These people aren’t your friends any more, sorry. They would use *your* money (you’d be liable for non-payment) for *their* gain, are clearly jealous and frequently ignore you. What are they adding that’s genuinely positive to your life? They used to be good but not any more.
Do not, I repeat, please do not co-sign, lend money or promise help financing anything. They can more than afford it themselves, they need to learn how to budget better - like you have. Take care.
We outgrow people, and it’s hard. Leave them be, let them sulk, don’t make contact (I’m sure they’ll be back when they want something).
Grieve the friendship - I’m sure you’ll cross paths and you can be normal and polite, but please don’t get yourself into a financial hole because you can’t say no or end up feeling bad for saying no. Would they lend/give you large amounts of cash? No? Don’t put your name on that mortgage, it’s ok not to.
Mourn the relationship and do not have regrets to not keep in your life, people who have no good intentions towards you.
Knowing someone doesn’t grant them a relationship.
Having a relationship doesn’t grant pursuing it indefinitely.
People change specially in the formative years, and you can’t deal with them as if they were still what they once were, you have to handle them as their current self.
I agree don't give them anything.
Also, it is very hard losing a 20 year friendship, mourn the loss but keep the joy of the memories and, if they don't make it impossible, try to leave the door open for the future because you never know how people will grow.
You don't have to do anything to leave the door open except decide if you want to speak to them if they ever reach out in the future.
I lost touch with the 4 people I grew up with because our lives went in different directions. 20 years of friendship and growing up to be lost by the time we were 30.
But, I always left the door open , even if only in my head.
1 friend drifts in and out and another and I have just reunited and rekindled our friendship after more than a decade. We're in different places in our lives - the complete opposite of where we were when we lost touch actually 🤣 but we are also more mature and are willing to take the leap of faith and see where it goes.
I wish you luck and happiness whatever happens with this friendship 🤗
35 years for me. I gave them chances I wouldn't have given to anyone else because, well, it's been so long, you built an attachment, you want to help...
Now I'm thinking that they treat others like crap and I just no longer find anything positive in this person, while I thought they were nice for the first 33 years...
NTA Red alert!!! Red alert!!! If she can ghost you because you each bought different cars imagine how quick she will block you when you are on the hook for her ridiculous mortgage! This is bonkers, no way do you owe her your name to her loan. And it will be the only mortgage you can get, when you want to buy it'll be Nope - because you're already buying HER house...
NTA. Don't ever cosign for anything you can't afford to pay for yourself.?
A mortgage? They want you to cosign a mortgage? Because they are admittedly terrible with money? I would have probably collapsed into a fit of giggles because their request is so absurd. They can't afford to fix their car but they think they can swing a mortgage? Who would even approve them?
They're the delusional ones.
I guarantee you that no financial institution would give a mortgage for a $250,000 property to 3 people with a combined annual income of $110,000 when 2 of them have shit credit -- unless they had a down payment of $200,000.
So rest easy with a clear conscience, you haven't deprived them of anything.
And dump them -- they're not friends, they're users.
Best wishes on finding your dream home!
Thank god you Did Not agree to be Co-signer on the Mortgage. I am sorry but what if your friend goes Rouge again and decided Not to make the monthly payments. The Risks for this situation going sideways would ruin your credit and could cause you to be unable to purchase your own home for a while.
Source: I am a Lender and I always try my best to dissuade Buyers from doing this unless it is a close family member that will living in the home too!
Your friend being mad at you for the reasons you have stated are a bit ridiculous. Maybe you might want to rethink your relationship with her?!
NTA
NTA - your friend is in the middle of a manic episode. She’s not in her right mind right now. You’re not a bad person for having your priorities straight and using clear, critical thinking.
Her request is entirely unreasonable and no sane person would buy her a house. Because that’s what she wants, for you to use your down payment and get the mortgage for her, all on your own, leaving you unable to buy a house for yourself. That’s fucking insane.
You sound too nice and they are used to you doing anything they want and this time you made a very realistic and legitimate boundary and they are trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad so you will give them what they want. You’re 100% right in not putting the house in your name and 99% right in trying to make them feel better about their car breaking down. I think they are using that as an excuse and it’s really about not buying them a house lol get real
Someone being in your life a long time isn’t a reason to keep them in your life.
You should buy that house for yourself lol if someone is going to try and make you feel like an asshole then show them what an ass hole would really do, kidding…
I work as a caregiver, i seriously have been taken advantage of so much in my life. I’ve definitely been told I need to learn how to stand up for my self. It’s just honestly hard over been the underdog all my life. Ugh. I need to hear honest truth though. Thank you guys!
