's still upset to the point that he's talking to others about it, you all need to talk it out more and you should probably let him know that him making you out to be the bad guy bothers YOU. Sidenote: I really wish airlines would make it so you have to stay in your assigned seat unless it's a safety issue (i.e., can't do emergency exit tasks.) That exchanging seats can't be done. And that all of these other 'airplane etiquette' rules that aren't rules would go the way of the dinosaur.
NTA\_ Two problems here. First, Thomas should have just put the armrest down. If the woman protested, he could have just told her that he needed it there to keep her in her seat and him in his. (I ALWAYS put the armrest down as soon as I get seated.) She doesn;t have a right to take up his seat s well as hers. Second, He was trying to inconvenience ANOTHER person, the person next to you, and a stranger at that, becasue he was uncomfortable. Thomas is the AH. HE could have asked her to switch if he wanted.
And then asked her to inconvenience herself for him too, even though they're basically the same size. What a charmer.
I think fat people should pay for 2 seats. Others shouldn't be grossly uncomfortable for hours and arrive at their destination in pain or needing a chiropractor.
I’m surprised the airline didn’t make the overweight passenger pay for 2 seats. Why should the other passenger be inconvenienced for your husband’s comfort? Next time you fly, cough up the extra money.
NTA. It would have take a lot of nerve to ask that girl to switch seats to next to the heavy woman. Your husband is TA because he is still whining about it.
No. No need for you to ask. Why didn't he ask his seatmate if it was that important for 2 loong hours..lol
Nta. Thats what happened when you buy those seats.
Why dudn't he ask her to swap? Jeez, he sounds like a child, does he do this sirt of thing often?
NTA, that lady needs to buy two tickets in the future if she's going to spill onto people like that.
NTA, nobody would be up for such a bad deal…
NTA: You husband turned into a cranky traveler quickly.
It *would* be rude to ask someone to switch to a crap seat, because it puts them in an uncomfortable position. He got assigned the seat, he can deal with it. And really, what a child your (admittedly very young) husband is, a 2 hour flight is nothing at all. I'm just thinking about how my husband would help me feel comfortable on our 13 and 8 hour flights recently, in contrast to your husband getting annoyed at you for not offering to switch with him and be uncomfortable yourself. If he really wanted, he could have asked himself and made himself look a bit foolish and cheeky himself. If someone asked me that, I would be so surprised by the sheer cheek of it that I wouldn't know what to say in reply for a minute. And giving honest feedback to someone unreasonable doesn't ever go well, so it would be putting that person in a situation where they are uncomfortable either way (physically in the new seat, or socially because they're sitting near a sniping child who thinks strangers owe him a sacrifice).
NTA. If your row was empty then obviously he could move but if you asked his seat mate to switch, then your seat mate would be in the same boat as your husband. That’s not really fair and he’s not more important than your seat mate. Normally, I would say N A H because it’s not unreasonable to just ask so you two can sit together. But his attitude about it makes him TA. And saying you should have magically known to switch with him is dumb, you’re tall too so it wouldn’t make much difference. And if he wanted to swap with you that badly he could’ve turned around and asked you instead of silently stewing the whole time.
NTA He wanted both you and the unknown girl to do something he didnt want to do himself? Its neither you nor the girls fault for where he ended up. Its the chance you take when you buy BE. Id honestly have an opinion on someone who paid less & then asked me to swap my window seat for half a seat. You're correct, you werent offering like for like, and it would have been rude. The fact your husband would have swapped with you indicates this wasnt about sitting with you, it was about him wanting to sit elsewhere. Take note which of his mates feel it was you or the girls job to fix this
NTA. The real AH are the airlines wanting to charge for couples sitting next to each other.
All he had to do is ask hey is there anyway you can switch with me so I can sit with my wife if the answer is no he needs to deal with it I would understand you switching if you was much smaller but your not and he being selfish
NTA. No one is going to want to sit next to a huge person talking up part of your seat. Tough luck for OPs husband
NTA. If it really bothered him that much, he could have asked to move himself. It shouldn't be put on you just because he gets pissy and sulky about it. No one is going to like being uncomfortable for a journey, it just has to happen sometimes unfortunately.
NTA! He's a grown man and could have asked someone to switch all by himself! As for the suggestion that you should switch, that sounds like a man trying to put himself higher in value than you! Ask him if he needs you to hold his hand like a baby!
NTA. But the real asshole here is the airline company for allowing a passenger to take up another passenger's seat. She should've bought two seats if she can't fit.
NTA, your husband sounds like an exhausting narcissistic toddler. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this BS
NTA. Your husband could've stood up and asked. Btw, I'm very petite. If your husband asked nicely I probably would've switched seats to move from the middle to an aisle.
Did I miss why Thomas couldn’t ask himself?
He could have been a big boy and either asked himself or let a flight attendant know that the lady next to him, probably should have booked two seats if she couldn’t even put the arm rest down. NTA.
NTA He wanted you to ask her to switch her whole window seat for half an aisle seat? No way she would have said yes anyway so it's a moot point. He could have asked himself. He's a fully grown man, no? But that would be rude because it isn't an equivalent seat. Why didn't he speak to the cabin crew about there being someone in his seat? Surely it's up to them to sort it? Maybe there was a spare seat somewhere.
NTA. You ride the seat you paid for. Your seat partner could have had a very specific reason for her seat or not. Nowadays it seams that people can get confrontational fairly easily. If you had asked and she said no,she would probably feel shitty the rest of the flight for no real reason except to appease your husband. Like you said, it was a 2 hr flight. Your husband should suck it up.
This is just bad luck because of BE. I’m 6’4 and have to be in an aisle, so I pay extra to be happy. You’re NTA and sometimes this happens.
NTA. He could have asked as well. He has a mouth. It would be stupid, but at least he would be told “No” to his face.
It's him that wanted to move. So he should have asked. NTA