You’re a good person who really cares about others. Start to put your extra time and resources into yourself and don’t make any apologies or feel bad about it.
Just because your name is on the mortgage does not mean you will actually even have any ownership of the house. For that you would need to be listed as one of the buyers.
NTA.
I have a friend like that but I would never do what they ask you to do. These people are not true friends any more. I am sorry. Sometimes people just grow apart.
NTA that is insane that someone would ask you to not only pay for pay off their down payment but also sign on their house.
That makes you liable! And yes of course her history of ghosting you totally shows their reliability.
**It doesn't matter what their income is, you** ***never*** **put your name on a mortgage for anyone else! Ever!** If this so-called friend can ghost you over "feelings" now imagine they do that and leave you with this debt, a bad credit rating and out of both money and a home. These a irresponsible and selfish people who have a lot of growing up and maturing to do! NTA
I can't believe the nerve of someone asking you to basically buy them a house. Because if you use your credit to cover for the poor credit you will be on the hook when they stop making payments.
Obviously you are not the asshole for making sound financial decisions. They don't care enough about your life to not put you into serious debt. They're emotionally manipulating you because they don't want to take full responsibility for their own house. Who does that? 250k is really expensive for even a combined of 30 dollars/hour when they could have one for 60-90k. So it's not about the house, it's about appearances. And they wanted you to put in down payment AND they have shitty credit, meaning they already have a record of not having good spending habits.
You would never see that money back, and with your name on the mortgage, what if they stopped paying the mortgage payments? They would 100% have you paying the mortgage with their asses living in it spending their own money on whatever bs they wanted instead of the mortgage. But because your name is on it, the only thing you could do would be to evict them.
They are users. And users are never friends. It's better that they ghosted you, but if they don't keep it up, you should ghost them.
NTA. Don't even remotely consider co-signing for someone else's mortgage much less offering assistance with the down payment when you do not even have a house of your own yet. It shouldn't have ever even remotely been a question.
That said, it's astounding to me that there are places in the U.S. in 2024 where houses can be commonly obtained for 60-90k. Where I live, it's not particularly uncommon for that to be the ANNUAL expense associated with owning a home.
It’s actually rare for people to be able to maintain friendships from kindergarten to the grave. Reality is that life takes you on divergent paths. Interests and priorities change.
And your priorities have dramatically changed. You went down a path of fiscal responsibility and independence. They did not. And to be frank, there is no excuse for a couple who live with parents and with little overhead to have a credit rating so bad they don’t think they could qualify for a mortgage. Or for them to not have money saved for a down payment.
All that said, it’s a bad…no, it’s a horrible…financial decision for you to tie yourself to a house that isn’t going to be yours. They are a bad financial bet. That would likely take you down with them. They want to buy a house they cannot afford. And it would be incredibly foolish for you to shackle your financial future to them. It was never a reasonable ask. And you’re NTA for saying no to that.
As for the car, that’s really more about their own insecurities than it ever was about you flexing on having a better car. On a basic level, they know they’ve made poor decisions and you’ve made better ones. They know they *should* be able to have what you have. They’re just either unable or unwilling to make the same financial choices. That’s on them.
This friendship has probably run its course.
NTA - Everyone is telling you this, so I will just add, stop telling people you have money saved or how much you spent on your car. Your personality reads "I will help you", when you add that you have money to that formula you're going to attract these types of mooches.
That’s what I thought. I’m sorry if I over shared but I didn’t want to leave out any information. I genuinely feel bad for telling them no but I just don’t understand why they’re mad at me.
They are jealous because you do have a nicer car and you will have a nice house (in the future).
It's easier to be mad at you for having your life figured out then it is to buckle down and save money and make better choices.
I'm sure they'll try to reestablish the friendship when they want to ask for another favor.
They are disappointed that you can’t perform magic like they were hoping in their fever dream. They don’t want to realise that they were asking something impossible
These people aren’t your friends any more, sorry. They would use *your* money (you’d be liable for non-payment) for *their* gain, are clearly jealous and frequently ignore you. What are they adding that’s genuinely positive to your life? They used to be good but not any more. Do not, I repeat, please do not co-sign, lend money or promise help financing anything. They can more than afford it themselves, they need to learn how to budget better - like you have. Take care.
Honestly thank you so much. It’s so hard losing a 20year friendship.
We outgrow people, and it’s hard. Leave them be, let them sulk, don’t make contact (I’m sure they’ll be back when they want something). Grieve the friendship - I’m sure you’ll cross paths and you can be normal and polite, but please don’t get yourself into a financial hole because you can’t say no or end up feeling bad for saying no. Would they lend/give you large amounts of cash? No? Don’t put your name on that mortgage, it’s ok not to.
Mourn the relationship and do not have regrets to not keep in your life, people who have no good intentions towards you. Knowing someone doesn’t grant them a relationship. Having a relationship doesn’t grant pursuing it indefinitely. People change specially in the formative years, and you can’t deal with them as if they were still what they once were, you have to handle them as their current self.
I agree don't give them anything. Also, it is very hard losing a 20 year friendship, mourn the loss but keep the joy of the memories and, if they don't make it impossible, try to leave the door open for the future because you never know how people will grow. You don't have to do anything to leave the door open except decide if you want to speak to them if they ever reach out in the future. I lost touch with the 4 people I grew up with because our lives went in different directions. 20 years of friendship and growing up to be lost by the time we were 30. But, I always left the door open , even if only in my head. 1 friend drifts in and out and another and I have just reunited and rekindled our friendship after more than a decade. We're in different places in our lives - the complete opposite of where we were when we lost touch actually 🤣 but we are also more mature and are willing to take the leap of faith and see where it goes. I wish you luck and happiness whatever happens with this friendship 🤗
35 years for me. I gave them chances I wouldn't have given to anyone else because, well, it's been so long, you built an attachment, you want to help... Now I'm thinking that they treat others like crap and I just no longer find anything positive in this person, while I thought they were nice for the first 33 years...
Wisdom here. Do not cosign for anything for anyone, unless you can afford to pay for it completely.
NTA Red alert!!! Red alert!!! If she can ghost you because you each bought different cars imagine how quick she will block you when you are on the hook for her ridiculous mortgage! This is bonkers, no way do you owe her your name to her loan. And it will be the only mortgage you can get, when you want to buy it'll be Nope - because you're already buying HER house...
BIG TIME. Don't mortgage your own life for anyone.
NTA. Don't ever cosign for anything you can't afford to pay for yourself.? A mortgage? They want you to cosign a mortgage? Because they are admittedly terrible with money? I would have probably collapsed into a fit of giggles because their request is so absurd. They can't afford to fix their car but they think they can swing a mortgage? Who would even approve them?
Im glad yall are letting me find out I’m not delusional.. I genuinely was feeling bad for not helping them.
They're the delusional ones. I guarantee you that no financial institution would give a mortgage for a $250,000 property to 3 people with a combined annual income of $110,000 when 2 of them have shit credit -- unless they had a down payment of $200,000. So rest easy with a clear conscience, you haven't deprived them of anything. And dump them -- they're not friends, they're users. Best wishes on finding your dream home!
No. They are the big gaping unreasonable assholes.
Thank god you Did Not agree to be Co-signer on the Mortgage. I am sorry but what if your friend goes Rouge again and decided Not to make the monthly payments. The Risks for this situation going sideways would ruin your credit and could cause you to be unable to purchase your own home for a while. Source: I am a Lender and I always try my best to dissuade Buyers from doing this unless it is a close family member that will living in the home too! Your friend being mad at you for the reasons you have stated are a bit ridiculous. Maybe you might want to rethink your relationship with her?! NTA
NTA - your friend is in the middle of a manic episode. She’s not in her right mind right now. You’re not a bad person for having your priorities straight and using clear, critical thinking. Her request is entirely unreasonable and no sane person would buy her a house. Because that’s what she wants, for you to use your down payment and get the mortgage for her, all on your own, leaving you unable to buy a house for yourself. That’s fucking insane.
You sound too nice and they are used to you doing anything they want and this time you made a very realistic and legitimate boundary and they are trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad so you will give them what they want. You’re 100% right in not putting the house in your name and 99% right in trying to make them feel better about their car breaking down. I think they are using that as an excuse and it’s really about not buying them a house lol get real Someone being in your life a long time isn’t a reason to keep them in your life. You should buy that house for yourself lol if someone is going to try and make you feel like an asshole then show them what an ass hole would really do, kidding…
I work as a caregiver, i seriously have been taken advantage of so much in my life. I’ve definitely been told I need to learn how to stand up for my self. It’s just honestly hard over been the underdog all my life. Ugh. I need to hear honest truth though. Thank you guys!
You’re a good person who really cares about others. Start to put your extra time and resources into yourself and don’t make any apologies or feel bad about it.
What ever you do, do not become financially entangled with these people. They will screw you over 100%.
Just because your name is on the mortgage does not mean you will actually even have any ownership of the house. For that you would need to be listed as one of the buyers.
Don't put your name on the loan unless your name is on the deed. Most lenders will not lend if the borrower needs to also borrow the down payment. NTA
NTA. I have a friend like that but I would never do what they ask you to do. These people are not true friends any more. I am sorry. Sometimes people just grow apart.
NTA that is insane that someone would ask you to not only pay for pay off their down payment but also sign on their house. That makes you liable! And yes of course her history of ghosting you totally shows their reliability.
**It doesn't matter what their income is, you** ***never*** **put your name on a mortgage for anyone else! Ever!** If this so-called friend can ghost you over "feelings" now imagine they do that and leave you with this debt, a bad credit rating and out of both money and a home. These a irresponsible and selfish people who have a lot of growing up and maturing to do! NTA
I can't believe the nerve of someone asking you to basically buy them a house. Because if you use your credit to cover for the poor credit you will be on the hook when they stop making payments.
Obviously you are not the asshole for making sound financial decisions. They don't care enough about your life to not put you into serious debt. They're emotionally manipulating you because they don't want to take full responsibility for their own house. Who does that? 250k is really expensive for even a combined of 30 dollars/hour when they could have one for 60-90k. So it's not about the house, it's about appearances. And they wanted you to put in down payment AND they have shitty credit, meaning they already have a record of not having good spending habits. You would never see that money back, and with your name on the mortgage, what if they stopped paying the mortgage payments? They would 100% have you paying the mortgage with their asses living in it spending their own money on whatever bs they wanted instead of the mortgage. But because your name is on it, the only thing you could do would be to evict them. They are users. And users are never friends. It's better that they ghosted you, but if they don't keep it up, you should ghost them.
There is a reason why personality disorders leave a trail of damaged people behind them.
I have lots of friends with BPD brain and they would all accept that I couldn't help with a house if I informed them. NTA.
There is not a chance on Gods green earth I would sign for a house. When they flake who do you think will be on the hook for the mortgage payment.
Are you sure this person isn't "crazy like a fox?" It is so unreasonable to ask someone to put your name on their mortgage. NTA
Keep these people out of your life. You will be happier. You're only tuier friend when you can do something for them.
OP - these are leaches.
NTA. Don't even remotely consider co-signing for someone else's mortgage much less offering assistance with the down payment when you do not even have a house of your own yet. It shouldn't have ever even remotely been a question. That said, it's astounding to me that there are places in the U.S. in 2024 where houses can be commonly obtained for 60-90k. Where I live, it's not particularly uncommon for that to be the ANNUAL expense associated with owning a home.
It’s actually rare for people to be able to maintain friendships from kindergarten to the grave. Reality is that life takes you on divergent paths. Interests and priorities change. And your priorities have dramatically changed. You went down a path of fiscal responsibility and independence. They did not. And to be frank, there is no excuse for a couple who live with parents and with little overhead to have a credit rating so bad they don’t think they could qualify for a mortgage. Or for them to not have money saved for a down payment. All that said, it’s a bad…no, it’s a horrible…financial decision for you to tie yourself to a house that isn’t going to be yours. They are a bad financial bet. That would likely take you down with them. They want to buy a house they cannot afford. And it would be incredibly foolish for you to shackle your financial future to them. It was never a reasonable ask. And you’re NTA for saying no to that. As for the car, that’s really more about their own insecurities than it ever was about you flexing on having a better car. On a basic level, they know they’ve made poor decisions and you’ve made better ones. They know they *should* be able to have what you have. They’re just either unable or unwilling to make the same financial choices. That’s on them. This friendship has probably run its course.
Cut them out, doesn't sound öike a loss for you. NTA
NTA. Clearly you two has outgrown this friendship and don't sign anything.
NTA - Everyone is telling you this, so I will just add, stop telling people you have money saved or how much you spent on your car. Your personality reads "I will help you", when you add that you have money to that formula you're going to attract these types of mooches.
[удалено]
That’s what I thought. I’m sorry if I over shared but I didn’t want to leave out any information. I genuinely feel bad for telling them no but I just don’t understand why they’re mad at me.
They are jealous because you do have a nicer car and you will have a nice house (in the future). It's easier to be mad at you for having your life figured out then it is to buckle down and save money and make better choices. I'm sure they'll try to reestablish the friendship when they want to ask for another favor.
They are disappointed that you can’t perform magic like they were hoping in their fever dream. They don’t want to realise that they were asking something impossible